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Superheroes of journamalism!
Do you smell rice?

It’s not like none of us in journalism has ever shit the bed on a story before; it’s rather a rite of passage. I once made a “dead gay son” joke without realizing Randall Terry’s gay son actually was dead. I remain, as I should be, horrified. Another time, I had to retract a threat to report from inside a congressman’s butt. What is the opposite of a feather in one’s cap? Oh yes, a black eye. I had a real shiner that day!

But what you’ll note in the above couple of examples, if you clicked through to them (and you still can!), is that I didn’t try to pretend I hadn’t massively fucked up. And I certainly didn’t link to either of those fellows’ home addresses, while wrongly accusing them of terrorism and murder. What do you think I am, 4Chan?

Oh Dear Looks Like Someone Needs A Box Of Night-Time Depends

Around about 9 p.m. ET last night, I started to think The Daily Beast might have affirmatively identified the wrong man as the suspect in Wednesday’s San Bernardino mass shooting. Wouldja believe it, there were two Syed Farooks — two Syed R. Farooks, even! — in the Inland Empire, and The Daily Beast seemed to have gone knocking on the wrong one’s door, weaving a sensuous tale of Muslim sandals and Terror Rice. A screenshot:

basmati
Can you smell the Terror Rice cooking? It has turmeric in it. Maybe cumin.

One Syed — the one Occam’s Razor would suggest had been the suspect in shooting up a health department party — worked for (dun dun dun) THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT! The other Syed is a business taxes representative for the State Board of Equalization. Luckily, since they both happened to be public employees, they both showed up in the same public salary database.

oh shit there's two Farooks!
oh shit there’s two Farooks!

From State Board Syed’s Linkedin profile (which said he was a business taxes representative, and previously a Wells Fargo teller), The Daily Beast moved on to his Facebook page. For hours, there he was, grinning in a selfie at the top of The Daily Beast’s number one story with “hey look at me, ima terrorist” basically scrawled on his selfie mirror in lipstick. Damn, two Syed R. Farooks could happen to anyone. Bad luck, Daily Beast! Dealt a crap hand!

But then a few minutes later, I noticed not only had they IDed the wrong guy, they’d linked to his home address. In the same paragraph where they said he had a wife and at least one young child. Like so:

That hyperlinked "show" went straight to his home address, WITH A MAP.
That hyperlinked “show” went straight to his home address, WITH A MAP.

To be fair to The Daily Beast, it’s probably no more dangerous to be IDed as a terrorist than to live in the Inland Empire as a Muslim this week. Oh wait just kidding, yes it is.

In Which Your Hero (Me) Becomes Less Pleasant

Once I noticed the link to State Board Syed’s home address (for future reference, we’ll call him “Raheel,” as that is his middle name), my tweets to The Daily Beast became less bitchy sniping and more all-caps FUCKING SHRIEKING. FOR FOUR HOURS. And after about two of those hours, The Daily Beast began to make changes to its story online. We watched as they edited it over and over again, before our eyes, never including an editor’s note that they’d done so, much less any kind of “correction.” For hours, they kept insisting they had the right man, because he was linked (they said) by public record to his mother’s home in Redlands. From that home, a black SUV had sped off, eventually yielding two fresh corpses. What kind of public record would include a homeowner’s son’s name (let alone his full middle name) was not disclosed.

After about three hours, The Daily Beast started to include the possibility that it was another Syed R. Farook — based not on the angry caterwaulings of a vile nasty Twitter snark mob spearheaded by me, but on “as the Los Angeles Times notes.” Viz:

This was where they started hedging about "a" Syed Farook instead of just "oh there is basically only one Syed Farook in the world," as well.
This was where they started hedging about “a” Syed Farook instead of just “oh there is basically only one Syed Farook in the world,” as well.

The Daily Beast affirmatively denied that it could have been Health Department Syed though (or “Rizwan,” as that is his middle name) because he did not have any connection to the Redlands home. (Again, even a magical public records database would not seem to have this kind of info at hand.)

This would turn out to be quite incorrect.

An Interesting Interruption Of Our Narrative Flow

There’s an infuriating episode of “Murder Book” on the Repetitive Procedural Investigation Channel, in which a cold case goes unsolved for like 25 years. A teenage girl was raped and murdered walking home from a party. They investigated every party attendee inside and out, and just could not figure out whodunit. Decades later, a hot young cop opened up the cold case and saw an arrest report for a dude who had been caught mid-strangling of another teenager, in the same place, in the same manner. He had gone to prison for that crime. But even though his report was in the file, the dumb old cops hadn’t looked at him for the original murder because “he wasn’t at the party.” Well, hot new cop tested some DNA evidence and hooray, case solved! “He wasn’t at the party” became a hilarious joke for me and my husband about people who are FUCKING STUPID and blinded by some red herring that doesn’t matter but on which they imprint like little ducklings following their new mama.

In this case, The Daily Beast was imprinting on the Redlands address. Raheel, they said, had a connection to it. Rizwan, they said, did not. Therefore the suspect must have been Raheel even though Rizwan, as a health department employee, was literally the one “at the party.”

So Was Anyone Tweeting Things They Would Later Regret?

Meanwhile, we were going INSANE. We watched as The Daily Beast took down Raheel’s grinning photo, replaced it with a cop car, put Raheel’s photo back up, replaced it with a cop car again. The Terror Rice stayed, even as their explanations for why they were including the scene at Raheel’s home became baroque. After we started tweeting to them NPR’s story naming Rizwan as the suspect, they started adding all kinds of justifications and he-wasn’t-at-the-partys. And in four hours, they never responded.

An hour later, the San Bernardino police chief said oh hey yo, it’s Rizwan, and The Daily Beast went into contortions before finally — after literally four hours — taking down their tweets with Raheel’s picture. Here is what the executive editor, Noah Shachtman, tweeted:

Okay, all good then!
Okay, all good then!

Here is what reporter Katie Zavadski had tweeted earlier in the day:

Aw snap girl!
Aw snap girl!

Here is what professor of journalism Oliver Jones, who had a co-byline, tweeted:

Guess I'd better stop blaming Katie for the Terror Rice.
Guess I’d better stop blaming Katie for the Terror Rice. OR NOT.

But They Were Super Sorry We Bet And Totally Forgiven

Jones declined to comment. Zavadski never replied to shit. Shachtman responded quickly last night once we tweeted directly at him. He was gracious; I offered to get his comment in the morning, as we’d all had a long day, and when he replied again in the morning, we commiserated. For the record, he would state, “We tried to correct as quickly as we could, and as comprehensively as we could.” As the executive editor of The Daily Beast, he was ultimately responsible.

Here, for the record, is what I would have asked him, had he chosen to elucidate this mishigas for the public:

  • Were you hands-on with this story while it developed? At what point did you step in?
  • Oliver is declining to comment, and Katie never responded last night. Was that their shoeleather reporting, or was an editor directing them?
  • Who decided to link to Raheel’s home address, and was it discussed at all?
  • When The Daily Beast finally discovered there were massive errors, why was the story updated continuously without transparency about previous versions?
  • Are you going to write an apology demanding donations for Wonkette?

Those seem fair, right? Like, Erik Wemple at WaPo would probably ask them just like that.

The Daily Beast finally appended a correction to its story at 1:41 a.m. The article is a mess, and not just because it spelled both Syed and Farook about 15 different ways, but because for what ended up being no reason at all, it was mostly an at-home scene with what The Daily Beast finally determined was the shooter’s brother. (Apparently, both Syed R. Farooks are sons of George Foreman, though you’ll forgive me if I don’t take The Daily Beast’s word on that. Especially because law enforcement has not released any family members’ names at this point.)

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I am a goddamn hero; Wonkette is perfect; where the hell are The Daily Beast’s editors; and go fuck yourselves, that is not how journalism works, you are worse than Fox News just kidding no one is.

Love,
Wonket

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  • Indiepalin

    I’d like to take responsibility for the Bay of Pigs but I wasn’t at the party.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      In other news, DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN.

    • Greg Fuderer

      neither was dana perino

    • Bren

      If I was given responsibility for the Bay of Pigs it would have been “Bacon for everyone lads, come and get it.”

      World peace is only a bacon sandwich away.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Those dog T-shirts are terrifying.

    • SnarkTank

      I love the weimaraner one!

      • cousin itt

        It was never the same after Hindenberg became its owner.

        • MsAnthropesMr

    • Joe Beese

      Kuato, but cuddly.

  • Joe Beese

    Blog-fight!

    • Anarchy Pony

  • cousin itt

    Depraved Lovers in Commando Gear Kill 14 in San Bernardino

    Another headline from The Daily Least or, the new viral video game for the meth-addicted? They derp, we deride.

    • Joe Beese

      Coincidentally, “Depraved Lovers in Commando Gear” is the title of the erotica short story I self-published through the Amazon Kindle store.

      • cousin itt

        Does it have pictures?

        Asking for me.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I think I read that!

  • Spotts1701

    Watching you eviscerate them repeatedly on Twitter was fun. It was like, “Guys…guysGUYS! You’re screwing up…you’re still screwing up…fine, let me explain why you’re pants-on-head stupid.”

    • MsAnthropesMr

      At least they got the pants as clothing part right. I’m think they were putting pants on the chair legs at that level of stupid.

  • MrBlobfish

    Honest mistake. I always get confused with Charles C. Blobfish. I’m Charles R.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    In a related story, David Vitter would have preferred not to take a dump in a diaper but he wasn’t at the potty.

  • Joe Beese

    Anyway, I hope Raheel is safe and enduring some good-natured ribbing from his friends.

    “Boy, did you pick the wrong day to be Syed R. Farook!”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      To be fair, who woulda guessed that Syed R Farook would be such a popular name? Those wacky Muslins*, amirite?!

      Seriously, though, given how insane the racists are these days, it is supremely lucky that this other guy wasn’t injured by a “real” Murican. He outta sue for emotional damage.

      *No, the 2nd Syed isn’t necessarily Muslim. I jest for the sake of snark.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Syeds: Thanks for giving us the day off.
        – The Blahs

    • SpideySenser

      This is not the Syed R. Farooks you are looking for.

  • SnarkTank

    In the immortal words of the great P!nk, “Iiiiiiiiiii’m coming out, so you better get this party started!”

    In the immortal words of the great Miley Cyrus, “And now I’m gonna be okay/Yeah! It’s a party in the USA!

    In the immortal words of the great Ricky Nelson, “I went to a garden party.”
    In the immortal words of the great Boys of the Beastie, “You gotta fight for your right to paaaaaaaaarty!”
    Hey, that one works, let’s go with that one.

  • say wha

    I guess all Republicans are kinda wishin’ Trump wasn’t at the party right about now.

  • cousin itt

    When did Judith Miller start reporting for The Beast?

  • Isn’t a Daily Beast reader just a HuffPo reader who once got mugged?

  • ArgieBargie

    The Daily Beast transitioned into The Daily Caller so gradually we didn’t even notice.

    • LarryHoudini

      Ha! Thanks for the tip off. I was just about to make a Tucker Carlson joke.

      • BigBoppa

        Tucker Carlson walks into a drug store with a parrot sitting on his shoulder.

        Pharmacist says “Can I help you?

        Parrot says “Have you got anything for hemorrhoids?

      • BigBoppa

        OOOH I’ve got a better one.

        Tucker Carlson, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are in a plane when suddenly the engines shut down. Realizing that they’re about to crash they search the plane for parachutes but can only find two.

        “How do we fairly decide who gets a parachute and who must be sacrificed?”, squeals Tucker.

        “I know”, grunts Rush. “Let’s do paper, scissors, rock”

        They gather into a circle and begin.

        “One, two, thre……”

        Luckily, just then, the plane crashes into a mountain and disintegrates in a ball of flame.

        • SnarkOff

          I love a joke with a happy ending.

  • LarryHoudini

    INTERNET INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING: You Get What You Pay For

  • kaw143

    Next you’ll be saying that journalists have some sort of responsibility to report actual news without bias and according to a strict code of ethics, or something. What? Are we living in 1995, or something?

    (But, seriously, good job.)

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    All this talk of Basmati rice is making me crave Chicken Vindaloo for some reason.

    • cynmac

      Beat you to it. Just had Lamb Shank with Basmati Rice, Olives, Pita and Tahini sauce delivered! #winning

      • SnarkOff

        I just read that as “Land Shark with Basmati Rice.”

    • SnarkTank

      I’m not a fan of vindaloo. Make mine a chicken korma, along with a couple of samosas.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Naan bread?
        or
        Non-bread?

      • dshwa

        Rogan Josh has always been my favorite. Middle of the road spicy.

    • DahBoner

      I’ve tried the ghost pepper and mine weren’t this hot, but phall is supposedly hotter than vindaloo
      http://thediplomat.com/2014/03/meals-for-masochists-7-of-asias-spiciest-foods/

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Vindaloo is as hot as you want to make it. It’s like chilli: there are a million recipes .

  • Vincent Ricola

    “I got tired of all those restraining orders based on my showing up at strange houses to issue homemade citizen’s arrest warrants, all because I used to read the Daily Beast. That’s why I only get my news from Wonkette now!” ~ Vincent Ricola

    (Feel free to use this personal endorsement on your site)

  • whatwhomever

    it’s always more important to be first than to be right, even if being first and wrong could get someone killed.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      But… getting someone killed is like, Job Creating for Hack Journamalismists!

  • ryp

    At least he has a name no one will remember a year from now ( Fayed Sarook? Mohammed Hookah? Barook Obama?). Imagine being “not that” Charles Manson after 1969.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      1) You know how sick the other Charles Manson has to be of hearing Manson jokes?
      2) I used to love when Colbert would make fun of Romney after he’d lost the presidential race. “What was that guy’s name? Jibb Lomney? Rap Omni?”

    • cynmac

      People remember Sirhan Sirhan, but then he killed a Kennedy.

      • Joe Beese

        Half the memorization required.

      • cousin itt

        SEE, YOU PEOPLE! Muslins have been gunning for US for DECADES!11! Limbaugh was right!

  • natoslug

    Rebecca was mad about a thing, and I liked it.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Imagine how the other Sayed R. Farook feels!

      • bobbert

        Strictly speaking, right now there is only one Syed R. Farook (in Berdoo).

  • cousin itt

    Looks like that story was for the dogs.

  • Who, What, When, Where, Why, How, and WTF?

    • Vincent Ricola

      That’s 6 more W words than the Daily Beast learned in their online investigative journalism course.

      • cousin itt

        Their secret is the X-Ray specs they ordered from the back of Derp’s Life magazine.

  • Msmlg1979

    All hail the Editrix!

    • cousin itt

      And boy howdy, does she have the stones or what?

      • Msmlg1979

        Titanium ovaries!

  • Bill Slider

    The Daily Beast, and every other beast out there reporting, needs to understand, that in today’s paranoid environment, they should error on the side of too few details. An entire zipcode becomes at risk of major urban renewal when The Second Amendment vigilantes learn where a Muslim lives. If I had an Islamic name, I would go to court and become John Doe XXIII real quick.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    A (un-named) federal law enforcement source told the Los Angeles Times that the
    guns were bought at Annie’s Get Your Gun, a firearms retailer in nearby
    Corona that advertises itself as a “family-friendly gun store.”

    A woman reached by phone who identified herself as Anne, the store owner,
    denied that the weapons involved in the shooting were sold at her store.

    “That’s not true,” she said, before hanging up.

    http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-san-bernardino-shooting-main-20151203-story.html

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you know, there are simple methods of telling whether or not Anne is telling the truth. Need to follow up on it, LA Times.

  • Mavenmaven

    Doesn’t matter, they are happy to harass anyone named Syed, Ziad, Farook, Farah, Faraj, whatever.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Grade A righteous indignation.

  • JustPixelz

    The lesson is: Always do what Editrix says.

    Also, I notice the post-Oregon wisdom of speak-not-the-killer’s-name has gone by the wayside. I suspect the Muslimy name is irresistible to some web site.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Of course it is. Muslimy names are ALWAYS in fashion with the MSM. People who can be mistaken for just plain old white folks will not be named, even if they’re bi-racial or something.

      This is just ONE of the reasons for my nym.

      • Mondoshawan

        If I may ask, what is/are other reason(s)?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Well, there’s David Broder, and there’s David Brooks, and there’s Chuckles the Toddler, and there’s Tim Russert, and there’s Sam Donaldson, and theres…

          • Mondoshawan

            Point taken. Thank you for sharing.

    • zerosumgame0005

      well, sometimes, just sometimes mind you, we do like a little paddling…asking for a friend of course!

    • clubseal

      I actually forgot about that nugget of mass shooting wisdom. Weird how it goes out the window when the shooter is potentially Muslim.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This really would have been a mess if the terrorist were named Mr and Mrs John Smith.

  • DahBoner

    OK, it looks like a grudge murder by people who were loaded for bear (similar to any right-wing Militia gunnut of American redneck persuasion)…

    http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/12/04/us/san-bernardino-shooting.html?referer=http://news.google.com/

    https://media1.giphy.com/media/u24hPghx6dB1m/200w_d.gif

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      The Aurora kid had more ammo, I think, but less bombs.

      • Joe Beese

        Josh Marshall is observing that while having Ten Tons of Ammo is not unusual in our fair land, stockpiling pipe bombs is.

        At this point, it seems to me that the likeliest explanation is that Syed and the missus had larger ambitions but he suffered the mass-violence equivalent of premature ejaculation.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          That’s what she said.

      • Amy!

        Wasn’t his apartment so extensively booby-trapped that it took days to clear out?

        And thanks for the reminder. Has anyone labeled his action “terrorism”? It wasn’t really necessary, was it? He’s kinda the poster boy for the “but mennal helth!” guns’ righters.

  • Billy Croissant

    To paraphrase: some writers need an edtidor editor; the rest desperately need and editor.

  • shastakoala

    Maybe not George Foreman’s son, but he was maliciously grilled.

    • Shibusa

      The steaks are high.

      • Cleo_Cat

        And he got a raw deal.

        • cousin itt

          That’s what Sam and Ella said.

        • clubseal

          George Foreman grill libel!

    • Billy Croissant

      It was a very draining experience.

    • Msmlg1979

      It’s gonna leave marks

    • TheBidenator

      There was a lot meat in his statements, can you blame them for wanting to make sure the interrogation was well done?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      They raked him over the coals.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This is journamalistic doubling down at its most egregious.

    The Daily Beast should just come out and say, front and center, we were wrong, we made mistakes, people pointed them out and we stonewalled, we make Ron Ziegler look like Ron Nessen.

    You have to have been alive during Watergate to get that reference, but there you have it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I haven’t thought of any of those guys in years. Ah, memories!

    • mtn_philosoph

      Jody Powell LIBEL!!!!!!

  • Shibusa

    I still think Syed killed Hae Min Lee.

  • Callyson

    What a coincidence–just the other day I was wondering why I hand’t read the Daily Beast in a while. Mystery solved!

    • mtn_philosoph

      Now I’m glad I never started. Seriously, I had never even heard of the site until I started seeing it being mentioned here.

  • jmk

    Whoa…that’s quite an eventful maternity leave you’re having there, Mme. Editrix.

  • Mavenmaven

    And, in breaking news, it is all humus to Ben Carson.

    • Shibusa

      He’ll be making an appearance on o ‘The Falafel Factor’ later tonight.

    • cousin itt

      Billo gives that five Oompa Loofahs.

    • chascates

      Carson always seems so calm because ignorance is bliss.

    • TheBidenator

      “I could build a hollow pyramid for storin’ stuff over that solid basement rock of a comment”
      – Ben Carson

      • DahBoner

        “No comets allowed” here, son

    • Rick Hill

      Shit. Just reading his name made me nod off.

  • jviscont1

    pro tip to all immigrants of Asian/ MiddleEast persuasion. Legally change your last name to Huckabee.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or Cruz. Or Carson. Or Bush.

      • Suttree

        Fuck me. I have such a unique surname that there appears to be under 100 of us on the planet. I’m pretty much invisible. But, while speaking to my father last night I told him my user name on disqus. And that I comment where comments are not allowed. Christmas should be rather interesting this year. Don’t worry that much but if “Carl” shows up I never told any of those kinky drug induced stories. I thank all y’all.

    • Shibusa

      Apropos of nothing but, years ago I met a Chinese guy who had emigrated to Ireland as a young boy. The parents let the kids pick their anglicized names.
      He picked “Paddy”.

      • Billy Croissant

        Or the alien who named himself “Sam Francisco” in Alien Nation

        • Mr Corrections

          that is the best possible name and I will fight anyone who disagrees *tears off shirt*

        • Biff52

          ‘kin slags, man…

        • bobbert

          I always like to point out that the actor was Mandy Patinkin.

  • Come here a minute

    I’m really pissed at these terrorists — fucking “Route 66” earworm…
    Kingman Barstow San Bernadino

  • elviouslyqueer

    As the executive editor of The Daily Beast, Shachtman was ultimately responsible should be fucking fired effective last week.

    There. Fixed that for you, Becca.

  • TheBidenator

    Muslin is Muslin obviously and both Syed’s are probably Syrian so BUILD THE DANG FENCE AND ELECT TRUMP! Pfft facts and accuracy…..you buncha losers. I go with gut and prejudice as Basmati is the official rice of all terrorists, they even smell all like Basmati rice I was told by a contact in the Trump campaign….

    • H0mer0

      The Syeds and Rizwana’s I know are of Paki origin, not that a redneck would know the difference.

  • chascates

    The mistake runs on the front page. The correction, if any, runs on the inside back page.

    • beatbort

      Page 2 in the paper where I work.

  • Suttree

    All hail Editrix! But really ffs I knew this in tenth grade when I used to wanna be a journalist.

  • orygoon

    You are so beautiful when you are righteously indignant

  • dshwa

    This is what 24 hour news networks have led us to. They demand answers but never allow the time to accurately figure them out. Everyone is racing to break the story without worrying about the implications of wrong information OR how those breaks will effect efforts by authorities to investigate the truth.

    • Notreelyhelping

      I think of what broadcast TV news has become–the frenetic pace, swooping graphics, and multiple feeds, and I flash back to the 1980 (I think) Democratic convention, where NBC cut away from a commercial to reveal David Brinkley, his head leaning against his hand and his eyes closed. He opened them and either saw the red light or got a prompt in his earpiece. He slowly sat upright, shuffled a few papers, and said in those clipped tones: “Well. We’re back. And apparently nothing continues to happen.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The need to fill air time with something that can be passed off as “content” is overwhelming. Must be busy, busy, busy always. No time to think, no time to contemplate. Everything is a desperate crisis because that’s what attracts eyeballs, and attracting eyeballs that can be sold to advertisers is the only thing that matters. Ever.

  • 3FingerPete

    Your insane Jewish grandfather Michael Savage is proud that he nationally broadcast a suspect name based solely on a tweet.

    http://www.wnd.com/2015/12/michael-savage-reported-shooters-name-hours-before-media/

  • cmd

    I read that story last night and thought it was weird, especially the part of them walking up to the door and knocking, and the rice. Plus I figured, aren’t the cops all over the place where the supposed person lived, and they are just standing there smelling rice?

  • Off topic, but, our sister from another mister has a reasonable plan for our gun fetishists:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sara-benincasa/dear-america-heres-your-gun-solution_b_8707916.html

    • TheBidenator

      You just made my dick feel like its been incestuous for these past few years and now I’m ashamed for fantasizing….

      • Don’t fret Bidenator, unearned shame is just that.

        • H0mer0

          yeah, fantasies aren’t really meant to happen, they are just a cognitive tool for achieving orgasm (uh, a friend told me that); I take back my snarky query about Huffpo just temporarily for her.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Well done Editrix, we don’t anoint you with that title for nothing! Also cause you yell at us sometimes. You probably saved lives, which is the saddest fucking commentary on America since Back to the Future 2, if it happened.

    Quick question. You mentioned “Another time, I had to retract a threat to report from inside a congressman’s butt.”
    Knowing our Congresscritters as we do, I have to ask, is this man (yes, a man) still serving, and probably not, is it because he got caught doing something naughty with his butt? Or am I just too cynical?

  • georgiaburning

    Crowdsourcing of information means the loudest, cheapest voice is the one heard by the most people.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      LCD: Loudest, Cheapest Dumbass

    • H0mer0

      isn’t that how Huffpo works?

  • beatbort

    How much money does the Daily Beast have in the bank?
    That’s the settlement amount in the upcoming lawsuit by the wrongly identified persons in the Beast’s piece of shit, er, journamalism.

    • Steverino247

      No shit. I’d be the new owner by, oh, about June 2016.

    • r m reddicks

      No wonder he was smiling.

    • HanBarbara

      Thinking Jesse Pinkmans “He’ll be scrubbing toilets in Tijuana speech”

  • TheBidenator

    Can you raise enough of a tenor to get the Doughy Pantload fired for sucking? I think we mights need to make a wager….

  • Cheesus Crust

    I watched that shit play out in real time on the Twitters… Our Editrix was seriously crawling up asses with a porcupine suit on.

    I was so proud.

    • rebecca

      that’s going on my resume. thanks pal!

      • Sheesko

        Lets bring back “Domineditrix” — why did we ever stop saying that?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Donna Rose changes everything.

          • Sheesko

            But…but…the LOGO!

    • SnarkOff

      Prickly!

  • Mr Corrections

    The Daily Beast is, and pretty much always has been, fuckawful. At least they stopped employing that gormless prick Andrew “Bell Curve” Sullivan.

  • SnarkOff

    Again, and I say this every time this happens, when you hire 14-year-old journalists, pay them whatever crap you pay them to write 852 posts a day, and fire all of the copy editors, mistakes get made. Am only relieved that today it’s the New Media screwing up, not the Old Media.

  • richardgrabman

    Oh cripes! Even with my odd name (and being the only person in Mexico with my name), there are other people with exactly the same name and middle initial around the U.S. I wonder if they ever get blamed for me being an internet asshole.

    • Biff52

      I had to use “Biff52” because 51 other Biffs got to disqust before me.

      • bobbert

        But that’s a pretty common last name.

  • AnOuthouse

    The fact that they talked to somebody who was supposed to be dead never penetrated their jello brainz?

    • Biff52

      Oh, bother.

    • H0mer0

      Astral projection? Something to do with Jins and stuff? (I saw it in Arabian Nights or was it “Mirror of Fire and Dreams”?)

  • Mr Corrections

    Also, that tweet about how he KNOWS what basmati rice smells like is incredible. I have never seen a more insecure statement from a supposedly grown-ass journalist.

    • rebecca

      “I’m a real journalist! I lived in New York!” :D

      • Mr Corrections

        I did too work at a real media outlet! It’s… it’s in Canada, you wouldn’t know it.

    • Steely_Fan

      Also, too, I find his identification of this particular aroma as being Basmati rice hilarious, as it seems to me that he has mistaken the smell of Indian spices (cumin, coriander, tumeric, etc.) for the smell of Basmati rice, which is the preferred strain at most Indian restaurants that I know of. The reason I’m pretty sure of this is that I have been preparing Basmati rice quite frequently for years, because I get it in 5 pound sacks at Costco, and to me it smells like, well, rice. One would have to have very highly developed olfactory sensitivity to distinguish between the various strains of plain rice, IMHO.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, the only exposure to Basmati rice he’s ever had was at the local Indian restaurant, so naturally, he assumes the rice comes grown with the spices.

        In other words, A idiot.

        • H0mer0

          thank you! As an Indian American, I was starting to wonder what was wrong since when my mom cooks it, I never noted any particular aroma. Now she made this combination of onions and mustard seeds that was overpowering and stinging to mucous membranes (mustard gas?) That I can remember.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s like claiming to differentiate different types of potatoes based on whether they were mixed with cheese or garlic butter.

    • Sheepshagger

      I love the smell of basmati in the morning. Smells like libel.

    • JurisGal

      “a supposedly grown-ass journalist” – thank you for making me laugh with that not allowed comment. I am reading wonkette for the news and to find something , at the same time, that won’t send me spiraling. What a world.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        The wonkette is good for gripping onto so one does not go spiraling. It likes it when you grip it, too.

  • SnarkOff

    BASMATIGHAZI!!!!!1!

    • Mr Corrections

      That’s actually very satisfying to say out loud.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Sounds like a savory soup, with, in this case, crow.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s like a wakeup call that says “Rice and shine!”

  • WhoDat

    That’s a clusterfuck of [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker] proportions.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Did someone say…?

      • WhoDat

        Damn Barrens/Trade chat.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Well, I’m certainly not inviting The Beast to any more of *my* parties…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Uh-oh, misdirected this response. I’m taking it back where it belongs.

  • azeyote

    can’t argue with perfect

  • D_C_Wilson

    Remember when Glenn Beck repeatedly insisted an innocent man was involved in the Boston bombing?

    Yeah, he’s getting sued over it.

    Keep that in mind, Daily Beast.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And I hope the plaintiff sends Beck into penury.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I hope he held onto his magical survival seeds.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Way to go Rebecca! I noticed the discrepancy at almost the same time you did and was appalled at The Beast’s mistake and bad journalism. I wondered what the hell was going on when the page kept updating itself in various sinister ways. Yes, you deserve an apology and an acknowledgement and a new car, maybe. A brand new black SUV would be appropriate.

  • anglrdr

    Funny story (or not): there is a Siejun Suzuki movie called “Branded to Kill,” in which the protagonist has a fetish for the smell of boiling rice.

    I just felt the need to share.

  • Rick Hill

    Gawd, we already know the Wonkette is the bestest and those guys suck toe jam from a dead dogs eye. Do we have to learn their names and stuff too?

  • arundel

    Thank you immensely for this. The Daily Beast got rid of their comments section just a little while ago, with the excuse that “the conversation is really happening on Twitter now” or some bullshit. Which is why you had to scream from afar on Twitter at them for four hours last night. It’s really appalling, they might as well say, “send your comments to this PO box in Wyoming with a SASE”. Thank you for illustrating to me that I got a lot of bad, tainted, stupid misinformation from The Daily Beast last night about this tragedy.

    Along with the terrible Salon and the messy eyesore contrarian Slate and the Daily Bullshit, what the hell happened to these sites that pretended to actual journalism, presented in a classic writerly way, once upon a time? They are all the fucking pits lately, talent has fled them completely. Probably because they pay shit, buzz and clicks and ads are all. It sucks because they had promise once.

    • badphairy

      Even the Atlantic is a cesspool more often than not.

    • Mr Corrections

      You’re basically right – Mother Jones has descended into a conspiracy theory site; Raw Story is hampered by a level of technical incompetence that has seen them hacked at least twice; Daily Kos has moderators that actually enable creepy stalkers while victim blaming; and HuffPos has always been awful. Anti-vaxxer awful. If it wasn’t for yr Wonket and Political Wire (which is really just one guy) I’d have gone completely maaaaaad. Mad I tell you!

    • boll ocks

      And gawker et.al. has also lost all of my respect lately. Wonkette is fucking awesome.

      • arundel

        Gawker is a hellhole of stupid now. It used to be a nicely sardonic (I hate the word snarky with a passion) take on the small world of NYC media and social personalities, there was some wry self-awareness and a decently erudite and funny comments section. That was about ten iterations ago, as they tried to bet bigger and blander and dumber, and ..it doesn’t seem like that’s been successful. And now they want to be a political site?? Our Wonkette has nothing to fear from this truly dumb move- finding smart and funny writing on Gawker is like probes looking for signs of water on Mars- there are traces it might have been there millennia ago, but not in evidence today. Forget humor or intelligence, Gawker’s writers now can barely handle grammar and punctuation. Dumbed down clickbait wastes of time. It will be interesting to see how Hulk Hogan’s mega-lawsuit against Gawker will play out. The sinking of the Lusitania, perhaps, but that’s too generous to the scale of Gawker’s flailing operations.

    • John Smith

      For my real facts, I swear by World Net Daily. Hard hitting, fact filled journalism.

      Hope I brightened your day.

  • Greg Fuderer

    like arnold, like trump, like kyl, like all those assholes, are they responsible for the accuracy of the information they say/write/tweet?

  • What are you supposed to serve with Terrorist Rice, anyways?

    • Land Shark

      fava beans and a fine Chianti.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Fatwah flambe, of course

      • Major_Major_Major

        Unless it’s the domestic variety, then born again bisque.

    • Me not sure

      Either falafel or a loofah sponge. Ask Bill O’Reilly.

  • Biff52

    I never go to the Daily Breast. Not a fan of John Avlon and his harpy wife Margaret Hoover.

  • Sheesko

    Daily Beast is the kind of journalism you get when special snowflake kids reared on “Showed Up!” trophies are allowed to tell the nooze.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or their mommies or daddies got them into the newsroom.

      Hello, Luke Russert and Chris Wallace, I’m talking about you!

  • Barley_Brains

    Well done Editrix! I genuflect in your general direction.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I love it when Trix gets all up in their face.

  • boll ocks

    For a humble blog, you guys exude a sense of journalistic ethics that should be emulated by many so-called media outlets. Hats off to you for calling bullshit when you see it. You’ve made a lifetime fan and donator to your cause, keep it up.

  • boll ocks

    Also, now basmati rice is “weird”??? Learn how to eat, America.

  • nightmoth

    Most excellent–good on you, Trix, and enjoyed your account of banhammer editing.

  • Pongo

    I’m sure that DB is thoroughly chastened. No doubt they will offer to cover the added expense incurred by law enforcement who now have to not only devote massive resources to investigating a major crime, but also must redirect some of these precious resources to protecting an innocent citizen erroneously ‘outed’ by idiot media–just in case some good guy with a gun (Richard Dear, anyone?) decides to take justice into his own hands.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    The classic five W’s and one H of journalism seem to have subtly changed over the years:

    Who can we pin it on?
    What do I care?
    Where is that damned cue card boy?
    When does the Foxette deliver the upskirt view?
    Why are facts important?
    How does this translate into ratings?

  • Sterculius

    There has to be a law passed about this doxing stuff. People can’t just hide behind “public information” and actually endanger someone’s life. Why not let the criminal justice system handle it, unless of course you hate cops just like Obama.

  • Antimassacree

    All hail the Editrix!!

    • RevZafod

      Well, natch. She produced future Empress of the Universe Donna Rose from her snatch.

      • Henri205

        The term is gash.

        • RevZafod

          You picky bastid! Gash don’t rhyme with natch. Anyway, with a name like Henri, you sound like one of them French surrender monkeys, now known as those brave Frenchmen who continued to go out at night.

          I haz such a confuze! Which Repuglican candidate should ask for help?

  • Zyxomma

    This is why I love Jim Wright at Stonekettle Station. http://www.stonekettle.com/2015/11/unknown-unknowns.html
    He told everyone, basically, you don’t know shit yet so STFU until you do.

    • He’s very level-headed. He also wrote the most sensible and even-handed proposal for gun control that I have ever read.

    • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

      Jim Wright is awesome!!!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    True Story:
    Once, and this was after I went through the security at the place that pays me to show up from a certain hour until another certain hour, I was once flagged down by the popo with the lights a’shinin and the sirens a’blarin and the DONT MOVE AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL. Things were pointed at me and they did not look fun.
    Naturally, I was a bit freaked, being not the sort to whom this was a normal thing. When it was finally sorted out, it turned out that they had their lil card scanner tuned to Maricopa county (which is NOT in VA) and it flagged someone with my name as a na’er do well wanted by the FBI type.
    Mind, the cops discovered their booboo in minutes and corrected it shortly after, it did not take 4 hours. They even apologized, sort of, and did not shoot me which was very nice of them.
    The lesson from both incidents, of course, is make sure you got the right person, fuckheads, cause sometimes two people can have similar names.

  • RevZafod

    Lawsuit for damages:
    the wrong guy, +$1,000,000
    Daily Beast -$1,000,000

    • Rasilom

      And do I ever hope, from the bottom of my black and twisted little heart, that he sues the ever loving fuck out of those A Idiots.

  • Robyn Ryan

    And you guys thought 8k a year was too much to pay to educate your old age support system. So we allowed states to steal our future by stealing our offspring’s rights to the truth and a competent elementary education. And here we are….Okies to Okies in 3 generations. Anti-intellectualism is the national flavor-aid that stole our lives and freedom. Our children have been trained to be wage slaves, not citizens. Our governors have betrayed our children into slavery to the Chinese. Who educate their children. Without the bible.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    “But what you’ll note in the above couple of examples, if you clicked through to them (and you still can!), is that I didn’t try to pretend I hadn’t massively fucked up.”

    That. That right there, in a nutshell, is the number one difference between liberals and RWNJ’s: INTEGRITY AND HUMILITY.

  • tegrat

    Brava! See? THIS is why I donate (nah, just kidding, it’s for the dick jokes)

  • hellslittlestangel

    My name’s Larry. This is my brother Syed and this is my other brother Syed.

    • A Bashful Nobody

      What happened to Moe and Curly?

    • Marc Reeve

      Not only are the two Syed R. Farooks brothers, their father (divorced from their mother, lives elsewhere in San Berdoo) is also named Syed R. Farook. (Don’t know what the R stands for in his case.)

  • Rasilom

    Rebecca, you are a hero, and so is everyone else that works so hard on this Nasty Vile Little Piece of Snark, Evan, Doc Zoom, Kally, Editrix, Pinkham and everyone who’s name I don’t know yet. The BS that the Dipshit Beast was pulling is the same shit that almost every old school media outlet pulls, fixate on an imagined boogy man wind people up, watch ratings / click through soar. There is a reason I ONLY comment at exactly two, count them, two sites on the Interwebs (or as an old dead senator from my state used to say “Bundle of Tubes”). Those sites are “The Wonkette” (Yeah Wonkette!! Best place in the land!!) and “The Register” a British tech oriented site. There is a reason that these are the only two places I comment. YOU DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH SPECULATION. Sorry my caps key got stuck for a sec. The Reporting that was done here at the Wonkette was the ONLY type of reporting that should ever be done on a situation like that. No sensationalism (yes some snark, but all directed at the Ass Hats that didn’t follow Yr Wonkette’s example) just the facts, as stated by the people directly involved and responsible for investigating the situation. There was no phone book digging 15th cousin on his mother’s brother’s college roommate’s sister’s first boyfriend’s sister’s first fuck (follow that chain down the rabbit hole and you end up on a Fux news set). There was just a a very responsible, exact reporting of the facts released to us by those in charge. There was also ZERO demonizing of any one for any reason. Also too you stated exactly why it would be wrong to do anything other than what you did. Then followed up with a sense of moral outrage at those that actually were doing wrong to an innocent, totally non connected bystander. I salute you all. Thank you for all you do and please never ever change. (For the record the only reason I havn’t subscribed yet is that my pay-pal account is still tied up in a divorce :-( But I promise I click on lots and lots of links to watch slow motion boobies bouncing around, I gotta support you some how and watching boobies in a nice way to do it!

  • UnsaltedSinner

    BREAKING NEWS: WONKETTE REPORTS MUSLIM SHOOTER WAS SON OF FORMER BOXING CHAMPION GEORGE FOREMAN!

    While the Norwegian media’s refusal to publish the name and picture of people who are suspected of a crime can be annoying (“Celebrity caught exposing himself in public” doesn’t make for much of a news story when the star in question remains anonymous), it does protect innocent people from crap like this. Good thing, too.

  • Relativicus

    No. Nonononononono. No. Wemple would’ve put the Wonkette fundraising bit first.

  • JDM

    I love the smell of lawsuits in the morning.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Journalism 101. Nothing gets published without confirmation by two independant sources and separate confirmation of the reliability of the sources. Unfortunately, Reich Wing media doesn’t give a shit about facts, they just compete to be the one stirring the lie pot the hardest, blowing the dog whistle the loudest.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    They HAVE THE SAME NAME B/C THEIR THE SAME PERSON!!111!!! OMG YOU LIBTUREDS ARE SO DUM!!!!“`!!111!!

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