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becca shy wedding 5 shys vowsBefore I met my husband, I was offering him beej’s in the secret Wonkette chatcave. It could have turned out badly — actionably so! — but he responded with enthusiasm and aw-shucks delight. Before that, I had hired him as close to full-time as I could afford. Before that, he was a Wonkette commenter, making vague flirting noises from Wherever, Montana. Of course, all Wonkette commenters make vague flirting noises at me — explicit ones, if they’re Actor212. But no one before my husband had put up his skills to identify a problem (Wonkette’s grotesquely non-working website) and solve it. (Shut up, it is too solved, for just $7.99 a month, straight from your tap.)

Before I met my husband, he told me he could not father children with me. His younger son had died almost 20 years earlier, and he couldn’t hold anyone’s babies, not any more. “I’m pretty sure I can’t get pregnant,” I promised him blithely, since I was 41 and my grown (and only) son hadn’t come from my womb but from my late stepmom’s, with an assist from DCFS. I was incorrect, as it turned out, and a week or two after our first date ended with a lesbian U-Haul dragging my grown-ass woman’s worth of shit from Los Angeles to Missoula, I lay in bed crying. Why are you crying, my brand-new boyfriend asked me, and I explained him it was because we had known I was pregnant for four entire hours, and he still hadn’t asked me to marry him yet.

He rectified his mistake, with a quickness.

Less than six weeks later, before we had known each other in person quite three months, we were married, in the snow, by our parson, Doktor Zoom. (My father explained four times that we should get married in the bar, by the fire, under the jackalope, because “nobody” wanted to go out in the snow. I explained to my dad that shut up.) The ceremony comprised Kurt Vonnegut quotes and love words and sexcellent promises, and I don’t remember what they were, but I know that after 364 days (I am writing this on Saturday, because on Sunday I will be taking a whole day off), we have kept them, so far.

My husband, Shypixel, nurtures and nourishes me and our daughter. He sits on the couch with me and I choose the channel. He is an American dad, shoveling the sidewalks and mowing the lawn and doing the laundry, while I laze around watching my ass grow. He plays with the baby, and feeds her carrots, and dresses her in outfits, and sings her songs he made up his very own self, while I work on my laptop next to them, and give him thanks and kisses.

We are nice to each other all the time. After a year, we’re so enmeshed in each other’s company, I worry that the people at the post office, who have never seen me without him, must think he won’t let me out of the house alone. (I actually asked them that. They said they don’t.)

Some time after we started graffiti-ing baby pictures all across this here mommyblog, I got a note (along with a widow’s mite donation) from a woman who said she has only one son, and he’s grown and severely disabled, and she does not think she’ll have grandchildren. She asked for more baby pictures, please, for vicarious grandmothering.

ERMAGERD IT IS WONKET!
ERMAGERD IT IS WONKET!

I promised she would have them, and then I told my mom about it, and we cried just a tiny.

I did not think I’d have womb-children. I didn’t think I’d ever marry. I had no idea a big, handsome, sessy man would fly out to California and kidnap me to the mountains like some kind of Lifetime movie — or at least the kind of Lifetime movie without the murdering. Or that he would communicate like a grownup, and argue fair, and tell me with both words and actions that he cherishes me like a human instead of a plastic Trump wife. I didn’t think I’d have such fun with a husband. I really didn’t think I’d buy an RV.

Thank you for being our family at Wonkette. I know most people haven’t had a year like mine, where only good things seemed to happen. I’m sorry if you had heartache this year. I wish I could help you bear it.

On the other hand, I did have those hemorrhoids, so maybe that was enough.

$
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  • aw, shucks…

    • Vecciojohn

      You’re a lucky so and so. Molotov!

      • stankbait

        Yes very lucky this year. Kiss those hemmorhoids good by. .

    • Antimassacree

      As lucky as you think you are, you are luckier. Happy anniversary.

      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        Man, so true. Wisdom, right here with the dick jokes and Bristol’s babby-making marathon.

    • Greg Comlish

      Congratulations for finding love in this day and age, Shy. You’ve got a beautiful family and you must exude some kind of steely manly confidence to whisk a woman away from LA in a week.

      And where are my manners? Here’s a big *High Five* for finding a carbon-neutral, renewable source of bee-jay.

    • DerrickWildcat

      You probably made her write it.

    • OddMan

      No snark, just genuine feelings of happiness that you two found each other.
      I hope you have a lifetime of love and companionship together.

    • Playonwords

      You swine! Wait until Hercules Grytpype-Thynne gets to here about this!

      congratulations you devil, you’re nearly as lucky as I.

    • SterWonk

      Also too, my condolences for the loss of your son. I can’t even imagine… :-(

    • phlox

      Dude, I’m RLLY gay and I wanted to marry Rebecca when I met her at a meet-up.
      I think you’re both pretty lucky.

  • Sasha

    This is great.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Thank you for being our family at Wonkette. I know most people haven’t had a year like mine, where only good things seemed to happen. I’m sorry if you had heartache this year. I wish I could help you bear it.

    Ahem! Cough up moar babby pix, FFS!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This is not just great, it’s inspirational!

    Sometimes things DO work out for everyone. And Shy is a helluva guy.

    Furthermore, we get Donna Rose pix!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Yay a love story! Although I find the jackalope the only thing I can fap to here.

    • JustPixelz

      That is legal in Kansas!

    • Antimassacree

      Jackalope rather than online beejs offers? You might need to seek professional help.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I’m still frantically searching to see which donor level you need to pledge.

        • Antimassacree

          Different website.

      • Yeah, I found those pretty easy to fap to, at the time…

        • Last Hussar

          You are in SOOOOOOO much trouble for posting that.

          Also the phrase “My favourite wanking fantasies are about you” isn’t considered as romantic as you might think.

          • H0mer0

            speak for yurselves!

        • witsended

          A bit of advice for the future.
          It is a scientific fact- that the speed that your wife moves towards you, is directly proportional to the depravity of the porn that you are surfing.

    • Jackalopes are inherently hawt.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They’re like an earthier, rustic, all-American unicorns.

  • agathman

    This is so touching AND you used “comprise” correctly, that I have to go donate money.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Harumpf! The nerd always gets the girl. Life is just not fair!

    Happy Anniversary anyway, you two crazy kids.

    • Antimassacree

      Smart is way better than cute…in bed especially!

      • H0mer0

        nuh uh! (I’m still shallow, I still go for cute and funny and if smart tags along…I mean SMRT…)

  • Antimassacree

    Molotov! But now am a bit verklempt. Savor the days.

  • davebedini

    I object! This isn’t snark. I have been misled by the title of the site. On the other hand, what a sweet story. I can only applaud your good fortune and hope it lasts and lasts. Mazel tov.

  • Totie Capote

    That made Totie’s heart warm up just a little. Loves me some babby pictures!

  • Toomush_Infer

    The entire Church of Toomush puts a stamp of approval on this……sheesh……

  • Vegan and Tiara

    What’s this watery discharge in my eyes? Sniffle…did someone start cutting onions in here? Of course it might also be that CNN just said Ted Cruz might be president.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Since Pinkham is coming here, I have to get my concern troll chops up. So, here goes – aren’t you concerned for the horrifying hetero-normative behavior president this sets? Also too, that actor212 might think at some time this could happen to him with another attractive talented writer?

    • H0mer0

      we have a horrifying hetero-normative behavior president?

      • MsAnthropesMr

        I hate my iPad. I think I meant precedent.

        • witsended

          Your not dislexic, you just cunt spel.

        • H0mer0

          I know, I just couldn’t resist an easy laugh (even if I couldn’t tie it in to a penis or fellatio joke.)

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And yet it works either way.

  • Pettie

    It’s true, Shy is a wonderful guy, and you’d better appreciate him (and he’d sure as Hell better appreciate you) for as long as you two live. You both deserve excellence, so now just continue it every day you are together.

  • Is the correct form of address “Reverend Doktor Zoom”, “Doktor Reverend Zoom”, “His Celestial Highness Princess Reverend Doktor Zoom”…?

    • jmk

      I believe it’s Monseigneur Docteur Professor le Reverence Maitre Doktor Zoom.

    • phlox

      I bet it’s Lord God BuFu Doktor Zoom, Rev. Esq.

  • Msgr_Moment

    You’ve buried the lede! Wonkette allows comments??!!?!

  • Antimassacree

    So I guess no more online beejs offers then?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Dear Wonkette Forum,

      I never thought I’d be writing to you, but about a year ago…

  • Cooper Garland

    Is the appropriate way of deal with “Reverend Doktor Zoom”, “Doktor Reverend Zoom”, “His Heavenly Highness Queen Reverend Doktor Zoom”…?

    11 plus tuition harrow

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “High Muckamuck and Worship Herr Doktor Zoom, Esq., KRT, etc.”

      • Toomush_Infer

        Ponyboy Emeritus will also be acceptable, I think…

        • That’s probably what’s on his Wonkette employment paperwork.

        • eggsacklywright

          Or, for those informal occasions, Yer Radiatorship.

  • H0mer0

    U R soo lucky! Some ten years ago my SO had to tell my MD ass that my puking was prolly from being pregnant and it was but I was still married and stuff….(you’ve heard teh rest, kinda,)
    Congrats on your whirlwind romance and procreation, I love you guys! (also too, I love all of you who make this the best mommy blog with nepis jokes evah!)

    • Vegan and Tiara

      This story sounds juicy…and I do love a good juicy story.

      • H0mer0

        like Homer, I took the advice Barney gave him after reading it off a cocktail napkin (to talk to him in order to find we had nothing in common) but instead of ending up with a room service turkey under the bed…

  • Vegan and Tiara

    The takeaway here seems to be that everyone wants more Donna Rose pics.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      Res ipsa sweet baby james and also jaysus she’s ineffably adorable loquitor.

    • We needs all the pics now. She won’t be a baby forever. (Will she?)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        While I’m enjoying the Donna Rose pix, someday we’ll get Donna Rose as an angel, as a devil, as the front end of a My Little Pony, as a Hello Kitty, dressed as a duck, and heaven knows what else you can imagine Donna Rose dressed up as.

        And they’ll all be in the squee zone, fer sure.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Wonkette Collective 739 is now on strike! No comments till we get all the babbypix!

      • Vegan and Tiara

        That’s why I want at least three pics a day. She really is an adorable babby.

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          How is babby pickyer made?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I don’t know, magic maybe!

      • Suttree

        If they start her early on coffee and cigarettes, rum would probably help also and a pirate flag.

        • eggsacklywright

          And a Harley.

  • JustPixelz

    Who knew fixing websites could be so romantic!? Certainly not me. Otherwise I would have learned how to fix websites, then fixed healthcare.gov … for Michelle.

    Remember when pop psychologists talked about how life changes causes stress? Like moving, getting married, having a baby, changing jobs, watching Fox News. Rebecca (nee CommieGirl) should be 80% stressed, but apparently is 80%+ happy instead. Incredibly, the pop psychologists were WRONG!

    http://relax.mindware.mobi/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/changes.jpg

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Sheesh… almost got a tad weepy there, goddamnit. Congrats and all the best to you and Shy…sounds like you were made for one another.

  • FZsdaughter

    More fake news, we all know comments are not allowed.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      The liberal media can’t be trusted, for anything other than dick jokes and tuna casserole recipes.

      • Major_Major_Major

        And the tuna casserole is suspect

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Something definitely smells fishy!

        • Antimassacree

          Tuna casserole, like a life partner, is best when non-mercurial.

      • FlownOver

        And the dick jokes are all running for office.

    • Last Hussar

      Good point: “Married a commenter” indeed!

    • NellCote71

      Maybe if we were allowed to comment, I would find a husband, too.

  • Rick Hill

    “…because we had known I was pregnant for four entire hours, and he still hadn’t asked me to marry him yet.
    He rectified his mistake, with a quickness.”

    Un-huh. You had me going there, with your typical sinful liberal romance complete with PRE-marital sex. It all fell apart when you both knew you were expecting and he didn’t respond with: “It’s ok, I know a clinic we can go to to have that “corrected” All of this is a false flag operation!1! I knew you weren’t really commusocialismarxishippyfeminisprogessives!! argle blargle…..

    What? That was a sweet story and no snarking allowed? Okey. Srsly, it almost caused me to shed a tear.(Dubbya taught me that real men don’t cry, they just rid the body of unwanted emotions through the tear ducts.)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hey, commusocialismarxishippyfeminisprogressives like babbys, too. We just think that the woman gets to decide to go through with all this and we support whatever choice she makes.

    • H0mer0

      “He rectified his mistake, with a quickness.”
      Ah, buttsechs, is there anything you can’t fix?

  • gullywompr

    Happy anniversary you crazy kids. No, seriously, you’re both crazy as fuck. But that’s why we love you. Continue.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    OT: Donald Trump and Chuck Todd are having a cat fight! Todd actually told Trump “you’re running for president, the truth matters. Tell the truth” He was referring to the bullshit about the Jersey City Arabs celebrating the towers falling.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      C. Todd is odious, such a bootlicker, that it’s hard to know who to root for in that one. Such journalistic integrity, “taking on” Trump on such an obviously discredited and ultimately irrelevant claim. May they spit in each other’s eye.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I flip back and forth between Todd and Stephanopoulos. I actually enjoyed watching the cat fight. I don’t know why people didn’t challenge Fiorina on her insane bullshit about baby brainz. It pissed me off that Todd didn’t go after Trump after he kind of said the Colorado PP shooting was justified.

        • Antimassacree

          He said…WHAT???!!

          • Vegan and Tiara

            When Todd asked Trump if he was implying whether the shooting was justified, he did his usual dance – “well a lot of people have seen those videos, and a lot of people are very upset and angry.”
            Note to Chuck Todd: this would have been a great time to interject that the videos were fake, and were designed to piss people off and potentially incite them to violence.

          • eggsacklywright

            When will Fiorina “take responsibility” for inciting with her lies? hahahahaha

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Yeah, so much for personal responsibility. I’d have a bit of respect for her if she came out and apologized for her part in a mass shooting. I’m fairly certain monkeys will fly out of my butt before that happens. I’d love to see one of the victim’s family members sue her ass.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            The really sad thing is that we all knew this was going to happen. Soon.

            And right on cue…

          • Vegan and Tiara

            It infuriates me that none of them seem to feel at all responsible. At least McCain had the decency to say “No Obama’s not a Mushlim, he’s a good man who loves his country.” Admittedly he did it when he knew he was going to lose, but I still respected him for saying it.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Yeah, we’ll even settle for scraps these days.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I really thought after the disaster named “George W. Bush” it would be decades before the GOP reared its ugly head again. Meanwhile, it’s like nobody even remembers what a total clusterfuck that was, and the right has become even more hardened – “our tax cuts and wars added $6 trillion to the national debt? Only one way to fix that, more tax cuts on the wealthy, stat.”

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            I was a fairly optimistic young poli sci major in the 70s, and really thought we could fix the things that needed fixing.

            Now I just hope for a large enough meteorite to hit Texas…

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Yeah, I thought America would right itself too. We tend to do the right thing after we’ve exhausted all other possibilities, but I don’t think we’ve ever had one party so completely dedicated to willful ignorance.

          • SterWonk

            Two ways – start another open-ended war in the middle east.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            And let’s hire Ben Carson because he has even less experience and intelligence that GWB had! What could go wrong with hiring someone stupider than Bush who thinks we should all just tithe our taxes?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            The only places you can make comments like that are places like this that don’t allow comments.

          • Antimassacree

            Guess the GOP candidates have decided to level up their previous prank: yelling “FIRE!!” in crowded theatres, then saying “whodathunk?”.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Hey, I may have yelled “Fire!”, but I never said, “Stampede and trample the people in front of you,” so I’m good.

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          Because he wants to keep his chinless face on TV and that would be “too controversial”? Is that it? I wonder if that’s it. Maybe that’s it.

          You’re braver and stronger than I am, watching that stuff. Also, probably, a better dancer, which is neither here nor there. Much like Chuck Todd’s very being.

        • theCryptofishist

          Someone needs to explain to Fiorina that those brains are used to avoid spreading Kreuztfeld-Jacob, therefor totally humanitarian.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I wouldn’t be surprised to find out Carly has Kreuztfeld-Jacob.

          • theCryptofishist

            She has such an advanced case, that it’s spread to her very skin.

            I’m going to hell, aren’t I?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            If hating Fiorina is wrong, I don’t want to be right! I really do genuinely blame her for the death of those three people at PP. I knew that her rhetoric was going to rouse the rabble, and one of them would do something violent. I would have been more surprised if an attack had NOT happened.

      • H0mer0

        Is that a one-eyed trouser bass reference?

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          Well, now it is.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is definitely one of those “root for injuries” situations. Chuckles is acting on behalf of the vile GOP ‘establishment’ that is terrified that the monster they’ve created is going to give The Donald the nomination.

      They’re all slime.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        If anyone other than Carson* or Trump gets the GOP nomination I’m going to be sorely disappointed. I know in my heart it will be either Rubio, Bush or even Kasich. Of course my dream is Bush gets the nomination, and Trump goes third party on his ass.
        The thought of a Carson presidency scares the shit out of me. I think he’d make Bush look statesmanlike in comparison. I think Kasich is the only one who could actually beat Hillary.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Trust me, you don’t want a President Kasich. That line that he’s wildly popular in Ohio is bullshit put out by the Republicans. Here, we call him Governor Cocksuck.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Oh, trust me, I don’t want Kasich, but I think he’s the only one who is capable of beating Hitlery, because he appears to be moderate and competent. I definitely don’t think Trump or Carson could beat her. Rubio I think is going to fade, so it’s either Bush or Kasich, and Kasich is much better at debating than Bush is. I actually fear Kasich getting the GOP nomination, because he seems sane enough to win in the general election. I wake up every day hoping that Carson gets the nomination, since Hitlery would mop the floor with him, but I think he’s already on the way out. Even the idiots are starting to figure out he’s too stupid to be president.
            Also, too, I freaking love how when Kasich is bragging about the economy in Ohio that he single handedly brought about, Trump says to him “you got lucky with fracking.” I am so freaking glad Trump is in this race, and I pray he goes third party after the Republicans sabotage him.

      • mailman27

        Chuck Fucking Todd cleared the question with Reince ahead of time.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Which is worse, the fuzz on Donald’s head or Chuck’s chin?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Yes.

      • John Smith

        Aot,k!

  • war_blur

    all the feels.

  • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

    I’m not deeply pro-love these days, because love is a stoopid, and even I’m all heart-melty over this. Probably the orange sherbet bow tie and vest combo did me in . . .

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Is it commenter or commentor??? Spell check doesn’t like either.

    • I wonder that, too. I like with the “o” better, so it is probably with an “e”

      • H0mer0

        “don’t turn around, uh-oh….”

      • Suttree

        Well a welder is a machine that welds and a weldor is a person that uses said machine but the google doesn’t like the latter but I still use it on my resumes because I know what I’m talking about.

    • Msgr_Moment

      It’s moot in these here parts.

  • Antimassacree

    So you are planning to read Donna Rose the hemorrhoid post every year on her birthday, right?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Or Mother’s Day, perhaps?

    • Rick Hill

      Twas the night before Thanksgiving
      it was the calm before the storm.
      Daddy-to-be was snoozing in the barcalounger
      his head full of dancing lines of code…
      Mommy-to-be looked down on him, thoughts of how
      he made her this big and uncomfortable, oh, would he pay one day,
      subtle tortures she’d devise….
      Little did she know what pain did await her
      as she got up to go mail a letter…

      Hmm, not sure that one will pass the test of time.

  • DerrickWildcat

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwswnGf2JYE

    You better watch this movie now!

    • Antimassacree

      Hmmmm…that Shypixel seems like a “different kind of guy”, too. Uh oh.

      • DerrickWildcat

        He’s a little TOO perfect, if you know what I mean.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Maybe Shypixel isn’t even his real name!

          • Shush, you.

          • DerrickWildcat

            So that is the name you’re using now.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Lulz. An awesome twist to this story would be if you turned out to be DB Cooper.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Cooper wouldn’t need to hit us up for $$$.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Don’t you see? That’s part of their clever plan to pretend they need our money. It’s all a little TOO perfect.

          • John Smith

            I’ve never seen a picture of them and DB together. It would be irresponsible to not speculate.

          • sw19womble

            Plus, they would have bought a plane instead of an RV

          • bozilingus

            After all these years spending the cash on hoors and blow, DB would need some new source of revenue, hence Wonkette.

      • Lizzietish81

        I swear I thought he was gay.

        In fact I’m not entirely convinced otherwise.

        • Well, when I pulled my friend’s cock out of my mouth, and asked him if I was gay, he said: “No.”

          So there is that…

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Just remember, it’s not gay if you’re the one receiving the blowjob.

          • John Smith

            That’s just a cover for the conservatives.

          • Steverino247

            It’s only gay if your balls touch.

        • Antimassacree

          Well, some like snails AND oysters.

          • thepoliticalcat

            Wow, and I only just saw that movie, too.

        • bozilingus

          Like Turkey, don’t you need pictures of him taking it in da butt?

    • SterWonk

      Randy Disher LIBEL!!!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’d love to have Dok officiate my nuptials in dead winter in the snow! Uh….I guess that would require a “bride” though, wouldn’t it? Rats.

    • Rick Hill

      Not sure how Dok would do it but other parts of Oregon it’s not official till you write each other’s name in the snow….

      • Msgr_Moment

        Your ink, her penmanship.

        • Rick Hill

          “I know my daughter’s handwriting!!”

          • thepoliticalcat

            Just pray she used a hand.

      • witsended

        They should have played this at the wedding.

        If you love a woman

        You must let her know

        With letters of gold

        Write her name in the snow.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gZK4BaY4G8

        • Vecciojohn

          Why you old sentimentalist you.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      I say go for it despite the lack of partner.

    • Suttree

      You can always marry Mollie according to frothy Santorum.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Molly has far too much class and pride to ever consent to such an arrangement!

      • thepoliticalcat

        Aren’t mollies those little tiny starter fishes that you get for your tank?

        • Suttree

          That and some sort of club drug and also alwaypunkindrublic’s dog.

        • CripesAmighty

          No, they’re the ones on the back of the truck driven by the plumber who stuffs a potato down your main drain so he can ‘come back’.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …well, now that the Ghey marriage is legal, you can marry your Torro zero turn lawn mower or possibly a goose from a nearby pond!!!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        FLYMO or GTFO!

        • eggsacklywright

          Mulch me baby,
          Mulch me all night long…

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Munch my mulch, right there, oh yeah!

          • Painter of Goats

            Let me lube your Briggs and Stratton…

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Go on . . .

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I find your suggestion that I can now marry a lawnmower reprehensible, as does my adorable husband, Fido Barkenstein.

        • John Smith

          The Teatards said it would happen; slippery slope, you know.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I do have a pretty sexy old bandsaw that I’m quite fond of…

      • JustPixelz

        If you push a mower with your hips, the vibrations are very nice. Especially when going behind the bushes where no one can see … WAIT! Did I type that out loud?

      • mailman27

        I proposed to one of those mowers at Lowe’s. Wouldn’t give me the time of day.

      • Toomush_Infer

        I love my Toro zero turn lawn mower, and so does Mrs. Toomush – does that make us mowersexuals?…

    • Vecciojohn

      Those blow-up dolls aren’t that expensive.

      According to an acquaintance of mine.

      • sw19womble

        Waifus are even cheaper to maintain.

      • data_ninja

        It’s the patching kits that they make money on. Or so I’m told.

    • Steverino247
  • Sam Hain

    Congrats to you both Rebecca!!!

    ps) Where is this “secret Wonkette chatcave” and how many beej’s do I get (and from whom) when I join?

    • Steverino247

      You’re picky…

    • pumpkinspiceheroincat

      From me. Be careful what you wish for…

  • Suttree

    I really envy y’all. Sweet whirlwind romance and marriage. Bj’s and sexytimes. I have thought I had it a few times now but I have a no chilluns policy to uphold and that seems to be a deal breaker at our age (ok I’m a couple of years younger, I’ll be 39 in two weeks). I’m very happy that you two found each other and had Donna Rose.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Happy premature birthday wishes!

      • H0mer0

        Happy premature ejac wishes!
        FIFY!

      • Suttree

        Thanks! My mother was glad I was a premie by a few weeks at 8 lbs 10 oz. She’ll remind me every b-day.

        • thepoliticalcat

          8 lb 10 is hardly preemie-weight my brother! Hell, 7 lb is pretty much your “bouncing baby.” (Had no idea they bounced. How hard you gotta throw ’em?)

          • theCryptofishist

            That’s your problem. You *drop* them. Two stories is enough, but you can be ambitious.

          • Suttree

            That’s why my mother will tell me every birthday that thank god you got the hell out of my body early!

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Fat bastard.

          • Suttree

            Also too you don’t have to throw them you just have to drop them from a proper height.

    • thepoliticalcat

      As a no-chilluns policyholder, it took me 46 years to find someone willing to honor that commitment. There’s time.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Actor 212, you’re famous!

    Or infamous.

    • Suttree

      The latter. He tends to make us look tame.

    • JoeChristmas

      Wonkville.net’s Byline Libel!

  • NerdWithNoName

    Can the original chatcave banter be posted? For scientific analysis, of course.

    • It’s like you somehow knew we kept a copy…

      • jmk

        Like someone who knows about servers and suchlike wouldn’t run backups also too?

    • eggsacklywright

      Or video documentation?

  • Joshua Norton

    So this whole blog setup was just a way to meet boys? I feel so used!

    BTW, Congrats.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      I can only aspire to feeling like I’ve been used…

      • eggsacklywright

        I used to get used, but I’m not cute enough anymore.

    • H0mer0

      I thought it was a way to meet refugee-hugging queers.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        That’s certainly why I’m here!

        • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

          If only she’d start that Refugee-Hugging Queers Dating Site, we could throw MORE moneys at her.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I was just wondering if anyone else has met on this site and had sexxxy times.

          • rebecca

            we’re the fourth wonkette couple, only one of which has combusted

          • Vegan and Tiara

            That’s a 75% success rate!
            Look out, EHarmony, you’ve been warned.

          • Antimassacree

            Sounds like you and Shy have plenty of fire.

          • Joshua Norton

            Does there need to be another person involved?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            YES!!!

          • thepoliticalcat

            Yes. LOTS.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Lots of people have met, or lots of sexy times have been had?

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Yes, this is a very important question that must be answered.

          • emmelemm

            I met my sweet baboo on this site and we have sexxxy times. We’re good hippieCommunoMarxists who have thus far rejected the *institution* of marriage to surround our sexy times, but who knows what the future holds…

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Awww…that’s so nice! How did you manage to connect? Did you just start flirting online and then exchange emails? I’m asking for a friend who wants to know how these things work.

          • emmelemm

            We were lucky enough to meet at one of the very first Wonkette drink-y meetups about 3.5 years ago. The rest, as they say, is history?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Oh, that makes total sense, because then you would be geographically close to one another as well. If you just met online one of you could be from Canada, and the other from Florida, so that would be tough.

          • thepoliticalcat

            Just keep throwing munnies till she tells you to stop.

      • Vecciojohn

        It’s a full-service mommy blog.

  • DerrickWildcat

    This all sounds wonderful on the surface, but this may very well result in an X-File case.

    • chascates

      Or Montana CSI.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Somebody lift prints off that moose. Check the morgue to find out if some of the deer weren’t really roadkill.

        • Antimassacree

          They all are missing their adrenal glands and gall bladders. WTF??

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Hmmm…looks like the Palins are back in Missoula. Sweet Jesus, somebody get me my pistol and a fifth of scotch.

  • chascates

    Thank you for naming her Donna Rose, instead of Sailor or Crossbow or Polydactyl or something,

    • I swear to god you were among the people I sent beta invites to…

      • chascates

        Oh, you certainly did–twice. I just haven’t made it to my bank (40 miles away) to put in the $8 yet so I haven’t signed on the dotted line. There’s just enough in there for my pay-as-you-go cell phone (which sometimes doesn’t work here in the sticks) and my vehicle insurance (a pickup which doesn’t have enough gas for me to leave the farm for the nearest station–18 miles away).
        Once the couple I work for return from the holiday trip to yet another remote part of Texas I’ll get to the bank and join the cool club. Till I’m voted out.

        • theCryptofishist

          But you’re going to have to buy a new truck.

          • chascates

            Oh no. It’s a 1992 with 200,000 miles that won’t go over 55mph and gets 9mpg but it’s had $1200 in repairs in the past 5 months and another $1200 done almost 4 years ago. I intend to be buried in that truck. Or die in it.

          • natoslug

            So you bought a GMC Sierra too?

          • chascates

            No, thank heavens. It’s Nissan 4L. I paid $1,000 for it. It was totalled by a drunk kid and I got $1400 for that and kept it. Got a salvage title and then the clutch went out. $600 for that and another $600 for brakes. Alternator went out and when I finally had to get it running that was $400, $200 for a new battery and oil change. $410 for a tuneup since it wouldn’t pass the emissions test for the county I was living in. I ended up having to move any way to a county that didn’t require that. $85 for a replacement seat belt that wouldn’t pass because it was ‘worn’. It jumps around in each gear when you get about ready to shift and won’t go over 55. The front end is badly out of alignment, it pulls to the right constantly, and as I said gets only 9mpg. Will need new tires soon and I don’t have a spare. The A/C quit working before I got it and the radio never worked. The left front headlight bounces that light up and down and right now I can’t get a fuse to last that keeps the rear lights and license plate lights lit.
            But other than all that it’s been a great little truck.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            You’re driving around in a Barry Hannah short story.

          • glasspusher

            If I was in your neighborhood, I’d do the repair labor for free for you.

          • chascates

            The place that did the alternator and tune-up and tried to find out why it jumps and gets bad gas mileage had a big sign on the wall:
            This is a KINGDOM business.
            We have given it to God and it is HIS.

            I wished He’d have done the tune-up.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            You should have started reading them biblical passages about helping out your fellow man.
            I’m afraid to ask where you live that they refer to their business as a “KINGDOM business.”

          • chascates

            Small town Texas. Nativity scene on the public city-owned square. But they do sell alcohol in town unlike the part of the Texas panhandle I was raised in.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Praise Jesus!
            Ever think about leaving?

          • chascates

            With any luck I hope to be in northwestern Oregon by this time next year. I’ll turn 62 next July and the $862 a month or whatever it is will be more than the $600 a month I’ve ‘lived’ on for about 4 years. I’ll have to work part-time, possibly on another small farm. Maybe one growing legal pot!
            THANK THE LORD!!!

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Damn, that’s amazing that you can live on $600 a month.
            Growing pot on a legal farm sounds like a great way to spend your retirement years. Let me know how it goes, I may join you! I’d love to have my own pot farm.

          • glasspusher

            I suppose He would honor out of state warranties.

          • chascates

            From what I’ve heard he’s got a rotten disposition and a big head.

          • glasspusher

            Good point. Asking for a “lifetime guarantee” from Him might not get you the peace of mind you were expecting.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            If you do it right, you could do both things at once.

          • chascates

            Whenever I see one of those tiny 2-seat Smart Cars I think that’s just a rolling coffin.

            When I die I want to go like my grandfather did: peacefully asleep. Not screaming in terror like the people who were riding with him.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Ba dum tish! Will you be here till Tuesday? Should I try the liver and remember to tip my waiter?

          • chascates

            Avoid the liver like your mother-in-law and give the waiter the entire knife, not just the tip.

          • theCryptofishist

            But if you don’t have enough gas to get to the gas station… It’s just going to rot in place.

          • chascates

            Hey, thanks for stomping on my dream!

          • theCryptofishist

            Always glad to be of service.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Pinkie Pie Pixel” would have been a winner, I tells ya.

      • Antimassacree

        Pixie Pixel?

    • thepoliticalcat

      Dweezil.

      • jmk

        At least Dweezil was named for something romantic – Frank’s favorite of his wife’s toes.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    A true American love story.

    “People think I’m a tough bitch, but it ain’t true. Shit like this chokes me up.”

  • MamaBrown

    my small heart grew three sizes today. Congratulations!!

  • Beowoof14

    I am so happy for you, Shy and Baby.

  • Minute LRM

    Much love, you two. Happy anniversary.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …congrats! Hopefully you guys can compete with the Duggars!!

    • rebecca

      Shy says no. But then he said that last time too.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …lol, been there done that, and I also ended up with an (evil)mini me!!!!

        • rebecca

          Does he want to come live in Montana???

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …this kid would turn Montana into a smoldering disaster! That’s why he fits in down here in Florida, because it’s already a mess!!!

        • Why, he doesn’t look angry at all…

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …I’ve been working on that!!!

          • Just tell him he’s not getting what he wants for Christmas, and then snap the picture.

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …he would probably burn the house down

        • AntiDerpomeme

          OMG, What a cutie pie!

        • thepoliticalcat

          Holy quacking duckshit! Our Future President! Where’d’you get this pic?

          • AngryBlakGuy

            ….well considering that he is currently a cold hearted despot in my home, I pray for this country!!!

  • Nounverb911

    So wait! Does this mean that comments are finally allowed?

    Anyway, congrats.

  • Tendernob

    Thank you for these beautiful words. As a fellow newlywed (43 days!) at the riiiipe age of 38, this beautifully encapsulates many of my own old ambivalent feelings about marriage. You caught a good one, Rebecca!

    • Antimassacree

      Well then, molotov! to you, also too.

    • SterWonk

      Congratulations! :-)

  • Lizzietish81

    Oh well…this is awkward then…I baked a cake and everything

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/01/03/article-2256384-07EA2F67000005DC-870_634x465.jpg

    • Msgr_Moment

      Just lick off the “VORC” from the second line. Problem solved.

      • JustPixelz

        Mmm … lIcking … I’ll be in my bunk.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Would you bake that cake for divorced teh gehs?

  • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

    Whoohooo!

  • meepmeep09

    Congrats and Happy Anniversary, you guys! Yours is one of the best and most enjoyable rom-coms I’ve ever seen. And yes, keep the Donna Rose pics coming; just remember to share the profits with her when you make it to that Rich Media Mogul stage.

  • YayConspiracy

    After reading many other stories of hate, this story felt like the first day in spring, and I can tell you, I am ready for summer!

  • timpundit

    I have a tiny bit of optical lube escaping from my eyeball for a some reason.

    • Lizzietish81
    • Vegan and Tiara

      It got dusty in here very fast, and I had to rinse my eyes out. Who saw the twist where the babby happened coming?

      • Msgr_Moment

        ShyPixel comes in, babby comes out: you can’t explain that.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I guess there are some things we’ll just never understand.

        • thepoliticalcat

          Well, YOU can’t, maybe, but *I* got some I-deers.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Damned sense memory of onions!

  • rebecca

    I think some of you may have missed some babby pix from the holidays, here http://wonkette.com/596441/heres-your-turkey-drunk-black-friday-hungover-weekly-top-ten-read-it-now

    You’re very welcome.

  • I_Buttle

    Aww, that was a fine post I didn’t just read.

  • witsended

    For fucks sake that post was a bloody long winded way to make sure he remembered your anniversary.
    Next year try the subtle approach, and he maybe extra nice to you and let you leave the washing up till the morning after.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Dame Peggs Noonington is on Face the Nation. Looks like I picked the wrong morning to skip my shower vodka.

    • Antimassacree

      Some days it’s better not to be good at maths.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        It’s fun to watch Republicans try to distance themselves from Trump. I see him as their perfect candidate, so I don’t understand why they aren’t embracing him.

        • eddi

          Because even they don’t want an uncontrolled moran in the Oval Office.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I don’t know, they let George W. Bush and Karl Rove run the show for 8 years. Would Trump be any worse? At least after Trump’s tax cuts when the national debt hits $50 trillion dollars he’ll just declare bankruptcy.

          • sw19womble

            Dubya was a puppet. Like Reagan, he was the perfect frontman or shill, not really asking any questions while the machine got on with running the military-industrial complex and furthering their goals.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner
          • Mehmeisterjr

            That ought to sew up the wimmenz vote, right ladies?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I’m so surprised she would deny any responsibility…NOT!

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Good thing I read that post all the way to the . . . END!

        • sw19womble

          Because the party machine can’t control what he says and does.
          It’s like a right-wing version of Jeremy Corbyn.

        • nmmagyar

          The filthy masses are embracing him, the oligarchs not so much

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I don’t like Trump, but I LOVE that he’s in this race. If Trump or Carson gets the GOP nomination, I swear that I will never ask sweet baby Jesus, or Santa Claus for another favor. I really, really want to watch Ben Carson debate Hillary Clinton.

          • nmmagyar

            Yup. She will eat either of them alive.

    • witsended

      Why is semen white and urine yellow?

      So Republican candidates know if they are coming or going!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Lili von Shtupp, FTW

        • witsended

          I’ve been with thousands of men/again and again/they promise the moon/they’re always coming and going and going and coming… and always too soon.

    • NellCote71

      Can we expect another most excellent article from Gary Legum?

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Let’s hope so!

    • Markuserektus

      Christie got a new endorsement. Watch out…

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Who? Oh, right, the loudmouth who closed a bridge out of spite, and hugged Obama. Yeah, I’m sure that one guy from New Hampshire will definitely sway the nation.

  • Spotts1701

    Yay! That’s the sort of shot of happiness we needed today!

    • D Ash

      “I didn’t get a ‘Hoorah’ outta *that* minion!”

  • D Ash

    Much joy and happiness coming your way from Oregon, where it’s sunny and –for the season– mild, though windy thanks to the high pressure system centered on (of all places!) Missoula, Montana. Thanks for the cold east wind! {;-)

  • Boko999

    White shotgun?

    • D Ash

      Well, the rock salt load was the kicker.

    • Well it was a formal wedding!

  • Me not sure

    Well, that was different.

  • SayItWithWookies

    That was so sweet I went and found my Disqus ID and password so I could say so. Happy anniversary, Editrix and Shy!

    • Valkyrie

      And welcome back, Wookies!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Beautiful. Happy Anniversary to whole wonderful Wonket fam. Now if you’ll excuse me there’s something in my eye…

  • orygoon

    Hey, I married a commoner! Does that count?

  • Callyson

    Happy Anniversary to the sweet couple with the adorable baby!

  • WiscoJoe

    Mozel! (Also, is Doc Zoom gay and in need of a lazy but kind houseboy? Just asking for a friend…)

  • eddi

    Happy anniversary! And hopes for many more good times.

  • Lizzietish81

    You know who else married a commoner?

    • D Ash

      Uhmmm, the Prince of Wales? no clue.

    • sw19womble

      Orinoco?

    • Antimassacree

      Edward #8? (Hope the Editrix doesn’t abdicate!)

    • BeliTsari

      Gloria Gordon? Lisa Feiner?

    • Antimassacree

      Woody Allen? (Sooooo gross.)

    • mfp

      cleopatra?….laura bush?…i give up

    • JoeChristmas

      Eva Braun?

    • Enfant Terrible

      Paul McCartney?

    • Rick Hill

      Mrs Hill?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Prince Humperdinck?

      • Pat_Pending

        Buttercup?

      • nmmagyar

        They were never married

        • AntiDerpomeme

          True. There is that technicality, she never said “I do.”

          • nmmagyar

            Would you have married Humperdink with Wesley waiting in the wings? I think not!

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Any man that responds to my every command with “as you wish” is certainly worth strong consideration.

          • nmmagyar

            Any man who fills out his tights as well as Cary Elwes did is worth a second (and third!) look

    • JustPixelz

      Apparently every GOP candidate’s spouse except Trump, Bush, Paul, Graham.

      • SnarkOff

        Romney libel!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Mrs. Cronkite?

    • mailman27

      Queen E’s dad. King Edward the XVWhatever?

    • thepoliticalcat

      Commoner than MEEE? I doubt it.

    • natoslug

      Hitler!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I hear that the wedding reception was a real downer.

        • Enfant Terrible

          Too soon.

    • John of Gaunt?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Lady Noonington could marry a commoner (Manuel) if she really tied one on.

  • Mickey Donovan

    A great big, west coast Canadian congratulations to you both on your first trip around the Sun together. May there be many more.

  • mfp

    “….like some kind of Lifetime movie–or at least the kind of Lifetime movie without the murdering”

    hey, you’re only 10 minutes into it, you dont know the ending yet….

    kidding, just KIDDING, you crazy kids….yours sounds like the perfect, all-murrican 21st century love story-happy ending plot to me

    • Antimassacree

      Really. SPOILERS!!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Happy Anniversary and congratulations!
    Did you hear the funny joke on PBS last week on the show “Eddie Murphy gets the Mark Twain Award” about Trump’s wives? George Lopez said “All his wives have been immigrants from other countries. You know what that tells you — that once again, immigrants come to America and come here and do jobs that women here don’t want to do.” I laughed so hard the cat jumped off my lap and hid under the sofa. But your article is much more rewarding than that brief moment of comedic hysteria.

    • NellCote71

      Look under the bed. That’s where they keep the axes.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Mine just keep stolen socks under the bed. Or perhaps the socks run away and hide there. Some comedian had a great routine about how socks escape from the dryer and are aided in their escape by the “Sock Underground Railway” on Johnny Carson about 40 years ago. I wish I could remember who he was.

  • HuddledMass

    Rebecca, you are messing with my ENTIRE WORLD VIEW with this post, because according to observation and experience, things like this just DO NOT
    HAPPEN. Not in this shitty world.
    Now I am so happy for you that I have something in my eye….

    • theCryptofishist

      I love non-traditional paths to “happily ever after”.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Aaaaawwwww…

  • freakishlystrong

    That is lovely Rebecca and we are equally as blessed with our pretend internet family. Now please have Shy dress sweet babby in one the outfits I sent.

  • nmmagyar

    Dammit Rebecca (can I call you that?), you made me have fee-fees from the cold, dead place on the left side of my chest. All over my keyboard no less!

  • Anarchy Pony

    In OT spoil the mood news, PP shooter’s motives were of course: Those fucking baby parts movies.

    • Steverino247

      BENGHAZI!!!

      • thepoliticalcat

        My go-to SCREAM for those days when one just MUST scream.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Wait, didn’t a deleted commenter explain that it was just a bank robbery by a transsexual gone wrong, as per “news” source Britebart? So weird they got that wrong.

      • nmmagyar

        IKR?!?!?

      • marxalot

        Pretty sure that’s the plot of “Dog Day Afternoon,” but thanks for playing.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        A bank robbery by a transsexual gone wrong? That’s the plot to Dog Day Afternoon.

        EDIT: Oops. I should have kept reading. (Taking off my smrt glasses now)

  • FauxAntocles

    Molotov!

  • Lot_49

    Having met you and Trix and the Wonkebabby I can say you are the most adorable countercultural new media family ever.

  • TheBidenator

    That’s sad…how come none of the young, lovely single ladies on Wonkette have offered to give me a beej? Now I feel depressed….

    • natoslug

      Have you offered them Montana and marriage in return?

      • Jenny

        Ex husband offered Montana and marriage. Probably would have worked our better if we had been mature and not crazy? /shrug

        • natoslug

          Mature might have helped, but crazy is a requirement.

          • Jenny

            Yeah dumb 20 somethings with our stupid brains. I’m not sure what it is about Montana, but it definitely adds to the fuck yeah I’ll run off to the middle of nowhere with you!!

            The fruits of the Montana adventures turned 10 today. Someone should bottle that water and sell it at fertility clinics.

    • Because you are not The Shypixel. There can be only one The Shypixel (because he decapitates all the others).

    • Anarchy Pony

      IKR?

    • orygoon

      Eh maybe someday a cup of coffee.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      young….lovely…single….
      shesh, you ask for much. Friggin veeps these days.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Shut the fuck up with your happiness and contented life! Can’t you see people are trying to feel sorry for themselves?!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Yeah!

  • Come here a minute

    Yes, your hemorrhoids made my year SO MUCH BETTER.

    • a_pink_poodle

      Oh hemorrhoids. I remember the first time I encountered them.

      I must have been 10 when my mom showed me hers!

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Happy Anniversary you crazy kids.

  • natoslug

    I hear Actor212’s vague flirting noises were funnier.

    • thepoliticalcat

      Than WHO??? (Fuck grammar.)

      • natoslug

        AOT,K, of course! (sideways, with a rusty chainsaw . . .)

  • ryp

    I thought for a minute I had accidentally clicked on one of those oversharing Life Story columns in Slate, but cute baby pix make it all worth while.

    I get wistful at times remembering when my kids were that little, but then I rememeber they can clean up their own poop now.

  • JParkerSD46

    Happy Anni, Happy Baby and Happy Life!

  • Steverino247

    He’s certainly making orange look good in that wedding picture.

    Oh, you say he was wearing orange so you’d be able to find him?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      He was wearing orange so the hunters in Montana where ever did not mistake him for a moose.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    The ‘Trix married a pixel so shy, that he wore a suit that matched the snowy surroundings. I shed happy tears, just a wee bit. Congratulations you two lovebirds on your first of many happy years. May Donna Rose laud you fondly in her POTUS inauguration address.

  • Enfant Terrible

    The three of you bring so much to the table. Very best wishes for a long, happy life together.

  • Bill Bryan

    I still think he was dressed as a Creamsicle for the wedding, all orange and white like that. My favoritest ice cream bar from when they had ice cream trucks. All I can say is, commiegirl, if you’re happy I’m happy. Wonkette rox.

  • marxalot

    Awwww. You’re gonna make me all goofy.

  • alrdouglas

    All the bestests to you!

  • lucidamente

    Dammit, Trix, how am I supposed to finish the rest of these turkey sandwiches with tears running down my face!?

    All the best to you and Shy and Babby.

  • Pat_Pending

    All the upvotes!!!

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Key to a happy marriage: always cherish the human in your spouse.

    • Steverino247

      The only human in my spouse better be me.

      • nmmagyar

        What a stodgy, old-fashioned way to live

      • Msgr_Moment

        Mine leased out her womb for almost a year. Course, the “human” was just an embryo for much of that. He’s still late with the rent check, though.

  • Jenny

    I am super happy for you guys. It’s nice to know that such nice things in life exist. Most babeh pics!

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Love the babby pics.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    I gotta say, I get misty just reading about how you two surprised yourselves and each other, got married in the freaking snow in Montana (I thought that place was in Canada! JK) and made such a beautiful babby girl together.

    You and Shy lift us up where we belong, where the eagles fly, on the mountains high.
    Plus, one is the officer (Editrix) the other? A gentleman (Shy).

    To Shy:
    We also lost (our first) child, and I thought I could not bear to have another, but we decided to go for it. The Delightful Daughter is now 17, loved and cherished, and best of all: her parents did not lose each other.

    Gratitude.

  • BloviateMe

    “Why are you crying, my brand-new boyfriend asked me…”

    You damned womens, it’s like a twisted version of Karate Kid.

    “If cry technique done right, no can defend.”

    Glad you crazy kids could carve out a piece of happy for yourselves on this strange and hostile planet.

  • SnarkOff

    Thanks, Obama.

  • thepoliticalcat

    Jesus, BeccaLou, AGAIN with the fucking hemorrhoids? I’ll just grouch along here, anaconda I always knew your life was gonna take a happy, ecstatic, mothering, regular-schtupping turn. Rly. I just didn’t know it was gonna be WITHOUT MEEEE! Yeah, fuck you too, Shypixel. :D You outdid us all in the race, you jerk. Hope you’re happy NOW, motherfucker. (side-note: I KNOW you’re happy now, guy, and you deserve it. Enjoy the babby while she’s still babbying.) Happy Thanksgiving, all you Wonkers. I know the guys are rubbing one out for Jeebus and BeccaLou as we speak, and some of the ladies too also maybe. :) A Wonkette Family is a Good Family.

    • Biff52

      How the fuck you been?

      • thepoliticalcat

        Going blind in one eye, which kinda sucks, but the auras I’m having more than make up for it. How YOU? Yeah, yeah, I’m late to the party. ALWAYS late to the party.

        • Biff52

          There’s a lot of suck, right there. Hope there’s something to be done for ya.

          Doing OK, I guess.Looking like a wet, if not white Xmas. Glad the days are getting longer. They are getting longer now, right? Hoping Xmas with Bette, if not it’s spaghetti for me. She can’t really plan this far in advance. If she’s up for it Friday morning, it’s on! And ya know she’s blind in both eyes, and gets around OK…

          • thepoliticalcat

            I’m not too upset about it. :D The other eye works fine! Plus, if Bette’s dealing OK, I guess I can too. I gotta get two cataracts taken out tho. Nothing like a little surgery to make yer fuckin’ Xmas, is there, old friend? :D Lemme know how Xmas went, & much love to the Bette & you & all that friendly kinda shit.

  • not ted danson

    That was lovely.

  • anglrdr

    I was told there would be no feels.

  • AlterNewt

    Jackpot.

  • jmk

    Awwwwww… people need to just stop chopping onions near me.

    That was very lovely.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    A Hallmark Original Thanksgiving Presentation.

  • shastakoala

    I’ve heard that Kurt Vonnegut quote before. Appropriate and beautiful. Happiness always to Rebecca, Shy and Donna Rose. The best is yet to be!

  • Fartknocker

    Bristol Palin, after reading this, took a sip of a Bartles & James wine cooler, and thought “I so want that.”

    • Major_Major_Major

      If by sip you mean chugged, and it prolly should be plural, but yep.

  • Charon_69

    Sho + Shy = Rose
    That’s some nice math right there ;)

  • tinker12

    That was so sweet, I think I’m getting a cavity.

  • daysleeper

    IDK, you sound like a mess. You moved in with someone after only a few weeks? married him less than 3 months after meeting him? Were irresponsible about birth control when you knew he didn’t want kids? I wish you the best of luck, and I mean that– not being facetious– but damn.

    • freakishlystrong

      It’s daytime, go the fuck to sleep.

    • If you choose to ignore the year of working together online, sure.

      • rebecca

        Shy, why did you allow me to be irresponsible about our birth control?

        :(

        • ahughes798

          Shy must have not been paying attention….you know us girls need the menfolk to help us with everything! I’d comment further, but you don’t allow comments, dammit. Molotov, you three!

    • BloviateMe

      Jerk Store called.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Maybe post some pictures of cute dogs at the pound that will probably never get adopted? “Hey, good luck Ginger, too bad your owner was a douche, sucks to be you.” Sheesh.

    • Beulah

      I’ve seen Shy with Donna Rose and I can say with complete confidence that he wants that kid more than anything.

    • Roni Raven

      IDK, you sound like an asshole.

    • orygoon

      And they all lived happily ever after!–admit it, that’s the part you really can’t stand, jerkface.

    • Yeah, the responsible way to do it is to involve some wine coolers, a tent, and lots and lots of scapegoating and grifting (and maybe throw in a little hypocrisy too, y’know, for “kink”)

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Both my spawn were born when I was on birth control that was 99.9 and 98.9% effective, respectively. Sometimes that shit don’t work, yo.
      Also too, I moved in with my now hubby of going on 13 years after dating him for like a week and a half. Though we had known each other via work (and hated each other until we were both on the same level!) for a couple years previous. We did the proper responsible thing I guess and did not get married until after babby was borned. So there is that.

      Guess the point is judgmental yams are bad for you. Try the non-judgmental kind, with marshmallows.

    • CripesAmighty

      Are you the person who, when attending an authors’ reading (on ‘book tv’) of ‘Havana Hardball:Spring Training, Jackie Robinson and the Cuban League’; and during the question period, your question was, “So, was there TOBACCO USE?, HEEENNGH?!”?

      Thought so.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    You had me at beej. My snark supply has gone pfffft.

  • kath1y

    Reading this post made me happy. I want to be happier. Please post a picture featuring your fabulous red wedding dress from Dillard’s. Thank you. And happy anniversary!

    • rebecca

      well okay.

      • kath1y

        Awww. Nice! Wedding dresses should be long. Wish I’d thought of wearing red. But it might have upset my mother.

        • Jukesgrrl

          It works here because the other bride wore white.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    You give this old why-am-I-still-not-divorced pink-haird commie mom hope (even though Dok never responds to my fairly frequent proposals of marriage). Molotov!

  • weejee

    Don’t forget the San Juan Islands, too, also.

  • mailman27

    The only good commie is a happy commie. Oh, and a babby commie, also. Too.

  • jviscont1

    so making babbies with commenters is allowed at this site?

    • Anarchy Pony

      As long as it’s two consenting adults.

      • Beulah

        Or Editrix and Shy.

      • Dave

        I’ll admit that a few times I have read a comment or two that have been so side splitting funny they made me think, “Holy shit, she could be the mother of my children :)”

        • Suttree

          I’ve definitely got the hots for a few commenters here.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Apparently the babby-makin’ with commenters is allowed even though commenting is strictly forbidden.

      • nmmagyar

        Which is confusing on so many levels

        • Suttree

          It is like a love that cannot be spoken.

    • Msgr_Moment

      No comment.

      • JH Marx

        No comment allowed

  • bookish

    Good on ya. All best wishes for every happiness.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Coming up next: “So I married Commiegirl” by ShyPixel.

    • nmmagyar

      As soon as he gets back from his “emergency” trip to the drug store to buy a card and box of chocolates

      • Jukesgrrl

        I trust he took the shopping list that had “cakes we like” and twenty kinds of pork products on it,

        • Suttree

          I hope he doesn’t forget the peace cigs and cedar cheese.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Congratulations and best wishes to you and your new family.

  • Msgr_Moment

    This post needs moar unicorn kittehs.

  • SterWonk

    “Before that, I had hired him as close to full-time as I could afford.”

    From that announcement:

    “Baby baby baby gonna feel so fast and good, you know, like a sex thing. (We do not know how sex works.)”

    That much is clear, since you had to ask how is babby formed? :-)

    I actually finally created an account a year ago, to congratulate you on your wedding. So, happy anniversary to all three of us! ;-)

  • Bad_homonym

    Oooh, Wherever, Montana. Isn’t that where Megyn Kelly goes to bleed?

  • theCryptofishist

    All my best tot he three of you.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Awww, Beautiful.

  • handyhippie65

    we poor lonely souls get lots of vicarious happy readin bout yer fairy tale. thanx, and all the best for you all.

  • Beulah

    This makes me happy and I’m thankful there are people like the Wonkette folks in this world.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Of course one is free to marry whomever one pleases, but just so you know, I would never have allowed you to get hemorrhoids! It is just NOT something a gentleman does!

  • Tubby Mousetrouser

    Wow. I’ve buried a child’s ashes, so I totally understand where Shypixel was coming from. I also know that there’s nothing more healing to one’s heart than a baby (which I couldn’t have any more), so I’M GLAD YOU GOTS PREGGERS, REBECCA!!! She’s adorbs and will continue to work magic in your lives.

    (Remember that when she hits puberty and goes hormonal on you. Bonus—You’ll be hitting menopause at the same time! Good thing you live where you do—he can just go out into the woods and kill Bambi.)

    Blessings, seriously. :-)

  • psychobroad

    You brought tears to my eye, Editrix! Happy happy to you and yours, and keep posting those pix!

  • SisterArtemis

    wow. I feel all warm and fuzzy *heart sparkle shiny rainbow clouds*…. *with ponies*

    I had a not-as-bad-as-the-previous-year kind of year, but it was definitely made more bearable by all the Wonketeers, and cutie Donna Rose is the frosting on the cake.

  • Dustin DeWinde

    Congratulations to you both.
    For the marriage and your new daughter.

  • Riggsveda

    Thank you so much for this. My kitten was killed yesterday and this sweet, lovely little expression of hope meant so much right now. Mazeltov forever.

    • theCryptofishist

      How horrible. This doesn’t seem to be a huggy place, but I offer you an internet huggles anyway. (((Riggsveda)))

    • berkeleyfarm

      I am so sorry! (Internet hugs offered)

    • Painter of Goats

      Sorry about your kitteh, hugs from me as well.

    • Suse

      I’m so sorry and sad for you for the loss of your kitty. Huggyness from me, too.

    • ahughes798

      Sorry about your kitten. It’s so hard to lose someone you love. Hang in there.

    • Spotts1701

      It sucks to lose a pet, especially this time of year. I hope things get better as the winter passes.

    • TxSpinyLizrd

      I’m sorry you lost your kitty. Hugs to you. I hope, when you are ready, you’ll open your heart and home to another little life.

  • Independently Yours

    The smiles, happiness, sheer joy and love of all three of you are contagious. <3. It's been a year already?1. :)

  • ladylazarus

    Congratulations Mighty Wonkette, shypixel, and baby. May all the wonder and happiness flow.

  • SadDemInTex

    Golly, what are those wet things on my cheeks? Truly happy for you and Shy and Donna Rose. We still need you in snarky Wonkland but knowing there is joy in the world somewhere does make this moment bearable. The world can still turn.

  • Swampay

    Mazel tov

  • MissTaken

    Smooches to you both! Happy anniversary!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Best news of the weekend. Tip the baby sitter in a few years..

  • berkeleyfarm

    Happy anniversary Trix and Pix! Many happy years to you!

    <3 to you and the adorable Donna. What a gift she is.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Trix and Pix?! OMG, they’re like a celebrity couple. Better warn the people at the post office that Page Six might be coming by.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Nuh uh. A celebrity couple would have a single name, like Trixel.

  • calliecallie

    Happy anniversary and thanks for all the baby pics. You guys deserve every happiness.

  • LarryHoudini

    Congratulations you crazy kids! I loved Missoula for the whole six months I lived there. Sadly, the minimum wage at Waldenbooks for a 20-hour week didn’t cut it.

    • kaw143

      Well, now, there’s a bookshop I haven’t thought of in years. Walden’s was far superior to B. Dalton, I always thought.

      • Suse

        I loved Waldenbooks.

        • nmmagyar

          I discovered Piers Anthony and Xanth at Waldencbooks. Good Times!

      • LarryHoudini

        It was okay as chain bookstores go. I think the only mall bookstore left is Barnes and Nobles. I made sixty dollars a week, and pissed most of that away at a dive named Connie’s. It had a shag carpet in the front part, for some reason, which really locked in that stale beer stench. Good times!

        • bobbert

          It’s unusual to see a shag carpet at a Waldenbooks.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m a Little Professor man myself.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I deduce from the second picture up above that you two don’t close your bedroom door. You might want to start.

    • pearlsarefuzzy

      LOL. So is that a look of fright? Awe? Indignation? LOLOL

  • Shan

    This is why I don’t hate ALL humans ALL the time.

  • kaw143

    Hey, now, quite trying to make my withered heart grow three sizes, you! It just made a little squelchy noise, and it hasn’t done that in years. It was most alarming.

  • Painter of Goats

    Your love story warmed my heart’s cockles. Joyeux Anniversaire de Mariage mes amis!

    • nmmagyar

      We don’t speak “Surrender Monkey” in these parts. D’Accord???

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Je pense qu’il ya une hache dans la tete …alleger..uh..ly

        • nmmagyar

          Avec la voix?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            To be honest, I do not know. I only know how to say a few phrases in french, so I whip one of them out randomly to look all smart and stuff when someone talks french. I did the google on yours though and probably

          • nmmagyar

            I use babelfish dot com to look smrt. I took three years of French in HS almost 30 years ago.

      • OneDemin EOr

        All together now: Il est nee’, le petit enfant, jouer aux bois, resonner musettes, …

      • berkeleyfarm

        Nos amis francais have been restored to their rightful place as “America’s oldest ally”. Please try to keep up.

        • Msgr_Moment

          I thought we had always been at war with Francasia?

        • nmmagyar

          They fell back out of favor for saying things like “Calm down, we got this” and “No, you really, really don’t need to bomb anyone else”

    • Beulah
  • Suse

    What a wonderfully sweet and so romantic story. Sigh… Thanks for sharing and making me feel better about all sorts of things.

  • Yr. Gma

    And they said it wouldn’t last… (Well, someone always says that.) Grandma-ing is the best, and we old Gmas are delighted that you share that adorable little tike with us.

  • MrBlobfish

    It’s a Holiday Miracle!

    • Christopher Robinhood

      Um, err, eh Fesitivus.

  • Mr Corrections

    I legit read that title as “So I married a commoner”

    • CripesAmighty

      Same thing.

    • Beulah

      There was an entire conversation devoted to that down thread.

      • Mr Corrections

        Ah, I obviously didn’t scroll down far enough.

        • Steverino247

          That’s what she said.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Happy Anniversary <3 May the wind be always at your back, the wingnuts be always in the shack, and the coding, be always free of hack.
    Boy, modern toasts are hard.

  • rocktonsam

    good for you kids.carefull in snow. that’s were moar babbies come from. we ain’t supporting another one… yes we will!

  • LarkintheAM

    Happy Anniversary to you and Shy, and Donna Rose should know that she’s a very, very lucky girl to have such terrific parents. Many happy years ahead to you all!

  • clubseal

    Normally I hate it when people get really personal on teh internets, but you wrote it so well and it struck such a chord for me that I’m happy you did it.

  • elpinche

    Awwww!!! Happy Anni!

  • OneDemin EOr

    Happy happiness for you and your little family, dear Editrix!
    And thanks to all the Wonkette family from me, too. You keep me purring.

  • thewitchqueen74

    This is so sweet. Happy Anniversary, and may you have many, many more :)

  • The Molten Soul

    I confess I wasn’t so stoked on this match at first. My reasons were selfish and base, as I had to tell my wife we wouldn’t have our threesome with Becca (we call her that because threesomes are so intimate).
    At any rate, I am now very glad, but again for selfish reasons. I harbor a dream that my newborn son will date Wonkette Baby someday, assuming they’re both straight.
    Congrats on your lovely year. We adore you. Evan, Kaili, my wife and I still hold out sinful hope…

    • Lambsendbeds

      Never call a Rebecca “Becca” unless she asked you to. Especially during sex. Just some friendly advice from another Rebecca (who would bite your peen off if you called her “Becca”).

      • Yr. Gma

        I’ve got a SIL like that. Don’t call them anything but Rebecca if you want to live a long and happy life.

      • The Molten Soul

        Brutal. Such an action would cause me to call you Helen Holm…after I called an ambulance. And cried a bunch.
        Thanks for the friendly advice!

      • The Molten Soul

        Helen Holm has got nothing on you.

  • CripesAmighty

    *Honk*. Ahem. Hrrp.

  • Msmlg1979

    This gives me hope one day I’ll get my own Lifetime movie, and NOT the kind of Lifetime movie where I have to flee from my abusive husband to a new town under an assumed identity, and the house I move into is haunted by a murdered little girl who will not rest until I avenge her murder, and there’s a sexy, handyman fixing up my place who is obviously in love with me, but I’ve been hurt so much I can’t trust him, although I pine for him endlessly, and the ex finds me, and comes to kill me (turns out he actually killed the little girl, too), but I’m saved, on Christmas, at the last minute by the handyman, the little girl ghost, and the homeless dog I befriended.

    • Spotts1701

      You seem to have spent an awful lot of time thinking this through.

      • Msmlg1979

        If you’ve seen one Lifetime movie, you’ve seen them all.

        • Spotts1701

          • Steverino247

            The plot’s dead, Jim.

        • nmmagyar

          Will Judith Light play you?

          • Msmlg1979

            I hope not! I’m 36. I’m holding out for Laura Prepon. She or Meredith Baxter could play my long lost mom.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Let’s hope they don’t give you (Laura Prepon) those prisony eyebrows . . .

          • nmmagyar

            Judith is an incredible versatile actress – she can play a victim of domestic abuse of almost any age.

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      You forgot the gruff but soft-hearted cafe owner (always in a flannel plaid shirt) (and it was his granddaughter who died) who gives you a waitressing job to help you get back on your feet and who never cracks a smile until he sees you and sexy handyman kissing in front of the cafe right near the end of the film. Then Howard (that’s your dog) barks and everyone laughs until the freeze frame. (This was filmed in 1977 and therefore freeze frame and at least one Van Patten appeared in it. Hell, it might be Dick himself playing Sam Watkins, the cafe owner.)

      • Msmlg1979

        And he’ll be like the Dad I never had, always giving out hugs and great advice, with a big slab of pie.

        We just banged out a script!

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          Can’t be cherry pie, as David Lynch would be on our asses so hard ( . . . eeew). And then there’s Pete, the mailman with the big crush on you. But he’s clumsy and nervous and has gingery eyebrows, which is just not your thing, which okay, and so there’s no chance. Besides he has soft, shapeless hands (his grandmother’s, actually, and she has a crush on the cafe owner) and that ain’t gonna play after you’ve seen your handyman’ s strong, tanned, thick-fingered (!) hands wielding tools and wood around your place the last few weeks.

          • Msmlg1979

            You had me at “wielding tools and wood”!!

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            Purely coincidental phrasing, I promise you.

          • Msmlg1979

            Sure… ;)

      • Suse

        Don’t forget the town’s eccentric busybody, Maude Frobisher, played by Cloris Leachman. And the corrupt sheriff, Max Harrison, played by J.T. Walsh

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          JT WALSH! BLOOD SIMPLE! DAMN!

          But let’s put a pin in the idea of Cloris Leachman playing Frobisher. I see her more as the eccentric but basically sweet postmistress. Who else you got in mind?

          And we need our heroine’s quirky, perky sidekick. An Elizabeth Perkins now that she’s moved up since Weeds.

          • Suse

            Oh, okay. Cloris can be Betty Jamison, the postmistress. I have a friend who is an actual postmistress in a small village in England. We need a busybody and perky sidekick… I’m thinking…

          • Cindyinencinitas

            The fire chief’s wife, Sookie! While he’s dressing for the part of Santa, which he plays every year as he drives the fire truck in the Christmas Parade, she’s making eggnog for the fire wives and they get schnockered together while they wave at all the scout troops and dogs in scarves that light up who are making their way down Main Street on a brisk winter’s night.

          • Wombat

            Judy Greer is the perky (and snarky) sidekick. Duh.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            So much brilliance in this observation. I’ll . . . I’ll, uh, be back in a while.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You forgot the gruff but soft-hearted cafe owner…

        …known to old and young in the small town as “Pops…”

    • Jenny

      What about being brutally raped and bearing a baby and cast out of town as a slut, only to fall in love with your rapist in the next town over!1?? Yeah, that’s a lifetime movie. Starring Laurie Laughlin and Richard Grieco, probably.

      • Msmlg1979

        I forgot Richard Grieco! Yes!!!

        • nmmagyar

          His eyebrows were unforgettable. His career not so much…

      • chascates

        Shades of “Sweet Hostage” with Linda Blair and Martin Sheen.

        • It’s Lifetime , sweetheart. You mean, “with Linda Blair and Joe Estevez.”

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      (Not that your original version isn’t going to be a huge hit . . . )

    • Juan de Fuca

      Was Kevin Bacon in that movie?

      • Suse

        He was that loner who lived in the trailer by the river.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Say, you know what other loner lived in a trailer by the river?

          Too soon?

          • Suse

            Never too soon, JdF.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Chris Farley?

          • Suse

            Farley Granger?

          • Juan de Fuca

            Actually was thinking of Chris Platt but he used to live in a van down by the river.

          • Greg Comlish

            Man, a Chris Farley/Lifetime crossover would have been so rad. In fact, the Lifetime format is ripe for parody that it boggles the mind that nobody has done it yet.

      • Msmlg1979

        Yes, as the abusive ex, who is a police officer, of course, because he’s scarier and harder to get away from.

    • sillyclucker

      What! !!!!!!!!! You too? ??

      • Msmlg1979

        Maybe we’re long lost twins….

        • Suse

          That’s a whole other Lifetime movie. We could be here all night writing and casting this one.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Ted Cruz and Jim Hoft, twins conjoined at the head, then separated by Dr. Ben Carson, revive their teamwork to bring the Joys of Christmas to Colorado. A dramatic highlight, the moving scene in which Dr. Carson rejoins them at the head. Starring Dr. William Cosby as Ben Carson and Donald Trump’s Hair as Jim Hoft. Special appearance by Jesus Christ in a Bathrobe as The Special Baggage-Carrying Assistant.

    • Wombat

      I’d totally watch that movie and I’m not even ashamed. (I’m a little ashamed.)

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I’d watch it twice.

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          Snacks. We need snacks.

      • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

        There’s no shame in watching Lifetime movies. The awfulness is so, so good. Thus says this be-penised and unabashed and unrepentant watcher. We need dumb things to make this dumb world bearable. Now I’m overexplaining it.

        • Spotts1701

          Also why the 60’s Batman is still popular – the pure cheese factor.

          • Beezelbubbles

            But that’s the good cheese, not the stinky cheese.

        • dshwa

          I admit, that while I loathe Christmas, I do love those cheesy Hallmark Channel/Lifetime Christmas movies. They’re predictable, easy to watch, and don’t challenge you on any level. In other words, perfect to just veg to when you need some downtime.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            This is a spectacular subgenre we owe you thanks for pointing out.

            And, in the spirit of ecumenism, I give you “Switchmas.”. Here’s the IMDb summary: A Christmas obsessed Jewish boy on his way to sunny Florida figures out how to get the Christmas of his dreams by trading airline tickets and places with another boy on his way to snowy Christmastown, WA. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0cd26e29ab8baaab688c4eecc23743c5c2b1814a07ea86c1a16976102ccf9498.jpg

          • dshwa

            I would totally watch that.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I’m sorry but I’d rather watch some trashy housewives slap each other over their lunchtime chardonnays.

          • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

            It’s amazing.Just ineffably wonderful in its crappiness.

      • Msmlg1979

        There comes a time in every woman’s life when she must wear sweatpants, eat every carb in a five mile radius, watch a Lifetime movie and cry. Nothing to be ashamed of!

    • Spritzpup

      You forgot the part where your car breaks down and you need to work at the local diner to pay for the repairs because you’re broke!

      • Greg Comlish

        Also the husband’s affairs, oh god the affairs, with a young, trashy, conniving slut. And the wife’s not angry about the sex, but about the lying, the deception, and the endless stream of lies.

        Also the wife is pregnant.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        And the only uniform they have is 2 sizes too small and, oh what to do? It pushes the bodacious ta tas up and something’s going to fall out eventually. Oh dear…

    • That is just one Tori Spelling appearance from sounding like the genuine article.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Sincere congratulations. Such life is hard to find and you deserve every moment of it.

  • Jukesgrrl

    If you think I’m clicking on the hemorrhoids link, think again.

    Otherwise, congratulations on a great year. But I’m sorry your told me your personal commenter’s name. I’ll never read Shypixel’s writings again without thinking of him being nice. I prefer to believe my fellow commenters are as mean and bitchy as I am. That’s why I come here. (Other than recipes and babby pictures … and no comments.)

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Don’t worry, gurl. We gotchu.

  • blogslut

    Thank you for consistently making me laugh in cackle fashion – the most satisfying laugh for old not-widows what have a grown sin baby and are very poor and depend on the kindness of FDR and LBJ. Your romance gives me the grins.

  • Notreelyhelping

    And…so it goes. Congrats!

  • You DISGUST ME, with your love and happiness and heterosexuality! When do we homos get the sexx and the happy ending from the Wonkets? *runs away weeping*

    • Suse

      As soon as all the GOPs are dead (with votes). Sorry about that.

    • nmmagyar

      There are enough of us here that there should be some damn wedding bells.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        …and we all love to hug refugees, so we have a lot in common.

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          And there will be movies and snacks (and thus everything comes full circle in the land of Wonk).

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      COME BACK, NERD!

  • tegrat

    Thank you Wonket and extended family!

  • Erick the Kracker

    That is so sweet, Rebecca Pretty-Head!

  • Bill Slider

    I thought aa handsome knight rode in on a white horse to save a damsel in distress. He said, here, hold my manhood lest it get cold and freeze to death. So, you gave it a warm bath and nuzzled it in your breast to keep it warm. The rest is history, because this is a mommyblog where children come from storkes.

  • Helena Handbag

    With nary a whiff of snark I say “good on ya’!” even though I am not Australian. I also too wish to buy a husband and have fun with an RV. A gal can dream…..

    • Biff52

      I can’t be bought!

      • Helena Handbag

        Everyone has their price. Would $37.50 and a plate of my world famous devilled eggs move you?

        • Biff52

          You charmer, you! Deviled eggs are a real weakness of mine.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Cheers to the happy couple!!!

          • Biff52

            Wait–what? We haven’t even exchanged email addresses, let alone dowries!

  • rocktonsam

    I wonder if any of those sassy gals over at jezebel are straight… The website is more commenter friendly now…

  • Satyrix

    Sometimes people get what they deserve – not very often, and hardly ever if they’re deserving of love, happiness or being fu… ah, flush with such joy the face hurts from the smiling. (Yeah, had that happen once. His name was Troy.)

    That you’ve found something so rare renews my faith in human nature – I don’t know how you did it, or who your happiness actually belongs to, but the simple fact that, somehow, you’re getting away with having and keeping it is inspirational.

    Just don’t get caught up too much in your happiness – whoever deserved your new life and love is still out there, and they may come looking. Best to stay alert.

  • Green Devil

    Domestic bliss? Can’t fap to that! But since you don’t allow comments anyway, a song… Loooove is a many splendored thing!!!

    • Helena Handbag

      I thought it went “love is a many splintered thing”. I’ve been singing it all wrong this whole time!

      • Green Devil

        Yeah, that works too. Not entirely sure “splendored” is a real word anyway.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Is donserly? I have always wondered what kind of light donserly light is.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Looks like someone else’s marriage and baby having didn’t work out so well: http://www.vulture.com/2015/11/sinead-oconnor-posts-possible-suicide-note.html
    I thought she’d been drafted by the lezzies a while back, but apparently she’s been marrying and having a few babbies. She doesn’t seem to like the baby daddies too much.
    I’m not sure how O’Bummer caused this, but I know he had something to do with it.
    Get well soon, Sinead, and THANKS, Obama.

  • Morrigan in Oregon

    Does he have an older brother? (smile, smile) I already HAVE a motorhome.

  • Lambsendbeds

    Many many happy years to you both and babby Donna Rose. It’s a wonderful story that you can embarrass the babby with someday when she’s old enough to find her parents people to be ashamed of instead of gnawed on. It was lovely meeting all of you at the Oakland drinky get together. You make a very lovely family unit.

  • mtn_philosoph

    Happy anniversary to my two three favorite ghey refugee huggers! Oh you kids …

  • progressiveredneck

    Holy Bejeebus. I thought I smelled children but it was a Wonkette with a child nary 50 miles North of me. Montana’s egalitarian history is slowly slipping away (historically a tough place to make it so if you could pull your own weight and pitch in that was good enough) and stratifying along party and socioeconomic lines. 30+ years here quallfies me on this. Missoula slips farther to the left and large swaths of Montana farther to the right. It used to be feasible to spend much time with a wide array of people in gatherings and it has indeed dwindled. Maybe an article in there somewhere for all’ya all. Happy baby time!

  • First thing first, let me state that this was a beautiful (and surprisingly emotional considering I don’t know you ) sentiment to your love and i thank and appreciate you for sharing it with us, Rebecca.

    One question, though, Shypixel. Weren’t you cold? Rebecca’s wearing a thick Hunger Games-esque fur coat, but you’re just standing in the snow in a suit. I’d think you’d be freezing.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      He’s from Montana, he thinks that thirty degrees and light snow is summer weather.

      • Sheesko

        In Montana, it is.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I swear that your inner thermostat is set for life. Mine certainly is.

  • Shoto

    This is sweet and touching. On the other hand, the WonkBabby? She scares me just a little bit. After all, she could grow up and Take Over! (We can only hope.) What a lovely family.

    Ginormous Anniversary Congrats all the way around!

  • FLdispatches

    I have so many happy feels after reading this. Mazel Tov, and Molotov, you crazy kids and your adorable baby!

    MrFLDispatches and I weren’t quite as providentially spontaneous as you and Shy, but we did meet in late July, say goodbye in late in August when I left for Ye Olde England, and get engaged over the phone in late October. Then we got married the following June, less than 11 months after meeting. Did I mention we were both just 22 and the ink was barely dry on our college diplomas? Yep, our moms and dads weren’t iffy on the whole marriage NOW thing, at the time.
    But here we sit, and we’ll celebrate 15 whole years of wedded mostly-bliss in June, and we have 3 beautiful girl babies. (And the oldest one’s middle name is Rose. We have excellent taste!)

    So congrats on a fun-filled, wild ride of a year. Life is indeed beautiful. Not as often as we might like, but then again we appreciate the beauty where we find it all that much more because it stands out so radiantly. Happy anniversary, Trixel Family! (I just gave you a cool nickname, like Bennifer or Brangelina. You have truly achieved celebrity status now.)

  • Walter Wellstone

    Thanks, Obama.

  • Sterculius

    Too bad Republicans can’t share your joy, since you weren’t forced to have the babby against your will.

  • Sheesko

    Thank you, Rebecca, for having a life a very bit as weird and unexpected as you should be having. This is comforting.

  • btwbfdimho

    Wonderful posting, for the weeding (ha) picture, or the baby photo, I don’t know why, and congratulations!!! Auguri tanti!!!
    Also, very proud of the father of the baby and husband of the bride, hey! it’s SAYS SO MUCH about the quality of your commentariat, editrix!
    Speaking of the wonketeratti in general, as they said during the 80s,”it takes a network to raise a child…”

  • Brenda

    Must have been really hard up to marry a unattractive fat chick in the snow.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well that was charming!

      • Shibusa

        Hoping to see Brenda’s comment in Deleted Comments on Sunday.

        • theCryptofishist

          Next Sunday? I may not last that long.

          • Shibusa

            ‘No, I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.’
            ~ William Shakespeare

            Just kidding. ~Shibusa

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It was charming in a Robert Lewis Dear kind of way.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          See? That’s why Wonkette doesn’t allow comments in the first place.

      • Juan de Fuca

        “Brenda” is an unattractive fat dude typing from a borrowed computer using McDonalds free WiFi.

        Five bucks…

        • Mehmeisterjr

          You would win that bet with room to spare.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I only take sure bets. That one is easy money.

    • BloviateMe

      Your mother sucks cocks in hell.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Etiquette, please.

        Excuse me, but your mother sucks cocks in hell.

        FIFY.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Go home wyclif, you’re drunk.

    • Bad Granny

      I notice that Brenda is the one with a bag over her head.

    • Biff52

      You opened a Disqus account just to say that?

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Brenda, that was politically incorrect. You must be so proud.

  • nightmoth

    Congratulations on your 1st anniversary, and love right back atcha!

  • NoniMausa

    Good for you, you darlings.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Wishing you three all the happiness in the world. What a heartwarming way to start the week.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “My husband, Shypixel, nurtures and nourishes me and our daughter. He sits on the couch with me and I choose the channel. He is an American dad, shoveling the sidewalks and mowing the lawn and doing the laundry, while I laze around watching my ass grow. He plays with the baby, and feeds her carrots, and dresses her in outfits, and sings her songs he made up his very own self, while I work on my laptop next to them, and give him thanks and kisses.”

    Shy sounds like the kind of husband and father that I’ve tried to be during the past (almost) 20 years. Except that I didn’t make up my own songs for my baby girl – I butchered the hell out of Israel Kamakawiwo’ole songs for her on my uke. She butchers them now for me, so that circle is complete.
    One other thing relating to Mr. busybody person down the thread – I met my wife 19 years ago last month and asked her to marry me after one month of dating. We were married three months later and I still can’t imagine being with anyone else – again, almost 20 years later. Some people don’t plan their entire lives using a Microsoft Outlook Calendar.

    Congrats to you both. Ya’ll look good together.

  • bobbert

    I’ve been in San Jose, visiting my own spawn, so I’m a bit late to this jamboroo. Happy Anniversary to all of you, best wishes for continued happiness, and congratulations on the best executed avoidance of a sexual harrassment lawsuit EVAH!

  • Biff52

    I’m just getting back from the Dead shows in Vegas, same town I met Shy and Trix and Donna Rose, so yay! Anyway, happy to share in your happiness in my own small way.

  • btwbfdimho

    …”so I married a commenter”…
    Are you sure you’re not a character from one of those Sara Benincasa’s novels?

  • edith prickly

    Mazel tov! More Wonkette babby pix too plz bc adorbz.

  • actor212

    My flirts were funnier.

  • Ryan Denniston

    What a nice story. Congratulations!

  • dvlaries

    Wonkette Baby reduces this 61 year old gay man to a puddle of emotional oatmeal. God help straight guys when she’s an 18 year old woman in full fruition of her powers.

    Congratulations to a beautiful family I wish lived next door.

  • starfanglednut

    Beautiful. Wishing you many, many more years where only good things happen. And the more baby pictures, the better. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and seeing her brightens my good days, and rescues my depressed ones.

    • Lady Bug

      I second that!

  • Okay, so I am at work crying.

  • artem1s

    We are nice to each other all the time.
    After a year, we’re so enmeshed in each other’s company

    You and all the ebil gheys are obviously trying to kill all the traditional marriages forever! Why aren’t you properly subservient to your spouse and submitting to all his whims and making him sammiches all the time!?

    No kidding, it has been wonderful watching via this series of tubes your unconventional family forming! And all the Wonketariat’s hearts growing three sizes and rooting for you despite their snarkiness. Best wishes and Molotov! MOAR BABBIE PICTS!

  • DahBoner

    Everyone who thinks this is a HEARTWARMING conspiracy say EYE…

    http://media4.giphy.com/media/U0uowJVj7ewO4/200w_d.gif

  • MrBlifil

    And here I thought your offer of a beej was special.

  • A lovely story. All I’ve gotten from Evan Hurst is multiple restraining orders.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Awwwww. That is so very sweet. Congrats on your anniversary.

  • Barley_Brains

    Well done all around!

  • Christopher Boscarino

    Happy Anniversary! But uh, Kalli is single right? I’m asking… for a friend.

  • Lord-Nash

    Definitely a conspiracy. Everyone knows liebruls scrap aborted babbys for spare copper and mufflers.

    *Sees hammer*

    Hahahahahahahahaha J/K Rebecca! Erm, um….

    Seriously your story is really cool. The Lady Nash and I have agreed to try not to have kids due to health reasons. We’ve left the door open for adoption though (the Lady is an attorney and adoption cases are some of her favorite parts of the job). But that’s not high on the priority list either, since we both like doing careers and stuff that would be really hard with kids. Maybe someday.

  • Lord-Nash

    I have to ask, if Lifetime is the ‘Womans Channel’, how come women are always getting beaten in Lifetime movies?

    • Greg Comlish

      because men are pigs, except the ones that save you.

      • Lord-Nash

        Sounds like if you watched enough Lifetime movies you’d think guys were either knights of the round table in shining armor or Jame Gumb.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I am a certified sentimental sap and that made me tear up a little. Happy Holidays to Rebecca, Shypixel, Wonkette Baby and all the rest of you weirdos. This is a pretty special news blog and recipe hub thing, I’m here to tell you. Mazel Tov, Hare Krishna and A Salaam Aleikum, everybody.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Right back atcha … and keep on thrustin’.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    So perfect. Rebecca. I’d send this article to my Mom because she gets all excited about babbie, but it has a reference to beej in it. BTW: we have a new babby.

  • Candy Apple

    You made me cry, goddammit.

  • nothingisamiss

    I love you crazy kids and your beautiful princess! Really. Even though I still don’t know Shy’s name. I love you. Beautiful!!!

  • FZsdaughter

    Whatever happened to Actor212?

    • Greg Comlish

      Died due to fatal blowjob deprivation.

      • NationalGalleryofClipArt

        His nuts spontaneously exploded, flooding his basement with come, & he drowned therein.

  • riledupone

    This seal Approves. Oh, and the seal also loves DoRo pics too, as well.

  • Helene Logan

    Awww, such a sweet story. I, too, am blessed with a wonderful hubby who treats me like a real human with a brain and opinions and everything. They are the best when you find’em. Congrats on your anniversary, and while I am not a babby person (unless they have 4 furry legs), yours is SUPER ADORBS and always makes me smile.
    Thank you all for all you do (and yes, that means it’s time for me to send some more shekels)!

  • Duke

    I’m so happy for you.

    I’m with your dad.

  • Lady Bug

    My heart is all warm and tingly right now. So happy for you, Shy and Wonkette Babby.

  • NorthernSaber

    Snark off- this has been a horrible year for yr Bangor, Maine correspondent, with just enough moments of grace and humor thrown in to keep sanity in play. I’ve come to regard the cast of characters I read here as (usually) like-minded spirits and I’m thankful for them- especially at this time of year when, like so many others, I find my real family members to be a reminder of why humans developed alcohol in the first fucking place. So from Steve King’s hometown a great big “Molitov” to you, Shy, and your wonderful babby Wonkette. And thanks, also too.

  • Cindyinencinitas

    Oh boy! Now I get to ask you occasionally How is your butt? Cuz I love to do that for some twisted reason. Thanks! I’m so happy for you guys and I am touched that you wanted to share all the feels with a common gutter snipe like me. You make a spectacular couple and the dang babby, where to start? btw – no pix of her in the onesie I got her, really? Not even one??? All the best to The Wonkiecommies – Mommy and Daddy and Babby. Love ya, mean it, from Encinitas where it is (brrrr!!1!) in the 60s!!!1!

  • M. Llovet

    Awww! Welcome to Montana. I married a Missoula boy too!

  • DensityDestiny

    Got a dopey grin all over muh face with the happy anniversaries, and then a warm fuzzy feeling of camaraderie when Rebecca mentioned her hemorrhoids — our children leave us such lasting memories. And then so much love — ALL THE LOVE, KATIE — in the comments. I love this place! Happy Anniversary to the cutest little fam on the interwebs.

    P.S. I got married on December 21st, 1991. When people shamed me for a winter wedding, I said “longest night of the year….DUH!”

  • Babby pictures forever. I’m grateful for all the work going into a place for all these wonderful jerks to exist and keep me sane even though I just silently lurk. Until this exact moment.

  • emmelemm

    Geez Louise. There might even be a tear in my eye, and I have a heart of coal.

  • SK

    This is deceptive advertising. I came here for the snark, and I ended up staying for one of the more tender and romantic pieces of boy-meets-girl…and they start living happily together stories.

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      It could be turned into a trifling romcom with an early 90s indie edge. Jay Baruchel to play ShyPix, Shannyn Sossymon to play the little miss. Get Shane Carruth to direct.

    • DrShitferbrains

      “You’ve Got Comments”

  • DrShitferbrains

    All hail Commie Pixel

  • 19th Amendment

    Heartwarmingly put, Rebecca. And babby Wonkette makes three: a sweet family. <3

  • Dolmance

    I wanted to bone that Rebecca woman really, really bad. I mean, goddamn, I really wanted to put it to her, but this romantic tale has made me realize everything has a way of turning out for the best.

    TO LOVE.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Every best wish!!1!

  • JustDon’tSayDittos

    Sorry I’m late to post. Congratulations! And all warmies to the rest of this left-of-center crazy train.
    Editrix, admit it – you snuffled a little bit while you wrote this piece, didn’t you?

  • Zyxomma

    I’m late to the party, and had lots of heartbreak this year (as well as good stuff also, too), and wish you, Shy, and Donna Rose all the best that life has to offer. Love, health, peace, abundance, laughter, friendship, and joy to all.

  • Sean Scully

    Outstanding. Glad the commission of journalism has paid off in a big way. We should all be so lucky.

  • Bad Scooter

    ? ? ? ?

    ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

  • proudgrampa

    GAWD, Rebecca! I am so happy for you and Shy. Having met both of you personally, I am just in awe of your relationship. It is a wonderful story and I never get tired of hearing it. Love to you both!

    And you really should keep Donna Rose out of the bars.

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