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He said WHAT?
He said WHAT?

Hello, all Wonkette’s favorite liberal blogs, what are you up to? Playing a game of telephone with each other, like Ben Carson telling himself his life story? Cool. Let’s watch a media frenzy unfold, but let’s do it backward, like reverse cowgirl!

Here is a headline from a lovely website we link to a whole lot:

hed1

Holy Nazi Yellow Stars, Batman! With all the Republican crazy talk going around on the Syrian refugee issue, it’s believable, so WHOA IF TRUE. But is it? Because it doesn’t exactly SAY that in the article.

Let’s click on the source piece, which is from ANOTHER lovely website we link to mucho bunches:

hed2

Okay, so reverse cowgirling backward, we see we have gone from “should carry” to a slightly more hedged version where Trump “says he’s open” to the idea. Does this article say he said this thing? Let’s read it:

mojoOkay, still haven’t seen an actual Trump quote on creating a database or forcing the Muslims to carry special ID. Let’s click back once more, to the ORIGINAL source, an interview with Yahoo. Can we read this very closely, TOGETHER?

“We’re going to have to do things that we never did before. And some people are going to be upset about it, but I think that now everybody is feeling that security is going to rule,” Trump said. “And certain things will be done that we never thought would happen in this country in terms of information and learning about the enemy. And so we’re going to have to do certain things that were frankly unthinkable a year ago.”

Yahoo News asked Trump whether this level of tracking might require registering Muslims in a database or giving them a form of special identification that noted their religion. He wouldn’t rule it out.

“We’re going to have to — we’re going to have to look at a lot of things very closely,” Trump said when presented with the idea. “We’re going to have to look at the mosques. We’re going to have to look very, very carefully.”

HMMM! So Yahoo paraphrased a response to its own question, and everybody ran with Yahoo’s paraphrase as if it were an actual quote from Trump’s mouth.

We need some context here. Because remember LAST TIME yr Wonkette yelled at Liberal Blogotubeville for saying Trump said a thing when he didn’t actually say that thing? It was September, and over the course of an afternoon, it spread like WILDFIRE that Donald Trump had told his supporters he’s going to kill all the Muslims. GREAT STORY! Except for how it wasn’t true. A Trump supporter asked a crazy question about The Muslims — “When can we get rid of ’em?” — and Trump replied, QUOTE:

A lot of people are saying that, and you know, a lot of people are saying bad things are happening out there. We’re going to be looking at that and plenty of other things.

Hold the phone! “We’re going to be looking at that and plenty of other things” is A LOT LIKE “We’re going to have to look at a lot of things very closely,” from the Yahoo interview. And why? Because, if you pay attention, it’s sort of Donald Trump’s patented bullshit answer, for pleasing whomever he’s talking to. You could ask him literally ANYTHING, and he’ll say he’s going to be looking at a lot of things.

Should we shoot Muslims into space? “We’re going to be looking at a lot of things.” Should we restart that whole slavery thing we used to do in the olden-timey days? We bet it’ll be the same answer!

Gawker didn’t get in on this particular game of telephone. They fucked it up all by theirselves, directly from Yahoo:

gawker

Now, we understand, in a way, because Donald Trump’s campaign has been so insane from the get-go (THE MEXICAN RAPISTS ARE HERE! AND THEY BROUGHT TACOS!) that it’s not hard to believe he would say this. In fact, MUST CREDIT WONKET and also MUST CREDIT NBC, Trump later did say a similar thing, when a reporter asked him, “Holy god, do you really think that thing everyone is saying you said?” And then Trump said yes, he really does think that, in part, and you know it’s accurate, because of how it’s a direct quote from his very own appleheaded vagina mouth:

Donald Trump “would certainly implement” a database system tracking Muslims in the United States, the Republican front-runner told NBC News on Thursday night.

“I would certainly implement that. Absolutely,” Trump said in Newton, Iowa, in between campaign town halls.

Now THAT’s a quote! It doesn’t have the thing about yellow stars ID cards, though, and remember, that’s where this post began. And NBC’s interview happened literally fucking HOURS after all the aforementioned bloggity posts about the Yahoo interview.

Here is Rachel Maddow, explaining all journalism-like how everybody’s REACTION to Yahoo’s paraphrase was the impetus for NBC’s Vaughn Hillyard to actually get Trump to say a quote, with his mouth:

Verdict: Donald Trump said a REAL fucked up thing, about registering Muslims in databases. He said it to NBC, and not to Yahoo. Thanks, NBC!

Sweetie darlings, yr Wonkette hearts you with all the morning wood in the world, so we ask this with love: Can we all try a little bit harder to make sure we’re reporting things accurately, even when things are moving SO FAST and it’s hard to find our asses with both hands? Because while THIS TIME, it turned out Trump went ahead and said PART OF the thing to NBC that you said he said to the Yahoo, that’s not how it usually happens. Y’all got half lucky. Or maybe y’all have ESP and yr Wonkette don’t got none :(

As we wrote this post, we saw two OTHER stories, things we might like to Do Wonkette To, where we make them really funny and insightful and Pulitzer-worthy, but oops, we checked the original sources (PRO-TIP!) and we read them all the way through (BONUS TIP!) and we considered them in context of what we know about the people in the stories (NOW THAT’S JUST RIDICULOUS!), and we concluded that nope, the story whatever liberal blog writed did not bear out the OMG HEADLINE. Spoiler alert: WE DEAL WITH THIS EVERY DAY.

Can you help us out? Because we love being mommybloggers and dick-jokers and recipe hubbers and WARBLOGGERS! and adding HILARITY and GENIUS to your earnestly reported stories. And we love it even more when they’re accurate.

OK, mean Wonket lecture over. See us after class, FOR SEX.

[Crooks & Liars / Mother Jones / Yahoo / Gawker / NBC]

Have you liked yr Wonkette on Facebook? DO IT NOW, DUMBASS.

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  • Msgr_Moment

    You had me at ‘reverse cowgirl’.

    • Rick Hill

      Reverse cowgirl always trumps getting things shoved down your throat.

  • Rick Hill

    I’d imagine the percentage of Americans who feel Turnip is spot on is also the percentage the are registered republican.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “angwy widdle babies”? What A Idiot. (TM)

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      They got a ways to go before they hit Wonkette-level sarcasm

  • Ryan Denniston

    “A lot of people are saying that, and you know, a lot of people are saying bad things are happening out there. We’re going to be looking at that and plenty of other things.”

    Grrrr!!!!! Rubio will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to defeat ISIS. Trump, why won’t you look at ALL OF THE THINGS?!?!?!?!?11!!

  • FauxAntocles

    Somebody needs to ask him if we need to put all the Muslims in special places where we can “keep an eye on them”.

    • SnarkTank

      Maybe they could wear some sort of symbol on their clothing.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’ve often thought about putting Muslims in my special place. Omar Shariff for one.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    It’s easier to skip all of these middlemen and get your news not from Yahoo, but from the Yahoo comments (which are allowed, btw)

  • Left Coast Tom

    As long as we’re on the topic of Trump…Net Immigration from Mexico is Negative 140,000. Trump’s Yooge $100 Billion Wall would keep people in, not out.

    • DahBoner

      They will dig tunnels!

      • Biff52

        Taller ladders!

    • JustPixelz

      Border fences and enforcement are at least partly to blame of the previous rise in undocumented residents from Mexico. In the old days, they would go back and forth. But after the fences went in, they figured it was better to stay than take a chance on being unable to return to the U.S.

    • Randy Riddle

      Obviously, they’re leaving because Trump put a YOOGE scare into them.

      Or they’re looking around and saying, “Jeezus. My country may be crazy, but it’s not as crazy as _these_ nutcases…”

  • Ryan Denniston

    “OK, mean Wonket lecture over.”

    Honestly, as an expert in one thing, it’s my job to do that one thing well, and trust that other people, also experts, do their jobs well. Labor specialization! You would not see me, for example being an expert at checking myself out of a grocery store, or onto an airplane.

    Oh wait. Okay, fair enough point. Still, there has to be a minimum as far as expectations go for responsible journalistos, right?

  • Lizzietish81

    I was going to suggest a game of Who Said it? Hitler? Or Trump? but it would be too easy.

    I mean Hitler was very good with words and had proper grammar.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Meanwhile, Trump never says anything, he just asks questions.

    • JustPixelz

      Hitler was good with words…

      So says Obama who verified it using his time machine but didn’t bother to kill Hitler. Typical.

      • Doug Langley

        Oh, he used his time machine, but for something else:

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Mein Kampf” was written in TERRIBLE German.

  • freakishlystrong

    A lot of people are saying that, and you know, a lot of people are
    saying bad things are happening out there. We’re going to be looking at
    that and plenty of other things.
    . Are these “a lot of people” related to “some people”? They’re both assholes.

  • Relativicus

    All Trumpalump is doing is the rhetorical equivalent of holding an index finger a half-inch from a person’s nose while saying, “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!” No, you’re not, but you are fucking pissing me off.

  • Bill Slider

    Trump would consider shredding the US Constitution in order to save it. But, in reality he would shred it not at all. Can we have dick joke now?

  • MrBlobfish

    Trump 2016 – Send ADHD to the White House

  • Re: Gawker’s use of “angwy widdle babies”
    I see that as an attempt on Gawker’s part to emulate Wonkette. They shouldn’t. And if they’re going to attempt it, they need to do a better job of it. Throwing in one silly bit of phrasing and then moving back into straightforward voice in not what you do. Also too, I believe the word is “babbies”.

    • Zippy

      Sorry Nick, you no can do snark like the experts!

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        He needs to do the squonk before he elevates to it’s heady cousin the snark.

  • freakishlystrong

    Vague von Klownsticks need to be asked over and over again about this nonsense. No more, “leaving it there”. This is really dangerous shit, media.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I can still call Trump an “asshole,” though, and be technically correct, right?

    • dslindc

      Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

    • OddMan

      Technically, spiritually, factually, and truthfully correct.

  • Wait, so did he say it or didn’t he?

    • Jeamonn

      Probably? Or at least was thinking it…

    • OperationAmericanJesus

      He’s potentially open to possibly thinking about saying it.

    • MrBlobfish

      Some people say.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Every talking dildo at Faux, is that you?

  • schmannity

    He ruled out tattoos because his white trash base would be threatened.

  • JustPixelz

    Thank you for the informative article Evan. I got something something SEX AFTER CLASS.

  • DahBoner

    Why not just send all Muslims to the nearest NASCAR race track?

    That’s a sure death sentence…

    [shudder]

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/l41m2gkhznSN3xlDO/200w_d.gif

  • Jeamonn

    So, bad journalists do bad journalism and some how Yahoo and Gawker are involved. I need to go tell my boss I need to go home and figure this all out.

  • natoslug

    So the takeaway from this post is that Trump is deporting Muslims to Uranus?

    • dslindc

      Maybe! It seems irresponsible not to speculate wildly.

      • natoslug

        In that case, I read that the thing residing on his head roams the streets of suburbia at night, sneaking into homes and feasting on the souls of all the white babbies. Pretty sure the original quote was on Yahoo somewhere.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Phranquely, I’m kind of surprised this sort of thing doesn’t happen even more than it does. Teh Interwebz is like a big game of telephone on turbo steroids.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    It’s all a
    misunderstanding. He just wants to make sure they all carry the Trump Double
    Gold Platinum Diamond American Express
    card™ so they can charge their Trump apparel on it at 87.6% interest.
    After all, he’s a capitalist not a Nazi.

  • Joe Beese

    So President Trump will track all the Muslims in a beautiful classy database. He just won’t make them carry around special Muslim cards.

    But presumably their driver’s license or any other form of identification the Trump Troops demand of them will be enough to identify them in that database. So what’s the difference? More free space in their wallet?

    • Randy Riddle

      No crescent on their clothing?

    • Me not sure

      How about a simple yellow star and crescent armband or jacket patch?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Needs to be Trump-logo gold, and manufactured in Asian sweatshops to increase the profit margin.

      • OddMan

        I think a tatoo on some part of their body easily seen would work, say on their forearms.

        • Me not sure

          Numbers are passe. Lets use bar codes.

  • Me not sure

    Moon President Gingrich said he wouldn’t let them in.

  • Spotts1701

    I don’t think there are any actual journalists left to do journalimisms. Seems we get our choice of stenographers, quote-miners and carnival barkers.

  • Zippy

    Meh, he said what he said, in the style he says things. IOW, he spews nonsense and bounces around topics like a chipmunk on speed with his chaotic cadence. It’s all well and good to lecture journalists not to be sloppy, but let’s not pretend that he didn’t say exactly what he all heard him say. Just because a dogwhistle isn’t actually in the same key as reported, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen or that the dogs didn’t hear it loud and clear. NBC gave him a chance to address the issue and he just doubled down.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m with you on this one, Zip. The only response to the issue of requiring special ID for muslims is “are you out of your fucking mind?”.

      • Zippy

        The dangerous thing with demagogues like Trump is that they don’t actually have to come right out and say the really horrible things and risk a direct quote they will have to defend. He’s got the used car salesman speak down to a fine art and gets his dogwhistle message out just fine without having to say the actual words. His base still hears exactly what he’s saying. It’s naive and dangerous to pretend otherwise…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          For a Pinhead, you’re pretty astute.

        • Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?

          • eddi

            Plausible deniability is no new thing.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Yes, but in one of the more famous cases of creating a “plausible deniability” scenario, it just made it so the shitty grade Z movie star was either senile or criminal.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      CHIP ‘N” DALE LIBELZZZZZ!!!!!!!11,1!!l1,11kl1!!!!1

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “We’re going to have to do things that we never did before.” says The Donald.

      Which translates as “Reinhard Heydrich would be very welcome as my head of Homeland Security.”

    • Biff52

      Did Carson’s rabid dogs hear it, too?

  • Randy Riddle

    “THE MEXICAN RAPISTS ARE HERE! AND THEY BROUGHT TACOS!”

    Tacos would be good for lunch. I’m all in favor of tacos for lunch today.

    • DahBoner

      Yuppie tacos or authentic 75¢ Street tacos?

      • natoslug

        Depends. Are the street tacos asphalt or dirt? I’m trying to cut back on the oils in my diet.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You have to ask?

  • cmd

    How libtardish to go back to primary sources and stuff.

  • eggsacklywright

    I am absolutely in favor of looking into all the things, in order to establish the pretty much completeness of the looking-intoness of the things.

  • Skipper Doyle

    Evan is so awesome. Sigh.

  • calliecallie

    The best thing about this post was the Ivanka Trump leopard printed tote in the needful things. Thanks, Ivanka!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Dear Ben Carson,

    You know how you’ve been sternly criticized for your completely inappropriate references to Nazism? Here’s a chance to get it right this time.

    Sincerely,
    The World

  • Blender_415

    Oh shit, we’re going back to Warblogger mode? Release the dogs of snark! Also.

  • amb310

    Gawker is trying to become the non-Union equivalent of Wonkette?

    That’s…A Thing.

    Needs moar vile and snark.

    • Zippy

      Except Gawker is organized and Wonket isn’t

      • amb310

        Daym, that does cause problems with my analogy.

        Heh…”anal”.

        • Zippy

          when in doubt…

      • rebecca

        wonkette can unionize if’n they want, i’m totally for it. they just haven’t asked!

        • Zippy

          Funny you should mention that. I’ve actually thought that could be a great PR coup for teh wonket- while other online sites have organized, it’s always happened in an (relatively) adversarial fashion. This could be the first time where management goes all in for organization rather than just allowing it or not fighting it. In fact, there’s no reason you couldn’t join the WGA as well; you’re certainly qualified as a writer. I’m seeing a nice media splash as the first online presence to go 100% organized from the boss on down (look how much press Vice and Gawker got)- maybe even a chance to hit up friend of wonket RM and have you do a segment on her show talking about the virtues of management and labor coming together for the good of all (please remember to bring a STFU Luke Russert coffee cup for her when you do, lol)

          • Querolous

            University of North Texas coffee cup.

  • WIDTAP

    “Can we all try a little bit harder to make sure we’re reporting things accurately”

    Can we at least say that Trump wants to gas all of the Muslim Americans “with votes”? How about if “WITH VOTES” is all caps?

  • Lizzietish81
  • eddi

    Trump uses so many words to say nothing, it is kind of like an audio illusion. You start hearing things that are not really there.

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe he’s been studying and misreading Gertrude Stein.

  • iGrover

    Fine – if anyone has to wear any type of identifying symbol then I will wear the same symbol as well.

    Fuckers.

    • eddi

      Me three.

      • chicken thief

        I in, but only if it doesn’t clash with my existing tattoos.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That’s a good idea, actually.

    • kaydenpat

      Hopefully, Trump’s fantasy will never happen since he’ll never be President.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        He’ll just parlay it into his next reality show.

  • MrBlobfish

    Trump just wants to be sure Baby Hitler doesn’t sneak into the country.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    I can see the Microsoft Cloud commercial about this!!!

    “the Microsoft Cloud lets us track Muslims in our country so we can spend our time on important things, like bombing Muslims in their country”

  • beatbort

    We’ll do “whatever it takes”.

    • eddi

      So the nuclear option is still a go?

  • chicken thief

    Does this mean that someone actually reads Sarah in the original Word Salad to verify that she said what the article claims?

    I salute you, brave soldier!

    • eggsacklywright

      We should study Medieval Word Salad and Olde Word Salad also too. The evolution of gibberish is a fascinating field of study.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Studying it would just rune everything.

        • eggsacklywright

          Nah, it’s easy as falling off a glyph.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            This thread is becoming a þ in my side.

          • NorthernSaber

            …well, as long as it doesn’t make anyone’s dipthong ride up.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            Don’t be A Idiom!

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    If we’re going to demonize Trump, let’s do it for factually accurate reasons – apple-doll vagina-mouth is a good enough one for me…

    What? I’m a looksist, I’ll admit it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I believe you qualify for a waiver from the No Lookism Rule under the Ugly Is as Ugly Does exception.

      • Marie Watkins Crocker

        Schweet!

  • Duke

    I’m so jealous. I wish I could get away with being angry about things and saying I’ll look into it.

    Maybe at the next debate this’ll be asked:

    “Americans want to know what you’ll really do about refugee Immigrants from predominantly Muslim countries.”

    And this will be the answer:

    “You’re a pawn in the liberal’s scheme to control America.”

  • DerrickWildcat

    I saw the clip on MSNBC this morning. My jaw dropped and cereal fell out of my mouth.

    • kaydenpat

      Stop watching Trump with food in your mouth. You may choke next time!!

  • Biff52

    You know what else Trump!! looked at “very carefully”?

    • eggsacklywright

      His dottir. Is he from Iceland?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bankruptcy laws?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The Miss America dressing room surveillance system?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Gift requests from the Five Families?

    • Biff52

      Also would have accepted Obama’s birth certificate.

  • baconzgood

    TL;DR
    But I read that Trump wants to begin a Muslim space program.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Using technology stolen from the Moon Nazis.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    A rule of thumb with Trump: Did he actually say [outrageous thing]? If not, just bide your time because eventually he will.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What you do is say “So, Mr. Trump, are you saying xxx?” and the The Donald obliges you and says “xxx”.

  • The Wanderer

    It makes little difference. Once you make the first decision, all the others get that little bit easier.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      The slope is slippery? Who knew?

  • Somehow I’m still not feeling like Trump is any less fascist.

    I mean, I know it’s popular in American politics to call *everything* fascist, but his campaign seems to loosely meet the actual definition: strong nationalism combined with faux populist rhetoric. And I think people should be very disturbed that the frontrunner for a major party in the Presidential election is actually calling for a national tracking system of some kind based on religion..

    • Markuserektus

      There’s plenty of media fodder exploring that moniker.

  • Mavenmaven

    I can’t wait to hear Carson’s comeback, with some kind of surgical metaphor.

    • Markuserektus

      He’s a real cut up, dat guy…

  • Joshua Norton

    It’s obvious the bar has gotten pretty low for GOP candidates when we have to praise them for maybe not wanting a national database of Muslims.

    • Biff52

      Donald Trump walked into a bar.

      OW!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Screw it, Zippy already said what I wanted to say better than I could.

    You rawk like a hurricane, Zip.

  • azeyote

    this after class sex thingy – does it include Vitter or any of them Duggars ?

    • Markuserektus

      The Dugs are in trouble again by allowing one of their babies to wear pants.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Sending Muslims to the moon we really mess up Trump’s Classy Lunar Casino Project. Now, unlegal Messicans, that would make sense. Those Moon Kitchens and Moon Hotels are going to need workers, and the local Mooninites are way too sassy to be a good work force.

    • tomamitai

      and the local Mooninites are way too sassy to be a good work force

      Also, too, they like to do the terrorisms with Lite Brites and scare the Boston police and the DHS into accepting millions of dollars.

  • Brewerofbeers
    • Villago Delenda Est

      You know, there’s a religious preference on everyone’s dog tags. Mine said “none” but this was before FSM came on the scene.

      • Brewerofbeers

        Yeah. It is important to ensure that religious requirements are met in case of death, but could just as easily get you in more trouble if you were captured.

      • essbird

        Do the Pentagon got a little metal stampy thing for Pastafarian dogtag-making yet? Cool! If they don’t, we should require it. And Satanic Temple also, too.

        • tomamitai

          I don’t know about the dog tags, but they have a list of authorized religious symbols here that vets can have on their government furnished headstones. There’s nothing Pastafarian specific there, but they do list a “WICCA” pentacle that might be appropriate for the Satanists.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Oh snap!

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Trump seems to be purposefully vague with his comments and answers so his fan club can read into them whatever they want. After all he is an entertainer. It is easy to see why he is popular with the rubes, they hear what they want to, and interpit what Trump says to mean what they already think. I am in awe that so many people can be so stupid and live long and somewhat prosperous lives.

    • Janet Goodell

      My 21YO son rather liked Trump a few months back, but now sees the error of his ways. Why is it taking so long for people older and “wiser?”

  • shawnthesheep

    Your Wonket don’t got none (ESP) unless it’s about Jindal (quitting) son.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Let’s leave that posse on Broadway.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “We’re going to have to do things that we never did before.”

    Like finish a thought?

    • AnOuthouse

      Make our beds?

      • lroom

        I’M NOT DOING THAT!

      • mtn_philosoph

        Put on pants?

  • greyXstar

    Nope, can’t defend this. He absolutely said he would track all Muslims and specifically said we would have to things we’ve never done before and would have never thought possible in this country, and that he knew it would be unpopular. So he didn’t *exactly* say he would bring back the SS, but he made it more than clear that’s what he meant.

    • kaydenpat

      Yes. He’s clearly showing that if elected, he’d be a fascist dictator and implement laws which eviscerate our constitutional rights. We know exactly what we’ll get if we elect this moron.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      The thing about doing things that were unthinkable a year ago is, what are you going to think about a year later.

      • greyXstar

        So much this.

  • AnOuthouse

    Someone isn’t taking Gawker’s switch to politics lying down! Meow! Cat fight.

  • You care about getting stories accurate? Well, you’ll never be REAL journalist that way!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Hey! All journalists back in the holding pen!

  • Slithytoves

    Let’s all just get ahead of this and start wearing the crescent symbol on our clothes.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I’M SPARTACUS

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I’m Spartacus and so’s my wife!

      • Hardly Ideal

        *bad Stephen Colbert impression*
        I am Spartacus and So Can You!

    • Janet Goodell

      I quite recently told my mother I would definitely become a registered Moozlum under The Donald’s plan and figured millions more non-Mooslums might.

  • essbird

    I hate when this happens. I had to get the truth from Twitchy of all places yesterday, and after that I had to take a shower and drink.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Did anyone read Andy Borowitz’s hysterical satire on his Facebook page? It goes

    Nazis Call Trump’s Plan for Muslims ‘Derivative’
    WASHINGTON – In an intellectual property lawsuit filed in federal court on Friday, a group of prominent Nazis accused billionaire Donald Trump of “intentionally copying” key tenets of their political ideology for use in his recent stump speeches. Rinehart Krolz, the Delaware-based Nazi who organized the lawsuit, said specifically that Trump’s plan to register Muslims and track their movements was so “derivative of our copyrighted material” that he and fellow Nazis felt compelled to file the suit. “As much as we Nazis may agree with a lot of things Donald Trump is saying, at the end of the day we have to protect our brand,” Krolz said.
    https://www.facebook.com/andyborowitz/

  • chascates

    My tips are never that funny any way.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    It’s a pretty interesting thing, sounding off on this soon to be election year issue that is holding us hostage in our homes right this minute because Muslims. If only we could step on civil liberties, right to privacy, and the Constitution a little more we’ll all be safe under the bedlam of untrained and undisciplined Good Guys Carrying Guns.

    One of Alaska’s own State Senators, who tried to get his son off prison time for raping a minor, and used his power to slut-shame drunk women in bars by putting State-sponsored pregnancy tests in the bathrooms, is now protecting Alaska from our Independent Governor who wants to put us at Ground Zero.

    • Tansy Geek

      He seems nice.

  • TheBidenator

    “OK, mean Wonket lecture over. See us after class, FOR SEX.”
    Ah, that takes me back….elementary school was such a heady time.

    • OneDemin EOr

      So you are a proud alum of St. Bonerface?

  • TheBidenator

    Donald Trump is such a galactic asshole and a massive, once in a generation troll that it wouldn’t surprise me if he wouldn’t sign off on sending Muslims to LV-426….

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    Super appreciate this kind of attention.

  • laineypc

    I heart you so hard.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Reporting for doody!

  • Cismontane

    Is any of this hedging supposed to make us feel any better about Tinpot Don?

  • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

    I have no doubt that Donald Trump would require Muslims to register in a database if elected. When confronted by NBC, he said we’d have to go “way beyond databases.” The man is a menace.

  • Tansy Geek

    Is it ironic that this post about inaccurate reporting is followed by a piece about James O’Keefe?

  • Playonwords

    Evan, you might just want to re-think the reverse cowgirl thing

    Reverse Cowgirl Responsible For Most Cases Of Penile Fracture In The West: A Global Guide via Medical Daily

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      How the hell do you fracture your penile. Except for raccoons and rhinos I mean

      • Playonwords

        It’s actually a rupture of the surface corpus cavernosa (I know it sounds like a spell from Harry Potter). and all the blood that should be keeping the man on the straight and hard escapes into the surrounding tissue.

  • JH Marx

    Trump has that thing on his head so nobody can see the shit coming out – unfortunately we can all hear it.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Why can’t we just put a chip in every Muslim’s ear? Works for cats.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Not sure it makes me feel any better that he vaguely agrees with the crazy people so that they keep liking him.

  • OneDemin EOr

    Thank you, Evan. We love our Wonkets and Wonkettes and Wonkette. We love you all because you are accurate.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Trump wouldn’t have these problems if he didn’t talk like a hyperactive 12-year-old. Or a not very bright cabdriver.

    Seriously, how can anyone who listens to him for 30 seconds think he could ever be president?

    • Zippy

      because his base is made up of hyperactive 12 year olds?

  • kaw143

    I don’t know, if he did deport all of the Muslims to the moon, they’d have to fight with all of those Nazis hanging out up there, and maybe THAT would solve the problem in Syria. Oh, dear. We just gave The Asylum an idea for a movie, didn’t we? IRON SKY V. CRESCENT SKY: starring Jaleel White, and, maybe, too, one of those kids from The Facts of Life.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Well he was thinking it!

    And seriously, how many times is he going to say “we’re going to look into things” before his fan base goes wait a minute, all he is doing is lookin

    • TheEmperorIsStarkers

      But … GOOD MANAGEMENT!

  • Hey!! All I ever sent was a picture of a shirtless Justin Trudeau.

    That was true.

  • TheEmperorIsStarkers

    It’s hard to pin the bastard down because he never SAYS anything clearly and with conviction. It’s always mumbled and “you tell me,” which UGH THROAT PUNCH … and of course it’s on purpose because that way the dog whistle gets out there but he has plausible deniability because he has never actually clearly said ANYTHING about what he specifically thinks, believes, or plans to do as President, if we as a country become addle-brained enough to vote the pig into office.

  • SisterArtemis

    yeah, about those oft-touted recipes…. maybe at least for the holidays? DOESN’T ANYBODY IN THIS DAMN HOUSE EVER COOK ANYMORE? MY TUNA CASSEROLE JUST AIN’T GONNA CARRY US THROUGH EVERY MEAL DAMMIT!
    *sigh*

  • Querolous

    The Donald likes innuendo? Thanks but NO THANKS!!!

  • DrShitferbrains

    Everything I send is very clearly labeled “TLDR”

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