SHARE
If her mouth is open ...
If her mouth is open …

That debate Tuesday night sure was somethin’! It was like, you know, Republicans, on a stage, and they were on the Fox Business Network, and there were questions and even commercial breaks with trailers for Michael Bay’s Benghazi!!!!111!! film and desperate pleas that we all buy gold, and oh, our hearts, they were racing!

No, just teasing, it was bad and terrible and not all that different from the evil demon CNBC debate. And, BREAKING NEWS, MUST CREDIT WONKET, the candidates lied a lot, and how can you talk about that without checking in with old Lies-A-Lot herself, Ms. Carly Fiorina? Let’s go to the transcript and see what she pulled out of her fib-hole this time!

That time Carly Fiorina and Vladimir Putin were lovers.

Far and away the most hilarious lie came in one of Carly’s patented Zingers, directed toward one Donald The Trump, who thinks he’s “met Vladimir Putin.” As if, Mexican Wall Boy! Carly’s met Putin, and it wasn’t some kind of “Oh, we were in the green room for a show we were both on.” They had a REAL MEETING:

One of the reasons I’ve said that I would not be talking to Vladimir Putin right now, although I have met him as well, not in a green room for a show, but in a private meeting.

Take that, Mister Trump! Except not so much, as the Truth-O-Meter gives that 11,000 wooden Pinocchios and also a couple of Sarah Palins:

Fiorina met Putin for 45 minutes in a green room-type setting, during the 2001 APEC CEO Summit in Beijing, where they were both scheduled to deliver speeches.

Oh.

She probably said one about Obamacare. They ALL said one about Obamacare.

Correct as usual, King Friday! When it came Carly’s turn to GOP-splain how Obamacare is the worst and causes sickness and death and overwhelming butthurt, she said it like this:

Well, first Obamacare has to be repealed because it’s failing the very people it was intended to help, but, also, it is crony-capitalism at its worst. Who helped write this bill? Drug companies, insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, every single one of those kinds of companies are bulking up to deal with big government. […]

We need to try the free market. The free market. Where people actually have to compete. […]

The point is Obamacare is crushing small businesses, it is not helping the families it was intended to help.

WHOA IF TRUE. Now we will grant her one thing, which is that Big Healthcare did help write the bill to benefit insurance and drug companies, which is why real liberals like yr Wonkette wanted single payer, but that is neither here nor there, because #liberaltalk and also we have BEEN TRYING THE FREE MARKET IN HEALTHCARE FOR ABOUT ELEVENTEEN BILLION YEARS. More to the point, though: Is Obamacare such a huge failure? Wish we had some facts and figures to find out.

Oh, we do! Here’s a study what says more Americans than ever have insurance, for less money than before, and that the people most likely NOT to be benefitting are those who live in states led by Republicans who refuse to fully implement it, HUH!

And here’s another one! Oh, and this one says that too, but it turns out it’s REALLY great for poors and minorities, and we’re not sure if those are “the very people” Carly Fiorina would like to help.

Gosh, it’s so easy to find evidence of the good Obamacare is doing, it’s enough to make you wonder if Google works on Carly’s broken HP computers.

Bonus lie of omission:

Now, let me just say — let me just say, I know more about innovation and entrepreneurship than anyone on this panel because I have led innovative businesses in the most highly competitive industry in the world for decades.

She probably meant to say “broke innovative businesses” instead of “led innovative businesses.” Carly’s mistake. Oops!

Then she said something about her “secret sauce” and we threw up to death.

Instead of answering your question, let me tell you a story, and then do a lie!

This was a fun moment. Moderator Maria Bartiromo asked a very mean liberal media question, full of facts and numbers, about how blah blah, President Obama adds an average of 107,000 jobs per month, President Clinton added 240,000 per month, but President George W. Bush only added 13,000 per month, WHATEVER, MARIA, WITH YOUR “NUMBERS.” Did Fiorina hear about the awesomesauce new jobs report? How would candidate Fiorina respond to a Clinton saying numbers at her and making jokes about her tanking Hewlett-Packard?

Well, that reminded Carly of a story:

I think about a woman I met the other day. I would guess she was 40 years old.

Blah blah blah, and Carly fired her from HP, LOL just kidding. Anyway, it was a story about a thing, as opposed to an answer to the question she was asked. And then she lied:

Yes, problems have gotten much worse under Democrats.

But wait, didn’t Bartiromo just ‘splain how there is big job growth when a person named “Any Democrat, Really” is in the White House, and how Not Shit happens when it’s a Republican? Nice sleight of forked tongue, Carly! Lie, and say it in a way that makes it sound like you’re agreeing with the moderator!

Did she say any lies about Planned Parenthood this time?

NOPE! This was the Fox BUSINESS debate, about important BUSINESS things, and none of the fetuses Carly LITERALLY SAW on that video (that doesn’t exist) had MBAs, so it wasn’t relevant.

She probably said them to her husband in the car on the way home, though. It’s how she does sex foreplay to him, SCIENCE FACT. (What? Yr Wonkette saw it in a video. It was A Icky Video.)

[Transcript via Time / Daily Beast]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Nounverb911

    “Telling lies about me, is telling the truth.”
    –iCarly

  • Lizzietish81

    Weird how Republicans are like “I met a person and she supported me” vs Democrats who will say “Like Jane Lane who is working five jobs”

    • Nounverb911

      “I met a person and she supported me”
      ‘I got to keep her salary after I fired her’, she later added.

      • Suttree

        And a small percentage of her soul.

  • Spotts1701

    Well, I guess after last night it’s time to take this baby back into the shop for more repairs.

    • Zippy

      needs moar Bondo on the cheekbones

      • Suttree

        Or Brawndo as she cannot possibly be an animal or mineral.

  • Lizzietish81

    Really all they have are lies.

    And Vaudeville.

    • Nounverb911

      Needs more ‘Dancing Dead Reagans’.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        The Aristocrats!

        It’s a family values act.

  • Zippy

    I have led innovative businesses

    straight into a ditch…

    • cousin itt

      The merger between HP and ACME Elektrical Ltd, didn’t work out so well.

    • bobbert

      For “decades”. Note, her entire industry career, from management trainee to fired CEO, was 25 years long.

  • cousin itt

    I have met him as well, not in a green room for a show, but in a private meeting.

    Behind the Green Door.

  • MrBlobfish

    I finally figured out what is so odd about her. She got a big ol’ candy apple head bobbing around on that skinny stick neck of hers.

    • Hey, a bobbing, oversized candy apple head apparently served First Lady Nancy Gobblecocks well through the years.

    • FlownOver

      Well, that and her pathological inability to make a truthful statement.

      Which is odd everywhere except on a Republican debate stage.

  • Tendernob

    I’m pretty sure Carly did the voice of the ‘white zone loading’ lady in Airplane.

    • Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.

  • whatwhomever

    Liorina lied during the debate? Well, that is very shockzzzzzzzzz….

    • theCryptofishist

      Just another in the Fibonacci series.

  • CutterTeam

    Yes, I remember January 20, 2009. There was full employment in the United States. Wages rising. Stock market booming. Peace — at last — in the Middle East. Unicorns roamed the fruited plain, sipping from chocolate rivers beneath rainbow skies. Everyone in the United States of America had access to quality, affordable health insurance. The auto industry was booming. And crime — much like in the first 15 minutes of the “Demolition Man” movie — had been eliminated entirely.

    Then this horrible Negro showed up and ruined it all.

    • Zippy

      These fuckers really do remember it that way- it’s frightening

    • kindness

      Needs moar white victimization to really sell in Republicanland.

    • thirdeblue

      I’M GLAD SOMEBODY’S FINALLY TELLING THE TRUTH!

  • Indiepalin

    With a face like that you’ve got nothing to laugh about.

  • Zippy

    I can’t believe they let Sleepy get away with his bailout answer

    Q) Would you bail out BofA next time?

    A) No, I’d let it fail

    Q) What about all those families who would lose their life savings?

    A) That wouldn’t happen

    Q) WTF Ben? Please explain

    A) I’d let them all withdraw their money and put it in a different bank

    Seriously? Did this clown sleep through Perception of History 300? Is he completely unfamiliar with the concept of bank runs, the catalyst to the Great Depression? Sure, Mr and mrs Flyover, just jump in the family Impala and drive down to the bank to pull your money out before it’s too late. It’s not like the big boys can execute 10,000 electronic transactions in the millisecond before you begin to realize there might be a problem- I’m sure your money will still be sitting there by the time you park the car

    • Anarchy Pony

      Who needs journalism?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He’s going to tell everyone their money accidentally burned up. Anyone who doesn’t walk out gets ten dollars.

      • Zippy

        or gets hit with a hammer

    • MrBlobfish

      It’s a Wonderful Life was a documentary.

    • James Christopher Owen

      So he’s gonna propose legislation requiring 100% capitalization to make sure errrrbody gets thur munniez when the shit goes pear-shaped? So how where will they get money to lend? Does this guy know ANYTHING about banking?

      • Zippy

        short answer? NO

    • OddMan

      ‘I believe that you want the money behind the counter.’

    • OddMan

      ‘I believe that you want the other bank behind the counter.’

  • Cismontane

    Well, iCarly’s back down around 2.5% in the polling.. so I’m not sure it matters how many lies she tells. But then again, Santorum (aka, MSNBC’s pet Republican candidate, since he seems to be interviewed daily over there), told Chris Matthews he won the debate and he’s at 0.8%. Look to see iCarly appearing over there regularly too, as that’s where loserly Republican liars seem to go to get airtime.

    • Zippy

      Every morning it’s the Daily Trump half hour infomercial- liberal media my ass…

    • Hutch

      You don’t like me! You really don’t like me!

      That she’s dropping in polls is the bestest news I’ve heard all day. That woman’s face scares me.

    • dslindc

      Actually I won the debate, which is just as true as saying Rick did.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Johnny Walker won the debate at my house.

        • dslindc

          His arguments are very persuasive!

    • MrBlobfish

      My second favorite part of the loser’s debate, after Jindal telling Christie he sucks as a governor, was when Santorum interrupted someone to point to himself as the only guy who won in a blue state. He was looking around, waiting for the thunderous applause that never came. Cringeworthy.

      • kindness

        The audience had all googled sanitorum at least once.

        • theCryptofishist

          Some of them had tried to get it out of sheets.

  • Electric Ukelele Land

    Hey, it was a green room for speech giving, not for a T.V. show, so *technically* not a lie and obviously completely different for … reasons.

    • Zippy

      probably wasn’t even green

  • DerrickWildcat

    I had a meeting with Adolph Hitler and Milton Berle in the green room of the Texas Star Theater show.

  • dslindc

    Ben Carson is going to need to step up his game to keep up with Carly’s lie-o-matic!

    • Suttree

      We cannot have a lie-lag.
      /Dr. Idiot

  • Vecchiojohn

    Hope Carly will accept this apology from you vile, nasty little snarkers.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Like she’s the only one trying to fuck Putin.

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      WHO WANTS TO SEX VLADIMIR

  • Cismontane

    Hey.. didn’t even eMeg (currently R-Hewlett Packard) throw iCarly under the bus last week, telling Hufpost that the liar was not only a sucky CEO but she’s not qualified to be president, either?

  • Thaumaturgist

    Say what you want about the free market. The market took its time, but eventually, it rid itself of Carly Fiorina. For good.

  • FauxAntocles

    The point is Obamacare is crushing small businesses, it is not helping the families of Big Pharma it was intended to help

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    She can say she “lead innovative business” into a ditch.

    • Gregory Brown

      Or “flew an innovative business into the ground.”

  • Duke

    With her wise words and pleasant demeanor, Carly makes me proud to be her supporter.

    (Find three lies above)

    • Bitter Scribe

      I found four, unless you really ARE her supporter for reasons you’re ashamed to reveal.

      • arglebargle

        and is Duke your real name?

        • theCryptofishist

          Some sort of John Wayne love child, I think.

          • arglebargle

            John Wayne? Or David Bowie!!???!

          • theCryptofishist

            I don’t care. Neither one really exists in my world.

    • BigBoppa

      Found 3 lies and a fashion faux pas. A polo shirt? What were you thinking?

      • Duke

        Are people more understanding on “Wonkette for Olds?”

        • Zippy

          Geez, I’m in trouble. I have a whole closet full of polo shirts

        • Beaumarchais?

          Anyone else wanna tell him, or should I?

    • say wha

      If “Duke” is even your real name.

      • Duke

        When it comes over the speaker I know it’s time to get the pizza. Does that count?

  • ArgieBargie

    I hope Al Franken’s next book is titled “Lies and the Fiorinas Who Tell Them.”

    • Doug Langley

      Golly! What was the tip-off?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Aha! So two people have seen this secret video in which a baby’s brain is being harvested.

  • cousin itt

    Shorter iCarly last night: ” Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES HILLARY, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.”

  • Zippy

    The secret sauce is actually Kool Aid

    • badphairy

      Grape FlavR-Aid.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    iCarly Fiborina.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I don’t mean to sound racist, but you know how Italians are.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Carly Fiorina (born Cara Carleton Sneed; September 6, 1954)

      • Hutch

        Carly Fiorina (born Snidely Carleton Whiplash); September 6, 1954.

        FIFY?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Even her first name is a lie.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          I dare you to go to a rally and keep calling out Cara.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            That’s going to annoy the other 3 people there.

          • DerrickWildcat

            Challenge accepted.
            CARA CARA CARA!

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Thank God it begins with a C, or people would start confusing her with Superman’s cousin.

          • Querolous

            Did you know that “Cara” is Spanish for “Face”

          • theCryptofishist

            Italian for “dear”.

      • DerrickWildcat

        Was she adopted by an Italian?

    • arglebargle

      Actually, I don’t. I’ve never had one.

  • DahBoner
  • btwbfdimho

    Carly, about health care:
    “We need to try the free market. The free market. Where people actually have to compete. […]”

    Right, once you’re in the ambulance, you go shopping for Emergency Rooms. “Wait, no, Mayo Clinic offers me $10,000 in-mail rebate for brain surgery after midnight!”.
    No Carla, economists and philosophers separate “voluntary exchanges” (shopping malls) from involuntary exchanges (before and after anestesia).

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I’m waiting for the big end of the year sale on chemo.

    • Zippy

      Where’s my damned Groupon?

  • Bitter Scribe

    You left out the biggest fib of all: when she called herself “a chief executive who’s made hard decisions to grow jobs.”

    George Constanza said “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” But even she can’t possibly believe that “grow jobs” means the same thing as “throw thirty thousand people out of work.”

    • btwbfdimho

      Wait, was she blowing Steve Jobs?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        It was the 2000s. Everybody was.

  • arglebargle

    Carly Lily White and the Seven Mental Midgets…

    starring

    Ben Carson as Sleepy
    Donald Trump as Grumpy
    Jeb Bush as Dopey
    Rand Paul as Doc
    John Kasich as Happy to be at the “adult” debate
    Marco Rubio as Bashful
    Raphael Cruz as Sleazy

    • Thorn Spike

      Rand Paul as “Doc”

      FIFY

      • arglebargle

        Yes indeed, you did. To be fair Rubio is not really all that bashful either.

    • Zippy

      I was thinking Kasich as Grumpy, Trump as Dopey, Jeb as Dork and Rubio as Thirsty, with Carly playing the Wicked Queen

      • arglebargle

        Many roles are interchangeable. Cuts down on the need for understudies, thus eliminating the takers from the payroll.

        • Zippy

          lol, I was about to post my own version, GMTA. I was just stumped because none of these fuckers are happy or bashful

          • arglebargle

            or sneezy. I took liberties dammit. See below for Bashful nonapology.

          • Zippy

            I had Cruz as Sleazy, also too- just because.

            Or you could switch it up- Carson is the Scarecrow, Jeb is the Cowardly Lion, Rubio is the rusted up Tinman (from all that water), Rand Paul is Toto, Kasich is the ill-tempered doorkeeper for Emerald City, Cruz would be a flying monkey, Trump, of course as the Great and Powerful Oz and Carly as the Wicked Witch who yelled “fly my pretties!” then fired them all as soon as they left the castle, then had her face melt under all the studio lights

        • badphairy

          She cut Rufus, the 8th dwarf.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Raphael has two roles: Sleazy and Smarmy.

      • John Steward

        Don’t forget Creepy.

  • Apple Scruff

    Within minutes of the end of the debate, a perfectly time sponsored Tweet came through my Twitter feed for Carlzbad begging for campaign contributions. Judging by the responses, she didn’t see a red cent: https://twitter.com/CarlyFiorina/status/664284348120600576

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Carly Fiorina crushes families. Pitch in $3 so we can buy a 16 ton weight to drop on her.

      • gratuitous

        Carly should be more worried about someone dropping a house on her.

      • badphairy
        • James Christopher Owen

          Load 16 tons, whaddya get…

          • badphairy

            More Botox under and deeper in debt.

        • John Steward

          Wile E. Coyote is under that weight. See how it isn’t flat on the ground?

  • LarryHoudini

    Obamacare is an incredible failure.
    This brings back some words of wisdom my dear grandmother used to tell me: “A lie repeated often enough becomes truth.”
    Wait a second—that wasn’t my grandma, that was Joseph Goebbels! Hmm, not sure how I got those two confused . . .

    • jmk

      One of them was clearly lying.

  • Blackest Noobs

    this shit is so laughable…you’re like..it’s 2015….you really have to up your game when it comes to lying….these Republican candidates…they’re amateurs…they don’t even have their own shit together…no actual plan except that same old same song tinkle ( yes i spelled that on purpose; i know trickle) down economics and no NO NO regulations EVER for any business…and JESUS the EVER LIVING FUCK OUTHA EVERRY GODJESUSDAMN THING!!!!!

    this is what we get for not stepping up our game….we get shitty opponents like these people. ugh. and honestly it wouldn’t depress me as much if not for the fact these morons, these fucking liars, are somehow polling well.

    sadly having everything has made us dumber.

  • TheBidenator

    Yes, I will give Carly credit for destroying the Bachmann continuum: every single word that came from her word hole was either an outright lie or a complete deception. So kudos, iCarly! I’ll have a new Fiorina formula developed just as soon as I finish cleaning the brains off the walls from the all the fact checkers who committed suicide to get out of working Carly’s claims….

  • Callyson

    Don’t forget her biggest whopper:

    FIORINA:

    Can I just — could I just say, as a chief executive who’s had to make tough calls to save jobs and to grow jobs…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Her face is a lie. It starts there and does not stop.

    • Billy Croissant

      You mean she’s lying about her…down there? That we should be cutting up and japing about CARL Fiona? That makes sense, because I can totally see her with a mustache. But I wish somebody would get that guy a sandwich or three.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Why the hell wouldn’t Carly lie? The truth doesn’t help her, and the lies don’t hurt her. Win win.

  • Jason M

    How does Carly Fiorina sleep? Answer: First she lies on one side, then she lies on the other. How is Carly Fiorina like an atom? They both make up everything. Theses are the yucks, people!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Should we try the veal, too?

      • Jason M

        Be sure and tip the wait staff, they work damn hard, I’m here all week!

        • Zippy

          BUT NO RAISE! They’re already overpaid

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Support your local waitress because she’s supporting your local comedian.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    I just can’t get past THAT FACE!!!!!

    • Rick Hill

      The more I see her the more convinced that S. Jobs created her as the first functioning android(except he wouldn’t call her THAT).

    • SnarkTank

      And by “THAT FACE” you mean her persona, right?

      • 24601

        Beautiful. She’s a beautiful woman.

      • JohnnyZhivago2

        What persona?

  • BearGHAZI

    I don’t believe she is actually the only Vagina Candidate (R) until she shows it to me

  • Rick Hill

    “…poors and minorities, and we’re not sure if those are “the very people” Carly Fiorina would like to help.”

    She has every wish to help them…help them remember their place and ensure they stay there.

  • BearGHAZI

    She viciously KILLED the only daughter she ever had, right? I think I saw that on a video somewhere

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      No. She gave up her daughter to Glenn Beck, who killed her.

      • AnOuthouse

        Her daughter was a prostitute?

  • 24601

    Every time I see her speak all I can think of is this (for the older folks): http://dammitja.net/toon/clutchfull.gif

    • jmk

      Is that Clutch Cargo?????

      • Suse

        I went to HS with a guy who looked exactly like Clutch Cargo and one who looked exactly like Joe Palooka.

      • 24601

        Clutch Carly. ;-)

    • thenearesthippie

      All my adult life I thought I’d hallucinated Clutch Cargo.

  • Leo Carey

    Wow just Wow .. the people commenting here are completely nuts. You all have the gall to call her a liar when Hillary and her husband continually disgrace this country with lies. How stupid can you all be to rip her apart as you frame another picture of Hillary over your bed.. WOW

    • Zippy

      Awww, how cute, someone wants to be featured in Dok’s weekend column

      • Leo Carey

        Yet no real retort

        • Zippy

          Show me the lies, and you’ll get a real real retort, genius

          • Suse

            Also too, show us an example of Carly telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothin’ but the truth. Betcha can’t find one.

          • Zippy

            crickets on both accounts…

          • Suse

            maybe he’s thinking (or phoning a friend)…

          • Doug Langley

            He’s got a friend?

          • badphairy

            I bet it’s not James Taylor.

          • Leo Carey

            Are you kidding? No Classified emails – really that turned out to be false, Benghazi was due to a video – yet she told her family a different story and how she is the only one for equal pay for woman – yet paid her own staff 77cents on the dollar for what she was paying her male staffers.. need more..?

          • Zippy

            None of those are lies, you moron. It was all covered, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, in all those committee meeting. After all those hours, not one Republican could point to one lie. I know you clown believe in some alternate wingnut reality, but here in the fact based world there are no lies- none about Benghazi, none about classified email, you jackasses haven’t got a thing, except your tired, boring utterly debunked talking points. And seriously, the tired BS about staff pay? How fucking dumb are you (that’s a rhetorical question- the answer is quite obvious)

    • Billy Croissant

      Mom, Dad’s touching the computer AGAIN!

      • Zippy

        Show us on the doll where he touched it

      • Leo Carey

        Or Slick Willie touching the interns again

        • Zippy

          While Newt was touching someone besides his wife, as was Bob Livingston and Denny Hastert was touching little boys. But that’s OK because IOKIYAR, right?

          • Leo Carey

            Hey – Newt had an open marriage – as did Bill and Hillary – apparently. As far as Denny – he can rot in hell. Again – don’t miss the point – neither are trying to get their lying, cheating disgusting arses back into the WH.. Are they?

          • Zippy

            Umm, yes dipshit, Newt ran for president. And no, he didn’t have an open marriage- he was cheating.

        • Billy Croissant

          Jeez, don’t you have anything from THIS century?

          • Zippy

            even the wingnuts are finally getting tired of mindlessly shouting Benghazi and Birf Certificate! So they’ve resorted to reruns…

          • Leo Carey

            Sure – what Hillary told her family versus the family of the “what difference does it make” Benghazi victims wasn’t a lie.. okay.. keep dreaming.

          • Suse

            That’s it? That’s all you’ve got? Pffttt…

          • jmk

            Ohhhh look, Leo’s repeating the “ooh Hillz didn’t care” talking point that his Faux Nooz friends taught him!!

            Hey, Leo… here’s the full quote, which I guarantee you’ve never heard in Wingnutistan:

            “With all due respect, the fact is we had four dead Americans. Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night who decided that they’d they go kill some Americans? What difference at this point does it make? It is our job to figure out what happened and do everything we can to prevent it from ever happening again, Senator. Now, honestly, I will do my best to answer your questions about this, but the fact is that people were trying in real time to get to the best information. The IC has a process, I understand, going with the other committees to explain how these talking points came out. But you know, to be clear, it is, from my perspective, less important today looking backwards as to why these militants decided they did it than to find them and bring them to justice, and then maybe we’ll figure out what was going on in the meantime.”

            Kind of changes the meaning when viewed in context, doesn’t it?

            Or are you so deep in the bullshit that you can’t even see that?

          • Leo Carey

            Typical blind liberal response – your definition of IS is more in line with her lying husband.. Why did she go to great lengths to hide all these emails – why? Yet – you keep licking her hooves as the FBI is expanding their investigation into her..

          • jmk

            Thank you, Leo, cupcake!!! Despite your error as to the condition of my eyesight (I do wear contacts, but I’m hardly blind), I must thank you for recognizing that a “typical…liberal response” is factual, verifiable, and in context… since all I did was to provide you with the full quote that you referenced, so that you can stop implying that Secretary Clinton meant something that she didn’t mean.

            Of course, if you didn’t mean to recognize that a “typical liberal response” is truthful and factual, then I must say, your typical blind conservatwit response to the quote I provided, and your desperate, fact-free attempt to divert attention from it with your insults, were both hypocritical failures.

          • Leo Carey

            Blah Blah Blah – liberals are ruining this country and all your copying and pasting from other liberal sources mean absolutely nothing…so go pound sand..

          • jmk

            Ohhhhhh you really are deep in the derp, cupcake… nice try at more deflection, but once again, your hypocrisy is hilarious, as you post nothing but noise in your pathetic attempt to drown out actual information.

            I will say that I really did do some “copying and pasting,”… but it wasn’t from “other liberal sources,” sugarplum. It was from THE TRANSCRIPT OF HER FUCKING TESTIMONY. Sorry you don’t know how reality works.

            I have no doubt that you think a more inclusive and tolerant society with lower unemployment, a stronger economy, and fewer people dying without healthcare is being “ruined” – you’re clearly a low-information, bigoted dipshit who feels threatened by inclusion and equality.

            Your desperation to hang on to your baseless hatred stinks so bad the smell is coming through the monitor.

          • NorthStarSpanx

            Yeah, she should have shot a video for a black tie dinner of her looking for Ambassador Stevens behind the curtains, or under the couch in the Oval Office, that would have been more somber and appropriate.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvliUuXjbL4

          • Leo Carey

            Sure – deflect away from her lies..

        • btwbfdimho

          True, those people have “issues”, not everybody is as lucky as D. Trump.

          http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/08/the-absolute-trumpest-121328

        • Boscoe

          Better the interns than the Middle East. Amirite? ;P

          • Leo Carey

            Touche….well said..

      • badphairy

        Wipe it off with Clorox, Billy, like I showed you.

    • Suse

      IMDB: “Leo Carey is an actor and composer, known for Richard III (2005) and Hamsters (2012).” You were so great in Hamsters, Leo!

      • Leo Carey

        Hey….. I resemble that… I mean… I resent that..

    • dshwa

      Oh good, it’s time to explain the difference between accusing someone of lying with no evidence because the truth is out there somewhere, oh we will find it, yes we will, even if we have to have another eleventy billion hearings, we’re gonna find it, oh boy, as the right wing has done with the Clintons for forever; and here’s the actual evidence that someone lied.

      • Zippy

        But you don’t understand, she’s the lyingest liar that ever lied in all of Liarstan. This is an article of faith in the RW echochamber- the fact that after 8 Benghazi!!1! committee hearings, 11 hours of grueling testimony, 22 other hearings, several political campaigns, Whitewater, Travelgate, and Vince Foster, they STILL can’t point to any specific lies other than her exaggeration of sniper fire in Bosnia means nothing. She’s still the biggest liar in the universe- she just is! Fox News and their AM radio told them so, it must be true!

        • Boscoe

          It’s easy when you only get your information from right wing “news” outlets that highlight every baseless accusation and never correct them when they’re proven to be baseless.

          I’m sure Leo spends every day with a confused look on his face wondering why this law breakingest, most illegal executive orderingest, most vacation days takingest imperial President hasn’t been convicted of being the reincarnation of Hitler yet.

    • JohnnyZhivago2

      How do you comment here??? Really?

    • jmk

      So Carly says words that are demonstrably untrue and you’re fine with that? She makes utterly inaccurate, factually wrong, and entirely misleading statements and you have the fucking nerve to not only criticize people for pointing out that Carly is a liar but imply that WE’RE somehow sheep? Talk about WOW.

      I thought I’d become immune to the feeling of disgust generated by the furious vindictiveness of the rightwingers who have spent the last quarter century trying and failing to get some of their manufactured mud to stick to the Clintons as you dimshits in their base blame Bill n Hill because people lie about them…but I was wrong. I still find your reflexive hatred pretty nauseating.

      • SDGeoff

        WTF?

      • Leo Carey

        Are you kidding me? I never once said that Carly was the second coming of honest Abe – but the media and all the other sheep are completely giving Hillary a pass on her BS. I do not expect CF to even be on the stage 4 mos from now – but Hillary sure will be and I would rather have crazy grandpa Bernie than that liar.

        • jmk

          Oh, I don’t think that 25 years of being called a fucking murderer, a traitor, a spy, and a slimebucket, and having her every fucking move and haircut and pantsuit criticized and vilified, and sitting through umpteen hours of Congressional grilling, including her recent 11 hour stint before Pinhead Gowdy and his bloviating friends counts as “giving Hillary a pass on her BS.”

          And again, you need to get some kind of a grip on reality – if a bunch of people keep calling her a liar and yet, even after spending untold bajillions of Ameros on investigations and subcommittees and more investigations, they never seem to be able to come up with more than just allegations that she’s a liar…SHE is not the one lying.

        • IronPyrite

          So, you’re perfectly OK with Carly being a lying liar. Which means that you are probably OK with the rest of the Clown Train™ being lying liars, too.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I know right? But in fairness, I’m only framing another picture of Hillary because my old one got all sticky and gross.

      • Suse

        Upvote, but eewww.

      • Suse

        This is on my wall.

      • Msgr_Moment

        IK,R?

      • Leo Carey

        Hopefully from all your vomiting and no other bodily fluids – else you really need your eyes checked..

    • btwbfdimho

      BBHMM

    • IronPyrite

      You all have the gall to call her a liar when Hillary and her husband continually disgrace this country with lies.

      I notice that you do NOT deny that Carly “The Grandame of All Lying Liars” Fiorina is lying.

      • Leo Carey

        Oh – come now… Hillary is the Queen of dishonesty and maybe if Carly had been playing the game as long would her nose be as big – but Hillary wakes up and tells lies..

        • Juan de Fuca

          Leo, you still haven’t provided an example. What lies are you talking about? You’re about to go all the back to 2008, aren’t ya?
          At least thinking about it?

          • IronPyrite

            Leo can use the “You’ve got a lot of nerve arresting me. Hillary lies all the time” defense the next time he gets caught in the men’s room at the bus station, tapping out a Larry Craig love message.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Ha. Maybe. Hillary has embellished her fair share of stories and perhaps a lie or three in the past but those come at the rate of one every few years – not defending it, just sayin. Carly lies or embellishes at the rate of a lie every few sentences. Seriously. That Planned Parenthood one? As Leo would say, “Just Wow”. Carly’s lie about PP had a far greater negative impact on actual domestic policy than Hillary embellishing a story about who her parents named her after.

        • IronPyrite

          Leo, you still have NOT denied that Fiorina lied. Assuming that Hillary ever lied about anything, what in the unholy fuck does that have to do with Carly Fiorina lying?

        • Keith

          Hillary has been investigated multiple times for years on end by republicans and despite all their promises that they’ll find something with just a few more cash donations they haven’t found anything. She’s also been fact checked for years and has only been shown to have told lies 25% of the time, all of the Republicans, except Jeb, are telling lies between 60% and 94% of the time. My guess is you’re using conservative math which says that that the higher the number of lies told means it’s less than a lower number of lies told. Y’all do the same thing with jobs and other economic factors so it’s understandable why we laugh at you.

          • Leo Carey

            You got me – because when the fox watches the hen house there will be hell to pay..- please …the DOJ and IRS are a joke and nothing will ever come from them – except more lies..

    • Boscoe

      Wow, just wow. Leo Carey, you are nuts. How you have the call to call Hillary a liar when iCarly continually disgraces the election process with lies. How stupid can you be to rip her apart as you frame another picture of iCarly over your bed.. WOW

      • Leo Carey

        I would rather have Carly any day of the week over my bed. Now, as far as the length of their noses; do you really believe Hillary over the family members killed in Benghazi? Do you really believe anything that comes out of her big fat pie hole? I am not saying Carly should be the next POTUS but my god man – Hillary???

        • IronPyrite

          I would rather have Carly any day of the week over my bed.

          Actually, Leo, she’s under your bed – similar to the David Vitter monster in your closet.

          I am not saying Carly should be the next POTUS but my god man – Hillary???

          Leo, what the hell’s your point then?

          • Suse

            Under your bed! Carly Fiorina – Demon Sheep or Dust Bunny?

          • John Steward

            They are interchangeable because, you know, uteruses.

        • John Smith

          BENGHAZI!111111!!

          Dumbass,your own partisans can’t even find she did anything wrong.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Y U mad bro? Cause all your guys are lying constantly and constantly caught on it every single day without spending a dime of tax payer money, and after 13 investigations and millions of tax payer dollars later, you STILL cannot find Hillz lying about anything?

        • Greg Comlish

          It’s true. If you say Benghazi three times fast then Hillary Clinton appears in your living room and uses secret emails to order the Pentagon to “stand down”. And she gets away with it because Obama only says “act of terror” even though it was clearly and unambiguously a “terrorist act”. BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI!

          • Leo Carey

            Oh – so you believe a video caused this and that Hillary wasn’t receiving emails for more security – ok – done with you..

          • Greg Comlish

            Good riddance, because you’re a dipshit. You’ve spent godknows how much time insinuating on Benghazi without ever being able to articulate what precisely it was that Clinton did either before or subsequent to the Benghazi attacks that was illegal, scandalous, or even notably different from standard operating procedure at the State Department. You are, in this way, no different from the Republican leadership.

          • Greg Comlish

            I mean for fucks sake, say what you will about the bullshit accusation that the Clinton’s murdered Vince Foster, at least its an accusation that clearly articulates an actual crime. The accusation is politically motivated bullshit and entirely baseless, but if it were true (and it isn’t, it’s just another lie) it would be a meaning accusation.

            The Benghazi scandal, on the other hand, is just layer upon layer of suspicion and insinuation. It’s the Whitewater controversy all over again: An attempt to create a aura of a scandal through endless investigations while providing a stead supply minutia to fuel conspiracy theorists. But the political leadership never advances a central coherent theory that articulates Clinton’s alleged crimes because then such a theory could be readily scrutinized and discredited. Instead the leadership just keeps investigating and making generic denunciations so they can never be held factually accountable. And to anybody who doesn’t instinctively hate the Clintons, the pettiness of this bullshit is readily apparent.

          • Leo Carey

            Ok – musky – please keep those blinders as it apparently makes you swallow anything thrown at you. You are a fkg moron and continue to listen to one media source that is rife with one agenda. great way to go through life – please go FYS

          • jmk

            LOL Says the guy whose comment history demonstrates that his sole source of information is from the brief little snippets on Newser.

        • NorthStarSpanx

          You are so easy, we got you to say you’d like to have Carly over your bed. Ewwwwww.

          • Leo Carey

            I may be easy but not cheap….hey beauty is only a light switch away

    • ryp

      Like we’re really going to take down our pictures of Mao to put one up of Hillary.

      • riledupone

        I’ve got one of Mao and Hillary. Do you think it’s a photoshop job?

        • Steverino247

          Depends. Are they fucking?

        • AnOuthouse

          And mine’s on the ceiling.

      • Leo Carey

        Right – why displace another Al Gore picture..

    • NellCote71

      Dude, just back away from the computer before someone gets hurt. Or ban hammered.

      • Leo Carey

        So – you must be a professor from Mizzou who has no clue on the first Amendment but yet gets paid to spew lies about it.. ok.. you can move along

    • NorthStarSpanx

      You are so lost little boy

      • Leo Carey

        Lost in Space – or what? Tell me you believe everything that comes from Hillary’s mouth and our relationship is over..

  • Randy Riddle

    There are three kinds of lies: Carly Fiorina lies, GOP talking point lies and Ben Carson’s autobiography.

  • Michael Rappaport

    Pretty sure that if Carl E. Fiorina stays in the race long enough, we’re going to get that “Crying Game” moment when she bend Jebya! over a chair and shows him how a real man does it.

    • badphairy

      That’s about the only reason to support her. And Good Vibrations.

  • JohnnyZhivago2
  • Count Awesome
  • btwbfdimho

    Carla: “Yes, problems have gotten much worse under Democrats.”
    Yes, specially for GOPs to reach the WH.

    lie#qjaC1JzBZLzmQ1lo.99http://www.economist.com/news/united-states/21611143-why-economy-has-grown-faster-under-democratic-presidents-timing-everything

  • Mr Sincere

    That was funny. It made me laugh.

    • jmk

      Sincerely?

      • Boscoe

        With a name like that, he Clearly cannot be believed.

        • Mr Corrections

          I hate him so much

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Let’s burn the witch!

  • Matt Jones

    Re: Carly “leading” businesses – it counts as “leading” even if the place being lead to is “off a giant fucking cliff”, right? ;)

  • Boscoe

    iCarly’s version of “the free market” = remove all rules, laws and restrictions, let insurance companies do whatever they want and then see how awesomesauce it all turns out!

  • Mavenmaven

    I blame the botox. Something is making her wildely delusional…

    • sohadicouldsplit

      Someone should tell her doctor to use shorter needles.

      • Querolous

        Someone should tell her doctor to use extra long needles. With votes.

      • colbert fan

        Yeah, she got one stuck in her head so deep it paralyzed her brain. Somehow it shorted something up there and left her mouth running with an automatic lock out. There is no access to the controller anymore. Gonna have to let the battery run out.

  • URQ196

    Carly, Callista Gingrich wants you to see her hairstylist.

    • uggggh…going to need to use the eye bleach tonight.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt5CjhBpicY

    • Suse

      The epitome of a good Republican wife.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Well, really more of a mistress, but she lucked out when the 2nd Mrs. G got cancer and Newt didn’t have time for that.

        • Suse

          I mostly meant her appearance – bleached helmet hair, crazy eyes, too much makeup, triple strands of pearls.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Thin, humorless mouth, helpless dead eyes, overdone nose…..

      • T Kevin

        Stepford

    • willi0000000

      bolt a face shield to that and i’ll bet it’s street legal under DOT rules.

      • eddi

        Probably Snell 2015 as well. (inside humor)

    • eddi

      I’ve seen store mannequins that looked more realistic.

  • iCarly was dressed for a funeral last night – her own.

  • kaw143

    Wait. What? Lies? During the Republican debates? You have GOT to be kidding me.

  • Sterculius

    The Republican debates can only be understood as a Lying Contest. Carly is clearly in the hunt.

    • Steverino247

      Carly is clearly a cunt? You said it!

  • AnOuthouse

    Carly said one not-a-lie. She wants the people to compete. Hunger Games style.

  • MrCanoehead

    If she started telling the truth, she couldn’t charge as much for speaking engagements.
    The Truth Will Set Her Fee.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    The line “none of the fetuses Carly LITERALLY SAW on that video (that doesn’t exist) had MBAs” was really funny. Thanks, Evan, for making me start out my day with a burst of laughter. That doesn’t happen to me very often during election campaigns.

  • Michael Dorsey

    Carly Fiorina is clearly right about the need to let the free market take care of our health. I assume her first act as president will be to abolish the FDA so the free market can protect us from tainted meat and snake oil the way it did in the good old days.

  • Carly’s met Putin, and it wasn’t some kind of “Oh, we were in the green room for a show we were both on.” They had a REAL MEETING:

    It’s true! Sarah Palin saw them fucking from her house!

  • john simone

    And that’s why I linked my site to this article:

    http://republicanfucktards.com/index.html

Previous articleVeterans Day Is A Great Time To Buy Sarah Palin’s New Book, Remember Reagan
Next articleBarack Obama Insults Veterans By Helping Them Go To College