Egypt Does Archaeological Dig On Ben Carson's Brain, Discovers A Idiot

Say what?

Brilliant neurosurgeon ( OR IS HE? ) Ben Carson is officially an international disgrace. Congratulations, doctor! You have now joined the elite ranks of several other Republican presidential candidates who have forced foreign nations to "Well, ACTUALLY" them, for their stupidity. Other distinguished recipients of the Excellence In Diplomacy Skillz Award include drop-out loser Scott Walker , cheese-eating surrender monkey Jeb Bush , anti-Semitic fuck nugget Mike Huckabee , and of course Mexican wall-builder Donald Trump .

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Carson's crime against intelligent thought is, as we all know and have yet to stop laughing about, his "own personal theory" that archaeologists are morons who haven't spent enough time reading the Bible, because "if you stop and think about it," it's obvious the ancient Egyptian pyramids were built by the Jewish slave Joseph, he of the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, to store grain for winter. Even if one were to interpret the Bible literally, as Carson does -- let us not forget Carson'srecent observation that Noah the amateur was a whole lot better at ark design than the pros who built the Titanic -- Carson's theory is still dumber than a sack of goat's blood. And now we happen to have Egypt right here, to correct the world-class doctor of brains:

Mahmoud Afifi, Egypt’s head of ancient antiquities, said Carson’s comments were similar to other inaccurate theories about the pyramids, including that they were built by Atlanteans from a mythical lost continent.

“A lot of people are trying to prove that the pyramids weren’t built for burials,” said Afifi. “Maybe they’re comments used for publicity like that man who’s not an archaeologist and says they stored grain, and I don’t know what that was based on.”

Clearly, this Mahmoud Afifi feller is one of those "secular progressives" from the "liberal media" who's out to gotcha Ben Carson. As is his colleague, antiquities minister Mamdouh el-Damaty, who literally can't even:

“Does he even deserve a response? He doesn’t."

We look forward to the next Republican candidate attempting to demonstrate his (or her!) unique qualifications for the office of the presidency by humiliating America with a string of sputtered words so idiotic, foreign nations feel compelled to correct the record. Our money's on Ted Cruz.

[ The Guardian / Image via Jeremy Newberger ]