We already told you one of Obama’s greatest crowd-pleasing zingers, when he giggled his ass off about what STINKIN’ PUSSWADS all the Republican candidates are for whining about those mean CNBC moderators:
Have you noticed that every one of these candidates say, Obama is weak. Putin is kicking sand in his face. When I talk to Putin he’s going to straighten out. Just looking at him, he’s going to be … And then it turns out they can’t handle a bunch of CNBC moderators at a debate. I mean, let me tell you, if you can’t handle those guys, you know, then I don’t think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you.
And then he was like LOL BYE LOSERS!
But that wasn’t all. Oh no siree bob, Obama had more LAFFS TO GIVE about those dildo sniffers.
After bragging about his administration’s MANY accomplishments, he played a little compare and contrast game with all the dicknoses what occupy the other side of the aisle, especially those who think they’ve got Big Boy Pants enough to fill Obama’s mom jeans in the Oval Office:
I don’t know if the Republicans who are running for this office know any of these things. Because they occupy a different reality, it seems. According to them, everything was really good in 2008 when we were going through the worst economic crisis in our lifetimes. Unemployment and uninsured rates were up, and we were hopelessly addicted to foreign oil, and bin Laden was still on the loose. This apparently was the golden age that I messed up. [YOOOOGE APPLAUSE] I messed it up.
Yeah Nobummer, you big fuckup!
Now he would like to make fun of them about climate change:
On climate change — now, if you went to a doctor — no, let’s change that. If you go to a hundred doctors and 99 of them tell you you’ve got diabetes, you’ve got to stop eating bacon and donuts every day and we have to monitor your health, and we’ve got to fix this — you wouldn’t say, oh, that’s a conspiracy, they’re making that up. All 99 of those doctors got together with Obama to try to prevent me from having bacon and donuts — you wouldn’t do that. That’s not what you’d do. There’s not a single person who would do that.
President Obama did bacon doughnut libel! That’s like powdered-sugared-Benghazi!!!!!!!111!! What’s missing from these blockquotes is how often The Big O had to pause because everybody in the room was giggling.
I mean, it would be funny, except this is about climate change. This was an analogy. And the planet is warming; 99 percent of scientists have said it’s warming. And we’ve got the Republican chairman of the Senate Energy and Environment Committee carrying a snowball into the Senate chambers to show that there is still snow and that climate change isn’t happening. I am not making that up. That’s what happened.
He is not making it up at all! That’s what Sen. James Inhofe did with his special snowball! Here is a picture, so you know we and the president are not making up bald-faced Carly Fiorinas:
After that, Bamz said a bunch of hopey changey shit about “I am so good, but together we can do gooder, si se puede!”
Asked to respond, Ben Carson made a wee mumbling sound about Obama being afraid of going on Fox, which is hilarious considering how Obama has descended from his perch to sit for interviews with the wingnut fecal stew that is Fox News. It’s also funny because Ben Carson is one of the el primo pussies demanding friendlier, softballier debate questions that don’t expose him as a shill for “miracle” vitamins that “cured” his cancer, with only five easy payments of $19.99.
To put this another way:
STFU, Ben Carson. The president hasn’t said you get to talk. He ain’t done laughing yet.