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President Doesn’t Give A Fuck is out there again, Not Giving A Fuck. He spoke Tuesday night at a DNC event, and what do you think was on his mind? Oh, just the Republicans and how they are hilariously pathetic to watch right now? YUP.

We already told you one of Obama’s greatest crowd-pleasing zingers, when he giggled his ass off about what STINKIN’ PUSSWADS all the Republican candidates are for whining about those mean CNBC moderators:

Have you noticed that every one of these candidates say, Obama is weak. Putin is kicking sand in his face. When I talk to Putin he’s going to straighten out. Just looking at him, he’s going to be … And then it turns out they can’t handle a bunch of CNBC moderators at a debate. I mean, let me tell you, if you can’t handle those guys, you know, then I don’t think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you.

And then he was like LOL BYE LOSERS!

U R DUMB LOL
U R DUMB LOL

But that wasn’t all. Oh no siree bob, Obama had more LAFFS TO GIVE about those dildo sniffers.

After bragging about his administration’s MANY accomplishments, he played a little compare and contrast game with all the dicknoses what occupy the other side of the aisle, especially those who think they’ve got Big Boy Pants enough to fill Obama’s mom jeans in the Oval Office:

I don’t know if the Republicans who are running for this office know any of these things. Because they occupy a different reality, it seems. According to them, everything was really good in 2008 when we were going through the worst economic crisis in our lifetimes. Unemployment and uninsured rates were up, and we were hopelessly addicted to foreign oil, and bin Laden was still on the loose. This apparently was the golden age that I messed up. [YOOOOGE APPLAUSE] I messed it up.

Yeah Nobummer, you big fuckup!

Oh look wingnuts, he is still laughing at you.
Oh look wingnuts, he is still laughing at you.

Now he would like to make fun of them about climate change:

On climate change — now, if you went to a doctor — no, let’s change that. If you go to a hundred doctors and 99 of them tell you you’ve got diabetes, you’ve got to stop eating bacon and donuts every day and we have to monitor your health, and we’ve got to fix this — you wouldn’t say, oh, that’s a conspiracy, they’re making that up. All 99 of those doctors got together with Obama to try to prevent me from having bacon and donuts — you wouldn’t do that. That’s not what you’d do. There’s not a single person who would do that.

President Obama did bacon doughnut libel! That’s like powdered-sugared-Benghazi!!!!!!!111!! What’s missing from these blockquotes is how often The Big O had to pause because everybody in the room was giggling.

I mean, it would be funny, except this is about climate change. This was an analogy. And the planet is warming; 99 percent of scientists have said it’s warming. And we’ve got the Republican chairman of the Senate Energy and Environment Committee carrying a snowball into the Senate chambers to show that there is still snow and that climate change isn’t happening. I am not making that up. That’s what happened.

He is not making it up at all! That’s what Sen. James Inhofe did with his special snowball! Here is a picture, so you know we and the president are not making up bald-faced Carly Fiorinas:

inhofe snowball crop

After that, Bamz said a bunch of hopey changey shit about “I am so good, but together we can do gooder, si se puede!”

Asked to respond, Ben Carson made a wee mumbling sound about Obama being afraid of going on Fox, which is hilarious considering how Obama has descended from his perch to sit for interviews with the wingnut fecal stew that is Fox News. It’s also funny because Ben Carson is one of the el primo pussies demanding friendlier, softballier debate questions that don’t expose him as a shill for “miracle” vitamins that “cured” his cancer, with only five easy payments of $19.99.

To put this another way:

Obama-laughing

STFU, Ben Carson. The president hasn’t said you get to talk. He ain’t done laughing yet.

[NBC / Dead Breitbart]

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  • I can see the Republicans bleeding from wherever, from my house.

    • weejee

      Megyn would upfist your comment SK, if comments and upfisting were allowed.

      • JustPixelz

        Some of those things are allowed.

        • TheBidenator

          Usually in quiet rooms that are noise proof just like with illicit wingnut sexy times…

      • We need little hearts, like on Twitter.

  • WiscoJoe

    Barack Obama is a Kenyan communist Muslim atheist satanist affirmative-action fascist bent on destroying America by being worse than the Holocaust, slavery and Cuba combined, and also he’s so mean and divisive about it! //

    • Goposaur

      …and the servings were so small.

      • Suttree

        That’s why no one ever goes there anymore.

    • Playonwords

      You forgot homosexual married to a transexual who got secret CIA training on Mars

  • weejee

    So Nobummer gave the Rs a real Obama-lama-ding-dong right upside their heads. No concussion issues, like football, given the GOP has little to concuss. Cuss perhaps, but not concuss.

    • Daniel Krause

      Oh yeah, like this speech is ever going to make it into the bubble.

      • Toomush_Infer

        It’s a submarine…

        • Major_Major_Major

          If by submarine, you’re referencing Jared’s footlong, and they are getting it in their where evers

      • malsperanza

        The bubble is chock full to the gills with Hillary in a witch’s hat, laughing at the Benghazi committee and saying WHO CARES IF THEY’RE DEAD IT DOESN’T MATTER MUAHAHAHAHA.

        No room for basic facts, much less a vid. Those things will eat up your Republican battery in mere seconds.

  • Callyson

    The entire clip is well worth watching, but for those who can’t, here’s a summary of Obama’s remarks:

  • MrBlobfish

    Bacon and donuts every day? Now there’s a diet I can get behind. Thanks, Obama

    • 24601

      ((Elbows MrBlobfish out of the way))

    • deanbooth

      They’re what my behind is made of!

      • Suse

        Mine, too, but I have pink frosting and sprinkles!

  • Sheepshagger

    Is this how the tea party ends? Gettin the beetus after they adopt the all bacon and donuts “screw you nobama” diet?

    • malsperanza

      Don’t forget the Big Gulps, which are obligatory in several western states.

    • Enfant Terrible

      They gotta do it to give Michelle some ‘tude as well.

    • nmmagyar

      It worked (?) for Paula Deeneee

  • TheBidenator

    Obama repeatedly called bullshit on these wingnut clown shoes in the most Obama way imaginable…it’s like getting mockingly raked over the coals by a professor in front of the entire class, totally brutal.

  • JustPixelz

    #ThanksObama

  • Indiepalin

    Rick Santorum has his eye on Fred Thompson’s reverse mortgage gig.

  • TheBidenator

    I think numerous Republicans began to bleed from several whatevers when they saw/heard this…

    • kindness

      That’s gonna leave a mark….in their psyches.

  • Lizzietish81

    But…BENGHAZI!

  • exinkwretch

    That the man has the gall to stand up and speak with common sense and wisdom proves once again that he’s —- ummm, give me a minute — a raging commie socialist gun grabber!

    • kaydenpat

      You forgot to mention that he’s Kenyan! How dare you?!

      • Major_Major_Major

        And a muslin, yer slippin’

  • Toomush_Infer

    Jon Stewart’s old job is maybe open….just sayin’….in a year or so, when you have time…

    • willi0000000

      i’m imagining a Daily Show . . . with a huge infusion of gravitas.

      [ i’ll be in my bunk . . . for a while ]

  • TheBidenator

    Well it looks like Obama just nationalized mocking the GOP….oh wait, no we all do it too. Free market shit talking ya wingnut wankers it’s the sharing economy!

    • Msgr_Moment

      They’ve been crowdsnarked.

  • Spotts1701

    That’ll leave a mark…

    • kindness

      Duh’ Oh. I need to read ahead before I comment. You beat me and with better gifs. Well played comrade. Well played.

  • 24601
    • Suse

      All the upvotes for this!

    • kaydenpat

      Seen this gif before but never with Secretary Clinton. Cool!!

      • Agnes Martinez

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    • mtn_philosoph

      Def Bamz.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Slam. Bam. Thank you, Bamz.

  • Suse

    Obama – President of My Heart In Perpetuity (also, too Jimmy Carter).

  • Toomush_Infer

    Sure – ignore the big issues, like: will there be enough Hoverrounds after the entire Right adopts a bacon and donuts only diet…?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Bacon maple donuts are a real thing in the South.

      • AnOuthouse

        But with fake maple. The real stuff comes from the north east and Canada.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Yew ain’t puttin’ any of that Yankee devil sauce on my donuts. If jeezus wanted us to drink tree blood he wouldn’t have founded Dow Chemical and 3M.

          • Querolous

            Come to OR for Voo-doo Doughnuts Maple Blazer Blunts.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And will the hoverrounds have sufficient range to escape rising sea levels in Florida?

      • Toomush_Infer

        “Ed! Lend me your battery, willya?…”

      • nmmagyar

        Do we care if they don’t?

    • O4FSake

      Hoverounds are covered by insurance, right?

  • Bitter Scribe

    That goddamned NBC News clip is driving me crazy, because no matter where I see it–here, on Salon, on NBCNews.com–it won’t fucking load. Not on my Dell laptop. Not on my Mac.

    I think it’s an RNC conspiracy.

  • 24601

    How soon can we expect a poorly acted video of Sarah Palin messily chomping on a bacon-wrapped donut in her never ending quest to get Obama to notice her?

    • Tony Alexander

      3…2…1…

    • Enfant Terrible

      The bacon is cooked on the barrel of Ted Cruz’s AR15, I presume?

      • 24601

        Of course. Is there any other way? ;-)

    • jmk

      We can file that away with her classic videos – A Visit To Chik-Fil-A To Piss Off The Gheys and The Hoisting Of The Big Gulp To Annoy Michael Bloomberg.

    • baconzgood

      Can we please leave the baconz out of this.

    • Playonwords

      You’ve cracked it!

      Sarah has heard about how all BlahDemocrats are well hung and she wants a pity fuck from Bamz

  • tihond

    Someone call the BURN unit.

  • tihond

    They say his balls grew three sizes that day.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Give no fux Obama is best Obama.

  • Angry_Cop

    On climate change — now, if you went to a doctor — no, let’s change that. If you go to a hundred doctors and 99 of them tell you you’ve got diabetes, you’ve got to stop eating bacon and donuts every day and we have to monitor your health, and we’ve got to fix this — you wouldn’t say, oh, that’s a conspiracy, they’re making that up. All 99 of those doctors got together with Obama to try to prevent me from having bacon and donuts — you wouldn’t do that. That’s not what you’d do. There’s not a single person who would do that.

    47% of this country does this every day.

  • Tony Alexander

    burn unit, cleanup in isle 1!

  • Notreelyhelping

    Obama can be delightfully droll. When was the last time we had a droll POTUS? Kennedy? FDR?

    • Lot_49

      Eisenhower. He was so droll no one noticed his drollery. He would’ve made Steven Wright look like Jim Carrey.

      Like that whole thing about the military industrial complex in his farewell speech–it was high-larry-us!

  • 24601

    Do you smell something burning?? http://media.salon.com/2015/02/ted_cruz15.jpg

  • eddi

    Go Barry go! The Rebs are crying in the cloakroom again as the truth of their candidates is told on national TV. By a master of sarcasm.

  • kaydenpat

    President Obama has been on Fox, Dr. Carson. Why don’t you Google his visits instead of running your mouth?

    How the hell do Republicans think they can get away with whining about the CNBC debate when they put Secretary Clinton through 11 hours of accusatory questioning over the Benghazi tragedy?

    The fact that they are whining about debates should disqualify them from holding the office of the most powerful politician in the world. None of them are fit to wear President Obama’s shoes. They’re weaklings.

    • Ricky Gay

      mewling little kittens what lost their Mittens.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        But, I thought Mittens was going to save them from the crazies.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      He’ll do better if Google figures out how to put Google Glass inside your eyelids.

  • lroom

    I absolutely love this version of our President! I only wish more Democrats had the guts to point out how ridiculous the repubs have become. I mean come on people the jokes just write themselves.

    • kindness

      I only wish the MSM would admit it.

  • FauxAntocles

    Rethuglicans haz a sad cuz everybody is making them looking like fucking morans :(

    • Smibo

      And of course, the problem (from their perspective) isn’t the fact that they ARE fucking morans, it’s that the “Liberal Media’s”™ turd-polishing skills were insufficiently employed to their benefit. Poutrage!!!1!

  • Vienna Woods
    • FauxAntocles

      I guess we know where we’re sending our RWNJs…
      heh heh heh

      • Vienna Woods

        No. Fucking. Way. We just got rid of ours… bye-bye, Stevie!!

        • Suse

          Did you know that Todd & Cindy are running for their seats again? Those crazy kids!

        • sw19womble

          Also Ted Cruz too. He’s yours now. No backsies.

    • Rick Hill

      Don’t be too snide. Conservatives are trying their tactics up there as well. Resistance is futile.

      • sw19womble

        Tried and failed.

        • Rick Hill

          Just for now. When there’s still a dime left to swindle from someone they’ll always be right there, waiting for their chance.

      • Vienna Woods

        Oh honey. Haven’t you heard? after 9 years of using their tactics to treat us like pieces of shit, the Conservatives just got curb-stomped by the Liberals. Hah! Tell Justin that resistance is futile when he and his new gender-equal cabinet walk into Rideau Hall tomorrow to be sworn in, after getting off of the bus they’re all riding in on together.

    • sw19womble

      Yay!
      Bad news is Vancouver fell out the Worldwide top three of places to live. :(
      Stupid Melbourne with their kangaroos, and Switzerland with their chocolate-covered nazi gold :(

  • Creepoman

    Still sitting here in silence, waiting for the green light to come on, saying it’s ok for me to get back to whitemansplaining. Anyone? Hello?

    • Mike!

      Pancakes House?

  • thewitchqueen74

    I will mourn the day he leaves office. I absolutely love Bamz and his “no fucks given” attitude.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, on the one hand, good news. He’s not leaving. On the other hand, bad news. he’s going to be a ruthless dictator taking all the guns for hisself and something something socialism down our throats, something.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        mmmm I love a good bacon donut socialst throat cramming in the morning

  • Me not sure

    I wonder if the President had this in mind as he spoke?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Make Breakfast Great Again![tm]

    • gratuitous

      Perhaps, but can Jeb! fix it?

      • jmk

        I wouldn’t trust Jeb! to fix my breakfast. No.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I wouldn’t trust ¡Heb! to pour milk on my frosted flakes!

        • O4FSake

          No! He’s dumb enough to put a taco in a toaster and burn the fucking house down.

          • jmk

            As long as he tries to fish it out with a fork…

      • Me not sure

        No… no, he can’t.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        He did fix the 2000 election (props to whomever I stole this from)

  • TheBidenator

    Yeah I’d love to see what the comebacks are from Ben Sominex Carson and the rest of the clown car- this is why you cannot defeat this man, wingnuts. He’s on a level far above yours….now know your place

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    And Trump tweets, “Nuh-uh! You are!”

  • cmd

    They need to post these on the moderator desks. And other places they might go, also, too.

    • Vienna Woods

      I used to have one of those in my classroom. It came in handy. Sometimes, I would just point at it without saying a word.

  • Rick Hill

    What will be funny is how seamlessly the rethugs will turn and apply all ills to the next democratic preznit, never once acknowledging that Obama never did the things they sad he would.

    • See? That’s why he’s a failure! He totally failed to confiscate all the guns, establish a socialist country governed by sharia law, and march all the Tea Partiers into FEMA camps!

      • kaw143

        Hey, now! You said what I said before I said it! Stop that!

      • Rick Hill

        I want the FEMAs up and running, I’ve already been promised that I can run camp #4352 so it’s personal for me.

        • AnOuthouse

          Who do I have to send a check to to get my name on a camp?

  • Steve Zakszewski

    I for one continue to welcome my President I Don’t Give A Fuck overlord. I don’t wanna go back to 2008 when the Palinosaurus roamed freely and one could not get health insurance to cover one’s pre-existing goiter and our president had to smuggle dead soldiers home under the cover of darkness away from the gaze of nosy reporters. Nay, let us gaze in awe at a landscape barren of any fucks to give and give thanks.

  • cousin itt

    So, these three Republican Congress members walk into a bar.

    And sustain massive groin injuries.

    • stevola

      I like your sense of humor.

    • HogeyeGrex

      That was a pretty low bar, but it always is with them, ain’t it.

  • Portia McGonagal

    I love POTUS unleashed!

    • Randy Riddle

      We get POTUS Unleashed and !Jeb! Unplugged.

      • Portia McGonagal

        And the rest of the GOP filed Unhinged!

  • Markuserektus

    QUICK! Repeal the twenny-second amendment!

  • kaw143

    I think it stinks that Obummer is making these cheap jokes at the expense of Republicans, instead of fulfilling his campaign promises to confiscate all the guns, unleash Chinese Ebola anchor babies from the basements of all the Wal-marts and establish Sharia law whilst shredding the Constitution and singing “Hallelujah”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      /taps foot

      Where the FUCK are those FEMA camps that we’re supposed to have to deal with these bozos?

      Barry? Hello? Could you PUH-LEEZE get off your thin black ass and get started on this?

    • Querolous

      Hey! That’s “Allah-lujah”!

  • shastakoala

    I sometimes wonder if there’s bacon in the cakes we like.

    • nmmagyar

      What kind of silly question was that?

      • tinker12

        You’d have to be an old timer Wonkateer to get that joke. It’s based on a picture of a grocery list that has “them cakes we like” among other things like smokes.

        • Zippy

          No, it’s a silly question because

          OF COURSE IT DOES!

        • nmmagyar

          I am an old timer, the question was rhetorical

    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

      The baconz in the cedar cheese, dumb ass. You spray it on top of the cake.

  • kaw143

    What I honestly don’t get is, when I visit other websites (where comments are allowed), I usually find at least one (always off-topic) comment that repeats the whole “Healthcare WAS awesome and affordable before, but now it sucks and is too expensive” thing. Where are these people getting their information? I would love for someone to wonksplain it for me, but there might be pits of derp so deep that not even the bravest of us could escape. . .

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is no telling where such a wonksplainer would go to do this. The Challenger Deep of derp is not to be contemplated lightly.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I’ve run across some people like this. In their cases, they were self-employed, and basically healthy, so they had the shittiest of catastrophic-only insurance policies that barely meet the standards of being defined as “health insurance.”

      Essentially they were wagering on never getting sick, and never needing any actual care. And they of course hadn’t had any catastrophes, so this policy was just fine, as far as they were concerned. Of course, the insurance companies were happy to take their small premium money month after month, because that more than covered a keeping a stack of form letters that would deny just about any claim that these people might ever have, as well as the fellow with the American-sounding name and non-American accent in the call center in the foreign country that would be able to run them into every policy brick wall that they’d signed up for but never bothered to read.

      Now, they’ve been “forced” to actually have a policy that actually covers things like “healthcare” and the premiums actually reflect this.

      TL;DR

      BLACK PREZNIT STOLE MAH FREEDOMMMM

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I know people like that too. When I asked one, what happens when you hit your lifetime benefit limit, the answer was, “I’ll declare bankruptcy and go on Medicaid.”

        • Captain Kraut

          Oh yes. Where would modern capitalism be without the “privatize profit, socialize losses” business model?

      • Zippy

        I have a car! Well, it doesn’t have seat belts, but it’s a car! No, it doesn’t have a steering wheel, but it’s still a car! No, it has no brakes either. But it’s a car and it was cheaper than the one with the seat belts and brakes and steering wheel you’re forcing me to buy!

      • idiotboy

        Hey,
        That was me, but only because my pre existing conditions (being an asshole, skin cancer, metal in my head, broken everything) prevented me from getting a good policy. Now we have a good policy but I am still an asshole and that is still not covered.
        Fucking Obama.

        • My asshole isn’t covered either, but that’s because I have a “no pants” policy.

          Please resist the urge to take advantage of finally having good insurance – your body sounds like it’s been through hell, Idiot Boy, and your beloved Betty Foy needs you healthy!

      • I’m self-employed, but lucky enough to have pretty decent health care coverage by dint of being hitched to a harder working woman than I with employer provided insurance.

        Or so I thought!

        *DUN-dun-DUNNN!!!*

        I’m currently fighting a $76,000+ medical bill [!!!] because our insurer decided to deny a claim related to emergency surgery and a three day hospital stay that they’d approved prior to me being admitted and going under the knife.

        Despite covering, with few questions asked, their share of everything per our policy before and after those magical 72 hours, they retroactively deployed a dubious technicality to nope on out of their contractual obligations, presumably because of sticker shock. But mostly, I assume, because they’re soul-devoid assholes who can, also, too.

        The logic and tactics that they used were fiendishly clever, and no doubt effective (i.e. profitable) in enough cases to up the thread count on the donut-shaped, down-filled silk pillows upon which their executives and majority share-holders rest their hemorrhoidal asses. In “short”:

        They gotcha’d a complication that arose during surgery to void their pre-approval of said surgery, because surgery must always go exactly as planned, or you’re on your own, bub. They then gave my surgeon/hospital and myself 45 days to resubmit the disputed claim with additional details that exhaustively addressed their purposefully vague request for more details. When my surgeon/hospital didn’t respond to my insurer’s satisfaction on account of my surgeon/hospital only being notified via one form letter amongst a tidal wave of boilerplate bullshit correspondence, and me only being notified via none form letters, my insurer perma-banned the claim with a “Dear John” letter to me that even my psychotic ex-girlfriend would’ve grudgingly envied.

        TL; DR

        THANKS, ANTHEM BLUE CROS…er, I mean…THANKS, OBAMA!!1

        • Playonwords

          Being British I could laugh at your hardships – but not being a puss sucking, empathy deficient health in-sewer-rants executive I prefer to hope that, somehow, sanity prevails and you end up financially and bodily intact.

          Sympathy …

          • Thank you kindly, sir – that was very much appreciated.

            And you’re quite welcome to laugh Britishly away: The whole situation continues to take on more of Python-esque feel with each surreal interaction. I only hope that things are resolved before they take a darker turn and go full Gilliam.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Ugh, what a clusterfuckle. Hope all works out and your wallet doesn’t get malpracticed by those evil Blue loophole rapists.

          [No! Right goddamn pissed about it too! Fuck a plate of beans! SADFACE ]

          • Thank you for your kind words, my friend.

            [NO? SHITCUNT FISTFELCH! Rest assured that you and your magic fucking beans will be there in spirit. Next time you’re gonna be in town, let me know via “extemporanus at yahoo dot com” — maybe we can meet up and I can show you my back slit!]

      • O4FSake

        I feel like such a slave now.

    • Dorothy Nelson

      It’s bad now because the President “is near”. You know. Blah.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I delight in the “I have something that rhymes with ‘bucket list'” B. Barry Bamz. He is just awesome beyond words.

    • AnOuthouse

      Fickst you!

  • Randy Riddle

    If POTUS and the Dems had used this tactic from the start of his administration, the Teabaggers might have been laughed right off the ballot.

    • stevola

      Right! Finally the guy I voted for decides to show up!

      • proudgrampa

        I guess better late than never.

    • Zippy

      woulda coulda shoulda

      Even once Bamz became preznit IDGAF, the wussy Dems ran from him in 2014. It seems to be genetic…

      • Apple Scruff

        But notice they ain’t running from him now. Hillary at least is (mostly) aligning herself with him. She’s not stupid (she also saw what happened to Al Gore when he distanced himself from Bill back in 2000… big mistake).

        • Villago Delenda Est

          DO NOT LISTEN to fuckwits like Mark Penn. EVER.

        • Zippy

          Hillz doesn’t really have a choice- she’s joined to the hip to the Obama administration whether she likes it or not (though she doesn’t even seem to be trying to distance herself, except to go left of him on things like TPP)

      • bobbert

        Strictly speaking, Barry didn’t become POTUSIDGAF until after the 2014 election. It’s very hard for a President to significantly influence an off-year election, but I was disappointed that he didn’t try in either 2010 or 2014.

  • baconzgood

    What’s this about Bacon?

    • AnOuthouse

      The preznit says baconz is bad. It’s almost enough to make you want to check out Free Republic. Almost.

      • baconzgood

        Well i am a naughty naughty pork product. I need a spanking.

        • BackDoorMan

          … that oughta cure you real good.

          • Redstart

            Bacon and anything else produced by Smithfield, the dirty creek clogging, piggie crushing bastids.

  • Jimbo2112

    Ain’t nothing wrong with sniffing dildos.

    • sw19womble

      Well, to be fair, their first two albums were great.

      • Zippy

        They were cool until they went commercial

    • stevola

      Depends where they’ve been.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I think there are some things better left unsniffed.

      http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/dead-reverends-rubber-fetish?page=3

      • Zippy

        the smoking gun would actually be a good name for a dildo

    • SDGeoff

      It’s just not for everyone.

  • FDRliberal

    Obama: “If you go to a hundred doctors and 99 of them tell you you’ve got diabetes, you’ve got to stop eating bacon and donuts every day and we have to monitor your health, and we’ve got to fix this — you wouldn’t say, oh, that’s a conspiracy, they’re making that up. All 99 of those doctors got together with Obama to try to prevent me from having bacon and donuts — you wouldn’t do that. That’s not what you’d do. There’s not a single person who would do that.”

    Great stuff from the president. Utter mockery is exactly what these clowns deserve.

    But make no mistake, if Fox “News” actually pushed the idea that diabetes was a conspiracy engineered by Barack Obama, Al Gore and Nancy Pelosi, the Tea Rubes would indeed say that bacon and donuts are not only not bad for you, but are the most important part of a healthy daily diet.

    So long as you use the correct hate trigger keywords such as “Obama”, “Gore”, “Pelosi”, “Gruber”, “Alinksy”, etc., you can get these rubes to buy into anything. If I were an evil man I could make millions hoodwinking the Tea People, but alas, I’m too much of a damn goody-two shoes.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is why Bamz needs to call out very loudly that it’s bad to drink bleach.

      • Vienna Woods

        Breathing. That’s the ticket. Why would Obama tell us to breath regularly and deeply. Why, I’ll show that Muslin Sochulist. I’ll just hold my breath and……. thud.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well of course diabetes is an Obama plot. That’s why Huckabee and Carson are pushing creative cures to frustrate the Kenyan dictator’s fiendish plan.

    • TootsStansbury

      Is this the part where I get to be as horrible as they are and say “Let them die.” I might be-no, I can’t be that horrible. Dammit.

    • calliecallie

      I think the current epidemics of diabetes and obesity are in part the fault of government. Letting Archer Daniels Midland put high fructose corn syrup into fuckall every food there is before doctors and researchers even figured out how/if the body could process it. Making a contract decades ago with Malaysia to help prop up their economy by importing their palm oil and encouraging food producers to put it in fuckall everything. I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all I know of.
      Not to say that people don’t also have personal responsibility for their diet, but our government has made some choices over the years that have turned us all into unwitting guinea pigs. With some ending up more piggy than others.

  • Relativicus

    The butthurt over at Gateway Pundit is priceless.

    • Do you have a link?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You don’t want one, really. This is one of the two most stupid guys on the ‘tubes. Best to go to Little Green Footballs and read the sane Charles Johnson on what the insane one and Hoft are whining about.

      • Anarchy Pony

        This place may be a little milquetoast for you. The republican bashing is fun, but it’s pretty centrist overall.
        Cheers from a former Disinfonaut.

  • Dorothy Nelson

    Ya got BAMZBURNT

  • Juan de Fuca

    Passed the ACA.

    Passed the Stimulus.

    Signed Dodd-Frank Wall St reform.

    Repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

    Helped turn around the US auto industry.

    Invested heavily in renewable energy technology…

    https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/thanks-obama-28.gif

    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

      Yes, but without republicans and dempublicans, we COULD have had a bigger stimulus, thrown Wall St. in jail, and had enforced homosexuality in the military.

      • H0mer0

        yeah, but I was straight married when I was active duty…(that was during DADT anyway)

      • Playonwords

        Theban Sacred Band for the win!

  • OneYieldRegular

    I am going to miss this President so much. I hope he’ll have a prime courtside seat to keep this up when the game starts for the next set of players.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      You see the goofs on the other side and he comes across as the adult in the room. But not without a sense of humor.

  • Joshua Norton

    I loves me some Second Term Obama!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Ha! And the best the Republicans got is some billionaire bitching about how America is such a shitty place to make your billions in.

  • Bill Slider

    The late night comics will be the ones most pleased to see Barry Bamz retire on January 20, 2017, as he will have better audience ratings than all the late night talk show hosts combined.

    • D_C_Wilson

      Maybe we can get him to take over the Daily Show.

  • Apple Scruff

    What I love about Bamz is that he doesn’t even mention any of the GOP specifically, like they are so unimportant he doesn’t bother learning their names. Hillary has been doing the same thing in her campaign speeches. It’s glorious.

    • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

      There is nothing that they haven’t heard or been through. By dragging them through the mud, the Republicans have made them bulletproof.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        As far as the general population is concerned, yes.

        The howler monkeys of the base, however…

        • sw19womble

          The howler monkeys were never going to vote for Hillary or Sanders anyway.

    • Calimaria

      Except for mocking Scott Walker openly and directly. I loved him for that.

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    It’s practically a stand-up routine.

    • MrCanoehead

      In a good way.

  • Shoto

    The Butthurt of Being Owned by a Kenyan Muslim Socialist Dictator. Lurid Film at Eleven.

    • marxalot

      That does sound lurid…

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    I am going to miss this guy.

    • He’s not dying. He’s moving on and will be on the outside ripping the GOP a new ass on any given day once his obligation to be bipartisan has been removed.

      I’m looking forward to his becoming just a citizen again while he wields his accredited power over these GOP ignoramuses from the outside.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Retired Presidents typically keep a low profile. Not always, but they give the successor the benefit of the doubt. They’ve been there, and maybe enjoy being out of the spotlight. That said, I think BHO has a lot he will want to be doing, and some of it will be political. I think we have been fortunate to have him.

        • Redstart

          I bet this one doesn’t. I get the feeling he’s going to work on justice flavored projects. Also too, wait for the girlz to get onto college, then Mrs. Bamz can work on getting a turn at the Oval Office.

  • proudgrampa

    Gee, it’s almost like he reads Wonkette, isn’t it?

  • Ilgattomorte

    Donutz and Bakun were the finest morning team in the history of Peoria radio and I for one will not see their memory besmirched. Who does this Obama guy think he is? Who elected him leader of the free world? It’s like he thinks he’s the boss of everyone.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Tomorrow on Fox and Fools: Some people say Obama is planning on outlawing bacon and donuts.

    • cousin itt

      My cold, greasy sugar-dusted fingers, etc.

  • LadyLaz

    ? Obama. He has been great his second term. I love that man.

    • amen sister

    • O4FSake

      Love him and Michelle. So proud of them both.

  • Joshua Norton

    He forgot to mention magnets and the tides. Rookie mistake.

    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/661697064288563200

    • Anarchy Pony

      Except now it’s changing faster than any prior occurrence not caused by some massive disruption a la volcanic activity/comet, and the rising temperature tracks directly with human generated greenhouse gas emissions, but apart from that yeah, it has always been changing.

      • cousin itt

        Why, did you libtards know that change is changing all the time is change changing with change? With all the change that’s happened you can buy yourself a liberal latte at Starbucks.

    • Grokenstein

      “Day gets hot, night gets cold. Never a miscommunication. Can’t explain that. Clearly the work of Jesus Christ.”

    • Toomush_Infer

      Except that now, the changes have started to change..

  • idiotboy

    I bet those republicans will have some super funny zingers in reply to that speech. Please que ms palin (or all of them) for Wednesday asap.
    Seriously though Bamz made my day.

  • Grokenstein

    I suddenly realize who I want to moderate the next GOP sissy-boy slap party debate.

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh great. Now I want a Krispy Kreme hot doughnut and bacon sammich. Thanks Nobama.

    I love him. Can you imagine the conversations around the family dinner table? Those girls are probably so politically badass.

  • TootsStansbury

    OT but I went to vote in my tiny city’s elections. Not a hugely contested one except maybe for Mayor; we’re a one party town; the fuck are Republicans?

    I noticed the polling place pretty active; lots of first time voters it seemed to me. Was it (optimist) millennials finally pulling their heads out of their butts and taking part in the democratic process? Or was it (pessimist) a bunch of Republican rat fucking flying monkeys trying to wreck my city?

    • marxalot

      Good crowd of kids in line at the U this afternoon when I went to vote on the 7 Constitutional amendments that are all we had on the sheet this year. And the student Dems were tabling out front, talking to folks and handing out voter’s information pamphlets. The Youth for Nihilism Young Republicans weren’t around, though.

      • orygoon

        7 amendments? You in Texas? The Tx Trib says results look quite reactionary.

  • Still love him – always will.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Best president since FDR. Yup, by no means perfect, but better than we deserved.

      • I disagree – we deserved him and while he was too centrist for my tastes – there were plenty of factual histories in his life to have told me that – if I had my eyes open wide enough. I am proud I helped get him to the oval office regardless. And every dollar and minute I spent towards that goal was well worth the effort. No regrets.

        • Lord-Nash

          We didn’t get everything (I’d love to have seen Gitmo closed and the Patriot Act in the trash), but we got a lot. Considering what he had to work with when he came in, and what he’s been given since, I say damn fine job.

      • Calimaria

        I am so dreading when he is gone. It will be hard to fill those shoes.

  • Jenny

    I know jerks who would blame Obama for the diabetus. :/

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Q. How many Rethuglicans does it take to change a burned out light bulb?
      A. Rethuglicans won’t change the bulb. They would rather sit in the dark and blame Obama for the lack of light.

    • Lord-Nash

      OT but since you mentioned Diabeetus…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KICIOYlZTr8

  • LarkintheAM

    As much as I love this ‘no fucks left to give’ version of our Bamz, I wish he’d hauled it out from under whatever bushel he’d been hiding it long ago. He was reasonable to that group of lunatics in the Congress for far too long, and if ever there was a group which deserved major trolling, it would be them.

    • Steely_Fan

      > if ever there was a group which deserved major trolling, it would be them.

      No question, but that’s our job isn’t it? ;-)

      Despite the fact that the trolling from the right towards Bamz has been as vicious and unrelenting as any in history, I think that he had to resist the urge to taunt them until he got through the 2014 midterms to avoid giving them more ammunition. Otherwise, the Blue Dogs could have pinned Dem losses on him.

      Also, too, he was busy: http://www.democratichub.com/obama-administration-accomplishments.aspx

  • NoMore Moose

    He is not going to stop my God giving right to drink red bull and have fun fist fights at beer parties with the whole family. Who does he think he is? Bristol you fist fight that pansy liberal blah President who is taking away our God given rights to get diabetes and such also too no birth control as liberal women never have babies and work and travel the country making speeches.

    • OctopiRage

      Also, too the God given right to overpay for medical treatment because no demony socialismz111!!!1#

      • NoMore Moose

        Go right ahead and go to the Obamzom death panels you liberal pansy who wants to be healthy and have health care like the socialist countries. This is the USA where you pull yourself up from your bootstraps or as in my daughter Bristol’s case her thong.

  • They ripped him because he smoked tobacco. Too funny. We had a Speaker who drank til he passed out and was personally proud to hand out lobbyist payola checks from tobacco companies to his brethren in the House – but O’s tobacco habits reflected an inner evil – a weakness if you will.

    …lights a newport light – takes a huge drag – expels smoke and whispers “fuck you republicans” as only I can on any given day. :-)

    • Querolous

      For me it’s “”wheezes “fuck you republicans” as only I can every day””. :-(

    • “O’s tobacco habits reflected an inner evil – a weakness if you will.”

      Er, that’s what our former editor Ken Layne used to say.

      • bobbert

        At any given moment, I assumed Ken was taking the piss.

  • Suse

    Gobama!!11!

    • this gives me life.

    • Apple Scruff

      This is the best things I’ve seen since I turned Donald Trump into “My Drunk Uncle At Thanksgiving”. So only a few days, but still good!

  • Enfant Terrible

    Best “lame duck” two years EVAR!!!

    • boll ocks

      Yeah, lets compare to Bill Clinton’s last 2 years… Obama wins, hands down. The man is a bona fide badass.

  • Craig MacKenna

    From time to time, an old needs to inform people as young as your staff seems to be, that they have misused a classic title or nickname. In your otherwise excellent piece about how Mr. Obama attacked Republicans using humor, you referred to the chief exec as “the big O”. This title should remain the property of Oscar Robertson (for at least a hundred years) who is arguably the best “big guard” in NBA history. BO is about the right age to be a big Oscar Robertson fan, so if you have a secret email address into the White House, please use it to as how POTUS feels about being called “the big O”. If not, just take my word that he wouldn’t care for it, nor would lots of other olds like me.

    PS: my wife says “the big O” is Oprah.

    • Vienna Woods

      Gee, that’s not what I call “the big O”…

      • nmmagyar

        My guy and I know sex is over when we Oprah. Then we shower.

    • Querolous

      So “Big O as in Oscar” therefor “Big B as in Bamz?”

      • Craig MacKenna

        Works for me.

    • pstockholm

      The Story of O

    • bobbert

      With all due respect to Oscar, Magic took the “best big guard” title some years back.

  • you guys! as an obamacare person i get to have a call with…obama…tomorrow. (this actually happens every year but it’s still thrilling.)

    • bobbert

      Wahoo. Invite him to the Wonkebago.

  • YayConspiracy

    No more bacon. That’s easy to say for a muslin.

  • Sterculius

    He should laugh, he has executive-ordered the shit out of the do-nothing teabagger congress, and all they can do is gibber and squeak b-b-b-benghazzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiii1i1i1i1i11i!!1i1!I1!1!

  • vonlmo

    This is the guy who only vetoed bills sent up by the Republican Congress 7 times. The same guy who consistently threw his supporters under the wheels in his desire to be “bipartisan”. Who went back on his 2007 campaign promise to get GMO products labeled & instead signed the Monsanto Protection Act into law.

    Obama never had the nerve to stand up to the Repubs. He spent the best part of his 8 yrs shiver’n & shak’n under his desk, hiding from the Tea Party & Boehner. Now that he is a lame duck he feels his oats. Whatta fraud. Ryan is gonna eat his lunch & spit it back in his face.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Imma hoping once Obama stops POTUS’ing he will get on board the Wonkabago for a tour and drinky things.

    work yr magics, Wonkettes and Pixels.

  • DahBoner

    The reason why Republican voters like whiny, crybabies is because it reminds them of themselves.

    The whiny kids tended to grow up conservative, and turned into rigid young adults who hewed closely to traditional gender roles and were uncomfortable with ambiguity.
    http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=91258

  • Lord-Nash

    Yup.

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  • Sgt. Gym Bunny

    The obligatory after-the-Presidency tour should totally be in stand-up comedy form. Bamz totally has enough material AND the delivery skillz.

  • Walter

    Is this the same “Bammy Obama” that refuses to go on Fox? Just checking.

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