Republicans To Cancel NBC Debate Unless Candidates Get Reality Shows And BJs

RNC Chair Reince Priebus

It would appear that Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus has failed to read his Wonkette yet again. We sexplained Thursday that anybody who thinks the CNBC debate sucked because it was overtly biased against the candidates is A Idiot. Oh, the debate sucked broiled goat balls, but for other reasons. 

[contextly_sidebar id="I2jkFqdoTgpVM1Y2G1cvsoDFFiyOGO1e"]

But Priebus is still SO MAD BRO, so he took a break from naming his dingleberries to write NBC a Dear John letter, dumping the network as a sponsor of February's sure-to-be-fun-filled Republican debate:

CNBC billed the debate as one that would focus on “the key issues that matter to all voters—job growth, taxes, technology, retirement and the health of our national economy.”  That was not the case. Before the debate, the candidates were promised an opening question on economic or financial matters. That was not the case. Candidates were promised that speaking time would be carefully monitored to ensure fairness. That was not the case.  Questions were inaccurate or downright offensive. The first question directed to one of our candidates asked if he was running a comic book version of a presidential campaign, hardly in the spirit of how the debate was billed.

While debates are meant to include tough questions and contrast candidates’ visions and policies for the future of America, CNBC’s moderators engaged in a series of “gotcha” questions, petty and mean-spirited in tone, and designed to embarrass our candidates. What took place Wednesday night was not an attempt to give the American people a greater understanding of our candidates’ policies and ideas.

Priebus huffs and puffs that OH YEAH there will still be a debate that day in February, with their BFFs at National Review. Hey Republicans, have fun debating for your "audience" of Virgin Mary statues in K-Lo's apartment, while Jonah Goldberg audibly has underpants accidents in the kitchen and Rich Lowry starbursts all over hisiPhone watching reruns of the Sarah Palin channel instead of the debate.

[contextly_sidebar id="pfzoSoz4lx6ScFE6J3WvMkDkDLBKdlqB"]

But again, Reince Priebus, we ask, WHICH QUESTION WAS SO BAD? Oh yeah, we hear you, the terrible bad moderators asked known clown queef Donald Trump if he was a known clown queef. Big fucking deal. You all don't even LIKE Trump. 

And HORRORS! They asked poor Dr. Ben Carson if he had financial relations with that quack nutritional supplement company Mannatech, because he clearly did, and because it might be of interest to Americans that this candidate whose brain appears to be broken on all fronts except the one what operates on other people's brains MAY ALSO indeed be bad at medicine, if he thinks eating snake oil extracted out of tree jizz cured his prostate cancer. 

But no, these questions are TOO HARD AND BAD for the average Republican candidate with an IQ equivalent to an interstate speed limit. Why can't they get easy multiple-choice questions like "Which Reagan was the best president of America? Was it REAGAN, REAGAN, Hitler, or REAGAN?"

Or the question from the CNN debate, "What American lady would look nice on the ten-dollar bill?" They seemed to like that one, as they all sputtered things like "MARGARET THATCHER!" and "Mike Huckabee's hot wife!"

Or that Fox debate! That wasn't so bad. At least Megyn Kelly got in trouble with the internet for bleeding out of her wherever at Trump.

Crooks & Liars points out that the upcoming debate wasn't just to be sponsored by the "NBC" part of NBC, but also the "Telemundo" part. HMMMM! Wonder if Donald Trump is still so upset about them saying Spanish means to him that his campaign is unwilling to proceed if it means THOSE PEOPLE (mostly rapists and murderers, many of them very nice journalists) get to ask him questions.

NBC says in its official statement that the RNC's boycott is "is a disappointing development" but assures everyone that they and their mean Messican Telemundo division will do their best to work this out with crying Reince Priebus and his stable of Republican candidate morons. Will NBC have to personally lick his balls? Will they have to promise to let Trump beat a Spanish onstage? Will they make sure moderators don't ask Ben Carson anything that literally forces him to lie? Will they have to let Ted Cruz perform TWO beautiful arias about the lamestream media? WHO KNOWS!

Or maybe NBC could just tell Priebus and the RNC to fuck off, like their mamas taught 'em.

[ RNC statement / Crooks & Liars ]