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No, YOU shut up
No, YOU shut up

Hey, all you-all, let’s all point and laugh at this crybaby loser dick-mold Jim Webb boo-hooing all over himself because he losered the Democratic debate on Tuesday night:

“It was rigged in terms of who was going to get time on the floor,” Mr. Webb, a former senator from Virginia, said during a forum at the Council on Foreign Relations. “It’s very difficult to win a debate if you don’t get the opportunity to speak.” […]

“The debate was being portrayed as a showdown between Mrs. Clinton and Bernie,” Mr. Webb said on Thursday. “I even turned around to Bernie Sanders at one point and said ‘Bernie, say my name.’”

Yeah, uh, Jim? Can we call you Jim? (It’s a lot nicer than the things we usually call you.) We have seen all the whinings and twitterings and petitions across the intertubes about how the debate was somehow rigged because Joe Biden never accepted his invitation to attend, and Hillary Clinton never took a literal dump in the middle of the stage, and Bernie Sanders was not immediately elected on the spot, and something something that guy Lincoln Chafee, what the fuck is he still doing in this race, with all of his no money and no supporters, am we right, Wolf Blitzer? We is right!

But all of that aside, Jim, you really oughtta be grateful there was no kids’ table for pretend candidates on Tuesday because where the fuck do you think you would have been sitting, with your Chafee-esque NO MONEY and NO SUPPORTERS? It would not have been in Uncle Bernie’s prime time lap, begging him to say your name.

Also, dude, the talk time is not the issue. There are about a thousandyteen and a half reasons why you ain’t never gonna be no Democratic president of us, and it’s not because Anderson Cooper didn’t give you enough time to regale us with your flashbacks from The Nam.

It is because you are kind of a dick, and always have been, and the only reason Democrats don’t throw tomatoes in your face is because you helped us kick that walking shit-stain Virginia Sen. George “Macaca” Allen out of office a decade ago, so thanks for that, we guess.

But you want to do dirty, nasty porn sex to St. Ronald Reagan’s corpse, like the goddamned Republican you still are at heart, and yes, we liberals are generally super DTF, but not like that.

Also, we do not care for your bitching and your moaning about Obamacare, like you are some kind of a Republican.

And as for your deep thoughts earlier this year about the hate-not-heritage Confederate flag?

This is an emotional time and we all need to think through these issues with a care that recognizes the need for change but also respects the complicated history of the Civil War. The Confederate Battle Flag has wrongly been used for racist and other purposes in recent decades. It should not be used in any way as a political symbol that divides us.

But we should also remember that honorable Americans fought on both sides in the Civil War, including slave holders in the Union Army from states such as Missouri, Kentucky, Maryland and Delaware, and that many non-slave holders fought for the South.

Yeah yeah, Lincoln was a Republican, and Dixiecrats, and Robert Byrd, but it is 20-goddamned-15, and we Democrats aren’t into that traitor flag bullshit anymore, so you can fuck the fuck off and then fuck yourself some more.

And that, Jim Webb, you dumb cock, is why you are never going to be president.

[NYT]

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  • cousin itt

    Webb’s dead, Jim.

    • calliecallie

      Assume campaign dead.

      • emmelemm

        Needs more upvotes.

        • proudgrampa

          I’ll take care of it…

      • proudgrampa

        1000 virtual upvotes, my friend!

    • Redstart

      I automatically upvote references to Star Trek, Pythons, H2G2, Doctor Who, Peter Wimsey, and Alice in Wonderland. And selected others.

      • TheoLib

        Alright! Peter Wimsey! Lord Peter Wimsey to you peons!

    • proudgrampa

      You get 1000 upvotes, too!

    • BJW

      Thanks for my morning laugh!

  • schmannity

    Bernie: Jim Who?

    • OneYieldRegular

      “You can call me Jimmy, or you can call me Jim, but you’re gonna hafta serve somebody.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “But if you call me Ray, I’ll get all ‘Nam on your ass.”

    • BearGHAZI

      Jim Gilmore. He’s a secret agent or some shit

  • chicken thief

    Slave ‘holders’? Kind of caring for them temporarily? Say it with me, Jim, they were O-W-N-E-R-S. Owners of other human beings.

  • whitroth

    If they were slaveowners, they were, by definition, not honorable.

    mark

    • tomamitai

      Also, too, there’s the whole oath breaking thing with those who were in the U.S. military, like Lee, or served in congress, like Davis.

  • stankbait

    He is not Presidential stock.
    He is a mid level clone.
    He needs to shut the fuck up and I thank CNN for silencing him.

    • Logic of Color

      Aww man, I totally expected ur last line to rhyme with “clone”

      • Cindyinencinitas

        slacker…

      • proudgrampa

        “He needs to shut the fuck up and…”
        Chill in the Zone (?)
        I never was much good at rhymin’

  • chicken thief

    Webb isn’t even going to wait for the ‘after the debate’ polls to see if he got a bump before whining? Dudes gonna look pretty silly if *** stop laughing, all of you. Just stop it!*** his numbers go up. *** ok, dammit, go ahead and laugh…. ***

  • OneYieldRegular

    I liked him so much better when he was writing songs like “Galveston” and “Wichita Lineman.”

  • cousin itt

    The Vietnam War veteran said his enemy of choice was the “soldier that threw their grenade that wounded me.” He then added: “But he’s not around right now to talk to.”

    But we should also remember that honorable Americans fought on both sides in the Civil War

    Jim, would you say that your Viet Cong adversary was also an honorable man?

    • Herasmus B. Lyon

      I’m not Jim, but I’d say the Viet Cong were the honorable men (and women). They were fighting for something they believed in.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “We live here”

  • emmelemm

    The ‘Nam/enemy thing in the debate was seriously creepy/crazy. I only saw maybe the last third of the debate, and I know absolutely nothing about this guy, but seeing him say that at the end, I was like, who let the serial killer onstage?

    • BadKitty904

      C’mon, Em – WHY SO SERIOUS?!1?

      • emmelemm

        Some men just want to watch the world burn. (With napalm.)

        • BadKitty904

          (I’ve been on Wonkette since 2012, Em, and your icon still makes me smile every time I see it.)

    • grmpy

      “let me covertly crack a joke about my narcissism here in the closing statements.”

    • chicken thief

      I thought Hillary handled that incident well by not trying to one up him with “ya, well I killed Vince Foster in a national fucking park!”

      • Msgr_Moment

        Go with the classics. Maybe it’ll take the focus off the four she killed in BENGHAZI!!

  • calliecallie

    I sure hope someone on Webb’s staff (does he have staff?) reads the wonkette! Kaili, you tell it, girl!

  • calliecallie

    I was talking to someone after the debate (which I didn’t watch) who didn’t even know Webb’s name, let alone his history, but thought he was enough of a total dick to mention what a dick he was. When I told her he used to be a republican, she was not at all surprised.

    • Seek

      I had one of the Youngs ask me who he and Chafee were and why they got no air time. I told her that back in the long ago and far away dark ages there were these things called Moderate Republicans. They were like real Republicans but not so stupid on some of the social issues and willing to negotiate to get things accomplished. In light of how they are now a threatened and endangered species, the Democratic Party decided to exhibit a few during their debate since they had lots of room on the stage.

      Then we had a productive discussion about how there are so many more “Independents” than there used to be. She now knows, that isn’t a coincidence. They are Demon Sheep – Republicans in Independents voting booths. Pretending that they are really Independents and not simply embarrassed former R’s.

      Damn I feel old

      • cynmac

        Actually, all of the “Lincoln” Republicans I know, who are also oldz, vote Democrat now too, also. And my Pops, age 78, is on board with Bernie! For White people, this may be an iffy preposition but for black folks, it’s a good sign of sanity. And it’s one of the reasons why Mittens lost so spectacularly.

      • proudgrampa

        Ah, age is just a number. Ask Juan de Fuca.

  • Spotts1701

    Yeah after that performance, Jimbo, might want to think about a change of career.
    “And he was cut in about a hundred places
    And he were shot in a couple more
    And you better believe
    There come another kind of story
    When big Jim hit the floor”

    • Ricky Gay

      you don’t tug on Bernie’s cape neither

  • Hemidemisemiquaver
    • Brianna Amoré

      How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Tastefully.

      • Hemidemisemiquaver

        I think that verse is somewhere in Hezekiah.

  • cousin itt

    Frankly, it’s hard to hear someone speak when their trench foot is stuck up in their mouth.

  • BadKitty904

    I’ll wait ’til he issues additional press releases stating that the sun was in his eyes and his shoe was untied.

    • Redstart

      Isn’t that what Chaffee said after Glass-Steagall?

  • RevZafod

    “Bernie, say my name.”

    “Heisenberg.”

    “You’re goddam right.”

  • grmpy

    I thought Webb was campaigning for McCain’s angry old man spot. McCain’s not going to be around to do it forever, ya know.

  • Wombat

    If he had used the time he got for something other than acting like a whiny baby, maybe he’d have gotten more time.

    There are (at least) 99 problems with Webb’s candidacy, but CNN ain’t one.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Are we sure Webb’s a Democrat? I mean, the sheer amount of whining, petulance, and butthurt is pretty much Republican down to the DNA.

    • JustPixelz

      He was a Dem, then a Republican (RINO!), then a Dem again. Chaffee was a Republican, then Independent, then Democrat. Sanders still isn’t a Dem. Clinton was a Goldwater girl FFS. O’Malley was the only lifelong Democrat on the stage.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Ah. BOTH SIDES DO IT.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Chuck Todd gives you upfists!

        • TheBidenator

          So does Luke Russert!

      • TheBidenator

        To be fair, Hillary Clinton has munched a lot of carpet since that time…

        • tomamitai

          Pics or STFU.

    • TheBidenator

      Well he did beat Macaca and didn’t go Liebermann or Zell Miller (fetch ma duelin’ blouse) and stab his own candidate in the back so aside from being pretty conservative yeah he’s a Dem.

      • cynmac

        At least, unlike Sith Lord Dick Cheney, Zell Miller has been quiet since leaving office, also too.

    • Herasmus B. Lyon

      Really. If I sleep in the garage, that doesn’t make me a BMW.

      • Redstart

        Depends whose garage.

    • cousin itt

      Then he better not use the Dem bathroom. I don’t want him looking at my incredible Democratic par-tay gift.

      • Msgr_Moment

        I don’t cotton to them there transpoliticals either.

  • BadKitty904

    Not being a Republican, I’m uncomfortable voting for a candidate whose head looks like it was carved from a cake of soap.

  • Callyson

    Yeah, Ben Carson didn’t get a lot of talk time in the first debate and he is now competitive , asshole. ..

    /FFS

    • TheBidenator

      Yes but to be fair Ben Carson has figured out that the more and more he allows his crazy flag to fly the more the racist GOP base thinks he’s one of the good ones….Jim Webb doesn’t have that luxury.

      • grmpy

        Too much talk for Ben. They revoked his Doctor’s license today.

        • TheBidenator

          Good, the man is clearly unfit to be allowed anywhere near a human in need of care…I’m surprised they don’t recommend that he be checked for brain lesions or a hematoma

          • Redstart

            Some idiot woman in my state (NH) opined that if Carson won it would be like having Mr. Rogers in the White House. Funny, I remember Mr. R as being warm, kind, friendly, and a comfy casual dresser. Carson strikes me as cold, indifferent, inordinately ambitious, and about as empathetic as a granite fence post. The kind who never meets his patient or learns their name and doesn’t worry about it. Has anybody ever observed more than a picoliter of humanity about him?

            Of course, since I’ve never met him, or known anyone who has, I could be completely, totally, and irrevocably wrong about him, and should go out into the dark night and wander until I find a granite fence post to cuddle.
            inordinately

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I believe that this is a clear case of Poe’s Law in action.

        • Biff52

          He decided to take a couple of weeks off to sell books, too. Coincidence?

  • Billy Croissant

    Omissions and Addenda

    “It’s very difficult to win a debate if you don’t get the opportunity to speak…after your meds kick in.

    To Bernie Sanders: “Bernie, say my name, bitch. SAY MY NAME!”

    • FauxAntocles

      “Sgt. Friday?”

      • Billy Croissant

        Michelle, from ‘American Pie’

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Rumplestiltskin?”

  • marxalot

    Also, is it just me, or does Martin O’Malley sound like 40 years older than he is?

    • grmpy

      Omalley sounds like the name of a non alcoholic beer.

      • tomamitai

        Or an alcoholic priest.

  • grmpy

    I wrote this in the other thread but I think it bares repeating.
    Everyone on that stage aside from Sanders is up there because they want to improve themselves. I think Sanders is there because he truly wants to improve the country.

  • Mavenmaven

    He thinks he can be president just because he was on Dragnet?

  • LarryHoudini

    One time I was on my Harley, going up to Watertown from Syracuse because my old lady had her rugrats that weekend and those kids would make any man want to fucking punch his fist through the microwave. I’m going up there to see some old Army buddies and get shitfaced and drop acid and this guy in a station wagon cuts me off and almost sends me into the fucking median. A yellow Mercury. So I follow him way past Watertown up to the Thousand Islands. He finally exits and pulls into a Sunoco. He’s pumping gas with the whole family in the car and I walk up, take the gas pump from his hand and stick it down his motherfucking pants and pull out a cigarette lighter. Remember cutting me off, fucker? You should have seen that spineless dick’s face turn white. Not so tough when you’re not behind the wheel of your station wagon, are you you piece of shit?
    REMEMBER CUTTING ME OFF?
    Anyways—I think Jim Webb would make a fine president.

  • Portia McGonagal

    The 2015 version of the 1992 Admiral Stockdale debate performance

    • Suse

      I recall that he responded to the first question at the VP debate with, “I don’t even know what I’m doing here.”

      • cynmac

        Where am I? What am I doing here? Perot was really pandering to the MIC with that choice.

  • azeyote

    John McCain by any other name is still ……. a blockhead

    • Takoma DC

      More importantly, the blockhead who brought us Sarah Palin.

  • NotMamaCass

    My God, when will this fucking farce be over?

    • Gristle McThornbody

      Once Chaffee and Webb drop out, which should be soon, we should actually have some decent Democratic debates.

      With the Republicans, it will be a circus right up until the 2016 election. I ignore them. Probably at my own risk.

      • cynmac

        Doesn’t the clown car get resolved in the summer with the GOP Convention, when the real fun begins? With the Presidential Debates?!

    • Billy Croissant

      The Magic 8 Ball says Tuesday, November 8, 2016. Until then it will be clowns all the way down.

      • grmpy

        Yeah but then it just starts up again November 15, 2016

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Unfortunately, yes. The MSM, who lurves themselves some horse racing, wouldn’t have it any other way.

          Which is why they need to be placed on rocket ships to the sun.

      • NotMamaCass

        If history has taught me anything, it will go on longer than that. So I’ll just sit here doing my non-terrorist, perfectly legal and civil protest until this clown car pulls over for good.

  • shastakoala

    Destiny’s Child libelz.

  • JustPixelz

    The Drudge Report on-line poll — the gold standard (because Trump won it) — says Webb came in second after Bernie. Also, not for nothin’, I watched the debate and Jim Webb benefitted from less time.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    No, tell me what you really think, and don’t hold back this time.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    I still like him for preventing the George Allen administration.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Yes, you weasel dick, you made my man Bernie slip into a mini-coma with your drivel, and then Anderson asked him to respond and he was too polite to say, “What the fuck was the idiot droning on about? I was calculating pi to 3,000 places and planning how to overthrow Wall Street to fill the time.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention” – Bernie Sanders at the DNC debate after Jim Webb spoke…, and every long, terrible conference call you’ve been on where somebody suddenly says your name.

    • grmpy

      HAHA I saw. that too. I was hoping Bernie was just going to say, “I’m sorry, Anderson, I stopped listening”
      I know I was thinking “what the hell is he droning on about?”

    • RevZafod

      Ya know, Bernie does look a bit like The Dude and Webb like the Malibu police chief…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yggQ3HbO0Wg

      • Msgr_Moment

        No, no. The Biden adudes.

        • RevZafod

          All but one man died, there at Bitter Creek, and they say he ran away; Branded!

          Arthur Digby Sellers. 156 episodes. Bulk of the series. And yet his son is a dunce.

          And the little Lebowski has arrived in the persona of Donna Rose SchoenPixel, praise her name.

  • TheBidenator

    Nothing to see here, just more of the Walter Sobchak of the Democratic Party ranting about how his buddies didn’t die with their face in the muck just so that whore Hillary Clinton could have more time to speak than him!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Walter libel!

    • Brianna Amoré
      • Villago Delenda Est

        “You’re out of your element, Donny”

        • sw19womble

          “Say what you like about the tenets of trickle-down economics, Bern, but at least it’s an ethos.”

          • Cindyinencinitas

            That’s just your opinion, man.

          • Anarchy Pony

            They were chicago school economists, dude?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The Civil War is not complicated. The South decided that the only way they could go on with Slavery was by fighting a war to preserve it. In response, The North fought back to preserve the Union.

    Everything else is obfuscatory boilerplate djinned up by Southerners in retrospect to take the attention away from what they were fighting for: Slavery.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Well, there was the commercial desire to expand slavery into the newer territories too.

      • Billy Croissant

        And, to be honest, there was a little resentment that the handlebar-moustache-and-long-goatee style never really caught on .

      • JurisGal

        Slaves? Don’t you mean ‘workers’? I know I read that somewhere. …

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Documented workers. Here’s the Bill of Sale.

    • blaid droog

      The southerners were fighting for freedom of religion. The fucking bible gave them the right to own slaves. Also the supreme court. Also jesus and abraham were down with slavery. Also black africans were the ones what sold other black africans in the first place. They was the ones that started slavery.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      The Anti-history Libel of Lincoln with “The Lost Cause” mythology.

  • Tallmutha

    It was rigged, they didn’t even let Trump speak.

  • Takoma DC

    I think he’s just psychopath cry babby over-spill from the gop. As many of you are aware, all their beds are taken so for now he’s ours. Damn it!

  • WagMoreBarkLess

    Strange that a hero Marine who killed enemy soldiers in ‘Nam would be such a wussy little whiner when it comes to debate time.

    • marxalot

      He’s angry about rules. Obey the rules! The rules have changed!

      • RevZafod

        HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO!

        • Anarchy Pony

          Walter, put the piece away, they’re callin’ the cops…

          • RevZafod

            Calmer than you are.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      If he had one of his guns with him they’d show him the respect he deserves!

    • Takoma DC

      Semper Time!

  • Bitter Scribe

    He got a chance to deliver his message, which is that he thinks the Democratic Party is neglecting white men. If that doesn’t resonate, maybe it’s the fault of the message, and the messenger.

    • Takoma DC

      I think he believes the party left him. While that may be true the leaving happened 60 years ago.

  • TheBidenator

    In the South it’s considered perfectly honorable for one human being to own another provided the owner is both A) white and B) male. That’s why in the North it is considered perfectly acceptable to march back down there and burn the South down a second time if they ever pull that shit again….

    • blaid droog

      That won’t work in florida. All the damn yankees are already here.

      • JurisGal

        So that’s where Derek Jeter went!

  • MrBlobfish

    There was once a candidate named Webb
    Who sucked dicks as long as his leg

    That’s all I got

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And it doesn’t even rhyme!

      • MrBlobfish

        I’m but a simple blobfish.

        • BadKitty904

          But you’re OK.

    • grmpy

      For time to talk on the stage he must beg

    • sw19womble

      There once was a whiner called Webb,
      who gatecrashed the Dem’s run for Prez.
      “Can I speak now?” “Well maybe.”
      But he still cried like a baby,
      So everyone ignored what he said.

    • Tallmutha

      There was once a candidate named Webb
      Who was about as exciting as !Jeb!

      (Turn that first exclamation point upside down for yourself, I’m posting from an iPhone.)

      • Whollyholeyholy

        Or just fudge it with the “i” you use to type iPhone. ijajajaja!

  • Bill Slider

    Mr Webb, may we call you mister? It’s that time bro. What’s it going to be, a steak house or a car dealership? The White House is not an option. With that dead, very dead, Vietcong still on your mind, I would recommend the car dealership. I don’t think allowing you near food for others is a good idea.
    Come to think of it, allowing you around the vehicles sold to others may not be a great idea either. Maybe you should run the projector at the movie theater, where you can be on guard, and ever ready to take out the next movie theater assassin. You’d be perfect, and the nation would so be in your debt for being such a brave American. You could even wear your uniform and your combat boots, the ones you shined for like a parade.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Shiny boots are well detected by infrared sensors.

      Just sayin’.

    • Takoma DC

      He could also too be a firearms instructor at a local shooting range. Or a lobbyist for the NRA. The 2 positions are eerily similar similar except the NRA doesn’t advocate for instruction just destruction.

    • blaid droog

      I think the movies are completely automated these days but a human still serves the popcorn.

  • Biff52

    As much more time as he got compared to Lincoln Chafee, he oughtta be grateful.

  • elpinche

    Did you know that Webb killed an enemy soldier?

    • Beowoof14

      If he ran as republican that could get him on the main stage for the debates.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        The Republicans liked him the best. Are we surprised?

        • Beowoof14

          Not at all.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, he IS the craziest of the bunch, after all.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        He’s kinda stuck with being a Dem. Rethug chicken hawks don’t really take to guys who actually served in combat. They like their candidates all JAG’d or National Guarded out.

        • Angry_Cop

          Truth. Last Republican with legit combat cred was Bush I.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            There also was Bob Dole, who I worked around as a DC intern committee staffer back in the day. Bob Dole in shirt sleves in his office was actually a nice, friendly, humorous guy, but those were times when Bob Dole wasn’ trying to be Bob Dole.

          • Angry_Cop

            Yeah, shit, I forgot he ran. I’m glad he didn’t win, but at least people should remember he ran.

            Hard to imagine nowadays, but there was a time not that long ago when having served in the military was a de facto mandatory requirement for running for President. I think Webb’s the only guy running in either party right now who does.

          • nmmagyar

            I kinda like the fact that military service is not a requirement. It shouldn’t be a disqualifier, but it also should be mandatory.

          • cynmac

            I liked that he sort of defended Bernie’s CO status.

          • JD Mulvey

            Speaking of the conscientious objector thing –somebody at the Washingon Post referred to it as “draft dodging.” I wrote a severe email to complain which I’m sure they gave fuck-all about.

          • cynmac

            I know, right? The state of “journalism” is sad, sad, sad.

          • blaid droog

            Excuse me for picking nits, the last part of your second sentence should have the word not between the words should and be in order to make sense. If I’m wrong I hope you’ll tell me so.

          • nmmagyar

            Not, yeah. There was a secret “not” in that sentence. Or I’m a shitty Typist. But I’ll go with the first one.

          • Sheesko

            That requirement fizzled out when the average age of politicians was Too Young for “The Big One.”

          • Takoma DC

            Most of them aren’t very nice. My husband’s friend worked as a staffer to Senator Joe Biden for almost 10 years. Told us a lot of horror stories about ole’ handsome Joe. None had anything to do with his famous gaffes. All were about him being a total asshole.

    • nightmoth

      Funny, that—with my demographic, I dated several Nam vets, and the only one who actually killed somebody didn’t fuckin’ TALK about it.
      (Well, once, when he was really drunk and stoned.)

      • Brendan_M

        He was actually downplaying what happened, as there were multiple grenades and he probably killed a bunch of Vietnamese soldiers.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    Jeez………another candidate for the clown car.

  • Notreelyhelping

    He’s probably checking Amazon every five minutes to see how “Fields of Fire” is doing.

  • marxalot

    Fuck’s sake. What a cock.

  • Takoma DC
  • drbloor

    “Say, uh, Jim…let me introduce you to Jugdish, Mohammed, Linc and Marty. I’m sure you guys will have lots to talk about.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Don’t forget to help yourself to punch and cookies!”

  • keinsignal

    Jim I felt bad for u so I made a campaign poster you can use.
    https://twitter.com/keinsignal/status/654133069901725696?s=09

    • Beezelbubbles

      So he’s just as qualified as the former First Lady?

      Too soon?

    • Msgr_Moment

      I’d respect him more had it been in Reno, or just to see him die.

    • JD Mulvey

      Here’s my entry. I figure if one exclamation mark is exciting, TWO must REALLY REALLY exciting.

  • Me not sure

    “The Days Of Whine And Neurosis”

  • Katie Doyle

    He didn’t do well, but I understand his toupee is up two points.

  • proudgrampa

    DINO.

  • Poly_Ester

    Jobbed by the zebras so to speak.

  • Angry_Cop

    Webb is not a Democrat. I understand there’s no place in his party for a sensible, reasonable conservative who understands politics is the art of compromise and deal making. And there should be. Webb’s the kind of Republican this country desperately needs. But that’s his problem and not mine, because I’m a Democrat and I do not vote for Republicans.

    • nmmagyar

      As Emeril Legasi would say: “Bam”

    • Takoma DC

      Is he “sensible”? He sounded paranoid to me.

      • Zippy

        compared to the rest of them? Yes, he is. Not nearly enough to ever get my vote, but at least I don’t recoil in horror from him the way I do from the current GOP field

        • JD Mulvey

          Webb at least knows enough to keep his racism vague and subtle –a lost art among today’s right wing.

    • boll ocks

      Could not have said this as well as you did, thanks for articulating what many of us feel.

    • blaid droog

      This country has never never ever been desparate for any goddamned republican.

    • lynchie

      If he understood politics he would still be elected to something

  • nmmagyar

    So you’re saying he has a chance. Got it!

  • Larry Wilmore was right: Jim Webb looks like a toe.

    • Takoma DC

      A stubbed toe.

      • jmk

        He’s certainly as sore as a stubbed toe.

  • Sterculius

    Another douche nozzle trying to claw his way to power. He can always entertain kids as Ronald McDonald when he is finished losing.

    • lynchie

      or he can go crawl into Reagan’s crypt

  • wisteria lane

    Is that Jim Webb`s real face?

  • SassyMissDem

    I object to the epithet “dumb cock”. It is offensive. Some of them can be Quite Lovely.

    • nmmagyar

      But even the best of them aren’t working on a cure for cancer to teaching literacy to small children. They just have the two functions, which they, generally perform very well.

      • zerosumgame0005

        but sometimes they are attached to people who do all that

    • edith prickly

      Cocks don’t talk (at least not to me.) And according to Jim Webb he doesn’t get to talk so actually true.

  • atheist

    I’m sure the fact that he’s not really a Democrat wasn’t taken into consideration at all.
    Jim, people are tired of corporate shills pretending to be Democrats, take your BS to the other side of the isle.

  • SadieLechner

    That is nothing short of goddamned brilliant writing.

  • bobbert

    According to NPR’s clock

    Clinton: 30 min 25 sec
    Sanders: 27 min 41 sec
    O’Malley: 17 min 08 sec
    Webb: 15 min 20 sec
    Chafee: 9 min 05 sec

    So, from one point of view — that the available time should be split evenly — he kind of has a point. (I don’t agree with that point of view).

    However, the even split of time would be just a hair under 20 minutes per candidate. I have trouble believing that an extra four and a half minutes would have made a big difference in the impression made by Mr. Webb.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Gee, imagine what he might have said had he talked about the issues for 15 minutes instead of whining and letting us know what a brave Marine he was in Nam.

    • artem1s

      meh, he’s pissed that Cooper didn’t hand him a Bautista bat flip moment like he gave Hillz and Bernz. He had his ‘there you go again’ line and chuckle all rehearsed and ready to go to for when someone finally said his name, too.

  • JD Mulvey

    How irrelevant is Jim Webb? Trump didn’t even tweet anything insulting about him. That’s how irellevant.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      Trump/Webb 2016! You heard it here first!

    • Takoma DC

      Trump was going to but then heard how Webb deals with enemies. Donnie is ascared.

  • Webb was outstanding……how he managed to take a 2 hour shit and complain about not being in the debate, was amazing.
    My only confusion was whether he was straining to speak or straining to shit…..

  • Jukesgrrl

    Good thing Jim didn’t have more time to speak. He might have had to acknowledge that his current wife is spouse #3 and she’s 22 years younger than he is. We might have learned to handle having a prezdint with a D-I-V-O-R-C-E, but three wives and one or more babbies with all of them? If we’re going to test that out, let the Republcants do it with Donald.

    • artem1s

      so definitely not a RINO

  • Putty

    Jim, oh Jim. It’s just that when you did speak, you spake shit. Plus, you used up many seconds complaining about how little time you were being given. Think on it, dearie.

    • Takoma DC

      It was good comedy though. He and Chafee should team up. Then we can sit back and watch the hilarity.

  • JurisGal

    “What’s the time?!”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    so, you like this guy

  • edith prickly

    I remember the Macaca campaign – and the liberal blogosphere was having orgasms over Jim Webb because OMG Marine!! and Dem!!! Too bad Webb turned out to be one of those one night stands you get embarrassed you told so many people about.

  • artem1s

    Dear Jim Bob,
    When you espouse and embrace the failed policies of the opposition, the Democratic Party is in no way obligated to give you a platform to talk about it. Whinging louder that no one is paying attention to you at the adult discussion, won’t get you the attention you are seeking. Bitching about it later will only make your gracious hosts reluctant to invite you back. The Democratic Party, I am relieved to say, has finally (maybe) learned that the cra-cra only gets worse when they give in and play by the cra-cra rules. See, US 114th Congress v Obamz The Magnificent (No Fucks Left To Give). STFU and go get a job in the military industrial complex or SugarBush, or bqhatevwr.

  • Magic Juan

    Yeah, uh, Jim? Can we call you Jim?

    Yes you can, he loves it when people say his name, just ask Bernie.

  • MOG253

    SAY MY NAME, SAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Luke

    He’s right, debate was completely rigged don’t know why chaffe even showed up.

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