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So you know how all weather is a sign that God is MAD, BRO, at the liberal heathens? That’s why He mostly sends revenge weather to the bluest of blue states, like Kansas and Florida and Louisiana and Texas. Last week, He was super irate about homosexual relations, as per usual, and since the all-powerful being cannot stop the Supreme Court from decimating traditional goats-for-my-daughter marriage and forcing everyone to rub their same-sex sex-parts all over each other, He sent a fierce hurricane instead.

Oh, does that sound a little bit crazy insane to you? Well. Shows what you know, because here are two definitely not crazy insane people talking about how yup, marriage equality is the likeliest explanation for Hurricane Joaquin.

Y’all know Tony Perkins already. He’s the president of the hate group Family Research Council, plus also the former bossman of sick twisted fuck perv Josh Duggar. Also, Perkins is a asshole, and he said that if the Supreme Court legalized marriage equality, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE, but guess what, motherfucker, we’re not dead yet. Also too, it’s only a matter of time before his dick gets busted in some truck stop glory hole, because — SCIENCE FACT — the biggest “family values” blowhards who obsess about gay sexing are all, yes every single one of them, repressed self-hating homosextarians.

Tony was girl-talking and hair-braiding with this other crazy person, named Jonathan Cahn, who is also addicted to announcing grand prophecies that, huh weird, never come to pass. He is a beloved guest of equally dumbass dumbasses, on their radio and teevee programmes, like Tony Perkins and our favorite crazy old uncle, Pat Robertson, and broken-brained Glenn Beck, and so on so forth and et cetera. Cahn runs an End Times ministry called Hope of the World, which tries “to bring salvation to the Jew, to the Gentile, & to all unreached peoples of every land,” mostly by telling them God did 9/11 to America.

Cahn had some “thoughts” about the massive Hurricane that was heading right for us last week:

In his interview with Perkins, Cahn pointed to Hurricane Joaquin as a sign of God’s wrath for America’s legalization of gay marriage, legal abortion and the United Nation’s treatment of Israel, suggesting that the hurricane would strike Washington, D.C., because that’s “where the leadership is.”

Cahn said God was probably sending wind and rain because America has “crossed a gigantic line” and “overruled the word of God massively” because it “legalized the killing of the unborn in 1973 and now we have the striking down of marriage.” And then he had a whole weird series of words what he spoke about how only God can make rainbows, and The Gays have “desecretated” the rainbow, by wrapping it around their gay penises at all their sex street fairs in San Francisco, and also, with the way the White House got gayed up, rainbow style, after the Supreme Court overruled God, so yeah, He is probably real mad about that too, how dare we exploit His rainbows!

Perkins, of course, agreed with Cahn and was like, “Those godless lefty buttsexing sinners are probably going to make teases about us, for sounding like batshit crazy people, but haha, we’ll have the last laugh when God wipes them from the earth with the hurricane he’s a-sendin’.”

In case you missed it, instead of destroying Washington DC and all the line-crossing evildoers therein, the hurricane instead did a bunch of damage to the Bahamas before dying out in the middle of the Atlantic. Maybe Bermuda is to blame for the Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage and abortion. Or maybe God sucks at geography.

The United States did not escape God’s wrath completely, however. He sank a cargo ship, El Faro, which was carrying, according to its owner, nearly 300 trailers and cars, at first considered a sign that He would like us to stop dirtying up His planet with our fossil fuels-consuming vehicles. A spokesman for the Almighty, who preferred to remain anonymous because he is not authorized to speak on this issue and God can be super vengeful, later clarified that the El Faro was destroyed not because of gay marriage or abortion — both of which he loves, obviously, since He created them and personally performs millions of abortions every year — but, rather, in response to Citizens United.

“God is a big supporter of McCain-Feingold, and had been waiting for a chance to send a clear message,” the archangel explained. While God has not made any decisions yet about whom to punish next, with weather, the archangel added that He’s pretty het up about that Kim Davis lady taking His name in vain all the time, just to be a dick to the homos, so watch out Kentucky, you might be next.

[RightWingWatch]

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  • memzilla

    Earlier forecast:
    .

    • Msgr_Moment

      I think Monday Hurricane is ironic.

      • Takoma DC

        And dirty.

    • TheBidenator

      So you’re saying the hurricane wanted to punish the East Coast with TERRIBLE rap music before declaring it was just kidding? What an asshole…

      • Takoma DC

        A fairly bad actor who was immediately hailed a “great” actor imho due to his truly very talented (I hearted you River) brother who tragically died. Joaquin was inspired by another pretentious talent-less-lacking-in-any-semblance-of-talent sack-o-shit, Jim Belushi.

        • OzoneTom

          In all fairness I only rated him as “sickening” on “Space Camp”.

    • jviscont1

      he does move in mysterious ways, but, then again, so goes god.

  • FauxAntocles

    Or maybe God sucks at geography.
    He is American, after all.

  • Luthe Tucker

    God decided this was not the year to provide the idiots who live in coastal floodplains with a government subsidized bonanza.

  • jesuswasablack

    “crossed a gigantic line” and “overruled the word of God massively”
    That sounds Yooooooooouuuuuuge!

  • Blackest Noobs

    god is apparently like his follower of good people with good guns; they’re all really bad shots.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Imperial Stormtroopers. Amazingly accurate on sandcrawlers, but can’t hit the broad side of the Death Star.

      • Blackest Noobs

        it’s the damn helmet, i dunno how many times ive told them, but they’re all soulless bureaucrats. and our fearless leader Palpatine could use a breath mint…even with these helmets we can smell his
        Dark Halitosis!

        • SnarkTank

          Yep, he was a super-calloused, fragile mystic, plagued by halitosis.
          #justthepunchlines

  • Jeamonn

    El Faro was an American ship with 33 people on board. I normally don’t get wrapped around the axels about the snark on this site, but the idea of being drowned at sea is maybe not so good as a joke.

    • crisptickle

      yeah, especially being American and all…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I agree. It’s not funny. Those poor people.

  • Thaumaturgist

    God sent the thousand-yea flood to South Carolina this weekend. Anyone know wassup?

    • FauxAntocles

      He’s trying to convince them global warming is real.

      • VirginiaLady

        Think it worked?

        • FauxAntocles

          Not bloody likely.

    • MrBlobfish

      Didn’t clap hard enough.

  • Toomush_Infer

    This is what happens when you give hurricanes boy-names….

    • Beaumarchais?

      They get fickle?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    You can tell God is mad at the gays because he let the Leviathan destroy San Francisco in that last Godzilla movie.

    Also too, the Planet of the Apes movies.

    Amen.

  • goonemeritus

    Surely if we don’t bring back Josh Weeden’s Firefly God will
    lift is sacred hand of protection from America and we will become just a more
    populated version of Canada.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This didn’t work with Star Trek back in ’69, alas. Had to wait a full decade for another fix, and it was not all that good until ’82.

    • SterWonk

      “… Josh Weeden’s …”

      “Josh”? Josh?!

      • goonemeritus

        Hey so sue me, I liked Firefly but I never got Buffy and
        that series Dollhouse was called Buffy the Prostitute” in my house.

  • Lizzietish81
    • Angry_Cop

      I watch this every time you post this. It takes me to a happy place.

      • Lizzietish81

        It’s awesome.

        Alas the rest of that season did not live up to it’s promise.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …God sunk a cargo ship named “El Faro”? I would have figured that would be more a statement on our immigration policy

    • TheBidenator

      Now that you mention it, a Hurricane DOES sort of resemble Trump’s hairdo from the top…..

  • Msgr_Moment

    Tony Perkins can eat a large bag of heavily salted rat floridas.

  • TheBidenator

    Here’s a thought, if Gawd does all this spiteful stuff because people make fundies mad couldn’t we just blame everything bad that happens on fundies? I’m just using their logic

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not only blame them for it, but carry through and see if they weigh the same as a duck, and then do what you do with people who weigh the same as a duck.

  • “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Anal God”

    – Jonathan Edwards
    ~

  • Bob@Bob.com

    Looks like God (and the Pope) are both getting sick of hearing about what people do with their winkies,

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Don’t be absurd. In a galaxy like the Milky Way where there are 200-400 billion stars and that is over 100 million light-years wide, the most important thing is what are those hominids on that one tiny planet orbiting that one small star doing with their penises and buttholes.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, he’s not watching the Ferengi pull fast ones on Pakleds, that’s for sure.

    • Angry_Cop

      I sure am.

  • deanbooth

    Of course God struck the Bahamas, because baHamas!

    • Lizzietish81

      Fun factoid: The Bahamas is not particularly gay friendly.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Nor is the rest of the Caribbean. Jamaica is rumored to be the worst.

    • Querolous

      Or Obahamas.

  • Me not sure

    I’m not gay but I still got Japanese beetles in my garden this year. For God’s sake Mr. Perkins, spill the beans, what has God got against me and my plants?

    • Toomush_Infer

      It’s just a little bit of karma for Hiroshima – get over yourself…

      • Me not sure

        Wow! Those are mysterious ways!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Tony Perkins is Anthony Perkins in Psycho, but for reals not just acting.

  • bluicebank

    It’s because the Almighty is getting on, and his peepers aren’t what they used to be.

    Several years back an impressive earthquake struck Southern California (I know, weird), and some online moran said it was God punishing Calif for its gay and laidback and whatevs. I pointed out God must be a lousy shot, because he just nailed the Conservative Inland Empire part of the Southland, sparing us sinners laying about in the coastal region.

  • TheBidenator

    If God was so angry about ‘bortion and gay guys doing teh buttsechs couldn’t he show his displeasure in a more impressive way? I mean if this is supposed to be a divine message you’d think he’d maybe have all the fetii turn into that creepy lil’ turd from “the Unborn” and badger their mothers and he’d make all the rectums just disappear (how you gonna buttsechs now, gay dudes?) and would suddenly make tribbing no longer hot….
    I’m just saying for an omnipotent deity that can allegedly turn men who displease him into salt god is a bit underwhelming…there hasn’t even been a single fart out of Yellowstone since 1973 when Roe v. Wade was supposedly worse than Sodom and Gomorra

  • LarryHoudini

    God isn’t punishing our love of guns with massacres—it’s for all the abortions. Right?

    • Angry_Cop

      The sick fundies say this quite a bit.

    • TheBidenator

      Since god designed man and man designed guns then guns are a gift from god according to Elias from Clerks 2.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yeah, I think that’s in Matthew in the Murica Edition of the Bible.

      Jesus said “for all who live by the abortion will die by the sword.”.

      Or something like that.

  • cousin itt

    Latest reports are that the next tropical Cocaine is about to blow in the Caribbean.

  • NerdWithNoName

    “El Faro was destroyed not because of gay marriage or abortion”
    Perhaps El Faro was destroyed because was in the middle of a hurricane. I know nothing about shipping; is it normal to steer right into a tropical storm / hurricane? If I were the guy swabbing the deck I would have advised the captain to go the other way a while until the storm passed. Maybe the captain knows something I don’t but it seems odd that they sailed straight in to the storm.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If this were say 1825, I might be able to buy that, but gosh, don’t you have a satellite link to the latest imagery showing this YOOOGE tropical storm coming your way?

      • Thurman Munster IV

        Yoooge but not classiest storm.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      I think they usually sail around it

    • Spotts1701

      At the time the ship sailed, then-Tropical Strom Joaquin was still several hundred miles away, and the ship’s course was not likely to place it in serious danger. Unfortunately, cargo ships aren’t very nimble and when the storm intensified and shifted, the “safe” course put her right in the middle of the storm.

    • Bill Slider

      From what I have read the ship was adrift without power, then the hurricane came and the ship sank.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      The Bounty’s captain did the same thing a few years ago. Instead of just staying in port in NC and taking his chances, he decided to go into the ocean and ride that hurricane out. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2556540/Captain-doomed-HMS-Bounty-reckless-decision-sail-path-Superstorm-Sandy-safety-report-rules.html
      It didn’t work out too well for him and a crew member who both died, and the other crew members who were injured.

  • Spotts1701

    Well, it might have made the sportsball game in D.C. marginally better.

    • cynmac

      Nothing can save DC sportsball. I am looking forward to the ass whippin’ the Atlanta Falcons are going to put on the Deadskins next Sunday. Yep.

      • Thurman Munster IV

        Maybe the Washington sportsball team should be called the Foreskins? Nah. The Jewishes will think that’s anti-Semitic.

        • Querolous

          Keep the name, change the logo. The fans become the peanut gallery.

  • schmannity

    Tony Perkins: The tool through which God speaks or just a tool?

    • cynmac

      Why not Both!

    • cousin itt

      God has a tool? So He is a He after all.

      • Toomush_Infer

        detachable…

      • cynmac

        I am fem and I have tools – like for home repairs and such.

  • kindness

    Hey, hey, hey. Let’s give these people a little bit of credit, a tad of dignity if you will. No doubt when Tony Perkins is almost there whilst receiving the best hummer of his life in a truck stop restroom glory hole, he ‘knows’ it is a woman on the other side of that glory hole giving it to him. And with his ‘happy ending’ he no doubt thanks the Lord for sending that talented ‘woman’ into a men’s room to help him see the light. Hallelujah!

    • handyhippie65

      talk about gender confusion. yeeesh.

    • LIT_Fag

      I’m thinking he’s more likely the one on his knees doing the giving, not receiving, of said hummer.

  • Count Awesome

    Lesson learned here must be that if these loons truly believe what they preach then they have to stop all the talking about butt sex and get started on doing the butt sex.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fundie preachers think more about ghey buttsechs than most ghey men do.

      What does this tell us, boys and girls?

      • Lizzietish81

        But do they think about gay buttsechs as much as bored housewives on fanfiction.net?

        Not that I would know anything about that…

        • Count Awesome

          Youre missing a bow-chicka-wow-wow.

      • Hardly Ideal

        If you look to the right of the tour bus, you’ll see Martin Ssempa: a Ugandan-American pastor with a huge anti-gay streak and alarmingly rapid access to fetish porn as “proof” of what gays do.

  • Thank heavens that county in wherever had the foresight to pass that resolution or whatever because surely that’s what sent Hurricane Joaquin out to sea.

  • Callyson

    Y’all know Tony Perkins already

    All too well, unfortunately…

    • handyhippie65

      a face only a hammer could love.

      • borninatrailer

        Not true. A Garden Weasel™ could too, also.

        • handyhippie65

          i love my garden weasel too much for that. that thing tears up weeds like a mini tiller.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I remember when these same motherfuckers tried to pin Katrina on all the ‘mos in New Orleans. Never mind that the one spot in NOLA that didn’t flood was the very gay friendly French Quarter.

    Funny that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Kinda sends a message if you’re looking for the right message. Of course, these fuckheads are not.

    • Beezelbubbles

      The ‘mos know where high ground is.

    • Takoma DC

      Yes but they still blamed Katrina on the blacks.

      The only thing that shut them the fuck up about Gawd and severe weather was Super Storm Sandy.

      So many white trash men and women are named ‘Sandy’ it really fucked their heads up. They wanted to blame it on the sodomites and scissoring lezzies in NYC but 2 out of every 3 wingnuts is related to or knows someone named ‘Sandy’ or is themselves a ‘Sandy.’ They couldn’t bring themselves to be their usual chipper castigating cunts and for the most part kept their pecan pie holes shut.

    • chicken thief

      Close only counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, drive in theaters, and Jeebus punishment for the gheyz.

  • VirginiaLady

    This is why you can’t have nice things SC. God is evicting you and you won’t have room on your bass boat for stuffs.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    South Carolina, the cradle of secession, is now under two feet of water. Maybe God knows what he’s doing?

    • MrBlobfish

      God hates golf as much as the rest of us.

      • Beezelbubbles

        Yea, He’s just trolling Tiger now.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Sure, keep blaming God for these things. That will come in handy when the water is 6-21 feet deeper, and no need to do anything in the meantime.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Yes, a once in a thousand year rainfall has ZERO to do with climate change. It’s similar to all those massive blazes in the West, which also has nothing to do with climate change. I wish all you Libtards would understand that the science just isn’t in yet, and so we should do absolutely nothing. Drill, baby, drill!

        • BigBoppa

          Funny how we keep having these once-in-a-thousand-year weather events every 3 months or so. Who’d a thunk?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Yeah, there’s been quite a few of those “once in a lifetime” storms in the past 5 years. I’m sure it’s because of abortion and gay marriage and muslims and a black guy ruling America though, and has nothing to do with made up climate change stuff.

        • Takoma DC

          Frack, Jack, Frack

      • Takoma DC
  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    I heard someone ask if the forest fires out west were a sign from God. I said, “Yes. It’s a sign that we shouldn’t build homes in area that are prone to forest fires”!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      As a general rule, if somebody is talking about “Signs”, and the aren’t talking about that 2002 M. Night Shyamalan movie starring Mel Gibson, they’re either:

      1. Crazy,
      2. Stupid,
      3. Dishonest,
      or
      4 All of the above.

      • Beezelbubbles

        Plot twist libel!

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Maybe if they are talking about that movie. It sucked.

        • Takoma DC

          Everything by Mmmmm. Kike. Shamalamadingdong suckz.

  • chimichanga

    Psycho

  • dslindc

    I can confirm that there was more butt sexing than hurricane in DC last weekend.

    • Takoma DC

      Well of course. We have black-n-gay Obombination and enchantée tranny Michael in the White House.

    • handyhippie65

      at least yer gettin some…while yer at it, get a little fer me.

  • handyhippie65

    i just love how god is natural disastering all of those godless blue states. what, SC is a red state? are you sure? mebbe god is confused bout which is which.

    • dslindc

      God is colorblind and they’re all gray states.

      • handyhippie65

        50 shades of grey states. cumming to a book burnin near you.

      • Takoma DC

        Yes very gay. It’s a gay old time in those red and purpley states.

        • Takoma DC

          Oh gray!

    • Takoma DC

      SC is red. I thought it was NC that keeps switching around?

      • handyhippie65

        flip floppers, why the nerve!

    • Logic of Color

      He sent Gabriel to California. Gabriel is a class 4 fire mage.

      • handyhippie65

        chaotic neutral, obviously.

  • Takoma DC

    I knew it! I just knew that God uses an Electrolux vintage canister model! It sucks indiscriminantly. Everything from dust and dirt to your wedding and cock rings.
    Only the devil and his worshippers would have a new modern scientific Dyson
    And we all know Bissell is for Jews (no God is not a Jew!) and also too Baptists
    Shark is #1 with stinky atheists
    Kirby preferred by Presbyterians, Protestants, and Pagans
    Oreck is for the *other* Jew, Mormons, and LDS
    Rainbow is for Roman Catholics, Episcopalians, Canadians of all persuasian, and Wiccans (all groups are obsessively attracted to water making the Rainbow Cleaning System their favorite)
    What kind of vacuum do Scientologists use the most? The power of their powerful clear clean minds! Thank you e-meter!

    • Logic of Color

      Oreck is for the “other” Jew, Mormons, and LDS

      Nice. You are clearly aware of this, but if I may wonksplain-lite…? Mormons sometimes refer to non-mormons as “Gentiles”.

    • sillyclucker

      I thought the devil used a Dirt Devil.

      • Takoma DC

        You’re correct! My bad.

        Dirt Devil is used by THE Devil. Satan and his followers use a Dyson.

        • sillyclucker

          I hate to keep correcting an otherwise excellent not comment, but Satan and his followers all use Republicans.

          • Takoma DC

            Yes but GOP doesn’t do domestic work. They usually hire undocumented persons, abuse their PA and make them do work beyond their duties, orbapply magical thinking and try to wish the geime away.

  • PattyJM

    What gets me in these predictions is that there is no connection between cause and effect.

    If you are trying to teach your dog a trick the first thing is to get the dog to associate the command “sit” and a reward for sitting on command.

    So, assuming that there is a god who interacts with humans, wouldn’t it make sense that any punishment imposed be somehow connected to the cause?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      NOPE! He works in mysterious ways. Right?

      Mysterious, like “Sure, you get free will!”
      “But then I’ll rig the game by telling you my plans, through some Christianist Talker Guy!”
      “And then I’ll smite the wrong people, or not smite them at all, so that Christianist Talker Guy seems unreliable about my word!”

      Apparently that makes one believe even harder, in some circles.

  • Beowoof14

    God always seems to fuck with these guys, causing the disaster to hit the places that least support anything.

    • Takoma DC

      Gawd is atestin’ dem red state creatures.

  • YayConspiracy

    I think it’s my God’s punishment for Josh Duggar and Kim Davis. Needs to work on her aim a bit.

  • BeliTsari

    Pope’s report must’ve included DC, Philly & NYC? Moon came back, hurricane drowns secesh’ baggers.

    Kin ahy gits me uh a-MENNY?

  • calliecallie

    So God has been thinking about smiting us since 1973 when we legalized abortion, but he only just got around to it lately because we piled on with gay marriage? He doesn’t work very fast, does he?

    • Dee Andee

      IKR? Seven days to make the entire world, but how many years to punish the sinners? Holy shit!

      • Pisto75666

        Well in his defense there were all those football & Nascar seasons that got in the way

    • Logic of Color

      Maybe he’s waiting for the Next Big Thing, probably banning Christianity. Which I thought was already happening.

    • Playonwords

      Absentee landlord, refuses to do necessary repairs to reality, ignores the courts, threatens to burn our his tenants. Has past form for not repairing the plumbing …

  • JustPixelz

    If you go over to rightwingwatch.org, you can search five years of these lunatic predictions. They’re as accurate as Dick Cheney.

    • Takoma DC

      “Accurate” as in Cheney’s hunting prowess. Or his WMD prediction?

      • Beaumarchais?

        Yes.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Is it just me, or do we seem to regularly get smites and near smites in the form of late-summer hurricanes?

    What’s next? Is it the wrath of God when I stub my toe or break a glass?

  • Billy Croissant

    I for one am grateful Jonathan Cahn is assuming the mantle of Godsplainer from porridge-brained Pat Robertson, because frankly I’m just too busy to have a one-on-one with the Godster myself. God exacting retribution through weather? I Did Not Know That.

    Neat!

  • dshwa

    Omnipotent with lousy aim. What could go wrong?

  • TxSpinyLizrd

    Hey Tony Perkins, I’m mocking you, neener neener neener!!!

  • chicken thief

    Or maybe God sucks at geography.

    Well, he is a True ‘Murikun Patriot and Lord knows, us ‘Merikuns suck at geography.

    • david green

      Or maybe he keeps hitting the Red states when the blue states are the real evil is simply just he is color blind. It would explain a lot. Ocelots Razor, people.

  • All-Up-in-Ward-4

    From Wikipedia about Cahn: “By the time he was 20 years old he had become a Messianic Jew, accepting Jesus as the Messiah after almost being killed in two separate accidents, the first being when he was driving on the road when he narrowly avoided a collision and the second at a railway crossing when he escaped from his car before it was crushed by an oncoming train.” It appears he is just as shitty with prophecy as he is at driving.

    • Takoma DC

      Now he’s Gawd’s vehicle.

      • All-Up-in-Ward-4

        Hey, Takoma DC.. I’m also in Takoma, DC!

        • Takoma DC

          It’s a small Wonkette World. :-)

    • Nola Saint

      Perhaps Gawd is trying to tell him something. Oh well, third time’s a charm?

  • Takoma DC

    What I find most interesting is that the EUROPEAN model (for Hurricane Joaquin) had it missing the U.S. coast but most of the AMERICAN models pinpointed the hurricane hitting the U.S. east coast in SC or near Delaware/PA border and then travelling along the eastern seaboard as far north as Boston.

    BUT the EU model was the correct model. The storm followed their forecast prediction for this hurricane and it was also too the EU model that was correct about Super Storm Sandy.

    Just 2 days ago Nice and Cannes (South of France) were hit by a severe rain storm. Within a few hours receiving the amount of rain they typically get for the year. There have been fatalities.

    Perhaps if they kept their truffle finding proboscisisss out of our friendly democratic weather patterns and paid attention to their own socialist storms they could have have saved a few lives.

    Gawd hates French people. I wonder if they know?

    • TootsStansbury

      The Euro is an awesome model but our American models did a good job with the crazy rain amounts. The Euro isn’t infallible though; it’s had its busts. It did predict Sandy; unreal shit there but it’s busted on some Nor’easters.
      Sorry.
      Wx nerd.

      • Takoma DC

        Weather is interestin’. I loved learnin’ ’bout cloud names and their shapes. Effect of the moon on tides and such.

        Juss yeserday was readin’ all about pros and cons of American -vs- EU models.

        I dunno which models Farmer’s Almanac references but they were 100% accurate predicting Sandy, as well as major snow storms which hit DC area between ’08-now.

        At least for DC region FA has been a extremely accurate.

    • Albert Cornelius Doyle

      Is there any truth to the rumor that various Red States, such as Florida and SC, have it written into law that their meteorology cannot include global warming parameters, and hence their models are innacurate…..so when the various state models get aggregated, there is a no-global-warming-parameter error built into the aggregate, which the European models do not suffer from?
      I’m hardly a conspiracy theorist (except when it comes to race and class dynamics), but this rumor has the aroma of possibility.

      • david green

        Well, I seem to recall that a couple of those overly religious and under sciency states are not allowed to include climate change predictions in their land-use planning.

        • Albert Cornelius Doyle

          Sayyyy, you’re not by any chance the older brother of the first girl I ever asked out, Amy, to see The Sting at The Westgate Mall in 1974??????

      • Takoma DC

        I know Florida has a law that scientists and meteorologists working for the state are prohibited from mentioning global warming. I’m pretty sure the law was signed by current govenernor.

        Florida’s Atlantic coast, especially in and around Miami is the most vulnerable for excessive flooding (they have more people living in flooding area. At least one scientist has said for years that the beachfront Miami beach hotels, restaurants, and condo buildings will not be viable in the very near future.

        Each year this prognosis becomes a reality with flooding happening more frequently and increasing in severity but Florida gov’t officials won’t heed the warnings.

        The major of Miami is a scientist who believes global warming is true and to blame for the flooding. He’s trying to change things but he’s one of a small group of Florida politicians.

        The irony is I doubt if the governor will not have a his hands extended towards Washington when they want federal funding after natural disaster like hurricane destruction, aftermath of super storms, and flooding.

        The most recent flooding wasn’t caused by anything more than the Super Moon a couple of weeks ago.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    God also did mean things to poor SC :/ 1000 year flooding and all that fun stuff.

  • VandeGraf

    God hath sent the mold unto our rye, an hath burnt the fried eggs! Why? Because buttsechs, obliviously. God’s cat hath peed on the rug by the door. God must have a Job fixation.

  • marxalot

    “For My sake, I keep blasting these uncharitable, hateful fuckwits with gallons of My wrath, but they keep doubling down on their intolerance and their oppression. What’s it going to take to get them to love My children?”
    -Gawd

  • Bahhhdman

    Speaking of the catastrophic flooding in SC, a Hilton Head GOP group thought that was a lame excuse for Miss Lindsay to use to miss their little ‘do:

    http://www.thestate.com/news/politics-government/politics-columns-blogs/the-buzz/article37781745.html

    • Lord-Nash

      Lindsey’s driving himself now. No one on his campaign is left to take the wheel. His bus, his rules.

  • Ulricii

    So God finally struck The Faro and not just his first-born sons. What’s it been, about 4000 years since He promised those plagues? He does take His time.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “In his interview with Perkins, Cahn pointed to Hurricane Joaquin as a sign of God’s wrath for America’s legalization of gay marriage, legal abortion and the United Nation’s treatment of Israel”
    A hurricane for all three? Likely story. For these three, we’d face alien invasion, a meteor strike, or the Eagles winning the Superbowl.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Considering that hurricanes come along like clockwork most years, Cahn is never lacking for “evidence”. You can get away with dumb shit like this, so long as you peddle it to an even dumber audience.

  • A Grumpy Cat

    Thank you, religious whackjobs! Your idiotic ideas made God turn that hurricane away from us just to prove you wrong! Next time, do it before it makes landfall anywhere, kthxbai.

  • TootsStansbury

    It was an upper level low interacting with a stalled coastal front. Nothing to do with God or Jesus really. Just a mom nature created mess. I’m sorry for those caught up in it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yet another 1,000-year event, according to Gov. Nikki Haley. You might think that a series of 1,000-year events, coming one on top of another, might suggest to the wingtards that the climate ain’t what it used to be, but nope, nope, annnnd nope. It’s gotta be Jeebus, warming up for the end times.

      Fucking religious morons seem determined to CREATE the end times.

      • bobbert

        You know, thirty years ago they talked about “100-year events”. Then, those started happening every five or ten years, so we went to “200-year” and “500-year” and now, I guess, “1000-year” events (new one for me).

        It’s almost like something is changing, huh?

        • david green

          Nah – that ain’t it.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    This Cahn scuzzball is a big-time grifter:
    http://www.theharbinger-jonathancahn.com/CD_Set/

    All the mysteries of life, the universe, and everything! Revealed in a complete 8-DVD set, “regular price” $75.00, yours for only $35.00 (special! save $40.00!), shipping and handling only … umm … only after you give them your credid card info.

    Buy it used, so Cahn gets zero Ameros. The lunacy within could surely keep Dok well-stocked with derp for several months.

  • So apparently most of the filthy gay buttsex in American goes on in rural South Carolina?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You mouth to God’s, um, ear.

  • Lord-Nash

    Hey, millions and millions of years ago, about half of South Carolina was underwater, and the Midlands were the Coastlands. I don’t know what mankind did to piss God off back then, but it must have been pretty bad.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Mollusk buttsex.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I’ve heard that prokaryotes could be real party organisms.

      • Lord-Nash

        Asexual reproduction butsects! Uh, wait…

    • david green

      All that changed in only 6000 years. Wow!

  • Luke

    With religious nuts its always gonna be a lose lose lose situation. Tornadoes tear up Kansas, its god punishing Christians for allowing abortions. Fires ravage California its cause the gays. Ww3 breaks out its cause its the end times and there was nothing we could do about it not because the profiteering policies of our greedy war machine. Anyone else see a pattern emerging?

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