President Jeb Bush Addresses Grieving Nation: 'Stuff Happens'

If you've been wondering what President Jeb Bush, what with being a Bush and having all that genetic expertise on how to do presidenting real good, would do about the mass shootings we have every single week in America, here's your answer: big fat Bush-style don't give a flippity flying fuck SHRUG.

We're in a difficult time in our country, and I don't think more government is necessarily the answer to this. I think we need to reconnect ourselves with everybody else. It's just, it's very sad to see. I resist the notion, I had this, this challenge as governor, cause we had — look, stuff happens. There's always a crisis. And the impulse is always to do something, and it's not necessarily the right thing to do.

Som'bitch, did you just say “stuff happens”? Ten people confirmed dead, another seven injured, but oops, oh well, people died, whatcha gonna do? Sure, sometimes Americans are killed, and you have years and years of congressional investigations. And sometimes you invade a country, and then you invade another country because that country said a mean thing about your dad one time, but then some other times, SHRUG. Ya know how it is. Circle of life and all. STUFF HAPPENS.

We know it is hard to know what to say after a tragedy such as this occurs, again. But "stuff happens"? Stuff fucking happens?

This has to be one of those famous Jeb Bush "gaffes," right? Since nobody remembered to whisper into Jeb's ear that it is real cold-hearted as fuck to say "stuff happens" a mere 24 hours after 10 people were massacred -- when it is still Too Soon to politicize the issue, Too Soon to talk about gun control, Too Soon to do anything but send our prayers -- certainly someone will explain that Jeb Bush meant the complete opposite of that, right?

REPORTER: Was "stuff happens" a mistake?

BUSH: No, it wasn't a mistake. I said exactly what I said. Why would you -- explain to me what I said wrong.

REPORTER: Well, you said "stuff happens."

BUSH: Things happen all the time. Things. Is that better?

No, you rotten callous least-favorite son of a Bush, it really isn't better at all. A real president would know that. Our real president does know that. And we all know exactly what Jeb Bush would say if our real president had said that on Thursday night . Or, say, after the death of four Americans in Benghazi.

Fortunately, our real president knows better. And as he said, this doesn't just happen. It happens, not because of stuff or things, but because we refuse to do anything at all about it. Because there are people like Jeb Bush who shrug it off and insist there is nothing we can do, might as well go bomb some countries, because that's where the stuff and the things matter.

Thankfully, Jeb Bush is not our president and never will be.