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If you’ve been wondering what President Jeb Bush, what with being a Bush and having all that genetic expertise on how to do presidenting real good, would do about the mass shootings we have every single week in America, here’s your answer: big fat Bush-style don’t give a flippity flying fuck SHRUG.

We’re in a difficult time in our country, and I don’t think more government is necessarily the answer to this. I think we need to reconnect ourselves with everybody else. It’s just, it’s very sad to see. I resist the notion, I had this, this challenge as governor, cause we had — look, stuff happens. There’s always a crisis. And the impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.

Som’bitch, did you just say “stuff happens”? Ten people confirmed dead, another seven injured, but oops, oh well, people died, whatcha gonna do? Sure, sometimes Americans are killed, and you have years and years of congressional investigations. And sometimes you invade a country, and then you invade another country because that country said a mean thing about your dad one time, but then some other times, SHRUG. Ya know how it is. Circle of life and all. STUFF HAPPENS.

We know it is hard to know what to say after a tragedy such as this occurs, again. But “stuff happens”? Stuff fucking happens?

This has to be one of those famous Jeb Bush “gaffes,” right? Since nobody remembered to whisper into Jeb’s ear that it is real cold-hearted as fuck to say “stuff happens” a mere 24 hours after 10 people were massacred — when it is still Too Soon to politicize the issue, Too Soon to talk about gun control, Too Soon to do anything but send our prayers — certainly someone will explain that Jeb Bush meant the complete opposite of that, right?

REPORTER: Was “stuff happens” a mistake?

BUSH: No, it wasn’t a mistake. I said exactly what I said. Why would you — explain to me what I said wrong.

REPORTER: Well, you said “stuff happens.”

BUSH: Things happen all the time. Things. Is that better?

No, you rotten callous least-favorite son of a Bush, it really isn’t better at all. A real president would know that. Our real president does know that. And we all know exactly what Jeb Bush would say if our real president had said that on Thursday night. Or, say, after the death of four Americans in Benghazi.

Fortunately, our real president knows better. And as he said, this doesn’t just happen. It happens, not because of stuff or things, but because we refuse to do anything at all about it. Because there are people like Jeb Bush who shrug it off and insist there is nothing we can do, might as well go bomb some countries, because that’s where the stuff and the things matter.

Thankfully, Jeb Bush is not our president and never will be.

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  • Hemp Dogbane

    Also, too, life isn’t fair.

    • DarkSyn

      Some people are shot in mass shootings, some people aren’t.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Bullets leave one place and enter another–who can explain it?

        • Count Awesome

          Jim Garrison/Kevin Costner can: ‘To the back and to the left… To the back a back and to the left…’

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Jeb! happens.

  • cmd

    I suppose we should be thankful he didn’t say, “Shit happens.”
    Oh, and as far as government shouldn’t get involved, tell that to Terri Schiavo.
    Asswipe.

    • DarkSyn

      This ranks right up there with George Bush’s comment regarding Bin Laden “I truly am not that concerned about him”. March 13, 2002.

    • Thomas McCabe

      Here in Australia, our late unlamented Prime Minister when Opposition leader said exactly that when visiting Afghanistan and discussing the deaths of servicemen.

  • Spotts1701

    About as compassionate as a concrete block.
    Check that – the concrete block has more empathy.

    • weejee

      wut?

  • weejee

    …the death of four Americans in Benghazi…

    Those folks in Libya knew full well they were in harm’s way and recognized that risk. Being on a community college campus or attending an elementary school should not be accepted as being in harm’s way.

    Douchenozzle, too, also.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Look, mistakes were made. Not by me. Somebody else. And it happened.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Misanthropes were birthed. By Bar Bush.

  • onedollarjuana

    To be fair, he was governor of Florida, where “stuff” happens on a daily basis.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Look, we’ve got alligators, and stripper poles, and anacondas and look, stuff happens OK?

      • weejee

        And FSU sportsball players.

  • ash310

    I don’t think he actually wants to run for president at this point. He’s phoning it in and he is smart enough to know that his remarks today won’t help his candidacy. In my view, he has taken himself out of the running without actually saying that he’s out

    • OneYieldRegular

      You’re giving him an awful lot of credit for a self-awareness I’m not convinced he has.

      • ash310

        You could be correct.

  • YayConspiracy

    Stuff happens. Well, perhaps, but you sure as hell will never happen.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …”look, stuff happens”!?!? He is the definition of PEICE OF SHIT!!!

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Everyone is angry enough today that spelling is particularly atrocius.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …lol, I noticed it IMMEDIATELY after posting, but decide:

        • Dee Andee

          JEB! doesn’t deserve proper spelling anyway! ;)

          • AngryBlakGuy

            …well played!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Remember the rule: ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after WTF.

  • tihond

    This is marginally better than his Welfare Policy: “Gas, Grass, or Ass: No One Rides For Free.”

    • OzoneTom

      As a long-time moocher, I prefer the Wonk-tour version myself.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    ‘There’s always a crisis.’

    What a damn visionary.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Exactly. Typical GOP bullshit – there is always a crisis, because we never plan effectively with them doing the leadership thing.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Leadershippery: we live and breathe this stuff.

        • cessnadriver

          Another good Colbertism. I am looking forward to seeing what he does over the next 15 years.

    • HogeyeGrex

      ‘There’s always a crisis.’
      ‘Because we make sure there’s always a crisis. Shit, the way we govern, how could there not be?’

      • wide_stance_hubby

        The GOP believes in a strong defense, which means we must all be terrified at all times.

        • HogeyeGrex

          A scared population is easier to control.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’m just glad none of these candidates is a surgeon.

  • tihond

    Jeb! is Ziggy?

    • Joe Commenter

      Jeb! wishes he had the brainpower of a pinhead …

      • Zyxomma

        I think that’s Zippy.

        • docterry6973

          Isn’t that the peanut butter? Wait, that’s Skippy.

        • Joe Commenter

          Oops! But the comment is still accurate … :)

  • doktorzoom

    He’s capable of truly Romneyesque levels of empathy

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Well, at least ROmneyBot3000 had an upgrade path to empathy 2.0.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        There’s an unfixed security flaw in empathy 2.0 that causes the car elevators to crash.

    • cessnadriver

      Mittens and his live-in girlfriend had to dip into their trust funds in order to stay in Paris a while longer..that’s the same as combat, so they are really veterans of the war in Vietnam. Since they didn’t get captured, trumpie prefers them.

      • schmannity

        Thy had to stay to resolve Mitty’s wrongful death case.

        • cessnadriver

          You might be thinking about the case of Michael Dutton Douglas.

    • Doug Langley

      Hey, at least Rombot 1.0 tried to pretend to care about people.

      He couldn’t do it, but he tried.

  • Gorillionaire

    This is the same response you could expect from a person with a handful of Xanax pumping through his system.

    • HogeyeGrex

      You’re saying he’s been digging through Laura’s purse again?

  • FlownOver

    Yeah, stuff happens. 9/11. Katrina. Gitmo. The Crash. Iraq.

    Move along… nothing to see here.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    My brother kept us safe when stuff happened.

  • orygoon

    Whoa, hey, I need to make that appointment with the ophthalmologist and see about my glasses prescription. I could swear that, even with the font size set pretty biggish, that I just read that Jeb Bush responded to the community college mass murder in the country with the words “stuff happens.”

    What was the name of the eye doc that my neighbor recommended?

    • weejee

      Just down the road a piece, there’s a good one who even works on bus man’s holidays.

  • Joe Commenter

    Initially assumed “stuff happens” in the headline was paraphrasing. Unbelievable that even Jeb would actually say that. He is proving to be the stupidest Bush by quite a wide margin …

    • OzoneTom

      So much for that “Smart one” trope.

    • chicken thief

      He failed to leap over a bar that is practically lying on the ground.

      • OneYieldRegular

        limbo, limbo, limbo hell.

  • Zyxomma

    He’s a POS, and I wouldn’t mind if “stuff” happened to him. Without votes.

  • FlownOver

    Stop trying to make ¡Jeb! happen! It’s not going to happen!

  • OzoneTom

    Hey JEB! I just saw a press conference where The (actual) President tried to boil this down into simple terms. I am assuming that you just missed it.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Stuff Happens rather frequently.

    In fact, you’d have to go to a country having a civil war to see more stuff happening more often.

    • marxalot

      Another day, another… stuff happens.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …this is one of the reasons I’m glad my wife decided deal with ALL of my bull shit and marry me. She is the one that put the STRICT, 1 drink before noon rule into place!!! I sincerely try my best NOT to call racist, rat fucking, dingle berry, smegma suckers out, but you know what? Sometimes we all fall of the wagon!!!! If “Jeb!” happens to fall off of a pier into a boiling vat of pissed of Cobras with razor blades and rubbing alcohol, I wouldn’t be pissed off!!!

    • OzoneTom

      Please let me thank you for your service.

    • Hutch

      It’s why we love you, Blak!

    • Msgr_Moment

      I got one would not pigs on him if he fell into that vat.

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        I hate to take issue with the distinguished commentator Msgr. Moment, but I would. I yield the rest of my time.

      • nor piss on him if he was on fire

        • david green

          I guess I just have a more forgiving nature than HITO. I would definitely piss on him if he was on fire. Oh, hell – I’d even piss on him if no flames at all were involved.

    • data_ninja

      And now I’m worried if the cobras will be okay!

  • whatwhomever

    Can hardly wait until he’s the “comforter-in-chief”.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Wet Blanket-in-Chief

  • FauxAntocles

    (Other) people die, oh well!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      You need a thick skin when you are running on the “Why do women need so much healthcare?” ticket.

  • mrpuma2u

    Stuff happens, and black people just want free stuff. Jeb is stuffing his presidential campaign further down the toilet, by just talking. Keep talking JEBster, soon you’ll be moved to the Bush obscurity estate where Neil is.

  • memzilla

    Brolly Bunny’s agent is the luckiest agent. As long as there’s a ¡Jeb! he’ll always have work.
    .

  • bumfug

    Or, referencing the birth of Jeb! Bush, “Shit happens”.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Clarification: the birth of any Bush.

    • nightmoth

      I MIGHT have respected him more if he’d just gone ahead and said, “Shit happens,” then laughed callously.

      • Dee Andee

        Or at least you’d know you wanted to strangle him for being a total dickwad, instead of wondering if he was dropped on his head at birth,

    • Msgr_Moment

      I thought her wrote was, “Are you certain that you pulled that out of the correct hole?”

  • schmannity

    “We need to reconnect ourselves with everyone else.”

    May I start with my kicking foot and a sensitive part of your body?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Be my guest.

    • Markuserektus

      No head shots, you’ll just break your foot…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Oh, I think he might be aiming lower. There’s little to damage in ¡Heb’s! head anyways.

  • Joshua Norton

    Obviously, it’s only political if you’re trying to reduce shooting deaths, not increase them.

  • Stuff happens! Just because particular stuff happens all the time in this country but rarely or never in other countries doesn’t mean anything! Recognizing that is leadership, folks.

  • marxalot

    I have any number of comment-violating suggestions for Jeb!, but I think my favorite involves a ham (minus bone), a small calibre firearm, and a male-specific anatomical feature.

    • FeloniousMonk

      Upfisted because I love a good puzzle. Still working on it … no, the asshole isn’t male-specific …

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He’s just so not good at this.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      What is “this”? I can’t figure out what he’s supposed to be doing except maybe hoping everybody else running for President quits.

      • Msgr_Moment

        The Bushbabies are nothing if not versatile. Dubs, for example, was so not good at running an oil company, owning figureheading an owner’s group of a baseball team, and then that last thing on his professional résumé.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Painting?

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Is it stuffy in his bathroom?

    • OneYieldRegular

      He’s just so not good godawful evil at this.

  • chicken thief

    Holy shit, Jeb! I was this close || to predicting that you’d be the GOP nominee (and Carly the VP pick) this morning. Thank gawd I didn’t.

    • orygoon

      Before the show started rolling I figured it would be Jeb in the end, but he did some other stupid shit already. I don’t remember what it was and I don’t want to, but the myth of Jebbie being the smart one imploded awhile ago.

  • Markuserektus

    Is “Dead-eye Dick” on Jeb!s campaign staff?

  • Dee Andee

    The least he could have done was pound his chest and say there would be no mass shootings on his watch when HE’S POTUS! Oh yeah…he couldn’t say that, could he? The NRA’s fee-fees would get butthurt.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Okay, he really doesn’t want the job.

  • chicken thief

    His big dollar donors are pounding their phones so hard attempting to reach him and yank their support that the entire Verizon network in FL is jammed.

  • chicken thief

    I tried to tell you….

    ~ Babs Bush

  • Hutch

    He’s his mother’s son.

    “What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay
    in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of
    the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so
    this (giggle) – this is working very well for them.” – Barbara Bush

    • Beaumarchais?

      “I never tip: I don’t believe in it.” – same cunt

      • cmd

        Did she really say that? Because not tipping is not forgivable.

        • orygoon

          You thought Babs did forgivable shit?

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    “Why should I worry my beautiful mind about these people,” added Jeb.

  • Flashman

    A grateful nation reaches out to Jeb! for his thoughts and prayers. Stuff happens, Lord.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Que será, será.

  • Tallmutha

    It’s too soon to politicize the incident, but it’s never too soon to trivialize it.

    • weejee

      So how about some soft shoe?

      • Tallmutha

        Oh, God. No, no.

      • while it makes me feel a little epileptic, I still bookmarked that thang. thanks

  • Vecciojohn

    Or, as Tony Soprano once observed, Whaddaya gon do? Ya can’t put shit back in the donkey.

    What a fucking monumental shitwit.

  • Markuserektus

    I’m sure that the old, white millionaires that run this country feel they are immune to the day to day struggles of everyone else.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    If elected, he will single-handedly bring back the Disco-Duck “Shit Happens” T-shirts he remembers so fondly.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Yes Jeb! Stuff happens. Like “shit, I’m never going to be President” . Yep stuff happens.

  • Bitter Scribe

    OK, Jeb. We’ll take away your Secret Service protection, and if something happens to you, well, it’s just “stuff.”

  • docterry6973

    Hey, it’s not like they were Andover students. Stuff happens to working-class people, right, Jeb!?

    • Beaumarchais?

      Meanwhile, Exeter breathes a sigh of relief.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    ‘that jar is big enough for 2 you know.’

    love, mom

  • Notreelyhelping

    Jesus. This is EXACTLY what Rumsfeld said when we failed to protect antiquities in Baghdad or quell looting. It’s a war. Stuff happens. It’s community college. Stuff happens. Yep, the nuclear launch codes got hacked. Stuff….

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      At least he has prepared us by giving us his standard excuse in advance.

    • LesBontemps

      Forget it, ¿Jeb?, it’s Chinatown Oregon.

  • Major_Major_Major

    I am still amazed at how YEB! manages to stick his foot in his mouth with his head that far up his ass. When he finally realized that presidentin’ ain’t gonna work out for him, he can pursue an exciting career as a side show geek.

    On a similar note, fuck him, fuck his daddy, fuck his big bro, rinse repeat

    • Msgr_Moment

      You’ve worked up a fine lather.

  • CapnFatback

    What a piece of stuff.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Stuff is the new votes.

  • Msgr_Moment

    ¿President ¡JEB!? That man will never be #1. In fact he’s an embarrassment to #2.

    • OneYieldRegular

      …and stinks just as bad.

  • VandeGraf

    Callous SOB. Typical silver spoon stuff.

  • orygoon

    Almost a year ago, on a drizzly foggy night (early, about 7 p.m.) my two lovely neighbors were hit by a man with a truck and killed. They were walking (they walked all the time) on a sidewalk, and were crossing a turn-in where some businesses were located. The guy who killed them DID NOT EVEN GET A TRAFFIC CITATION. “Stuff happens; he didn’t see them”, reasoned our local constabulary and DA. And that is one of several reasons why I hate this town. “Stuff happens.”–rarely to the right people, goddamit. (And now, a stiff drink is happening to the normally abstemiousness Orygoon.) “Stuff happens.” Fuck you, Jeb, fuck you, local authorities, fuck you SO MUCH.

    • Dee Andee

      That’s unforgivable! As a pedestrian, I can’t count how many times drivers have nearly hit me because they’re looking the other way to see if they can turn. That shit is like telling people it won’t even affect them if they run someone down–they can just claim they didn’t see them. Yeah, assholes, you don’t see them when your fucking eyes are turned the other way.

      • BackDoorMan

        … fellow pedestrian here, who actually was hit by a careless driver while I was crossing an intersection on my green light. That was almost a year ago today and I still have nightmare flashbacks. In the meantime, very serious charges were brought against the driver, only to find our judicial system (The Crown Prosecutor) in its infinite efficiency “lost the paperwork – will not be going to trial.” When people say to me – “you should go for a walk for exercise”, I say “no way! That shit’ll get you killed.”

        • Juan de Fuca

          BDM, you provide a lot of good commentary. Why not meet up on current stories bro so we can enjoy your input in real time? Whatcha doing out here in the back?

          • BackDoorMan

            … thanks Juan – I keep trying to get caught up (spent a week in NYC in Sept. and fell behind in my must-read Wonkette duties)… I’ll be there soon! I feel cheated if I miss even one story, and all the non-comments also too.

  • whatwhomever

    Jeb’s brother kept us safe. Except for that one time, but, you know, stuff happens.

    • Beaumarchais?

      And that other time, with the hurricane. But who’s counting? Stuff happens.

    • Beezelbubbles

      And the 11 other times it happened. But stuff happens. Whatcha gonna do?

  • Vecciojohn

    It’s like the Corleone family was composed entirely of Fredos.

    • Enfant Terrible

      It wasn’t personal, it was business.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Very poorly performed business, but business nevertheless.

    • iceweasels

      Lol!

    • chicken thief

      And the handwriting is on the wall – the Official Jeb! POTUS campaign is going fishing on the lake pretty.damn.soon.

      • Vecciojohn

        Never too soon to start with the Hail Marys.

  • under_score

    It is just god awfully frightening that this is what we have come to: that a mass shooting is so commonplace that it can be unthinkingly categorized as “stuff happens”.

  • Joshua Norton

    Now wingnuts are reverting to form by claiming we’re taking “stuff happens” out of context. Obviously, what Jeb meant to say is “I can’t say anything that would offend our overlord NRA.”

  • TheBidenator

    Stuff happens?!? Okay right now I’m thinking of incredibly violent acts that could befall Jebberz that I’d shrug and say “yeah, stuff happens” you callous, Terri Schiavoing prick

  • docterry6973

    …and then Governor Bush smiled and said “Watch this drive”!

  • TheBidenator

    Did I mention Jeb’s head looks like a fat, incredibly stupid balloon? “Stuff happens” yeah there’s the asshole who signed “Stand Your Ground” into law…he probably got that line directly from the NRA.

  • ArgieBargie

    And when stuff “happened” on 9/11, his brother was there to keep us safe.

    Christ, what an entitled, oblivious asshole.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He wanted to do something, and it wasn’t the right thing.

  • BillWestern

    I don’t think Jeb! really wants to be President. Psychologists have a name for his behavior, I just forget what it is…

    • Joshua Norton

      I believe the technical term is Fucking Nuts.

      • orygoon

        Room-temperature IQ

        • orygoon

          If the room is a refrigerator

        • BillWestern

          Not sure of either of those are the technical term, but they’ll do.

        • Wee Mousie

          Igloo-temperature IQ if he isn’t smarter than his brother.

  • lucidamente

    Even the President got in the act. From today’s press conference:

    “I don’t even think I have to react to that one,” he said. “I think the American people should hear that and make their own judgments based on the fact that every couple of months we have a mass shooting. And they can decide whether they consider that stuff happening.”

    That should leave a mark.

    • iceweasels

      Ooo, I hadn’t heard that yet. Nice.

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    • Hardly Ideal

      If he even has the requisite nervous system and/or sensor network to feel the sting.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cripes I love that man so much.

    • it won’t

  • chicken thief

    This is just a ploy to lull Hillary into thinking he’s a mental lightweight.

    j/k!!!! The dude really is THAT dumb!!!!1

    • JustPixelz

      Turns out Dubya is the SMRT one.

    • riledupone

      Maybe he needs some SMRTER glasses.

  • Zippy

    What an asshole

    • Wee Mousie

      Assholes have a purpose.

      Jeb, not so much.

  • JustPixelz

    We’re in a difficult time in our country, and I don’t think more government is necessarily the answer to this. …look, stuff happens. There’s always a crisis. And the impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.

    That’s not how Dubya/Cheney saw things:
    – Department of Homeland Security
    – PATRIOT Act
    – Illegal NSA phone data
    – Torture
    – Iraq War

  • thixotropic jerk

    This event happened two community colleges away from me. I am still in a state of shock about it. The fact that my wife just left her position as a Professor at the college here for an admin job in SoCal (never a place that I would have considered safer than Oregon for ANY reason) makes it doubly too close to home. It’s very too bad that you can’t make robots feel real human pain. Carry on, you Fucking Florida Asshole and when the shit gets too close to home for you, call me, I’ll be happy to smear some shit on you and say, “Look, it just happens!”

  • Zippy

    Stuff happens, then more stuff happens, then more stuff after that, then next week more stuff happens

    And yet we can’t do anything, lest we upset the ammosexuals

    • Hardly Ideal

      Some people could stand to have their sensibilities upset.

    • Wee Mousie

      Trouble is, too much of the stuff that happens drops off the back end of passing Teahadist politicians.

  • Valkyrie

    In the fine Bush tradition of empathy for those in crisis.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Insensitivity Happens!

  • Enfant Terrible

    Really glad I laid in an extra ration of cabernet. I’m going to need it.

  • chicken thief

    Hearing what Jeb! said, Rubio jizzed his tighty whities just a little bit.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Down vote for that image in my scarred brain. Bad Thief!

      • chicken thief

        Sorry, but you know over at Headquarteros de Rubio they are high fiving and shrieking like little girls at a sleep over…

        Oh, no he dint!
        He did! He did!
        Don’t walk it back…. oh, come on, Jeb!…. do not walk it … FUCK ME HE DOUBLED DOWN!!!! Shee-it!!!
        Where’s that fat lady, she warming up about now?!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I just threw up.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Vomit happens!

  • “You’re doin’ a heckuvajob, Wayney Lapierrey”

  • Jenny

    I’m so glad the best and the brightest Bush is on top of things…

  • LesBontemps

    ¿Jeb? continues in the familial tradition of “Now watch this drive.”

    • Hardly Ideal

      But remember, it’s Obama who goofs around golfing while the world burns.

  • orygoon

    In the NYT: ““Tragedies,” he said. “A child drowned in a pool and the impulse is to pass a law that puts fencing around pools. Well it may not change it.” I guess I’m not up on this–isn’t there a pool-fence law/ordinance EVERYWHERE?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      No doubt, somebody somewhere is assertin’ his religiously-based right not to build no fence because The Good Lord will save them chillen from drownding.

    • OneYieldRegular

      M-F’ing dammit, did that M-F’ing M-F really say that? After the decades I’ve spent listening to the unceasing grief of a friend whose kid died because of a pool that didn’t have a fence? He’s not even human, this Bush guy. No wonder he feels a need to stick an exclamation point next to his cursed name, as though it’s magically going to lift him out of the primordial muck.

      • orygoon

        If the Times said he said it, he probably said it. So of course I looked and MY town has explicit rules in a .pdf about the physical particulars that must be around a backyard in-ground, or above-ground pool or a spa, and no small child would get through or over the fence. I think Florida must be full of those rules also, or there would be no children in Florida at all. I am so sorry about your friend; that is the one of so many sad things I have heard lately.

  • Suse

    Wolf Blitzer is a moran. He should not be allowed to comment on stories like this.

    • Wee Mousie

      The only job Wolf Blizer was ever qualified to perform was standing outside in Buffalo, so people could judge how high the snow had piled up over night.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Leslie demonstrated that beyond any possible shadow of a doubt when he argued weight ratios with his own on-the-air experts while the balloon-boy supposedly floated over Denver.

        Then there’s his cringe-inducing appearance on Celebrity Jeopardy…

  • timpundit

    “Stuff” was also happening in the Shiavo tragedy but you weren’t shrugging then, you sniveling loser snake.

    • URQ196

      Schiavo

  • damanoid

    Stuff! 2016

    • Wee Mousie

      Just in time for Thanksgiving, Jeb Stuffing.

      “Be a REAL TURKEY, and stuff your ballot box with Jeb

  • Jenny

    And you know what, Trump at least expressed a resemblance of empathy. How does the megalomaniac come off looking better than the “serious” candidate.

    Hey guys remember when everyone was like we need a candidate with gravitas to run??? And all the party wonks were like we need Jeb Bush?! Then they gave him so much monies? Ahahahaha!

  • URQ196

    So John Ellis Bush, if your mistress Cynthia Henderson was at UCC on Thursday and got whacked it would be no big deal, shrug, stuff happens, what dumb anus he is.

    • Suse

      He has a mistress? Really? Is she as dumb as he is?

      • Wee Mousie

        Stands to reason, she must be.

        • thenearesthippie

          It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Well, at least he’s honest that he doesn’t give a fuck.

    No, a hurricane is stuff happening. An earthquake is stuff happening. Cancer is stuff happening. No control over it. Sometimes bad things do just happen.

    We could control guns. We choose not to. So stuff doesn’t happen with guns. People take advantage of our lax gun laws, arm themselves with more firepower than the army of the Potomac had back when the Constitution was penned, and then go out and murder people.

    It’s a choice. It’s the shooter’s choice. It’s the gun lobby’s choice. It’s America’s choice.

    We are a deeply sick people.

  • timpundit

    Gotta keep up with the Trump. That’s what they’re all realizing, if you can’t beat Trump be like Trump. It’s not a primary race anymore it’s a farting contest.

    • Wee Mousie

      And Trump’s candidacy is being performed by Pepe Le Pew.

  • chicken thief

    At this point Jeb! should go into full ‘Tawd Palin’ mode and just smile and wave when he gets on stage.

  • dslindc

    BREAKING: Jeb! opens mouth, confirms to country that “W” was the smarter one

    • Hardly Ideal

      And after hearing Kevin McCarthy struggle with the English Language on Rachel Maddow, I realized G Dubs is practically a silver-tongued orator compared to these people.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Keep in mind that it was only seven years ago when the GOP was trying to put Sarah Palin one old man’s heart beat away from the nuclear codes. Let that sink in for a minute.

  • Takoma DC

    I keep asking but I’m just bewildered.

    Jeb! is the Bush that while his bro George was putting foods on Americanz headz, Jeb! was the one being touted as “the smart Bush.” It was Jeb! that everyone said was “the smart one”? Jeb?!?

    • orygoon

      They were lying, and we were suckers, weren’t we?

      • Takoma DC

        They were either lying or delusional. Some of “we” did not know anything about Jeb! Other than what pundits and politicians kept repeating.

        So it IS possible to be stoopider than GW and more cold-hearted than Barbara. Fuck this family.

    • damanoid

      Well, it seemed like a safe bet at the time. Live and learn.

      • Takoma DC

        I don’t believe we’re safe with any Bush in public office. They need to go away quietly and never come back.

      • chicken thief

        I mean, it did seem that the probability of Jeb! being dumber was like, zero, didn’t it?

        And then someone pointed the way to the national stage for him….

        • damanoid

          In retrospect, his unyielding solidarity with the clinically brain-dead becomes a lot more understandable.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Needz moar upfists!

          • riledupone

            Oh, well done. Very well done.

    • Wee Mousie

      At that time Jeb was the smart Bush. As the governor of an already fucked up state, Jeb had reached his level of incompetence at a much lower level. Dubya was stupid like Jeb, but as a SCOTUS-appointed president, his incompetence had much more scope to make itself felt.

      Now that Jeb is running for the top political position, he doesn’t look the least bit smart. Not even in comparison to his brother.

      • Takoma DC

        Thanks Wee Mouse that’s an excellent explanation.

    • lesterthegiantape

      Only by a couple of IQ points.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I think people thought he was the smart one until he started talking.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “explain to me what I said wrong”

    There is not enough time or patience in the world for anyone ever to be able to do that in a way that Jeb Bush would understand.

    • orygoon

      I dunno. Someone shoot him in the kneecap, and say, gosh, bro, stuff happens? Maybe especially when there are guns around?

      • david green

        Paging Dick Cheney, paging Dick Cheney. Please pick up the white courtesy phone.

    • Doug Langley

      Well, Jeb*%&@#$!, you said that you don’t care about American citizens dying. Does that give you a clue what was wrong?

  • dslindc

    Next time I’m being interviewed for a job, I’ll be sure to use, “Stuff happens,” as an answer. It would go as well for me as the election will for Jeb!

    • Seriously. That is the answer (or pair of answers) of a guy who sees the writing on the wall. It’s exactly the kind of thing you say when you know you have to pander to the NRA but you are also starting to run out of fucks to give because you know you’re never going to be President.

    • Takoma DC

      Make sure to put an “!” after your first name. That’ll really get your resume noticed.

  • Suse

    Just added to Jeb!’s campaign website

  • Thurman Munster IV

    George HW on Jeb’s! birth: Stuff happens

  • azeyote

    “stuff happens” – what a woossie – let’s ask Cheney –

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Stuff also gets stepped in, Jeb.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Wow, hang on. Did you just say that Bush said “stuff happens” in response to Umpqua? C’mon, nobody can possibly be that stupid.

    • glennisw

      It’s the truth. And Trump said, “Whaddaya gonna do?” Also true.

      • sosuume

        The ending for both Bush’s and Trump’s phrases is “…It’s the price we pay for freedumb.”

  • Michael Smith

    Weird. The other Bush was kind of an over reactor I thought.

  • diogenez

    This is what Barbara Bush said when she learned that she was pregnant again – and then she had another martini.

  • amindofitsown

    Ten dead.
    Seven injured.
    “Stuff happens.”

    Fuck this asshole.

  • Suse

    I bet Mutt Romney is salivating.

    • chicken thief

      Like Shemus on the car roof!

  • SnarkOff

    Jesus. It’s “shit happens,” Jeb.

    • Suse

      That’s a swear. Jeb! never says a swear.

  • what a compassionless prick – his karma will be a bitch

    • Cindyinencinitas

      While it would be fitting if he were to experience a tragic loss at the hands of a violent person, is he self-aware enough to figure out the karma part? Not bloody likely.

  • blaid droog

    And what hollow drivel is ms hitlery spewing about mass murders? Her fucking soul is a subsidiary of whatever corporate sponsor is giving her the big bucks. She will publicly whine and wring her hands and tell us about how horrible it is that such shit can happen in the good old usa, all while being as much a part of the problem as the bush crime syndicate. She will make vague empty promises but in the end she won’t do any thing. The party of whiny assed whimps that she represents don’t have the collective will to stand up and say enough already. We used to have some meaningful gun control laws but the fucking democrats stood by and allowed the wingnuts to eviscerate these laws because they too owe fealty to the same corporate masters.

    • lesterthegiantape

      I share your rage and vote for Bernie.

    • chicken thief

      We ain’t fucking guessing here – Jeb! said what he said.

      As for gun control laws: What’s stopping the current GOP from passing a gun control tomorrow?

  • Incoming Ham

    I think we have a new candidate phrase: “Jeb happens”

  • lesterthegiantape

    Important to understand that in the Right’s ever-shifting view of the world, the phrase “more government” means “any consequences”. Try it out anywhere you see the term “more government”. See also: “I am not a scientist”, which means “let’s beat up the eggheads”.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      All comes down to the money, really. Do something about anything? Is it going to cost some corporation some money it could be using on hookers and blow? Well shit, better not do it then.

  • Ergoetal

    I thinks he’d feel differently if his princely little ass was sent to a war zone.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    JEB!’s 3AM CALL AD:

    Interior, dark bedroom. A couple sleeping.

    *A red phone on the nightstand rings*

    Columba Bush sits up in bed, asks “Aren’t you going to answer it?”
    Jeb, still with eye covers on. “Nah, stuff happens. All the time. Go back to sleep.” Rolls over.

    *phone keeps ringing*

    FADE OUT

  • Ergoetal

    “…explain to me what I said wrong…”

    He keeps asking reporters for the stuff mommy should have taught him, like “Jebby honey, you should always pretend to care for what we call the little people.”

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Show us on the campaign doll where mistakes were made.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Can’t stop myself…I’ll just leave this here…

      • Doug Langley

        We’ll concede the temptation was irresistible.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Rural Community Collage? Poor vets and poor whites, pft, stuff happens. Now if it were at Yale or Haaarvaaard then it would be things that happen. Christ on a cracker, Jeb, you make Rombot’s 47% comment pretty mild

    • Left Coast Tom

      There are wineries in that area (Tempranillo and Albarino, for the most part). Maybe if Jeb! were informed of that fact it would help?

  • Gleem-McShinez

    “Look, dicks are stepped on. And the impulse is always to say something compassionate, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.”

    • glennisw

      He’s kind of like his dad. “Message – I care.”

  • HogeyeGrex

    Jeb-Jeb Bush.

  • Antimassacree

    “Shit happened.”

    –Barbara ‘George Washington’ Bush, after birthing W. and Jeb!

  • HolidayinCambodia

    As a Bush, he intends to address this “stuff” in some small town in Oregon by sending SWAT teams into Oakland.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Interestingly enough, there is a town called Oakland just up I-5 from Roseburg. Not very near to UCC though.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        “Then bomb the motherfuckers!” Jeb! Bush.

  • glennisw

    Most of the victims were 18 year old students, fresh out of high school and starting wonderful new lives. The others were older, adjunct professors working for peanuts, with a passion for educating young minds.

    But, yeah, Jeb(!). Stuff happens. (And, in popular culture, “stuff happens” is a polite way of saying “shit happens,” so, thanks, Jeb(!) for likening these people to shit.)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Mother of God, is this fuckwit TRYING to get people to hate him?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, he’s succeeding at something, give him credit for that!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        In the end, genetics are inescapable.

    • Doug Langley

      You got to admit, he’s no longer boring.

      • david green

        No – still boring.

  • glennisw

    Donald Trump, on the other hand, shrugged “Whaddaya gonna do?”

    Statesmen, both of them.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      This compassionate conservatism thingie is getting out of hand…

  • Me not sure

    Eloquent compassion thy name is JEB!

    • Left Coast Tom

      “Name”…”acronym”…

      • Me not sure

        Correction acknowleged.

  • Callyson

    Well, for crying out loud.

    Also, too:

  • beatbort

    GHWB and Barb raised a family of sociopaths. They must be so proud.

    • JayGoldenBeach

      The sociopathic traits were in the family before Bush 41 and 43 came along.

      Prescott bush, Jeb’s grandfather, was the corp front man and US money manager for F. Thyssen, the biggest Nazi supporter in Germany – until the feds finally had to seize Bush’s company for violating the Trading With the Enemy Act.

  • Apple Scruff

    There was a play called “Stuff Happens” about the Bush administration and the Iraq war — https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuff_Happens So really, this stuff just runs in the family.

    • minidriver

      I hear there’s a treatment for that.

      • Land Shark

        Prepartion Derp®

  • coozledad

    When you put your hand in a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend’s face, you’ll know stuff happens.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Been a long time since any Bush got even near experiencing that. The old man has an actual authentic combat record. Not so much for his wastrel spawn.

  • GreenEyedLilo

    Imagine if he’d skimped and hadn’t hired speechwriters and waited 24 hours to make that eloquent statement.

  • FDRliberal

    Jeb Bush: “I had this, this challenge as governor, cause we had — look, stuff happens.”

    A lot more “stuff” happens in the United States, as opposed to all other developed nations. Stuff like firearm deaths. The USA has 3 to 10 times number of firearm deaths per 100,000 as any other developed nation on the planet.

    NRA owned clowns like Bush like to use the passive tense when mass gun murders take place, talking about these events as if they were talking about an earthquake or a flood. But the reason other developed nations don’t have the number of firearm deaths and murders we have in the US, is not due to chance, but because they have stronger, more rational gun laws and less guns overall.

    There is, in fact, a lot we can do to prevent this “stuff”, but cold-blooded fools like Bush and his right-wing extremist pals, have effectively stood in the way.

  • And there goes his chances of ever being president. But ya know, “stuff happens”.

  • MrBlobfish

    We’re in a difficult time in our country. There’s a Democrat in the White House.

    • david green

      Double difficult – he apparently is a black Democrat.

  • Callyson

    Tell me, NYT linky, what does Jeb!’s lackey have to say about this?

    A spokeswoman for Mr. Bush, Allie Brandenburger, said in an email that Mr. Bush’s critics were “taking shameless advantage of a horrific tragedy.”

    “It is sad and beyond craven that liberal Democrats, aided and abetted by some in the national
    media, would dishonestly take Governor Bush’s comments out of context in a cheap attempt to advance their political agenda in the wake of a tragedy,” she said.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What exactly do they think “out of context” means? He fucking doubled down on the answer when given an opportunity to make it right.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You’re not supposed to question his Junior Nibs about anything, peasant.

        These twats make you realize just what drove the French to the Reign of Terror.

        • Alex Grey

          Just let me sharpen up my guillotine.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ll bring the cake.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Will it be that cake we like?

          • Beaumarchais?

            Yes.

          • beatbort

            Note the use of the insult “liberal Democrats”. How quaint. As if no one else in the known universe would think Jeb Bush is a heartless piece of shit without having to check their political allegiance.

          • Land Shark

            of votes.

          • Alex Grey

            The edges of those ballots can be so sharp.

          • Playonwords

            Personally I quite like the North Korean method

            http://i.imgur.com/9U1a17w.png

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Apparently he MUST have said this.

        “‘Look, stuff happens. There’s always a crisis. And the impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.’ You can imagine what kind of callous dickhole would make a terrible statement like THAT about this tragedy. I’m totally NOT that guy! Now, here’s what I’d say …”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Must’ve been in that Bush parallel universe I’ve heard rumors about.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            The Spock-without-a-beard universe.

          • minidriver

            Bummer, since Spockwithabeard was the most level headed one there.

  • MrBlobfish

    You will never be President, Jeb.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The Bush Crime Family: Proof positive that hereditary aristocracy is a very, very, VERY bad idea.

    • DahBoner

      Socially, economically and genetically.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Seems the wingnuts have reached the point that even faking empathy and pretending to give a shit when it comes to mass shootings is an unforgivable 2nd Amendment transgression. Shit happens. Grow a pair and man up, nanny-state sissies.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Trump: “things happen”
    Jeb!: “Stuff happens”, then later, prompted by reporter, changes it to “things happen”.
    Could it be clearer? No, it could not. I’ll just add, though, that “stuff happens” is the I-don’t-cuss-cause-I’me-better-that-you (or because the kids are awake) version of “shit happens”, so, bonus points off for Jeb!b!y…

  • Rick Hill

    This guy either has not a fucking clue or he is suffering some type of degenerative brain affliction.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      BOT, K.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Degenerative Brain Affliction

      Common name: The GOP

      • Playonwords

        Common misconception DBC is actually Degenerative Bush Condition, no brains are involved.

        • david green

          On the positive side, JEB will be perfectly safe when the zombie apocalypse happens.

  • riledupone

    For all the Bushes, but especialy !!!JEB!!11!!

  • Putty

    BITE ME, Jeb Bush! And pray to whatever god you follow this week that this never happens to your children! The utter shame of you!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    If you’re considering voting for Jeb! you definitely should follow the impulse to do nothing, which is the right thing to do.

  • River CitySlicker

    Why do Republicans believe more abortion laws will stop
    abortions but more gun laws won’t stop gun violence?

  • BearGHAZI

    He’s a Bush, alright

  • Steverino247

    The most tone deaf answer ever given to a question.

  • damanoid

    Sensing a trend, the herd responds:

    Rubio: (shrug)
    Christie: “Whoop-de-fuckin’-doo.”
    Cruz: (jackoff gesture)
    Carson: “This interview is over.”
    Fiorina: “Yes, terribly sad, I’m sure.”
    Santorum: “Mm-hmmMMmmm…” (stares into camera, licks eyeballs)
    Jindal: “Were any of them Muslims?”
    Carson: “Eh? Muslims? Start over.”
    Cruz: (actually jacking off now)

    • lol – that was brilliant, thanks.

    • Jenny

      Knight Rider’s cancellation was pretty tragic.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      Pure genius.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    The Bushes all seem devoid of empathy and unburdened by a conscience.

    Most sociopaths at least try to mimic the appropriate human responses to the suffering of other people. Heck, the Bushes just smirk.

    • docbets

      It’s a brain problem. Bad wiring. Never mind that they’re all sharing the same one.

  • Jebbie knows about ”stuff happens’ and pool laws.

    https://twitter.com/IFThunder/status/650075546043461632
    ~

    • Beaumarchais?

      Wait, I thought fences were popular with republicans. Or is it now walls?

      • tomamitai

        They’d love to put a fence around a woman’s hoohah to keep an evil doctor from hoovering out her precious unborn child what was put in her by God via a rapist’s prick, but making a property owner put a fence around his pool to keep the disposable after-born kiddies from drowning is an unwarranted overreach of big government lovin’ librulz.

    • DahBoner

      No wonder Jeb hates this idea….it actually correctly identified the REAL problem and proposes a real solution!!!

    • Zippy

      It’s not like stuff happened and a bunch of people got killed in accidents so we passed a law requiring seat belts. In fact, IIRC it was Jeb!’s brother W and the GOP, in response to a one time event called 9/11, enacting the most enormous increase in government and freedom stifling laws known as the Department of Homeland Security.

      One clown tries to blow up a plane with a shoe bomb and millions of people now get groped and irradiated and searched and have to remove their shoes every time they fly. But thousands of needlessly dead kids? Sorry, nothing we can do. Let’s not be hasty and make too many new laws…

      Fucking hypocrites

      • docbets

        Best comment.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Testify, Zip.

      • Land Shark

        Once again, right on point.

  • Randy Riddle

    Heckuva job, Jeb!!

  • Beaumarchais?

    He’s got the zen of a bad golfer.

  • Left Coast Tom

    I think I’m coming around to agreeing with the people who’ve been saying that this asshole doesn’t really want to be President, and is just going through the motions because…”stuff”, I guess.

    • docbets

      I can’t see why he’s running. He has NO knack, no apparent ambition other than a sense of entitlement; in other words, doesn’t work very hard. What’s he in it for?

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Maybe he’s hoping to drop out while there’s still enough donor money left in the accounts. Columba went on another shopping spree.

  • Wesley2006

    “Stuff happens”.

    Well, Jeb! – if you were trying to utterly sabotage ANY chance you had to get to the White House, well…. “mission accomplished”.

  • Nicholai Romanoff

    Obama and his “big words”. The only word Jeb! needs to express himself is “stuff”.

  • Brianna Amoré

    Jeb is in the pocket of the NRA and his voting record in Florida proves it.

  • Stein Olsen
  • RoyalUglyDude

    Turns out Jeb! was only the fourth-smartest Bush brother.

    • SK

      Multiplicity LIBELZ!

  • DahBoner

    And better things happen.

    That doesn’t involve “your kind”, Jeb.

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/xDE5UV6Av5tlK/200w_d.gif

  • moe2012

    wait, i thought dubya was the dumbass…

    • docbets

      They share the same brain in that family.

    • Playonwords

      I find it really very scary that Heb! is supposed to be the smart one. It means that for 8 years the world was gigantically lucky.

  • Jeb Bush is just fecal matter from a maggot in the rotting dead meat that is the republicans’ run for the White House.

  • docbets

    And I’ll bet you a whole lot of the conservative semi rural folks in Roseburg, Oregon would vote for him instead of a genuinely compassionate Democratic candidate who, with the help of a Democratic Congress, could prevent the next jackass misfit who was failed by conservative policies from using an assault rifle to kill a bunch of strangers in some other state.

  • damanoid

    Dateline: March 13, 2017– 35 elementary school students were gunned down today, the largest such schoolyard massacre since January. Police report that the gunman brought his arsenal onto school property under the new NRA-sponsored “Guns Everywhere Guns Guns Oooh Yaaa Guuuuuuuns” legislation. Sources indicate that the gunman posted a manifesto espousing radical neo-Confederate beliefs.

    President Jeb Bush, asked to comment on the recent tragedy, farted. Later, after consulting with his brother and advisors, the President announced his intention to invade Venezuela. “That’s sort of south, isn’t it?” The President also stated that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez had once threatened his brother’s life. President Bush also indicated that South America was verifiably hoarding terrorist weaponry left there by the CIA after they overthrew the government of Guatemala. Asked to elaborate on the connection with today’s gun massacre, the President farted again.

    • Land Shark

      Your career at Fox News has just been assured. Good luck!

      • Playonwords

        But only of dimanoid has blonde hair and big bazookas

  • Max Biggs

    The guy who wrote this article is obviously a pussyfied douchebag. What do you say when people get slaughtered by drink drivers? Do you oppose bars and sales of alcohol?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You’ll have to ask Mothers Against Drink Drivers. Run along now.

    • Tansy Geek

      No, we create laws that limit sales to drunk patrons and hold bartenders responsible when a person they continued to serve kills someone while driving home drunk.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      Dude. Alcohol is the only thing that makes you remotely interesting.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You’re far too generous.

        • Rufus T. Firefly

          It’s my biggest flaw.

    • Stuart M.

      Hey, look up from those NRA talking points and read the article. The author didn’t suggest any solutions, he was attacking Bro-Bush’s insensitivity.

    • fredfnord

      The guy who wrote this comment is obviously 8 years old. I mean, come on. He calls himself ‘Max Biggs’, and he uses the phrase ‘pussified douchebag’? Without apparent irony?

      Go get your mommy and read this comment to her, sweetheart. She’ll tell you why it’s wrong, although you might be too young to understand.

    • AnOuthouse

      Oh, I know, pick me! You take the drunk out back and pull out your big long glistening shiny piece and shoot … Uh oh, brb

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The “guy” who wrote the article is a woman, so I guess, technically, you might say she is “pussified”, even though you can’t spell it. But I suspect spelling is part of a long list of things you’re not good at.

      • Tansy Geek

        I keep reading it as pussifried.
        Also dude bro here has fascinating but short Dicus history. He is all about them tactical weapons what teh poleece use.

    • Playonwords

      So, you think that bars should not be licensed and regulated so making it impossible to weed out unsuitable or incompetent owners?

      Do you think that there should be no car safety devices or training mandated?

      Should drivers be allowed to drive their vehicle anywhere they want without impediment? What if they want to drive in your front yard? or one the local playground? or on the Met’s or the Yankee’s or the Dodger’s or the Angels baseball diamond – during a game?

      Do you think that there should be no licenses showing people are legally entitled to marry?

      Do you think that big rigs should be unregulated?

      The 11th Century called, they want you to go back.

      • cleos_mom

        Pretty much describes the Libertarian party, with initial cap or without.

    • ryp

      Douchified pussybag doesn’t understand that alcohol is far more regulated than firearms are, or most anything else for that matter.

      We’d probably have been better off if the Second Amendment covered our right to imbibe.

  • Tansy Geek

    Jeb! Isn’t even trying anymore is he?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Who’d a thunk it…Shrub has an even dumber brother; Shrug.

  • Stuart M.

    Didn’t Jeb Bush just recently put his foot in his mouth claiming African-Americans just want “free stuff?” Now he calls a mass shooting “stuff happens.” Someone tell the man to “stuff” that baby talk and he should grow up. Ban the word from his vocabulary, or better yet… just keep on using it: I’m gonna stuff that healthcare stuff, buy some more defense stuff, stuff that welfare free stuff, get more economic stuff, stuff that environmental stuff, stuff that tax stuff, stuff that social security stuff…

  • Objectifer

    “Thankfully, Jeb Bush is not our president and never will be.”

    That’s nice and all but not single candidate, D or R will do anything either. Even The Bern is beholden to Big Weapon.

    Fuck me running.

    • fredfnord

      If by this you mean ‘nobody will succeed’ then you might well be right. But if you mean ‘nobody will try’, well, there are quite a few who have been trying.

    • blaid droog

      Hilarity will run her mouth. That voice will terrify the Nutty Rat Assholes.

  • Mavenmaven

    Jeb, stuff it.

  • osxing

    This is a liberal site huh? Kind of snarky. Look, the point is you have a choice when “stuff happens”. You can cynically take the stance of, don’t let a crisis go to waste and push your position (Obama, Rahm Emmanuel, war hawks after 9-11, this rag) or you can calmly try to find a solution to fix things. But don’t mine me, go back to your political leanings.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I wouldn’t think of mining you. What’s your calm solution to fix things?

      • fredfnord

        You wouldn’t? My god, there’s a fortune in hypocrisy and self-satisifed smugness there just waiting to be pulled out, washed down with cyanide, and sold on the open market.

        • beatbort

          I’m honestly trying to understand your position about gun control, which is what this discussion is about. You have failed to offer any ideas about the issue that you brought up initially. Please proceed. Nothing self-satisfied or smug in this request.

          • Tansy Geek

            I think your reply may have attached itself to the wrong end of the thread.

          • Playonwords

            The position is simple, gun control is about controlling the ownership and use of guns. I offer a set of such options:

            Persons unwilling to undergo a complete gun 8 day safety and training course should never own a gun.

            A person who is found in possession of a gun whilst drunk or otherwise impaired should have the gun removed, destroyed and, until they have undergone the gun safety course, ownership rights revoked.

            All guns and all gun parts should carry a unique identifier, if any person is found to have a gun or gun part lacking that information should have the gun removed and the gun destroyed.

            All guns should have a firing pin that micro-embosses a unique number into the base of the casing. any gun found to be without such a pin to be removed and destroyed

            All casings and projectiles should carry a unique identifier which must match, if they do not then the ammunition should be removed and destroyed.

            No magazine or clip should hold more than 10 rounds, No person may carry more than 3 magazines or clips, including the one mounted.

            Private gun sales can still happen except that weapons offered for sale are to be kept in a state or county armoury so that proper background checks can be made against the seller and all identifiers on the weapon transfered to the new owner.

            Lastly. persons, like yourself, who lack sufficient mental and emotional capacity to understand the consequences of your opinions and actions should never own a gun.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Uhhh, Beatbort is one of the good guys…I think his comment just landed in the wrong spot.

          • Playonwords

            Thanks – deleted

          • beatbort

            Hi all. Sorry. I was responding to the top comment. Just a slip of the old mouse, I guess.
            Carry on!

    • Takoma DC

      We won’t “mine” you. There isn’t anything to mine.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Prepare for the mother load.

      • Rick Hill

        Corporate America would disagree.

    • Juan de Fuca

      “You can cynically take the stance of, don’t let a crisis go to waste and push your position”
      Or we can let cooler heads prevail and talk about how we prevent another Sandy Hook, right? It’s been three years…can we discuss it now?

      • blaid droog

        How about we repeal the second amendment. We don’t need no stinking well armed militia to protect our country. We have motherfucking nukes and Harry Truman ain’t afraid to use ’em.

        • Juan de Fuca

          I’d be open to that also and I’m also a firearm owner. We need a change in our culture for sure. Repeal, introduce a new amendment – something has to be done

      • tinker12

        It worked beautifully in Australia.

    • Stuart Pace

      Or you can say, “Stuff happens,” shrug, and work like hell to make sure nothing changes.

    • so what’s your point? what would you do?

    • fredfnord

      GUYS GUYS GUYS NO YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO CALL FOR GUN CONTROL FOR A MONTH AFTER A MAJOR SHOOTING! Once it’s been a full month, well, then we can talk about what we should do. You know. Once things have calmed down.

      What? They happen more than once a month? Well, what a SHAME we can’t talk about what to do about major shootings. It sure would be nice if we could have that discussion, but it looks like it’s just impossible. Guess we just have to go on being the only developed country where they happen almost EVER, because we’re just more awesome than all of those other non-shooty countries.

      But don’t ‘mine’ me, go back to your stupid trite ‘you aren’t allowed to talk about things I don’t want you to talk about’ bullshit.

    • Mr Corrections

      The Second Amendment is out of date and should be repealed. All weapons more powerful than a .22 rifle should be seized and destroyed.

      I hope that helps!

    • Playonwords

      Do you know how psychopathy is characterised? By an inability to empathise with other people.

      So Jeb Bush and you should go away until you both learn how to grow sufficient mirror neurons to enter into rational human society. If politicians waited a sufficient time to let the raw emotions engendered by mass shootings die down then, because the USA experiences well in excess of 1 mass shooting per week, no-one would ever do a thing.

      Now go and find a broken bottle with which to sodomise yourself. That is an insult, it is not an ad hominem attack, not is it an attempt to curtail your 1st Amendment rights.

    • Tansy Geek

      Stuff happens is when’s school bus hits a stray cow and lands on a litter of puppies. Mass shootings while random could be prevented or at least reduced in scope and frequency with some fucking intervention. It is a crisis is multiple people are senselessly murdered every other week because a group of people have us so scared of each other that allow that to happen. We will pay you no mind.
      Edit I see you corrected your spelling. Nice.

      • cleos_mom

        Oh no, not PUPPIES!

        • Tansy Geek

          It’s ok. No one gets hurt and the children get to take the puppies home. The cow sues the bus company and wins after a selfie taken by a nearby blue jay shows the bus driver was playing Angry Birds.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “You can cynically take the stance of, don’t let a crisis go to waste and push your position…”
      Like this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schiavo_memo

    • BackDoorMan

      … you had me at “don’t mind me”. Rest assured, I won’t.

    • jmk

      Well, cupcake, the “position” of this “rag” is to find a solution to fix things.

      Hebbie’s is to simply hamstring any attempt at gun control legislation or reform efforts while shrugging his entitled, empathy-less shoulders and saying “boy, what are ya gonna do?” when faced with ten more families who lost loved ones to gun violence while at the same time advocating planting police officers outside every vagina.

      But thanks for your derptastic display of stupidity!

  • Comforting…

  • SullivanSt

    Shorter:

    “Do you regret coming across as such a heartless fucking prick?”
    “No, because I am a fucking prick with no heart”

    Next!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      “No, because I use my prick to fuck people in the heart”?

  • Jeb Bush is the Ted Kennedy of the Bush family.

    • judybrowni

      Not even.

      • Jesus tits, it was a joke.

        • kdez

          Dude – you’re NOT FUNNY. Give it up, move on.

          • That’s subjective.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            It’s unanimous.

    • doubt his death is going to cause anything like the ructions that teddy’s did.

    • Karen Marie

      Are you kidding? Ted Kennedy was The Lion of the Senate. JEB!? isn’t 1/10th the person Ted was.

      • Holy mother of fuck. It’s a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard.

        • blaid droog

          Sometimes cynicism and sarcasm don’t translate well to print media. Or so I’ve heard. Then again, maybe it just wasn’t funny.

          • Meh, I thought it was pretty clever.

          • beatbort

            And, as you can see, no one else here thought it was clever. Perhaps you should try it on Dead Breitbart. Big yucks there, no doubt.

          • I think Breitbart is busy 69ing with Nixon in Hell.

            I love the way you flirt with me. It’s so cute!

          • BackDoorMan

            … and you would be unanimous in that.

          • I know when I’m being flirted with…teehee

          • Jee. Zus. Christ. Why so angry? Who didn’t love you as a child? I mean, what drives you to tear people down on the internet?

            Just because you don’t get a joke it doesn’t mean it was offensive

          • Erroneous, try again.

        • cleos_mom

          Well, jokes sometimes bomb.

    • bobbert

      The thing is, jokes are supposed to be funny.

      • The thing is, you only understand jokes if you have a sense of humor.

        • cleos_mom

          Whatever that ‘thing’ y’all are so preoccupied with may be, if you have to explain a joke it bombed.

    • Playonwords

      Snark obeys Poe’s Law

      Now either edit to show it’s snark or delete

    • Jenny

      The “fuck up” of the Kennedy family is still better than Jeb Bush. Jeb is giving Neil a run for his money.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Ted may have been an occasional fuck up (no doubt the legacy of being the indulged youngest son of an wealthy, indulgent Irish family) but he was not a constant fool and total idiot.

      • tinker12

        Plus Ted’s heart and heart weren’t up his ass.

        • david green

          Ted had a heart!

  • blaid droog

    Jeb?? Needs to reconnect with reality. Never mind. Rich self absorbed assholes are never connected with reality.

  • Mr Corrections

    I have been repeatedly blown away by this guys sheer unreadiness to run for President. People gave him $100 million dollars and this is what that money has bought them. I used to think that he was guaranteed the candidacy, but it’s clear now it’s going to end up being Rubio (assuming that Trump bows out the moment things turn against him, which I am pretty sure will happen).

    • BackDoorMan

      … yeah, about that $100 million… while I’m used to paying more to get a lot less in my daily life, I had no idea that “money” as we understand it, actually has no meaning.

  • blaid droog

    Nearly 400 comments. Who has the time to read them all when there’s drinkin’ to be done.

  • bobbert

    This is pretty remarkable. Up until now, I have mostly regarded Heb! as a bland, bog-standard piece of shit Republican, with a little something extra for his asshattery during the Terri Schiavo saga.

    With this emission, it becomes clear that he is as devoid of compassion as his mother and elder brother. I am not a psychiatrist, so I try to avoid using terms like “sociopath”, but would one of our Wonker psychiatrists care to weigh in?

  • Jamsie

    I hope a hole opens up in the earth and swallows every fucking member of that pos family.
    Worthless! Every one of them.

  • JurisGal

    Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Not yet ready to be president. He failed to realize he was supposed to be golfing when he said ‘stuff happens’ and was supposed to close with ” now watch this drive.”

  • Land Shark
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I know people that honestly think their heroic gun fetish is the one thing protecting our democracy from tyranny and….*cough*…Obama.

      • Jenny

        Yup. There’s no rational way to have a discussion with them.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Not only impossible, but in the worst case, can involve considerable personal risk to even try. I’m talking bug-eyed fanatics here…

    • Rick Hill

      #1. My Family.
      ‘Cause if anyone’s gonna fuck ’em up, it’s gonna be me!

      Clarified it for them.

      • damanoid

        I think that clarification pretty much applies to everything on the list.

        Also, #4 may or may not be extended to include the Confederate battle flag.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Stuff happens to other lives, and other families.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      what the really mean
      1. Mah guns
      2. Mah stuff – includes wife / gf and kids and dog and truck
      3. Mah Freedumbs
      4. Mah baibul
      5. mah patriotic jingoism
      6 Mor guns

      • tinker12

        4. Mah buy-bull. FIFY

    • cleos_mom

      My dog. My coffee. My husband. Me.

      That’s about it.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I like how they put faith above family, and guns above flag, and flag, above country because a symbol of your country is more important than the actual country itself.

      • Land Shark

        I think the ordering of that list is mutable. The order depends on which “right” the Kenyan Mooslim Dictator is taking away this week according to Fox News.

  • Relativicus

    First we get the “anchor baby” fiasco where he asks reporters to give him a better term and then says “I meant the Asians, stoopit. Why you so stoopit, stoopit?” And now we get “is ‘things’ better”? His inability to think on his feet cannot possibly be a new development so I think we, the public, deserve detailed explanations from every media maven who at some point in the past pushed the “Jeb! is the smart Bush” meme. And, arguably, Poppy and G-Dubs are owed an apology for the insult.

  • Playonwords

    Time to break out Lily Allen again

    https://youtu.be/yFE6qQ3ySXE

  • Playonwords

    Posted because it’s a good rant and I made an utter cock-up posting it where I did

    The position is simple, gun control is about controlling the ownership and use of guns. I offer a set of such options:

    Persons unwilling to undergo a complete gun 8 day safety and training course should never own a gun.

    A person who is found in possession of a gun whilst drunk or otherwise impaired should have the gun removed, destroyed and, until they have undergone the gun safety course, ownership rights revoked.

    All guns and all gun parts should carry a unique identifier, if any person is found to have a gun or gun part lacking that information should have the gun removed and the gun destroyed.

    All guns should have a firing pin that micro-embosses a unique number into the base of the casing. any gun found to be without such a pin to be removed and destroyed

    All casings and projectiles should carry a unique identifier which must match, if they do not then the ammunition should be removed and destroyed.

    No magazine or clip should hold more than 10 rounds, No person may carry more than 3 magazines or clips, including the one mounted.

    Private gun sales can still happen except that weapons offered for sale are to be kept in a state or county armoury so that proper background checks can be made against the seller and all identifiers on the weapon transfered to the new owner.

    Lastly. persons, like yourself, who lack sufficient mental and emotional capacity to understand the consequences of your opinions and actions should never own a gun.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      But that’s common sense and we’ll have not of that, thank you.

    • david green

      You crazy person! You want to MURDER innocent guns!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “I had this, this challenge as governor,
    cause we had — look, stuff happens. There’s always a crisis. And the
    impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right
    thing to do.”

    He was talking about Terri Schiavo, right? Right?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      If they had shot her instead of pulling the feeding tube, it would have been just fine.

      • SqueakyRat

        Standyerground, muthafucka.

  • beatbort

    He wanted to say “Shit happens,” but the Ned Flanders device implanted in his brain changed it to “Stuff.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You could have followed Poppy’s example and said, “Deep doo-doo happens.”

    • SqueakyRat

      He channelled whatsisname. Rummy.

  • Gil

    Sept. 16,2015 ” He kept us safe.” Does anyone else see some kind of mental disturbance here ?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I don’t think “stupid” is in the DSM V.

  • Cismontane

    “Mr. President, Saddam Hussein just annexed Kuwait.”
    “Stuff happens.”

    “Mr. President, terrorists are attacking the World Trade Center.”
    “Stuff happens. Now let me keep playing with these nice school kids.”

    “Mr. President, a hurricane just annihilated New Orleans.”
    “Stuff happens. Now where’s my fiddle?”

    “Mr. President, the economy just collapsed,”
    “Stuff happens.”

    It runs in the family…

  • cleos_mom

    Jeb!, honey, it would get better only if you could prove you were swapped as an infant. Maybe.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Je!B now polling at a stratospheric 4%. Stuff happens.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Stuff happens.” Just what the fuk is that? Goes to show Jeb! has no balls. If he was going to say it, and if he actually had real balls, he would have said it the right way: “Shit happens.” Instead, he proves again what a weak ass wimp he is.

  • tinker12

    So Jeb! Is cool with abortions so long as they’re done with a gun?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Abortions happen!

  • chethardy

    My gawd. A candidate even more inept than Bobby Jindal. How is that even possible?

  • Sterculius

    Republicans will now vote to again outlaw federally funded abortions for the 247th time, repeal Obamacare for the 103rd time, and then pass a law requiring fetuses to carry firearms for self-protection against abortion, fully funding the effort with $300 billion taxpayers dollars paid directly to the NRA, who will wink-wink hire them at $1 million a year when they leave congress.

  • SqueakyRat

    Clearly a false flag operation to discredit Jeb! so STFU.

  • BigDumbWhiteGuy

    And the impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.

    Yes, Jeb!, rushing to do something may lead to not doing the right thing. That’s not a valid argument to do absolutely nothing.

  • Michael Rappaport

    Thee only way to explain this is that Jebya! used to be a really smart guy, but he saw America put his clueless goofy brother into the White House for eight years. So when he decided to run this time, Jebya! decided the way to win was to act as much like Dubya as he could.

    • H0mer0

      oh yeah, like in that episode of “Seinfeld” where George Costanza decides to do the opposite of what he would normally do and things work out so much better?
      PS : I like the Jebya! moniker

  • Robert Slagle

    How would this callous imbecile feel, if when his mother, father or brother dies someone said “Well, s*** happens”?

  • Zak44

    Jeebus. As little as I think of his brother, I have a hard time seeing W. saying anything so heartless.

  • Greg Fuderer

    “the smart one” holy fuck. we can all stop saying that now.

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