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If long-haired homo-hatin’ harlots gettin’ nailed like Jesus makes you tingly in your down-theres, you’re in luck. Also, potentially in need of a lot of therapy, not that we’re judging. Authoress of “biblica erotica” Lilith St. Augustine (no way is that her real name) has written, for your shades-drawn pleasure, a hot tale of forbidden jailhouse love between Kim Davis, the martyr of Rowan County, and — GASP! HIDE THE CHILDREN! — a jailhouse lady. (Is it Myrtle? No, it is Krystal. Close enough!)

The book is titled Kim Goes To Jail: An Erotic Story, and it’s only $.99, so good deal if you want to slam your clam to some satirical sexytime. Let’s sexplore:

Kim is a simple, small-town woman who finds herself thrown in jail in a dispute over religion and sexuality. She quickly discovers the importance of knowing friend from foe in the notoriously horny women’s wing and, with the help of her beautiful cellmate, sets out to learn the ropes.

Ohhhhhh yeah, baby. Can we get a little taste of Kim Davis (ewww, gross) doing the lesbian sexing to her “beautiful cellmate” (EWWW, GROSS)? Oh, yes we can, uh huh:

“One day I’m standin’ on the side of the Lord against sexual perversion, and the next I’m in prison orange watchin’ a buck nekkid mulatto vixen ‘bout to do impure things to herself and to my soul in one single, terrifyin’ act,” one of the book’s more-SFW passages reads. In another: “She was strokin’ my thigh and makin’ her way for the promised land, so I slipped my other hand under the table and kinda put it in her way ‘tween my legs just under home base.”

Thank you, sir, may we have another?

Krystal leaned in. “Tell me Kim,” she said with hushed voice as she put her baton on my chest just below my neck. “Do you know what happens to girls after they come here? Prison’s got a way of… changin’ a person.” She started slidin’ that big black stick of hers down between my kitties and over my stomach, which was knotted up like a hog during the annual Pigs n ‘Pokes Jubilee. I took a step back, but she stepped forward again.

So. Sizzlin’. HOT. Sorry, you’ll have to spend your own $.99 if you want to find out what happens next. You can put it next to your virtual copy of the Kirk Cameron sexxxytime story you like to read when no one’s watching.

The author sexplained to Huffington Post why she wanted to mock the ever-lovin’ bejesus out of dumb Kim Davis, and as both a connoisseur of Davis-mocking and occasional reader of supposedly stroke-worthy smut (shut up, for a friend, and also for “work”), we support this endeavor!

St. Augustine told The Huffington Post in an interview that she sees the novella, which is available as a Kindle eBook, as an “opportunity to poke fun at [people who use religion to deny others their rights]” while also “giving readers satisfaction not only in the typical erotica sense but also of seeing a character do some things that, in the real world, would obviously be anathema to the kinds of people we’re talking about.”

Also, she just really likes sex. A lot:

And when doing it isn’t enough… and thinking about it isn’t enough… and reading about it still isn’t enough… you might just find yourself deciding to start writing about it, too.

You do you, girl. Because unlike the real Kim Davis — who, even according to God, is an a-hole — your fictional version isn’t actually hurting anyone. Except maybe for American Jesus, but he doesn’t read satirical lesbian jailhouse erotica anyway. OR DOES HE?

[HuffPo]

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  • glennisw

    The use of dialect makes it super special!!

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    The photo at top right. (S)he’s already had buttsechs with us all.

  • Joshua Norton

    Kim is a simple, small-town woman who finds herself thrown in jail in a dispute over religion and sexuality.

    • Rick Hill

      ‘K.

    • Lizzietish81

      Of course she is neither warm nor deep.

      And yet, there it is.

      • JustPixelz

        Where is it? After reading those excerpts, I need the exact address.

    • JustPixelz

      But enough about Huckabee. What about Kimmie?

  • Lizzietish81

    So once, I was at home with my mom watching Matlock while I was on the phone with my sister who mentioned that Andy Griffith looked just like our Grandma, at which point the commercial break ended with Andy Griffith all up on my screen and I saw that she was right…and I have never been able to unsee it.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    This is not the Jailhouse Rock I was looking for.

  • Michael Smith

    So are you saying gay is the new black?

  • Thaumaturgist

    Are we sure the kinds of thing you say are described in the book are “anathema to Kim?” Reason I ask, some of the loudest of the loudmouth preaching against gays comes out of the closet.

  • JVB

    Urk….

  • calliecallie

    Nice photoshop, that.

  • Spotts1701

    No way, uh-uh…

  • Rick Hill

    Of all the things that didn’t have to happen….

  • Pugsandcoffee

    First of all, that’s some good parodyin’ that is.

    Second of all, I am incredibly disturbed at how long it took me to realize the right photo in the diptych was a photoshop.

  • Tallmutha

    Doot de doot de doo… Bright new morning, a day full of promise. Let’s get that first cuppa and start the day with a little Wonkette…

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_cOgSXAek3iQ/TFMdv-JS6hI/AAAAAAAAAcc/eW7cKeV6Lrc/s1600/unseen18.jpg

  • Joshua Norton

    you might just find yourself deciding to start writing about it, too.

    Feel free to take some of this to your grave. Because no. Just…no.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    God really does work in mysterious ways ….

  • Lizzietish81

    I think what would be funnier, would be digging up the amateur porn she and husbands 1 and 2(4) did.

    • drbloor

      I do not think “funnier” means what you think it means.

      • Rick Hill

        Maybe she means funny like this:

    • Rick Hill

      Some moments are better lost, like tears in the rain.

    • Msgr_Moment

      1, 2, 3, 4,
      Can I have just a little more?
      5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
      I love you.

    • The boy-and-lady-boner-kill blast range would be hundreds of miles in every direction.

  • Slinger
    • Lizzietish81

      The singing in tongues cracked me up

  • eddi

    SHRIEK!! Well, I don’t need coffee this morning. I’m sending the bill for steam-cleaning my brain to Amazon.

  • JustPixelz

    “…the real Kim Davis — who, even according to God, is an a-hole…”

    Bullshit. I asked God about her. And Xe said “Kim who?”. Then told me to run for President.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      In six months he’ll tell you to quit.

      • JustPixelz

        Xe just commanded me to have a donut and coffee. God is a harsh taskmaster.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Taskmystr(s)? I like ‘Xe’ for G_d. It sounds nu.

  • DerrickWildcat
    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      All the sex. None of the snarling.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Well, T-Rex was obviously incapable of ‘bating. Just sayin’.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          P_O_O_R G_U_Y!

  • JustPixelz

    ♬Number 47 said to number 23
    You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see. ♬

  • drbloor

    “I slipped my other hand under the table and kinda put it in her way ‘tween my legs just under home base.”

    I think it moved a little.

    No, no it definitely did not.

  • JustPixelz

    Kim Davis is NSFW in more ways than one.

  • cousin itt

    It’s not an autobiography?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      She can’t write.

      Not even her name, it would appear.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Orange is the new Ghey.

  • Ryan Denniston

  • Blender_415

    I cursed Rule 34 as I stumbled to the toilet to vomit. Gah.

  • Me not sure

    I woke up this morning with my monthly boner and made the mistake of reading this. Oh well, there’s always next month.

    • bozilingus

      Boner? I hardly knew her…

    • MrBlobfish

      Haven’t you heard? ONE Weird Trick will take care of that.

      • Me not sure

        Don’t click, don’t click,………Oh shit!

  • Joshua Norton

    Kim Davis Cell Block Tango!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14C3TZg6NQM

    Everybody sing!!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’ll just say I’m glad I’m not a breakfast eater.

    • drbloor

      As it turns out, neither is anyone else this morning.

      • Doug Langley

        My friends wonder how I stay so thin.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Ask me how!

          Heeaarrghuuurrrlll…..

        • Vecciojohn

          It’s this one simple trick.

  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    ~

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Pass. “Kim Davis erotica” Is about as enticing as “Marco Rubio Cuba Libres”.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Frankly I’d rather watch some frog-on-pig porn.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Amoeba on Euglena… Anything…

      • cousin itt

        Flagellum whip is hawt.

  • JoeChristmas

    It’s my sincerely held religious belief that Kim’s carpet matches her drapes.

    • Gristle McThornbody

      And the carpet is shag. Braidable shag.

      • nightmoth

        Shagging on shag is nasty.

    • The Molten Soul

      God washed her sins fours years ago. That was the last time the carpet was cleaned.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      You misspelled ‘droops’

  • docterry6973

    This is just cruel.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Read it and weep.

    • Vecciojohn

      And unusual.

  • Malmborg Implano

    OH MY GAWD THAT PHOTOSHOPPERFECT THANK YOUSE

  • cousin itt

    Not separated at birth?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Calling Dr Ben Carson!

  • MrBlobfish
    • Iron Monkey

      Starring the late and very much lamented Wendy O. Williams who did everything before it was fucking cool.

      • bobbert

        If Wendy O did it, it was cool.

  • MrBlobfish

    Jiggery in the Pokey

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’ve had mornings after about 20 Dragoon IPAs that were kinder than this one.

  • Duke

    The pic with Cheney’s face added really threw me.
    Hot for a Dick pic.
    So confused.

    • The Molten Soul

      That effortless snarl still makes me tingle. And that tingle quickly turns raw, red, and itchy.

  • JoeChristmas

    Her and Cheney both have heart disease — and the same supporters.

    • BattyKitch

      Jockstraps?

  • Bahhhdman

    You think she’s offended? She’s eating this up just like all the other attention she’s getting.

    • cessnadriver

      It will all come crashing down when the conservatards move on to their next useful idiot.

      • LarkintheAM

        That’s why she’s going back to jail – the 15 minute timer went off and they’ve all moved on, so she wants another round.

        • cessnadriver

          Let’s hope that repig Bunning has the balls to stand up to his party and do the right thing. I am not actually holding my breath.

  • MrBlobfish

    I’ve seen the Kaitlin Jenner costumes. I’ve seen the dentist lion-killer costume. Is anyone marketing a Kim Davis costume?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Try the lady’s plus-size aisle at any Walmart.

      • 1captainhooker1

        Yeah…basically, don’t style your hair and wear your best Sunday denim moomoo.

    • BattyKitch

      Waaay too scary and offensive. Think of the children..

  • cessnadriver

    The hirsute homo-hating harlot. I am using that.

  • dslindc

    Do not want!

  • VandeGraf

    I feel a mite ill.

    • vivian

      Give the mite some chicken broth.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Not being familiar with the tradition and customs…does this post have to be atoned for this Yom Kippur, or next year’s?

    • Wombat

      Every year from now until eternity.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I want to read a copy bound in leather.

    • BattyKitch

      Good, because the hard copies are all going limp.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      But how would you turn the pages?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I could hire an unemployed county clerk to do it! Let’s just say my participle wouldn’t be dangling any more.

        {coughs, swallows, turns pale and clammy} Oh god, I – Huurrgh…

    • The Molten Soul

      Zed: Get the Gimp, I’m gonna read him a bedtime story.

  • Randy Riddle

    Fifty Shades of … HOLYJEEBUSITHINKI’MGONNAPUKE….

  • SpaceCaptainWarlock

    In what world is Kim’s vagina the “promised land”? Infertile and filled with drunken natives, but check out the casinos.

    • The Molten Soul

      Naw, she would’ve long ago killed off the savages, what with our respect for all life.

  • LarkintheAM

    Uh . . . no.
    *shudders*

  • elviouslyqueer

    • The Molten Soul

      Is that an Apostolic pussy?

      • elviouslyqueer

        PBUH.*

        *Pussy Be Upon Him.

  • Jeamonn

    *fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap,fap* (vomits) *fap,fap,fap,fap,fap*

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Don’t you make fun of my morning routine!

  • BillWestern

    The price has gone up you pervie Wonkers! Its now $1.11!

    • chicken thief

      The free market has spoken!

    • Mahousu

      I’m going to wait until it reaches $6.66.

    • The Molten Soul

      I was prepared to pay .99 to reupholster my nightmare lounge, but this is too much.

    • 24601

      Pharma Bro has purchased the rights. It’s now going to cost you $61.05 plus $14.95 Shipping and Handling.

  • natoslug

    Nope nope nope . . . I have too much respect for myself, and for my breakfast, to read beyond the headline on this one.

    • The Molten Soul

      Good choice, Nato. You missed the baton scene. The bile rose so quickly it got in my eyes.

      • natoslug

        And to think that dino-pornerotica used to be the worst thing out there.

  • Tio_Doidinho
    • The Molten Soul

      That is one of the most freakishly disturbing things ever…save for having to read about Kim Davis.

  • chicken thief

    Needz a Huckabee “I’m a girl!” scene in the shower!!1!!!

    On second thought, never mind…

    • Vecciojohn

      You’re only making matters worse, you know.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    This masterpiece should take its rightful place on my erotica library bookshelf, in between Marty the Midget’s Erotic Christmas and Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. As soon as I begin collecting my personal erotica library, that is.

    • Tansy Geek

      Don’t forget the master works concerning Gay dinosaurs and and dubiously consensual sex.

  • Bill Slider

    I so hope, that the Pope, will not be hearing any US American confessions.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He’ll say nope, I can’t cope, I’m not granting concessions.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Needz moar brain bleach pleez!

  • Matthew Hawkins

    I wish I had never seen a picture of Kim.

  • Dave

    WTF. Do I judge you about how you spend you sexy times? Please don’t judge those of us who enjoy sexy times with the Kim.

    By far and away the best weekend of my life was a threesome with Kim and Dick Cheney. We called it going down in the bunker.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Here in the South, we only have Root Cellars. BTW, BYOR.

      • Dave

        Bring Your Own Robot?

  • Msmlg1979

    How am I supposed to get in the mood for lovin’ so I can get pregnant and donate my fetus to Planned Parenthood for profit and fun with those images burned on my brain?

    • Vecciojohn

      Buck up there, soldier. Wonkette ain’t for the squeamish.

  • Angry_Cop

    What has been seen cannot be unseen.

    You owe me a breakfast, Wonkette.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Breakfast? Therapy bills.

  • Vecciojohn

    This has been a traumatic experience. And somehow, I find myself wondering if we would be foolish to ban sex robots. I’m going back to bed.

  • woodwoman

    Brain bleach! Seriously, Wonkette always makes me laugh.

  • Antimassacree

    …also for “work.”

    Knew a guy whose first job out of high school at a meat packing plant was to use a paring knife to remove the anal gland from every hog carcass that rolled down the line. That job is better than one that requires reading Kim Davis erotica.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Huckabee read this novella, thinks its true, and now I know why he is so anxious to serve Kim’s jail time.

  • Wombat

    Not hurting anyone? I beg to differ. The amount of alcohol I’m going to need to drink in order to forget what I just read could very well be fatal.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Mr. Happy gives it a thumbs down. No time in the bunk today.

  • kindness

    Ewwww! That’s just some sick shit. I have no problem with just about any consentual adult activity but after reading this piece I just don’t even want to think about sexy time. Hope it wears off soon.

  • beatbort

    I got to “she was strokin’ my thigh and makin’ her way for the promised land…” and then everything went black. Next thing you know I’m in a padded cell.

  • 24601

    Huckabee has volunteered his services as a fluffer at the filming of this epic.

    • smr06va

      – 24601 = I subtract your comment out of existence……………………eeewww………..

    • LIT_Fag

      Maybe the all male version…..

      • 24601

        I see what you did there. ;-)

        • Mintie

          Sure, except for the part where he gets confused and has to have it explained to him that he’s supposed to jerk off people other than himself.

  • junior friggster

    Finally, my lifelong fascination with modestly dressed Christian ladies has a new posterchildLady!

    Forget those tired, so-yesterday Duggar Ladies…KimmiD is the new Queen of the #moddies!

    (Internet, you’re so GROSS – this probably is a real (fake) thing now.)

  • exinkwretch

    Gee, thanks for that. With luck, my scrotum may re-descend from my abdominal cavity sometime in the second quarter of 2016.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That’s Easter time, isn’t it?

      • dshwa

        He is risen!

        • lesterthegiantape

          “The Aristocrats!”

  • Beowoof14

    Yikes, I usually find amateur porn fappable, but in this case there is no rise to the occasion. And I like women with some curves, but something tells me the attitude would be too much to stomach.

  • greyXstar

    Not now. Not ever.

  • 24601

    Looking for an image that might fit nicely into the comments, if they were allowed, I googled “Kim+Davis+Photoshop” and you would not believe what popped up in the middle of the page!! Our little Wonkette Babby! LOL! ((Aw-so cute))
    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/donnarose1.jpg

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Cute kid. Seems to favor her mom.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I could happily have lived the rest of my life without reading, or imagining, that.

  • dshwa

    Please stop, we promise we’ll behave in the comments from now on!

  • beatbort

    I vomited so hard at the images of Kim Davis having sex, with anyone or anything, that meals I have yet to have came up.

    • bobbert

      Barf futures.

  • Skaffin

    A Golden opportunity is being missed here.

    “A Crucifixion to Remember; Kim Davis and the Zombie Carpenter”

    “Oh Lord! Oh Lord! Oh Lord! OH MY LORD FILL ME WITH YOUR GLOWING WHITE COCK OF BIGOTRY!”

  • azeyote

    who really knows what was going on under the Jesus mans robe – could have been a troop of midgets

  • Zippy

    They’ve finally found something to cure teenage boys of their chronic masturbation- read this and they’ll be the masters of their domain well into their late twenties…

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    I will not be in my bunk.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Might have to nuke that bunk from outer space, just to be sure.

  • Stein Olsen

    Seems I have a mission. See I run an adult 3D forum where we make sexy models with their nudy parts showing and we pose them. Members also do stories. I cannot let this information reach them because I know the community. If it does, first we will see more erotic stories about Davis infesting my site, which is bad enough, but before you know it, they have made a nude 3D model of her, and I can’t have that. No way. After all we have a reputation to consider.

    • lesterthegiantape

      TARDIGRADE LIBELZ!!!

    • EmmettGrogan

      What’s the URL to your website? Just asking for a friend.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I just thought of this: most men don’t really read erotica. We’re more visual and like pictures.

    And please don’t even think about it in this case.

  • lesterthegiantape

    Derp Penthouse Forum,

    I never thought I’d find myself writing to you, but something just happened that I think your readers will find hot. It was last Tuesday. I went down to the county offices to get a permit for my badger and a frosty can of diet Mountain Dew from the vending machines there. As I was slipping my quarters into the slot, a woman walked past me.
    At first I didn’t notice her. She wasn’t dressed provocatively, unless you’re into kindergarteners wearing fingerpaint smocks. But there was this smell — part bacon, part M by Mariah Carey, part unwashed hair. I wasn’t thinking about sex. I was thinking about those new carburetors with the lozenge-shaped intakes that set up a Venturi effect that can deliver an extra few horsepower. But suddenly Mr. Dachshund was looking for a burrow, if you follow my meaning… [lengthy passage omitted] …”Captain Kirk,” Hermione said. Harry was still busy with Mr. Spock’s green-tipped passion loaf and Hagrid’s surprisingly dainty man-parsnip, but he winked knowingly. She’d find out what the captain wanted soon enough…

  • sillyclucker

    Please tell me there’s no Trump sex book.

    • Stein Olsen

      Damn man. Don’t give people ideas. Some things are better left buried.

      • sillyclucker

        He’d be the only character in it.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Anyone remember the ancient Richard Gere tale? I can imagine Donald’s Hair Hamster also playing a role.

      • Karen Marie

        How about erotica featuring his hairpiece striking out on its own to find love in all the wrong places?

        • Stein Olsen

          That would be bestiality.

    • Zhu Bajie

      Involving the blowhole under his comb-over.

    • Putty

      Shudder!!!! Good God, silly! You’ve put me off sex for a week, maybe two. By the way, the dinkiness of Trump’s winky is yooooge!

  • timpundit

    “Davis Does D Block”.

  • thewitchqueen74

    Haha no.

  • It’s not real slash unless she’s doing it with Gargamel or the Power Rangers or someone equally random.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Great. My head is spinning, my ears are ringing, and I swear I just heard my penis singing the Detachable Penis song to me.

    • Rotisserie Teal

      King Missile reference in Kim Davis jailhouse smut article? This is why I love Wonkette to pieces.

  • Tansy Geek

    This makes tentacle porn almost appealing. Do you suppose Kim turns out to be a futanari?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    It looks like Ms. St. Augustine has created a new literary subgenre. Politician/Jailbird Erotica. I hope she perseveres to chronicle the experiences of Rick Perry, Scott Walker and all of JeB!’s brats.

    Incidentally, although Lilith St. Augustine does look like a pen name, it just might be legit. True fact: The late jazz pianist/singer Blossom Dearie’s real name was… Blossom Dearie!

  • HeywoodJablomey

    She started slidin’ that big black stick of hers down between my kitties and over my stomach, which was knotted up like a hog during the annual Pigs n ‘Pokes Jubilee. I took a step back, but she stepped forward again.

    Now I was backed up against the bars’a mah cell, cold and hard, like bein’ up against the John Deere on a Saturday night. Alla the sudden, I felt a pang of homesickness and a tear rolled down mah cheek like holy water. As Krystal leaned in and slowly licked it offa mah face, that pang turned into a tingle in mah bathin’ suit area. “You know I’ve been a sinner all my life”, Krystal purred into mah ear, “and now you’re gonna cleanse me real good, ain’t you, Kimmie?”
    Afore I could even answer, Krystal forcefully pulled mah hands up over mah haid and cuffed ’em to the bars. I was powerless to stop her now. I was skeered, I ain’t gonna lie. But the devil in me wanted to find out where Krystal was goin’ next with her big, stiff, black baton. “Oh sweet Jaisus!” I cried out as she drove her head up under mah jumper. She tore mah white cotton Hanes offa mah body with her teeth and spun me around. Almost against mah will, I felt my precious lotus juices flowin’ and thought, “Oh Lawdy! Imma get the Slammin’ Backdoor Birthday Special!”
    Krystal slapped me upside the back a mah haid and growled, “Spread ’em, bitch! This here jail is MY sacred domain and I don’t believe you’ve had a proper cavity check yet.” She roughly kicked my ankles apart and-
    All right. I tried, but I’m mentally LMAO and just can’t go on. Maybe someone else can finish the story and get to the happy ending.

  • nightmoth

    Definitely worth a dollar, more than anything you can buy at the dollar store.
    Please let the lubricant be lard.

    • Mintie

      I have just one thing to say to that:

      *blows note on harmonica*

      EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

      That is all.

  • Hardly Ideal

    “Let’s see what’s up with Wonkette todaaAAH NOPE”
    http://i.imgur.com/XujHL.gif?noredirect

  • Last Hussar

    Great. Now I’ll be too scared to go to sleep tonight.

  • Dan Brian

    I’ll be in my bunk(screaming)

  • Iron Monkey

    “Slam your clam”. Can’t wait to drop that little nugget when the ladies on the late shift start their nightly raunch-fest.

  • marxalot

    lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalIAMNOTLISTENINGlalalalalalalalalalala

  • Toomush_Infer

    The Awakening of Sleeping Brutey…

    • Putty

      Damn! Was that Rice as Rice or Roquelaure?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Awh man! Didn’t you guys ever think about that whole concept of not being able to unsee something, or unring the bell or whatnot? Damn! Now I’m stuck with that shit! How about some real pron, as a palate cleanser?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    like a hog during the annual Pigs n ‘Pokes Jubilee

    Best line in literary history

  • Zhu Bajie

    I foresee a lawsuit.

  • Mintie

    I had to stop reading about halfway through because the excerpts were just too nasty.

  • URQ196

    Thass just nasty, I’m gonna have nightmares tonight thanks.

  • Last Hussar

    The worst part? I didn’t realise at first one of those pictures was shopped. Still not sure which one.

  • Putty

    Argh, my eyes are burning, and I’m about to heave! Stop it! (Loved the side-by-side photo, though … uncanny!)

  • Celtic_Gnome

    No. Just no.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Who wears sideburns better?

  • Mary Johnson

    my neighbour got Audi Q7 just by some part-time working online with a macbook… more tips here,.,.Afterearning an average of 19952 Dollars monthly,I’m finally getting 97 Dollars an hour,just working 4-5 hours daily online.….. Weekly paycheck… Bonus opportunities…earn upto $16k to $19k /a month…Only a few hour required to understand and start working…………k………

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  • Teto85

    Well that just ruined my day.

  • Fdeeasdg

    You have a weird obsession with Kim, Kaili, this is like what? Your seventh article on her? Anyone would think you sexually desire her.

    The woman is dealt with and yet the liberal media keeps going on and on about it while people are still having their heads chopped off and shootings are occurring but nah let’s focus on this woman and generalize all Christians.

    Now this is just beating a dead horse.

    The real irony is that she’s a democrat, so one of you liberal loonies.

  • Fred Dobbs

    Um, am I alone here? Or does anyone else notice that the right-hand picture of Kim Davis at the top of this page looks EXACTLY LIKE DEATH-MERCHANT DICK CHENEY WEARING A WIG?!?!? Reeeaaallly creepy!

  • trxr

    Just seen this, and that is really well-written porn. Why is real porn written so appallingly? (I’m closing my eyes to the subject matter.)

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