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After years of twat-teasing us about maybe perhaps serving The People in some kind of public office she can then promptly abandon once more, Our Lady Of Quittin’ is whipping it out and waving it in our faces again, like she is maybe serious about it this time. Sure, most of us laughed and laughed and then climaxed and then cleaned ourselves up with a hot wet towel after Donald Trump said in July that Sarah Palin — being “a special person” who is “tough and smart and just a great woman” — might well have a place somewhere in his administration. But Sarah? She took that pretty seriously, it seems, and started doin’ some real hard thinkin’ on that. And this, the Era of Extra Stupid (thanks, The Donald!) in which we are now living, might be the greatest opportunity for Mama since John McCain reluctantly picked her face from a Google search of “hot chick Republicans,” after being told that his hetero life mate, Joe Lieberman, was not a suitable vice bro.

So not only is Sarah Palin absolutely willing to pretend she might like to have a sort of real job again one day, but she knows exactly what that should be. Asked by CNN’s Jake Tapper which department she’d like to be the boss of in a Trump administration, Palin did not even hesitate to spout a jumble of words on the subject:

I think a lot about the Department of Energy, because energy is my baby: oil and gas and minerals, those things that God has dumped on this part of the Earth for mankind’s use instead of us relying on unfriendly foreign nations.

Sure, that makes a lot of sense. Who can forget when McCain said, in 2008, that Sarah Palin was qualified to be one heartbeat away from the Big Red Button because of her expertise in energy, which also made her an expert on national security?

She knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America. She represe– is a governor of the state that 20% of America’s energy supply comes from there. And you all know that energy is a critical and vital national security issue.

Only America’s foremost energy expert in America would understand the complexities of “things that God has dumped on this part of the Earth” to power our snowmobiles. And once President Trump makes her the secretary of telling us to use up all those minerals and gas things, like the good Lord intended, how will she apply that half-term of experience to heading the Department of Energy to Make America’s Things God Dumped Here For Us Great Again?

I’d get rid of it.

It feels necessary to pause for a moment to assure you, dear readers, that we are not making that up or paraphrasing or doing satire. That’s a real, genuine, word-for-word verbatim quote. Let us go on:

If I were in charge of that, it would be a short-term job, but it would be … really great to have someone who knows energy and is pro-responsible development to be in charge.

So you see, the Department of Energy needs someone who knows energy, to get rid of the department so that it can be more betterly run, for the betterment of America, by not existing at all. And Sarah Palin is just the gal to run that department so she can shut it down and go home early.

Yup, that’s our Sarah all right.

In case Trump decides not to appoint America’s greatest expert on oil and gas and minerals to be in charge of not doing that job, he might consider putting her in charge of immigration, because as she explained to Tapper, she’s got a plan for that too, a little bit. Asked whether she agreed with her future boss’s recent demand that Jeb! Bush stop speaking Spanish all the time, when he’s pandering to anchor babies and the like, Sarah said it’s real nice how Jeb married a Mexican lady and made Mexican anchor babies with her, and how he can talk Hispanic “because we have a large and wonderful Hispanic population that, you know, is helping to build America.” But:

“On the other hand, you know, I think we can send a message and say, ‘You want to be in America? A, you’d better be here legally or you’re out of here. B, when you’re here, let’s speak American,” she continued. “I mean that’s what’s — let’s speak English and that’s a kind of a unifying aspect of the nation is the language that is understood by all.”

Yes. For sure, if there is any one thing that unites us all, as Americans, it is our shared language of American, which all of us understand, except for some of us, like Sarah Palin. And anyway, all those other languages that are not American are so gosh darned confusing, also too:

Palin said she studied both French and Spanish in high school, adding, “I shouldn’t have taken them both, because I got them all mixed up by the time I was graduating.”

Languages and the speaking of them sure is tricky, and it’s easy to get lost when you are saying words from your face and suddenly not knowing if the words you are saying are French or Spanish or who even knows? That is why, to reform immigration, we should require our immigrants learn to speak our national language of American as good as how Sarah Palin speaks it, so we can all be unified together and not get divided by speaking other Mexican French languages.

Upon further consideration, it is possible that Palin might not be the best American-speaker for the job of doing immigration things in a Trump administration. Better instead, perhaps, to let her be in charge of usin’ up all of God’s gifts to us and then quitting the Department of Energy after all.

[Crooks and Liars / The Hill / Bloomberg]

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  • Skwerl King

    So if God dumped his “energy” upon the land, why did he dump so much granite as well?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I assume you mean the granite that makes up the “thinkin’ area” of the Palinz brain.

      • Querolous

        An Igneous Ingenue?

    • cousin itt

      Well schist, it’s hard to argue with that.

      • PubOption

        Gneiss one.

        • jviscont1

          you Rock!

          • Doug Langley

            I’m basalt myself.

      • Antimassacree

        Schist happens.

        • mtn_philosoph

          Yeah, what he sediment!

    • dslindc

      Gotta have somethin’ to build all them churches! You betcha!

      (I hope I am speaking American correctly in this comment, which is not allowed)

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Clearly “speakin’ American” is very different than speaking English. There’s no way that $ara has ever spoken English. Maybe she gets it confused with the French and Spanish she “studied” at the same time?

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      Kitchen countertops for McMansions?

      • JustPixelz

        That comes from China now. Because our leaders are stupid and theirs are cunning.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    The Department of Energy oversees nuclear power and nuclear weapons and nuclear reactor production for the US Navy and radioactive waste disposal. I don’t think we need to get rid of it. Dumbshit.

    • HolidayinCambodia

      “Some people say….”

    • OneYieldRegular

      The DOE also oversees particle accelerators used for research into fundamental processes in physics, cosmology, genetics, materials science, biochemistry, health…

      • frrolfe

        Whoops! Palin thought it was “cosmetology”.

        • Doug Langley

          She came to class after applying the Red Spot of Jupiter. Hilarity ensued . . .

    • ArgieBargie

      The Department of Energy’s sole purpose it to generate Brawndo, which gives us electrolytes.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Just let God dump them on her part of the Earth.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I’m pretty sure (my uncle assures me about this) that Nobama is giving Iran all our nuclear stuff, so Palin won’t have to worry about that.

  • natoslug

    I can’t even. Fuck this woman, and fuck McCain for inflicting her upon us. And not in the happy fun way.

    Edit: And fuck Rich Lowery’s starbursts as well. It’s too damned early in the day to deal with Palinese.

  • Duke

    This is great news for Joe Biden.

  • Is Sarah Palin trolling us?

    • cousin itt

      She’s meta-trolling herself. That’s her special genius.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Very “special”.

  • Tallmutha

    Well, in an alternate history where McCain had been elected and then died in office, Sarah would have been in charge of the USA and then destroyed that, too.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Nah, she’d have quit.

      • Spurning Beer

        “President Boehner”

        I’m not buying that book or watching that TV movie.

        • FauxAntocles

          Bow chicka-chicka bow-bow

        • Anarchy Pony

          I don’t blame you.

        • bobbert

          Some alternate-universe ideas just should not see the light of day.

  • Mavenmaven

    Plus she’ll have Bristol handle the Department of Health.

  • cousin itt

    Maybe Sarah could lead the Department of Human Feces. She’d make a great head.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …Shit Head?!

  • OneYieldRegular

    She is good. Having mastered the art of quitting a job, she’s moved on to quitting the jobs she doesn’t have yet.

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  • NorthStarSpanx

    Energy is her baby? Does that mean she’ll be using it as a shield? Being buddies with it instead of parenting? Telling it not to have sex or never consider finishing high school or going to college? Thanks Sarah, Energy will be stunted and not a fungible commodity.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Are we sure she’s not just telling us that Bristol has decided on a name for the new baby? Energy Palin has a ring to it.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Wouldn’t it be NRG, you know, all cool like?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Doe Palin, if it’s a girl. Doh! if it’s a boy.

        • Usedtobeyellerdawg

          She could even add the exclamation points, just like !JEB!.

          !NRG! Palin; I think we nailed it.

        • mtn_philosoph

          Joule if it’s a girl. Erg if it’s a boy. Foot-pound if it’s something else.

          • NorthStarSpanx

            The Heath’s and Palin’s would then wonder if they are spelling “Jewel” wrong on purpose. They don’t know what a Joule is.

    • NerdWithNoName

      Energy will be renamed with a “Palin” name. Maybe Gizmo or Pipewrentch.

    • Werewolf

      She’ll have the Department of Energy stand on her dog.

  • Tallmutha

    I don’t think oil and gas and minerals were the only things left behind when God took a dump on the Earth.

  • Spotts1701

    Um, Sarah – you’re barely fluent in “American” as it is. Glass houses, stones, etc.

  • cousin itt

    Languages, how do they wirck?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Not very well when you’re on a 7 year meth binge.

    • OneYieldRegular

      1. Start with a poor understanding of English.
      2. Take a high school class in a foreign language.
      3. Add another class in a different foreign language.
      4. Mix together with too many wine coolers.
      5. Confusion!

      • FauxAntocles

        6. Babby!

        • Amy!

          56. Babby is named Confusion?
          69. I need another drink.

          • mtn_philosoph

            100. Profit!

  • Bob@Bob.com

    Trump thinks she’s smart. Enough said.

    • Antimassacree

      “I used her, she used me. Neither one cared, we were getting our share.”

      –Trump! quoting his favorite Seger song.

    • JustPixelz

      He said he’d hire “great people”. So now we know where the bar is set.

  • Antimassacree

    Well begun is half-done or, as $arah calls in in her native language of American, OVERTIME, BABY!

  • dslindc

    I hope Preznit Trump picks Carly Fiorina to head the Treasury. I’m sure she could run that into the ground quite well!

  • ArgieBargie

    I’m afraid you are no longer a 10, Sarah.

    And you never were.

    • chicken thief

      She thought riding on Glenn’s 10 made her one.

      • ArgieBargie

        I wouldn’t touch this topic with a 10-foot pole.

  • Strawberry Shortfuse

    Everybody just heard her admit that immigrants who become functional, if not fluent, speakers of a second language are in fact smarter than her, right?

    I mean, SHE didn’t hear herself admit it, but the rest of us did? Right?

    • data_ninja

      Pieces of clothing that have washing instructions in more than one language are smarter than her.

  • Lizzietish81

    When in Scotland like twenty years ago, my sister and her husband saw a tourguide who had a sign explaining he spoke English, American, Scottish and Australian.

    • SterWonk

      “We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.” — Oscar Wilde

      • SpideySenser

        “England and America are two countries separated by a common language.” –George Bernard Shaw

    • Angry_Cop

      Not many people know this, but English is the mandated language of aviation – whether you’re calling in to SoCal TRACON or Beijing’s traffic control, it’s all English.

      I mention this because my dad was a commercial pilot, flew all over the entire world, and said there was only one place where the pilots routinely COULD NOT understand ground control.

      Scotland.

    • JustPixelz

      I speak one of those languages!

      TRUE FACT: When watching British movies, I turn on the subtitles.

      • Vienna Woods

        I do that when I show my students Gallipoli. Otherwise they are lost.

      • david green

        Me also. You would think that, by now, the Brits would have learned to speak English correctly.

    • bobbert

      Quite the braggart, that one.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Scottish (actually, Scots) is an actual language.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    And Ben Carson can head up Homeland Security. His “one drone strike” policy is bound to be wildly popular.

    • FauxAntocles

      Well, that Queen Elizabeth sure can be a pain in the ass – simple solutions are the best.

  • dslindc

    “Which energy is your baby?”

    AOT, K!

  • Lizzietish81

    OT so this is a thing that came up on my youtube list

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqLTe8h0-jo&index=9&list=RDMMhLhN__oEHaw

    • cleanfront

      Wow, Chris Martin’s voice fits well with this one. Too bad he can’t write as well as Brian.

    • The Molten Soul

      Kick ass. I love Paloma and all her wobbly bits.

    • Zyxomma

      Why did I watch that? I really can’t stand that song. Always fast-forwarded through the title sequence of Big Love.

  • Spurning Beer

    Secretary of Sports. Boom!

  • Tallmutha
  • ArgieBargie

    “I think a lot about the Department of Energy, because energy is my baby.”

    When was Energy Tarpe Palin born? But most importantly, who’s the dad?

  • cousin itt

    I kind of get giving birth in water. But when Sarah gave birth in a pool of Alaskan crude oil well, you just knew the kids would need refinement.

  • Thaumaturgist

    DOE is just one more gubmint department to dump in the bathtub. At least Sarah can remember which department she wants to dump.

  • Lizzietish81

    So if Energy is her baby and she’d get rid of it right away does that make her in favor of abortion?

  • deanbooth

    To continue my autobiography as told via comments: One summer night around 7, I decided to stop by my workplace Burger Chef because free food. The manager had left and the high-school employees were all out in the parking lot throwing (Burger Chef give-away) Frisbees. They had just cold shut the place down, even turning off the sign.

    The life lesson? Do not make Palin Secretary of Energy.

  • Nounverb911

    Is the DOE one of the departments that Governor Oops wanted to delete?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    BTW, I’m no slouch, but learning another language in adulthood is a difficult task. After many years, I still work at French every freakin’ day, and I take lessons. I’m lucky to have both the time and resources to do that. And there’s no way I’m even close to fully fluent. I’m very sympathetic to the plight of poor immigrants that don’t have those options.

    I know, expecting a teatardist to have empathy is an exercise in futility…

    • Lizzietish81

      Personally I can get by in Quebec or Paris if I can find someone to take pity on me (which is more likely if you at least try to speak the language)

      I have a friend who is teaching himself Japanese. I hate him. Some people have knack for it, but most of us struggle with learning what is essentially an easy language to learn (English is a 4 on a scale from 1-5, 5 being stuff like Chinese)

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Wait, are you friends with my brother? He’s a language savant and he’s studying Japanese and Chinese right now. He hasn’t studied French since HS, but he still remembers and can speak a bit of it. My brain does not function like that AT ALL.

        • Lizzietish81

          does he live in NYC? Did he major in Latin?

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Ah, no. Your friend was a Latin major too?! Wow.

          • Lizzietish81

            He’s never mentioned a brother so I thought it was unlikely. But yeah, I always introduce him as a Cunning Linguist.

      • dshwa

        We had a substitute teacher in my school who spoke something like 25 languages and 100 different dialects of those languages. His best talent was he could apply the accent from one to a second language. He did Russian with a Chinese accent, Greek with a southern, all sorts of combos. I always hated him on the grounds that I struggled to just learn a barely passing level of fluency in just one (other than English) Some people are just wired for it I guess.

        • SterWonk

          In one of the Star Trek novels, it mentions that Sarek (Spock’s father) – in addition to being fluent in multiple languages, as makes sense for an ambassador – could also do the accent thing you describe. He brought the (then completely ceremonial) POTUS to tears by giving a talk on something-technical in a flawless Texas accent.

        • data_ninja

          Here is a great way to kill some time. The Speech Accent Archive. I was looking up accents once and stumbled upon this thing, and am still fascinated by it.

        • Vienna Woods

          Yeah, but could he speak the binary language of load-lifters?

      • bobbert

        My French is terrible, but I’ve found that if you try, however bad it may be, someone will eventually speak English at you.

    • JohnR

      SP has no business telling anyone to speak American what ever that means. She don’t talk so good herself.

    • deanbooth

      That is why I took Latin.

      When comrade Marx was around 50 and living in poverty in Britian, he spent a summer learning Russian so he could translate his books for publication. Amazing.

      • Reddishrabbit

        Latin was the best.

        • Vienna Woods

          I got D+ in Latin in university. The damn class was on Tuesday night and there was always something better to do.
          So I decided against grad school for medieval studies. It just wasn’t going to happen. I still know the prepositions followed by the ablative case from gr 10, though.

      • janecita

        Marx was smart as hell, also an altruistic idiot, he gave his only coat to a homeless man. Good thing that he had Engels to support him!

      • AnOuthouse

        I took Latin because no oral exam

        • deanbooth

          Bingo!

          For the fourth quarter requirement, I convinced them to let me do an independent study translating Spinoza. I can’t even imagine the jibberish I spewed, but it sufficed.

    • JustPixelz

      I took French in high school. Twenty years later, my wife went to Paris. When I called her hotel, I said “Bon soir. La salon de Mademoiselle Pixelz s’il vous plait”. And the hotel receptionist immediately answered, “Yes sir. I’ll connect you.” This happened every time.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        LOL! My accent is much better now than it used to be, so sometimes I get through a few sentences before they realize I’m a non-native French speaker. But that still happens from time to time, the switch to English. There are those people that have taken the trouble to learn another language so they are keen to show it off when they can. I understand–I’d probably do the same if I ran into a French speaker in the US. I’m living in the country these days, so finding an English speaker is rarer than in the big city.

      • bobbert

        I’m in a bar in La Turbie. I yell to the bartender “Ou est la toilette”, and he yells back (pointing) “Over in that corner, mate”.

    • Seek

      My understanding is that the first foreign language learned in adulthood is bad. The second is the hardest and they get progressively easier as you move into 4+.

      Having said that, the French people I know don’t seem to believe that it is possible for foreigners to get to anything but a passable level of fluency in French. You may get to the point where they don’t cringe when they listen to you and they can be very polite about your attempts but …

  • JohnR

    I thought the Dept. of Energy dealt with nucular research and maintaining out nucular arsenal more than with the drill baby drill side of things, that would be the Dept of the Interior. Also too it’s “snowmachine” not “snowmobile”.

  • Sarah knows about God’s gifts. After all she is God’s gift to talk show comics.

  • chicken thief

    Parle habla American?

    ~ Sarah to all the brown people she meets

  • cleanfront

    I’m going out on a limb here and say she probably shouldn’t have taken more than one class.
    It’s certainly more than French and Spanish that have her confused.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Nobody could conjugate a logarithm using the periodic table like Sarah!

      • chicken thief

        Is that a euphemism for giving handjobs when she was bleeding out of her whatever?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I always confused algebra and dodge ball.

  • Poly_Ester

    This would imply that Sarah favors unilateral nuclear (or nuke-clear) disarmament since DOE maintains our stockpile of nuclear weapons and nuclear naval ships. But then civilian control of the military is a socialist idea.

    • stevola

      It’s pronounced nuculer. Nu-cu-ler.

      • jviscont1

        her understanding of nuculer reaction is Bristol spiking the wine coolers with vodka.

        • Doug Langley

          Place yer bets. What are the odds that Sarah thinks fission is something you do in a rowboat with a rod and reel?

      • Zyxomma

        Just because Shrub pronounced it noo-kew-ler does not make it so.

        • stevola

          I was quoting Homer Simpson. Shoulda given credit.

        • Querolous

          !!

        • bobbert

          An interesting (and possibly false) observation I once read is that W said “nukular” when talking about bombs, but “nuclear” when saying “nuclear family”.

          I’ve never bothered to find out if true, because why should I give a shit about W?

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Qu’est-ce the fuck que c’est?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Sarah has that certain je ne sais rien.

      • bobbert

        de fuck.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I would like to see Sarah Palin bring her expertise at quitting-halfway-through to the Department of Labor. 9-12 workdays for everyone*!

    *Except Messicans, because it is the Trump administration, after all.

  • jesuswasablack

    Sarah Palin es un coño

    • HeywoodJablomey

      Me cago en sus muertos.

      • jesuswasablack

        Regreso a ti!

    • r m reddicks

      y pendejo.

  • Toomush_Infer

    The Palin Department of Ennui…

    • eggsacklywright

      She does inspire a general morbid dread.

  • Ryan Denniston

    OMG. The stupid. It BURNS!!!

  • george gonzalez

    ‘pparently Sarah Lou Palin doesn’t even know that the Dept. of Energy also run all the nucular programs, reactor saferty and research, bombs too. She wants to get the government out of the nuke bomb business too? Betcha not.

    Also our peripathetic lady of the snows apparently knows as much about the VP job as she does about how government departments get created and shut down. Hint: It has nothing to do with the department’s current figurehead.

    • Zyxomma

      Extra points for peripathetic!

      • arglebargle

        That lady ain’t just a peripathetic, she’s a royal flushapathetic.

    • r m reddicks

      The full circumnavigation of pathetic while tethered to the core. As she whirls about her gurgitations and vomitus reveal the reality of dark matter darkening even as to the ends of the earth. Goddy meanwhile attempts to time her revolving – without interference – in order to slop some more energy shit so’s mankind might grab up some dinner with which to energize the properly embordered ones to more properly worship same Goddy. As such, dear Sarah is closer to Goddy and is respected in the Bibble and the Quran. Maybe she’ll change her name.

      Now off to the beer store.

  • dshwa

    “There are some places, where {English} has completely disappeared!
    [aside] In America, they haven’t spoken it for years.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Slight correction:

      “There are even places where English completely disappears.
      In America they haven’t used it for years.”

      In the movie version, Rex Harrison throws in a “Well” at the beginning of that second line for some unknowable reason.

      I especially like this couplet, which must have gotten a huge laugh on opening night:

      “Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
      And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening.”

      • dshwa

        “The Greeks they learn their Greek probably did as well, for the slight double entendre.

  • Ryan Denniston

    John McCain, you owe us buddy. You really owe us.

    • cousin itt

      Having to deal with this twat was been torture.

  • cousin itt

    Sarah just can’t quit herself.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    “… because energy is my baby…”
    Given the rest of the names in that family, that would not surprise me.

  • Lizzietish81

    Somewhat related, to languages anyways, I recently read
    The Riddle of the Labyrinth: The Quest to Crack an Ancient Code
    which is about the cracking of Linnear B, the language of ancient Crete, specifically the work of Alice Kober, who didn’t crack it herself (she died of cancer) but her work was invaluable to the eventual solution.

  • sosuume

    Sarah, try to remember: {Subject} + [verb] + {Predicate} = Sentence.

    • cousin itt

      At least she knows the subject is always herself.

      • r m reddicks

        A revolomutation in the grammatical sciences. {Sarah} + {verb pulled from the sky} + {Prevaricate}.

  • Angry_Cop

    Awful confession: I grew up in San Diego, and of course learned how to speak the Spanish from childhood. I decided to take French in my first year of junior college.

    I did not last six weeks. They’re too similar!

    To find that I share this problem with Governor Quittahface makes me want to die with shame.

    • Lizzietish81

      I had a friend in college who was from Haiti. She had to take a language (university requirement) but didn’t want to take Spanish or anything else, so she tried to take French 101 and fake it.

      Within minutes the professor was telling her to get out of his classroom.

      • r m reddicks

        I used to work for a fellow up in Montreal. He was an actual frog. He couldn’t stand the way Quebeker’s spoke French. I guess French perfessers don’t much like Haitian Creole, either.

        • Lizzietish81

          Specifically he didn’t like that she was pretending to not know French so she could get an easy A.

          • r m reddicks

            J’ai compris!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Don’t feel too badly. I took Russian and Spanish during my long run here on earth and mix the two up regularly.

  • HeywoodJablomey

    Rather than address this dumb bitch’s moronic explanation about the formation of oil and gas, or discuss the principle of Christian Stewardship of the earth, or dismantle her idiotic statement about doing away with the DOE, let me share this video of our POTUS B. Barry Bamz being likeable and cool and schmexxy (sorry Michelle, no disrepect) with some younglings on his recent trip to Alaska:

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/obama-alaska-dance-children

    • bobbert

      “Who’s gonna help me up?”

      Sumbitch isn’t as liberal a Chief Executive as I might have liked (although actually better than I feared), but what a wonderful Head of State he is.

  • Callyson

    Oh Sarah, never change…

  • janecita

    I grew up speaking French and Spanish at home. The only time when I confuse the two, is when I’m bitching my kids out. Telling your kids off in English, just doesn’t sound right.

    • Lizzietish81

      I kind of want to learn German to yell at people with.

      • janecita

        Dutch sounds even more insulting.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Swedish is quite impressive for swearing as well.

        • Lizzietish81

          My Brother in law’s nephews are half Dutch and the oldest was being raised with both languages. At three he asked me to read him a book and I was dismayed to find that I could not. It was in Dutch. I was just a dumb American.

        • YayConspiracy

          klotebibber!

      • grmpy

        I thought all German was was yelling?

        • david green

          And some gargling.

      • arglebargle

        You do know who else yelled at people in German, don’t you?

      • YayConspiracy

        Zieh Leine, Frau Schnee-Schmarotzer!

      • marxalot

        It’s great for that. Also for muttering under your breath.

        • bobbert

          was sagen sie?

        • bobbert

          Cannot make small type. Otherwise, would mutter “Was sagen Sie” in small type.

    • DEL_5447

      I recently promised my kid I would only curse in languages other than English

  • Ryan Denniston

    How I feel when I think of this woman.

  • cousin itt

    If Palin and other wingnuts would just speak German, they would be more effective getting their message understood.

    • r m reddicks

      Is that a Godwin libel?

  • Notreelyhelping

    Ah, America. Where, if you’re too stupid to know fear, you can weasel your way to the top…and then quit.

  • AnOuthouse

    The DOE is in charge of all things nukular. It has nothing to do with stuff God dumped on our part of the world.

  • AnOuthouse

    She finished high school?

    • Bill Slider

      She also has a college education of some kind, in Journalism, from an assortment of community colleges located in Idaho, where they speak American.

  • MAZS

    Well, that explains everything. It was obvious that Sarah wasn’t speaking English—now I know she was speaking pigeon American.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Trump is the only current Presidential candidate who isn’t any smarter than Sarah Palin.

    • r m reddicks

      Are you using the Trumpometer or Palinometer for your measurements? The Walkerometer is feeling left out.

  • cheetojeebus

    I much prefer Russ Meyer fanfic to this crap she’s churning out. It has more bounce to it.

  • chicken thief

    Oh, boy! Does this mean she will join The Donald and Winnipeg Ted at their rally against the Iran deal? She could be the third ring of the circus!

    • devilette

      Yep, she’s going to DC to join the rally.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Yay!…

  • Randy Riddle

    “I think a lot about the Department of Energy, because energy is my baby: oil and gas and minerals, those things that God has dumped on this part of the Earth for mankind’s use instead of us relying on unfriendly foreign nations.”

    Did she actually _say_ this?? You’re not making this up, are you?

    • r m reddicks

      It’s important to remember that mankind stops at the usa border. The rest are just different degrees of aliens hiding out in “unfriendly foreign nations”.

  • Kakkeltje

    How does she feel about people that speak dolphin?

  • MrBlobfish

    It’s All Over But The Crying Quiting

    • Doug Langley

      It ain’t over till the fat lady quits.

  • Relativicus

    Does the fact the DoE actually controls our nuclear weapons and not our oilandgasandminerals have any bearing on this discussion?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      you are just asking gotcha questions, damn liberal media non-commentor

    • Bill Slider

      It would be fitting to name the Rapture after Sarah.

  • David Allen

    I was a senior manager in Alaska state government during Palin’s term. That meant I got an email blast from her every Friday. It was rarely incoherent (somebody edited it, not her) but every damn one of them was a relentless exercise in fatuous self-promotion. Seeing her word-turds in print makes me throw up just a little, even today.

    • Zyxomma

      I don’t imagine Parnell was much of an improvement.

      • duckshoe

        As Goobernator, no, he wasn’t, but the relentless self promotion stopped.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I’d let the states start having more control over the lands that are within their boundaries and the people who are affected by the developments within their states.

    That’s the Department of Interior, not the DoE. Dumbass.

  • azeyote

    now we’re some gods dump – what’s next his ( god’s always a guy it seems ) outhouse ?

  • DahBoner

    Quit now, Sarah!

    • bobbert

      Winners never quit, and quitters never shut the fuck up.

  • grmpy

    God has dumped
    LOL. God Dumps!!

  • palintwit

    Sara Palin made complete fools of the Tea Rubes and now Trump is doing the same. He will also drop them like a sack of potatoes and then it’ll be back to the trailer park to find a new carnival huckster. How about Ped Nugent? Or better yet, why not Bristol Palin? She’s got her GED now !

  • VandeGraf

    It’s telling that lePalin would think anyone would allow her to get rid of the Department of Energy. But she probably would quit when she found that previous secretaries actually worked at the job. (Or when the tray on the coffee service was empty.)

    • Gorillionaire

      Or the petty cash drawer is empty.

  • palintwit

    There once was a grifter called Palin
    Who had a name rhymin’ with failin’
    She was born trailer trash
    Now she’s after Trump’s cash
    So into the sun she’ll go sailin’
    Then came a daughter Bristol
    Who played with a man’s pistol
    Now the fat little hen
    Is laying eggs again
    Then the little snot will call everyone a ‘giddy ass’ and post it on Facebook.

  • diogenez

    Sarah regrets that she had but 1/2 term to give.

    • D G

      When the going gets tough, the Palin gets going out the door……..

  • Bill Slider

    Little known fact that is not a secret, nor even classified before it passed through Hillary’s unsecured server, is DOE controls a lot more than oil and gas and minerals that are Sarah’s babies. It also controls the nukes, all of them. It would be difficult to bomb Iran once you close DOE, assuming almost anything.
    I think it may be time to find that old paperback book from the 1960’s, Wild in the Streets, where the government is controlled by teenagers. It never became as popular as 1984, and Brave New World, but it may be more relevant to today’s world. I forgot how it ended, but don’t think it was with the Rapture.

    • tinker12

      “Wild in the Streets” is a movie, also, too – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRLwV2xafpk

      • bobbert

        Good lord, how did I miss that? Shelley Winters, Hal Holbrook, Ed Begley (Sr), and Richard Fucking Pryor?

  • YayConspiracy

    The only things Sarah ‘knows’ about is quittin’ and griftin’ and wormy word salads.

  • Jack Parsons

    Over at the Daily Beast, the guy who “discovered” her just posted a long Mea Culpa

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/01/28/you-betcha-i-was-wrong-about-sarah-palin.html

    • r m reddicks

      Good enough. It’s actually from January this year. All disallowed commenters will of course note that DB no longer even DOES comments. “Off to facespacepage with you commenters!”

  • TheBidenator

    Of course as secretary of energy she’d get rid of the department of energy….she is America’s foremost expert on quittin’ stuff. Then she can go back to her daily activities of fleecing the rubes, eating bon bons and getting liposuction until she looks like a really stupid skeleton. A Palin can dream, can’t she?

    • david green

      But this would do wonders for her grift machine. Having a fine job like that and then reducing the size for government for reals would just make the cash flow so much faster.

  • Ergoetal

    “Hi, I’d like to order a Le Taco, please.”

    “Sure thing, Ms. Palin.”

    • marxalot

      That’s, “Bon dias, I’d like to order a le Taco, port lavore.”
      Sheesh.

      • Doug Langley

        Amazing. She can be incoherent in two languages.

  • JParkerSD46

    Will Sarah submit her resignation letter in Frenglish or just straight up ‘murican?

    • david green

      And would we actually be able to understand it, regardless of the language she wrote it in?

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    Funny you mention the big red button, as Energy Secretary would put Sarah very close to that button. All nuclear weapons are maintained by the Dept of Energy, so as to hide the military budget I assume, but if Sarah were to eliminate the DoE, that would mean one thing: our nukes will finally be free.

    • Mintie

      The idiot probably would press it by accident by sitting on it in an attempt to look folksy and relatable during an interview.

  • marxalot

    This explains everything. Lou Sarah is speaking Franglish. Has been this whole time.

  • Lord-Nash

    “B, when you’re here, let’s speak American”

    Just add a bunch “Doncha knows” and “By gollys” and BAM…speaking American.

    • Mintie

      You betcha!

  • beavertank

    But… The DoE mostly deals with nuclear things…

    • D G

      pronounced…nuuucuuulerrrr according to them, “them” being Cons

  • Seattle Rain

    Sarah Palin is the STD of American Politics.

    That is why I never have sex with Republicans.

  • Anarchy Pony

    If god existed and gave a shit about our energy he’d have made solar power 1000x easier and efficient.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      hmmmm, interesting how solar power has become, in fact, 1000 times more efficient, as measured by cost per kilowatt hour, anyway, in the past 20 years. #signfromgod

      • Anarchy Pony

        No, I mean even easier than that.

        • bobbert

          #Havetolearnshitlikeexoticdopants

          #It’satest–God

      • minidriver

        So she’s a little late with the efficiency input. Better late than never.

    • Beaumarchais?

      “What?! I dumped an entire fucking sun on you, ingrates! It runs 24/7/365, for a billion years. Do I gotta do everything?”

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Palin per usual has no idea what the Dept. of Energy does.

    The stuff she thinks it does, is actually done by the Interior Department.

    Energy is 2/3 nuclear weaponry.

    • Anarchy Pony

      IOW the very last thing she should ever have authority over.

      • Wassamatta U Alumnus

        “Palin” and “Authority” should never be used in the same sentence unless, of course, your attempting to describe “Word Salad.”. Of this, she is one of the nation’s leading experts.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Came here to say that.

    • Ellen D.

      How can someone be governor of Alaska and not know that.

      • Boscoe

        To be fair, in general it seems as though Governors don’t often tend to be representative of our best and brightest…

        • david green

          Brownback libel!

          • bobbert

            Impossible.

      • duckshoe

        If you’re running your mouth promoting yourself all the time, you can’t learn much.

    • Boscoe

      ROFL Not knowing the actual purpose and duties of a job she says she’s qualified for is classic $A®AH!™

    • D G

      And Dept heads can’t just abortion their own dept as well LOL, that’s a jerb for Congress, but you know whatevs, speak ‘Merican.
      Constitution, winning, something something….

    • bobbert

      Of course she doesn’t. Why would she bother to have one of her minions google DOE before running her pissflaps? Her fans don’t care.

  • Candy Apple

    Better brush up on your Wampanoag if you want to “speak American,” Sarah.

  • Come here a minute

    Sarah would be equally awesome at headin’ up the Department of Edumacation! All of them, Katie!

    • D G

      She’d get rid of that one too, and one more, ummm, uhhhh, the third dept she’d get rid of is……..uhhhh…..oops.

      I can’t….I just can’t….

    • Wassamatta U Alumnus

      Wich she ain’t nun got of.

  • Blackest Noobs

    it’s quite hilarious and typical of Palin and Republicans like herself to not comprehend BASIC facts. The Department of Energy has NOTHING to do with drilling for oil, dumbasses….it’s mostly about N U C L E A R stuff.

    what’s she really wants is the Department of the Interior.

    and when did Republican handlers ( you know the folks that feed Palin her words) become such dumb fucking idiots? This was simple US Govt 101.

  • JVB

    Yeah, like she’d last 1day or less.

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