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Did anyone order a COMPANION?
Did anyone order a NONSEXUAL COMPANION?

Being a gay hooker is illegal in U.S. America, except for in parts of Nevada or whatever. It’s not the “gay” part that’s illegal, otherwise we’d all be outlaws! We’re not here to debate whether hooking should be legalized or not, and we’re neither here to shame sex workers nor say anything particularly nice about them either. Let’s just all agree they exist!

So once upon a time, there was a place called “RentBoy.com” (no link ’cause it ain’t on the internet right now anyway), and it was “The World’s Largest Male Escort Service,” a place where dudes could set up accounts and look for other dudes who might just like to watch Netflix with them or something, for money. It was definitely not sexual in nature! Its services were used by many, including one of the founding board members of the anti-gay, anti-lady hate group Family Research Council, a man named George Rekers, who found a sweet piece of ass named “Lucien” there, whom he hired to “lift his luggage” on a European vacation. It was a totally nonsexual thing, of course, since Rekers is one of the fathers of the “ex-gay” movement. Yeah yeah, “Lucien” said Rekers hired him to give special love caresses to the area between his bootie-hole and the tip of the old fart’s dick, but we’re sure that’s just a coincidence.

Anyway, the feds and the NYPD raided RentBoy.com’s offices Tuesday morning, the CEO was arrested, other employees were arrested, my God, it’s like the government thinks they’re common gay whores for some reason:

Seven people, including CEO Jeffrey Hurant, were arrested as part of the raid at the Rentboy.com offices on 14th Street and Fifth Avenue. Department of Homeland Security agents and members of the NYPD, which assisted in the raid, were seen removing boxes from the offices Tuesday.

The site bills itself as “the world’s destination to meet the perfect male escort or masseur,” and boasts a database of more than 10,500 men in more than 2,100 cities worldwide.

NBC New York points out that the site had a BS disclaimer about how RentBoy was not renting you sex, just a temporary bandaid for your loneliness, and whatever you boys do with your todgers is up to you, but the federal government is like “Yeah, and we were born yesterday on the back of a turnip truck full of ALL YOUR RENTBOY DICKS.”

Reportedly, the Department of Homeland Security is involved in this too, due to how “The facilitation and promotion of prostitution offenses across state lines and international borders is a federal crime made even more egregious when it’s blatantly advertised by a global criminal enterprise,” according to Glenn Sorge, a DHS special agent dude on the case.

So anyway, Wonkers, that’s why you’ve all been having trouble signing into your RentBoy.com accounts today.

[NBC New York via JoeMyGod]

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  • MsAnthropesMr

    The wonderful thing about rentboys
    Rentboys are wonderful things
    Their bottoms are made out of rubber
    Their cocks are made out of springs

    They’re bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy….
    Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
    The wonderful thing about rentboys
    Is you can order more than one.

    • 24601

      Close the thread. We have a winner.

      • drbloor

        I’m out.

        • Msgr_Moment

          TTFN.

  • elviouslyqueer

    From a strictly sartorial standpoint, that Tigger ensemble is tacky as shit (damn, girl, remove the tag!), but those Spiderman underthongs are pretty much everything.

  • sundaytrucker

    You mean I could have been renting instead of buying? Now you tell me.

  • Rocky

    Hey, Rush Limpballz, this is your Ashley Madison breach

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I’m sure that several New York City and Federal laws were broken here but how is DHS part of this again? Has ISIL recruited rentboy terrorists?

    • Doug White

      Not sure if it is ISIL, but during several of the recorded conversations between US rentboy clients and the service providers the word ‘explode’ was prominently featured…. sounds terroristy….

    • dslindc

      DHS is involved in everything. So saith the spider Patriot Act.

  • marxalot

    I think it’s interesting in that, with no Poor Exploited Girls!!! involved in the narrative, this is going to end up being about sex-shaming rather than Protecting the Wimmins. Would now be a good time to go read up on sex work in a not sexy context?
    Also, too: really? Heidi Fleiss would have all you boy renters for lunch.

  • crunchyknee

    Nothing says TERROR! more than a guy named “Lucien.” Good on ya, DHS.

  • Steven M. Harries

    [Insert Jeff Gannon Guckert joke here.]

  • dslindc

    I hope closeted Republicans and Religious homophobes everywhere have a backup plan.

    • FauxAntocles

      Grindr + pseudonym?

    • nightmoth

      I hope they’re all running around screeching like Chicken Little
      right about now.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Jesus.

      • FauxAntocles

        Think they already tried that.

    • TheBidenator

      They’re probably scared as hell of being implicated or having their records exposed…lots of nervous social conservatives up on the hill today.

      • chiefkurtz

        Scared of what? I was doing research.

        • Msgr_Moment

          In-depth? Undercover?

      • 24601

        Kind of ironic that Tom Cotton would pick today to make A ass of himself…just sayin’.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Pfft. Tom Cotton can make A Ass of himself any old day!

  • smr06va

    But, but, but……………..who will lift the luggage?………wwwaaahhh……..oh, the humanity of it all…….

  • Rocky

    Pretty certain the old Republican who took that scary pic drives a new red Corvette 5mph under the limit.

  • Michael Smith

    Oh I thought this was going to be another article about The Oathkeepers.

    • FlownOver

      It probably is.

    • Now I’ll have to ask my fundy co-workers for their list of extant rentboy services. :-(

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Both featured a “bald Mouse,” but only one keeps his in a Spiderman mask.

  • FauxAntocles

    I’m sure it’s all perfectly innocent.

  • FauxAntocles

    Non-sexual? Are you sure? Gotta say it looks kinda gay to me… But I’m no expert so I will defer to your judgment.

  • Randy Riddle

    Is this part of the crackdown on predatory rent-to-own retailers?

  • Spotts1701

    Brings a whole new meaning to “Please Be Kind, Rewind”.

  • TheBidenator

    “Damnit all to hell now this, too!”
    Tony Perkins is having a bad week…..

  • marxalot

    Something something NYPD something something rent control, something something TRUMP!

    • 24601

      The RentBoy’s too damned high!

      • marxalot

        Well then you shouldn’t have ordered the “Peggy Nooner!”

      • Fly

        He’ll come down in a few hours.

  • goonemeritus

    As long as they don’t close down judgmental-librarian.com
    I’m good.

    • diogenez

      Shush

  • TheBidenator

    “Haha suckers, I’ve got the government paying for my rentboys”
    – Marcus “I am totally not running an gay cure service for teenagers to get laid” Bachmann

  • 24601

    Now, when are they going to bust up that FarmersOnly.com?

    • TheBidenator

      That’ll be when they bring down that interspecies erotica* ring…
      *god I hate self censorship but I love eating a lot more

      • Bear OmNomNom

        Self-censorship may suck, but at least it helped you stay on good terms with Kinky Kelly.

    • Shibusa

      Perfect place to find a guy who is out standing in his field.

    • DahBoner

      Hee Haw soft porn!

    • gratuitous

      I’ve heard that web site is full of hoes!

      • Msgr_Moment

        and rakes!

    • junior friggster

      I love-hate that jingle soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

  • chiefkurtz

    I’ll help: “Duggar” is between “Duffy” and “Duggenheimer”.

    • LIT_Fag

      And between Craig and Foley, also, too.

      • Toomush_Infer

        That’s a pretty wide stance…..(sorry)……(not sorry)……(sorry)….

  • DahBoner

    Add “Jeff Gannon” to the unemployed list…

    Thanks Obama!

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/Z9mJHxBD3n0aY/200w_d.gif

    • 24601

      Republican gay sex job killer!

  • TheBidenator

    I’m pro-sex worker just so long as the sex worker is consenting to work for the sex….I look at it this way, a lot of people in this world were born lacking the intellect or discipline to make a good living but these same people sometimes have looks (real or acquired) and then sex work is there for them. I think that’s true for straight and gay sex workers but it should operate similar to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch with medical benefits, STD/AIDs checks and people doing the sex work because it’s sort of their thing. I mean, it’s a harmless field and given how some of the patrons look I’m sure it can be grueling work, too….

    • 24601

      Why would you think sex workers automatically lack intellect or discipline? Haven’t you ever seen Trading Places?

      https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b1/30/fd/b130fd9e369dc15bb9dddf3e3cc4fcba.jpg

      • TheBidenator

        I love that movie for several reasons: 1) Jamie Lee Curtis’s boobs, 2) It’s hilarious, 3) I love the message in it, 4) the Duke brothers can be any Republican but fit the Koch brothers perfectly, 5) Jamie Lee Curtis’s boobs, 6) that chick in the bed’s boobs.
        I also really enjoy the nature v, nurture examination and the class warfare in the story…they just don’t make comedies that balsy anymore.

        • proudgrampa

          Mmmmmm. Jamie Lee Curtis.

        • I love the fact that the Duke brothers appear in the background of a couple of other Eddie Murphy movies as well.

          • justicewasburned

            Just shut the f up loser

          • Go snowberger yourself.

          • justicewasburned

            You Fookin moron. How’s the ice cream store?

          • How is that whore Mary?

      • William_C_Diaz

        Jaime Lee Curtis, the hottest man in Hollywood!

        Please dont get me wrong here, I know she is a female etc, but it is something I used to bust out on the homo and transphobic people that JLC has an ‘XY’ chromosome compliment.

        Even however old she is, she is still a striking woman!

        Have a great day!

      • Alvin(((((((((((((((

        I will wager you a dollar that Jamie Lee Curtis is smarter than Danica.

    • Michael Christian

      As a Nevadan I’ve known a few sex workers here (not that way) and they have run the intellect gamut much like any other profession.

    • janecita

      It should be taxed and regulated. The same way that they do it in Amsterdam, sex workers get a safe work environment and they also get checked out for STIs on a regular basis.

      • pstockholm

        So you would be fine with mandatory, in other words coercive, STD tests for the entire population? No? Just prostitutes? Hmmm.

        • janecita

          If it’s regulated, they would have to get checked out. They already do it with porn stars. I don’t see anything wrong with keeping sex workers safe and healthy. I would follow the Netherlands’ model. I don’t believe in coercive, forcibly anything, but through my job, I’ve met many HIV positive people, some of them sex workers, and a lot of them didn’t know that they had the virus until it became full blown AIDS. The population in general shouldn’t be stupid, we should all get checked out for STIs.

    • richardgrabman

      Consent is the big issue with the Sex Workers’ Union here in Mexico City… which is probably the only union on the planet that actually discourages apprenticeships. One step that’s been taken here is to work with the local government in getting street walkers (male and female) street vendor licenses. Not much, but it does give the worker some protection both from the police and legal recourse if they are abused or robbed. Also, they have their own retirement home.

  • Spider-Tigger? NO!!

    • 24601

      Does whatever a Spider-Tigger does

  • bozilingus

    DHS being involved with this would make me speculate that someone high up in DHS must have an account.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Special task force member for DHS: “Me? Destroy evidence? That computer was on fire when I got here.”

    • proudgrampa

      It would be irresponsible NOT to speculate.

  • I thought all that RentBoy stuff was for older ladies whose husbands don’t want to go to the damn opera w/ them. I’ve been mislead.

  • fka_donnie_d

    Please Please PLEASE foia the client list

    • 24601

      Jim Bob Duggar Libelz!!!!11!!!1!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The pressure will be overwhelming to keep that list confidential.

      • gratuitous

        This would be one of those rare instances where “both sides do it” would actually apply,methinks.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Yeah but, their side does it /more/. Libtards don’t gotta hide teh ghey because we’re all heathens, or something

          • gratuitous

            I think the most impetus would indeed come from the conservative/Republican side, but I’m pretty sure that should the client list come (no pun intended) out, there will be ample shaming of some Democrats as well.

            One point of interest will be the disposition of political careers. Democrats Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer totally lost their careers. Yet Republicans David Vitter and Mark Stanford continue to be returned to office, and Vitter is the consensus favorite to be elected the next governor of Louisiana.

            Odd electoral behavior for Republicans, who like to style themselves as the party of family values and personal responsibility.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            As long as you say “I’m sowwy, Jeebus” then all is forgiven.

      • fka_donnie_d

        ha ha he said pressure

  • timpundit

    At a gay bar a few years a go I had a fairly pretty young thing , who looked as if he knew the business real real well, IYKWIM whisper to me that he’s do anything $100 dollars. So, I asked him to paint my house as it’s getting to be that time again.

    Boy they get mad quick, these kids today.

    • Bitter Scribe

      He probably would have done a sloppy job anyway.

      • Doug Langley

        What would you expect for a hundred bucks?

    • GIRL
      I’M GONNA PAINT YOUR HOUSE
      I’M GONNA PAINT YOUR WHOLE HOUSE
      TWO COATS
      AT THE GAY BAR
      GAY BAR
      GAY BAR

    • richardgrabman

      I had the dude who told me his thing was sex for money… so I asked him what he was gonna pay me.

  • Fly

    That explains why Tom cotton is so pissy today.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Jeez, can’t a website facilitate criminal activities anymore?

    Oh wait, this one’s still up and running:

    https://www.gop.com/

    PS [Allegedly]

    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

      AirBnB.

  • VandeGraf

    What happened to their lawn mowing business?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Snark off, and let’s say a prayer for trafficked boys, because that’s a thing too.

  • dshwa

    That picture is right up there with hairy speedo gun dude on the disturbing list.

  • JohnR

    Conservatives needed to get control before Rent Boy got hacked and their secrets were exposed.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And we have a winner!

    • lawrence090469

      They have ways of shutting the whole thing down.

  • nowhereman

    I’m guessing that Josh Duggar is on this mailing list as well.

  • Rick Kitchen

    When is Homeland Security going to get involved in all of the online sites that offer female escorts?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Don’t they just get the Secret Service to fly them in from Colombia?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They aren’t a threat to traditional marr… Oh wait.

  • junior friggster

    Ima let y’all finish but lemme drop some old skool science on ya.

    Jeff Gannon.

    • HeywoodJablomey

      MoDo still prolly ain’t over that one LMAO

  • Joshua Norton

    Rekers hired him to give special love caresses to the area between his bootie-hole and the tip of the old fart’s dick,

    You really could have taken that bit of info to your grave, thank you very much.

    • EvanHurst

      Nope, you needed that piece of info.

      • Joshua Norton

        Rekers is to hawt sexy-time what Ron Jeremy is to refined elegance.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      This surprises you? Did you think that seventies porn ‘stache was a fashion statement?

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    GODDAMNIT

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Why the hell does Rentboy.com need a brick and mortar corporate headquarters? That makes as much sense as s timeclock for sheepdogs and wolves.

    • ryanmrichardson

      Probably because they thought they could get away with that little fig-leaf disclaimer and that no one would follow-up since they were being really open and notorious.

  • The one time I had sex for money it was when gay.com was still a thing. (And yea, I was over 18). I don’t know how escorts these days do it with all the BS raids.

  • John Smith

    Despite that genuine example of Frontier gibberish, still don’t get the presence of DHS, unless the are planning the fall party season.

  • John Smith

    What is the difference between porn and prostitution, other than the camera. Seriously, I just don’t understand.

    • grmpy

      Ive asked this question since before jr high. Seriously.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      With a fresh bottle of poppers, I sure can’t tell the diff.

    • janecita

      Same shit, different name.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Isn’t that Tom Cotton in the Tigger costume?

    • King Honkey

      If God existed, it would be!

    • onedrewthree

      Tom Cotton would have a poster of Spy Kids and a lonely dog the twisted fuck.

  • Angry_Cop

    I was reviewing my logs a few years back and noticed hits to a “rentboy.com”. So I checked, and it was the definition of “inappropriate site”, which is a firing offense at my company for some very good reasons I will not get into.

    So I reported the incident and the employee was fired.

    Christ, people, if you’re going to hunt for dick, ass, snatch, whatever, do it on your own time, on your own machines. I fucking HATE getting people fired for stupid shit like this.

  • Lazy Media

    Well, great. There goes my prom date.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Their customer files were encrypted, right?
    (Asking for a friend.)

  • King Honkey

    Kinda like the ‘Las Vegas Spit Shine Flute Polishing Service’ for a good time rhythmic duo session. “I swear, it was only music, baby!!”

  • Relativicus

    If you people think I’m going to carry my own luggage now you’ve got another think coming. My suitcase has wheels.

    (Oh man, Wonket has me so turned around I’m not certain if that was euphemistic or literal? Must. Get. To. Church. )

  • onedrewthree

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I mean, um…. I’m screaming for a friend…..

  • Uh… brb. Need to start deleting emails.

  • m3bosha

    Gotta ask the obvious question. Spy Kids?

  • Boy Elvis

    Geez, how am I supposed to hook up with all my sweet sugar daddies now? Wonkette, I recommend you start a man whore service for all of us displaced rent boys.

  • Drew Miner

    This graphic always reminds me of Sadly No!

  • blaid droog

    I had no idea that prostitution was a threat to the homeland. I thought ISIS and Obama were the only threats to this country.

  • blaid droog

    it was probably a raid to beat the hackers to the member files before all the congressmen and senators and governors and the rest of the ruling hypocrites could be outed a la dolly madison or whatever the fuck that sex club was called.

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