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Deer Wonket, can I rite 4 u?
Deer Wonket, can I rite 4 u?

Oh gosh and golly and gee whiz, are we so flattered! Look who is obviously trying out to be a words-blogger for this here mommyblog recipe hub with dick jokes, Yr Wonkette!

Scott Walker lady patriots tweet

We certainly do like the use of “lady patriots.” It sounds very much like a thing what we would write! Like the time we wrote about Lady-Americans who are saving so much money on their slut pills. Or when we wrote about Rand Paul being a dick to a lady reporter. Or when we LOL’d at that lady lawmaker in California who said abortions caused the state’s drought. Or how we LOL’d even more harder at Carly Fiorina claiming she will be the best lady president EVAH!

The finely nuanced difference, though, is that we are doing it for sarcasm and #jokes, and sometimes even to make pointed political commentary observations about chicks and stuff, whereas you, Scott Walker, are just a “lame” dumb asshole who is not going to be president. And not only because of how you are A Illiterate Moran, like, all of the times, and you are real not good at words:

Screen Shot 2015-08-24 at 12.32.38 PM

It is also, Scott Walker, because of how you are bad at the thinking too, and the not-thinking and the history-knowing, and also extra-because of how your politics suck even more worser than how you do words bad. Plus, in addition, we are a far-left commie fascist interweb netsite blog thingy, where we write all the love sayings about abortion and communism and socialism and science and college and government-funded free stuff, and we happen to think you are a ginormous A Idiot, like we say on a regular basis. So we do not think you’d fit in here, since we don’t like you at all, and we’d hate to not be able to use this video of you over and over and over again, forever.

We do like lady patriots, though, and plan to steal it. So thanks for that.

[h/t @JessieOpie]

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  • exinkwretch

    The resemblance to Jughead IS striking, but he looks more Butthead in that picture.

    • Me not sure

      Agreed.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Haldol: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

  • maman

    I imagine Scott Walker looking dopey like that last gif all the time.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Yeah…Scott Walker’s…performance…on the national…stage…is reminding me that while Wisconsin is known for electing some early leaders of the Progressive Movement, it’s also known for electing Joe McCarthy.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I don’t know if Scott Walker has a brain because I’ve never talked to him about that. He claims he does, but I can’t confirm it without seeing it first hand. Sorry.

  • My high school’s boy’s sports teams were the Knights and the far more winning girl’s sports teams were the Lady Knights. Even as a dumbass teen I knew that was dumb. They should have just been the Ladies (or the Dames.)

  • proudgrampa

    Actually he’s GOOD at the “not-thinking.”
    GO Lady Patriots! Hope you find an honest quarterback. What?

  • WiscoJoe

    Has anyone ever seen Scott Walker breathe through his nose? Just asking for a friend…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      With all that Koch sucking, he must have figured it out by now.

      • WiscoJoe

        Honestly, I think the koch habit may have caused some permanent damage.

    • Catstro

      My terribly deviated septum libel! If you taped my mouth shut so as to force me to breathe through my nose I think I would die.

  • SnarkTank

    May I suggest “Patriettes”?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hey, you’re deflating my balls here. Amirite?

      • SnarkTank

        Good god and the FSM, if this has anything to do with Tom “Motherfucking Cheater” Brady, I’m most heartily sorry.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      My rudimentary knowledge of Latin roots leads me to think that means “Daddy’s girls”.

      • SnarkTank

        Funny, when I ran it through that “What’s your name mean?” FaceSpace thing, I got “Warrior Princess”.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Or Xenofillies?

      EDIT: Come to think of it, Xenophilia is the opposite of Xenophoibia, so my neologism is, if not inaccurate, at least lacking in the final degree of accuracy.

      It should be Xenophobiafilies, but that is awkward.

      Patriettes it is.!

  • willi0000000

    scott walker . . . two lonely brain cells wandering aimlessly through a bowl of mush . . . desperately looking for company.

  • Msgr_Moment

    JOY COMES WITH EVERY SHIRT

    What’s Joy’s number?

    • Skwerl King
      • Steverino247

        What the fuck is wrong with her left arm?

        • Iron Monkey

          Nothing really wrong with her left arm. As a matter of fact it is at least twice as good as her right arm.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      That’s one helluva t-shirt.

    • Antimassacree

      Poor Joy, they only sold one last month.

  • Callyson

    Thanks, Scottie, but you’re not the one to represent the ladies FFS…

    • fka_donnie_d

      They are running for president in 1995, when the internet wasnt really enough of a thing to let people see the horrible shit they spouted and they could rely on the media memory hole.

      Its this cool 5th dimensional timewarp thing, I understand Dr Who was involved

      ,

  • Latverian Diplomat

    He was trying to write “smoove” but he spelled it wrong.

  • FauxAntocles

    Speaking of OxyContin…

  • jviscont1

    a conservative approach to soliciting the lady patriots is best served with an Ashley Madison account, Guv.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …”Lady Patriots”?! Do they bleed red, white and blue from there “wherevers”???

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    It’s that or “Patriettes”, per SnarkTank.
    Or whatever they call Tom Brady’s cheerleaders.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      dumb asses. They call them dumb asses.

  • Me not sure

    Lady Patriots = Wolverettes!

  • Callyson

    SmoothLY.

    See, it’s modifying the verb “runs,” not a noun, so it’s an adverb, not an adjective

    Fund public education

    http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/2/21/9/anigif_enhanced-buzz-10854-1361458583-0.gif

  • MrBlobfish

    Walker campaign issues press release stating Gov. Walker will not take a position on lady patriots.

    • SnarkTank

      I’d be happy to take several positions with them.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I’ll take “Candidates I Could Give Less Than Two Shits About” for $200, Alex.

    • Me not sure

      “Lazy-eyed, bald spotted, mouth breather.” Remember to state your answer in the form of a question.

      • Zyxomma

        Who is Snot Wanker?

        • Me not sure

          Daily Double!

  • ArgieBargie

    I still don’t get how any ladies or non-ladies can support this twerp. He looks and sounds like a complete fucking imbecile. He’s like a heartless Sloth from The Goonies, running for President.

    • Catstro

      In general IDK but he looks high as fuuuuuuuuuck in that gif. Like, so high and like he has brutal cottonmouth and Rubio won’t let him borrow his water bottle.

  • calliecallie

    Lady Patriots and the Tramp is a new Disney movie I heard about. Or maybe it was porn.

    • Antimassacree

      Also too the political movement Bristol is trying to organize?

  • LarkintheAM

    If there was truth in advertising, this is what would be on Scott Walker’s t-shirts.

  • Tallmutha

    Don’t forget all the times you’ve written about lady bits!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Wait, I thought all the people with lady parts were liberals and therefore NOT patriots

    would these conservatives please make up their minds?

  • Zyxomma

    Before this so-called election “cycle” got going, I thought the Koch money was going to skyrocket Wanker, I mean Walker to the nomination. Now, however, I don’t think all the money in the world could buy him the nomination.

    • Antimassacree

      That final sentence brings actual joy.

  • Ryan Denniston

    But, can’t he be our red headed stepchild?

  • Bill Slider

    Ms Lindsey needs to shove a fainting couch under this zombie before he falls and breaks something expensive. Maybe one of those signs that says, if you break it, you get to buy it would be helpful.

  • bongo fury

    I love that vid of Walker, such a stoner.

    • AnOuthouse

      Looks like a cat with too much catnip.

  • cousin itt

    So that’s what LP stands for?

    The things you learn on the Wonkette.

    • Beowoof14

      When talking Scott Walker I though LP stood for Loser Prick

  • Spotts1701

    “Joy” is not the word I would associate with Scott Walker. Nor would I associate “smart”, “compassionate” or “moral”.

    • dshwa

      “Consistent,” also too.

    • larry longmore

      HEY NOW, Scotty is plenty smrt!

  • YayConspiracy

    The reports about Walker’s brain have been greatly exaggerated.

  • Scotty wakes up every morning pleasantly surprised he’s not a short short man.

  • vivian

    He thought it said “lady part riots”

    • marxalot

      An inelegant translation- or euphemism?- for Our Dear Friends in Christ.

    • 19th Amendment

      Funny, because that’s exactly what’d happen were any Repub to be elected. Well, mine would.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        your lady parts would riot? How would you sit?

        • AnOuthouse

          Funly?

        • 19th Amendment

          Lady parts can accomplish much multi-tasking while sitting on something, obvs. *innocent blink*

    • Rick Hill

      You can see the gop would have a problem putting one of those down.

    • AnOuthouse

      It doesn’t?

  • Steverino247

    Patriots (the missiles) are shaped like dicks. Therefore, no ladies. The end.

  • Metadude

    I thought Wonkette house style preferred Vagino-Americans?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Doesn’t everyone?

  • Fly

    If Scott Walker had supported education in Wisconsin they would have been smart enough to not to vote for him during the recall.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Don’t be so sexist. Ladies can be union busters patriots too.

    • PsycWench

      Patriottes

  • dalibby

    Actually, you can let him slide on the smooth vs. smoothly thing (I know it wasn’t you, per se, but you do use the tweets as example). Check item #6 about grammar “rules” (http://www.alternet.org/culture/10-grammar-mistakes-people-love-correct-arent-actually-wrong?sc=fb) but that is the ONLY thing you should consider giving him a pass for. (See #7 about that one.) Don’t get me wrong; the man is dangerous and must be stopped!

  • herrointment

    Walking on the grass in Wisconsin may be hazardous to your health.

  • Iam Reading

    Yes his politics are awful, he also looks like a pedophile

    • BeliTsari

      Kinda makes the Banjo Boy look like Christopher Hirata… guess the Koch’s had to find ’em some suck-up dumber than shrub, or Santorum? Just imagine what Bob Clampett could’a done with a simpering, drooling imbecile like that… maybe Sucky the Sloth? No wonder they deny Evolution!

      Ever see, “They Saved Hitler’s Brain?” Me neither… but now we know where the leftovers went?

  • Rick Hill

    “….who are saving so much money on their slut pills. ” See, inequality. Right there. I don’t get to save money on slut pills and it’s just not fair.

    • handyhippie65

      it is proof that the god dude likes guys the bestest. we don’t need them.

  • Shibusa

    ‘Lady and the Trump’ is Tonette Walker’s favorite movie.

  • TheBidenator

    I can’t help it, that video makes me laugh every.single.time I see it which brings me precariously close to bringing attention to my cube….

    Hang on a second.

    No, I won’t tell you all what I’m laughing at because you won’t get it….phew. Dammit, stop being funny, Wonkette…..

  • dslindc

    Does Rand Paul have a shirt for Lady Patriots that says, “I’ve been shushed by Rand!”?

    • King Honkey

      Nope. He does have one that says “Half my staff went to jail and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”.

  • Suse

    Ladies Against Women unite! http://ladiesagainstwomen.com/

  • dslindc

    Can I get a binder full of Lady Patriots? Asking for a robotic friend.

  • TheBidenator

    Add that song, “I Bringing Home My Baby Bumblebee” to this clip…it’s what goes off in my head when I see it.

    • Incoming Ham

      I can’t upvote you enough. You made my evening.

  • Drew Miner

    is important to pay special attention to the ladypatriot during the sexytimes.

    • PsycWench

      The little man in the patriot boat salutes you.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Is that tiny George standing up crossing the Delaware?…

      • Drew Miner

        exactly! thanks for saying what i was trying to allude to, much more better and succinctly!

  • Mavenmaven

    as in the republican attempts at controlling “lady patriot parts”.

  • VandeGraf

    We’ve had trifling ones before, but never a complete dummy. Scott Walker could be our first idiot president. It’s a great time to be alive!

    • speed racer

      Don’t forget GW. He is an idiot no matter how you measure it.

  • JoyP

    My honest to god name is Joy and I totally disclaim that ad.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I got some joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my yarbes….

  • Incoming Ham

    Joy is one lucky lady.

    • JoyP

      But not if it’s with a Walker t-shirt!

      • Incoming Ham

        I figured it was something like when a bell rings an angel gets it’s wings. When a shirt is sold, well….

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Betsy Ross just rolled over in her grave.

  • TheBidenator

    Scott Walker’s greatest assets are his stubbornness against learning anything and the giant neon “for sale” sign stenciled onto his bald spot.

  • thenearesthippie

    “Designed Just for Ladies.” Are they ribbed for their pleasure?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Lady Patriots – zirconium encrusted…

  • Now I know who this dishrag reminds me of…this fella:

    http://www.toonopedia.com/beaky.jpg

    • CripesAmighty

      Ayup.

  • Ranina

    Oh, you all are just a bunch of kill-joys.

  • DetroitSam

    This guy looks like he is always high on something, something. I want some.

    • Helena Handbag

      No, you do not want any of THAT, my dear.

      • CripesAmighty

        What? An unfortunate forceps mishap at birth?

        • tomamitai

          Looks like he ate too much paste during arts & crafts in kindergarten.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    I like the ones designed Just For Old People:

    “I CAN’T STAND
    WITHOUT WALKER”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I love this comment so much I want to gay marry it!

    • starfanglednut

      Ha!

    • Amy!

      We Broke Your Legs
      You Need a Walker
      Vote GOP 2016

    • fka_donnie_d

      And the winner is

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Redumblican nomination process has become a race down to the lowest IQ level possible.

  • Beowoof14

    Writing for Wonkette, would mean that he would graduate up from his Dick and Jane books. That is probably too big of a step for him.

  • Calimaria

    But where, oh, where are the Scott Walker pillbox hats, gloves and aprons for lady patriots?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Aprons only. Gotta be aprons only for the Lady Patriots. Red, white, and blue aprons. And nothing else. Show your patriotism while making sammiches for us manly men.

  • arundel

    As a former glamorous international supermodel who used to pose and then nest with the likes of Linda, Naomi, Christy and Kate (we had to nest at night for protection, like kittens), may I say I am mortified on behalf of the poor woman, who seems like a Normal, jumping in a Scott Walker t-shirt.

    I had to do some degrading things in my supermodel days. Like, gnawing and fighting over a bone with Cindy C. while we were on our knees, wearing collars and leashes. Hey, it was the early 90s. But at least it was Richard Avedon shooting it! Then there was that time Naomi and I were slicked with olive oil and told to wrestle, and then Naomi’s nice old Jamaican mum came in all irate, and it was a scene, but I think money hushed it all up. There was that time Linda Evangelista.. yeah, she DID some things to me, it was supposed to be for Vogue, photographed by Steven Meisel, but Anna apparently found the images too disturbing to run.

    What was my point again? OH, that wearing a Scott Walker For President t-shirt marks one as either a moron or an ironic hipster. I’m not blaming the portly lady jumping there in the picture. (As if I’m one to talk about “portly”. I used to be slim as a ballerina, now I’ve broke the scale. Sads.)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    DuBarry was a lady!

  • diogenez

    Goodest thinking.

  • CripesAmighty

    And the wisdom keeps flowing forth, as in the following piece which is exquisitely titled,
    ‘Scott Walker Nukes His Presidential Campaign With Idiotic Comments As Stock Market Tumbles’.
    http://www.politicususa.com/2015/08/24/scott-walker-opens-mouth-china-stupid.html

  • King Honkey

    I would love to see ‘Jeopardy’ with Walker and Ricky from ‘Trailer Park Boys’ as contestants. My money’s on Ricky!!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Throw in Trumpy and you could put that on PPV.

      “Alex, I find you dull and a loser. I know the answer and will tell you at a later date.”

      “We haven’t even started yet!”

  • Charles Cates

    If Reagan was running now he’d be considered too moderate. He’d also be a fucking zombie which may not be a problem in the future.

    • Left Coast Tom

      If Reagan were running now he’d simply rebrand himself, just as he did when he ran for President pretending he never signed the country’s first “no-fault divorce” law. In the ’90s, when CA was more of a purple state, I remember the cafe at Reds Meadow posting a newspaper article on their wall from the early 1970s, talking about Reagan pushing the Forest Service to not build a planned cross-Sierra road down the San Joaquin River, allowing the later designation of the Ansel Adams Wilderness.

      • Biff52

        Bob Tanner was the guy who owned Reds Meadow Pack Station. You probably saw him and his ex-wife in the Rose Parade on their Palaminos with the blingy saddles and such. Anyway, he invited reagan to go for a horseback ride through the wilderness that would have been lost, and it was done. If there was anything reagan loved, it was horses.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    You keep posting that vine of Walker and I will keep posting this animation of Basket Case

    • Stein Olsen

      Which Republican presidential candidate is this?

      • crazymonkeylady

        Donald Trump…

      • Captain Kraut

        AOT,K…

        • Stein Olsen

          A sort of hybrid republican collective sharing the same horrid flesh. Got it.

      • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

        Oh COME ON … same eyes, everything.

        • Stein Olsen

          Yea I should have seen that.

  • Stein Olsen

    I suspect whoever convinced Scott Walker he could be president are now having a beer together and laughing their asses off. “He fucking bought our bullshit. He actually ran”. Followed by more laughter and slapping of backs.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Did everyone but John Kasich and Chris Christie get high before that debate? Scott Walker and Ben Carson both look like they were baked. Jeb always looks high so it’s hard to tell.

    • OneDemin EOr

      He’s really high strung and defensive.
      COCAINE?
      Haha jk.

      • tihond

        There are rumors, ALLEGEDLY, that Walker liked the cocaine at one point.

        • OneDemin EOr

          Mebbe W would hook him up, hehe.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Carson looks like he’s nodding out from too much Oxycontin, and Rubio looks like he’s been snorting coke all night (he’s always sweaty and dehydrated). Walker seems both drowsy and too alert. Maybe Walker’s doing meth and he’s been up for four days?

        • OneDemin EOr

          I like your analysis here.
          Perry’s a victim of self-induced fetal alcohol syndrome.
          And I’ve always suspected President Dry Drunk is living with organic brain damage secondary to ETOH abuse. How the hell else are you going to confuse the Cowboys with the Rangers?

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Boehner looks like he wakes up with a scotch in his hand. Maybe the entire GOP is wasted 24/7. That would go a long way towards explaining all of their looney ideas.

  • Stein Olsen

    Wonkette is way to untel… intelactua… intale… to smart for Scott Walker.

  • Morrigan In Oregon

    Hey, don’t mean to THREAD JACK, but did you hear. . .
    Meanwhile, the Washington Examiner reports that former Trump advisor Roger Stone thinks Mitt Romney is thinking once again about getting back in the presidential race.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Oh shit, he just cannot control Ann’s desire to eat “tuna and pasta” in the Oval Office.

    • Markuserektus

      We might get a Biden/Warren though…

  • Tim Drake

    This might be really mean but I’ve never actually spent a lot of time watching Scott Walker because he’s an assbucket but I finally did watch him move around when John Oliver showed a clip and I think he has some minor brain damage, possibly to his ventromedial prefrontal cortex.

    I have some degrees that covered a lot of facial structure correlating to problems caused by repeated use of substances that may harm children while pregnant and his facial structure…um…I think part of his problems might be damage to the part of the brain that regulates empathy. It would explain some of his behavior. I swear I am not trying to be a jerk or put him on the list of people that are not allowed to be made fun of on wonkette. I’m just sort of worried about this. I mean he’s trashed that state.

    • OneDemin EOr

      According to a nurse friend of mine who, as a psych undergrad worked with institutionalized autistic and severely mentally disabled kids, look at the ear placement. If they’re low on the face, it’s not a good sign.
      Same held true for a lot of inmates I taught.
      Scott Walker’s ears are reaallly down there.

      • Tim Drake

        He looks like he has mild teratogen damage of some kind. I agree about the ears but there’s also something about the rest of his face that shows when he’s moving around that pinged it for me.

        • Markuserektus

          If he penned the bizarre reply to John Oliver’s e-mail, it doesn’t speak well of his candidacy either. Just sayin’.

  • Roni Raven

    Well, I certainly understand Walker’s Kaili envy. I lurve her too.

    With that out of the way, I would just like to say that that still/video of Walker is the very embodiment of derp.

    Also too, it makes me laugh insanely whenever I see it. Which is a little embarrassing when I’m surreptitiously wonking in the ladies’ room. Working on perfecting the SNORK turned coughing fit.

  • crazymonkeylady

    A real Lady Patriot doesn’t wear t-shirts…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Let’s not drag Rudy into this.

    • Roni Raven

      There’s some kind of 911! Emergency wardrobe cleanup needed on Aisle 7! joke here, but damned if i can come up with it.

  • Stein Olsen
  • dshwa

    “Lady Patriots who support Scott Walker.”

    So they made what, like 5 shirts total?

  • tihond

    Offer him the job, then drug test him, and then rescind the offer.

  • azeyote

    please stop with that picture – it’s way creepy and i can’t sleep at night – thank you –

  • prelapsarian

    Came for the dick jokes, left disappointed.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    “Joy comes with every shirt”! Boy, Joy must be exhausted, satisfied, but exhausted.

  • User_0

    it’s still not too late also?
    [IMG]http://i1267.photobucket.com/albums/jj555/User_0/KootchieKootchieKoch_zpshpdf2f0k.jpg[/IMG]

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