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God's financial analyst.
God’s financial analyst.

Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It’s plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus knows what it’ll be doing, which is why Grandpa Pat takes comfort in What A Friend He Has In Jesus. Now, you might have gotten on the internet and Googled, “Why the hell is the stock market being bad?” And you might have found articles like this here thingamajig explainer in Slate, which says China’s stock market and currency are tanking and taking the rest of the world with them. And if you’re a common godless liberal, you believe it, like A Idiot.

Early in Monday’s “700 Club” broadcast, Pat got the news in his ear (either from a producer or from God, depending on which ear) about how the Dow was plunging, and he remembered he had just read this prophetic book about how the Bible says global financial markets are going to go all apeshit in September. He said, as televangelists and WorldNetDaily reporters typically do, that the only safe earthly investment is gold (not true, according to that Slate-splainer we linked above!). Laughing to himself, he seemed excited that the prophecy book he read was right and concluded, “There’s no place to hide financially, except in the Lord.” Yeah, because know what’s NOT fluctuating wildly today? JESUS.

But later, he went off the rails, connecting Monday’s stock issues to, duh, abortion, because guess it’s time for God to use the Chinese financial markets to punish America for all the unborned babies:

He’s talking about Planned Parenthood, try to follow along:

To take your money and my money, which the government extorts from us every year in the form of taxation, is nothing short of tyranny! … We’re getting taxed and the left is saying we’re going to give it to an organization that is repugnant to most Americans. And the president has basically said if you take that out of the budget … I will shut the government down. Now that’s how strong he feels about funding the murder of unborn babies.

OBAMA LOVES KILLING BABIES SO MUCH, like almost as much as mom jeans and golf. (Also, sidenote fun fact: Pat is dead wrong because, as you know, Americans lovvvvvvve Planned Parenthood and want to give it all their tax dollars and gay-marry it and have its babies.)

Continuing:

And here in America, we have been complicit in terminating the lives of in excess of 50 million precious unborn children. And don’t you think Almighty God is going to hold us accountable for that? We will pay dearly as a nation for this thing going on. And possibly, if we were to stop all this slaughter, the judgment of God might be lifted from us. But it’s coming, ladies and gentlemen. We just have a little taste of it, in terms of the financial system, but it’s going to get shaken to its core in the next few months, years, or however long it takes. And it will hurt every one of us. It’s coming down the road, but at least we could repent and try to change. But the Congress has got to override a presidential veto, and if Obama sides with that he is siding with murder!

Cue dramatic Right Wing Watch music, which, considering the holy gravitas of Pat’s voice during this diatribe, reminds us a little bit of “Law And Order.”

So yeah, abortion has been legal in all of America since 1973, but God’s judgment is starting now, with whatever’s happening in the stock market, and it’s going to get worser and worser until Obama stops eating 50 million “precious” unborned babies for breakfast every day.

And now you understand the global financial system.

[Right Wing Watch]

 

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  • Spotts1701

    And yet, with the market taking a crash dive investors are running to T-Bills. As in U.S. Government debt, which tends to indicate that despite Europe and Asia going full-on bear market the U.S. is riding the shockwave (granted, that doesn’t help folks who just saw their 401(k) get mauled).

  • bumfug

    In a way, Pat’s right. Because his mother didn’t have the good sense (or opportunity – it was The Old Days) to have an abortion before he was born, he now exists and people can see and hear him and say to themselves, “If this is a famous person whom a lot of Americans listen to for advice and the infallible word of an Almighty Creator, we are looking at a country too stupid to invest in – please sell all of my stocks right now for whatever you can get.” And so the crash begins.

  • say wha

    “..in the next few months, years, or however long it takes.” Pat’s Hedge Fund Strategy.

  • nightmoth

    That phrase “the unborn” has always sounded as creepy and meaningless as “the undead” to me: fit only for the title of a schlock horror movie.

    • fka_donnie_d

      Has the distinct advantage of allowing users to say stupid shit without referring to any individuals

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    I hear fetus parts are a great investment.

  • jesuswasablack

    “We just have a little taste of it, in terms of the financial system”

    Or it could just be a bunch of selfish banksters throwing a tantrum over the fact that the gubmint might not give them free money anymore? Either way it’s gonna be the women’s getting bortions fault!

  • Callyson

    Again with this asshole, eh?

  • MAZS

    so when the market goes up, I trust it is also because of abortion

    [my newspaper arrived late today…….because of abortion, I presume.]

    • jesuswasablack

      No silly when the market goes up it’s because the angels are dropping financial blessings on all of God’s investors, don’t you understand the free markets, what are you a socialist?

  • Skwerl King

    Abortion: the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.

    • jesuswasablack

      I’ve been considering a sex change just so I can have a bortion!

    • BackDoorMan

      … Homer Simpson represent!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    oh lord.

    Or it could be herd behavior? Sound crazy? People bid up prices ahead of growth, but we’re still growing, so? People took profits, and then the rest of them panic.

    SSDD.

    When his God opens a trading account, I will take this seriously.

  • arglebargle

    I do believe Pat’s losing a step. Not one word about the gehys contribution to our ultimate demise.

    The day he dies should become a national holiday.

    • pragmatist3

      Halloween

  • OneDemin EOr

    Gee, thanks, Pat!
    If I had more available cash, I’d be buying right now.
    Guess I’m godless, too. Thanks, Obama!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Pat says God is dumping his HUGE portfolio of over-valued American stocks cuz bortion.

    Who is God’s broker, BTW?

  • toughsister

    And Mr. Robertson’s mother chose not to have an abortion because?

  • pragmatist3

    Pat’s money is in Blood Diamonds so he is not too worried abut the Dow.

    • tomamitai

      Pat’s invested in the stupidity of suckers, and doing quite well by it.

  • Metadude

    My damn TIAA-CREF is heavily invested in fetus futures. Well, there goes my retirement!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      lol – The Irony, here, is that I can think of very few things less Biblical than investment banking or market trading.

  • FauxAntocles

    Jesus on line one for Pat Robertson! Jesus holding on line one!

  • Thaumaturgist

    Don’t look Jesus in the mouth. The plargues come when Jesus is ready, not before.

  • Treg Brown

    “To take your money and my money, which the government extorts from us every year in the form of taxation…”

    Full stop.

    When was the last time this fucker paid taxes?

    • Thaumaturgist

      The whole point of a church is that it’s tax free. Only way you can make money with this War on Christians in this country.

      • weejee

        Pat’s got them preacher bluez…

    • jesuswasablack

      Taxes are only for the Poors, they’re the ones what use the services!

  • cousin itt

    Jesus knows. He caught the last train for the coast.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Nope, bound for new Orleans. Heard it on the x.

  • SnarkTank

    Only tangentially related, but….Can someone ask The Donald (TRUMP!) how much he’s worth NOW? Is he planning on filing for bankruptcy again because of this market instability?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    What does God think is a good defensive investment, Pat? lol

    • weejee

      Napalm and Agent Orange?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Something Pat is selling at a price way over its actual value.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, if we halt abortions and knock up a bunch of nine year olds instead, boom time, right?

  • weejee

    Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

    Pat wants us to cut back on fetus futures in our portfolios?

  • Anarchy Pony

    Most of that taxation goes to finding/purchasing new and exciting ways to turn humans into a red pulp, but it’s not PP.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I have wasted time reading economic reports, company filings, and focusing on things like revenue growth, earnings, etc.

    Turns out I should have been paying attentions to the number of bortions… which have been falling since the 1990s.

    Ok, I must admit after comparing the bortion chart to various index charts, I am still not seeing it. I need some help from Pat, I think.

  • To take your money and my money, which the government extorts from us every year in the form of taxation, is nothing short of tyranny!

    To which Jesus said, “What part of Render unto Caesar do you not understand, people?!?”

    And don’t you think Almighty God is going to hold us accountable for that?

    God was cool with you guys killing the Native Americans, but small cellular organisms inside your vaginas? That’s too far!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    When you look to The 700 Club for financial advice, you are actually giving your wallet an abortion.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If you send a bunch of Money to Pat, you can expect a windfall from God eventually.

      Heard him say it often.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        God will fart upon thee! (I hope it’s a shart, we need the rainfall here)

      • jesuswasablack

        I’m still waiting on my green prayer cloths, I sent the donation years ago, God works slowly I guess?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          And in mysterious ways, also, too.

  • TheBidenator

    The only truly reliable return on investment is fleecing the rubes, it’s the biblical code for getting wealthy after all. Patsy bought hisself a teevee station and has never lost a dime doing it.

  • FauxAntocles

    Pat’s really looking a bit zombie-ish today.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Are we sure he didn’t die a year or two ago, and thats not his embalmed corpse with a mechanical jaw inserted?

      • Angry_Cop

        10 years ago, maybe? How would we know?

  • Joshua Norton

    It’s nice that wingnutz are finally giving Bamz credit for the economy.

    • Jenghazi Rubin at The War Criminal Post is ON IT.
      ~

    • jesuswasablack

      We all knew that the stimulus of 2009 and tax increases of 2012 would eventually catch up, told you so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I blame all the speculators and hedge funds that inflated the cost of aborted fetus organs!

  • Biff52

    This is exactly why we should invest all our Social Security dollars in the stock market. Wheeeeeee!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Golden Sacks would get their 2% either way – what’s the problem?
      (Said a certain politician with a wife at Golden Sacks.)

      • H0mer0

        the same one who was aginst obamacre and yet bought a plan?

      • BackDoorMan

        … therein lies the problem. Stock brokers get paid for playing with your money, whether they win or lose, so where is the incentive to actually work for the investor? I might as well give my retirement funds to a guy who claims he’s always a winner in Vegas… if that turns out to be a lie, well, I pay for that too. I’d probably do just as well hiring the Tic-Tac-Toe Chicken from the county fair to manage my stock portfolio. [Disclaimer: I do not have a stock portfolio, nor would I want one given my previous work in banking, I know how that fools game is rigged].

  • Ryan Denniston

    “We will pay dearly as a nation for this thing going on.”
    What’s with this we thing, this collective guilt? And, tl;dr day today, but WTF Jesus, why you gotta fuck with my 401-k?

  • gene108

    So a bit of a dip, with the Stock Market at record highs is God’s punishment? That’s not a biggie…

    Not like the man made fluster cuck that happened a little over 7 years ago.

    All in all, I’d say God’s a lot more mellow than the folks at Lehman Brothers and Wall Street, in terms of punishing America.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I have a religious question.

    If people have free will, and market participants are people, and thus people bid up and sell down prices, how did God creep into this?

    It’s not like he can smite prices because people make markets. What has God done that inspired people to sell their stocks and take profits?

    Or are personal responsibility, free will and choices not involved?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Whales….

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        And crocoducks too, probably, right?

        • Toomush_Infer

          With Old Testicles…

    • BackDoorMan

      … well, now, you see… you’ve stumbled on The Great Religious Conundrum Of All Time. PREDESTINATION AND FREE WILL Can the two be reconciled? You can have one, or you can have the other, but in order to have both you have to perform mental gymnastics that will injure your brain. Unless you’ve had your Cognitive Dissonance booster shot (provided by preachers who rail against taxation while being tax-exempt themselves) in which case, “the will of the lawd gawd is unknowable, ‘ceptin’ what his holy mouthpiece on earth says it is”. PAH-RAISE JEEBUS! HELLY-LU-YA!

  • Toomush_Infer

    And then Pat said: “…On the Thirty-first floor, a gold-plated door won’t keep out the Lord’s burning rain.” And he sang.

    • Biff52

      Gram was too good for us.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Yes. Yes he was….

  • MrBlobfish

    I’m cashing out my 401(k) and investing in Jesus bellies.

  • Joshua Norton

    1000 point nose dive – Blame Obama!!!
    800 point recovery – *crickets*

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …800 point recovery – The tax cuts must be kicking in!!!

    • gene108

      Are you implying positive things have happened since January 20, 2009? What alternative reality do you live in? I mean it’s not like teen pregnancies are at record lows and high school graduation rates are at record highs.

      Obama’s destroyed America, converted us all to Islam and declared himself dictator for all eternity, with plans on turning himself into a lich upon his death and ruling as our undead overlord for ever.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Pat, you idiot – everybody knows it’s gay marriage that’s responsible. Sheesh!

  • No no no no, Pat.

    The stock market tanked because of the sudden lack of availability of valuable babby parts to sell and trade – all thanks to those Planned Parenthood expose videos.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    “There’s no place to hide financially, except in the Lord.”

    …is that under the NASDAQ or NYSE?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I think he means give him (Pat, not Him… his imaginary buddy he talks to often) your money.

      I may be cynical, but I expect no matter what the market trend is, there’s a reason to send Pat your money.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …errrr yeah, let me run that by my stock broker real quick!

    • Tansy Geek

      Under a mattress?

    • Ulricii

      He misspoke. He meant to say Lloyds. They will insure for any loss.

  • Kakkeltje

    We’re getting taxed and the left is saying we’re going to give it to an organization that is repugnant to most Americans.
    He is right! Quite a lot of the money goes to the military…

  • DahBoner

    I’m short fetuses and long on wingnuts…

    https://media2.giphy.com/media/XK7iqsOitRe1y/200w_d.gif

  • MrBlobfish

    Pat is siding with the moneychangers on this one.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Well, one money changer, anyway. Send him your money, and he will change it into some nice new personal items he’s had his eye on for a while.

  • beatbort

    Pat is so old now he looks Chinese. No wonder he sides with them.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Blessed are the hedge fund managers.

    • Ulricii

      With the tax deal they get on base salary–taxed at the capital gains rate and not ordinary income rate like the rest of us peons–they are indeed blessed. But by Congress, not the Sky Guy.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    No where, not once, is there any mention of global financial systems in the Bible. Not even ONE TIME.

    • Biff52

      To be fair, it wasn’t considered to be globe-shaped for a while longer.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I ain’t interested in fair. These folk keep screaming the bible is meant to be taken literally, than FINE. Let us take it literally.
        No shrimp for any Jesus follower, no mixed fabrics, and oh yeah, help the needy, give to the poor, turn the other cheek and uhm, something something holy days

      • So all this time I’ve been hearing about fiat money, and it was really FLAT MONEY??

        I need a refund!
        ~

    • BackDoorMan

      … well, one could extrapolate some sort of parable from the whole “Jesus smites the money-changers in the temple”-story… except, you know, inconvenient.

  • Angry_Cop

    Gold. Oh yes, the last refuge of the imbecile. Still has a ways to fall, you know.

    See, gold is a commodity, like pork belly or diapers or ammunition. How much any of those items are worth is based on demand AND NOTHING ELSE. Gold’s price of production is between $300-$500/oz. But it doesn’t even have to sell for that much, if there’s many sellers and few buyers.

    The only difference between gold money and paper money is that gold weighs more.

  • Msgr_Moment

    So the gays get off scot-free?

    • Hard to believe.
      ~

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      That’ll be tomorrow’s episode.

    • John Smith

      Absolutely not! All the abortion doctors and PP personnel are gay! Didnt you know that.

  • marxalot

    Don’t wanna have a tyrannical gov’t extorting taxes from you? I understand. I do. So I asked around at the office and we put together this farewell basket, containing half a day old bagel and a packet of post it notes, to help you build your new life in Antarctica, where you can be freezed free. Bye!

  • Me not sure

    “The failure of these markets is a clear sign of Jesus’ second coming, and I say thank God because we will as Christians no longer have kiss up to those stupid Israelis and their masters the international cabal of Jewish bank………..”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I wish Jesus would rapture these people already like they keep promising us. I expect him, fully, to do so with a sheepish expression and a “whoops, sorry, my bad, but in my defense, everything I said was precisely the opposite of what these people do”

      • Toomush_Infer

        I heard rumors that it wasn’t really so much a Rapture as a Flush…

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          That will work too. Really, anything, but demmit, every year they promise us the 2nd coming and it NEVER HAPPENS

          • Ulricii

            Are you doing your part? If you aren’t arming up for the 2015 War on Christmas right now, you’re part of the Rapture Delay problem.

      • cynmac

        What if He already has and THIS is what He left?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh oh – now Pat’s singing ‘Luck Be a Lady’…..this ain’t good…

  • PubOption

    Pat, is the Lord smiting China? If so is this because of communism, or the one-child policy giving rise to sex-selective abortions?

    • Biff52

      Sure couldn’t have anything to do with Tibet!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Now that I think about it… Pat is accusing God of market-rigging, and if you consider that we fined six banks 5.8 billion just for manipulating interest rates…, God had better get a good lawyer.

    • marxalot

      HA! Good luck. Everyone knows that all the best advocates work for the Devil.

    • Ulricii

      Naw, he won’t need a lawyer. God runs one of those too big to sue operations. It’s bigger than Bear Stearns. Just don’t tell Blankfein or he’ll ask for a salary increase.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    There are not enough votes in China to adequately deal with Pat “Combat Marine” Robertson.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Is he still doing leg lifts?..

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I want to know where the fuck Jeebuzz was when George Bush tanked the world economy !!! Did he decide, “Well there is a blah guy coming so I will just wait so they can use him as the fall guy.”

  • Mavenmaven

    Actually god wants everyone to sell more baby parts to help boost the economy and restore the markets.

  • Ergoetal

    I think God is mad at Josh Duggar, personally.

    • Ulricii

      He’s following the crowd on that one.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Does that 50 million of aborted babies include, or not include, all the natural, spontaneous miscarriages that God does?

    • BackDoorMan

      … and if it doesn’t, has Putz Robertson considered what 50 million babies borned in the U.S.A. per year will have on the infrastructure of this oh-so-great exceptional country? Are there enough pre-natal/post-natal services, daycare facilities, schools, food banks, and housing for these young’uns? 500 million unaborted over a decade almost doubles the population of ‘Merica… and I’m pretty sure we can barely handle the number of people we already have. (tl;dr – fuck Pat Roberston and the sanctimonious horse he rode in on).

  • jviscont1

    and the 1929 crash occurred under Margaret Sanger’s watch. connect the dots sheeple..

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I’m sure there was a reason for Black Monday on Saint Ronnie Reagan’s watch, but I can’t quite figure it out. Help me, Pat!

  • Logic of Color

    This is where religion gets dangerous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with practicing religion however you see fit — for you!. It’s when Oh shit now we as a nation all have to do your hokey pokey together or else the whole nation is doomed…fuck that. Keep your religion to yourselves and just be happy we’re helping you out by bringing around your precious End Times.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Pat is wrong on this one. Planned Parenthood causes natural disasters. So, it’s a safe bet that abortion is the reason for climate change. The stock market crash was caused by God selling off his Chinese steel futures. St. Peter was warning him about the ghost cities for years, but you know God. The omnipotent bastard won’t listen to anyone.

    • Ulricii

      Yes, but tell folks what Saint Peter was recommending God switch to. Fish stick calls. Fish sticks, for God’s sake.
      You can take the boy out of Galilee, but when the going gets rough, that’s where he’ll head every time.

    • BackDoorMan

      … and The Big Himself certainly isn’t listening to Pat Robertson… even a mythological deity has (imaginary) standards.

  • JohnW

    Uhhhh, taxation? Isn’t this charlatan a church and therefore tax exempt?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, no shit. Where does he get this “us” stuff?

      • BackDoorMan

        … he’s like the guy no one wants to sit with at the high school cafeteria table, but figures if he wears the school colours he’ll be accepted as “one of us”. I’ve never known this to work.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I don’t know about y’all, but I’m getting heartily sick of this passive-aggressive shit.

    Listen, God – you don’t like how I mow my lawn? Fine! Just fucking tell me! Stop killing my neighbor’s cat! People up & down the street are mowing their lawns every which way; nobody has any idea what to do. Mow this way? Dead cat! Mow that way? Dead cat! No dead cat one day? Yay! Problem solved! Next day? Another damn dead cat! I’m begging for a little clarity.

    Sincerely, PP

  • Bitter Scribe

    So hurricanes are because of gay marriage, and drops in the stock market are because of abortion? How can Pat be sure it’s not the other way around?

    • JohnR

      Wait til tomorrow.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      The lord works in mysterious ways.

  • JohnR

    50 million seems like a lot.

  • VandeGraf

    And the Lord said, let the interest rates languish near zero, and let only those banks and investors with money make new money, for verily I saith unto you, abort thine unborn and suffer financial meltdown. All of you babbie killers, even unto the smallest of investors, and those that do not abort. Fuck all ya. And so it was. And the Lord looked upon his work and saw that it was Fair and Balanced.

    • H0mer0

      and there was much rejoicing…

      • dshwa

        Yay!

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Wait…the economy is tied to abortions? I thought the economy was tied to homosexuality; or was that hurricanes? I remember at least one hurricane that was brought on by Disney’s Gay Day or something. Beats me what causes the heat in Texas. Must be the stupid.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      In Texas it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity.

  • Abigail Buchin

    I like the part where Ol’ Pat says he’s being taxed. Ha ha ha ha…he hasn’t paid taxes in 50 years thanks to him being a “church” and all.

  • sundaytrucker

    Instead of stopping people from getting pregnant in the first place, He destroys the stock market. This God is way too passive aggressive.

  • BearGHAZI

    quit hyping the damn apocalypse!!

  • Rev. Tom

    Actually, I have it on solid, direct, Divine authority that the stock market dip is the sole result of America’s failure to do away with Pat Robertson. God is sick and tired of his crap.

  • Iam Reading

    How can anyone under 25 believe in this version of religion, or any really? This is some cave man level ignorance.

    • dshwa

      Acording to the latest Pew poll, a large chunk of them don’t. Which scares Pat and his ilk more than anything else.

      • handyhippie65

        yup. and that fear of losing control of the country is why we see so much cray cray from them. the emptier their bank accounts are, the louder they will cry.

    • What’s worse is that these people don’t even pay attention to their own infallible tomes – I think American Christianity would be well served by paying more attention to the Book of Job – y’know, the one where God inexplicably lets the Devil fuck with one of His most devout followers and systematically ruins Job’s life and kills everybody he loves for reasons that are never made clear.

      The point being that, yeah, according to their book God wiped out the world and Sodom and etc. for sinful ways, but He also fucks with good people for no reason humans can understand.

      I mean, fuck, isn’t that kinda a valid reading of Jesus getting killed, too?

      More’s the pity. To me it’s not even that the religious right blindly believes in things that may or may not be true – it’s that they don’t even seem to take their own beliefs seriously or think about their implications unless they back up whatever social biases they have.

      It’s lazy theology, dammit!

      • Ulricii

        It’s Chinese menu theology. Pick one or several items from each column to stuff down your neighbor’s throat. Ignore the rest.

        • Yeah – but it’s so depressing! It takes away what’s interesting and useful about religion – the complicated, weird stuff, the stuff that speaks to the paradoxes and complications inherit in life. That’s useful, even important – it was thousands of years ago and still is, because it helps us live with each other.

          But instead? If the economy sucks or California is burning, it’s because The Gays, and I ain’t gonna bake no cake for no fags.

          Fuck.

      • cleos_mom

        There’s also the part where Job, granted an audience with his god, understandably wants a reason for this shitstorm he’s in. His god does not mention the ego-inspired wager in the first chapter but instead changes the subject via adolescent strutting and boasting.

        And for some reason, you often hear believers refer to this jawdroppingly cynical work as their favorite book of the Bible.

  • Cismontane

    maybe we’ll get lucky and Trump will have to declare bankruptcy.. again.

    • BackDoorMan

      … let’s see…
      Moral bankruptcy? Check

      Intellectual bankruptcy? Check

      Political bankruptcy? Check

      Humanitarian bankruptcy? Check

      Corporate bankruptcy? Check

      Personal financial bankruptcy? My accountants will get back to you.

      The “billionaire Donald Trump” is a fraud, pure and simple.

  • Charles Cates

    Hold on here Patrick. China has been aborted the fucking shit out of babies ever since just after The Long March. How is it just now they’re getting punished financially? Also too explain how the Lord allows one billionaire a week (on average) to be newly coined in that godless land?

  • sillyclucker

    I don’t think anybody running a religious organization needs to be complaining about being taxed.

    • mailman27

      Umm… Amen?

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Any word on why God let the Dow hit an all time high a few months ago? Was that just to get us all excited by the Dow hitting 19,000, only to be crushed when it went back down to 16,000? I’d like to hear his thoughts on why God let the stock market hit 6500 when Bush was leaving office. Was that some kind of forewarning?

  • rg9rts

    Do not use this imbecile as a financial advisor

    • BackDoorMan

      .. or anything, really. He has no experience in anything beyond grifting.

  • Lord-Nash

    Avoid God’s judgement with this ONE LITTLE TRICK!

  • Lord-Nash

    I’ve often wondered if Rebecca, Doc, Kaili, Evan, Shypix and Florida Correspondent ever fight over who gets to write certain articles. I have to think this is one of those times.

  • jim2011

    Of course, economic hard times NEVER lead to an increase in abortion rates.

    facepalm.jpeg

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