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Listen, honey, there's something I need to tell you.
Listen, honey, there’s something I need to tell you.

We TOLD you people about how that gross Ashley Madison website, where married people go and set up accounts so they can try to have naked affairs with other married people, got hacked. And now the hackers have released that information, and OOH! Guess whose name is in there? Why, if it isn’t the Family Values Fundamentalist Christian Self-Righteous Motherfucker Piece Of Shit Sister-Molester EXTRAORDINAIRE, Joshua Duggar!

Someone using a credit card belonging to a Joshua J. Duggar, with a billing address that matches the home in Fayetteville, Arkansas owned by his grandmother Mary—a home that was consistently shown on their now-cancelled TV show, and in which Anna Duggar gave birth to her first child—paid a total of $986.76 for two different monthly Ashley Madison subscriptions from February of 2013 until May of 2015.

[…]

In July 2013, he seems to have started a second account that was linked to his home in Oxon Hill, Maryland, where he spent his time lobbying against causes like same-sex marriage. The birthday listed in the data for Duggar’s first account is February 3, 1988, one month off Duggar’s actual birthday of March 3, 1988. The birthday listed for the second account is March 2, 1988.

The two accounts overlap by a period of a few months. When he launched the second account, Duggar paid a $250 that appears to have gone toward the purchase of an “affair guarantee.”

The “affair guarantee” was probably to MAKE SURE he could find an adult human married lady to get his Duggar Stick wet in, now that he was in Big City Washington DC, away from his “family obligations.” Did he do it? We dunno! Don’t think the Ashley Madison hackers follow these people to their secret dungeon sex lairs. But he wanted to, just like he WANTED to diddle his sisters (achievement unlocked!), and he WANTED to work at the viciously anti-gay Family Research Council so he could continue his family’s long tradition of telling America how much God Hates Fags (ALSO achievement unlocked!). So maybe he was successful and got to share with the ladies of Ashley Madison what he learned from his daddy Jim Bob, when he got the sex talk. Hint: It’s called Duggar Doggie Style, and it’s like a side-hug but with P-in-V sex.

So, since you haven’t died of vomiting into your own brain yet, Gawker also published (we will get into why this is different from the last time Gawker published whore sex revelations in a minute) a list of the different kinds of fucking Josh Duggar wanted to find from a lady what is not his wife:

“Conventional Sex,” Experimenting with Sex Toys,” One-Night Stands,” “Open to Experimentation,” “Gentleness,” “Good With Your Hands,” Sensual Massage,” “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,” “Bubble Bath for 2,” “Likes to Give Oral Sex,” “Likes to Receive Oral Sex,” “Someone I Can Teach,” “Someone Who Can Teach Me,” “Kissing,” “Cuddling & Hugging,” “Sharing Fantasies,” “Sex Talk.”

Awwww bubble baths, dildos and a 69 sesh here and there, he’s really branched out from all the sex tips he learned at home, which were mostly about how there are aliens in man semen, and lady vaginas are allergic to them. And maybe he’s never been allowed to swan dive into his wife’s muff, that might not be “Christian” because you can’t put a baby in her that way, which is why he probably also included “someone who can teach me.” Good lord, we’d feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such fucking scum.

And these are the things that, according to Gawker, really make the Duggar D pitch a tent:

“A Professional/Well Groomed,” “Stylish/Classy,” “Casual Jeans/T-shirt Type,” “Muscular/Fit Body,” ”Petite Figure,” “Tall Height,” “Short Height,” “Long Hair,””Short Hair,” “Girl Next Door,” “Naughty Girl,” “Sense of Humor,” “Imagination,” “Creative and Adventurous,” “Relaxed and Easy Going,” “Aggressive/Take Charge Nature,” “Confidence,” “Discretion/Secrecy,” “A Good Listener,” “Good Personal Hygiene,” “Average Sex Drive,” “High Sex Drive,” “Dislikes Routine,” “Has a Secret Love Nest,” “Disease Free,” “Drug Free,” and “Natural Breasts.”

In other words, a breathing human woman. This is a cry for help, not a Choose Your Own Adventure book.

Now, as we recently sexplained in important thinky pieces, you don’t out some private person who never hurt anyone, just for prowling for sex on the sly (GAWKER!). And the private information of millions of Ashley Madison users should not have been hacked and exposed by hackers. But Josh Duggar isn’t a private person who never hurt anyone; he tried to hurt lots of people, because of how they have sex, which is why it is 100 percent A-OK to take this information and use it to grind that arrogant, fundamentalist prick’s nuts into a fine powder so that we may snort it and trip holy karmic balls.

So fuck him. You wanted to be famous, Duggars? YOU’RE FUCKING FAMOUS.

[Gawker]

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  • Serolf Divad

    This almost makes me believe in God!

  • SK

    Librul plot? Look how they conveniently found this info just as Ma and Pa were about to get a new cash cow TV show.

    Wonder if Megyn will do the bleeding obvious and apologize instead of an hour long segment exonerating Josh and blaming the libruls.

    • Spotts1701

      I know which way to bet on that proposition.

    • HolidayinCambodia

      I bet those folks are combing the list themselves for any name they can trumpet, or blackmail (for the time being).

      • SK

        Paging Todd Courser…your services are required ASAP

        • Celtic_Gnome

          How do you know he isn’t on the list.

          • SK

            Oh c’mon, with a hottie like Cindy Gamrat, why would he need to have an affair with Josh?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Megyn? Bleeding? Is that you, Donald?

  • JohnBull

    “Average sex drive.” Typical Protestant; doesn’t think he deserves anything better than average.

  • Helena Handbag

    schaden fuckin freude

  • twinkie223

    “Duggar? I don’t even know her!”

    • proudgrampa

      I do love the oldies!

  • Randy Riddle

    And here I thought Ashley Madison was some kind of home decorating brand at K-Mart.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The Laura Ashley Madison collection is really something to see.

    • Bren

      The man who invented decorating needs fucking, but the man who invented fucking needs decorating.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Sheets, right? Rubber sheets.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    This is too rich. I can’t eat another bite!

    • nothingisamiss

      Oh, I bet this is just the beginning! *rubs hands gleefully*

      • Billy Rubin

        Wait until Grindr is hacked.

  • NanBullenshede

    Truth will out, ha ha ha. Next?

  • Cismontane

    Maybe we’ll luck out and find that Justin Harris was also on that list and he and Justin were.. never mind. I need to get my mind out of the Arkansas schadenfreude gutter.

  • OneYieldRegular

    When you’ve Duggared yourself this far into a hole, you should stop Duggaring.

    • TheBidenator

      As god as his witness, Josh will Duggar again!

      • riledupone

        Josh has always relied upon the kindness of strangers.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Well, that, and the silence of family members.

    • “Adulterers want Duggar, and if not him, then maybe Duggar would do.”

  • JustPixelz

    There’s a lot about Christianity I don’t understand. Let’s keep it that way.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Apparently no more than a lot of Christians, so don’t sweat it.

  • jamsie

    Is anyone really surprised by this shocking news?

    I wonder how long it’ll take before the videos/photos start to surface?

  • diogenez

    “Sense of Humor”

    Absolutely essential….

    • Blank Ron

      ‘Honey, can you put on this little-girl nightie and pretend to go to sleep? For laughs?’

  • cousin itt

    “Stylish/Classy,”

    Safe word is Trump.

    • Juan de Fuca

      “Oh damn, where are my clothes?! Gotta see a man about a dog. Will text you later.”

  • Ashley Madison? Wait…I thought Ashley and Kate were a team…when did Ashley go solo?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Josh liked her better when she was on Full House.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        “Twins,” “Pre-adolescents.”

        • I’m sure given the opportunity, the owners of AM would have a category like that.

          • Blank Ron

            I assumed they did, for those members who paid the extra premium.

          • Offer only good in Thailand and the Dominican Republic*

            *Ask about our Rush package. RUSH to savings!

      • HogeyeGrex

        Twice in one year there’s a reason to post this?

        Strange days.

  • Spotts1701

    Hmm…I think we’ll need to turn this over to a jury of his peers:

    • Arthur Adams

      Oh, that’s not fair. Even the Bat-villains have some standards.

  • sw19womble

    $986?
    There are some rather reputable places in Nevada and elsewhere that could get you all the vanilla you wanted for that price!

    • Reddishrabbit

      I think they banned him. Sensible people at the ranch it seems.

      • Lizzietish81

        They did!

        “My number one priority has got to be the safety of my girls,” said Dennis Hof, owner of the world famous Bunny Ranch and six other Nevada brothels. “We employ 500 girls at any one time, and we’ve had tens of thousands of them come and go over the years. With the Duggars having 19 kids, it is just simple math that the odds are much greater than usual that one of their daughters might come work for us at some point. There’s no way I would ever put them or any other girl in harm’s way, should that brother of theirs come prowling around here. He’s persona non grata, starting now.”

        http://dailycaller.com/2015/06/11/moonlite-bunny-ranch-bans-josh-duggar/

  • Drew Miner

    19 kids (that we know of!) AND COUNTING!

  • WagMoreBarkLess

    Of the 40 million Ashley Madison users, was Josh Duggar the only one stupid enough to pay $250 for an “Affair Guarantee”?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Is that like travel insurance? Do you have to file a claim? That’s one call to customer service I would not want to make.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        That’s a big part of their business model.

    • sw19womble

      I can pretty much guarantee he wasn’t.

      • texcynical

        Does that mean we have to pay you $250.00?

        • sw19womble

          Um… yes? :)
          Please make the check out to Christian Adulterers Sex Harnesses… or C.A.S.H for short.

          • cbts

            Clever.

      • cynmac

        Yeah, some weenie in DC charged $3700.

        • cbts

          Wow.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …c’mon guys, he was just “curious”!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And it was so long ago.

      • Helena Handbag

        And I’m certain his lord and savior has forgiven him so shut up!

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …of course! It wasn’t the homo kind of sex, so thats ok!

        • HolidayinCambodia

          His lord and savior is probably on Ashley Madison, too. Mother Nature? Valkyrie?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I wonder if one of his fantasies was to play “hide and seek” or have her sit on his lap while he diddles her?

        **VOMIT**

        • cbts

          Yes. Projectile vomit.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      By curious, just what do you mean? Bi-curious, or Buy curious?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …is there such thing as “sell-curious”?

        • cbts

          Self-curious?
          Or is batin’ agin’ the rules?

    • Blank Ron

      And yellow.

      • Playonwords

        Blast from the past!

    • riledupone

      It’s a new outreach. Research for a new show about saving adulterers. They’ll try and find a way to not only wiggle out of it but pick up some filthy lucre along the way.

  • SK

    Only one thing left to do: run for President. 18 and counting…

  • RobertaK

    At least this time it was consenting, non-related adults involved. But when you don’t believe in contraception but don’t want 19 kids either, sometimes you gotta subcontract to get your sexual needs filled.

    (DISCLAIMER: I did have a free account at AM during a rough spot in my marriage; emailed with a couple of interesting dudes but never met in person for coffee much less horizontal tango. The husband & I muddled through the crisis and are still together.)

    • sw19womble

      I would reckon a large part of the membership was just that… an idle curiosity, a vicarious thrill… I have no interest in what people get up to – unless it’s hypocrites like the Duggars that set themselves up as pious and holier-than-thou that deserve to get outed.

      • NellCote71

        Aye, there’s the rub.

        • Toomush_Infer

          a dub….

        • SnarkTank

          …and tug.

    • So, apparently, you are one of the 14 women who had an Ashley Madison account (the other 31 million users all having been men).

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Right now, Jim Bob is on the phone with TLC to see if they can get another reality show out of this.

  • Bren

    No doubt Diddler Duggar will adopt yr Wonkette’s position on this – No comments.

    • Helena Handbag

      I thought Wonkette’s position was 69

      • I thought it was anything in the Kama Sutra that you can do without ending up in the hospital.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          This about hospitals;
          If it is physical it is therapy.

        • Playonwords

          Umm – but she dis end up in a hospital giving birth to the wonderful babby

  • mary

    If all the hackers do is release the info about the high profile hypocrites, that is just fine. Better, really.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …he should have faked a gay affair beforehand to discredit this release! DUH!!!

    • TheBidenator

      “One thing is for sure, I did not Duggar that little boy”…

    • a_pink_poodle

      Yes a “faked” gay affair.

    • stankbait

      Evan, That first paragraph was Wonkette GOLD. Why do we come here every day?
      It was Nasty snark and small and we all agree. Thank you Jebus.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Say what you will of Todd Courser but at least he was able to find his own adulteress.

      • SK

        I say that he’s full of shit.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Good one! Anybody else want to say what you will of Todd Courser? Or of Josh Duggar?

    • SK

      ..or a real one.

    • JohnR

      Everyone’s doing it. I’m going to go fuck my life up so I can get in on it, BRB.

    • JohnR

      Because his family will have to stone him, then burn him, then dismember him, if there’s a real one.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I threw up in my mouth a couple of times reading this article. Is that normal?

    • sw19womble

      Did you remove the ball-gag before reading?

    • Roadstergal

      It’s hard to wash the ‘finger-banged his underage sisters’ taste out.

  • I’m going to assume that the “Affair Guarantee” did its job, as there doesn’t appear to be a refund posted to his account.

    And diddler Duggar’s daddy sure as heck didn’t raise no 19 kids and no longer counting to just leave free money laying around.

  • ibwilliamsi

    “Give oral and get oral”? What a naughty boy!

    • Markuserektus

      More fun to give than receive ;-)

  • RobertaK

    Well, that’s one way to avoid having 19 kids…

    (Should have been reply to ibwilliamsi — stupid iPhone…)

  • Tallmutha

    “Discretion/Secrecy,”

    Ya think??

  • Callyson

    Second time I get to use this gem. What a beautiful day…

    • memzilla

      So far, I’m batting 18.5 for 19: everybody who has fucked me over badly is either dead, broke, in jail, out of business, or all four — and I have never proactively revenged myself. They Always Do Themselves.

      • NellCote71

        I know! There are still one or two out there, but my score card looks pretty good.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Living well long is the best revenge.

          • SK

            Although watching ’em smash into a truck could be more satisfying.

    • bluicebank

      Maybe. Word around the Karma campfire is that she’ll push probability to the curb and string a trip wire.

    • JohnR

      This has me a little giddy (not too much, have my own karma to consider). Who else will will be called out?

  • can we please be done with these freaks?

    • Blank Ron

      When they stop, we stop.

  • Annie S.

    And no one was surprised.

  • Blender_415

    Please please please let Mama Grifter’s and/or her husband’s info be released next. Please please please

    • nothingisamiss

      Oh my, hadn’t even thought of that one.

  • TheBidenator

    You guys, I’m sure Josh was only after a married woman to Duggar her daughter….he didn’t Bill Cosby anyone that we know of but maybe his whole trip was instead because he really wants to go Newt Gingrich on his wife. That’s a lot of scumbags….

  • Solipsister

    The schadenfreude tastes delicious.

    • Blank Ron

      That’s-a spicy meata-ball!

  • Jeffery Campbell

    This is a gift that just keeps on giving.

    • NellCote71

      Or a grift that keeps on grafting.

  • SK

    “Average Sex Drive,” “High Sex Drive,”

    Looks like he was conflicted, fighting his inner demons. This is not the time to be pointing fingers, people. Plus, look at the good side

    “Someone I Can Teach,”

    See? He wants to help little children.

    “Someone Who Can Teach Me,”

    ..and remains humble, not a know-it-all like his dad

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Love some of the other “choices” you can make: Disease Free. Good Hygeine.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I wonder how many AshleyM-ites preferred “Disease-Ridden” and “Smells Bad.”

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Less competition in those categories…

          • Mehmeisterjr

            So you get first pick? Thanks, Ashley Madison!

  • a_pink_poodle

    Oh my goodness, this just keeps getting better and better. The only way this could be topped if Jim Bob was on it.

    • Blank Ron

      ‘Looking for energetic, younger woman with tight vagina and NO pregnancy fetishes.’

    • shastakoala

      I can only assume there’s a family discount.

    • say wha

      Apparently, Jim Bob is ALWAYS on it.

      • a_pink_poodle

        Pleaseohplease don’t be some snarky comment and an actual factual thing…

      • Whollyholeyholy

        I think he’s never on it. It’s always pregnant, or postpartum. At best they knock it annually, right?

        • Whollyholeyholy

          At least, if sex is for what *they* say it’s for…

        • jmk

          Nah… their last bid for attention before the FIRST Josh story hit was how they’re still fucking like rabbits hoping Gawd will bless them with baby #20.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Amazing how that whole thing got shut down the moment they lost their TeeVee show

  • I’m just glad my account at Oscar Madison dot com is still safe.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      OH I wish I were an Oscar Madison weiner…

    • Pray to god that DollyMadison.com never gets hacked, or literally a ton of us are fucked.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Been dipping into the Ho Hos again?

        • Do you blame me?

          Little Debbie is way too risky nowadays, and I had my fill of Twinkies and Ding Dongs back in college.

      • TheBidenator

        Oh sure just because you’re putting members of the Madison family through college doesn’t mean you have anything to be ashamed of…
        ….fatty, fatty boombalatty….

    • Helena Handbag

      Wanted: anal retentive roommate

    • Tessiee

      The guys at James Madison dot com are attractive enough, but they all want to talk politics.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And they’re so doctrinaire.

  • A Grumpy Cat

    You know damn well that they’re going to claim that liberal transgender lesbians hacked his credit card account and created fake accounts as part of the War on Christians.

    • Reddishrabbit

      When will the war against poor white Christians end!?!!?!!?!
      Thank God Jesus forgives so much. Not gay sex, obviously.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    Ashley Madison is expensive; my husband better not be wasting that kind of coin!

  • OooShiny

    Tell me again what’s destroying marriage in America?? Cuz I ferget.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Man and Lawnmower sex.

    • TheBidenator

      Want my theory? Bronies…..

      • sw19womble

        Hey! :<

      • Anarchy Pony

        Goddamn right! I hate marriage, I’m doing everything I can to bring it down! Although so far I don’t seem very effective.

  • TheBidenator

    And in other news, Barstool Palin was also found out to be a member of Ashley Madison….not for an affair but instead being a Palin she was lookin’ for a sugar daddy and Seeking Arrangements doesn’t want a woman who repeatedly immaculately conceives. Somehow the media got ahold of this story after a tip from quote, Beezie Pizzalin….

  • The Other Tim

    The right will counter this with Bill Clinton in 3…2…

  • say wha

    “And these are the things that, according to Gawker, really make the Duggar D pitch a tent:”
    8-80/Blind/Crippled/Crazy

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Short, tall, dopey, sneezy, grumpy, bashful…it was all just like a fairy tale for Josh.

    • Helena Handbag

      I won’t be surprised if next we find out “fairy tail” is the other thing he was lookin for

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ironically, I initially typed that by accident before correcting it. Me and my fucking obsession with proper spelling, right!?

  • proudgrampa

    Karma ain’t just a bitch. Karma is fucking AWESOME.

    • Enfant Terrible

      And a genius comedy writer.

      • Vienna Woods

        Larry Wilmore is going to LOVE this!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Awww. I was expecting someone from the Clown Car to be next.

    • sw19womble

      I think they tend to go for the more conventional ‘hookers and blow’ route.

      • Reddishrabbit

        Is Vitter going to run?

        • sw19womble

          Well, I did say “tend to”!

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Hey, it is near the 10th anniversary of Katrina. You should pamper Sen. Vitter.

  • Helena Handbag

    How much ya wanna bet he has a grindr profile too?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ah, so THAT’S what you meant by “fairy tail”…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    So he’s not the gay one?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Well, not at the moment.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Nope, just really pervy.

  • Vienna Woods

    Sadly, this makes me very very happy. Schadenfreude, bitches!

  • TheBidenator

    Do not Duggar gentle into that good night,
    Hypocrisy shall burn and rave in the light of day
    Rage, rage against the shining of the light!

  • elviouslyqueer

    So Joshie dearest wants to experiment with getting pegged, but he wants the world to be sure they know he isn’t into dudes. Mmm hmm.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I’d say something about experimentation and trying new things, healthy etc, but then I remember this is guy consistently is fighting gay relationships. And if you find yourself thinking about gay sex all the time, and then think about pegging, well, it would be irresponsible not to question.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So now we know who’s been advising Todd Cursor, or vice versa.

  • Rimshot101

    Oh come on. The man worked for the Family Research Council. What better way to research the family than to find one you have no connection to (for reasons of scientific impartiality) and stick your dick into it.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Huh. That’s how I test whether the pudding’s done.

      • Amy!

        Bill? Is that you? Bill, remember what the lawyers said, about making any comments that might be related to the case?

      • Rimshot101

        You see? Science.

      • Playonwords
  • cousin itt

    Josh Kibosh, Oma’gosh

  • say wha

    A round of applause for whomever is responsible for the hacking of the Ashley Madison site.

    • Helena Handbag

      We can’t condone hacking. also too the check is in the mail, i only did it just the one time and i didn’t inhale, and i promise i will pull out.

    • vivian

      Hah! I read that as “a round of applesauce…” Too much time in Wonkeburgh.

  • Msgr_Moment

    And you thought that the gheys were NOT going to destroy our marriages? The only question is whether it’s the people behind Ashley Madison or it’s the hackers that were the evil gheys.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Gay Satan strikes again! Wicked good temptation, brah!

  • berkeleyfarm

    I’ve been following discussion in my sysadmin group off and on today and the word out on the street is that the user-friendly “search” site has a lot of false positives and is more or less mining email addresses. With that said, if the snippet was from the “text file” that’s out there on the “dark web”, it could very well be the real deal.

    Bonus “D’oh!” points if he used his work email address.

    • data_ninja

      I’m wondering how reliable the sources will turn out to be in the short run. It seems like a modern way of blackmailing someone by faking a source filled with information about a target person. But in doing that, they’re going to dilute the legitimate results of actual member searches. This will likely help out the actual members, by allowing them to make the claim that they are also being blackmailed (even if they’re not), because of the growing number of blackmail schemes that this will probably generate.

      In short, the whole thing will get diluted with false information real fast, and take away whatever sting it may have initially had.

      And yeah, aside from blackmailers, the scammers that are going to mine email addresses (and probably generate spam about this as well) are going to be the real people winning big on this.

      • berkeleyfarm

        Yep, yep, yep.

    • Amy!

      The gawker article contains excerpts that appear to be from the 10GB data dump, rather than some user-friendly search (which would presumably return information that’s better formatted? the data’s comma-separated values).

      • Zippy

        from what I saw there it looks like the raw data straight from the hackers’ data dump

      • berkeleyfarm

        Yeah, I was thinking that looked like CSV so might very well be the data dump or similar. Don’t know how well AM was doing Email verification (or just required any working email) and a motivated person could find the house address. CC data gets stolen a lot. I think Josh Duggar is a hypocritical piece of crap (to put it mildly) but definitely want to avoid the popular internet sport of “conclusion longjumping” because those stories that spread like wildfire aren’t always true.

        • data_ninja

          I was just thinking that. To follow up on my comment below, this could be the first high profile blackmail/shame/poison-the-source scheme. He was already a high profile target for a lot of people, so this is definitely a ‘wait and see’ thing to me.

          Or this could just be part of the master plan of Todd Courser, which would escalate him to super villain status.

          • berkeleyfarm

            YAAASSSS.

            Both could be the basis for a fascinating “true life” cybercrime story. Wonkette Emerita Ana Marie could co-write it with someone talented at telling tech stories and I’d buy THAT for a dollar (as we said in my yoot).

  • Anarchy Pony

    Hypocrisy thy name is Duggar.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    This fills my heart with spiteful glee. I feel sorry for his wife and kids, but their lives will not be much more hellish than they already were.

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4dxlcl5OY1qeouqlo17_500.gif

  • sw19womble

    He came into this world as a reject…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTMVOzPPtiw

  • bluicebank

    ” …paid a total of $986.76 … $250 that appears to have gone toward the purchase of an ‘affair guarantee’.”

    Jesus Christ. I mean, say what you will about cross-town bars, but I heard their rates are far more reasonable.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      What is an affair guarantee? Is that a euphemism for whore?

      • Even rent boys only actually promise “companionship and conversation.”

        Or so my friend has told me…

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Cross town traffic, gettin over you. Or;
      I see you in some cross town bar

      • bluicebank

        You had it at the Allman Brothers reference.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          My favorite Southern Jam Band, but I had to give upps to Jimi too.
          Thanks for putting a new song on a loop in my head.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Anybody that finds this tidbit even slightly surprising, I have some oceanfront real estate in Arizona I’d like to speak with you about.

    • jqheywood

      “some oceanfront real estate in Arizona”
      Give it time, and Arizona will be ocean front….

      • Zippy

        the next 9.0 to hit San Andreas

  • Helena Handbag

    The purchase of the affair guarantee certainly seems to suggest he was not simply curious or signed up as a lark. (or any other kind of bird).

    • vivian

      I think he signed up for a bird; that was rather the point

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He was a pigeon, as far as the A.M. operation was concerned.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Evan, don’t hurt yourself writing up articles like this one, and don’t use up all you cuss words.
    Save some for the next exposure of a family values Conservative, and the next, and the next. This will keep you busy at least through Labor Day.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I don’t get the feeling that Evan is in immediate danger of running out of swears…

      • Zippy

        nor are we in any danger of running out of hypocritical Xtian scumbags

      • EvanHurst

        We all have crosses to bear, but running out of cusses isn’t one of mine.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And if you ever find yourself with a shortage, you know where to ask for a little help…

        • Unforgotten

          You’re really blessed.
          Mine go on like… 70/80 at most.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Labor Day, 2069….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      No worries – Wonkette has a strategic reserve.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Anyhow, this sort of story generates new cuss words.

  • Joshua Norton

    GOOD NEWS: Josh Duggar is now into fondling adults!
    BAD NEWS: Apparently none of them are his wife!
    NON-NEWS: He turns out to be just another christianist grifter who gets paid to scold you about how you’re being immoral.

  • NotReveen

    Since he doesn’t approve of contraception, we should probably assume that he has a lot of “illegitimate” children out there. In the blood of Jesus.

  • Vecciojohn

    … .. . .. . . . . .. V in sight of the Beast. Will maintain strict radio silence til inside. .. . .. . . . . .. … More when feasib —————-

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      YO – that you, John?

      • Vecciojohn

        all right, who won the lottery this time.

        * i should get a job again *

  • Joshua Norton

    Between Chimpy and Jeb(!), the Bushes seem to have the molester vote* pretty much in the bag.

    *Which, I imagine, is a fairly big chunk of the RW electorate.

    • D_C_Wilson

      I thought Josh was a Huckleberry supporter.

    • Helena Handbag

      At first I cursed you for making me look at dumb and dumber. Then I was glad that you made me pay a long overdue visit to Landover Baptist Church to cleanse my filthy soul. Thankyou.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Something about these prematurely receding “fivehead” hairlines just shouts out “pedo”.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Hush, you!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Sorry. You gotta admit though, if you were shown an anonymous photo lineup and asked to pick out the perv, you’d point to Jared in a N.Y. second.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I dunno … Jeb!? is giving off a weird vibe there. Put a Roman collar on him, and you’ll see it too.

      • cbts

        Damn, that’s some forehead acreage!

  • Joseph

    Poor Josh. He just wanted to diddle someone he wasn’t supposed to diddle. The only way this could be funnier is if he serendipitously hooked up with his wife.

    • Vienna Woods

      ♪♫ If they like Pina Coladas ♪♫

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Or with a Palin.

      • Helena Handbag

        The father of the bun currently baking in Barstool’s oven hasn’t been identified yet has he? Hmmm…wouldn’t want to start any rumors.

        • Zippy

          it would be irresponsible not to speculate

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Agreed, my first thought as I scrolled down this far in the comments

        • Antimassacree

          I certainly hope those two streams didn’t cross.

      • Vienna Woods
        • grmpy

          It looks like hes trying to cop a feel of some sarah side boob. I aint mad at him.

    • Tessiee

      Little does he suspect that she, too, likes pina coladas.

      *reads rest of thread*
      Aw, crap.

      • Vienna Woods

        Heh heh.

  • “affair guarantee.”
    Ok, correct me if I’m wrong, but if you pay for a guaranteed affair isn’t that, you know…kinda like prostitution?

    • Zippy

      except neither of the hook ups get any moneez. IOW, really shitty prostitution as far as the prostitute is concerned

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’m wondering if the “affair guarantee” isn’t a sly way of suggesting the lady gets some money if the guy is a total troll or vice versa.

        • Zippy

          AM is probably too cheap to share with the ladies

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Probably but the clients marks don’t know that.

      • I vote for shitty prostitution then.
        “Listen babe…I know this guy is a child molesting, balding sanctimonious creepazoid, but he paid the premium…you gotta give him the goods.”

        “Oh, but Tony! He’s so slimy…and i”m not gonna see a dime. What’s in it for me?”

        “Ok sweetheart…here’s the deal. Sleep with this guy and you won’t have to blow Donald Trump”

        “Deal!”

        • cbts

          Good one!

    • bluicebank

      Teh hackers say that the site is a scam. So file “affair guarantee” under grifting the grifters.

      • Is it wrong that when I think of grifters grifting grifters that I get sort of warm and tingly?

    • aureolaborealis

      “For the small fee of $250, we will guarantee that one of our local, um, associates will contact you to discuss the details of your, um, affair. Your affair will last 45 minutes, during which time any activity that consenting adults negotiate and engage in is their own goddamn business. Your affair can be extended by 45-minute increments, for the small fee of $250 each.”

      • Tessiee

        That’s for an associate.
        A consultant runs a bit more, because of, uh, well, they charge a consulting fee.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          You’re paying for the expertise.

        • aureolaborealis

          And if you’re interested in a second opinion, things can get even more pricey.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That assumes that there really are women signed up. I’d love to see the stats on the hacked accounts – 95% males would seem likely, 99% would be hilarious.

      EDIT: Bingo. The hackers say it’s 95% … and there are tons of fake female profiles, created by the A.M. sleazemasters themselves. They were even sued by one employee, who got carpal tunnel from typing up thousands of fake profiles.

  • idiotboy

    159 comments already. Who would have thought? Goddamn this is wonderful.
    Nothing to say except thanks.

  • D_C_Wilson

    The only way this could possibly get any better would be if someone hacked Grindr and found Jim Bob’s account.

    • There’s still time. But I want to see *her* Grindr account.

  • raptorjesus

    Honestly, this is the best evidence for the existence of God I’ve seen in a while.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Ronald Raven must be rolling over in his grave at the havoc you Libtards have caused by allowing men to marry goats. See what you heathens have wrought with your wicked ways?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    ♫ Ashley, Ashley, give me your guarantee,
    I’ll act rashly, all for my love of me.
    I hope for a steamy session.
    (I much prefer discretion.)
    I’ll join the club,
    To hit the tub,
    In a bubble-bath meant for two three. ♫

    • cbts

      You know you’re old when you recognize the tune from the FIRST DAMN LINE! Aaaagghh, I’m so damn old. But at least I can sometimes get away with saying shocking things and people just think, “Ah, bless her heart.”

  • Capt.Jim

    Does this mean the new teevee show what they wanted to put on the airwaves might be fucked afore it even starts

  • Gorillionaire

    Gawd please tell us next that there is a claim form that he filled out to get his money back on that “affair guarantee.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Or that he didn’t…

  • cynmac

    The Free Jinger forum has gone nutzo too. 15 pages of comment since the page was created today. It’s like an anti-fundy holiday on the Internetz.
    http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=87&t=26801

    • Lizzietish81

      Hey, Abraham, father of the three Judeo Christian religions married his sister.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        But did he finger-bang her when she was 5?

        • Lizzietish81

          Depends on the translation

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            It’s in Lubrications 5:33-35.

  • grmpy

    Dear karma,
    I’m sorry. I take it back, karma. All the times ive doubted you for taking your time for not smiting my wrong doers in a timely fashion… I get it. You have bigger fish and i dont mind taking a back seat. Take your time.
    Love,
    grmpy

    • jmk

      To paraphrase, the mills of karma grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly small.

  • Zippy

    Good thing ol Josh did all that politicking to protect the sanctity of marriage from all those nasty gheys what were gonna ruin it with their butt sechs.

    • grmpy

      Man, that woulda been the santorum on the hole if “ass play” woulda been ticked

    • I did my best in the buttsechs department, but the Christians are way more experienced at violating the sanctity of marriage.

      • Zippy

        they have a lot of practice at it

  • Juan de Fuca

    “Conventional Sex,” Experimenting with Sex Toys,” One-Night Stands,” “Open to Experimentation,” “Gentleness,” “Good With Your Hands,” Sensual Massage,” “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,”

    Is it possible the Josh Duggar account belonged to a 16 Yr old with the same name?

    • Zippy

      Boring fundie is boring

      • Juan de Fuca

        Trying to decipher what a 27 yr old man means by “good with your hands”. I’ve had a lot of friends stationed in Japan and, well…wonder if fundie boy is into the reallllly kinky stuff

        • Helena Handbag

          Origami?

          • vivian

            shadow theatre?

          • Zippy

            PUPPETS!

          • Juan de Fuca

            Intrigued…

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Is an expert woodworker?

          • grmpy

            That means two things!

          • Playonwords

            2 Things??? What sort of man is born with 2 things?

            Someone with diphallia: a-a-a-and here’s a link to BBC Newsbeat (the double entendres seem endless)

    • Lizzietish81

      For two years I was entering personal ads for papers across the countries, I assure you this is what to expect from most people

      The S&M folks we’re the best though.

      • Juan de Fuca

        He sounds like boys did back in junior high. How does “experimenting with sex toys” win over a grown woman? Wouldn’t a grown woman want a guy to cheat with who already…knows? I dunno….

        • Anarchy Pony

          Some people are born to teach.

    • Joshua Norton

      Geez. I never realized that there were so many different ways of saying “vanilla”.

      • Joy

        *snort.

    • Msgr_Moment

      A 16 year old with plenty of disposable income.

  • Zippy

    Pssst, hey judgmental fundies, here’s a part of Leviticus you all seemed to have missed…

    If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

    • Helena Handbag

      She’s only a neighbor if she lives next door. I try to anticipate the arguments.

      • Left Coast Tom

        She’s only a neighbor if she’s a Samaratan.

    • georgiaburning

      That is really defense of traditional marriage. It’s also a good way to cut the Republican debates down to a reasonable number of candidates

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It would attract a big audience for Fox News.

  • Joshua Norton

    The hackers dumped 10 GB of data so far. And that was just Tiger Woods’ records!

    • grmpy

      Ziiiiiiiiiiiing!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Tiger? More like Lyin’.

        I’ll show myself out.

  • Capt.Jim

    Guess since ole Josh had mastered the finger bang thingy on his little sisters he didnt need to include it in his wants list

    • Vienna Woods

      Yet “Good with your hands” is there.

  • SadieLechner

    The last two lines in the article are so profound I almost cried but somehow laughed instead.

  • SK

    I think that there would be more fun to be had if the story turned out to be not true. I want to hear about FOX “News” refusing to do an interview.

  • Zippy

    I have to admit that in general I don’t approve of what the hackers did. It’s a breach of privacy for millions of people who haven’t actually committed a crime and it sets a dangerous precedent in terms of using mass doxxing to enforce some hacker’s version of morality. But given all that, I won’t shed a single tear, nor will I give a single fuck, that a sanctimonious hypocrite like Josh got caught with his wee wee hanging out. Maybe if he wasn’t such a self righteous prick who took pleasure in lecturing and moral scolding others while working to ruin their lives… But he’s one of the hopefully many public morality police who get nailed for their hypocrisy and I intend to laugh my ass off in gleeful schadenfreude over his self inflicted troubles.

    You know what they say Josh- let he who is without sin…

    • Me not sure

      Boats gotta float.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Josh can go blow goats.

        • Zippy

          don’t give him any ideas

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Much as I appreciate the sentiment, it would not be fair to the goats. Can’t we please think of the goats?

    • Unforgotten

      Imagine the scene, you drive by this street and there’s this house in the middle of the block that’s being torched down thanks to some (accidental) explosion.
      The place, BTW, is a brothel.
      If there’s some idiot trying to take pictures of EVERYBODY who’s trying to get out of the place I’d punch him for being a giant asshole of the worst kind.
      If I relize that, among the many guys and gals he took pictures of, there’s this ‘moral beacon’ person, I’d save the camera and give it, without the many unkowns’ pics, to any journalist I could find.

  • Me not sure

    You can’t keep a good skunk down.

  • grmpy

    Wouldnt it be great if Newt Gingrich and Ken Starr were both registered but NOT Bill Clinton.

    • zerosumgame0005

      Bill don’t need to register, he’s pretty famous for that :P

    • Me not sure

      Stay tuned. Other shoes will drop.

      • Amy!

        Probably not anyone with a Secret Service detail, though.

        They can just ask the guys on the detail to arrange things for them.

        • Me not sure

          Bill has a private server too. Verrry private.

  • Lizzietish81

    It really is just too beautiful for words….

    https://media2.giphy.com/media/atVVjtt1XAEda/200.gif

  • Lizzietish81

    You know who else had extramarital affairs?

    • AOT, K.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Jimmy Swaggart?

    • Zippy

      Hitler?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Newtie?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The Whore of Babylon?

    • edith prickly

      Jacob, father of the 12 Tribes of Israel?

    • Me not sure

      Queen Gertrude of Elsinore?

    • Anarchy Pony

      All the repukes gunning for Bill during the Lewinsky scandal?

      • Juan de Fuca

        Damn! You beat me…

        • Anarchy Pony

          Great minds… Pass time on Wonkette.

      • Me not sure

        Wife wanted to run Newt Gingrich down on a street corner in Marietta Ga. I stopped her. I’m sorry.

        • Zippy

          just park down the street from Tiffany’s, you’re sure to get another chance

          • Me not sure

            Quiet. She will do it and I’ll have to make my own sammiches and do conjugal visits.

          • Anarchy Pony

            As long as you don’t vote and run she’ll get out quick enough.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Republican leadership in the 104th Congress?

    • Juan de Fuca

      That dude who played Rhett Butler in that one movie?

    • Juan de Fuca

      Ooh! Ooh! The hero in an Ayn Rand novel?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Doesn’t count as they transcend the need for rules and are free to pursue their own pleasure, thus the term extramarital ceases to have meaning except insofar as it is used as a moral cudgel by the jealous socialist takers who only know how to survive off the labor of others.

        • Juan de Fuca

          I refer to them as power hungry, egomaniacs and control freaks but your definition sounds better to me so we can go with that.

    • Tessiee

      Guenivere?

    • Playonwords

      Queen Victoria’s son Bertie?

  • Joshua Norton

    Actually, I’m a little confused. Was he cheating on his wife or on his sisters?

    • Lizzietish81

      Yes

    • Zippy

      AOT,K

    • Mr Corrections

      I’m very disappointed that you made this horrible tasteless joke before I could

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “I’m cheating on my wife!”
      [slap]
      “I’m cheating on my sister!”
      [slap]
      “I’m cheating on my wife!”
      [slap]
      (OK I think the reference is established…)

      • Vienna Woods

        Forget it, Josh.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          …it’s Duggartown.

      • cbts

        Oh Christ you made me laugh! Thanks!

    • JohnR

      I wonder if he got Bristol preggo.

      • Suttree

        At this point, who hasn’t?

        • Pretty sure I haven’t, but only because I can handle my wine coolers.

      • Sam Hain

        Depend on how many ruffies he had.

  • It’s almost like a super repressive view of human sexuality is hard to live with, and the human body offers all kinds of pleasures that even home-schooled Christian lunatics can appreciate. Also, [obligatory tut-tutting over outing Ashley Madison users].

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      idk, I am two ways about the outing of people. On the one hand, I don’t give a rat’s ass what people do in their private lives. *
      On the other, I sure would want to fucking know if my husband was doing this shit, so I could invest in condoms, lawyers, and hacksaws.
      No particular order on the investments.

      *Does not apply to self-righteous fuck-duggars who pimp themselves out on TV telling everyone how they should be living their lives

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Does not apply to self-righteous fuck-duggars who pimp themselves out on
        TV telling everyone how they should be living their lives

        This is absolutely the standard. Fuck these hypocritical assholes. Hard and Fast. Like Brannigan’s Law.

        • Suttree

          +1 brazzilion for Brannigan’s Law!

      • Galaxy_Scribe

        Jen Baker, marry me.

        • Suttree

          IKR! It’s surprising how internet commenters can be sexy.

      • dshwa

        Again, it’s the Barney Frank rule. If you make a career out of being a moral scold, then your ass should be outed for any and all discretions for which you rail against publicly. If your just an average Joe, then your life should remain private as long as what you’re doing is legal.

      • I wouldn’t like to be outed, if I were on Ashley Madison (or any other hook-up site). I wouldn’t like to have everyone on Wonkette read about how I’m into romantic walks on the beach, cooking, movies, golden showers, and travel. I probably wouldn’t want my partner to be outed either, not publicly (but then, I’m not monogamous myself, so it would play out differently). But, like you, I can’t find in myself to invest my energy in feeling bad about the outing as sexual hypocrites of people who have made big money by spouting a certain sexual code and who have lent their celebrity to politicians and causes that would hurt people like me.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Joy

    He even Duggared his wife. Tsk tsk

  • edith prickly

    Don’t these people insist that Christians have the best sex because they wait until marriage and being married to a lady that is constantly pregnant makes you the manliest man of all the men ever? It’s almost like….that’s total bullshit.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Evan, I just have to tell you that your buddies from Obergefell sent two dear friends, K and J, a beautiful little note because K&J sent them a “thank you for making this possible” note when they got engaged! Thanks for keeping it real, and I say that without irony or sarcasm. Goddess Bless My Wonkette.

  • Zippy
    • Helena Handbag

      “I’m really good at: humor”. Somehow I don’t think he’s laughing now.

      • Zippy

        that OK, we certainly are…

        • Helena Handbag

          I crack me up

        • Catstro

          “We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you”

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Not with the way his wife is looking at him.
        He prolly never spent $980 on anything for her.

      • vivian

        Whaddaya mean? He’s made his whole life a joke.

    • Vienna Woods

      We didn’t need the cherry on top, but OH BOY this is sweet.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hmmm . . . . 2013 is still fairly recent, as far a sex-criming goes.
    Think Jeebus has had time to get over it yet?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    And we’re absolutely sure that he was not
    a. fronting for Dad
    b. actually looking for men

  • Downchuck

    >>>and use it to grind that arrogant, fundamentalist prick’s nuts into a fine powder so that we may snort it and trip holy karmic balls.

    Thank you Evan. This reminds me of the good old days (with votes).

  • grmpy

    I wonder what his parents think. Or if they even remember who is. 20 is a lot.

    • Zippy

      C’mon, starts with a J…

      • Helena Handbag

        Jizzweasel?

        • Zippy

          whatever you do, don’t confuse it with a garden weasel

          there will be blood

    • Lizzietish81

      Oh he lost them their show. They remember.

      • Wombat

        Thanksgiving is going to be SUPER awkward this year.

        • dshwa

          Now a live stream special of that I might watch.

        • Christmas card’s gonna be like those photos from the Kremlin: one day he’s there, the next day, same photo, he’s not.

    • Sam Hain

      Probly got hooked up with his mom on purpo….er,by mistake.

      • cbts

        Oops! Thanks for the chuckle. Disgusting as it was…why do I laugh at some of this shit?

    • jmk

      He’s male, so he’s important. It’s the girls who form an undifferentiated mass to Mom and Dad.

  • “Did somebody say “Conventional Sex,” Experimenting with Sex Toys,” One-Night Stands,” “Open to Experimentation,” “Gentleness,” “Good With Your Hands,” Sensual Massage,” “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,” “Bubble Bath for 2,” “Likes to Give Oral Sex,” “Likes to Receive Oral Sex,” “Someone I Can Teach,” “Someone Who Can Teach Me,” “Kissing,” “Cuddling & Hugging,” “Sharing Fantasies,” “Sex Talk.”?!?

  • kaw143

    Honestly, I had no idea Ashley Madison was even a thing until the hack happened. I wish I could say the same thing about the Duggars, but there you go.

  • Zhu Bajie

    He’s not smart enough to use a false name?

    • Lizzietish81

      Not for a credit card, you would have to have a card under a fake name. Like Santos Helper.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And you have to give the card’s billing address.
        He’s much too dumb to get a PO Box for that.

    • Amy!

      I think he did, although I didn’t spend much time looking at the data (csv, bleah). It looks like the link is because folks have to supply credit cards, which means they have to give the name on the card. The names of the email and what I think are usernames are different, and not obviously referring to Josh. Also, if the report is correct, he (mildly) falsified his birthdate (off by a month or off by a day).

      ETA: Actually, his username was apparently joesmithsonnwa@gmail.com, and someone used that to track down an OKCupid account (linked in another comment here; I’ve closed the tab now) which seems to also be Josh (using a picture labelled in google images as “random guy from facebook”).

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And he couldn’t open a PayPal under that address?

  • nothingisamiss

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  • diogenez

    “Proving, once again, that perverts make the very best scolds.”
    — Mrs. Betty Bowers

    • Playonwords

      I’d bridle at that

  • Me not sure

    So the gays are the main threat to what?

    • Helena Handbag

      Bad decorating?

      • Me not sure

        Time to redo the vaginal walls.

    • Wombat

      Enough seating at brunch?

      • Me not sure

        Frittatas!

    • Zippy

      my wardrobe?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Scalia’s blood pressure?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      To inferiority complexes because bigotjackasses need someone to be able to look down upon and belittle?

  • diogenez

    Blames The Debil in 3,2,1…..

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      No, he ‘fessed up and Jaybus wiped the slate clean. Or wiped something clean, you never know.

      • Sam Hain

        Yeah, but Jeebus just keeps handing out new slates

      • Playonwords

        Just don’t say what was wiped off the slate

  • edith prickly

    So when is he going to run for President? nothing else left at this point.

  • sillyclucker

    Is today Christmas? It must be.

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    “Fifty Shades of Duggar”
    Available now on Amazon!

    • Wombat

      I never thought there would be a book I’d want to read less than the original. And yet, here we are.

      • Vienna Woods

        Still a better love story than twilight.

  • Jenny

    Were there actually married ladies on that website? For some reason I assumed they were all decoys to take delusional male monies month after month.

    • Zippy

      I’m guessing it’s overwhelmingly the latter

  • Sam Hain

    I’d like to see how Fuckabee Huckabee spin this….or is he too busy trying to get his own Ashley Madison count expunged.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Damn, Sam, ya beat me to it.

      Huck will probably whine about how Josh has been forgiven by Jeebus, and most guys who cheat on their wives are liberals anyway.

  • King Honkey

    The colorful reporting is the only thing that kept me from puking. I figured Duggar would be into gay stuff or religious role play. Maybe the occasional fisting, y’know, a typical Monday night for him.

  • Hey…OT, but I seem to not be able to see threads under a comment I’ve made. I see the thread for everyone else, but not mine. Thoughts?

    • Helena Handbag

      I accidentally hit the little minus sign over to the right next to the flag once, It seemed to collapse the thread.

  • Jenny

    Man, I wonder if his wife is going to actually stick around. Yeesh. If it had been her she would have been left in a ditch. Also Josh Duggar wants a short haired fuck buddy. Short hair is the devil!

    • Lizzietish81

      Oh no, she will “forgive him” and they will work through it together…with Jesus (the gardener)

    • Wombat

      She’s got at least three kids and no skills. Where in the world would she go? Unlikely her family would take her in.

      • Lizzietish81

        I mean it was her failure to keep him happy that drove him to do it.

        • Zippy

          it’s ALWAYS the bitch’s fault. Just ask those guys…

        • Jenny

          You are right, it will absolutely be her fault in their weirdo heads. It’s almost like marrying a stranger really young and popping out babies back to back totally wrecks your sex life!

      • Jenny

        Yeah, that’s just really sad when you think about it. No future, no support, and possible lacks the will to try.

      • Zippy

        time to give Mike Huckabee a chance to put his money where his hypocritical mouth is.

    • Helena Handbag

      I’m sure his family and church chose a very obedient servant for him

    • Vienna Woods

      AND wearing jeans. Trousers!!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Maybe he has a thing for Maddow!

    • cynmac

      Per freejinger.org, they have a “covenant” marriage which allows only 3 reasons to divorce (includes infidelity). But chances are Joshie will go on a mission trip and disappear for awhile.
      http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=87&t=26801&start=420

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And give his wife a chance to bolt?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I would like to challenge the notion that short hair is the devil, unless the devil is a sassy pixie. In that case, corruption is welcome.

  • ArgieBargie

    Ashley Madison’s new slogan:

    “Life is short and Jesus Forgives. Have an affair.”

  • Tessiee

    Also, I hear he eats at Subway.

    • Well done!

    • Helena Handbag

      But he’s ready to start eating at the Y. I’m sorry the 14 year old boy in my head told me to say it.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    And it’s not even Sechstember.

  • Dave

    A real christian would have sent the bill directly to the Family Research Council.

  • Helena Handbag

    And most of us thought Ashley Madison just made those hideously ugly floral bedspreads and prairie skirts. Huh.

    • Vecciojohn

      hello, gorgeous. whats a swell dame like you [poor old boy. the ban hammer is the old man’s friend ever since some damn fool invented penicillin]

    • Lizzietish81

      I wonder if he’ll try to say that that’s what he thought he was signing up for.

      • I bet you dollars to donuts he was “researching the poor deluded sinners’ site to find a way to help redeem them and find THE WAY back into the arms of Jesus”.

        Amen.

        • Helena Handbag

          Damn, you’re good.

  • ThisNameInUse

    I miss the good old days, when moralizing Republicans just took wide stances.

    • Vecciojohn

      The old fuckers can t stand the way they use to. but look who’s talking’!

  • ArgieBargie

    Nothing on Breitbart or Fox News about this yet.

    That’s weird.

    • Vecciojohn

      is this important enough. and no, what are we talking about? ill bet its donald trump.

  • Vecciojohn

    anybody having my kind of hallucinations. the night is young aznd spelling don’t count on the internet.

  • Zippy

    I wonder if he insisted on no contraception…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You mean barebacking, ala Andy Sullivan?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Was there any reference to yoga, or health food, or long walks at the cape?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Would have been, but he bailed out at the “half a brain” thing.

  • junior friggster

    Rob’t Durst sez: This chump iz …

  • Vecciojohn

    all right you bunch liberals pussie liberals, gramps is full of corn and he’s rady to giv any of young ins the sort of whipping you need. Who aint afraid of the dark? I was born there.

    • Has Jim Bob hacked your account, old timer?

      • Vecciojohn

        aint you heard. th side affects of thisshit can make an man crazy enough to try to slip a comment by em over t the Woknk. and no, i aint so desperate as somebody i could name so i don’t need no ashley fucke yr neighbor or whatever she’s called. i so old i knwwherethe whorehouse is & my sense of direction is just fine, thankee kindly neighbor.

        • Well in that case, carry on my friend.

          (Pssst…blink twice if you are in need of assistance.)

          • Zippy

            the safe word is: green balloons

          • Mehmeisterjr

            The Wonkette safe words are “also, too.”

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Dafuq?

          • Vecciojohn

            You and me both brother. You and me both.

      • Helena Handbag

        Maybe he’s taking the piss. Taking something at any rate.

        • Based on his “full of corn” comment, it’s when he starts taking something else that we really need to worry.

      • Zippy

        I’m guessing Jimbob got into the cooking sherry and Nyquil

        • A shot of mouthwash would probably put him over the edge.

        • Vienna Woods

          I just figured Veccio was hitting the Canadian whiskey hard.

          • Anarchy Pony

            An oldie but a goody.

          • Zippy

            S’OK I think he’s either passed out or on his hands and knees under the desk in the dark, frantically searching for his mouse

          • “HELP! I’ve commented and I can’t get up!”

      • Helena Handbag

        Sounds like “hacking your account” should be a euphemism for something dirty. Let’s make up some shit.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I was eating out at the Y and I totally hacked her account. (And no, I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.)

        • Sensually “vomiting into your own brain”?

          [ETA: Is it too late to change my answer? I may have crossed a line there with that whole “sensually” bit.]

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Is “Gratuitously emanating from your rectal cavity with a taste for Pepsident” already taken?

          • Ooohhh, I like the fizzy spin that the Pepsodent gives it! Especially as I’m getting on in years.

            Sadly, I’ve probably outgrown my “Pop Rocks & Altoid BJ” heyday. Or rather, my wife has…

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    In other words, a breathing human woman.

    Not to be picky, but in any of that it does not specify woman at all. Lots of references to “girl” but not once a woman.

    Edit: Also, too (so I do not post 2 times in a row) wtf is an affair guarantee? How can you guarantee that someone is going to have sex with you? Was AM also a pimp? I mean high end escort service. For it sure as heck sounds like it.

    • Vienna Woods

      Well, on OKCupid he DOES answer “Yes” to the question “Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?”, so there’s that.
      (And apparently that profile was still active TODAY, so he wasn’t smrt enough to get rid of all of his tomcatting activities when the shit hit the fan in May.

      • LarkintheAM

        Really – he *had* to know this was coming – wonder if he’s already confessed to the Missus and to Jeebus and gotten forgiven. Again.

        • grmpy

          It would appear Ol’ Josh has a fast pass when it comes to sinnin and forgivin’

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            He gets to use the express lane – no slowing down to pay.

        • John Smith

          Nah, he just visited his father’s friend, the pedophile cop in jail, and asked his advice.

  • Antimassacree

    Mistakes were made. And I couldn’t be more delighted!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ah, wonderful! An opportunity to use this!

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        That is the meanest Jedi I have ever seen!

        • Vienna Woods

          I’d say the cutest, but, well, Ewan McGregor…

  • Helena Handbag

    Where are all the deleted commenters? This discussion simply BEGS for some Duggar apologists to get all righteous on our liberal lying atheist asses, don’t it?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      They are busy confessing to Jesus right now, and telling their spouses that they made a mistake

      • Zippy

        and frantically punching the cancel button on their browser screen

        • And calling their credit card companies “…I”m concerned some charges were made that I did not authorize…”

    • Vecciojohn

      hold on there newt I’m damn near drunk enough to give er a try. wanna hear my Jimminy Cricket.

    • cynmac

      They are on various websites, checking on their own hubbies. I am monitoring DC Urban moms right now. They are up to page 22 on one thread. They are actually running two to verify for wimmens.
      http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/315/493683.page

      • Left Coast Tom

        Wow…is there anyone on that site not named “Anonymous”?

        • cynmac

          You noticed that also, too?

      • leemoder

        Oh my gerd! I’m flashing back to going to the drive-in theater so hard.

      • grmpy

        Hole – eee shit! who filled my condom with popcorn?

        sorry side issue I know… but still

        • Helena Handbag

          That reminds me of a description of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his Pumping Iron days I read, not sure who gets credit for the quote but said he looked like a brown condom stuffed with walnuts.

          • Zippy

            that’s good news for John McCain

          • Spurning Beer

            It was Molly Ivins.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Breakdown by zip code is interesting: 20007 is way, way above any other area.
        Rich, white, and young; what’s up with this 20-something demographic that owns million-dollar homes in Georgetown?
        http://www.city-data.com/zips/20007.html

      • cbts

        Damn, now I want popcorn.

    • Spotts1701

      They are working on their alibis, and wondering if the wife/husband will buy the “honest, my card got stolen and they issued me a new one with the exact same numbers” story.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Just didn’t notice the $976 for “entertainment services”.

    • No Duggar lovers yet? Wait I’ll try!

      “He’d never do something like sign up for an affair website! Why would he, when he’s got so many sisters?”

      That’s close, right?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        So close it gives me the creeps.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Oh come on . . . you know it’s his wife’s fault for not working hard enough on the marriage, failing to be attractive enough, and if she just would do a better job of wifing he wouldn’t be forced to do these things.

    • grmpy

      I’ll give it a shot

      *Ahem*
      Better than all those boat slacks (or is it butt sechs?) people that do it in the butt slacks (just combined ’em)
      libtards libtards wonk wonk suck it!

      how was that? first time!

      • cbts

        Ha ha! My stomach is still jiggling!

        From the laughing.

        Not the butt sechs.

    • Oginikwe

      It’s Obama’s fault.

      • Helena Handbag

        That took even longer than “he seems nice”! I think we’re losing our touch. Let’s step it up people!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You would be so much more persuasive if it weren’t for the bad, bad language. And what about Clinton? I’m a pretty liberal guy but this crosses the line. And you’re so intolerant of my freedom of speech.

      That touches the usual bases, I think.

      • Helena Handbag

        Covers it nicely, I do declare.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It is so boringly obvious that I damn near fell asleep typing it.

          • Helena Handbag

            It’s past my bedtime too. But this is hard to tear away from. Wonkette, I just can’t quit you!!

          • Suttree

            Oh, ffs….(looks at time stamps)….

      • Also blah blah blah gay marriage blah blah blah they do “x” blah blah blah liberals are the “real hypocrites” blah.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “Show us the bases where Mehmeisterjr touched you.”

        • Suttree

          Dear Wonkhouse Forum: I never thought I would have my funnybone tickled,but……..

          • cbts

            Hee hee.

    • amindofitsown

      Ssh! They’re like Freddy Krueger and racism-if you don’t talk about them they don’t exist.

      • cbts

        Ooo, that made me wonder if Joshie-boy chose to only meet white women, hmm?

    • Suttree

      At this moment they are probably just waking up from their meth binge.

  • Candy Apple

    The Schadens just keep on Freuding!

  • Charles Cates

    Awesomely done, Evan! Thanks

  • JohnR

    Fuck I go and work out a little and make dinner, shower and I am late getting to this dammit. Also too I just knew it, there’s got to be more, a Duggar Sex Dungeon perhaps? I seriously hope the kids are safe.

    • Helena Handbag

      That’ll learn ya.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In Arkansas? Not a chance. If it really gets hot, they’ll farm them out to David Huckabee.

  • Vienna Woods

    Shit. This thing is going to run all night long. It’s almost as if we’re vindictive petty bitches…
    Well, OK, but at least we’re having fun!

    • Zippy

      I remember seeing the Vindictive Petty Bitches headline at Lilith Fair

      • vivian

        They came on after the Fuck Puppets, right? Awesome show!

      • leemoder

        Vindictive Petty Bitches was the theme to my prom.

        • Zippy

          that’s the theme to EVERYONE’S prom

      • bozilingus

        Vindictive Petty Bitches is the new series on ABC Family Channel.

      • Suttree

        Lurv me some punk rock girlzz

    • Walter Wellstone

      Sup, beotch?

    • jmk

      Looks like we’re breaking Disqus like it’s GOP Debate Night or something.

      • berkeleyfarm

        “Go home, Disqus, you’re drunk.”

        I am taking a brief hiatus from one of my regular disqus-commenting hangouts and hope that people aren’t wondering what’s borked. Mind you, it’s “slow season” over there.

      • Suttree

        I turned around to mix a drink and all of the sudden there were eleventy million comments. I had to check the calendar to see if I was passed out drunk for 24 hours.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Fuck Josh Duggar. I have nothing else to say about this motherfucking piece of shit. Fuck him and his entire family. Fuck them all.

    • JohnR

      He seems to feel the same way.

      • cbts

        Oh, crap, you made me laugh HARD.
        No pun intended.

  • JohnR

    He certainly has moved on from “over the clothes” and ” while they are sleeping” in his areas of interest.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    My schaden is getting freuded so hard it’s gonna get calluses.

    • Helena Handbag

      I hear corn huskers lotion is effective.

      • cbts

        http://www.cvs.com/shop/beauty/skin-
        care/body/bag-balm-skuid-955612
        Or Bag Balm. It’s really thick, developed to use on cow & goat udders. Ooo, I said udders. It lasts a long time for the batin’ pleasures. Ooo, I said batin’.
        Gawl dern, all this off-culer’d talk, I shud be ‘shamed a mahself. Gee whilickers.

  • JohnR

    New show on TLC “Duggared and Buggered”

    • Candy Apple

      I might even watch that.

    • Helena Handbag

      “Touched by a Douggar”?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Ew…

      • grmpy

        Oh, yeah, she was really cute. I totally duggar.

    • leemoder

      “Those Buggerin’ Duggars”

    • Speaking of which, this is sure to make thier upcoming “special” extra fun, huh?

  • MrBlobfish

    Oh, come on. I have 6 Joshua J. Duggars living right next door. What are the chances?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      WWJD?
      Who Would Josh Diddle?

      • grmpy

        Stupid, we already know the answer is “sisters”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And Hitler, of course.

          • Suttree

            Can we not get a Slobodan Milosevic? Hitler is getting old.

          • JoeChristmas

            Cheney Libel!

          • You misspelled “liable”.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I was going for AOTK, but that’s a good start.

          EDIT: and got it within seconds. B.G. to the rescue!

      • Bad Granny

        AOT,K

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I can’t believe I’m the first to say “He seems nice.”

    • Zippy

      and probably the last

    • Helena Handbag

      You know who else seems nice?

      • cynmac

        Bill Cosby?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Donald?

      • …Dr. Jekyll?

      • Walter Wellstone

        Fuckabee?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Extra-special nice: Hitler.

        • Helena Handbag

          Yes. Yes it is Hitler. The answer is ALWAYS Hitler. You win a lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni. The San Francisco treat. And a heard of pygmie goats. And a pair of Barcaloungers.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            And a mink stole from Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills

          • Or a Mink Stole from Desperate Living.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCyMkgqY2FM

          • aureolaborealis

            I totally assumed, given the subject matter at hand, that the scene you linked to would be this:

            https://youtu.be/uTBqHJ3R6Tk

          • That does seem more appropriate on reflection. However nothing beats this:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp_AXw_Yn6I

          • Amy!

            Male and female Barcaloungers? And are they fertile? I was thinking of going into Barcalounger ranching, you know. Ah, the joys of country life! The smell of genuine leather, the creak of the seats, the smooth gleam of the lever. Big change from staring yourself crosseyed at recalcitrant code, slaving over a hot CPU.

          • RevZafod

            Barcalounger ranching sounds a bit risky, compared to Trix’s fairly safe dental floss choice.

          • Zippy

            raising it up
            waxing it down…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Less trouble raising Naugas. You can even graze ’em on BLM land when nobody’s looking.

          • ♪ ♫ Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’… ♪ ♫

            http://blog-imgs-32.fc2.com/n/u/t/nuts69/600jgbgjvfhdctg.jpg

          • cbts

            Rollin’ on the river… (?)

          • proudgrampa

            Naugahyde. Gotta be naugahyde.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            what – no baby’s arm holding an apple?

          • Helena Handbag

            You’ve been paying attention. *grins*

          • Zippy

            no moar babbies once Josh got done with them…

          • Mehmeisterjr

            A lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni serves me right. I am so ashamed.

          • cbts

            In my best Opera’s voice:
            And what about a BRAND NEW CAR!?!

      • Prime Minister Pete?

        (Considering the topic, a 3rd Bass pun seemed apropos. No?)

      • grmpy

        That Dahmer boy?

        • Zippy

          Ted something or another

          • grmpy

            That’s the one for sure!

          • Charles Cates

            You remember Ted Bundy’s eyes? I did too as I watched this PBS two-parter ‘Uranium’ hosted by a young, beard physics prof that was just creepy as hell. He made a point of speaking fluent Japanese and Russian but that makes him just that more dangerous.

      • leemoder

        The Lord Humongous?

        • grmpy

          I mean I am nice.

          • Suttree

            I am mean, I am nice sounds a bit naughty.

        • RevZafod

          Immortan Joe?

      • Suttree

        The bartender who invented the gimlet?

    • Walter Wellstone

      No worries. Someone had to.

  • It’s good to finally know what Wonkette considers SPECIAL LIVE LATE EDITION BREAKING NEWS UPDATE!!! material.

  • amindofitsown

    Karma rarely comes around this hard. I will be going to bed pleasantly buzzed tonight.

    Great article, but I’d be tap-dancing on the prick’s ground prick nuts.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Question for Evan: Do you think he’s unlocked “Draenor Pathfinder” yet and is just waiting for the patch so he can saddle up on his flying mount and make a total spectacle of himself over Hellfire Citadel?

  • LarkintheAM

    “This is Darla from Nitwitness News and I’m here to get Mike Huckabee’s reaction to the revelations concerning his favorite Duggar, Joshua. Over to you, Mike!”
    *crickets*
    “Mike?”

    • grmpy

      we interrupt these crickets for breaking news.
      This just in
      Huckabee thinks it’s tragic. It’s despicable behavior… … …
      to snoop into someone’s private life and blast it over the internet. back to you, Darla.

      • Suttree

        I believe that these liberal values are the downfall of being able to molest your kin. And others wives. And chickens.
        -Fuckabee

  • MrBlobfish

    As a true Conservative, doesn’t his wife need to be dying before he can hook up with some strange?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This is the point in the “Investigation: Discovery” episode when the husband realizes that it could be arranged.

    • Left Coast Tom

      He’s only doing it For America.

    • Suttree

      Needz moar moon bases to rocket these disgusting people away from us.

  • You know…I think this may Trumpfire on the hackers.

    • gingerland62

      that’s so fetch..

  • Beowoof14

    Hey look at Mom and Dad and you know the Duggars are some horny mo-fos.

  • Helena Handbag

    Is powdered prick nuts the new meth? I’m so old I haven’t snorted anything since 1982.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Karma is the most delightfully merciless bitch, is s/he not?

  • Historicat

    I know I’ve seen pictures of Josh D. with Sen. Rand Paul (R-Aqua Buddha). You would think that a (self) certified eye doctor could help Josh get that plank out of his eye.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      When the plank is pretty much all the board feet of the Siberian Taiga, you can see why it would be difficult.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Planck length is actually really, realy tiny… it would be a challenge even for a real eye doctor.

    • cynmac

      Would this work?

    • I am amazed they can be near each other. You would think the eye planks would keep banging into each other.

  • Left Coast Tom

    I guess the “bible belt” doesn’t actually get buckled.

    • Zippy

      where’s Bill Cosby to tell him to pull his pants up?

      • Cosby is in the back corner trying to score some ‘ludes.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Josh is a rank amateur compared with the Cos. You don’t have to pull your pants up when she’s knocked out cold.

    • Spurning Beer

      It’s a Bible Garter Belt.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        It sure as hell ain’t a male chastity belt.

      • cbts

        Ha ha

    • cbts

      Oh, now that was a great line!

    • cbts

      Bible belt unbuckled.
      Oh, you’re good. You’re very good.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “First they came for the sister-fingerer, but I was not a sister-fingerer so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Ashley Madison dupes and the Bible thumpers, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the TLC show stars, but I was not a TLC show star so I did not speak out. And then Donald Trump said something and everybody forgot all about all that other shit.

    • Suttree

      And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Because fuck those people.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Good advice.

    • Playonwords

      He did, that’s what got the show cancelled

  • JohnR

    More skull Duggary to come.

  • 0gham

    Can’t wait to see what other big names surface from this.

  • RevZafod

    Arriving late, no time to look thru 533 comments, so I’ll just award this post:

    First prize in the ass-kicking contest!

    • leemoder

      This turd’s getting stomped like a narc at Sturges.

    • Charles Cates

      I remember when that many comments was considered a major event.

      • RevZafod

        Minor compared to over 2000 when our Wonkette went down, oh lawd, it was sad when that Wonkette went down.

        Also, too, say what you will about having your P-ness cut off in the switch to Disqus; the grafix and vids make up for it.

        • Ryan Denniston

          I can still remember the day when our Wonkette went down. As my dad told me of the moment when he heard JFK was shot, I will tell my kids of that horrible day.

    • janecita

      It seems that you guys have been having quite a party!

      • RevZafod

        Nothing like when Johnson and Vagina got together at the Louisville LebowskiFest last month.

  • grmpy

    I hear his sisters signed him up.

    • That is one way to get him out of their hair.

      • John Smith

        When he was diddling them, I didn’t think they were old enough for hair.

      • grmpy

        I dont think he was IN their hair.

      • Playonwords

        E-e-e-e-e-w

  • SuperMatt

    He will meet you at Subway.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I am shocked. Not.

  • Charles Cates

    Alex Jones sees it different. Hede and lede:
    Ashley Madison Leak Reveals Thousands of Government Email Addresses

    Data dump shows cheating website was a favorite for people in power.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Scott Walker proposes new laws to prevent poors from using food stamps to pay for their Ashley Madison Guaranteed Affairs accounts.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      We shall see, but a .gov or .mil email does not mean you have any power… or even a great job for that matter

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Alex Jones is, to put it mildly, nuttier than a tree full of young squirrels. As DolLook indicates below, .gov or .mil does not mean power; I dare say that those with power are far less likely to be so foolish to use their own .gov or .mil accounts for this, but Joe E-3 or GS-4 might well be.

  • SuperMatt

    Maybe he can get that crazy congressman who was having an affair to make up a gay prostitution story to cover this up.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In the interests of accuracy, he’s not a crazy Congressman, he’s a Michigan State Representative. I think you meant to say “that crazy future-Congressman.”

    • Oginikwe

      Todd Courser and his love kitten Cindy Gamrat.

    • Now i’m wondering if that whole “story” was just one big Roman à clef of Josh’s escapades.

  • DEL_5447

    I passed the earlier post about the new duggar teevee grift thinking “enough of these fucks ! Can it get any mas estupido?” and a couple hours later my question is answered. Sanctimonious assholes are my pet peeve

  • Zippy

    Damn, one of the mods is ON IT. I didn’t even get in a snarky comment before the spam was gone

    • Helena Handbag

      yeah I was all over that, then *poof*

      • Zippy

        a nice “get my ass out of hot water and delete my files from AM” spell would probably be worth a fortune to a certain someone right now

        • Mehmeisterjr

          He would be willing to send the money to a Western Union address somewhere in the former Soviet Union right this second for such a spell. Would it work? He would have to take that chance. Do it Josh, do it. For Jeeebus.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I know, right? I tried to ask whether the guy in question was a Nigerian prince!

      • Helena Handbag

        I said VecchioJohn is that you?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Totes unjust, right? I typed “Finally, a voice of reason” and it wouldn’t post because the spam was deep-sixed. Damn you, attentive Shypixel.

      • Vienna Woods

        And the spam is back again.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And yet this is probably the least-receptive site on cyber-earth for woo-woo exploits. Have they even read the thread?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            No, they’re only interested in making their spam quota.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Damn, I was checking in before hitting the sack and thought about sticking around but decided the sack is better and by sack, I mean a comfy bed with my own godless woman of 20 years. Keep the force strong and by force I mean:

  • Oginikwe

    “Disease Free,”? Really? You have to specify that?
    Does anyone go on there looking for disease?
    A little gonorrhea with a side of chlamydia?

    • Josh wanted to have sex with the boy in the bubble?

      • RevZafod

        Also, too, the Moops are now ISIS!

      • Playonwords

        But what about the baby with the baboon heart?

        • Steely_Fan

          These are the days of miracle and wonder (truly!)

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “Disease Semi-Free. Just a touch of Hep-C. UB2.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You can go for poor hygeine, too!
      I guess it’s one way to cut down on the competition for the dozens of real women who’ve signed up.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Actually, yes. If a certain person has a chronic STD & wants to be responsible about it, they might very well look for someone who has the same disease.

  • Marc

    Yes, there is a God. She doesn’t like the Duggars either.

  • janecita

    God forgave him already, you heathens wouldn’t understand the infinite power of self-delusion!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The infinite power of self-forgiveness is more like it.
      He’s sorry, mistakes were made, et cetera ad nauseam.
      This sociopathic fuckwad will not back down, go away, or feel the slightest shame.

  • ganmerlad

    Gawker also found a probable OK Cupid account of his. I am now waiting for someone to find his Grindr account because that would be the cherry on top of the buttercream frosting.
    http://gawker.com/is-this-josh-duggars-okcupid-profile-1725202825

    • janecita

      Josh, is one horny boy.

      • northandwells

        just like daddy.

  • But he was thinking about Jesus the whole time so it’s ok.

    • Helena Handbag

      Jesus the poolboy, maybe

      • janecita

        Did he have natural breasts? Because that’s how Josh likes them.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Short hair was the weirdest of his desires . . . his cult insists on long hair for the wimmenfolk, so that was going to be a real big thrill.

          • KarenJ

            Short hair, where?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    They offered a 250 dollar affair guarantee?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Sure. Who ya gonna sue when they don’t honor the guarantee?

      EDIT: Never, never, never buy the product extended-warantee guarantee. It’s a sucker deal. You won’t even get sucked off, just suckered.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        True story: We did that for a cell phone only to find out in teeeny print on the card they gave us somewhere was this thing that you had to call and set it up with your receipt.Course,we did not find out until too late….

  • https://ashley.cynic.al/

    Just got this from one of the comments on JoeMyGod. #HaveFun #SearchableDatabase

  • Yes. I. Have-one

    He must have gotten it confused with Dolly Madison. Clearly he just wanted some anal snacks.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Wifey is going to need help getting the fuck out of that horrible cult: 4 kids, homeskool education, and raised to be Josh’s brood mare.
    If anyone ever needed a GoFundieMe account, it’s her… I hope she finds the nerve to jump ship, and gets the help she needs.

    • berkeleyfarm

      Yes. If even half of this is true her life must be hell right now and I hope she gets whatever help she needs.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    This is the ideal Wonkette story. Sex, pedophilia, Bible-humpers, hypocrisy, Dixiepub bigwigs, dirty words, dick jokes, puns galore. No wonder that the comments are through the roof.

    • You’re still 300 behind JoeMyGod :)

      • Mehmeisterjr

        This time, it isn’t personal.

      • Considering that the majority of JoeMyGod’s commenters are responsible for this whole mess through their systematic undermining of the sanctity of traditional marriage, I’m not surprised.

        • Max_1

          You know that if the earth is shakin’ the gays are cumming…

          • Well, that would explain what almost shook me out of bed Monday morning!

            (Seriously, though. Monday fucking morning? Dude, like, whatever happened to a series of minor tremblors that began just before bar time Saturday night? This whole edging trend is really starting to fuck with my work week beauty sleep.)

          • RevZafod
          • Lizzietish81

            That was awesome!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        [Seething with jealous rage.] No, actually, all are welcome to this party.

  • Duggar?!? I ain’t even related to ‘er!

    • cbts

      Hee hee.

  • “Girl Next Door”? Doesn’t he mean “Girl In The Next Room”

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Prolly shoulda been “Girl Back Door”

  • tinker12

    Crazy Uncle Pat Robertson would say it’s all the wife’s fault.

    • berkeleyfarm

      If someone like him hasn’t already said it in an out-loud-and-in-public voice, it won’t be long till that happens. Poor woman.

      • RevZafod

        “Poor woman”? That poor woman? You mean like Bunny Lebowski? If she could only target the right people with that $1,000 offer, she could be rich in no time, and also pay her debt to Jackie Treehorn. That bitch. That fucking bitch. She kidnapped herself.

        • Steely_Fan

          Uh, I’m just gonna go find a cash machine.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The Boys Will Be Boys defence comin’ up.

  • kaw143

    Oh, dear, I missed a Deleted Comment of the Week in action. But, I wanted to respond to one (which is not allowed)!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It was a doozy. Full Nigerian Prince stuff. The weekly Demented, er I mean, Deleted Comments roundup will satisfy your curiosity. Meanwhile back to the gathering Duggar insanity report.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Is this the sanctity of marriage that needs protected?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Thanks, gheys!

  • Herasmus B. Lyon

    Wait . “Tall Height,” “Short Height,” “Long Hair,””Short Hair,” “Girl Next Door,” “Naughty Girl,” ? Too bad AM didn’t include a check box for “anyone with a pulse.”

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      “Anyone with a pulse,” “or not.”

      • cbts

        Eeewww!
        Actually that’s getting closer to Cosby territory.

    • LarkintheAM

      Actually, that list is rather sad. I am of the opinion that parents like the Duggars should get sued by their offspring for parental malpractice for the lies they indoctrinate their kids with concerning sex. When you pathologize sex to your kids, you turn out adults who end up hypocrites or bitter celibates in fear of their own bodies. Just sad.

  • Rutabaga64

    Andrea Tantaros would say that Anna Duggar just isn’t making poor Joshie enough sammiches after getting sexed up. I say this is one of the most beautifully karmic things I’ve ever seen.

  • Incoming Ham

    I hope the Duggars believe in divorce, because this is probably the tip of the iceberg in this family.

    • lesterthegiantape

      just the tip – that’s what he kept saying

  • So much for upholding holy matrimony between one man and one woman.

  • KenRob

    Now in 3-2-1…. An announcement from Pat Robertson placing all the blame on Anna. She must have failed to keep herself glamorous at all times, failed to make him the right kind of “sammich,” rejected his creepy, kinky advances cuz she’s too tired from pumping out 4 kids in rapid order & anything else Pat & Huckabitch can come up with to justify Josh’s actions. Also, too, he has been forgiven.

  • Anarchy Pony

    “Has a secret love nest.”
    Ew. Just ew.

    • Lizzietish81

      You know it’s just full of spit.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Bile. Like Toombs from the X-Files.

    • The Molten Soul

      Cuddling & Hugging. Gross. Save that for marriage.

      • beatbort

        Cuddling & Hugging & Spew is the law firm that represents the Duggars.
        Just sayin’

      • Lizzietish81

        Hot side hug action

    • Mehmeisterjr
  • ofus

    I’m A O K with releasing the list of people who want to cheat on their loved ones, not just the Duggars.

    • dshwa

      Nope. The Barney Frank rule applies here as well. What any consenting adult does in their sexy times is their own business, even if it’s immoral like cheating on your spouse, and should not be outed to the general public UNLESS the outed adult engages in moralizing/legislating/campaigning against what other consenting adults do in their sexy times. Then and only then are they fair game.

      As despicable as cheaters are, unless they run around moralizing against other cheaters they should be left alone.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Barney Frank rule is ABSOLUTELY on target for this. The true sin here is the hypocrisy, and it should be exposed.

      • ofus

        It’s one thing to cheat on someone, it’s another thing to purposefully decide you want to cheat on someone in advance.

        • dshwa

          Still, the outing someone publicly is fully dependent on their public behavior. And speaking as someone who has been cheated on, I still say the Barney Frank rule applies here.

    • WCUIW

      I agree. If you don’t have personal ethics, what makes me think you’ll have any other kind?

      This is why women shouldn’t listen to men. I wouldn’t cheat, but I’d leave as soon as I saw a lawyer. Why get married if you want strange stuff all the time?

    • actor212

      I’m completely against shaming people for being locked into a societal construct that involves two people who are both free to change their minds. If you tell me that you’re willing to work to overcome the social stigma of divorce — as someone who has been, I can assure it it ain’t pretty — then we might find common ground here, but that day isn’t coming soon and so men and women (and particularly women) are stuck in a bonded relationship that practically begs them to cheat.

      I had to down vote you on this, I’m sorry. This is an antediluvian attitude to take towards an antiquated institution.

      • Lizzietish81

        There’s a difference between bucking monogamy and cheating, and it’s being dishonest with yourself and your partner.

        • The Molten Soul

          Too true. But I would argue that the stigmatization can cut both ways. I had a true love once who cheated. I’m so glad no one else knew.

          • lesterthegiantape

            shit just got real

        • actor212

          Yes, and that’s inconsistent with what I posted…how, precisely?

          This is what society demands of us. Change society, then you have moral ground for your outrage. Until then, sorry, you don’t have the right to pass judgement based on just infidelity alone. You don’t know the circumstances of any particular relationship so it’s cruel to assume you do.

      • ofus

        I’m pro-divorce, pro-consensual non-monogamy if that’s your thing, and anti-being-a-cheating-asshole-to-someone-who-trusts-you.

        • actor212

          Fine. Let’s clone you 330 million times, then you get to judge the other 329,999,999 of you who’d fuck like bunnies out of wedlock, mmmmmK, Jane?

          • ofus

            That would be a terrifying world.

    • VirginiaLady

      Of course. How else will we know which evilgelicals are up to their eyebrows in self brewed sin?

      • LarkintheAM

        evilgelicals I am TOTALLY stealing this. You rock. *g*

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You’re forgetting that there’s another person involved, who doesn’t deserve the public humiliation. If you’re going to out someone, out him (or her) to that other person, and let them work it out.
      People like Josh, most of us agree, do deserve a public outing, because they’ve taken their holier-than-thou moralizing into the public sphere. If he’s entitled to tell us how to behave, we’re entitled to know how he behaves.

      • dirkmcquickly

        What’s worse, the public humiliation or staying married to lying cheating Sack of Shit?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Who has the right to make the choice?

      • ofus

        Good point.

  • mlaiuppa

    Check the LGBT sites to see if he signed up there.

    Also check for Ashley for Jim Bob and Todd Palin.

  • jviscont1

    he should have stuck with Christian Mingle.

    • The Molten Soul

      Or Farmers Only.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Or Muslim Sinlges. At least the chicks are good looking.

  • dshwa

    Can the Josh Duggar sex tape be far behind?

    • John Smith

      Ewwww!

  • Alex Grey

  • Playonwords

    Thing is he hates the sin but loves the sinner. Trouble is he loves the sinner enough to sin

    Sorry to be late …

  • Somewhere…..a master of spin is having a nervous breakdown.

  • blaid droog

    He should join Tribes. He wants to be taught new things. I would suggest a tribe called male sex slaves for muscle women. Maybe muscle girls pegging men with yoooge dildos. I feel certain josh will never find true sexual happiness until he finds a real dominatrix willing to grind his balls under stiletto heels until he screams for her to stop. Pity he asked her to use a ball gag and can’t say his safety word. Notice how I never used the word rape and this is a service he would voluntarily be paying for.

    • The Molten Soul

      Safe Word: godhatesthegaysandtheycannotgetmarriedever

    • lesterthegiantape

      Is there a website or newsletter where I can learn more? Asking for a friend.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Sure, $500 a year, at Thatsitfor_Theotherwon.com.

  • Relativicus

    Daddy Duggar to Josh: Aw, geez, son, the hits just keep on coming. Is there anything else we should know about? No! Nevermind. Go to your room while your mother and I work out a way to make some money off this. Take your sister.

    Josh: Which one?

    Daddy: It doesn’t matter. The youngest one. Just go.

    • cbts

      So gross but I wouldn’t put it past them.

  • Jenny

    And People magazine just issued a “Life after Scandal” issue of the Duggturds. It ain’t over yet you sanctimonious assholes!

  • amindofitsown

    This really couldn’t have happened to a more deserving prick. I’m enjoying this way more than I should be. To be fair, though, the females here were at least of legal age.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Ummm…. as I hear tell, there are no females at AM….

      • PirateCafe

        I think I read most users were 90-95% male. So there is a *glimmer* of hope that he was sexting a guy.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Users. Rhymes with losers.

        • Toomush_Infer

          I’m sure you mean that 90-95% of the users were male – their degree of maleness is still in question….

          • PirateCafe

            That was what I meant.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I wonder what the actual numbers were, once you subtracted the thousands and thousands of fake female profiles they created.

          Somebody at Wired, I think it was, showed that the user agreement – which not one of the suckers has ever read – actually states that this is the case! User agrees that it’s all just for his “entertainment”.

          • PirateCafe

            I’ve never been to the site, but I’ll take your word on the “entertainment” disclaimer.

            I’m waiting to see the names of prominent US politicians. Please, please, please …

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Preferably a few Republicans this time…

          • PirateCafe

            I was hoping for “mostly” republicans. That’s me – eternal optimist!

      • amindofitsown

        You mean, no *live females. Except 19 year old Jessica who’s just looking for friends to come see her at her site pornslutxxx@gmail.com. All major credit cards accepted.

        • david green

          Jessica lives only 3.2 miles from my house.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Wow, I still am in shock. 2015 really is turning out to be a good year. Obamacare, gay marriage, Trump!, and now this. What do the last 4 months hold in store?

    • The Molten Soul

      AP US History might teach US History.

      • lesterthegiantape

        let’s not go nuts

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m asking Santa for a teabaggers’ third party campaign.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        In a pinch, a Trump indie campaign would do.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          There’s a difference?

  • actor212

    I can’t even begin to imagine what other skeletons are in the Duggar honey hole.

    • Lizzietish81

      Still born babies?

    • The Molten Soul

      Probably some actual skeletons.

    • Joe T.

      You can fit a lot up there, I’m sure.

  • Haribo Lector

    This whole thing about the Ashley Madison site getting hacked and everyone moralising about how gross they are and how they had it coming really sounds the same to me as if I heard a news story about some people who had littered or parked badly getting set on fire.

    • Lizzietish81
    • I agree completely, but still…Josh Duggar, or anyone involved with the AFA, getting exposed as a hypocrite gives me enough schadenfreude to light up New York City for a week.

    • jmk

      I feel incredibly sorry for the average person whose information was released. It’s not my place to say what people do in their private lives, or to judge their motivations.

      However, I have no compunction about feeling the schadenfreude for someone like this Duggar asshole who made a living by hypocritically claiming some moral high ground and spreading slime about decent human beings because of their sexuality.

      • Haribo Lector

        Well, yes, it’s different when we’re talking about a public figure who has voluntarily entered the public arena on a platform based on preaching a moral position. Especially when said public figure has used that platform to actively make life worse for others. People like Bristol Palin and the Duggars have actively invited and requested scrutiny.

  • Cismontane

    Well, the annual FRC Values Voter Summit is coming up soon…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Or as the hookers of Washington, D.C. call it “Christmas in September.”

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Or the alternative name, “The Grossest Way You Ever Made Fifty Bucks.”

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          $980 should go a long way.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I’m waiting for the Right to blame all of this on the gay marriage ruling THANKS OBAMA! I hope a reporter gets Huckabee’s take on all of this before he leaves the race.

  • mardam422

    Really. Is anyone here actually shocked at this revelation?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

      • LarkintheAM

        Sort of like this?

        • jmk

          “Your winnings, sir.”

      • cbts

        Maybe because of this adultery story, but every time I see your name I think it says, “That’s it for the other woman.” Ha ha!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If by “shocked” you mean “amazed that this sleazeball is getting the reaming he deserves”, yes.

  • Antimassacree

    If Josh thought, “Excellent, for just $250 more I am guaranteed to get fucked” he was right, though I don’t think he wanted it in the ear.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I must be some kind of genius with high-level psychic abilities schlub who is moderately observant. Earlier, I was doing a riff on the Bonhoeffer-I-said-nothing meme and my last line was:

    And then Donald Trump said something and everybody forgot all about all that other shit.

    Right on schedule, the Donald sucked all the air out of the room again:

    http://www.rawstory.com/2015/08/trump-says-he-would-scare-the-pope-with-isis-if-he-slams-capitalism-during-us-visit/

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I hope Reincewind Priebus is being kept away from sharp objects.

      • anthrodiva

        Where is The Luggage when you need him?

    • cbts

      I watched that interview last night just for he ridiculousness and idiocy of Trump.
      And he didn’t fail me.
      I’ve noticed he has been wearing baseball caps a lot lately to keep his hair from flying away. I think he’s going to have to get it stitched to his head before the campaign is over. Maybe super glue. No, crazy glue. Yeah, crazy glue.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I particularity liked when he blew the interviewer, then after a chin wipe, said “I get most of my foreign policy advice from CNN.”

        • cbts

          Oh Jesus, that was funny!!!

      • jmk

        Any glue Don Don uses is, by definition, crazy glue.

        • cbts

          Annnd, you are RIGHT sir!
          Or Madam, as the case may be.

    • LarkintheAM

      “I’m going to have to scare the pope,” Trump said. “The pope, I hope,
      can only be scared by God, but the truth is — you know, if you look at
      what’s going on — they better hope that capitalism works, because it’s
      the only thing we have right now. And it’s a great thing when it works
      properly.”

      I knew that The Donald had a fairly high opinion of himself, but I think that this might be the first time he’s actually stated that he’s God.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, wait! – I get it! All this time, they’ve been using the word “sin”, when they really mean “spin”…it’s a speech pathology thing!…

  • tihond

    Joshie… Is it ok if I call you that? Lean in a little… I’ll give you a little free pr advice. The first thing you can do is claim to be a sex addict and seek therapy, but will your fundie friends believe that? The other thing you could do is get on board the sweet redemption grift. Tearful confession to Mike Huckabee followed by a tour talking about how the heathen ladies had led you astray.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      PS: Consider teaming up with Gristle Palin. Maybe not for the reasons you think, it’s called cross marketing.

    • I believe that’s called “Pulling a Swaggert.”

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        ‘OH GOD, I HAVE SINNNNNNNNED!!!!!!!” Snif, snif, wipe a tear.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          That reminds me of the band Sniff & the Tears. Could be the fundy house band…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I thought “Pulling a Swaggart” meant masturbating in public.

    • cbts

      He’ll make sure to get booked into elementary schools and Sunday schools to talk about the errors of his ways. Okay, I just threw up.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That seems to involve far too much work and self-examination for today’s crowd – I think the new model is “I’m so humble that Jesus forgave me so fuck you”.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Yo, Duggary, if you can’t get laid on $986.76 plus your charm, you just about can’t get laid.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m sure there are places in D.C. where that would do the trick, so to speak.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Kid needs a vacation to Amsterdam.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Or Bangkok.

  • lesterthegiantape

    I’m even vomiting out of my ears.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “Good With Your Hands,” ’cause Josh is tired of doing all the work.

  • MrBlobfish

    He was asking for it.

    • cbts

      He was asking for LOTS of it. With variety.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    It’s a shame what the gays have done to his traditional marriage.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Might be about time for the fundies to lay off the Jeezus sauce and admit that Freud was (at least partly) right.

    As if.

  • cbts

    For his younger date requests Joshie-boy forgot to select “must be able to color within the lines.”

    Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

    • tihond

      I think that may have been Jared.

  • VirginiaLady

    Best day ever! Best hack ever too. How many other moral oral names will pop out of the slime? I can’t wait to see.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      I’m assuming this is just the tip, so to speak, of the iceberg.

      • cbts

        Oh, I’m glad you clarified that it was an iceberg.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          A rather rotund and amazingly perverted ‘berg at that.

          • cbts

            I guess I let my filthy mind get in the way of understanding what you meant. It just made me think of jokes I’ve heard about guys trying to make headway with a girl, saying he’ll put “just the tip”…you know the rest.

          • AntiDerpomeme
          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Ahh, the Josh we all know and love!

          • cbts

            Best part of that link was learning a new word: cockberg.

    • chicken thief

      There is a twitter feed releasing the names of prominent Kentuckians. I don’t know about other states.

      So far neither the Turtle nor Randy Paul’s name appeared, but for whatever reason, there are lots of dentists.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    OK seriously a site like this and do they not take bitcoin? You have to use a credit card under your real name?

    • Lizzietish81

      They were depending on their security.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I’d LOL, but the TWO times that my shit may have been compromised were both courtesy of the DoD. One of the two times (OPM, recently), they actually paid for the remedial action.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      PayPal name: Rub D. Chub.

    • JohnnyZhivago2

      Since they promoted cheating, they also accepted fraudulent credit cards.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    I must be out of things… I thought Ashley Madison was the ice cream at A&P

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Or an ugly print dress.

  • Please please please someone ask Huckabee about this at the next debate!!!

  • Belasaurius

    i sense a suicide in Josh’s future.

    • tihond

      No way, dude will be fine once he figures out his new grift.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Hmm, doubtful, as it would imply he has some real moral compass. He’s so pigheadedly willfully righteous, he’ll just ask God for forgiveness and move on to the next scheme.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Agreed. Sociopaths don’t consider suicide….they view setbacks as opening up other opportunities to exploit and manipulate new marks.

    • onedrewthree

      Makes me uncomfortable to think about, but yeah. It kind of seems likely. That’s the huge downfall of compartmentalizing. When you’re lives have to confront each other it breaks you.

    • cbts

      Josh committing suicide popped into my head too, but I think his family will keep him surrounded for quite some time to keep that from happening.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The last thing the grifting, sanctimonious asshats need is one of their own opting out permanently from their vile ranks in that manner.

        They’ll keep a close eye on him, to forestall the final scandal, if you will.

    • chicken thief

      The Good Lord will forgive him. It’s not like he was ghey or anything.

  • jesuswasablack

    Funny, nothing about being a good christian in any of Josh’s “lists”?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Sure there is. Laying on of hands, down on your bended knees, something about tongues…

      • cbts

        Ha ha, speaking in tongues.
        Kinda like motor boating downstairs.

    • Vienna Woods

      No, that’s in his OK Cupid profile. seriously. Along with “strictly monogamous”

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        and single. Strictly monogomous single

  • glennisw

    Someone’s got some ‘splaining to do.

  • Left Coast Tom

    This was clearly work-related. As a spokesperson for the Family Research Council he was researching others’ families. With his penis.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      The penis mightier than the sword.

  • onedrewthree

    “So fuck him. You wanted to be famous, Duggars? YOU’RE FUCKING FAMOUS.”

    Mic drop. Slow walk away. Backlit by explosion.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Extra thumbs up for awesome graphics!

    • cbts

      BOOM!

    • TheBidenator

      It’s cool but it doesn’t compare to the jaw dropping head up the ass insanity of Trump’s YOOGE “Eye Of the Tiger” masturbation monument to himself light show…

  • Here’s a nice morning after palate-cleansing video of a happy baby in a sack meeting a pussycat.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkdXAtO40Fo

    “Why is that baby in a sack?” or “I don’t think the cat’s into it and is about to sink its sharp pointy fangs/claws into the baby in a sack” you might think but no worries – it turns out OK.

    • cbts

      This was so cute that I had to share it on facebook. Thanks for the chuckle.

    • jmk

      I love that, after the initial giggling, the baby imitated a purring sound.

    • SomeOtherDude

      Boy meets pussy for the first time.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I know nothing about her, but I actually feel sorry for his wife. Probably left profoundly uneducated, raised from birth to be a servile, obedient vessel. If she turns to her church, they’ll blame her, shame her, or just re-gift her to some other perv.

    • chicken thief

      But what if his first ‘match’ was her? It would be irresponsible not to speculate…

      • Politics_Nerd

        The whole point of AM is to find someone else while hiding it from that first (and/or present) one.

      • Me not sure

        (Insert Pina Colada song joke here.)

      • david green

        Wouldn’t that be awkward…

  • Josh Duggar apparently likes toys up his butt? This is TMI even for me :(

    • Me not sure

      GI Joes?

      • cbts

        Full size.
        As in, adult human.
        Okay, I went too far again…
        I’ve got to get my mind out of the gutter.

  • Msmlg1979

    Bwahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Day made!

  • middleclassman1

    The gays are the ones ruining his traditional marriage?

  • Bob@Bob.com

    Michele’s cooch is busier than the NJ Turnpike. It might he been converted into an exit only orifice. What’s a boy to do?

    • KA

      That was killer.

  • Politics_Nerd

    900 comments! This might be the snark center of the universe right now.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I thought it always was?

      • Politics_Nerd

        Perhaps, but now you can see it from space (prolly).

        • cbts

          Good one!
          Yup, in flashing lights, key words removed from his worthless “apology” by one or more stupid-head Duggers:
          SATAN and PORN ADDICT.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      If only they allowed comments.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    To paraphrase Queen Victoria: We Are FUCKING Amused!

  • Steven M. Harries

    “I Fired God” by Jocelyn R. Zichterman. Check it out, kids!—she escaped from these JesusGrifter DogFuckers.

  • Iam Reading

    Anyone else find it delicious that he was most likely jerking it to a paid responder who was also likely a dude?

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Wait…what?

      • ganmerlad

        90-95% of people on Ashley Madison are evidently male.

  • HavaBrain

    Oh for Christ’s sake – ANOTHER thing to pray about…

  • Tendernob

    I am shocked – SHOCKED – that a kiddie-fiddling fundie has an account on a cheaters’ website. I repeat, I AM SHOCKED.

  • TundraGrifter

    Was Ashley Madison for people who’d never heard of CraigsList?

    Sounds like Duggar’s thousand dollars was well spent!

  • HeywoodJablomey

    I honestly feel bad for others who have been exposed, but when I saw that JD had accounts, I was all like:
    http://i.imgur.com/IM6i4.gif

    #sorrynotsorry

    ETA: someone in the comments below (which are not allowed) already called it – poor Joshie has a sex addiction.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3205122/I-biggest-hypocrite-Josh-Duggar-ADMITS-unfaithful-wife-revealed-37-million-Ashley-Madison-cheaters.html

  • cynmac
  • Eloise1955

    It’s Schadenfreude Christmas!

  • YayConspiracy

    Did he meet any women? If he did, did they (Itchy Duggar and his new friend) use birth control paid for by Obamacare?

  • MikeyArmstrong

    Give the guy some credit, he prefers real boobs.

  • david green

    Don’t care what you say, I ain’t snorting that.

  • ThatDale

    You know, I strive to be a gentle soul, but this story–and the story about the Duggars not “understanding” the reaction to the turn their lives have taken–fills me with so much rage that the extreme vituperativeness of this article (great work, Evan) comes close to expressing it for me.

  • Blargh McBlargh

    Totally not laughing until blood shoots out of my eyeballs. Totally not.

  • Gotta Love Them Thar Duggars!

    Strangely, the Duggar girls [Jill Duggar Dillard & Jessa Duggar Seewald] are gracing the August 31, 2015 issue of PEOPLE Magazine [issued on Friday, the day that Josh Duggar’s “life in ‘seclusion'”] revealed him as a sex-starved wanderer who “graduated” to paying for/owning not one, but two, Ashley [“Life is short. Have an affair”] Madison accounts, yearning for “adult” (a step up for Duggar!) sex games as his sister Jessa whines about not having the adulation/cameras/money her sister Jill had while she was being filmed during and after her son Israel’s arrival. The Duggar family is going ahead with this sex abuse special [set to air on TLC on Aug. 30 and “sponsored by RAINN”] even as Derick [ye of do-it-yourself braces] & Jill soldier on in Timbuktu with Israel [poor kid always has a “help me” look on his face] or whatever mission their quivering God sent them on. Here in the USA, as Ben works for father-in-law Jim Bob & Jessa seethes with rage behind that silent evil eye simpering ‘husband-is-God philosophy’ pasted-on smile, that she was unable to claim what would have been hers–had the world & their viewers just understood her big brother’s “failings,” which happened long before their TLC show. Then the moron keeps being–well, classically moronic–purchasing “ladies of the night” and their “services” on the Internet–all this while Josh’s hopelessly devoted wife, Anna, bears him child after child after child as he gladhands his way through Congress until her husband is literally caught with his pants down, forcing him to crawl back to Arkansas & buying a house that is miles away from his loving parents (and ten times cheaper than the cost of living in Maryland) so Anna can continue “homeschooling” her babies. Who knows what will happen next? Will Anna have to get a job if her husband goes to jail for back taxes? Will Anna have to get a job if the Arkansas po-lice actually charge Josh with sexually abusing his sisters? (Not bloody likely; it was long ago & the statute of limitations have run out; perhaps only the 5- and 7-yr-old were exempt–ahem) Is Anna concerned for the well-being of her children (particularly the daughters, since her husband can’t seem to keep his hands to himself?) Find out, just as the Duggar family themselves are begging you to, in our next installment of DUGGAR DIGEST (only $4.95 in stores now!)

  • Matthew Hawkins

    Calling Josh Duggar a motherfucker is a bit unfair. He is a sisterdiddler, not the same thing.

  • Benchshooter

    What is this bullshit about Josh Duggar wanting money in exchange for an interview???!!!

    When it comes to those Fuggars, man, they always seem to have their hands out for money. Shitty embarrassing teeshirts, speaker fees to audiences of dumb fucks, money for “missionary work,” you get the idea. Those jive-assed fuckers are in no position to be giving advice for how others should live! What a bunch of sanctimonious bullshitters. Michelle must be having a shit hemorrhage right now and Rim Job must be thinking of ways to make things even STRICTER for the platoon of potential sick fucks he is harboring. If Josiah should suddenly claim, “Mommy, I’m a girl in a boy’s body!” she may suck on a shotgun.

    It has been written by a wise old sage: When the camel shits in the desert, the dung beetles will feast! Sounds like the shameless Duggar family. And he who betrays his woman is lower than the ass of the scorpion. He is lower than the man who buries his camel’s shit with just one inch of sand.

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