SHARE
It was like so great you guys.
It was like so great you guys!

Hey, remember Hurricane Katrina? It was ten years ago, almost! It was devastating. The final death count was 1,836 in Louisiana and Mississippi, and over half of them were elderly. Eighty percent of the city of New Orleans was flooded, and in poorer areas, the city is STILL rebuilding, or worse, not rebuilding. Yes, it’s rebounded in many ways, and of course it’s a hipster magnet, yadda yadda, but some of the things that have sprung up in the last ten years are NOT so great, like how the public schools were already failing before Katrina, but the new holy grail charter school system isn’t really doing any better. Oh, and also, too, much of the “rebirth” that’s happened in New Orleans is super fucking GREAT if you are middle-class or above, but if you’re poor? Sucks to you be you, honestly.

But Kristen McQueary, a columnist for the Chicago Tribune, sees all that and apparently thinks, MAN, wouldn’t it be, like, so badass? If a big storm like Hurricane Katrina? LEVELED CHICAGO!

Introduce yourself to Ms. McQueary, please:

mcqueary

McQueary penned herself a right nice column, which has now been edited heavily, about her dreams for Chicago. And she has also said “OOPS SORRY, was that column bad?” Yes, ma’am, yes it was. Let’s just look at the original, preserved by the New Orleans Times-Picayne for reasons we can only guess at, maybe they hate her:

Envy isn’t a rational response to the upcoming 10-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

No, no it is not.

But with Aug. 29 fast approaching and New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu making media rounds, including at the Tribune Editorial Board, I find myself wishing for a storm in Chicago — an unpredictable, haughty, devastating swirl of fury. A dramatic levee break. Geysers bursting through manhole covers. A sleeping city, forced onto the rooftops.

That’s what it took to hit the reset button in New Orleans. Chaos. Tragedy. Heartbreak.

Like maybe one of them whirly-gig tornaders that are so popular in the Midwest, but BIGGER.

mcqueary

Go on, madam:

Residents overthrew a corrupt government. A new mayor slashed the city budget, forced unpaid furloughs, cut positions, detonated labor contracts. New Orleans’ City Hall got leaner and more efficient. Dilapidated buildings were torn down. Public housing got rebuilt. Governments were consolidated.

An underperforming public school system saw a complete makeover. A new schools chief, Paul Vallas, designed a school system with the flexibility of an entrepreneur. No restrictive mandates from the city or the state. No demands from teacher unions to abide. Instead, he created the nation’s first free-market education system.

Hurricane Katrina gave a great American city a rebirth.

FREE MARKET WHITE PEOPLE PARADISE!

McQueary spends the next few paragraphs talking about all the Chicago stuff she thinks could be destroyed by a good dose of Hurricane Katrina, if we could convince the old girl to awaken from her slumber and travel upriver to do some more destruction. Budget problems, bad schools, Rahm Emanuel is bad. These are her Reasons.

Not these rich people parts though, these are all good:

This weekend is the Chicago Air & Water Show. Thousands of people will stream to Chicago’s lakefront to marvel at the city and its offerings. All five senses, satiated. Visitors will clamp their palms on their ears to tame the vibration. They will gasp at the stunning skyline. They will taste the sand-swept breeze. They will feel the sun’s touch. They will smell the engine fuel.

They will delight.

Ahhhhh, the sand-swept, sense-satiating, engine fuel smell of white people success!  So let’s keep that stuff safe, we guess, but for the rest, let’s LITERALLY have a giant, destructive, murderous storm come and kill it all. Wouldn’t that be great? Again, from her original column:

That’s why I find myself praying for a real storm. It’s why I can relate, metaphorically, to the residents of New Orleans climbing onto their rooftops and begging for help and waving their arms and lurching toward rescue helicopters.

A REAL STORM. Not some pussy fake “metaphorical” storm, that won’t be good enough, oh wait, here’s the updated version of that passage:

That’s why I find myself praying for a storm. OK, a figurative storm, something that will prompt a rebirth in Chicago. I can relate, metaphorically, to the residents of New Orleans climbing onto their rooftops and begging for help and waving their arms and lurching toward rescue helicopters.

OK, OK, OK, she says. She was totally having trouble telling the difference between her “literals” and her “figuratives” that day, we guess. But she RELATES to the poor, old black folks of New Orleans, many of whom died in the aftermath of Katrina, standing on their rooftops and hoping somebody, ANYBODY, would show up and save them, because that’s just like what McQueary is feeling right now, from her cushy job at the Trib.

Here she is, doing her “relating” face:

mcqueary

She ends her column where she began, weeping for the fact that nobody thinks her idea for a natural disaster is a good one, so guess she’ll just go sit on the roof of the high-rise she probably lives in, drink 5 or 6 bottles of rosé and think about how she’s just like those New Orleanians, because she’s on the roof, waiting for the helicopters to come and take her away. Literally. Or figuratively. WHICHEVER IT IS, God, what do you think she is, a journalist or something?

[Chicago Tribune / ORIGINAL ARTICLE via RawStory]

 

 

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Fly

    Some day a real rain is going to come and wash all this scum off the streets. – Joe Strummer

  • Needs moar Chipotles and Whole Foods replacing rib and hot dog joints.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGTY-7e3iT0

    • Biff52

      The town near my desert compound is hoping for a Chile’s. Dream big!

      • bobbert

        A Subway just opened in Groveland. Well, in Big Oak Flat.

        • Biff52

          Classy! Did Jared come for the opening?

    • Zyxomma

      Just found out on the news that NYC’s getting a Chick-Fil-A. BOYCOTT!!! Only tourists will want to eat there, anyway.

  • CripesAmighty

    Make it Dallas, St Pete, Palm Beach, St Louis, or Raleigh, and I’m all aboard.

  • bozilingus

    Peggy, is that you??

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I can agree that Rahm Emanuel is a terrible mayor, but not because he’s helpless before the teachers union. If only.

    Which just goes to show, Democrats, that no matter how poorly you treat teachers, it’s never enough “education reform” to get that “bipartisan support” you seem to crave.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Thanks, Obama.

  • Rick Hill

    See? This is why I’m poor and work way too hard, I never delighted at the smell of jet fuel. It’s not as though I haven’t tried, either. Being raised in Dayton means that you at one point or another attend the yearly air show, ;last one I attended had the first air show flight of the B-1 and Poppy Boyington attended, well, Robert Conrad but still…I never once delighted. Such is my lot in life.

    • coozledad

      Like the folks who spend time watching cars travel in a circle. As far as I can tell, it appears to be a living death.

      Dumbfuck paradise is brimming with dumbfuck.

      • nmmagyar

        Buckeyes at least have an excuse, there is literally nothing else to do in the vicinity of Dayton. Corn and Soy. So much corn and soy.

        • Rick Hill

          I make my own fun, thank you very much!

          • willi0000000

            with all that corn . . . and a bit of ingenuity . . . you can make gallons of fun.

          • nmmagyar

            Why go to all that work when chances are you’re related to at least one bar owner (my uncle Mo in my case) and even the state stores are incredibly sloppy in their efforts to actually make you show an ID?

          • riledupone

            And the internet is apparently awash in recipes for moonshine cocktails like raspberry mint moonshine and mango-peach, etc. It’s a thing, I guess.

          • nmmagyar

            Yeah, I spent summers in Versailles and Middletown as a yoot. Drinking. So much drinking.

          • Rick Hill

            Middletown…uuuuuuuuuuuu

          • nmmagyar

            Armco Foreva!!!!

          • bozilingus

            “I use my Easy Bake Distillery! As much fun to make as it is to drink!”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        And, ironically, it’s all LEFT turns.

    • Biff52

      I don’t delight in the smell of jet fuel, either. One time I was driving past China Lake NAS when a plane jettisoned it’s load of fuel all over my truck and everything else in the vicinity. Glad it was a company truck, as some paint was removed.

      • willi0000000

        when i worked in the Old Man’s gas station i loved the smell of gasoline . . . today, not so much . . . i think it was the lead.

        [ which may explain some things about me today ]

        • guppy06

          Lead by any other name never smelled so sweet.

        • Biff52

          I still like the smell of racing fuel. Regular unleaded, not so much. I drive a diesel, and dislike both the smell and feel of it on my hands. Why does every diesel nozzle leak?

          • willi0000000

            it’s almost impossible to keep kerosene type fuel from leaking . . . on a job where they put a turbine emergency generator on the roof, they had to socket-weld all the piping in the building . . . and then case it in another pipe . . . from the first few seconds after they filled the tanks you could smell it in the pump room and there were only a few screwed joints in there.

            cheap test to see if valves are seated properly or need lapping when rebuilding an engine . . . just put kerosene in the head and see if it leaks through the valves . . . slow ooze is fine . . . drip, not so much.

    • lesterthegiantape

      SMELL THE SAND WIND

      • If you’re not marketing a unisex fragrance called Sand Wind, then I’m calling dibs on it.

        • willi0000000

          smells like camel shit?

        • lesterthegiantape

          If yours smells better than mine, go to town. My formula involves farting in a jar of beach sand.

          • Have you been spying on my fragrance lab?

          • lesterthegiantape

            Kind of hard not to, dude. Buy a fan.

        • riledupone

          It reminds me of an old joke from National Lampoon mag. Q. What’s the difference between a sand storm and a Martian fart? A. A sandstorm doesn’t glow in the dark. There was also another. Q. What’s the difference between a Venusian hooker and grape jello? A. Grape jello doesn’t have pubic hair.
          Ah, the ’70’s.

        • mtn_philosoph

          Her Wind Song Sand Wind Stays On My Mind.™

        • BackDoorMan

          … Cosmo Kramer libelz!

      • guppy06

        Get back in the kitchen and make me a sand wind!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Her facial expression says that she should be off cheating on her spouse with some married colleague.

    • Rick Hill

      And not quite understanding what’s wrong with that….

      • riledupone

        Obviously nothing’s wrong with it if it brings about meaningful change, sillly.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I have a comment, but it’s rather vile. Something about skinny people in the wind.

  • eggsacklywright

    So, she’s in favor of a sort of…cleansing? Hmmm.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I think there were other people who were into that, too. Amirite?

      • eggsacklywright

        Hi! My name is Ratko. Let’s go for a hike in the woods, OK?

      • zerosumgame0005

        all the WP morans trying to start a race war, for one group

      • Mr. Clean?

    • guppy06

      Her vag needs to be steamed?

  • ManchuCandidate

    “Wanna piss off New Orleans (or anyone sane)? Here’s how you do it. They get hit with a hurricane, you write a wish list of what you want destroyed, they reprint your column in its entirety, you repost a heavily edited one that sounds less assholish. That’s the McQueary way, and that’s how you get less popular.”

    • willi0000000

      shame there aren’t more sane people.

    • riledupone

      I didn’t think it sounded much less assholish. I thought she was attempting to foist off the blame onto readers who obviously have no grasp of simile, metaphor or any of those other thing the bestest writers use so they could not possibly understand her column. The walkback was walking a fine line between bowing to pressure to respond and saying people just didn’t understand her. Someone needs to revoke her poetic licence.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Oh vile right wing columnists, how upsetting to write an attention-seeking screed and have people notice what an ass you are.

      • BattyKitch

        Couldn’t she have come up with a better way of saying Chicago needs a douche (with solutions) without fuckin with N’alins?

  • Ripley in CT

    She looks like a drinker. Good call on the rosé.

    • nmmagyar

      Is that the Klassy way of spelling “Shit that comes in a drum”?

      • Angry_Cop

        Yes, although it is most frequently sold in boxes.

  • glennisw

    Maybe she ought to write that column about Joplin, Missouri instead of New Orleans.

  • malsperanza

    I can understand how a columnist might write something incredibly crass and stupid, but where was the Tribune editorial board when it came time to review this and kill it before press? Oh wait, she’s on the Tribune editorial board …

    Never mind.

  • DahBoner

    Where’s all the White People “finding” stuff?

    http://media2.giphy.com/media/ToMjGpwwFqji5zbISJi/200w_d.gif

  • Drew Miner

    I think it’s good to have an open mind, and be accepting, you know different people into different things, but I never will understand Republican Porn like this.

    • I am imagining my inner group facilitator being confronted with this kind of “idea.” “OK, so, uhm, Kristen has had an … idea. I’m glad to see all of us really trying to think of … unusual approaches. Let’s keep brainstorming and see what else we come up with!”

      • guppy06

        my inner group facilitator

        “You’re a bad person and should feel bad!”

        Yeah, this is one of many reasons why I’d never make it in the field of mental health.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Usually this crowd wishes for a coup so they can create a free market utopia like Pinochet’s Chile. It’s the kinder, gentler version.

    • JohnR

      The Hand of Dog to wipe the slate clean rather than the Police or Military.

    • lesterthegiantape

      Plus, act of God. Same dude as on the dollar bill.

      • BattyKitch

        Acts of god seem more like acts of satan. I’m confused…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Or you can speed things along by simply invading a country, destroying the infrastructure, and sending the entire student body from Liberty University to remake it into a libertarian capitalist paradise. Ladies and germs, welcome to Iraq…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        There was a truck bombing in Baghdad that killed 80 people and injured hundreds more the other day.

        Yeah, the entire “Operation Iraqi Freedom” thing worked out so well.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Wonderful. I’m thinking of vacationing there. I hear the shopping and the night life are to die for.

          • Left Coast Tom

            John McCain assured us the shopping was perfectly safe, as long as you’re wearing a bullet-proof vest AND surrounded by a bunch of soldiers.

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        I believe, ironically enuf, it’s the Chicago School of Economics you send in, not Liberty U.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Philosophically, yes. But it really WAS all these University of Jesus zealots that got recruited for the Iraq reconstruction project.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wasn’t it a massive hurricane that devastated Orlando, and a few days later, voila: Disneyworld!? It’s so white and simple!

  • Lot_49

    Nevah forget: the Trib has a long and distinguished history of right-wing cheerleading, going all the way back to its one-time editor and publisher, “Colonel” Robert McCormick:

    A conservative Republican, McCormick was an opponent of President Franklin D. Roosevelt and compared the New Deal to Communism. For a period in 1935, he protested Rhode Island’s Democratic judiciary by displaying a 47 star flag outside the Tribune building, with the 13th star (representing Rhode Island) removed; he relented after he was advised that alteration of the American flag was unlawful.He was also an America First isolationist who strongly opposed entering World War II to rescue the British Empire. As a publisher he was very innovative. McCormick was a 25 percent owner of the Tribune’s 50,000 watt radio station, which was purchased in 1924; he named it WGN, the initials of the Tribune‘s modest motto, the “World’s Greatest Newspaper”.

    • coozledad

      He was also an America First isolationist who strongly opposed entering World War II to rescue the British Empire.

      So it’s a flaming Nazi pigfucker’s paper. Hope he died spluttering with rage.

      • riledupone

        He was also rabidly anti-union. A real charmer.

        • coozledad

          There’a a deep, evil streak that runs through the history of this country. I can see how we were a model for fascism, and how the fascists used the template of American capitalism as a justification for everything from the invasion of Abyssinia to the holocaust.

          And it all ultimately comes down to that fucking Moloch religion.

  • Biff52

    Chicago hasn’t been hit by a Sharknado yet, has it?

    • There was a fire, I think…

      • Biff52

        Blame it on the cow…

    • drbloor

      I thought that was Rahm’s nickname.

  • willi0000000

    she likes the way the rain washed New Orleans clean.

    [ and much whiter! ]

  • frrolfe

    Sometimes the face really is the window into the soul: Putrid.

  • JohnR

    Anyone old enough to remember when newspapers had a page that said LABOR and another page that said BUSINESS. Proles like me actually had some representation back then. Now they are just liners for birdcages. This shit is like the Penthouse Forum for Compulsive Free Market Masturbators.

  • coozledad

    They will taste the sand-swept breeze. They will feel the sun’s touch. They will smell the engine fuel.

    They will delight.

    Stylebook of unwashed goober ass. Sentiment’s mask slipping uncontrollably off the brutality of her rotten soul. Daddy’s girl nepotism hire shitweaslery.

    • Vienna Woods

      Somewhere in New York, Dame Noonington reads this and slurs, “Fuck that bitch! She’s stealing my schtick!”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Manuel, I need another gin and tonic.

        • janecita

          Manuel is in the hospital, he has Legionnaires’ disease;-)

  • Left Coast Tom

    US Census “Quick Facts” tells me that Chicago’s average household income (about $47K) is $10,000 more than that of New Orleans. Possibly having your city destroyed by a hurricane isn’t nearly as profitable as she “thinks”?

    • Toomush_Infer

      The thing about the Big Easy is that it was easy – living on a drain in downtown Chicago, not so much…

  • lesterthegiantape

    To be fair, Chicago does have a Negro problem, and it threatens to derail the Democratic Convention. I blame Dr. King for getting assassinated at such an inopportune — [faint voice from earpiece] — Ah, apparently it’s not 1968. Let’s go to the weather with Chuck Asshole. Chuck?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A friend of mine played a few shows with a punk band from L.A. called The Negro Problem. The lead singer was blah.

      • lesterthegiantape

        I love those guys. I heard they broke up. I dream of them hitting the top of the charts and all the deejays having to talk about the Negro Problem on air.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, it was quite a number of years ago when I saw them…I think you’re right.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    The schlock doctrine.

  • nmmagyar

    So, maybe someone should clue her in to the pesky fact that the waterfront properties in Chicago are slightly more valuable than the shotgun shacks along the levies in NO.

    • Oprah’s gonna be pissed. No new car for McQueary.

      • nmmagyar

        Not even a cleanse w/ Dr Oz

    • guppy06

      You want to hear privileged whining? Block said properties’ view of the water with a levee.

  • Paging Mrs. O’Leary. Mrs. O’Leary to the front desk, please.

    • drbloor

      O’Leary, McQueary, let’s call the whole thing off.

      • Toomush_Infer

        You say O’Leary..

  • FlownOver

    I’m thinking she had herself a snootful and somebody put The Beatles on.

    “When it rains and shines
    It’s just a state of mind.”

    No, sorry, John, it isn’t.

  • KatieAnnieOakley

    From one resident of ChiCAHHHHHHHgo to another, Kristen – go soak your head. And then pull your wide, ample ass back down to Beverly, or whatever God-forsaken less-than-fashionable neighborhood you came from (nobody that lives in CiCAHHHHHHgo hates living there) because, Miz McQueary, nobody on the Gold Coast gives a shit what you have to say.

  • Slamtundra

    Wow. That lady is awful. She looks mean too. And she can’t write. When an engineer tells you that you can’t write (which is what’s happening right here), you truly suck.

    • drbloor

      Rather than editing services, I suspect she’d appreciate your going in an building a few poorly-designed levees for her.

    • janecita

      I showed your comment to my engineer husband, it is funny that all engineers (at least the ones that I know)always say the same thing about their writing abilities.

  • jmk

    Sounds to me like Ms. McQueasy has spent entirely too much time sniffing “engine fuel.”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Mmmmm…..octane!

    • JohnR

      White out and Sharpies.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Why is it that all these mean right-wingers have those fetal-alcohol syndrome lips?

    • JohnR

      Is that what that is? Thanks for splaining.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Well, there’s a lot more – clearly she doesn’t have the full extent of the indicators (google!), but it’s those lips that always get me – so mean!…

        • JohnR

          I did just google, I think I’m OK anyhow, you were not kidding.

    • nightmoth

      Dang, I posted a second after you, and I was thinking FAS also.

    • willi0000000

      and here i thought she just had fetal brain syndrome.

      • I thought it was called Infantile Idea Syndrome.

        • willi0000000

          ‘infantile’ would suggest more development.

  • nightmoth

    The whole column is “Yay, the blah people herd got thinned” so I don’t think she’s relating, even metaphorically, to the people on the rooftops begging to be rescued. Also, her eyes are so close together I wonder if she suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome.

    • janecita

      Finally, an explanation for Scott Walker’s strange face!

  • drbloor

    My initial impression was Axis I Batshit Crazy, although after reading through I see we have to add Axis II Dumb as a Sack of Hammers to the diagnostic formulation.

    • snigsy

      She’d fit in with another Axis too.

  • memzilla

    You’re SO White Privilege, Ms. McQueary. Here’s a Big Ol’ Rune* for ya, ‘cuz I know People Like You “get” runes.
    .
    *symbol for “The Party’s Over,” an upturned martini glass, graffiti used to protest Village gentrification since the ’80s. If the artist had a name, it would be Cranksy.

  • schmannity

    It’s like OxiClean with extrra whitening.

  • guppy06

    Yay, now I get to recycle comments!

    an unpredictable,
    haughty, devastating swirl of fury. A dramatic levee break. Geysers
    bursting through manhole covers.

    Bosoms heaving! Bodices ripped!

  • Bill Slider

    Katrina was not the Mother of All Urban Renewal. To die trapped in the attic with no escape possible to the rooftop, while escaping rising flood waters, does not paint a picture that meets Wonkette’s rules for radicals.

    • Redgyal

      Of course the type of people who got caught in the attic matters. Doesn’t it, Bill?

  • azeyote

    guess they’ll hire any dumb ass at that paper –

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Hire? I have trouble with the idea that she actually got paid for that.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This “free market” disease that so many Americans have is so frustrating, because it is a show of such appalling ignorance of so many things. They’ve bought into a meme because it “sounds good” without understanding dynamics of it, or the consequences.

    • willi0000000

      three good ideas this country has had
      free speech
      – freedom from religion
      public education

      [ wave bye-bye ]

  • schmannity

    Could you spare the Checkerboard Lounge and the Soul Kitchen?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Uhh, those places are in…THAT part of town…so, no.

  • TheBidenator

    What a Randite wingnut cunt. That is all.

  • schmannity

    Pinochet for Mayor!

  • dogscantlookup

    This is why I find myself praying for the guillotine.

    • Riggsveda

      I have knitting needles!

  • 3FingerPete

    I wasn’t aware the helicopters rescuing those on their rooftops, begging for help and waving their arms, were provided by entrepreneurs.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Only because the vile forces of liebral oppression won’t allow entrepreneurs to charge for rescues.

      • willi0000000

        if only that thought applied to tow trucks.

    • TheBidenator

      Sure they were…you could tell because the ones left behind on the roofs couldn’t afford the suddenly five times as expensive helicopter rate due to heh, an emergency therefore the leftovers were able to die off the good libertarian way for being poor.

  • TheBidenator

    You know if this bitch really hates Chicago that much she could move from this ivory tower to something more…washed out. Maybe a bit bleached and sanitized where the residents are all of a certain hue…anything would be better than wishing a hurricane would come along and get rid of all the poor black people and force the city to turn its educational system over to corporations.

    • nmmagyar

      Phoenix. You’re talking about Phoenix (specifically Scottsdale)

    • Angry_Cop

      I’m thinking the sickening pre-planned all-white eternal suburb of Irvine would be her dream town.

    • coozledad

      She can move to Roxboro, NC and never worry about meeting anyone who thinks differently from her again.

      I hope she likes white bread, meat, taters and cousinlingus.

  • Angry_Cop

    In all fairness, Rahm probably prays for exactly the same thing, and definitely for the same results.

    • Riggsveda

      In all fairness, Rahm just goes ahead and makes it happen. To paraphrase Dali, Rahm does not use hurricanes; Rahm IS the hurricane. I do pray one day these despicable shits will learn how it feels to be disposable to someone else.

  • Antimassacree

    Colonel McCormick is fapping in his grave.

  • QHarp

    I posted this in Wonkville! My headline was angrier.

    Edit: It’s people like this bitch that makes me wish we could have a The Purge for Wonkereenos– just, like, 12 hours where the Rules for Commenting Radicals were suspended and we could say whatever horrible shit popped into out heads about these miserable fuckwits.

    • berkeleyfarm

      I’m sure she is getting hers elsewhere.

    • Werewolf

      Festival! It is the will of Landru!

  • geoffalnutt

    STFU cruntling…and make me a sammich!! No one cares what you “think”. One day you may have an actual thought, but you’ll probably be too old to remember what it was later, making those annoying little squeaking noises as you squirm in your straight-jacket. The End.

  • CAKE OR DEATH DEPT.

    Maybe she fantasizes about Dubya and Walnuts coming to her rescue while feeding her a nice white sheet cake (NO HOMO)!

  • Swampay

    Here’s something to listen to while you read this. https://youtu.be/5rVzsEXk3kQ

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh, man!… haven’t heard those guys in ten years, at least…. loved ’em to death in 1970…the good Graham….

      • eggsacklywright

        I still have the vinyl.

        ♫ This old town, filled with sin,

        It’ll swallow you in…♫

    • Biff52

      Gram Parsons, too good for this world…

      • mailman27

        Too true.

  • Spotts1701

    A new mayor slashed the city budget, forced unpaid furloughs, cut positions, detonated labor contracts.

    Ah, the panacea of the libertarian mind – starve the government workers, and screw the ones who are on the cusp of retirement by blowing up their pension.

  • TheBidenator

    I think we may have found our Midwestern Peggy “Nooners” Noonan

    • Angry_Cop

      Complete with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

  • MrBlobfish

    What my city needs is another Hiroshima or Dresden. Autumn is fast approaching and I hate racking those fucking leaves.

    • TheBidenator

      Ya know if you take enough volatile chemicals in concentrate you could just blow your lawn up like that dock in China, the fireball would probably get the leaves and the trees that make them, too…

      Speak of which, what was in that fucking warehouse, plutonium?

      • willi0000000

        fertilize with ammonium nitrate . . . spray with oil?

        • Biff52

          Perfect use for the jet fuel!

          • Msgr_Moment

            It’s got what plants crave.

      • bozilingus

        Did China have Texas do their regulations and inspections?

      • data_ninja

        I’m not sure, but some of those explosion videos look like Michael Bay porn. I’m still surprised that some of those people hung around as long as they did to film it. My ass would’ve been out of there at the first boom, and not just the several following it.

      • w9anthimos

        Does China have any enemies?

        • BackDoorMan

          … just Donald Trump. He hates them/he loves them… he’s going to smack them down/he’s going to overcharge them to rent in his YOOGELY ugly architectural abominations, he’s going to charge them for “stealing jobs” (not the ones he contracted for personally, obvs)… ditto for Mexico, hate them/love them (even if he can make money off them)… Trump: The Ugly American, writ large.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        The same chemical that China uses for toothpaste and pet food.

        • SadDemInTex

          Disturbingly true and not snark

    • Toomush_Infer

      Please don’t leave your leaves in racks – it makes them nervous…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        This is why I love Wonkette…no one is spared.

    • TheBidenator

      But if you rack ’em up you can play 9 leaf; I’d just watch out for those Messicans carrying leaf blowers, those guys are hustlers….

    • SnarkOff

      Nice rack, Blobfish.

  • LarryHoudini

    Yeah, New Orleans has come back pretty well. But Hiroshima was completely transformed! Slum removal, new infrastructure, state of the art light rail system . . . gosh, now it’s super.

    • Toomush_Infer

      The New Urban Renewal Model! Fuk Detroit!…

    • James Christopher Owen

      Will we have any “Urban Renewal” bombs left after we get done with Iran, ISIS (still not a state), Syria, Russia…? Maybe we should start building some more now and beat the rush.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I think we’ve found the perfect Press Secretary for the Trump administration.

    • riledupone

      Press secretary? Isn’t there a cabinet position for Housing and Urban Development or something? (I’m not sure of the name and too lazy to Google). Why waste her as a mere admin mouthpiece?

  • Antimassacree

    Coincidently, I will soon be marking the anniversary of cancelling my subscription to Colonel McCormick’s rag with their editorializing in agreement with Scott Walker’s attack on teachers being the final straw.

  • Marty Malt

    God. SHOCK DOCTRINE fanfic.

    • lesterthegiantape

      See also Budget Proposal, Republican, 2001-present

  • Iam Reading

    Ugly inside and out.

  • Heckuva job there, girlie.

  • Callyson

    Some day a real rain will come…sounds familiar…

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Aside from the bullshit and blind-to-reality dumbassery, that’s just some really awful writing, there, that is…

    • BackDoorMan

      … and unless you are a RWNJ, very easy to discern and dismiss. But in the Conservative Echo Chamber, this is considered erudite analysis, even if it’s more rude anal sepsis than anything. I weep for the future.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Incidentally, rewriting the story to make it into a wet dream of destroying Chicago through Libertarian disaster rather than by natural disaster does not make it any better. Rather than letting her tweak this steaming pile of sadism, the Tribune should have withdrawn it completely. Without even considering the depraved message of her article, given how poorly it is written, it should never have been published in the first place.

    Following the rules of commenting, I can’t say what I’m wishing on this smug, insufferable bitch.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The Libertarian disaster would be more selective and destructive than a natural one.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, the Libertarian disaster would spare the 1% and focus the damage on the 99%, which means it would be a good thing. The concept of ‘shared sacrifice’ is not one that appeals to the Randian mindset. They are special snowflakes who should not suffer because they are the chosen ones.

        Well, they are the chosen ones, but not in the way they think. They should ask some French “chosen ones” from around 1793 about that.

        • mailman27

          Those bon temps were definitely NOT done with votes.

    • natoslug

      Are we allowed to hope her wishes come true, but on a personal level only? Her home could flood, and the next owners could build a beautiful new kitchen. Figuratively, of course.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Where is the comment section? I thought this mommy blog didn’t allow comments?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Wonkette can have Rules of Commenting without necessarily having comments, just as Congress can have Rules of Order without having any actual order.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Makes sense!

  • bozilingus

    Were there any comments on the paper’s site about this column or writer? Just wondering if any Wonkettes had been there to check it out.

    • Biff52

      I’ve never been to Chicago, but a friend there told me she got a pretty thorough reaming in the comments.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Twitter was pretty hilarious too

      • Zippy

        from what I remember when this story first popped up in wonkville, she got absolutely trashed by the locals

  • Paperless Tiger

    Death to unions, teachers, and Granny? Sounds like the Republican election platform.

    • data_ninja

      “Don’t you worry, everything will be all white now.”

      • bobbert

        Worst Free cover ever.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      you forgot teh gays.

  • natoslug

    If she wants to stand on her high rise rooftop and wave at helicopters, I support her. If nobody picks her up, she can always jump off the roof and swim away. Air has at least part of the composition of water, so it’d let her experience even more of her new Katrina. Or maybe she should just take her marbles (that’s what she has stored in her cheeks, correct?) and go home.

  • JMP

    Fuck white people. Really, we are the absolute worst.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Wikipedia does not clearly identify the source of this description of Col. Robert R. McCormack, the legendary editor/asshole-in-chief of the Chicago Tribune:

    …[R]emote, coldly aloof, ruthless aristocrat, living in lonely magnificence, disdaining the common people… an exceptional man, a lone wolf whose strength and courage could be looked up to, but at the same time had to be feared; an eccentric, misanthropic genius whose haughty bearing, cold
    eye and steely reserve made it impossible to like or trust him.

    Sounds like La McQueary could give the old bastard a run for his money in disdain and misanthropy, though I seriously doubt that she is a genius.

    • mfp

      actually, it sounds like la mcqueary wrote the wikipedia entry

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        right? What is lonely magnificence anyway? How about “a fucktard who lived alone because no one liked him since he was an asshole. More succinct.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I bet that’s it!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Seems we’ve had a “lone wolf” problem for quite some time. Perhaps we ought to revive the bounty system.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Can we caption that pic of the future Pull it, sir! prize winner?

    “My name? Wait, wait, don’t tell me…”

    ETA also too:

    “Did I blow him last night?”

  • DerrickWildcat
  • Belasaurius

    she seems nice

    • Antimassacree

      nice ‘n’ crazy

  • Mehmeisterjr

    This weekend is the Chicago Air & Water Show. Thousands of people will stream to Chicago’s lakefront to marvel at the city and its offerings. All five senses, satiated. Visitors will clamp their palms on their ears to tame the vibration. They will gasp at the stunning skyline. They will taste the sand-swept breeze. They will feel the sun’s touch. They will smell the engine fuel.

    They will delight.

    That is poetry! No wait, not “poetry.” What’s that other thing? Oh, yeah.

    That is the overwritten, gassy effusion of a not-very-bright thirteen-year-old in Remedial English before the overworked (possibly Union?) teacher takes a red pencil to it and scratches out every wretched word.

  • georgiaburning

    Yeah, there’s a nice upscale shopping center in Hiroshima a few blocks from ground zero, too.

  • data_ninja

    Figuratively speaking, this lady is literally crazy.

  • BigBoppa

    I canceled my subscription to the Chicago tribune about 9 years ago and haven’t seen or, more importantly, purchased a copy since. Not even once. I have never regretted it.

  • SnarkOff

    Dear Chicago Trib: This is what you get when you hire 14-year-old journalists.

    • gratuitous

      I was thinking more along the lines of Travis Bickle, the psychopath played by Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver. The movie opens with his voiceover, hoping for a “real rain that will come and wash all this scum off the streets.” McQueary, like Bickle, doesn’t see herself as part of the problem she so deplores.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You talkin’ to her? You talkin’ to her? You talkin’ to her? Then who the hell else are you talking… you talking to her? Well she’s the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Oh yeah? OK.

        • kiptw

          I’m sorry, does she amuse you? Like a clown?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …why does this surprise anyone? The entire Republican ideology is based on disasters! If everything isn’t fucked up and in utter chaos, how else can they implement their policies? Think about all the major policy changes they were able to implement after:

    -Katrina
    -9-11
    -2007-2006 Financial Collapse
    -Iraq/Afghanistan

    They love chaos, because in the confusion they are able to loot the coffers of this country while everyone is blaming each other for “response times”, “faulty intelligence” or “oversight failures”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Chaos is a very helpful distraction, I must admit.

    • Zippy

      Disaster capitalism- Naomi Klein had it right

    • I think Naomi Klein wrote a book on that very theme.

  • w9anthimos

    They’ve made a lot of improvements to the city of Pompeii in the last 1900 years also.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That reset button really worked wonders for ’em!

  • Me not sure

    If I had Obama’s time machine I’d like to take her back ten years and drop her off at the NOLA convention center for a few days. If she survived I’m betting her attitude would change.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I would like to remind Ms. McQueary that Paul Valas already presided over the fucking of the Chicago school system, thank you.

    • Riggsveda

      We in Philly had him first. He needs his own post in the Snake Oil Bulletin.

  • HolidayinCambodia

    Cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good
    Now, cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good
    When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move

  • Commentista

    She’s just a newsroom hack for one of Chicago’s truly shitty dailies. And desperate for attention. In modern publishing (print, TV, or net) it’s all about ‘buzz’, which is why we see ridiculously simple, troll-worthy, freshman-level editorials like this. And it worked. I suspect she now sees herself as a Polly Perkins or Brenda Starr. And so do her editors.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I guess one can never be too young to try big swigs of Dame Noonington’s brand of Gin Journalism?

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    What Chicago needs is a good old fashioned Ft. Dearborn Indian massacre.

    • Objectifer

      Or maybe a big fire.

  • toomanyrappers
  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Another Katrina? Babe, y’all gots no imagination at all. You want things swept aside for a glorious new millennium? Chicxulub II, Chicagoland Bugaloo, baybee! And most of the northern hemisphere, too, but hey, omelets, eggs, etc…

  • YayConspiracy

    How about a decent war? Could we have a nice destructive and figurative war?

    • bozilingus

      Chicago, The Baghdad of Illinois.

      • please. we’re the baghdad of AMERICA.

  • maman

    That bitch drinks White Zinfandel. Which is not Rosé (Take it easy on the Rosé people, it soothes my soul). I am out of town and so just learned of this and am appalled. Want a revolution, go move out into one of those houses in a new development/former corn field and lament on how the browns have ruined things in Chicago.

    • EvanHurst

      Hahahaha, but the Rosé people are fun to pick on, no fair!

      • maman

        maman is making a sad face, which is hard to do while coming home from the wine conference. Where there was LOTS of Rosé (Thank you Finger Lakes)

    • i also have a soft spot for a nice provencal rose.

      especially on a day like today.

  • hey lady! we are doing free shakespeare tonight in a chicago park.

    i really hope it doesn’t rain.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      She should move to Peotone, if she hasn’t already. The city is better off without naysayers like her. Have fun tonight. I’ve never had a bad time in your town (even when losing a fist fight with a sidewalk after that Chicago drinky thing).

  • who the hell actually reads the tribune anymore? even before the internet, it was never more than a mediocre regional with pretensions to NY Times grandeur. and they’ve so firewalled the fuck out of the on line that you can’t read trivial crap like theatre reviews or restaurant openings.

  • God. It’s like if Travis Bickle or Rorschach were given a newspaper column.

  • SadDemInTex

    ….

    • Mormos

      sadly, there are people who would prefer mad max to star trek.

      Of course, they imagine themselves as Lord Humungous, not the people he robs and kills.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Always the case with these types. They think they will be the new feudal lords.

        • SufferinSuccotash,Entitled

          But isn’t it true that killing people is more fun than seeking out strange new worlds?

          • Haribo Lector

            The crew of the Enterprise get to kill a lot of people too, so it’s win:win.

          • HolidayinCambodia

            “We come in peace. Shoot to kill.”

    • mrpuma2u

      Why haven’t more libertarians moved to Somalia, to become Lord Humongous and create their Galtian Ayatollah of rock and rollah paradise? I sure would miss them though….

      • SadDemInTex

        They don’t have to go so far…Don’t you know Honduras is a Libertarian Paradise? I have friends who go there and it is terrifying!!!

  • Mormos

    That’s what it took to hit the reset button in New Orleans

    FIXED: To destroy centuries of culture and community and to root the poor out of land they weren’t using (profiting from) properly.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Drown the poor, flood them out, don’t let them come back. Presto! Progress!
    And so now she’s wishing it on Chicago, bless her heart.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    You might be wondering whether Kristin McQueary always has that broody, mouth-breathing, just-got-hit-in-the-face-seven-times-with-a-skillet-and-my-ears-are-still-ringing look on her face? Well, according to Google Images, yeah, pretty much. Occasionally she musters a malevolent smiley variation but the mouth-breathing is ever present.

    • Maybe she’s hoping it’s raining botox.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Perhaps a meteorite shower could pepper Chicago, selectively destroying all the public schools and forcing reform on the school system, so they can be replaced by charter schools that perform just as badly with less excuse. Maybe a comet could strike city hall, forcing fiscal reform and ending corruption. Gosh!

    Reading the original it almost seems like she’s arguing that massive natural disasters can bring financial reform and prosperity. New Orleans is a shadow of its former self. I don’t know why, even metaphorically, she’d wish such a thing on Chicago, the fourth largest economic engine on the planet.
    It’s the only reason for this giant blob of light that stretches from Sheboygan on the north, through Milwaukee, all those suburbs, northwest Indiana and wraps around Lake Michigan to St Joseph /Benton Harbor, MI. Long-term prosperity translates to eventual fiscal soundness, a lot of those people living elsewhere in that blob would live in the city if they could afford to, just to cut the commute.
    McQueary should worry more about the city becoming Manhattan, where only trust funds can afford to live without rent controls, and poor creatives are getting priced out of Brooklyn and Hoboken. With gentrification lapping the northern edge of poor Englewood. she should worry more about slowing “The March of Poodles”. Have any ideas about getting the poor JOBS, McQueary? Might be better than wishing an Act of God would wipe them all out.

    https://cbschicago.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/night-view-from-space.jpg?w=620&h=349&crop=1

  • Zhu Bajie

    Any storm which destroys Chicago would probably destroy her home in the ‘burbs, too.

  • Did this oh-so empathetic composer of journalmalism mentioned the part about how “those people” also got a free exciting vacay to the Astrodome?! Who needs four-star accommodations when you can sleep on a cot frantic with worry about whether your loved ones got out OK and pondering how you’re going to put your life together after everything losing everything you love dear? No less than this world-renown travel adviser, well known for her grandmothery compassion recommends it!

  • Helena Handbag

    How old testament of her.

    • psychobroad

      How white of her.

  • Mr Corrections

    What the ever living fuck

  • psychobroad

    I was going to say something but you beat me to it, Mr. Corrections!

  • Dolmance

    I too hate Chicago, but it has nothing to do with politics. I just hate Chicago. I hate Chicago with every fiber of my being. I hate Chicago with a hatred so pure and so poignant, it’s barely describable. If I could make it happen, the earth would open up and swallow the entire region. Nay, the entire state.

    Yes, I hate Chicago.

    • Bitter Scribe

      As a lifelong Chicagoan, may I ask why?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I am going to guess they live in St Louis. sportsball hate is srs bidniss.
        Chicago was bitchin each and every time I ever went, and I went a bit back when I lived midwest. The music was the best part to me. Unfettered, everywhere, it was awe inspiring and wonderful. Pizza sucks though, wtf with putting sauce on top of the cheese? So wrong.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Meh. Chicago pizza hate is overdone. If you don’t like the stuff don’t eat it. There are a million places here that will be happy to sell you all the thin-crust pizza you can eat.

          BTW, if you want to see sportsball hate, check out the Cubs-Sox series. Cubs are up three runs in the ninth. Yay!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I prefer to think it is righteous, though not really hate since hate is a bit of a strong word and reserved for imbeciles who, say, would rather some place get destroyed, and a lot of people die, then have to work to make the place better ….like say, the lovely little journalette depicted above…and not used on pizza preferences.
            However, it is still wrong to put your sauce in the wrong place.

          • mrpuma2u

            Ditto, there is excellent thin crust pizza to be had in Chi-town, and if you don’t like the thick stuff don’t get none. Lived in Chicago 20 years (the city most of it except for 2 years in a near ‘burb) and yes parts of it were funky and nasty, but it ain’t that bad. Parts of it are pretty dang awesome too.

      • Dolmance

        I lived there until I was eight. I remember screen doors slamming, and inside those doors women begging their men not to hurt them anymore. I remember a kid with half an arm and two fingers coming out the elbow part, and he’d hold kids to a wall with that claw, and with his good arm he’d pound them half to death. I remember teachers locking kids with claustrophobia inside lockers. I remember a couple, a big fat lady in a filthy dress and her greasy haired husband with long sideburns trying to get me in their car, and even then I knew I wouldn’t survive if I got in it. I remember being molested at Micheal Reese hospital by a fucking janitor.

        I fucking hate that place. No joke, I think it’s hell on earth. I’d like to raze it and sew the ground with salt. Kind of like Hitler and his feelings for Vienna.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Well, I’m sorry you had such bad childhood experiences, but those are the kinds of things that can happen in any big city. I really don’t think the people here are any worse on a per-capita basis than anywhere else.

          • Dolmance

            I could write volumes about the place.

            It made me implacable. I can’t even be snarky about it. I shouldn’t be commenting on this subject here. Wonkette doesn’t need poison.

            Oh, hey, I just remembered something about Chicago. Remember Riverview amusement park? I was just remembering the down and out black guys in striped prisoner suits, sitting in cages on these metal traps, and if you could throw a baseball at a target, the metal trap would drop out and they’d fall into a tank of icy water. The pitchers would often shout the N word at them while they tossed their baseballs. Then we’d all mosey on over to the freak show and look at deformed children. A lovely time was had by all.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Interesting note about that:

            Mike Royko, the great Chicago newspaper columnist, once wrote very indignantly about those black guys at Riverview. As a result, they shut down that “attraction.” A few days after that happened, a bunch of those guys visited the offices of Royko’s newspaper and bitterly complained about being thrown out of work. Royko said later it was a valuable lesson in the law of unintended consequences.

          • Dolmance

            Jesus, they wanted their old jobs back, which reinforces my impression that the place is just a neighborhood in Hell.

            And then you have Cicero. Dear God, Cicero.

          • Bitter Scribe

            What funny about “dear God, Cicero” is that that place that came to fame as a bastion of white ethnic prejudice is now about two-thirds Hispanic.

          • Dolmance

            I didn’t say it was “funny.” And Cicero’s ethnicity means nothing to me, though the last time I was there it was filled with with what appeared to be cannibalistic hillbillies with some sort of radiation induced deformities, as if that’s important.

          • Joseph

            It apparently is since you noticed it an mentioned it.

          • MilwaukeeKent

            Dolmance, that’s all terrible but hardly unique to Chicago. Those things did, can and sadly still do happen everywhere in the world. Everywhere. All of it and worse, but less and less often as awareness grows.
            Take any idyllic small town, a complete Pleasantville. Scratch at the surface a bit and you’ll find Peyton Place, scratch a little more and there’s the seedy underside of movies like Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks or Fargo. It’s there. The difference between when we grew up and now is it gets exposed.

          • Joseph

            Sounds like you were attracted to a certain kind of entertainment.

        • Haribo Lector

          I watched a prostitute stab a clown! A pack of wild dogs took over, and successfully ran, a Wendy’s!

        • kdez

          In my brief visits to Chicago I always felt that violence – all kinds of violence – was rife there. Everyone says it’s a great city, but I’m going to have to go with Dolmance.

          • Dolmance

            I’m glad someone saw it. I got the sense of it when I was a child, so perhaps it was easier for me. I don’t know.

            All I know is, I spent eight years in Tijuana, four years during the drug war, and then Mexico City, and never was I confronted with the kind of awfulness I saw and felt in Chicago, Illinois. And the essence of it all? The deep down problem over there? VIOLENCE. My experience? It permeated the soul of the place.

        • Joseph

          It sounds more lie a neighborhood/cultural problem then a city problem. There were certainly many areas that I found disagreeable bu generally, I found it a very livable city.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Visited New Orleans last fall for a software conference. While I was there, I made the pilgrimage to Dooky Chase’s Restaurant in the Tremé neighborhood, just north of the French Quarter. They had to close for two years after Katrina to repair all the flood damage, but they are back and I had the best fried chicken in my *life* there.

    Afterwards, we walked around the neighborhood a bit. It’s coming back, but the process is painfully slow, too slow in fact. A lot of houses are fully restored and looking really good. But there are a number of houses that still need TLC and also too many empty lots.

    As for the McQueary creature, let’s hear from her when a natural disaster wipes away her home, her stuff and her memories. She won’t be all that thrilled about hitting the “reset” button, betcha betcha.

    • thepoliticalcat

      Well, you know, these things are only funny when they happen to someone else. Your tragedy = my comedy.

  • steve damon

    Philosophical spawn of that 20th century queen of evil, Ayn Rand. Get yourself a nice fat whiff of that jet fuel, evil spawn, and have a cigarette. A really well-made cigarette. It’s not enough to kill evil, you have to stand over its grave to make sure it stays dead.

  • Bitter Scribe

    McQueary is one of the leading voices in the choir at the Chicago Tribune singing the praises of our new governor, Bruce Rauner, the hedge-fund gazillionaire who bought the election and is now holding the state budget hostage to his attempts to dismantle unions.

    What’s funny about the Chicago Tribune is that, about 10 years ago, when it was making money like it was printing the stuff, it was bought by another greedhead, Sam Zell, who proceeded to run it into the ground and sell it for parts. If you ever look at a digital (or dead-tree) version of the Trib and wonder, gee, what’s the deal with those billboard-sized pictures and inane graphics on the first few pages of every section, well, it’s because the Trib fired so many reporters and editors that they have to make up the space somehow.

    What’s even funnier is that Zell and Rauner are best buds.

    • Redgyal

      That’s not funny. That’s conflict of interest.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Technically no, because Zell no longer owns the Trib. He got his ass out once things started to go south, years before Rauner came along.

        Rauner is now locked in a conflict with the Democrats who dominate the state legislature, so he’s doing the only thing he knows how to do in politics: Buying attack ads on TV. Zell is underwriting them.

        • MilwaukeeKent

          Ugh. At least Rauner has a check on his power for now. Up here, Walker has every branch of government in his donor’s pockets and they’re all busy dismantling any outside control on their power. Come visit us in Walabama and smell our dairy air!

    • MilwaukeeKent

      She reminds me exactly of a CEO who, desperate to “return stockholder value”, keep the board happy, and mostly make that bonus and last in office long enough to grab that Golden Parachute, sells off the most profitable product line of a company to meet that quarter’s dividend estimate. That or the asshole who saved BP $500,000 per off-shore drill and cost the company 26 billion and counting.

  • Redgyal

    And why not Hurricane Sandy?

    • thepoliticalcat

      Not enough teh BLAHs.

      • Redgyal

        Thanks for decoding my message for me. The difference between the reaction to the two storms is like night and day. (another word puzzle for you)

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I should like to point out to every stupid con that ever says “liberal media” that the media is only as liberal as the gun toting, Koch sucking, hard core right wing fucktards who own it.
    Exhibit A, this lovely little bit of Biblical bullshittery. “They won’t do what we want so let us destroy the entire thing and start over!!!!!” Brilliant and so humanitarian of you, you ignoble fuckweasels.
    Even though, and for you bibble thumpers especially, the Big G promised after Noah to never do it again, so shut up anyway, you are wrong even by your own stupid standards.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    OK if you’re middle class? Holy fuck, maybe if by middle class you mean makes 200K a year. Is that what you mean by middle class? Because that is how expensive these hipster do nothing fucks have made the city. Oh, BTW, 50K a year is middle class in New Orleans. At that salary you will be paying 50-70% of your income in rent or more in a mortgage.

  • Querolous

    A comment on lawyersgunsmoneyblog.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      brad is a model of civilized restraint. She is one fucking awful writer.

    • D_C_Wilson

      To be fair, there aren’t many ways to write, “Boy I wish all these poor and minority people would somehow disappear before they ruin the Air Show,” and not sound like a blithering idiot.

  • thepoliticalcat

    Evan? I want to run away with you, Baby. Put on your running shoes.

  • Alex Grey

    SRSLY?

  • Thom

    Well, glad Travis Bickle at least has a job now.

  • Jan Ness

    Guess she wasn’t around in 1992 for the flooding disaster in the loop…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That wasn’t the right kind of purifying, renewing disaster since it closed down the Merchandise Mart and other bidnesses. The kind of [metaphoric] disaster she wants would wash away (how to put this delicately?) those people.

  • TootsStansbury

    When Fascism comes to America it’ll be wrapped in a newspaper and making a Derp face.

  • Bad Scooter

    She seems nice.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      In an Eva Braun sort of way.

  • alnnc

    Metaphorically. Right. And literally, a cow pie is literally not a pie. Regardless of how you try to relate a disasterous flood to a cleansing, they are not the same.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Wow, an affluent pampered white person wants to kill off poor black and brown people to “improve” society. But she’s not a racist! I’ll bet she even has black friends!

  • Greg Comlish

    Well who wouldn’t want a natural disaster to target concentrated pockets of poverty, deluging the poorest and most vulnerable part of town, killing thousands of minorities and permanently exiling tens of thousands more.

  • D_C_Wilson

    To paraphrase Molly Ivans, it reads much better in the original German.

  • calliecallie

    I do not much care for that “C” word used to describe women, but in this case, I think it fits.

  • OldFattyLumbkin

    Must be a spelling mistake in her name.
    Surely it should be MakeQueasy?

  • Kelly Hamilton

    Gee honey, we already had a big storm in Chicago. It was called the Chicago Fire and it happened over 130 years ago. I live in an historic row house, among the first to be built after the fire. it’s great, and so are all the beautiful parks built by Daniel Burnham, but we probably didn’t need a fire to make it so. You want to visit more devastation on me and my city? Yes, we had the Air and Water Show today, a yearly nightmare of jets screaming overhead until one crashes in my neighborhood. Maybe that’s the “storm” you’re craving. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Conservatives suck at satire because they don’t understand there is difference between parody and hatred. And they simply hate everything they don’t like.

  • Joseph

    The whole Bush family should be barreed from atending any events put on by the human race. To say and be quoted taht a terrible strom in Chicago would remove a lot of detritus is unconscionable.

    Detritus like George and george and jeb and babs need to be washed away. And the stain treated.

  • Everhope

    That is some thought process infused with ethical standards a bronze age tribal king could cozy up to. What a fine lady with a fine, you betcha, intellect.

Previous articleHere’s Your Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Doing Gay Stuff In Vietnam
Next articleBREAKING: Televangelist Scamster Pat Robertson Has Never Actually Read The Bible