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As you might have expected, the twisted stupid saga of Todd Courser, the Michigan state representative who faked a gay-hooker scandal to cover up his genuine heterosex affair with another legislator, state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, and then claimed that he was being blackmailed, has taken another weird turn. A Michigan political blogger says this isn’t Courser’s first attempt at Nixonian ratfucking: Last year, during an extremely close Republican primary for the 82nd state House district, Courser allegedly faked a smear campaign against himself, claiming that some unknown enemy had distributed fliers accusing him of being a child molester. We’re sure Courser, a raving rightwing Tea Party loony who can’t go five minutes without invoking his Christian values, should have a heck of a compelling explanation for this accusation too, like maybe a high-level plot against him by the enemies of Jesus.

West Michigan Politics blogger Brandon Hall broke the story Monday:

Just six days before the 82nd State House Republican Primary last year, a disgusting flyer started appearing at public locations all across the Lapeer area essentially accusing Todd Courser, local lawyer and then State House candidate, of being a child molester.

Courser expressed outrage at the flyers, claimed a police report was filed, and questioned if one of his opponents was responsible. The culprit was never known, and the controversy mostly passed after Courser won the primary. The flyers had a huge potential impact, with Courser only besting local nurse Jan Peabody by about 300 votes-3,477 to 3,126.

Hall said that a “source with intimate knowledge of Courser’s operations” confirmed that Courser had printed out the fliers himself and planted them around the district “in a sickening and twisted attempt to bolster his chances at election” by making himself look like a victim of underhanded opponents. Courser posted a dramatic photo of one of the fliers to his Facebook page the week before the election, along with a pained condemnation of how low our political discourse has fallen:

No, we did not know that

Courser’s post is a classic case of calculatedly wounded innocence:

I have committed to running a campaign on the issues that matter for the people of Lapeer County and to move our state forward. I know everyone gets a little out of sorts coming down to the end of a campaign and there are clear campaign issues that need to be fleshed out and worked thru; then there is negative campaigning or character assassination. For the last two weeks Lapeer County voters have been subject to the baseless lies and outright deception from my opponent and her liberal billionaire backers.

And remember, this is in a Republican primary for the Michigan House; his closest opponent in the four-candidate field, with her liberal billionaire backers, was Jan Peabody, a nurse and then-chair of the Lapeer County Republican Party. You almost get the sense that Courser has a flair for hyperbole and drama, huh?

Courser’s Facebook post said that he was shocked, shocked at learning of the flier, which “implies that I am some sort of sexual offender”:

I was made aware of this and the person that notified my [sic] filed a police report on the matter. This is really regretful that this campaign has descended into clear character assassination. I, sincerely would hope and pray that none of my opponents or any of their supporters where [sic] behind this despicable activity. It just does not fit into civil society.

Gosh, I sure hope none of my opponents did this. Especially not the one with the liberal billionaires backing her! Let’s hope the police get to the bottom of it! That would have been rather difficult for the police to accomplish, seeing as how local law enforcement doesn’t have any record of such a report, according to Brandon Hall.

Courser’s cri de butthurt closes with a nicely played Christian Victim Card:

I am a political candidate, but am I first and foremost an imperfect follower of Christ, a husband of 17 years, and a father of four. I have been in business in this community since the mid 1990’s and I honestly I [sic] am at a loss for words at the actions of those who want to smear my name. Folks, the best thing you can do is don’t vote for those who want to sling mud and drag people down in the public square.

Why, O Lord, is he so persecuted? The poor dear. Hall also notes that, even at the time, a supporter of Jan Peabody noted in a Facebook comment that the font on the “Do you think Todd Courser is a child molester?” flier was identical to that on official-looking “warnings” that had been pasted on opponents’ yard signs; no such “warnings,” of course, appeared on Courser’s signs.

RawStory notes that in the epic recording of Courser trying to convince aide Ben Graham to help concoct the gay-hooker coverup plot, Courser actually mentions the fliers from the 2014 campaign, telling Graham that the smear email he wants to send to media and legislators should reference the earlier slurs so they’d look like part of a continuous campaign of lies against poor Todd Courser. The email should call Courser a “gun-toting, bible-thumping, c*ck-sucking freak. …. [who] was accused of child molestation.” And you wonder why Graham didn’t go along with such a cunning plan.

Yr Wonkette is fairly confident that we can’t possibly learn anything else about Courser’s ambitions to be a penny-ante Karl Rove. After all, how could this story possibly get any stupider? Yeah, we’ll probably let you know tomorrow.

[West Michigan Politics / RawStory / Todd Courser on Facebook (expect this one to vanish soon)]

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  • SnarkOff

    I would like to start a campaign in which we accuse this guy of being dumber than a bag of hair.

    • chiefkurtz

      He did, hoping we’d think he was actually smart.

    • Tallmutha

      Do it. I will spread rumours that the campaign is orchestrated by an unholy alliance of ISIS, NAMBLA, the New Black Panthers, and the Mexican drug cartels, and we’ll triumph for sure!

      • Ghost Buggy

        All coordinated by the Lansing Mafia, of course.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Rep. Courser:

    I would be happy to teach you how to change fonts in Microsoft Word for a small fee.

    • dslindc

      You’re just trying to become a billionaire backer!

  • LarryHoudini

    Have you seen this guy’s picture? You’d think with a head that big, there’d be some brains in there.

    • JustPixelz

      That’s what she said to me! (rimshot)

    • Catstro

      He looks very much like a friend of mine, if said friend replaced his forehead with that of Max Headroom.

  • Tallmutha

    Do you think this guy’s conscience is trying to tell him something?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Assumes conscience not in evidence.

    • JohnR

      What’s a conscience?

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Jesus. White straight Christian folks – if they aren’t being persecuted, they’re lying about being persecuted. Why can’t they just embrace unity.

    • Catstro

      I guess that whole Trinity thing makes the concept of unity that much more difficult.

  • FauxAntocles

    Say, what if he really is a child molester and this is just a game of eleventy dimensional chess to throw everyone off the scent?!?

    • Tallmutha

      Diabolical!

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Derpabolical!

    • baconzgood

      We are through the looking glass.

    • chicken thief

      Ya. *eyes rolling* This clown is that crafty.

    • JohnR

      An entire graveyard of skeletons is about to be exhumed, stay tuned.

  • Bob@Bob.com

    OK, at this point we need to question if he is faking accusations or confessing

    • Angry_Cop

      There is a theme, is there not?

  • Olav_Pompatus

    Hmmm … Just because he says he’s done terrible things, doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      As is well-established here, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • dslindc

    Is he also the leader of ISIS? It seems irresponsible not to follow his example and speculate wildly at this point.

  • Tallmutha

    Well, snark off for a moment, I didn’t realize he had four kids, and thinking about what this must be doing to them just makes my ass bleed with sadness.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Are you now bleeding out of your whatever?

      • JustPixelz

        Waiting for an apology MrAnthropesMr. Waiting. Waiting. Googling my name. Waiting. Thinking about lunch. Waiting. Trying to remember what I’m waiting for….

        • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

          Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s your nose! You are such a perv.

        • MsAnthropesMr

          What apology? – this was clearly Tallmutha’s fault.

          • chicken thief

            Clearly MsAnthropesMr is the real victim here. And also too Donald Trump and Sarah Palin.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            My feefees hurt. Also, too, my butt.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            We better start a GoFundMe for the Anthropes.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            I would very much like a go fund me for $2499. That is exactly the cost of a new TIG welder I have my eye on. I am, very persecuted.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’m moving my shop and have an old Miller MIG you can have for free. MIG, TIG…better call the whole thing off.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            Free MIG? SIgn me up? I’m in Richmond, VA.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I suspect the shipping cost from AZ would buy that TIG you crave.

    • JohnR

      I wonder about his childhood. Are psychopaths born or made?

      • dshwa

        The nature vs. nurture debate is turtles all the way down.

      • mtn_philosoph

        Sociopaths are coldly manipulative con artists, while psychopaths are genuinely delusional and often obsessive. The sociopath will endeavor to convince you of all kinds of bullshit that overtly or covertly benefits them. The psychopath won’t bother because he or she is convinced that you already know it. They think that this thing that you know or do represents a threat to be avoided rather than an asset to be cynically exploited.

        Examples: “Clark Rockefeller” (Christian Gerhartsreiter) and Frank Abagnale Jr. (“Catch Me If You Can”) are classic sociopaths. David Berkowitz (“Son of Sam”) is an archetypical psychopath. Charles Manson is a blend of the two types.

    • mtn_philosoph

      The kids have likely had his number for quite some time. Members of dysfunctional families, especially dependents, find ways to adjust to and accommodate all kinds of things that the rest of us would regard as very strange. They just deal with it and maintain the “family secret” because they think that they have no other choice. Many kids in such situations grow up thinking that their own families represent the norm, that all families are like theirs. They don’t believe that things could be any other way. They may, for example, be convinced that not just their parents, but everyone’s parents, are total blowhards and lying sacks of shit most of the time. Many grow up being profoundly wary of adults in general and of authority figures in particular.

  • data_ninja
    • MsAnthropesMr

      No, it was Firesign Theater.

    • Tallmutha

      It’s not as uncommon as you may think! I speculated on this in the previous thread and referenced Fight Club and Shutter Island. Olds may recall Angel Heart as well, and sci-fi nerds may call to mind A Scanner, Darkly.

      Of course, those were all fiction, and this guy is just a idiot.

      • lesterthegiantape

        I’m glad somebody was responsible enough to speculate.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      That can’t be right. I saw Resrouc at the 7/11. He’s got a goatee.

  • Lady Bug

    So you mean all of those Repubs spreading rumors about how B. Barry Bamz was a secret member of the Muslim Brotherhood and was planning on genociding all white people, were just stealthily trying to get him re-elected?

    • Lizzietish81

      11th dimensional chess master mother fuckers!

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Don’t knock success.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    IS

    TODD COURSER
    AN MORAN
    ?????

    • You forgot the “do you think” in tiny font at the top. That was a very nice touch.

      • Catstro

        Some local lunatic had a bone to pick with a candidate running for sheriff. He put up signs saying (in like, 2 pt font) I believe that, and in eleventy billion pt font CANDIDATE IS A CROOK AND A LIAR. Put a million of them in front of the county jail. It was all because of some paranoid fantasy the guy had in his head, but the city was forced to keep the signs up. The candidate won anyway, with like, 80% of the vote, but the whole thing was nuts.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Profit!

  • ArgieBargie

    It’s almost as if these sanctimonious people used the whole Jesus/Family Values thing to cover up and and justify their selfish, psychopathic ways.

    • JustPixelz

      Your move Alex Jones

    • JohnR

      You said almost, otherwise you are 100% correct.

    • Antimassacree

      Wonder how Courser could have ever listened to constituents with all the other voices in his head screaming all the time.

  • Barbara Delaney

    Cindy and the Toddmonster each are paid $94,000 annually, the fourth highest paid state legislators in the nation.

    Money well spent on these two fucksticks.

    • Tallmutha

      ??? Where does Buttfuck, Michigan get that kind of dough?

      • Lizzietish81

        The poors of course.

        • JustPixelz

          They are the true job creators.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Lot’s of moneez in Lapeer, if you know how to grift for it, Teabagger style.

  • Lizzietish81

    Needs more gimp suits.

    • lesterthegiantape

      Probably not. Let’s wait for the video to leak.

    • The Molten Soul

      Yes! We’re getting bored. And more ball-gags.

  • goonemeritus

    Raymond Chandler is not some little clip art monkey to be paraded
    out for our amusement.

    • FauxAntocles

      These bronies have no respect for the classics.

    • lesterthegiantape

      If they allowed comments around here I would agree most vociferously

  • Randy Riddle

    How long will it be until TLC signs him up for a reality tv show? Or are his chances better working with the Jeb!(TM) campaign?

  • Lizzietish81

    This does make me wonder though, where is Aaron Schock?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Probably being fabulous somewhere.

    • Catstro

      Touring Graceland for Jungle Room inspiration? Tiki is all the rage right now.

    • Antimassacree

      Finding solace in Jonathon’s tender embrace.

    • JohnR

      Working on his abs.

      • chicken thief

        Should there be a comma in there? Like ‘working, on his abs.’?

    • The Molten Soul

      He is presently working on his own reality show: Lockdown

    • chazmanr

      In an airport men’s room in Minneapolis working on his stance.

    • Karen Marie

      Yeah, he owed a fair pile of money for the special election after he quit. I wonder how he’s gotten away with not paying it, because you know he hasn’t.

  • pragmatist3

    Speechless.

  • Bureaucrap

    There is a type of fiction generally referred to as “wish fulfillment.” Just sayin’.

    • The Molten Soul

      No doubt. I’m reading a lot of unfulfilled desire.

  • Spotts1701

    This keeps up he’s going to claim he was being blackmailed over crashing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.

  • baconzgood

    He sais gun toting, bible thumping cock sucker like its a bad thing

    • JustPixelz

      I’m none of those things. Am i missing out?

      • The Molten Soul

        Only when they are conducted simultaneously. Yeah I know, that image welds neurons.

  • lesterthegiantape

    This is so sordid it makes my gender fall off.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      You should get some string, and attach it that way.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        duct tape or gtfo

      • The Molten Soul

        But don’t use super glue. Tried that once. Burns.

      • lesterthegiantape

        O DEATH, WHERE IS THY STRING? (apologies to Corinthians 15:55)

    • Dave

      I am not sure what that means, but it sounds unpleasant.

      • lesterthegiantape

        Me either, but it ruined the sofa

  • Barbara Delaney

    The head of the Michigan teabaggers is speaking, backing away from Todd and Cindy as fast as her little legs can carry her. Because, you know, Todd and Cindy aren’t anything official in the Tea Party, they’re just regular folks.

    ” I think the whole phenomena of picking out one or two individuals by the media and calling them the face of the Tea Party is erroneous. They’re two people in the Tea Party, they don’t represent the totality of the Michigan tea parties,” Fabiano said.

    Joan Fabiano went on to say that the teabaggers are going to pray for Todd and Cindy at their big gathering, so, that’s a a relief. So you can all just stop calling them the face of the Tea Party because they’re not!

    They’re the ass of the tea party.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Just ask $ara or Turnip. It’s all fun and games until the gotcha media uses your words and/or actions against you.

      • eddi

        “How dare they tell people what I said.”

    • nightmoth

      “the totality of the tea party” I like that phrase. What IS the totality of the tea party? That crappy instant powdered tea that tastes like vomit?

      • Angry_Cop

        The part where some Tea Partiers pretend to be BLM activists and take over a Sanders rally, refusing to let him speak?

        Wait til that shit hits the fan.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The totality of the tea party are Teatalitarians.

    • Human Leaving

      And I’m sure these baggers who insist they not all be judged by the actions of a few in their ranks extend that same courtesy to minorities when it comes to crime.

    • chicken thief

      Joan is probably right. After all, most of the Teabaggers are on hoverrounds, and aren’t likely to be fit enough to fuck, same or opposite sex.

    • chazmanr

      And their ass is their best side.

    • The Molten Soul

      Or rather the mold that grows on an unwashed ass.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The teabaggers are all ass, all the time.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Why is Courser not atop the polls in the Republican presidential primary? He has all the crucial attributes.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      “As President, I vow to deploy a top-secret smear campaign to defeat ISIS using a series of dot-matrix printed leaflets detailing their crimes of child-diddling and homosexual affairs. Step 2, ???. Step 3, Success (and Profit, also too)!”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        This, only after conducting a little first-hand personal “research” into these practices.

        • NanBullenshede

          I see what thou didst there.

      • The Molten Soul

        ISIS is Duggaring America. Again.

  • schmannity

    Wait. Can you bear false witness against yourself Mr. Evangelical Man?

    • The Molten Soul

      A sinner with a punch card.

      • snigsy

        More than his card might be punched.

  • Dave

    In all fairness it would have been irresponsible of him not to speculate on his own use of Gay Hookers.

  • Barbara Delaney

    “PLAINWELL, MI — State Rep. Cindy Gamrat, R-Plainwell, has canceled a meeting with constituents originally scheduled from 6 to 7:15 p.m. today at the Lee Township Hall in Pullman.”

    She cancelled after smelling tar heating up and that awful burnt feather odor, is there anything worse than that?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      The rail they run you out on can be pretty uncomfortable, also, too.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I would’ve guessed them to be more of a torches and pitchforks type of mob…

    • Tallmutha

      Holy shit, Pullman is seven miles from where I grew up and where my father still lives! I’m going to visit him this weekend!

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Bring your own tar. I hear they have a shortage.

    • chicken thief

      Meh. She’s prolly just bleeding out of her whatever.

  • Ryan Denniston

    The kids these days! They forget their Nixon. It’s not the lie that gets you, it’s the cover-up (probably because that involves a whole bunch of lies).

    • Lazy Media

      Best part about that maxim? It’s a lie. Had he not been pardoned, Nixon might have gone to prison for the rat-fucking alone, let alone the cover-up. As Rich Aregood (I think? or Calvin Trillin?) put it in his obit, if Nixon hadn’t had a dark side he wouldn’t have had any side at all.

  • Lazy Media

    IS Todd Courser a child molester? I’m just asking questions.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s out there now, so it’s news.

      • Vecciojohn

        We speculate, you jump to conclusions.

    • chicken thief

      I read on the internets that he is a gun-toting, bible-thumping, cock-sucking freak. So maybe he Duggared a little girl or two along the way also too? Who can say?!

      • AnOuthouse

        little girl? I’m leaning farm animals.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Drugged farm animals.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Holy shit. I read about this last week but didn’t bother listening to the audio. Wonketers: if you have not listened to the audio, do yourself a favor – it’s a fucking thing of beauty.

    • jmk

      I couldn’t agree more or harder… it was riveting.

  • calliecallie

    What you really have to wonder is how big a dork is Cindy Gamrat’s husband to make this guy look good enough to have an affair with. And I believe this is a long-standing affair that pre-dates their legislative jobs. It would be irreponsible not to speculate anyway.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Hubby Gamrat is probably a nice normal milquetoast church going guy. She, on the other hand, made a mistake many others have made: she went for the allure of “crazy in the head, crazy in bed,” never in her wildest imaginings thinking the crazy would eventually destroy her.

  • Cheesus Crust

    Ya know, this is actually really, REALLY disturbing, and here’s why: This idiot faked a smear campaign about his sexual orientation to cover up a REAL hetero affair. What on earth was he hiding that he felt he needed to fake a child molestation smear campaign?

    Someone needs to start digging – methinks there is a much, MUCH bigger skeleton as yet unseen in that closet.

    • chicken thief

      Real skeletons? Let’s not go down that road.

      ~ Joe and Glenn

    • OneDemin EOr

      Dem bones, dem bones…

    • nmmagyar

      Dead hooker(s).

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Dead rentboys.

    • doktorzoom

      Closet? I’d check his crawl space.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Couldn’t he have just accused himself of being a “known thespian” or a “shameless extrovert” instead? People have no respect for the classics.

    • chicken thief

      Thespian?! He drives a Subaru?

      • jmk

        I’m not sure about that, but he wears some suspiciously sensible shoes for a man in his position.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        He’s a Michigan politician. Whatever he drives damn well better be made by one of the Big Three.

    • arglebargle

      A practicing heterosexual.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He perambulated his infant son on a public sidewalk! He encouraged Protestant citizens to develop more catholic tastes! As a thespian, he performed the act in front of paying audiences!

  • Ergoetal

    You’ve at least got to admit he has a flair for writing. Maybe he can get a job over at WND.

    • Antimassacree

      Hated flairs for writing. The tips always got smushed, then the letters got too fat to be legible.

  • JohnR

    Todd Courser is nuts.

  • Barbara Delaney

    The blogger who broke this story, Brandon Hall, is just about what you’d expect from a twenty-five year old teabagger. He greatly admired Courser and Gamrat and their efforts to defund Planned Parenthood, among their other accomplishments. He feels very sorry for Cindy and has texted her to tell her he is praying for her. He says he knows what it’s like to make a “mistake”.

    Brandon Hall was forced to resign from the Grand Haven Board of Education in April 2010 after being convicted of stealing $750 from a school fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. He was sentenced to two years on probation and at least twice served time in the Ottawa County Jail for violating probation.

    That’s his idea of a mistake, stealing from a school fundraiser. Scratch a teabagger lightly and you’ll reveal a truly ghastly interior made up of every single one of the seven deadly sins.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Stole from a school fundraiser for ACS?!? Hope he’s sentenced to 30 years of wedgies, pinkbellies, and swirlies.

      • Barbara Delaney

        Yep, and just to show he has all of the republican hypocrisy spaces covered there’s this;

        “In 2008, Hall was elected to the school board, but two years later he resigned after being convicted of stealing money from a school fundraiser. Then Hall violated his probation by using marijuana and spent three weeks in jail.”

        But I’m sure he calls for life in prison for any darker hued citizen who’s caught smoking weed.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Is “asshole” one of the seven deadly sins? If not, I’d like to propose adding it.

      • eddi

        I think Pride, Anger and Greed cover most of it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Scratch a teabagger and pray to God you have some industrial strength antibiotic ointment close at hand.

    • Angry_Cop

      He didn’t steal from a school fundraiser. He stole money that was supposed to help cancer patients.

      These people can’t possibly believe in God. I’m an atheist and even I know if I do that I’m going straight to hell.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’ve been looking for (and failing to find) the exact wording of a David Letterman quote. He was referring to some politician who had made “a mistake” and Dave said, approximately, “A mistake is when you fail the carry the one to the tens column. This was not a mistake.”

    • AnOuthouse

      Scratch a teabagger but don’t inhale.

  • jviscont1

    Why not play the ultimate pity card and expose himself as a republican.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “Why not play the ultimate pity card and expose himself.” Just end the sentence right there.

  • Hemidemisemiquaver

    When will he claim that Republican Jesus has forgiven him and it is now a violation of his sincerely-held religious beliefs to continue to report on his past actions?

    Republican Jesus is a handy guy to have around.

  • RoniOh

    How the hell has this guy not dug the hole he’s digging clear to China by now?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      China rejected him and sent him back up.

      • jmk

        Understandable. He is puke-worthy.

    • At least he is digging in the right direction according to his religion.

  • cheetojeebus

    Todd’s Autobiography “This One Weird Trick” is really bombing. It’s pretty clear it’s all fiction.

    • I wonder if Ms. Gamrat likes being referred to as, “One Weird Trick??

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Another book full of selfies?

  • The first time he pulls this ratfucking scheme, Courser chooses something illegal and disgusting. The second time he chooses something legal and enjoyed by many people. Doesn’t he know that you are supposed to escalate the charges, not move on to something that is really okay?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Black propaganda for Christians. Go figure.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is it not okay to type out c*ck?

    • Paperless Tiger

      I think they prefer cuck now.

    • MrBlobfish

      F*ck no.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Oh sh*t!

  • Barbara Delaney

    From the Department of You Can’t Make this Shit Up comes this gem;

    Todd and Cindy introduced the Gamrat-Courser bill to “take the government out of marriage” by allowing only ministers to officiate at weddings.

    • dshwa

      It’s a good thing irony has been dead for years, because this surely would have killed it on the spot.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It died when Henry Kissinger was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The government can still officiate at hookups and booty calls, right?

      • eddi

        They better be able to. All work and no play tends to get them edgy.

  • blaid droog

    “this campaign has descended into clear character assassination.” how can this be true when the man clearly has no character ?

    • Vienna Woods

      You can’t assassinate yourself, Courser- you’ve committed character suicide, dumbass.

  • whyieverdidit

    Nixonian? Positively Colsonesque, I’d say….

  • The Molten Soul

    Desperate times, Teabaggers, desperate times.

  • Antimassacree

    I sincerely hope this man gets the psychiatric care he so obviously needs.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      …with votes.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This wackaloon is going to have his own page in the next edition of the DSM.
      “Only treatment known to be effective is vigorous application of a 2×4 to the os frontale
      (ad lib.)”

  • DerrickWildcat

    Can you be a born again born again Christian?

    • AnOuthouse

      However many times as it takes.

    • dshwa

      You don’t need to. Once you do it once, you and Jeebus are special friends (but not like that pervs) and you can do whatever you want knowing that Jeebus will make daddy forgive you.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I’m actually starting to think these fake scandals ain’t all that fake.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      His imagination certainly runs to odd fantasies, doesn’t it?

  • Kakkeltje

    Ooh, a plan as cunning as a fox that has just been made professor of cunning at Oxford university!

  • MrBlobfish

    This story has everything, doesn’t it?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      No sexting has surfaced yet.

      • jmk

        In the audio from last week, Todd the Magnificent acknowledged that there “could be” something out there of that sort, so, yes… heavy emphasis on the YET.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      No rent boys have come forward yet, have they?

  • Barbara Delaney

    Todd is still trying to peddle a conspiracy theory despite his ratfucking being exposed. He claims his office is bugged, that he receives “anonymous texts”, (oh no! the horror!), and mutters about a Lansing mafia.

    “I could have resigned — this is really the option that the anonymous texter wanted — and done so quietly,” Courser said. “But that would have allowed my personal issues to rule the day and deny the truth of all of it to the people that elected me. I essentially would have been submitting to the authority of the establishment machine and doing so to protect myself and to protect my family.”

    And he can’t protect his family, don’t you see? Only cowards protect their families! He can’t submit to the man! Because then his back would be bent and he’d be ridden like Sarah Palin was….hey, that’s giving Todd an idea of what he and Cindy can do at the Motel 6 this Thursday….

    • Mehmeisterjr

      His family has been quite the priority for him so far. There is nothing that he puts before his family except for everything.

    • marxalot

      Five bucks says the anonymous texter is his wife, who knows and just wants it to stop. Or knew he’d shit himself and sprint in this fashion, and decided that was sufficient payback.

  • AnOuthouse

    Given the history of projection by the GOP I’d be concerned that where there is smoke, there is a molested child for realz.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Bet he gets re-elected.

    • dshwa

      As always, IOKYAR

    • SK

      By a whopping margin. Like this guy!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Lie down with Gamrats and you wake up with fleas.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Todd Courser is writing a Chandleresque autobiography with the working title “My Business is Trouble.”

  • deanbooth

    Gamerat! Gamerat! Gamerat is really neat! Gamerat is filled with meat! I’ve been eating Gamerat!

    (Also, too, House of Tards, episode 3.)

  • PubOption

    I only, I also, am right?

  • You know the old saying about either a dead hooker or a live boy in your bed.

    Lesser of two evils, maybe? No?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I wouldn’t put it past this guy to go for both.

  • shastakoala

    Nothing worse than a sanctimonious litter bug.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    So, this Tea Party Republican fellow:
    Lied by implication about a nurse accusing him of child molesting in order to get elected
    Had an extra-marital affair with a fellow legiscritter and did some smarmy behind the scenes hanky panky that was not legal, unlike the fun extra-marital hanky-panky part
    Tried to cover that up by lying again and implying someone else did something
    Refuses to do the one thing that would “protect his family” because jesus or something
    Insists that it is all someone elses fault even though he actually did those very precise things
    and gets called out by a guy who steals from a cash stash raised by kids for a charity???
    WTF Michigan. Wtf.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Rat fucker? I thought he was fucking his office mate, or mating with his office fucker or something.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Who the fuck can keep track?

  • Barbara Delaney

    At least Todd and Cindy were creative when writing valedictions in their correspondence with their constituents.

    Gamrat signed her correspondence to constituents with the phrase: “With Firm Reliance in Divine Providence,” while Courser used the phrase, “In His grip.”

    In his firm, manly grip….yes! that’s it! squeeze tighter! yes! now move your hand up and down but keep squeezing!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Hold it like you would a tennis racket!”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I do not think Todd Courser is a child molester.

    I do think he’s a Jeebofascist nutbag who should never be elected to any public office, ever.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He’s a corndog short of a state fair, that’s for sure.

  • Joshua Norton

    confirmed that Courser had printed out the fliers himself

    Uh oh! THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!111!!!!!!!1

  • Bitter Scribe

    There’s a proud tradition in Chicago of hiring someone to throw a brick through the front window of your campaign headquarters, then claiming your opponent did it. I guess this way is less messy.

    • Jukesgrrl

      That happens here in Arizona all the time. But it’s not usually self-inflicted. The same people shoot bullet into the signs of Democratic candidates or tear them down. In 2012, Mark Mitchell, Democratic candidate for mayor of Tempe, AZ, with hit with a charge that he had sex with a 10-year-old. A couple of weeks before the election, the daughter of Mitchell’s parents’ next-door-neighbor came forward to claim that when she was 10 and Mitchell was 13 (29 years earlier!), he engaged in sex acts with her four times. She had never mentioned it before 2012 and her own mother testified she had no knowledge of the situation, even though her daughter told the police she informed her mother at the time. Mitchell’s opponent immediately began distributing fliers about the father of two daughters being a child molester. But the accusations didn’t take. Mitchell was elected and is currently the mayor of Tempe, home of ASU. He also was never charged by the county prosecutor.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It also involves fewer insurance claims forms.

  • Barbara Delaney

    Todd Courser put up photos on Facebook of his young sons using the same weapon Adam Lanza used in the Newtown murders.

    https://www.facebook.com/Toddformichigan/photos/a.782782788412393.1073741833.536660376357970/785922004765138/?type=1&permPage=1

    “Doing a little modern musket training. Elijah said, “its beautiful! I’m in luv!” I was inspired yesterday. Funny thing is the gun is just one vital tool to train up my four children as the weapons for liberty that will impact the future both for freedom, but also for Christ. The 2nd Amendment is but one important part of our history that every citizen needs to be acquainted with and no one should be afraid of. Trained children equipped in every aspect of the cause of freedom are the bulwark against tyranny.”

    • Bitter Scribe

      Suffer the little children to come unto me…armed to the teeth.

    • RoniOh

      The gun is a tool for Christ? I didn’t know people actually got this dumb.

      • Karen Marie

        You haven’t been paying attention.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This may be bending the house rules a bit, but . . . can I suggest he train them in the use of an Uzi? Under close supervision, natch.

    • bozilingus

      “This just in: Jesus Christ, having just returned from the dead a second time, held a gathering of children upon His return. Unfortunately, one youngster’s AR-15 fell from his hands, struck the ground and a round was fired, striking Jesus in the forehead and killing Him again. A Third Coming is expected shortly.”

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Should I start putting a loaded hand gun in the collection plate?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The kid’s got his finger on the trigger. Clearly, he has a fucking moran for a teacher.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Faux smear campaign? Or trial balloon? C’mon, Todd, you can tell us what secrets you’re really hiding.

  • thirdeblue

    The Tea Party cannot fail. It can only be failed.

    • TheBidenator

      That might as well be the slogan for the entire conservative movement.

      • Karen Marie

        It is.

  • marxalot

    Dok, not to shove my glasses any further up my nose, but wouldn’t “adulterer” be more accurate than “fornicator?” They’re fucking outside the confines of marriage (both of ’em!) but not prior to marriage.

    • doktorzoom

      We discussed that in the chatcave, and all agreed that “fornicator” is a much funnier word, despite its inaccuracy. As long as this story stays around, he’s a fornicator.

      And maybe a whoremonger. (Hi, Brother Jed!)

  • SK

    So Courser got the edge in a close election because his supporters, i.e., tea-baggers felt he was the better candidate since he had been accused of child-fucking?

    Maybe we should worry about about the morals of those voters than what Courser did.

    And what’s up with these Republicans named Todd? Todd Kincannon, Todd Starnes, Todd Courser, … Chuck Todd… the fuck?

  • Barbara Delaney

    A look at Todd Courser’s campaign material reveals the involvement of the Americans for Prosperity PAC, the Koch brothers pick another winner.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So he was right . . . there really are billionaire backers of candidates for the Michigan House!
      I wonder how he . . . oh. Right.

    • Karen Marie

      Hey, you win some, you lose some. Not every horse is a winner .

  • TheBidenator

    Doesn’t this moran know that if you really want to win you plant a fake bug in your office a week before the campaign and then ‘find’ it? What an amateur. Also, in Rove world a proper smear campaign begins with a whisper campaign alleging your opponent is a child molester (this is particularly good if the opponent has an established track record of working with at-risk youth) in a state wide race say….Alabama, the University of Alabama to be precise. This guy has a lot to learn if he’s trying to emulate the sultan of sleaze, turd blossom.

  • Barbara Delaney

    Todd and Cindy co-authored a Contract for Liberty.

    http://www.toddcourser.com/contract_for_liberty

    The first item on the contract is The Freedom to be Born. The third item is Health Care Freedom, under this heading they write “There is no more fundamental right than to be free from government intrusion into the intimacy and privacy of our own bodies. The integrity of the patient/doctor relationships, along with our healthcare choices and decisions, should be free and protected from government intrusion.”

    They see absolutely nothing wrong with calling for the worst kind of intrusion into the bodies of women by mandating compulsory childbirth. Then they write this crap and expect anyone to believe it?

    • SK

      Therefore, any woman who aborts her fetus should be charged with murder. Likewise, any fetus who kills the host because she’s prevented from aborting should be tried for murder immediately upon birth.

      But this raises a different question. How come when Todd came into Cindy, Cindy did not get pregnant?
      Is Todd sterile? Cindy? Both? Wait a fucking minute, did they use one of them abortifacient condoms?

      • pearlsarefuzzy

        Heaven knows she’s fertile enough, and I guess he’s virile (4 children) enough. The odds against an accidental pregnancy seem pretty high.

    • cessnadriver

      RWAC’s are far, far too stupid to understand the meaning of the word “hypocrisy”.

  • snigsy

    Just what is the Lansing mafia? Is Lansing where the mob sends its none-too-bright family members, like Ricky the Knuckle Dragger?

  • tihond

    “gun-toting, bible-thumping, c*ck-sucking freak.” So, Jeff Gannon, then?

  • cessnadriver

    The problem: people might believe this crap because nobody would be stupid enough to make this kind of stuff up, right?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    This is looking less and less like stupidity, and more and more like wishful thinking.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I agree. He spends entirely too much time exploring blackmail opportunities for his pornographic thoughts to be strictly fantasy.

  • whitroth

    I think there should be flyers, all right: accusing Todd of being a reason-molester, and a molester of anyone with two brain cells to rub together….

    mark “whoever wins the GOP primaries, Todd for VP!”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What an incredible dickhead.
    This guy could be the first pol in Michigan history to get zero votes for a state office … and that’s after his mother’s district has reported.

  • kaydenpat

    T’Baggers are such fun, aren’t they? And so Christlike with all their lying and cheating. But they sure are concerned about who we love or what we do with our bodies. Funny that.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    I copied this from another poster recently. I thought it applied here as well.

    Keep trying honey, you’re doing fine! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae864e0a22de19caaba6866ddde06ae64f2f2ffcef6a419e675447cf90c84e69.gif

    Faking an assassination attempt can’t be far behind.

    • richardgrabman

      Wasn’t that the plot of “Machete”?

  • A Grumpy Cat

    I just can’t even anymore. Will the next story reveal that he’s secretly a squirrel Nazi?

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    I have laughed longer and harder at this story than I have at any other item or recipe ever printed on this mommy blog and that includes “Fun with DC Interns” and “Tuesday Night Shots” or whatever Night that was. And I have imagined myself laughing longer and harder at the comments posted about this story if comments were allowed. But we are all going to be pretty sad when Cocktober rolls around and we got nothin’.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Aw, c’mon. The Teapublcan’ts have more than six weeks to come up with additional antics before Cocktober. I have every faith they can fuck up more by then. Some of them will be going on vacation. Let’s get some photos of who’s carrying their bags through the airport and what they’re doing in the restroom stalls. I keep a close eye on Prince William Hilton Paul. He’s due to hit paydirt again soon. And don’t forget … Palin has more children than Bristol.

  • Waldo Cat

    Well, ya know what they say: Once a philosopher, twice a family-values Republican.

  • Warpde

    I just spent an hour on this guys FB page.
    I’m now bleeding out of my eye’s and whatever and I’m not even a woman.
    I may be in need of some medical attention.

    • handyhippie65

      why, for the love of all that is good, would you do that to yourself? in 10 minutes you knew you should leave. more proof of my trainwreck theory. we can’t look away.

  • gingerland62

    The conservative right are excellent imperfect Christians.

    • I understand why you are the way you are. I will keep you in my prayers.

      • gingerland62

        You know nothing but your own ideas about bearded men in the sky, immaculate conceptions and raising the dead…I have probably studied the bible multiple more hours than you have. 16 years at Christian schools…fortunately my parents believed in free thought and debate. Religion is a scourge on this country. It has been the basis for slavery, wars, hatred and bigotry. you do not need religion to be a good person OR a spiritual person. You holier than thou types need to back off. Don’t bother praying to big bearded man in the sky for me , it really serves no purpose except maybe for your own super ego.

        • My own ideas? Nope, sorry. Why is it the top religion in the world? If you have actually studied the Bible more hours than I have, then you wouldn’t have the views you do. Going to a Christian school growing up means nothing if your heart is blocked off from it and there’s no help from the parents. Religion is a scourge? No, satan and sin is the scourge. All this hatred you have toward everyone and the world is nothing but satan’s hold on your heart. Praying has nothing to do with ego. You see one egotistical christian and you think they’re all like that? Am I right? I care about others and want the best for them. If Christianity is such a scourge then why would I reach out to you? Shame on me right? How egotistical of me.

          • gingerland62

            I think Islam is the fastest growing religion, so does that make the Koran the truth? I have no hatred toward anyone, I am disgusted by bigotry and hypocrisy and do you know why? Because I do believe in the philosophy of Jesus (Love one another, judge not, love thy enemy, turn the other cheek, feed the poor, comfort the sick and homeless)but somehow conservative Christianity “religion” has turned it’s back on these golden rules and focus on peoples sexual preferences, or personal choices and try to force legislature based on THEIR religion.”Christians” have given Christ a bad name. Religion is a choice, kindness is a choice, forgiveness is a choice, tolerance is a choice, bigotry is a choice…

          • You “think” it’s the fastest growing? Does that mean it’s the top now? How can Christians not focus on sexual preferences at the moment? It’s the fastest growing sin and more and more people are jumping on the band wagon. So your saying it’s okay to force legislature on Christians by letting the LGBT community do everything they want? Why do you think same-sex marriage was never allowed? Everyone is complaining about equal rights, but it goes both ways. The LGBT can display their beliefs but Christians can’t anymore or else we are “judging”. So we are to sit back and watch and keep our mouths shut because we don’t apply for equal rights? We should jump on the band wagon too? If you’re disgusted by bigotry and hypocrisy, then turn and look at everyone else in the entire world besides just Christians. You have a hatred towards all Christians because not each and every one of them are your version of “perfect”. One screws up, you judge all. That’s all there is to it. The philosophy of Jesus is more than just your golden rules. If you truly believed in His philosophy, and did all this studying of the Bible that you claimed you did, you would follow him, and not let sinning Christians affect your walk. Everyone sins. True Christians ask for forgiveness and change. Many Christians sin and never ask for forgiveness. It’s wrong, and it does give a bad name for all Christians. I could judge the entire MLB for one player doing wrong. Would that be right? I know many Christian MLB players who keep their focus on God. So should I include them with my judging? Everything you say contradicts itself. Because it’s easier to stand for nothing and forsake everyone else, right?

          • gingerland62

            OMG way too into the sex stuff for me. I hope you do not eat pork or shell fish because according to God it is the same sin as butt sex or blowjobs so enjoy your judgy lifestyle, but don’t expect your God to like it too much. I feel like the biggest sin right now happening in our society is the lack of care for homelessness and child hunger. Jesus cares way more about that than people of the same sex loving each other. again I do not hate Christians, many are in my family and close friends and some are GAY. Again, Christ has nothing to do with judgement, hate, bigotry and discrimination, that is on the human race.

          • Lol judgy lifestyle. How’s your broken record lifestyle going? So you’re the type that still thinks eating pork is a sin? You have no clue do you? Do you know the difference between the Old and New Testament? In the OT, eating pork was prohibited under the law. You know what the law was? Do you know why Jesus died on the cross and what it changed? Probably not since you still think eating pork is a sin. Maybe more studying perhaps? I LOVE the end of your comment though! You are FINALLY making some sense, except for the part about you speaking for Jesus about what you think he cares more about. You are right in that all sins are equal in God’s eyes, so actually people engaging in same sex crap is the same as each and every one of us telling a little lie. To end this, it’s not just my God, it’s your God and everyone elses’ God too.

          • gingerland62

            I don’t believe in “sin” It is made up by dysfunctional men thousands of years ago to keep people in their place especially women. There is civil behavior and uncivil behavior that is what governmental laws are for. Your rhetoric still gives you reason to be a bigot, judge others or discriminate, if you truly are following Jesus’s word. Just read the Sermon on the mount. “You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.”
            But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.
            If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.
            Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.” Sounds to me like Jesus wants you to bake cakes for gay people…also”When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
            And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him… Pretty much your faith is yours and going around touting it as if it were some shimmery cloak is not what “God” wants either. The Old testament was made obsolete by the birth of Christ and you all need to realize that. I am done with your senseless ranting. you have been blinded by the inability to question what doesn’t make sense, blind faith is damaging.

          • That’s all you have. All you do is claim everyone else “judges”. Sin. How do you think we know between right and wrong? What do you think our most basic laws are based off of? It’s funny how you are quoting from the Bible, and making your own interpretations, when it all comes down to it, you want nothing to do with God, Jesus, and Christianity. You understand nothing about what you just quoted. Here is a good one for you: Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” You cherry pick verses out of the Bible, make your own interpretation, when you have no intentions to actually follow anything the Bible actually says. How am I using meaningless repitition when I witness to others? Do you even know what the meaningless repitition is they are speaking of? You have no clue about the meaning behind everything you quote from the Bible. How could you when you don’t believe in it? As you have stated before. How can you use something you have no belief in? I don’t understand. You spend half the time TRYING to explain the Bible to me, when you have no clue what it means, and you don’t believe any of it. Tell me how that makes sense. That would be like me trying to get someone to believe something about Evolution, when I spend my entire life knocking it, and when I believe none of it. Explain that. The entire Old Testament was NOT made obselete by the “Death” of Christ. Christ died so we were no longer under the old law. He fulfilled it. It did NOT destroy everything about the OT. Read up: http://www.mountainretreatorg.net/faq/oldlaw.html . Do more studying. Your problem is that you have your own opinions, your own interpretations, your own beliefs, and you are completely blind to the truth. Completely blind. You don’t even believe in the truth, so why try to explain it? All you do is rant and rave about everyone else “judging”, when you are doing nothing but judging people and trying to use the Bible for your own glory and not for God’s. The inability to question what doesn’t make sense? Everything makes sense to me, because I have the Bible to explain it all to me. It explains to me everything, including why you think the way you do. http://www.openbible.info/topics/spiritual_blindness . 2 Corinthians 4:4 “The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.”

          • gingerland62

            My reply is worry about your own sins, focus on your own family, and keep religion out of government. I don’t need you to pray for me, I am fine with myself. You do not need to judge other families, to make your family what you want it to be. Gay people getting married has nothing to do with my 25 year marriage and it shouldn’t with anyone else. Let he amongst you without sin cast the first stone…again Jesus’s words, not some scribe.

          • Your own interpretations of the Bible for your own glory won’t help you and will only hurt you. “Let he amongst you without sin cast the first stone”.. Besides your cherry picking, do you even understand where that came from? Why they were casting stones? Instead of your own opinions, your own interpretations, and your own beliefs, actually provide one bit of Truth. Instead of using the Bible for your own glory, use it for God’s. What’s the point of forsaking God, yet continuing to proclaim His word? I believe that is called hypocrisy. Instead of your beginning thoughts on just being selfish and thinking of ourselves, Galatians 6:1 “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

          • gingerland62

            Sermon on the mount…

  • handyhippie65

    he might aspire to rovian machinations, but he seems to be capable of daffy duckian ones.

  • Querolous

    I find it difficult to believe that he could be so out of touch with the real world. A google search for “forensic examination of printed digital documents” yields ~8.5 million hits. If he did put out this flyer it would be trivial to trace it back to him. Stupidity, thy name is Courser.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The teabagger take on this is almost as hilarious as the main show:

    “The behavior to which he’s publicly admitted has, by association, damaged and discredited the cause of liberty and of conservative, constitutional, and limited government.”
    –State Rep. Gary Glenn, R (doh!) -Midland

    You betcha! Nothing worse than schtupping a fellow ‘bagger to discredit the cause of liberty and the constitution!

  • I see no reason we shouldn’t entertain the possibility he’s confessing.

  • handyhippie65

    hey, do you have all of those pulp fiction novels you keep showing the covers of? how trashy are they? inquiring minds want to know.

  • gurukalehuru

    Could it get stupider? Of course it could. (btw, you missed a couple of ((sic))s.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Any sic*er and he would be in the E.R.

  • Fly

    Calling himself a RINO was too shameful.

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