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We are through the rabbit's looking glass, people!

You HAD to know, given that the two state legislators in this stupid Michigan sex scandal are rightwing teabagger Christians, that things would get even weirder and dumber. Friday, we told you how state Rep. Todd Courser came up with a Most Cunning Plan to cover up his affair with state Rep. Cindy Gamrat: He’d have an aide email the media a fake accusation that he was paying for gay hookers and addicted to porn, so that when the truth about his adulterous-but-hetero-affair with Gamrat came out, it would seem mild by comparison. Genius! And now, here’s another shoe: Courser claims the only reason he made up that gay sex story was that he was being blackmailed, and he was going to use the fraudulent story to flush out the blackmailer. That’s the ticket!

Courser released a “long and rambling recording” Monday morning (we would embed the bizarre 27-minute audio, but darned if the Detroit Free Press has an embeddable version), in which:

[He] blames his former staffers, Ben Graham, Josh Cline and Keith Allard, for colluding with the Lansing “mafia” establishment to bring him down. And it didn’t work, he said, because he’s decided to stay in office to expose the “political shenanigans” that are happening in Lansing.

You hear that, Lansing power structure? Todd Courser is not your plaything! And any crystal dildo that he may have given Rep. Gamrat is also not your plaything; it is for realigning only her sexy chakras! There’s a whole lot of apologizing, especially to Jebus, who Courser really knows he let down, but also a fair bit of defiance, because while he knows he’s sinned, he’s not going to deprive the good people of Michigan the representation that he knows he can give them, and besides, resigning is just what the blackmailer wants him to do.

Courser claimed that he received texts in May that were designed to blackmail him — he doesn’t specify what the supposed blackmailer wanted from him, other than his resignation — and explains that he sent out the email accusing himself of hiring gay prostitutes as part of his own sting for the blackmailer:

The e-mail was put in motion to try and disrupt the blackmailer and to give me some clues as to what their ability was as far as surveillance over my life and the threats they were making. It was all done in a pressure cooker and … it put me in a situation where a bad choice or however you want to look at it was the choice that I made.

He also says that he’s not even sure whether the recording released last week, of his conversation asking staffer Ben Graham to help him create the fake gay scandal, hasn’t been altered. He’s not saying it was altered. But maybe it was! He was trying to throw the blackmailer off balance, and it worked, he says, hinting that his staff might have been working with the blackmailers — especially Graham, who Courser claims told him that he “had enough to bring me down.” Courser also claims that his office has been bugged and his computer hacked, and the blackmailers are still after him!

“I see this as the way the establishment machine gets everyone to do what they’re told to do,” he says, “so no one will dare question their authority.” He also pledges “to continue to resolve this issue and find out who the person is, but without police involvement and willingness to track the person do, it’s nearly impossible to do so.”

After the release of the recording, the three staffers, who were fired for “incompetence,” shortly after receiving raises, issued a statement denying Courser’s accusations, calling the whole mess “a very sad situation,” and saying they looked forward to cooperating with any investigation of Courser’s conduct.

Gosh, he’s a brave crusader, fighting for Liberty against the corrupt insiders who want to destroy a Mavericky Maverick! Also, keep in mind that this is a guy who wrote a 2300-word rant about the seating chart for new members of the Legislature was a matter of utmost importance to the cause of Freedom, somehow. Posing as a lone outsider fighting The Establishment has been his shtick from the get-go, so why not apply that to his dumb sex scandal, too?

But is he going to knuckle under? Hell no, because it wasn’t over when Delta House bombed the Germans, either:

I could have resigned, this is really the option that the anonymous texter wanted and done so quietly. But that would have allowed my personal issues to rule the day,” he said. “I essentially would have submitted to the authority of the establishment machine and in doing so to protect myself and my family. And most of you would say this is the right decision. But I really thought that this would allow them to win.”

You don’t want THEM to win, do you? Of course you don’t!

In the meantime, Courser and Gamrat’s Republican colleagues are getting tired of all the drama, probably because they are either in on the plot to destroy Todd Courser or they would simply like the Legislature to function like a legislative body instead of a high school cafeteria. House Speaker Kevin Cotter dismissed the recording as “just another in a long series of deflections. He’s trying to deflect from himself and allege that others have done wrong,” but added that while he’d prefer the two lovebirds resign, he won’t take formal action until the completion of an investigation started Friday, to determine whether either legislator broke the law or House rules. Depending on the outcome of that investigation, the House business office could pass the matter along to law enforcement, or the House could start the process to expel Courser and Gamrat, which would require a 2/3 vote of the House.

We’re sure that all the drama is nearly over, of course, because how ridiculous would it be for Courser to continue fighting a delusional, self-righteous crusade that keeps making him look more and more unstable?

[Detroit Free Press / Mlive.com]

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  • Spotts1701

    The e-mail was put in motion to try and disrupt the blackmailer and to give me some clues as to their ability was as far as surveillance over my life and the threats they were making.

    Okay then, Sergeant Deux-Deux, I’m sure your little sting operation is the truth. And not some really flimsy BS to cover the fact that you’re in the soup up to your neck.

  • Seaside

    “I could have resigned… but that would have allowed my personal issues to rule the day.”
    Wow, that’s some stunning ethical gymnastics!

    • Tallmutha

      I can’t accept the consequences of my ethical failures and withdraw from the legislature, because then my ethical failures would have had consequences.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The East German judge is applauding like mad.

  • bumfug

    I’m surprised he didn’t start his little story with, “It was a dark and stormy night…”

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I’m surprised it didn’t start with, Dear Penthouse…”

      • Querolous

        I’m surprised it didn’t start with: ” Dear Penthouse, It was a dark and stormy night…”

        • Playonwords

          I remember that letter, it was a great read, really gripping, a roller coaster ride until you got to the climax …

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Apparently, wingtards manufacture faux scandals to cover up real scandals as well as they manufacture “jokes” for their unique brand of “humor.” I suggest they stop trying to be clever, because it’s a hilarious fail on all accounts.

  • Canmon

    Are we sure he said “blackmail” and not “Black male”?

  • Shibusa

    Todd Courser seems to have blood coming out of his whatever.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rep. Courser? Jim Brownback on line one. Something about wanting to help a brother out.

  • Ricky Gay

    ridiculous? HE will show you ridiculous!

  • LarryHoudini

    This isn’t bad . . . but it’s no “Elvis Impersonator Attempts Destruction of Rival with Anthrax Letters.”

    • It’s early.

      • bobbert

        Yeah. I’m expecting aliens, eventually.

  • JohnR

    For god so loved Todd Courser that he said unto him go forth T-Bagger and have all the adulterous sex you want for I am with thee, and all your adultery is done in my Name and in the name of Freedom, and the Lord saw that the sex was good, amen

  • schmannity

    Keep fucking the wolverine, Courser.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Honey badger doesn’t care for that.

    • Playonwords

      As long as he doesn’t sodomise the skunk

  • snigsy

    For a group who are so wingnutty about “heritage,” “tradition,” etc., you’d think he’d take more care with the basics of the English language.

    • stevola

      ENGLISH IS ARE LANGAGE!! LARN IT!!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Proving he is not responsible.

  • coozledad

    It all makes sense now.

    Courser /O.J. 2016!

  • shastakoala

    I give Mr Courser an A for effort. But I think the Scooby Gang could have unraveled this ridiculous hoax in one episode.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And he would have got away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your mutt.

    • Logic of Color

      Yeah probably. Scooby could have instantly sniffed out that those two had been together.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Or even Shaggy, in a thick cannabis haze.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One episode? Try the first five minutes, which would leave us with 15 minutes or so of Scooby and Shaggy bong hitting.

      • Sharkey

        That was the best episode EVAR!

        • mtn_philosoph

          [gurglegurglegurglegurglegurglegurgle]

  • cousin itt

    Thanks Hillary.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I’d compare Courser’s intelligence to a box of hammers but the hammers sent me an email trying to blackmail me into withdrawing the comparison.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      They were a box of banhammers, so serves you right.

  • Charles Cates

    State leges remind us that the U.S. Congress could be worse and if the state pols run for national office will become that way.

  • jviscont1

    oh Mr. Courser, would you ditch the g/f long enough to meet Miss Polly Graph here? I think you’ll blow her mind.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    “The e-mail was put in motion to try and disrupt the blackmailer and to give me some clues as to their ability was as far as surveillance over my life and the threats they were making. “

    Did Sarah Palin write this for him?

    “I essentially would have submitted to the authority of the establishment machine and in doing so to protect myself and my family. And most of you would say this is the right decision. But I really thought that this would allow them to win.”

    Seriously, are we sure this isn’t Palin?

    • ArgieBargie

      “I could have resigned… but that would have allowed my personal issues to rule the day.”

      So, yeah, no.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Good catch.

    • mailman27

      All this from the wing of the GOP that’s always yammering about teleprompters.

    • doktorzoom

      OK, part of that was my transcription error from the recording — not that it makes a huge difference, but he actually said “to give me some clues as to what their ability was as far as surveillance over my life…” Corrected in main post.

      The rest is verbatim word salad.

  • Joshua Norton

    how ridiculous would it be for Courser to continue fighting a
    delusional, self-righteous crusade that keeps making him look more and
    more unstable?

    I don’t know, but now he’s looking for a way to connect it all to Saddam.

    • coozledad

      No, no..you see, the gay midget hookers were part of the blackmailer’s plan. I actually boned the furry on the raquetball court, but that’s only because the midgets showed how far he was willing to go. That and the scatplay dancers. I even thought THAT was my idea until I reviewed my calendar and found hardly any mention of trained blowjob porpoises. Wait a minute. I’m getting ahead of myself.

      • mtn_philosoph

        Is that you, Stefon? Sounds like the place to be this weekend.

    • MrBlobfish

      Possibly. He sure does sound like Baghdad Bob, though.

  • coozledad

    He’ll explain it all in his forthcoming novel of intirgue and the politics of personal destruction The DaFuck? Code

  • JMP

    It’s OK, if you’re a Republican you can get caught hiring prostitutes because your wife isn’t game for diaper play, and still get reelected to the US Senate without any trouble, so these two lovebird cheaters should be fine.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Who has the film rights? Got to make it a little more believable, but I think it could make a good movie.

    • Logic of Color

      Looney Toons?

    • Logic of Color

      OH! OH! Please let it be Aardman Animations! pleasepleaseplease

      • jmk

        A Grand Derp Out?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Chicken Run?

          • jmk

            The Wrong Blackmail?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m thinking something with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close.

      And a rabbit.

      • shastakoala

        And an anonymous bunny.

    • Joseph

      Just the sexy times parts. The rest would be pretty boring. IN fact, maybe the sexy times would be boring too. Just forget the whole thing. They are from Michigan right? Boring.

      Oh, look a chipmunk!.

    • grumblestiltskin

      I’m thinking this is more like a three minute story.

      https://youtu.be/y-ol-FtPdz0

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The Michigan State House of Representatives – An XXX Parody.

    • Longitudinally Enabled

      Burn Without Thinking

    • Jukesgrrl

      Coen Brothers, please.

  • SK

    Not resigning? Will he continue to bang Gamrat, then?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Offer to buy her husband a gun and see how it all plays out?

    • Angry_Cop

      Yes. The correct answer is yes.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    In a rare moment of speaking in my official capacity, I hereby deny that Doctor Doom or any other supervillain was involved in a nefarious blackmail plot against this hapless, insignificant American politician and adulterer.

  • arundel

    Crazypills. Maybe because I started drinking early today, but I have honestly not been able to make sense of this whole thing. And, this article does not help me, because my mind-grapes hurt after reading it! Because it’s bizarre and intricate and too cray to believe.

    Looking forward to Scorsese’s flick about the fearsome Lansing Mafia.

    • coozledad

      Raging Mall.

    • Logic of Color

      Kicked in the brainballs, eh? Rough.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Are you Lansing at me?

  • MrBlobfish

    Really? I would have gone with “we love our country too much”.

  • Flashman

    Todd Courser: Master Criminal.

  • Tallmutha

    Has he ever actually admitted his participation in the adulterous affair that started this whole cavalcade of derp? Because that would seem a good first step in his personal rehabilitation, possibly an even more important one than standing up to the way the establishment machine gets everyone to do what they’re told to do,

  • Brother Yam

    So he attempts to create a faux scandal to hide the fact he’s cheating on his wife and then claims that he’s trying to find a hidden blackmailer? Using the same excuse as the last time it didn’t work isn’t gonna help ya again…

    • PubOption

      You can fool some of the people all of the time…

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      While he’s at it maybe he could do OJ a solid and help him find the real killer.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I think what has consistently come through all the babbling word salad this person emits is …

    That he is in no way responsible for anything that happened.

    “A mistake happened” all by itself really.

    And then he was forced into a crazy “controlled burn” plot to foil dastardly blackmailers and wasn’t trying to gaslight everybody else.

    You know, because all those months he was giving it to the other Tea Party Purist, he was never lying about it to anybody, and anyway… cheaters never lie, and they never try to gaslight people, and they never feel entitled to the benefits of marriage and the sex of being single because that would be a double-standard.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Personal responsibility…it’s for you fucking heathens and sinners, not for moi, the saved one.

  • Indiepalin

    On his official website, Todd Courser has been endorsed by the likes of Dick Head and Jimmy Hypocrite.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Thank you for taking a bullet for us.

  • say wha

    I call jiggery-pokery.

    • LesBontemps

      Mostly pokery.

      • jmk

        I do NOT want to know about the applesauce.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Why is it that these idiots have never learned the first rule of holes?

    • Tallmutha

      “But… but… Digging them relaxes me!” — Mark Sanford.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        That would be funnier if kids didn’t drown in his holes.

    • Boscoe

      -That if you dig hard enough you eventually come out at Pismo Beach?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSzTDK5TAfY

  • MrBlobfish

    I’m waiting for the interview with Mrs. Rep. Todd Courser

    • mark kunnecke

      Soon to be ex Mrs. Rep. Todd Courser.

  • exinkwretch

    On Tuesday, the REAL real story will be revealed: Todd is a deep cover CIA operative on a top secret mission!

    • Boscoe

      -And has a Canadian girlfriend…

      • Left Coast Tom

        Is Gamrat a Canuckistani Import like Nickelback? If we spread that rumor, does it matter whether she actually is or not?

        • Playonwords

          He birth certificate was forged

    • Msgr_Moment

      Undercover, even.

  • Me not sure

    What if he really is gay and this is just a triple reverse back flip with a tuck to cover his hot man on man action….. Of course I’m just spitballin’ here.

    • cousin itt

      I fail to find that any of his lies are untrue.

      • Me not sure

        Exactly! Logic wins out!

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      You gotta admit he certainly stuck the landing.

      • Me not sure

        OOOH! Saucy!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Difficulty level six trillion….. And the Soviet judge is giving him a ten!

      • Me not sure

        Putin told him to.

    • Frank von Winkhorst

      This is better than Barnum & Bailey.

      • Me not sure

        “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
        P.T. Barnum

        • That’s why this douche went out with her.

  • cousin itt

    I dunno. I think calling Todd a fornicator is really fucked up.

    • Swampgas_Man

      How about “schmuck”, then — is schmuck good for you?

      • Boscoe

        haha you didn’t see what he did there. ;P

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It really blows the big one, also, too.

  • Tallmutha

    In his audio recording, Courser acknowledged he sent out “the emails” himself. He said he did so because he was being blackmailed.

    “It was a fast decision on my part to do the emails and to send them out,” Courser said. “It was not my finest moment. It was the only option that I felt would be unpredicted by the blackmailer.”

    Hey, remember Fight Club? Remember Shutter Island?

    What if it turns out the mystery blackmailer was a dissociated part of Todd Courser himself?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      OMG!! THE DERPS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE NUTBAG!!

    • drbloor

      THE BLACKMAIL IS COMING FROM IN THE HOUSE!

    • Boscoe

      But wait… isn’t the twist ending supposed to NOT be the obvious conclusion?

    • mailman27

      We need a gif of somebody grabbing their own lapels, STAT.

    • Unforgotten

      Many many (MMMMMAAAAANNNNYYYYYY!!!!!) more reruns of ‘The Dark Half’ are needed to start to believe in that!

  • fawkedifiknow

    Trump/Courser or Courser/Trump 2016! Either way, I’m good with it.

  • I would bet that Courser is one of these guys who think women should not be allowed in public life because once a month their hormones overwhelm their better judgement.

    • Frank von Winkhorst

      As opposed to men whose hard-on occasionally overwhelms their better judgement?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Like once every four hours?

      • Toomush_Infer

        What better judgement?…

  • drbloor

    Hey, if they don’t believe the Big Lie, tell a Bigger Lie.

    Either that, or the crystals in that dildo are picking up radio waves from Mars.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I was going to deliver something snarky about his little head doing the thinking for him . . . but now that I’ve seen his big head in action, I believe he was better off when his dick was running the show.

  • Christopher Boscarino

    He needs to hire a damage control focus group, preferably full of 3 year olds who got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar to help him. *They* could come up with a more plausible explanation, like, “A strange man came in through the window, and made me do it!” and “Nu-uh, no I didn’t”, and “The doggie wanted a cookie!”

    • H0mer0

      Ah, man! I thought my son was being original when he invoked some strange man with a “circle mustache” who told him to get him a pizza or he was going to punch him in the nuts really hard. Then there was the spider….

    • Drew Miner

      yes, my kids are keen to my liberal nature and always are like “someone in need needed it!”

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    The scary part is he must try this shit on his wife too.

    I wonder how many weekends he couldn’t come home because he was busy foiling nefarious mafia plots?

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    Well he’s already busted. just seeing if he can catch a super lucky break since he probably can’t lose any more

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Umm… by acting like a pathological liar and not a very good one?

      • LoveSW_Prequels

        Y not? Nothing more to lose so brainlessly roll the dice

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Well, I guess it depends.

          If you are a more normal person, the thing to do is admit you are wrong, don’t deserve a second chance, but try to earn one nonetheless, right?

          To continue down the “my character basically sucks path” rarely works out.

    • harryeagar

      Scott DesJarlais. So long as it’s hetero, there’s no sex scandal the rightwingers can’t forgive if it lets them keep someone in office who will vote for bills to lower their taxes.

      • Left Coast Tom

        David Vitter.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Yep, if they can forgive diapers, a crystal dildo is nothing.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT OBAMA WANTS YOU TO THINK!

    • gratuitous

      I’m just waiting for the inevitable “this is all just a distraction from Benghazi” bleat that you just KNOW is coming.

  • Gleem-McShinez
    • Unforgotten

      NOT this sorry excuse of a ‘jiniuz’!!!!

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    The good Rep. is merely following my best practices for problem solving which holds that if in the act of solving a problem, you are able to create an even larger problem, people (bosses and the like) will forget the original problem, rendering it as good as solved. You can thank me later you teabagging asswipe.

  • Fly

    Have the cuckservatives figured out that it’s Obama with his BBC that has taken all their white women?

  • Cheesus Crust

    This is the best rendition of: “Look over there, a chicken” I’ve ever seen.

  • Msgr_Moment

    He’s clearly lying through his teeth. He’s lying through his whatever.

    • Drew Miner

      It’s called a “Hoo Ha” and if Donald Trump was Red Blooded and Stated American he’d say it Even in Nationally Broadcast Fake News casts!

      • CognizantImpiety

        Man, the stupid burns bright in this one.

  • AnOuthouse

    My bet is that the gay sex story is the true one and the ‘affair’ with the ‘lady legislator’ is the fabrication. There are photos so he needs to GTFO.

  • harryeagar

    Courser damn well better hope the atheists are right, because if there is a god, he’s going to be royally pissed off.

    • CognizantImpiety

      He’s got nothing to worry about there, we atheists *are* right.

  • calliecallie

    I cannot get enough of this. Please, Jeebus, let them be as attention-seeking as Donald Trump.

  • Ranina

    Maybe it’s time to take a hike on the Appalachian Trail…in search of blackmailers, of course.

  • Sebastian Melmoth

    The Lansing establishment machine, is it actually B613?

  • Drew Miner

    Lansing? State Rep? I knew he was a phoney when he spoke with Rosanne at her door! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrectdcH81U

  • Unforgotten

    ‘Because how ridiculous would it be for
    Courser to continue fighting a delusional, self-righteous crusade that
    keeps making him look more and more unstable?’

    Tricky question… Can I have a six month-long paid leave to answer it?

  • Frank von Winkhorst

    I’m surprised he hasn’t blamed Hillary yet.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Obama fingerprints all over it. I’m sure if you pull back the covers you will find Obama’s seductress secret agent for creating diversions among the Teapotty, Jade Helm.

  • Charles Cates

    Video shows house exploding after crash sends car into Lansing home’s gas meter
    http://www.mlive.com/lansing-news/index.ssf/2015/08/video_shows_house_exploding_af.html

    The Lansing mafia is not to be fucked with.

    • r m reddicks

      In my working dirty book store days (prior to legal) I wouldn’t cross them. They were cool with stealing lunch money but after that, a whole different game.

      • Charles Cates

        Back when films in cans just showed up at the back door? And you had a half dozen or so ’25-cent gulping monsters’ that played continuous reels? And little or no gay stuff displayed? And a shitty soda machine that didn’t work half the time?

        • r m reddicks

          It was kind of like that. I just worked there. For a 1.60 and all you could steal. So long as Guy and Harry didn’t catch you at it. “Please, please let me work 4th Street!” Those guys were either so stupid or so didn’t care or that was not the real money that one fellow would sell stuff with no cash register ring right under their noses. The end of my financial morality. They WOULD pay for your lawyer if you got pinched.

  • TheBidenator

    I hope this story gets legs because Todd Courser is just demanding Will Ferrel to play him in all of his glory: Ron Burgundy sleaze with church lady theatrics and teabagger drama queenery. This definitely should happen….just look at his picture it wouldn’t take much for the transformation to occur.

  • Serolf Divad

    So is the takeaway here that someone out there probably has a video of Gamrat sodomizing Courser with a strap-on?

    • r m reddicks

      That will be the kind bits.

  • TheBidenator

    Hahaha no, going into full throated teabagger paranoia mode isn’t going to save you, Courser but nice try you ridiculous clown. What’s the over-under on him being ridden out of town on a rail or possibly tarred and feathered? He isn’t a national and therefore moral and upstanding teabagger who embiggens us all which otherwise would mean he’d get away scot-free even with paying hush money. No, he’s screwed…

    • Rick Gardner

      he might be rendered , extraordinarily , to a special place …

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Way to go asshat. You have succeeded in making a bad situation worse. Meanwhile, about all those “Thou shall not covet…” lines in your byebull….

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      To say nothing of not baring false witness and committing adultery. Maybe it is for science, to see how many of those things can be broken in a week?

      • CognizantImpiety

        They tried, the meter pegged immediately.

      • NanBullenshede

        A bare false witness art naked. Bear witness speke Truth. Thus the Party of Part The First hath Nipples To The Wind while the Truthteller hath Shame enough to Cover the Naughty Bitts.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    That must be on all Tea Party Pamphlets for Dummies (TM) under “How to get out of anything.”

    Item one: When caught doing something shady, mean, underhanded, illegal (allegedgly) or plain out wrong, always run out and scream that it is all a conspiracy to silence you.
    Item two: Should that not work, keep doing it over and over again until people are bored with the situation.
    Item three: Continue shady, mean, underhanded, illegal (allegedly) and plain out wrong actions.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Don’t forget Item four: Denounce people who are doing worse things. And if there aren’t any, make them up (a.k.a. The Santorum Response, in honor of man-on-dog).

    • Vegan and Tiara

      You left out item four: PROFIT!

  • FauxAntocles

    What a brave, brave man.

  • smr06va

    Courser thought bubble: “What would Sarah Palin do?…”………………

    • TootsStansbury

      What would Barstool do?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I’m pretty sure that’s how they got into this mess…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Love how she has gone full radio silence while he keeps throwing himself under the bus. You go girl.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Thanks a lot “stay-at-home-voters”! Because you won’t get up off you apathetic ass once day out of every two years, this is who we have running our government.

  • r m reddicks

    I thought Ford Mavericks made my head hurt. Now….

  • John Smith

    Since when have Republicans cared about looking self-righteous and unstable. Newt Gingrich made a career out of it.

  • iamnotascientist

    Ok…you’re an asshole (not YOU you, but this asshole above). You are such a magnificent asshole that your party, comprised almost entirely of assholes, thinks you are a true, prime, shit motherfucker of an asshole and they would like nothing more than to see you crash and burn in a gloriously spectacular explosion of asshole. I mean they would be pickin’ pieces of asshole out their hair for weeks, that glorious.

    What do you do? You tirelessly gather the parts, and with absolute dedication, you assemble the intricate bomb. You attach the detonator. And then press the fucking button, blowing your own stupid, fuckfaced, hypocritical, jesus-fucking-christ-humping, cocksucking, cuntlicking (why are these swears, aren’t these things good?), cheating, whoring ass into a fine mist.

    Wow…

    On a related note. My daughter saw Pitch Perfect the other day. She really liked the movie, but she was very concerned about the “strong language” (which I thought was pretty adorable). I told her she shared half my genetic code, and a life without the f-bomb is a life not worth living…

    She’s twelve…

    • lesterthegiantape

      This why the Wonket doesn’t allow comments.

    • Rick Gardner

      your comment was darling , and somewhat understated , and yet I agree with it completely …

  • Left Coast Tom

    Dear Michigan Voters: Do better next time.

    – Signed: All who are stuck with passports claiming Michigan as “Place of Birth”.

  • I have a feeling this is who Calvin (of Calvin & Hobbes fame) grows up to be. I’m sure the next conspiracy theory cooked up will involve Hobbes as the Grand Conspirator and Susie Derkins as the rentboys Madam.

    • jqheywood

      Calvin libelz!

  • pragmatist3

    This level of stupid really deserves a permanent monument.

    • Left Coast Tom

      A bronze casting of Gamrat sucking Courser’s erect cock installed in front of the Michigan Capitol, while he holds a modified version of the Gadsen Flag (saved from another Wonketteer’s disallowed comment)? I mean, if my native state won’t stop embarrassing me, then let’s go all the way.

      • lesterthegiantape

        heh

  • pragmatist3

    Remember that behind every stupid elected official, there stands a stupid electorate. In this case, that would be 2 stupid electorates.

  • deanbooth

    And thus ends Episode 2 of House of Tards.

  • Vienna Woods

    This is TEH BEST: On his website, on July 1, he said, (and I quote)

    “Last Thursday was a sad day for America. Last Thursday was a crushing day for those who believe in traditional marriage and traditional morality.”

    • Left Coast Tom

      June 25…Thursday…the day of the week Courser and Gamrat set aside for office sex.

    • DsMTwoShoes

      Why have we not seen or heard of this little Dog and Pony Show on the CBS or NBC or ABC Evening News?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I must be really old, because I can remember when Michigan was like, well, normal.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m not sure how normal Michigan ever really was…in Holly, MI, after all, they actually celebrate the fact that Carry Nation chopped apart one of their bars (and that’s not the always-batshit-crazy western part of the state). They were, however, economically successful for a while, and I’m guessing that covered a number of the other problems.

      • Rick Gardner

        Carry A. Nation and her minions .

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Suddenly, I need a drink.

          • Rick Gardner

            10 drinks , one to repel each of ’em , and make them bucket sized …

  • LegionOfDo

    I don’t think he’ll be keeping up the “blackmail” charade once the FBI steps in to investigate, if they haven’t already. They consider that kind of thing a really big deal.

  • Thomas Mc

    Where are those guys with the funny white jackets when you need them?

  • WagMoreBarkLess

    At this rate, pretty soon he’ll be inventing a new religion.

  • Rick Gardner

    he’s the Don Quixote of shit stains .

  • Tom_Has_Doubts
  • RoniOh

    ..

  • Paperless Tiger

    Do you qualify as a cuckservative if you fuck yourself?

  • Lizzietish81

    Checks thread, no one posted it!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrRZVCg31fE

  • Brewerofbeers

    He should have stuck to the plot of Wag the Dog and invented a fake war, instead of thinking he was clever enough to write a new version.

  • Relativicus

    I’ll guarantee his favorability ratings in his district are rocketing upward as I type.

  • Kerry Day

    Maybe
    Todd should contact the police, just like he did when “someone” spread
    rumors he was a child molester during his nomination. Oh wait, he DIDN’T
    file a police report… weird!

  • AndInThisCorner

    Glass houses, stones, jesus…. you know, the usual…

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