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kidstable

Well hello there! Are you ready to see the loser junior varsity Republican candidates lose some more while they debate each other during loser hour? US TOO! Who knows what’s going to happen? Will Rick Santorum get real stigmata? Will Rick Perry comb his mane the whole time? Will Jim Gilmore try to feel Carly Fiorina on the boobies? Who can say, nobody knows who he is, so we don’t know if he’s a booby-grabbing creeper or not! Join us as we live-blog the inaugural debate of Fuckshow 2016!

Don’t want to catch loser cooties? Check out the Winners Debate, you know, the one with Trump, here: Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing First Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog

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  • Zippy
    • Biff52

      Bill the Cat looks awesome!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Holy smokes! Bloom County lives again?! I haz a happy :)

      • riledupone

        Berke Breathed, much to my great joy, been posting a new Bloom County on FB everyday. He jumped back in after Trump declared. If only we could get “Calvin &Hobbes” back.

  • Beaumarchais?
    • AnOuthouse

      That popped up so many windows I thought it was a porn site.

  • Callyson

    Christ, I still can’t believe Bobby Jindal thinks he has a shot at a cabinet position, much less the presidential ticket…

    • Zippy

      the Indian in the cupboard

    • JMP

      Suspect he’s hoping for a “but some of my best friends are brown” VP nod.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Santorum’s got that one wrapped up.

    • whatwhomever

      God, he sucks so bad!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    The Twittersphere has been helpfully suggesting questions for tonight’s debate: https://mobile.twitter.com/search/?q=%23megankellydebatequestions&s=hash

    • docterry6973

      They are our soulmates.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Santorum is already making his wanking move. SO AUTHORITY!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Jindal just vowed not to kiss babies – there goes the Duggar vote…

  • Beaumarchais?

    I didn’t realize Piyush is so… not white.

    • Boscoe

      LOL you must’ve been mislead by his official portrait…

      • riledupone

        And he does look a little like a Brady, too, also.

  • Callyson

    Wow, it wasn’t until the fourth candidate that they got to Iran.

    Oh God it’s Miss Lindsey’s turn…

  • Joshua Norton

    Yay! Bring on the official Sad Clown Car!

  • freakishlystrong

    Ick. Heres’ the thingee. Very nearly half, ( the ones that aren’t disenfranchised of course), will vote for whatever asshole these fucksticks hork up. We can point and laugh, but it’s getting exhausting being terrified.

    • Biff52

      To be fair, both sides do that.

  • JMP

    Graham is also on the “fuck the future, poison our air and keep drilling” train, using hatred of Muslims to justify it, what a shock.

  • Callyson

    God, Lindsey’s voice is so BORING. Maybe that’s his plan: put the voters to sleep so they don’t get to cast their ballot…

  • This is probably the most competitive race for Secretary of the Interior that I have ever seen…

    • FogRunner

      Inferior

    • TheBidenator

      Haha, you’re too nice, Pixel….undersecretary of Transportation and HUD secretary.

  • Lot_49

    Are there going to be any questions that are about issues, rather than process?

    • Callyson

      Thanks honey–I needed that good laugh.

      • Lot_49

        “What would you do to help 40 million Americans who have no medical care get access to it?”

        Too complicated? Okay:

        “In how many hours after your inauguration will you start bombing Tehran?”

  • Zippy

    “Governor, how does it feel to be on a stage full of losers?”

  • Spotts1701

    No audience? But who’s going to applaud when Rick Perry drops a bon mot? They couldn’t even rope a bunch of unpaid interns into being seat fillers?

  • Callyson

    Who the fuck is this?

    Oh, right, that guy named Gilmore…

    ETA: oops, that was Pataki. So easy to mix these losers up….

    • Msgr_Moment

      Wasn’t he in Floyd?

      • Zippy

        you’re thinking of Gary

        • Msgr_Moment

          Let’s do it. ;)

      • Slamtundra

        No dude, like I said, the Flatlanders.

        • Biff52

          Jimmy Dale for Preznit!

    • Spotts1701

      I fancied Lorelai, myself.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Did Lindsey just vow to run as the new Hilary?…

  • elviouslyqueer

    HAHAHA. Every question so far has been, basically, “So, why are you a loser?”

    Every. Single. Question.

    • JMP

      Oi, Soy un perdedor, they’re all losers, baby, so why are they running?

  • freakishlystrong

    My teevee doesn’t go to Fox “News” so I’m counting on the Wonkateers to abreast me. As it were.

    • Zippy

      depends, what do your abreasts look like?

    • riledupone

      I have heard *ahem* that one can livestream the debate at http://nowwatchtvlive.me/watch-fox-channel-usa-fox-channel-live/ I just caught the wrapup of the kiddie meetup so it works so far. I apologise if I’ve broken any rulez about posting links like that. There seem to be more streaming choices available on The Google

  • JMP

    Pataki izzzz up oh joyzzzzzzzzzz…..

    • jmk

      Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Msgr_Moment

    Lindsay looked tardy.

  • Zippy

    Radical Islam

    DRINK!

  • Rocky

    Is there Koch Kool-Aid in their sippy cups?

  • AlterNewt

    For those who would like to remain reasonably sober during the debate, here are some fairly safe trigger words/phrases for the drinking game:
    Empathy
    Living wage
    Diplomacy
    Compromise
    Enfranchisement
    Civil discourse

    • Msgr_Moment

      Civil rights
      Women’s rights
      Minority rights

      • Lot_49

        Well, they could talk about property rights, and since women are property, that would include them, right?

    • JMP

      It’s too early for drinking games in Pacific time, sadly.

      • Surely you jest.

        • Lot_49

          Really! I’m heading down to the liquor conservatory right now.

      • QHarp

        What?!? 10am for beer, 3pm for hard liquor. You’re good.

        • JMP

          But I don’t have any beer, only wine! And want to be sober when the Mrs. gets home.

      • orygoon

        Pacific time underscores how “not ready for prime” these asshats are.

      • proudgrampa

        It’s never too early no matter what Time Zone!

      • riledupone

        Think of it as being medicinal. A drink is practically required when listening to these people individually, but when you encounter a whole mess of ’em like this, well, one must protect one’s self. Think of it as ‘Standing Your Ground’ emotionally.

  • freakishlystrong

    I literally just took my million fucking vitamins, WITH MY WINE.

    • Callyson

      Brilliant!

      /puts on agenda for the next GOP debate

  • Callyson

    Shorter Gilmore: I do too matter!

  • JMP

    I was governor of Virginia on 9/11! Which proves – what?

    • Boscoe

      It proves…… um…. SHUT UP! USA!! USA!!!

      • Zippy

        MURICA, FUCK YEAH!!!

    • Reddishrabbit

      He (maybe) won an election.

  • Joshua Norton

    Wouldn’t it be totally awesome if Chris Christie missed tonight’s debate because he was stuck in a traffic jam?

    • Beaumarchais?

      Or a door?

      • data_ninja

        Okay, I almost spit out my drink reading that. Bravo.

    • shastakoala

      I would be suspicious if none of the candidates showed up except Christie.

      • jmk

        Especially if it was a visibly much-larger Christie.

        Moderator: “So where did they go, Chris?”
        Christie: “Search me… I mean, no, don’t… I just don’t know.”

  • Toomush_Infer

    Is Gilmore a Democrat?

    • Spotts1701

      Compared to these folks, yes.

      • Boscoe

        So is Ronald Reagan.

  • Callyson

    TRUMP!!!

    • Toomush_Infer

      TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!…..glasses, aren’t they shiny?…

  • elviouslyqueer

    “The other governor, Jim Gilmore.”

    MEOW.

  • Zippy

    Now, lets talk about the guy who sucked all the oxygen out of the room and relegated you losers to the kiddie table. Are you bitter or just angry?

  • Callyson

    “He’s a celebrity!!” said a very jealous Rick Perry.

  • Lot_49

    When they show the whole stage, it looks like the start of a swim meet, with old fat swimmers all wearing suits. Puzzling!

    • Seek

      Imagine the horror were they in their speedos, or speedonts in this case. Yikes

  • OneDemin EOr

    Mmmm Wonkette After Dark…makes me feel like I’m doing something dirty! Gotta go, Perry’s “going at it”!

  • JMP

    Perry: How can you run when you’ve said you don’t want to let the sick poors die?

  • Callyson

    Shorter Perry: I know how to deploy people.

    Um, OK then…

    • Zippy

      “do these glasses make my head look fat?”

      • freakishlystrong

        And dumb!

    • Spotts1701

      Risk or Stratego?

  • Slamtundra

    Man I LOVE Jim Gilmore in the Flatlanders. I wonder if Joe Ely and Butch Hancock are gonna show up too?

    • Biff52

      And Robbie Gjersoe?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Was Perry just channeling his inner Jan Brewer?..

    • Msgr_Moment

      Lipstick on a pig.

    • JMP

      His inner Jan Brady. Donald Donald DONALD!

  • Spurning Beer

    Carly: “Meowwww!”

  • Msgr_Moment

    tumbleweeds, Carly.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …is Carly Fiorinas face made out of wax?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Only the parts that don’t move.

    • JMP

      Botulism; it’s made of botulism.

    • Lot_49

      Collagen, wax, same thing.

  • Toomush_Infer

    There goes Carly – Bill!!!!….

  • JMP

    What is Carly even trying to say here?

    • freakishlystrong

      Certainly not mentioning her HP tenure?

  • Callyson

    Oooooh, the expression on Carly’s face when she was asked about The Donald.

    “Dammit, I was supposed to be the business leader candidate!!!”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Still the one with a vag who isn’t Hillary, though. Yay, relevance.

  • Callyson

    “radical Islamic terrorism”

    And my liver is grateful that I am putting off the drinking until the main debate…

  • JMP

    Jindahl: because Obama hasn’t said the exact phrase “radical Islamic terrorism”, he’s weak! Really, he actually says that.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Who the actual fuck wrote these questions?

    • willi0000000

      one million monkeys!

      [ sadly, just one typewriter ]

  • OneDemin EOr

    Carly! Fire your surgeon! The only thing that moves on your face is your lower lip!

  • Swampay

    Any debate in which Rick Perry is the smart one is gonna be pathetic

    • Lot_49

      Dumbya also demonstrates this, Hahvahd MBA and Yale pedigree notwithstanding.

  • Zippy

    Jindal- I do too hate those brown people Muslins

  • Spurning Beer

    Jesus, these guys. I’m starting to feel “tard” already myself.

  • Callyson

    Shorter Jindal:

    Kill! Kill!! KILL!!!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Glad to see the smart party is alive and well.

  • FogRunner

    So… the most Southern accent wins?

  • Toomush_Infer

    are “moral honesty and clarity” a drinky thing?….oops, too late! Toomush may not last long…

  • WiscoJoe

    I’ll have what he’s having. (Pills, and lots of them.)

    http://cdn1.24live.co/images/2015/08/07/1438895672544983.png

  • AlterNewt

    Will there be a swimsuit competition or is that just for the main event?

    • Callyson

      Christ, I hope not. I’m not that desperate for clients…

      • AlterNewt

        You’re a stylist? Psychologist?

        • riledupone

          Ophthalmologist?

        • Callyson

          Personal trainer. Which is another reason I love Michelle Obama and hate the wingnuts who attack her “Let’s Move” campaign…

  • Spurning Beer

    OMIGOD, THEY’RE COMING HERE!!!1!!

  • Callyson

    “If we don’t stop them over there…”

    I should have known that line was going to be thrown out early.

  • JMP

    Graham: War! What is it good for? Absolutely EV’RYTHING!

    • Zippy

      bring on the ground troops!

  • Sheepshagger

    I can’t watch the debate in NZ but this is great. Like having a three stooges movie described to you by a room full of drunk oxford dons.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I can’t watch (stupid job :( ), but this maybe better

    • Spurning Beer

      Correction: a room full of DRUNK Oxford dons.

      • Lady Bug

        redundant. ;)

    • jmk

      OMFG that is the best description of Wonkette I’ve ever seen.

      *applause applause*

    • Little Lulu

      Bravo!

    • One of the more charitable descriptions of Wonkette that I have read recently…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, Lindsey! Fight them over there or fight them here must be on the list….as long as it takes to drink this…

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …”if we don’t fight them over there, we will have to fight them over here!”

    DRINK!!!

  • Rocky

    Every answer so far: “WAR!”

  • Vienna Woods

    OMG so cool it dings when you update the bloog!

    • Callyson

      Oh. those rings are for the updates? I thought that was the sound of my computer protesting the derp that is on the set here…

    • JMP

      Took me a while to figure that out, was wondering if there was something wrong with Windows; and it was obviously from the computer not the TV.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Wasn’t that the answer to: what’s brown and sounds like a bell?

      • riledupone

        Yeah. I updated my computer to Windows 10 last night (do I sound more up-to-date now?) and I thought the dinging was a setting I hadn’t found yet.

    • Biff52

      Dang, I can’t even keep up with the comments, let alone the updates!

  • JMP

    SYRIA, which is on the other side of the world and mired in civil war, is the perfect place to launch an attack on the US? Really?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …shut up Lindsey and tell us about the “revolving First Ladies”!!!

    • OneDemin EOr

      I wonder who’s “second string” first lady?

  • Callyson

    Commercial break–thank God. I never realized how boring this would be without alcohol.

    • freakishlystrong

      And vitamins!

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …thanks I feel much better now that I know I’m not only person here stone cold sober!!!

      • Lot_49

        Do you wear contact lenses? Do you carry any “cleaning solution” for your contact lenses in your briefcase? Do you like gin or vodka or tequila?

        That’s one my old boss used to rely on.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “Eye-SILL.” Oh Lindsey, keep fucking that poolboy.

    • AnOuthouse

      Hey you know who else calls them “eye-SILL” instead if “eye-SIS”?

  • Rocky

    Commercial break…I can refill the Bong.

    • riledupone

      Just changed my pipe screen (vape is charging).

  • Msgr_Moment

    Carly’s future in standup: don’t give up your day job. Wait. What?

  • Anarchy Pony

    Good thing I’m still at work, if I was at home playing the drinking game there’s no way I’d survive.

    • Reddishrabbit

      That’s what hip flasks are for.
      Now, back to my “coffee”

  • Beaumarchais?

    This is the best part so far!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Mystery Science Theater never has breaks…

  • Callyson

    They’re back…and I’m surprised it took the mods this long to get to ISIS.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Where’s her glass goddamned desk???

  • Anarchy Pony

    Apparently windows 10 does work.

  • Spurning Beer

    Homeland Fox? Is that a B-movie with hot chicks?

  • Rocky

    Gov Pataki is taking a dump

  • Msgr_Moment

    Would you get gun nuts to shoot up mosques?

  • Zippy

    Religious liberty

    DRINK!

  • Seaside

    Aw, they asked Pataki a question, that was nice.

    • Callyson

      I still can’t tell Pataki and Gilmore apart. Good thing it doesn’t matter.

      • JMP

        He said “New York” at one point, not “Virginia”, that’s the only way I can tell them apart.

        • AnOuthouse

          Isn’t Pataki tall? Maybe they should make them stand when answering. (I’m not watching so maybe they are). Pataki is the tall one.

    • riledupone

      It’s like Little League where they make sure every kid gets a chance to play.

  • OneDemin EOr

    Christ, how many times are they going to say “homeland”? DRINK!

  • Beaumarchais?

    I don’t think Obama ever said he didn’t want to describe ISIS as Islamic extremists.

  • freakishlystrong

    Mosques under surveillance? Religious Liberty? They don’t get it.

  • Callyson

    “Mosques under surveillance”

    Yeah, that’s win the hearts and minds of the Muslim population around the world FFS…

    • Reddishrabbit

      Better then just bombing them.
      Low bar there, but it is the GOP

  • JMP

    Remember that conservatives are increasingly concerned about religious liberty” – hahaha as if that applies to Muslims (or other non-Christians).

  • Toomush_Infer

    Muslims don’t get protected religious speech, sez Pataki…

    • Spurning Beer

      No fake religions, like Islam or Methodists.

  • LarkintheAM

    Geez. Trix *is* giving you hazard pay for this, right?

  • PorridgeGun

    Sam Seder’s Majority Report LIVE STREAM + Snark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSQ5lTIQh18

    • Zyxomma

      Thanks. I don’t have cable TV, and this is even better! Damn! Faux Noise cut them off!

    • Vienna Woods

      Awesome. Thank you! (I think…)

    • Malaclypse

      I love that his engineer is wearing a Crass shirt.

    • Zyxomma

      I’ve never seen Martha before. She looks like Reese Witherspoon after a frontal lobotomy and more electroshock therapy than Carrie (speaking of Homeland).

    • Callyson

      “Majority Report 8/6/15 Fox …” This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Fox News Network, LLC.

      FUCK.

  • Spotts1701

    Pretty much how this debate feels:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8N7BSsU5oo

  • Rocky

    c’mon Pataki…you got 30 seconds to save your candiacy

  • JMP

    Pataki: I will shred the Constitution even more than Bush ever did!

  • Biff52

    Attack mosques here so we don’t have to attack them there? PAtaki/tRump 2016!

  • freakishlystrong

    Of course, all their kids served.

  • Callyson

    I was governor of NY on 9.11…yeah, if it didn’t work for Rudy it’s not going to work for you, buddy…

    • devilette

      I didn’t even remember that.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Let’s destroy their ability to attack us over there over here…??????

  • Spurning Beer

    Comey don’t play that!

  • geoffalnutt

    Sorry. I’d rather slow-motion-vomiting…with the sound turned way up.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I think this blonde is a Muslin plant. FALSE FLAG eEVERYBODY!!!

  • TheBidenator

    I wish I could listen but I can’t so more live blooging please…I’m also going to miss the first hour or so of Trumpaclypse now @5 PM which gives me some sad…

  • Callyson

    Answer the fucking question, Carly.

  • Rocky

    tech company destroying leader

  • freakishlystrong

    A “tech leader” is how Carly was just described. Fuck me, I’m motherfucking Steve Jobs.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Do they are get participation trophies afterwards? I mean, why else turn up?

  • JMP

    Carly Fiorina just gives word salad, again.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Oh, those dings are from Wonkette! I thought people were donating to my Chaturbate show.

    • FauxAntocles

      Boyz or gurlz?

  • Snarx

    If ANY of these >Zero % candidates gay marry the Apocalypse begins.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I don’t think any of them could blow up a squirrel if they had a roomful of atomic weapons.

      • Thaumaturgist

        W blew up Iraq. Only used non-nuke nukes.

      • Snarx

        A squirrel can rest easier tonight…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Carly wants to tune us up….

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ok, Carly your droning just made me say “Fuck It!” Time to get twisted!!!

  • Callyson

    And who controls the Capitol Hill that is holding up that bill, Carly?

  • JMP

    No attacking non-white citizens’ privacy? Carly just lost – well she had no supporters to lose, so nevermind.

    • jmk

      (*hangs head in shame and whispers*) She has my brother… (*sobs*)

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Aw, man, that’s embarrassing.

        • jmk

          Worse… he’s working on her campaign…high up.

  • MOG253

    I too find Fiorina’s evil mask disturbing.

  • Seaside

    Is ‘Fiorina’ Italian for condescending?

  • freakishlystrong

    Cyber Terror bill “languishing on Capitol Hill”. Rand is holding it up to audit the Fed.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oops. Guess whoever said that can kiss his hopes of being Randy’s VP goodbye. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
      Gawd, I crack me up.

  • Callyson

    We warned you!

    …and you Republicans did not listen, did they?

  • JMP

    GIlmore was governor on 9/11 again! Him and Pataki both want to be the new Giu911iani.

    • Spotts1701

      It’s all they got. It’s not like they can out-crazy any of these jamokes.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Yes, Gilmore, yes indeedy! Get those gorillas out of the country!…

  • valgalky23

    Rick!!! At last…..

  • Joshua Norton

    Gov. Jindal, why do you suck?

  • LarkintheAM

    OK. Beer’s not cutting it. Time to break out the hard stuff.

  • Callyson

    Oh Christ they are on to immigration. I may not be able to keep my promise to myself to stay off the sauce until the main event…

  • Rocky

    Tough Santorum is a newer, stronger Santorum

    • Spurning Beer

      Longer-lasting froth!

      • Zippy

        scrubbing bubbles!

  • OneDemin EOr

    Foamy’s positions are tough, all right.

  • Beaumarchais?

    “Prepare the people for a long war” is a winning campaign slogan.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Feel my italian muscles – sweater vests will do that for you…

  • Spurning Beer

    Senator Santorum, do you acknowledge that you are of Italian heritage?

  • Rocky

    “Be with” your father means something different in the South

  • Callyson

    “We’re a country of laws” says the candidate who stuck PA taxpayers for the bill of educating his kids in VA.

    • Zippy

      except those laws we don’t like

  • ShriekinViolet

    I remember sitting in a theater in Portland watching Sarah Palin wink at the camera in 2008 while the audience absolutely howled at her during the VP debates and I thought we had hit a low point. But this shit…it’s epic. This level of stupid is hard to comprehend. This makes Sarah look like a calm, reasoned intellectual.

    Edit: “absolutely” bizarrely auto-corrected to “guitar”

    • LarkintheAM

      There is no amount of other people’s stoopid (or alcohol, for that matter) that makes Grifterella look intellectual.

      • Thaumaturgist

        But there are six guys and one woman on that stage who make Grifterella look intellectual.

  • Msgr_Moment

    You know who else was like Mussolini?

    • ShriekinViolet

      17 Republican presidential candidates?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Ding ding ding!

    • Zippy

      Hitler?

    • Callyson

      Saint Sarah, hence the moniker “Mooselini”?

  • Seaside

    “take his pen and his phone”???

    • freakishlystrong

      Wingnut meme, I’m surprised he left out “teleprompter”.

  • Beaumarchais?

    His dad spent the war under Mussolini? I’ll bet that was not a comfortable place to be.

    • Msgr_Moment

      The larger the cushion,
      The more like the Russians.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Wasn’t his family part of the communist guerilla resistance? And his remaining italian family disowned him?

      • JMP

        But the wingnuts tell us that Communism and Fascism are the same thing, so that can’t be possible! And don’t point to actual history – if the facts contradict the dogma, then the facts must be wrong!

  • Zippy

    WAIT< we treat everybody equally under the law? Does that include teh gheys, Ricky?

  • JMP

    We’re a country of laws! And protect everyone equally under the laws! So Santorum supports a woman’s right to choose, and gay couples’ rights to marry, then?

    • Thaumaturgist

      We’re a country of Moses’ Ten Commandments laws, JMP. Dont try to change the subject.

  • Wendel

    Has the drinking game officially begun?

    • freakishlystrong

      Has?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Ummm…. did I jump the gun?….

  • freakishlystrong

    Does Rick know that abortion, contraceptives and gay marriage are lawful?

    • Lot_49

      For now…

    • Wendel

      They are?

  • Rocky

    Immigrants ruined America. Santorum-2016

  • Callyson

    We’re going to be tough! We’re going to be different! We’re not going to answer the question!

  • Spurning Beer

    DANG I’m tard.

    • Lot_49

      You’re tard, I’m tard, The American People are tard.

      • Anarchy Pony

        They will be if they vote for any of these twats.

  • JMP

    Reagan!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Ronald “Raven”?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Is Santorum pulling a Boehner?

  • vivian

    “Ronald Raven”? Gov. Glasses has that peculiar Texas locution…

    • Spurning Beer

      He’s a cheap knock-off, like George Push.

    • Thaumaturgist

      .? .? .?

  • Me not sure

    I can’t wait to see what is going to happen under the Big Top.

    • freakishlystrong

      At the “grown ups table”.

      • Me not sure

        Whuh?

  • I just turned this on to the tune of Jebbette! (or whatever the lady’s name is) all in a tizzy about NON HOME-GROWN TERRORIST. I think that’s what she actually said: “NON HOME-GROWN TERRORIST”.

    Perry looks distinguished in his nerd glasses.

  • Spurning Beer

    The border is still porse? How is that even possible?

    • Beaumarchais?

      He just said he fixed the border!

  • Msgr_Moment

    The border permits OSMOSIS, SHEEPLE!!

  • Seaside

    I believe Perry is just a viral Lenscrafters campaign.

  • Callyson

    Oooooh that look/glare that Frothy is giving Rick Perry right now is a delight to see. Hee hee hee…

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    Ronald Raven.

  • Joshua Norton

    Fiorina argues that Trump may more experience pretending to run for president, but she has actually lost elections.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …did Obamas “demon spirit”just make an appearance?!?!

  • JMP

    And more fence and constant patrol flights on the boarder – how were we supposed to pay for that again?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Shouldn’t the boarders be paying us moar?

    • Zippy

      bill the Messicans

      • Beaumarchais?

        Better yet, pay them a decent wage to build it themselves from their side, and maybe they’ll stay home. Hey, that might work! I’m declaring my candidacy.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Perry is promising to personally replicate himself the entire length of the border!… Wow!….

  • JMP

    Whew break, can sit back for a minute.

  • FauxAntocles

    I think the gorilla feels bad about being associated with these “people”.

  • Rocky

    Perry: Fuck the Canadian Border, eh?

  • Callyson

    Commercial time, thank God. I better go get more alcohol for the main event if this is any indication of how the night is going to go…

    • Toomush_Infer

      be right back…

    • I’m all stocked-up on ice in case you need any.

  • Seaside

    Because in all of world history building a huge wall has never failed to work.

    • JMP

      Remember what Ronald Reagan said – “Mr. Gorbachev, I really like this wall and want my own.”

  • Wendel

    This is going to be a miserable night.

  • valgalky23

    I don’t know how much more of this derptastic crap I can take, someone please pass me the bong.

  • Zyxomma

    Iced tea for me! Not the Long Island kind, the jasmine green kind.

    • LarkintheAM

      You’re a brave one.

  • SK

    Perry called out Reagan for his amnesty of illegals.

    I see the fork sticking out of the well-done idiot with glasses.

  • Joshua Norton

    “I will secure the southern border even though I could never manage to get it done when I was governor of Texas”

  • has Jindal flashed his guns yet?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ok everyone, remember to pace yourselves! This is a marathon not a sprint, I don’t want any trips to the E.R. For acute alcohol poisoning. Take the time during this commercial break to rehydrate with a “lighter” alcohol like beer or wine!!!

  • Wendel

    Trump better liven this up or I will shift my loyalty to Jindal.

    • Me not sure

      The Rajah of Cajunpur.

  • Me not sure

    Is it just me, or are there a lot of commercials eating up the allotted time for this freak show?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …that’s probably the point! Gives them more time to gather their “thoughts” and less time to fuck up and talk about “legitimate rape”

  • Vienna Woods

    OMG 30 people in the audience. How sad is that??

    • Seaside

      They’re a convict work gang I think.

    • LarkintheAM

      This is a Democratic town. All of the Republicans are in Geauga County, to the east. All 15 of them.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Lindsey Graham is LIVE TWEETING during the debate, answering questions he hasn’t been asked.

    /dead

  • Wendel

    I use the breaks to freshen my drink.

  • Callyson

    They’re BAAAACK!

  • Walter Wellstone

    Who the fuck is Jim Gilmore? I don’t have the energy to google the name…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Not so Hot in Cleveland.

  • All the endless commercial interruptions make this all seem real legit and serious.

  • Callyson

    Fuck, it took long enough to get to the economy.

  • Msgr_Moment

    It’s Bush’s fault, asshole.

  • valgalky23

    It would be great to watch this with The Donald……

    • Msgr_Moment

      “____fillintheblank____ is an asshole.”

  • Zippy

    WHAT ABOUT THE POORZ? WHO WILL KICK THEM HARDEST?

  • freakishlystrong

    So, the economy sucks, and is worse since the depression because we haven’t elected Republicans.

  • Toomush_Infer

    WHAT??? Economy and jerbs??? Lindsey, how many butlers do you need?…

  • Beaumarchais?

    Coal miners are dying to work.

    • Steverino247

      I saw who you buried there.

      • Zippy

        Paul?

  • Callyson

    Oh Christ they are going straight to the government handouts line. YAWN…

    • Zippy

      why do so many Muricans like teh welfare?

  • Wendel

    Graham has a cute accent.

  • Zippy

    Keystone XL

    DRINK!

  • Seaside

    Butch up, please!

  • JMP

    Don’t vote for Hilary Clinton if you want jobs! Ignore how Bill Clinton (and Barack Obama) both fixed the economy and created jobs, I’ll just lie and say Democrats are bad for jobs.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …wow, that didn’t sound so “Fair and Balanced”!!!

  • Rocky

    Bill slam? Wow its 1998!

  • lesterthegiantape

    This gives me an all-American boner. DEMOCRACY IN ACHTUNG!

  • Callyson

    WTF is the relevance of the philosophical discussion of the meaning of the term “is” to the economy, Lindsey?

  • JMP

    Of course Graham turns an economy question back to killing Muslims.

  • Zippy

    Failed agenda

    DRINK!

  • Cheesus Crust

    He’s gonna monitor mosques… shocker.

  • Seaside

    “The JV team” Oh, irony!

  • freakishlystrong

    “She”. Fuck you, Lindsey. YOU wish. Dems, wrap Dubya around Jeb!s neck.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “If I have to monitor a mosque, I will monitor a mosque.”

    Thanks for that, Cletus.

  • Lot_49

    Does Lindsey need to borrow $20 until payday?

  • Rocky

    Don’t like flat broke. Busty broke is acceptable.

  • Razor’s Edge

    OMG OMG OMG. Cannot fap hard enough.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Wait. I’ve been drinking. Is this COPS, or Real Douchebags?

  • Monica Lewinski! VOTE GRAHAM!

  • Cheesus Crust

    Yes, we are all moochers and should just starve in the streets – dammit! Solyent Green bitches!

  • JMP

    Santorum: “Under my Presidency…” – Hahahaha!

    • Reddishrabbit

      In some alternate universe, he is still not president.

  • freakishlystrong

    RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE.

  • Callyson

    Jesus, Frothy just said we need better paying jobs. He can kiss the Kochs’ $ goodbye…

    • JMP

      Nah, he says we need them – then offers “solutions” to destroy them. It’s just rhetoric.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Fuck it. I’m out of here. I got reservations at a really nice sushi place with a group of friends. Y’all have fun.

    • jmk

      Be sure to win your sushi-person’s heart by saying i tadaki mas before your first piece! Kampai!

    • Toomush_Infer

      We’ll slog on while you slurp, loser….

  • Msgr_Moment

    20_20 is the new 9 9 9

  • JMP

    20/20 tax plan! Santorum has his own version of 9/9/9!

  • Seaside

    The 20/20 9-9-9 plan

  • Razor’s Edge

    20% Fecal, 20% Lube….what’s in the rest of his plan?

  • freakishlystrong

    UH Oh, “reforms on “Federal Entitlements”.

  • Toomush_Infer

    …a blowtorch to the IRS! A frothy turn of phrase!…

    • elviouslyqueer

      That’s his response to Rand’s chainsawing the tax code. So edgy!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ok this bitch is pissing me off with this question!!! Unemployment is at the lowest it has been in 11 years and if the GOP stopped blocking a minimum wage increase things would be fixed already

    I think the Tequila is kicking in!!!

  • Callyson

    And the 1996 welfare reform is relevant to today’s economy because…?

    Fuck, why am I asking Frothy for logic?

  • JMP

    We’ll help the poor by destroying every program that helps them!

    Wait, that’s kind of the opposite of helping them.

  • Seaside

    Gilmore just wandered in, right?

    • Zippy

      He was out drinking with Stockdale

      • Msgr_Moment

        I miss him.

      • Razor’s Edge

        Who am I and what am I doing here?

      • Steverino247

        Stockdale was a helluva man. He didn’t deserve any of that shit.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Who?

  • Zippy

    Alex, I’ll take leading questions for $100

  • Msgr_Moment

    Grow the economy? Yeah, call in the GOP.

  • Rocky

    grow pot for the economy…

    • Msgr_Moment

      I like the cut of your jib.

    • Biff52

      For industry!

  • Callyson

    Thank God FOX is updating the nametags: I STILL can’t tell Gilmore and Pataki apart. Glad it won’t matter after today.

    • jmk

      Gilmour is the guy who doesn’t look familiar. Pataki is the guy who makes you fall asleep while he’s talkinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Cheesus Crust

    Who is this guy?… Jim Gilmore – he’s just happy to be on that stage, not just answer questions.

  • Toomush_Infer

    So, Gilmore is a democrat!…

  • Rocky

    Tax Code??? Just fell asleep

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I wasn’t paying attention, did he say flat tax? Should I drink?!!?

  • JMP

    Tax cuts will make the economy grow! That’s why Kansas is now an economic powerhouse.

  • Callyson

    Um, I don’t think I want to vote for a candidate who can’t afford a jacket that fits, Gilmore…

  • ShriekinViolet

    Ooooh, Santorum’s out of practice. Due to the sad trombone sound he seems to be making, I call him the Rusty Santorum ™.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Yeah, estate taxes are what’s holding the economy back.

    • Zippy

      and Obamacare

      • Skwerl King

        And $60 dollar TARP ATM withdrawals.

  • freakishlystrong

    Where do these assholes live? They are utterly delusional.

    • JMP

      Foxland.

  • Cheesus Crust

    Because cutting taxes on the wealthy has grown the economy so much in the past few years….. do these people… nevermind.

    • JMP

      It hasn’t worked the last few dozen times it was tried, true, but that’s because we just didn’t try to cut taxes hard enough. Believe in tax cuts enough, and their magic will work!

      • LarkintheAM

        If we stop believing them, will they die?

      • Historicat

        Ah the Tinkerbell solution – clap if you believe in fairies!

      • data_ninja

        “The plan can never fail, it can only BE failed!”

  • Rocky

    The bellhop is talking

    • elviouslyqueer

      MOAR COWBELL!

  • valgalky23

    Free Money!!!!!!!!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      I need free money to buy my free cheese.

  • Callyson

    Ooooh, Medicare. I may need to duck…

    …and I knew I could not finish typing this comment before the “government dependence” trope was trotted out FFS…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Why did….Kasich….get it wrong…, Bobby, um…

  • Seaside

    “The European Nightmare” I’ve got bingo!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Do the math–Santorum’s 20% flat tax is a tax increase for me, and I am in the top bracket with only myself as an exemption and some mortgage interest.

    It’s a top cut and raise taxes on everybody making under 200K.

  • Zippy

    Bamz apparently is the one who borrowed all that money from China- all by himself

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      It’s called a trade deficit.

  • lowenufc

    Jindal just shit-talked Bernie. Who would kick the shit out of him.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Bobby, your state is a fucking financial shit stain! I would rather take financial advice from Bernie Madoff then you!!!

  • Beaumarchais?

    No Free Money, said the Governor of one of the biggest taker states.

  • Vienna Woods

    This Majority report feed is like MST3K

  • Push ups or STFU

    • Beaumarchais?

      Piyush ups!

  • Cheesus Crust

    It’s a mistake to give people healthcare! Easier to just let them die.

  • freakishlystrong

    Jindal is polling yoooge in Lousiana.

  • Angry_Cop

    I’ve been doing bong hits everytime one of these idiots says something stupid and now I can’t feel my legs. Also I’ve forgotten where I am. And I might be out of pot.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Scrape the bowl! That shit is good.

    • Lot_49

      Now’s the time to man or woman up. This is just the appetizer round.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Should have saved it for the main event. But got time between at least

  • cousin itt

    When do we get to see the Red Carpet made from the blood of Planned Parenthood’s aborted fetuses?

  • Rocky

    GOP Healthcare: Get people better paying jobs so they can buy healthcare but do not raise minimum raise…….WTF

  • Callyson

    “I didn’t hear an answer”

    Gee, moderator, that might be because you are treating the candidates with kid gloves with these softball questions, so they figure they can get away with anything…

  • jack_o_bee4u

    I <3 the use of the term 'bated. Short for masturbated? By Ronald Raven.

  • JMP

    Everybody is going over the bell this section.

    • Callyson

      You’d think they could avoid answering the question more quickly, wouldn’t you?

  • Callyson

    God, Pataki ducked the question better than anyone else on this stage.

  • Seaside

    Wow, it’s like seven Jan Brady’s trying to get attention.

    • freakishlystrong

      “Donald, Donald, Donald!”

      • JMP

        Hey I already made that joke! Way above/below on this long long thread.

  • Charles Cates

    So is this rodeo only available to cable subscribers???

  • Rocky

    I Kicked Thousands Off Welfare
    Pataki-2016

  • Toomush_Infer

    WHEW!!!! These are hard-working kids at this table..it’s like they’re all trying to get the merry-go-round up and running…

  • ShriekinViolet

    #EuropeanNightmare

    Jindal is dumb as shit. I literally moved from Louisiana eight months ago to France for my piece of the European nightmare. And it’s way better here. My daughter will never have $85k in student loans and will always have health care.

  • valgalky23

    Is the White House live blogging this vaudeville show?

  • Callyson

    Oh Christ they are going to go on about Planned Parenthood. I don’t suppose these moderators will have enough integrity to point out that federal funding for PP does not actually pay for abortions, will they?

    (I thought we could use some comedic relief)

    • TheBidenator

      haha you said integrity and faux news, Callyson…you must be drunk!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Do they ever talk about anything besides the event du jour? In 2014 they were going on and on about how Obama was going to give us all Ebola. You’d have thought they’d have shot their credibility then.

  • Joshua Norton

    baby parts! Drink!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …am I the only one almost out of liquor?!

    • lowenufc

      Nope. But I am crossed eyed already. And the main event is hours away.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh, man… I’m lifting my glass to you this instant – taxis will deliver…

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I started early, so nope. But in my defense, I’m not going to be awake for the grown-up table round (time zone diff) so I felt that numbness was appropriate for the junior idiot brigade.

    • Historicat

      Good lord man – this is just the opening act! What kind of Wonker runs out of alcohol during the first hour?

  • Lot_49

    411 comments! Slow down, dammit! I can’t keep up!

  • Biff52

    Jeebus. Between my radio ringing and the computer dinging, I can’t get any sleep!

  • Seaside

    This thoughtful and reasoned debate is obviously going to turn the nation Republican.

  • Tess

    I thought I could do this, the loser debate, but, no, actually I can’t. If these no-accounts piss me off this much, I will never make the Big Boy debate.

    • Tess

      Also, apparently I IS A LOSER because I must have taken Fox news off my list of approved stations. Took me 15 minutes to FIND the debate and then I lasted about 7 minutes.

      • Biff52

        I won’t sully my teevee with it, but my radio has survived worse. XM ftw!

    • Me not sure

      Take any bullets you have in the house and flush them, right now.

  • Me not sure

    More commercials! Mo money!

  • Razor’s Edge

    Why is this on a Thursday…..I need to work tomorrow.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …isn’t it cute how they all keep referencing Hillary? As if they have a snowballs chance in hell of actually winning the GOP nomination, let alone a national election!!!!

  • TRUE CONFESSION: In the 80s I thought Alan Thicke was HOT!!!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Kids Table Convenes” – Not bad, Huffpost. Not bad at all.

  • Steverino247

    Where’s the link for this? (Sorry to have to ask)

  • JMP

    9/11 run! Why am I thinking of Pataki and Gilmore now?

  • Beaumarchais?

    May I point out that OUR server, the one we bought the proprietors, seems to be working quite well?

    • docterry6973

      Then they can send back my gerbil.

      • snigsy

        And my kidney.

    • JMP

      Disqus, however, still sucks when the comments are flying quickly.

    • OzoneTom

      As many upfists as my meagre ducats will buy.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Snot in Cleveland

  • freakishlystrong

    Oh, good, a nuanced discussion on the iran deal.

  • Lot_49

    Who’s this Martha McCallum? She’s a bit of a hottie. Even though she just lobbed the softest possible 16-incher towards Perry.

    • Zippy

      you’re drunk

    • TheBidenator

      go home Lot_49, you’re drunk

      • Lot_49

        You guys are saying that like its a bad thing.

    • Tansy Geek

      I’m stuck at work so I can’t see any of this, but for some reason, I thought meant Martha Cokely and I was confused too.

  • Razor’s Edge

    Get ready……

  • Rocky

    BOMB IRAN!! Next question

  • Callyson

    Um, unless we are saying Israel is not part of the Middle East the ME is *already* nuclarized…

  • JMP

    Now they each get to promise to do everything to scuttle the Iran deal and make sure that they actually do get to develop nukes, like Bush did with North Korea!

  • Joshua Norton

    Just think, we only have 120 more of these things to sit through.

    • Reddishrabbit

      But with classyness and they will be YOOOOOGGGGGG, as they will have TRUMP

  • Tendernob

    I don’t recommend drinking games for fear of alcohol poisoning. Try this instead:

  • freakishlystrong

    Drink! “Nukulerr”

  • Wendel

    I suspect Christie will be the liveliest at 9.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …it looks like they are having their “debate” in a empty highschool gymnasium

  • Rocky

    Lets listen to how each pronounces “Nuclear” and then drink

  • valgalky23

    Wonkette comments, if there were any, would be epic for this shit show.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Those glasses give Rick optical rectitis: poor vision on account of having your head up your ass.

  • Young men. Yep.

  • Lot_49

    Perry’s hair is looking a bit off tonight. No gray at all? I’m not buying it. Plus: that’s a comb-forward.

    • JMP

      Hiding his grey with dye – how Reaganesqe!

    • Callyson

      He’s coiffed, rested and ready.

      • freakishlystrong

        And glassesed.

  • JMP

    Perry will make Fiorina his Secretary of State!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Perry’s holding the middle east like a bowl of spaghetti, now he’s chopping cheese…

  • Ex dente leonem

    These assholes who still say “nucular” must be doing it just to piss me off at this point.

  • Seaside

    new-cue-lure = 500 bonus points

  • Rocky

    Perry, whoaaaa Another Raygun attack??? 1983 Marines in Lebanon??

  • Callyson

    Shorter Perry: we ought to have no problems at all! And we could get there if we sent enough troops!! Even Carly would be a better negotiator*!!!

    * LMFAO over that one

    • freakishlystrong

      Carly would have outsourced the whole shootin’ match to China.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Glasses is flirting with the lady?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      **VOMIT**

    • Rocky

      Glasses has beer glasses

      • Msgr_Moment

        IDK, she’s kinda hawt for an incompetent.

  • Zippy

    Which one of you hates Iran the most?

  • Toomush_Infer

    So , Perry is willing to be Carly’s VP?…

  • Zyxomma

    (p)Rick Perry just said NUCULAR, just like Shrub!

  • Wendel

    Jindal said Eye-ran. Someone punch him in the nose.

  • Steverino247

    My good friend Bibi Netanyahu… NUFF SAID.

    • Zippy

      Bibi BFFs!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …nothing above Carly Fiorinas top lip moves

  • Callyson

    “stop the money flow”

    Well. Carly would know about money flowing. It sure flew away from HP during her term…

  • Hey Perry! Her eyes are up there!

  • JMP

    Iran is at the heart of most of the evil! So Iran is Mordor?

  • LarkintheAM

    Maybe they think they’ll score points with the base if they mispronounce ‘nuclear’ like they do?

  • Msgr_Moment

    You get a nuke, and YOU get a nuke, and YOU get a nuke!

    • OneDemin EOr

      Comes from all that sitting at the little kid’s table.

  • ShriekinViolet

    Carly Fiorina > John Kerry for all the wins. Is this peak Rick Perry derp?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Laugh all you want. Rick’s getting lucky tonite.

  • Steverino247

    Day Two? Suuuure.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Carly sez we have to make coalitions, but Russia and China won’t hold back monies….we gotta stop that….

  • Oh fuck here it is.

  • Steverino247

    Name drop much?

  • Beaumarchais?

    How many lies can she fit in 30 seconds?

  • Callyson

    “they need to see leadership”

    Good luck getting that from any of these clowns.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …yes you FUCK-TARD more nukes in the Middle East will make it more stable!!!

    • LarkintheAM

      Just like more guns make us safer!

      • Markuserektus

        …just stop showing movies.

  • Babby Parts Time!

    • Zippy

      hors-d’oeuvres

  • Callyson

    Oh good–for a moment I was afraid we would not have time for abortion.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Dred Scot reference. DRINK, muthafuckas!!!

    • Toomush_Infer

      okkayy…

    • Razor’s Edge

      I just can’t anymore

      • Msgr_Moment

        *sigh* The terriers have won.

        • Razor’s Edge

          Nah just watching republicans so compelled to lie.

          What do ewoks have to do with this?

  • Zippy

    Santorum, forget about that shit I said earlier about being a nation of laws- we’re talking about Bortions now

  • JMP

    Santorum compares gay marriage to Dredd Scott – um, that comparison would only hold if Dredd Scott had won.

    • elviouslyqueer

      YES. Say hello to your little friend, Frothy.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Same sex marriage = Dred Scott???

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Don’t get it. I guess we are enslaving non-homosexuals?

    • Lot_49

      Pennsylvania is ready to fire on Fort McNair!

  • Biff52

    Partial birth ‘bortin’!

    • Toomush_Infer

      gayin’ it up!..

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …”Planned Parenthood”

    DRINK!!!

  • Ex dente leonem

    It’s not settled law any more than Brown v. Board of Education, right Frothy?

  • JMP

    PARTIAL-BIRTH ABORITONS BABIES RARR RARR ARGLE BARGLE!

  • freakishlystrong

    Still none of your motherfucking business. Get the fuck out of our lives.

  • Skwerl King

    Abortion SKULL CRUSHING!

  • Callyson

    Oh God, back to the partial birth abortion line. I hope the liquor store doesn’t run out before this ends.

  • Seaside

    he seemed to enjoy that “crush the skull”

  • Joshua Norton

    Did they hold a car wash or a bake sale to pay for the decorations?

  • stefiz

    Scull crushingly embarrassing…

  • Wendel

    When will Frothy comment on E Coli in Rio?

  • Razor’s Edge

    Can I say Supreme Court you”re wrong with Citizens United

  • JMP

    Now they get to prove who hates women the most!

    • freakishlystrong

      AOTJMP.

  • Rocky

    None of you fucks on this stage even know what litmus paper is and what its for

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    My children are chastising me for even giving Fox my attention – I told them that these people are why Mommy drinks

    • Toomush_Infer

      lock them in the basement…

  • Callyson

    Citizens United? I’m surprised the mod had the courage to ask about…

    …oh wait, he brought it back to abortion. I should have known better.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Litmus tests? Is there acid in the drinking water?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I think so. And they’re drinking it.

  • Zippy

    Activist judges

    DRINK!

  • Seaside

    Every answer: “Before I answer you question let me talk about my self.”

  • Msgr_Moment

    ISIL are frreedom fighters?

  • freakishlystrong

    SCOTUS a political body. No shit. Majority conservative. Hmmm go figure.

  • Vienna Woods

    Oh fuck you Rick santorum. By which I mean, don’t fuck you, ever.

  • Callyson

    Frothy STILL looks pissed.

    “I can’t believe I’m stuck on the stage with these losers!!!”

  • Joshua Norton

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand a Dred Scott comparison to the gay marriage ruling!!!!!!!

  • Charles Cates

    I saw Skull Crushers open for Moby Grape.

  • JMP

    Whew, this is exhausting.

    • I’m not even watching the damn thing, and I’m exhausted.

  • Lot_49

    Gilmore’s changing from one subject he knows nothing about to another he knows nothing about. Good strategy! We can line up all our allies in the Middle East: “Stand over here, Israel!”

  • Beaumarchais?

    How long is this fucking freak show?

  • elviouslyqueer

    A Middle East NATO? What the fuck does that even mean?

    • freakishlystrong

      METOO?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Stanley Steamer commercial from CLEVELAND!!! DRINK!!!!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Whoo – a Middle East NATO….Gilmore stepped out for a giant dooby on that one…

  • Rocky

    ISIL, ISIS, GOP… all these acronyms…

    • Msgr_Moment

      For shitssake, don’t let the GOP get nukes!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I already setup my UBER pickup, daddy is making a beer run!!!

  • You know who I feel bad for?
    The person having to transcribe all this for the CC service, that’s who.

    • Lot_49

      Pretty sure robots have taken that job over.

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    Is anyone paying attention to the words? Because I can’t get past Fiorina’s struggle to move her lips and eyes. I think her cosmetic surgeon owes me punitive damages…

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      She got the Joan Rivers package.

      • Beaumarchais?

        But none of the… charm.

        • Marie Watkins Crocker

          If I wasn’t almost terminally lazy, I’d roflmao, but I did lol.

      • Tansy Geek

        Katherine Helmond in Brazil! libel!!!

    • Lot_49

      Pain and suffering!

  • Reddishrabbit

    This is why I put my life savings into alcohol stocks!

  • Me not sure

    Money, money, money, makes the squirrels go around

    • Skwerl King

      Wheeee!

    • JMP

      Squirrels? Good thing Huckabee’s not here, he’d cook ’em up in a popcorn popper for dinner.

      • Me not sure

        Cook?

  • Wendel

    Frothy is the clear winner so far.

  • Beowoof14

    I was going to watch and join the blogging but my Grand Kids are here and didn’t think they would want to hear Grampy yelling you fucking asshole at the TV that much.

    • jmk

      It might entertain them…

    • Callyson

      You’d be surprised. I learned how to curse from my grandmother.

      • JohnR

        My mom had no fucking clue where in the hell I learned to swear like a god damn sailor asshole son of a bitch. I’m not kidding.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          My Grandmere was an Army nurse in WW I. My dad was a Sailor in WW II. She could drink and cuss better than him any day. She didn’t believe in smoking, but used Garrett Snuff in the little brown bottle.

    • Toomush_Infer

      just give them a skin mag and send them to the bathroom…

    • I LOVED my grandpa for his yelling at Republicans.

    • SoccerMomsforSatan

      It’s educational…see kids, this if why we can’t have nice things!!!

  • Callyson

    Jesus, the ad is pushing a gold and silver IRA kit. I can hear Suze Orman’s rage now…

  • JMP

    Here’s an ad with some old dude who apparently was once famous for an gold and silver based retirement account that is very obviously a scam. That’s Fox News for you, and shows what they think of their audience.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ATTACK ADD!!!!! Eat Bloomberg!!!

  • Zippy

    an HP commercial?

    how embarrassing

    • Tansy Geek

      are they trolling iCarly for trying to kill them?

  • Callyson

    Fuck you, NRA ad.

    • SoccerMomsforSatan

      Shocked they are sponsoring, bet they gave them some nice AK swag bags before the shit show.

      • Reddishrabbit

        I wonder if anyone made some bacon and eggs a la AK47

  • JMP

    And an NRA ad against Bloomberg for President. When he’s not running. What the fuck?

  • Msgr_Moment

    We will stop you with therapies, GOP!!!

    • vivian

      Who are the rapies?

      • Msgr_Moment

        AOT?

  • LarkintheAM

    I know that this bottle was full just a moment ago.

  • Callyson

    Christ, end this already…

  • Lot_49

    Bloomberg attack ad! Bad Bloomberg! Short! Jewish! from New York!

  • Steverino247

    Kiddie’s Table Debate
    Klown Kar Debate

    Yeah, these guys are going to the White House.

    • Brian J.

      With all these people on stage, it’s the Krowded Klown Kar Debate.

  • Toomush_Infer

    They’re Baaaaackkkk!…

  • Callyson

    Wait, Pataki is pro-choice? I’m surprised that he was allowed on the stage.

  • Skwerl King

    Back on ‘bortion.

  • TheBidenator

    Holy crap, what are you guys trying to break the comments record? Pace yourselves for the Trumpening, I’ll have to read an entire hours worth of mockery when I get home

  • Cheesus Crust

    Life still hasn’t started for you, Pataki.

  • Msgr_Moment

    So, which candidates are in favor of Dred Scot?

    • Charles Cates

      Or the Grateful Dead?

  • Charles Cates

    “Jesus changed my heart.”
    -Dubya

  • freakishlystrong

    Defund boner pills. These assholes should have to pay for the abortions they cause.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Nobody on the stage has ever heard of the Hyde Amendment. lol

  • Rocky

    I was Catholic until the Age of Reason

    miss you George

  • Joshua Norton

    Has anyone else noticed that the questions are just as offensive as the answers?

    • JMP

      Fox “News”, ladies and gentlemen!

    • Zyxomma

      Affirmative.

  • Callyson

    TAXPAYER DOLLARS DO NOT FUND ABORTION, PATAKI!

    And fuck the mods for letting that BS slide…

  • Blondie is asking what about those fake PP videos that are fake.

  • Ex dente leonem

    .. That ban already exists, Taki.

  • JMP

    “A permanent ban on taxpayer money for abortion” – um, that’s the Hyde Amendment; unfortunately that actually is the vile disgusting law we already have.

  • Warpde

    Quick Carly, theres still time to throw the bomb.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYWQAg12Ko0

  • Lot_49

    Just got a new King Crimson LP. The tube amp’s all warmed up. Why am I listening to these assholes?

    • Msgr_Moment

      17 of an awful pair.

    • Rotisserie Teal

      Is it a Larks Tounge in Vomit tie in?

      • Lot_49

        “Red” at the moment.

  • Beaumarchais?

    No abortions have been paid for by taxpayer dollars for thirty fucking years, George, you idiot.

  • DEBUNKED DEBUNKED DEBUNKED

  • Msgr_Moment

    Don’t kill the ‘bating fetuses!!

  • Cheesus Crust

    They care so much for life they will use a couple hundred thousand of those to invade Iran…

  • mateo

    anyone else see this photo of the audience, bahahahahahahahahahaha

    • Spotts1701

      Ah, a full house by Jacksonville Jaguar standards.

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Excellent JJ slam!

    • Toomush_Infer

      and these are all their staffs…

  • Zippy

    Hillary wants mandatory Bortions for everyone!

  • Msgr_Moment

    “President Jindal”? You slay me.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Would you believe Commodore Jindal?

      • Beaumarchais?

        Mall Cop Jindal?

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Boy Scout Troop Leader Jindal?

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Walmart Greeter Jindal?

        • LarkintheAM

          If the citizens of Louisiana are lucky, never-again-anything-other-than-private-citizen Jindal

    • Angry_Cop

      I’ll be president before he is. Not going to happen for either one of us.

  • Callyson

    “Planned Parenthood had better hope that Hillary Clinton wins this election”

    For once, Jindal and I are in total agreement…

    • Zippy

      He just admitted that the PP’s in his state don’t do bortions, but he’s still proud of shutting them down

      SMH

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    Jebus says bortions are bad – I can haz Koch money now?

  • Rocky

    Jindal LOVES a Big Nasty Government

  • Skwerl King

    Everyone including the BIA?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Pataki wants to believe in science – don’t they have a trapdoor?..

  • Charles Cates

    Those edited Planned Parenthood videos are the 9/11 of the fetus lovers.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Bobby Jindal has the intelligence of a anal cyst

    • Rocky

      c’mon, we have all met smarter cysts

  • Ex dente leonem

    Wrong, Taki. Medical consensus is that fetuses don’t even have the CAPABILITY to feel pain at 20 weeks. You know, because of the whole nerves not being connected to the neocortex thing.

  • Toomush_Infer

    They should arrest PP on offending our values….this is a very very slippery slope…

  • Cheesus Crust

    Those mods are gonna start jumping up and down on that bell in a minute

  • Charles Cates

    That Jeopardy bell is throwing me off. Is that the ‘shut up’ or what?

    • JMP

      The Wonkette update bell and the debate time’s up bell sound almost exactly the same – I can only tell them apart because one’s on the TV and the other on the computer, and they’re not too close to each other.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …if anyone can speak on the war on women, it’s Lindsey Graham

  • Skwerl King

    War on Wimmin!

  • Callyson

    I thought this fucking debate was supposed to end at 3…

    …aaaaand my cable just went out. I knew one of my appliances would protest having to listen to this crap!

  • freakishlystrong

    The President will not “shut down the Government”. Grandstanding religious zealots will.

  • Zippy

    harvesting organs

    *HIC*

    • Skwerl King

      Skull crushing harvesting!

  • JMP

    “President Obama shut down the government to preserve taxpayer dollars to Planned Parenthood” – um, idiot, if Congress shuts down the government to try and defund Planned Parenthood, Obama WOULD NOT BE the one shutting down the government, it would be the Republicans in Congress. You fucking liar.

  • JINDAL:Obama wants to SHUT THAT MUTHERFUCKER DOWN the government to make more time for abortin’ babbys!

  • Charles Cates

    If only Planned Parenthood did womens’ healthcare.

  • Steverino247

    Mucho applause. Is anybody in the room?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Lindsay’s war on women. Mrowwww

    • SK

      This self-loathing is getting old

  • Rocky

    This ladyparts stuff make Lindsey very uncomfortable

    • OrdinaryJoe

      “Senator, there’s a Caitlyn Jenner on line 2 for you.”

  • grumblestiltskin

    The echo of the mod’s voices says it all.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    WTF!!! that is a hell of pivot from abortion to Iraq!!!

    • Skwerl King

      We need more babies to make soldiers.

    • Zippy

      The Muslins hate wimmins more than us- but we’re gaining on them!

    • SoccerMomsforSatan

      Lindsey is not moving from his talking points, PP = WAR, jobs = MORE WAR, Hilary = WAR,WAR,WAR

  • Charles Cates

    Hell, let’s invade Cuba while we’re at it.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, God, Lindsey, go back to Iraq, please….35 times was not enough…

  • JMP

    Graham: “American women should shut up and take discrimination and bans on abortion and be happy about it because women in Iran and Iraq have it worse”. What an asshole.

  • Wendel

    Obama harvests feti in the WH.

  • jviscont1

    can I pre-enroll my 20 week old fetus in little league? he/she can hit the curve for sure.

  • Vienna Woods

    fuck. Fox shut down Majority report.

    • Zyxomma

      I know. We can’t have anything nice.

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    Piyush is just pissy because his face is an abortion.

  • Rocky

    Lindsey: Abortion? No, let’s go to War with Iran.

  • freakishlystrong

    There is no “Stage left” here. All hope has abandoned ye.

  • Cheesus Crust

    They didn’t have an issue with it when Shrub was issuing them out like papal bulls ffs

  • OneDemin EOr

    Watch it, Miss Lindsay, you might be needin’ them stem cells!
    God, Bill Hummer needs more moles on his face!

  • Charles Cates

    #3 would shock you!!!

  • Msgr_Moment

    First excecutive order? Open up the Havana Club factory to increased exports!

  • JMP

    Aren’t they supposed to be done by now?

  • Jan Ness

    Do they all get TURKEY dinner at the end? Seems fitting at the kiddie table or do they get whiskey sours while they watch the “grow ups?

  • ShriekinViolet

    “President Jindal” – oh, shit. Still trying to catch my breath here. I want a video of each of these assholes writing their names in their Trapper Keeper: PRESIDENT Graham, President Jindal, etc.

  • Rocky

    Everything Obama does is bad…except when Bush did it

  • Charles Cates

    George Washington used Executive Orders.

  • Charles Cates

    Chicken Tikka for everyone!!!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Jindal has a voice of Kermit the Frog thing going.

  • vivian

    Miss Lindsey wants War All The Time for ‘Merica free dumbs becuz if we don’t then they will war here!

  • Zippy

    Jindal- I’m gonna erase the blah guy from history books

  • Charles Cates

    Also UT is back in the Southwest Conference.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “Candidates: Why do you think America is a stinking hellhole, and who is your favorite scapegoat?”

  • Rocky

    WHITEOUT THE WHITEHOUSE

  • JMP

    Santorum: “Repeal EVERY executive order!”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      You gotta do that Porky Pig “da-duba-dub-da” thing first.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …”Christian Persecution”!!!

    DRINK!!!

    • Toomush_Infer

      I thought you were out…

  • ShriekinViolet

    Whoa. The deafening silence when Graham said he wants to kill all of our young women and men in wars.

  • JMP

    No one is being persecuted when they’re prevented from persecuting others, you stupid mix of lube and fecal matter.

  • valgalky23

    Every time we hear that, “DING”, Rick Perry remembers that 3rd thing he wants to abolish.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Well, they’ve managed to piss me off, as promised….flush the whole crew down the toilet…

  • OneDemin EOr

    Oh, Christ, Rick, who uses Wite-Out?

    • Angry_Cop

      I’m out of weed, so that’s my drug of choice at the moment. Nothing else makes this tolerable.

      • sillybill

        check the evidence locker

        • Angry_Cop

          RIGHT! THE EVIDENCE LOCKER! I always forget that one. Thanks!

    • FauxAntocles

      His grandmother

  • Cheesus Crust

    We’ve spent the past 8 years undoing all the damage you assholes did for the 8 years prior….

  • freakishlystrong

    Our Allies will be thrilled on “Day !”

  • Spotts1701

    I feel like this: “There’s a fine line between entertainment and a hostage situation.”

  • Callyson

    Finally found the livestream. What a surprise, Frothy is going on about religious liberty…

  • grumblestiltskin

    Rick Perry’s first action of President of Greater Texas will apparently involve putting white out on a monitor screen.

  • Wendel

    Why aren’t they gone? It’s after 6.

    • Callyson

      I am also wondering when the fuck this is going to end.

    • JMP

      The guide thing says it’s over now!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …Carly just blew her proverbial wad!!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Poor Mr. Spectacles.

  • Zippy

    We must undo every single thing that Obama did

  • Laffing Crow

    Thank you Obama for Obamacare. I’m gonna need it. Just got gout from all the red meat being thrown.

  • freakishlystrong

    “Let’s undo everything!”

  • Charles Cates

    boring

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    Do they even 21st Century?

  • Callyson

    Shorter Pataki: when I was governor I did things. I can do things again.

    • JMP

      9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11

    • Spotts1701

      I’ll put top men on it. TOP. MEN.

    • Tansy Geek

      Made New Yorkers hate him? I’m sure they still do.

  • vivian

    “Undo the blah” seems to be the theme.

    • Zippy

      whatever he did- we hate it!

  • JMP

    What platitudes will be your slogan?

    • Callyson

      All of them, Katie.

      Sorry, that comment begged for that line.

  • Joshua Norton

    ???? Now Jindal is complaining about the politicization of the IRS that he just promised to sic on Planned Parenthood

    • JMP

      Remember, it’s always OK if you’re a Republican.

  • Charles Cates

    No

  • Cheesus Crust

    Uhhmmm…. those were all liberal presidents – am I missing something?

  • TheBidenator

    Why didn’t they also just answer, “Hi I’m Douchebag Magoo and I want to repeal the 20th and 21st centuries!”? It would have been more accurate and they’d probably be on the big kids debate stage with the lead.

  • freakishlystrong

    “Can Do Spirit” is too fucking tired from working all the fucking time and trying to make ends meet.

  • OneDemin EOr

    I love these jerks. First they’re creating jobs, then they’ll slash jobs, what’s it gonna be?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Moderator: Please for god’s sake try to say something inspiring?

  • Wendel

    This is a great nation!

  • Charles Cates

    Shit, we invented hubris!!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Unfortunately, Carly never had any potential. But she fulfilled it.

  • Angry_Cop

    It’s not often you get to see a large group of people all end their careers at once.

  • Callyson

    If the Puppy Bowl here is any indication, I better not make “God” a drinking word or I will die from alcohol poisoning.

  • Rocky

    We are being crushed by the Federal Government? Listen, I am not Rich.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Like grapes. You are turning into People Wine.

  • Wendel

    Frothy wins! He is Reagan’s child.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “I was Ronald Reagan’s love child.”

  • JMP

    OMG Santorum is one of Reagan’s illegitimate children!

    • Ricky Gay

      love child

  • Callyson

    Yes, Frothy, you went to Washington before the long-suffering Pirate drought began. Your point is…?

  • Charles Cates

    Man on Man

  • Mr Corrections

    Dear Wonkettes,

    You have been surpassing yourself with story images recently. It is deeply appreciated.

    Yrs in Christ,
    Mr Corrections

  • ShriekinViolet

    “I was a child of Ronald Reagan.” Immediate disqualification.

  • Ex dente leonem

    You heard him, Frothy is Ronald Raven’s bastard.

    • Toomush_Infer

      He is exceedingly frothy at this moment…unlike Lyndsey….

  • Santorum’s doing that Clinton thumb/index finger pinch thing to keep from pointing at people.

  • Cheesus Crust

    I’ll be more like Hitler and less like Lincoln (shorter Frothy)

  • jviscont1

    What was the over/under on Reagan mentions?

    • Zippy

      AOT,K

    • QHarp

      7,000,000. Smart money is on the over.

  • Rocky

    Republicans WANT to divide washington

  • Charles Cates

    Oh, Colonel Girly Man.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Butch Lindsay took too many sedagives.

  • 3FingerPete

    Lindsey Graham is a dynamo!!!

    • JMP

      He’s asleep.

      • Callyson

        Still more of a dynamo than Pataki or Gilmore.

  • Callyson

    Jesus, they are all talking about how they get things done. Maybe they are trying to convince themselves that this means they’ll manage to make it to the big kids’ table next time…

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Linsdey: I can’t be inspiring, so let me try to scare you some more.

  • orygoon

    Nice new server, Shy!

    • sillybill

      we taking bets on whether it melts or not?

  • Charles Cates

    Maybe he killed his parents?

  • Ricky Gay

    I am reagan – NO I AM BEING REAGAN!

    • Zippy

      I AM MORE REAGAN THAN ALL OF YOU!

      • Ricky Gay

        I’m Reagan you’re glue

  • Beaumarchais?

    Is Miss Lindsey on medication?

  • Laffing Crow

    Whatever it takes to defend this nation, I would do.

    Except peaceful treaties.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “I’m not married. I can work long hours”

  • JD Mulvey

    The fact that they get so little time and there’s that constant bell going off seems to give them each an extra-deranged, panic stricken quality.

    It’s like they have to pack as much frantic extra supidity as they can.

    • Laffing Crow

      Let’s hope it’s the same format tonight.

  • freakishlystrong

    Listen up. Ronald Reagan sold weapons to the Mullahs. I need an answer to that.

  • Callyson

    Cable came back, much to the chagrin of my TV set I’m guessing…

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    Rich person willing to give up some rich so other people can remain poor!

  • Msgr_Moment

    “Is Hillary likable enough?”

  • Toomush_Infer

    Lindsey is ready to give up his social security – how about his senatorial pension?…

  • Charles Cates

    Elected now.

  • Cheesus Crust

    They can’t even count words and they wanna be President?

  • lowenufc

    Zombie Reagan. Too drunk to drink any further.

  • freakishlystrong

    Why is this allowed on American Teevee with no rebuttal?

    • Skwerl King

      How can you rebut a word salad?

      • Zippy

        with a flamethrower?

      • freakishlystrong

        We better fucking learn. These idiots are winning.

    • Angry_Cop

      BECAUSE WE SUCK

  • JMP

    Oooh no one laughed at Perry’s joke based on the fake email scandal.

  • Callyson

    Closing statements, thank God.

  • Joshua Norton

    Fox moderator: Obama really sucks and Americans hate him. Right?

  • Charles Cates

    That’s more than two, Lindsey.

    • Biff52

      Three shall be the number of thy counting…

  • ShriekinViolet

    Awwww, Lindsey Graham is sad. Also, fuck him.

  • JMP

    Closing statements, only 13 minutes late!

  • 3FingerPete

    Fuck these debate moderators

    • Steverino247

      Awful, aren’t they?

      • 3FingerPete

        They are what I expect from Fox, but still…

  • Msgr_Moment

    “I’m a shower, not a grower.”

  • Rocky

    Complimenting Barry on FOX causes severe burns

  • Zippy

    In your own words, tell us why Hillary is the antichrist

  • Callyson

    A show me don’t tell me election? OK, Perry, show me what you look like when you *aren’t* wearing glasses you don’t need, you poseur…

  • Ex dente leonem

    Republicans can’t count to two.

  • Charles Cates

    Texas is cutting its Medicaid program in half now.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Is Perry gonna break out in song?…

  • Rocky

    Glasses is SO proud he remembered some numbers!!!!

  • valgalky23

    Double shots – he said “HOPE”

  • Cheesus Crust

    Also, the #1 teen pregnancy rate, coincidence?

  • Me not sure

    Almost dinner time. Need to start cooking the meth.

  • Laffing Crow

    Did Perry just co-opt “Hope”?

  • Cheesus Crust

    Hey Ricky – California is the 8th largest economy so SUCK IT!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Did Mr. Spex say, “we need to get America back on crack”?

  • Charles Cates

    We just need lower wages to bring back industry!

  • Callyson

    Shorter Perry: we can do shit! We just need leadership!! Oh, and MILITARY!

  • valgalky23

    Nobody’s done it like Rick Perry!!!!!!

  • Zippy

    we need to build our military back up (because it’s all shrivelled up)

    • Spotts1701

      Yeah, 45 times the rest of the world combined isn’t enough. We need 50! 60!

      • Reddishrabbit

        110%!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Santorum had sex 8 times.

    • JMP

      Well Karen Santorum did at least…

  • stefiz

    We need to build our military back up?

  • Charles Cates

    Get your wife on the pill!!!!

    • Callyson

      Governor Christie, is that you?

  • Callyson

    Um, Frothy? How the fuck does having seven kids qualify you to be President?

  • Rocky

    7 fucking kids? He a Palin???

    • valgalky23

      Duggar wannabe

      • Zippy

        and that’s not counting the fetus in a jar

  • Toomush_Infer

    Seven children! I KNOW HOW TO FUCK AMERICA!…

  • Cheesus Crust

    7 lil Frothy’s runin’ around? Say it ain’t so…. how did he have time to govern?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And one in a jar. That’s 8 times he had sex.

  • freakishlystrong

    Rick’s projecting again.

  • Msgr_Moment

    “We have 49 kids. I was too lazy to pick up condoms.”

  • Laffing Crow

    Santorum: I have real working sperm, unlike that sexually suspicious Graham guy.

  • Beaumarchais?

    You have seven children because you’re too stupid and selfish to figure out birth control.

    • mrpuma2u

      How is going to lead our economy when he is too stupid to know condoms are cheaper than diapers???

  • Cheesus Crust

    Shorter debate: we are all going to do SOMETHING! (we just don’t know what yet…)

    • data_ninja

      Because the lobbyists haven’t given them the plans yet. Plans are for WINNERS!

  • 3FingerPete

    Santorum’s head leans to the left. That won’t play well with the base.

  • Cheesus Crust

    Jindal as a “doer” … that was an image I didn’t need.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Shit. I forgot this thing was EST. I just got out of the pool and turned on the teevee. Nobody but a guy I’ve never watched named Brent Bare or something, is where I’m watching it. Anyone been clocking how many times they’ve mentioned Saint Reagan?

    • Lot_49

      I’ll never forget the moment when each candidate successively fellated the embalmed penis of St Ronnie of Santa Barbara Ynez.

      • jviscont1

        you must google Walker’s pilgrimage to the shrine where you wear white gloves with Nancy.

        • Lot_49

          It is TOTALLY CREEPY the way Walker idolizes Reagan. You can envision him writing “Mrs Ronald Reagan” a hundred times in his notebook during study hall.

      • Callyson

        “He’s from Santa YNEZ!!!”

        – every decent Santa Barbaran, including my mom for the last 25 years of her life

        • Lot_49

          Will adjust accordingly. Sant Ynez is way funnier.

          Going up to SB next week for Signora_Quarantanove’s birthday. Got any restaurant recommendos for the downtown area?

        • Biff52

          Illinois. I will nevar consider him a Californian!

  • ShriekinViolet

    Can’t be ending already. I haven’t even had a chance to read all the (not allowed) comments. These closing comments are just abominable. Burn them all with fire-votes.

  • Callyson

    Jindal says we don’t need a great talker in the White House? Yeah, I want someone like that representing the United States when it comes time to negotiate international agreements,…

    • Cheesus Crust

      Well, he should be Prez then… cause he can’t talk.

  • Charles Cates

    You deserve to lose again any way.

  • Msgr_Moment

    These Borgs need to assimilate!

  • Santorum is sooo optimistic about America he keeps boffing his wife right in the lady parts! The ones that make babbys, too! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

  • freakishlystrong

    Bobby, who the fuck wants to come here anymore?

  • Charles Cates

    And become a Baptist.

  • JMP

    Jindahl is tired of hyphenated Americans!

    • Zippy

      Rubio is tired of hydrated Americans

  • Rocky

    This is just foreplay for the REAL debate

    • Msgr_Moment

      Looks like I need some vitamin V.

    • LarkintheAM

      Needs moar roofies.

  • Skwerl King

    “needy” = Independent voter. Check

  • Toomush_Infer

    We need a dewer not a toker – in Inglish!…

  • Laffing Crow

    ASSIMILATE AND WORK!

  • freakishlystrong

    BENGAHAXI DRINK

  • OneDemin EOr

    Thank god we get a break between shitshows so we can sober up!

    • Vienna Woods

      Nap time!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Carly Fiorina: “I.B.M. GHAZZZIIIII!!!!”

    • data_ninja

      She would make a great D&D character. Lots of Experience and HP.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Benghazi, email, Planned Parenthood.

  • Joshua Norton

    Two words: “divisive and with no vision at all”

  • Charles Cates

    Why the long face, Carly? (Palin said that about Kerry.)

  • major_asshole

    I just tuned in. Holy shit–did Rick Perry just suggest that he is a corporate-type governor?

    Also: I love how these people talk about reducing the corporate tax rate and reforming entitlements. What they always mean is, “We’re going to make corporations pay the government less and take away necessary programs from the poor people. Because fuck ’em. Unless you’re gay.”

  • Callyson

    And I was wondering when Carly was going to roll with the “I can throw ALL the punches without being accused of sexism!” card…

    • jviscont1

      she spent the last hour sharpening her nails before rolling with it.

    • jmk

      Oh it’s always hilarious to see her dissing Hillary supporters for voting for her only because she’s a chick when her entire campaign is “I have a vag too!!”

  • Cheesus Crust

    The Dems are the one undermining, Carly? Riiiiiiight…..

  • Zippy

    LEARN ENGLISH!

  • Rocky

    DemocRAT, DRINK!!

  • Dolmance

    Oh, Jesus.

  • Ex dente leonem

    Piyush pushing assimilation, shocker.

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    Proof there is no god? This debate is still a thing.

  • Skwerl King

    Carly is the little idiot that could.

    • freakishlystrong

      Actually, she couldn’t.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey, we’re underminers now! Manufacturers, unite!

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    Hmmm, can Santorum explain how the immigrants our taking our “jerbs?” Does he know what kind of “jobs” immigrants typically do – JFC

    • Skwerl King

      Hotel laundry and meat packing jerbs for everyone!

  • Charles Cates

    HAM BISCUITS IN EVERY POT!!!

  • Callyson

    “there are no moderates in Iran”

    Lindsey, I think you’ve confused Iran with the Republican party…

  • Beaumarchais?

    Can someone check to make sure Lindsey doesn’t hang himself tonight?

    • freakishlystrong

      Hopefully, no.

    • Laffing Crow

      Well, I’m counting on Jon Stewart to give me the will to keep on living after watching tonight’s debate.

  • freakishlystrong

    BECOMING GREECE DRINK ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  • Msgr_Moment

    Should we all send a Get-well card to Sen. Lindsay?

    • 3FingerPete

      Too much pre-debate cough syrup.

  • Charles Cates

    We’re not Greece if we can blow almost 600 billion on defense.

  • Rocky

    our
    best

    days

    are

    ahead

    ….

    • LarkintheAM

      After these fucking “debates” are done, yes.

  • Charles Cates

    I despise the other candidates.

  • Callyson

    “With all the candidates, why me?”

    And I thought no one would ever top the “Who am I? Why am I here?” line. Well done, Pataki!

  • DustBowlBlues

    The closers are boring as hell. Did I miss a thing? Or was I better off on a hideously hot day in the pool?

    • stefiz

      The pool probably had less piss in it then this debate…

      • Toomush_Infer

        Unless it was in SF…

  • Ricky Gay

    so shouty

  • JohnR

    I didn’t last 30 seconds, I’ll learn more from the snide comments. Bernie is on MSNBC right now!!!!!

  • Me not sure

    Lindsey said he wants to do hard things.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Why me? Why George Pataki? Why, Lord, Why?…

  • Cheesus Crust

    AHHHHH 9/11 DRINK!!!

  • Charles Cates

    Gov. 9/11

  • Msgr_Moment

    “I’ve embezzled in a way none of the other candidates have.”?

  • Beaumarchais?

    Actually, George, federal employment has gone down since you meant anything, as have taxes. Try to keep up.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Pataki was tested.

    I’d like to see the printout.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Sept 11 and no Rudy!

    • berkeleyfarm

      And no Ol’ Handsome Joe on the stage to make a good joke!

  • Biff52

    Well, Disqust shit the bed for me for the last 20 minutes.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I hate that. I just gave up for awhile. Like, months worth of while.

  • Razor’s Edge

    I would pay so much money to see Lindsey and Fiorina….you know.

    Or can I just go to pornhub?

    • Skwerl King

      Rule 34

  • Skwerl King

    “I’ve been tested in the Klingon pit of fire!

  • Callyson

    Oh good–I thought Pataki was going to miss the opportunity to bring out the “I was governor during 9.11” line again.

  • Rocky

    I hate government but I can Govern
    Pataki 2016

    • Msgr_Moment

      GOP all-time best seller.

      Government sucks. Elect us and we’ll prove it.

  • JMP

    “I was governor on September 11” – really? You should have mentioned that three dozen times then.

  • Charles Cates

    Mr. Nobody

  • Msgr_Moment

    Pataki seems clueless without D’Amato’s hand up his ass.

    • JohnR

      The ring chafes though.

  • Charles Cates

    Where’s his goddamned flag pin?!?!??!

  • Callyson

    Gilmore: I was governor during 9.11 too, bitches!

  • Cheesus Crust

    Gilmore – I’m the former Governor of Virginia that hasn’t been convicted of bribery – vote for me! Also, 9/11

  • TheBidenator

    Eh, their moran base is still stuck on the Reagan years so even the stalest 9/11 reference is still fresh to them….I’m sure Guiliani is about to fire up the grift train again after Pataki said 9/11 three times.

  • Joshua Norton

    Gilmore’s qualifications:

    “I am proficient at Microsoft Word. I also have many unique skills and attributes.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So . . . just as good as any of the frontrunners.

  • 3FingerPete

    Good lord, what a shitshow that was.

  • Callyson

    Oh thank God–it’s over. Time to walk the dogs and freshen up my liquor collection, then I’ll come back to read all the good snark I missed while typing mine. See you all in a little while!

  • Zippy

    And that concludes tonight’s debate. We will never speak of any of you ever again…

  • shastakoala

    Carly’s smile at the end of her closing statement looked very painful.

    • Laffing Crow

      They all kind of looked like the accident in their pants was getting gooey and cold and they just couldn’t wait to waddle backstage and get hosed down by some campaign flunky.

  • JMP

    Finally over! Now quick to change the channel, it’s so dirty there was santorum all over the TV screen.

  • Charles Cates

    What does ‘Quicken Loans Arena’ tell us about our nation?

    • Ricky Gay

      Renew America: The Quickening

      • Biff52

        There can be only one?

    • Beaumarchais?

      That there’s money in loansharking?

    • TheBidenator

      That Donald Trump’s hair is going to go Tetsuo in “Akira” after Jeb! pisses him off too much and it engulfs everyone in the arena?

    • LarkintheAM

      That every bloody thing is for sale.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I may have worked at that boiler room once and at a meeting of 200 or so of us “bankers” a mgr may have looked at me and said, “What if I came up behind you tomorrow morning as you were getting ready to make your first call, put a gun to the back of your head and said, ‘If you don’t make a sale today I am going shoot you.’ What would you do?” I said, “I like to think I’d quit.” I may have been fired the next day.

    • data_ninja

      Quicken Loans Arena used to be named “Gund Arena“. It was every local comedians favorite joke, because of how it’s pronounced very close to a certain STD. (Hint: It’s not ‘chlamydia’)

  • Cheesus Crust

    Holy shiznit! That was fun! Can’t wait until tonight!

    • ShriekinViolet

      I’m in France and its just a bit after midnight but I’m just buzzed enough to consider staying up until the “real” debate. On the other hand, I could go to bed. Because fuck those guys – they can’t be more desperate than these also-rans.

      • Johnny Staccato

        I’m in London and I’m definitely staying up. I’m hoping for BIG THINGS from Donald ‘Yooge’ Trump…BIG but CLASSY…

        • ShriekinViolet

          3am start is tempting. Let me check on the status of the liquor cabinet…

      • AntiDerpomeme

        That’s where I am too. The junior varsity game was entertaining enough for me, tomorrow I will enjoy reading the blogging and comments (not that they will exist) for the yooge and klassy goat rodeo.

  • JohnR

    We want Thunder Dome!

  • LarkintheAM

    So, class, what new things have we learned here today?

    • Brian J.

      That IQs have obviously increased in New York and Virginia in the last ten years?

    • Mr Corrections

      That there was a President named Ronald Raven.

      • Johnny Staccato

        He was America’s first black president…and he could FLY, also, too. Winnning!?$%*!!

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Ravens say “CAW! CAW!” and poop is called “CA-CA” in Hispanish Words, and everything these people said was shit.

        Connect the dooks sheeple!!

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Ha ha! I was wondering if I heard Perry say “Ronald Raven.”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Next he’ll talk about Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck.

        • Mr Corrections
          • Vegan and Tiara

            He’s such a fucking idiot. The glasses haven’t helped his IQ.

        • Biff52

          Appropes enough, the raven will be telling Ricky “nevermore” soon enough.

    • Zippy

      everything bad is Obama’s fault, except for the things that are Hillary’s fault

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, duh. And those bad things that Obama is, inexplicably, not responsible for, Bill Clinton or Jimmy Carter are. You know, like all that peace and prosperity that plagued the nation prior to the installation of the deserting coward.

    • Callyson

      George Pataki and Gary Gilmore were governors on September 11, 2001.

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    After this debate, I still won’t know who Jim Gilmore is.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Unless you’re from Virginia, you’ve never heard of him. I had to do a web search to find out he was governor of Virginia. At least Carly, Mz. Lindsey, Governor Goodhair, Rih the discharge, and Piyush have some sort of national profile to them.

      • SoccerMomsforSatan

        I try to keep up with the politastuffs however, keeping up with the current Republican clown car occupants is a full time job in itself :-(

        • Biff52

          There should be seven fewer passengers very soon.

    • Beaumarchais?

      He was the last person to be shot by a firing squad. In Utah, I think.

      • SoccerMomsforSatan

        That explains his non-performance this evening.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        No, no, no – Adam Sandler played him in some movie.

  • Charles Cates

    George Will!!!

    • Callyson

      That was my cue to go take the dogs out.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Man, I hope the grownup Wonkette team can take the baton….I’m worn out…

    • I’m tanned, rested, and ready, man.

    • JohnR

      Lindsey has the …nevermind

      • 3FingerPete

        You could feel the Grahamentum, couldn’t you?

  • Wendel

    Bernie is on MSNBC.

  • Charles Cates

    Suck up. You’re not getting anything off Fiorina.

  • lowenufc

    Okay- Time to hydrate, Wonketteers. Hydrate or pay for it.

  • JohnR

    They are so tongue kissing Carly, RWNJs on the Twitter Also Too.

  • Ok wonkers… How did you like our new liveblog setup?

    Seemed smooth as silk on this end.

    • RC

      very nice not even one glitch

      • AntiDerpomeme

        My iPad hung up and posted several “lady just called Lindsey Graham a queer” posts in a row, but I think it was just delighted at the snark. Fixed with a refresh.

        Nice job, Shy. New server is serving well.

    • TheBidenator

      Worked well, Pixel…made me almost feel like I was there watching it at home and following along. Much better than the old style live blogs…those sucked.

    • jviscont1

      response time was better than Rick Perry’s.

    • Santorumest liveblargh ever, Shy – nice work!

    • CalvinianChoice

      Kept me from actually doing any work.

    • sw19womble

      I had a confuse about where to comment! But then I am thick and didn’t think to scroll down.

      Also I have a kitten perched on the back of my chair, but I guess there’s nothing you can do about that.

      • Enfant Terrible

        Tell me about it.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          Here’s how one of mine is spending the evening. What can I say? He’s weirdly attracted to feet.

      • TheBidenator

        Which is all part of why I refuse to own cats…that and they piss on everything and sometimes get into fights with your dogs.

    • Drew Miner

      it totes failed at getting me home early enough to participate, but word salads stay fresh even in milk!

    • willi0000000

      don’t have a teevee box so all i could do was read the blog and try to keep up with the comments (not that there were any) . . . maybe that’s a good thing because everything just splatted out perfectly and if i had one more thing to do i wouldn’t have had time to drink.

    • Zippy

      just discovering the up/down arrow for your blogs- much better in descending order

      • Beaumarchais?

        Where are these? Or should I sort by Oldest instead of Newest?

        And how does Wonkette know how old we are?

      • They will change into that format tomorrow, for posterity

    • LarkintheAM

      Perfect – the dings made it extra spesh.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Once I figured out where the hell the dings were coming from. I was doing some work, when “ding”. And then, “ding.” Check email, check system alerts … then “ding”. Finally got around to the various browser tabs… “ding” … and it was Wonkette calling!

    • 3FingerPete

      Needs more snacks.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Looks like it worked as designed. So your next project will be healthcare.gov?

    • Come here a minute

      Muy good!!!

    • r m reddicks

      I got shut out on commenting after a wee bit. So all in all I’d say it’s a plus for me! Couldn’t see others comments. Could be browser settings or old weak shit computer or old weak shit computer operator.

    • Callyson

      I do wish the screen would stop jumping around whenever the blog is updated: that is irritating when it happens while I am typing a comment.

      Otherwise, it’s all good.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I don’t know. Every time the bell went off I assumed it was time to have a drink and now I’m shitfaced.

      • Still less drunk then had you been using Alternet’s Drinking Game

    • Biff52

      Disqus totally shit the bed (as in refused to load comments) for me for the final 20 minutes, but otherwise, great.

      • Ouch. Not sure what I can do about that, other than provide a direct link to the Disqus thread…

    • Beaumarchais?

      It seemed troll-free, too. Were you kicking them off right away, or are they hunkered down with their own kind for the night?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Hard for them to get in, onehandedlike.

    • Callyson

      Second comment: can I turn off the auto-refresh button? I am *trying* to read all of the comments but it is hard to do so when the damn screen automatically updates and bumps me back up to the most recent ones. Help!

    • Sharkey

      Um, Shy? Page still refreshes on interval, even though nothing is being updated (well, except comments).

      Then I lose my place among the thousands of cakes, wait I mean *comments* we like.

      • Is it still doing that, even after we closed the liveblog? It’s not doing it to me, but it was when I was on my iPhone, but I almost wrote that off to it being a 4s, which might as well be a fucking abacus.

  • Joshua Norton

    This debate was good news for John McCain.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Somebody’s got to cheer Lindsay up.

  • Spotts1701

    Shall we play a game? Guess which candidate left their closing statement in the hotel printer!
    https://twitter.com/SergioGor/status/629381741132648449

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Failed HP exec? You know, HP is basically a printer company today?

      • Zippy

        Fucking magnets printers, how do they work?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          You’d think someone who once worked at HP would know this, but of course, that person was in the executive suite and is utterly clueless about the products they produce…as witnessed by performance.

          • willi0000000

            worked in IT for a while . . . had a boss who didn’t understand any of the tech stuff and admitted it . . . first day he took over the department he called all of us together and said “just keep doing what you’re doing day-to-day and i’ll prod you when the long term projects look like they’re falling behind”

            a bit wordier than that but you get the idea . . . best boss i ever had!

            [ everybody worked like dogs for that guy . . . willingly ]

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Back in the late 90’s, when she was fucking up Lucent, she told a conference call that Lucent would not develop new products for internet use because the internet was a fad.

          • Biff52

            She sez she started out as a secretary. Failed upward, I see.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Probably the glass desk thing. I don’t think that’ll work on a national level.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Didn’t know what printer she sent the document to? Yeah, that sounds like a tech exec.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Failed Lucent exec too.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Wow. Broad experience.

          • Beaumarchais?

            ISWYDT.

      • data_ninja

        I’ve heard that most of their money isn’t from selling the printers themselves, somewhat verified by retail places sell home and small business models at about the same price. The real money is in ink and toner, since they locked down their machines to only use their own brand. (Boring analysis can be found here)

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          You’ve gotta have a pretty good printer to lock up the ink market.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Pretty sure all the bullshit faxes we get are a conspiracy to eat up our toner.

    • OzoneTom

      Some poor abused intern is going to be in a special hell very soon.

    • TheBidenator

      Rick Perry because he’s SMRT or maybe Jindal because Booga booga technology has bad demons and needs exorcising!

    • Laffing Crow

      Oh! I know, I know! Here’s a clue. It’s one of the two candidates with a vajayjay.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Was it good for you guys too?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I started watching at 5:02, promptly fell asleep, woke up to hear all about Planned Parenthood selling babby parts and got so enraged I had to go back to watching the Jon Stewart marathon. So, yeah, it was good for me.

  • DustBowlBlues

    How cool is it to turn on the teevee machine and there is Jon Stewart. Time to eat popcorn and put fake bake on my legs. See you later.

  • Cheesus Crust

    God – I could smell the desperation through the computer…. “Puhhhhhleeeeeezzzzzzze vote for us!”

  • Wendel

    Carly was so sucking up to Trump.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      She was trying to suck, but couldn’t move her face.

      • Msgr_Moment

        That could be a dealbreaker.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    On Rick Perry: How common is it to say “dudunt” instead of “doesn’t” in Texas?

    • LarkintheAM

      About as common as nuke-you-lar.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I could swear I head Perry say “Ronald Raven.” Who is this Ronald Raven fellow, and why does everyone want to blow him?

      • Biff52

        See the image above!

        • Vegan and Tiara

          Is he the eagle with big talons who kicks Russia’s ass?

      • Barbara Delaney

        He’s confusing him with Sam Houston.

    • Charles Cates

      Very. A short example:
      “Zak doan lak messin’ with that bob war.”
      (Zack don’t like messin’ with that barbwire.)

  • Charles Cates

    Rick Perry looks kind of like Clark Kent. I wonder if he’ll remove his glasses and tear off his suite to reveal—SuperFail!

    • SK

      Kent? No, Griswold.

  • JohnR

    They really need to drop this crew on an island with some sharp sticks and only their wits to survive.

    • sw19womble

      Dead by dawn libel!!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re doomed! No wits with any of them!

    • Me not sure

      Drop the island on them.

    • r m reddicks
  • Joshua Norton

    Less Is Gilmore

    • r m reddicks

      I thought Utah shot that guy back in ’76 or ’77 or something.

      • Msgr_Moment

        He showed more grace than these guys (and gal).

      • aureolaborealis

        No, no. That was Gary Gygax.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I really hate to fill Piyush in on this, but “hyphenated-Americans” have been around since, oh, I don’t know, sometime in the early-to-mid 18th century.

    I invite Piyush to go fuck himself.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Lindsey Graham will BOOTS ON THE GROUND Planned Parenthood, with JAG.

    JAG-on, JAG-off.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s so easy to talk about “boots on the ground” when there’s no chance they will be your boots.

    • SK

      Glass slippers. Not boots.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Apply directly to forehead.

  • Spurning Beer

    We now have a clear picture of what we can expect in the failed Hillary Clinton administration.

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    Well lets get this trainwreck moving with the Yooge and Classy Trumpster – I need to get this drinking game rolling so I can call in sick (hungover)

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Here is my litmus test: are you too stupid to tie your own shoes in the morning? If the answer is yes (or you try to avoid the answer by wearing slip on loafers), then you can not be prezindnent. Bring in the next group of dummies……

  • Charles Cates

    NBC just showed a ‘leaked’ memo to Trump from his people that had scripted zingers for the others. He’s not so off-the-cuff after all.

    • Callyson

      Just off the rails.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “And what’s the deal with that airplane food?”

      • aureolaborealis

        “Relationships with the opposite sex, huh? Can you believe it?
        Pshhhhh … Nahm sang?”

    • SoccerMomsforSatan

      I’m not sure how to feel about that, it’s one thing if the magnanimous hairpiece’s bloviating rhetoric is his own but to think there is an actual team that feeds him that shit is a whole new level of WTF.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Dolly Madison Scripted Zingers are great with an IPA. Or a box of Zinfandel.

  • WHAT I LEARNED: It’s sorta creepy seeing ‘regular’ commercials on FOX. It sorta makes me hate all the products.

    • tinker12

      Since you’re talking about products to hate, here’s the short list of evil Koch brothers’ products to boycott. Please use it and share it widely.

      KOCH BROTHERS PRODUCTS TO BOYCOTT:

      American Greetings Cards
      Angel Soft toilet paper
      Brawny paper towels
      Dixie plates, bowls, napkins and cups
      Mardi Gras napkins and towels
      Quilted Northern toilet paper
      Soft ‘n Gentle toilet paper
      Sparkle napkins
      Vanity fair napkins
      Zee napkins
      Georgia-Pacific paper products and envelopes
      Lycra
      Stainmaster Carpet

      • Anarchy Pony

        I just wish I didn’t have to pay to wipe my ass with their products…

        • tinker12

          You don’t. Charmin baby!!

  • Charles Cates

    If Trump made up the debate rules there would be a swimsuit competition.

    • FauxAntocles

      Here, here – oh, wait…

    • SK

      ..and Lindsey and he would be in a sword fight.

      • Charles Cates

        I wouldn’t want to see either in tights. Or anyone in a swimsuit, come to think of it.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Reanimating Reagan’s corpse still has the highest probability.

    • SK

      And if he required some organs salvaged from a PP fetal sale donation, would Santorum allow it?

      • Biff52

        Didn’t Mommy already approve that?

        • Me not sure

          Recycled fetal organs are the only reason she’s still around.

  • Me not sure

    Sanitizing the TV in anticipation of round two. Can’t let buildup occur.

    • cheetojeebus

      May I suggest Fellini’s La Strada followed by an amuse buoche of The I.T. Crowd?

      • Me not sure

        I was thinking a Peter Greenaway (“Drowning By Numbers”?) and an ablutionary joint,
        but I think I like yours better.

    • AnOuthouse

      I got In Living Color season 1 from Netflix so won’t be watching.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Jeezzzuuzz Louisiana. You gave us Huey Long. How could you let this asshat Jindal get elected governor?

    • CalvinianChoice

      Vitter’s due to be next. We’re on a roll.

    • Callyson

      “Hey, count your blessings: I could have sent David Duke!”

      – Louisiana

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I love you Louisiana. I really do. I love your wide river and your flowing delta, your broad coast, your secret bayous and your exotic wildlife. I love your New Orleans and its food and people and faux French. But damn, you do know how to really try a man’s patience.

        • major_asshole

          1. New Orleans is lovely…as long as you stick to certain areas at Mardi Gras.

          B. That’s not faux French–that’s authentic frontier gibberish! (Also, Cajun French.)

          III. We’re really sorry. Please forgive us. Would you like some gumbo?

    • jw

      Not just elected, RE-ELECTED!

    • major_asshole

      Hey, look, we’re sorry, ok? The idiots elected him (and then re-elected him), but we have so many people down here who actually have IQs above room temperature and who vote for decent people.

      Unfortunately, Vitter the Diaper Shitter is running for governor. This will not end well.

  • Joshua Norton

    The real winner of tonight’s debate – everyone who wasn’t in it.

    • There are people who weren’t in it?

      Coulda fooled me.

    • Msgr_Moment

      ….plus distilleries.
      …and meth dealers.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        And jiffypop.

  • Lizzietish81

    Addinting info has thoughtfully created some Bingo cards for tonight’s event

    http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/08/06/get-2015-gop-debate-bingo-cards-here/

  • Rocky

    I got it…all these folks were just debating for the Vice Presidential election.

    • SK

      Happy Gilmore too?

  • Biff52

    Sweet jeebus, disqus hates this thread!

  • Beaumarchais?

    I’m really worried about Lindsey. I think that was a cry for help.

  • Andrew Mossberg

    jindal fiorina santorum and perry shouldn’t be allowed near a mic. As sad as they are, Pataki, Graham, and and Gilmore appear to possibly be human and possessing of honest if misguided positions.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Yes, I am afraid that AI will always be “just twenty years” in the future.

      • AnOuthouse

        It certainly wasn’t ready for 2012.

  • Biff52

    Wait until iCarly shows up for the swimsuit competition!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Tough competition.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Doughy libel!

  • Ryan Denniston

    So what I don’t get is why Fox didn’t make the loser bowl filled with 10 people instead of the main event.

    • Lizzietish81

      Jeb!’s Guac bowle only holds so much

      • Ryan Denniston

        I could not believe that was a thing. It’s not stone or anything!

      • SK

        What is that a metaphor for?

        • Lizzietish81

          Well….um….LOOK A SQUIRREL!

          *runs away

          • LarryHoudini

            Hey Lizzie Tish. Have fun in Maine!

        • major_asshole

          It’s…it’s an actual thing. The description (courtesy Gizmodo): “Jeb[!] and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday. Now, you can get in on the act with this “Guaca Bowle.” Jeb[!]’s secret guacamole recipe not included…yet.”

          http://gizmodo.com/the-best-worst-presidential-campaign-merchandise-1722570260

    • 3FingerPete

      They needed only seven people to sweep up after the main debate.

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    The Twitterverse has declared Carly “pretty in pink plastic” Fiorina the winner for the first round – bless her heart?

    • Lizzietish81

      Who was the runner up? Should she be unable to fulfill her duties and all….

      • SoccerMomsforSatan

        AOT,K?

    • Ryan Denniston

      So does that mean she plays into the tournament, like NCAA basketball?

      • Msgr_Moment

        First prize: a date with Rick Perry.
        Second prize: two dates.

        • Paperless Tiger

          Third prize: Um. Let’s see. What was that?

          • r m reddicks

            Date with Lindsey.

          • >INSERT MANDATE JOKE HERE<

          • SoccerMomsforSatan

            Good thing Carly isn’t third, she’s most certainly not Miss Lindsey’s cup of tea.

          • sw19womble

            Shopping spree with Lindsay.

        • Ryan Denniston

          Third prize, Perry puts out. Yeeessh.

    • Msgr_Moment

      The pink plastic princess of our nightmares dreams.

    • Reddishrabbit

      First thing she has won in a while. And just as meaningless as her last win (the nomination to be second in CA Senate race)

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I just came across Ted Cruz’ national health plan, for when he’s Preznident and kills Obamacare:

    • Ryan Denniston

      Is it “fuck you?”

      A Link to the 90s, so no video: http://www.quotes.net/mquote/23727

      • Lizzietish81

        Pray to Jesus

    • handyhippie65

      yup. it is just amazing how those christians never get sick, and all live to be hundreds of years old, like noah.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I’m praying that Ted returns to his native country.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Either of them.

      • Unforgotten

        They won’t gonna accept him back.
        Unless there’s a new war, and a new invasion of their territory, then maybe (JUST MAYBE) if he’s ‘forgotten’ behind enemy lines…

      • sw19womble

        You broke him, you keep him!

        And no, he was fine when he crossed the border. He’s out of warranty anyway. Sorry. Hanging up the phone now….

      • HogeyeGrex

        Hell?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Stupid is as stupid does. Dominionists are a threat to human life.

      • Anarchy Pony

        “Stupid is as stupid does. Dominionists are a threat to human life.”

    • And more high school football teams would win the big game against the Wildcats!

      • Anarchy Pony

        The Wildcats should have prayed harder!

    • Me not sure

      Those damned little children with cancer deserve what they get. Wife is a two time survivor, and when I showed her this she teared up briefly and then told me to keep her away from him lest things go badly.

    • Charles Cates

      He also enriches the worthless and makes poor the helpless.
      Fuck Him.

    • Anarchy Pony

      I guess my father didn’t pray hard enough then.

  • SK

    Pity the Megyn-wannabe did not ask Perry if he remembers the third governmental agency he wants to shut down.
    Then ask him about the first two.

  • Laffing Crow

    Well Wonkette, you’ve pleasured my dopamine receptors so much that I’m pretty sure I owe you some money. It’s too bad I haven’t got any.

    But maybe the guy whose replacement credit card got delivered to my address by mistake does. MasterCard ok?

    • AnOuthouse

      American Express only.

  • Charles Cates

    http://whcinsider.com/2015/08/06/gop-debate-surprise-aerosmith%E2%80%8B-will-be-in-the-audience-tonight/

    GOP Debate Surprise: Aerosmith​ will be in the audience tonight!Aerosmith frontman, Steven Tyler, was spotted in Cleveland on the eve of
    the first GOP candidate debate of the 2016 presidential election. When
    asked if Tyler would be able to get a seat in the debate audience
    tonight, RNC’s Sean Spicer confirmed that “he doesn’t have to worry, he
    has a ticket and the rest of Aerosmith does as well.”

    • Msgr_Moment

      This debate was like love in an elevator.

      • ShriekinViolet

        Going down (in the polls), all of you JV members (except for Ms. Fiorina, apparently)?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Well, it sure showed plenty of toys in the attic.

      • AnOuthouse

        It wasn’t a big 10 inch…

    • OneDemin EOr

      Tyler’s on the right, right?

      • Lizzietish81

        Please, that is a healthy human being. Tyler is standing next to her

      • Charles Cates

        When I see his picture I try to imagine his daughter instead.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Lindsay has no kids. He is not optimistic about Amerrika.

  • Lady Bug

    As Ford Maddox Ford would say, “This is the saddest story I’ve ever heard”

  • SK
    • Msgr_Moment

      That’s it. Expect Piyush to wear falsies to the next one.

      • Laffing Crow

        Ok, it’s obvious but has to be done. Will he wear his Piyush up bra?

    • Laffing Crow

      I heard she got into the Koch Primary this last weekend and they let her speak words and didn’t make her fetch coffee or anything.

    • Lizzietish81

      Congratualations Carly, you are the least barfiest of the lower tier Republicans

    • Msgr_Moment

      The bad news is that in 1.5 hours, no one will give a rat’s ass.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Actually, I think that’s more good news.

    • Doug Langley

      So what does she “win”? The dining room set? The sports car?

    • 3FingerPete

      Ooooh! She got the Todd Starnes bump.

    • Callyson

      So her “vote for me because I can go after Hillary and no one can call me sexisit!” strategy worked. OK then…

  • handyhippie65

    is this like a real thing? if so, it must be on cable. all the sadfaces for no cable. although, one of these clusterfuks should be quite sufficient to leave me dazed and confused.

    • hvdv
      • handyhippie65

        i meant the jv debate from the article. it looked like fun.

      • sw19womble

        Thanks hvdv!

      • handyhippie65

        hey, you were right. thanks for the link. U B awesome!

      • Callyson

        Thanks for reposting: after my cable went out earlier, my computer crashed, so I need all the back-ups I can get. None of my electronic devices want to hear the GOP’s crap, it seems…

      • DEL_5447

        Thank You. Hope this holds out for the main event

  • Paperless Tiger

    You reckon Trump is making angry gestures at a mirror for practice?

    • Charles Cates

      How could he get mad while looking at the most handsome man in the universe?

  • lowenufc

    Geezus. I’ve watched enough JV teams over all my years of coaching to know when there is no talent on the field. And that is exactly what I saw.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Jayvee? More like that level of youth soccer where the whole team just swarms about wherever the ball happens to be.

      • ThatDale

        We called it “clumpball.”

  • Jeff Berard

    OMFG… what a colossal shitshow!

  • CripesAmighty

    Thank you Wonketeers for your fabulous recap of the high-chair table. Had to do that what is an abstraction to the subjects (werk).

  • kaw143

    Hey, now! You promised “Live Dick Jokes”! I did not see ANY dick jokes!

    Oh, wait: Everybody on the stage was a dick, the are all living and they are all jokes.

    I GET IT!

    • Lizzietish81

      Here you go. It’s a Pot of Gold cookie cutter on Etsy

      https://img0.etsystatic.com/045/0/5792015/il_570xN.726952992_md20.jpg

      • SoccerMomsforSatan

        Maybe I have had too much to drink but I am seeing big droopy penis here – just me? I’ll go back to my tequila now.

        • weejee

          Mmmm, maybe a bit like Rush?

      • A Bashful Nobody

        Oooooh! I is going to buy one of those for Mrs. Nobody,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

      • kaw143

        That “Pot of Gold” has a disturbing number of testicles. The question, then, becomes is this Rick Perry’s “Pot of Gold” or Donald Trump’s? Trump’s, obviously, because gold.

        • handyhippie65

          naw, it just has lots of fluffy. not into manscaping.

        • Biff52

          Then those are wrinkles.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Mumps. Get your kids vaccinated.

      • JustPixelz

        Reminds me of my lucky charms.

  • Suse

    Carly wins with 84%! That is hilarious. The boys are probably all drowning their sorrows at the local bar.

    • Paperless Tiger

      That’ll teach them to bring a dog to a cat fight.

      • AnOuthouse

        Ouch.

    • lowenufc

      84% of what? Roger Ailes chubs?

  • smr06va

    I always knew Carly has the biggest dick……………….

  • TootsStansbury

    I’m late to the party. Over 1100 non comments? Wow! Anyway, did any of them bite the head off a live chicken or is that going to be later?

    • Charles Cates

      The kid’s table was pretty reserved. Planned Parenthood better watch out though.

    • AnOuthouse

      They threw pudding at each other.

      • SoccerMomsforSatan

        Except for Santorum because, well you know.

        • sw19womble

          He is a pudding?

          • weejee

            That’s not exactly how Dan Savage put it.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Michele One-L on CNBC with Tweetie!

    • weejee

      ♪ I’m crazy for not thinking ♪

      / with apologies to Willie and Patsy

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    You would have thought Perry would be off the Oxycontin and on Suboxone by now. At least for the debate. Ronald Raven? Nevermore.

    • Barbara Delaney

      Perched upon a bust of Palin…

    • 3FingerPete

      Did you like his story about when he wore the umiform?

      • Charles Cates

        I first thought about the Texas A&M Cadet Corp.

        • OldMayfly

          The picture on the right is pure “Animal House.”

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        I did. I don’t think he is a bad person. I think he is strung out do to chronic back pain. The same thing happened to John Kennedy.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      I’m thinking amphetamine salts tonight.

  • SK

    Mission Accomplished deja vu…Part Deux:

    • weejee

      Well Jeb has enough in his pocket book to pick-up the first round coast to freakin’ coast.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This person is a cretin, and so is his worthless candidate.

  • weejee

    Drink!

    Is there something going on tonight??

    • Charles Cates

      Only a celebration of the downfall of western civilization.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Re: Carly plastic surgery – some of that was paid for by HP as part of her employment contract

    • Charles Cates

      HP should sue for malpractice.

  • Paperless Tiger

    It’s looking like Trump/Fiorina for the corporate takeover.

    • SoccerMomsforSatan

      Cognitive dissonance for the win, GOPer voters, I can’t even.

  • handyhippie65

    i had to mute the fox. it is more fun to read here about what billo says, than listening to him say it.

    • I had to switch to MSNBC. Even Tweety Bird is more appealing than anything on FOX.

      • Callyson

        I tried that but had to mute him too when he let the Reeps go on about how “the unedited PP videos are even worse!!!” without challenging that crap. Christ, I hate Chris Matthews.

        • OldMayfly

          Chris Matthews is delusional. I am convinced he really thinks he is a “neutral, fair-minded reporter.” Actually, he is a stereotype.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Yeah, I can’t handle that level of verbal idiocy in real time. But it’s not that much fun reading Billo’s crap either.

      • handyhippie65

        no, but wonkette’s filtering of the bile makes it much more palatable.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Have violated all drinking game rules by just continously drinking. Not helping.

    • Paperless Tiger

      I probably shouldn’t encourage you, but Billo’s guest just said ‘crony-teacherism’ with a straight face.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Dammit. Drink up. I may not make it to the main event.

        • Toomush_Infer

          okayyyy…

      • handyhippie65

        and that’s why the mute is so important. don’t want to fall out before the finale.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Big Education is out to teach us all a lesson.

    • Callyson

      That’s why I forced myself to stay away from the sauce until the main event. But that bottle of red wine is talking to me as I type this…

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Mine is whimpering.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Ribck, Lyndsey, Carly…who are the rest of these fuckers?

  • Relativicus

    Forget “tard,” I had to rewind a dozen times when Martha asked about welfare. I finally figured out that she’d said “Americans that are able” to work instead of receive welfare, and not “Americans that are evil.” But it was so close I was able to develop my own mini-conspiracy theory about it.

  • Me not sure

    The copy of Fiorina’s closing remarks were found in that printer because they didn’t come from her campaign. That was sent to her as an anti-Hillary script and she delivered it as written. Her role in this is being subsidized by other campaigns. She exists to be an attack dog against Hillary in ways that the male candidates can’t be.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      As attack dogs go, she’s like a pretty lame chihuahua.

      • cousin itt

        You can put lipstick on a chihuaha and it’s still a loser.

    • weejee

      You don’t think she could screw to GOP collective campaign as well as she screwed HP?

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Did Bill O just say that Cruz was hard for Obama?

  • Callyson

    ShyPixel, is there ANY way to stop the auto-refresh? I was in the middle of replying to someone else’s comment when it kicked in, and now I can’t find where I was typing. Please help!

  • geoffalnutt

    As Divine said “Kill everyone now! Condone 1st degree murder! Advocate cannibalism!…” It’s the GOP.

  • Blender_415

    I just tried to convince the bartender around the corner to show the YOOOGE clown show on their TV; she said no-fucking-way b/c there was almost a riot the last time they did that. Poop.

    • handyhippie65

      awww, how will you know when to drink? tell her she is harshing your political freedom to get drunk, and make fun of politicians.

    • Callyson

      Follow us on your phone: you’ll get all the fun with none of the aggravation that comes from listening to these assholes!

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Bill O -Kevin Cyrillic looks like Buzz Lightyear. I’m buzzed. Coincidence? There are no coincidences.

  • Callyson

    Twelve minutes from the main event. Time to pop open the red wine bottle!

    • Steverino247

      Glad you said “bottle” and not “box.”

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Almaden Bros e libels!

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          It has a fruity nose, and goes well with the lighter meats, such as Spam, bologna, and hot dogs.

      • alnnc

        After the first few glasses, does it matter?

        • Steverino247

          It does to me.

      • Callyson

        There is a winery up in Oregon that sells wine in a can.

        No, really–they sell it at the nice wine shop in my neighborhood. I got curious and tried it: it was better than you’d think. But when it comes to wine in a box…that’s when it’s time to go AA…

      • cousin itt

        That would be so gauche.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Also, “pop open”, not “unscrew”

      • Callyson

        Oops…it had a cork, actually: I was speaking in metaphysical terms.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          That is DEEP, Cally :P

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    I should totally insure my boobs.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Theft, fire, or flooding?

      • Suse

        AOT,K plus earthquakes.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          If you’re west of I-5 in Oregon and Washington, don’t bother you’re already toast.

  • Steverino247

    I’m not getting the audio on that link for live streaming. I know I shouldn’t complain, but…

    I’m guessing it’s some stupid default setting. I get sound from YouTube, games, but not this.

  • alnnc

    Wouldn’t it rhyme better if Carly said I’m the happiest girl in the whole fuckin world? I’ve often (actually very seldom, but a few times) wondered why Donna Fargo never used that line.

  • Joshua Norton

    LESS THAN 20 MINUTES.

    • Suse

      I missed the kiddie table.

      • Joshua Norton

        Just read the 1000+ comments here. It’s almost like being there!

        • Msgr_Moment

          Better, believe me.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Fox had a phallic ratings chart with Carly waaaaaay out in front.

  • Callyson

    And I picked The Donald for the online GOP bingo that the Dems are running tonight. I just hope I will be able to keep up with that lunatic…

    • Steverino247

      He’ll slow the traffic down to a crawl, don’t you worry.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Bring on the master debate!

  • Fartknocker

    Bourbon? Check. Mrs. Fartknocker? Check. Ice? Check and double check. I am so excited to watch multiple implosions and Trumps Yooge arrogance. It’s a fucking festivus of derp and GOP drama. I hope Rinse Prius has plenty of adult diapers because his bowels will explode when this goat fucking event begins.

    • Suse

      I have my Bulleit and salted cashews right here.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Rancid Prepuce. Trust me, it’s the best thing to call him.

  • Steverino247

    Adobe Flash Player was set to zero. Hooray! I can hear this bullshit now.

  • Callyson

    Two minutes!

    • Reddishrabbit

      OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

      • weejee

        Got a dozen seltzer bottles for fire safety.

        woop, woop, woop,

  • Reddishrabbit

    I’ve got my AC on, a cold beer and two idiots on TV (soon to be +10)

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    We’re on!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Praying for a meteor.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m willing to give up the Rock n Roll HOF for that meteor to hit.

  • Callyson

    Oh Lord, here we go…

  • Reddishrabbit

    Just rub into the kiddie table again. Why not.

  • Steverino247

    That asshole has no idea how loud he’s speaking.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Brit Hume is obviously constipated.

    • weejee

      has been for decades

    • cousin itt

      Trump butt plug is a bitch.

      • James Christopher Owen

        The hair part looked REEEEAAALLLY uncomfortable.

  • Msgr_Moment

    They’re not booing, they’re yelling “Cruuuuuz”.
    No, they’re booing.

  • Suse

    How did Fux get this gig, anyway?

    • cousin itt

      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and Spam

      • Suse

        I have nightmares of childhood baked Spam scored and with cloves stuck in.

    • Reddishrabbit

      GOP knows where it’s bread is buttered.

      • Suse

        And who would lob the softball questions…

  • Callyson

    Gawd, they are really pushing Carly, aren’t they?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Practically fellating her.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You can fellate someone with a hoo ha?

  • Steverino247

    Challenging questions? HAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Msgr_Moment

      Which form of torture would you inflict on poor womenz?

    • Reddishrabbit

      How much do you hate Planned Parenthood, from a scale of “Satan” to “AntiChrist”?

    • Callyson

      If the Puppy Bowl is any guide they’ll practically fellate these clowns.

      • Zippy

        practically? There’s more spooge than when Pee-wee Herman went to the movies

      • weejee

        ♪ The answer question was blowing in the wind ♪

      • Steverino247

        Then this should be on Pay-per-view?

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Repubs tune our while womens prattle.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Kirsten Powers is your typical stupid Faux blonde. Brit Hume…well, no need to talk about him, he’s dog barf.

  • weejee

    Will this re-light the fires on the Cuyahoga River?

    • Msgr_Moment

      A steamy night.

  • Callyson

    I just checked and Part II of the liveblog is not up yet.

  • valgalky23

    How many people are on Trump’s hair team? His wig barely moved in the wind at the tarmac.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Should have held it in Browns’ stadium. Have all the candidates come down with strep infections.

    • Callyson

      I’d love to sic my Steelers on them, stat…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Have the Legion of Boom use them for a warmup.

  • Callyson

    Wow, the mods are really kissing up to the audience.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Yeah they’re seriously going down on Carly and licking that cooze. Jeeze, they have absolutely no shame at all.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Swim suite competition now?

  • It’s like the Hall of Presidents at Disney World!

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    My god, the crowd’s -hepped up. It’s 1952 all over.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    BRING OUT THE CLOWNS!

    • bluicebank

      Already here. Uh, there.

  • handyhippie65

    ” the new king”…priceless

  • Zippy

    Do we get a new live blog for the adults more popular losers?

  • valgalky23

    Pizza, popcorn, booze…….ready!

  • Suse

    Megyn Kelly is so slutty!

    • Zippy

      it’s her best feature!

  • MilwaukeeKent

    This is a thing I cannot believe, but is true. Took for granted local broadcast Fox affiliate would air debate — no. Don’t have cable, no FNC is usually a blessing, surely it is streaming on the FNC site, yes, sign in with your cable co sign-in. Time-Warner (sucks) is our internet provider, sign-in no work without the cable TV. So we must listen on radio and will probably think Nixon won the debate.
    Will have to take Wonketteers word when Trump goads Jeb! into throwing a punch.

  • Callyson

    Rather subdued cheers for The Donald: he won’t like that

  • Spurning Beer

    Fancy pageant walkin’!

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    All of the republicans in my very red town are meeting up at the Roadhouse to watch. I am going to stay home and read David McCullough’s history of the building of the Brooklyn Bridge. That way I will avoid saying something untoward and being gunned down in the parking lot (this is Texas, fer Chrissakes).

  • weejee

    ♪ They’ll be comin’ round the Koch patch when the come ♪

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    Can we drink when the moderators mention the Cavs too?

  • Callyson

    “Don’t stage the news!”

    She doesn’t see the irony, does she?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      None of the Faux Noise crowd (possible exception: Shep Smith) are capable of understanding irony.

  • Spurning Beer

    Where the womens at?

    • Reddishrabbit

      Making sandwiches.

    • Callyson
  • weejee

    Surprised the stairs didn’t crack when Cristie Creme bounded-up.

  • Joshua Norton

    Brit Hume wins for most jowliest

  • Suse

    “Are you guys nervous?” FFS!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “What do you think of this crowd?” What is this, the Catskills?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      TRY THE VEAL!

      • Zippy

        D’oh

        • Mehmeisterjr

          OK, OK, I’ll have one veal.

    • Zippy

      Try the veal

  • Blender_415

    Are we going to get a new thread for the big show?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Mistake on the Lake II. Electric Boogaloo.

  • Lady Bug

    I can honestly say, the only way I can get through this night is with Wonkette.

  • Callyson

    Yes, we KNOW these are the top ten: you already told us half a dozen times so far tonight.

  • GenuineClass

    A muderers row of fucktards.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    “What do you think of this crowd?” ” Well, obviously they are easily led idiots Brett. That’s why we’re here.”

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    So awkward.

  • Callyson

    Carly unleashed a can? Megyn, WTF does that even mean?

    • Spurning Beer

      Cream of noodle whoop-ass.

    • weejee

      She canned a ton of folks during her HP daze.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Moderator debate?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The “moderators” are every bit as clownish as the “candidates”

  • Suse

    Who is the guy who is not Chris Wallace? Not really familiar with the Fux folks.

    • Zippy

      Bret Baier

      • Suse

        Thx!

  • Callyson

    Oh Christ, that’s right: there will be more of these debates. Time to invest in liquor stocks!

  • weejee

    Two tiers? Gonna be a lotta tears before this night is over.

    • Zippy

      Tiers of a clown

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …who’s the orange dude?

    • Zippy

      Romney?

    • Reddishrabbit

      Wait, Boehner showed up?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Massive fail. 9.00, FFS??

  • Callyson

    How many fucking times are the mods going to go on about how great the audience is FFS?

    • Reddishrabbit

      The Classiest YOOOGGGGEEE audience!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Anyone have a live link? I don’t have cable and livenewschat.eu doesn’t seem to have the 9 p.m. one.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m up in livenewschat.eu right now, and listing to this swill.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        OK, looks like I have to activate Flash to get it to stream, but then I can’t load Wonkette. I can haz universal gummint-funded high speed internet nao like the rest of the developed world?

  • Callyson

    Still no Part II of the liveblog.

    • weejee

      Thanks for checking Cally.

  • handyhippie65

    herding cats…more like herding scorpions.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “The moment of truth has arrived.” HAHAHAAHAHA! Megyn, you’re killing me.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “The moment of lying liars lying like really mangy dogs, and not cute dogs, either.”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Oh geeze, it’s as sickening as sports broadcasts. Well, appropriate I guess for a horse race.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …it took me 45 minutes this afternoon to find Faux News, because I used the parental lock on my DVR to block it 3 years ago when I switched to Directv

  • Fly

    Watching this live is best left to Wonkette professionals. This will be an intellectual goatse

    • Reddishrabbit

      I missed the first one (work), and I don’t know how I’m going to actually watch this for 2 HOURS! May go back to just Wonkette.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Main event. Wine gone. Time to break out the hard stuff.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Don’t feed the candidates! It ruins their pelage.

    • weejee

      Mmmm, perhaps feed them a lot of boiled cabbage and deviled eggs.

  • JohnR

    Ha ha ha Megyn Kelly jocularity.

  • timpundit

    Jesus, awkward , so awkward

  • Callyson

    TRUMP!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Take a dump with Trump!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Remember. It is dangerous to watch this sober.

  • No booze for me, yet. I wonder if Cos has any of those Quaaludes left over.

  • JohnR

    Is this the right place?

  • Callyson

    Jesus, The Donald looks constipated. I thought he knew how to do good TV…

  • Zippy

    Dork #1

    Dork #2

    Dork #3

    • Reddishrabbit

      Dork LIBEL!!1!!

  • DahBoner

    Sheets!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Scott Walker has taken over from Rick Perry the vital job of being the candidate who winks at us.

  • timpundit

    Did Walker wink? I’m throwing up now to get it over with.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Scott winked at me. I loves him now.

  • Laffing Crow

    Get Ready To Ruuuuumble!!!!!

  • Suse

    They all look punchable to me.

    • Callyson

      “I agree 100%!”

      – Hillary

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …John who?

  • SoccerMomsforSatan

    “Answering the questions you want answered,” not likely.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Where’s LeBron?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …he would poll hire than all of those dumbasses

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We need someone classy (aside from The Donald) in this crowd.

    • Callyson

      As far away from this freak show as he can get.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh now I can yell shit at my TV. Yeah.

  • JohnR

    The Wonkettets got too messed up during the first round

    • Toomush_Infer

      We dood…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Where’s the trap doors?

  • Toomush_Infer

    I believe Cruz just made a Nazi salute…

    • Beowoof14

      He would know it.

    • DEL_5447

      yes he did

  • Mormos

    where is the real one ahhh!

  • Beaumarchais?

    I can’t get my stream going! Damn you, FloMax!!

  • Callyson

    Christ, that buzzer is irritating. I hope these assholes don’t go over time too frequently FFS…

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Again, the good crowd. Stop trying to butter up the crowd, Brett. Also, where’s my veal?

  • Fartknocker

    I saw a lot of empty seats. And empty suits..

    • weejee

      Empty heads too, also.

  • Mormos

    top ten starting! where is liveblog?!

  • OneDemin EOr

    Wonkette, Wonkette, why have you forsaken me? No live blog!?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Loooooooow

  • bluicebank

    Oh Lord, I have sinned. I clicked on this thing reporting a multiple-car crash. With body parts, strewn.

    I have lots of beer and Cuervo, but most def the Gran Marnier not to be drinkened, or drunkered, because class. So, points in heaven, huh Lord?

  • timpundit

    RED MEAT WANT RED MEAT

  • JohnR

    This question is just for the Donald, oooooohhh he bad

  • Suse

    Oooh – The Donald is getting booed!

  • DemmeFatale

    I already hate the woman in white and blue sitting behind MK.

  • Callyson

    Oooooh, they got right to the “can you say you won’t be an independent!”

  • handyhippie65

    ode noes! my internet is gettin all stuttery, and buffery.

  • Zippy

    right off the bat- the loyalty oath to Rupert Murdock

  • Msgr_Moment

    Fair and balanced, FTW!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …c’mon TRUMP!!!!

  • JMP

    They were saying Boooo-onald.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I hate Fox News even more than usual because they’re not airing on the local station and I don’t have cable. #missingthefun

  • Beowoof14

    Going after Donald on the first question.

  • Laffing Crow

    Fox just broke out the long knives for Trump. Orgasm!!!!!

  • Callyson

    Ouch, the boos for The Donald were harsh. Do it, Trump, do it!!!

  • doktorzoom

    New post is up, but strangely not showing up on front page. Here’s the URL: http://wonkette.com/592605/liveblogging-the-pathetic-embarrassing-first-tier-gop-losers-debate-a-live-blog

  • Mehmeisterjr

    And Trump doesn’t give a fuck.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Trump says he’ll won’t pledge to go third party in a snit!

    • Vegan and Tiara

      He also just earned a small amount of respect from me. I’d love to see him fuck the GOP so hard.

  • JohnR

    Is there any question that FOX is the media arm of the T-GOP? fuck’s sake

  • Beowoof14

    Dr. Paul going after Donald. Shorty

    • weejee

      Well the earlier Bill-O talking head said he wouldn’t.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Or is that Short-eyes? Oh, sorry, no Duggars onstage.

  • Laffing Crow

    Is it Jerry Springer rules?

  • Fartknocker

    Ohhh, a cat fight.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Tribblehead squeaks up!

    • Paperless Tiger

      The other third party.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Trump throws a trump off the bat! Fuck em all The Donald!

  • Beowoof14

    “Yeah Donald no pledge

  • Beaumarchais?

    He is fucking them right off the bat!

  • GenuineClass

    I feel like I’m watching a UFC fight

    • DemmeFatale

      Yep. WWF audience.

      • GenuineClass

        Burrrrrn

  • JohnR

    Poor little Rand.

  • Beowoof14

    Dr. Carson Megyn saying get off the stage.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Die Ben Carson. Leave the scene. Brain panderer.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Wow, going after Ben Carson with full tongs. Who is giving a non-answer.

  • JohnR

    I must admit Megyn Kelly is pretty damn attractive, total harpy though.

    • valgalky23

      Hair extensions

      • JohnR

        I’m a guy, were pretty clueless about that shit. I know she’s a Barbie

    • DemmeFatale

      Her eye lashes look like spiders.
      Meow!!

  • Callyson

    Part II is up: look for Dok’s comment below for the link.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Not on my computer it’s not? Can you post the link?

  • Beowoof14

    And trying to get Rubio out of the race.

  • JohnR

    News Flash, Ben Carson cures my insomnia.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Well, Chris, I didn’t bet the farm on some woman in a coma.”

  • Suse

    Marco has a nice small. but that’s all he has going for him.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Where’s his glass of water?

  • DahBoner

    Ben Carson: One man brane drain.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      He’s dumber than I thought he’d be.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, this is fun….yum, they’re eating each other already…

  • Hahahaha! The moderators are actually encouraging little cat fights! Meeee-ow!

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Marco is being assertive. So cute!

  • Beowoof14

    Talking about retailing being disruptive. What about Mfg Marco.

  • DING DING!

    WHISTLING AND FOOT STOMPING!

    WE’RE PRESIDENTIN’ REAL GOOD NOW!

  • DahBoner

    Bush says the bar is even higher for him. Wonder why????

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They call him “Veto Corelone”.

      You’re supposed to be Michael, but you’re like Fredo 2.0

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Your brother is a war criminal.

    • Beaumarchais?

      And your wife is a smuggler, and your daughter is a drug addict.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        What did Laura smuggle?

  • Beaumarchais?

    He earned the name Jeb?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Short for jerbil?

      • zerosumgame0005

        the one from Tom Cruz’s butt?

  • Suse

    Veto Corleone! LMAO!

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Jeb! ” Can you define ‘dynastic’?

  • JEB! IS HIS OWN MAN! JUST ASK HIS MA!

  • Beowoof14

    I agree the last thing that the Country needs is another Bush. He is his own man, and dumber than his brother.

  • DahBoner

    Bush said he created all them Housing Bubble jobs in Floriduh.

  • valgalky23

    Jeb said he was called Victor Corleone???

    • Suse

      Veto

      • valgalky23

        thanks!

  • GenuineClass

    They call me Jeb because that’s my name.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      It’s pronounced “Heb” though.

  • Beowoof14

    Trump going after Rosie, class act.

  • Fartknocker

    Mr. Yoouge is getting called out by Meg. Oh goody!

  • Steverino247

    They’re picking on Trump pretty heavily.

  • Ex dente leonem

    The GOP fans cheering calling a woman a fat pig. Told you this was gonna be classy!

    • Vegan and Tiara

      That was super classy, like the time they cheered letting people die who couldn’t afford medical care.

  • Beowoof14

    Trump wants a woman on her knees, well yeah he is a billionaire and he expects it all the time.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    He was called “Veto Corelone” because he’s a member of a crime family.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Politically correct = drink!

  • thepoliticalcat

    So where’s the liveblog of the REAL debate?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I don’t have time to be respectful to other people, especially the cunts.

  • Suse

    Good “war on women” question, Megyn! Stupid answer, T-Rump!

  • DahBoner

    Trump says we lose to China and Mexico.

    Because he insources illegal Mexican aliens. And outsources jobs to China.

    Got a mirror?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Trump just called Megyn a beyuch…!

  • Steverino247

    We didn’t lose to China, the uber-wealthy sold us out to China.

  • valgalky23

    This isn’t a debate, it’s a pile on Trump

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Fox News REALLY doesn’t want the Donald to be preznit!!!!

  • Fartknocker

    Condescending billionaire dresses down a Fox newscaster. Fucking brilliant.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    My god, the Donald. “Yes, the fat pig looks better on her knees. Come here Megan. I got something for you right here.”

  • Beowoof14

    Going after Teddy, sweet.

  • Ex dente leonem

    “We lose to everybody” is a real crowd pleaser in a Cleveland arena

  • Charles Cates

    Where’s the new post?

  • DahBoner

    The American people are looking for Eddie Munster?

    • Beowoof14

      Paul Ryan isn’t running.

  • Beowoof14

    The American people want someone to speak the truth. Well Ted that wouldn’t be you.

  • Steverino247

    Wow, Cruz’ voice is AWFUL.

  • Charles Cates

    Cruz is a maverick.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    If we’re looking for someone to speak the truth, you’re looking in the wrong place with dominionist swill.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    How did Huckabee make the top 10?

  • Suse

    Ted so needs to be punched. STFU, Ted.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Drunk as i am, Cruz is just an ass. And I’ll drink with anybody.

  • Ex dente leonem

    Only by gerrymandering, Rafael.

  • valgalky23

    Worst moderators ever….

    • Steverino247

      So true.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    We have a reason for all that debt…George Bush gave tax cuts to his “base” and put two wars on a credit card.

  • Charles Cates

    “You’re also a fat ass.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A YOOOOGE ass!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Did Christie borrow Trump’s hair stylist?

  • DemmeFatale

    Must. Resist.The urge to yell.
    Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
    (Plugs ears and shouts la-la-la!)

  • DahBoner

    Piggie is angry.

  • Charles Cates

    AGAIN with the fucking bell!!!

  • Ex dente leonem

    So Christie’s whole pitch is Jersey used to be a much bigger shithole, now it’s only a medium shithole.

  • Steverino247

    These guys know the nasty questions in advance. This is why they’re able to come back like they are. Christie couldn’t do this without knowing this would come up. Too many facts and just in time for the DING.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Whoa, Christie is Mr. Numbers tonight!…

  • Charles Cates

    Yeah, fuck women.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Would you leave children without a mother to prevent an abortion?

    Yes. I am that fucking stupid.

    • DemmeFatale

      I like how he didn’t answer the question.

  • Charles Cates

    Unsafe, illegal, and often

  • Steverino247

    Walker will have the answer as he knew this was coming. Fox is acting tough, but they’re really a pitching machine for the GOP candidates.

  • Suse

    Walker didn’t answer the question. Asshole!

  • Toomush_Infer

    So, it’s the FAUX Hard and Soft ball show….

  • DahBoner

    A son of a Baptist preacher is an “everyday” American. Freak.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh the abortion question, and for Scotty, and now he is trying to make sure planned parenthood goes away. Shit his mom should have used Birth control.

  • Ex dente leonem

    “I was depriving women of access to health services before it was cool”

  • Charles Cates

    Use the military!!!

  • Drew Miner

    Christie reminds me of the 1950’s, the cars in particular, buicks most specifically

  • Charles Cates

    I want to kill abortion doctors.

  • Shoto

    Needz Moar Coat Hangerz…

  • Steverino247

    Huck will fuck you up.

  • Charles Cates

    And deserving of a handgun in the womb.

  • Ex dente leonem

    DNA schedule?

  • Beaumarchais?

    We know fetuses are persons from their DNA?

  • Steverino247

    Huck knows exactly DICK about biology.

  • Charles Cates

    JESUS-IN-CHIEF!!

  • Mormos

    Among the most formidable of the obstacles which the new Constitution will have to encounter may readily be distinguished the obvious interest of a certain class of men in every state to resist all changes which may hazard a diminution of the power, emolument, and consequence of the offices they hold under the State establishments; and the perverted ambition of another class of men, who will either hope to aggrandize themselves by the confusions of their country, or will flatter themselves with fairer prospects of elevation from the subdivision of the empire

    -Alexander Hamilton

  • DahBoner

    Huckster compares PP to a Chopshop.

    • Steverino247

      Red Meat.

  • DemmeFatale

    I love you, Wonkette, but I can’t. I just can’t.
    Bye!

  • Beowoof14

    Huckabee, shut you fat bastard. And you dipshit you don’t know the constitution well enough to make an argument on the constitution. And really the Supreme Being, he doesn’t like you either.

    • Steverino247

      Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you’re an asshole.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    And huck just smooth making shit up. Go Hucky, go Hucky.!

  • Charles Cates

    Traitor!

  • Fartknocker

    Thanks Mike for the plug. XXOO The Abortionplex, Truth or Consequences NM

  • Joshua Norton

    I haven’t hated this many people on my TV all at the same time since “Entourage” was on!

  • Biff52

    Oh fuck no–same thread? No. Just. No.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      1593 and counting…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Mike Huckabee is. GIANT FUCKING FLAMING ASSHOLE

  • Toomush_Infer

    Like a Buick…

  • lowenufc

    Only ISIS? There is no right wing nut jobs with guns? I bet a lot of people in say… Charleston are happy to hear that.

  • DahBoner

    ISIS can afford Hummers?

  • Charles Cates

    Well, they do have the gas.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Rand Paul and Lyle Lovett; separated at birth?

  • Beaumarchais?

    Don’t fund ISIS Humvees?