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United States of Guns and Bortions

Whee, girls and boy-girls, it’s time for another dive into the mind of The American Voter. Don your brain condoms, and let’s take a look at what U.S. Americans “think” about stuff and things:

NBC News poll

In case you missed it, that’s Planned Parenthood up there at the top, popular like a homecoming queen and way more liked than everyone running for president, plus John Roberts, who is not running for president of America, but is the self-appointed president of protecting Obamacare from you dumb mofos who keep trying to death panel it, Jesus, STOP DOING THAT!

Also, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (gasp) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Planned Parenthood is waaaaaay super more popular than the Republican Party. This is no way surprises us, because everyone loves Planned Parenthood, like we already told you a million times, do you even listen? But also, everyone hates the Republican Party, even Republicans, which we also already told you, but hot diggity damn, that was so much fun, let’s laugh at that together again some more:

Pew poll favorability

Americans also love them some guns, or at least the ghost of Charlton Heston. But Americans still like Planned Parenthood the most best of all, and want to take it to the prom and bone in the backseat, because it is awesome, that’s why. Here, watch Perfessor Elizabeth Warren explain it to you.

NBC News notes that “there is a sharp partisan divide in how both organizations are rated.” Because, see, Republicans love guns and think the best way to stop people from using them to kill each other all the time every day is MORE GUNS. But they are very “pro-life” so they hate cancer screening and STD prevention, and they will shut down this government RIGHT NOW to stop Planned Parenthood from doing that life-saving stuff it does. See how that works? No? That’s because it is stupid and dumb, huh, maybe that’s why nobody likes the Republican Party? Just a guess.

[NBC News]

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  • deanbooth

    “bone in the backseat” No contraceptive needed for that!

  • TheBidenator

    Alright but if Planned Parenthood gets prom-preggers I’ll be ready to take her to Planned Parenthood if she wants to go….

    • Antimassacree

      PP just gives it away. Birth control, that is. About as low risk a date there is for an unplanned pregnancy. Now Brisdull, on the other hand….

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I ran the hospitality suite for a science fiction convention back in the 90’s and called PP to get a case of condoms for the hospitality suite. It took a while to convince them it wasn’t a prank call.

        And the convention Treasurer was afraid a teenager would get a condom from the suite, and we’d be sued by the parents.

        • david green

          Wait! SF nerds get laid?

          • spacecat in space

            How do you think nerd babbys come to be?

  • TheBidenator

    That’s disheartening….how stupid does the NRA have to be before people stop supporting them? I mean, Planned Parenthood is basically quiet and goes about providing services. They don’t have a Ted Nugent equivalent repugnant asshole or Wayne LaPierre or any of the NRA’s dumb dickheads such as Dom the meathead or Colion Noir who actually compared outlawing certain guns to segregation….

  • Squirrels05

    Americans clearly love baby parts.

  • Beowoof14

    I know I love me some lady parts. Kissing them and such is a great thing. And unlike NRA members I have no need to fellate and AK-47

    • zerosumgame0005

      I’d hug them and squeeze then and call them George! Oh, wait…

    • Ryan Denniston

      Not even a bacon wrapped AK47?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Nope.

        • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

          Especially not that not even close to really being cooked bacon that nitwit took a 1/4 inch square piece off of and pretended to love eating,

          A tic tac takes up more real estate than the bite he took of that stuff.

          • eddi

            Note that the stunt has been done with a 100 round drum and the bacon was declared half-cooked by an honest man. Huckleberry was half-baked, anything was edible.

          • cessnadriver

            That was one of the strangest things ever. Really, do repigs actually think that’s a thing?

  • memzilla

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Right.Fucking.On.

      As we used to say back when Dinosaurs ruled the Earth and Nixon was President.

    • JustPixelz

      Sorry honey, I just fell in love with Jesse LaGreca.

  • Lizzietish81

    Back in the clinic days there was a protester who was a chain smoker telling us that life was precious.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      /eyeroll

      • Lord-Nash

        That protester obviously meant to include cancer. I’m sure they had a bumper sticker that said ‘I brake for advanced glioblastomas.’

  • Iron Monkey

    The poll shows that Americans are as dumb and ill-informed as everyone else in the world and are willing to prove it if asked.

    • Smibo

      Everyone Else In The World libelz!!1!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Need to put the military in there. Then it would be close with Planned Parenthood, just because it’s the military. People are fairly mindless about that sort of thing.

    If there is ANYTHING that is “politically incorrect” in this fucked up polity of ours, it’s daring to criticize the military about anything. George Marshall would NOT approve of that.

    • Spotts1701

      Exactly. I get blistered when I point out we’re spending huge gobs of money on weapons systems that the military doesn’t want (tanks) or need (how much are we spending on the Zumwalt-class destroyer again?), because how dare I suggest that anything the DoD spends money on is “wasteful” or “unnecessary”.

      • sw19womble

        F-35

        • eddi

          Dead meat in a dogfight.

          • cessnadriver

            Airplane without a mission. They have never explained how these “superplanes” are better than a cloud of F-16’s for 1/2 the price. Well, they have never proffered a non-moronic argument.

          • eddi

            They are supposed to be a “one plane, all missions” fighter. Too big and slow for air superiority. Too little payload for tactical bombing. To many delicate bits for ground assault missions. High maintenance, low flight hours. Other countries are dumping their orders for them. Oh, and the air-to-air missile designed just for them? Not ready. Doesn’t fit properly.

          • Suttree

            You know what else cost a trillion dollars?

          • eddi

            My peace of mind? My vote for Trump? (that is just a ballpark figure to open negotiations)

          • Suttree

            I’m willing to trade your peace of mind for my outstanding bar tabs and I’ll vote for Trump if you take my memories of dating republican women. And profit????

          • eddi

            I think I had better pass. I have had enough bad dates (Raiders Of The Lost Ark sorta) to create my own nightmares.

          • cessnadriver

            Other than that it’s a wonderful technical achievement.

          • eddi

            It does accomplish one mission perfectly. The generation of pork by the ton.

          • cessnadriver
          • eddi

            yum. I don’t normally dig fair food but that looks decent.

          • cessnadriver

            Minnesota-raised pork is the bomb, too.

  • Joshua Norton

    Republicans should really be okay with the fact that I support Planned Parenthood. Mainly because I’m a guy and men having an exclusive say in women’s issues is their preferred way of doing things.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you’d think that, but the very idea of providing contraception, let alone providing a smattering of abortions, drives these sex-obsessed twats bonkers. Never mind all that prenatal and postnatal care PP provides…the foeti and babbys are NOT the primary concern of the forced birthers, the sexytime is.

      • nmmagyar

        You would think that, but guys have always been allowed to have (heterosexual) sex and use contraception. We are congratulated for our “conquests” and given bragging rights. (With bonus points for “not getting tied down with a brat” or “dodging that bitch’s request for child support”) It’s a fucked up dichotomy.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          It’s the patriarchy, we’re soaking in it. Truly fucked up if you give a rat’s ass about the concept of Liberté, égalité, fraternité, which in and of itself has an obvious patriarchical bias. We’ll work on that.

      • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

        That and the control freak-ed-ness

  • Ryan Denniston

    They really need to display results for wingnuts separately from people in sane states.

  • Callyson

    A majority of Republicans – 54 percent – say they view Planned Parenthood negatively.

    And the Republican outreach to women continues…to tail

  • PsycWench

    OT but check out the point spread for Donald Trump.

  • Ryan Denniston

    In a poll in 2013, gonnorrhea managed somehow to underpoll Congress 53-28. Say, what would Americans would like worse than gonnorrhea?

    http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/main/2013/01/congress-less-popular-than-cockroaches-traffic-jams.html

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You see, having gonorrhea means at least you’re getting laid.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Which apparently many are not (I’m looking at you Erik son of Erik).

        • spacecat in space

          (I read that in Thor’s voice, all pompous and pseudo-British.)

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And most likely, you are living in Ave Maria, Florida.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I suspect the pro-gonorrhea people are the not-getting-laid sour-grapes types.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And a Republican Congress means you’re getting screwed.

    • Callyson

      Another Republican president?

  • Joshua Norton

    They think “life is sacred”, but health is negotiable.

    • JMP

      Health is for the Lords, not the peasants.

    • Lord-Nash

      Totally stealing this.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Alas, some of the people negative on the Republican Party will still vote for them…because their problem is that the Republicans are not conservative enough, have not impeached Obama, have not built a superwall to keep out all the Messicans, etc. etc.

    • Spotts1701

      That, or they would rather swallow a bucket of live scorpions than ever vote for a “commie” from the Democratic Party.

    • Paperless Tiger

      They proudly vote person, not party, like they can’t figure out the Republican Party represents something, and it ain’t them.

  • Aileen

    Abortions for some, miniature rocket launchers for others.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Full sized rocket launchers for the Duggars, and a one way trip to the sun, and not at night, either.

  • Spotts1701

    Of course the numbers get weird when split out along party lines – most Republican voters base their opinions on the perception of what the item is rather than what it actually is. Thus, PP is just barely above Satan on the list of horrible horribles that ever existed, and the NRA is an unimpeachable source of integrity and patriotism.

  • sw19womble

    It’s precisely because Planned Parenthood is popular that the GOP are hammering at it.
    Facts don’t even come into it. Negativity, lies and scaremongering – they’re the only tactics they know.

    • Enfant Terrible

      A baker’s dozen of upfists for flushing out the troll.

  • Sam Hain

    I voted Republican and all I got was this lousy shirt “I’m with stupid →GOP”.

    • sw19womble

      Must have run out of the “I AM Stupid” t shirts already then….

    • Rick Hill

      And invoiced $125 for that shirt.

  • Me not sure

    I find it interesting that Trump polls at 26% favorable among the general population and at around 24% among Republicans in presidential polls. In Florida, Trump leads either Bush or Rubio, both well known in FL, by double digits. If Trump survives the debates intact and can stay viable with a win or second or third place finishes in the first three primary states he could end up sending one or both of those guys (and maybe more) home by Florida, without ever raising his numbers from where they are now. This is going to be so much fun to watch play out

    • eddi

      He could run this all the way to the convention. And the Central Committee will either ignore or bar his delegates turning the floor fight into a Chicago-style riot. Tear gas and all. And you thought Ron Paul made waves? End result? I think the final split of the Republicans into the Real Rebs and the Whig-Flippers.

      • Me not sure

        And yet his negatives at large are yuuuuuge.

        • eddi

          Well of course he loses the general YOOOUGELY. Any other Reb will settle for a 48/50 split with Hillary and say they were robbed. And start the negative campaigns for 2018 and 2020 rolling to distract their fans.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Trump libels. The Donald’s favorables have gone from 26 to 52; his unfavorables have gone from 56 to 35. I literally am starting to get my hopes up. http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/forget-everything-else-look-at-trumps-net-favorables

  • DahBoner

    I’ve often wondered why Stupid and Dumb people didn’t get bred out of the gene pool. Actually, they did. It’s a recessive trait, which means it only shows up in 25% of the population (Mendal’s Law).

    25% is the same number of people who supported Hitler in Germany. Or George W. Bush in America. It just seems like more, because they have BIG FUCKING LOUD MOUTHS…

    http://media3.giphy.com/media/AXghMQZ2LqoiA/200w_d.gif

    • eddi

      Even as a kid I knew who he meant. And giggled at that line every year.

      • Enfant Terrible

        Gotta say, I like Frank Baum a lot more than Lewis Carroll.

  • geoffalnutt

    A Republican has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a Republican.
    “duh”-squared!!!

  • DahBoner

    Republicans love guns and think the best way to stop people from using them to kill each other all the time every day is MORE GUNS.

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