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I know you is but what are I?

The Republican governor of Maine is a real genius, and by genius, we are being sarcastic as hell, because the dude is a total moron. But he’s not just a moron; Gov. Paul LePage is also a terrible person, with a sac of gonorrheal discharge where his heart should be. He is always seeking new and creative ways to fuck the poors — whether it’s trying to prevent cities from increasing their minimum wages, drug-testing recipients of government assistance, or just yelling at them to “get off the couch and get yourself a job!”

LePage has precisely zero friends in his state, even from his own party, which is only one of many reasons he’s now facing possible impeachment for allegedly blackmailing a school for at-risk kids (FYI, that’s possibly illegal and also, HELLO, super dickish). So when retired librarian Louise Sullivan sent a little note to her governor, asking him to “please resign” to “save yourself time and embarrassment” and “save our state time and money,” LePage responded with the petty jerkosity and utter stupidity we’ve come to expect from him:

lepage_letter

We’re going to give the governor a D+ for grammar, a B- for penmanship, and an LOL for substance. We are not well-versed enough in Maine politics to understand why a governor would think insulting the southern region of his state is a savvy move, but apparently, this is a thing. According to the Maine Beacon, a Republican legislator once went so far as to propose secession from those dirty southern Mainers, and renaming them “Northern Massachusetts.” Maine is weird.

However, because, like we said, moron, the governor accidentally enacted more than 70 bills he intended to veto, except, oops! He outsmarted himself, so now Mainers get to enjoy expanded benefits for immigrants, additional Medicaid funding for reproductive health services, and a prohibition on the barbaric practice of shackling pregnant inmates. So basically, LePage, by not understanding how pocket vetoes work, managed to, for the first time in his governorship, do some good for his state. By accident, because, again, moron.

We’d wish the state best of luck in impeaching its dumb-as-dirt dick of a governor, although if he keeps confusing himself about how legislation works, maybe Mainers should put up with his rancid personality and subpar writing skills and keep him in office after all. At this rate, Maine will soon be the most progressive utopian state in the nation.

[Maine Beacon]

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