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The gay Nazis are coming for all your moneys!

Ready for another dumb Hitler analogy, because this is the week where we do those? Let’s get reacquainted with Aaron and Melissa Klein, who decided to be martyrs just like Jesus, by refusing to make a cake for a lesbian wedding. Then they lost their bakery, because they are twats, and then Satan personally attacked them by canceling their GoFundMe, which they planned to use to pay the fine they owed the state of Oregon, for the crime of being twats. This was obviously more persecution, because it says right there in the book of Romans that all good Christians are entitled to a GoFundMe.

Well, Satan is now persecuting the Kleins via his son Adolf Hitler, who has commanded the gays to put the Kleins in a concentration camp, or at least make fun of them on the internet. Aaron Klein explained the Holocaust they are enduring, after being set up by wingnut radio host Rick Wiles:

“This is the gaystapo,” said Wiles. “This is just like the Nazi homosexuals in the 1930s. It was a militant homosexual network that took over Germany, that’s what this is, and they are going to silence all opposition if people do not stand up and put a stop to this stuff.”

For the uninitiated, who were perhaps not aware how the Nazis were all gay, you should understand that very stupid bigots believe all of the lies from this book The Pink Swastika, written by a man named Scott Lively, who is being tried for crimes against humanity for inciting anti-gay hatred in Uganda, which says that the Nazis were all gay. It is absolute bullshit, of course.

So, having been set up by Wiles, Klein let his bigot freak flag fly:

The people who sit in the pews on Sunday are not protected. … We have to use what we can right now to stem the tide, because if we don’t, we will find it inside the church. You will have the rainbow flag flying above your church, because they will be considered hate.

Your turn, Wiles:

The German churches that were intimidated by the Nazis had swastikas flying above their churches. So what you’ll have in the United States are cowardly, wimpy churches that will have a rainbow flag. There’s no difference. Rainbow flag, Nazi swastika, it’s the same thing. It’s the same spirit behind it.

And the serve goes back to Klein, who cites that part of the Bible where Jesus says that ye will be persecuted in His holy name, for being twats:

But we know this was going to happen. We know this as Christians, if we read our Bibles, we see that the Gospel is an offense to those who are perishing. We see that these people, in Romans chapter 1, these people are going to be given over to their sin to the extent that they are going to try to coerce others into committing that same sin. But we need to be very mindful of what 1 Timothy 5:22 says, and that is we are not to take part in another man’s sin. That is something we have to watch out for because we cannot send a mixed message as a follower of Christ.

Klein knows that Satan is tempting him to do the gay, but as a follower of Christ, he will NOT put his cake frosting on another man’s penis and seductively lick it off, no way no how, he’s armed with the BIBLE.

So is Wiles, who says, “These freaks don’t understand the level of our intensity of our commitment to Jesus Christ. They don’t understand, we will go to prison, we will go to the grave before we allow them to silence us.” Jeez, well okay. We get that they love Jesus, or at least some hateful bastard shithole version of Jesus, but we didn’t realize the Great Tribulation would involve so many bakeries.

And besides, the homosexuals really shouldn’t be doing this persecution in Oregon, because know what ELSE lives in Oregon, besides gay Hitler? It’s the Juan de Fuca subduction zone, that fault that’s gonna earthquake the Pacific Northwest real bad one of these days:

Wiles also suggested that the “freaks” behind the nondiscrimination law will incite divine wrath: “How close is the Oregon state capital to an earthquake fault?”

“People who live on a subduction zone should not defy the living God,” Wiles said. “Let’s be real blunt about it: If you live on a fault line or a volcano, you really shouldn’t be shaking your fist at the God who made the planet. That’s really dumb.”

Because God might get real mad and go back millions of years and add an extra “gays only” earthquake into the already existing earthquake plan for Oregon, because He’s just that much of a twat. Klein agrees that prissy bitch Jesus is the one who died on the cross for his wife’s dumb fucking cake business and God hates fags, this is definitely just like Hitler, Glory Hallelujah In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen.

[Right Wing Watch]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Yeah. Pink Triangles for everyone.

    • eddi

      And yellow Mogen Davids. Lucky Charms for the New World Order.

  • snigsy

    “That’s really dumb.” Why, yes.

  • BloviateMe

    Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. 2 Kings 2:23-25 NIV

    Sounds to me like God is using a couple of burly gay guys as his own personal muscle.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Those are either some very slow boys or some kind of ninja bears.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yeah, it’s the old joke about how “I don’t have outrun the bear; I just have to outrun you” repeated 40 times in a row. Never gets old.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      God does not fuck around when it comes to enforcers

      • FlownOver

        Lions, sadly, not so much.

  • Spotts1701

    If you really want to be martyrs, don’t pay the fine. Then you will find out what prosecution “persecution” is really like, sweet cheeks.

  • JMP

    These wannabe martyrs really do just keep hitting themselves – then blaming the imaginary gay Nazis for it Well that’s novel, I guess.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Klein agreed, stating that people should not “challenge God,” before
    accusing the state of operating like “Marxist Russia” when it fined him
    in the discrimination case.

    Just to make things perfectly queer, the gays are Nazis, but Oregon is Marxist Russia. Only Russia fought against the Nazis. SO CONFUSED.

    Oh wait. Aaron Klein must’ve read one of those new AP History books.

    • JMP

      But see, the Nazis and the Bolsheviks all believed in the exact same liberal ideology, but just fought because each wanted to be the one to be the new communist rulers of Europe!

      This is not something I’ve made up, but an actual argument I’ve seen from wingnut idiot trolls laughably trying to claim the Nazis were really liberals.

      • Lizzietish81

        THEY SAID THEY WERE SOCIALISTS!

        • Msgr_Moment

          Sodomites. Same diff.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          And Kim Jong-un is the supreme leader of the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea! HE’S A DEMOCRAT, IT SAYS IT RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME!

          • Msgr_Moment

            Republican, also, too.

          • Querolous

            I seem to remember somebody having a Republican Guard. Wonder how that is working these days?

        • eddi

          Liberal Socialists.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Da, Oregon is Marxist Russia. I live here, and I can tell you, for a fact, that the NKVD visited me this morning to make sure my Samizdat was working properly.

      • eddi

        I had Samizdat once. The penicillin cleared it right up.

      • Amy!

        Did you misspell ‘samogon’?

    • LesBontemps

      In Soviet Oregon, cake bakes you! Or something.

    • JustPixelz

      Here is an advance copy of the new Republican-approved AP History:

      REAGAN IS GREAT. I ♥️ REAGAN. MRS RONALD REAGAN♥️♥️♥️. REAGAN REAGAN REAGAN. I LOVE YOU RONALD REAGAN.

      (They insisted it be all-caps for some reason.)

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Fuck, fuck, fuck, and fuck again the College Board. Fuck them with rusty chainsaws and large angry alligators. And also with other sharp items of evil intent. And then, we’ll really get angry!

    • eddi

      Texas style, son.

  • Joshua Norton

    So when did GoFundMe become the official “I am an oppressed Republican, gimme a handout” site?

    • eddi

      They didn’t. People kept trying to use them for that so they changed the rules and enforced existing ones with great, if suppressed, glee.

  • Lizzietish81

    I’m sure Jesus is thrilled to have his great sacrifice be compared to hating on the gays.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …if the Nazi’s were gay, then I’m sure they wouldn’t have chosen those drab grey uniforms!

    • Herasmus B. Lyon

      The jackboots, on the other hand. . .much leather. so studly.

      • eddi

        Takes three people to put them on and take them off. OK for orgies, but if you want a little “me time” you feel fucking ridiculous.

    • nmmagyar

      Hugo Boss made no mistakes

    • Msgr_Moment

      And the brown shirts! They do nothing to bring out those dreamy Aryan eyes.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, as you know, the ideal Aryan was as blond as Hitler, as trim as Goering, and as muscular as Goebbels.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They didn’t. They left those for the Wehrmacht. They were dressed in Hugo Boss black, and they were FABULOUS!

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …were the stockings and garter belt standard issue?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I’m pretty sure the stockings were standard issue. Don’t know about the garter belts, but the daggers were absolutely standard issue, and you got yours in a ceremony upon graduation from the academy.

          I actually attended a week of classes at the former SS academy south of Munich, in Bad Tölz.

        • Gristle McThornbody

          My goodness, that could be Scott Walker’s doppelganger.

          • nmmagyar

            I thought it was just me – but that looks just like him (after getting his wonky eye fixed)

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            One eye looking for you, one looking at you.

          • aureolaborealis

            … getting his wonky eye fixed.

            Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

          • Beaumarchais?

            Are we certain that it ISN’T Scott Walker?

        • eddi

          Ach Du Leiber!

  • Lizzietish81
    • eddi

      Jay really needed to have hired some professional scribes. Too bad they charged by the page.

  • I will only say this: cake frosting and peen is a better idea in theory than in reality.

    • elviouslyqueer

      I told you getting the frosting with sprinkles was a bad idea.

      • BloviateMe

        Sprinkles are for wieners.

      • I was picking sprinkles out of my bridgework for a week!

        • elviouslyqueer

          See? That shit’s like glitter. It gets everywhere.

    • Antimassacree

      Helpful tip, so to speak.

    • dslindc

      It is a carb, also too.

    • timpundit

      Exactly. Fresh raspberry’s and nice chocolate drizzle is the preferred way.

    • nmmagyar

      Butterceam makes good lube. Or so I’ve heard. From a friend

    • eddi

      It is just not sticky enough. Jam though…

  • goonemeritus

    God doesn’t need no stinking fault line or a volcano to smite you, if he wanted he could just make your dick fall off for the fun of it.

    • jmorris

      That explains all the ED commercials on Conservative Radio!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Jesus Christ, what an asshole.

  • Ghost Buggy

    We call it the Fabulous Solution.

    …sorry.

    • BloviateMe

      I got a weird visual in my head of Auschwitz with throw pillows and window treatments. Arbeit macht fab!

  • Msgr_Moment

    …and then Satan personally attacked them by canceling their GoFundMe,…

    Look, I know Satan, I have worked with Satan, Satan is a friend of mine. Satan has much more important tins to do than to fuck over these guys.

    • snigsy

      Exactly! It’s the flip side of “find God’s match for you.” You’d think that Satan and Sky-Daddy would have more important concerns. But then I suppose that’s one of the classic symptoms of the paranoid and/or narcissistic mind.

  • Callyson

    You will have the rainbow flag flying above your church, because they will be considered hate.

    While I don’t think this is the most incoherent sentence I’ve seen from a wingnut, this is a strong contestant. Well done!

    • proudgrampa

      That word salad is Positively Palinesque.

  • It’s truly a loving god who’s all “What? You made a big cake and then put a plastic cake topper on it that depicts two men and/or two women standing next to each other? That’s it. Fuck everyone on the Pacific Rim – I’m going to unleash such a major earthquake that most of the North American west coast will be rubble and the resulting tsunami will take care of most of the Asian coast, reducing the world’s economy to the Stone Age. Because I love you! Also – don’t forget to tithe regularly, and I’d like to see more crucifix decals on the back of your police cars.”

    • Logic of Color

      –(checks the entire bible)– yep that’s him

  • Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much butthurt.

    • Amy!

      Emperor Palpatine endorses Santorum?

      Why isn’t this on the front page of the Times with the rest of the earth-shaking scoops?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Scott Lively is one of the most vile sacks of shit to ever exist on this planet.

  • deanbooth
    • riledupone

      Following the links on Wonkette, which I always do, makes my search history look even weirder than it normally is. Good thing I’m careful about cleaning caches etc.

  • Antimassacree

    Mein Schatz, Adolf, hat ein mustache, not a beard!

    –Eva

  • Anarchy Pony

    The fact that gays were rounded up into concentration camps along with jews and communists must really be inconvenient to their narrative.

    • Brewerofbeers

      They ignore that and just claim that the Nazis were teh gheys.

    • Serolf Divad

      Not really… their narrative doesn’t exactly rely on “facts.”

    • Ergoetal

      I’m guessing they might dispute the part about the Jews, too.

  • Brewerofbeers

    At some point, if you are going to be continuously accused of doing something anyway, you might as well actually start doing it. Just saying…

  • Serolf Divad

    I love it when bigots like these try to defend themselves… it makes their bigotry oh so much more transparent.. and creepy (gay Nazis… really? That’ some seriously stupid Alex Jones shit right there)

    • Lady Bug

      You take GAy + naZI and what do you get GAZI: an Islamic warrior! It’s all there SHEEPLE!111!!!

      • Playonwords

        Sooooo Ben Gazi is “Son of the gay nazi,”

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Clear this one up. So the didn’t get the money they wanted from GoFundMe? Let me know so I can die laughing.

    • elviouslyqueer

      GoFundMe shut them down because they have a policy against using their site to raise money for illegal activities. Which the Klein’s did when they discriminated; they violated Oregon law.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Awesome. Hahahahahahahahaahaha……………….croak………………..

      • Villago Delenda Est

        We actually take this shit seriously here, much to the dismay of fundie asswipes.

  • elviouslyqueer

    We have to use what we can right now to stem the tide, because if we don’t, we will find it inside the church.

    The gays are coming from INSIDE THE CHURCH.

    Wait.

    • Check the choir loft!

    • Lizzietish81

      I’ve seen that porn

      • nmmagyar

        Which of the roughly 5000 versions?

        • BloviateMe

          Two Gods, one cup.

        • Anarchy Pony

          I must say I do enjoy the nuns lezzing out type stuff.

        • Callyson

          I’d say “all of them, Katie” but I am sure there is an obscure indie one somewhere that escaped my attention.

    • aureolaborealis

      The gays are coming from INSIDE THE CHURCH.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I am going to go out on a limb and suggest this person didn’t study geology.

    • Anarchy Pony

      “I am going to go out on a limb and suggest this person didn’t study geology anything. ”
      Ftfy.

    • SnarkTank

      I’ll also bet serious money he couldn’t actually tell me what the capital of Oregon is.

      • FlownOver

        Smiteville. AMIRITE??

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Shelbyville.

      • eddi

        Boring. Or Windy Point. Depends on who you ask.

  • JustPixelz

    Christians should stop trying to impose their lifestyle on the rest of us.

    • eddi

      Christians are obligated to convert everyone to their religion. As soon as they figure out which one is the One True one.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    “Juan de Fuca” sounds a little too much like “WTF”?

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      JdF is Spanish for WTF

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Wow, bigots using Godwin’s law……nope, did NAZI that coming.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, well done.

    • Logic of Color

      Usually I’d try to come up with a pun but there’s no way to top that one

      –golf clap–

    • arglebargle

      salute

    • Brother Yam

      Things are Goerring to get out of hand with all these Nazi puns.

    • Whale Chowder

      Hey buddy, you’d better get reich with the LORD!

  • Lady Bug

    wow, Hitler certainly is a busy beaver this week!

    • Callyson

      I really wish I didn’t see what you did there.

    • Lizzietish81

      HE’S A LESBIAN TOO?!

      • Lady Bug

        just check out that butch hair cut! ;)

  • Independently Yours

    How can they call others “those freaks” in the same breath they use to say the name of Jesus? Haven’t they read the New Testament?

    • Playonwords

      Only the redacted version where Jesus did not heal the Centurions personal male errr “body slave”. Oh and Jesus did not turn the water into wine but into fruit juice …

      • Independently Yours

        Hmmm. :/

    • Logic of Color

      TBH I like NT Jesus for the most part. Very wise, nice, sometimes a dick, lotsa drinking buddies, hot girlfriend, pissed off local authorities…

    • eddi

      The early Church Fathers made a big mistake leaving the Old Testament attached to the new stuff.

  • Swampay

    “We are not to take part in another man’s sin” by serving them cake.

    • riledupone

      It’s ‘I’m on a diet so you can’t have cookie’ philosophy.

  • diogenez

    Satan sure seems to have a lot of time on his hands….

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I’m Jimmy Swaggart
      And I’m Jim Baker
      I’m the collector
      For the creator

      I’m David Koresh
      And I’m Jim Jones
      I was Sent by the Lord
      To show you to his throne
      And to remind you
      It’s a long and winding road.. and

      Satan stands at every intersection
      Hoping you’ll ask him for directions
      Some of Satan’s henchmen are in the ATF
      Members of Congress and the IRS

      It’s gettin’ really hard to be religious these days
      But I guess the risk is worth it
      If you think about how much you can get paid,
      Get laid, and how…
      Some folks will hang on every word that you say.

  • Ruhe

    Ihren Kampf.

  • Joshua Norton

    We have to use what we can right now to stem the tide, because if we don’t, we will find it inside the church. You will have the rainbow flag flying above your church, because they will be considered hate.

    I’ll refrain making any comments about this until the cytologists have finished working on it.

  • pearlsarefuzzy

    I’m still trying to get over the “Nazi homosexuals” line. Do these people know ANYTHING about history?

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      No.

    • sw19womble

      ..

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The interesting thing is that some of the Nazis (notably Ernst Röhm, the head of the SA until he had a slight accident during the Night of the Long Knives) were homosexuals. It’s just that one of the explanations of why Röhm had to have that accident, in retrospect, was that he was a homosexual. The real reason was he was seen both as a threat to Hitler and to Hitler’s would be allies in the traditional German establishment. Of course, he was a VERY butch homosexual, and the Nazis had this tendency to go after the more effeminate male homosexuals for not being butch, but didn’t cotton to homosexuality, period, and, yes, singled them out for pink triangles in the KZs.

  • MrBlobfish

    Oh, for the love of……SHUT UP AND BAKE THE FREAKIN’ CAKE!!

    • berkeleyfarm

      How difficult would it be to say “Oh, sorry, checked the calendar, we have other committments for that time, so sorry we won’t be able to help you”

      • sw19womble

        But that would presume that they believe they have anything to hide.

        • berkeleyfarm

          Yeah. There’s also a popular narrative among (mostly white) evangelical Christians that they are being somehow persecuted for their faith. Since they aren’t really in the US (not being a cultural majority in a place like Portland doesn’t count), they have to try to gin something up.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, Portland can’t expel them, because that would be a violation of the “Keep Portland weird” rule.

          • Logic of Color

            I L’d OL when I read this. I worked in Berkeley for a few years so I hear ya.

          • eddi

            They have a few Right wing weirdos but they are thinking about extending the Endangered Species Act locally to cover them.

          • berkeleyfarm

            hahaha mind you it is easy for evangelicals to “feel” persecuted in Portland, because they don’t run everything and the culture is secular with a large anti-religious (or specifically anti-Christian) element. It’s definitely similar around here.

          • Spurning Beer

            Please don’t use that expression, BF. It’s highly offensive to gin drinkers.

          • Logic of Color

            Yeah jesus what’s with all the freedom attacking!?

          • laineypc

            They fear they are going to get what they gave. Maybe it’s not that bad now, but their fear is: IT IS COMING! Fear, shame, discrimination, recriminations forcing them into closets…

          • berkeleyfarm

            If they weren’t in their echo chamber, they’d realize what a basic Golden Rule failure they’d been.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Boy howdy, these noble martyrs sure know how to do martyrdom. None of this hot oil, or being shot full of arrows for them! Fined! & Go fund me cancelled! Laughed at! The nobleness of how they are responding to their tormentors is an example of Christian Fortitude™ not to be seen again in our lifetime.

  • JohnR

    This guy is too stupid to actually bake a cake. The lovely lesbian victims are better off, as are we all, now that this dimwit bigot has been outed. Dude probably plays with his poo.

    • FlownOver

      Is it possible he bakes with it as well? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Amy!

      Klein’s Special Chocolate Fondant LIBEL!

  • BillWestern

    You gotta listen to these guys to get the whole story. The gay Nazi thing is from a book that pleasant closet case Scott Lively (yep, the Uganda kill the gays guy) called The Pink Swastika. See, it was only the fem gays who got sent to death camps, by the butch gay Nazis. Take a listen to Wiles’ podcast, Trunews, it is nuts. He doesn’t believe anything he says, he’s just in it for the money, but his followers probably do. Oh, Wiles was on about Jade Helm again yesterday…

    • pearlsarefuzzy

      I had no idea such a thing existed. Ick, just ick. And I thought Levin and Savage were crazy!

      • eddi

        I think Lively beat them to it. I remember the name from his waltz here in Oregon with the loon fringe of the local Rebs.

  • berkeleyfarm

    Y’all may laugh but a variation on this is being preached/taught a number of places.

    If y’all know people who are on the bakers’ side, be sure to tell them that the bakers doxxed the lesbians … name, home address, the works … and encouraged people to go after them. That’s probably a big reason they got hit so hard.

    • Lady Bug

      ugh, what assholes.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    The subduction zone is a seduction zone.

    • david green

      Why do you suppose God put it right along the route of I-5?

  • sw19womble

    Commenting Rules for Radicals makes it difficult for me to comment on the mindmeltingly disgusting shit that comes projectile-vomiting out of the mouthholes of unhinged Xtian nutjobs like this pair of flaccid-brained fucknockers.

    • Logic of Color

      If I recall correctly references to skull fucking are allowed. Frowned upon and subject to mood-variant hammering, but allowed.

    • toomanyrappers

      Great. Now, we have commenting rules. Thanks Obama!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        If only comments were allowed along with those rules.

  • MrBlobfish

    If they’re talking about those handsome devils the Sturmabteilung, Hitler took care of them on the Night of the Long Knives

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      They don’t seem to either know that or be capable of acknowledging it. They have a blind spot for the whole Pink Triangle thing too.

  • BloviateMe
  • Me not sure

    By now all should know how much I like cake.

    • Lizzietish81

      I prefer pie

      • Me not sure

        No math!

      • BloviateMe

        I’m guessing you’re not referring to coconut cream…

      • BattyKitch

        While we’re on the subject, why are we insulting twats in this article? Couldn’t we have used ‘shithead’ or ‘fuckface’ for example?

        • Swampgas_Man

          Shit serves a purpose as fertilizer, at least; fuck faces, I dunno. . .

          • nmmagyar

            I thought we liked it when we got to make our fuck faces, being a sex-positive blog and all…

          • BattyKitch

            Fuckhead or shitface then? Twat is just too nice is all I was sayin’….

  • Dylan Black

    Having once worked for a tyrannical baker person who was also somewhat of a bigot, I’m starting to think maybe excessive flour exposure over multiple years just turns people into assholes?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The unbearable whiteness of bleached flour, sugar, and milk.

      • sw19womble

        The Yeast Shall Rise Again.

    • Logic of Color

      Maybe they’re just trying to overcompensate for having a kinda gay career

  • Lady Bug

    Okay, so if the Iranian nuclear deal is the equivalent of Auschwitz, what is this the equivalent of Kristalnacht? Babi Yar? I need to get my Wingnut-to Holocaust analogies straight.

    • BloviateMe

      I think it would have sucked to have a lisp and be an SS Officer.

    • jjgrandisland

      Please stop trying because once you figure one out they will just create another.

      • Lady Bug

        You’re right, I feel like I’m taking the DERP SAT: Iranian Nuclear Deal is to Auschwitz as Memory Pizza is to: ________ a). Siege of Leningrad b). Operation Reinhard c). Dachau or d). ALL OF THE ABOVE

        • mailman27

          That’s some AP Derp.

          • Lady Bug

            Of course, I’m very advanced ;)

        • jjgrandisland

          Haha. You are hysterical.

          • Lady Bug

            Thank you! :)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “People who live on a subduction zone should not defy the living God,” Wiles said. “Let’s be real blunt about it: If you live on a fault line or a volcano, you really shouldn’t be shaking your fist at the God who made the planet. That’s really dumb.”

    I guess the only recourse is to start a new gay homeland in Ohio, or upstate NY:

    http://www.citylab.com/weather/2013/08/these-cities-are-safest-refuges-natural-disasters/6561/

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Columbus, Ohio is known as a major gay-friendly city, so, come on down.

    • Barbara Delaney

      Cincinnati has a thriving gay community, and we have great ice cream and 3 ways. (the chili variety) our winters are easier than upstate NY.

      We’d be happy to welcome all gay refugees.

  • Lizzietish81

    Of course were these people in Germany during the rise of the Nazi party, you can bet they’d be card carrying members ratting out Priests who are trying to hide Jews.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Without a doubt. Authoritarian assholes first and foremost.

    • Independently Yours

      Wherever fear less them.

  • Spurning Beer

    It is ridiculous to assert that all Nazis were homosexuals. Some were Jewish or secretly black. #NotAllNazis

    • sw19womble

      AllNazisMatter

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        #NaziDeathsMatter

    • Toomush_Infer

      Not to mention what those Nazis did to the German Catholics!…

  • It must have been such a relief to Jesus & Friends to discover the stabby guy at the Israeli Pride March was a Good But Troubled Jewish Boy rather than a stinky ol’ mooslim/Nazi terrorist.

    • snigsy

      Who photoshopped Huckabee into this photo?

    • eddi

      They just let him out of jail for doing that before. Our religious whakos are not that dedicated.Where is all that American Exceptionalism?

    • fifthdentist

      Obviously a lone wolf/mentally ill/not a real Jew kind of situation.

  • Logic of Color

    Lets hope an earthquake doesn’t actually hit that fault line or there will just be no living with these bastards

    • eddi

      It is slightly overdue. Cause for concern not panic though.

  • ginos_way

    Disappointed. Asked to be pen pals with these folks, but so far not one postcard with details of their freight-car ride through Poland in the middle of the night. By now, though, they’re clear Arbeit Macht Frei means the gaykapos can beat on them all day and all night while they slave away churning out gay penis cakes.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Silly me. I thought their business had been saved by the RNC. I heard the RNC had hired them to make all the cream pies for the GOP debates.

  • orygoon

    I am a five-minute bike ride from that capital, oh woe!

    • eddi

      Got your surfboard ready?

  • Relativicus

    “Let’s be real blunt about it: If you live on a fault line or a volcano, you really shouldn’t be shaking your fist at the God who made the planet. That’s really dumb.”

    Yeah, it really really really really really really really is.

    • Amy!

      If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting “All gods are bastards!”
      (Terry Pratchett)

  • arglebargle

    As bakers, aren’t they the ones marching sweet innocent batter to the oven door? Chew on that Huckabee!, so to speak.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Yes, and they want to continue battering. Goddamn it!

  • ViveLaRes

    Why would the fault line make a difference? If God is pissed, isn’t He perfectly capable of smiting on His own? These turdblossoms are either underestimating God’s abilities or overestimating how much He cares about the cake bigots.

    • Toomush_Infer

      And so clumsy!…

    • fifthdentist

      In the old days, YHWH put some thought and effort into it. Fire and Brimstone! Now that was some scary and creative shit. Pillars of salt for disobeying a stupid command. Oh, and eternal damnation for EVERYONE* because a man and woman 6,000 years ago ate some apples or figs or raisins, or whatever. Unspeakably cruel and unfair, yes. But definitely shows some imagination.
      Today he’s perfectly happy to punish the gays — or not — through seemingly random events like hurricanes on the East Coast and Gulf of Mexico, tornadoes in tornado land and earthquakes along fault lines. It’s like he’s just not into it any more.
      Plus, two of the three catastrophes mentioned above almost always hit fundie Christians the hardest instead of flattening Key West.

      * Those who grovel sufficiently get a break. They just have to keep groveling and singing songs of praise to him. Forever ‘n ever ‘n ever.

  • Notreelyhelping

    And no crayfish tarts!

    • ibwilliamsi

      This is Oregon we’re talking about. It’s “Crawdad”.

      • Querolous

        Ya have something against Jake’s Famous Crawfish?

    • RevZafod

      You mean like this one?

  • ibwilliamsi

    Every time I read about these people I donate a little more to the Satanic Temple.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The thing about American Christo-fascists is how un-Christlike they are.

    • Dan Binkney

      Christianity is the cloak they hide behind to spew their ignorant, bigoted bullshit. If any christian actually knew what it meant to follow that nonsense, they’d all be living in cardboard boxes b/c they’d have given all their possessions away.

  • onedrewthree

    And when God wipes out Oregon with the fault line, he’ll put another rainbow in the sign as a covenant that he won’t capriciously kill a bunch of people again. Not like last time with the rainbow. The rainbow means god hates gays. It’s right there in the blable.

  • FlownOver

    we will go to the grave before we allow them to silence us.

    Maybe it’s just me, Wiley ol’ boy, but if you’re in the grave that’s a pretty good way to assure you’ll STFU.

    • OneDemin EOr

      But of course only with votes, haha.

    • Dee Andee

      They bitch, piss, moan, whine, carry on, and caterwaul more than any group of people I’ve ever known. Seriously, WTF are they even talking about?

    • bobbert

      Shorter: Please proceed, Wiley.

  • ShriekinViolet

    Since it’s apparently Hitler week, I’ll pause to note that these new Hitlers seem to be a bit different than the original. Please, though, don’t let Huffpo popularize “Today we are all Hitler.”

    *edit for bad grammar in original

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And all we want is peace… a little piece of Poland and a little piece of France…

      • Dee Andee

        And a little piece of whatever’s in your pants…

        • bobbert

          Bit late, but CHUCKLES THE CLOWN LIBELZ!!!!!

    • eddi

      Je suis Dolfie. bleah. Wash my mouth out with soap.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    God COULD make an earthquake anywhere but u know, work smarter not harder. Of course he’s not punishing gays so much as “standing in a certain spot.”
    & lol@ “gaystapo”

  • jjgrandisland

    These people are just hysterical. At first this was an interesting story, but now it is almost becoming pathetic…like kicking a dead horse.

    • The Molten Soul

      One that smells really bad.

      • david green

        And has lots of flies.

    • Gary Whiteman

      Jeff, the old fggot

      • jjgrandisland

        That’s all you got? What a loser.

  • This deeply offends me because people who perpetuate the lie that nazis were gay intentionally rewrite history! They ignore the history of persecution to justify it’s continuation.
    Hundreds of thousands of homosexuals were experimented on and imprisoned in concentration camps by nazis. The real number is unknown because, after allies rescued victims of the Holocaust, homosexual detainees were sent back to prison.

    Here’s the US Holocaust Memorial Museum article
    http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/article.php?ModuleId=10005261
    Here’s the wiki
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persecution_of_homosexuals_in_Nazi_Germany_and_the_Holocaust

    Religious fundamentalists are the same no matter their faith, Christian, Jew, or Muslim. It’s all about corrupting society with falsehoods. It’s all about creating enemies. It’s all about controlling the ignorant.

    • proudgrampa

      “Religious fundamentalists are the same no matter their faith, Christian, Jew, or Muslim. It’s all about corrupting society with falsehoods. It’s all about creating enemies. It’s all about controlling the ignorant.”

      Frank, I couldn’t agree with you more!

  • SK

    GoFundMe has proven to be the goto silver bullet against Hitler.

  • Dan Binkney

    This article is exactly why I love this website, which I hope is cool, cuz I’m like, a dude. Is there a term for us? Guys who read Wonkette? Wonkers? Gunkettes? I’ll leave up to the lady folks, b/c you’re right all the time anyway – I know b/c my wife tells me so :)

    • Dee Andee

      I think the general non-gendered term is “Wonketeers.” :D

      • david green

        We really should have some sort of beanie hat, maybe with something sticking up off of the hat, to identify us. And maybe a song?

    • riledupone

      Collectively (how could it be any other way?) the Wonketariat.
      Some call us “Tim”.

      • Teto85

        Not Timmah?

  • OneDemin EOr

    Oh Jesus, just reading such idiocy spouting from these bigots is like seeing “There Will Be Blood”, with wingnut subtitles.

  • Dan Binkney

    I will add a more serious comment. If you’ve read Rise And Fall of the Third Reich, you’ll know that the author makes a point of calling many of the original nazi leaders sexual deviants and homosexuals (in a negative way), so I think some folks cling on to that like it was their prerogative to rule gay Europe or whatever. I am opposed to that sentiment and Nazis in general, obviously, because I have a brain.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      That struck me, too, but then the book was published in 1960 and he was reflecting the prejudice of his time. He was reporting on rumors of homosexuality of specific individuals which may or may not have been true (and if so were hidden), started by who knows who (political enemies within the Nazi party in some cases).

      • riledupone

        At that time homosexuality was still considered a mental illness. Hinting about gay Nazis, or Nazis exhibiting any kind of paraphilia was to increase their evilness quotient. Kind of a reverse gilding the lily.

      • Teto85

        If you throw that part of the book out, it is pretty good. Don’t use it as your only source.

      • david green

        Leaders in the closet? Y0u sure the book was about nazis and not congress?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Most of what you read about the Third Reich is propaganda. A lot of people really hated their guts, probably with good reason, but still …

  • snigsy

    On the way home from work today, I walked by a church (one of the heebie-jeebie tongue sect) whose electronic billboard reads: “Prayers Are Still Legal Here.” Oh the persecution. Nary a rainbow flag nor jackbooted gaystapo in sight.

    • PsycWench

      A lot of vehicles in my area have bumper stickers that say “We Still Pray”! No idea why they think anyone has tried to stop them.

      • Dee Andee

        It’s because they haz the stoopids. Terminal stoopids.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Because to them, not being able to force everyone to do what they want them to do is the exact same as preventing them from doing what they want to do

  • bealzebubba

    Lesson learned from this (if you haven’t figured it out): right wingers will go to no end to rewrite history in order to 1)support an agenda 2) make themselves look like the good people they want be 3)appear to be victims in the process.

    • Teto85

      Just look at what they will do to AP US History.

      • bealzebubba

        Saw that….unreal

  • laineypc

    OK not to get too picky or anything, but it’s the Juan de Fuca **plate**, the North American plate, and the Cascadia **subduction zone** between, that the gays are going to kill us Northwesterners with.

    • Barley_Brains

      Geology rocks.

    • proudgrampa

      I just read that article. Everything west of I-5 is fucked. Get the hell out, NOW!

      • eddi

        Guess who lives 500 yards East of I-5? Me. Not a care in the world.?

    • bobbert

      Also, as always happens with science, there are already folks doing sims that say , yes, it’ll be bad, but not quite that bad.

  • ViveLaRes

    Can’t we talk about Kitlers instead?

  • YayConspiracy

    Is that the 11th commandment: Thou shalt pity thyself.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Gay Nazis… look buddy whatever videos you rent in your free time is your business!

    • lawrence090469

      Should we tell them about Black Gestapo?

    • You know, Gay Nazis was a huge disappointment. (and I used the term “huge” loosely.) The acting was terrible. The models were out of shape.

      Now… Nelly Nazis, on the other hand… SUPERB! ?

  • dshwa

    Soooo… He thinks “Springtime for Hitler” was a documentary?

  • BearGHAZI

    Give these fools to the lions already, they’re begging for it

    • eddi

      Hasn’t enough bad stuff happened to lions this week?

  • azeyote

    hey I saw Springtime for Hitler too. –

    • eddi

      Mel Brooks is still hoping to find a producer with cast neutronium huevos to actually make the movie. The
      Producers just gave us a tease.

  • vivian

    ..and I thought John Waters was camp.

  • lawrence090469

    I, for one, eagerly await the Great Tribianism.

  • Querolous

    St. Helens went off more than three decade ago. PDX is more Fabulous now than ever. Something doesn’t jibe.

  • Sheesko

    The Nazis were gay? Well Jeebus freakin’ Christ, why didn’t somebody clue in all those gay folk who got trotted off to concentration camps for being gay? If only they’d known, they could probably have worked something out. Maybe gotten jobs in the camp bakeries and florist shops.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      You gotta admit those uniforms were Boss.

      • Gregory Brown

        Very snappy.

  • Helena Handbag

    So the choice really IS cake or death?

  • Incoming Ham

    But I WANNNAA BE PERSECUTED!!!!!!!

    • bobbert

      For values of PERSECUTED == SEDATED

  • James Christopher Owen

    “You will have the rainbow flag flying above your church”

    But it’s OK to have American flags in church sanctuaries? Yeah, I’m sure God is tickled PINK (winkwinknudgenudgesaynomore) to have Caesar’s emblem in the middle of His house.

    • nightmoth

      You hit on one of my pet peeves—flags in churches. Nothing shrinks the concept of “god” as fast as a nationalistic one.

  • ExRadioGuy15

    The Kleins really hated it when I went on their Facebook page and correctly called them Fascist bigots LMAO
    But, what they REALLY didn’t like is when I and several others reminded them of WHY they were fined…you see, the Labor Commissioner (Brad Avakian, my former State Senator) ruled that, while refusing to bake the cake was a violation, he assessed no fine for that.
    He assessed the fine for two reasons: first, for releasing personal information about the lesbian couple on their Facebook page and, second (and more importantly), for their comments in the media clearly stating that they had been bigots in the past, were bigots now and intended on being bigots in the future.

    So, what the Kleins essentially did was screw themselves over. LMAO

    • ExRadioGuy15

      Avakian correctly dismissed the “free speech” argument along with the “freedom of religion” argument. It would really help if these GOP Fascist Christian Plutartheocrat psychopaths/sociopaths would actually READ the Constitution, rather than relying on their party leadership’s and their pastor’s/minister’s intentional misinterpretation of it.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Aye, thar’s the rub – publicly exposing the couple’s info and bragging about the hate in social media. Little to do with cake, much to do with assholery operating a licensed business.

  • Katie Doyle

    I smell a GOP recruitment in his or her future. I really wish I was kidding.

    • Patrick Van Der Ven

      LOL, I smell a lot of bullshit. (From Aaron Klein ) Really do you think the GOP are so stupid to recruit Aaron Klein.I suppose if it does He and Aaron Schock could run on a joint ticket. Didn’t Mr Klein say he could give into the gay. Just like the comedy duo in Great Britain had the two Ronnies America could have the two Aarons.

      • Dr Night

        Is the GOP stupid enough? Two words: Donald Trump.

        • Patrick Van Der Ven

          Sorry you’re right. I plead no contest

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Wait a minute. As I understand it, if Oregon and Washington state fall into the ocean, it’s because of legal marijuana, and if the entire west coast falls into the ocean, it’s because of gay marriage. I really have to stop watching the Weather Channel.

    • Patrick Van Der Ven

      Pass the bong I wanna go surfing

  • actor212

    It was a militant homosexual network that took over Germany

    I call bullshit.

    That flag was not tasteful at all.

    • fifthdentist

      And it was uber hard to coordinate it with the rest of the decor.

  • nightmoth

    Thx for the info, Evan. Never heard of Scott Lively or his book. So people who know nothing about pink triangles or the murderous gay purge within the Nazi party now believe in a fictitious Pink Swastika? Oy. Mustn’t drink before noon.

    • Patrick Van Der Ven

      I knew about the pink triangle and posted as a gay man that I took personal offence for the rabid lies the Kleins spewed( German for small) on Huffington post . I mean I could not believe someone was so fatuous and obtuse. I found the NAZI connexion: Aaron Klein is Joseph Goebbels reborn. LOL the propaganda ministry for the right wing religious bigots has been found.

  • Teto85

    That’s some pretty strong derp right there, close to industrial strength.

  • Sterculius

    I think if the Nazis were gay they could have come up with something more creative than a swastika. I guess those concentration camps for gays were actually secret night clubs with disco balls.

  • TheBidenator

    “The German churches that were intimidated by the Nazis had swastikas flying above their churches” Um come again? This is some seriously delusional stupid on display here…uh no you fucking morans they weren’t ‘intimidated’ those were the German Christian churches. You’d recognize them due to your theologically similarity, in fact if you subtract the Hitler worship side portion of the church you’re very similar you stupid hick-brained fucks.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      If you subtract the Hitler worship side portion of the church, but add the Reagan worship side portion of the church you come out pretty much equal.

  • Ghost of Mussolini is considering firing his PR man for allowing Hitler to steal all his thunder! And poor ghost Stalin is on the verge of releasing some butt selfies to get some acknowledgement.

    • fifthdentist

      Don’t go forgetting Mao, now.

  • This is what happens when someone gets their history lessons from Tom of Finland.

  • ca_rickf

    Is it me, or does Aaron Klein have The Ghey Bear-look down stone-cold?

  • HavaBrain

    This from a man who built an empire from his cream-filled Long Johns….

  • Thomas Mc

    If they get so upset over a couple of guys exchanging vows, has the hell are these pansey assed Christians ever going to handle the Tribulation when it comes?

  • Pugsandcoffee

    I try so hard, so very hard, not to be a condescending asshole to someone whose mythology is as laughable as, well, any other mythology, but eventually, it’s just so fucking dumb. You’re fucking dumb if you honestly think the gaystapo is going to make some god earthquake you real good. You are fucking dumb.

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