Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.

We’re not sure it’s as huge a capitulation as Barack Obama’s complete surrender to Iran, but it looks like there may be Peace In Our Time in at least one theater of the Culture Wars. After a year of rightwing complaints that the revised Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) exam was teaching high school students to hate America and maybe join ISIS, the College Board has given in and announced some changes to the exam that are intended to placate the whiny titty babies who don’t seem to understand what “Advanced Placement” means. The exam framework for 2015 will add a section on “American Exceptionalism” and add additional questions that name Big Heroes like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, whose names you might suppose students would have encountered before taking an AP class (and who would of course have been covered in any class — it’s just that they weren’t named in the framework, which instead focused on larger themes. This drove wingnuts crazy and led them to claim that the Founders had been “removed” from the teaching of history). The College Board is still saying some pretty nasty things about God’s Own America, however. The new framework includes pretty much the same number of references to slavery as the 2014 version, and it turns out we still interned Japanese-Americans during WW II.

The College Board issued an updated Frequently Asked Questions statement on its website Thursday noting that the 2014 test ” sparked significant public conversations among students, educators, historians, policymakers” — how diplomatic! — and said that they took everyone’s Important Concerns very seriously:

Every statement in the 2015 edition has been examined with great care based on the historical record and the principled feedback we received over the past year.

The College Board also promised that the revised framework provides a “clearer and more balanced approach to the teaching of American history that remains faithful to the requirements that colleges and universities set for academic credit.”

The reaction to the 2014 version of the exam was about as calm and rational as you’d expect in Rightwing America, with the Republican National Committee passing a resolution complaining that it “reflects a radically revisionist view of American history that emphasizes negative aspects of our nation’s history while omitting or minimizing positive aspects.” The Georgia legislature introduced a bill that plagiarized all the the RNC complaints and threatened to cut funding for all AP classes, and also hold its breath until it turns gay. Oklahoma went ahead and voted to ban APUSH and replace it with American History For People What Think Right, and school board members in Colorado proposed a censorship committee that would ensure that all curricular materials would “promote patriotic material, respect for authority, and the free-market system,” and avoid material about “civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law.” That one led to week-long student walkouts from high schools all over the Denver area.

But now the College Board has learned its lesson, and will continue with the 2014 test’s emphasis on critical thinking and reading original documents rather than memorizing lists of History Facts, but will also dress it up in enough Red, White, and Blue to make the idiots in the tri-corner hats stop marching around with their muskets. What remains to be seen is whether Larry Krieger, the guy who spearheaded the complaints about the 2014 exam, will be satisfied. Krieger, the publisher of a series of test-prep books keyed to the pre-2014 format of the tests, was deeply involved in the War on APUSH, and may decide that he’s satisfied with the new window-dressing, or perhaps will find something else to bitch about in the new framework. Maybe it doesn’t give Jesus enough credit for writing the Constitution.

We do wonder if the framework mentions that the term “American Exceptionalism” was coined by Joseph Stalin? We bet they’ll leave that detail up to individual teachers.

[The Guardian / TPM / The Atlantic]

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  • Nounverb911

    will add a section on “American Exceptionalism”
    Do you know who else was an ‘Exceptional’ American?

  • kindness

    Ya know, the way the wingnutz shriek & wail you’d think liberals were demanding the teaching of Satanism in school. Or worse, empathy for one’s fellow human.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      No two words strike fear into the hearts of wingnuts quite like Critical Thinking.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Empathy of any kind, unless it’s for fetii or christians, is frowned upon by wingnuts.

      • Amy!

        Think they have it then? Seems to me that the ’empathy’ for fetuses in instead a desire to return women to the pre-birth control days when sex was dangerous, and abortion potentially deadly, restoring the patriarchal order.

        There’s a stronger argument for ’empathy’ for Christians, perhaps, but it still seems more like a masochistic pride in martyrdom. “Did you see it? Did you see it? Did you see him oppressin’ me? That’s what I’m on about!” And consequently (since the martyrdom in question is generally a reluctance to approve Christian institutions and dogmas being elevated to dominance), again an attempt to return to a perceived golden age, when everyone believed the same thing, women were subservient, men were decisive and respected, children were respectful and quiet, and everyone was white, protestant, heterosexual, and spoke English.

        That no such society ever existed in the US, and that many of us consider such a society abhorrent for one or more reasons, simply doesn’t register. We could only think such a thing if we’re eviiiiilllllll.

  • Nounverb911

    We do wonder if the framework mentions that the term “American Exceptionalism” was coined by Joseph Stalin?
    The answer is still Hitler.

    • I thought the answer was Sarah Silverman. Or Obama. You know, the new Hitlers.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    2014 test’s emphasis on critical thinking and reading original documents rather than memorizing lists of History Facts, but will also dress it up in enough Red, White, and Blue to make the idiots in the tri-corner hats stop marching around with their muskets.

    The skills to passing the AP exam now will include the ability to:

    1) Read the Cornerstone Speech and still conclude that the Civil War was not about slavery
    2) Read about the Homestead Strike and still conclude that Andrew Carnegie was a great guy
    3) Read transcripts of the McCarthy hearings and still conclude that all lefties are commie traitors

    • Beaumarchais?

      Learn that we invented the nuclear bomb, but not that we also used it.

    • Learn that many Americans, past and present, have been religious people, but not learn about separation of church and state.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Never heard of that Madison guy. Nope. Never. Or Jefferson. Or Franklin. Or Thomas Paine. Nope. No idea who they were.

    • nothingisamiss

      If only these three things were actually taught….

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Why not let the wingnuts create their own AP history program, based on the Bible, Faux News, and Conservapedia? Then they won’t be able to bitch about the real one.
    Meanwhile, anyone who hopes to actually get into college will be using the real one, and the wingnut version will be just for laffs.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Because reputable colleges won’t give course credit for such a heaping pile of nonsense, the way they do for the AP stuff.

      If you can’t establish legitimacy for your own “ideas”, you try to inject them into something that has legitimacy already.

      • Or, worse, they would get into college and get credit for that “work,” as there are colleges that totally buy that shit.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          So, far that hasn’t happened. History departments aren’t really excited about uninformed blowhards getting straight into the upper level classes without any attempt at remediation at the intro level, and the colleges buying that shit are not at all reputable.

          • I was thinking mainly of Christian “colleges.”

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Yeah, that’s the reputable factor.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That was the idea – let ’em cook up their own nonsense, and discover that it’s good for getting into Liberty “University” but not much else.

    • We could call it the CHS curriculum. (christian home school)

    • I think you mean “Bibble.” You’r such a dummy who can’t spell good!

  • America is not exceptional. Britain was not exceptional. Spain was not exceptional. The Mongols were not exceptional. The Seljuks and Saracens were not exceptional. The Huns were not exceptional. The Romans, Greeks, Persians, and Babylonians were not exceptional. Nor the Egyptians, the Minoans, or the Hittites. Nor was Grok the Headsmasher, despite having an awesome name I just made up.

    Nations and Empires rise and nations and Empires fall, and every Empire believes itself to be the most special, awesome, and indispensable nation that ever was, and all of them were wrong.

    It is simple arrogance to think that we are any better than our forebearers.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Why do you hate white, heteronormative, patriarchal America?

    • Belasaurius

      Grok-ceptionalism does sound pretty cool though

    • That’s a pretty sweeping statement, so I assume you’re not including the Amazons of Paradise Island, who clearly are exceptional (and not just because of their knowledge of advanced shapewear technology).

    • Lizzietish81

      LIES! The Mongols WERE the exception…

      • Vienna Woods

        Lizzie, I must thank you for introducing me to John Green a couple of years ago. His videos are indispensable for all my senior history courses- ancient, modern, and US.

        • Lizzietish81


          I introduce him to everyone, because these videos are so awesome.

          As are his brother Hank’s.

          • BloviateMe

            I’ve bookmarked those too, with the intention of someday clearing the queue and giving them a look-see, so I’ll echo the “thank you.”

      • nothingisamiss

        Ok, now I find myself deeply immersed in Crash Course World History on youtube. Thanks, Obama.

      • BeatriceC

        There went my day. I actually had work to do, you know.

    • JohnBull

      What about the Sumerians?

    • nothingisamiss

      But what have the Romans ever done for us?!

    • Or, to put it another way, EVERY nation and empire is exceptional. That’s why they’re named. But being exceptional isn’t special.

    • BloviateMe

      Exceptional simple arrogance, though.

    • Amy!

      My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
      Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

    • Querolous

      “I grok your mouth music mandingo.”

  • Will the new guidelines mention that American Exceptionalism is mostly about Americans who take exception to the idea that we are not perfect?

  • elviouslyqueer

    “American Exceptionalism.” Because “Jingoism and Xenophobia” doesn’t have quite the same panache.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Also harder to spell!

      • elviouslyqueer

        And because “America FUCK YEA” was too obvious.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          foreign words

    • Amy!

      We’ve got the money!
      We’ve got the guns!
      And by jingo we’ll fight!
      And the Russians shall not have Constantinople!

      Forward, the Light Brigade. *sigh*

  • Ryan Denniston

    “a radically revisionist view of American history that emphasizes negative aspects of our nation’s history while omitting or minimizing positive aspects”

    Instead, we get to learn that 6,000 years ago, Jeebus chased all of the dinosaurs into Mexico, freeing the land to be populated by Americans, God’s other chosen people after the Israelis. And, after Germany literally holocausted all of America at Pearl Harbor, Saint Reagan and Winston Chrchill stormed the beaches of Normandy to liberate those pussy Frenchmen.

  • FauxAntocles

    Mrs. FA spent a couple days in the hospital this week (she’s going to be fine). I was struck by the large number of health care workers who are immigrants. I don’t think American “exceptionalism” is aided in any way by watering down/fictionalizing the curricula.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I think that has more to do with the terrible working conditions for health care workers (stress, long hours and low pay) than a defiict in the educational system, to be honest.

    • Ryan Denniston

      But what it does do is protect the fee fees of an increasingly self-marginalized group of people who can’t play well with others.

    • AncienReggie

      The healthcare industry is a major abuser of the H1-B visa, which has done wonders for holding down nurses’ wages but, weirdly, done absolutely nothing to hold down healthcare costs.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Holding down actual health workers’ compensation is just one of the many methods used by MBA assholes to keep their hookers and blow at maximum levels.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    The naive and childlike “history” these hysterics want is more a “creation myth” than anything else. Which is ok to the extent it is recognized as such. That they want “unpleasant” things removed is a form of lying. I did not find out about anything approaching “history” until I went to collich, where all the absurd things I had been taught were revealed as the pretty frauds they were. From that, you can go on to build a reasonable understanding. Not complete, the nonsensical stuff is always there, but better.

    • BloviateMe

      Yup, yup, yup. I was lucky enough to have a prof who use Howard Zinn as his main text book. It made High School history books seem like porn fluffers.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Hey, don’t knock it – it’s honest work (porn fluffing, that is, not history textbook writing).

      • Vienna Woods

        The only problem with Zinn is that you have to know the basic facts before you use him. When I was a student teacher, loooong ago, my associate used Zinn as his main text for a class of Canadian senior high school students who had never studied US history before. I spent most of my prep time creating resources for them such as time lines so they would know what happened when.
        However, Zinn’s better than The Triumph of the American Nation, which is the mind-fuckingly pretentious title of the text some idiot bought for my current history department. Thank goodness for the internet (and John Green!)

    • Me not sure

      AP Mythology might make a great class. AP US History isn’t the place for it.

      • Amy!

        Heh. Do Masks of God as a text, and wingnut heads will explode all over again when you get to volume four (I think; maybe Christianity is in volume three?).

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Really, the test has to cover what was taught, so it’s really the curriculum that needs to be examined, not the test so much.

      About the curriculum – how about a pro-vs.-con approach? Teach history in divided blocks, with one side all reactionarily jingo-revisionistic, and the other all Chomsky/Zinn/Foner. Teach the controversy! (I think I know who will win).

    • Villago Delenda Est

      These are the people of the lie. Do not ever forget that.

  • proudgrampa

    History. Who needs it? We’re not learning from it anyway.

    • Isn’t that Jeb!’s campaign motto?

    • MrBlobfish

      Never Forget. Uhh…

  • Barbara Delaney

    Why do they care? What are the chances any republican parent would have a kid in an AP history class?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Homeschooled special snowflake LIBEL!

    • vivian

      They love pointless hypotheticals; keeps the ideology pure if you don’t integrate that pesky “reality” thing.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Half of them don’t have vaginas either. That doesn’t mean they want to give up their rights to dictate to others rules regarding things like birth control or abortions.

    • It isn’t enough to keep their own kids ignorant, they have to keep everyone’s ignorant too if they want to get any converts!

    • JohnBull

      Because AP history is controlled by liberals who hate God!!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s not that we hate God. We like the concept, but realize, like My Little Pony (sorry, Dok) it’s all make-believe. You know, like Rick Perry’s glasses.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Let’s look at the wisdom of Japan who let right wing blow hards write the history books. Made them the best loved most popular people in all of Asia for their deep understanding of WW2 from “We WERE Invited Into China. No, seriously.”, “Nanking? What? Rape? No way!”, “FDR was bad man for embargoing oil because of our invitation into China”, “Pearl Harbor, US Amercia wanted it”, “Something something Asia Co Prosperity Sphere with Bayonets” to “OMG, Napalm and Okinawa happened” to the finale of “We got nuked and we don’t know why.”

    Why is it the people who have the least understanding/knowledge of history want to rewrite it?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The scary thing here is that very little of that is exaggeration.

  • vivian

    When Wingnuts write History, only History will right Wingnuts.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Ignorant pieces of shit. Patriotism is not a team sport. Addressing history with zealotry and quasi-religious fervor is navel gazing; it is what makes a nation delusional and stupid. Ignoring our own shortcomings and our past mistakes may seem patriotic to these motherfuckers but, as usual, the smart thing to do is exactly the opposite of what they advocate if we aspire to be a better country in the future. We’re getting further and further away from having a shot at that, unfortunately.

    • When HUAC is done with you, comrade, please try to smuggle comments out of the gulag.

      • deanbooth

        Heating und Air Conditioning?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Take your well reasoned rational analysis back to Russia, commie!

    • Dr.Zoidberg


    • HogeyeGrex

      if we aspire to be a better country in the future

      Assumes intentions not in evidence.

  • Gorillionaire

    So happy that all of my children went to school at the PetCo Basic Obedience Program.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Not satisfied with fucking up the present, RWNJs take aim at fucking up history. Must be a day that ends in -y.

  • Beowoof14

    More bullshit from the knowing stuff is bad for your crowd.

  • Rick Hill

    Did they make the revision about how Obama convinced Bush to lower airport security standards in early 2001 as well as ignore anything regarding Al Qaeda and then was at Dubbya’s side on 9-11 telling him the best way to make our country safe was to invade Iraq?

  • Vienna Woods

    If you’re worried, have your kids move to Ontario and take my US history course. I promise to be plenty critical. I once had a bright student, one of my pets, who I was trying to talk into taking my course. He said he didn’t want to, as he did not like the US of A. I said, “Ben, I always say, know your enemy.” He remained unconvinced.

    • Lizzietish81

      This reminds me of when I was in Quebec at the fort and my fellow American tourists were like, oh this was a great Revolutionary battle…course I’m like, against us…and we lost.

      • proudgrampa

        Hell, I thought she was talking about Ontario, California! Cheers!

    • Thaumaturgist

      Came to understand the Anglo/French divide in Canada on December 30, 1986. Took a tour of Ft. York. So few tourists that day, we got a private tour. Realized on that tour that American exceptionalists have nothing on the British Empire, and that includes the Queen’s subjects in Upper Canada.

  • Rick Hill

    This is like the real life SNL spoof: Jeopardy, the ninth grade American responses as answers.

  • whyieverdidit

    Well shoot, I dispute the idea that the American colonies ever had a spat with the British Crown. Teach the controversy!!

  • PubOption

    So they want to avoid material about civil disorder and disregard of the law. That should prevent any mention of the Boston Tea Party – unless, that is, they make an exception for that event.

    • Spurning Beer

      Those folks make a lot of exceptions. Hence the term “American Exceptionalism.” Civil disobedience is wrong EXCEPT when wealthy right wing ranchers do it. Sassing a cop is wrong EXCEPT when the sasser is white and angry about a thing. Facilitating the arming of Iran is wrong EXCEPT when Reagan did it. And so forth. Discuss.

      • Whale Chowder

        What’s to discuss? You nailed it.

  • Callyson

    And wait until the wingnuts get to the geography curriculum:

    • Spotts1701

      “Wha? Where’s the Soviet Union? What’s with all these “-istans”? Who cares about Africa – ain’t it all elephants and stuff?”

    • Me not sure

      You forgot to mark the four cardinal directions : Up / Down / Left / Right

      • willi0000000

        Hubwards, Rimwards, Turnwise and Widdershins.

    • JustPixelz

      The nation of Africa will be relabeled: “Obama came from here”

      • FauxAntocles

        Same diff in RWNJ world…

  • Antimassacree

    I’d put my money on Stalin having known more about US history than Larry Kreiger ever will.

  • Spotts1701
  • fawkedifiknow

    Rolling over for the maroons should just be called “American Acceptionalism” and be done with it. .

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    They could still have fun with this:

    1. Explain the issues and George Washington’s role in the Whiskey Rebellion.
    2. Describe Thomas Jefferson’s relationship with Sally Hemings.
    3. What was Ben Franklin’s illegitimate son’s name, and discuss in detail Franklin’s views on Religion.

    • 4. Illustrate Ben Franklin’s relationships with French whores.

      • BloviateMe

        ***Show his work for full credit***

        • Villago Delenda Est

          This is a mommy blog! For shame!

      • stevola

        Field Trip!

    • Reddishrabbit

      1. What? Cherry tree.
      B. LIES!!!1!!!1!!!1!
      III. God fearing Christian like all the pro free market founding fathers.

  • dslindc

    AP American History wasn’t my favorite class in high school, but at least we didn’t have wingnuts being whiney brats about the curriculum. I weep for the future.

  • Lizzietish81

    “promote patriotic material, respect for authority, and the free-market system,”

    You know who else used this model of education?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      The 1950’s?

    • Antimassacree

      The Ministry of Truth?

    • drbloor

      Frank Underwood?

    • beatbort

      The Donald Trump Home School University of Future Giants of the Universe?

    • JustPixelz

      Ayn Rand. Except for the patriotism and respect for authority parts.

      • Amy!

        Joseph Vissarionovich Iugashvili (Stalin). Except for the free-market system part.

        He and Ayn would’ve made a great pair!

    • MrBlobfish

      Ray Krok?

    • proudgrampa

      Harvard Business School?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You’d go a long way with “respect for authority” in Boston circa 1775.

    • PubOption

      Joseph Smith?

  • beatbort

    And America falls further behind the rest of the world…
    “American exceptionalism”?! The worst possible idea to be pitching to young people who are going to have to live in this world after we’re gone.

  • dslindc

    Next they’ll be telling us that the parrot is just pining for the fjords!

    • elviouslyqueer

      It’s parrots all the way down.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Mhael

    As an actual, real-deal Historian who writes and studies history, seeking always the most unbiased Truth possible (no matter how icky and gross and DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED it might make me feel about my ancestors/forebearers), this pisses me off TO NO FUCKING END. You know who ELSE censored history in order to deceive the masses and ensure their political and ideological supremacy….. ?

    (SURPRISE! I was actually talking about the Qin Dynasty in ancient China, but…. Nazis work for that, too)

    • proudgrampa

      Orwell’s Ministry of Truth?

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield


    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s a very old notion. The Greeks were really into it vis a vis the Persians, and that fucktard Victor Davis Hanson just buys right into it.

      • Mhael

        It’s the same ethos as people who scream “DEMOCRATS STARTED THE KKK!!!11!ELEVEN!!1” while KNOWING that it was, in fact, conservatives who actually created the KKK; the exact same people who would jump ship to the Republican Party when the CRA was passed.
        Conservatives, by very definition and nature, hold society back. Progressives, also by their very definition and nature, are who push society forwards, breaking new ground and opening opportunities. THAT is why they stick SO HARD to party NAMES, rather than party IDEOLOGY when it suits their purposes.

      • Querolous

        Herodotus was really into that Scythian Cannnabis.

  • jviscont1

    attributing the Trail of Tears as a Lesley Gore song title was a little too much

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …how is it “revisionist” history if it ACTUALLY happened?!?! Yeah I beat the shit out of my wife last night, but I would appreciate if you refrained from calling me a “Wife Beater”. How about we just highlight all of the times that I didn’t use my wife’s face as a punching bag instead?!?!?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is an excellent plan.

      Likewise, Germany will just misplace all the tons of documentation created in carrying out the Holocaust, and we’ll just ignore that they’ve misplaced it, and, voilà! it never happened.

      Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    • Tansy Geek

      Perhaps you didn’t actually punch her. She fell repeatedly on your fist as a way of acknowledging your male superiority. Or maybe it was an earthquake that caused her to stumble onto your out stretched hand.

    • stevola

      We were just talkin’ about your shirt, man!

  • MrBlobfish

    The only Presidents you need to know about are the ones on money. The rest are losers.

    • BloviateMe

      Franklin was my favorite President. He invented lightning.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        See? You do learn something in Right Wing History!

      • cessnadriver

        I do wonder how many ‘Merkins don’t know that Franklin wasn’t a President. I would put it at 35% of the general population and 60% of those who vote for the NSGOTP.

      • david green

        Sure, but the dumb shit screwed up when he didn’t immediately apply for a patent.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Presidents Hamilton, Franklin, and Salmon P. Chase agree!

    • TheBidenator

      The Tao of Trump as recorded by MrBlobfish.

    • For a laugh, ask any one of the GOP whiners when Benjamin Franklin was president.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Do you know who else thought HIS country was exceptional?

  • SterWonk

    “Exceptional” does not necessarily mean “good”, also too.

  • JustPixelz

    Political correctness, Republican style.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    American Exceptionalism at a Glance:

    We still are #1 in:

    military spending
    health care costs
    anxiety disorders
    incarceration rate
    music sales
    nuclear reactors
    oil refinery capacity
    women’s Olympic figure skating gold medals
    number of ultra high net worth individuals
    consumption of wine
    number of plastic surgeons
    horse exports
    Christian Population
    Jewish Population
    Small arms imports
    Small arms exports
    Military arms exports
    And #1 in death by violence among the top 17 advanced democracies.


    151st in infant mortality rates (tied with Lithuania, Serbia, Slovakia, and the United Arab Emirates) .
    49th in Civil Liberties.
    33rd in acceptance of Evolution.
    4th in making automobiles.
    2nd in Books Published
    85th in % of boys going to grade school
    14th in Broadband affordability
    2nd in cocaine seizures
    12th in college students to faculty ratios
    23rd in PISA Science Scores
    35th in Math scores
    15th in adult literacy
    44th in Health Care Efficacy
    50th in Average Male Penis Length.
    2nd in self-reported use of vibrators.
    3rd in patents filed
    17th in Physicians per capita
    4th in Revenues from Pornography
    3rd in % of the population in poverty

    • beatbort

      Don’t forget about #1 in percentage of people incarcerated.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Oops, yep still #1 in incarceration rate too. Editing.

        • Querolous

          #5 in executions.

    • Thaumaturgist

      I find it hard to believe, what with all the Irish-Americans, were only 50th in penis length. Must be other nationalities/enthnic groups really skew the curve.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        We’re #1 in Breast Augmentation procedures performed, though.

        I left that one off the list because I thought plastic surgeons made it redundant.

    • HolidayinCambodia

      How do we rank in Female Penis Length?

    • Amy!

      2nd in self-reported use of vibrators.

      Really? Who’s number one? Asking for a … no, okay, for me.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        The United Kingdom.

  • shastakoala

    To be fair, the testing will be easy. Multiple choice, with only the correct answer offered.

  • Today’s AP American History would do better by watching the ‘America Rock’ segments from the ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ series.

    I always like this one, mainly for the silly king:

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I remember in 1989 Pat Robertson and his band of sycophants discussing Bastille Day and how the French were SO WRONG to rebel against their divinely ordained monarch.

      • MrBlobfish

        I don’t doubt that today’s Tea Party would be yesteryears’ Loyalists.

        • BeliTsari

          What! Give up their slaves or Seneca, Shawnee, Lenni Lenape & Cherokee lands? Cavalier ‘baggers all WORSHIP the inbred nazis in Buckingham Palace, but this is mostly a matter of solvent abuse, illiteracy & mobility issues (can’t find the remote).

      • PubOption

        Did that go down a storm?

  • jesuswasablack

    Are Bill-O and Sarah-P founding fathers yet?

  • beingreleased

    So they don’t want to teach the controversy?

    • jesuswasablack

      There is no controversy, mericans are always in the right (the white one’s anyway)!

  • MrBlobfish

    If I can’t learn it off a diner placemat before I finish my Denver omelet, it ain’t worth knowin’.

  • thirdeblue

    They just announced the new cover.

    • Mhael

      OH, how the HOWLING from conservative groups about that game warmed my heart. I wish they’d release an Infinite 2, just so I could see and hear them spluttering indignantly again. :D

  • TheBidenator

    Well geeze, how are we supposed to forget about the bad stuff that happened (not by us, it was probably the groups involved own fault mind you) if you people and commie college professors keep bringing it up? We need history classes that chronicle real and important events like when Moses and Jesus tag teamed a hell in the cell match vs. Buddha and Mohammed. What a match that was! Ganesh ran in and gored Moses but America was saved when Jesus put Mohammed in the figure four, FTW.
    We also need kids to know about the ‘day that will live in infamy’ (R. Reagan) when the Indian tribes bombed Pearl Harbor and a crack team of America’s holy Christian elite fighting force, the Confederacy led by Phyllis Schafly defeated them and Jesus declared, “guns for all!” and “kill ’em all and let God sort them out” (it’s a little known codicil). That’s what we need people to learn about…not this revisionist bullcrap about slavery, Japanese interment, the Civil War and women voting.


    ‘avoid material about “civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law.”’

    This is going to make the Boston Tea Party and John Brown so much harder to teach in school. Then again, was Boston or West Virginia ever really important to American History?

    • James Christopher Owen

      There go civil rights protests. I’m sure that’s considered a feature, not a bug.

  • Serolf Divad

    We could certainly teach “American Exceptionalism” in much the same way we teach about “manifest destiny”: right-wing slogans mean to justify every barbaric act committed in the name of this nation as having been divinely ordained and sanctioned by the All-mighty His Own 12″ Penis Bearing Self!!!!

    • SnarkOff

      Don’t forget the other great bullshit disingenuous slogans like “Right to Life,” “Right to Work” and “Liberate.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        When I was in HS, I used to regularly play board games with some friends. We’d play things like Risk, Mille Bornes, stuff like that. Risk was always fun, because we’d openly mock the “liberate” meme as the game play proceeded.

        • Steverino247

          1914 and Jutland were my HS favorites.

          • Amy!

            Avalon Hill? We collected SPI games. I think the first one that we received as a part of S&T was “Up Against the Wall, Motherfucker!”. Or maybe “Flight of the Goeben,” with UAtWM as a signing bonus (they had trouble with that title, for some reason … but who could object to a wargame about the 1968 Democratic national convention?).

          • Steverino247

            Got into SPI as they started up and was with them until the idiots moved to an expensive NYC address and killed their own business. GMT games now, mostly.

          • Amy!

            I got a lifetime subscription right before E. Gary bought the company out and killed it dead, dead, dead. They prolly shouldn’t have compared the Player’s Handbook to Golden Wonder Books, or dismissed it in a two sentence review as “a mound of pigs’ lips.”

            Heh. In this case, it really was all about ethics in gaming journalism?

          • Steverino247

            I got my money’s worth out of the lifetime sub as I got in early, but they burned a LOT of people there at the end.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I’ve been reading The Half Was Never Told by Edward Baptist and I have to say we need to throw out the entire fucking curriculum because everything you think you know about what happened in Colonial and post Revolutionary America is a plain fucking lie. And that if we had learned this history– which includes (and in fact is about, as America is about) how slavery was used to create, expand and enrich the new republic, with the collusion of the entire world, we probably wouldn’t be in the mess we are in now vis a vis our inability to reconcile and overcome our shameful origins.

    oops, wrong forum forgot this is for snark, not despair. Insert something funny here.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Ignorant grandstanding = “principled feedback”! Who knew?

  • Swampay

    You know another country where they require all history teaching to reflect that country’s exceptional ism? Well North Korea for one.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “On July 4, 1776, the 13 colonies declared independence from Britain. And then we lived happily ever after, and everyone agreed that we’re the greatest country in the history of the world. That concludes your high school history curriculum. Exams will follow immediately”

    • Major_Major_Major

      Missed a few key points: The GOP ended slavery and racism in 1865, The Dem’s formed the KKK in retaliation, and Jeebus resurrected Washington in the form of Ronnnie Reagan. God bless, and AMEN

  • SnarkOff

    So the best and brightest kids will pass the new patriotic AP U.S. history test and then they’ll go to those damn leftist Muslim universities and get brainwashed. Joke’s on you, wingnuts.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Unless by then every state has followed Scott Walker’s lead and ended tenure for every professor.

  • little g

    The Colorado school board members that were going after anti-patriotic stuff is now being recalled;

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Truth based edgdemucation is so messy. Fiction is so nice because it can be whatever you want.

  • BeliTsari
  • YayConspiracy

    I don’t understand why the republicans don’t just defund history.

  • azeyote

    if your heads up your ass – you can’t see yourself in the mirror

  • Cismontane

    Common Core Examination, 2023, President Scott Walker (second term)

    1 Who is the founder and eternal spiritual guardian of American Democracy (A Thomas Jefferson – incorrect, B Alexander Hamilton – incorrect, C Ronald Reagan – partial credit, D Charles and David Koch – correct).
    2 Are you a member of the Republican Party (Y – correct, N – incorrect)
    3 Are you or have you ever been a member of the Democratic Party (Y – incorrect, N – correct)
    4 Are your parents members or have they ever been members of the Democratic Party (Y – incorrect, N – correct)
    5 List the names and addresses of any Democrats, union members, illegal aliens, Occupiers, or Mexicans you personally know. Include any family members or relatives.

    Answering any question incorrectly or failure to denounce at least one person in question 5 will result in a grade of Fail and you will be required to attend Patriot Reeducation Summer School in sweltering Waller County, Texas. Not that it matters, because all institutions of higher education (other than for-profit technical institutes) have been closed, since clearly you don’t need tertiary education to run a country or anything.

  • Richard G. Crockett

    This thing about trying to rewrite US history is an ever recurrent trope in the history of US history. What’s funny is “Honest Abe” and “Father, I cannot tell a lie” were made up pieces of propaganda the first time they were uttered.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Krieger, the publisher of a series of test-prep books

    But Liberals are the ones who keep doing pork politics and giving in to special interests *Throws up hands* drink thirty, right?

  • My History graduate school professor always told me that the Republican’s are the only truly criminal class in American history.

  • Sterculius

    Next thing you know those dirty liberals will try to say that invading Iraq was not about freeing the Iraqi people,

  • Asking about what actually happened in the past? Stop throwing “gotcha” questions our way!

  • Pugsandcoffee

    Sometimes I really hate America.

    Sincerely, liberal commie Muslim.

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