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the biggest gift would be for me!

Comrades! Do you remember yesterday, and today, when your Wonkette was broked? The husband yelled and scared the baby. Kaili shook and trembled and PANICKED! like an undrugged sheltie on the Fourth of July. Dok and Evan took a nap. I poured liquor into a cup and searched for fundraising thermometers that looked like dicks. So pretty much a typical Wonkette day! Except for one thing: how we asked you for moneys and then you sent us FIFTEEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED OF THEM.

we asked you for ten thousand but you gave us 15 thousand, jeez, learn to count

See, we were having an XMLGBQT attack, but instead of saying “oh hey you are under attack let’s fix your shit,” our server was like “what do you mean your site is broken, maybe you should fix your shit.” And we were like “hey can you maybe HELP us fix our shit,” and they were like “word word word,” and then we were like GO FUCK YOURSELF, RIGHT IN THE EAR. And we asked you for money to get a better server and you all said “oh, I am made of money, have ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS,” or “I have no money and am unemployed and I am GIVING YOU MONEY ANYWAY,” and frankly the people who sent us $1000 or $500 are probably going to get thank you notes, and the people who gave us $5 are probably not going to get thank you notes because THERE WERE ONE THOUSAND OF YOU, but here is a secret, when you write a note to me when you are giving me money, I always send you a thank you note back, so that is your #lifehack of the day, Make Rebecca Write You A Letter edition.

Anyway, looks like I have some thank you notes to write now, and JUST when I finished the ones from the wedding.

Fuck my life!

charlie-brown-sad-walk-wallpapers-1

Now that that is out of the way, and now that we are completely addicted to your money-crack, rather than try to come up with something ELSE for which we’ve got an EMERGENCY NEED ACHTUNG ACHTUNG HALP WONKET ES DYING SEND MONEY AND DRUGS, we thought we’d go through the ways you can help us on a regular basis, because apparently you like us, you really like us, and now that we took away your Wonk-smack for almost a day, you will do anything for your fix! It’s a perfect codependence! So let’s go through the ways to support your Wonkette, together, so Kaili and Evan and Dok and Shy and the babby and I all can continue living in “houses” and eating “food” and “going to New Orleans probably fuck it let’s go!”

Have I Helped Wonkette Today?

  • Have I given money?
  • Have I signed up for the newsletter, which is free and won’t sell me anything but T-shirts, but is a good daily reminder to come read funny stories and also give money?
  • Have I bought like 5 T-shirts for the people I love?
  • When I am buying something on Amazon, have I gone through the link on the side rail there, so Wonkette gets its portion?
  • Have I clicked on any ads that interest me personally, not for the sake of clicking for the sake of clicking but rather because I have a deep and abiding interest in the item on offer and am definitely not clicking indiscriminately and going to Click Fraud Jail?
  • If I am using an ad-blocker, have I at least shared the hell out of Wonkette’s stories on the Facebook and the Twat and even Pinterest and the Tumblr thing?
  • Have I shared the hell out of Wonkette’s stories in general? While sweating through a Wonk shirt and drinking gin from a Warren cup?
  • Oh, and have I clicked on those dumb sex ad “content recommendation” grid things, those are not “ads,” so you can click on them to your heart’s content click click click click click click click without ending up in Click Fraud Jail?
  • Have I refrained from complaining about all the dumb sex ads and other ads but instead sent cheerful helpful notes when an ad has gone wild and broken Wonkette because I know Rebecca would never purposely sell an ad that autoplays or redirects or breaks Wonkette, and actually she and Shy spend all their time tracking down bad bullshit ads that redirect or break Wonkette, except when they are yelling at the server people or cooing at the babby — so I would NEVER ACCUSE HER OF SELLING THEM ON PURPOSE BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T DO THAT BECAUSE SHE IS RAD?

Well, that is about it on this end! Mama’s got a husband to pet (sexually!) and a baby to photograph and some BAD AND SCUMMY ADS TO SELL AT YOU, lol just kidding, OR AM I? I am. I guess. Maybe. We’ll see. In the meantime, please to accept these pictures of the baby in the past week-ish or so as a token of our deep and true love and our deep and true thanks, unless you wrote me a note or you sent $500, in which case there will be another token of our love and thanks goddamnit, fuck me.

SRUS BIZNISS

donna the grouch

A VERY FUNNY JOKE!

and donna played waltzing matilda

Now get the fuck out.

$
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  • Lot_49

    I can attest from personal experience that Trix’s thank-you notes are world class, touch all the bases, ring all the bells, and are otherwise well worth it.

    You’da thought you were corresponding with Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham, only less snarky.

  • dslindc

    YAAAAAAS! There’s the peen-like goal-o-meter I wanted to see!

  • natoslug

    Dammit!- I knew I should have included a note, but considering how I kept missing other fields, I’m lucky I made it through the PayPal process without putting an eye out.

    • I accidentally donated twice because I am bad at PayPal, but on the plus aside, I think I also inadvertently canceled my monthly payment subscription. WAIT THAT’S BAD

  • dshwa

    15,000 clams!11!! The dick jokes had better be immaculately manscaped for that kind of bling.

    • dslindc

      The dick jokes are nestled between lovely balls of snark, also too.

      • sw19womble

        And rising loftily above the Republican taint…

  • deanbooth

    I visited a friend in Click Fraud Jail. He had a pet mouse.

    • Steverino247

      Tell him to keep his sponge wet.

      • Zippy

        It’s how you keep the pants square

    • riledupone

      So he server-ed some time?

  • Zippy

    I still want my Green Stamps back. You can keep the MilkBone and the Pocket Fisherman though…

    • Pocket Fisherman… isn’t that someone who’s trying to have a wank without unzipping?

      • Zippy

        You’re thinking of the GOP primaries

        • nothingisamiss

          Maybe The Donald WILL unzip during the debate and it’ll be……well, not YOOGE.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Short-fingered vulgarian is short.

  • Heh. First baby picture, she’s all “I wonder if maybe I’m adopted… What if I’m really a Rockefeller?”

  • Steverino247

    No need for a thank you card. Doing my duty to promote snark as best I can.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Time to start raising dough for The Snark Museum. It’ll be a hit with the tourists in NYC.
      First order of business is to get Rebecca to pose for her wax figure.

      • Steverino247

        NYC? Nah. The National Snark Museum should be erected (stop giggling, you bastards) right next to that insanely stupid Bible Museum being built with your hobby dollars.

  • Callyson

    Sharing stories helps? Didn’t know that until now. Time to tweet!

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I’d do it for free to annoy conservatives, but if there’s upside, that’s icing on those cakes we like.

  • calliecallie

    Wait, are those ads in the babby’s crib? Really?

    • nmmagyar

      She’s got to pay the bills somehow. And I think it was a grocery cart.

      • They’re living in a grocery cart? Maybe I really should make a donation…

        • Zippy

          it’s next to the van down by the river

          • Beaumarchais?

            Well then, at least they have free candy.

          • riledupone

            Yeah, but the babby can’t digest gubmint cheese.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If you think that’s bad, wait ’til you see Trixel’s website!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Great beautiful bulbous bouncing bollacks of bountiful backyard bacon, that’s a lot of samolians! Goals met and then some more. And without even playing the gays-are-throat-ramming-my-pizzacake-store card.

  • jesuswasablack

    Thanks for not showing any disgusting breast feeding or pump or whatever pictures, disgusting gross!

    • Steverino247

      Send those pictures to me. Thanks.

    • Spotts1701

      There, there Mr. Trump. Everything will be just fine.

  • elpinche

    Mmmm, that baby looks like a burrito. I wonder if my planned parenthood branch sells those.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Some assembly required.”

  • Zippy

    Bit the bullet and launched the no adblock browser- OMFG! it’s like an episode of hoarders! But on the plus side, I now know who the 30 richest porn stars are and got to see the 28 bounciest breasts (thank god it was an even number…)

    • QHarp

      Total Recall libel!!!1!

      • sw19womble

        Mark Wahlberg Libel!!!!!!2!!!!!

    • Logic of Color

      (even number hee hee)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        You have to click through them ALL to make sure there aren’t just an even number of single mastectomies mixed into that group.

        (There aren’t)

        • Zippy

          (I checked too)

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Could there be an even number of Total Recall sex workers?
          Asking for a friend.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      I always felt sort of dirty clicking on those ads. Now I know I was actually doing a public service!
      Don’t worry honey, I’m only doing it out of altruism!

      • Zippy

        it really is the patriotic thing to do

        didn’t click on the nekkid girly ads? WHY DO YOU HATE MURICA????

        • Gleem-McShinez

          For the good of the nation, I shall find out if Damn Girl Do Those Things Even Bounce.

    • Michael Smith

      Do you think there are real people somewhere that write the insane attention-grabbing headlines for these ads? And that put random arrows on the pictures pointing to a breast as if there is something strange about it like… oooooo if i click on that maybe ill see a NIPPLE!!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Real people, but probably working online from some shitty place where their $5/day salary counts for something.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        I have to wonder about the people who don’t know how to see nipples anywhere else on the intarweb-tubes, unless they are marked with red arrows.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …yeah, probably the exact same over the top assholes that write speeches for republican candidates and headlines for the tabloids you see in the checkout line in your local super market!

    • riledupone

      Wow. I just turned off AdBlock and Ghostery I”m sooooooo sorry Wonkette) and it’s like an alternative universe version.

  • Logic of Color

    What can I say? Wonkette readers have the most uprespect for this site.

  • Joshua_Holland

    For the record, I told Rebecca that she needn’t send me a thank you note for the flyswatter, but she did anyway and it was very pleasant.

    • rebecca

      IT WAS AN EXCELLENT FLYSWATTER.

  • Callyson

    And thanks to all of you fellow Wonkers for ponying up. First GOP circus clown car debate in one week: can’t wait for the live-blog!

    • Zippy

      ponying up

      I blame Dok…

      • sw19womble

        pthlllrrrpppp!!!!!!

        • Anarchy Pony

          Excited gasp!

    • There was a pony show? How’d I miss that?

      • Zippy

        it ended abruptly when some dentist shot it…

    • Lot_49

      Were you on board four years ago? Fun was had! And there were so many debates! And podia that looked like heat exchangers from “Star Trek.”

      https://www.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_606w/WashingtonPost/Content/Blogs/the-fix/Images/Republicans_Debate_09230.jpg?uuid=LE3PWELoEeGQkTrW0EkA2w

      • Callyson

        Oh God yes, I was here and this site helped preserve my sanity during that time. Now I need you more than ever, Wonkette!

      • nothingisamiss

        TRULY and AMEN. The Wonkette “Drink-N-Comment” is fun, fun, fun. As I mentioned above, I’ll be working hard and crying that the pain of watching isn’t cut by the alcohol and humor of fellow Wonkers.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          This year’s edition is going to slam all of us into an alcoholic coma, long before it’s over. I plan to use “freedumb” and “liberty” as my drinky-words, so I’ll be down and out after 15 minutes.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I am going with “this administration’s dangerous policies”. I figure I’ll be good for the first two questions or so

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Just don’t make it “failed policies” – you won’t last through the first round.

          • NellCote71

            Freedom or freesdomS? For some reason the have turned a concept into a plural.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That calls for two drinks.

          • Biff52

            I have “reagan”. Stick with the classics, I always say.

        • riledupone

          I’m looking forward to hoisting a few and it’s the night before my birthday, so I’m looking at the debate as a bit of a gift. And another birthday-political identification thingy I have is that when some friends took me out carousing for my 18th birthday (I wuz legal!) the teevee in the bar was showing Nixon’s resignation speech. Another little gift.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Where would Charlie Crist put his fan?

        • Zippy

          you don’t want to know…

        • Gleem-McShinez

          His “fan?” Is that what the candidates are calling their chickens now?

          • riledupone

            No, he actually only has one fan. Prolly his wife?

      • Steely_Fan

        “podia” FTW!

      • Snopes Shop

        Those were the best of times.

      • Kakkeltje

        I heard there would be a pull up bar on the stage this year…

        • mtn_philosoph

          You get a Huggie! And you get a Huggie! Everyone gets a Huggie!!

    • nothingisamiss

      I JUST found out I’m working that night and I have the hugest sad. I truly cannot wait. Nobody tell me how it comes out (gross!) I want to rewatch on cspan online and laugh and laugh.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m going to live-blog with a tumbler of scotch on my desk. I figure I’ll finish it off in the first five minutes.

    • riledupone

      Sqeeeee!

  • Michael Smith

    Wow. We really are a clean cut kid, and we’ve been to college too.

  • Peter4011

    I love you even moar when feedly work…DO NOT YELL AT ME!

    • rebecca

      I WILL YELL AT YOU

      • sw19womble

        LOUD NOISES!

      • Zippy

        you’ll wake the babby…

        • Callyson

          Who do you think started the yelling? Donna Rose is a quick learner, you know.

      • Peter4011

        keep yelling and I will come by and say hi to the baby. I love babies.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Just don’t call her feedy bags disgusting.

  • ddimuro

    It’s true! I gave $20, wrote to becca, and she WROTE BACK and made me feel warm and runny inside! And I didn’t even deserve it, because I’ve been clicking the site since Bob Dole was President and never helped out – not once! Thanks Again Rebecca!

    • nothingisamiss

      I hope it felt goooooood to pop that donation cherry.

  • Is that a real babby? That babby looks totally photoshopped or something. I gaved you some monies but they’re strictly totally only to buy earplugs for the babby so the poor babby won’t hear mean ol’ Shypixel shrieking and bellowing and hollerin’ and stuffs. You are very welcome. Hey, he’s not still wearing that Creamsickle suit is he, all orange and white? God I hope not.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That kid looks EXACTLY like my kid at that age; which means, if she keeps on the same trajectory, is going to make a dangerously beautiful 17-year-old some day.

      But if she turns out as smart and well grounded as my kid, it won’t turn out to be a problem at all.

      • Anarchy Pony

        In my experience, beautiful 17 year olds are nothing but trouble.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Having one for a kid is no picnic, either.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    For a vile bunch, we’re not too bad.

  • Biff52

    I feel awful, not being at or near the computer from which I can access my vast PayPal fortunes(because I am a stupid who didn’t bring his sheet of passwords with him), but next week for sure, and you can quote me on that.

    • Logic of Color

      Lastpass is a godsend

      • Biff52

        You’d think I’d be smrt enough to just email them all to myself so I could put them in a folder and have them everywhere, all the time, but you’d be wrong.

        The only reason I even have a PayPal account is because the woman selling a ukulele would only accept that for payment.

    • sw19womble

      Don’t worry, next week it’s the Lear jet.

      • Zippy

        GULFSTREAM LIBUL!!!

  • OooShiny

    That first Wonkbabby pic looks like she’s got the eensiest of teensiest of tiniest of phones in her itsy-bitsy hand and the other babby calling her is a True Conservative babby and just said “Donald Trump is the greatest patriot who ever lived!” and Wonkbabby’s face is all, like, WTF??

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    They have babbies at Albertson’s? Which aisle?

    • Callyson

      Trader Joe’s baby or GTFO.

      • Zippy

        free range and non GMO

        • nmmagyar

          Whole Babby

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Those are way overpriced.

          • nmmagyar

            That’s the thing with organic babbies, I have never noticed a difference

          • sw19womble

            I find that if you pick them up and sniff them in order, you can tell which ones are organic.

          • nmmagyar

            Shit, I keep thumping them on the head like a melon. Maybe I am just picking the wrong ones…

          • Zippy

            but you can really tell the difference if you don’t over season them

        • HolidayinCambodia

          Meh. They all just taste like chicken.

          • Tansy Geek

            Piglet or so I’ve heard.

      • rebecca

        she is an ETHICALLY SOURCED BABBY too.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Free range? Or will be in about a few months….Then comes the barricades

        • SterWonk

          Well now, you were all hitched good and proper when she was born, but when she was conceived is another matter… ;-&gt

          (I kid! I kid, because I love!)

  • Lascauxcaveman

    It’s like the final scene from It’s a Wonderful Life.

    Only with more buttsecks and dick jokes.

    [/wipes a tear]

    • Every time you have buttsechs, an angel gets its wings. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.

      • nmmagyar

        Top or bottom? Does it matter?

        • Vienna Woods

          AOT,K

    • OneYieldRegular

      I would give an additional donation just to see this remake.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It’s a Wonkerful Life

        Directed by John Waters. Starring Bette Midler as Rebecca, and Steve Buscemi as Shypixel.

  • jack_o_bee4u

    As long as I know that some of my moneys are going to (dreamy) Evan, (dreamier) Kaili, and (who knows, but probs dreamy too) Dok, that’s all the thanks I need.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It’s Ok to love Dok just for his mind. Unless you’re all dreamy about average looking middle aged white dudes who aren’t especially picky about sartorial elegance or grooming.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Average looking middle aged white dudes who aren’t especially picky about sartorial elegance or grooming libel!!!!!

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Sartorial elegance=clean t-shirt and freshly re-whited tennies…

          • Zippy

            with or without the potato hat?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        *swoon!*

      • shastakoala

        Hey now!

    • rebecca

      yeah, they’re getting tipped out this week. like, the way a european would tip, but still.

  • A Grumpy Cat

    DON’T TAKE AWAY THE WEBPAGE AGAIN OR I SWEAR TO THE GOD I DON’T BELIEVE IN THAT I WILL FIND A WAY TO CAPSLOCK HARDER.

    • OooShiny

      You, I like. You will star in my next Hollywood blockbuster sequel:

      CAPSLOCK II – ELECTRIC WONKALOO

      Name your price, Cat of All Things Grumpy. NAME. IT.

  • Redgyal

    Oh blingee how I missed thee.

  • LIT_Fag

    *sniff* I was unable to give, because I still have not found a damn job.

    • I gave enough for both of us.

      • LIT_Fag

        Thanks honey! Now find me a job and I’ll reward you so hard!

        • You know how I like a good upfisting.

          • LIT_Fag

            That’s a job I can handle!

          • Zippy

            GET A ROOM!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            But take pictures, right?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Where you at and what kind o’ jerb are you looking for? Cause i am hiring for reals in Kentucky, not to get anyone’s hopes up.

      • LIT_Fag

        I’m in Little Rock. Really trying to find something locally or able to work remotely so I don’t have to move (At least not at this time). Account management, project/program management, operations management.

    • Biff52

      Oh, you’re still looking? There’s your problem, right there.

  • kindness

    Wow am I a cheap bastard. I need to double my monthly contribution to make me feel manly again.

  • malsperanza

    You’re just damn lucky your request arrived a few minutes before the email from that poor Nigerian guy with the awful bank problems. I can’t help everyone, you know.

    • Zippy

      You’re inheriting 50 brazilian dollars USD, also too?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        My long-lost rich relatives must have cut me out of their wills, because mostly I just win lotteries.

        • Duckbudder

          I keep winning Free Florida Vacations. Still to expensive.

          Also, too, the Eagle shits tomorrow, I will send Trix some VA$$

  • Msgr_Moment

    It was the night
    They drive old wonkette down…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think it’s ‘the night the Wonkette drives went down.”

  • OzoneTom

    Soooo, it sounds like we have over $5000 to blow on the next drinky-thing?

    • Zippy

      we can afford the good gin, none of that cheap stuff

      • nmmagyar

        There is no difference with gin

        • Zippy

          BLASPHEMY!

          • nmmagyar

            I’ll say this as politely as I can: Gin is fucking disgusting and induces psychosis and should be banned. Signed, a former bartender who didn’t even like smelling that shit when he was getting paid to.

          • Zippy

            good- more for me and Peggy…

          • nmmagyar

            Company I would never admit to keeping (hers, not yours. You seem perfectly lovely, other than your taste in alcohol)

          • Zippy

            lol, I don’t drink with her- that’s Manuel’s job

          • Spotts1701

            that’s Manuel’s way of coping with the job
            FTFY

          • Zippy

            Somebody has to sit there and pretend to listen when she blathers. I can’t blame him for wanting to be three sheets to the wind. The Pegster gets really ornery if she doesn’t have someone to bloviate to when she’s getting her buzz on- bitch will resort to stone cold knocking on doors if someone doesn’t humor her…

          • Tansy Geek

            Hush now. Gin is medicinal. It’s full of herbs and berries and shit,and like Chartruse tastes like a de- wormer by itself, mixes beautifully with many yummy things.

          • Zippy

            it’s all about the botanicals- I love the Tanqueray with the Rangpur lime

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I’ve made my own – was the best ever. The nightmares and hallucinations distill off early; the trick is to discard the first 1/3 of the distillate. (The cheaper the gin, the less they throw away.)
            Scoring an ounce of orris or galangal, pre-internet, was the real challenge.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Man, I thought it was teh tequila that was the crazy-maker. I drink three or four extra large gin n’ tonics nearly every night, and all they seem to do is make me mellow and at peace with the world. Once I stop drinking them though, I drop off like a rock.

            Nighty-night.

          • nmmagyar

            Tequila just makes your clothes disappear

          • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

            And your car, and your memory, and your money, and your dinner…

          • Your dinner?

            I don’t understand.

          • Zippy

            Yer doin it wrong

          • Biff52

            *Oukes*

          • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

            Well, it actually reappears right in front of you, so you don’t have to spend a lot of time looking for it, which is convenient, I suppose. I think Tequila learned this trick from Boone’s Farm…

          • Zippy

            This is your brain

            This is your brain on Tequila

            Any questions?

          • arglebargle

            one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Also works for turning a floundering marriage into a total train wreck. Sigh.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            I have personal experience with this happening when I was in Central America.

            Fortunately, by morning, my clothes reappeared.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            And your puke appear.

          • jmk

            My beloved and I work our way through some tequila every once in a while, and this is our experience also too. The clothes don’t actually disappear, though. They just fly off.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Yeah, but it’s gluten-free.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I always likened Gin to Pine Sol; if it smelled as if it could disinfect the toilet bowl before you even put it in you, then you should probably not drink it.

          • rebecca

            Thanks for reminding me I have a lovely large bottle of Martin Millers. Now I will pour it in a cup, for dinner.

          • nmmagyar

            Flar. and/or enjoy.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That’s vodka you’re thinking of. Best way to make it:
          http://www.chemguide.co.uk/physical/equilibria/ethanolflow.gif

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            *squint* Vodka has lots of difference. The best is potato vodka, slow made. Chopin is especially nice but Belvedere is ok too and has a neat bottle.

      • arglebargle

        Martini’s.

        One is just right, two is too many, three is not enough.

        Although I prefer vodka.

    • Dee Andee

      Where do ya think you are, GOMI?

  • Msgr_Moment

    I’ve got a few trillion extra Zimbabwean dollars around here, in memory of our Kenyan usurper (PBUH).

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Throw in a couple USAmerican dollars for postage, and you have a big contribution.

    • sw19womble

      Pah! One Hundred Trillion Dollars or GTFO

      • vivian

        How about 50,000 Bolivian pesos? I have the note right here. Printed in Ohio, oddly enough.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Luxury!

  • jviscont1

    the talent of being able to balance a bottle on my forehead has served me well thru the years too. you rock Donna Rose.

    • arglebargle

      As a former TGIFriday’s barkeep, I used to balance a shot-glass on my forehead whilst layering a B52. So there is that for the proud parents to look forward to.

  • tegrat

    Molotov!

  • malsperanza

    Typical liebrul cheapasses. Those Christian pizza people got like 70x $15,500. If Wonkette could go into the not-supplying pizza business, there’d be cash left over to donate to the Bernie Sanders Home for Wayward Commies AND buy a couple sixpacks.

    Or you could go into agribusiness and not raise soybeans. That’s usually good for a few mil.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s all about efficiency these days. If I buy a thousand acres, how many crops can I not grow at the same time? And can I get GOP money for not employing ill eagles? Because I can not employ a lot of them!

      • riledupone

        It worked for Nikolai Gogol.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    I’m happy the server upgrade went well. Congrats/Thanks to all who made it happen (’cause it sure doesn’t happen by accident).

    So, will Our Wonkette be at the Conventions next Summer (mark your calendars: Repubs in Cleveland week of July 18, Dems in Philadelphia week of July 25)? I assume they will have floor passes and be interviewing Mark Halperin and other luminaries. We want our hard-earned Ameros to go to involvement with endless rounds of committee meetings, pointless position papers, and booze, sex and drugs — in no particular order, and maybe at the same time.

    Mercifully, the Olympics will follow.

    • Tansy Geek

      We must send Beth. She has a unparalleled ability to infiltrate and report the derp as it happens.

  • Tony Alexander

    glad it all worked out, and you’re back on line, trix!

  • vivian

    Very glad that the site, like my dog, is fixed and I can return to normal snark output mode. For awhile there I was snarking free-form at inanimate objects; not rewarding, although truth be told some of their comebacks were pretty sharp.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I told my kid “Also, too” and he told me I had horrible grammar for an old lady.
      /sulks in a corner/

      • rebecca

        Shy’s stepmom says “also, too” to us, so we’ll know she loves us and wants to partake of our in jokes. Then she sends us Pat Robertson videos, and she means them.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          *pets in sympathy* My grandmother meant PR, I do understand on some level with that. I got one in collage from her, on the VHS and he was yammering something about how these collage women are no good for marriage because jesus.
          However, at least you do not have to go looking them up for yourself?

    • natoslug

      I had to go on Twitter for a while and pick on some anti-PP asshole. It was either that or actually venture outside.

  • TheBidenator

    Alright I’ll keep clicking the ads about big boobs, I didn’t know I was helping to support wonkette but now my perverted clicks suddenly feels like altruism, sweet perverted altruism.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I’m pulling my “weight”

      • Amy!

        You named yours “weight”? Well, okay ….

        • Zippy

          Girth was already taken…

  • Anarchy Pony

    An arrested development reference that was itself a peanuts reference? God I love this place.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Huh, what a coincidence. The amount I donated was exactly what I was supposed to PayPal to my landlady for the August rent. Oh well, we’ll have to play “Who’s been a bad boy?” again…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Is she all lovey dovey?

      • Beaumarchais?

        Well, afterwards. But why do I always have to be the paperboy? And where do you even get knickers anymore, let alone a newspaper?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Just get yourself a pair of basketball shorts and then garter then right below your knees.
          For a paper, hrm, that is a tough one. You could wrap a buncha store circulars about themselves so they look like a big fat newpaper?
          As to why…I do not know. She has a thing for all the news that is fit to print, and or, she enjoys subjugating her masses.

          • Zippy

            please tell me we’re not still talking about Peggy Noonan

          • Beaumarchais?

            Is she your landlady, too?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            ok, we won’t tell you.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        I know, everybody funny, now, you funny too.

    • Dee Andee
  • OneYieldRegular

    Whew! Happy happy. Just to be clear, I earmarked at least a few of the few $$ I could give for a pair of those totally cute infant socks you can get to keep Commie Baby Girl’s feet warm.

  • LeftNotRightISIT

    Although I sneeze around babbies, I split my $ between yous guyses and the Bern. We got ur bak !

  • Whale Chowder

    Poor one-armed, no…two armed, no…OH MY GOD TEH BABBY GOTS NO ARMS! SEND MONEEZ!

    Okay, maybe I’m over thinking the pixtures.

  • JoeChristmas

    $50, at your server!

  • JoeChristmas

    Did anybody else notice babby is sleeping by the Budweiser? Wow, Trix and Pix really are desperate. The only thing worse is Bud Lime.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Zima LIBULZ!

      • Zippy

        does anyone actually drink that swill? I assumed people bought it to serve to guests who wouldn’t get the hint and go home at the end of the night

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I do not even know if they make it anymore, but I assure you, it was worse than bud lime. Probably not by much.

          I remember once, a group of colleagues pooled our cash and sent out a young to go fetch us some after work libation, and he returned with, I shit you not, 2 cases of Zima.

          On the bright side, we knew precisely whom to assign all the shit jobs for the remainder of the project

          • Seek

            Bud Limearita or some such abomination. Bud Light Lime mixed with overly sweetened KoolAid. I was offered a Margarita and given one of them. It was one of the worst alcoholic beverages I have ever been subjected to. Mezcal Margarita with worm bits was better

          • natoslug

            I’ve drunk some bad booze over the years, but I can proudly say I’ve never tried Bud Lime, nor have I tried Zima.

          • bobbert

            OTOH, Ripple, or Red Mountain.

        • vivian

          14 year-olds who find beer too sour.

          • nmmagyar

            All 21 year old twinks

          • Biff52

            So, a Palin Right of Passage, then.

          • Zippy

            right before the spill out of the limo onto their neighbor’s lawn and start brawling

        • eggsacklywright

          It’s just 7-Up with a splash of cheap vodka.

    • rebecca

      worse would be that jack daniels (jim beam?) honey whiskey. No es bueno, pardner.

      • Vienna Woods

        We know what Vecchio would say, don’t we?

        • natoslug

          Canadian “whiskey” is the bestest? I’m currently halfway through a bottle of Costco’s finest “Eagle Rare Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey” which I’m sure will secretly turn out to be from Canuckistan, btw, so hopefully whatever I’ve posted in the past 30-40 minutes makes some semblance of sense.

      • Seek

        Maple Flavored Canadian Whiskey is also No Bueno.

        • natoslug

          Is that seriously a thing? I thought Canadians were supposed to be polite — that sounds like some seriously passive-aggressive booze to me.

          • Seek

            Yes it is and it is a vile abomination of all things alcohol

          • PUAAN

            And maple, also too.

          • Seek

            Worse, because it had the chemical taste that only comes from low quality maple like flavoring, not to be confused with actual Maple Flavor which is bad enough. I took it to be polite but was suitably appalled by my momentary lapse into genteel behavior. Lesson Learned.

          • Amy!

            Maple mead libel?

            (it’s not really a thing in this universe, though, no more than bug butter is)

          • Duckbudder

            What?

          • Amy!

            It’s a Vorkosigan District thing. You wouldn’t understand.

          • Captain Kraut

            Vorkosigan libel!!1!

    • AnOuthouse

      At least it wasn’t a gun.

      • Lizzietish81

        ……

        No I think Bud is worse.

    • riledupone

      Four Loko on line one.

  • Beowoof14

    It’s good to see the spurting of love on Wonkette.

    • rebecca

      lol gross

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Looks like someone remembers that one scene in The Devil in Miss Jones….

      Hmmm. Research shows it was actually TDIMJ II. I refer, of course, to the Devil’s Flaming Orgasm scene

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Behind the Green Door, actually. Or so I’m told.

  • DensityDestiny

    Ack! Fuck the server. I’m sending money just because those are some damn cute babby pictures that made me smile.

  • Zippy

    I love it when good Glenn Greenwald comes out to play, intsead of insufferably arrogant GG

    https://firstlook.org/theintercept/2015/07/30/listen-wsjs-bret-stephens-secretely-plot-pro-israel-evangelicals-killing-iran-deal/?comments=1#comments

    Fuck these neocons- they can’t wait to start another war and suckle at the gubmint teat and bleed us dry.

    if Congress were to reject this deal and then Iran were to start enriching uranium at huge rates once again, that President Obama would simply sit on his hands out of spite. That’s an option. Knowing the way this President operates, it doesn’t entirely surprise me

    WTF? Yeah, because Bamz was the guy who petulantly shut down the government when he didn’t get his way. And Bamz was the one who played chicken with America’s credit rating and caused it to get downgraded out of spite. And it was Obama who keeps holding up unrelated bills and sitting on judicial appointments unless he gets his way. NO WAIT- that’s you assclowns who do all that childish shit. It’s your team that operates with the emotional maturity of a misbehaving toddler with diaper rash. And it’s you disgusting shit weasels that constantly put your own party’s well being far above what’s best for the country. You clowns can fuck right the hell off with your projection, your disrespect and your dishonesty. And you can shove your Iran war wet dreams right up your ass…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Misbehaving toddlers with diaper rash on lines 2, 3, and 4, and their counsels on lines 5, 6, and 7. Usual complaint about defamation by association.

      • Querolous

        Like libel or slander, it is not defamatory when it is true.

  • chicarmoire

    Damnit I wantz a thank you note and babby pics from the Editrix, so come Monday you will have moar monies!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Woohoo! I can now comment on the latest thread!

    Now to fix this idiotic Bluetooth device that my computer refuses to recognize.

    Also, too, thank you for babbypix, and grats on a successful fundraising, and also too use the extra 5k to further enhance the beloved site with more kittyandpuppyandhedgehog pr0n links.

    Also, too too, the graphic for successful bursting of the fundometer was everything I hoped it would be, except without the mess and the child support payments, which is good!

    • Duckbudder

      Well, you could, if comments were alloud.

  • spacecat in space

    We are going to lose the house and I don’t know where we’re going to live, but I have loved this site long time, you brings me all of teh joys and snarks and not-killing-myself-because-everything-is-awful-because-look-a-kitten-and-a-babby-that’s-nices, so I choose to give a teeny tiny amount for months and months forever amen, which will eventually be eleventy million dollars if we are all very patient and I do not ever die/lose that credit card. I ♥ YOUSE GUYS and am very happy with snarks and loves not cards. チュッ!

    • rebecca

      aw spacecat now i shall cry.

      • spacecat in space

        NO CRYING, ONLY ♥. And a tiny bit of monies. And maybe more snarks.

    • sw19womble

      Didn’t the Democrats already lose the House?
      But seriously, big internetty hugs… .and never forget “the things you own, end up owning you.”

      • spacecat in space

        Very true. I’m concerned about where we shall place ourselves and the cat, but also our ten kajillion books, which are all beloved.

        Things could be worse. I could be working for Trump.

        • SadDemInTex

          Very sad for you…hope you have your health and can keep the kitty in kibble!!!

        • Duckbudder

          What do you do? Rochester MN is BOOMING. Big expansion at Mayo. The city’s Pop. is expected to increase by 50% in the next 15 yrs.

          • Duckbudder

            Also, too, we lost our house in 2012, (dark days). Keep your sense of humor most of all. It saved me.

          • spacecat in space

            Hmmm…I do like snow, and I hear tell Minnesota’s filled to the very brim with it on an annual.

    • vivian

      ありがとうございました!がんばって!We love Spacecat!

    • Dee Andee

      *hugs*

    • Anarchy Pony

      Isn’t this is what gofundme stuff is for? Not cops that murder or rightwing pizzerias playing victim.

      • spacecat in space

        Nnnnoooo. Not in my family, at least. We are a proud people with a long tradition of losing land and homes and stuffs. We got this far. We’ll keep ticking. Just, you know, in perhaps less-than-ideal surroundings for a bit.

    • riledupone

      For spacecat in space

    • LIT_Fag

      I’m very sorry. I’m right there with you. I just paid the last mortgage payment I can afford. Luckily the bf just bought a trailer to put on his parents property in case no job comes through this month. Told him I’ll be the best trailer park queen evah!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    George Soros finally came through!

  • Doug White

    No need for thank you notes… just keep writing headlines like “Fuck You Zombie Reagan” and we’ll keep sending the monies….

  • snigsy

    Molotov!

  • psychobroad

    Have I said Wonkette babby SO CUTE! Sorry I couldn’t give monies, some day I will!

  • I find this post easy to masturbate to.

    Mmm. Rue McClenehan.

    • Me not sure

      I thought she was dead. What are you implying?

  • I’d like to believe it was the prayers to the Ghost of Cecil the Lion.

    By the way:
    Here’s a story you missed – Airport Security Guard Grabbed Morrissey’s Peen!

    http://www.salon.com/2015/07/30/morrissey_claims_he_was_sexually_assaulted_by_an_airport_security_officer/

    • toomanyrappers

      William, it was really nothing. :)

      • Dee Andee

        Last night I dreamt…that somebody groped me….

      • Captain Kraut

        Then why is there “Panic in the streets of London, panic in the streets of Birmingham[…]”?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      From what I gather, our pal the pants-shitting draft dodger pedo has offered his opinion on this, and has started a “truther” campaign in defense of the vile dentist.

    • Lizzietish81
  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    Yes I give wonket monthly. And all I have to show for it is a big can of javascript worms. Yum!

  • r m reddicks

    I send you .02 cents a day. Would a binky help? I think I can find one. Your my only elective outside of beer. I’ll try to do better.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      If we’re talking the kids’ old binky, I think it’s in the couch cushions.

  • old_redneck

    Thanks for the baby pics!!!! I’m a grandpa and I love little babies — gives me hope for the future after I’m gone!!!

  • orygoon

    That there babby is a gold mine, isn’t she? We love her even more than dick jokes.

    • rebecca

      orygoon, honey, we got your card in the mail. did I tell you that already? i don’t know anymore, my god what have all yall done to me.

      • orygoon

        You did! and you told me I am not supposed to send $ cash in the mail, which makes me plan to send a little more $ cash in the mail, because it actually does work, nyah! Oh but as Mr. Goon would say, SPEND IT WISELY. (Mr. Goon is actually not an expert on spending the $ wisely.)

  • Vienna Woods

    That picture of babby smiling up at her daddy is the best.

  • toomanyrappers

    I am going to ask the nurse for one of those car straightjackets. Wish me luck. :)

  • AnOuthouse

    Poor kid. Must have got the Oscar shirt at Salvation Army. Maybe it’s old enough to be worth something.

    • rebecca

      Goodwill, actually ;)

      • sw19womble

        Goodwill rocks! (Special shout out to the ones in SF and Portland).

  • r m reddicks

    I’m trying to think of some way to say put things on your babby’s head. Is it possible to do it without pay and his pal? Neither of whom are little loves? I could increase my bit to .003 or such. Me and Jack Parr? We kid you not.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Cat sees your trick and raises you two beverage units.

      • rebecca

        but he is not laughing at the VERY FUNNY JOKE!

        • Msgr_Moment

          Cats reject your pathetic attempts at humor, earthling.

        • bobbert

          Because Coors Light?

  • Candy Apple

    Omg, I need that “It’s Better in Kazakhstan” t-shirt that Shy is wearing. I would have sent you money but I already send you money monthly and what am I, made entirely out of whore diamonds or something? Anyway, I’m glad everyone else ponied up so I didn’t have to. Thanks, everyone else!

  • Me not sure

    I’ve been away a while and missed the broken wonket. I’ll send some of the elusive sponduit ASAP.
    When I got back both of my computer machines were telling me that they would give me a free Windows 10 and all I had to do was click my magic twanger. I am now the proud possessor of the latest in a long line of less and less intuitive and more and more confusing operating systems. It took hours just to find out where my Favs went. My burner tells me its burning, but it isn’t. My home page disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. My touch screen moans seductively when I put a finger to it. A Nigerian Prince says he has my old operating system and will gladly give it back if I send money to an account in Lagos.
    Fuck Bill Gates! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

    • natoslug

      You trusted a company that counts 1, 2, 3, 98, ME, XP, 2003, 7, 8, 10 to not fuck with you? Count yourself lucky your burner doesn’t actually burst into flame. Or showtunes.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        You left out 95. I suspect that was no error…

        • natoslug

          It’s been a long week, and I am now 300 ml’s into a 750 ml bottle of bourbon. It’s tough to remember the base-Redmond numbering system under these conditions. Hell, I barely remember the Alexander the Great Infinite Arms theory under these conditions.

          • Amy!

            Also NT, and 2000 too. Well, arguably.

          • Me not sure

            Windows 9 was probably to good to release.

          • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

            I read it on the internet, so it must be true: Microsoft passed up “9” because it would remind too many people of “8”. It’s so idiotic it must be true.

            ETA: It could also be that 9 is an unlucky number in Japan.
            Or: “Why Windows 10? Because 7 8 9” (That one is in hidden code on official MS T shirts. Okeydokey.
            Then there’s the fact that 10 is supposed to be the last version of Windows, to be updated in perpetuity, ala Apple’s OSX “Operating System 10”. Their excuse will be that their dog ate their originality, and I for one believe it…

          • Amy!

            Actually, what I heard (and believe) is that too many utilities (on the web and off) test for OS strings by checking the equivalent of .startsWith(“Windows 9”). There isn’t any significant difference between 95 and 98 (think of 98 as SP3?). It’s the sort of behavior that programmers do, that works, until a new release comes out and everything goes to shit. :-)

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Thank you ma’am.

          • Msgr_Moment

            I think Herman Cain holds the copyright for Nine.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I think they just wanted to look like they’d caught up with the Mac OS.

          • natoslug

            They tried marketing it in Germany, and got tired of hearing “another fucking version of Windows? NEIN!!!!!”

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            A regex looking for win 9* would blow up a lot of apps.

        • whitroth

          Around ’96 or so, a friend introduced me to its *real* name: you don’t win with Windows, you only lose, so for us, it was lose95, lose98, and the *perfectly* named LoseMe.

          mark

      • SadDemInTex

        Also Vista…??????

        • natoslug

          How the fuck did I forget Vista, but remember ME?

          • Me not sure

            Me not sure.

          • natoslug

            That’s a MEan thing to say.

          • natoslug

            FUCK!!!! Really? No edit feature in disqus? zomgiamsopissed. Oh well. Even worse, I either have forgottenmy html or disqlus disallows it. argh^10×3

          • Amy!

            Use the edit button, Lukeslug.

            All of the edit-box HTML subsets are subsets. They won’t let you use style attributes in your tags, either (at least, I don’t think that they will).

            Anyway, you have to pair <sub /> with <dom />. Or have I forgotten who gets tied up again?

          • natoslug

            I’m too tall. I couldn’t see that far down on my comment. (or yes, somehow I missed that really obvious link marked EDIT). The sub gets eaten, while the masochist gets tied. I think.

          • Amy!

            Thank you! I always get those two confused. Uh … if you still have a minute, could you remind me what happens with the cephalopod, and the cucurbit? I know that not everyone has those, but they always seem to show up, for me. Sorry for the trouble.

          • natoslug

            The cucurbit is new for me, but the cephalopod is to take over when your tongue gets worn out. Now I have to find a cucurbit. And to find out what it is . . .

          • Amy!

            Introspection? Horizon too close?

          • nmmagyar

            NT also, too

      • Me not sure

        There was a show tune called “Cockeyed Optimist”. It was about me.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        7 was ok. I really, really wanted to like 8 (aka 8.1), but found the screen preposterous, cluttered, and all but unusable. Supposedly loads faster and 7 is starting to show some … oddness.

        • natoslug

          I liked 8 well enough once I added classic shell and avoided all the touchscreen features that did nothing but frustrate me on my non-touchscreen monitor.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            If you don’t have a tablet, who gets a touchscreen monitor? Why? I need to go to my mgmt and ask for one because PowerShell 5 requires it! Or SAS. Or Perl.
            A waste of real estate and only made me po’d when I used it. Every. Time. I. Used. It. The *theory* was good. The execution was cr*p.
            (however, Windows sysadmins should have it for the interface MS has for server admin. That actually is pretty well done, and it means you don’t have to install the GUI — or all of the GUI — on a server)

          • natoslug

            Touchscreen monitors sound like a great idea to me. Then I could stare at fingerprints, food smears, and all sorts of fun stuff that normally goes to the keyboard. My productivity would soar!

          • arglebargle

            Screw the touchscreen monitor. It was my understanding there would be jet-packs!

          • whitroth

            There are two kinds of people in the world: those that leave fingerprints all over the monitor, and those who break the fingers of those that leave the fingerprints….

            mark

    • Ryan Denniston

      I spent 4 hours last night trying to get an internet connection once I upgraded to 10. I was almost completely through my 6 pack when I got it solved. I still cannot get Steam connected to the Internet, and half the games I tried last night don’t appear to be compatible (though i was toasted on account of the aforementioned 6 pack). Ugh. Bad week for technology.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You will be happy to hear that MacOS has figured out that it’s worth billions to diseases in Africa (oh wait, no, Apple just keeps all its ill gotten gains to itself) if they make each subsequent OS less intuitive and more battery-sucking. So while you’re fucking Bill Gates, don’t forget to fuck whoever it is at Apple that inflicted Maverick on us.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yosemite or GTFO.

      • Me not sure

        At the very least Window 8 is still around on the hard drive as “old Windows”
        If I get frustrated enough I can go back to it.

      • UnionGoon

        and for the new iPhone update that has given me sadz because I can no longer shuffle my music library

    • whitroth

      I solved that problem over 15 years ago, after the last re-re-re-re…install of Lose95: I run Linux. I don’t got none o’ that stupid stuff….

      mark

  • Snopes Shop

    If you had sent the pics of Donna earlier, I would have sent you more dollars.

  • SadDemInTex

    Yay and now could you get Bernie to send my bumper sticker? Also Donna is growing so fast and she is so gorgeous!!!

  • Independently Yours

    Phew!! Almost tugged on those bootstraps of mine that I found when I was being all productive with my life while Wonkette was down. Now I can get back to saturating my brain with Wonkette (Screw you, bootstraps!!)…And oh look, it’s adorable baby Donna!

  • Amy!

    Rebecca, a request, if you please? I know y’all will be getting still more donations in the mail this week, and that it’s not really likely that those are included in your count; maybe you could give us an updated count next week? By Wednesday you should have an idea of what the extra is from us postal slugs and the lovely folks who are getting paid on Friday or at the end of the month or whatever. It would warm the cockles of my cold, flinty, yet somehow DonnaRose-vulnerable heart.

    Oddly enough, my server in colo apparently heard about the Wonkette issue, so committed suicide. Granted, it’s fifteen years old, which is more like a century and a half, in server years, and the dedicated work of the very lovely hosting dudes here brought it temporarily back to life, and staggering, so that I can have time to actually finish configuring the long-ago purchased replacement. I think it was jealousy. The old box, which sounds like a world war two fighter taking off and has the reputation for being more durable than late-in-the-war Soviet tanks (it actually survived being dropped half a flight down a stairwell, and all the disks that were in it then are still there (a good thing, since they’re scsi and you can’t get replacements any more)) has survived two attempted replacements, but couldn’t stand seeing the love poured out for Wonkette (or possibly the disdain for Wonkette’s ex-server?). So it lost its memory (multibit ecc error, and three out of four sticks removed before it started again, *sigh*). Jealousy? Solidarity? Mercury’s gone retrograde again, or possibly rogue this time? Anyway, it amused me, once I got over the shock of not receiving mail for hours, so y’all get to share the experience.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Why deal with reality? Just go to a cloud service and inhale deeply that new VM smell.

    • rebecca

      will do, Amy!.

  • Scott1960

    Good! Wish I could have sent more.

  • zerosumgame0005

    (ties off a vein and lets the sweet sweet snark flow in) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • SadDemInTex

    It’s gone…..nooooooooooo….Shy , what is happening?

  • Vecciojohn

    Speaking of turning people on to Wonkette; I spent most of the day at a farmers’ market handing out flyers for a charity thing, and I got into a conversation with woman in ‘Bernie’ tee shirt and told her to check out the Wonkit for a bit of dirty fun. (I didn’t tell her about the no comments rule, so I think she will check it out.)

    • Jus_Wonderin

      It’s really a shame that Wonkette won’t let us comment. Do they not trust us?

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Best $$$* I ever spent, just so I have somewhere that I can yell FUCK YOU DONNY TRUMP!

    *I put it on my credit card, so it didn’t actually cost me any moniez. I am somewhat surprised that more people haven’t figured this ruse out.

    • arglebargle

      I try to keep my card(s) maxed out. That way, if they are lost or stolen no one can use them! Duh!

  • freakishlystrong

    I am hoping sweet babby got a smart ass onesie, (that was the google!), and a cute dress for when she becomes a wee bairn. She is pwecious.

    • rebecca

      Freakishly did you send a onesie about shizzling, and also a black and white dress with kitties with sunglasses and a built in petticoat and a little belt? We could not send you a note because we didn’t know who it was from! (And also, too, I am not up to baby thank you notes yet, I just finished our November wedding.)

  • erik

    Is that a “Its better in Kazakhstan” shirt? WTH?

    As maybe your biggest American-currently-living-in-Kazakhstan fan, I have to know…!

    Will be sending money soon, do you take tenge?
    Erik

    • Msgr_Moment

      Say hi to Borat’s sister for me. And tell her the check’s in the mail. Really.

    • rebecca

      I’m going to go out on a limb and name you our number one living in Kazahkstan fan regardless of whether or not there is actually a greater wonk fan living in Kazakhstan.

      Wouldn’t it break your heart to be that guy right now?

    • David Trammel

      Ohhhh I so want a “Its Better in Kazakhstan” shirt.

      And here i was all set to send my donation as soon as I got home from work and you done got all you need…(pouts, sniffle, sniffle)

      Does that mean i shouldn’t send it now?

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Well, got home from work and it seems AT&Ts DNS had no idea about this so-called “new Wonkette”, so a bunch of us were over at the old site talking about how great the new Wonkette would be if we ever got to the Promised Land. Shy finally took pity on us and dropped by with info on how to change your DNS, but it did not involve a TSO> prompt so was probably not real. And I actually got stuff done and everything is fine now. It appears the whole old topic is gone now.

  • Lizzietish81

    Please, sharing your stories is one of the things that got me banned at RPG.net’s forums.

    YOU’RE WELCOME!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Well, thank goodness that’s solved. I got so much crap done yesterday I started thinking that maybe I’d have to find a bar to hang out at, like Norm. Crisis averted!

  • Helena Handbag

    It is risen! Fuck yeah!!1!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I don’t get paid til tomorrow, but never fear, the Wonkette Extortion dollars will be On Their Way. I put it in my cashflow spreadsheet and everything (I have one of those because I am a poor and an old and if I don’t Write It Down, including things like the electric bill, I forget to write a check. (I use checks. I told you I was an old).

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Also, I cried a little when I opened the site and there was a new story. I admit it. I’m not proud.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I think I’ll reply to myself again.

        • nmmagyar

          All the pundits keep saying we have to to everything we can to keep conversations going

          • Biff52

            Catapult the propaganda.

        • MrPendent

          You reply to yourself all you need to. And hang in there–it gets better.

          No, not really. It doesn’t get any better. But we’re all in the shit together, so there’s that.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Also can confirm that Trix sends thank you notes and also sometimes special surprises if you have a Giant Sad over something. (Thanks, Trix)

  • sillybill

    There’s a click fraud jail?

    • Les H

      There really should be.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m just happy I’m finally able to see the new posts…on my computer made of sticks, baling wire, and hide glue. Now, can I have that 50 bucks back to help buy a new one?

  • jviscont1

    sent you some modest money. also have 1/2 of a Xanax prescription if you could forward to Kaili.

  • fish

    You should have refused to sell gay pizza weddings instead. It is way more profitable.

  • LarkintheAM

    What a great surprise to wake up to – an unbroked Wonkette and a babby burrito, also too!
    So glad to have you back!

  • Notreelyhelping

    Hey, like I can quit anytime I want. Just like that. *snap* So, like, don’t do the crash thing again, okay? Like…please? Been a long week for some reason.

  • RoniOh

    No snark – that’s a helluva cute babby.

  • MaineRandy

    Do I get naked men for my money? What’s the deal? Or more snark. No snark, no money.

  • lesterthegiantape

    I didn’t do shit. I’m saving all my money for the Zippy the Pinhead campaign.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    …[N]ow that we took away your Wonk-smack for almost a day, you will do anything for your fix!

    The withdrawal symptoms I experienced yesterday have inspired me to do a remake of the old Billy Wilder picture with Ray Milland as the hopeless alkie.

    I’m going to call it “The Lost Weekday.”

  • UnionGoon

    te cute is STRONG in that baby! i will accept the babby pics as payment for my lowly 20 bucks

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Be sure to put some of those extra munniez into Trixel’s 529 account!
    Compound interest for 20 years – yeeha!

  • Malmborg Implano
    • rebecca

      You clearly don’t speak the spanishes

  • emmelemm

    I still have a monthly subscription, TYVM, and I haven’t even cancelled it ever even though I am very broke.

    Also, your baby is adorable. “It’s so little!” Babies are magic. It’s toddlers I can live without.

  • Dog Gone

    A baby that cute was definitely worth all the hemorrhoids. Although she would have been jjust as cute without going through all that — or the server equivalent later.

    Glad you are all better.

    • rebecca

      ME TOO. Thank you friend.

  • John Smith

    The guilt became too much! I will be buying a pack of smokes every month from here on out. Best my laid off rear end could offer for the buttsechs at this time. But keep the smokes away from the baby! Wish someone had kept them away from me. And keep them away from the server – No more coughs!

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