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Do not risk the wrath of the moderators

People, we have to talk. About this lion-killing asshole, who is an asshole, and who deserves our scorn. And yes, our headline for the piece did indeed include an imperative, inviting you to rage at the lion-killing asshole. But no, we did not suspend the rules that help make Wonkette a fun, reasonably civil — albeit thoroughly debauched, in a GOOD way — little web community, mommyblog, recipe hub, and Nerd magnet.

But the comments on the lion-killer story were, and continue to be, plagued by entirely too much Stuff What Ain’t Allowed. Yes, we understand. The man destroyed a beautiful creature and is utter scum. You want to vent. This is a good place for venting because there are a lot of like-minded people here. But some kinds of venting just plain ain’t civil, and will not be tolerated. Also, to address more than one person who whined after their comments were pulled, no, our removing comments in which people explain in gruesome detail what they’d like to see done to the lion-killing asshole is not a complicity in his animal abuse, don’t be silly. It merely indicates that we don’t like assholes perseverating on revenge fantasies like sick-fuck eighth grade boys.

So let us all review the Rules, to which we’re now adding a couple of additional lines (we’ll helpfully boldface the new stuff for you):

1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled). This is well-established, assholes.

2. No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e., “machine-gunning” or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone). This includes wishes for people to be raped in prison — not only is that barbaric, it’s also a huge cliché and we are tired of it. Yes, that includes veiled references to a bad person meeting their cellmate Bubba. Rape is evil, and we do not wish it on anyone, not even evil people.

3. Try not to be totally libelous.

4. If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that?

5. Sometimes someone who works here — one of our moderators or perhaps the dogs — will ban you or delete your comment or laugh at you publicly, even though you didn’t break a stated rule! That is because they’re in charge here, and they’re sick of your shit.

6. There is NO Rule 6.

OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE JUDGED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. But not Texas-style, as we are civilized.

Rebecca Schoenkopf
Editrix

Dok Zoom and Shypixel
Your Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderators

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  • Malmborg Implano
  • borninatrailer

    He didn’t even eat that delicious lion.

    • Steverino247

      Probably tastes like chicken.

      • bozilingus

        The lion or the hunter?

        • nmmagyar

          Yes

        • Steverino247

          The lion. The hunter tastes like pork.

      • Haribo Lector

        I’m told it tastes a lot like house cat, only bigger. Hope this helped.

        • Steverino247

          Chicken, then. I had to boil a dead cat as part of cleaning the bones to assemble them for an exhibit. Smelled a lot like chicken soup to me.

          • cleos_mom

            Chickens are omnivores, but not sure about eating carnivores. Wouldn’t that apply to some fish?

      • cleos_mom

        A former supervisor told me that Spam is popular in some parts of the Pacific because it tastes somewhat similar to, um, soylent green. I never did get up the nerve to ask him how he knew.

    • Malmborg Implano

      I thought you didn’t eat carnivores unless you absolutely had to because they taste like crap. I’ve heard that humans taste like crap and animals won’t eat them unless they’re desperate.

  • pearlsarefuzzy

    Thanks for the clarification. I DO think Mia Farrow went a bit too far, don’t you?

  • coozledad

    I had to go back and check to make sure I wasn’t on a murder rant. Whew!

    The DuBose killing makes fills me with shame and helpless anger. I’m tired of authoritarians. I want them to go away.

    And there’s this:

    http://www.thebaffler.com/salvos/cable-news-charnel?utm_campaign=Promos&utm_source=hs_email&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20608430&_hsenc=p2ANqtz–lEJi-4hjUJhKJqktgaYInl-6Fp1Xz2ojCE9NxKf9L5DLdRmseHI6CvfvQFFx2Bwl0M7qwq_5gc_Rp2_ajunU64rcq4A&_hsmi=20608430

    I wish I had enough money to send you guys you could get Pareene back, too.

    • nothingisamiss

      And Caity Weaver needs to start working for all the whore diamonds.

  • JohnBull

    Can we still post weird dancing?

    • BaddTicker

      There should be a rule against Jim Carrey videos, but not dancing.

      • nmmagyar

        There should be a rule against Jim Carrey. Period. Full stop.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Maybe so, but you know what they say about broken clocks and blind pigs.

        Besides, he almost has a good No Bones goin’ on there.

        • calliecallie

          Even blind pigs are right twice a day?

    • toomanyrappers

      Looks like an anti-vaxxer convention.

    • Wee Mousie

      Ah, The Dance of the High Fructose Corn Syrup Prune.

      Now I know why Tchaikovsky left it out of Nutcracker.

  • Spotts1701

    I know I didn’t do nuthin’, but I am chagrined nonetheless.

  • Crank Tango

    Freeze Peach!!! Respect the first two amendments of the constitooshyn!

  • laineypc

    I am frankly frightened by the mob justice facilitated by the internet. The dude and his helpers are reprehensible and should be prosecuted. Forcing a person into hiding with death threats and pariahfication, ruinating him and his family to me is not justice. And I wouldn’t be a good bleeding heart liberal if I didn’t point out that it also will make redemption that much harder if not impossible, because trauma. It could happen to any of us, and it could happen even if you’re innocent before all the facts are in. Not that I think he’s innocent, but there have been cases- the Boston Marathon Reddit mob who ruined an innocent person’s life, at least for a while. I wonder what became of him…
    Also, this about Cecil the Lion and why we care more about him than Black Lives? https://goo.gl/dAPWHg

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      We don’t care /more/.
      Why is it when ever anyone has concern for something, there is always someone asking why we care /more/ about that than something else? Can we not care about more than one issue at a time?
      Also too, I agree. Death threating and such is NO BUENO. You are not clever or cool when you make death threats (not speaking of the ridiculous ones with chain saws and rabid weasels, but actual real ones). You are, in fact, like the people you are supposedly hating

      • Haribo Lector

        Of course you can care about more than one issue at a time. But when people are talking about one issue more than the other, it’s pretty clear that they care about one issue more than the other.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Is it?
          I do not think it clear at all, but then I do not know all the people. I often talk about BS I care nothing about more than things that are meaningful to me precisely because they ARE meaningful.
          The meaningful things you don’t talk about; you do something about

        • Gristle McThornbody

          When news is coming at you at warp 35, 24/7, you kind of have to glom onto what enrages you whenever it happens. If everyone waited for whatever issue pisses them off the most to end before reacting to anything else we’d be dismissing a lot of egregious bullshit.

        • Redgyal

          How dare you? Really! How dare you???!!!!

    • TheBidenator

      Nice argument…..reminds me of neo-Confederates arguing that banishing the Confederate flag won’t stop murder. Well of course it won’t but that doesn’t change the fact of the long running dispute about that despicable flag needing to come down. Besides, people can be angry about more things than one at once but it’s the nature of the media to nationalize one issue at a time thereby creating a perception of selective outrage. I’m still very angry about that toy campus cop murdering Samuel Dubose (black lives matter) the other day and I’m also incensed by this asshole and every other assholes senseless murder for trophies of animal populations humans have already pushed to the brink and need to leave the hell alone.
      Hell, I’m still every bit as pissed now as I was then about Mike Brown, John Crawford, Trayvon Martin and Tamir Rice…happy? Do I pass your exam?

      • Steely_Fan

        “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
        ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

        And, while the two ideas under consideration here (wanton destruction of wildlife/black lives matter) are not fundamentally opposed, they are two different thoughts and I think the concept applies. TL;DR: You pass!

      • laineypc

        No worries, as Nina says in the linked article, “you are humaning at the correct level” if you are distressed about both.

  • Come and see the censorship inherent in the system!

    • JohnR

      Help, help, I’m being repressed!

      • Doug White

        Quiet, old woman!

  • JohnR

    The poacher will be fine, Ted Nugent has stepped up and will be giving him a hand job. They’ll both be in full hunters camo, plenty of weapons around, it’ll be cool.

    • stevola

      Now I’m picturing them in Ted’s old loincloths. You made me picture that. You’re a bad, bad man.

  • Sterculius

    “Taking” that lion was a not-good, and the “taker” should be ashamed and sit in the corner for at least 10 minutes. There!

    • Vecciojohn

      No soup for him!

  • BaddTicker

    There is too a rule #6 which I gratefully acknowledge:

    Those people undersigned on the bottom lines are always right and the rest of you assholes are only right when you conform to rules 1 through 5.

  • FlownOver

    I will not wish or ideate physical threats on this piece of filth, as nothing I can think of would be adequate punishment. Maybe the Buscemi-in-Fargo treatment, if feet first, but I’m not calling for it.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      It is stories like this that make me aware of the dark, scary places in my own psyche. Jesus and Buddha can bring all the hummingbirds and butterflies, and I still hate this guy.

      • nothingisamiss

        Late to the commenting party to say: Yes. This. One moment I’m ready to date Jesus ’cause I’m so beloved and wonderful and then there’s this and the rage….the rage…

  • Rule #6 should be: In case of any questions, see Rule #5.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Good thing I was absent that day, or else you’d still have me on the rack right now. It has been so hard, impossible, actually, for me not to give in to my most base and carnal desire for bad things to happen to another person concerning this motherfucker. But I’m trying. I’m working on it.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Okay fine, but I refuse to accept rule number 6! If we bow to rule number 6 then we accept the nothingness of being and Camus was right. Screw Camus and all of the rest of the existentialists.

    …although Donald Trump’s hair does support the concept of the absurdity of life.

    • Wee Mousie

      Not to mention the nothingness of being.

  • notanncoulter

    remember the rules and abide by them – Wonkette’s site – Wonkette’s rules!
    internet lynching is a bad thing [though sometimes the schadenfreude is, well… part of what we’re here for, right?].

    BTW: this used to be my email sig file:
    “They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it.”
    — Nelba Blandon /Nicaraguan Interior Ministry Director of Censorship

  • Haribo Lector

    This all seems pretty straightforward, and I still don’t get why so many people can’t understand that “I hate people who do violence; we should do violence to them” is a stupid argument and that they’re stupid for making it and that we’re all of us slightly more stupid for having heard it.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am thinking that stupid people make stupid arguments because they are 6 foot 2.

      • bobbert

        Beg pardon?

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Because emotions don’t give a fuck about what you understand.

      • CripesAmighty

        Or: “As anyone who has ever kicked a recalcitrant lawn mower knows–The Gut is a moron.”
        –Charlie Pierce

  • ibwilliamsi

    I thought that Rule #6 was “No comments allowed”.

    • Vecciojohn

      And what about not drinking after lights out?

      • sarafina

        Who does that????

      • Steely_Fan

        Actually, it’s: “Rule four – I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out.”
        http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode22.htm

        • Vecciojohn

          Good on ya, Bruce.

      • Wee Mousie

        We have sensible rules around here. The rule is, don’t attempt to drink solids.

    • I thought it was “One hand on the desk, one foot on the floor at all times.”

      • Doug White

        That rule eliminates far too many fun positions…

      • bozilingus

        “One foot on the brake and one on the gas…”

      • pearlsarefuzzy

        No, it was “both hands on the keyboard”. But it ruins the fun for some.

  • ibwilliamsi

    “The cost of dental work is too damned high!”

    Is that still ok? Because maybe he wouldn’t have had the money to go kill a lion if he wasn’t putting on crowns at $4,000 a whack.

  • Hardly Ideal

    As one Spider Jerusalem almost said, Do not offend the Banhammer of Truth. It is wise and terrible.

  • toomanyrappers

    I don’t like brussel sprouts.

    • Doug White

      WHAT????? Then you have never tried Brussels Sprouts, because to try them is to love them! Barbarian!

      • nmmagyar

        I’m “Meh” on them on a good day

      • jmk

        Fondness for Brussels sprouts is my family’s dirty little secret. We’d rather tell people about all the alcoholism than admit we like sprouts.

  • Lot_49

    Just another attack on white Christians males. When will this terrible discrimination end?

    And by the way, has Justine landed yet?

    • Redgyal

      I see what you did there.

  • Barley_Brains

    Bruce likes Rule #6.

  • toomanyrappers

    ct.fra.bz/i39/2/6/10/f_fdb6e6b368.jpg

  • arglebargle

    If there is no rule #6, I shudder to think what rules #’s 7 through 10 might be. There are always 10 items in/on every list. Twas ever thus since Moe toted them tablets down from the mountaintop.

  • toomanyrappers

    I guess Idaho style doesn’t have the same ring to it. ;)

    • calliecallie

      You haven’t seen Dok do the dance.

  • TheBidenator

    This is why I pointedly stated that I would be not addressing the post….some posts are for me such rage bait that I find myself almost incapable of civility to a point where even thinking about them winds me up. This was one such post- it’s called a filter, rage-a-holics and while it takes some work to grow one if I can do it so can all of you what lack one.

    • Gristle McThornbody

      Yeah, too bad I can’t give this one 100 upticks.

    • jmk

      This is exactly what I’m thinking…I look at some things and think that even commenting on such inhumanity would reduce my own humanity, and I just can’t do it.

  • Bad Granny

    Dammit y’all, first I’m out of town visiting one of my brood, and now I have a different one visiting me and I just don’t have time for shenanigans! Can you please save it ’til I get back? Someone screenshot it for me at the least!

  • Dave

    Wonkette is the only site I whose comment section I read. I can manage to get myself all fired up, for or against, about any number of issues without reading the moronic comments from other idiots.

    Wonkette, on the other hand is special. The emphasis on snark, and the rating system, cause me ( and others, I assume) to sit on my hands when I have nothing pithy to say. The result is a clever, and fun to read, take on some of the issues of the day.

    • pearlsarefuzzy

      Agreed. Wonkette has the best snark on the webz. I just marvel at the clever people here on the (non-existent) comment board.

      • Dave

        Those morons that need two paragraphs and 7 commas to comment on the importance of being pithy piss me off.

    • CalvinianChoice

      Well said.

    • hexcalibur

      A-fucking-men.

    • CapnFatback

      The emphasis on snark, and the rating system, cause me (and others, I assume) to sit on my hands when I have nothing pithy to say.

      WE . . . ARE . . . THE 99%!

      Is it pithy or pissy to point out that this isn’t 100% true?

      And if pissy, is it a self-fulfilling non-comment?

  • Bad Granny

    If we can’t skullfuck people we don’t like, can we at least skullduggar them?

    • HogeyeGrex

      I sort of think birthing 19 babbies from the wrong end of one’s body might be worse.

  • calliecallie

    What about the “with votes” part of the rules? Did I miss it?

    • sarafina

      I don’t think he’s running for anything.

  • Steverino247

    Fining this guy won’t bother him at all, since he obviously makes too much money. Putting him in prison for 15 years for poaching seems a waste, as the guy spends a lot of time looking into mouths, a useful skill.

    He should be sentenced to spend the rest of his life as the lion tamer in some pathetic Eastern European travelling circus. Oh, and make him shovel up after the elephants, too.

    • calliecallie

      He probably has ruined his dental practice anyway. How many of his patients do you think we go somewhere else now that they know about his lion killing.

      • sarafina

        I heard on NPR this morning he is telling his current patients to find another dentist.

      • Steverino247

        Enough of them to make his next trip a little further down the calendar.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I’ve been reading a lot of blow-back about how this tourist trophy hunting stuff is swell because it helps raise money to protect the very animals you are planning on shooting dead with your penis substitutes. And yeah, I agree that this guy has too much money. But I like the idea that he never be permitted to kill anything ever again and still have the privilege of paying as if he did. Yearly. And that money goes to preservation.

      • Zippy

        Except Zimbabwe didn’t get a penny for this killing. There is a lively argument regarding the practice in some of these countries to auction off hunting tags when it becomes necessary to cull an exotic animal for the benefit of the entire population (usually, it involves senior rhinos whose presence interferes with the breeding process). One the one hand, it seems odious to allow rich hunters the opportunity to take an endangered species and the excuse that they’re ‘doing the right thing’ just rubs salt in the wound. On the other, if it’s biologically the best alternative for herd health, why not raise $50K for park or reserve, rather than sending out a game warden to do the same for free?

        It’s a tough call and it’d be nice if there were a third option, but none of that has jack shit to do with Cecil and Palmer. This was an illegal kill- he poached that lion. Zimbabwe never saw any of that money. Worse, his weak-ass excuse that he didn’t realize this is complete BS. The idea that a game hunter would fly halfway around the world to another country to do something this controversial and not have a mountain of paperwork and interviews with government officials and not notice that none of that had happened in this case is ludicrous. Anyone doing this legally would have been thoroughly immersed in the rules and on a first name basis with the officials in charge of enforcing those rules long before he was allowed to venture out and actually hunt. Not only is Palmer a disgusting poacher, he’s a liar as well (none of which excuses the idiotic death threats from all the keyboard warriors)

      • Steverino247

        A certain percentage will always go to line some asshole’s pocket, though. Just the way it works over there. Obama chewed them out about it. We’ll see if that has any effect.

    • Or providing free dental care to children in Africa.

      • sarafina

        Or in Mississippi and Alabama.

      • Steverino247

        Works for me. I was trying to tie in looking in a lion’s mouth the rest of his life in the most depressing setting I could imagine.

    • Wee Mousie

      Walter Palmer may not have so much disposable income once he get’s back to work. The public know him, his name, his occupation and his place of business. All have been thoroughly identified, so thoroughly that people have left threats and small stuffed animals at his business’ door. His voice mail is flooded, and so on.

      Possibly you don’t think this will translate into a loss of many of Palmer’s patients, but I think it will — big time!

      • Major_Major_Major

        Do I sense a GoFundMe on the horizon?

        • Wee Mousie

          Considering public opinion, any GoFundMe appeal will be met with a GoFuckYou reaction.

    • Biff52

      I remember when lion tamers looked into the big cat’s mouths…

  • 3. Try not to be totally libelous.

    Allegedly totally libelous!

  • A Grumpy Cat

    JUST PLEASE DON’T BAN CAPSLOCKING KTHX. I’M DOWN WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I’m guilty of breaking the rules once, and boy did I regret it. We are a pretty good group at self-policing. I have learned my lesson: avoid embarrassment and avoid being a dick, and even if you are simply venting and angry and don’t really mean the terrible things you might be tempted to type, just think before you hit that “submit” button.

    Just like email, you can type it in the little “reply” box, and it might make you feel better, but you are going to regret sending it, so delete it and move on.

  • clubseal

    I’m very curious over this outrage – obviously it should be a crime, and it is generally accepted to be a moral trespass. But, as I pointed out to a friend (who did not appreciate it): Americans did not seem to bat an eye when an American drone bombed a wedding party in Yemen, killing at least 12 innocent human beings in 2013.
    She responded that people can be outraged over multiple things, because duh, but my issue was really with the overall scale.
    One lion > 12 brown people from a Middle Eastern country? I wouldn’t have thought so.

    • Enfant Terrible

      The ferocity of the response to the lion-killing story was breathtaking. This borders on concern trolling, but some of that ferocity could have been profitably directed toward Sandra Bland’s killers, and others of their ilk.

      • OldMayfly

        The thing about animals is this: humans and human technology are so predominate on the planet now that human duty is to behave “humanely” or at least not cruelly.

    • Redgyal

      You shouldn’t be surprised. That kind of relative math has been in use since around 1492. You can’t call yourself superior unless you look at yourself through a magnifying glass.

      • Thaumaturgist

        You can call yourself superior if you believe in the right religion, because that
        makes you good and holy and righteous and you are safe in the knowledge that very one who isn’t like you is evil and fair game and it pleases your God to have your way with them.

    • Logic of Color

      There are precious few lions in the world. And, this was done purely for the thrill of killing. The drone bomb was an accident.

      • clubseal

        Telling myself it was an “accident” doesn’t help me sleep at night. Every time we’ve killed human beings with drones, it was an “accident.” What a helpful way to assuage one’s conscience.

        • Logic of Color

          Then I agree with your friend. Be mad at 2 things.

          • sw19womble

            Precisely. “There are more important things for us to worry about right now” is the trope that social conservatives wheel out in order to preserve the status quo.

          • Zippy

            The problem with the whole drone situation is that it’s quite complicated. There are legitimate arguments to be made pro and con. People can argue in good faith that the collateral damage is a fair price to pay to eliminate the bad guys while keeping casualties amongst the good guys to a minimum.

            You can argue in favor of drones doing more good than harm. And you can argue the other side just as easily. Both sides raise valid points and both sides can claim a moral foundation to support their opinion. But this clown poaching an endangered species doesn’t have a both sides. There is no legitimate rationale to support what he did beyond some people’s dickish attempts to excuse it.

          • cleos_mom

            Indeed; remember their anxiety over “pointing fingers” after Katrina?

        • TheBidenator

          Telling myself that it’s correct to instead just ignore the wholesale killing of keystone species that once extinct will permanently damage the entire biome doesn’t help me sleep at night, either…..sorry I’m less outraged about the drone killing but I am.

      • sarafina

        No, No, NO. There have been WAY TOO MANY drone bomb massacres for “accident” to apply. Americans are accumulating a lot of Shitty Karma points doing this.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Huh? Do you think we’re out blowing up wedding parties for sport?

          It’s due to bad information, some of which, I suspect, is provided by the guys we’re out to get.

    • TheBidenator

      This is the first time given all the gross slaughter of lions every year that this issue has hit center stage. Since it has attention popular demand can finally be mobilized to do something legally meaningful and conservation organizations can maybe receive the funding they need to try and halt this sort of vicious slaughter before we get back to usual anger of people killing people. If that’s okay with you….one lion isn’t greater than 12 people but 12 people aren’t greater than 600 or so hush hush safari lion murders by rich great white hunters every year, either.

      • stevola

        I’ve been wondering how much outrage there would be if he’d killed a less popular lion.

        • sarafina

          We would never have heard of it. After all, who has heard of that unmarried white girl in your town with 2 kids, no dad, who is NOT named Bristol Palin?

        • TheBidenator

          We likely wouldn’t have heard of it outside of the Sierra Club, the WWF, etc. The slaying of this popular lion, the method used and who did it is what vaults the story beyond those particular venues and also includes the 600 or so less popular lions murdered as well.

        • Zippy

          That’s actually a separate issue and a valid point- the degree that our obsessive MSM drives a given narrative to the exclusion of other competing narratives.

          Remember that little girl who fell down that well that riveted the entire country? Remember the other dozen children who happened to go missing that week? Half the reason Cecil is a thing is because our media sucks and obsesses on one “interesting” story while ignoring all the others. And they have such a stranglehold on the flow of information in this country and are so prone to navel gazing (plus Muricans are fucking lazy and won’t put in an iota of effort to learn about issues that haven’t been spoon fed to them) that we constantly focus on that tree and never notice the forest.

          • Biff52

            I’m kind of involved in an attempt at outlawing steel-jawed traps for bobcats in California, but you never hear about those less popular and for the most part unnamed cats, do you?

          • Zippy

            Fucking steel-jawed traps seriously piss me off- indiscriminate and inhumane as hell

          • Biff52

            #allcatslivesmatter. Really.

        • Michael Christian

          People who live in Zimbabwe kill lions and other animals somewhat frequently, and sometimes the lions kill livestock or people. I think in this case it’s the way it was done, and the tourist attraction quality of this lion. I actually am pro-hunting and even though I disagree with trophy hunting personally I do understand that it can be used as a conservation tool. It’s a more complicated issue than “rich assholes pay to shoot charismatic megafauna” most of the time. In this case it isn’t. Most people who hunt have disdain for poachers, and it certainly seems like that is what this guy is. He pisses me off.

      • clubseal

        Remember that part where I said I don’t understand the importance of protecting species and their role in complex ecosystems? No? Weird.
        Also, your stated apathy toward your own country’s murder of innocent human beings is pretty disgusting.

        • TheBidenator

          Remember where I said I don’t care about the murder of innocent human beings? I don’t remember where I did. What I merely did was lay out the facts of WHY I’m more outraged about the lion being killed and not just because of the particular lion but the wholesale slaughter of all keystone species given the terrible effect it has on every living creature in the biome.
          I was sarcastically remarking that based upon your rather dickish suggestion that people who care about the murder of the lion are wrong because we should care more about a drone strike when in balance we SHOULD care more about the slaughter of these species because they are going extinct directly as a result of us and because what it means for every other living creature
          including us.

    • beavertank

      Because humans, even at weddings, don’t fondly remind people of childhood Disney movies. Maybe if they had all been dressed up as cartoon animals… but people don’t seem to like furries, either.

    • Wee Mousie

      Actually, some of us were, and said so, but were shouted down as being unpatriotic. Et cetera, et certera, et fucking cetera!

      • clubseal

        Indeed. Just like I hate animals because I didn’t organize a #Cecil parade. Christ.

  • SK

    Don’t look at me, ever since Christians v Lions was unjustly decided by a few unelected judges, I have been rooting for the lions to prevail.

  • JD Mulvey

    Wonkette: Thanks for making the point about prison rape. Yes, a cliche and yes, not funny.

    Someday we can try to do the same for “butthurt,” though at the present time that would knock out about 40% of yr comments.

    Which are not allowed.

    • sw19womble

      but butts are funny libel!!!!!!!!

      • JD Mulvey

        Butts are indeed hilarious, as are the closely-related topics of poop and farts.

        • sw19womble

          … but enough about the occupants of the GOP Clown Car….

    • rebecca

      Anybody who thinks “butthurt” is a homophobic slur has never had a hemorrhoid. DISAGREE KIND SIR.

      • JD Mulvey

        Not homophobic… Nice regular straight people get all up in there too you know!

        Regardless, love ain’t supposed to hurt! That’s why the word seems rapey to me.

        • Major_Major_Major

          unless you want it to

      • Or fallen off a ladder, not that that has ever happened to me, no siree, I am not that much of a klutz.

      • Zippy

        I think butthurt resides in the same part of the lexicon as pain in the ass- neither expression qualifies as a butt sechs reference

      • Wee Mousie

        Anyone who has been bucked off a horse, fallen off a ladder, or kicked in the ass by a bully, or indeed any kind of accident/ foul play which causes impact centered on the region of one’s buttocks.

        Some people must have had helicopter parents to have not encountered the butthurt that can be experienced in the life of a country boy, a clumsy person, or anyone afflicted by a bully.

        I speak as a representative of all three.

        • HogeyeGrex

          And the point of the term being that for all the wailing and moaning there is generally no serious injury just from having one’s keister thumped.

          I’ll add “anyone living in a climate that freezes from time to time” to your list there. Ice would generally get the better of me once a year on average when I did.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The main reason for keeping “butthurt” current is that there’s no decent (or indecent) substitute for it.
        In any event, the allusion is to a sore butt and the whining about how sore it is — I’ve never given a thought to how it got that way.

    • SK

      Did someone put krazy glue in your Preparation H?

      • JD Mulvey

        Now THAT would be a perfectly reasonable moment to refer to “butt” and “hurt” together.

        I’m finding the negative reaction to my comment very interesting. It’s as if I tried to take away everybody’s all-time best ever joke or something…

        • SK

          This might be unrelated, but are you a Christian?

          • JD Mulvey

            “Might be”? Uh, no, I’m not. Why?

    • Snopes Shop

      So happy to finally have someone call out prison rape jokes. Why they are acceptable to enlightened folks is a puzzle. And I hate “butthurt” for the very same reasons.

      • sarafina

        I want to be clear – I’m uprating for the diss on rape jokes. I find ‘butthurt’ vulgar, however I’ll get over it.

      • ryp

        I always associated “butthurt” with metaphorically getting spanked or getting one’s “ass kicked”, not rape.

        • I too always thought “butthurt” meant “whiny kid having a tantrum” not “victim of surprise buttsechs”.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Precisely. I am a bit confused about the butthurt over teh butthurt.

    • doktorzoom

      I’m perfectly OK with “butthurt” because in the ancient Internet contexts where I first encountered it, it was a reference to having been soundly spanked in an argument. The other possible meaning is definitely out there, but perhaps we can make more references to riding crops to make our meaning clear.

      Then again, we’ve gradually weaned ourselves of “-tard” constructions, so maybe “butthurt” will fade away, with only a slight stinging sedation left behind.

  • Still not banned!

    “Did somebody say ‘One Eyed Man King’?!?”

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I have found out I live about a mile away from this human POS. Can I borrow someone’s dog for walks in his neighborhood? I’d like to leave a daily welcome back to America deposit in his yard. Am I banned now?

    • Wee Mousie

      Why would you be banned for leaving fertilizer on his lawn?

      Now, if you were allowing your dog to drink out of a toilet bowl with one of those blue fresheners hanging in the reservoir, thereby leaving discolored spots on his lawn, you might well find yourself in an unpleasant conversation with the banhammer.

  • Zippy

    I thought that with Rule 6 you get eggroll…

    • Spotts1701

      Those who are late do not get eggroll.

  • beavertank

    *looks up from the orgy* We’re still good with debauchery? Cool. *returns to the orgy*

  • The thing that bothers me the most about trophy hunting is that they take the strongest, best suited animals. Anyone that understands evolution knows that if you take the best specimens of a species, you allow the weaker members of the species to breed. In a small population like the remaining lions, this can actually have a pretty significant effect on the fitness of later generations.
    Even the uncivilized peoples seem to understand this reality and generally took weaker members of the herd in their hunts. Why can’t modern, civilized man seem to understand this principal?

    • sarafina

      Exactly. The hunters who claim the herd benefits from the ‘culling’ are full of shit. And the main function of male lions is protection and making more baby lions.

      • Zippy

        The main problem with culling is that you’re chasing the problem, rather than allowing the ecosystem to reach a sustainable equilibrium. And yes, humans choose targets the same way they pick a puppy out of a litter- always the best, most colorful, fanciest one available. The answer to ecosystem management is to provide sufficient space for it to be healthy and to reintroduce apex predators and let mother nature manage herself, instead of humans butting in and messing things up.

    • Zippy

      In truth, those uncivilized people tended to take the old, sick and weak for the same reason other predators do- it’s easier. What changed everything was the invention of the bang stick

      • You are right in that it is easier to take the weaker members of the herd, but many tribes actually did understand that by taking the weaker members, they were keeping the herd strong. They may not have put it into evolutionary terms, but they did understand it.
        In fact, there is some evidence from his journals that Darwin talked about this with the natives being returned to Tierra del Fuego on the Beagle and that helped prod his thinking on evolution. (I did quite a bit of reading on Darwin at one point to answer some questions from my students.)

        • Zippy

          True- “uncivilized” is too broad a term here. Many societies did indeed develop a sense of game management and learn the benefits of good stewardship- I wasn’t thinking of them in terms of being uncivilized, primitive might be a better word. Usually, those practices took root as superstitions and religious beliefs, but many of those primitive societies figured out the actual pragmatic reasons not to be indiscriminate in taking game animals. As modern society has gained more control of the environment, we’ve regressed and gotten away from that innate understanding of our interrelationship with nature.

          • I probably should have used primitive societies in my original comment.

          • Zippy

            Meh, like I said, all those terms are fairly vague. Primitive is too- makes it tough to talk about things without going seriously tl;dr

          • Wee Mousie

            Often, “uncivilized societies,” under unbiased examination, turn out to a complex civilizations whose basic precepts are totally at odds with the civilization from which the person tossing about that “uncivilized” label comes.

          • Zippy

            unbiased examination is kind of like pink unicorns- good luck finding it

    • Biff52

      Exactly why I have no offspring. Probably.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Just keep telling yourself that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Because modern, civilized man is an arrogant ass, that’s why.

    • Poor Cecil was hardly the alpha male of his pride. He was a kindly old cat generally well-disposed to humans. Does that make it better or worse?

      • Actually Dolaras, he was the alpha of two prides, which he shared with another, lesser male. That is why conservationists are worried that when another alpha moves in, his cubs will be killed so the new male can drive the lionesses into heat and start his own families. Cecil was unafraid of humans and not really aggressive towards us, but he was definitely one of the most beautiful and strongest lions in his part of the world.

  • John Smith

    I understand and agree with the no killy-rapy stuff. But what is the class’s opinion of burying road kill under a stump filled with rainwater, after midnight, laying a curse and hoping he runs into a Candiru on his next hunting trip? That is the little catfish that swims up the peepee, and has to be surgically removed. Opinions, please!

  • pearlsarefuzzy

    Is this one okay?

    • Wee Mousie

      Don’t follow this yellow prick’s road!
      Don’t follow this yellow prick’s road!
      Don’t follow – follow – follow – follow – follow this yellow prick’s road!

      We’re off to stop this dentist —
      And all of his murderous wrongs.
      His head on the rosters
      Of all wanted posters
      Is where this coward belongs.
      For killing of nature’s majesty
      Thus proving his manhood’s quite dodgy,.
      And dodgy is his ethics, also, too!

      Cecil was protected, the deed’s not swell
      And all the canned hunters should be in cells.

      Belong – belong – belong – belong – belong!
      Since we cannot mount him in Cecil’s den.

      (Repeat from end of opening refrain.)

  • proudgrampa

    Keep it clean, Wonketteers!
    Love, proudgrampa

  • sarafina

    It seems I missed the piling on. The comments left are peasantly hateful, though.

  • smr06va

    I hate rules.

  • elpinche

    This is exactly why I stayed away from that post. My wife’s been reading my disqus and she thinks I’m disqus-ting. Hahahahaha ha ….ha ..heh..hrarg.. FUCK YOU !!!!

  • blaid droog

    itry to say sorry please accept no banhamur

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Dr. Killderper redlined my personal outrage-o-meter. I admit, I was ready to advocate having somebody go Little Shop of Horrors on his shit eating grin. From reading other sites around the interwebs that seemed to be the most common reaction. Sort of illustrates how easily an angry crowd turns into a mob. We humans are really weak creatures. We seem to be hell bent on proving Darwin wrong — or maybe we are proving he was right.

  • ryp

    Are we allowed to complain that spending a 24 hour news cycle outraged at the killing of a lion in Africa somehow detracts from a solid week of Sandra Bland stories, or Planned Parenthood selling fetus parts stories, if that’s ALL THAT MATTERS right now?

  • LeftNotRightISIT

    The rage on this story is outrageous on the conservative mainstream media. How about 1/2 the coverage of this miscreant dentist and more on the 600 people murdered this year by the boys in blue sworn to protect us citizens ?

  • Thaumaturgist

    My only problem with the rules is that If slurs on well-established assholes are prohibited, what are we allowed to say about the seventeen-and-counting crowd?

  • xzargo

    Well, I didn’t comment before but now I feel like I have to.

  • Crap. I had a perfect joke involving Walter Palmer, Donald Trump, and Bubba the prisoner. Oh well.

    • zerosumgame0005

      who dropped the soap?

      oh shit shit shit! bad me! sorry!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You can always air it out on the Freeper site.

    • Roger_of_Arabia

      From what I’ve heard from people who worked in prisons, inmates take a soon view of cruelty to animals. Occasionally a cat will wander into a prison camp and if anyone mistreats it, it only happens once.

  • idiotboy

    Our cat killed another bird today and brought a nice live chipmunk into the living room kitchen place.
    Is that the same thing as this hunting thing? Chipmunk has set up house, fucking cat taking a nap.
    Wonkette just keep doing what you do.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I demand a rule number six. Make it about Bruce or something.

    • zerosumgame0005

      Ohhhh! a Chuck Norris joke rule #6!

    • Roger_of_Arabia

      Her name is Caitlyn.

  • CptnSpldng

    OK Blessed be the internet, wherein all manner of folk exhibit various traits of both saintly progressiveness and troglodyte repressiveness. Raised by both wolves and 50’s era Rockefeller Republicans in the wilds of the Allegheny National Forest, I was brought up to consider the first Monday after Thanksgiving (I.e., Deer season) a High Holiday. I was raised to never aim at that which I did not intend to shoot, to never shoot at that which I did not intend to kill and to never kill that which I did not intend to use. I loved to hunt and I still get a primal thrill of firing a weapon but I don’t need to see my target bleeding to get myself a chubby. Old age, drug interactions and diabetes have far more to do with any infrequent chubbies these days anyway but that’s beside the fact.

    I have far more in common with the lion’s murderer (as a closet blood-sportsman) than many others responding here and I would STILL harbor the desire to inflict grievous harm upon his gonads with my bootheels. Too Much? Too soon? But that’s just me.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Dok can correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that wishing a swift and not-quite-fatal kick to the gonads is acceptable. (I usually specify “with steel-toed votes,” just to be on the safe side.)

  • Swampgas_Man

    Bubba has feelings too, and doesn’t like to be stereotyped.

    • PirateCafe

      Awwww, Mongo straight!

  • willi0000000

    your house, your rules.

    [ i like your house and am glad you let me visit ]

    • PirateCafe

      Yeah, what Willi says!

  • zerosumgame0005

    not valid without a Donna Rose sign-off!

  • Well, one good thing about the Wonketariat – at least we vent at the murderers of Tamar Pierce, Michael Brown, Sandra Bland etc as well as the man who killed the big kitty cat. Many people on the internet seem only to care about the last one.

  • Roger_of_Arabia

    Well fuck my mother in the ass. What am I supposed to comment on now?

  • Rick Hill

    You make rules about commenting….I don’t think it means what you think it means. I also have rules which are similar. Rich people are not allowed to give their millions to me. Another rule about something which doesn’t happen.

  • Lord-Nash

    “No slurs on…the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled).”

    Does that mean no more Sarah Palin stories?

  • Fly

    Can I say that I wish that thing on Trumps head would die in a fire?

    • MOG253

      Only if it’s on the styrofoam man-head when it catches fire.

      • david green

        OMG come on. Can you imagine the amount of toxic fumes that huge mass of chemically treated and maintained hair would release. Think of the planet!

        • MOG253

          *stricken* mea culpa, let’s just compost him?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Just think of the babby, or peel this orange, or whatever that thing is you’re supposed to do when the trip goes bad.

  • onedrewthree

    Am I the only one here who thinks the lions past crimes are relevant? I know for a fact he has never once made a child support payment and plead out to hundreds of animal abuse charges over his lifetime of 4 years.

    • nothingisamiss

      Please make a purty internet meme picture with this.

    • Herasmus B. Lyon

      Like this?

      • Byron33196

        What, you couldn’t find a mugshot?

      • onedrewthree

        YESSSS Thank you inevitability!

  • MOG253

    Yes, oh all-seeing, all -hearing goddess of the Wonk. We are not worthy. Also, hugs!!

  • Rex Thorne

    I’m pretty sure that a lot of the people that Wonkette mocks are actually mentally disabled. Palin for sure, and the rest are either pandering or really can’t think rationally.

  • Lambsendbeds

    “There is NO Rule 6”! HA ! Rule 1:No poofters ! Great Python shoutout !

  • SullivanSt

    I personally wish a lifelong lack of sex on asshole lion-killer, coupled with a permanent inability to climax through masturbation. Will think of other miseries he deserves later.

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