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Thank god these Nazi analogies will go away when the next president is inaugurated.

Are we all tired of Obama-is-Hitler analogies? Well of course we are! But Mike Huckabee isn’t, because he found a really novel variation on the theme: Instead of Obama being just like a Nazi by forcing Americans to have healthcare or taking their guns away or –one of our favorites — letting them get student loans, Huckabee actually found some real Jews for Obama to do a Holocaust to! In an interview with Dead Breitbart’s Really, A Sirius Channel Is Too A Real Radio Station, Huckabee explained that the recent nuclear deal with Iran is exactly the same as the Endlösung:

This president’s foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven. This is the most idiotic thing, this Iran deal. It should be rejected by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress and by the American people. I read the whole deal. We gave away the whole store. It’s got to be stopped.

Never mind the historical inaccuracy about how the extermination camps worked (gas first, then ovens — they had a flowchart for this), we are not inclined to believe that Huckabee actually read the agreement, which doesn’t involve just trusting Iran (there are inspections) or giving away much of anything. We’re still trying to figure out how making Iran give up almost all of its enriched uranium and mothballing most of its centrifuges is a bad deal.

And despite pretty much everyone pointing out to Huckabee that this is a really bad and inappropriate analogy, being Huckabee, he doubled down so hard, he turned his favorite line into a meme:

Screen Shot 2015-07-27 at 5.57.03 AM

The main thing we took away from the Breitbart writeup on the interview is that Breitbart horcrux Robert Wilde has one big theocratic stiffy for Mike Huckabee. How’s this for a tongue-bath?

Appearing on Breitbart News Saturday, the governor demonstrated his keen ability to articulate conservative principles and values—a likely reason why he enjoys the highest favorability ratings of all GOP candidates running for president in 2016 […]

Modestly, Huckabee acknowledges that his high favorability rating is good news. “People don’t vote for someone they don’t like. So I just got a make sure I don’t start doing stuff that make people stop liking me,” he chuckled.

Elsewhere, in a paragraph that isn’t about Huckabee being open to suggestion, Wilde calls him “the amenable statesman.” We’re guessing he was going for “affable” but his computer software simply gagged. Wilde apparently thinks the official GOP symbol is a Sycophant. Among other things, we learned that Huckabee says the key to victory in 2016 is for conservatives to communicate more better about their core values, which apparently are unfamiliar to most voters, by presenting

a simple message of “conservatism, limited government, more local government, lower taxes, and less regulation to people who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.”

Mike Huckabee loves you, sweaty America! Also, too, he explained for the ninety-jillionth time that America’s laws come from God, not the government, and when asked to identify core American values, it is important to be able to quote the second sentence of the Declaration of Independence verbatim, as if you’d just thought of it yourself.

The interview dedicated several paragraphs to Huckabee’s thought on the totally real Planned Parenthood eBay-for-baby-parts story, which hasn’t been debunked at all.

The 59-year-old author and former Fox News host said that he has formally called for the immediate end to government funding of Planned Parenthood. Unfortunately that may be difficult. Huckabee pointed out that “Democrats get a lot of money from the pro-abortionists.”

The amenable statesman recounted that he has called for the defunding of Planned Parenthood for years. “The fact that they are getting between $500-540 million of taxpayer money is really a disgrace,” he asserted. “It is disgusting to fund an organization like Planned Parenthood that chops up babies and sells the parts like parts to a Buick.”

America needs to “come to grips with a 42-year nightmare of taking babies from their mother’s womb. This needs to come to an end,” insists Huckabee.

So we need to defund Planned Parenthood, which is making a profit from parting out babies and giving the money to fund Democrats, who give money to Planned Parenthood. Oh, and somehow he neglected the detail where, by law, government funding for Planned Parenthood goes only to non-abortion stuff, because why would you mention that? Still, it’s good to know someone’s going to stop all these babies being stolen from their mothers’ wombs, apparently without their consent.

Finally, Huck explained how he’d stop illegal immigration by replacing the income tax, which illegals don’t pay, with a national sales tax, which would show those lazy poors a thing or two, and would put every American back to work, because most illegal immigration is tied to tax policy.

The amenable Breitbart interviewer then got off his knees and wiped his mouth, as Huck zipped up and headed off to his next campaign event.

[Breitbart]

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  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “…the official GOP symbol is a Sycophant.”

    You misspelled “psycho.”

    • vivian

      Psychopants™

      • guppy06

        Oooh, I’ve seen her routine…

  • chiefkurtz

    I’ve said this over and over: one difference between Obama and the Nazis (among others) is the Nazis only let you complain about them ONCE, not make a career of it.

    • Obama is just an easygoing, live-and-let-live Hitler.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He’s the pragmatic Hitler that John Russell Houser so admired.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Adolf Hipster was marching Jews to the oven doors before it was cool!

    • The Molten Soul

      If you look closely at his old speeches you can see him wearing skinny jeans.

    • guppy06

      So he burned his hands?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Hitler analogies, I can do ’em too! Huckabee is just like Hitler in that he wants to force women into baby-making machines, without any regards for the health and welfare of the babies after their born, except as cheep, disposable labor implements. He could put those borned babies in labor camps for extra efficiencies!

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Me too! Huckabee is bitt-ugly and has a shitty accent.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Hitler and Huck… those men were painters! Could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!

    • The Molten Soul

      Huckensborne.

    • LIT_Fag

      Huckabee is just like Hitler something something marching buns in the ovens of women everywhere.

    • nmmagyar

      Kinderlager, Kindergarten – they’re virtually the same word

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …this is the “Trump Effect”, everyone one of these dingbats are going to have to crank the “rhetorical looney” meter all the way up to “full-retard” just to get a sound byte on the air on cable news! It’s only a matter of time before one of them accuse Obama of fathering an alien lizard baby love child

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Obama spoke about three words in some African dialect yesterday during his trip to Kenya. I’ve been waiting for the right wing shitstorm over that all day.

      • willi0000000

        “our lips could never make those sounds”
        – pugs

        [ yeah . . . we know . . . they’re busy ]

      • jqheywood

        He clearly has zero fucks left to give.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      There’s so much demagogic hate speech floating around, it’s like the Republican convention happened a year early.

      • Vienna Woods

        Anyone talked to an empty chair yet?

        • jmk

          Well, Rachel had Santorum on her show the other night…and he’s the next best thing to an empty chair. In fact, the empty chair would make a better president.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A SECRET alien lizard baby love child who is being groomed to take over as dictator once Obama decides to retire and return to his homeland.

      • The advantage of a lizard baby love child is you can slice off and sell (for a tidy profit!) all spare parts you want and it will grown new ones.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          A veritable ATM. $arah’s gonna make Barstool start churning these creatures out if she hears about this.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      I think I read that on the internet!!11!

  • Lizzietish81

    History shows how, after forcing everyone to accept universal healthcare and gay marriage, Hitler then sent them to the basement at Walmart to become Muslims.

    • So that means Huckabee is Victor Laszlo. Who’s Ilsa Lund?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Lindsay Graham. Duh.

        • Me not sure

          “We’ll always have Charleston.”

          • AncienReggie

            We’ll always have West Memphis.

          • Me not sure

            What a God forsaken place.

    • JustPixelz

      It’s explained in one of those John Green videos.

    • coozledad

      Modestly, Der Fuhrer acknowledges that his high favorability rating is good news. “People don’t just stick their hand up in the air for someone they don’t like. So I just got a make sure I don’t fuck this whole two front war thing up. Right, Blondie? Good dog Blondie. Give papa a smoochie.” he chuckled.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Hitler or Rumsfeld? Hard to tell.

        • Steverino247

          You misspelled “Renfield.”

        • LarkintheAM

          Cheney.

    • Logic of Color

      Pretty amazing how Obummer the Muslim is totally forcing gay marriage on the country. How to contradictions work?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Really well in the teatard mind.

      • BackDoorMan

        It’s like the charge they like to level on The Blah President… “He’s a dictator! He’s weak! He’s a criminal mastermind! He’s a feckless fool! He’s fascist! He’s communist! He’s nazi! He’s (fill in the blank)! Honestly… cognitive dissonance is one thing, this is a total synaptic misfire. On all cylinders.

    • Kakkeltje

      Ironically, Hitler did actually force universal health care on the Netherlands (http://www.zorgverzekering.org/eng/general-information/origin/)

      They decided to keep it after the war though.

  • …less regulation to [sic] people who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.

    This kind of shit drives me crazy. First, we don’t have nearly as many of those jobs that make people sweat through their clothes, because they’ve all gone to other places (like China). Second, jobs that make people sweat through their clothes are the kinds of jobs that really benefit from unionizing, something conservatives are never in favor of. And third, the regulations he’s talking about protect people who hold jobs that make them sweat through their clothes by making them safer.

    • Msgr_Moment

      My bosses refuse to give me A.C. at my white collar job. I demand less regulation!
      Oh, heavy lifting too? Never mind.

    • FauxAntocles

      Yeah, saying Rethuglicans represent the working class breaks the bullshit meter.

      • Blank Ron

        ‘Yeah, well, being a CEO is work!’

        • BackDoorMan

          … so they keep telling us. That’s why what they do is compensated at ~$5,000 per hour, whereas $10 per hour is way too much for what the lowest employees on the corporate ladder deserve. Would a CEO scrub a toilet? NO! Of course not… they are being paid far too much to expect them to do that. Plenty of people to do the physical labour for next to nothing, but ya’ gotta pay the big bucks to the brain who can most effectively exploit the workforce.

    • alnnc

      Don’t confuse the issue with details.

    • Yeah, I was trying to figure out that that even meant. “Vote for Huckabee! How many limbs do you really need, anyway?”

    • Ilgattomorte

      I think you misunderstand. He just wants to protect the glandularly overactive. It’s a large but often neglected voting block.

      • Donald E Niman

        Yes, Huckabee does look like a very large overactive gland of some sort.

        Just lookin’ out for his own kind.

  • VandeGraf

    Huckabee acts like a fire-breathing dragon in front of the media. He’s easily as extreme as the other radicals in his party. The real problem, as I see it, is this: When they’ve already articulated the most vile extremism possible, where do they go from there? They appear to not care at all for the electoral process and what springs from that. So, what’s next on their agenda?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Oh, I think your expectations simply aren’t low enough. They can, and probably will, get more vile and extreme in their odious positions as 2016 rolls ever closer.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Let’s hope so!

        • AntiDerpomeme

          It’s the Wonkette bidness model!

    • FauxAntocles

      I’m waiting for one of these clowns to bring an AR-15 out on stage at a rally, maybe spray some rounds over the heads of their supporters.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Good question. Have we topped self-deportation from the 2012 cycle yet? We’ve certainly beat McCain’s embrace of bush’s tax cuts when he used to be against them. I think we have maybe 3 or 4 election cycles to go where the right loses and blames the candidate for being too moderate.

    • willi0000000

      their agenda has not changed . . . it’s still to rule, not to govern.

    • Logic of Color

      We need an infusion of rape comments

  • FNMA

    So let me see if I have this straight: God works through the US American Congress? No burning bushes or other stuff like that. Probably explains a lot. That God person has one weird sense of humor.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I dunno about that . . . does a Bush with his pants on fire count?

      • jmk

        The true miracle is that the pants have continued to burn over a long period of time and on several Bushes in a row.

  • JustPixelz

    “…less regulation to people who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.”

    Being a billionaire is harder than I thought.

    • Doug Langley

      You wouldn’t believe how heavy those checks get with all those zero’s on them.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I call bullshit. Tennis racquets and golf clubs aren’t all that heavy.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        You never saw my Dad’s clubs. Five woods, 9 irons, a couple wedges and a couple putters, umbrella, wet bar…

        • Blank Ron

          In my bag I have… let’s see… 11 putters, a two-way utility iron, a chipper, a 64 degree wedge, a hockey stick, a pool cue, an umbrella and a set of both Spongebob Squarepants and A&W golf balls. I take my miniature golf seriously.

      • Blank Ron

        Pfft. Like any self-respecting billionaire would carry his own clubs.

  • weejee

    Need to give Hucksterbee some Nugeys.

  • lucidamente

    “He will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven. Which is wrong, because that’s our job after the Second Coming.”

    • Logic of Color

      Good point. Everybody knows that the Jews guessed wrong in the great global religion-a-thon.
      Won’t everyone be shocked to learn that the winners are…the Mormons!

      • Msgr_Moment

        I feel like such a Moroni.

        • Steverino247

          Moronic: Of, or pertaining to, the Angel Moroni.

          • Querolous

            Angel Moroni? Plays shortstop for the Mudville 9??

          • Steverino247

            .239 105 238 28 57 11 3 4 25 4

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Maybe you smoked to much Kolobian?

        • mtn_philosoph

          Nephi Forget.

  • orygoon

    Gene Wilder can always be the President of me.

  • Ilgattomorte

    His attack against Planned Parenthood is an obvious attempt by the Republicans to get us to buy new babies, instead of repairing the old babies we already own by shutting down the spare parts market. It’s insidious..

    • Barbara Delaney

      Look how long the Cuban people have kept those babies running.

      • Ilgattomorte

        I know. I myself have a late model Caucasian with a bad rotator cuff that I would hate to have to scrap. It still runs great and purrs like a kitten.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Heck – I AM a late model Caucasian with a bad rotator cuff. (Will purr like a kitten if properly stroked, also too.)

          EDIT: OK, maybe not exactly a “late” model.

  • PirateCafe

    Godwin’s Law?

    • willi0000000

      pugs Law:

      he who mentions Hitler first wins the base.

      • PirateCafe

        Nice! I’ll remember that one!

  • JustPixelz

    “…replacing the income tax … with a national sales tax.”

    To be revenue neutral, that sales tax rate would be 44% so a $100 item would cost $144. (Advocates like to calculate the rate with tax included: $44/$144 = 31%. It sounds lower but is the same tax amount.

    Add that to the many existing state/local sales taxes and you’re up to 50%. Who won’t like that?!

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      It’s a moral issue for him. He wants to make sure the first and best 10% goes to the Lord . . .

    • alnnc

      Of course, they would have to put a cap on it. Like boats, BMWs, aircraft costs over $50,000 would not be subject to the tax. We want to be fair to the wealthy, right?

      • Antimassacree

        Otherwise they would pay an unfair share.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Oh, and somehow he neglected the detail where, by law, government funding for Planned Parenthood goes only to non-abortion stuff…”

    A law, by the way, that apparently comes from God and not government. So… why does he have a problem with God funding Planed Parenthood?

  • JohnBull

    Wow. He still thinks we’re making Buicks?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “The fact that they are getting between $500-540 million of taxpayer money is really a disgrace,”

    He went on to say, “All that money wasted on things like life saving cancer screening for women. Whom everyone knows God finds super-icky. It’s unbiblical! So, I support any action Congress (or God’s finger puppets, as I seem to believe they are) can take to end this and get this country back on the track of killing thousands of innocent women for no reason every year, in God’s name, of course.”

    • eddi

      “Welcome to Fundamentalist Heaven. Everyone else calls it Hell, but what do they know?” Lucifer

    • jmk

      And finished up by pointing out “If those sluts didn’t do sexytimes for fun against Gawd’s will, they’d never get ladybits cancer!! Obedient Bible ladies never got ladyparts cancer before the sluts took over! That’s just science!”

  • The Molten Soul

    If Hitler were alive he’d tell Huck to ease up on the extremism.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’d also say that Ted Nugent is no Wagner, and David Daleiden is no Leni Riefenstahl.

  • goonemeritus

    The most feckless foreign policy decision in American history was when Lincoln didn’t chose to send Jefferson Davis a fruit basket and wish him with that whole Confederacy thing.

  • PubOption

    Does the uranium enrichment process involve any wet chemistry? If so, there will be a final solution.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I solute you, sir or madam.

      • willi0000000

        obligatory . . .

  • Barbara Delaney

    Did he mention his good friends, the Duggar family? He’s just crazy about Josh, loves him like his own son. Of course his own son is a dog murdering freak, so Huckabee doesn’t set the bar too high.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Put some squirrel meat in the popcorn popper, turn it on high, and relax…

  • JustPixelz

    This is the most idiotic thing, this Iran deal. It should be rejected by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress and by the American people. I read the whole deal. We gave away the whole store. It’s got to be stopped.

    Poor addled Huckabee. He’s thinking of Reagan’s “arms for hostages” deal with Iran.

  • Me not sure

    Israel has a large nuclear arsenal. They have submarines capable of launching nuclear armed cruise missiles, that could survive any first strike, and decimate any or all major population centers in Iran. Iran isn’t suicidal, nor would they be able to strike Israel without killing millions of their co-religionists and destroying some of the most holy sites in Islam. Iran wants a bomb as a deterrent to action by others. Keeping Iran from getting a nuclear weapon is a good idea, but hardly as critical as Netanyahu would like us to believe.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Indeed, hard to keep the effects from spilling over in a country that’s only 70 miles wide.

      • Me not sure

        The Palestinian population is so scattered among the Jewish population that preventing the spillover that you describe would be impossible. That kind of makes Israel’s settlement policies make more sense doesn’t it?

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Whoever nukes Jerusalem is gonna have some pissed of Bible humpers to deal with. “Now they’ll NEVER rebuild that fuckin’ temple…”

          • willi0000000

            dunno . . . does black glass make a good foundation material?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            In a few thousand years.

          • nmmagyar

            It might, but you have to wait 15,000 years for it to cool off enough to build

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Making them resign themselves to waiting another 15,000 years wouldn’t be all that bad.

          • Me not sure

            Not to mention pissed off Sunnis. The Dome of The Rock
            is one their holiest places.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Oblahma will have them obediently queued up at the over doors awaiting their fate…they’ll be as vulnerable as kittens.

      • Me not sure

        Don’t underestimate kittens. I still believe that if kittens had opposable thumbs we would have all been murdered in our sleep centuries ago.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          There’s a great old Larson cartoon of a dog and a cat watching their owner fall out of a tree. The dog says, “I need to find help!” The cat replies, “I don’t know how to operate the can opener!”.

        • I love my cats. But I refill their dish of kibble every night before I go to bed. I don’t want them getting hungry if I oversleep.

          • Me not sure

            “Planet of the Apes” got it wrong.

          • nmmagyar

            I’m certain “Pussy Planet” exists

    • Tony Prost

      Iran is about the only country in the region that has not invaded one of its neighbors in modern history.

      • Me not sure

        Well, there was that little disagreement with Saddam in the eighties.

        • Unforgotten

          Iraq invaded Iran, not the other way around, starting the war without any formal declaration of war or the likes.

          • Me not sure

            Oh, what a lovely war! Saddam was definitely the aggressor, but I’ve often wondered if Reagan’s CIA wasn’t somehow behind the whole thing lasting as long as it did.

          • Unforgotten

            Somehow?
            It was a war-by-proxy!
            ‘Look, Saddam old buddy, I know what you did to the Khurds you fucking maggot, but if you do this war against those Iranians’ motherfuckers I’ll help you any way I can… And I turn my gaze away from what you did to the Khurds, deal?’

        • Tony Prost

          I believe it was in the other direction.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Take your reasoned analysis back russia, commie!

      • Me not sure

        Being a Trotskyite, it would have to be Mexico.

        • Blank Ron

          Wait, does that mean all those cantaloupe-calved drug running murdering rapist illegal immigrants are also COMMIES?

          • Me not sure

            Someone from the land of the red maple leaf of revolution should know.

          • Blank Ron

            Well, we do tend I think more towards being Leninists rather than Trotskyites.

          • Me not sure

            Well, Lenin did tend to be more cordial.

          • Blank Ron

            That was what the Revolution needed, more Happy Nice Time Bolsheviks.

          • Me not sure

            I thought that was Eisenstein`s job.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          You REALLY won’t need to take your ice ax with you.

          • Me not sure

            They have room service?

  • docterry6973

    Right, Huck. The poor Israelis are defenseless.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    But he can’t wait for the Israelite to convert to Christianity so we can all be Raptured. Isn’t that how their “sincerely held beliefs,” work?

    • vivian

      … needs more magic unicorn dust

      • BeliTsari

        MDMA? NAH! Maybe, shiksa sister-wives?

  • deanbooth

    I believe Huckabee has the right to set himself on fire. I guess that makes me pro-Huckabee-burning.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    He’s worried about doing stuff that “makes people stop liking me”. What’s not to like about a guy that defends dog torturers and kiddie diddlers?

    • vivian

      What’s not to like about yet another white, middle-aged, narrow-minded, judgmental hypocritter that thinks he speaks for God?

  • guppy06

    (gas first, then ovens — they had a flowchart for this)

    This… this is where PowerPoint came from, isn’t it?

    • vivian

      Das Pauerpunt

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        More powerful that a zyklon!

  • guppy06

    The Huckabee talking deal is marching the children to the door of the Duggars.

    (Alternately: dogs|his son)

  • guppy06

    a simple message of “conservatism, limited government, more local
    government, lower taxes, and less regulation to people who sweat through
    their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.”

    That would be… the people loading the aforementioned oven?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “I’ve got oven doors, a jukebox, and a barstool…”

  • willi0000000

    “coming up on breitbart news ‘water is wet’ ”

    [ well, it’s news to us ]

  • willi0000000

    America needs to “come to grips with a 42-year nightmare of taking babies from their mother’s womb. This needs to come to an end,” insists Huckabee.

    yeah! . . . leave them babbys in there until they’re at least teenagers!!!!!

    • Logic of Color

      Birth. Amazing what they can do these days.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And then plug up the hole.

    • I’m 45 years old, which is why I’m still in my mother’s womb. Pretty awkward, since I’m adopted.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        This would not be considered awkward in Huckabee’s Arkansas.

  • Barbara Delaney

    “Josh’s actions when he was an underage teen are as he described them himself, ‘inexcusable,’ but that doesn’t mean ‘unforgivable.’ He and his family dealt with it and were honest and open about it with the victims and the authorities,” Huckabee wrote in a post on Facebook. “No purpose whatsoever is served by those who are now trying to discredit Josh or his family by sensationalizing the story. Good people make mistakes and do regrettable and even disgusting things.”

    Tell us more about those disgusting things you did, Uncle Sugar. Confession is good for the soul.

    • Dee Andee

      Must be why his one non-family victim is suing them in civil court–because they were so “honest and open” about it, and dealt with it so well.

  • Jaime Oria

    “gas first, then ovens — they had a flowchart for this -”

    To paraphrase Homer Simpson: Those Germans have a flowchart for everything !

    • bluejayray

      and the trains ran on time…

      • janecita

        And they love their windmills

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Huckabee could screw up a one-car holocaust.

  • OneYieldRegular

    One has to wonder how the other signatories to the deal – David Cameron, Francois Hollande, Xi Jinping, Vladimir Putin, the High Representative to the E.U. for Foreign Affairs and, perhaps especially, Angela Merkel – will react to being told they’d led Israelis to the door of the oven.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m pretty sure they’ve mastered the concept of “consider the source”.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Angela Merkel still has the keys.

      Too soon?

      • Unforgotten

        Alas, no.

      • janecita

        She is too busy pushing Greeks through the door to worry about Israelis.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Ouch!

          Not to put too fine a point on it, but when you come begging Germany for money, you might not want to draw swastikas and mustaches on their popular and democratically elected leader.

          Wolfgang Schäuble, on the other hand, is always fair game!

          • mtn_philosoph

            … of a modern liberal democracy with extensive constitutional protections for human rights and laws banning fascist parties.

  • “…chops up babies and sells the parts like parts to a Buick.”

    I just had my Buick serviced and I wondered why it makes whining sounds every time I turn right.

    Hucksplained!

    • guppy06

      “The fine leather interior feels as smooth as a baby’s… wait a sec…”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Take it back in to Planned Parenthood this time instead of your regular mechanic. They’ll hook you right up.

    • w9anthimos

      I had a Buick once, but that was back when they use adult parts in the manufacturing process.

      • SnarkOff

        That was your father’s Oldsmobile.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      That’s why I go to the pick-n-pull. If you want a job done right you have to do it yourself.

      • Blank Ron

        Happily the one I use has plenty of Japanese babies I can use in my old Mazda. All the American babies still use inches.

  • If Huckabee had been alive at the same time as Jesus, Huckabee would have been leading the Crucify Him cheers.

  • coozledad

    If Huck is elected president, he’s promised to put his dog-hanging son in charge of “Not Murdering Jews.”

    EDIT: And Josh Duggar for “Reproductive purity quotas”

  • JohnR

    Wow, Huck wants to apply Gold Bond Medicated Powder to my sweaty ball sack. sorry for that

  • Antimassacree

    As Robert Wilde rose from his knees and tidied up he thought, “Dignity. Always Dignity.”

  • Ricky Gay

    the official GOP symbol is a Sycophant = glorious!

  • Steverino247

    If Huckabee is elected President, he will replace Hitler as the inspiration for time travel.

    • w9anthimos

      Could there be someone among us who has traveled here from the future in order to stop Huckabee before he establishes his doomsday theocratic administration?

      • Steverino247

        No, you’re supposed to go back to when he killed his first squirrel.

  • LarkintheAM

    Just when one thinks that the Huckster cannot get any more disgusting, he turns around and proves that, yes indeedy-do, he certainly can.

  • Huck might have a point. Maybe we should send him over to Germany to guard the gas chambers and make Obama doesn’t get to use them. Between him and his sons they could keep watch 24 hours a day. But it will have to be a Huckabee, no one else has the power to prevent this horrible plan of President Obama’s. In fact, I don’t think I will rest easy until Huckabee has left this country and gone to Auschwitz to stay.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Auschwitz isn’t in Germany…

      Old NATO joke: The Austrians spend their time trying to prove that Hitler was German and Beethoven was Austrian.

      • You are right, Auschwitz was in Poland, not Austria. Mauthausen was the camp in Austria.
        However, Auschwitz is arguably the most famous of the extinction camps, so I chose it to make my comment hit home. However, thank you for your geographic accuracy.

        • Bitter Scribe

          All of the concentration camps were in countries that went Communist after the war, which proves the Holocaust is a lie.

          (I actually saw that argument made, in all seriousness, in a John Birch Society publication. For you young’uns, the JBS is the precursor to today’s Tea Party.)

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, all the Vernichtungslagern were concentrated in the General Government area (occupied Poland) because that’s as far east as the Jews were “resettled”. There were plenty of KZs in Germany 1937 proper itself, they just weren’t dedicated extermination camps.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Right you are. I should have said “death camps.” I’m sure the John Birch guy used the correct term, but it’s been a long time since I read that article.

            (In my college library. No lie. I worked there as a student, and you wouldn’t believe some of the crazy shit they had.)

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Poor segue on my part, but that old Austrian joke wasn’t going to find a better place to use it…

      • Bitter Scribe

        Beethoven, Austrian? For real? Never heard that before. Chrissakes, they already have Mozart.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The joke is that Beethoven was born in Bonn, Germany, though he spent most of his life and career in Vienna.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, serious musicians did head to Vienna, where the patronage marks were. Those Hapsburgs liked their music, even if it had too many notes.

        • mtn_philosoph

          Ich bein ein Linzer torte.

  • JohnR

    I think “feckless” was the word of the week for the RWNJs. Feckless big word, t-bagger impressed.

    • SK

      Fitting that Fuckabee used it in a fucking feckless rant.

  • Barbara Delaney

    (Miller County, Arkansas)” Two boy scout counselors, 17 year old Clayton Frady and 18 year old David Huckabee, the son of Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, have admitted to catching a stray dog during their summer session at Camp Pioneer in Hatfield, AR, and hanging the dog by his neck, slitting his throat and stoning him to death.”

    Stoning him to death proves David Huckabee knows his Bible, and I’m sure that throat slitting business was an attempt to keep the dog meat kosher.

    • w9anthimos

      Also, the hanging part was proof that he was well-versed in his southern heritage.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Is dog meat kosher? I thought there was something in Leviticus about “thou shalt not eat of the meat of the creatures that licketh the balls and eateth the Alpo.”

      • Is any dog stupid enough to lick Huckabee balls? No wonder they aren’t kosher.

  • bluejayray

    Frankly I’m sick and tired of Israeli Jews being in charge of our country’s foreign policy. Bibi Netanyahu is like our GOPTPers on steroids. He even uses the same debunked talking points.

    • SnarkOff

      I’m not sure I like your thinly veiled antisemitism.

      • janecita

        I don’t think that his comment was antisemitic. I believe that it was anti-Bibi and his fanatical hordes.

      • Unforgotten

        For the good or the worse, Israel is (with Saudi Arabia) US’ main reference when it comes to Middle East’s businesses.
        Sometimes they do it wrong in their choices for their governments, sometimes the USA is the one choosing poorly its leaders, and Saudi Arabia don’t make choices.
        Right now? They have chosen an alarmist piece of shit who has been pulling the ‘Iran is weeks/months away from developing the bomb’ the past TWENTY years in order to get support for his ‘bomb Iran’ policies.
        And let’s not forget that Bibi predicted, in the late 2001/ early 2002, that if Saddam was kicked out of government in Iraq, the ripple effect would overthrow the Ayatollahs in Iran…

        • SnarkOff

          I don’t disagree with you at all. I think we give way too much attention to Israel. There was something about the original poster’s phrasing that rang a little alarm bell, though.

          • Unforgotten

            Like ‘Better wording/phrasing next time dude’?

      • HabsFan29

        Shalom! For what it’s worth I’m a Jew and I didn’t find this anti-semitic at all. It’s anti-Bibi, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. Although Bibi is way smarter than your average GOP’er.

        • Blank Ron

          That’s what makes him so dangerous.

      • bluejayray

        I’m not sure you understand that JEWS are not the only Semitic people in the region. They are committing genocide on other Semitic people. They don’t own the effing words. I don’t care if they are Semitic or not. They are bullies, liars, thieves, and they have a lock on the GOPTP. You do know that they spy on us and think that we are useful tools with money, right?

      • bluejayray

        I’m not sure you understand that JEWS are not the only Semitic people in the region. They are committing genocide on other Semitic people. They don’t own the effing words. I don’t care if they are Semitic or not. They are bullies, liars, thieves, and they have a lock on the GOPTP. You do know that they spy on us and think that we are useful tools with money, right?

      • bluejayray

        How is being critical of Israel being antisemitic? They are committing genocide against other Semitic people. Israel should never have been established as a nation.

  • Anarchy Pony

    “The amenable Breitbart interviewer then got off his knees and wiped his mouth, as Huck zipped up and headed off to his next campaign event.”

    *Applause*

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So many gems in this one. Dok owes me a new keyboard, ruined forever by the hot coffee and snot that flew out of my nose when I read, “Wilde apparently thinks the official GOP symbol is a Sycophant.”

  • SnarkOff

    “People who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.”

    You mean, like factory workers? The ones who used to belong to the unions your party is working to destroy? The ones whose well-paying jobs have been outsourced, thanks to policies your party promoted? The ones who are, in fact, jobless now, thanks to the GOP? Just checking.

    • AnOuthouse

      No he means the undocumented immigrants who actually do all the work.

      • handyhippie65

        hey now, i have been a self employed carpenter for 20 years. i sweat every day at work, even in the winter. i definitely do the work, and was definitely born right here.

  • Bitter Scribe

    …less regulation to people who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.

    Yes, those pesky minimum-wage laws and OSHA regulations are really oppressing the working class!

    • And don’t forget those pesky illegals who do most of the actual sweating.

  • Lady Bug

    Fuck you Huck (with votes!, because ewww to the other type of fuck).

  • janecita

    Of course he only cares about Israelis now. Wait until the Rapture gets here, then he will be the first one telling them to fuck off!

    • Legion32

      Does the convert or eternity in hell option come during or after Tribulation? I can’t remember…

      • janecita

        I personally don’t have the faintest idea. I know that as an atheist, I will be dust in the wind. I’m looking forward to unsuspected people breathing me in;-)

      • AnOuthouse

        Depends if you’re one of the 144,000.

        • eddi

          There are only 144 saints. The early church operators upped the number to attract people who were bad at math. And reading. Either number relates to all people on Earth from Creation to the end of Time. You don’t even have to be a member of the club.

      • eddi

        Both. Pre-Millennial or Post-Millennial dispensation; depends of which flavor of Christianity you prefer.

  • MrBlobfish

    Jew for Rand approves of this message

    • jmk

      Lucky there’s only one.

  • Mavenmaven

    “Workin’ for the Adelson dollar. Oh, beat it man, beat it.”

  • SnarkTank

    So Huckster wants a smaller Federal Gubmint and a larger Local Gubmint? Considering the fact that it takes my local government 2 years to approve a fucking stop sign at a dangerous intersection (it’s gotta go through Bubba’s nephew’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s consulting company (whose president is, of course, Bubba himself) for study, a’course!), this is NOT a good idea.

    • Zippy

      Doresn’t matter- they’re lying through their teeth about local control anyways. Just look at all the GOP controlled state governments that stomp all over local municipal ordinances every chance they get

    • jmk

      Yeah. They’re all about “more local government” right up to the point at which a city passes a non-discrimination ordinance. Then they trip over one another passing state laws to nullify local governmental actions.

  • jennofark

    This poses a great opportunity to ask Sweaty Mike Huckabee, who is sweaty even though he’s never lifted anything heavier than a check from a gullible retiree, why his party is so keen to make people keep sweating and lifting actual heavy stuff into their almost-70s by raising the retirement age for all those sweaty people who are most likely to have nothing but Social Security to rely on for retirement.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The “core values” of American Conservatism are pretty much indistinguishable from a certain political movement in Central Europe in the last three decades of the first half of the 20th Century.

    Hucksterbee is perfect to represent those “core values”

    • AnOuthouse

      Nazi libelz!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        True, the Nazis did have some fashion sense.

        • eddi

          And they gave good spectacle.

  • Tansy Geek

    “a simple message of “conservatism, limited government, more local government, lower taxes, and less regulation…”. I read “lower cholesterol” in there too. Evidently I’m projecting my over consumption of bratwurst.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Not “projecting” in the Mr. Creosote sense, I hope.

  • Tansy Geek

    I saw the headline and thought, “Gosh, I can’t wait see to what Mr.Huckabee has contributed to the national discourse this time.” I should have waited. There is not a single thing in there that does not make me want to rip out my small intestine and strangle myself. He’s not as bombastic as Trump but very nearly as stupid.

    • Jared James

      That’s what you call articulating conservative principles and values, if you a soulless Breitbartian flunky in desperate need of a punch in the face and an education in republican virtues.

  • Rick Hill

    And Trump is out poling this guy? The world is a screwed up place, no doubt.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Donald isn’t dog whistling, or even klaxoning, he’s saying in plain, unmistakable teatard what the teatards want to hear.

    • eddi

      He is forcing the Reb runners to up their game. Reducing the chance any of them will be considered a legit candidate even by their own party.

  • jqheywood

    That hella fuckabee…. (h/t to the Capitol Steps)

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Say, you know who else made Obama-is-Hitler analogies. (I will stipulate AOT, K and Hitler.)

    • Blank Ron

      Mr. Obama? By you, you’re a Hitler. By me, you’re a Hitler. But by Hitlers, Mr. Obama, you’re no Hitler.

      – Heinrich Himmler Bimmler

  • AnOuthouse

    Here’s a new song video for the sweaty Huckabites. Its a video so bad Jason Isbell’s FacePlace followers roundly ridiculed it like a nasty snark mob.
    http://www.cmt.com/videos/jason-isbell/1222135/something-more-than-free.jhtml

  • Barbara Delaney

    The Duggar family photos vanished from Huckabee’s campaign website, when asked about it Huckabee had this to say;

    “Well, on our website, I just want to get this … this will help nail this, on our website we have a list of rotating people who have endorsed us,” Huckabee said, according to audio Media Matters provided to IJReview. “They were one of them, but they are rotating. Their particular piece rotated off and some more on. There are several hundred that are going to rotate on and off. The Duggars, in fact, will be back.”

    Careful with all of that “rotating on” talk, Uncle Sugar, you’ll have Josh sweating through his clothes with excitement.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Is Wayne DuMond in the current rotation?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I should hope so. He was one of Hucksterbee’s biggest fans.

      • Enfant Terrible

        That left a mark.

      • Barbara Delaney

        The serial rapist that Huckabee released who went on to rape and murder two more women?

        I think that may be Huckabee’s only memorable accomplishment as governor. Despite a dozen letters from victims of DuMond begging that he not be released, and over the objections of all four parole board members Huckabee prevailed.

        Wayne must’ve reminded him of his own son.

  • Fly

    I think Huckabee’s chances for the republican nomination are also oven fresh holocausted.

    • Enfant Terrible

      This time really with votes, or lack thereof.

  • TheBidenator

    You know Trump might be the biggest asshole in the race but I think Huckster is giving him a run for his money with his over-the-top theocratic bloviating. He reminds me of one of those extra shouty mullahs wingnuts are always carrying on about when they call Islam a political system over a religion…uh dildos, check your own backyard.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s always projection with these assholes.

      Always.

    • Lord-Nash

      Religion and political power…

  • Hardly Ideal

    Again with the whole “conservatism, limited government, more local government, lower taxes, and less regulation” bleedle-dee-blah we’ve been hearing for years. Like most crackpots, the problem isn’t that we haven’t heard their ideas, but rather that we have heard them clearly and just don’t buy it. Shouting it louder won’t help.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Heard them? We’ve TRIED them. Less regulation? Savings and Loan disaster, Wall Street crash of 2008…

      • Blank Ron

        Not to mention Kansas.
        Oops, I mentioned it…

  • SecludedCompound

    a likely reason why he enjoys the highest favorability ratings of all GOP candidates running for president in 2016

    To be fair, a singular ability to not have any attention paid to you can do that for a Republican candidate.

  • “But my interpretation of God will still send all the Jews to the eternal ovens, obvs.” -Mike Huckabee

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Feckless is my word of the week. I shall use it as often as possible. “Use your turn signal you feckless driver!” I shall shout. “Feckless ingrate.” I will mutter. Feckless, feckless, feckless.

  • James Christopher Owen

    When Huckabee said “feckless” I think he meant “fuckless”, as in “Obama gave out that last fuck a couple months ago.”

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    to people who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living

    Fuck you, huck. Once again these dorks thinking the 99% are all a buncha sweaty day laborers.
    Fuck you with rabid weasel votes.
    Also too, March to the oven? REALLY? Look you blotivated ignoramus, some of us had ancestors who died over there from the really real holocaust. So fuck you again.

  • dshwa

    It’s like the Highlander of derp; instead of sword fights it’s who can say the most cutting crazy thing.

    On a serious note, do any of these assholes ever give specifics on why it’s a bad deal that aren’t inaccurate/bold faced lies?

    • Blank Ron

      They don’t, but we all know that the reason is ‘Obama.’

  • Lord-Nash

    Well, why don’t we just put blenders in each of the PP offices? Problem solved.

  • Joe Filceolaire

    “less regulation to people who sweat through their clothes everyday and have to lift heavy things to make a living.” That’s the Mexican farm and construction workers. Right?Read more at http://wonkette.com/592106/mike-huckabee-obamas-actually-holocausting-jews-for-a-change#vg7FO6rx3uQl5foI.99

  • MarvLS1

    It’s OK to put Hitler mustaches on Bush and Trump, though.

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