SHARE

When the Lord wrote the bad news on her heart.

We were under the impression that TLC, due to advertiser pressure and the fact that “Duggar” is now a verb that means “to diddle thy younger sister,” made the decision to cancel “19 Kids And Counting,” but it seems that was God’s plan all along, and know who’s real sad about that? The Duggars. They thought they knew God’s plan! He had chosen them to have a real stupid reality show about a vagina that cannonballs out a new member of God’s army every nine months or so, and that by broadcasting this to the world, every ear would hear the very Biblical message of how you, too, can do cannonball shots with your vagina for Jesus, which will make you go to heaven, glory glory hallelujah, His truth is marching on, The End. Right?

But the Lord spake a new commandment unto the Duggars, and what He said was “eat some dicks”:

The source says the evangelical Christian family, who often discussed their religious faith on their TLC show, is “heartbroken that they’ve now lost that platform.”

“The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith,” the source says.

“I think Jim Bob and Michelle honestly did expect people to just move on from this,” the source adds. “Their thinking is, they put this behind them ages ago, so why wouldn’t the rest of the world?”

Yeah, it’s funny how Americans seem to think child molestation is some kind of “big deal” or something. It’s almost as if in the real world, you don’t get completely absolved for covering up the fact that your older son was molesting his younger sisters by saying “LOL our bad, Lord Jesus, plz forgive us and stuff.”

And sure, as the New Civil Rights Movement points out, this might all have caught the Duggars by surprise, because they’re like “Our daughters got diddled, OLD NEWS, but have you heard the GOOD NEWS?” Whereas, for the viewing audience at home, well, they’re still processing all of this, and haven’t quite had the time to get that Duggar taste out of their mouths.

Anyway, they would like to be on television again, please, is the point. Why must God forsake them this way? This must be what Jesus felt like when he got crucified.

[People / The New Civil Rights Movement]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Spotts1701

    “At least when they drove the nails in, I didn’t whine about it!” – Jesus

    • frrolfe

      best reaction to those scumbags ever

    • SecludedCompound

      Well, to be fair, he did kind of whine to daddy.

  • cousin itt

    For the Duggars, it’s the End Times.

    • Spotts1701

      Yeah, they might have to actually find real jobs.

      • sarahjane1912

        Pfft … bet they just claim social security benefits. After all, they Really Need It (unlike those dirty spongers out there). They’ve ‘paid’ their dues! Or something.

        Or maybe some idiot with a few bucks to spare will fund them an online interwebby channel! Like Sarah Palin! Heroine! And we all know how well that worked out. ;-)

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    So is Josh going to be punished for interfering with God’s plan? Because he obviously isn’t for the molestation.

  • Vienna Woods

    There is a God, and she has spoken.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Does this make the president of TLC Pontius Pilate?

  • cousin itt

    What are they going to do for money now? All they have are a bunch of young, naive, virginal

    get me the San Fernando Valley, stat.

    • OneDemin EOr

      “…virginal…” that may depend on whether the touching was under the clothes or over the clothes.

      • Roadstergal

        Only the P in the vajajay counts as fundie sex. You have buttsex to stay a Jesus-virgin.

        • Karen Anderson

          … and oral

          • Amy!

            “Sodomy! Why not try sodomy? Can’t you see, I’ve no wood without you. Take my lips, I’ll let you use them. Take my hands, with them abuse men.”

        • Celtic_Gnome

          It’s the sex that God can’t see!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      They’re experts at pimping out their kids, so perhaps a visit to Uncle Rushbo would solve both their problems.

    • jennofark

      Jim Bob calls a family meeting:

      “Well kids, there’s some good news and some bad news. Bad news first: the show has been cancelled. The good news is, your mom and I managed to bank a couple of million from the show. Of course, because there are so many of you, it only works out to about $100K each, which isn’t going to be nearly enough to support you and your freakishly large future families, and you haven’t really been educated well enough to get any kind of a job that pays anything so….really, more bad news. I’m sorry, but I’ve got no choice but to sell the lot of you off for medical experiments….”

  • Metadude

    Maybe the Sarah Palin Network will pick it up? Oh, right…

    • sarahjane1912

      Ha! I had that thought too, and then I remembered how well that worked out in the end. ;-)

  • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

    If they sew shut the mother’s vagina plus neuter and spay the rest, sure let them have their tv show back on their on fucking network. Just like Sarah Palin. That worked out well didn’t it?

  • memzilla

    (Discovers the Grifting Train has ended)
    .

    • Anarchy Pony

      Shit that woman looks like a loony.

      • SnarkTank

        “Looks like”? You’re too kind!

      • Charles Wolf

        I have a sketch of her giving birth, sitting up straight:

    • A Bashful Nobody

      Possessed by a demon?

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Probably just had a babby fall out her pantleg.

    • BackDoorMan

      … ” you mean after all I’ve subjected my vagina to, and gave up my uterus for, I can’t make money from this anymore? Whatever shall I do? Where shall I go?

  • Brazilian Fart Porn

    I was under the mistaken idea that TLC stood for The Learning Channel, not The Learn about Christ channel.

    • Boscoe

      Well, at this point it *would* be a miracle to learn anything on “The Learning Channel.”

    • Relativicus

      Originally, yes, but like the “SyFy” channel before it, they renamed themselves literally “TLC” when their mission changed.

      • SnarkTank

        Ditto MTV.

  • 1captainhooker1

    Don’t really have a taste for Duggar. Shudder to imagine what it would in fact taste like.

    KY and breast milk?

    IDK….

  • Left Coast Tom

    Can’t they put something together for their local community access cable? At least the folks in Springdale, AR, would be able to learn about vagina cannonballs.

    Unless, of course, it was all a grift…

    • sarahjane1912

      Snigger. “Vagina cannonballs”. And here was I just learning to be comfy about the “vagina clown car”. New wordz! I learn so much at Wonkette. :)

      • Oblios_Cap

        Band name!

        • sarahjane1912

          Chortle. Or the title for that ‘difficult second album’. ;-)

  • mrFawkes

    Maybe Donald can build a yooooooge wall around that vagina.

    • sarahjane1912

      Pointless, unless it’s got minute men guarding the border, I suspect …

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Minute Man. Isn’t that JimBob’s nickname?

        • sarahjane1912

          Heh! Nice one.

        • BackDoorMan

          … “Depending on how you pronounce minute it has one of two different meanings. When the “u” is short, a minute is a short period of time made up of 60 seconds. When the “u” is long, minute means very tiny. Either way, it’s something small.”
          Which sums up DimBulb Duggar any way you look at it.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Headline: Grifting for God Gig – Gone.

  • Dee Andee

    “The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part
    of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith,” the
    source says.

    Um, maybe it WAS gawd’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith–so no one would want anything to do with it! Maybe?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Spreading the Word may have been God’s plan but Josh’s plan involved spreading other things.

    • Theirs is a faith that didn’t stop them from committing crimes.

      • BackDoorMan

        … I’m willing to bet that their faith (whatever brand of Xtianity it is) comes with that Duotheism Get Out Of Jail Free Card… the Mighty Mighty Lawd Gawd Above will forgive any crime as long as you REPENT! and accept His Bastard Son into your heart. Not sure who came up with the original concept, but you can bet they had something to hide as well.

    • riledupone

      Some people’s role in life is to become a cautionary tale.

      • BackDoorMan

        … there were times when I thought that might apply to me, and I felt bad, then I look at the Duggars and I think… “Halle-fuckin’-lujah! – there but for the grace of a non-existent god go I”. And then I feel better.

    • Blank Ron

      Truly, His ways ARE mysterious!

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Ruben Kincaid suggested that maybe they can buy an old school bus, and paint a bunch of flowers and hippie shit on the side of it, and travel the country with their oldest son, Jeith Partridge singing his heart out, and their red headed stepchild son Janny Bonaduce getting up to all sorts of hijinks, and then they can have a hit teevee show agin.

  • dslindc

    “But the Lord spake a new commandment unto the Duggars, and what He said was ‘eat some dicks’.”

    Finally! Words of “god” I can get behind!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Live by the Word, die by not keeping the Word.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …maybe Josh Duggar and Bill Cosby can get their own show together, considering they both like their women on the “unconscious” side

    • Markuserektus

      Somnophilia…

      • BackDoorMan

        ♫ ♬ Somno… ophilia… bedclothes… blueballs cry… ♫ ♬

    • A Bashful Nobody

      Ouch!

    • marxalot

      And then they can humorously squabble about how old the perfect woman is, and so forth!

    • TootsStansbury

      Dugger and Drugger

      • BackDoorMan

        … perhaps a re-make of I Spy titled I Prey?

  • timpundit

    I think Reelz is looking to fill some time slots.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    They lost their platform because they are A Idiot!

  • Boscoe

    When you think about it, it’s really quite comical the way God doggedly tries in vain to make the Duggars and the Palins learn humility, but no matter how far he pushes their faces in the mud, they just keep on believing what he REALLY wants is for them to be rich celebrities.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Given the erratic way God has been sending secret messages to Duggars and Republican presidential hopefuls, I think somebody ought to check under his hood. Something is seriously off-kilter with some piece of the machinery.

      • Blank Ron

        This is why you should always read the manual that comes with your deity, and make sure he/she/it gets the proper scheduled maintenance.

        • BackDoorMan

          … that’s called tithing, or offerings, or a blessed collection… whatever, it never works. It’s like car insurance, you pay for it in advance, but when you need to use it there’s always a deductible you can’t afford. And then you need to pay more (pray more?) in the future… ’tis a good grift overall.

  • marxalot

    I’d like, if I may, to share with the Duggar family, in their time of trouble, a little advice that I’m sure is somehow tangentially related to Jesus, or at least that’s how I remember it:
    OFFER IT UP.
    kthnxbi

  • AnOuthouse

    Maybe they can start a band and play in a subway or something.

    • SnarkTank

      Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution libelz!!1!!11!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Jared can get them the gig, and Josh could give him pointers about how get away with it.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    The only thing they’re gonna miss about their “platform” is the yokel-buck money faucet.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Maybe they’ll fade back into the sad obscurity that their freakish religious sect deserves.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      One quivers with hope….

    • BackDoorMan

      … alas, that almost never, ever happens… haven’t you heard? Even convicted criminal Jim Bakker (of the now-defunct Pass The Loot Club) is back and sitting up front on the End Times Grifter Bandwagon… they never really go away. Exhibit A: Pat Robertson…

  • Me not sure

    “Honey, I’ve got bad news, we’re going to have to sell the girls into arranged marriages to meet the mortgage. What’s for dinner?”

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …we can probably sell the diddled ones for 50% off

    • Boscoe

      According to The Bible, I think they’re required to sell a couple of ’em to josh?

      • Boscoe

        -And then I think they’re supposed to stone him to death in the town square? They should consult the manual…

      • Me not sure

        Ironically, he refuses to pay for damaged goods.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They could make more babies and sell ’em for parts.

  • Angry_Cop

    Those poor girls haven’t had time to get “the Duggar taste” out of their mouths either.

    They may be sad, but I’ll bet TLC is sadder. Their plan to make the channel stand for “Those Loveable Conservatives” has come apart in a literal orgy of child molestation, and that means profits have been lost, and THAT means someone’s getting fired, and not some underling, either.

    • Antimassacree

      Let’s hope so!

    • Rex Thorne

      From “Those Lovable Conservatives” to “Touching Little Children.” Yeah, they lost some value.

  • Relativicus

    Maybe they need to reconsider what they know about God’s plan? They could begin by focusing on the fact that God considers people who try to guess His plan, or worse, who claim to have knowledge of His plan, to be blasphemers, specifically, and not very pleasant to be around, in a more general sense.

    • Blank Ron

      That’s not in MY copy.

      – JimBob Duggar

  • jviscont1

    they could probably field 4 teams on Celebrity Family Feud and use their faith to pray no questions require more than a 7th grade home schooled answer.

    • And I bet their answers on Family Feud would be a hoot.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Steve Harvey: “We asked our audience to name the five most interesting things you’d find in a bedroom. Duggars?”
        Josh: “Little sisters!”
        SH: Survey says…”

    • Biff52

      Or they could do a spinoff of HeeHaw, and call it HooHaw?

      • Amy!

        “Where, oh where, were you last night? Why can’t you leave your sisters alone? I searched the house over and I thought you were bed-bound; you slipped the lock plate and found the half-grown.”

  • Msgr_Moment

    You whiny xtianists of little faith. God has moved on; so should you. After all, whenever one vadge closes, a window opens.

    • Relativicus

      Is that why my bedroom is always so drafty when the missus has a headache?!?

    • Biff52

      Sounds like their platform got defenestrated real good.

    • BackDoorMan

      … or in the case of Mama Duggar, a four door garage.

  • Bureaucrap

    They can go to where all the other celebrities go to fade away:

    http://www.hollywoodiscalling.com/

    (Currently featuring Lou Ferrigno and Dawn Wells).

    • Relativicus

      Well, they COULD have gone on Celebrity Apprentice, but nooooooo…

    • AngryKatie

      How did I not know about this???
      Christmas shopping done. Calls from Lorenzo Lamas for everyone!

      • david green

        I’m with Biff – I’d rather talk to Maryanne.

    • PsycWench

      Who?

    • nmmagyar

      What kind of call sheet doesn’t have the price for anal?

    • Biff52

      $20 to talk with Maryanne? Sign me up!
      I guess a woman of her age is what qualifies as a milf to someone my age.

  • andrewdrinker

    Schadenfreude cha cha cha!

  • OooShiny

    But how can I be worthy of God’s love me if America’s Purist Christians aren’t on the teeveelookitybox telling me exactly what to think, pray, fear and hate??

  • Tallmutha

    “Jim Bob and Michelle”? Wait, was this marriage sort some of weird three-way thing?

    • Angry_Cop

      If the balls don’t touch it’s not gay. And, in the end, isn’t this the most important thing?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Jim Bob and Michelle and Ted and Alice. WORST MOVIE REMAKE EVER. A cast of thousands.

  • Notreelyhelping

    “Three Felons and Counting”?

  • arglebargle

    Have they considered hogtying one of their brood and placing them on a sacrificial bed of matchsticks while singing the praises of this god of theirs? Seemed to work for that Abraham feller.

  • azeyote

    and what He said was “eat some dicks”:
    should have said that about 17 kids back

  • elviouslyqueer

    What, all this whining and no mention of a GoFundUs campaign? WEAK SAUCE, DUGGARS.

    • MOG253

      No need. Their supporters will make the manna flow. Also the money.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Yeah, I read that as make the mama flow. Thank God they got the bleach shower installed today.

  • RJ (TO)

    “…a real stupid reality show about a vagina that cannonballs out a new member of God’s army every nine months or so…”

    I totes wanna gay marry Evan Hurst.

    • nmmagyar

      The line forms to the right…

      • Querolous

        On this blog all lines form on the left. Lines on the right get the Banhammer of Loving Correction..

      • LIT_Fag

        19 Cocks and Counting

  • JoeChristmas

    ♫ ♬ Cry me a placenta… ♫ ♬

  • BearGHAZI

    IT’S ALL GOD’S FUCKING PLAN, RIGHT? Technically, shouldn’t Xtians never whine about ANYTHING? Doesn’t their holy book tell them to SUCK IT UP?

    • Belasaurius

      Phrasing!

    • arglebargle

      And yet prayer, right? What’s the fucking point of that?

      • Beaumarchais?

        Keeps ’em on their knees?

      • Blank Ron

        Keeps their hopes up, right until the tornado hits.

        • BackDoorMan

          … and then a Voice booms out from the swirling vortex of dark clouds saying… “fuck off with your beseeching, I am SO done with you sanctimonious whiners.” Then the single-wide trailer flies over the treetops and off into the distance.

          • Blank Ron

            Now THAT would have made me watch ‘Twister.’

    • elviouslyqueer

      And God said, “Pull up your big girl panties and deal, bitchez.”

    • jmk

      Funny how they never see getting caught and getting cancelled to be part of Gawd’s plan… oh no… it’s just the stuff they want.

    • Karen Anderson

      Technically YES! But being humans and all, those pesky human feelings always seem to barge in and cause problems.

  • proudgrampa

    “The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith.”
    Perfect example of hubris, no?

    • JohnR

      You’re too kind.

    • Rex Thorne

      Also idiocy, and superstition.

    • Humanity needs to know about God and his good works so that we can someday all, simultaneously, project our goodwill toward him, so that he can defeat the Master’s latest plan. Wait, no. That’s somebody else.

  • ShriekinViolet

    “The Duggars want to
    return to TV because they truly believe [it was part of God’s plan for them
    to spread the word about their faith] that they want to keep getting PAID”

    edit: can’t figure out how to do the strikethrough thing in Disqus – be right back

    • John Smith

      We’ve got to drop you a letter grade because you turned it in late. You should have started your research earlier. It’s a good thing comments aren’t allowed here.

      • david green

        Dropping a full grade seems a bit harsh.

        • John Smith

          Tough love. It works!

          • BackDoorMan

            … yeah, just ask my parents. “You want love? TOUGH!” Well, they think it works. I disagree.. but nobody is listening to me anyway.

      • BackDoorMan

        … but… but… willingness, and ability, to learn has to count for something – no? Even if you aren’t allowed to comment…

  • arglebargle

    Thou shalt not go into syndication.

  • TLC is the best God can do? Is that even a premium channel?

    • The Lord is no respecter of Kabletown price tiers.

      • Biff52

        Goddamn Kabletown!

    • Rex Thorne

      Premium channels are for sinners.

  • VandeGraf

    God’s plan: Okay, Jim Bob or Billy Joe or whatever you call yerself, this is what you do. Get you a compliant female, have a shithouse full of wee bugnuts. Then getcherself a TV show (in my name, praise me). I’ll see to it that one of yer male kids is a perv, and gropes a lot of sibs and others of a variety of species. Then up in them glass towers some TV executionists will see the writing on the wall (not “mene, mene, tekel upharsin” but more like Jim Bob Ed, Jr, gets molestational) and will pull the show. Then you and yours get to do the wailing and weeping in Rama thing, and you are a has been never were nobody stuck with a bunch of recreational procreation misadventures. Howzat sound? Like a plan?

  • Portia McGonagal

    Awwww Jim Bob gonna hafta get hisself a job to pay for all them blessings now ain’t he?

    • MOG253

      UH, no. He has plenty to fall back on and owns most of the Arkansas legislature. They love them some Duggars.

      • ahughes798

        But the lack of TV income is surely going to hurt a little?

        • MOG253

          Well, let’s hope so:)

        • Karen Anderson

          Nope – they’re multi- millionaires because of that show.

          • Beaumarchais?

            And they don’t need to save for kollege.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            If they are like most grifters, they have already spent all of that money and desperately need to renew the fraud to keep ahead of the bill collectors.

      • dimplasm

        Technically, the pastor of Cross Church, Ronnie Floyd–head charlatan of the Southern Baptist Convention–owns the Arkansas Legislature, which is, at this point, merely a funding source for sexual perverts of every variety in Arkansas. Unless you are gay, a woman, or minority.

    • Biff52

      I think he’s mostly concerned that his Ashley Madison profile will be published.

      • theresa

        Oh please! Oh please!

      • Blank Ron

        ‘… seeks woman with vagina I can’t park a Nissan Versa in.’

        • BackDoorMan

          ‘… must provide own birth control, because I ain’t usin’ no Satan Sheath (TM), just don’t tell me about it.’

      • BackDoorMan

        … good thing Christian Mingle (Mangle?) hasn’t been hacked. It ain’t cheatin’ if you’re “right with The Lord”. Or so I’ve heard.

    • BackDoorMan

      … other than a sperm bank donor, what else is he qualified for? Also too I don’t think he can produce enough holy jizz to feed his ever-growing brood of bird-brains.

  • TLC’s unprecedented decision to cancel the Duggar’s TV series after only seven years just goes to show how oppressed Christians are in America.

    • Yes, exactly. If a little thing like molesting more than one of your under-aged sisters and having your parents cover it up is enough to get your reality show canceled, then I just don’t know what this great Christian nation is coming to.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        We need more Bible studies in public schools.

        • Celeste Lawler

          The Duggar children never attended public school. They were home schooled using an ATI Christian based curriculum.

  • Whu-oh, TLC. I think you done gone made god good and mad by abandoning the Duggars, just like when everybody hammer timed Babby Jesus.

    He’s flat out verily smiting the Conservative Homeland of Florida with a mighty plague, definitely of the Old Testament style o’ smiting:

    http://qz.com/461687/a-leprosy-outbreak-in-florida-has-been-attributed-to-spitting-armadillos/

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Leprosy-Spitting Armadillos!

      Jeez, how many garage bands do I have to found to keep up with the names?

      • If nothing else it would make an interesting addition to GOP presidential primary ballots:

        VOTE FOR ONE

        JEB! BUSH
        BEN CARSON
        CHRIS CHRISTIE
        TED CRUZ
        CATHY FIORINA
        LIDSEY GRAHAM
        MIKE HUCKABEE
        BOBBY JINDAL
        JOHN KASICH
        GEORGE PATAKI
        RAND PAUL
        RICK PERRY
        MARCO RUBIO
        RICK SANTORUM
        DONALD TRUMP
        SCOTT WALKER
        X A LEPROSY SPITTING ARMADILLO

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I’m going with the armadillo in the primary and, if he loses in the primary, The Donald as a third party candidate. If I suddenly reregister as a Republican.

      • Wombat

        AOT, K

    • Biff52

      You just have to monetize them.

      • Me not sure

        REK! REK! REK!

        • Biff52

          I went to a couple of his Texas Uprisings a long time ago, had the time of my life. But you have to attend one of his xmas shows to hear a couple of his songs not heard any other time of the year, such as this one.

          • Me not sure

            Best xmas song ever.

    • Pat_Pending

      From the Syfy channel: ARMADILLO-NADO!!!!

    • Wombat

      Oh, Florida, you never cease to amaze me.

  • Antimassacree

    The Duggars are really going to be hurt once they figure out that not only is there no “God’s Plan” for them, but there ain’t no head-deity-in-charge who gives a rat’s ass about them either.

    • Rex Thorne

      The beauty of the religion scam is the marks never find out they’ve been scammed. They’re not alive to complain when heaven doesn’t happen, and they die like any animal.

      Don’t try talk them out of it either, they’ll just get mad.

  • Gorillionaire

    They should all run for President. Spend the next year spreading their “message” and continue to cash checks from morons.

    • Boscoe

      NOOooooooooo don’t give them any ideas!!

    • OneYieldRegular

      The GOP primaries would just come down to 19 and counting vs. 17 and counting.

    • Wombat

      Pretty sure Trump’s got that grift covered.

  • Malmborg Implano

    I’m sure that every person who’s ever had their TV series canceled has felt this way.

    • nmmagyar

      Do you hear Gary Burghoff bitching?

    • sw19womble

      Dave Chappelle libel!!!!!

  • Mavenmaven

    They could have gotten a spot on the Palin network empire. Oh, wait.

  • shastakoala

    Don’t they have enough little ones left at home to enter them in the pageant circuit? Wait, same outcome.

    • Blank Ron

      The swimsuit competition would be… interesting.

      • BackDoorMan

        … I’m imagining something like this:

        • Blank Ron

          Too much ankle, I think.

  • Joshua Norton

    “The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith,”

    There’s always cameos on “To Catch a Predator”, I suppose.

  • MrBlobfish

    Were they smited or just forsaken? Hard to tell with God sometimes.

    • nmmagyar

      Forsaken, you don’t get up from a smiting

      • Wombat

        I don’t know, you just don’t get good smitings these days. In my day, we were smote unto the seventh generation and the grown sown with salt also too.

    • riledupone

      Well, rebuked at the very least.

  • Greg Fuderer

    is there anything more disgusting than a mother who doesn’t give a shit her daughters are being sexually abused by their brother?

    • nmmagyar

      Disgusting without a doubt; but she believes that her only worth is her uterus, so it isn’t surprising

      • Boscoe

        After the first six or eight, you probably aren’t very emotionally attached to them anymore anyway. ;P

        • nmmagyar

          My mom barely remembered she had 3

    • harryeagar

      Very Old Testament of them, actually

    • Logic of Color

      I read some stuff about how it’s not that uncommon in fundie cults. Specifically polygamous ones, but it’s not hard to see how unhealthy and uneducated attitudes about sex can lead to freakshow behavior in any of these cults.

    • sillyclucker

      Can’t think of anything.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Perhaps the husband who has quivvered her into it and the son who was only to eager take advantage of incestuous Cosbying.

      Truth to tell, they are all disgusting specimens.

  • Ilgattomorte

    “’The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith,’ the source says.”

    This actually is God’s plan, but the god in question is Vishnu. He’s had it in for Jesus for a while now. Vishnu’s been around for thousands of years before that snotty kid and his sociopathic dad came along and he’s had it with the two of them sucking up all of the religion in the room.
    Screw them and their litter-breeding followers! As far as Vishnu’s concerned, screw the Duggars and watch out Mike Huckabee.

    • HAIL VISHNU! And down with that blue-skinned freak cousin of his and his bell-ringing fanclub.

      • H0mer0

        that’s not his cousin! that’s his avatar! (and the blue skin is a metaphorical depiction of his dark skin as Krishna means “black” in Sanskrit, like the pictures of gods with numerous arms is to show they are always “doing stuff.”)
        (cue Benny Hill video of robber holding up the Bank of India and the teller raising his many arms…couldn’t find that clip.)

        P.S. I thought you were a practicing muslin anyway
        Also too, where did that fan club go?

  • I wonder if that P-E-N-I-S GOES INTO THE ANUS Lady is still around?

  • PubOption

    Seeing the definition of ‘Duggar’ in the article,if BSFD is still around, would she like to define ‘Skullduggary’?

    • Wombat

      Where is BSFD anyway?

      DID SOMEONE LET THE DOG OUT?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        I’ve been wondering the same thing. Always liked BSFD.

  • Bill Slider

    The Duggars and the Bristol have two things in common, attention and money. Oh yes, babies also too, and don’t forget Jesus, Harry and Joseph.
    Perhaps, the Duggars should consider a move to Wasilla, convince Sarah to repackage the Sarah Channel, and do sitcoms, like Bristol Knows Best, and the Duggar Grift and Grind Show. On Sundays they could feature the Jesus Loves Me Some Horny Hot Vets on the Prowl Show, Three Times a Virgin, and close with Vaginal Virgins on Parade.

  • Jeamonn

    Well, I guess God just…made other plans *puts on sunglasses*
    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

  • heusedsarcasm

    Coming soon to Netflix: “19 Kids and Mounting”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe they can go on the Pat Robertson Channel.

  • Lizzietish81
  • JohnR

    I think the 2 victims who did the interview with what’s her name on FOX are going to do some kind of TV special or something.
    The rest of them are going to run for President because it’s god’s new plan.

    • riledupone

      In the name of ‘education’ and ‘public service’ because TLC CARES!!1!!! dammit. And it’s a way of spinning off the two Duggarettes because a spinoff show was already in the works. So they’re pretending to be public-spirited and concerned etc. while doing what they were going to do anyway. The other 43 or 44 family members would be relegated to guest stars or cameos and they don’t like it.

      • H0mer0

        Insert PT Barnum reference here (low fruit) or Bob Marley reference (a little more nuanced.)

  • dimplasm

    Media Whoring at its finest. Some of the griftingest grifters to ever grift. Huckabuck Sugarbee is envious.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Great, now how will I learn anything on the learning channel?

  • The Molten Soul

    Thrombosed hemorrhoids are bound to make anyone feel like a martyr.

  • smr06va

    They can always do xian porn……it’s righteous…………..

    • Rex Thorne

      That’s a scary thought. Christian X is always just for people who aren’t good enough for X. We’ve heard Christian Rock, and seen what Christians do with movies, TV, and comics. I Do Not Want Christian porn.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Imagine if you will a very white sheet. With a hole in it. Now imagine lots of yeah yeah that’s it yeah and right at the end, right before the cut of the scene, a plaintive voice asks “are we done yet?”

    • Grokenstein

      I thought stuff like Left Behind WAS xian porn. Are we talking about, like, Bibleman Does Satan’s Hollow, or The Devil Goes Deep In Miss Jones Because She Didn’t Tithe?

    • cessnadriver

      Does Larry Flint have a million dollar offer out to any and/or all the Duggar girls? If not, why not?

  • TheBidenator

    Whatever the Duggars think god’s plan for them is, I’m sure they’ve decided it involves child molestation and covering it up…I guess that means god wanted them to establish a church.

  • sw19womble

    Listening to the voices in your head that tell you to do something is always a bad idea. Especially when they tell you how special you are, and how they have big plans for you…

  • Fly

    Why did Jesus push Josh’s fingers into their vagina’s?

    • A Grumpy Cat

      Because all Mexicans are rapists, duh.

    • That may not have been the real Jesus. Perhaps this guy.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Love those cartoons.

      • Lizzietish81

        GENTLE PRESSURE!

  • Ilgattomorte

    It’s sad really because it wasn’t really their fault. They raised those children with strong Christian values. Each child was home schooled carefully and taught right from wrong.

    The children were lovingly taught that when two people are in love, God joins them in marriage. Then almost immediately God plants a baby seed in mommy’s cabbage patch. It grows and it grows until 9 months later the stork arrives with a new brother or sister.

    … Of course one out of every 10 times somebody rapes the stork.

    • onedollarjuana

      And 6 times out of 10 God blesses the couple with a new baby in much less than 9 months.

    • Celeste Lawler

      Wonderful home schooling using an ATI Christian-based curriculum that’s lacking in many areas. And the older ones, who completed it by age 16, all have GED’s. And, the older ones teach the younger ones. Great, huh?

    • H0mer0

      I thought the term “muff cabbage” was already descriptive enough, but your euphemism works also too.

  • Bren

    He could always go into politics like Daddy did.

    • A Grumpy Cat

      I feel guilty upvoting this, to be honest.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And yet, completely true. I share your guilt and the twinge for me is that the sisters have been dragged into the scandal along with Josh and JimBob and Michelle Duggar. I begin to understand why Jonathan Swift went crazy with indignation.

    • HairyEyedWordBombThrower

      Cheesy-a** suit, too…you’d think with that money he could hire a better tailor (/end snark)

      • JulieDB

        He bought used and saved the difference.

    • JulieDB

      Bwahaha! In all of his pics he is either acting smug or looking like he is lecturing us.

      • BackDoorMan

        … and he has no reason to be or do either. Of course, that won’t stop him.

  • Ergoetal

    Give ’em time. They’ll find a new grift. Or, god will find them a new grift.

    • Celeste Lawler

      Looks like Jilly-Muffin & Derick have found it. Or should I say “founded” it. He quit his accounting job at Walmart headquarters. And he & Jill have started a non profit business. Dillard Family Ministries

      • BackDoorMan

        … I think Dullard Family Ministries is a better name. Speaks for them, and for any “followers” they might attract (read: fleece).

  • Zhu Bajie

    Have you ever noticed that the people who are most eager to “just move on”, “forget the past”, etc., ad nauseam, are usually child molesters and war criminals?

    • A Grumpy Cat

      Don’t forget just garden variety racists!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Unless it is their “heritage” then it must be clung to like white on rice

  • A Grumpy Cat

    I honestly don’t know if these people know how fucked up they are or if they truly believe that they are the righteous perfect wonderful godly example for the world.

  • Cuberly

    Return to TV? Hmmmm, a pay-per-view Michelle and Jim Bob take the walk of shame ala GOT?

    Oooooo, maybe make it a yearly X-Mas special?

    https://craigashleybates.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/bellcow.gif

    Nah, that’s a little harsh.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I think it is far too gentle for people who pimped out their daughters and did probably irreparable harm to their son for the sake of a (failed) political campaign and teevee show.
      But I am pretty savage

      • Cuberly

        When I think of the degree of accommodation afforded to this cult/family, sigh, it’s difficult supressing the urge to slap something.

  • LeftNotRightISIT

    Rumor has it that Fox is picking up the Duggars show and renaming it 5 Out Of 19 Kids Molested And Counting.

  • ganmerlad

    “The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith twisted un-Christian lifestyle.”

    God’s ‘plan’ actually worked just fine. Quiverfull is now recognized as a cult of selfish manipulative loons, thanks to the show. Since the job has been completed, the Duggar’s have been let go. God has a lot of other projects in the pipeline that He’s eager to produce…I have been hearing whispers about Tony Perkins, that Klingenschmitt guy, and Ted Cruz. God was working on a treatment for Pat Robertson, but canned it when He realized Robertson doesn’t have much life left in him.

    • m3bosha

      Ugh, I live in the Klingeschmitt’s district. I hope he goes and schmitts himself.

  • cessnadriver

    Hate to say it, but if I had a small network I’d put the Duggers on it. To make money.

    I’d fuck with them, of course. They are too dumb to understand how the real world works, so for the first episode I would bring in Pastor Melissa Scott for some good-old fashioned Christobonding!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I like your devious mind but it would be hard to avoid being complicit in their next quiverfull of sex crimes.

  • Amy!

    From the book of Duggar 19 (and counting): “And about the ninth day, Jimbob cried out with a loud voice, saying ‘TLC, TLC, let-us suck-up-money!'”

  • Pugsandcoffee

    Duggary: an act that is criminal, but is totally ok so long as you only admit to other members of your church* it happened.

    *your church comprises your family exclusively, as it is large enough to field a complete football team as well.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Don’t worry, there’s no dearth of stupid tv shows for happynicetimepeople.com to make fun of.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “They put this behind them ages ago, so why wouldn’t the rest of the world?”

    So they think their God has a statute of limitations for sister-diddling? The same God who supposedly still slaps babbies with “Original Sin” millions of six thousand years after the fact?

    • If you’re a CHRISTIAN, every single sin, up to rape and murder, is forgiven provided you’re preachy and sanctimonious enough. All the rest of us are going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks just for the sin of breathing air.

      • Lord-Nash

        Actually Dolores, real true-blue Christians would never presume to know where someone is going when they die. It’s pretty explicitly stated in the bible (somewhere in the back, near the book of Armaments) that we don’t get to decide one way or the other, and it really grinds God’s gears when we do.

  • real_piewacket

    Personally, I think of all reality shows as the spawn of satan. When is this horrible trend of these mind-numbingly boorish shows going to end?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When will corporate sleazemongers stop trotting out tasteless shows that are dirt-cheap to produce and draw audiences in the millions? How about never? Is never soon enough?

      • Ricky Gay

        Reality TeeVee: entertainment for the stupid, by the stupid, of those stupid enough to work for nearly free. America Fuck Stupid Yeah! (I prefer Andy Griffith reruns. At least Barney and Goober actually earned scale.)

        • Celeste Lawler

          And Barney & Thelma Lou got to do more than side hug when they’d go to Mt. Pilot. And without any chaperone! Scandalous!

      • real_piewacket

        It’s a chicken’egg thing. Corporations only produce it because it sells. If no one watched this tripe, they would stop producing it. Power of the free market. There are plenty of quality shows still available for viewing. Why do so many Americans insist on tuning into this tasteless drivel? Or, here’s a really radical idea, more people could actually read books.

        • Blank Ron

          ‘We tried reading books but we couldn’t find the remote for them.’

      • Doug Langley

        Are you talking about the networks that gave us My Mother the Car and Gilligan’s Island?

    • janecita

      Except for Naked and Afraid! That one is OK.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      That’s what I say about Face Book! That devil spawn is a sticky mess and gets everywhere.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Here’s where USAmerican religious fucknuttery and its abstinence-only bullshit have gotten us:
    https://img.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://img.washingtonpost.com/news/local/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/01/teenbirths.jpg

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Here’s where USAmerican religious fucknuttery and its abstinence-only bullshit have gotten us:

  • sillyclucker

    So. The wailing and gnashing of teeth has begun. Rending of garments will soon follow.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Can we expect a wardrobe malfunction from Michelle? Asking for a friend.

      • Celeste Lawler

        Maybe she’ll go back to mowing the lawn while wearing a bikini like she did when she was in high school. Before she met her “wonderful husband, JimBob.”

      • sillyclucker

        It will probably be Jim Bob. Sorry.

  • maman

    But was Jesus crucified by public opinion? hmmm? I think not.

    • Kathy Cooper

      Actually he was. Pilate gave the Jews a choice of killing Jesus or a really bad man named Barabbas and the crowd picked Jesus.

      • mardam422

        Barabbas had a much better PR firm. All those apostles and their “I never met him.” and “Jesus who?” were no help whatsoever.

  • alnnc

    Maybe if they were a lot less intolerant, judgemental and self righteous, people would give them a break. Of course, if they did less of those things, they would not have any viewers for their show. Catch 22, sort of?

    • empf

      Exactly! They’re so busy judging everyone else when all this was going on in their household.

  • sharongibson

    The source says the evangelical Christian family, who often discussed their religious faith on their TLC show, is “heartbroken that they’ve now lost that platform.”

    No, they’re heartbroken that they lost that cash cow to feed that army of children they have, and now one or the both of them have to get a real job.

    • Lizzietish81

      They’ll have to sell them for science experiments

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk

      • sherrdbw

        That’s why the boys aren’t allowed to masturbate, that would be murdering future babies.

        • spacecat in space

          “God gets quite irate.”

    • sherrdbw

      Michelle isn’t allowed out of the house without Jim Bob. Her job is shooting out baby cannons. The one that I feel sorry for the most is Jana. She won’t be able to leave the house until the youngest child is 18. Then she will be an old maid and useless.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Man, that God of theirs is a fickle prick. Cancelling their show because of a little molestation? I mean, everyone does it, so what’s the big deal?

  • riledupone

    They can all work for the Huckster on his campaign. They’ve been huckstering for years. That’s not much of a long-term solution, though. Is selling blood still legal? There’s gallons of it in that family.

  • malsperanza

    In America, you do actually get completely absolved for covering up the fact that your older son was molesting his younger sisters by saying “LOL our bad, Lord Jesus, plz forgive us and stuff.”

    What you don’t get, though, is holding yourselves up to the rest of us as a shining model of the perfect family for everyone else to emulate.

    • Awesome Man

      Very well said.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    That tears it, Jim Bob is going to have to run for President under the Big Tent of the GOP (in order to house his children and children’s children.)

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      There’s grift in them thar hills. Especially for put-upon christianists.

    • spacecat in space

      The Fundie GoFundMe.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        It’ll be a link on the Christian Mingle site?

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Where’s spontaneous combustion when one needs it?

  • Dolmance

    I get annoyed every time I think they got paid for that goddamn show. It’s like Schadenfreud, only turned inward. It eats at me, and I can’t stop brooding about it.

    I’m fucking poisoned.

    • Sheesko

      Sounds like a pitch for a great reality show.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Too much Schade, too little Freude. Pass.

        Cheaper to produce: America’s Favorite Supermarket Cart Conflcits.

    • DsMTwoShoes

      The television program was the Duggars cash cow.
      The income from the show was, according to an individual at TLC 60% of their yearly income.
      There may be a new show on Court TV “Duggars doing Bankruptcy”.

      • PLAINTOM

        Maybe Trump can lend them his expertise.

        • Blank Ron

          It’ll be a YOOOOOGE ratings hit!

      • BackDoorMan

        … any idea what constitutes the other 40% of their annual income? I can’t imagine what else they could do that would generate money – assuming prostitution and drugs are right out. Now that the “Duggar Brand” has become so toxic I doubt it would be licensing, merchandising or personal appearances – so I’m at a loss to guess what else they are qualified for.

        • DsMTwoShoes

          TLC provided the Duggars with the financial freedom to open or start several businesses. Labor intensive no less.
          Their own family and members of their church.
          I know one venture is flipping houses and I think used cars. But that might have been an Onion type story.
          But I do know they are in dire straights. They operated under the assumption that they were going to be on TV until the Second Coming.

          • BackDoorMan

            … thanks for that DsM… I remember reading something about how much it cost to put food on that endless parade of chilluns, and I thought at the time “if they ever lose this TLC gig, there is no way – short of dumpster diving – they are ever going to feed this brood, after all, SNAP only goes so far (sort distance that it is)”.

  • Jason M

    I bet her tears taste like ambrosia.

    • Unforgotten

      To me it’s more like strawberry sundae…

      • jodyleek

        Pez candies. Because they pop out, one after another.

        • spacecat in space

          No, that’s teh behbehs.

  • motmelere

    Good God Luvin’ grifters don’t need a national platform to sell snake oil. Sure, you might have to bang that drum like it was your sister during a game of hide & seek, but you know that the locals will pay good money to watch your rain dance. Go out and WORK for it!

  • Rusty Fender

    Maybe they can get on FUX SPEWS. The only place that might take that white trash family

    • Mark Breitinger

      The Duggar News Hour!!! Hell, I’d pay a dollar to see that.

  • guppy06

    “God,” “free market,” what’s the diff, amirite?

  • Alex Grey

    Don’t worry, the invisible hand of the free market will take care of it!

    • spacecat in space

      Something something Brother Duggar something something sisters something I hate myself now ha ha-*blam*

  • kfreed

    No worries. The Duggars can always run for office on the GOP/Libertarian ticket… all of them. Just like the rest of the Christo-fascists in public office:
    https://www.academia.edu/9716371/CHAPTER_20_OATH_KEEPERS_NETWORKS_WITH_TEA_PARTY_AND_PATRIOTS

  • Kitsapian

    I had no idea that God had fallen on such hard times as to need a day job in TV production–and not even broadcast, but cable. I know that Zeus lacks worshipers these days, but you don’t see HIM mucking about on TLC.

  • docterry6973

    Jesus has forgiven them, so they should get a contract extension and higher cut of the gross.

  • mardam422

    Maybe they could disown the diddler. Then they could call their new show “19-1 kids but soon enough to be 19 again and none of them molesting anyone as far as you know”

    • david green

      I don;t think all that would fit on my DirectTV channel guide.

  • O4FSake

    Stop your foolish crying woman and do your Kegel exercises before the baby falls out.

  • edith prickly

    Oh they’ll wash up somewhere in the Christianist grifter universe (they look after their own) but they’re done as far as the mainstream goes. It was long overdue. I always thought they were creepy as hell but I’m a heathen feminist who doesn’t give people a pass for hiding behind religion.

  • tihond

    You’d think people who have read the bible as much as they claim they do would be familiar with all the times God brings the “mighty” low.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “and what He said was “eat some dicks””

    They can’t do that, that’s sodomy!

    • Mark Breitinger

      It’s OK if they’re cherry flavored gummi dicks. Y’know, the kind you can use to lure kids into your van. Be careful though, they stain!

      • vivian

        The kids or the gummies?

  • Ranina

    I see streaming channel…now that Sista Sarah was forced to give hers up, they can combine resources. She can offer a discount to all her current subscribers who paid for a full year and didn’t get it. What a show that would be!

    • spacecat in space

      Mama Duggar spoots out chillins, Bristol spoots out chillins. It’s a live-stream chillin-spootin’ jamboree!

      • Zyxomma

        I believe the proper spelling is “chirren.”

        • spacecat in space

          Thank you. I’m afraid I’m not even close to fluent in Fundie yet.

  • AncienReggie

    Say you believe in God. Say you thought that Duggar TV show was part of God’s plan. Say, go sit down and shut up. Your God a loon with a nasty sense of humor.

  • Rick Hill

    Maybe gawd gave you a chance, you blew it and he wants you to stfu and reflect on the error of your ways.

  • Tricia

    I’m starting to wonder if there’s been more than a little inbreeding going on with this family.

    • Blank Ron

      You’re just starting?

      • Tricia

        LOL. Well, I’ve never actually watched the show.

    • D_C_Wilson

      Unpossible! Michelle’s first name doesn’t start with the letter J.

  • Bob Harrow

    They could get real good exposure workin for trumps campaing as backdrops holdin up signs that say things like… dear jazuss cast a plague of erectile disfunction on donalds emminees…

  • Dirk Rockwood

    They don’t care about the daughters getting raped while the slept, just that they lost their show.

  • D_C_Wilson

    They’re crying because now Jim Bob has to go out and get a fucking job.

    Or at least set up a liberals-hate-us-because-we’re-gay-hating-Christians-so-send-us-money GoFundMe page to collect $1 million in homophobic pity cash.

  • Fanraeth

    I love how they like to pretend that there’s this entire population of people in this country who have somehow managed to not ever hear anything at all about Christianity.

  • I think it’s safe to say with no snark at all that the Duggars are just a bit too real for Reality TV.

  • JulieDB

    Poor Duggars. Grasping at straws now. Doing anything and everything they can to get back on TV and failing miserably.

  • E.A. Blair

    Someone should tell them:

  • barbara watson

    If there was a god he would have struck them dead not canceled a god awful tv show

Previous articleRand Paul, Stupid Man
Next articleKids These Days Good At Math, Bad At F*cking