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Is this yr Wonkette's secret admirer? MAYBE! XOXOXO

Are you ready for WONKET SCIENCE KORNER? Of course you are, because we are liberals and we love science! Let’s look at the Washington Post to find out what Studies Show today, oh look, Studies Show that if you are a man who is mean to ladies on the Internet, then you are a limp-dicked uneducated LOOOOOOSER lame-ass unwashed mass on the buttocks of America, and you would be sad about that if you weren’t so stupid:

That bit of validation comes courtesy Michael Kasumovic and Jeffrey Kuznekoff, researchers at the University of New South Wales and Miami University, respectively. For their latest study, published in the journal PLOS One last week, the duo watched how men treated women during 163 plays of the video game Halo 3.

As they watched the games play out and tracked the comments that players made to each other, the researchers observed that — no matter their skill level, or how the game went — men tended to be pretty cordial to each other. Male players who were good at the game also tended to pay compliments to other male and female players.

Some male players, however — the ones who were less-skilled at the game, and performing worse relative their peers — made frequent, nasty comments to the female gamers. In other words, sexist dudes are literally losers.

Haha, because they are getting beaten by girls! And also, they suck at life and probably live in their parents’ basements wearing underpants with their initials written on the labels, and they have never done sex to a lady or a gentleman, though they’re fairly certain they’d be real good at it.

Hate to burst the giant fart cloud that constantly follows these dorks wherever they go, but those nice, confident guys, the ones who are good at video games and good at life and therefore don’t feel the need to be mean to ladies? They probably do sex to ladies right after they play Halo 3, because they can.

This could possibly explain, also, too, why lady bloggy journalists such as our Kaili and our Editrix Rebecca have to deal with SO MUCH MORE SHIT from boy wingnuts than known penis-havers like Doktor Zoom and I do, even though all four of us make fun of stupid, gross, undersexed, lady-hating assholes in equal measure.

Like that one guy who always harasses yr Wonkette, remember him? The one who alternately goes by “AK47Guy” or “AK47World” or “Dan The A-K Man King,” who thought he was being SO FUNNY when he said that he wanted to give Editrix a “tip,” and by “tip” he meant his penis, because that was a funny joke to him? His exact quote was this:

Hey Rebecca,

I’ve got a ‘Tip’ for you, Sweetheart !!!

The tip of my Cock, darlin’ !!!

DO YOU GET IT? Because it is a pun, because “tip” could refer to a “news tip” or the “tip” of AK47Guy’s Wee Willie Wang. You don’t get it, you’re not smart enough.

Anyway, he had a website, but he seems to have lost it AWWWW, so now he has a new hobby, which is subscribing to the Wonkette newsletter, written by yours truly (which you should subscribe to as well!), and responding as much as his mom will allow, sometimes addressed to Rebecca, even though the newsletter is, again, sexily scribed by Yrs Truly. Like here’s one, about the Charleston shootings:

You STUPID Fucktard, the only thing that will save people in a Church or other Dumbocrap #GunFreeZone is a responsible person with a gun to shoot the Scumbag, you idiot !!!

You will see that the word “Dumbocrap” is his signature, and we think you’ll agree that it is the BEST WORD EVER. We’re sure it’s supposed to be some #sickburn, like in wingnut comment sections, when they call the president “Nobummer,” but no, “Dumbocrap” is funnier. Oh look here’s another one, about that hilarious fail of an Oklahoma Confederate flag protest:

Hey you Dumbocrap moron,
   That Okie Confederate flag Obama greeting was organized by a #Negro = duuuuhhh !!!

Duuuuhhh !!! Of course he would have known that was in the original Dumbocrap story, and that we made fun of that particular Confederate-loving “#Negro” at the time, but he didn’t read it because he was off losing a video game to a Dumbocrap lady, probably.

His most recent email entertained the F-U-K out of us in the Wonkette Secret ChatCave, due to the fact that he not only used his signature “Dumbocrap” flourish, but also named Rebecca a new name, which we think you’ll agree is A+. It came in response to the piece she wrote Wonk-splaining How Does Journalism Work, to Gawker:

Yeah right,

‘Rebecca the Donkette’, thinks she can explain Journalism ???

To who, retarded Dumbocraps ???

TAKE THAT, ‘REBECCA THE DONKETTE.’

Anyway, we just posted all these emails because we felt like they related to the subject matter of the piece, that’s all.

[Washington Post]

$
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  • Michael Smith

    Hahaha this guy’s name calling is on a first grade level.

    “You write at Wonkette? Ha.. yeah, more like Donkette ehehehe”

    • Anarchy Pony

      Most wingnuts stop developing mentally after 12-13 years old. Some even younger.

    • He called me “Homer Simpson looking”

      • SnarkTank

        Well, even a broken clock is right twice a day… (GD&R, and PLEASE don’t banhammer me!)

        • Boo!

          Boo, SnarkTank, Boo!

          • SnarkTank

            How dare I go after the easy joke! I must learn to be more introspective, thoughtful, and insightful before blurting out the truth first thing that pops into my head. This nasty, vile little snark mob deserves better than me…

    • bobbert

      Whereas, obviously, it should be Badonkadonkette.

  • Callyson

    This could possibly explain, also, too, why lady bloggy journalists such as our Kaili and our Editrix Rebecca have to deal with SO MUCH MORE SHIT from boy wingnuts than known penis-havers like Doktor Zoom and I do

    (sends internet hug to Kaili and Trix)

    • Mhael

      THIS THIS THIS THIS.

  • Callyson

    Hey Rebecca,

    I’ve got a ‘Tip’ for you, Sweetheart !!!

    The tip of my Cock, darlin’ !!!

    “Thanks, but I don’t accept tips that are that small.”

    – Trix

    • Oblios_Cap

      Large bills only; no coins!

      • SnarkTank

        “Who gave you a nickel?”
        “They all did!”
        #JustThePunchlines

    • Gleem-McShinez

      A “Half-pence” is not even good currency.

  • Oblios_Cap

    nice, confident guys, the ones who are good at video games and good at life

    I’m nice, confident, and don’t waste time on video games. Does that make me bad at life? I do like to drink in mixed company.

    • Tansy Geek

      No at all. It means you have free time for better things, like drinking. On the other hand someone should caption a pic of “the Most Interesting Man in the World” ad with ” I may not always play video games, but when I do, I win and I am nice to the ladies.”

  • Tallmutha

    AK47Guy seems to suffer from the delusion that a woman would be able to tell the difference between the “tip” and the whole thing.

    • Mhael

      LOL LOL LOL LOL BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!! :D

  • Bitter Scribe

    Thank you for waiting until after lunch to post that picture of the hairy guy with the guns. Now, how about taking it out of the rotation entirely?

    • cousin itt

      Beats Scott Brown.

      • Amy!

        Bqhatevwr.

  • cousin itt

    Little known factoid–Donald Trump plays Halo 3. But for some reason, every time he plays the game, his wall size video screen shatters once it’s over.

    • dslindc

      What a loser video screen! I like screens that don’t shatter and that show me winning all the things all the time!

  • onedollarjuana

    Now that gay marriage is legal, I can marry my Donkette. What? She’s already taken?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    He has an itsy bitsy teeny weenie -but is it polka dotted?
    Of course, women have known for a very long time now that there is a direct corrolation between penis size and dick-headedness. Where is our science money, science? shesh

    • onedollarjuana

      I’d suggest that if it’s polka-dotted it might be an STD. But then of course, one has to have S before one gets the TD.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I bet he got his STD from the glory hole at the local All Trucks

        • PirateCafe

          Nah, Rosie has a social disease.

  • Callyson

    Wow, AK who-gives-a-fuck is really losing his shit, isn’t he?

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–StBpeXKP–/npjhjs4fynuoqlvoehfl.gif

  • riledupone

    I has a confuse. So is the Editrix now a Donkocrap? Or a Dumboette? And what does that make the rest of us? Are we the Donketariat now? I’m having an identity crisis. It’s time for a pipe (prescription) and a lay-down. Sigh.

    • cousin itt

      I prefer to be in the Drunketariat.

      Is it 5 pm yet?

      • dslindc

        It is somewhere!

      • riledupone

        Somewhere. Cheers.

        • PirateCafe

          Took the word right out of my fingers!

          Look for the shaker of salt.

      • Dude, it was 5pm yesterday already…

  • Tom_Has_Doubts

    Dipshits
    are as dipshits do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt Probably

  • Marc

    Sounds like someone has a special friend.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Several. Rosey and her 3 sisters.
      Well…used to be 5 until the crocogator ….

      • Marc

        He may have even less parts if he handles his guns with the same ability as his keyboard.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Can’t lose what you don’t have, I recon
          Also, ouch

  • Hammiepants

    Heh. He took his gun hawking site down because people were mean to him on, of all places, a gun-hawking chatroom. The butthurt and cray-cray is strong with this one.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Wait, even wingnutty gun guys were mean to this guy?
      Does this mean we have something in common with wingnutty gun guys?

      • jmk

        I did some research on this guy a little while ago – I found myself on a Men Who Love Guns Too Much And the Guns That Love Them site in which the ammoamour dudes were slagging Mr. AK47 off because he posted pictures of “his” guns that he had snagged off of other people’s websites and he was exaggerating his collection.

        The disapproval of his exaggeration, coming from a group of people who frequently use props to exaggerate their own perceptions of their own manhood, made me laugh so hard that people in my office asked me if I was OK.

        • Why, oh why, would you not have sent that info in to tips@wonkette ?

        • SecludedCompound

          I saw the same thing, and thought that Our Wonkette had already mentioned it. It actually made me sort of like these gun dudes that obviously didn’t have much political bile in them. They were just like “Oh yeah, man, last time I saw Dan at the gun show, I paid a guy to go tell him some stuff to drive him crazy.” They were all having a hearty chuckle at his expense and all seemed to know him.

        • Ilgattomorte

          So wait, this guy was posting pictures of guns that weren’t his? You mean like, “Na Huh, I do have a gun friend. You don’t know her ’cause I bought her in Canada and I keep her in Toronto and her name is Shirley”.

          • jmk

            Even funnier – one guy said that he saw a picture of his own gun on Mr. AK’s website.

          • Ilgattomorte

            Oh that’s just wrong – macking on another guy’s gun friend.

          • SecludedCompound

            There was also the one about Dan the AK Man saying that he had some ammo that was super rare and was charging exorbitant prices for it, so one of the other dealers got an ammo crate, stenciled the type of ammo that he claimed he had on the side and had a buddy carry it by Dan’s tent acting like it was full of the stuff and he apparently went nuts.

            Pretty decent troll.

          • Wombat

            Ha! I’ve seen this exact same scenario play out on other (particularly equestrian) sites. I find it disturbing that gun people are crazier than horse people. That’s a pretty fucking high bar.

  • mrFawkes

    My work in the science of micropenised losers has its origins in the schoolyard game of Red Rover. Remember the game–red rover red rover send Timmy right over. You could separate a future micro-penis loser from the herd by his choice of always running at and trying to smash the weaker girls link.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      When I was little, many of the the girls were bigger than the boys of the same age group, self included. We creamed the pants off the boys teams, regularly.

      • cousin itt

        “We creamed the pants off the boys teams, regularly.”

        Literally?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          you have a dirty dirty mind and I walked myself right into that one with both eyes open.

          • cousin itt

            That’s why it’s better to close them first, it won’t sting as much.

          • arglebargle

            I assumed that was a requirement to (not) comment here.

      • mrFawkes

        My school was near the US-Mexico border. All the boys had cantaloupe-sized calves..

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Donkettes tend to be very genteel and ladylike.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Nice ass!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Is there a technical term for an ass’s ass?

        (Asking for a gentleman’s gentleman.)

        • Msgr_Moment

          IDK, but there are more of them than there are asses.

  • Spotts1701

    Ah, so conclusive proof that “self-important bearded tossers” (h/t Yahtzee) are…well, self-important bearded tossers. But now SCIENCE speaks it.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Science confirms the obvious.

      • cousin itt

        Ordinary claims require ordinary evidence.

        • James Christopher Owen

          From Hume did you hear that?

          • cousin itt

            It was just something I overheard in the rumor Mill.

          • James Christopher Owen

            Well played, sir.

    • SnarkTank

      I’d just like to point out that not all of us self-important bearded tossers are mean to the sluts whores bitches ladies. Leave science to the scientists!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I am humbled by the wit and wisdom of 47whatever and, since I can’t possibly compete, will cease posting comments (which fortunately aren’t allowed anyway) starting with this one.

    • cousin itt

      I stopped commenting before it was cool.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I stopped being cool before it was commented on.

        Oh damn, I just posted another comment!

        • jmk

          You just said it!!

        • Querolous

          No, you didn’t.

        • Blank Ron

          You did? I’m sure I would have seen it, if comments were allowed, but since they ain’t, I din’t.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    You don’t need a scientific study to confidently predict the AK Guy will never ever have sex.

    • Marc

      Sure he does, all the time. Then he wakes up and cleans up the mess.

      • PirateCafe

        LOLOLOLOL

      • John Smith

        Or not; just waits for it to dry, puts his sock back on, and goes out about his day.

    • Tansy Geek

      Pine tree crotch Libel!!!

    • John Smith

      Conversely, he has had it once, and his.partner’s laughter was so loud, he’s afraid to have it again.

      • I’m bad. I at first read that as “his partner’s daughter was so loud”.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Does raping your dog count as sex?

      • Blank Ron

        No.

        – every dog everywhere

    • JMPesq

      Now, he’s had sex, with real live women even! Sure, they were all professionals who he had to pay for it, but still…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Hey Rebecca,
    I’ve got a ‘Tip’ for you, Sweetheart !!!
    The tip of my Cock, darlin’ !!!

    Tell me about your mother….

  • PirateCafe

    Sounds as douchey as the guy in the picture looks.

    • jmk

      The difference is that the guy in the picture (from what I remember) meant to be funny.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I say it every time he comes up, but I think and hope and pray that the photo is the result of a lost bet. I’d rather live in a world where he’s a blue-collar sweetheart who cooks pasta sauce from scratch and rubs his wife’s feet every night until she falls asleep.

      • bobbert

        It’s been pretty widely verified that it was a joke. Which is good, because otherwise the Guitar Hero guitar is just too much.

  • SnarkOff

    No snark: Honestly, I suspect that the person behind the “Dumbocrap” missives is a 14-year-old kid, or a youngish guy with a mental illness. I’m just convinced at this point that there is so much undiagnosed and untreated mental illness in this country, and that a lot of the most vocal sufferers are young men.

    • Mhael

      “a youngish guy with a mental illness”

      Like Libertarianism? Kinda hard to tell the difference between the two, after all…

      • SnarkOff

        I think Libertarianism is a symptom, actually. Again, no snark.

        • Mhael

          That would explain A LOT, really (also no snark).

        • SecludedCompound

          I think you’re completely correct. The comments section of a Breitbart post reads like the DSM-V. I used to think that wingers were just more likely to go crazy and make fun of them for it, but at this point it seems like all of the right wing media appeals may be actually triggering people that need mental health services.

          • Steverino247

            “@troll” is all I can get out of them over at B.

      • sw19womble

        I have to say that Objectivism seems to attract teenage boys, and unfortunately, some people don’t grow out of it.
        Like most hardline religions, it also must be comforting for them to have something that you simply cannot argue or debate against – so resolute are their “beliefs”

        • Beware anyone who became a Randroid after age 20.

          • Mhael

            LOL

    • JohnBull

      Here in Iowa they just closed two of the remaining four mental health centers, possibly in violation of state law. My guess is that they’ll buy guns and start stalking coeds in Iowa City. And it’ll be Obummer’s fault.

    • Gristle McThornbody

      I don’t know. I used to torture myself when I would politely and passive-aggressively bait and bait and bait somebody that I knew would finally go into full meltdown mode if I just kept at them long enough. I always wondered if they were younguns, or people with mental instability/ anger management issues, and I felt bad for possibly adding to their problems. But then I started paying real close attention to what some of the Republican politicians and right wingers and teabaggers were saying and realized that no, these aren’t kids and they aren’t mentally challenged — well, yes, they are mentally challenged, but they are well aware of what they are saying and capable of reason if they would only decide to use even a quarter of their brain.

    • FauxAntocles

      Actually, he’s an oldish guy, but I agree on the mental illness.

    • Relativicus

      I think it’s equally as likely that the poor fellow is fifty years old or older.

  • kindness

    These sad losers must get tired of hearing ‘You must have a pistol in your pocket because I know what happy to see me looks like and that ain’t it’ from the women in their lives that know them.

    Question for those ladies: Why are you seeing penis challenged gun fondlers anyhow?

    • SnarkTank

      Mayhaps because they, too, are penis-challenged gun fondlers?

  • Joshua Norton

    AMA has already grouped Erectile Dysfunction & Micropenis under a new single medical term, “Open Carry Texas”.

  • SecludedCompound

    he wanted to give Editrix a “tip,” and by “tip” he meant his penis

    Just the tip.

    I mean, that’s all he has, according to science.

    • He could be a leper. In a literal and not just figurative sense.

      • Barbara Delaney

        Are you the person I used to read comments from on the War Nerd at Pando?

  • JMPesq

    Actually, it’s about ethics in pathetic loser psychiatry journalism.

    • Spotts1701

      Tommy Craggs?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Finding this post awfully hard to fap to (to the relief of the other Starbucks customers).

    • Hardly Ideal

      I guess that’s why God gave us Google and string bikinis?

      • spacecat in space

        On that guy? YOU SUNUVABITCH, YOU JUST MADE IT WORSE.

        • Hardly Ideal

          I was just trying for something any persuasion would agree with! (hetero-normative assumptions are bad, right??)

          We regret the error and ask that you direct your attention to the nearest clip of James Bond and Honey Ryder emerging from the pristine Jamaican surf.

          • spacecat in space

            So long as James Bond is being played by Idris Elba, you are forgiven.

  • AngryKatie

    Nothing telegraphs the paucity of your IQ like and adult using
    words like dumbocrat, obummer, libtard, et al as that rhetorical skill set falls
    somewhere below that of a middle school mean girl.

    • jmk

      Don’t they usually indicate that the user is a fan of Rush Limbaugh? It seems that his audience is primarily composed of people who find stupidities like that endlessly clever and amusing.

      • arglebargle

        smegma dildos, Rush

      • Malmborg Implano

        Yes, they used to be called dittoheads for a reason. Do people still call them that or are they now just referred to as “the frail elderly”?

        • jmk

          I often end up having to call them Cousin Diane and Cousin Tim.

          • spacecat in space

            I’m so sorry.

          • jmk

            Thank you! It has its upsides – for one thing, it makes narrowing the guest list when (and if) the offspring ever marries a whole lot easier, I must say. Any family member who ever posted racist bullshit about the president on FB or sent me emails abusing me for my feminism or atheism is right out.

        • AngryKatie

          I never understood that.

          How is it a point of pride to admit that “what that guy said, 100% of the time” is the closest you come to forming an independent thought? And they call liberals sheeple.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            It’s called “critical thinking” LIBTARD!!!1,1,111!!!!,1!1,!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          At the rate his market-share is tumbling, they will soon be called “those two guys over there.”

      • AngryKatie

        I think the venn diagram of Limbaugh fans and mental deficiency isn’t so much two circles with some overlap as it is two entirely overlapping circles.

        • jmk

          This is my impression, also too…based entirely on encounters I’ve had with folks who quote Rushie admiringly. I’ve usually found myself hoping there will be a helpful, rational person around the next time these dittoheads want to cross the street.

    • SnarkTank

      Kinda like we toss around “Miss Lindsey” and “Heb!” and “Krispy Kreme” and “Santorum”?

      • AngryKatie

        Actually no. Because there’s a substantial gap between satire and juvenile name calling.

        • SnarkTank

          Potato, potahto. I just think we shouldn’t kid ourselves into believing that there aren’t SOME similarities between “us” and “them” IN SOME AREAS. What we can find offensive we don’t consider offensive when directed in the other direction, is all.
          I’ll put my snark hat back on now!

  • JMPesq

    The fact that so many assholes feel the need to be dicks while playing games is part of why I normally stay away from online gaming – that, and the fact that I am an old who grew up in the day when multiplayer meant playing on a single NES/SNES with or against friends who are in the same room with you. Even on the Wii, which doesn’t have a chat function, some manage it – one time in 2008 I tried playing Super Mario Kart online, and one of the players had named themselves “Barack” – and was playing as Donkey Kong, the anonymous racist shit.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I tired playing bridge online once. Started in the beginners and no one knew what they were doing (how many card in a deck), and in the next level I got yelled at by my partner. Never been online gaming since. Also, so people not blame their controller? I’m sure it is the controllers fault when I lose…

    • Relativicus

      I online game, but never participate in chat. The fifth to last thing I need in this life is being heckled by a 13-year old.

      • Dee Andee

        I was a big Second Lifer for several years, until I got totally screwed over. It’s easy for the weird ones to hide in there, and they can really mess a person up. At least I never did that dumb romance shit in there. Never did understand that crap.

        I recently went back in just to say hi to an old friend and catch up with her, but it’s otherwise boring, and I’m not interested in making friends in there anymore. I’m happier with plain old Sims these days.

        • Blank Ron

          I still use SL, regularly. It’s a much nicer way of spending time with the fiancee than Skype or something of that kind.

    • Hardly Ideal

      My wife is really into World of Warcraft, and really good at it; one of the best Restoration shamans in the US for a while!

      Of course, that doesn’t stop random losers from yelling “kick her for shitty healz” after they died while standing in the fire. I think that’s one of the reasons she doesn’t do Looking For Raid anymore.

      • AustenFuego

        Even after 5 or so years of playing WoW it never ceased to amaze me how much one asshole making one comment about how I was a shitty healer (even though there is no possible way for me to heal stupid like standing in fire) could ruin the game for me for hours.

        Like someone giving you the finger after they cut you off in traffic…I think the inability to satisfactorily respond makes it linger with you.

        OR maybe it’s because I’m a woman and my uterus makes me cry.

    • timpundit

      I’m 55 and have been playing World of Warcraft for 7 years now. We have a guild of old farts like me, laid back , real chill no drama. It’s a lot of fun. And we tend to steer away the youngsters who want to join our guild, by telling them we are olds.

      In Guild chat we talk about kids grandkids, physical ailments. old bands tv shows …typical fossil talk. No one under 30 would enjoy any of that, so wew try to warn them joining our Guild would be like them joining their Dad’s bowling team. Not much fun for them.

      • Dee Andee

        I tried WoW recently, after watching my son play it for years. Unfortunately the left-hand directional thing is really hard, since it’s my left hand that has the most nerve problems and is exhausted easily. According to my son though, it’s really best not to switch to right hand for that since you need that on your mouse for battles, and I suppose that’s true. Kind of a bummer after downloading all that stuff though and having to update my drivers and such.

        I’m glad you have fun in there though! You should never be too old for that, eh? :)

  • Seems like being born wealthy is the only difference between Donald Trump and Dumbocrap.

  • FauxAntocles

    I actually tracked this guy down and it turns out even other gun enthusiasts find him difficult to deal with.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I’m reminded of how everyone in the off-road community shunned coal-rollers for making them look stupid. I guess there’s one in every scene.

    • CognizantImpiety

      How much of a gun enthusiast can he be if he only owns 8 guns?

  • SecludedCompound

    Yo know, I literally have the exact same feelings when someone says “N0bummer” or “Dumbocrap” that I do when I see someone says “rethuglican” or some play on words against the right. They’re bad. They’re not funny or witty. There’s always a better way to denigrate someone of an opposing political viewpoint, guys.

    • Does that make me a bad person for referring to Trump as Fuckface von Buttplug?

      • SecludedCompound

        Nah, that’s funny as fuck.

        PS, I love you all and I’m just speaking generally here.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        “It’s pronouced BOOT-PLOW!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Naw, I think that’s actually his given name.

      • CognizantImpiety

        Does that make me a bad person for referring to Trump as Fuckface von Buttplug™?

        FTFY.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Rethuglicant is pretty funny and also witty too. Much more than dumbocrap.
      Which I did not realize was supposed to be some sort of word play until you pointed it out

      • SecludedCompound

        I mean they have exactly the same amount of value to me, ha. They’re both off-putting. Plus, if you have intelligence and wit on your side, use it, right? They hate not being able to bring the same weapons to the fight.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          You have a point, however….
          do keep in mind that the you can be as witty as you wish, but if you over-reach your target audience, the impact is greatly lessened.

          • SecludedCompound

            True. I guess I’m doing it more for my own entertainment usually, like harassing a cat with a lazer pointer.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Word. I thought liberals were supposed to be pansy elitist poets, so we really should be doing better. Wordsmiths, motherfuckers!

      • SecludedCompound

        Absolutely! It’s far more fun to drive them crazy by outsmarting them and tying them up in logical knots and using verbal flourishes that make them mad at The Intellectchuls to me. I understand just being directly mean to idiots, but I guess I just prefer to call them idiots at that point.

      • CognizantImpiety

        “English, motherfucker. Do you SPEAK it?”

    • Relativicus

      “There’s always a better way to denigrate someone of an opposing political viewpoint, guys.”

      Not if you can’t win at Halo 3 there’s not.

    • malsperanza

      See, I like the invented insults – I think liebrul is funny, although most wingnut insults are about the level of You poopyhead!. And repuglican is just a good, solid pun.

    • Blank Ron

      But it’s such an enjoyable way of demonstrating contempt. IMO the trick is never use the same insult twice. Being repetitive is the REAL crime!

  • Relativicus

    I would laugh, but “Donkette” is a secondary nom du derp for one Julia Allison, a former Gawker fixation, and there’s nothing funny about trademark infringement.

    But enough about that. I want to know, and need to know, who has info on the subject of the iconic picture at the top of the page? Who is he? Where is he now? What are his wants, needs, and desires? What bet did he lose? Has he cut his hair, slimmed down, and undergone a full-body wax in order to hide amongst us? Could he be sitting next to me right now?!?

    • SnarkTank

      I’m betting he still shreds it at Guitar Hero, though.

      • CognizantImpiety

        Yet another game I can’t win for losing. Hell, the crowd chases me out of my own house.

    • Bad Granny

      I actually ran across his comments about those pics recently. He seemed a lovely fellow. Turns out he meant for the shots to be funny and their spread beyond his friends wasn’t expected but he is pleased that so many have gotten a laugh off them.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Actually, I’m happy to hear that.

  • Malmborg Implano

    Whenever I see that picture of that guy I immediately think of Russell Brand.

    • CognizantImpiety

      THAT’S who he looks like….sheeeit.

  • a_pink_poodle

    HEY! I take offense to the term ‘dumbocraps’!

    • Bad Granny

      In his defense, I [b]have[/b] put on weight since I quit smoking.

      • a_pink_poodle

        Yeah me too…

        • Mehmeisterjr

          If it’s any consolation, I have put on weight since I never smoked in the first place.

  • tihond

    *checks inside pants* Ladies are a-ok in my book.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      How many can you keep in there?

      • CognizantImpiety

        How many ya got?

      • tihond

        Not enough!

  • zerosumgame0005

    what amuses me is the name”Nobummer” is saying Obama is NOT a “bummer” :)

  • clubseal

    I’ll never understand that segment of the video game playing population that feels so butt hurt about women playing games too.
    I love video games, and one of the best relationships I ever had was with a lady who also loved them. Of course, maybe that’s the problem – I interact with women in real life and therefore know that they like being treated like human beings, also, too.

    • jmk

      No, dude… it’s about ethics in journalism.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And heritage. Don’t forget that. It’s about heritage also, too.

    • Hardly Ideal

      It’s the damnedest thing. I thought most boys were upset that girls never played video games with them, but now that they do it’s just the worst thing since Daikatana.

      Really, when you meet some lady-type who says “Hey, I love Xenogears!” what do you do?
      (A) Marry her on the spot with Weltall officiating
      (B) Heated debate about how Citan is so OP
      (C) Threaten to rape her when she says Elly is a shallow love interest

      …damn, son. You really picked C? Bad ending for you, and you don’t get to reload from an earlier save point.

      • clubseal

        I’d at least buy her a Coke, or something not disgusting.

        • CognizantImpiety

          Have you SEEN the ingredients of Coca-cola? That shit will eat a nail in 8 hours.

  • Emotionally stunted 14-year-old, or Gov. Chris Christie? You decide!

    • CognizantImpiety

      Hey, man! You are talking about the next President of the Un…..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I can’t even finish the sentence.

      • Unforgotten

        Not to mention that it’s Trump who will win the nom…
        Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahaha
        I’m sorry, I will try again…
        (Ready? Steady? Go!)
        Trump will be the Republican candidate in the…
        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  • The Big Truth

    So Dumbocrap = Democrat, but could also refer to elephant shit, which is pretty much all that’s coming out of the GOP these days. Is this an accidental indictment of our entire political system?

    You guys, I think we’ve stumbled upon a rhetorical idiot savant. His genius/derptitude knows no bounds. Except, of course, punctuation.

  • VandeGraf

    Wait!! So they’re saying that some losers are jerks? Wow, like science! Before I was all like “anecdotal, man!” but now it’s science! Jerks have hit the bigs!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    “Dumbo – Crap” is actually an apt description for Donald Trump, Republican Candidate:

    Cartoon Elephant Shit

  • Joel Abrams

    The Commenter Quadrille

    Possibly by Evan Hurst (or not)

    With apologies to LC

    “Will you troll a little faster?” said a writer to a snail,

    “There’s a loser close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail.

    See how eagerly the radicals and Dumbocraps advance!

    They are waiting on the website – will you come and join the dance?

    Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?

    Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?

    “You can really have no notion how delightful it will be

    When we take them up and throw them, all the losers, out to sea!”

  • sonaliraq

    HOW DID THEY EVER EVER FIGURE THIS OUT??? AMAZEBALLS!!!

  • YayConspiracy

    he had an itsy-bitsy, teeny wiener…

  • Drew Miner

    the itsy bitsy penis haver,
    typed on the internet,
    down came the ban hammer
    and washed out all his dumbocrap,
    the itsy bitsy penis haver,
    got a new gmail address again,

  • meepmeep09

    A good post, but I always have mixed feelings whenever I see that photo which is used at the beginning of this piece. Having read the back story on that guy – the authors tagged him with the moniker “RockGlockCock” – I feel no small amount of sympathy for him. He comes across as a decent but very unlucky soul. But I can see why that and similar photos of him are so attractive for the wackier corners of online media, including this beloved site. Not a complaint really, just a forlorn Le Sigh from me. I’ll settle for hoping that he can at least monetize his many on-screen appearances at some point, if he isn’t doing so already.

    Anyhoo, carry on…

    • janecita

      Ahh, now I feel bad. He seems like a sad, unhappy man. I hope that he has found a new wife.

  • Last Hussar

    I am crap at shooters. I am also pretty cordial to people, even those soft rounded nice to hold ones with lady bits. This is because its ONLY A FUCKING GAME. Plus were I work colleagues face danger on a daily basis, and some of them are ladies, and can take care of themselves. I sit nice and safe in an office.

  • Wombat

    Rebecca and Donkette don’t even rhyme. Lame.

  • Donna Rail

    What is a donkette?

    • Suttree

      $20 same as in town.

    • janecita

      A sexy democrat with luscious knockers.

    • Captain Kraut

      Not a participant in the world famous Tijuana donkey show?

      Asking for a friend…

  • Rick Hill

    Ever see the movie “Scanners”? Can’t we find a volunteer to mutate(Ok, I’ll do it) and people who make these comments will suddenly find their lives so much easier…

  • Independently Yours

    I just have to say that every time I see that picture of that dude with his guns, I just have to scrub my eyeballs with steel wool and bleach my brain. And just when I’ve forgotten it even exists, there it is again-surprise!!

    THANKS, WONKETTE!!!!!1!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I know, right? I was EATING DINNER when that popped up. Not kool.

      • CognizantImpiety

        That’ll teach ya to use electronics when you are EATING DINNER!

      • Independently Yours

        Oh no! LOL, tears in my eyes, poor you!

    • janecita

      I know, same thing here! No lie, about six months ago, I had a nightmare about this hairy fuck. I’m gonna have to Google some Ryan Gosling pictures before going to bed.

      • Independently Yours

        He’s stalking you!

  • malsperanza

    Stealing from my own notcomment the other day:

    **This preview of the GOP Presidential Debates is brought to you by the brain trust at Fox News.**

  • Dolmance

    They can reform their behavior all they want, but they’re still going to have small penises.

    For fuck’s sake, will somebody invent a penis enlarging drug for real, so we can actually get single payer health care, clean up the environment, do something about this income inequality thing and get our fucking infrastructure in order?

  • Barbara Delaney

    I’ve had enough experience with this to write my own study. When I first started going online I naively used my own gender revealing name. It didn’t take long to discover what a huge mistake it was.

    It really bothered me initially, I could be participating in a friendly discussion about books, music, medical issue or just any random thing and suddenly I’d attract the attention of the resident micropenis dude. There were usually some very nice guys around who would help me fight my corner but it still derailed conversations and was tedious for all involved. I usually left the sites rather than continue to subject people to ongoing crap.

    Last year I started participating on an investment site under a neutral name but it was just assumed I was male since about 99% of the people commenting were men. It was really freeing, I enjoyed being able to say whatever I wanted and not be attacked for my gender. The irony is there was a highly unpleasant woman at the site who would troll, go in for the ad hominem attacks, and then whine when she was taken to task because she would claim she was being savaged because of her lady parts. She complained bitterly about me and I was thrown off of the site! At that time I let the administrators in on the joke, alas, it made no difference. I was the mean misogynist male picking on the delicate little lady. Even though I was a woman. ( Sojourner Truth, etc.)

    I feel like I’ve been given a really weird glimpse into the online gender wars.

    • CognizantImpiety

      One time I wrote a short soft-porn story. I convinced a woman I knew to send it out to our circle of friends as though *she* had written it. All the guys were extremely intrigued and fascinated that this woman had written such a sexy story.

      It got real quiet when I revealed myself as the *male* author. I didn’t get a single compliment on my story while the very nicely shaped young lady had gotten several.

      I’ve been laughing over that one for 30 years.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Resident micropenis dude, that’s a keeper. The featured performance artists of our weekly Deleted Comments posts are almost all micropenis dudes.

    • Unforgotten

      The only time I can recall a penis was shown in the TV (without anything to block it like pixelization) was in that South Park’s episode made like a month after 9/11 in which the boys end up in Afghanistan and Cartman (wearing a burqa) meets Osama bin Laden, and at some point he take ObL’s clothes leaving him stark naked in front of the ‘camera’.
      It takes three or four magnifying glasses one over the one before to let us see something really really tiny…
      Those guys must get envious every time they watch that scene…

    • cleos_mom

      The expression “lady parts” always puts me in mind of the era when female genitalia were referred to as Down There.

      In later years, I had to wonder how many people got women’s crotches confused with Australia.

  • CognizantImpiety

    You know who else is a donkette?

    • Barbara Delaney

      This guy?

  • Duke

    Who has time for on-line games anyways. I’m too busy destroying Christmas and other liberal objectives.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Every time I read stories about the abundance of maladjusted post teen male gamers, it gets me to reflecting that perhaps ending the military draft was not such a good thing.

    • Respiteini

      The rich ones would just find a way to get out of it, like they do. Wouldn’t change much.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Throwing people into a military force can knock off some corners but the last time we did it, in Veetnam, we wound up with a whole bunch of casualties some dead, some drug-addicted and others suffering from PSTD. I take your point but probably not.

      • cleos_mom

        But there might have been, and still would be, much more caution about warmongering. No shortage of Reel Amurrcns who are just fine with young people dying in manufactured wars — as long as that doesn’t include the fruit of their own loins.

    • not ted danson

      You want those racist, misogynistic immature douchenozzles protecting our country?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    What is it with these guys? It’s Dumbocrapic #GunFreeZone!

  • dshwa
  • NotALiar

    Donkette is fucking sweet!

  • Alex Grey

    *Scratches out eyes*

  • Lord-Nash

    Rebecca the Donkette…Reminds me of….

  • Lazy Media

    It’s actually about ethics in dick jokes.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    When I read stuff like this, “You STUPID Fucktard, the only thing that
    will save people in a Church or other Dumbocrap #GunFreeZone is a
    responsible person with a gun to shoot the Scumbag, you idiot !!!”

    I like to leave this picture in response…

    • JustPixelz

      An armed guard at the Chattanooga Marine base fired at Abdulazeez before his comrades were shot. He missed or was ineffective.

      Columbine had armed school guards, one of whom fired at Harris or Klebol but missed.

      At the Gabby Gifford’s shooting in Arizona, an armed shopper (bravely) ran out of Safeway and almost shot the bystander holding Loughner’s gun.

  • cleos_mom

    Ditto to the guys who, in discussions about marriage equality, say they want polygamy legalized “so I can marry 3 hot chicks.”

    Chances are the guy is still on that bar stool at Last Call For Alcohol. And if he ever approached the above-referenced three hot chicks, they’d most likely point and laugh.

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