Donald J. “Fuck You and Your Dumb Loser Moron Mother” Trump told us he is worth “TEN BILLION DOLLARS,” and now we get to find out how much he is lying about that. Forbes says he is only worth a piddly no-all-caps $4 billion, and he is only #405 on the list of richest fucks in America, what a loser. The 92-page financial disclosure report, required of all presidential candidates, has finally been released so we can see whether Donald Trump’s assets are in fact as YOOOGE as his balls. For example:

Donald J. Trump earns about $250,000 per speech. He holds at least $265 million in debt. And he receives income of $110,000 from a pension with the Screen Actors Guild.

Also, he makes money from investing in a wide range of classy stuff, like Target (fuck you, Macy’s!), and cigarette maker Altria (formerly known as Philip Morris), and also Whole Foods, so you can feel extra good knowing that when you shop for that overpriced vegan yuppie tofu chow, you’re helping to make Donald Trump EVEN MORE RICHER! Good for you, liberals, have a gluten-free cookie.

Donald The Trump is also the boss of pretty much all the companies IN THE WORLD:

It shows that Mr. Trump holds executive-level positions or financial stakes with 515 entities spanning from New York to Dubai to the Brazil. [Sic, because the The New York Times doesn’t have editors, apparently.]

And he likes the golden arches, because GOLD, duh:

Screen Shot 2015-07-22 at 10.58.06 AM

And let us not forget that he is a published author of more than a dozen books, and they are all about how to get rich and kick ass, and go bankrupt and then get rich even more and kick ass even more, like Donald Trump. For example, Trump: The Art of The Comeback and How To Get Rich and Think Big And Kick Ass In Business And In Life. But nobody buys those books anymore, SAD, so his income from those is “none (or less than $201).” But that’s OK, because he more more than none dollars on other stuff, like back-coming and getting rich and kicking ass, in other ways.

The Trumpster also has many limited liability corporations, about 240 of them, that are named Trump This LLC, and Trump That LLC, and Trump You Right In Your Face LLC. He is so good at LLCing. Maybe we will read some of his books to learn how to do that, and get rich, and kick ass.

In conclusion, Donald Trump is a rich motherfucker, but maybe not as rich as he said, but still pretty fucking rich, so sure, we should make him president of All Of Us LLC, why not?

[Forbes / WSJ / NYT]

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  • Bitter Scribe

    What this basically means is that he’s not going to go away, no matter how much the other Republicans would like him to.

    Heh heh heh.

    • This is his vanity project, so whenever he gets bored, he’ll probably drop out. Until then, we can all enjoy watching him drag out the GOP Id for all to see.

  • Nounverb911

    Not to mention yesterdays Daily News front page.

    • Vecciojohn

      Nice one, Mort.

      • r m reddicks

        Ought to play well on the The McLaughlin Group.

    • Wee Mousie

      Was the other medal a neatness medal for Trump’s other face?

    • Esteban Rey

      Well I enjoyed that a lot but I do not envy the Daily News tomorrow. Don’t they learn? Do they think this is a game with Donald? I hope nobody over there has a cell phone.

  • FauxAntocles

    He needs to fire his accountants.

    • Callyson

      He probably did fire the honest ones.

  • mrFawkes

    He also sits atop the golen-ivory-tower at America’s finest institution of higher how to fleece the rubes learning–Trump University.

    • Msgr_Moment

      All hail, Alma Mater:
      Trump U!

    • jmk

      Home of the Fightin’ Combovers!!

      • Wee Mousie

        But wearing Trump U’s colors was fun!

        It’s not often that young men have the chance to get all dressed up in tits and ass?

      • gedjcj

        Okay, that was just mean. Oh wait I just remembered I’m a horrible person, carry on.

  • Nounverb911

    Isn’t Trump the one who said that he hadn’t just married his third wife, he’d date his daughter?

  • Vecciojohn

    So what you’re saying is he hasn’t lost all of Daddy’s money yet.

    • Nounverb911

      How do you make a small fortune in real estate? Start with a large one.

      • Vecciojohn


  • memzilla

    LLC? Losingest Loser Combover?

  • BeliTsari
  • I do respect him for coming right out and running for office on the platform that he’s rich so he should run everything rather than hide behind piss poor paid proxies like the Koch brothers do.

    • Wee Mousie

      So, what you’re saying is that you respect his over-abundant supply of chutzpah.

      • kindness

        Wonder what that is covering up in Donald’s psychie.

        Hey Donald! You got a miniscule dick or what? (Where is Emily Litella when you need her to voice your stuff)

  • Msgr_Moment

    Let us know when his books become public domain. I think it would piss him off royally to post them online with snarky footnotes.

  • cousin itt

    He seems rich.

    • arglebargle

      Oh he’s rolling in it.

    • Wee Mousie

      You can’t buy brains. There are brains for hire, to be had. The problem is, you must have the brains to hire them, and you can’t buy brains.

    • r m reddicks

      Rich scum not unlike cream rises to the tip. Uh, top.

  • ArgieBargie
    • cousin itt

      What happened to his mat of head lice?

  • OneYieldRegular

    “My financials are in and they look great, especially because as a kick-ass big-thinker, I inflated them by more than 100% the same I way I do all my accomplishments.”

  • Rich and yet still he needs to exaggerate his wealth. If he wasn’t born rich, would Trump be playing online games and yelling at women who are beating him?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Just a warning, guys: DO NOT trust the sizes on Trump Condoms. My Triple-X Large barely covered the tip.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Well, that’s the only place one really needs it, right?

      • gedjcj

        Well obviously you must be YOOOOGE! (Just like The Donald.)

      • r m reddicks

        That smacks of the dear gunnboy AK who has the hots for a donkette.

  • Joshua Norton

    I think it was Donald Trump running for president that brought Berkeley Breathed out of retirement.

    • willi0000000

      well, that’s the end of tRump hair jokes for the rest of us . . . now all anybody heeds to say to top you is “Golden Tinkles!”

  • Seaside

    How to Get Rich by Donald Trump
    “Be born into a family of wealth and connections.”

    “Wonderful book!” – George W. Bush
    “Fantastic advice!” – Mitt Romney

  • “But that’s OK, because he more more than none dollars on other stuff, like back-coming and getting rich and kicking ass, in other ways.”

    I love you all, but if you are going to knock the NY Times for not having editors you really need to double check your own work first.

    • gedjcj

      Beat me to it. I usually let the little stuff slide but yeah, if your gonna snipe at typos you want to be extra careful proofing your own post.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall


        • gedjcj

          Well, shit.

          • gedjcj

            Adding to the irony, while I tutor math people with degrees in English come to me when they have have questions about grammar and usage.

    • Callyson

      Maybe they are using the term “back-coming” as a variation on Reverse Cowgirl (link probably NSFW.)

    • emberglance
    • Bill Slider

      Blogs don’t make grammar errors; everyone knows that. Besides, Wonkette does not give tests, nor does it allow comments.They deal with facts, just the facts. Fact: English is not our first language.

      • willi0000000

        our first language is cussin’

        • Bill Slider

          Buttfucking, also, too.

    • Bad Granny

      It took that as a reference to some book he wrote about making a comeback.

      • Amy!

        Pretty sure the criticism is for the “more more”.

        • Bad Granny

          Well heck, I didn’t even notice that. I plead age and infirmity.

          • Amy!

            Heh. I tripped over it in the article, but when I read it quoted, I couldn’t see the problem until I’d read it again half a dozen times. :-)

          • riledupone

            We’re just used to everything being bigger, faster, richer, YOOGER more-more from Trump so talking about him that way is natural. I had to look a couple of times, too.

    • r m reddicks

      The more more’s the merrier.

  • Joshua Norton

    The only thing that seems to upset people about Trump is his rudeness. Otherwise, he’s said nothing inconsistent with GOP policy.

    • Bad Granny

      It seems to me that they revel in his rudeness. As it is the only thing that really sets him apart from the others, I have to believe that it is the thing that they so admire.
      Robert Fulghum wrote of our public selves, private selves and secret selves. It seems to me that Trump is publicly speaking the thoughts of the private and secret selves of a shocking number of Americans, and they are responding positively because they feel validated. In other words, he’s an asshat in public so they don’t have to.
      I still think we sent him in as a double agent.

      • willi0000000

        it’s simple . . . his inner self merged with his outer self in a hostile takeover.

        [ you do not want to see his inner self! ]

        • Bad Granny

          It can’t possibly be any yuckier than his outer self.

          • willi0000000

            oops . . . meant to say “secret self”

        • r m reddicks

          His inner self spawned the thing on his head. His secret self is his second skin. His secreted self oozes over everything in a late Steve McQueen-ish or Union Carbide manner.

      • James Christopher Owen

        That was pretty much the selling point of Sarah Pailin: attitude.

  • Ryan Denniston

    #405? What a LOSER!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Who’s the most embarrassed person in America right now? #406.

  • Indiepalin

    Take me to the Brazil.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I thought The Brazil was something you went to a salon for.

  • memzilla

    Oh look! It’s the Donald Trump Insult Generator!

    Ex1: “Lindsey , the habitual vacationer, has zero cred. A total loser! I am fighting for our Veterans!”
    Ex2: “Goofball atheist McCain is truly dumb as a rock. So many things are wrong! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
    Ex3: “Irrelevant clown Jeb should be forced to take an IQ test. We’re not dealing with Albert Einstein. Funny!”

  • Oblios_Cap


  • Just imagine a President Trump…

    MIT “President Trump Simulations” Show 97.9% Chance of War When Trump Meets Any Foreign Official

    Senator Lindsey Graham Releases Trump Cockfighting Videos

    • Graham releases Trump cockfighting videos? Revenge Porn is really gross.

    • Wee Mousie

      Did he say cock fighting of cock biting?

  • lucidamente

    The other $6 billion is from all the lawsuits he’s totally going to win.

    • Wee Mousie

      Trump is just a my glass is 250% filled kind of guy.

  • Callyson

    The documents show, for example, that Mr. Trump’s wife, Melania, earns at least $105,000 from brands that license her name, including a line of skin careand accessories.

    Imagine how much Melania could make if she came up with a product that fixed that thing on The Donald’s head…

    • Wouldn’t require veterinary surgery to “fix” that thing on Trump’s head?

    • Lady Bug

      An uncanny likeness

    • gedjcj

      Parasitic caterpillar libel!

  • Oblios_Cap

    I have often wondered how ruining millions of dollars of aircraft and being a POW made McCain an expert on military affairs. I also think the term “hero” is extremely overused in this country.

    • lucidamente

      You betcha. But saying “I like people that weren’t captured, okay?” is pretty heinous.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Not trying to defend the guy, that’s for sure.

    • Kakkeltje

      In exactly the same way that going bankrupt 5 times makes Trump an expert on business…

    • gedjcj

      If Our Wonkette allowed comments would they have a Comments Curmudgeon of the Year Award? I’m sure I would be in the running.

      I’m no fan of McCain, I’m not a pilot and I never served in the military (I am a child of Vietnam and Watergate; also the ‘Wanted’ poster of our beloved US Army recruiter in my high school commons may have had some affect.)

      My father, who was a WWII bomber pilot and flight instructor (later a crop duster) assures me that landing on an aircraft carrier is one of the most harrowing and dangerous feats a pilot can perform and only the “best of the best” are even given the opportunity to try. Chuck Yeager famously said that any landing you walk away from is a good one.

      I agree that none of this makes McCain an expert on the military or foreign affairs, I just see no reason to belittle his service or his sacrifice.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        My father was an Army pilot and so had little reason to be around aircraft carriers normally. He liked to tell the story of his one aircraft carrier landing from Viet Nam though. He had to fly a helicopter part out to a navy carrier to have it x-rayed in his little single engine army plane. When he got over the deck, he was going about the same speed as the carrier (they had to slow down for him). As he made his approach over the deck, he was very disconcerted to see sailors casually walking next to his airplane waiting for him to land.

        • gedjcj

          To highlight what dad said about aircraft carrier landings, he tells stories of flying through 20,000 foot anvil-head thunderstorms over Oklahoma, where one false move would rip the wings off the aircraft.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      From everything I’ve read, McCain was a shitty pilot and a worse commanding officer. The fault lies not in the failure of self honesty by him but with the hierarchy of the Navy that glossed over his deficiencies and kept pushing him up the chain of command. And that should take nothing away from his courage in enduring torture and the worst of deprivations as a captive US military officer.

  • Callyson

    Sic, because the The New York Times doesn’t have editors, apparently.

    FYI, they appear to have fixed that typo.

    • Bad Granny

      Hey look! It’s a picture of Shypixel!

      • bobbert

        Ooh, that’s a paddlin’,

        Also, Shy is much taller than Homer,

  • whatwhomever

    “$250,000 per speech”

    a quarter mil for that gobbledegook? goddammit!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m in the wrong line of work.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I would up my fee for comments if they were allowed.

  • whatwhomever

    I’m not surprised he has no more book income since, according to him, everyone has already read all his books, so there’s no one left to sell them to.

  • shastakoala

    Trump sure brags a yacht about his inaccurate finances. Maybe he should read one of his books.

    • SnarkTank

      Objection, your honor. Implies Mr. Trump has the skills to read and/or comprehend.

      • Wee Mousie

        Skills and talents are for the broads who try to become Miss America.

        Why should The Donald learn reading and ciphering since he already has TEN BILLION YOOOOOGE ONES?!?!

      • riledupone

        He can hire somebody for that.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    So now we know how to calculate the value of “Yoooge”
    It’s about 40% of the real value.

    • SnarkTank

      Maybe he’s going after the vajayjay vote that way: “See? I only made 40% of what some man said I was worth…”

  • smitallica

    It’s a classic American “riches to more riches and then pretty much being a dick” story.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      ♫I know I’d go from rich to richer
      If you could only stand my hair
      And though my cranium is empty
      I am a billionaire. ♫

  • Callyson
    • tihond

      He just had to download all the “richard” pics off it first.

  • Mickey Bitsko

    Try as he might, Trump cannot buy my love, which is owned by Rhea Butcher.

    MB+RB 4ever

  • disqus_0lWqMBoD8b

    His value/net worth varies day to day depending on he feels about himself according to his own 2005 court deposition.

  • Wee Mousie

    The Donald not only lied to me about how many billions he had, but when I took a ride on his yacht, he made me do all the rowing.

    • Steverino247

      We keep you alive to row this yacht. Row well and live, XLI.

      • Wee Mousie

        That was a Bugs Bunny reference. You can’t fool me, I know the classics.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hey, you work hard, you apply yourself, maybe some day you’ll be the guy beating the drum.

      • Dee Andee

        There aren’t any bootstraps on deck shoes though. Wee Mousie might be fucked.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Today, we are all fucked.

  • Malmborg Implano

    I KNEW there was some reason why I avoided Whole Foods!

  • DahBoner

    When does The Donald attack The Brazil???

    • Drew Miner

      love them beetles!

  • Markuserektus

    The NYT is majority owned by Carlos Slim. Maybe that speaks to the quality of their editors…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If I had his money and his hair, I would want to spend $3 billion of it to do something that would fix the hair.

    • gedjcj

      You’d have to fire all the sycophants first, and if you happened to have unintentionally hired some people who would be honest about your hair they might tell you some other unpleasant truths.

  • Markuserektus

    He’s supposedly slaying Hillz and Bernie in da polls.

    • Doug Langley

      Emphasis on “supposedly”.

    • Wombat

      Last poll I saw (maybe a couple of days ago) had Hillary beating him more solidly than any other Republican candidate. I have yet to any polls suggesting that I ought to start day drinking earlier than usual.

  • gedjcj

    His degree was in economics (wtf?), so I can’t even say I meant to call him “a congenial lawyer”.

  • Steverino247

    What’s lost in all this hoopla about his actual wealth is the fact that he filed an accurate disclosure. Many pundits were saying he wasn’t a serious candidate because he wasn’t likely to let anyone see his true finances. Well, he’s filed the required documents under penalty of (easily proven) perjury. You may think he’s mad as a hatter, but he IS a serious candidate by virtue of this one fact. Therefore, his crazy statements need to be taken seriously. Blowing him off would be a serious mistake (See Reagan, Ronald).

    • gedjcj

      I admit I expected him to drop out before filing. The 1969 Laugh In ‘News from 20 Years in the Future’ clip appears to be unavailable, but it began “President Ronald Reagan [pause for laughter]…”

    • bobbert

      Evidently, he is not as over-leveraged as I suspected. That’s too bad.

    • Legion32

      Agreed Steve. PT Barnum was onto something about the sucker born every minute thing and there are plenty of suckers throughout the World. Looking at it from a glass half-full perspective I’m surprised that he is only pulling 20-25% percent of voters because he is keying in on raw emotions right now. I figured our population of simple minded voters to be slightly higher. Considering that he is keying in on the lowest common denominator of voters and bringing them out in the thousands (single digits)…he’s still a joke. I understand your point though and something I’ve been reluctantly kicking around. Time will tell.

    • anniegetyerfun

      To be fair, my contention that he’s not a serious candidate wasn’t based on his filing of financial documents, but on the fact that he’s an utter asshat. He makes Reagan look good by comparison.

      • Steverino247

        He is a clown, but he’s a serious clown.

  • Esteban Rey

    This is just a massive investment he’s making here. He told you he was worth ten billion because he had 4 billion already and he’s banking on making twice that from this whole thing.

    Ask yourself a question. If you were the VERY serious people in the republican party, how much money would you pay Donald to go away? Every day that goes by, wouldn’t you pay a little more? Now how much would you pay him not to announce as an Independent, if/when he is defeated in the primary?In the meantime he gets all the attention in the world, he can say anything he wishes and it will be printed, he is clearly having the time of his life.

    He has got them by the fucking balls and he knows it. It’s like he says. He makes great deals. This is a pretty good one.

    • Wombat

      If I were Reince Priebus, you bet your butt I’d have already set up that GoFundMe.

    • artem1s

      Cats get it. They only have to get you to feed them once and then they own you. And just like any bribery scam, once they pay teh Donald, he’ll never ever go away.

  • VandeGraf

    Anybody know where to find the actual disclosure, not just what some folks write about it?

  • Blackest Noobs

    he also has a LOT of debt, which is barely mentioned in his release….sure it adds up to 10 billion, but then when you start subtracting his millions upon millions of dollars in debt, it start to add up, well, add down….and it ain’t really 10 billion….just more smoke and mirrors.

    why can’t this douche get a bone spur to his dark greedy shitty heart?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Simple, accurate accounting is for losers.

      Convoluted, deceitful accounting on the other hand…

    • Drew Miner

      He doesn’t factor in his debt as part of his net worth, as he has absolutely no intention of paying any of it back. That’s what bankruptcy courts and LLC’s are designed to do after all.

  • Mavenmaven

    Looking at his assets, it is obvious that he’d be as good at being president as Ferdinand Marcos.

  • tinywriting


    Oh, oh right.

  • wds

    As I’m going through the article – I ran headlong into this wall of a statement : ” he receives income of $110,000 from a pension with the Screen Actors Guild.” WTF?????? What the hell has HE done to get that pension from SAG??? If it was that idiotic reality show – we are totally screwed in this country …. ARRRRRGGGHHHH!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Yeah, did a double-take, too. Are they admitting that the “realty” shows are really scripted? But on second thought, I guess with the merger of SAG and AFTRA the pension administration is unified.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Lately they seem to be working on scripting reality itself, which is to say, the news.

      • Lord-Nash

        Look at the AWFUL acting on ‘Real Stories of the ER’ or ‘Amish Mafia’ (where they explicitly stated some scenes, meaning all were reenacted). And on Dancing, the girl from Duck Dynasty admitted they do multiple takes of scenes.

        It’s like pro-wrestling around the early 90s. They’re getting to a point where they aren’t even trying to hide it anymore.

      • wds

        If that’s the case – I’m blown away, because that means aside from the royalties he’s getting pension that’s FAR larger than any full-time SAG members will ever see!!

    • Dee Andee

      Maybe it was his little cameos in movies from the 80s and 90s, when people still thought he was an actual businessman. “Home Alone 2” comes to mind.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Are you sure that wasn’t a porn?

      • wds

        Perhaps, but I know full time SAG folks who will NEVER approach that level of pension ….

    • AngryKatie

      Alls I know is that he’s a big ole socialist if he’s getting union pension money.

      Also that I’ve made some really bad career choices if bit parts in the Jefferson’s and what not would have given me a six figure pension.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Don’t forget his commanding performance in the animated hit production “Horrorween” with co-stars William Shatner and Jenna Jameson.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    Someone else in the comments thought of this, and it is genius:
    ferret top

  • Wee Mousie

    All kidding asides, Donald Trump had one advantage toward becoming successful that no other businessman in America had. Fred Trump’s money.

  • dslindc

    Oh yeah? Well I have a cute dog and I am not a horrible, obnoxious blowhard, so Me > Donald “fuck you, loser!” Trump!

    • Dee Andee

      When Trump talks about money, he reminds me of fans of certain singers/rappers whose retort to anyone dissing their heartthrob is to say “Yeah? Well, he’s made more money today than you’ll ever make in your whole life, so there!” Like somehow having a fat wallet equates with being right, or being better than. Fuck those fans.

    • janecita

      I also have a cute dog and nice, thick hair, so yeah, Fuck Trump!

  • texasace00

    Obi Wan Griftobi has decided on a horrific threesome ticket, a menage a’ twat, so to speak…Trump/Palin/Coulter 2016!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Michele Bachmann is going to be soooooooooooooo pissed.

    • Mintie

      Why, because Palin and Coulter aren’t smart enough individually to be Vice President? Makes sense.

  • Ergoetal

    I’ll bet he lied about his hair, too.

  • Mormos

    How does a person declare bankruptcy 11 times & still have 4 billion dollars?

    Fuck this country & the horse it rode in on.

    • Al Swearengen

      LLC. Limited Liability Corporation. In TRUMP!’s case it shields his wealth from his shitty business decisions.

  • commentary42

    This is the guy running ads for his hotels with any articles about him. As seen in Washington Post.

  • Legion32

    “Think BIG and Kick Ass in Business and Life or: Why You Shouldn’t Leave Your Kids a $100 Million Inheritance”

  • Sorry to be a pedant, but LLCs are limited liability companies, not limited liability corporations.

    But don’t let that detract from the fact that Trump is human garbage.

  • Lord-Nash

    I’m about as liberal as they come, and the closest I’ve been to a Whole Foods is Trader Joe’s. Is that almost as bad?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Try to imagine the kind of person who pays Donald Trump $250,000 to give a speech. Then consider the idea that the market doesn’t need to be regulated, because the smart people in the boardrooms know exactly what they’re doing.

  • 60 GRIT

    What a whiny punk ass bitch you are.
    As a file charges on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and locked him up for the rest of their lives-working individual who strives everyday to better myself so that hopefully someday I can be as Rich As Trump.
    I can only say that people who are jealous of her envious of his money are nothing more than scabs on the face of America.
    This man will do more for America in four years then Obama can do if he was the president for 35 lifetimes.
    I can’t wait for Donald Trump to tell Barack Obama you’re fucking fired.
    Then they have his attorney general file charges on Hillary and Obama and lock them up forever.

    • RickC4

      Well of course Obama could not achieve anything with a congress controlled by Republicans who batted down everything he tried to do.

      There is some irony that America’s first black president was in chains for most of his presidency.

      • 60 GRIT

        You’re a complete moron.
        Cuz from what I can see the Republicans come in every day and been over the desk and took it up the ass.
        Those Rhino jackasses pretty much gave that prick everything he wanted.
        Why do you think we hated all of their guts?
        Those guys are the main reason we voted Trump in office because we were sick of a bunch of do-nothing Republicans letting the Democrats have everything they wanted.

  • RickC4

    I have no problem with how much money he earns, not impressed by his tax evasion. but not surprised.

    I must be hard to have your parents only leave you $1m and to lose billions in business.

    To use his own words it is not winning it is what you accomplish.

    He can talk the talk, now let’s see if he can walk the walk.

    Oh and for the article writer, the moment you say “more richer” you lose respect.

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