Shut up, it is TOO Friday ... somewhere

So. It is work o’clock, Monday morning, and you’re eco-commuting to your job and sipping your vegan free trade zen tea, made with real zen, and scrolling through your iDevice to find out hmm, did anything of import happen this weekend? Because maybe you were not on the interwebs; instead, you were taking the kids to soccer practice, or perhaps drinking alone with your cat, or downing some hair of the dog with your sunglasses on — inside. Not that we’re judging.

But nah, not much happened this weekend. Except for, Jesus Sunday brunching Christ, EVERYTHING!

Yes, we will do all the wonksplaining with all the jokes-making for you, it is what we do, we are servicey like that. But here’s your tl;dnr version of the weekend.

  • First, here is a thing that Donald Trump said, with his mouth, about John McCain:

    “He’s not a war hero,” Trump said in a question-and-answer session with pollster Frank Luntz. Then he altered his comment: “He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured, okay?”

    We will have ALL the words to say about this for you, but just a quick note for now. Remember when Trump said all the Messicans are rapey murderers, and the entire field of Republican presidential candidates was all “ho hum, nothing to say” for nearly a month? Yeah, well, there was no tentative waiting to decide what position to take this time:

    Screen Shot 2015-07-19 at 6.16.29 PM

    The entire Republican Party, in fact, was quick to condemn Trump and insist that the GOP will not tolerate anyone disrespecting our veterans, as long as they are Republicans — because Democratic veterans like John Kerry and Max Cleland and Tammy Duckworth are fair game, Democratic veterans don’t count, DUH.

  • Netroots Nation, have you heard of it? It is this annual conference where all the professional progressives, plus some people who like to fight in comments on the internet for fun, get together to have panels and listen to speeches about how to be even more better at being progressives, and electing progressives, and hooking up with progressives. (OK, there are no panels on that last part; that just sort of happens on its own. Or so we have heard.) This year’s Netroots Nation was in Phoenix, and hoo boy howdy holy Moses, shit went DOWN. During the presidential candidate forum, moderated by journalist and immigration activist Jose Antonio Vargas, activists from Black Lives Matter started shouting and chanting while former Gov. Martin O’Malley was trying to convince people that he should be the runner-up to Hillary Clinton:

    “What side are you on my people?” they sang in unison as they approached.

    Tia Oso of the Black Alliance for Just Immigration, who represented the demonstrators, climbed onto the stage, secured a microphone, and delivered a speech while O’Malley looked on.

    “We are going to hold this space. We are going to acknowledge the names of black women who have died in police custody. And Governor O’Malley, we do have questions for you … As the leader of this nation, will you advance a racial justice agenda that will dismantle — not reform, not make progress — but will begin to dismantle structural racism in the United States?”

    Eventually, O’Malley was allowed to try to respond to questions, but he crushed his own dick in a vice when he responded by saying, “Black lives matter. White lives matter. All lives matter.”

    That, as the former mayor of Baltimore ought to know, is the wrong answer, and the audience let him hear just how the wrong answer it was, for which he later apologized.

    Sen. Bernie Sanders then tried to give a speech about how he will save all of America, with socialism, and yes, that includes black America especially also, but the audience didn’t want to hear Sanders talk about economics, so he got the booing and the shouting and the interruptions too, and he didn’t much care for that:

    “Black lives, of course, matter. I spent 50 years of my life fighting for civil rights and for dignity,” he said. “But if you don’t want me to be here, that’s OK. I don’t want to outscream people.”

    Sanders and his most vocal supporters mistakenly suggested that his record of fighting for social justice and equality — for, like, half a century — should count for at least two brownie points, especially because Sanders has talked quite specifically about some of the issues raised by Black Lives Matter, as Matt Bruenig describes for you here, it is good, you should read it. But nuh uh, doesn’t count, not good enough, MORE WORDS, MORE OUTRAGE, and then, of course, a hashtag, #BernieSoBlack, so you know this is SERIOUS.

    On Sunday, Bernie Sanders tweeted a thing, so the protestors won, maybe?

    Screen Shot 2015-07-19 at 6.55.14 PM

    Have we decided whether Bernie Sanders is legitimately An Ally or part of the problem, ACTUALLY, because he always wants to talk about economic injustice and doesn’t address racial injustice the right way? Dunno, we’ll look into it and get back to you. In the mean time, if you still like Bernie Sanders, you can buy this T-shirt of him, for your body.

  • Speaking of racism and injustice, remember when we told you the KKK was planning to have a little pity party at the South Carolina State Capitol to protest removal of the Confederate flag? Yeah, that happened this weekend. The Klan was there, and also Neo-Nazis, and they were waving all their favorite flags and saying all their favorite racist slogans, which is weird since racism is over.
  • Also, because the whole country was a shit show this weekend, like we said, a dead guy turned up in Demi Moore’s pool Sunday morning, WTF?

    Law enforcement sources tell us, a 21-year-old man apparently drowned in the swimming pool and his body was discovered early Sunday morning at the bottom of the pool.

    We’re told there was a party at the house. Demi was not there … she’s currently out of town. A law enforcement sources tells us none of Demi’s family was present.

  • And finally, we here at Yr Wonkette learned an important lesson from Facebook that Facebook does not appreciate Yr Wonkette using artistic artsy art pictures, of naked statues, if those naked statues happen to be fucking chickens. All of us Wonkettes what shared a very helpful public service announcement — about how you shouldn’t make out with your pet chickens because you’ll get diseases and spread salmonella — received a notice that we are not allowed to do that:Facebook noticeThen we all had to double-triple pinky-swear to Facebook we will never be indecent on the internet again. FINE, we won’t. After this:Stop that, it's bad for you

So how was your weekend?

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  • cousin itt

    Shorter weekend update: Chickens Were Fucked.

    • Tallmutha

      AOT, K

  • Msgr_Moment

    Black livers matter” — H. Lecter

    • cousin itt

      Thx for spleening.

    • guppy06

      Is that your excuse for drinking?

    • mtn_philosoph

      I chianti help it, this bean my fava.

  • memzilla

    Meanwhile, at a Treason Flag rally held in Columbia, SC, the Master Race confronts the Untermenschen and has a problem with blasenkontrolle (h/t Bruce Linder):

    • Msgr_Moment

      What a shitstain.

      • PirateCafe

        Looks like a pee-stain to me. ;)

        • Msgr_Moment

          He’s both.

          • r m reddicks

            Indeed, we lack the rearview.

        • david green

          That should do wonders for his street cred at the next KlanKlave.

    • Me not sure

      Ubermenschen needs new unterpantzen.

    • SK

      Always bet on black?

      • Steverino247

        Except during tax evasion trials.

  • Tallmutha
    • Msgr_Moment

      from the comic strip, The Adventures of Sam and Ella

      • Tallmutha

        The man looks a little like Huckabee, don’t you think?

    • r m reddicks

      Herzog was right.

    • guppy06

      How did you get my parents’ wedding album!?

  • mrFawkes

    The Short Fingered Vulgarian just tweeted “Demi Moore is not a war hero and a GI Jane Fonda. Also, too a irresponsible pool owner.”

    • Antimassacree

      About that clogged pool filter, Ma’am. There’s your trouble.

  • Antimassacree

    Netroots Nation sounds like ComicCon for the unimaginative. Will stick with going to ComicCon.

    • Tansy Geek

      I’m trying to picture progressive cosplay. Does everyone dress as FDR and Eleanor? Maybe a Woody Guthrie or two?

      • Antimassacree

        Or whatever a cat herder looks like.

  • The devils heat came down on Columbia, S.C. and left an old relic of the KKK dehydrated and unstable….just like the KKK.

    Lucky for the old cracker a good guy with a gun was there to help him to shade and water.

    • zerosumgame0005

      and if it had been a white cop and a old black guy the poor old guy would have been beaten and arrested for stealing all the water and then die in jail by “suicide”…

      • Msgr_Moment


        • Tansy Geek

          Obligatory Dave Chappell libel!!!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Meanwhile: wussy county clerks refuse to do their job, because they get queasy handing out marriage licences to the gheys.

    • LarkintheAM

      I wanna hug that cop. This is what America *should* be all about. Too bad the old guy is never likely to understand that.

      • HogeyeGrex

        That cop has an iron will. Can you imagine how strong the urge to push that motherfucker down the stairs must have been? Kudos to him for being decent above and beyond.

    • Me not sure

      Just where the hell does one go to get Nazi t-shirts made? Shitstains “R” Us?

      • PirateCafe

        Isn’t Stormfront the only vendor now?

        • Me not sure

          Couldn’t some hacker take them down (with votes)?
          Where’s Anonymous when you need them?

          • PirateCafe

            Hope springs eternal!

          • Biff52
          • Me not sure


      • guppy06

        Chinese sweatshops.

    • zerosumgame0005

      who wants to bet as soon as the old guy got home he started to complain about that “blackfella” touching him?

  • Brewerofbeers

    Turns out that it was just a Baby Ruth bar in the pool.

  • Antimassacree

    Trump has recovered from several financial bankruptcies, but he remains morally bankrupt. What a fine GOP standard bearer he would be.

    • Msgr_Moment


    • Tansy Geek

      Throw in intellectually bankrupt for the trifecta.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Let’s look at Trump’s amazing combat record.

    He took a page from the Dick “DICK” Cheney Warrior Way.

    • VandeGraf

      Gonna have to spend some time in the sweat lodge to put this all in perspective.

    • Me not sure

      Its either a tribble attack or yuuuuge wads of truculent Trump hair. Either way, frightening.

      • Tansy Geek

        Giant versions of the soot sprites from My Neighbor Totoro.

        • Me not sure

          Double plus upvotes for anime reference.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I think I see Billo waaaaay out there in the background.

  • Catstro

    Trump is acting like a WWE villian. Or like a guest on Jerry Springer. Either way, I half expect someone to sneak up on him and bean him real good with a folding chair.

    • QHarp

      ‘Bah gawd! Tha- that’s Elizabeth Warren’s music!’

    • guppy06

      Trump is acting like a WWE villian.

      But didn’t she already try running for senate?

  • ManchuCandidate

    As for Netroots Nation…

    It seems about as “fun” and humorless as CPAC minus the secretly ghey furries and tricorner hats.

    • guppy06

      Yeah, the ghey furries are out of the closet there.

  • Tansy Geek

    Facebook: We’lllet you threaten and bully people but not show pictures of a chicken roosting on a statue’s penis. Fuck you Facebook.

    • Steverino247

      Boycott Facebook. Seriously.

      • Just look at what I had to do to this pic of Trixel to satisfy the obscenity rules on FB:

        • Steverino247

          Go back in time and sink the Mayflower. See if that helps.

        • Tio_Doidinho

          My, but she’s growing her chest hair early!

          Totes adorbs, also, too.

        • r m reddicks

          Now I see why you seemed pissed off on Sunday/Monday. No sleep, a bunch of crap from fb and a bunch o’ shit from the perpetual shitters in the news.

        • Gristle McThornbody

          How DARE you take credit for work that I slaved over for 39 seconds! Yes, I am Reef Blastbody on the Twitters (and in other places Carmen Piranha, and That’s Mrs. Bitch to You, and Canarysaurusrex, and too many others to mention, but just so you know I’m not completely obsessed with MST3k).

          Afraid of a little competition in the world of computer-generated imagery, huh? Why, I can defribrillate the JavaFlash megabyte variables with the best of them. Just watch your back!

        • guppy06

          Awww, look! She’s got your nipple! Literally!

  • Tansy Geek

    Frankly there is nothing white people can say that isn’t going to sound insincere and hollow on the subject of racism. Even when we are sincere and really want to change things. We just haven’t had the same experiences. So I don’t know where that leaves anybody. Probably back where we started.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I understand the anger, at least insofar as it’s not part of my narrative (white privilege, hurray), but I guess I don’t understand not allowing the candidates address the issues and having a dialog about what can and should be done to make things better. Sure, disruption gets your personal issue to the forefront, but shouldn’t we all work towards solutions? Especially with those candidates that are most likely to be allies?

      • sw19womble

        Does (metaphorically) shooting yourself in the foot count as black-on-black crime?

      • Tansy Geek

        I agree with you completely.

      • Biff52

        Right. Shoulda hijacked Trump’s rally instead.

      • Jaime Oria

        If the perfect weren’t the enemy of the good, some people would really have nothing to say.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Tell that to David Brooks. I think he feels proud of his recent opining on the topic.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        That Brooksy! In his own fuddy-duddy way, as big a clown as The Donald.

    • sw19womble

      If you’re setting the bar so impossibly high that even Bernie can’t hope to make it… then what are you actually hoping to achieve?
      Are you, in fact, no longer part of the solution you so desperately want?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I have this argument all the time with fellow libs who vilify Obama for some particular shortcoming they are rabid about. It’s ok to be passionate, but thinking a candidate must conform to every idiosyncrasy of one’s personal ideological bucket list is a form of narcism.

        • sw19womble

          Absolutely! Fight your corner and negotiate…. but negotiate and work with the people who are minded to help.

      • JaaaaaCeeeee

        Yabut the importance of solidarity for political revolution argues for some appreciating demonstrations of errors we needn’t reinvent. Not entirely lamentable if some grass roots resist being co-opted by Koch money, and maybe Bernie’s reception in a red state like Texas bodes well.

  • Ryan Denniston

    What is it with Demi and younger men?

    • Vecciojohn

      Don’t know, but this one isn’t getting any older.

    • guppy06

      Well, if she weren’t so busy fucking the poolboy, maybe he could have kept the chlorine high enough to prevent this little dead body problem to begin with.

  • Dee Andee

    Speaking of Phoenix, a bridge on I-10 collapsed yesterday afternoon, which is really going to screw travel between that city and L.A., for a very long time. Hope all traveling back to Cali get there safe.

    • sw19womble

      It’s a shame Congress didn’t take the opportunity to stimulate the economy back in 2008 with a raft of transport infrastructure programs – then maybe all these bridges wouldn’t be on the verge of collapse…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Infrastructure, who needs it? Trump 2016!

        • guppy06

          Instead of collapsing bridges, we’d have gold-plated collapsing bridges, triply mortgaged!

    • guppy06

      But then how will Sheriff Arpaio flee prosecution to Orange County now!?

  • dslindc

    Wow, I’m glad I was drunk for most of the weekend.

    • sw19womble

      The guy in Demi Moore’s pool disagrees. :(

    • Left Coast Tom

      I spent the weekend backpacking in the Sierra near Carson Pass, and therefore offline, which seems like another good choice.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ben Carson Pass? How was the view?

        • Markuserektus


      • Biff52

        See much devastation from the Washington Fire?

        • Left Coast Tom

          That’s one pass to the south (Ebbetts), I just did a quick out-and-back weekend from Carson to Fourth of July Lake. First time camping there in summer, I’ve snow camped twice in winter. Its a lot more crowded in summer…nice to be able to swim in the lake, though.

          Don’t have my pictures ready yet, here’s what it looks like in winter/early spring.

  • Msgr_Moment

    OT, except for its relation to police brutality: Today in defenestration.

    • Tansy Geek

      Is that what the kids are calling these days?
      (Snark off:Jesus fuck, that’s horrible)

      • guppy06

        No, I think they’re still calling it “enhanced interrogation.”

  • MrBlobfish

    Judging by a quick perusal of the NY Daily News comments, Trump can do no wrong. His fans boy agree McCain is no hero, plus he dumped his first wife. Irony lost.

    • Left Coast Tom

      These are the people who booed a gay soldier during the debates the last time.

      • HarryButtle

        And cheered for poor, sick people to just die already.

  • I am sincerely disappointed with Trump. I really really want him to remain a viable candidate for the Republican nomination for the office of President of the United States, or at least a potential strong third party candidate.



    • lesterthegiantape

      The thing I was most impressed by is this wasn’t no pussy-ass little weiner shark, by the height of that fin. I don’t remember the exact math, but a bull shark (for example) has a dorsal fin equal to around a seventh of its length. That goddamn thing is two feet tall.

    • MrBlobfish

      Mick is very lucky that sharks aren’t very efficient killing machines and more interested in his board..

      • guppy06

        Every serious surfer knows that a little bit of seal oil makes it easier to get into a wetsuit!

    • D_C_Wilson

      That’s why surfers should always carry a canister of shark repellent bat spray!

  • lesterthegiantape

    I was nowhere near Demi Moore’s house this weekend either, and so have no idea how that guy ended up passing out from a handful of out-of-date quaaludes and three tumblers of vodka on the giraffe-shaped floaty toy.

    • guppy06

      Remember to always check the clearly-marked expiration date on your illicitly-made drugs!

      • lesterthegiantape

        These were given to me by Buzz Aldrin a couple of years ago. He kept them from the space program.

        • guppy06

          There were some wild parties down in Cocoa, I’ve heard…

  • Another Happy Fun Time from This Past Weekend:


    • Biff52

      The fuck? If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!

      On the other hand, I suppose they’re lucky it wasn’t OHJB’s motorcade…

      • guppy06

        No, wait, she owns the sidewalk too!

        It’s good to be the queen…

    • tinywriting

      I don’t know any details but this is, conceivably, a security guy taking action. Still, the optics are horrible.

      • Left Coast Tom

        The security guy would have to be a gray-haired woman wearing a hat! (British steering wheels are on the…wrong…side of the car… )

      • guppy06

        The security aspect is that, as Defender of the Faith, she had to get to church.

    • Barbara Delaney

      Oh come on, the average Brit would feel honored to have the Queen’s Jaguar leave tire tracks on their babby.

      It’s not a knighthood, true, but at least it’s something!

    • D_C_Wilson

      So what’s the protocol for nearly having your child turned into roadkill by the Queen? Do you bow or curtsy?

      You have to love this:

      The monarch is the only person in the UK who is permitted to drive without a licence and is the only person allowed to drive down the 2.6-mile Long Walk apart from park rangers.

      Rank hath its privilege.

    • guppy06

      (License plate obscured to maintain the occupants’ privacy)

  • Steverino247

    I can’t imagine how frustrating that demonstration must have been for the candidates and the people who support them or wanted to hear what they had to say. The candidates spend all that donated money to get there, have a speech written for the occasion and then some assholes hijack the event. Security or the organizers (or both) should have stepped in and done something. Cut the mic, if nothing else. Pissing off the people most likely to agree with your cause is just fucking brilliant.

    • Have you followed the fallout on Twatter?

      Talk about eating one’s own…

      • Steverino247

        While I have a Twitter account, I try not to spend my day there. I can imagine it’s brutal, as usual.

        I’m certainly sympathetic to the cause of blacks being able to survive the day, but they could have demanded a spot on the agenda and gotten it.

        • Karen Marie

          They had a meeting scheduled for after Sanders’ speech but he cancelled it after the shitshow, which of course pissed the self-righteous off more.

      • guppy06

        Nope, haven’t followed it. That’s what we have you folks for!

  • Fly

    How can a picture of conservatives discussing the issues facing our country be considered indecent?

  • Capt.Jim

    You forgot about the guy what cunt punted the shark and that Obama did a thing by not flying the flag closer to the ground and the Navy dude died what was shot in Tennessee by all the Muslins in the world

  • Snarky

    It took Ben Carson 10 hours to Tweet-out a response to Trump’s love for McCain. 10 hrs seems so presidential!!

  • sillybill

    Statue and chicken got banned, but that pic of a satyr fucking a goat a week before was OK? Hmm…

    I went down to Columbia to heckle the KKKlowns with my peeps Saturday, lot’s of good clean fun. Despite the best efforts of SC’s finest to protect them from the crowd, several flags got snatched, ripped up, burnt ( you know how hard it is to burn a nylon flag?) converted into quite fashionable footwear, etc.
    There were a satisfactory number of scuffles and I saw a couple crackers get sucker punched when the cops were looking elsewhere. The best tho was when they all left in a car convoy, one of the last in line was weaving back and forth fucking with protesters in the street and they completely lost control, overcompensated on a corner, and ran into a streetlight pole! Knocked the pole over, fucked up their car. The crowd helped with that last until the cops chased the crowd away. Unfortuneately the cops told them to just gtfo instead of writing them a ticket.

    • nightmoth

      My hero! Thx for the skinny on how that streetlight got knocked down.

    • lesterthegiantape

      THESE COLORS NEVER RUN! Hey wait a minute them coloreds ain’t runnin neither! Step on the gas, Cooter!

      • sillybill

        Actually, they were running- straight to the sound of breaking glass!

    • eddi

      Coppers just wanted those asses out of town ASAP. The “And don’t come back” part probably went over Cletus’ pointy head.

  • Jason M

    I think we can all agree this photo of a black cop assisting a rather bedraggled-looking white supremacist suffering from the heat in South Carolina this weekend was almost enough to turn the shitstorm around.

    • eddi

      Public service equality. Well done Mr. Smith.

  • BeliTsari
  • OneYieldRegular

    That chicken statuette should be the official Wonkette Oscar for Best Performance in a Wingnut Derping Role.

    • guppy06

      Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year

  • Zyxomma

    I saw This Week yesterday morning and wondered what Bill Kristol (whose opinion on everything is always wrong) was going on about. Netroots. Of course.

  • I disagree with Steverino below and agree with the writer of this article:

    If we don’t challenge our own side we get ignored. Bernie is great on economics but weak on racism and the black movement is right to bring this up. Don’t even get me started on whether Bernie thinks #PalestinianLivesMatter.

  • I disagree with Steverino below and agree with the writer of this article:

    If we don’t challenge our own side we get ignored. Bernie is great on economics but weak on racism and the black movement is right to bring this up. Don’t even get me started on whether Bernie thinks #PalestinianLivesMatter.

  • The issue under discussion at the time of the interruption was immigration. Immigrant lives matter, too, right? Every day, untold numbers of immigrants, many who are Black from Africa and throughout the Americas, face discrimination and violence in this country. Immigrants are frequently abused and many are trapped in slavery conditions by unscrupulous bosses.

    Why did the #BlackLivesMatter activists disrupt this portion of the conference rather than positively and pro-actively integrating their agenda into the conference itself or with the candidates’ campaigns? Dd the Netroots organizers exclude these activists from planning or participation in the conference? Did Bernie’s campaign refuse to respond to requests to meet with this particular group of activists, and this was the only way they could make themselves heard? Because it seems like these protests only served to unfairly characterize these candidates as somehow opposed to racial equality. Do these activists seriously believe a Bernie-administered Dept of Justice wouldn’t aggressively defend Black lives civil rights? It’s ridiculous.

  • kfreed

    Now why would black protestors show up at Netroots Nation? Would it have something to do with the Ron Paul love fest we warned would eventually blow up in their “progressive” faces?

    I simply can’t imagine why:

    Thank your Libertarian cohort for his sage advice:

    Meanwhile, Bernie isn’t helping:

    “NPR interview ‘You shouldn’t base your politics on your skin color'”

    Because, you know, blacks are just simple like that.

    You’re welcome. Which leaves us with: Told Ya.

  • jim2011

    I work 4 nights a week & my “Threekend” starts Monday morning.

    Sending out warm OH FUCK YEAH vibes to all teh Blue Monday peeps …

  • Bad Granny

    I just spent a week in Kansas and barely had time to pop in and visit y’all. I was just about ready to drown myself in Demi Moore’s swimming pool.

    • cousin itt

      That’s the cougar spirit.

  • Sterculius

    Shouting over people like idiots has never really advanced a cause. If it worked the Republicans would own the House and Senate, and … oh. Never mind.

  • pwlsax

    My weekend was excellent. I didn’t have a chicken on my dick the whole time, and I stayed the hell away from the Family Values Summit despite living across town from the venue.

    BTW, my take on Trump is he’s a New Yorker. New Yorkers associate shit-talking with sincerity and candor, and he obviously thinks he’s scoring big in that department. The difference is most New Yorkers know when to stop shit-talking.

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