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Oh no, how will the Duggars survive? TLC has decided that, you know, on second thought, now that “kid-diddling” has replaced “look at that fun family with so many kids!” in the American consciousness, maybe it should cancel the show. Surely this had nothing to do with fleeing advertisers, and everything to do with TLC’s upstanding moral character:

The show featuring the Duggar family had been in limbo since May after revelations that 27-year-old Josh Duggar molested five children including four of his sisters.

For 10 seasons, it had chronicled the home life of Arkansas couple Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their now-19 children. It was pulled from the network in May when reports surfaced of the molestations that occurred a dozen years earlier.

The network says that, instead of continuing to show “19 Kids And Counting (Is The Name Of Josh Duggar’s Bucket List)” on the air this fall, it will devote some time to teaching people how to NOT be Josh Duggar, by starting an “ongoing campaign to raise awareness about child sexual abuse.” This sounds like a great idea! Considering TLC’s track record with hit shows and surprise revelations of child molestation, maybe it would also be good for the network to spend a little time JUST MAKING SURE there are no other shows on the network hiding these sorts of secrets.

So, since we all still have PTSD from learning about the sex crimes Josh Duggar did to his family, let’s not focus on that. Let’s instead bid them farewell with a list of OTHER times the family was downright dumb, creepy, weird, and gross, just in case this is the last time we get to write about them. It’s time for America and Wonkette to be done with this family FOREVER:

See ya, Duggars! Don’t let the door hit you on your 19 or 21 or 678,573 asses, however many there are! We won’t miss you! Unless TLC decides to let some time pass and then do a spin-off featuring the non-molesty Duggars, since Christ Jesus, apparently that hasn’t been ruled out, because everybody in this story is a money-grubbing whore.

[Chicago Tribune]

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  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    I think the Duggars and the Honey Boo Boo family should do a corporate merger with the Palin clan.

    • Nounverb911

      Wait! Won’t corporations be people too then, also?

      • PsycWench

        Show us on the tax form where the mean corporation touched you.

    • freakishlystrong

      The Grifterfull movement.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Bristol may be the next step, as she may be in the process of demonstrating that she can fill her quiver without using the same beau.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        19 Baby-Daddies and Counting

        • Latverian Diplomat

          For a suitable definition of the work “work”. :-)

    • Anarchy Pony

      Backasswards LLC.

    • John Eubanks

      Maybe the Duggars and Honey Boo Boo have SOME standards.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Is Josh still taken? Cuz Bristol isn’t still taken.

  • Nounverb911

    When does Josh Duggar start working reach around ‘outreach’ for the Walker campaign?

  • And they were sooo close to triggering the “20th Kid” clause in their contract, too.

    Damn shame…

    • Sharkey

      “Can we stop counting now? Math is hard.”
      -TLC

  • Msgr_Moment

    Keep Frenching that poultry.

  • Lizzietish81

    I’m sure the next morally upstanding quiverfull family to get it’s own show won’t have this kind of problem (except Jim already admitted it’s a thing)

  • Jon Fox

    I guess TLC didn’t like that “19 kids and counting” could refer how many victims of Josh Duggar were out there.

  • PsycWench

    I await a fun story on “How to Raise a Barnful of Children without Reality TV Show $$”. It couldn’t be any more painful.

    • ManchuCandidate

      It’s called “Eight Mortgages Is Enough”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    TLC were probably waiting to see if the rubes would rally around Josh like they did that racist Duck Dynasty guy. That didn’t happen, so it’s safe to cancel and have it stick.

    So for the portion of the TV audience drawn to shows about conservative fuckwits, racism, misogyny and homophobia are fine, but child molestation remains a bridge too far for now. GTK.

    • Nounverb911

      Huckabee is getting all stiff over this.

  • Spotts1701

    So what you’re saying is we can expect one or more of them to show up on Dancing With The Stars in the next couple years?

    • PsycWench

      More like Dancing With The Spares

    • MrBlobfish

      Or Teen Mom

  • Lady Bug

    When God closes a Duggar, he opens a Bates

  • Tallmutha

    Well, shit, if there’s no more grift to be made, time to start putting the younger ones up for adoption.

    • Spotts1701

      Justin Harris on line one…

    • Lady Bug

      Their “sister moms” (and no, that’s not a Chinatown reference) already raise them anyways.

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe leasing, or rent-to-own?

    • jennofark

      Jim Bob: “I’m sorry kids, but I’m gonna have to sell the lot of you for medical experiments….”

    • AnOuthouse

      A perfect concept for spin offs. “Regifting the Duggars”

  • Indiepalin

    To be replaced by another reality show, “Terrorist House” in which bearded guys with machine guns berate each other over who’s turn it is to clean the microwave oven.

    • Nounverb911

      That might be a good format for the republican debates.

    • Playonwords

      Paging Marcus Bachman …

  • cousin itt

    Sounds like the show will be finger licking good.

  • jesuswasablack

    Maybe little Joshey could be Huckabuck’s head of HHS?

  • Lady Bug

    ooooh, Bristol and Sarah Palin are gonna be PISSED!

  • sw19womble

    I’m sure TLC have already lined up the ideal replacement in Justin Harris over in Arkansas.
    After all, nobody’s accused him directly of raping little kids. Just performing exorcisms, using them in election material and selling them off when they become too troublesome.
    Such a great story arc!

    • AnOuthouse

      Regifting children hasn’t been tried as a reality concept yet. I bet it’d be a hit with the TLC audience.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …without the show to distract them, they will focus all their energy on multiplying!!!God help us ALL!!!

  • Randy Riddle

    So … when will the Duggers be suing TLC for violating their freedom of religion and babby forming?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Now how will we learn how babby is formed?

    • Lady Bug

      Editrix & Shypixel libel!!! :D

    • Lizzietish81

      Piece by piece at the abortionplex

      • Anarchy Pony

        You can 3d print fetii now? What’ll they think of next?

        • Relativicus

          3-D aborting them?

          • Anarchy Pony

            I’d imagine the fetus printer’s feedstock would be based on blended aborted fetii.

          • Relativicus

            And maybe the machines are built with aborted-baby parts? I mean, do we really know what PP is sell-donating those parts for?

        • Playonwords

          From your mouth via the search engine I give you 3D Babies. Com

      • Spotts1701

        Do I need to bring my own Allen wrench?

        • jmk

          Only for Swedish babbies.

          • 24601

            IKEA what you did there.

          • jmk

            Well… the set-up was a bit of a meatball… so I knacked it out of the park.

    • Joshua Norton

      First you buy a mommy blog…..

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Finally there will be room for my two shows (in development) – Rainbow Rednecks and Truck Stop Crack Whores.

    • cousin itt

      Why aren’t there car stops?

      • JohnnyZhivago2

        Why isn’t Arkansas pronounced AR-kansas?

        • cousin itt

          Because Kansas was already taken?

        • AnOuthouse

          It isn’t?

        • SpideySenser

          It should be TEA-Kansas.

      • SpideySenser

        Why are driveways where you park and parkways are where you drive? It’s a conundrum.

    • eric

      Truck stop crack-whore is pronounced Lot Lizard.

  • goonemeritus

    Luckily the Duggars had the foresight to staff their own sweatshop.

  • SadDemInTex

    You know what really makes me depressed…the fact that incest diddling is “too far” for the American public but the bloody mutilation and death of tiny children by automatic gun fire at Sandy Hook is not.

    • Angry_Cop

      It’s a question of priorities, and in this case severely misplaced priorities.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      There isn’t a big incest duggaring lobby (except in Arkansas, of course.)

      • SadDemInTex

        I have to disagree only that while the NRA has vast money resources from all the Merchants of Death there are hundreds of millions of individuals in this country who if they had said to themselves “no, this is so horrible it must never happen again, ever”. But instead there is a deafening silence on the part of hundreds of millions of Americans which translates into NIMBY, so not my problem. Not only are most Americans insulated from death in general they are utterly clueless as to the result of what a shooting of this magnitude actually looks like, smells like…the utter inconceivable horror of small innocent bodies torn apart by automatic gunfire. I despair over the lack of true empathy that is the soul of most Americans.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Money trumps the majority as long as corporations are people.

          It isn’t so much a deafening silence, IMHO, as a money-driven deafening.

          Of course a morally deaf society is a polite society, so there is that.

  • Joshua Norton

    “I believe in Christian family values, but have a secret sexual behavior I will publicly denounce in everybody else.”

    -Next Cable TV Icon.

  • Barbara Delaney

    Two of the sisters are still reportedly in talks about developing their own show. And since they’re now married the stinky finger Duggar name wouldn’t need to be associated with the show.

    Anna, Josh’s wife, is now past her due date with her third babby. Poor little thing doesn’t want to come out until Daddy’s in jail.

    • AnOuthouse

      It could just be a jerk babby. I hear that’s been going around.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well, of course the sister-victims have been raised to do nothing of any value but to produce raw video for an amoral production company. They have no education, no knowledge, nothing to fall back upon but TLCebrity. Instead of bucking for a show, they should sue TLC for the rape of their childhoods. I think TLC owes them for life, instead of a owing a new shot at being exploited.

      Am I wrong here?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Blerg, just after I read this Happy(ish) Time article, my feed burped up this one:

    TLC isn’t done with the Duggars just yet: Network announces “one-time special”

    • Barbara Delaney

      It’s supposedly a special on molestation. Presumably how to prevent it, not an instructional video.

      Duggar’s are watching the ratings on this anxiously, if it’s a success the two sisters featured in it get their spin-off and none of the Duggar family will have to get a real job.

      Their fingers are crossed! Although it does make it harder to get them up inside the littlest Duggar’s that way.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Ug, taking molestation prevention advice from a Dugger is like learning about compassion from a southern state Republican governor. Or like developing an understanding of humility from Trumpidytrumptrump. Or like honing the finer points of negotiation strategy from Chris Christy. Or like…

        • arglebargle

          …abstinence advice from Bristol, or mideast policy advice from Cheney.

        • bluejayray

          I hope they bring in the Duggars’ Trooper friend for an interview—oh wait–he’s in prison for kiddie porn!

          • eggsacklywright

            Officer a-little-too-friendly?

          • bluejayray

            It cracked me up when it turned out that the Duggars had even lied to him!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Expert witness.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Yet, in effect, an instructional video on how to get away with it, just like Josh did. Praise Jesus.

    • Antimassacree

      One more paycheck to the Duggars! Coincidently “One-time Special” was the first name Mary ran by Joseph.

    • SadDemInTex

      ….

  • JohnBull

    Josh Duggar and Scott Walker: two assholes who fucked over young people. If the DNC had any spine they’d be distributing this picture in every mailbox in every Iowa hamlet from now until January.

    • bluejayray

      What’s even cooler is that pretty much ALL of the GOPTP clown car have had their pictures taken with this kiddie diddler. AND they’ve defended him!

    • Beaumarchais?

      The demonic lighting is so appropriate.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Unfair! Walker never got a chance to point the finger.

  • JohnR

    Fear not the Bates are being carefully vetted right now so TLC can throat cram us in the not too distant future.

    • Amy!

      So, does Master Bates’ wife have a first name?

      (sorry; you knew somebody was going to, right?)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Rosy. Maiden name was Rosy Palms.

      • JohnR

        Fistina

  • whatwhomever

    Money-grubbin’ whorin’ is the only acceptable kind of whorin’.

  • cousin itt

    Josh is really sorry and says he feels for the children.

    • Antimassacree

      Every chance he gets.

    • bluejayray

      …and Jesus forgave him, so leave him alone already!…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That’s good enough for me, if my name is Huckabee.

      • cousin itt

        Fuck don’t give a Huck.

  • It’s such a shock to discover that the freakish families TLC likes to promote tend to behave terribly.

  • BearGHAZI

    Today, we are all child molesters with a TLC reality show

    • Mehmeisterjr

      First they came for the network that turned a blind eye to duggaring and I was not a network that turned a blind eye to duggaring and I said nothing.

      Then they came for the actual incestuous duggaring brother and I was not an actual incestuous duggaring brother and I said nothing.

      Then they came for the producers of a reality show billed as a “documentary” attempting to revive the franchise and I was not a producer of a reality show billed as “documentary” attempting to revive the franchise and then I just said, “What the fuck? Are you crazy?”

  • Relativicus

    “For 10 seasons, it had chronicled the home life of Arkansas couple Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their now-19 children.”

    Most of it, anyway.

    • Beaumarchais?

      “Duggar PM: The Night Shaft!”

  • 24601

    Mama Grizz is currently pitching a show for Bristle – “Two Abstinence Babbys and Counting” to the producers at TLC.

    • Beowoof14

      The question becomes can she get to 19 without being married.

      • Tony Alexander

        sucker’s bet!

    • Antimassacree

      Wonder if they could work in a tagline like “Who’s your daddy?”

  • Reddishrabbit

    Hard to believe this channel was started by NASA before it was privatised. If you want to argue about how the free market is always better then the government, you will have to convince me that TLC is a good network. And that is not happening.

    • 24601

      I knew the midgets were not NASA’s idea.

      • AnOuthouse

        Midgets in space. You can fit a lot more of them in the space station. What a brilliant idea!

    • Beowoof14

      I used to really like this channel, when they had James Burke doing his Connections. Now it’s not worth watching.

      • jmk

        Connections was awesome.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Ted Cruz approves and wishes all of NASA would move in the same direction.

      • bluejayray

        But of course he thinks that the pictures of Pluto are cool…

    • Redgyal

      The golden days of cable.

  • Beowoof14

    Ah my reality has just gotten better.

  • orygoon

    The Army, Navy and Air Force are usually hiring young people.

  • eric

    Exile. Why isn’t that a thing anymore?

    • orygoon

      Lamentable shortage of near-empty continents.

      • eric

        Lots of ocean and plenty of rafts. Let them have Waterworld.

        • Left Coast Tom

          They could feel at home in the Pacific’s Great Garbage Patch.

          • bluejayray

            Beat me to it. It’s almost solid enough to build on. Nice to know that according to the GOPTP, humans are having no major effect on the planet…

      • Angry_Cop

        Don’t want to crap up Antarctica.

        • sw19womble

          ..

        • bluejayray

          Plus, all that begatting would melt holes in the ice.

    • Relativicus

      Because if shame were still a thing — outside of women and their ugly, sinful bodies, of course — then the state GOP’s would have spent all that time gerrymandering districts for no reason at all, due to a dearth of eligible candidates.

    • VandeGraf

      Duggar Jeebus grabs his crotch and says, I gotcher exile right here!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Limited condominium development on St. Helena?

  • MrBlobfish

    Would you buy a used car from those people?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      If you’re looking for a creepy windowless van, they’re the ones to see!

      • TheBidenator

        Pfft, Josh clearly would never sell one of those….too valuable for carting around, stuff….

      • ‘Pimp My Ride’ libel!

  • beatbort

    I suppose the network should be commended for doing this but, hell with it:
    FUCK YOU TLC FOR EVER AIRING THIS ABOMINATION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

    • bluejayray

      The Learning Channel (what a misnomer) could die and be erased forever and the world would be a better place. I wonder if “reality” shows are big in other civilized countries?

      • Unfortunately, yes, since TV execs aren’t particularly creative. The “rednecky” ones like TLC’s fare are some of the few that weren’t “borrowed” from other countries.

  • VandeGraf

    The Duggars have given a new meaning to TLC.

    • lurch394

      Touching LIttle Children? Excuse me while I hurl.

  • mary

    I wish reality tv didn’t allow minors to be on those shows. At least there are a few rules that apply to child actors to try to protect them.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bingo, right there. That has been a shameful part of this racket from the start. By defining these kids as “non-actors” the producers can shuffle them around to accommodating jurisdictions where they have no rights and their perverted families can exploit them without serious consequences.

      If we accept that corporations are people too, then TLC is a serial rapist.

  • SnarkOff
  • bluejayray

    Seems to me that Honey Boo Boo’s mother is now dating the man who molested Honey BB. TLC has a track record on kiddie diddlers. Disgusting.

  • docterry6973

    Come see the oppression of the Christians!

  • “Did somebody say ‘SIN ROD’?!?”

    • NanBullenshede

      Poor wee thing.

      • FULL DISCLOSURE: I’ve tastefully limited the use of that iconic image of the Gayest Li’l Duggar since ShyPix informed me it was confusing the array of Sky Net Fembots that actually run this site.

        I Do My Part.

  • The Molten Soul

    Don’t worry Duggar fans. They’re going to revamp for a comeback. Michelle will part her bangs the other way.

  • Tony Alexander

    well, no more kiddie porn!

  • TheBidenator

    I’m just spitballing here but maybe if these networks would stop showing reality shows devoted to freaky inbred hicks (Duck Dynasty, Honey Boo Boo, teh Duggars) with backwards viewpoints they’d probably find the child molestation problem would go away….just a thought.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well, I doubt if the problem would go away but, if TLC stopped glorifying these sickos, at least Mike Huckabee might be shamed out of running for President.

  • Joshua Norton

    Soon the only outlet left for disgusting reality show stars may be the GOP primary.

  • jennofark

    This is great news, since I’m getting ready to pitch my new show idea to TLC. It’s about a large family of morbidly-obese midget-dwarf gypsies prone to injury in sexual accidents, who have a strange obsession with child beauty pageants.

    • Are any of them also conjoined twins (preferably a trans woman and a exotic animal hoarder)?

      • jennofark

        As a matter of fact, yes.

        • Bitter Scribe

          They have to be real ones. Super Glue is cheating.

    • TLC exec: We’ll keep it on standby, in case the show we’re developing about the Real Horse Diddlers of Maricopa County doesn’t pan out.

  • AnOuthouse

    Do you think TLC has learned that freaks do freaky things and shouldn’t be given more attention? They have quite the track record.

    • Kat Anyperson

      Rarely is the question asked, is our networks learning?

  • kindness

    What good news! Yeay! Molestations for EVERYBODY now!

  • AnOuthouse

    I hope that’s an old picture of Josh with a young sibling on his lap.

  • Thaumaturgist

    This is great news. Now that they’ve lost their TV gig, they’re going to end up in the gubmint trap of welfare and food stamps and such and all their Christian values are going to be lost forever.

    • NanBullenshede

      The Wellfare, SNAP benefices art OKIYAR

  • kaydenpat

    Couldn’t have happened to nicer people.

    Wonder if the Christian Broadcasting Network can pick them up. They are gay-hating Christianists after all.

  • Katela

    Bye Bye to the Bugger Family n

  • edith prickly

    Get thee to real jobs, god-bothering mooches.

  • JoyP

    The “documentary” will feature, guess who? The Duggar girls, at least the ones brave enough to say they were molested. There is nothing TLC won’t do to keep from losing a cash cow, even if it means using a “documentary” about child sexual abuse to set the stage for a return of the Duggars. Cash is king at TLC.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I thought Fox already forced some of the victims to out themselves?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, but if they’re as dismissive as they were with Fox Blondie–“Oh, he was just a little too curious about girls”–I don’t see what value this could possibly have as entertainment (never mind education).

    • janecita

      Those two are a couple of grifters. They learned well. I’m sorry, but I don’t even feel sorry for them anymore.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    I almost had to stop reading because of the phrase “Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are still fucking” because somehow I had managed to avoid the passing thought that Duggar fucking makes Duggars until this instant.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      Just to be sure I understand: Duggars only fuck every other day for a week once a year, then there’s pregnancy so you can’t procreate again until the postpartum cycle has ended?

      • I’ve heard it’s some kind of sped-up Pon Farr.

      • Donna Rail

        Kinda like Vulcans.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Money-grubbing whores are the only kind of whores Jeebus approves of.

  • Sterculius

    That show was supposed to show white Fox News viewers, oh wait, white is only color of Fox News viewers, nevermind, anyway, the idea was to say, Hey, it’s fun to have 19 kids who will all vote Republican! But all because one of them acted like a typical Republican, now it is ruined and they will have to try and trick the Mexicans with Jeb! Hispanic Bush and/or Ted “Whitebread” Cruz … maybe that will be the ticket! Bush/Cruz! Now why is that humorous sounding …

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Now I’m just wondering what kind of totally predictable scandal will bring down the Duck Dynasty.

  • Colleen

    Well, fuck. There goes my hopes of ever being a ‘Duggar for day’. I was all set to don a long skirt, camouflage all my tattoos, cloak my cleavage, and side-hug the shit out of them, flooding them with some healing, liberal love. Thanks a lot, nasty-ass, stinky finger, Josh.

    • janecita

      Don’t give up on your dream, go side hug them! Free Jinger!

      • Colleen

        Right?! Forming a plan for a covert, commando de-programing team as I type. I’ve no doubt that more than on ‘J’ wants to escape to our world.

  • VandeGraf

    I heard that Vivid Entertainment has offered Jim Bob and Josh a bundle to illicitly– on video, of course– cohabit with Mrs. Boo Boo, and get blessed with a higher quality of offspring. Jeebus shorely loves him the li’l chillrens. and works in mysterious ways his wonders to procure!

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