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Dumb. A-Hole.

  • The Boy Scouts of America — they’re like the Girl Scouts, kind of, but not as tough, or cool, and no cookies, so, you know, LAME — decided to join the 21st century and dump its ban on letting The Gays be in their little club. Here is what Scott Walker, who is dumb and an a-hole, had to say about that on Tuesday:

    “I was an Eagle Scout, my kids have been involved, Tonette (Walker) was a den mother.

    “I have had a lifelong commitment to the Scouts and support the previous membership policy because it protected children and advanced Scout values.”

    Gosh, that makes Walker look like a dumb a-hole who thinks the ban “protected kids” from scary, dangerous The Gays, doesn’t it? That’s what you’d expect from a guy who also wants to amend the Constitution so states can protect themselves from scary, dangerous The Gays too. Still, implying that The Gays are a threat to Boy Scouts, with their Gay, sounds dumb and a-holic, even for dumb a-hole Walker. So the next day …

    Walker said his comments had been misunderstood.

    “The protection was not a physical protection,” he said, according to the Times. Instead, it was about “protecting them from being involved in the very thing you’re talking about right now, the political and media discussion about it, instead of just focusing on what Scouts is about, which is about camping and citizenship and things of that nature.”

    Suuuuuuuure, Scotty, whatever you say.

  • It’s official. Like, OFFICIAL official. Donald Trump is a for-real presidential candidate:Screen Shot 2015-07-15 at 1.57.03 PMAnd also the richest EVER:Screen Shot 2015-07-15 at 2.01.35 PMGuess the GOP’s going to have to figure out some other one weird trick to keep Trump out of the first primary debate in August, so he doesn’t embarrass the ever-lovin’ shit out of the whole party. Republicans can do that all on their own.
  • Your question is bad, and you should feel bad:

    “As you well know, there are four Americans in Iran, three held on trumped-up charges according to your administration and one, whereabouts unknown,” CBS News’ Major Garrett said when it was his turn to ask the president a question. “Can you tell the country, sir, why you are content with all the fanfare around this deal to leave the conscience of this nation, the strength of this nation unaccounted for in relation to these four Americans?”

    “I’ve got to give you credit Major for how you craft those questions,” Obama said in response. “The notion that I’m content as I celebrate with American citizens languishing in Iranian jails,” he added, taking a pause. “Major, that’s nonsense, and you should know better.”

  • Awwww, this is kinda sweet:

    In an undated letter after Eminem broke out, the rapper penned a heartfelt letter to Afeni Shakur, Tupac’s mom, and enclosed a drawing he’d made of the “California Love” rapper. “When I was feeling at my ‘worst’ (before fame, before Dre), I knew I could put that ‘Tupac’ tape in and, suddenly, things weren’t so bad,” he wrote. “He gave me the courage to stand up and say, ‘Fuck the world! This is who I am! And if you don’t like it, go fuck yourself!'”

  • Good news, everybody! Scientists think maybe there’s an Earth 2.0 out there, so we can go ahead and trash this one after all:

    Jupiter has a doppelgänger, and it could help us find a planet identical to Earth.

    A Brazilian-led team of scientists, researching sun-like stars in an attempt to find planetary systems similar to our own solar system, have discovered a planet with a very similar mass to Jupiter. What’s more, it orbits a star that looks like our sun, has the same mass, and is even the same age. […]

    The discovery of “Jupiter 2.0” opens up the possibility that planets very similar to Earth could also exist elsewhere in our galaxy, researchers say.

  • Our experts-on-all-things-TV-related pals at Happy Nice Time People want you to know Comcast hates you:

    The latest thumb in your eye is Comcast’s laughable attempt to get into the streaming business next year. Naturally, Comcast doesn’t want you to go cable cutting, or to be happy, or to experience love and fulfillment in this lifetime, so the creatively named “Comcast Stream” provides you with nothing you want and makes it a pain in the ass to get it. Hey, points for consistency, I guess.

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  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    I like how Major Garrett also saw fit to ask the president about possible revocation of Cosby’s Presidential Medal of Freedom during a press conference about Iran. You can take the correspondent out of Fox News, but I guess you can’t take Fox News out of the correspondent.

  • deanbooth

    Today is Jade Helm 15 Day! The NYT headline summary did not allay my fears:

    Jade Helm 15, a seven-state training exercise that the Army and local officials say is no cause for alarm, has generated paranoia for months, fueled by conservative bloggers.

    And some say Obama hates America!

    • Rick Hill

      Others say he did this for the lulz

    • Fartknocker

      And on the front page of today’s Austin American Statesman is the father of this guy announcing that he hasn’t seen any army trucks or tanks so Gubnor Stragelove Abbott’s strategy to use the Texas National Guard to oversee military operations is working.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Nuh uh. It’s the tin foil hat I’ve been wearing since Monday.

      • James Christopher Owen

        Is this the new “Grow a brain, Moran!” meme? “Homescholers” indeed!

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      “Jade Helm 15… has generated paranoia…”

      Well that’s another explanation. I simply assumed they are all paranoid schizophrenics.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza
    • Blank Ron

      Gerry Anderson, patron saint of technophiles…

  • Virginia Dreaming

    On Earth 2.0 there is a disease that kills humans right after they enter puberty. Josh Duggar is volunteering to lead a mission there.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Uh, I guess we figured out one of the authors of the Fox polls.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Somewhere in our galaxy there is another Sarah Palin?

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Maybe it is like one of those mirror worlds. So in that one Palin will smart and compassionate. Sort of like Elizabeth Warren.

      • Viva La Tabula Raza

        But will they have beards like Evil Spock in that one episode of Star Trek?

        • Virginia Dreaming

          Our Sarah already has one, she calls it Todd.

        • Or, as I like to call him, Hot Spock.

          • Playonwords

            You could market that as a dild… doll of some sort. Call them Hot Spockettes

          • Just know that the contents of a Hot Spockette can be very hot.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Well playedonwords, sir or madam!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Don’t worry. The one in the parallel universe is the evil Sarah Palin.

      • JustPixelz

        How could you tell?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Goatee. Wait a second….a hell of a lot of facelifts.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Bug-eyed meth grimace. Oh wait, that’s our $arah.

        • OctopiRage

          Less meth smoking?

      • eddi

        Out there in the multiverse there are a near infinite number of Sarah Palins. Some are even President for Life. Or God-Empress.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I’m not going to excited about “Earth 2.0”, I will wait for them work the bugs out in the “2.1 beta”

    • You know the minute we all get there, they’ll be announcing Earth 3.0, with all the features we thought Earth 2.0 would have.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …any idea if Earth 2.0 runs FireFox?

        • SnarkTank

          No, unfortunately, it’s built in Flash.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        What’s the hold time for customer service?

        • It’s measured in light-years, same as Comcast.

          • OctopiRage

            Parsects or GTFO.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Dog years.

          • Barley_Brains

            Han Shot First libelz!!!1!

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          It’s measured with the geologic time scale.

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          It’s measured with the geologic time scale.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Just so long as I get to control the delete key.

    • Gene Roddenberry never could get that show to work . . .

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    The Gay Pride, Cuban and ISIS flags will be flying over the Alamo by sunset following a successful operation by the combined Girl Scout Troop 302 and a Kenyan/UN armored battalion.

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      Don’t forget the Mexican flag!

      • JohnnyZhivago2

        Political correctness rules the day in New Texas, so it will be a few weeks before the Mexican flag is displayed.

    • ISIS dildo flag libel!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Do the Butthole Surfers still live in Texas? I think a B.S. banner over the Alamo would be a nicely inclusive touch.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      This is code for Jade Helm, isn’t it?

      And we all know what Jade Helm is code for, don’t we?

      • OctopiRage

        Thin mints?

        • AntiDerpomeme

          Either that, or it’s the name of the super-imposing 12-yr-old girl scout (lesbian, obviously) that sells said addictive-as-crack cookies.

      • Mary Sandoras

        I thought Jade Helm was a black op perpetrated by a girl scout troop, amiright?

      • Thaumaturgist

        I get it. Major Garret fled to Washington when the Girl Scouts starting coming over then wall in San Antonio.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    So, Scott Walker thinks Boy Scouts should be learning about “citizenship”, and therefore kept ignorant about pressing social issues of the day? A very Republican form of citizenship, I’d venture.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Like everything Republican, they pick and choose and hide the rest.

    • eddi

      “Keep them ignorant, keep us elected.”

  • freakishlystrong

    I would also ask Major Garrett why he felt content to not celebrate, but condemn, the release of a POW strictly on ideological grounds. Can’t have it both ways, assholes.

  • schmannity

    One delicious irony of the Trump run (not to be confused with Trump-induced diarrhea): all other candidates are 99%ers.

    • Thaumaturgist

      No, I don’t think Jeb! Is one of the 99%. Nor Ben Carson, nor HP Carly.

  • Jinmichigan

    It’s people like Walker who give Boy Scouts a bad name.

    • TeenLaQueefa

      It’s people like Walker who give people a bad name.

      • OctopiRage

        Walker is a people? What is he incorporated or something?

      • eddi

        A disgrace to his species, whatever it is.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “…the first primary debate in August”

    August? I wish that we ordinary worker bees could get overseas sabbatical, because this is shaping up to be a really, really good year to take one.

  • Snarkless for a moment: as a teen, the Boy Scouts was a terrible experience. You can imagine how and why. And yet I think such an organization could be really valuable for kids – could’ve been really valuable for me, given the skills it could teach and the experiences it could provide. I shoulda joined the Girl Scouts.

    • JustPixelz

      Then you’d be LesbianerThanThou. Also would have had several abortions before puberty.

      • But at least I would have grown up with a better command of knots for all purposes. Being unable to tie a proper knot has, on occasion, been embarrassing and awkward.

        • OctopiRage

          Never use granny knots, or so I’m told…

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          One word: handcuffs. Or two words: tie wraps.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            TMI

          • Blank Ron

            But GOOD handcuffs, not those cheap Chinese ones they sell at the back on Spencer’s Gifts. I’m told.

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          One word: handcuffs. Or two words: tie wraps.

        • Biff52

          The better to perform in teh rope anal bondage films?

    • OctopiRage

      It’s a shame there’s no Not Being an Asshole badge.

      • I think you automatically get that one just for signing up with the Girl Scouts.

  • Fly

    Richard Trumka said it best, “Scott Walker is a national disgrace.”

  • lucidamente

    Was Major Garrett a Boy Scout?

    • Msgr_Moment

      When he was only Minor Garrett.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Major would be kinda OK if his last name was Garrote.

  • Spotts1701

    If there is an Earth 2.0, can we send Major Garrett to report on it?

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    This is kinda old Trump news, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s pretty hilarious.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/07/14/1402264/-Trump-outsources-stock-photo-of-American-soldiers-to-1941-Germany?detail=email

  • artem1s

    so gotta ask, is it illegal to lie on the FEC financial disclosure forms? What’s the penalty? Who checks it for accuracy (not that it’s gonna be a problem in this case, as I expect every line of this one is going to get scrutinized).

    • OctopiRage

      Disclosure forms are for the little people.

  • smr06va

    Love the pic of Walker…………..looks like the half-wit that he is……………..

    • OctopiRage

      Half-wit libel!

  • nightmoth

    Major Garrett: “Gotcha!”
    President Obama: “No, got YOU, by your shriveled little balls.”

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    And by the way, who would name their kid Major? Unless their last name is Asshole maybe…

    • lucidamente

      His dad was Captain Crunch.

    • schmannity

      Sacha Paindeeas’ dad?

    • OctopiRage

      He was Private, but after many years as a corporate mouthpiece, he was promoted.

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      Major Major Major Major’s father would like to have a word with you.

    • AncienReggie

      Or Payne.

  • DahBoner

    I was in Cub Scouts and Webelos, but I intentionally didn’t join Boy Scouts because I didn’t want to meet people like Scott Walker.

    Christian Sadists and child predators…

    http://media3.giphy.com/media/FR9F8m5fNkEr6/200w_d.gif

    • Dee Andee

      The father of two of my son’s friends was a Boy Scout leader. But I guess that was OK, since he was only raping his own daughter, as we found out later. As long as it’s not Ghey, ya know.

      • OctopiRage

        Fuckabee defending him yet?

        • Dee Andee

          Happily for everyone, his raping ass dropped dead.

          • willi0000000

            from The Book of Wonderfulness™

            “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a letter saying that I approved of it.”
            – Samuel L. Clemens

  • lucidamente

    “And I’ve always been proud of my merit badge in fucktardery.”

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I suspect the FEC form is not suitable for Trump because it doesn’t include space to list his numerous bankruptcies.

    • eddi

      This could be more fun than an Obama birth certificate.

  • Antimassacree

    “Hi, I’m Scott and I’m an a-holic.”
    Hi, Scott.

  • JohnBull

    Here’s the thing about “morally straight” part of the scout oath: it had and still has nothing to do with sexual orientation, but everything to do with showing good moral character and living life honestly. This asshole does neither.
    My dad, my brother and I were all scouts, and we’re all democrats. Maybe that whole “help other people at all times” thing resonated with us. Obviously other people forgot that.

    • OctopiRage

      I was a scout and the only thing I learned was that scouting would be great if not for the other scouts.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Does the oath still require one to be square? It was the 50s after all.

      • JohnBull

        Not a requirement; they just assume you already are. I couldn’t get girls in high school so this worked just fine.

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          Shoulda joined JROTC too, if that was the case.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          In 1971 the Cub Scout Promise was changed from “to be square” to “to help other people”, as the term square went from meaning honest to rigidly conventional.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The discovery of “Jupiter 2.0″ opens up the possibility that planets very similar to Earth could also exist elsewhere in our galaxy, researchers say.

    If they find it, the religionists will have a collective stroke. I guess that’ll sorta be like a rapture.

  • Relativicus

    Boy, I thought the OK-GOP’s clarification on government dependency was good, but Walker makes their explanation look ludicrous.

  • Antimassacree

    “Comcast Stream” and Scott Walker begging for pee should get together.

  • Lizzietish81

    Sorry, I need more coffee before I can properly snark, but I found this and had to share it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1zNwMrtWtA

    • Vienna Woods

      God, he’s adorable.

    • Vienna Woods

      Ooooh, Lizzie! Did you see this one? Look who turns up halfway through!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VElyEMhEtlw

      • Lizzietish81

        Mr. Green!

    • JustPixelz

      I prefer the long version with the verse

      She’s a bad girl;
      Writin’ comments on wonkette though that’s not allowed.
      She’s a fox
      Who doesn’t watch Fox.
      Ain’t a Sarah or a Dittohead;
      Always says something trenchant when we’re in bed.

  • JustPixelz

    maybe there’s an Earth 2.0 out there

    Earth 2.0 is evil. Everyone has a goatee.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      And their superheros are possibly bent on destruction, also too. Just to be safe, maybe we should take care of the planet we already inhabit?

    • onedrewthree

      If it’s anything like the movie Melancholia I can take a pass. I’ll wait and see how this whole nuclear things shakes out.

  • Steven Posey

    I was in the scouts when I was a wee little A GAY and I fucking hated it. Even if they are able to tamp down their vomit long enough to allow homosexual scouts/scout leaders to be around them, their organization is still creepy. Their uniforms looks like something out of the Hitler youth and in my hometown the police and military used to recruit older scouts at the events and scout camps.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It is meant as a prelude to military service. No doubt.

      • NanBullenshede

        Aye.

    • r m reddicks

      I was in that deal for a bit. We just used to take a couple of bottles of whiskey with us on the campout shit. We did get in trouble once for chopping down a couple of fine trees ’cause it was fucking cold. That green wood burned like crazy once you got it going. It seemed resourceful at the time. Later we just used gasoline and whatever was to hand.

  • jviscont1

    good citizenship by Walker’s definition is teaching a scout how to poke a union member in the eye.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      One of the steps required to earn the “Strikebreaker” merit badge.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        One has to earn the “Scab” badge first.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    “Major, that’s nonsense, and you should know better.”

    I’m just lovin’ SassyBamz these days.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Please, if you are going to ask nonsense questions, at least go full BENGHAZI!

    • OctopiRage

      Waiting for him to hire Key as his official spokesman.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Maybe Walker should go chill out in Hawaii for a while. After all, you can’t spell “aloha” without “a-hol.”

  • Dudleydidwrong

    In whose military is Garrett a major? I’d say maybe the Salvation Army but they must have standards for attaining that rank. Maybe Fux News bestowed a brevet, sort of like being named major asshole of the week.

    • OctopiRage

      NBC Dumbass Militia.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wasn’t Major Major in “Catch 22” a pedantic, officious a-hole?

      • Viva La Tabula Raza

        I think that was Lieutenant Scheisskopf. Major Major was so neurotic he would only allow visitors into his office when he wasn’t there.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Thx. Haven’t READ THAT BOOK!! since I was a teenager.

          • r m reddicks

            Just re-read recently. It’s still a good laugh out loud and worry the pets book.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah, it was a staple back in the day. I’ve still got a dog-eared copy somewhere.

    • AKLynne

      Maybe that’s his first name.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He is a Major as much as Senator K. Thorvaldson is a Senator.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Seems to me, Sen. Thorvaldsen (sic) is a Minnesota state senator.

        Are you suggesting Major Garret is a state major, like maybe from the Texas State Guard? Running off to Washington when he felt the draft back where the skies are blue? (As is “deep in the heart . . . ?”

    • Thaumaturgist

      Same army as Major Major from Catch-22.

  • beatbort

    Maybe on Earth 2.0 Scott Walker can be President.
    Back here on Earth 1.0, I would suggest some intrepid reporter look into Scott’s claim of having been an Eagle Scout. Until I see the paperwork, I call bullshit on that.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Probably quit when he was just a few merit badges shy…

    • Rick Hill

      If there were actual justice he could be president of a rock.

      • Mary Sandoras

        If there were actual justice, a rock would be president of Walker.

      • r m reddicks

        I don’t think they’d accept a “christian” as their “leader” (more ” “, ” “.).

    • anniegetyerfun

      Think of what Scott Brown could accomplish!

  • OctopiRage

    Earth 2.0, meh, when they find bizzaro Earth let me know.

    • JustPixelz

      Look out the window…

      • eddi

        Truer words were never spoken.

  • I’m madder than Rush Limbaugh with a low cal Froyo to discover the REAL ACTUAL TRUE reason why I haven’t been able to get my DELICIOUS Blue Bell ‘Homemade Vanilla’ Ice Cream lately – The Army is using their trucks as FROSTY COLD MORGUE TRANSPORTS for all the Tessicans they’re gonna git during their Supersecret Chinese Walmart Tunnel plot Jade “Matt” Helm 15 Operation! They’ll never get that smell out of the trucks.

    http://allnewspipeline.com/Dozen_Blue_Bell_Ice_Cream_Trucks_In_Military_Convoy.php

    By the way, it’s the listeria that gives their ice cream it’s creamy goodness!

    • AntiDerpomeme

      My fave new flavor is made with frozen Tessicans, Blue Bell Soylant Green (which, as it turns out, mixes into sort of a teal color–trendy and tasty!).

    • Brazilian Fart Porn

      He found proof of the invasion at his Sam’s Club parking lot. It has CYCLONE FENCES and CARDBOARD!!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmUPYOueKt4&feature=player_embedded

      • jmk

        Please tell me that man was joking… please.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        I call Poe.

        “That’s probably got Ninjas in there, that could take our guns….Knights Templar – like, the guys that used to do all of the sneaky stuff. America – this is happening. You need to get yourself right America…because I tell you what – this is not where you wanna be when Jesus comes.Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back? I don’t think so America!”

        Haha! Well played sir!!!

      • malsperanza

        Definitely satire. But the Youtube commenters are pretty sure it’s real. Extremely funny.

    • r m reddicks

      You wish it was the listeria.

  • Sterculius

    To clarify further, Walker said, “I was really only talking about white, Christian children born to decent families, you know, Republican children. It isn’t my job to worry about those other people.”

  • Incoming Ham

    Here is my comment on Scott Walker (even though comments aren’t allowed). The resemblance is uncanny. http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_small/0/77/236205-57083-alfred-e-neuman.jpg

    • AncienReggie

      I dunno. Alfred projects a sort of gormless bon homme that Walker just doesn’t have. Besides, Walker’s bone structure is more like — and i don’t mean to disparage weasels, i swear — this:

      • Incoming Ham

        That IS uncanny.

      • eddi

        Hey! I got friends who are musteilds. Go pick on those mangy raccoons.

        • Blank Ron

          Hey, I’ve known a lot of raccoons, and a rabid mother ‘coon who’s just eaten her own offspring would still be better company than Walker. A better president too.

          • eddi

            One might be cured by a miracle. The other is a hopeless case. I know which one I’d vote for.

      • handyhippie65

        let’s not give ferrets a bad name.they make a good, if slightly stinky pet. walker would be a cat who shits in your shoes for fun, digs up the house plants, and pisses in the heat vents.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Seriously, Walker couldn’t look that good if he tried.

    • bluegal

      or this.

      • Strawberry Shortfuse

        Duh, he’s not talking about THAT kind of poor people. The policy’s aimed strictly at the blahs.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          More whites than blacks on welfare – the policy is aimed at stroking his racist base, who believe otherwise.

      • r m reddicks

        It’s a rotter to put them in the same picture. Though a proper rotter in it’s way. You win today’s juxtaposition award.

      • malsperanza
        • James Christopher Owen

          Speechless…

    • AKLynne

      There are similarities, but I always thought Piyush Jindal when I saw this.

      • r m reddicks

        Too much hair. You know he’s just in this to get Rump’s wiggish thing, don’t you. Mark my words! First debate will be a hair puller!

      • PubOption

        Piyush thinks that image is too dark to be him.

  • dslindc

    I’m going to need to start planning my debate watch party now. This will be epic!

    • Rick Hill

      Yeah but it’s as bad as picking which of five shows at MSG when the Dead played. You can only go to two, which will be the magic ones? Will your big party be one of the early debates? Lot of candidates trying to make a splash right of the bat. Or do you have your big blowout later on, when they have said every outrageous thing you would think but they are lagging and say amazingly outrageous things as well as start attacking each other in earnest….such tough decisions…

      • AncienReggie

        so, which two shows did you pick?

        • Rick Hill

          It was never my fortune to have that pick though we did make every show at Deer Creek and Richfield(aside from the night Branford played in MSG I would pick Richfield shows over that venue any day(he sighs wistfully))

          • AncienReggie

            No simple highway.

      • r m reddicks

        Be careful the popcorn is gmo and the butter is antibiotic. You could kill yourself watching this shit. Hmm, may be their sweet little plan.

    • Steven Posey

      It’s going to be like watching a clown car get hit by a speeding train. Crash! Bulbous red noses and blood-filled giant shoes flying everywhere. It will be the most morbid tragedy ever and I will be powerless to look away.

      I can see it now, Trump interrupting everyone to shout about how rich and classy he is, Jeb Bush scrolling through his smartphone to check popular opinion on a subject any time before he speaks, Mike Huckabee waving around a diamondback rattler and screaming in tongues, Chris Christie brandishing a tire iron and screaming “I AM A LEVEL HEADED POLITICAL LEADER!”. It’s going to be like watching a special ed talent show in hell.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        “It’s going to be like watching a clown car get hit by a speeding train.”

        Promise?

        • Rick Hill

          You do realize that if that happens they will be replaced by the fourth tier republican candidates?

          • eddi

            So much more inchoerence than the current batch we might notice a difference?

          • Rick Hill

            Probably more spittle and 80% more calls for death to all who oppose them.

          • Me not sure

            I’m reasonably sure that the Constitution requires that you be human. Fourth tier Republicans would have to be somewhat jellyfish-like.

        • Me not sure

          I got to drive a train once, can I help?

      • Me not sure

        Wife chuckled. It’s going to be a good day.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Please let this be the reality. I wants it.

      • r m reddicks

        You’ll need a novella to get them all in. Go for it!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Make sure your drinking game cues on specific phrases. Drinking on general rightwing derp will give you alcohol poisoning.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Yeah, pace yourself or you’ll have cirrhosis of the liver by the time the convention comes around.

  • MrBlobfish
    • r m reddicks

      One will grow up to be a wife beater, one a raper and one a mass murderer. Two of them will be your unpleasant next door neighbor. Not that there’s no overlap. They all have very strange hands except for the one guy who’s hiding his.

      • WagMoreBarkLess

        Hey, in all seriousness, please remove this photo of minors and leave these kids alone. They’ve been ill-served by their adult leaders, but that’s finally starting to change.

        • r m reddicks

          Self-deleted my comments. They weren’t fair.

          • Thaumaturgist

            How, exactly, does one “self-delete” a Wonkette comment?

            The last time I asked all I got was that you can’t delete a Wonkette comment because Wonkette doesn’t allow comments in the first place.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Mouse over your comment and look for a tiny downward triangle in the far right upper corner. Click on that and “delete” will be one of the options.

          • Thaumaturgist

            Thanks. Works.

          • Blank Ron

            If we could only train the deleted commenters to do that to their own posts.

          • WagMoreBarkLess

            Thank you! Back to our normally scheduled irreverent snarkiness.

  • PubOption

    So, camping is acceptable for scouts, but being camp is not.

  • Anarchy Pony

    We won’t really know until Frontier gets around to adding planetary landings to Elite: Dangerous.

  • TheBidenator

    Gotta love the Trumpster, at every opportunity presented the short fingered vulgarian just can’t help himself….he simply must remove all traces of doubt that he is half man, half orangutan or as I call him: the Mangutan.

  • AnOuthouse

    ‘That one time at Boy Scout Camp and now my eyes don’t point in the same direction’.

  • NanBullenshede

    Be this Fool the Younger Brother of Hoody Doody?

    • Blank Ron

      We don’t talk about Scott in our house.

      – Howdy Doody

  • VandeGraf

    Just recently found out Walker’s wife is named after a (legacy) hair care product.

  • James Christopher Owen

    “President Bush, how many of the dead Iraqis do you estimate greeted us as liberators?”

  • Would you want to share a tent with Walker?

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