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Winter gross out, winter gross out...

You may want to have some brain bleach on hand for this one. A gentleman from Pennsylvania flew to Arizona for the specific purpose of doing sex to a horse (variously described as a “pony” or a “miniature horse”; we’re guessing the latter, but who knows?), only to find that the whole affair was a sting by the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office, which sort of makes you wonder just what the fuck Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s priorities are. Isn’t he supposed to be pursuing the universe-shattering proof that Barack Obama’s an illegal alien? Even so, far be it from Wonkette to pass up any story that involves the irresistible elements of “Joe Arpaio” and “horsefucking.” We’ve covered both in the past, but this is the first known time the streams have crossed, which could, in itself, be universe-shattering.

We’ll let the Arizona Republic handle the heavy narrative lifting here:

Michael Crawford, 68, landed in Phoenix believing he would meet with a horse owner he’d been corresponding with online, according to a statement released by the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office.

Crawford hoped the fictitious owner would allow Crawford to engage in “perverted” sex acts with an animal, Sheriff Joe Arpaio said at a press conference Sunday.

Crawford posted an ad on a popular website soliciting a willing horse owner, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

Um. Yep, just a few more questions, now. That magnificent stallion Joe Arpaio and his MCSO can’t seem to keep crime under control, what with all the vendettas against Joe Arpaio’s enemies and the racial profiling of Messicans, but they do have time to set up a sting operation for a horsefucker in another state? Not that we are defending horsefucking, just asking about law enforcement priorities. Ah, but the story continues:

Many exchanges graphically detailed what Crawford intended to do once he arrived in Arizona. In an e-mail released by the Sheriff’s Office, Crawford said he was looking forward to the visit and described his desires.

Crawford arrived late Friday at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, where he was met by deputies. They took Crawford to a trailer furnished by a posse volunteer and located near Southern Avenue and Avondale Boulevard in Tolleson, where Crawford was shown two ponies […]

Arpaio said Crawford told deputies he didn’t understand why he was taken into custody, because he had not committed any sex acts with the Tolleson horses. But Crawford told deputies he had engaged in acts of bestiality since 1970, Arpaio said.

Well, then. Looks like Sheriff Joe’s collaboration with PETA is coming along just fine, then. But did Sheriff Arpaio have any self-aggrandizing to take care of during the press briefing? He did? The deuce you say!

“This is animal cruelty; there is not enough teeth in the law for animal cruelty,” Arpaio said. “He would have gotten away with it if he’d picked the wrong county and the wrong sheriff.”

Great. So now Arpaio is prosecuting weird scenarios out of bad My Little Pony clopfics, and talking like the last act of a Scooby Doo cartoon. If he starts messing with Adventure Time, we’re going to have to write a stern letter of protest.

Also, please remember: #NotAllBronies

[AZCentral.com]

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  • borninatrailer

    “Horsefucker! Do you need assistance!?”

    • Tony Alexander

      super toopers!!!

      theee bestest!

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Maybe it was a cartoon horse.

  • jesuswasablack

    Who hasn’t banged a mini horse or two?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …HEY!!! I don’t talk about your exes, I would appreciate if you didn’t talk about mine!!!

  • kindness

    I don’t have a horse in this race. Kinda glad about that.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    But according to Frothy Santorum the whole thing is OK if he just makes sure to marry the horse first.

  • Callyson
  • SnarkOff

    No snark: Apparently, this happens more often than you’d think, according to the owners of miniature horses. It’s disgusting. These pervs are raping animals.

    • jesuswasablack

      Who’s to say it wasn’t consensual, do you speak mini-horse?

      • TeenLaQueefa

        I’m guessing “Neigh?”

        • Zippy

          I nickered

      • SnarkTank

        He just wanted a night of unbridled passion. With leather.

      • SnarkOff

        Nay.

      • mtn_philosoph

        Hay, don’t stirrup any trouble now.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      This is one of those stories where there’s really no one to root for.

      “Good job, corrupt, bigoted Law Enforcement officer. You nabbed a perv almost as disgusting as yourself in the most elaborate way possible.”

    • CBloom

      A few years back there was a story about a guy who got caught with someone’s mare in SC. He said they were in love…. He went to jail, and came back and did it again.

      • Amy!

        “Excitable boy,” they all said.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’ll bet one of the horses was Sheriff Joe dressed up in a pony suit. He probably took one up the ass for the home team.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      It’s just like Sheriff Joe to call dibs on the back end of the horse costume.

      • willi0000000

        wear the right costume and the part plays itself.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He traveled thousands of miles for this! Seems odd – there are lots of horses in Pennsylvania, and I gather some of them are quite cute.

    • Tony Alexander

      i’m assuming you heard this from a friend, right?

      ;)

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …nah, all those Amish Mennonite horses are prude! They are waiting until they get married!

    • LaylaOhGee

      There are miniature horse farms in PA. Maybe he wanted a bit of strange.

    • guppy06

      He was cruising for Lake Havisu ponies, probably by offering to buy them apple cider.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    No horsing around, man, that’s gotta sting.

    • LaylaOhGee

      Horse Whores-Unbridled!

  • SnarkTank

    …….and the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by the ears and says, “I said to bring back a POSSE!”
    #JustThePunchlines

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    “This is animal cruelty.”
    This guy is sick, but seriously, “cruelty?” Is he hung so monstrously that he’s going to cause pain to a freaking horse? My guess is the horse would just laugh.

    • SnarkTank

      ……”the bartender asked how I made the horse cry, and I said, ‘I showed him’.” #JustThePunchline

    • jesuswasablack

      like a hotdog down a hallway!

    • Leaving the mare unsatisfied is cruel enough!

    • Pat_Pending

      Or kick.

  • Angry_Cop

    #NoReallyAllBronies

    • elviouslyqueer

      #BroniesBeforeHonies

    • marxalot

      The internet dudes who just kinda like this goofy horse cartoon for kids call themselves “horsefuckers.” I kid you not, because none of the weirdos will want to call themselves that.

    • guppy06

      USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST!

      • Angry_Cop

        sadly, no.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …the most important question is: was the HOMO horse sex or HETERO horse sex?!?! Because one is clearly worse than the other!!!

  • proudgrampa

    Inquiring minds want to know: What the Fuck?

  • OneYieldRegular

    This seems like exactly the kind of crime-busting that Sheriff Joe Arpaio would exult in.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, who would have figured FarmersOnly.com was a sting operation!?!?!?

  • schmannity

    THE MARE SET ME UP!

    • guppy06

      You threw me off in Denver…

    • mtn_philosoph

      THE NAG SET ME UP!

  • Angry_Cop

    “Many exchanges graphically detailed what Crawford intended to do once he arrived in Arizona. In an e-mail released by the Sheriff’s Office, Crawford said he was looking forward to the visit and described his desires.”

    Sometimes I think cops get paid too much, and then I read something like this, and ask myself “so, what would it take for you to do this for a living?” And the answer is usually along the lines of a seven-figure income and lifetime psychiatric care.

    • Spotts1701

      Yeah, I did a couple summers working for the DA’s office as a work study. Same thing – seemed like every 5th or 6th case was one that made me go “Wait, what? What kind of sick mind would think that would be a good idea?”

  • timpundit

    Neigh means NEIGH, Mister.

    • data_ninja

      Do you think after all of this is through, that he’ll get back in the saddle again?

      • timpundit

        I don’;t know. I’d like to get it straight from the horse’s mouth.

        • Blank Ron

          Be careful, those big square teeth are SHARP.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Crawford posted an ad on a popular website soliciting a willing horse owner, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

    EquineHarmony?

    • jesuswasablack

      Christian Mingle!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Horse and Breeder? (This one exists.)

  • calliecallie

    What’s Rafalca got to say about this?

    • Zippy

      Oh, Wilbur!

    • MrBlobfish

      Nay

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “I’d better not be in any Binders full of Horses”

    • guppy06

      Oh, like he could afford that…

  • calliecallie

    Was it Sheriff Joe or one of his deputies that noticed the ad on the “popular” website and came up with this sting idea?

    • marxalot

      This is my question. Who in the office was just hanging out in the “MFH” section of another city’s Craigslist?

      • Lazy Media

        IT WAS RESEARCH!

      • SnarkTank

        “We were on a breeeeeaaaaaaak!” /RossFromFriends

  • mrFawkes

    I invested in the thoroughinbred industry years back. Lost all my cash on two Pennsylvania studs who joined the Santorum campaign.

  • Tony Alexander

    aw, c’mon! the dude was just horsin’ around!

  • timpundit

    My Little Boney.

  • Lazy Media

    Thank goodness Sheriff Joe is speaking for the miniature horses, who can’t speak for themselves. In most counties, sheriffs would have just shrugged and said, “Well, gay marriage is legal, so this is probably OK, too; go nuts,” but Maricopa still stands for America.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Horsefucking aside, what kind of sicko wallpapers a room with his own name?

  • Tony Alexander

    could say he was looking for a one trick pony!

    • Respiteini

      Oh, bravo.

      • Tony Alexander

        i’m here ’til thursday.

        try the er… veal!

    • marxalot

      No, I think he had a whole list of tricks for that pony.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Then maybe he was looking for a one-pony trick.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I have one thing to say to Sheriff Arpaio(NSFW)

    • jesuswasablack

      Wow and that horse is mostly white!

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …but if you notice, he is BLACK where it counts!

        • Pat_Pending

          Nah, he’s pinto-dicked…

      • guppy06

        Looking at the back of the fluorescent jacket, I’d say things are just different in Ireland.

    • Everhope

      Now that’s a question that isn’t horsing around!

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Hey sheriff Joe! Are chickens still OK? I’m just asking for a friend….

  • eric

    Guys, this is super serious. In Arizona any ponies you see are just two illegals in a pony costume trying to get north. This guy was trying to rape illegals. What say you now Trumpster?

  • marxalot

    So, he wanted to engage in “perverted” sex acts with the horse? What, in your opinion, Sheriff Joe, would be a non perverted sex act with a horse? Asking for your wife a friend.

  • SnarkTank

    I think somebody wants to be asked to be Frothy’s running mate!

    • marxalot

      Santorum/Arpaio ’16: Against Weird Sex. For America. We’re Watching YOU.

  • elviouslyqueer

    But Crawford told deputies he had engaged in acts of bestiality since 1970, Arpaio said.

    Dude. Dude!

    • eric

      And of course, humans who rape horse create horses who rape horses.

    • willi0000000

      and you wondered where bronies come from.

      • Blank Ron

        Being as I have no idea who my biological parents are… well, it makes as much sense as my ‘kidnapped by gypsies from a branch of the Addams family’ explanation.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    A gentleman from Pennsylvania

    Santorum?

    • Biff52

      Please.

      He’s no gentleman.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    “Reverse cowboy” is when the horse is on top, right?

    • Everhope

      I thought that was the Devil’s position, you know, doggy style. Jesus! There sure are a helluva lot of memes to keep straight when discussing who in Amurrica is on top and for what purpose. My head swims, or is that my horse underneath me trying to manage the swirling currents.Poor Ponies!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    When we find out the guy had this lifelong dream of banging Ann Coulter, I expect Hannity to turn this guy into a hero.

  • TeenLaQueefa

    Does anyone remember Neal Horsely on FOX? talking about having sex with mules when he was a young man?

    I always guessed he chose mules because they’re sterile as he was afraid of knocking up a horse.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I couldn’t remember his name!

      Makes you wonder a little about that family name. Like “Shoemaker” probably made shoes at one point.
      Pretty clear how the “Horse-lay” family came by their name.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        “No, I didn’t want to fuck a horse. I wanted to fuck Neal Horsely.”

    • Angry_Cop

      I remember Neal Horsely from long before then (late 1990s) he had a lunatic’s website to beat all websites, but the thing I could not believe he posted was a for-real plan to steal a nuclear weapon, truck it up to DC and hold America hostage until abortion was outlawed. He was looking for people “on the inside” to help him. I shit you not. I heard a couple of months ago that he’d died and was pretty relieved; you don’t want guys like that walking around out of prison.

  • DemmeFatale

    Do all sherrifs have People-Magazine-style backdrops?

  • “He would have gotten away with it if he’d picked the wrong county and the wrong sheriff.”

    I’m curious just which county sheriffs Arpaio thinks would have let this go after setting up the sting and all. Or perhaps he thinks that horsefucking sting operations should just be standard procedure for all counties.

  • elvigy

    Bronieback Mountain?

  • Beaumarchais?

    I guess he did go to see a man about a horse.

  • cousin itt

    Will Joe officiate the mareiage?

    • Zippy

      he never said he wanted to marry it- just get a little tail

      • chicken thief

        Time to put these puns out to pasture.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Hey, we’re just feeling our oats.

        • Querolous

          Do you want to muzzle these (non)comments?

      • Antimassacree

        Comedy geld, Jerry!

      • Querolous

        That’s the mane idea.

  • Zippy

    I sure am glad Shurf Joe is reining in this seriously problem.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hey, dontcha stirrup no controversy here!

      • Zippy

        please don’t saddle me with that responsibility

        • jmk

          You folks have snaffled all the best puns and I don’t like it one bit. Try to curb your enthusiasm!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      He’s the right mane for the job.

      • Zippy

        these puns really bridle me

        • Msgr_Moment

          Shoe! Shoe!

          • Zippy

            at first I balked at posting more puns, but I guess we’re not done foaling around. Wouldn’t want to halter all the fun…

          • Msgr_Moment

            I don’t have much more to trot out.

          • SnarkTank

            Hay! Whoa!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            They misunderstood. He was only looking for a little filly mignon.

          • willi0000000

            you took that one farrier than you shoed have.

  • Zippy

    At a certain point it’s got to be easier to just buy your own horse…

    • Turn over all the letters, Vanna. We have the correct answer!

    • TheBidenator

      Yes but not for the poor horse!

    • aureolaborealis

      Naw. That one would getting boring after a while. Thrill of the chase, and all that.

      • Zippy

        more of a steeplechase, as it were

    • Blank Ron

      Why buy the horse when you’re getting the… err, you get the idea.

  • Relativicus

    That guy has the most fucked up Bucket List ever.

    • CognizantImpiety

      You are referring to Sheriff Joe, amirite?

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Do they call me “Joe The Immigrant Jailer?” NO!
    But you run ONE complicated long sting to nab a horsefucker!

  • Spurning Beer

    Without getting into the details too deeply, how do you protect against the horse kicking you in, say, the shins or genitalia?

    • Zippy

      from what I read elsewhere, the guy wanted the horse to piss on his shirt so that he could mail it home and do god knows what with it

      • TheBidenator

        I didn’t need to know that…I really didn’t need to know that. Maybe he’s wanting to start like a animal pee museum, that would be more useful educationally speaking than the creationist museum…

        • Zippy

          which begs the question- is that even illegal? Gross yes, but is having a horse piss on your shirt against the law?

          • TheBidenator

            I’m sure he wanted to do something horrible to the poor animal. Having anyone pee on you is gross (seriously, why FFS, why?) but not illegal. If it were illegal why we’d all be under arrest for four decades of letting the rich piss on all of us….

          • CognizantImpiety

            Only when you are transporting the shirt over state lines.

      • Biff52

        Equine water sports? Just play polo, for fuck’s sake.

    • chicken thief

      Personally, I would start by not trying to fuck horses. But that’s just me…

  • Zippy

    just goes to show that it takes a horse’s ass to catch a horse fucker…

  • Msgr_Moment

    Keep fucking that chicken, Joe.

  • Say what you will, this is still more impressive than those FBI terrorist stings where they basically have to pay dumb people to take a bomb from them.

    • Barley_Brains

      He did seem to be highly motivated.

    • guppy06

      Operation “One Weird Trick.”

  • cousin itt

    Just one man’s hobby horse.

  • TheBidenator

    Welp, we all know it’s the fault of liberals and I just figured out how: the donkey scene from “Clerks 2” directed by well-known liberal Kevin Smith. If only they’d just force ’em all to make bible movies like Saint Reagan did….

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Scalia did warn us that this was inevitable…

    • Thaumaturgist

      But Scalia promised us it would be legal.

  • Your headline confused me because I couldn’t imagine why someone would want to flock a horse.

    • Zippy

      it’s part of the war on Christmas

  • Gleem-McShinez

    How long until FOX pundits go on about “how the ponies were dressed.”

    • Zippy

      right after they find a way to blame this on Obama

      • Gleem-McShinez

        12-dimensional chess opportunity!
        Obama should do a press conference to tell everyone about the Iran deal, and also, “Don’t fuck horses.”

        • Anarchy Pony

          He should just say keep on breathing, and maybe the more insane wingnuts will asphyxiate themselves out of spite.

    • TheBidenator

      As soon as the Fox pundits finish with the ponies they’ve Bill Cosby’ed (I’m looking at you, Brian Kilmead) they can begin the moral scolding….

    • Beaumarchais?

      With their plaited manes, their seductive canters, and their come-hither whinnies…

    • Anarchy Pony

      I’m sure it’s somehow the ghey’s fault.

  • Msgr_Moment

    In horse language, I bet that guy was “hung like a human”.

    • Zippy

      when the undercover guys showed up, the horse turned to Crawford and said “why the long face?”

  • VandeGraf

    A horse fucking sting? It boggles! The sheep in Maricopa are going to have a lot of questions for Sheriff Arpaio when he’s finished his cock-of-the-walk promenading.

  • I saw this story earlier today and thought “Boy, just wait until the gang at Wonkette gets a load of this!”.

    • Zippy

      ‘get a load of this’ was the whole point of his trip

      • Blank Ron

        You’re really in your element with this story, aren’t you?

  • aureolaborealis

    Also, please remember: #NotAllBronies

    Methinks the Doktor doth protest too much.

    • Blank Ron

      Hey, not all of we bronies watch it for the plot!

  • Msgr_Moment

    Okay. Are we done beating off this dead horse?

    • Thaumaturgist

      No.

  • chicken thief

    Note to self: Should you desire to get into horse fucking, buy your own and stay off Craig’s List.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    *Horse race announcer voice* “And it’s Weirdo Horsediddler coming around the curve, Weirdo Horsediddler is pulling ahead”

  • chicken thief

    What’s wrong with fucking a horse?

    ~ Matthew Broderick

    • Antimassacree

      Nothing!

      –Dinesh D’Souza (who dated Ann Coulter! Thank goodness they never hatched a youngling.)

      • leemoder

        Oh yeah? How do you explain James O’Keefe?

  • Shalimar

    Assuming they didn’t let him fuck the horse, I’m not seeing a law that was actually broken in Maricopa county.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Maybe Joe Arpaio going to get busted for being a Horse Pimp?

  • RevZafod

    Yankee Diddle came to town,
    To stick it to a pony,
    [please complete]

    • Anarchy Pony

      He got caught by the cops
      and now he’s in the pokey.

      • RevZafod

        Not bad, not good. We are all horsefuckers now. It’s been an amazingly interesting thread.

        • Blank Ron

          One of us… err, I mean, them. Yeah, them.

  • Kat Anyperson

    *sighs and shakes her head* Pennsyltucky.

    • just as long as the horsefucker is Jeremiah from Breaking Amish.

  • Barley_Brains

    Hey Dok, you misspelled horsefucking in the headline title thingy up top.

  • Ilgattomorte

    So a guy from PA contacts a website, looking for a “willing horse owner” to let him fuck a horse. He flies to AZ to meet the ponies, where he is arrested by an (in)famous sheriff.

    Just a couple of observations:
    1) You have to hand it to the horse-fucker. He went to a great deal of time and expense to avoid simply raping a local horse. I guess in the sick fuck world of bestiality, this guy is what you’d call a “gentleman”.
    2) WTF! Who would do this? There are less complicated methods of arranging sex with an underage Asian lady-boy.
    3) Lastly, who is the sick fuck in Arpaio’s office that was trolling the horse-fuck website so this whole thing could be setup in the first place?

  • Malmborg Implano

    There are two very good reasons for prosecuting this man.

    1) I’m all for letting consenting adult humans do what they like in the privacy of their own homes, but human on animal sex is by definition rape because an animal is not in a position to either consent or refuse–it might not even realize what’s going on.

    2) It’s dangerous and people have actually been killed trying to get off with horses (viz. the documentary “Zoo.”)

  • Playonwords

    Obviously the horse pisses were good for this arrest, but here’s some brain bleach

    https://youtu.be/UGz8jcbJjRw

    • Gristle McThornbody

      I swear to god I heard that cutie (the porcupine) say ‘get back’ at one point. I had no idea they were so vocal.

      • jmk

        I could have sworn I heard “scuse me… it’s my corn” at 0:47…

        That was awesome.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Totally awesome. And I think you’re right about “my corn”….I went over this like the Zapruder film. Who knew?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Porcupines are not a dog’s best friend though. Behold! There were 574 quills in this dog and it took us over 70 minutes to remove them.

  • say wha

    I guess he thought he would Cantor off into the sunset.

  • Thaumaturgist

    They don’t have any horses asses left in Pennsylvania? I get “Rick is in Iowa.” No other horses left in Pennsylvania? Dude had to go to Arizona? Don’t get it.

    • CognizantImpiety

      Washington DC is much closer.

    • stevola

      No shortage of horses’ asses here in the Keystone State. Dude just booked his dream vacation. See the Grand Canyon, fuck a horse, meet Sheriff Joe…

      • leemoder

        Dude had to be from Fayette County. Just a gut feelin’.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “…fuck a horse, meet a horse’s ass….”

  • fawkedifiknow

    He probably made an innocent mistake, thinking he was getting set up with a couple whores’es.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “He would have gotten away with it if he’d picked the wrong county and the wrong sheriff.”
    Umm… so another sting set up by another sheriff migh have turned out well?

  • Applejinx

    I’ve had to explain that you folks at Wonkette are always using reaction pone for all manner of stupidity. Anybody who is a brony and actually READS Wonkette knows it’s all in good fun :)

    • Anarchy Pony

      The good Doktor is in fact one the herd.

  • docterry6973

    Anyone want to buy a cheap plane ticket to AZ?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And there’s a guy in Arpaio’s jail who’s got a return ticket he’s not using.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Dear Pentbarn,

    I never though this would happen to me. I was browsing through the Horse Husbandry section of a popular website when a particular advertisement caught my eye.

  • Swampay

    So lemme get this straight. I’ve seen the videos where a large animal vet has his arm up a horse’s privates up the shoulder. These are (allegedly) miniature horses so let’s stipulate that the vet only sticks his arm in up to the elbow. There’s lots of room up there, ‘swhat I’m sayin’. And bothering the horse with this man’s little pee-pee is “animal cruelty”? Not seeing it.

    And what do they call it when they breed the horse? You know,arbitrarily (from the horse’s perspective) select some other horse to be around when it’s fuckin’ time to have its way with the poor thing, without even buying flowers or candy or a nice dinner and a movie? What happens to the horse’s dignity when it is (trigger warning) offered up to be raped by some other horse without its consent?

    Hell, if you get tired of your horse I bet you can pay to have it “put down” (murdered). But some poor schmuck degrading himself horsefucking is an insult to the horse’s dignity and resources need to be expended in a sting operation? Not seeing it.

    • Biff52

      About 45 years ago, the house I was staying in had 3 horses and a Welsh/Shetland pony. She was always “exposing” herself and backing up to male visitors. As far as I know, nobody ever took advantage of her “offer.” Because gross. But yeah, I don’t think she would have considered it abuse.

      • Rick Hill

        I blame Obama.

    • Zippy

      the issue is consent, not whether or not it would mind. Same metric we use with children. Putting an animal down is a little trickier, but there’s definitely a difference between humanely killing an animal and murdering it

      • Swampay

        That’s slicing it pretty fine. If I don’t consent to something but I really don’t mind, is there actually harm done? How about if I hardly even notice? Enough harm that we need our law agencies to be actively working against it?

        No harm no foul, right? And I don’t think the analogy to children is appropriate. Children can’t consent to sex, but wow are they harmed. Animals can’t consent to sex but is there really any harm?

        And I’m not sure what defines killing an animal humanely. Could you humanely kill a person without murdering it? Horses aren’t usually killed for meat in this country, but as far as I know (city boy here) you could have a horse slaughtered and butchered for food or just shoot it in the head because you wanted to and I don’t think you’d be in trouble with the law (as long as it’s your own horse and you dispose of the body legally). You could probably kill it, butcher it into pieces, then fuck the pieces, and it would be completely legal regardless of the animal’s consent. Just don’t stick your pee-pee in its bottom. That would be a violation of the animal’s dignity.

        I’m not saying bestiality’s a good thing, and it’s certainly gross and disgusting, but I don’t think it’s worth getting all het up about. These are animals that we treat like lesser beings in nearly all ways, I think making a stink over their lack of consent to be fucked by a person is a bit precious when we don’t give a shit about their consent in much more significant ways – including their consent to be fucked by others of their kind.

        And it’s certainly not worth expending a lot of resources over.

        I guess the only reason to make a fuss about it at all is to rile up the base.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well if the filly ends up pregnant, it wasn’t a legitimate rape, was it? And if horses don’t have a way of shutting that whole thing down, then the little lady should just accept God’s gift.

    • Steverino247

      ” I’ve seen the videos where a large animal vet has his arm up a horse’s privates up the shoulder.” Or, as we say in Amish Country, a “mechanic.”

    • Blank Ron

      Violence is okay, sex is bad. Haven’t you been getting the memos?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Sheriff Joe’s new special agent:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkLsdQhZsw0

  • Amy!

    A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
    And nobody fucks with a horse, of course,
    Unless the horse can go to Arpaio,
    The famous Sheriff Joe!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      How about:

      Unless the horse can get recourse
      To famous Sherrif Joe!

      • Amy!

        Much better, thanks!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Consulting the original, I realize that I can even slip in another syllable:

          To the famous Sheriff Joe.

  • Me not sure

    Man up! If you can’t handle a Clydesdale GTFO!

  • Greg Comlish

    Should have kept fucking that chicken.

  • Daisy Azuras

    None of this makes sense. First off who offers their horse for sex?! Second you can buy a horse for $150 (much cheaper than a plane ticket). And lastly horse sex is fun for both horse and rider. As long as the horse isn’t tied up or somehow restrained then let them fuck. Some horses go their entire life not knowing the touch of another.

  • D_C_Wilson

    So, Arpaio’s posse contacted this guy online, negotiated with him, invited him to Arizona, and then showed him his choice of two horses he could fuck.

    Not to defend the horse fucker, but doesn’t that sound a little like entrapment?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I bet you never imagined yourself ever typing the phrase, “not to defend the horsefucker…” Thanks Obama.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        During the Dubya administration, I was typing that phrase on an almost-daily basis,.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It depends on how Arpaio’s posse set up the sting.

      If the guy really ran an ad searching for a horse to fuck or even strongly implying that he was looking for a horse to fuck, he took the first active step and the cops have the right to explore how serious he was, short of enducement. Getting that plane ticket is probably enough.

      Remember that “entrapment” in the legal sense is not the same thing as catching a guy in a trap.

      This Wikipedia article is a good introduction to the subject:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entrapment

      Mind you, it is not impossible that Sheriff Joe overstepped the line. He’s certainly done so before. But based on what I’ve seen so far, probably not.

  • Maezeppa

    Context only adds to the weirdness. Not two days ago I was reading a history of Puritan America and learned about poor Thomas Granger, age 16,who was caught with a cow. Both he and the cow (as well as various other calves and goats he confessed to accosting) were all put to death. In fact, a couple hundred colonial Americans and their four-legged companions were executed for bestiality.

  • Mavenmaven

    Ah yes, another voter from Santorum country.

  • Greg Comlish

    I’m trying a joke about Ann Coulter looking like a Horse. Obviously the “Colt” in Coulter is ripe for ribald play-on-words, as is Ann’s is resemblance to both a male and a horse. The material is fundamentally there, but I’ve hit a dead-end. Not really sure who would want to fuck Ann Coulter …

    • Anarchy Pony

      Bill Maher.

      • Steely_Fan

        Sad but true from what I’ve heard. I really like Bill and agree with him on most topics, but why he continues to host (hoist?) this harpy baffles me.

    • w9anthimos

      Sylvester Stallione?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Revolting comic implications aside, the ONE thing Arpaio does right is prosecute animal abuse. He went after Jeff Flake’s mutant son-one of them anyway-for his role in allowing a bunch of dogs in a hillbilly kennel to die from heat and suffocation. And yeah, I can’t believe I’m saying anything in this a-hole’s defense….but I’d cut a bitch for hurting a dog.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If only he cared half as much about Mexicans as he does about dogs.

  • WereBurger

    Fortunately, theSheriff went on to assure Arizonans that rat-fking was still very much a legal thing to do in their state.

  • dshwa

    Well, now we know the identity of Dr. Zoom’s gangsta rap loving stalker.

  • Fly

    How many times has Arpaio been caught fucking a chicken?

  • idiotboy

    “So, what’r you in for”? Blushes.

    • willi0000000

      this would clear even the Group W bench.

  • Zippy

    Florida man to the rescue! I’ll see your horse fucker and raise you an alligator fucker!

    http://thugvirals.com/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-an-alligator/

    • Zippy

      Definitely a potential Darwin Award winner…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Are we sure this isn’t one of those fake news sites? It sounds like a croc.

  • Jeamonn

    “Crawford hoped the fictitious owner would allow Crawford to engage in “perverted” sex acts with an animal, Sheriff Joe Arpaio said at a press conference Sunday.”

    Wait…what? Perverted sex acts with a horse? As opposed to normal Arizona horse fucking?
    ” Hey Crawford, we don’t cotton to your Yankee horse fucking. Here in Arizona we fuck our horses like the lord intended….missionary.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      As soon as he asked for a male horse, he was outside the law.

  • toomanyrappers
  • Zippy

    Didn’t Daniel Radcliffe star in a play about this?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Made a date with one horse’s ass, but ended up with another.

    • But which one has the most manure coming out of it’s hole.

  • Biff52

    I know which I prefer.

  • zerosumgame0005

    lil’ Sebastian was kinda cute, but not THAT cute!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Coming to a theater near you! The heart-warming story of a man who had a special way with animals. “The Horse Duggarer.”

  • sillyclucker

    But I thought this kind of thing would be ok now that gays can get married!

  • deanbooth

    Trigger Warning!

  • Alex Grey

    It’s because of gay marriage right? Just like Rick Santorum predicted!!!!

  • guppy06

    lorem ipsum

    • Alex Grey

      No way! You’re probably a law enforcement officer on a sting too!

    • Blank Ron

      Now that’s the kind of lèse-majesté I could get into.

      • guppy06

        Literally?

        (It’s part of a long-running series of single-panel comics that ultimately got yanked at Hasbro’s request, but searching for “Ask Princess Molestia” should turn up some links to ZIP files of the archive.)

        • Blank Ron

          Actually, I’ve seen that one. I THINK I caught the entire ‘Ask Princess Molestia’ series. It provided me with many a pleasant evening, it did.

  • Alex Grey

    As requested…

    • Lord-Nash

      Hey cool, I used this stuff after I saw ‘The Phantom Menace’.

      • Blank Ron

        Did it work? Mine is still stained no matter how many times I watch the Rifftrax version.

        • Lord-Nash

          Head over to RedLetterMedia and watch Mr. Plinketts reviews. Awesome.

  • Geez, if this guy was that curious, he should have just rented a few Jeff Stryker videos. It would be the same effect.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    No one made a Phantom of the Opera joke? It feels necessary here.

  • crabbyolddad

    Sheriff Joe was concerned that others were tapping his pony and wanted to get them out of the way~~~

  • akita96th

    Hey I would be willing to bet he is a member of the GOP pricksters.

  • arglebargle

    His passion was unbridled.

    • Everhope

      STOP HORSING AROUND in there, Michael!

      • Must we be saddled with these puns?

        • Everhope

          Depends on what pun you saddle up!

          That, by the by, was excellent.

          • Thank you! And now, I shall hoof it out of here …

          • Everhope

            Yes, while I’m saddled with athlete’s foot you get to scamper away. Oh, may Pegasus stretch his wings again…

        • Everhope

          Only as long as we have those Amurricans who so wonderfully call for them, the puns, that is. Keep ’em flowing.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Crawford posted an ad on a popular website soliciting a willing horse owner, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

    So Hannidate’s still around? Who knew.

  • Whale Chowder

    So is Enumclaw finally off the hook now?

    • doktorzoom

      Neigh, not ever.

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