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While most political candidates at least like to pretend that it is Not Cool to attack their opponents’ families, Rick Santorum thinks it is not only Totally Cool but also necessary so voters will know what they’re getting themselves into:

Spouses matter. I saw that repeatedly with Republican presidents. When your spouse is not in-sync with you, particularly on cultural issues, moral issues — what I’ve seen over time is that presidents as well as members of Congress tend not to be as active on those issues. Not to say they are going to change their positions. They rarely to my knowledge change their positions. They tend not to do things that put them out there, fighting this fight, when they know they’re going to… have some disharmony at home.

This was in response to a question about Scott Walker’s wife, Tonette, who recently declined to offer full-throated support of her husband’s call for a constitutional amendment allowing states to ban marriage equality. See, she has this lesbian cousin who has been lesbian-partnered for 18 years, and she likes this lesbian cousin a whole lot, so she’s pretty “torn” on whether her cousin should have equal rights, even if she is a bulldagger. Quite the moral quandary!

For Santorum, this is evidence enough that even if Scott Walker does not currently have a closeted plan to give away taxpayer-funded handjobs to all the The Gays — yet — it sure would be hard for Walker to be good at presidenting what with his wife bitch-nagging at him over dinner every night in the East Wing, demanding that Walker treat her beloved clam-munching cousin like she is some kind of equal U.S. American citizen. SPOUSES MATTER.

So it seems not only Totally Cool but also necessary to consider Mrs. Rick Santorum’s cultural and moral issues, and what kind of disharmony first lady (lol) Karen Santorum might cause for her presidenting husband. Like, say, on abortion, something Rick has rabidly opposed in all cases ever since he “read the literature” and decided he wasn’t pro-choice after all. When he was still a senator from Pennsylvania, before the voters double-digit fired his ass, he authored the “Partial Birth Abortion” Ban, and in 2012, he instructed rape victims who were impregnated to gladly “accept what God has given to you.”

But before all of that, Rick was just your average not-so-religious lifelong pro-choice dude who preferred Hawaiian shirts to sweater vests. And then he met a real nice lady named Karen, who had been unmarriedly shacking up for six years, like a common sex-loving whore, with the much, much older OBGYN who had delivered her! And did abortions! TO UNBORNED BABIES!

According to Santorum, it was not until after he stoled Karen away from her baby-murdering partner that he and Karen skimmed the Bible and learned that Jesus hates sex for pleasure, loathes contraception even for married couples, and will send anyone who says the word “abortion” without making an EW ICKY! face straight to the hottest seat in hell. So it’s all good now, and Rick and Karen are perfect devout Catholics (even if Rick thinks the pope is A Idiot who should mind his own beeswax). And the eventually-came-to-Jesus Santorums know now that it is always wrong to kill a baby, unless God does it, and then you should take that dead baby home and make your children cuddle it and take selfies with it, for the Lord.

But if spouses matter, as Rick says they do, it sure seems relevant that Mrs. Santorum used to be one of those women, who lived in sin and, we assume, enjoyed sexing for non-procreational purposes, AND thought her ‘bortion-doing lover was the greatest. And how can voters know for sure that Spouse Karen won’t unfind Jesus and change her fickle ladybrain mind again? And then, dear voters, just imagine the horror of President Rick Santorum (lol) listening to his wife nagging him at the White House dinner table every night about giving all the sluts their free slut pills to enjoy consequence-free sexytimes and abortions on demand!

Caveat emptor, voters looking for the mostest conservativest pro-lifiest presidential candidate, because SPOUSES MATTER, and do you really want a former abortion-loving whore to be your first lady?

[Mediaite]

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  • Msgr_Moment

    closeted plan to give away taxpayer-funded handjobs to all the The Gays

    Slogan: “A handjob, not a handout.”

    • HolidayinCambodia

      “Two handjobs in every garage.”

      • nmmagyar

        I’ve seen that movie

  • cousin itt

    Is Santorum running?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, just STFU, smegma-fer-brains. You don’t even deserve the bunny gif.

  • cousin itt

    I blame Pat Nixon. And don’t even Betty Ford or Mary Todd Lincoln and especially Eleanor Roosevelt.

    Now shut the fuck up, Frothy.

  • memzilla

    …Scott Walker’s wife, Tonette, who recently declined to offer full-throated support…

    EW! *rummages for brain bleach*

    • kindness

      No corndog photo ops for her sounds like.

  • I am pretty sure Karen Santorum is a made-up name.

    • jviscont1

      Enya Santorum was already taken.

  • Nounverb911

    Tonette?

    • coozledad

      Only because “Ocarina” was already taken.

    • eggsacklywright

      Tony for a boy, Tonette for a girl, yes?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Ghaaa!!!! Flutaphone flashback!!!!!!!!

    • Thaumaturgist

      They’re from Wisconsin. So is Leroy N. Gingrich’s current wife. What was her name?

      • bobbert

        Re: tonettes. We had them back in 1960.

  • elviouslyqueer

    In related news, I now have a hankering for some delicious clams. Thanks for nothing, Kaili Joy.

    • cousin itt

      Mmmm, clam.

      • Geoduck, anyone?

        • kindness

          Look at the phallus’ on those babys! Guess in Rickey’s world they are going to hell. While in the rest of our world’s….

        • marxalot

          I though geoduck was a pokeman

          • jmk

            That’s Geodude, man…

    • I could go for some oysters, myself.

    • ManchuCandidate

      HoJo Fried Clams?

      • Nounverb911

        Mmmm! Deep fried pencil erasers!

      • Blank Ron

        I used to live on those, when my family went on trips to the US.

    • Lizzietish81

      I like clam chowder, but fried clams aren’t my thing.

      Speaking of which, my former uncle’s family from East Buttfuckever came out to MA to visit and were huge seafood fans, so they couldn’t wait to try the REAL thing, especially the clams, the fried clams, a New England Delicacy.

      They were horrified because in New England you eat the whole clam, not just the necks (which is what you get in canned clams)

    • Barley_Brains

      Whole belly fried clams are the absolute best. Really the only reason to go east of the 100th meridian.

  • calliecallie

    “Spouses matter.” Wait, are the cops shooting spouses now?

    • HolidayinCambodia

      Only their own.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Lizzietish81

    I seem to remember that Laura was pro choice, but was properly subservient to her shrub.

  • PsycWench

    I like the way he assumes that not going full tilt on a position your spouse opposes is motivated by pussy-whipping and could never be because your spouse made you see the other side of the issue. Because a real conservative would never listen to his wife.

    • Iron Monkey

      I think not listening to one’s wife is a characteristic that cuts across political, class, ethnic and racial lines.

    • SpideySenser

      This ^^^^ !!!! Or any other person of the female persuasion, as Scott Brown (R – Douchebag) so eloquently said, “women’s issues are very important,” but that he is “focusing on the things that people care about” …

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Walker’s wife, Tonette, who recently declined to offer full-throated support…

    ISWYDT

    • cousin itt

      She’s gonna need a smaller throat.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, I’d hate to hear what has to say about Jebs Mexican wife, Trumps catalog of wives and Marco Rubios cheerleader wife?! Actually I would love to hear it!!!

    • natoslug

      I want to hear what he has to say about Joaquín Guzmán’s wife. Trump shouldn’t be the only one focusing on the most crucial immigration issues.

  • PsycWench

    Now I kinda wish Dennis Kucinich had a shot.

    • calliecallie

      OT Geek alert: The other night mr calliecallie and I were googling states’ congressional district maps to look for gerrymandering. One simple district in Ohio, now occupied by a Republican, caught mr c’s attention and he suggested that it used to be held by a Dem. I looked it up, and it was previously Dennis Kucinich’s district.
      Also too, I highly recommend checking out Florida’s gerrymandered congressional district map, because on the NE side of the state, you can make out a district shaped like a witch with a penis. At least, it looked that way to us after a couple glasses of wine.

      • Iron Monkey

        Sounds like the calliecallie household is a never ending debauchery of C-Span watching and Congressional Quarterly Almanac reading.

        • calliecallie

          Dude, it’s like you were right there!

      • artem1s

        actually only half of Dennis’ district is occupied by an R. The other is held by Marcie Kaptur-D. She got to run against Joe the not Plumber in the general to win her seat.

        Ohio lost two seats in redistricting and yes there was some pretty creative redrawing on both sides so the parties would lose one seat each. Dennis The Menace in the North and Steve Austin, R- A Idiot (claimed in a House speech that The New Deal caused the Great Repression) in the south. The Dems definitely won that round as Austin was dumb as a post and Dennis was useless when it came to actually legislating or doing anything except running a nonstop grift campaign for Preznit.

  • ManchuCandidate

    http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/santorum.gif
    The thought of his wife being touched by an abortionist really hits him hard.

    • elviouslyqueer

      EW.

    • Everhope

      Is lil ricky pounding the tube steak?

  • Antimassacree

    The way to the White House is not easy for a turd who lives in a glass house.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Because a guy who can’t handle disagreements would make a fine preznident. All I can say, Ricky, is “don’t worry about it.”

  • Lizzietish81

    Not for nothing, but it was a spouse that caused Senator Ryan to have to leave his post in disgrace, which is the seat taken by one Barrack Hussein Obama.

    so yes, Jeri Ryan and her tits are responsible for Obama’s presidency

    • Antimassacree

      The FSM works in mysterious ways.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So that’s why I liked her! I knew it was something…

      • Lizzietish81
        • natoslug

          He seemed so much nicer in “The Hunt for Red October.”

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Yeah, I’m familiar with the tale. Like 99.9% of readers, my reaction was, “Wait, you’re married to Jeri, and you do what????”

          • willi0000000

            for some people it’s not enough to own a Rolex . . . you have to be seen winding it in public.

            [ preferably by people with Timexes ]

    • Tallmutha

      I’ve said this before about the Ryan fiasco, but as my Illinois-dwelling Republican brother said in exasperation: “Only a Republican could get tangled up in a sex scandal with his own wife.”

      • Lizzietish81

        Yesss now I remember. Let me guess, they figured Keyes was black and that would offset Obama’s blackness. But they didn’t take into account Keyes being fucking insane.

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      I thought Jack Ryan became president when that deranged Japanese airline pilot crashed his plane into the capital building and killed everyone in the government. Debt of Honor. Oh wait, that was a work of fiction.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Resistance is futile.

    • chicken thief

      Wasn’t the kurfluffle that Jack wanted to swing and Jeri didn’t?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It was indeed.

      • marxalot

        He wanted to screw her in front of strangers, to be more precise.

        • chicken thief

          So he wanted to do to his wife what most Republicans want to do to the electorate? And that was cause for quitting the race?!

      • Lizzietish81

        Well, not swing, but he did want to have sex with her in front of other people. and like, he was springing this on her when they were in the club.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    To be honest, I would not trust anyone who voluntarily eats dinner with Rick Santorum more than once.

  • schmannity

    First Lady Melania Trump.

    End of message.

  • Callyson

    in 2012, he instructed rape victims who were impregnated to gladly “accept what God has given to you.”

    Um…did Frothy Mix just call God a rapist?

    https://31.media.tumblr.com/c6281f9a7ab6bff552d2522cec4012e0/tumblr_inline_n0ldddLtA51rg0g8s.gif

    • Lizzietish81

      Come on, Mary was only told after the fact

      • jviscont1

        and she never even got to share a cigarette with him afterwards.

      • Tallmutha

        God was doing sort of a Bill Cosby thing?

      • marxalot

        There’s a Lisa Sewel poem about the Annunciation that is incredibly hot.

      • Wonkaholic

        She was roofied from on high.

  • kindness

    Is Ricky renting out his wife then? Or is he just providing advertising for his wife’s ex?

  • jamsie

    Old news asshole. Why don’t you tell us about your time at Penn State?

  • say wha

    “Not to say they are going to change their positions. They rarely to my knowledge change their positions.” Missionary, all the way down.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    That picture – that must be Santorum’s “sad clown” face. I look forward to seeing more of it after he loses the primary again.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      But think of the children!

      • natoslug

        There’s a Duggar for that.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Why is that little scottish nun holding the little scottish baby all sad faced?

        • Lizzietish81

          She looks like she’s desperate to fart.

          Also that’s no doll, it’s the dead fetus.

  • jviscont1

    I never, ever, want to hear any details of Christie matrimonial bliss from the apparently indestructible Mrs. Christie.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    with the much, much older OBGYN who had delivered her!

    For those women who find mere ‘daddy issues’ .too straight-laced and pedestrian, I guess.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      OBGYN makes more money than daddy

  • natoslug

    I’d be happy with a current abortion-loving whore for a first-lady. Hell, I’d be happy with a current abortion-loving whore for a president.

    • Callyson

      “I’m on it!”

      – Hillary

      • natoslug

        Whore/Docile Cyborg Slave 2016!
        “A vote for us is a vote for U.S.”

  • Spotts1701
  • Mehmeisterjr

    From now on, all Presidents are required to vet their wives at eDisharmony.

  • cousin itt

    Rick looks like someone kicked his goat in the nuts

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    This is the second thing on gay rights and walker family squabbles that I have seen in 2 days.
    Now if I were a conspiracy nut (let us pretend I am not) I would begin to suspect that maybe the GOP is doing this on purpose to give their Koch Approved fuckbuddy the air of pretending to be ok with the homo, while still being utterly nohomo

  • Kat Anyperson

    Dear Rick- the voting public doesn’t actually care who you fuck, so long as it’s legal and consensual.

    Your choice of dick muppet does not matter when deciding presidential elections. We are not voting for First Lady.

    • geoffalnutt

      Well, I didn’t want that Pop-Tart anyway. It’s in Ohio, now. The image of Rick sexing…with/at anyone/anything caused such projectile hurling that… I’m in Maine. Why do you ask?

  • smitallica

    Looks like Scott Walker’s wife has fallen prey to the ol’ “Oh Shit My Exclusionary Right-Wing Views Seem Less Absolute Now That I Actually Know A Gay Person” trap. Poor thing.

  • marxalot

    Do I want a former abortion-loving whore for First Lady? Do I?! Though a current one would be even better.

  • Poly_Ester

    Rick should compare notes with Bill Cosby on being a moral scold.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And with Bill Bennett.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        And Bill-O

  • jesuswasablack

    “clam-munching cousin”

    hooray!

  • Ricardo_007

    The man’s name was Dr. Thomas Allen. I met Karen at his house in the early 1980’s when I was friendly with Tom’s family. Karen was a hot little nurse and I could see the attraction. Tom Allen was a wonderful man in the Pittsburgh cultural community. A patron of the arts, a philanthropist, a bon vivant. Also, quite a handsome man. Rick Santorum will never make a patch on Tom Allen’s ass.

    • VandeGraf

      As a patch on TA’s ass, Sanctorum would be out of our hair, so I’m willing to encourage him. Allen, on the other hand, might not be public spirited enough to take one for the team, and who could blame him! Obviously Karen is downwardly mobile.

  • VandeGraf

    If God hates sex for pleasure Karen did right to marry Sanctorum. Just ask the Pennsylvania electorate how much fun it was being fucked by Sanctorum.

    • Dee Andee

      Kat Anyperson knows! And she did not like it, not one little bit.

      • Kat Anyperson

        I know right, the one time I don’t mention it lol

        <3 Ty, VandeGraf.

        Pay us back, Rick or STFU.

    • Everhope

      And as a whole, the PA electorate can be fairly conservative, shows how much a douche bag lil ricky musta been.

  • Lizzietish81

    Wait….doesn’t this mean that Mrs. Santorum divorced another man before she married Rick?

    • Dee Andee

      Uh-oh!

    • marxalot

      If it was just up-shacking, then no. That implies that they weren’t married, so Ricky made off with another man’s mistress. She’s a Fallen Woman, but not a divorced one.

      • Dee Andee

        I got the impression she might have been, since the article said the doctor she lived with is the one who ‘delivered her.’ But maybe he delivered the little Santorumsquidglings.

        • jmk

          Oh, no… he very literally delivered her – he is the doctor who assisted her mother at her birth. He was 40 years older than she is (he died a few years ago, at the age of 93).

          • Dee Andee

            Oh! Holy cats. OK. Thank you. :D

      • Everhope

        & lil ricky is a fallen on his face person(sic)

  • Mavenmaven

    A cheap shot coming from Santorum! Who would have guessed?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      At first, I read that as “A cheap shot of Santorum.” The worst drink ever invented.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I thought I didn’t like Santorum until someone offered me some eighteen-year-old single malt. I discovered I just don’t like cheap Santorum.

  • SnarkTank

    I translate this as “The only bible verse I like more than ‘no ghey buttsechs’ is the one about wives being submissive to their husbands.”

  • Tom Wilder

    One thing I’ve discovered is that the closer to Jesus someone claims to be the bigger asshole they are.

    • Dee Andee

      There are too many generations in this country who equated “Christian” to mean “good person.” Times need to change, in my experience. EVERY SINGLE ONE I’ve ever known well has used their ‘faith’ as an excuse for hypocrisy. Every single one. No exceptions.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Christian should mean good person, if one is actually doing the “Christ like” part of being a Christian that is.

        • Dee Andee

          But the conditioning remains. People will tend to believe you’re a good person if you spout on and on about Jeebus a lot, even if your actions are entirely contrary to what Jeebus ever said. To say publicly, to make a huge point of how “Christian” you are, every time you make a speech, is to boast about how wonderful you are under the guise of piety. Total bollocks.

          There might magically be 1% of the Christian population who isn’t full of shit, but I haven’t met one of them yet.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            There are people who are “good Christians”. However, they do so with their actions, not their words. They are humble.

            This eliminates all fundigelical shit from the “good Christians” subset.

          • Whollyholeyholy

            I know a few devout people who are truly kind and generous and completely nonjudgmental, believing God sorts it all out and nobody else has the right to presume. I respect them, even though I don’t get the supernatural stuff. It’s a breathtaking contrast with the horrible vocal crazies. Who I do believe are found in far greater numbers, unfortunately.

          • Blank Ron

            That’s sad. I’ve known quite a few of them, and my life has been enriched thereby.

      • Zippy

        They’re out there, you just aren’t aware of them because they keep their big mouths shut and walk the walk instead. Real Christians generally don’t go around advertising their Christianity, they simply live their lives according to Christ’s teachings. The good news is- it makes their religiosity essentially invisible, instead you just know them as that nice couple down the block or that good person who just did a decent thing, rather than be aware of their faith. The bad news is- because they don’t rub your nose in their beliefs the way the assholes for Christ do, the only ones you ever hear from/about are the sanctimonious pricks who use Jeebus as an excuse to be a hypocritical jerk.

        • Dee Andee

          Well it’s good to know they’re out there. :)

          • Zippy

            It is. You don’t have to share their beliefs to appreciate the fact that they help make the world a better place in their own small way. I just wish the other 90% of them would get a clue, STFU get on with doing the same…

        • Everhope

          Point well stated and true. Thanks.

      • Lizzietish81

        Look up President Carter.

      • Rex Thorne

        Christianity is a delusion that can be used for good or evil. It sounds like you’ve only had exposure to the evil ones. I live in a sane state, so I only had exposure to the good Christians until the Internet introduced me to the Southern Baptists, who are mostly what you describe.

  • Notreelyhelping

    And she’s drunk before noon, baby! Put on the Led Zeppelin!

  • JMPesq

    Look, Rick Santorum never enjoys having sex, so no one else should be allowed to either! Therefore there always must be the fear of pregnancy, and all gay folks should stay angrily in the closet just like Rick.

    • jmk

      Well, he boldly took a stand against pleasure when he acknowledged that the reason he opposes birth control is because “it’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

      He must be magic in the sack.

      • JMPesq

        Somehow I suspect that he refuses to go down on Mrs. Santorum.

  • Irish_lass

    Deuteronomy 22:20-21New International Version (NIV)

    20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman’s virginity can be found, 21 she
    shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of
    her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And when it’s done, they can all go have pizza at the place in Indiana that’s just too Christian to serve gay people.

    • bobbert

      YHWH really is an asshole.

      • Blank Ron

        In this case it was just a bunch of Canaanite assholes putting words in his mouth. Again.

  • chicken thief

    Rick is going to scrutinize who I’m fucking?! Oh, shit….

    ~ Miss Lindsey

  • Katie Doyle

    I would like to pretend that even one of these republican candidates seemed to have enough brain cells to find the White House, let alone live in it and govern. It would give me a little bit more faith in democracy. Instead, this campaign season seems to be just one sad and bizarre dumbshit pitted against another.

  • Bureaucrap

    Not only do spouses matter, but a candidate’s brothers, sisters, children, cousins, parents, uncles, aunts, personal friends, business partners, casual acquaintances, and of course, donors matter– as long as they can make the candidate look bad, hypocritical, naïve, or foolish.

    • Querolous

      Billy Beer was nasty stuff.

    • Yeah I can’t, in good conscience, vote for Santorum until I heard the opinions of the dead fetus. What happens if it doesn’t agree that gay marriage leads to man-on-dog sexytime? Total anarchy, that’s what!

  • chicken thief

    Rick talks so much about the sex habits of others I’m surprised that Chuck Todd or Luke Russert or one of them other investigative journalists hasn’t ask him the specifics of his sex life – you know, like if him and the Better Half enjoy the anal whether her ass/his peen or his ass/her strap-on, and if they do the oral.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You can’t expect probing journalism from Chuck or Luke.

      • John Eubanks

        Probing. I see what you did there.

    • nmmagyar

      Catholics go to hell if they do it those ways.

    • Everhope

      I love the image of lil ricky taking the wifely dildo up the ass while he yells YIPEEEEFUCKMMMEEEE!

      • Markuserektus

        As he sings “Peg ‘o My Heart.”

        • Everhope

          How ’bout the Kingsman’s dirty version of Louie Louie.

  • JMPesq

    There’s something about reading the comments on that old linked post on the Sanorums that I like….

  • cleanfront

    That’s nothing.
    My wife dated an arborist until she found out he had a weeping willow.

    • Playonwords

      My Grandmother dated an abolitionist until she found there was something dark in his background

  • AnOuthouse

    Hillz’ spouse is the bomb. Miss Lindsey would agree.

  • AnOuthouse

    How about reading promoting, chain smoking, deadly weaponing with automobiles spouses? They ok?

  • TheBidenator

    “eventually-came-to-Jesus Santorums” ISWYDT….and hmmmm well, I don’t like it. I like to think about both weird Rick and Santorum, period as little as humanly possible, thank you very much.

  • Angry_Cop

    You know that Karen thinks every day about that doctor: “I never had it so good”

  • TheBidenator

    How many more times are voters going to have to pull his pants down and spank him before weird Rick understands that people really don’t like a guy with a plank the size of Noah’s ark shoved up his arse and decides to go away? I’m really hoping this is the last election cycle that Wonkette gets Santorum on it…

    • janecita

      The guy is like Herpes, he’s ours for life.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    I hate him most especially because of the sanctimonious anti choice yapping from Santorum face hole, all the while Mrs. S had not a late term or partial birth abortion, but a full blown induce a nonviable fetus to get born abortion. I can’t with these assholes. Worst kind of hypocrites.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      It isn’t that his wife was shacking up with a abortion doctor, or even that she was doing the out of wedlock nasty with a guy twice her age. It’s that she was happily shutting it up and now he has the gall to say everyone else who does the same thing goes to hell. Just mind your own f**king business Mr. Frothy. Leave the rest of us alone to deal with life as we see it. Freedom !!!!

  • Bill Slider

    Some, a few, of us remember when Gerry Ford became President when Richard M. Nixon resigned. It didn’t take long for the stories to appear that Ford’s wife had been married and divorced before marring Ford. Combined with the fact that she had once been a member of the June Taylor dancers, and supported a woman’s right to choose, and GOP tongues were awaggin.She also made a big deal out of the fact that she and the President slept in the same bed, with rather strong implications that the previous occupants had not. Betty Ford was a good person.

    • janecita

      Betty Ford, was such an scandalous slut! Sleeping in the same bed with her husband! I can’t blame her though, the guy was a male model when he was younger.

    • Lizzietish81

      Ronnie was a divorcee. I remember my great grandmother would watch a show his ex wife was on because she figured deep down, it pissed Nancy off.

    • andreamd

      I forgot she was a June Taylor dancer- that is awesome!

  • Playonwords

    As this is Rick “Brown and Frothy” Santorum please remember to use well known search engines to search for another meaning for his name. Let’s push brown and frothy up the search rankings.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Done.

    • Mark J

      The link you may be looking for is a website called http://www.spreadingsantorum.com ; it tells the whole story about how Rick developed a Google problem, and how you can help link the name with the byproduct.

  • Tendernob

    Sooo… Rick is basically telling Walker to control his wife?

    • Thaumaturgist

      What does The Bible say about the wimmims talking in church?

    • OneYieldRegular

      This is one of the dickiest things I have ever heard a politician say, combining a public airing of dirty laundry with an implied threat that his wife should toe the line, and doing it by poking his nose into someone else’s marriage.

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      Wanton women are one of the GOP’s top 3 terrors.

  • Thaumaturgist

    But the real problem — if spouses matter — no, I can’t bring myself to say which candidate for president — not necessarily a Republican — no I can’t

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Uh, I guess this means there may still be Rederplikkkon hope for Barstool Palin.

  • Everhope

    Little ricky has a ‘bortion lovin’ slut-wife in the closet? Oh, boy, oh, boy oh, boy. That lil ricky is some rascal.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Wait, what? The future Mrs. Assfoam was shacking up with the guy who delivered her? As in, helped her get born?

    What was his opening line? “Hey, I’ve already seen you naked”?

  • amywhittlesey

    So What…? Does it have anything to do with human trafficking and penile upgrades for 30 bucks ?

  • HogeyeGrex

    Y’know, I try not to look too close at pictures of The Frothy One, but he sure does look like a sad and broken man in that one.

    Brought a little smile to my day.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I learn all the best colloquialisms from Wonkette.

  • Me not sure

    In any kind of spouse-off, I would match tiny little Wife against any half dozen of these weak kneed conservative fundamentalist submissives. The gauntlet is hereby thrown. What?….. Oh nothing ,Honey, just goofing around.

  • idiotboy

    I do totally enjoy an abortion loving whore as my first lady. SORRY LADY! I did not mean it the way it sounds. I love her very much and she does not read Le Wonkette unless it is over my shoulder.
    Midwest girl you understand, totally gets the sex stuff cause farm raised but talking about it, not so much.

  • glennisw

    I can’t even be snarky, the guy’s such a creep he’s even a bigger dickhead than Walker.

    • pursang833

      Santorum and his wife brought their dead newborn home so their kids could hold it and say goodbye. That transcends creepy and dives off into criminally psychotic.

      And yea, he’s a bigger dickhead than Walker too!

  • Walter Wellstone

    Creepy, creepy, creepy motherfucker… and Rick too.

  • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

    OH boy, the standard evangelical “Come to Jesus” backstory. It’s a sign of incredible restraint on his speechwriters’ part that he didn’t also claim to have been a bad ass mofo who stabbed people and did drugs before he was cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I’d like to classify this as a Nice Time. Before becoming Mrs. Rick Santorum, Karen evidently got some good stuff, probably completely naked with the lights on, maybe with her on top and everything. Oh hell, she might have even gotten oral.

  • mtn_philosoph

    OT: mrs_philosoph and I celebrated 39 years as a legally-recognized association with benefits today. We celebrated with some wine, some stir-fry and some cheesecake, followed by a blissful evening of Netflix on the Roku and Showtime on the money-suck. (Kukulkan is a big Shameless fan.) Life is good.

    • Blank Ron

      Molotov! And may you have 39 more!

  • Warning! Warning! A woman is having an opinion! This is a code-level 5 here!

  • BearGHAZI

    Only solution is clearly for Foamypants to get gay married

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