Nice Texas Judge Willing To Homo-Marry You If He Must, As Long As You Know He Hates You

Wow, are bigots still all kinds of butthurt that gay marriage -- or, as we call it nowadays, marriage -- is The Law? Apparently yes, even though that is SO last month! Some government employees whose jobs require them to issue marriage licenses are up and quitting to avoid gay cooties, which is fine, we will not miss them at all, see ya, goodbye, fuck off. Some are refusing to do their jobs but still want to keep their jobs anyway, which is not how America works, so now they are getting sued for being lawless thugs, HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck off also. And then there's this guy:  

Judge James R. DePiazza of Denton, north of Dallas, says he’ll “witness” same-sex weddings, but with several conditions that appear designed to insult gay couples.

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Ya see, the judge knows that technically, gays can do marriage to each other, so technically, as a justice of the peace who performs weddings, he has no choice but to do the gay kind now, UGH, unless he's willing to quit his job altogether, which apparently he's not. Not yet, anyway. But even if the law requires him to gay marry The Gays, it does not require him to like it. So he will no longer permit photography or video during wedding ceremonies, because, as a conservative Catholic, he knows Jesus hated assless tuxedos. (That's what gays wear when they get married, right?) Also, too, if you are the kind of The Gays who insist upon forcing this nice judicial fella to marry you against his will, you must acknowledge, in writing, that the Supreme Court's ruling inObergefell v. Hodges"has not changed Judge DePiazza’s personal convictions on marriage," and that he "prefers to NOT conduct same-sex ceremonies, but will not decline anyone who chooses to schedule with him." How big of him! Should you still decide to include the judge in your special special gay day, you must sign his form that you fully understand how much he does NOT like your same-sexing, not one bit:

While we may not necessarily agree with, we acknowledge Judge DePiazza’s position that he prefers to not conduct same-sex marriages and agree to not address the topic of same-sex marriages with Judge DePiazza before, during or after the ceremony.

You got that, Adam and Steve? He'll marry you if you really REALLY want him to, but do NOT talk gay words in his presence, do NOT smile for the camera, and for fuck's sake, do not ask him to cup your balls while you vow your eternal love for each other, because he is still personally NO HOMO, no matter what the Supreme Court says. As long as you're OK with all of that -- and who wouldn't want their wedding performed by someone who hates them? -- FINE, he will do your gross gay marriage for you. But he won't like it and (for now, anyway, until the gay gestapo pushes its agenda even further), you can't make him.

[ Towleroad via Rawstory ]