Jeb Bush No Like Big Words

At long last we have an explanation for why Jeb! Bush fucks it up   so bad   every time   he's asked   to answer   a question . BECAUSE WORDS IS HARD AND TOUGH. Big words with syllables are for ineffective fancypants elitists like Barack Obama and John Kerry and Hillary Clinton, whereas little words, like the kinds Jeb! and his brother use, are good. He explained this in the same interview in which he said Americans wouldn't be so poor if we just worked a million more hours per day:

“You don’t have to be the world’s policeman, but we have to be the world’s leader — and there’s a huge difference,” Bush said. “This guy — this president and Secretary Clinton and Secretary Kerry – when someone disagrees with their nuanced approach, where it’s all kind of so sophisticated it makes no sense. You know what I’m saying — big-syllable words and lots of fancy conferences and meetings — but we’re not leading, that creates chaos, it creates a more dangerous world.”

Bush said there is a need for “restoring the alliances that have kept the world safer and our country safer.”

When Jeb! is president (LOL), foreign diplomacy will be limited to nice one-syllable words like "bad" and "good" and "oil" and "bomb," and there will be no conferences or meetings, at least not fancy ones. Angela Merkel will be overjoyed when she gets invited to the G8 Summit, to be held at whichever Ryan's Family Steakhouse isn't too busy that night.

Because at the moment, everyone hates America, at least in the imaginary reality where Republicans live. Wingnuts hate Obama, so the rest of the world does too, right? (Compared to how everyone else felt when Jeb's big brother was in office, the rest of the world is ready to gay marry the United States without a condom these days -- go here and click around if you don't believe us.)

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And of course, since the men what came from Barbara Bush's vagina are apparently too stupid to do Big Words, then obviously the diplomatic teams from other nations are dumb and stupid too, constantly confused by all the complicated stuff Obama, Kerry and Clinton say at them, in their fancy meetings.

So Jeb Bush has to fix it, and thank God, because the world is just CLAMORING for another monosyllabic U.S. American idiot president named "Bush," you betcha.

[ The National Memo ]