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The South Carolina Senate voted Tuesday to remove the Confederate Flag from the state Capitol grounds, sending the bill to the state House, and hopefully, eventually, to Gov. Nikki Haley’s desk. This is very bothersome for state Sen. Lee Bright (R-No Shit), who just doesn’t see why we’re spending all this time talking about the Confederate Flag, not when the FLAG OF GAY HOMOSEXUAL ABOMINATION is currently flying over the ENTIRETY OF AMERICA. Bright, who is Ted Cruz’s campaign co-chair for South Carolina (obviously), melted all the way down into a pile of shouty Southern fire and brimstone wingnut tears as he explained on the state Senate floor just how much God hates America now:

“I heard our president sing a religious hymn, and then Friday night, I watched the White House be lit up in the Abomination Colors!”

Obama was singing “Amazing Grace” at the Charleston funerals, and The Abomination Colors is a great name for a band.

“It’s time … for the church to rise up, it’s time for the state of South Carolina to rise up. Romans Chapter 1 is clear, the Bible is clear, this nation was founded on Judeo-Christian principles, and they are under assault by men in black roaches … robes, who were not elected by you. We better make a stand. What I’d like to see is these folks that are working … in the positions that are dealing with these marriage certificates, not to have to betray their faith or compromise their faith, in order to subject themselves to the tyranny of five judges!”

Now look, three of the judges who crammed gay marriage into poor Sen. Bright’s throat were not “men in black robes,” they were LADIES in black robes. That’s right, dude. You got throatcrammed by GIRLS, and also by two boy judges.

“We need to debate this on the floor. Our governor called us in to deal with the flag that sits out front, let’s deal with the national sin we face today! We talk about abortion, but this gay marriage thing, I believe, we’ll be one nation Gone Under, like President Reagan said. If we’re not One Nation Under God, we’ll be one nation gone under!”

This is where the pussy blubber-sobbing starts. For your helpful reference, it’s about 1:40 into the video. So yes, gay marriage is worse than ‘bortion, we’re One Nation Down Under or One Nation Going Down On Each Other or something, go on:

“And to sanctify deviant behavior from five judges, it’s time to make our stand, church!”

Oh, oh, oh pick me, pick me! Sen. Bright, you’re not at church. You’re at “state Senate,” which is your “job.”

“It’s time to make our stand and we’re not doin’ it! We can rally together and talk about a flag all we want, but the Devil is takin’ control of this land and we’re not stoppin’ him.”

We must note that on the word “want,” Bright’s sobbing causes his voice to break, and he sounds just like Kenneth on “30 Rock” when he gets upset and his “accent come out.”

The rest of Bright’s comments are the usual boilerplate bullshit about loving the sin and hating the sinner, and then some whining about religious freedom.

Seeing the wingnuts who are actually crying about this almost makes us feel sorry for them, for a split second. This is what American Family Association spokeslady Sandy Rios was all sobbing and crying about, how gays just don’t understand! Gay marriage has awakened Big Mean Loving God from his slumber, and she is very afright as to what He will do next, because her God is so loving, yet so petty and sensitive! Nobody understands that God is so mad He’s gonna come down to Earth any old day now and get to smitin’, or maybe He’s just going to send hungry Muslims to attack us, and you better be prepared when that day comes. Don’t say you weren’t warned!

Nah, just kidding, we don’t feel sorry for them. Their brains are broken, but that ain’t our fault.

[RawStory]

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  • Belasaurius

    I wish these people would take a cue from Jonestown.
    too soon?

    • Catstro

      Not soon enough

    • willi0000000

      everybody should have a right to retroactive self-abortion.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Yeah, too soon. Over 300 of the dead at Jones town were children, many of the adults were murdered.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Great thing about the Bible, you can find counter quotes all over the place! I like the whole, give unto Ceaaer what is Ceaser. Also I looked up Roman 1, oddly no mention of the USA. Maybe he meant a differebr chapter?

    • MrBlobfish

      Doesn’t Deuteronomy tell us that “Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of anyone, for judgment belongs to God”. I read that as the SCOTUS was just doing God’s work.

  • Come here a minute
    • onedrewthree

      But the century of the fruit bat is almost over.

      • marxalot

        About time, then, innit?

        • onedrewthree

          About -ing time!

    • nmmagyar

      Jeebus Christmas! I can barley walk that far without a nap

  • FZsdaughter

    Cri de cur.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Woof!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Your heart’s not in it.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Old man yells at cock, amirite?

  • nightmoth

    Nothing like a false equivalency to derail any attempt at logical thinking.
    “Forget about the flag, look over here–gay marriage! The devil! argle bargle!”
    Carry on, stupid little self-righteous pricks.

    • It’s never been about logical thinking. These people (bible-thumping republicans) care only about how they FEEL. It’s never about equal protection under the law, or how the south lost the Civil War. It’s how it hurts their feelings.

      • Blank Ron

        Which is puzzling, because as Real True ‘Murican Men they’re not supposed to have feelings.

  • Enfant Terrible

    “Abomination Colors is a great name for a band”

    Or a bike racing team.

    • Lizzietish81

      Abomination Colors is the name of my Tears for Fears cover band

      • nmmagyar

        The original band was enough of an abomination

        • chicken thief

          Everybody wants to rule the world.

          • mtn_philosoph

            Shout. Shout. Let it all out.

      • Jaime Oria

        And shall Men in Black Roaches be the title of yr first ep? Or is that more suited to some nü-metal abomination where the vocalist sounds like Oscar the Grouch gargling razor blades?

        • mtn_philosoph

          Men in Black Roaches
          Never reaching the end
          Butthurt I cried out
          Oh when will it end?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Also too, asshole, Imma just leave Betty Bowers here to sort your shit out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxKA4JBesB4

  • jonzjax

    Will he be at the Chuckle Hut after hours?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “…we’re One Nation Down Under or One Nation Going Down On Each Other or something…”

    I’m thinking “One Nation Going Down On One Another” would be grammatically correct. no need to go abominatin’ teh English language.

    • marxalot

      I’m down for citizenship in the Going Down On One Another nation. Where do I get my, ah, passport stamped?

    • Querolous

      “One Nation Down Under” –

      is that like “a land down under

      Where beer does flow and men chunder

      Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder

      You better run, you better take cover

    • Querolous

      “One Nation Down Under” –

      is that like “a land down under

      Where beer does flow and men chunder

      Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder

      You better run, you better take cover

  • SnarkOff

    I can’t even.

  • Enfant Terrible

    “awakened Big Mean Loving God from his slumber”

    Does God turn big and green and mean like The Incredible Hulk? Or Cthlulu? This is battered spouse talk and it makes me sad.

    • Lizzietish81

      Please, Hulk does not batter spouses, Hulk is a feminist.

    • deanbooth

      “Don’t wake daddy!”

  • PDX Realness

    Wow, if he’s that upset about the “abomination colors” of the pride flag, I can’t wait to see what he says about the Folsom Street Fair. Who wants to buy him a ticket?

    • OneYieldRegular

      I think the Dore Alley Fair will be more up Rep. Bright’s, um, alley.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Why does he hate the rainbow? I was told they were a promise from Gawd.

      • willi0000000

        well . . . he also thinks green M&Ms are an abomination.

        • Virginia Dreaming

          I bet his wife hates them more!

    • nmmagyar

      Can’t he just go as Porno Pete’s plus one?

    • ginos_way

      Bet this ol’ boy’s got hisself a pickemup truck. He just wants another ride up the ol’ dirt road.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    Caption: South Carolina Freedom Fighter describes size of gay penis being forcibly shoved down all Natural Marriage Supporters’ throats by the Supreme Court.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Bright, who is Ted Cruz’s …

    Excellent use of Homepage suspension points. I practically had to click through to the story. You really had me guessing. My top three possibilities were:

    1. secret gay lover
    2. anal wart come to life
    3. corn dog taster

    • Pugsandcoffee

      you forgot 4. “Corn dog” “taster”

    • Jaime Oria

      5. human spittoon.

    • SnarkTank

      6. Dominatrix

  • Lizzietish81

    Black Roaches is going to be the name of my Smashing Pumpkins Cover band.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The guy’s a veritable fountain of band name ideas.

      • nightmoth

        Wish I could work “heard the present sing” into something—sounds rather Whitmanesque.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Dibs, then, on Black Robed Roaches. or Robed Roaches, or somethin’

      • OneYieldRegular

        Justice Gregor Samsa and the Amazing Abomination Color Dreamrobe Orchestra.

    • JustPixelz

      I love smashing pumpkins. WAIT! Nevermind. I just had a Bowfinger flashback.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Disarm me with stare decisis …♫

      The dissenter in me is the dissenter in you …

  • onedrewthree

    Don’t these a-holes remember the rainbow is God saying he WON’T kill us all for some capricious reason again. He swore this time guys!

    • Oblios_Cap

      But did he pinky-swear? I think not.

    • Fred Wertham, Jr.

      He only said He wouldn’t drown us again. Mumbled something about fire.

    • jmk

      See? This is why I think they really don’t believe the stuff they spout.

  • SadDemInTex

    Well, he couldn’t complain about the racist flag being taken down even though blahs are an abomination to the Lord unless they know their place, now could he? And isn’t it just precious that every time these bigots see a rainbow in the sky they are going to think about the gheys buttseching instead of the myth of the Lord (the volcano god who gets really really angry and can’t control his temper so he abuses his precious children) promising never to do a bad thing to his loving children again. (Sometimes I think the god of the bibble is an alcoholic with low self esteem issues).

    • marxalot

      So you’re saying that the Christian Nation needs a good dose of Al-Anon? Makes sense…

      • PubOption

        No, sounds too Muslim-ish.

    • Jaime Oria

      “Don’t you know there ain’t no devil / That’s just God when he’s drunk” – Living Saint Tom Waits as laid down in the epistle Heartattack and Vine

  • MrBlobfish

    God’s Loneliest Warrior.

  • OneYieldRegular

    These Abomination Colors don’t run!

    • Blank Ron

      Not if you dry clean the flag like you’re SUPPOSED to.

  • Oblios_Cap

    For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen

    Hmmm…. Paul was seeing things that weren’t there when he wrote Romans I; it starts off fairly benignly, but he sure launches into some Old Testament “wrath of Gawd”” stuff right outta the blue.

  • “…The Abomination Colors is a great name for a band…” YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Me too! Darn it.

    • SnarkTank

      Yr Wonketterz don’t like us commenteers (if we were allowed) to have any fun. Next they’ll be using the phrase “You know who ELSE…” in their posts, and then we’re on a slippery slope, my friends!

  • Funny, if this guy believes God is going to destroy America due to the gays a’ marryin’, he’s reading a different Bible than I am. Mine says in Ezekiel 16:49-50 that Sodom was destroyed because its sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door. In other words, the people of Sodom looked out for Numero Uno at the expense of those who needed help! Now, that sounds an awful like the GOP. I guess that really makes them the real Sodomites. Oh, the irony!

    • fka_donnie_d

      They keep forgetting that bibles are given out for free

      • Blank Ron

        And that we’re allowed to read them now.

    • SadDemInTex

      I’m going to remember this…well done!!!

  • docterry6973

    Ladies and Gentlemen, today’s GOP.

  • say wha

    And living, breathing humans actually chose this guy to represent them in the South Carolina legislature.

    • chicken thief

      He had the most teeth in his district.

  • chicken thief

    “…but the Devil is takin’ control of this land and we’re not stoppin’ him.”

    Really? Does Satan need any recruits? Asking for a friend….

  • dslindc

    I wish these guys put half the energy into actually representing the people and doing positive things as they do whining about other people’s lives, which affect them in no way whatsoever.

    Also, Abomination Colors are in this season. We have to have Pride in the Summer, because your Bible says so: “Pride cometh before the Fall.” So shut up!

    • Treg Brown

      “Pride cometh before the Fall.”

      I love you. If I weren’t already ordered to and scheduled to gay marry that balding knot of tension Scott Walker, I’d gay marry you for that.

    • marxalot

      So that’s why we have to do it in August? Ugh. Can’t we get it bumped back to late September? Marching in 105 degree weather sucks no matter how much you’re not wearing.

      • dslindc

        As long as it’s before Fall (before the equinox to be technically correct – the best kind of correct), I assume you’re fine. You could do it in Spring like they do in Phoenix.

        • marxalot

          April is usually nice.

          • Amy!

            It’s in late September in No’th Ca’lina. That’s partly because it used to be in June, along with every other flippin’ pride.

            It’s mostly because marching in this climate in June is more in character for masochist’s pride, or something. We’re sweltering today from yesterday (and the three or four days before, I forget) rain cooking off.

    • stankbait

      Is this the god fearing Jebus worshiper guy who campaign joked about diddling the livestock?

  • deanbooth

    OT: My fundie cleaning lady told me this morning that her granddaughter was getting married. “Oh, that’s nice,” I replied, “to a man or a woman?” Bricks were shit!

    • Treg Brown

      I’m hoping she had the presence of mind to clean that mess up too also.

    • Oblios_Cap

      If Santorum was right, it might have been a dog.

      • Mary Sandoras

        Santorum has not been right since his family dawg ran away.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        I hear Chuck C. Johnson is going to marry that Rhodesian Ridgeback.

        • jmk

          I think they’re just dating… I don’t think the dog has popped the question yet.

    • ginos_way

      And then you left the house for errands or work? Write back tomorrow and tell us what you found when you got home.

      • deanbooth

        I’ve known her for 20 years, so I’ve learned to joke about politics with her rather than actually discuss issues. She asked who I was going to vote for, and said I was nuts for supporting Bernie, but I did not deride her for her choices of Cruz or Carson.

        Today she also mentioned how loans to the poors caused the 2008 crash, so I printed out an article from Business News refuting that for her. Small steps.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Keep up the good work, soldier *salute*

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Not a very good cleaning lady, I assume. Cuz you don’t piss off a good one.

    • PubOption

      What would Steve Martin have to say?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w23oPQdnNH8

      • deanbooth

        One day when she drove by me in the driveway and said “I missed my chance to kill a liberal!” it took great self control not to do this.

  • JustPixelz

    “…under assault by men in black roaches … robes, who were not elected by you.”

    Al Gore has something to say about what “not elected by you” means.

    • marxalot

      “Not elected by you,” coming from this a-hole, is a recommendation.

      • JustPixelz

        I think I botched my snark. Anyone who thinks we should elect Supreme Court justices should start by abolishing the Electoral College.

        • marxalot

          And end by jumping off the bridge of votes?

        • sw19womble

          But TRADITION!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When this goober isn’t thumping his bibble, he’s waving around his sacred Judeo-Christian USAmerican Constitution. Which, if he were to take the trouble to read it, provides that the Supreme Court is not elected – not by you, not by him, not by me.
      And it’s that way because the Founders knew there’d be goobers like Sen. Bright, who need a good, hard, no-lube over-ruling from time to time.

    • SnarkTank

      i laugh when I hear one of the Senatorial (or former Senatorial) Klown Kar residents use that phrase. After all, each and every one of those 9 Justices were confirmed by the Senate!

  • Gorillionaire

    The Brights were around when I was a wee lad, and I even went to school with some of them. Pseudo rich douchebags, all.

  • deanbooth

    If I know my wingnutese, I think he said “Obamanation colors.”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Also a good name for a band, but maybe more fusion

      • Amy!

        More upbeat, sort of hopeful. Plus they do more chord changes and swap out instruments and vocalists and stuff.

  • MrBlobfish

    What’s with all the “we” business? Go ahead and make your stand, wuss. Don’t drag us into it.

  • nightmoth

    Senator Not Bright: “The Bible is clear–” That’s funny, mine’s opaque.

    Also, “The governor called us in to talk about the flag, BUT blah, blah, blah”
    It’s obvious to me that the honorable senator from Spartanburg has no intention of alienating any of his constituency by taking a stand on the rebel flag. That part of S.C. is pretty redneck, but it’s changing thanks to new industries moving in along with Yankee executives. Going off-topic and imitating a Baptist preacher was probably a no-brainer for this guy.

    • marxalot

      Is anything a “brainer” for him?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think ‘no-brainer’ is his default mode.

  • JustPixelz

    Romans 1:29-32

    They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

    Psst, Republicans. I think He’s talking about you.

  • ginos_way

    One Nation Gone Under. Well, I’d prefer One Nation Gone Down. On each other. Guess that makes me part of the problem, according to Mr. Lee Dull.

  • marxalot

    This guy utterly failed Specious Rhetoric Chopping 202, and probably Remedial Coherence also too. Hell, he looks like he failed Remedial Football.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Psst, not so Bright, there are guys in black robes doing a lot of damage to the country. But these guys also have hoods. (Grand Dragons wear black robes.) Yours Truly, Rainbow Bright

  • JustPixelz

    And God so blessed the United States of America, that he opened the hearts of the Supreme Court that we may have the joys of same sex love and marriage. -Book of Arnold, 5:22

    • Blank Ron

      Testify!

  • Boscoe

    I’ll say it again: if God hate teh Gheys so much, why does he make so many of them?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Bug in the software. (Natural selection is a surprisingly tricky business.)

      • chicken thief

        The software gets real buggy and you end up with a Mitt.

  • chicken thief

    Actually not too bad for a state senator. Deflected from the real item on the agenda and worked a Bible quote, tyranny, Reagan, and activist judges into his twisted pantie rant.

    Not too bad.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      But, was his tie presidential enough?

    • Yeah, that had an 8.5 level of difficulty.

    • nightmoth

      I liked the “choosing between faith and jobs.”
      Is EVERYONE a homophobic baker?

      • Blank Ron

        Hmm… when I worked at the cookie factory I don’t recall making any of the Rainbow Sprinkles.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Lee Bright (what a name for a person so dull) really needs to be voted off the planet.

  • BearGHAZI

    That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

  • Swampgas_Man

    You’ll all be sorry when we actually get smit. And you know the next hurricane or tornado or earthquake will be blamed on a smittting God.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Who knew God was Smitty?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      What if the next earthquake, hurricane or tornado hits Texas?
      Cause they were awful quiet during that whole flood thing, just saying

    • Fartknocker

      And after you’ve been smitten, he will start bitching because the FEMA Urban Search and Rescue teams took 24 hours to arrive on scene.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        After the smitten the oral sex, right?

        • nmmagyar

          No, just “hands over clothes” stuff. Oral comes after a ring has been given.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      SEE!!! All this Global Warmin’? It is GOD SMITIN’ US!!1

      • Blank Ron

        Yup. And no-one ponders about why. You think mebbe if all those Dixie Swastikas come down and/or get painted over that the smitin’ might STOP?

  • Swampgas_Man

    Give him an Oscar statuette– up his ass.

    • Blank Ron

      Head-first or base-first?

  • jazzmania

    I think it’s about time we replaced the satanic legislative process in this country with something more egalitarian, like rock, paper, scissors…

  • Joshua Norton

    the Devil is takin’ control of this land and we’re not stoppin’ him.

    Evidently, a lot of County Clerks and State legislators need to have it explained to them that they were not doing “the Lord’s work” in the first place.

  • Drew Miner

    Strong Men Also Cry

  • Lance Thrustwell

    It’s actually kind of poignant, ranting to an empty room like that. If only his kind were that impotent on all their pet issues.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    That good ole boy does not appear to have both oars in the water!

    • nightmoth

      Who needs oars when you’re floating on an inner tube?

      • jmk

        That’s no inner tube… that’s his actual tummy.

  • VandeGraf

    Actually, Bright has done himself proud. He has created a piece of performance art lampooning the buffoonery of the unctious, but harried down the lhis last big sob, Christianist. anianriso hisnranchmseb

    • chicken thief

      “New York haute art circles” – them gots the ghey though, don’t they?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “The abmoination colors” include red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. That doesn’t leave much for this goober.

    • nmmagyar

      No matter, everything’s black and white to him anyway.

    • VandeGraf

      His world is white. The black is still in a transitional phase.

    • Mavenmaven

      Well, only white, cause, you know, they aren’t crazy about black.

    • TheBidenator

      He’s still got whatever color Boehner is…is there any consensus as to what his color actually is?

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Golf?

      • nmmagyar

        Is ” ETOH related hepatitis” a color?

    • SnarkTank

      Got a problem with the Indigo Girls? Their new album is really good!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Well shoot, first they use the dang stars and bars to distract us from gun control, now they are using the gheys to distract us from taking down the flag.
    THANKS OBAMA.

    • James Christopher Owen

      “This is what American Family Association spokeslady Sandy Rios was all sobbing and crying about, how gays just don’t understand! Gay marriage has awakened Big Mean Loving God from his slumber, and she is very afright as to what He will do next, because her God is so loving, yet so petty and sensitive!”

      Because God was napping peacefully while we were enslaving and lynching black folk, but teh gheyz have torn it now?!

      “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?’ Then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.’ Matt 7:21-23

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I think I’d prolly risk eternal hellfire to get to be the fly in St. Pete’s hair when some of these folk come walkin up to the pearly gates expecting a condo.

        • Kat Anyperson

          I always imagined the “Gates” as a daytime reality tv show, complete with studio audience. They need SOME entertainment up there- supposedly most of the good musicians and entertainers are going in the other direction :P lol

  • TheBidenator

    What a drama queen….I don’t know what’s funnier, watching them cry over this or noting that these guys easily upstage the flamingest drama queens (Lindsey Graham) in el ghey’s arsenal….

  • Malmborg Implano

    For pity’s sake, nobody is stopping them from plastering their pickups and Cadillacs with Confederate flags or from running through the park carrying flagpoles with full-sized Confederate flags on them (as I saw three guys doing on July 4 only with standard American flags–I don’t know whether it was a political statement or they were just enhancing their workouts in a patriotic manner). All that’s happening is that flags of anti-American treason will no longer be allowed to fly over government buildings in a dumb little state nobody cares about except people who live there and maybe “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” cultists.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You can say that all you want but we really know it is all about repressing southern tradition because The South is a great place and you yank libtards keep saying we’re a’stupid when we are not a’stupid and anyway my great grand-aunt’s former boyfriend’s room mate once met General Lee so shutup

      Edit: Forgot the !!!!!11!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      ‘Midnight’ was set in Georgia, not South Carolina. But I take your point.

      • nmmagyar

        Between Savannah and “Hotlanta”, Georgia is pretty fucking gay

        • Lance Thrustwell

          If only Georgia would just come out of the closet!

  • Ilgattomorte

    “Gay marriage has awakened Big Mean Loving God from his slumber, and she is very afright as to what He will do next, because her God is so loving, yet so petty and sensitive”

    Hey, don’t discount God’s vengeance when he’s pissed. Remember what he did to Sodom and Gomorrah. Back then though, they had a stand up guy like Lot to smooth things out. When the townspeople demanded to rape a couple of God’s angels, Lot said, “No Way! Rape my daughters instead.” and God smiled upon Lot because God loves rape. Now God still destroyed the cities and everybody in them, but he spared Lot because he was a stand up guy. Lot’s wife didn’t do so well. She disobeyed God, so God turned her into a pillar of salt, because God doesn’t give a shit about his blood pressure.

    This is what the right wing Christians need. They need a modern day Lot. They need someone to offer up some of their own for a good holy raping. In this way, their loving God will smile upon them and spare them. What can I say? God can be kind of a pervert, with porn issues.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      *cough* think some good TV christian folk already offered up a couple of their daughters to (reliving) sexual abuse? I might have mis-read all those hundredbajillion articles about it though.

      • Ilgattomorte

        Good point! However, I’m no priest, but I’d think if you’re petitioning God about gay marriage you’d have to be talking about gay rape. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but he is very clear about the kinky stuff and above all, he knows what he likes.

        (You know I hope I’m right about this Atheist thing or I am sooo going to Hell. Oh well, at least I won’t be stuck in a long line waiting to get in.)

        • Logic of Color

          I occasionally smile at nuns when I see them. You know, just in case.

        • SnarkTank

          Recently seen on that MyFacethingie: “The fact that there’s a ‘Highway to Hell’ but only a ‘Stairway to Heaven’ tells you something about the relative traffic patterns.”

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Eh, you’re good. Pascal’s wager is for those who live in fear. Fuck that.

          • Ilgattomorte

            Pascal’s Wager was formed in a framework of Christianity. The poor bastard was flipping a two headed coin.

          • Blank Ron

            Yup. The question, ‘Okay, but WHICH God?’ turns the whole thing into the apologetics it was intended to be.

          • Ilgattomorte

            How’s about, “Okay God exists, but what if he’s an absentee landlord who doesn’t give a damn”? That kind of question seemed to elude the 17th Century mind.

      • Kat Anyperson

        I’m just amused that someone else actually called the story of Lot what it was- a really fucked up rape allegory.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      You didn’t go on to the part where Lot fucks his own daughters and gets them pregnant.

      • Vienna Woods

        My favorite part! I once told a real bibble-thumper about that bit. He was shocked- shocked!! Not sure what edition of the Bible he was using.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          The one where you cherry pick what laws to obey.

  • Joshua Norton

    It’s becoming more and more obvious that Jesus would never make it as an American Christian.

    • Blank Ron

      Of course not. He was Jewish. I truly believe that, had he known he was going to be turned into a religious figure, he’d’ve stuck to making chifferobes with his dad.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Abomination Colors is a great name for a band”

    I’ve been considering “Christian Porn” for my little quintet!

    • Serolf Divad

      Ladies and gentlemen, let’s have a warm welcome for Barry O and the Abomination Colors!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      you can use one of mine if you like – “Mormon Orgy.”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And then there is the “Mormon Orgy” tribute band “The Latter-Day Taints.”

    • marxalot

      You ca use “Dumpsterfuck” if you promise to be the worst band in town. Any town. Regardless of what town you’re in.

      • CBloom

        Ivan Neville’s band is “Dumpstaphunk”.
        No point, just sayin…

    • John

      I think “The Duggars Done Did It” has a nice ring to it.

  • Serolf Divad

    Welcome to my Facebook feed… that’s what I get for “friending” all my old high school classmates.

    • BehaveYrself

      (((hugs))) It’s ok Serolf, you’re here with us in Socialist Friends of the Friendless now…

    • nightmoth

      and THAT, my friends, is why I don’t do facebook

    • Vienna Woods

      I had one FB “friend” who was a total asshole about gay marriage. He went to the trouble of making obnoxious “bibble says” comments when I posted something about marriage equality. I removed the comments, made a further comment that I did not want to leave his totally assholic comments on my timeline as it might appear that I endorsed them, and a couple of days later after he would have had a chance to read that, I unfriended him. Fucking asshole.

  • jesuswasablack

    “but the Devil is takin’ control of this land”

    Too late that happened back in 1962 when you racist pigs decided to put your losing battle flag on the statehouse dome!

  • Spork

    I liked Brights later floor comments better. In his second comments Bright tossed out every League of the South talking point in hopes something would stick. Everything from blacks owned slaves to Lincoln hated blacks. He also brought up ISIS for good measure.

  • VandeGraf

    Jesus wept. But then he’d just heard the story of Joseph’s coat of many colors. It’s abominable, apparently. If Bright is to be believed.

  • MrBlobfish

    Well the Devil went down to South Carolina
    He was lookin’ for a man that cries
    He was in a bind thinkin’ about men’s behinds

    That’s all I got

    • marxalot

      And he was willin to pay for fries?
      And he was willin to tell ’em lies?
      And he was willin to shut the blinds?

  • Spotts1701

    What? No rending of garments?
    Pfft…poser.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    That’s how you do it, Senator Lee Bright! That’s the way to make both religion AND The Confederate “Cause” look worse than ever!

    Thank you for your service!

  • Charles Cates

    Guess the stars & bars is a horcrux.

  • Just remember … this person was elected to a position of power in this country. That’s right, we’ve already been smited by this fact.

  • Callyson

    Let me get this crybaby some tissue so he can wipe his eyes:

  • 1SC

    Those of us who were actually present for Senator Bright’s oration have considered demonic possession as one possible explanation. We know that there were ministers present (including the Rev. Jesse Jackson sitting a few feet from me in the gallery) but sadly no one thought to ask for an exorcism of Senator Bright.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Where’s Piyush Jindal when you really need him?

      • Blank Ron

        Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d ever see.

  • m3bosha

    So if red and blue and two of the abomination colors does that mean that both the confederate flag are the American flag are just white?

  • Rutherford Richow

    Ding dang them crocodile tears, yall!

    Southern white conservatives are evolving from ‘immutably racist and despicably divisive’ to ‘woefully, but willfully clueless’ so quickly that I am experiencing the ‘forgive him’ reaction normally associated with bleeding-heart-pinko-commie-vast-homosexual-agenda liberals.

    Darn my introspective, liberal hide! I am forced by conscience to feel compassion for the blubberific Mr. Bright. Can’t these darn right wingers be consistently reprehensible long enough to keep my liberal coals sufficiently stoked?

    Oh my god, I think I just fantasized, only for a split second, about an America ruled by “President The Donald.”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      No. No, you didnt.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    The Obama Nation of Colors?
    The Bible teaches us to love the homosexual but to make his life as miserable as possible. Because that’s how “Christians” show love?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      And one more: Somehow it was NOT judicial tyranny when SCOTUS had a 5-4 vote deciding our president in the fall of 2000

  • Ricky Gay

    mmm, delicious, salty, cum-flavored wingnut tears. Bottoms up!

  • Goposaur

    that’s some genuine frontier gibberish.

  • Mormos

    are black roaches a kind of weed no one told me about?

  • elpinche

    Wow, he didn’t say nigger or faggot. That’s awesome.

  • Dee Andee

    Dude…shut it. Boner’s job is already taken.

  • Everhope

    Sen. Bright (I’m a bright, what shall I do?) is completely full of right wing reactionary christian bull shit. Le’s deal for a moment with reactionaries claim that 5 robed “unelected” (therefore illegitimate dictators) decided undemocratically that gays can get married.

    Well, Sen. Derpstick, you and your antidemocratic theistic dunderheads are either willfully ignorant, which I can certainly buy, or, you are as completely ignorant as you appear. Those 9 “unelected judges” you would have taken it up the butt for them if they “voted” your way. Then you would have lionized them and sung the praises of the democracy that created the courts.

    But, alas, they used there heads and not their reactionary fundamentalist hogwash to extend the rights of our fellow Americans, something you and your ilk, especially your asswipe buddy, Cruz always throw up roadblocks.

    So here’s a primer you smega smeared sycophants of the Fundamentalists: We, the people elect, among others, our US Representatives and Senators, along with all the state and local people. In addition, we elect presidents and vice presidents. All of this is laid out in our national constitution that was voted for by every eligible voter in our original states. All this voting, democratically, all over the country. Democracy, however, fucked it currently is, is everywhere.

    In that constitution that you fucksticks weep over all the time are democratically derived processes for the nomination by the president of Supreme Cr. Justices. These nominations then go to our national representatives, democratically voted for again, and they vet the nominee and vote (yes, there we are again, voting) to allow the nominee onto the court or they are, through a democratic process, denied the office.

    All of this you ridiculous purveyors of bovine excrement know full well. What you’re trying to do is invalidate those parts of our democracy that don’t toe your line. You know, like all those laws you shitheels vote in to keep those nasty minorities from voting(oh, yes, they usually vote for Democrats) Hypocrites, all.

    • CBloom

      That was beautiful.
      “smega smeared sycophants” Band name?

      • Everhope

        Nah, when I first started writing I studied, wrote and published a bunch of poetry. Though I write in other genres poetry is my 1st love. I just couldn’t resist the alliteration…

        • CBloom

          Well, it was a thing of beauty…..

          • Everhope

            Well, then, you are kinder than words can express, thank you.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Abomination Colors?
    Great, now Isaac Newton is gay. Thanks, Obummer!

    • LoveSW_Prequels

      Not to mention lavarr burton.

    • LoveSW_Prequels

      Not to mention lavarr burton.

  • malsperanza

    I’m beginning to think it might be useful if people running for elected office above the level of dogcatcher were required to take a 5th grade Intro to Civics and Government class.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m beginning to think South Carolina should require its elected officials not be South Carolinians. Unless their last name is “Clyburn”.

  • sillyclucker

    Shouldn’t that be Obamanation Colors?

  • motmelere

    The Almighty hath looked upon the land of tolerance and bid, “Smite them with global warming!” (Sweet Trout Fishing Christ, we KNOW where screed leads.)

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Yes, Brother Bright! Testify! Let’s all make a stand together!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpevZ0-wUYQ

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Senator Dad-Bod looked so cute wailing his T-Rex arms from the pulpit (I mean government dais) to deliver his non sequitur attack on unelected justices gay advocating from the bench. Ted Cruz’s SC man sure knows how to protect his flag and shit on Americans who don’t look and talk and think and sex and parent and pray and make a livin like him.

  • Incoming Ham

    This guy and Gohmert separated at birth?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “about loving the sin and hating the sinner”

    If they’re Christian, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

    • lovelydestruction

      Unless they are grandstanding

  • Capt.Jim

    How long before he is outed in a Myrtle Beach shower house with a wide stance excuse claiming he did not know it was a place frequented by gays

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