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Only in America

There’s one thing Jeb Bush learned real good from Mitt Romney, besides how to flip flop around like a dying fish on even the simplest of questions, and that is: don’t try to hide how rich you are. You are rich, and everyone knows it, so don’t be all mysterious and defensive because you’ll be asked about it for the rest of your life. (We’re still waiting for Mitt to let us see his tax returns so we can calculate approximately how much of his cash is stashed in the Cayman Islands.)

Thus on Tuesday, Jeb! let us oooh and ahhhh and LOL over 33 years of tax returns, and yes, he wants lots of extra credit for releasing so many years, when most presidential candidates release far fewer. Please do pat him on the head and tell him he’s a good boy, he needs to hear that because his daddy never loved him.

So let’s get right to it. How much money does Jeb have to be able to afford his wife’s REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE addiction to clothes and sparkly baubles?

His net worth is between $19 million and $22 million, aides said.

He’s given almost $750,000 to charity since leaving the Florida governor’s office in 2007. That is also when Bush’s net worth exploded as he began earning big paychecks from speeches, consulting and sitting on corporate boards.

Before you give Jeb credit for being so generous, not that you would, Mother Jones did the math and figured out that between 2003 and 2013, Jeb “gave 1.5 percent of his income to charity, according to the lists of charitable deductions in the tax returns. That’s about half the national average,” and it’s also a lower rate of charitable giving than the Romneys, the Clintons, the Obamas, and even the Bidens.

So how did Jeb accumulate that kind of scratch, besides not sharing it?

Bush made an average of about $2 million annually during the six years he was a paid advisor at the financial services company Barclays. During his two years as an advisor to the now defunct investment bank Lehman Brothers, he averaged about $1.3 million in compensation, aides said.

Not too shabby. Granted, it’s not Clinton money, but then, who the hell would pay half a million bucks to listen to Jeb give a speech? Maybe the same sucker who’d seek his financial advice at Lehman Brothers. You know, before it went and bankrupted the hell out of itself. Hey, anyone know if Jeb’s collecting any of that sweet post-bankruptcy bonus cash?

Here’s the fun part, though (besides speculating that it was Jeb what drove Lehman Brothers into the ground because he’s a Bush, and Bushes tend to break things): Vox notes that Jeb’s income is “comparatively modest” until, oh, the second year of his daddy’s presidency. And then it really took off once Jeb left Florida governor gig, his brother now president. See? Look at this fancy chart the nerds at Vox made for you visual types.

Jeb_income_chart.0

Must be nice to have a real well-known dad to hook you up with his corporate buddies. Better than a golden goose, even. Thanks, Daddy!

But do we begrudge Jeb Bush his millions of dollars? We do not. There’s nothing inherently bad or wrong about being a millionaire. Sure, plenty of rich people are terrible, and we should eat them because they taste like caviar. But sometimes rich people can be good people, even though they are rich! Sometimes.

Are we judging Jeb for making those millions with bullshit jobs like sitting on boards and consulting and senior advisoring Barclays “on a wide range of global economic issues with a mind towards navigating government policies”? We are not even doing that! It’s nice work if you can get it. (Most people can’t get it.) When you are born into a rich family, though, and you’re being groomed for the family business of presidenting, that’s what you do. You drop your name, start some firms and foundations, collect some money, clock in at the Florida’s governor mansion so you’ve got some “experience,” and then let your dad’s buddies take care of the rest. No judgment!

However. Are we LITERALLY DEAD RIGHT NOW from laughing at Jeb pretending he is some sort of self-made bootstraps-pulling schmo, just living the American dream and proving that if he can do it, anyone can?

Over these 33 years my income increased thanks to hard work and experience. My most recent tax return reflects that success with an annual income of $7.4 million.

Fuck yes we are, and so are you.

[Jeb2016.com / CNN Vox / Mother Jones]

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  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    At least he’s giving plenty of his money to someone from Mexico, an historically impoverished nation.

    • weejee

      Timber as in board feet, or bored feet?

      • Viva La Tabula Raza

        I’m sorry I edited my “presidential timber” comment so that your comment now makes no sense. Lo siento, amigo.

      • weejee

        Oops, that was in reply to yer original post.

    • JohnBull

      Instead of demanding they build a freakin’ wall. This really isn’t much of a contest.

      • eggsacklywright

        If we can have a wall of voodoo, we can certainly have a wall of Messicans.

        • Viva La Tabula Raza

          Mmmm, barbecued iguana…

  • weejee

    Jeb “gave 1.5 percent of his income to charity

    So by religious ciphering that comes to about one-and-a-half tithes of a tithe. Give or take. But since he’s a Shrub that would be mostly take.

  • docterry6973

    His cronies took care of him and he will, if elected, take care of his cronies. The rich become powerful and the powerful become rich. The on true principle of the GOP.

  • schmannity

    The solid core of his wealth though is the exclamation point manufacturing plant, previously located in Riviera Beach. Bush offshored the plant in 2003 when he learned that Micronesians would work for a half of a can of rat meat per day.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Charlie didn’t get much USO. His idea of great R&R was cold rice and a little rat meat.

    • eggsacklywright

      As you would imagine, Micronesians are very, very tiny people.

    • SnarkOff

      To be fair, he would have relocated the factory to Mexico, but they tend to specialize in manufacturing upside-down exclamation points.

      • schmannity

        M&Ms would do the same except for having to throw away all the Ws.

    • OneYieldRegular

      He probably did that to avoid pesky environmental regulations; as a result we now have exclamation points contaminating everything!!!

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    ¡Ay, Columba!

    • eggsacklywright

      Ah, that Columba. Always forgetting things, dropping cigar ashes all over, driving that beat up Peugeot. What a character.

  • Ryan Denniston
    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      But, but, but Hillary!

      • Oblios_Cap

        e-mails! BENGHAZI!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …he was grifting before it became the “in thing”

  • schmannity

    If Jeb!’s children are the brown ones, Geo. H.W. Bush’s are the green ones.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Yet another Bush who thinks he’s hit a triple. Oy gevalt!

  • dslindc

    Finally! A straight, rich, white man to run for President! It’s about time someone stood up for them.

    • Lizzietish81

      And Christian!

      • Ryan Denniston

        (and Southern too!). Ah, so he’s oppressed in America.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I thought he was A Messican, am I wrong?

      • Lizzietish81

        Only through marriage.

      • SnarkOff

        No, that’s Ted Cruz.

        • Lizzietish81

          No he’s Cuban Canadian.

    • sw19womble

      Bobby Jindal libel!!!!!!!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Lindsey Graham too for that matter.

  • Ryan Denniston

    The S-M-R-T one strikes again with his preemptive tax document dump.

  • DahBoner

    If these companies were interested in growing their business, then they’d be interested in having Democrats sit on their board.

    Since Democratic presidents preside over more economic growth than Republican presidents….

    http://media1.giphy.com/media/K2pqtc1uxuTLy/200w_d.gif

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Sorry, I was distracted, did you say something?

      • sw19womble

        something something jello?

      • FlemmishSpy

        Ahem, my eyes are up here!

        • Beaumarchais?

          No they’re not!

      • bozilingus

        Tickle me, Elmo?

        • DrNoSexForBenghazi!!11!,MD.org

          Winner! I was going to say that Sesame Street has changed since I was a kid.

    • MrBlobfish

      Boob/Boob 2016

      • AntiDerpomeme

        I’d prefer the Blob/Boob ticket. At least one wouldn’t be a boob, then.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Dammit man, I have work to do at the office today!

    • Oblios_Cap

      The CEOs only care about their pay. That’s why BODs don’t work the way they’re supposed to.

    • Beowoof14

      Okay, thanks for this now I have to go to work and try to avoid thinking of this all day.

  • Incoming Ham
  • Lizzietish81

    Does he at least have a sob story about having to live off the interest of his dad’s stocks and eating off a washboard?

    You people.

    • Doug Langley

      The poor Romneys. They were forced to eat blackened tuna and linguine as prepared by their four star chef.

      They really wanted a five star chef, but SOB – COULDN’T AFFORD ONE!!!

      • Beaumarchais?

        When Mitt was in grad school, they had to live in a first-floor apartment with a concrete floor! Okay, it was brand-new and concrete floors were trendy then, but still.

        • I’m 45 years old and living in the basement of an 80-year old house with a lumpy concrete floor. WHERE IS MY GOVERNORSHIP?

    • MrBlobfish

      Have you seen the price of jewelry lately?

    • VandeGraf

      Oh, the early days of going without! Imagine, stone soup with no smoked paprika! The horrr!

    • Youreacunt

      God, you’re fucking fat and pathetic. You’re just not very intelligent and you’re fat/ugly. Sucks to be you.

      • sw19womble

        *republican attempts snark*

        • Youreacunt

          Look, the SJW tumblr feminist shitheads who consider “women’s studies” a “STEM” field have shown up to rally around their fat fearless leader. Don’t you have another rainbow party to attend to you legbearded fat beast?

          • sw19womble

            Weeeeeee!!!!!!! My life is complete! :)

          • sw19womble

            Soo…. it’s about ethics in journalism?

          • SnarkTank

            “Legbearded Fat Beast” is a perfect name for my new country duo!

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            “Youreacunt” would be a pretty good name for a lard based restaurant, too.

      • Lizzietish81

        Hi! I see you’re following me all over Disqus! You must be one of John Hancock’s friends. I also see I’m being followed by Hatefatchicks, but he at least has patience before he burns himself out.

        Feel free to enjoy the snacks before the hammer of loving correction knocks you out.

        • sw19womble

          Dammit! Why can’t I ever bag myself a self-loathing stalker? :(

          • Youreacunt

            Neither of you need one. You hate yourselves and your fat bodies enough for all of us.

          • sw19womble

            ..

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Really? Fat shaming? You’re not the most creative troll. Nor are you one that stays on point.

          • sw19womble

            Ritalin is a hell of a drug.

          • Tony Alexander

            specially when you spike it with meth!

          • Youreacunt

            I sue what works, and it does.

          • Lizzietish81

            Define “working”

          • Youreacunt

            Honey, you’re a fat shit stain. I’m sure the “kickboxing” you do is with other fat shit stains.

          • Lizzietish81

            Actually there’s a good mix and they’re very supportive.

          • Youreacunt

            Doubtful, you fat fuck. You’re disgusting, uneducated and poor. Why does every person have an imaginary pic of themselves as being skinny? WTF is the deal with that.

          • Lizzietish81

            Actually it’s a picture from Rifftrax’s Reefer Madness event.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            You misspelled “suck.”

          • Youreacunt

            Says the delusional guy who practices the jailhouse reacharound.

          • Tony Alexander

            lack of motivation!

        • Youreacunt

          You’re a fat, delusional cunt. You’re not educated and you don’t make more than $50K annually living in NYC. You’re a real “success” story trolling the personals for other like minded fatties to commiserate with since guys find you repulsive and you went to the other team.

          • sw19womble

            Somebody needs a hug! :)

          • Youreacunt

            From a slob like you. Don’t think so.

          • Tony Alexander

            real bad!

          • bozilingus

            With votes. Big ones.

          • Lizzietish81
          • Youreacunt

            It’s like watching a slow train wreck, which is your life, by definition.

          • vivian

            Not giving yourself upvotes this morning? Confused by the ending of Fight Club? Must be a trying time for you.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            He mostly just watches The Crying Game.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Care to share your resume, cheese dick?

          • sw19womble

            14 years old, currently hiding in laundry room with tablet?

          • SnarkTank

            God, I hope so. Much as I like this vile snark mob, the site sucks on my iPad.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I was guessing 12, and recess in special ed. class.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Special needs libel (serious).

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yes. My apologies.

          • Youreacunt

            All day long, fuckwit. BS in Chem. E., MS in Physics (both Top 5 Uni’s) and MBA in Finance (top 10), you fucking loser. I’ll also compare my balance sheet and accomplishments to a douche bag like you as well. I shit bigger than you.

          • sw19womble

            What, no PhD’s? Slacker!

          • Youreacunt

            I’m in it for the money, shit stain.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Why aren’t you at work? In fact, if you are rich, why aren’t you retired like me?

          • Youreacunt

            Isn’t a government pension nice where a geriatric fat fuck like you who worked at the Post Office doing nothing for years can get their gubment cheese. How nice.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            It’s the first of the month today. I took home $4,500 in pensions just for waking up, and I’m too youg to get Social Security yet.. And you paid for it (assuming you have a job and make enough at it to pay Federal taxes, which is a rather large assumption).

          • Youreacunt

            Anyone who thinks 4500/month is a lot is truly pathetic. That’s nothing, and so are you.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            That’s what I make for doing NOTHING, cheese dick. And thanks again for paying for it.

          • Youreacunt

            And nothing is exactly what you did, to “earn” it.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Generally people who graduate from famous schools aren’t afraid to mention them by name. Add liar to the charge of being a cheese dick.
            Along the way I taught officers how to fly supersonic fighters in three USAF Major Commands in the US and Europe. Let me know when you’ve been past Mach 2, pussy boy.

          • Youreacunt

            Sure you did, sure. You have a vivid imagination for a fat neck beard.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            1700 hours of F-111A / D / E time, at Cannon and Mountain Home AFBs, and twice at RAF Upper Heyford in the UK. Instructor in ATC, TAC and USAFE.

            I don’t imagine you are smart enough to know what any of that means, so Google it if you are marginally smart enough to do that.

          • Blank Ron

            You taught officers? OFFICERS?
            You, sir, are beyond brave.

          • Lizzietish81

            also, thank you for noticing that I am warm and deep

          • Youreacunt

            Honey, you’re fat and stupid. Not very bright, lonely (seeking solace online) and a loser.

          • Lizzietish81

            Says the person who’s been repeating the same insult to me for an hour.

            Nasa gave you the day off?

          • Youreacunt

            Honey, that “women’s studies” degree you have is shit for fat slobs like you. It does nothing.

          • Lizzietish81
          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            But not his NSU.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            whew. Is it warm in here? ;)

          • JustPixelz

            I noticed that too, though not in the same way.

      • MrBlobfish

        Oh, get a room you two already

        • Lizzietish81

          Ahem. I have standards.

          • sw19womble

            Aww…I was holding out hope for a threesome :(

      • Beowoof14

        Wow, more genius from the right wing. You should write comedy for that Fox Comedy show. You’re writing demonstrates being obtuse, with delusions of adequacy.

        • Youreacunt

          So, this what passes for intellect while you make coffee at starbucks? No irony there.

          • Tony Alexander

            still kinda po’d about that whole 2008 / 2012 thing, huh?

          • sw19womble

            18,000 years of Democrat Presidents? ;p

          • Youreacunt

            Hell no. I voted for Obama. I just realize that all of the meaningful/terrible policies under bush were continued under Obama. 2 sides of the same coin but ignorant shitheads like you lathered yourself and masturbated because we elected someone unqualified and didn’t find out until year 5-6 how unqualified. Hillary was a MUCH better option.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            You are an idiot. No surprise there.

          • Youreacunt

            Anyone communicating with automatically feels their IQ lower 30 points, to your level.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            So yours is negative now? Again, no surprise there.

          • Youreacunt

            Is that the best you can do: Write your own material in crayon!

          • vivian

            Now see, that’s verbatim from yesterday John. You really need to try harder. It’s really not that difficult.

          • Tony Alexander

            *I voted for Obama*

            now where have i heard something like that before?

            oh yeah!

            *i used to be an atheist*

            do yourself a favor and fuck off, concern troll!

          • Youreacunt

            I am an atheist and I’d prefer that Russ Feingold be President. At least he’s running for the Senate again.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            A braggart, an idiot, a bigot, and a turd walk into a bar…

          • Youreacunt

            And you’re all 3. How quaint. It must be terrible not to be able to see your own needle dick/micro penis over your fupa.

          • SnarkTank

            “And you’re all 3.”

            Dude, you obviously don’t have any of the degrees you boast of, if you can’t count to 4. As a ChE/MBA myself, I didn’t even have to use my fingers!

          • Youreacunt

            Cupcake, you don’t.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Bartender sez, “What’ll it be, Mr. Youreacunt?” (And I listed 4, genius…guess math and reading comprehension weren’t on the curriculum at all those “top 5 unis”.

          • Tony Alexander

            ooh, ooh, i know!

            *Youracunt*

            right?

          • sw19womble

            AOT,K?

          • Youreacunt

            EABOD, you loser fuck. :)

          • Tony Alexander

            i hear you like salted ones!

          • Youreacunt

            You’re the one hitting the glory hole, fuck stick.

          • Tony Alexander

            and you’re down on your knees, enjoying yourself!

            little less teeth next time, sparky!

          • SnarkTank

            “Glory Hole Fuck Stick”….Adding that one to the band name list.

          • Youreacunt

            Now you’re getting the hang of it.

          • PubOption

            Hey, at least he/she admitted that they voted for Obama, that was more than Alison Lundergan Grimes could manage.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Not to mention the butt fucking he got by voting for W twice (assuming he had any money to lose).

          • vivian

            DUDE! Would you PLEASE look up the meaning of “irony” or at least have someone brighter than yourself explain it to you in terms you can understand?

          • Youreacunt

            It must suck working in retail.

          • vivian

            I imagine it has its challenges, dealing with difficult and needy people. But what has that to do with anything? Are you pining for work after several years mouldering in your mom’s basement?

          • JohnR

            You need to up your game if you want to be mentioned in the banned comments section other wise you’re just road kill.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          aaaaand, we’re done. This is no longer entertaining.

          • sw19womble

            Yep, bored now.
            A good start out of the blocks, but quickly became repetitive and single-note.
            Fun for a short while, tho.
            6/10

          • SnarkTank

            It had a nice beat, and you could dance to it, but it got old, fast. Kind of like Madonna. (I’m going to catch hell for that, but it was worth it.)

          • Lizzietish81

            I saw her in concert like ten years ago. It was actually pretty awesome.

          • Blank Ron

            He stopped being entertaining yesterday. You clearly have more tolerance for tedium than do I.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        SOMEBODY’s off their meds this morning.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Flagged for being less interesting than poodle shit. Sayonara, motherfucker.

        • Youreacunt

          That’s an ironic comment from a shit stain like you.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Most decent sized cities have 24-hr. mental health hotlines. They might even do a home visit if your mom will let them in your basement.

          • Lizzietish81

            Hrm, heavy use of the term “ironic” without appreciating its meaning, an account with only 27 comments created today…

            Oh HI John!

          • Youreacunt

            Wrong. Is that the best a fat delusional Brooklyn dyke can do? It must suck to be poor like you and a loser.

          • vivian

            So, our height-challenged compulsive liar troll is back! But now with extra hate!
            Mr. Hancock you need to seek out your programmer, as the limited responses you offer are neither interesting, amusing or insightful. You need an upgrade.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Japanese ARE really ironic, aren’t they?

      • JustPixelz

        I know what you’re wondering. Did I flag you five times or six times? In all the excitement, I lost track. So you got to ask yourself: Do I feel banned? Well do ya punk?

        • sw19womble

          Awww… I wanted to play with it a little longer :<

          • Tony Alexander

            me too, this one is fun!

          • sw19womble

            If a little repetitive:
            fat
            cunt
            shit
            fag
            rainbow
            SJW
            fat, again…

        • Youreacunt

          Honey, nobody cares what a fat cunt like you thinks.

          • sw19womble

            Anorexic much?

      • Amy!

        Shypixel, Doktor Zoom! Cleanup on aisle Jeb!

      • MrBlobfish

        Let me guess. You’re a MRA too.

        • Blank Ron

          He would be if they let him in the clubhouse, but even MRAs have standards.

    • Jeb Bush is proof that, if you have all the advantages from birth, you too can become wealthy somewhat independent of your rich and famous parents. Inspiring!

    • JohnR

      Tiffany ironing board.

  • deanbooth

    Doesn’t the 90% tax bracket kick in at income over $5 million?

    • sw19womble

      If you’re dumb enough not to employ an accountant to ensure you avoid paying the higher tax rates, then you deserve to have your money taken away from you.

      • deanbooth

        I was expressing my admiration for Ike. (The 90% bracket kicked in at $1mil.)

  • SnarkOff

    No snark: One important point that’s missing is how much Jeb! no doubt benefited from decades of tax cuts for wealthy people. He didn’t just make money by charging lots of bank for his appearances or inheriting it — he also kept more of it than most of the rest of us are able to, thanks to tax laws that always have been in his favor.

    • vivian

      So when my bank charges me $17 for not having $5000 in my account, they take that money and give it to Jeb! BUSH? Well, that sure seems fair.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        No snark, move to a credit union.

  • MrBlobfish

    Only 33? What’s he hiding in year 34 and beyond?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Geez. given his circumstances, you’d think he’d be richer. What a loser.

    • MrBlobfish

      Chelsea makes more per speech

      • sw19womble

        but who’s the bigger douche canoe? (allegedly)

  • FlemmishSpy

    Corporations are friends, my people.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Sheeple?

  • VandeGraf

    A boatload of people have been working hard for years and still barely make a living. This fuquer is being bankrolled. (Unfortunately, the entire Klown Karavan seems to be supported by a variety of shadowy means and dark forces.)

    • Youreacunt

      Why don’t you quit bitching and do something about it.

      • Skwerl King

        Yes, why aren’t these hard working people not billionaires?

        • Youreacunt

          If you’re going to bitch about the candidates put the your money and effort towards someone who you believe in and quit whining.

          • Tony Alexander

            if your mom’s not busy, i have a couple of buck to spend!

          • Youreacunt

            At least you’d lose your virginity.

          • sw19womble

            So, even your mom turned you down?

          • Tony Alexander

            and she hers!

            if you get my meaning!

          • Lizzietish81

            …..So he’s Jesus?

            Or Anakin? I don’t buy Schmi’s story that she just magically became pregnant.

          • Youreacunt

            No, I don’t. You’re brand of humor is tailor made for 1st graders shitting their pants.

          • Tony Alexander

            like you!

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            The projection is strong in that one. He thinks 1st graders still shit their pants, and I’m sure he is correct in his house.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Seriously dude, use a rubber. Look at her fucked up offspring so far.

          • Tony Alexander

            actually, i was gonna let my dog have a go at her.

            i have standards too!

          • Skwerl King

            This is why I spend all my money on Richard Simmons merchandise.

            http://www.wonkettebazaar.com/shop/

          • Skwerl King

            This is why I spend all my money on Richard Simmons merchandise!

            http://www.wonkettebazaar.com/shop/

          • vivian

            Let me guess, Ron Paul’s your guy, amiright? Oh, don’t forget to upvote yourself on that one.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I can see you have pulled yourself up by your jockstrap.

        • Youreacunt

          Says the texas tool who’s hung like a stud field mouse.

          • sw19womble

            Say, you know who else was obsessed about body image?

          • Lizzietish81

            Elizabeth Bathory

          • JustPixelz

            Ahhnold Swarzenegger?

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Narcissus?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Pee Wee Herman?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            You seemed to like its size just fine.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        You mean by voting against the self-serving privileged class? Consider that done.

        • Youreacunt

          It’s why it’s called the democratic process, douche bag.

          • Tony Alexander

            you got turned down by some guy last night, didn’t you?

          • Youreacunt

            Ironic comment from a rainbow flag waving fat fag.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            SOMEONE is looking for some Banhammer of Loving Correction action!

          • Youreacunt

            My life isn’t here, you loser fuck.

          • vivian

            Why, Mr. Hancock, how unexpected! Still having trouble sitting comfortably after yesterday? Back for more? Queue it up ladies and gents, our latest house troll needs some attention…

          • Lizzietish81
          • Youreacunt

            Wrong. So, how’s it feel to have your fat lips locked to her fat sphincter? :)

          • vivian

            What’s that? You have a shit-eating fetish? A Human Centipede of One? You ARE a limber little troll aren’t you? Don’t forget to take your penicillin.

          • Tony Alexander

            why bring your father into this?

          • Youreacunt

            At least you learned the ways of being cornholed by your dear father after watching “Deliverance” with him, again, to see his cameo appearance. Then, he turned to you and said “you got a Purdy mouth”.

          • Tony Alexander

            yeah, and if your father hadn’t wiped his ass so fast, you’d have a twin brother!

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Kinda my point. Why the insults?

          • Youreacunt

            You all bitch but do nothing. You’re impotent losers.

          • AntiDerpomeme

            LOLOLOLOLOLOL, sez the guy flinging insults at strangers from the safety of his mamma’s basement.

          • Youreacunt

            Fedora wearing fat Neckbeards like you are so funny, to look at.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Yeah, unfortunately we have to let ignoramuses vote.

            Even you.

      • JustPixelz

        Who let Donald Trump write comments?

        • SnarkTank

          No one. Comments are not allowed.

        • Youreacunt

          Says the fat coffee shop hipster fuck of a loser.

          • SnarkTank

            “Fat Coffee Shop Hipster Fuck” — keep these coming, dude, my list of potential band names isn’t nearly long enough!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Consider “No, YOU’RE A Cunt”.

          • Lizzietish81

            He is neither warm nor deep

          • JustPixelz

            You actually got everything wrong about me. Except “the”, “of” and “a”.

          • Youreacunt

            I’d wager I’m right. You’re an unemployed loser fuck.

          • vivian

            The thing about right wing trolls is that they seem entirely unaware that their “insults” are projections. The self-contempt is astonishing. It’s okay if you lost your job, buddy, no one cares.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Nobody cares. Nobody is surprised, either.

          • MrBlobfish

            You must be a hit with the ladies.

          • Youreacunt

            That fedora you’re wearing is cutting off the blood flow to your ass.

          • vivian

            Okay, you also need to learn more nouns. Yes “fedora” is a fun word; by the way, did you know it means “hat”? Kinda cool, right? Anyhow, more different nouns please.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ewe!

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            The inflatable variety…

          • sw19womble

            Hey! Even airgirls have standards!

          • Lizzietish81

            Clearly he is trying to upset me, so I suspect he enjoys making girls cry and feel miserable and my refusal to start crying or even feeling insulted is perplexing to him.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maybe he thought you’d never met a bigoted dipshit before, and you’d be all impressed.

          • Youreacunt

            You’re a fat fuck and a loser.

          • Lizzietish81

            It’s ok, let it out. I can tell you’re hurting inside.

          • Youreacunt

            Honey, you’re the train wreck who cries when someone is called fat. Jesus fucking Christ, you’re a morbidly obese loser.

          • Lizzietish81

            If I agree will that make you happy so you can go back to your bros and tell them how you made a fat girl cry?

          • Youreacunt

            Honey, everything you say is such utter, ridiculous bullshit. You do nothing but complain and bitch and do nothing but jerk around.

          • vivian

            *turns from mirror*

          • Lizzietish81

            Ah I see, if I say I’m crying it’ll just give you a boner. If I don’t, you’ll still keep on trying to get one.

          • Youreacunt

            Honey, you can’t even see your own vagina over your fat gut and can’t even wipe your own fat ass. How much worse can it be.

          • Lizzietish81

            I could be an obnoxious troll who spends hours following people around and calling them fat like I was still in second grade.

          • Youreacunt

            I don’t give 2 shits about you. You’re just another fucking who might have gone to a 3rd tier liberal arts college to study ridiculous bullshit and spread you PC SJW fatlogic bullshit. Sorry, you cunt, but other opinions are more valid, learned and appropriate than yours and your ilk.

          • vivian

            Translation: “no one will go out with me. : ( “

        • Biff52

          He’s got more time on his fat fingered vulgar hands now that NBC and Univision and Macy’s have all fired him.

      • Spotts1701

        Hmm…I see. Yes, well, thank you for that – uh, well-spoken and thoughtful response. Allow me to be equally thoughtful.

        “You. YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!”

  • Lizzietish81
    • Ryan Denniston

      Ah, Wierd Al. A touchstone in my life.

  • beatbort

    I’ll amend my previous statement about W (born on third base, thinks he hit a triple). For Jeb, it’s “born in the dugout and thinks he hit a homerun”.

  • Beowoof14

    Hard work and experience a euphemism for bribery and corruption.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Don’t forget cronyism and nepotism.

      • bozilingus

        Our 3 chief weapons are bribery, corruption, cronyism and nepotism… Our 4 chief weapons are…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Thanks to WASP affirmative action, failing upwards is the only possible trajectory for a Bush.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Republicanism IS Affirmative Action for white guys who can’t hack it on a level playing field.

  • Me not sure

    Actually, given those numbers, I’d be surprised if he’s not “the poor one” instead of “the smart one” and views the Presidency as his last chance to catch up to the stashes that Papi and brother George have set aside.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Make 60K per week clearing brush in your spare time, using these simple tips!

      • Me not sure

        Any Bush can do it!

    • Biff52

      All he has to do is wait out the old man and his succubus.

      • Me not sure

        Morbid, but totally Jeb!.

        • Steverino247

          We’ll see if he steps in to keep a brain-dead George H. W. Bush alive when there’s that much cash waiting for him.

          • Me not sure

            Uh, no. …The answer is no.

          • Blank Ron

            Too bad. Jeb! would have violated his principles just this one time to pull the plug on his brother.

          • Me not sure

            Jeb! ? Principles? Did I miss something?

    • SnarkTank

      Well, it looks like that on paper, but the Cayman Islands, Swiss, and Serta accounts probably aren’t itemized therein.

  • cleanfront

    My Dad and Brother became President of the United States and all I got was this lousy $19 to $22 million.

  • SnarkTank

    I think someone should point out to Jeb! just how well he and his family did under the socialist communist Nazi Kenyan usurper. I thought the Democratic fiscal policies didn’t work!

    • sw19womble

      good point well made!

      • SnarkTank

        Well, shit. There goes my reputation.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Shackled by the constraints of public office, Jeb was only moderately wealthy as a Florida Governor. What he did before and after the Governor’s mansion is noteworthy with all his crony capitalism and whatnot. But $29 million? Psshhhh, Trump eats that for breakfast on his bankruptcy days.

    • zerosumgame0005

      not even as big as Trumps trust fund

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Most of the rich just do not grasp that envy of their money is not the issue; their behavior, as assholes, is .

    • vivian

      Specifically, it is their belief that their wealth entitles them to be treated deferentially, and that they should not have to suffer through the same tediums and frustrations that the rest of us do because they are “The Real People”. Oh, also that money is evidence that God loves them more.

      • marxalot

        THIS. A combination of demanding privilege (lit. “private law”) and a Pharisaic-morality view of the origins and consequences of their wealth result in behavior that us proles like to call “douchey.”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Why, anyone who works hard and pays their dues can see their income jump a thousandfold in a single year!

    • SnarkTank

      During a recession!

  • Spotts1701

    See, all you have to do is be born a Bush and the money spigot just doesn’t turn off. It’s so simple!

    • Angry_Cop

      Of course, the price Satan demands for that is that your mother…think about this…your mother would be Barbara Bush.

      I’d rather be poor and die young.

  • AnOuthouse

    His income increased thanks to hard work, experience, and Jesus. Jesus and his entire family have been very good for Jeb. He gets 20% off top of their lawn care business and 50% of any drugs they sell on the side.

  • I_Buttle

    He forgot to mention the help of LittleBabyJesus because God loves him some rich ass blue blood Yankees.

  • Biff52

    I see the reagan years weren’t so good to jeb, either. He’s just like me, basically!

  • shawnthesheep

    7 million a year? You even invest, bro?

  • Spork

    By odd coincidence lackluster businessman George W. Bush made a tremendously lucrative investment in the Texas Rangers during the same time period.

    • Robert Ivey

      Didn’t he run them into the ground?

    • Theodora30

      After engaging in insider trading while on the board of Harken Energy. That is how he got the $$$ to become a partner in the Rangers. And that was after his own energy company went bankrupt. Funny how he managed to keep getting people to take him inti their businesses. Could it be Poppy’s influence? The dirty jokes he told?
      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caterair

  • Rimshot101

    Infant Jeb Bush was pulled out of his mother by his bootstraps… that counts, right?

  • Flashman

    …[1.5% is] also a lower rate of charitable giving than the Romneys…
    Though in fairness to Jeb!, most of the Rmoneys’ giving was to a cult.

  • Dave

    I hate to be “that guy” who is always pointing out the errors…. This morning I finally had enough and ate my boss. He tasted like a fatty pork chop, not caviar as stated here in the wonkette.

  • Bitter Scribe

    You’re being far too kind to the bastard. He had a habit of partnering with shady types and then denying he had any knowledge of what they were up to.

    • Theodora30

      Not that the MSM will bother to tell us about all his shady associates. He actually lobbied to get a known terrorist, Orlando Bosch, out of prison (where is Sarah Palin’s complaining about palling around with terrorists?) and lobbied for a mobbed up guy who bilked Medicare out of millions. (Miguel Recarey). Then there is Camillo Padreda who bilked HUD after Jeb helped him get more business with that federal agency. I am fed up posting links so please google Jeb + these guys for yourself.

  • Come here a minute

    I would be laughing like hell, but I still haven’t mastered the art of simultaneous laughing and crying.

  • Tom_Has_Doubts

    Jeb’s got his mind on his money and his money on his mind.

  • toomanyrappers

    Off topic, but I hate neolibs and conservative assholes…

    Q: Did you know that Germany *(of all places) has been the ringleader in piling more and more debt on Greece? History has a story to tell here, folks.

    Did you know? What are the neolibs doing in Europe right now?

    Just checkin’.

    Also, loans are a risk. If you hate risk, work and earn a paycheck.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Jeb! has also invested heavily in the for profit charter school scam industry. Living off the taxpayers’ dime has never been better.

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