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Just ASKING for it.

On Friday night, after the historic Supreme Court decision where Justice Anthony Kennedy destroyed all heterosexual marriages by letting gays in on the institution, the White House gave us ALL THE FEELS by turning rainbow-colored for the night. The display had been planned for months, which proves President Obama is in the tank for Big Homo, and it was A Good Thing. Indeed, President Obama called it “a moment worth savoring,” even though he had to watch it on teevee, due to presidents are not allowed to play outside after dark.

Unfortunately, according to wingnuts, this was very bad, and now we are going to get 9/11-ed again, sadface. Explain yourself through your fake tears, American Family Association dumbass Sandy Rios:

God is still very much at work! He’s still very much at work, and He will not tolerate this. […]

While the president is decorating the White House with the rainbow colors, lighting it up … which, by the way, an unbelievable affront to God. Do you understand really, that the rainbow, has it been so perverted, and so co-opted, in this country, that people listening and they don’t understand that that was God’s sign to mankind that he would never destroy the earth again by flood? And he destroyed it because of the things that men were doing to each other! And so you take his symbol and you use it for a sign of sexual behavior that is ungodly, unallowed, the boundaries, God says “No, no, no,” and you take his sign, and you think that you’re rewriting the laws of nature? That the creature is telling the creator how it’s going to be?

And you think that’s not going to have some consequence? No, my grief is for you because you don’t understand what you just did! You don’t understand. Now to get more practical about this, the terror threat against this nation has gone up exponentially.

HOLYFUCKCRAZY. Gays have taken the rainbow, which is supposed to be the symbol of how Loving God promises NEVER to fucking murder every single person on earth again, except for this one dude and his family, but now Loving God is going to get all OLD TESTAMENT PISSED again and, what? Send Ay-rabs to fuck up America?

Exactly! And it’s perfect timing, because, as Rios explains, it’s Ramadan right now, which, ACCORDING TO HER, is the holy month where Muslims starve themselves so they can get mad enough to murder everyone. Gonna have to block quote at you some more, this shit is worth it:

It is Ramadan. It is their holy — [scoffing] Oh, the use of the word “holy” — do you know what “holy” means in the context of being a Christ-follower? It means you live a moral life, it doesn’t mean that you fast so that you can murder people!

Look what you’ve done, gays! And Sandy Rios knows how dangerous gays are. Remember that Amtrak crash? She was the one who was pretty sure the engineer lost control because he was thinking about some hot guy’s impressive boner, or more specifically that he was “going through some confusion that has to do with the very core of who [gays] are.” THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO GAYS, how did she know?

Of course, Rios is not the only wingnut high off the rainbow poppers the White House personally forced her to snort. Franklin Graham, unpleasant embarrassment son of Billy Graham, would like to also remind folks that “God is the one who gave the rainbow, and it was associated with His judgment. God sent a flood to wipe out the entire world because mankind had become so wicked and violent.” Quick explainer: Rainbows happen when it rains a lot. When they were making up the story of Noah’s Ark (YEP, WE SAID “MAKING UP”), they didn’t understand the scientific process of rainbows, and so “God did it” was a reasonable explanation. No longer.

For your dessert, enjoy watching Bill O’Reilly scream and cry about how it was “wrong and insulting to light up the White House” with gay rainbows. We’d transcribe it, but oh Lord Jesus, fuck him, right in his pigheaded ear.

[Right Wing Watch]

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  • VandeGraf

    Rios might as well shuffle off to the Ann Coulter Wing of Purgatory.

  • weejee

    Buttsechs deficient Bill-O needs a unicorn horn up his bum.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “Fuck it!!” (the unicorn) “We’ll do it” (the unicorn fucking) “LIVE!!”

  • Alacrity_Fitzhughe

    Like hemorrhoids, the stupid continues to burn.

  • memzilla

    Wait’ll they find out about the monthly Ghey Dance Party!

  • AncienReggie

    Light. How does it work?

  • Me not sure

    If everyone who wanted to give Billo a good slap in the face got in a line it would look like that scene from “Airplane”.

    • one_who_wanders

      We’re gonna need a longer plane!

      • Me not sure

        …or The Hindenberg. Got a match?

  • PubOption

    The wingnuts are Obergefalling themselves to object to the gays..

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, that rainbow light show is like the FUKKING “Bat Signal” for idiots!!!

  • schmannity

    As a member of the most privileged minority to ever walk the face of the planet, I demand that the WHITE house remain WHITE 365 24/7.

    • Doug Langley

      What about leap years?

  • weejee

    Bill-O riding his favorite unicorn.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Nice try. But you have not unseated David Vitter wearing diapers as the most disturbing image to ever appear on this site.

      • SterWonk

        “… the most disturbing image to ever appear on this site.”

        Twerking-chicken-with-Miley-Cyrus-head LIBEL!!!

        <shudder>

        • Ryan Denniston

          OMG, I don’t know I didn’t remember that one.

          • SterWonk

            Consider yourself lucky. It was pretty darned recent though; perhaps you blocked it out as a traumatic memory? (If so, I envy you.)

          • Gleem-McShinez

            There used to be one of Krauthammer with a roast chicken body.

            Obviously, that one COULD have been twerking, but God prevented it.
            NOW, GAYORRISTS, ALL BETS ARE OFF!!1

      • MrBlobfish

        Paula Deen/Chicken hybred

  • OneYieldRegular

    …says the woman who’s been running around everywhere defending Josh Duggar and Denny Hastert.

  • JustPixelz

    “God is still very much at work!”

    That explains the SCOTUS decision.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Sandy, that was a literal or possibly figurative rainbow of sentence construction !

  • Msgr_Moment

    Say, you know who else wanted to savor Big Homo?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “And so you take his symbol and you use it for a sign of sexual behavior that is ungodly, unallowed, the boundaries, God says “No, no, no,” and you take his sign, and you think that you’re rewriting the laws of nature?”

    Jesus Christ, Freedom of Religion is not a hard concept to grasp. Are wingnuts intentionally dense? Your sky spirit and mine do not agree; you cannot make me live under your sky spirit’s rules.

    • Dee Andee

      They’ve been getting their minds twisted by right-wing pundits for 45 years now. They vilify the agencies that work hard to keep things straight, because they can’t grasp the concept that this nation isn’t their own personal church. I doubt they even understand how the law really works any more.

      • malsperanza

        Most Americans have no idea at all how the law works, or how our government works. Including quite a few members of Congress. That guy from Wisconsin with the Gingrich hair is pretty sure the SCOTUS just passed a new constitutional amendment, or something.

    • SecludedCompound

      It starts with intentionally dense. Then it leads to kneejerk paranoia. Then it leads to actually not being able to parse reality and fantasy.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …mind you, this is coming from the same bunch of idiots that don’t mind raising a flag representative of treason, sedition and slavery in front of state houses

    • Tony Alexander

      yeah, but godd didn’t send no stars and bars as a promise…

      or did he/she/it?

  • Me not sure

    That waddling duck Mike Huckabee said that people now can’t complain if, when he’s President (snicker), he puts a nativity on the White House lawn. Well, except for the fact that that would be unconstitutional while gay marriage is constitutional, and he’ll never be President, he’s right.

  • RJ (TO)

    “God is still very much at work! He’s still very much at work, and He will not tolerate this.”

    So far, he’s been ignoring all the pleading, prayers and fasting to stop the Onslaught Of Gay On America. Is she sure he’s on her side…?

  • Vecciojohn

    Sandy makes it sound like God has a damn good idea to write a strongly worded letter to the Times about all of this nonsense.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Thank you for not transcribing Billo. I would have read it if you had, but I don’t have to click on play nosir!

    • elviouslyqueer

      I’m sure it was just interpretive jiggery-pokery all the way down.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    I hope they did the colored lights thing on the Empire State Building, too.

    • dslindc

      They did!

    • memzilla

      Not just yes, but hell yes!

      • Blank Ron

        The old girl hasn’t looked this good since that big monkey was climbing around on top.

    • malsperanza

      And the World Trade Center https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CIeOEevW8AARmnr.jpg

      First (and last) time I’ve ever felt like calling it the “Freedom Tower.”

  • Notreelyhelping

    For all their predictable bitching, these guys are loving this. Their eyes are rolling over and coming up dollar sign. Send money, rubes, or the gays are coming to get you!

    • Antimassacree

      Should be easily good for about two decades of shaking down the rubes.

      • SterWonk

        “… two decades …”

        Only two decades? How long have they been shaking down the rubes over Roe again?

        • Antimassacree

          You’re right, that has been 40+ years. That said, acceptance of LGBT rights among younger Evangelicals is considerably higher than among their Fox News [sic] viewing parents/grandparents/great-grandparents. Once the olds go to receive their eternal reward, the haters might find slimmer pickings.

          • SterWonk

            Perhaps. But I have (depressingly) high confidence that the shakedown artists will find new issues to scare the money out of the next generation of the uninformed.

  • Lizzietish81

    Quick, start selling them Biblical Flood insurance.

    • JustPixelz

      They may have already spent all their discretionary income on rapture insurance for their pets.

      http://www.aftertherapturepetcare.com

    • HolidayinCambodia

      You don’t understand. Each and every one of them thinks that s/he is going to be the one on the Ark.

    • Antimassacree

      No, Fire Insurance. The rainbow in their view means never again a global flood. The next and final smite is global conflagration by fire. As they say, God is Love.

      • Blank Ron

        Been reading the ‘Left Behind’ series?

        • malsperanza

          Either that or they are huge James Baldwin fans.

        • Antimassacree

          Nope, studied fundamentalist eschatology during a brief stint as a student at a conservative seminary (a youthful indiscretion). Left the religion bidness a few years later and found honest work as a professional scientist and amateur atheist.

          • david green

            Probably is hard to get a well paying gig as an atheist, I suppose.

          • Blank Ron

            Good to hear you grew up. *smiles*

  • Spotts1701

    Nope, sorry Sandy, Bill-O and Franklin:

  • Joshua Norton

    Hi Bill.

  • JustPixelz

    …God says “No, no, no,” and you take his sign, and you think that you’re rewriting the laws of nature?

    The laws of nature apply to global warming but that doesn’t stop Jim Inhofe from rewriting them.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    It had nothing to do with the gay thing; Obama was honoring Lucky Charms cereal.

    • Vecciojohn

      They’re always after me lucky charms. If you know what I mean, eh sailor?

      • Swampgas_Man

        Thank you, Oscar Wilde.

  • geoffalnutt

    Billo is just some hysterical, old, Irish washerwoman circa 1880….who’s also a pathological liar with anger issues. I imagine he has witheringly bad breath.

    • Anarchy Pony

      I dunno, I suspect it just smells of alcohol.

      • Vecciojohn

        And falafel.

        • Antimassacree

          Is that a slight aroma of Murdoch splooge?

          • Gleem-McShinez

            …Asked an increasingly jealous Roger Ailes, shaking an accusing finger.

          • Antimassacree

            Murdoch and Ailes have been reported to have a special relationship, so Ailes might get miffed if Rupert gave Bill-O some of the special sauce.

          • david green

            OK, you two. Just Ewwww.

  • Joshua Norton

    God is still very much at work! He’s still very much at work, and He will not tolerate this.

    Oh, I dunno. It seems pretty clear to me that God has answered your prayers. He said “No”.

    • Vecciojohn

      And walked off muttering “assholes” under His breath.

  • deanbooth

    “That the creature is telling the creator how it’s going to be?”

    Doctor: Exactly which brain did you get?
    Igor: It was from a bright guy.
    Doctor: Let me see… You fool! That brain’s from Breitbart!

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    it doesn’t mean that you fast so that you can murder people!

    Abdul, you’re just not yourself when you’re hungry. Better have a Snickers bar.

    • HolidayinCambodia

      …some say….

    • MrBlobfish

      Now, I’m not a scientist…

    • Steverino247

      You can get another one other there at the Allah Snackbar.

      • Blank Ron

        *facehoofs*

      • mtn_philosoph

        After sundown it’s Allah-Can-Eat!

  • MrBlobfish

    Yeah, Obama. God could see that from space. You are in so much trouble now.

    • Skwerl King

      I’m sure he’ll send a typhoon to Pacific in retaliation.

    • Logic of Color

      You mean from Kolob.

  • Anarchy Pony

    You know, when I ponder on how we should order society, and what we should consider moral, the first thing I take in mind is a collection of creation myths and fables of Mediterranean bronze age goat and sheep herders.

    • Dee Andee

      If only we could reach the point where the majority doesn’t kowtow to this bullshit at every turn…

      • Logic of Color

        Working on it

  • Well, when translated from the original ancient times languages, the relevant biblical passages actually tell us God was saying to Noah “Gurl, I know you’ve been on a boat with a whole barn yard full of animals and their poop for a month, so the cocktails are this way.”

    • Vecciojohn

      God gave Noah the rainbow sign:
      No more water, the homos next time.

      • malsperanza

        ♬ ♬It’s raaaaaining men … ♬ ♬ ♬

    • chicken thief

      So Santorum is a direct descendant of Noah?

  • Also, and not to put too fine a point on it, if the rainbow is the sign of God’s promise not to destroy us again, how come he keeps smiting people everywhere, and especially in Bible-thumping tornado alley?

    • Vecciojohn

      Hey, he’s got to stay in shape for the Big Game somehow.

    • Mary Sandoras

      It’s gods way of testing his faithful, or so I’ve heard, kinda like getting a G.E.D. if you pass only worser, you usually get to tithe your home as well.

    • Dee Andee

      Well, see, GTT, he promised not to kill ALL of the people at once. So now, if people are killed, it’s because they’re bad people and deserve to die. Except for the good people who get killed. Satan kills them. And if gawd does happen to kill some good people, it’s because he wanted them upstairs for some reason. And some of the people of faith are tasked by gawd to be able to sort them all out and know which is which! Isn’t that amazing?

  • DahBoner

    Did you ever notice that the Outraged Wingnuts always wear red shirts?

    http://media4.giphy.com/media/rDp8EFZPyhDCU/200w_d.gif

    • BeliTsari

      …but with effeminate fringe & bullshit pearl snaps, popped over their disgustingly bloated bellies.

  • Vecciojohn

    I’ve been hungry enough to murder a plate of spaghetti, but . . .

    • Blank Ron

      Infidel spaghetti?

  • Skwerl King

    God spoke to me: “Once again, they got it all wrong. The gift was alcohol. And the orgy hut. But noooo “Mr. Righteous” couldn’t handle it and began swinging his wiener at all the other people who just mysteriously appeared ruining it for everybody… Baal’s work I suppose. Anyway I have one of those Monotheistic council meetings with other supreme deities the Bible mentions that I gotta get to. Peace out.”

  • Sterculius

    So, what they are essentially saying is that the terrorists truly are hearing the voice of God and doing the work of God — which is exactly what they say! Fox News and the terrorists are in complete agreement as to the godliness of terrorism. So, when we bomb and drone them to death, we are murdering the righteous soldiers of God. Got it!

    • Vecciojohn

      Does God borrow these Muslims from Allah, or just how does that work, anyway?

  • That_got_me_thinking

    Oh yeah, dumbass Sandy Rios? Explain this rainbow God painting in the sky over Dublin the day Ireland legalized gay marriage.

  • The Big Truth

    Don’t you people get it?!? The rainbow was God’s original #LoveWins hashtag, and now that Obama has used it without permission, God will be forced to sue Donald Trump or something.

    I’m a little vague about that last part, but prepare thy legal briefs, libtards!

    • malsperanza

      God may hold the copyright, but Rainbows are protected under the doctrine of Fair Use.

    • david green

      OK, I’m happy for the gheyz, but just stay outta my briefs.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Here Sandy, I bought you some delicious candy. Bone appetite!

    • Dee Andee

      Tasty! ;D

    • Vecciojohn

      99% high fructose corn syrup, 1% certified homophobe tears. Schadenfreude in every bite! (Our slogan: You can suck it!)

    • Wait, is that an ISIS flag? On Wonkette? Call CNN!

  • Logic of Color

    So presumably sunlight never refracted through airborne moisture before the flood

    • elviouslyqueer

      Why does God hate physics?

      • chicken thief

        The dude was a carpenter – He never went to college.

        • Vecciojohn

          And physics was a branch of demonology in those days. Like God intended.

        • Steverino247

          Which is why he’s a Scott Walker supporter.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Here’s a fun fact that also explains a lot. Cretin = Christian

  • proudgrampa

    “God sent a flood to wipe out the entire world…”
    He seems nice.

    • Vecciojohn

      Would a loving God really let the unicorns die out? I’m sorry, little girl, there are no more unicorns. Jesus drowned them.

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Kind of guy you’d like to hang out with, maybe get a beer and watch the game…

      • chicken thief

        Of course, if He’s rooting for the other team you might as well give up ’cause you know He’ll start fucking with the weather or something if He doesn’t get His way.

        • Vecciojohn

          So finally Moses says, “Now look, goddamit, do you want to play golf or do you want to fuck around?”

          • bobbert

            One of my all time favorites.

          • Blank Ron

            Right up there with, ‘Who’s he going to tell?’

  • chicken thief

    So Big Gay is cramming shit down God’s throat now by stealing His rainbow?! Holy fuck, them swishers got some balls….

  • a_pink_poodle

    It is pretty greed of gays to take refracted light as their symbol.

  • chicken thief

    “God says “No, no, no,”

    But as we all know, sometimes ‘no’ does mean ‘yes, yes, YES!!!!’.

    • Vecciojohn

      There may be no-no on His lips,
      But there’s homo in His eyes.

  • LarryHoudini

    Noah lay with his daughter and then the rains came for forty days though there is no account of this in the fossil record and not enough water on the planet to cover all land, BE THAT AS IT MAY: and Abraham had a concubine . . . wrong chapter . . . and the rains ended and though rainbows supposedly are now gay, then GOD sent Noah a message which was A RAINBOW.
    WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, LIBERALS???????

    • Vecciojohn

      You got the gift, Reverend. Do you handle snakes too?

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Is that what you kids are calling it now?

      • LarryHoudini

        Sure I take a checks. Payable to Houdini Ministries.

        • Doug Langley

          And your money vanishes as if by magic.

    • George

      Thanks, LarryHoudini. That cleared it up. Anyway, you make more sense than Sandy Rios.

    • SnarkTank

      Gilgamesh liebulz!

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    That’s so gay.

  • one_who_wanders

    I am waiting with bated breath for the rejected wingnut comments post this week.

  • janecita

    These stories make me so glad that I’m an atheist.

  • Vecciojohn

    OT, but hey, Franklin, now that Iraq is a democracy and everything why aren’t you over there converting all them muslin sonsabitches to Jesus like you promised?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Because they fight back over there.

  • docterry6973

    God is going to kill us for shineing colored lights on His Holy White House. It’s in the BIble.

  • Antimassacree

    Let’s do Bill-O’s ear with this:

  • onedrewthree

    Over on Breitbart there’s a chorus of, THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US! All i’m getting is a flashback to Carrie.

    • natoslug

      The whole world is laughing at us because we still lend a voice to people like Billo, that Graham cracker guy and the Breitbartians, so I guess the Breitbarters have a point.

      • Jared James

        Even a clock running backwards is right every few dozen millennia.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Did they JUST NOW google Bush, looking for Jeb! News! or something?

      http://0.tqn.com/d/politicalhumor/1/S/X/_/bush_dailymirror_dumb_people.jpg

  • natoslug

    If these people love god so much, why don’t they marry him? And go live at his place. I hear Kolob is nice this time of year.

  • AnOuthouse

    Yeah, well, can your gays do this? A 360 degree rainbow!!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      double 360 rainbow…..but what’s it mean?

      • Steverino247

        Just because you know how it works, doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Oh no, I agree. But somewhere in this image is a really good (or bad) joke about gay rainbows doubly penetrating the good ole us of a.
          Not that as a good lil recovering catholic I can think of it for myself.

          • AnOuthouse

            I think it was taken from the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. That probably matters in the joke somewhere.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba
          • Rainbowse.cx?

          • Steverino247

            Didn’t mean the comment toward you, just toward those who think knowing the physics behind that kind of thing somehow ruins the effect.

          • Blank Ron

            It’s the other side of that that I find irritating – people get to see something cool and fascinating, like a sky full of stars or fossils in ancient rock, and immediately have to shove some big guy with a beard in front of it so they can handle it. Makes them completely immune to wonder… and I think it cheapens everything for them. ‘Goddidit’ seems so… tedious.

          • Steverino247

            Agreed completely. I think knowing how things really work just adds to the wonder of it. When I heard that other bullshit as a kid, I always wondered why anybody would think we were so special that tremendous feats were necessary. Why would an omnipotent god do that? To impress US?!

      • Candy Apple

        It means we’re now in Jesus’s AK-47 crosshairs, obviously.

  • Goposaur

    raised to “Hey Gurl”

    goddamn you’re a snarky little snark. Love it. One of the great headlines of all time.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    So Niagra falls has been gay for decades?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is that the US or Canada side?

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I hear it goes both ways.

      • Blank Ron

        Looks like the Canadian side, on the sidewalk that runs along the edge of the gorge. Just behind that tree there used to be a little bit of land, inches from the brink and on the OTHER side of the wall, where my ex and I liked to picnic. Long gone now.

        • I don’t know the exact spot you’re talking about, but it IS the Horseshoe Falls so I think that means it’s the Canadian side. We travelled hours and got to the Falls right at dark (dammit!) and saw them light it up. Pretty cool. Then we drove 17 hours home and me and a T/Trailer had a fight so bad he nearly flipped his truck and me in a little compact, so bad I scared even my brother!! (I wasn’t! But to scare him? Didn’t think it was possible!) Absolutely OT, but still so much fun to remember!! *big grin*

          You guys have AWESOME wit!! Been loving this repartee! I believe in God and all such, but I don’t think He hates gays (He did, after all, make so many of them!), and I bet He’s laughing at all this too. God has to have a sense of humor, He made us w/ all our faults, and then even claimed we are in His image!! How can He be like all these puckerbutts think He is, all grouchy and killing ppl off? I bet even HE still gets off on seeing a sky full of stars or a newborn baby! Nah, I think He’s just as cool as the best of us.

          • Blank Ron

            First off, I’m glad you survived your impromptu Mad Max encounter. I’ve been driving for almost 40 years and semis STILL scare me.

            You’ll find all types here, from the devout to the firmly atheistic. And for the most part we try to respect each others’ beliefs, reserving our ire for the wingnuts and haters and trolls, for those who use their ‘faith’ as a bludgeon and who insist that everyone else march in lockstep with them. And what looks like irreverence is generally snark being aimed at QUITE a different target. *grins*
            For what it’s worth, I like your approach to your faith. It’s a refreshing change from the constant butthurt one gets from your Huckabees and Grahams and Schlaflys and such. I mean, seriously, the creator of the universe is supposed to be a whiny baby who insists that everyone agree with BRYAN FISCHER? Your God, the one who is in on the joke and loves his creation unreservedly, is a deity I’d love to hang with. I hope he likes Iron Spike Blonde.

  • Steverino247

    They’re just butthurt because they can’t make racist comments about the occupant of the “White” House.

  • JohnR

    Huckster going to put a nativity scene on the WH lawn when he gets to be President which is never. Does not know the difference between civil rights and religion.

  • Oblios_Cap

    that was God’s sign to mankind that he would never destroy the earth again by flood? And he destroyed it because of the things that men were doing to each other!

    Apparently he’s down with us killing each other in his name, just as long as there’s no butt-sexting going on.

    • eddi

      First guy to contract out the work of his employees to a foreign location. The angels didn’t get much say because they were not allowed to unionize.

    • He’s not “down with that”, killing ppl. He AND the angels weep everytime someone gets killed, or a 10 year old boy gets dissed for joyously being what God made him to be, (or a plucky 7 y/o girl stands up in the face of a hateful CHRISTIAN preacher screeching at her and other pride participants), or any of a million billion other things we could think of. These religious freaks seem to think they can read God’s mind. Too bad they’re not busy reading the RED words in the Bible; I’ve heard they’re all anyone ever needs to know of God. Too much Old Testament, not enough New Testament. Or at least not just the cherry picked parts that support them at the expense of everyone else.

  • FZsdaughter

    Obama knows how to burn some wingnut ass, hehe

    • nightmoth

      The gnashing of wingnut teeth is a rhythm I can dance to.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Does this woman NOT understand how sentences work?

    • Jared James

      My sources say “YES.”

    • marxalot

      Reading that, I have to assume she barely understand how her MOUTH works.

      • Candy Apple

        Breath goes in, stupid comes out, you can’t explain it.

    • rachelmap

      It’s an unappetizing word salad indeed.

      • Suse

        Needs moar croutons.

        • Sarah E. Grove

          Needs moar bacon bits too.

  • Fly

    You go gurl.

  • Man, I love being lectured about how I should be living my life by people who are literally never happy.

  • snigsy

    “Just you wait until your father hears about this.”

  • Callyson
  • cleos_mom

    Interesting, that rainbow story. The biblical god promised to not destroy the world again, by flood. No mention of not doing it again by any other of the numerous vehicles when a petty diety ish having a bad hair day.

    The Creator of the Universe as an ambulance-chasing lawyer who depends on cute word tricks.

    • originalmouse

      kills people by flood
      shows rainbow and promises not to again
      proceeds to. anywhere it rains. everywhere on earth.
      shows rainbow after those storms too.

      deduction: rainbows are god tea-bagging drowning victims.

    • Candy Apple

      Maybe if he decides to kill everyone on the planet again, we’ll get some other hitherto unknown-to-the-laws-of-physics effects, like maybe glitter rain or perfume snow!

  • Lady Bug

    Why are teh gayz in lobby with Big Water?! HUH?!

  • Lady Bug

    “They took our best names like Bruce, Lance and Julian. Those were our toughest, manliest names! Then they took our rainbows!”

  • Iron Monkey

    O’Reilly is the spokesman for old, white Americans that are psychotically fearful of social change. He has it down perfectly.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Bill O needs a big dick in his mouth.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Pretty sure that’s how he kept his job. That and calling it “big.”

      • Sarah E. Grove

        Rupert has a dick? You mean, not tiny enough to cause alarm?

  • SecludedCompound

    Holy fuck! The parallels between the syntax in Sandy Rios’ smattering of derpitude up there and Our Lady LouSarah of the Perpetual Grift is astounding. Should we maybe start studying Wingnut dialect academically?

  • Doug White

    This nut actually, REALLY believes that everyone on earth died in a flood and somehow in the 6,000 years since then we magically developed different races… and ALSO that no rainbows occurred prior to that event. God actually changed the laws of physics such that prior to that date light wasn’t refracted by water! You can’t make up this insanity…

    • Blank Ron

      Err, they did, didn’t they?

  • nightmoth

    The rainbow lights at the White House were such a delightful surprise the other night—the only thing missing were bluebirds! But the missing bluebirds were more than compensated for by the tantrums of the RWNJs. They’re almost cute when they cry and whimper.

    • Candy Apple

      It was also missing unicorns.

  • mo_dem

    Ok, I read all this ridiculous shit, but you’re not gonna make me watch that person. I won’t do it, you can’t make me. It’s my birthday, dammit, and I get to do as I please. So there!

    • Mintie

      When they quote wingnuts in text, I manage to read about half the text before my eyes cross and I have to skip to the analysis.

      • mo_dem

        The talented, clever, and funny writers at Wonkette make the medicine go down easier for me because I can laugh at the jokes and the pokes. I usually cannot watch the videos of those humanoids, tho. No point risking an aneurism.

    • Sarah E. Grove

      Well, Happy Birthday!

      • mo_dem

        Thank you, Sarah. It turned out to be a good day. I read lots of stories here on Wonkette, and I read all the #askbobby twitter feed and laughed my ass off all day long.

  • Jack_Carter_USA

    You really have to wonder about people who seem to spend their entire lives in perpetual terror that their imaginary sky friend will go all medieval on them because someone else got married or disagreed with Netanyahu or had a bacon cheeseburger or whatever.

    • malsperanza

      They’re not terrified. They’re perpetually disappointed because their imaginary sky friend doesn’t all medieval on the people whom they disagree with. They’re absolutely sure that if medieval were ever to be gone on, they would not be in the line of fire, because they are Righteous.

  • Candy Apple

    I wish it looked like that every day and they renamed it the “Rainbow House,” just for the sheer amount of aneurysms it would cause a certain segment of our population.

  • Kat Anyperson

    I wonder how many of these bigoted dumb fucks don’t know that Islam is an Abrahamic religion that recognizes Jesus as a prophet? He appears in 93 fucking verses of the Quran!

    Ironically, Islam also considers Jesus a Muslim because he “served God”, much as Christians tend to claim him as their own despite that if the historical Jesus ever existed (the one portrayed in the NT is a composite and theologians have admitted this for centuries) he was a Jewish rabbi.

    He was also likely a person of color- early art of the Madonna commissioned by St Luke shortly after (the supposed) historical Jesus’s death show a brown/black woman and babby.

    Sorry, bigots!

    http://medievalpoc.tumblr.com/post/52651798683/retroactive-erasure-the-black-madonnas-of-europe

    • Candy Apple

      I’m not religious, but I far prefer the Black Madonnas to the lily-white Northern European ones.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “I wonder how many of these bigoted dumb fucks don’t know…”

      AOT, K

    • And the Qur’an is kinder to Jesus’ momma, too. She has her very own chapter to herself.

      • Kat Anyperson

        Oh jeeze, the hack job that Christianity did on that woman’s story and what it did to women in general for centuries after…. *slowly bangs her head on her desk*

      • Thank you, I was reading the line to add that very point myself.

  • Teto85

    Sounds like Rios is off her meds. Again.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    LOL – I knew the Rainbow House display would eggsplode wingnut heads – and they did not disappoint.

    • dshwa

      Bamz is just having fun now. IDGAF Bamz is best Bamz.

      • eddi

        May well go out sailing a sea of futile Reb tears.

  • Kevin Clugston

    Derpers gon’ Derp.

  • JoeChristmas

    Roy Gay Biv

    • eddi

      +1

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I’m confused. I thought rainbows were caused by the prism effect of sunlight passing through water droplets suspended in the air.

    • eddi

      Oh sure. Believe the facts instead of the faith.

  • dshwa

    One of my wingnut acquaintances was complaining about this and put up a photo shop of the white house in three colors, Red, white, blue. It looked like a backwards French flag. Which I did not have the heart to point out.

    • Blank Ron

      Allons, enfants de la patrie,
      Le jour de gloire est arrivé!

    • david green

      I got that one. Also one of a dead guy on a cross projected onto the White House. Strangely enough, it looked like a dead WHITE guy.

  • Holly_Wight

    So wait… Now she’s saying Muslims ARE the hand of God at work?

    I wish they’d make up their minds, these Christophiles.

    • eddi

      Attila the Hun got the title Wrath of God for wiping out sort-of Christians like Arianists. Doing good by being evil. Once you truly understand that, you will truly understand Christianity as it has existed since Constantine picked it over Sol Invictus and Mithra.

  • Muslims don’t fast so they can murder people. They fast so they can PIG OUT at sundown and at month’s end.

    • HuddledMass

      You mean lamb-out. I gotta get an invite to someone’s house at sundown this month (trolls address app for Muslim aquaintances, finds they are all secularist and non-observant ? )

  • MasterSkrain

    Derp! Derp! Derpitty Derp! Wharbgarble! Blagityblagityblagity! Harklebarkle!
    Well, it makes as much sense as this crazy Biatches wingnuttery!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Applesauce!

  • malsperanza

    Heh. The White House was totally trolling the wingnuts with that light show. I mean, I liked it; I liked rainbow Niagara Falls and Rainbow SF City Hall and Rainbow WTC and Empire State Building, and maybe most of all Rainbow Some Bridge in Little Rock, Arkansas. http://media.navigatored.com/images/arkansas+bridge+2.jpg

    We all of us liked the rainbows.

    But what made us really LOVE the rainbows was the way they made the haters feel thoroughly marginalized, forced into a tiny, unpopular minority, with no one in power watching out for their interests. Those jackasses have never gotten over the idea that just because W was their Born-Again Guy, they weren’t going to be able to own the White House forever. Next thing you know, they’re not gonna feel safe expressing themselves openly in public. SOUND FAMILIAR, ASSHOLES?

    Boo-yah!

  • malsperanza

    However, I haz a sad because I can no longer make clever references to Bill Cosby’s “Noah” routine. :-(

  • sillyclucker

    Huh. I thought everything that happened was part of God’s plan.

  • D_C_Wilson

    It’s times like these that I hope to live long enough to see an atheist lesbian daughter of illegal immigrants get elected president just for the head explodings it would cause.

  • D_C_Wilson

    It’s times like these that I hope to live long enough to see an atheist lesbian daughter of illegal immigrants get elected president just for the head explodings it would cause.

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