On Friday night, after the historic Supreme Court decision where Justice Anthony Kennedy destroyed all heterosexual marriages by letting gays in on the institution, the White House gave us ALL THE FEELS by turning rainbow-colored for the night. The display had been planned for months, which proves President Obama is in the tank for Big Homo, and it was A Good Thing. Indeed, President Obama called it “a moment worth savoring,” even though he had to watch it on teevee, due to presidents are not allowed to play outside after dark.
Unfortunately, according to wingnuts, this was very bad, and now we are going to get 9/11-ed again, sadface. Explain yourself through your fake tears, American Family Association dumbass Sandy Rios:
God is still very much at work! He’s still very much at work, and He will not tolerate this. […]
While the president is decorating the White House with the rainbow colors, lighting it up … which, by the way, an unbelievable affront to God. Do you understand really, that the rainbow, has it been so perverted, and so co-opted, in this country, that people listening and they don’t understand that that was God’s sign to mankind that he would never destroy the earth again by flood? And he destroyed it because of the things that men were doing to each other! And so you take his symbol and you use it for a sign of sexual behavior that is ungodly, unallowed, the boundaries, God says “No, no, no,” and you take his sign, and you think that you’re rewriting the laws of nature? That the creature is telling the creator how it’s going to be?
And you think that’s not going to have some consequence? No, my grief is for you because you don’t understand what you just did! You don’t understand. Now to get more practical about this, the terror threat against this nation has gone up exponentially.
HOLYFUCKCRAZY. Gays have taken the rainbow, which is supposed to be the symbol of how Loving God promises NEVER to fucking murder every single person on earth again, except for this one dude and his family, but now Loving God is going to get all OLD TESTAMENT PISSED again and, what? Send Ay-rabs to fuck up America?
Exactly! And it’s perfect timing, because, as Rios explains, it’s Ramadan right now, which, ACCORDING TO HER, is the holy month where Muslims starve themselves so they can get mad enough to murder everyone. Gonna have to block quote at you some more, this shit is worth it:
It is Ramadan. It is their holy — [scoffing] Oh, the use of the word “holy” — do you know what “holy” means in the context of being a Christ-follower? It means you live a moral life, it doesn’t mean that you fast so that you can murder people!
Look what you’ve done, gays! And Sandy Rios knows how dangerous gays are. Remember that Amtrak crash? She was the one who was pretty sure the engineer lost control because he was thinking about some hot guy’s impressive boner, or more specifically that he was “going through some confusion that has to do with the very core of who [gays] are.” THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO GAYS, how did she know?
Of course, Rios is not the only wingnut high off the rainbow poppers the White House personally forced her to snort. Franklin Graham, unpleasant embarrassment son of Billy Graham, would like to also remind folks that “God is the one who gave the rainbow, and it was associated with His judgment. God sent a flood to wipe out the entire world because mankind had become so wicked and violent.” Quick explainer: Rainbows happen when it rains a lot. When they were making up the story of Noah’s Ark (YEP, WE SAID “MAKING UP”), they didn’t understand the scientific process of rainbows, and so “God did it” was a reasonable explanation. No longer.
For your dessert, enjoy watching Bill O’Reilly scream and cry about how it was “wrong and insulting to light up the White House” with gay rainbows. We’d transcribe it, but oh Lord Jesus, fuck him, right in his pigheaded ear.