Donald Trump Fired From NBC For Being YOOOOOOOGE Racist Lick Knob
Sad news for all of you Donald Trump-lovers. (Those exist, we think?) The purging of Donald Trump is no longer limited to mean Spanish-speaking teevee types. After Univision decided it would no longer be airing Miss Universe pageants owned by men who call Mexican immigrants drug-criming rapists, Trump reacted with all the maturity and grace we've come to expect, threatening to sue the network and banning Univision employees from one of his gauche resorts in Miami. Well, we guess we should get ready for another rage-sharting Twitter rant from Trump, because NBC done fired his ass:
NBC said it will no longer carry the Trump-produced Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants. Nor will he return to the long-running reality show “The Celebrity Apprentice” as host.
“Due to the recent derogatory statements by Donald Trump regarding immigrants, NBCUniversal is ending its business relationship with Mr. Trump,” NBC said in a statement. “At NBC, respect and dignity for all people are cornerstones of our values.”
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We hope NBC didn't do that gesture from "The Apprentice" and actually say "You're fired!" because everybody knows that Donald Trump owns that gesture AND both of those words, and NBC would have to pay a YOOOOOOOOGE amount of dollars for doing that without Trump's permission.
Of course, Trump would like everyone to know that NBC is lying about firing him, because NOBODY FIRES DONALD TRUMP. You see, they only broke up because NBC loves him too much and was burning with jealousy at the thought of having to share him with the rest of the country. Trump had to take the high road and end this marriage, for the sake of the children, and for America:
"They did not want me to run. They wanted me to do The Apprentice . And now with my statements on immigration which happen to be correct, they are going to take a different stance and that’s OK. Whatever they want to do is OK with me," said Trump. "As far as ending the relationship, I have to do that because my view on immigration is much different than the people at NBC."
See? It's just a little disagreement. NBC thinks Mexican immigrants are human beings, and Donald Trump wants to build a fence around them. Not because he's racist; he LOVES burritos, and he thinks the Mexicans are just great, except for how they are rapists.
[ Variety / The Hollywood Reporter via Time ]
What I enjoy about Trump is how his style never changes. He insults Charles Krauthammer and George Will the same way he insulted Stuttering John from the Howard Stern show, calling them 'losers', etc. His eye rolls, signs of disgust during the Republican debates are going to be entertaining as all hell. Not to mention the fact he will come well armed with shocking quotes in true Barnum fashion. I can only pray he calls one of the other candidates, like Bobby Jindal, a "loser".
Cruz has all the ego you could want, but his presentation skillz suck wind. Even when he was shutting down the fucking government, the average shlub voter could barely recognize him.