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America

We told you so, and we were right:

The Fourteenth Amendment requires a State to license a marriage between two people of the same sex and to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-State.

It’s official. Five justices of the Supreme Court — and you can probably guess which ones — have, once and for all, crammed marriage equality down all of our throats, and we couldn’t be happier to open up and say “ahhhhhhhhhh.” Finally.

We are verklempt with gay and gay-ally tears of gay and gay-ally joy. And so are you. Join us in the comments, which we will allow this one time only, to tell us just how happy or REALLY FUCKING HAPPY you are. And stay tuned because of course we will be bringing you all of our Wonksplaining on the majority opinion, written by Justice Anthony Kennedy, and the four — FOUR! — dissenting temper tantrums from Chief Justice John Roberts, and Justices Justice Scalia, Thomas, and Alito. And all the wingnut tears, of course. It’s Gay Day at yr Wonkette. Molotov to us all.

[Obergefell v. Hodges]

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  • Lizzietish81
    • Ryan Denniston

      Monday, will it be “You get clean air”?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That would be 4 for 4; could it actually happen?

    • jesuswasablack

      My big black belly is still full of sweet tea-bagger tears from yesterday! Time to strap on the old feed bag again!!!!

    • JustPixelz

      Oprah covers all the bases.

    • JustPixelz

      Maybe Oprah will marry Gayle now. Or Stedman.

  • EvanHurst

    BRB CRYING.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Aww, tears of joy! Such a nice contrast to the bitter acid dripping from wingnut eyeholes today.

      • JustPixelz

        Tears are part of the gag reflex.

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Seriously, I’m so fucking happy. This is great news for human rights.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wow, I had hoped Roberts was going to side with us.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He only votes with the liberal majority when he wants to write the opinion (and make it as narrow as possible).

      Pretty hard to do that there. Equal protection is a broad principle (that’s what’s great about it).

      The 14th ammendment is still paying dividends after 150 years.

    • Angry_Cop

      He needs some cover so he can keep hanging out with his Federalist friends. He did us a solid on ACA yesterday – pretty much made it immune to further litigation with his opinion.

      He could be WAY worse, is what I’m sayin’

  • elviouslyqueer

    BUTTSECKS FOR ERRRRBODY.

    • marxalot

      And state-sanctioned rug-munching!

      • kindness

        Yeay! Oh, wait a minute. What if one is hair free?

        • marxalot

          Spit-polishing, then.

        • marxalot

          Spit-polishing, in that case.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Thanks Obama!

      • malsperanza

        Seriously. Thanks, Obama!

  • Now to find a (ideally willing) husband!

    • marxalot

      Maybe we should have a pool. Or a draft.

      • Wonkette Dating Service? It would make up for not being allowed to comment.

        • SterWonk

          Hey, it worked for Trix and Shy, and Sorosbot and MissTaken…

          • We almost started one, but the service we looked at would have included any sign ups across all of their platforms…

            So if you’d signed up here, you might also have appeared on grannypanties.com or dumpsterdaters.net

          • FlownOver

            More drinkythings. Wonketeers can take it from there.

          • emmelemm

            And me and Mr. Hutz, Esq.

            Three years and we’re still happy to see each other.

          • SterWonk

            Lovely! :-)

          • emmelemm

            We met at a Wonkette drinky. TRUE STORY

          • SterWonk

            I was going to go to the most recent Drinky Thing in SF, but that was before I started commenting (not that that’s allowed), so no one would have known who I was anyway. That, and I generally don’t drink.

          • emmelemm

            Bars still serve soda, no one will care if you’re not drinking, and (surprisingly) many people came to Seattle Drinkies 1, 2 and 3 that had never commented once.

            It’s my mission to encourage attendance at all Wonket meetups!

          • Blank Ron

            So when do we get one Up Here? I mean, us Canucks, we all live next door to each other, so we shouldn’t have any trouble all attending one, right?

          • SterWonk

            Oh, I’ll definitely come to the next one! :-)

  • zerosumgame0005

    OK, should we all make sure to take a mop to work to wipe up all this conservative heads that explode? :)

  • Oblios_Cap

    Just great! Now who are we going to be able to discriminate against?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      There’s always the blacks. And women-folk.

      • malsperanza

        The classics never get old.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Bristol Palin. Duh.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Mexicans?

      • zerosumgame0005

        ah, the Donald’s target :P

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Teatards

    • Lizzietish81

      Christians! Duh!

    • QHarp

      Pizza shops.

    • coozledad

      The willfully stupid. Fundamentalists, mostly.

    • MUSLINS!!!!!!!!111!!!!1!!

    • Rocky

      Canadians?

      • anniegetyerfun

        Oh, yes. More so than ever.

      • sw19womble

        Oi! :(

      • Blank Ron

        Keep that up and we won’t let you have any single-payer. Just sayin’.

    • Incoming Ham

      Wild guess – the bile will be taken out on women. Just ’cause.

    • Ryan Denniston

      The Duggars!

    • docterry6973

      Christians, of course.

    • Tendernob
      • Blank Ron

        Thanks, now there’s spittle all over my monitor.

  • marxalot

    Dammit, now Comrade Mom is going to start nagging me to get married.
    I mean…
    HOO-YEAH! *dances uncontrollably*

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Just find a nice doctor or lawyer.

  • Tallmutha

    At last! Christ, it’s taken long enough!

    By the way, what does “gay” mean again?

    • Lizzietish81

      Happy!

    • Msgr_Moment

      lighthearted and carefree.
      “Nan had a gay disposition and a very pretty face”

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Bristol’s pregnant again!

      • Nounverb911

        When wasn’t she?

      • JustPixelz

        Abstinence spokeswoman Bristol is pregnant again!

        -FIFY

    • Msgr_Moment
      • Villago Delenda Est

        Sunglasses need sequins.

      • Lizzietish81

        Wait, I think I know that guy?

    • Rocky

      You still watch the Flintstones?

  • Msgr_Moment

    I feel like a wallflower. I haven’t even looked at any men longingly yet. Give me another day to pick one, PLEEEEEEASE!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You’re behind the power curve!

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      Fine, but Hugh Jackman belongs to me. I mean, I’m a straight white woman, but I still get dibs before all the gheys grab him up.

  • WiscoJoe

    Me, ten-years ago: I’m never going to have the right to get married.

    Me, today: I’m never going to find a husband.

    • Malmborg Implano

      As a third-generation divorcee I can only say this to you: Never marry just so you can be married. I guarantee it’ll suck.

      • Dimitrios M.

        And never get married just because you can.

      • Well you’ll never be a Kardashian that way!

  • Angry_Cop

    Deleted comments will have to be split out by subject this week, I think.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It may take a few weeks to clear this week’s backlog.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    This really is turning into an amazing week. Congrats to my gay brethren! And now that my straight marriage is obviously o-vah thanks to this ruling, who wants to get all gay with me?

    • kindness

      I, for one, cheer and support our new Throat Cramming Overlords.

      Where does that line form btw?

  • schmannity

    Have shots been fired on Fort Sumter yet?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bryan Fischer has been seen hauling canonballs in the area.

      Big, honkin’ cannonballs.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Here’s some music to celebrate that even Fat Tony will dance to:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj0Rz-uP4Mk

    • JustPixelz

      “Number 47 said to number 3
      You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see”

      • Dimitrios M.

        Two v e r y odd numbers.

        • Blank Ron

          But in their prime.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Who would have thunk gay marriage would bail Bristol out of a PR jam?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      You have to hand it to the Bristle, her timing is impeccable.

    • sw19womble

      Doesn’t solve her unplanned pregnancy tho.

    • malsperanza

      Or steal her thunder. Sorry Bristol!

  • calliecallie

    WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

  • Lot_49

    And here I thought I’d have to go through a contentious and expensive divorce (again) to get out of my same-sex marriage. But since SCOTUS has made gay marriage legal, real marriage is now illegal, or meaningless, or no fun anymore, or something—right?

    But srsly, this is an amazing two days for SCOTUS. Are they losing their GOPer mojo?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Loretta Lynch has an interesting photo collection?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Anthony Kennedy decided to be rational.

    • Divorce lawyers will presumably be swamped with all the het marriages being destroyed by this decision.

  • memzilla

    I would pay good Ameros for a bottle of bitter salty wingtard tears right now.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Supply should be plentiful enough that they will be on sale by noon.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You won’t have to pay much, either. The supply is going to exceed the demand.

    • Biff52

      Repurpose the ol’ jizzmop.

  • doktorzoom

    Please allow me to offer my congratulations, with a friend:

    • memzilla

      No more news gathering today, Dok! Just hoover up all the butthurt comments at Breitbart and repost ’em here… because Wingnut Butthurt is FAAAAAAAAAbulous!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    YAYYYYY!!! Now that the “sanctity” of my hetero marriage has been destroyed, Im back on the market ladies!!!

    • anniegetyerfun

      All of us have to marry other ladies now, didn’t you hear?

      • Goats and children will become viable marriage partners any day now, I’m told.

        • Sam Hain

          I’m going to marry my toaster.

          • And I can’t say a thing, because my belief that existing marriage laws should be applied without sex discrimination is exactly the same as saying, “Anything goes!”

          • Dimitrios M.

            I’m going to marry my orthopaedic mattress.

            Might as well, I can’t sleep without it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re all out Subaru shopping right now. You’re boned.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I bet Sears is already sold out of flannel by now

    • Angry_Cop

      No ladies for you now, it’s the law.

  • jviscont1

    so how long before the red states legislate 72 hour waiting periods before the weddings?

    • sw19womble

      Transanal ultrasounds all round!

      • Dimitrios M.

        Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. It could be fun.

    • Lot_49

      And the weddings will have to be in hospital ORs with admitted attending physicians.

    • PubOption

      That would cause problems in Nevada, I’m not sure about other states.

      • Biff52

        Big-time traffic jam at the drive-thru chapel!

    • Lots of states already have waiting periods, but I’m sure the red states can pull off more onerous requirements, like demanding that you present your birth certificate, Social Security card, vehicle registration, passport, high school photo album, and a year’s worth of utility bills between 3:45 and 4:00 the fifth Friday of the month at the DMV.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Just texted my hubby with the news. SUCKS TO BE YOU, MISSISSIPPI.

    • memzilla

      Weren’t they already on Double Secret Probation?

  • arglebargle

    Will the Jiggery-Pokery never end?

    • memzilla

      Not now it won’t!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Hee hee! Scalia is so completely fucking butthurt. And his dissent is an open invitation to a cage fight with Kennedy.

      • Reddishrabbit

        I keep waiting for him to become so crazied he decides to bece a hermit in the desert

        • Biff52

          Hey, that’s my schtick. I don’t need no Fat Tony horning in on my solitude!

    • Lot_49

      Is that what the kids, teh ghey kids, are calling it these days?

    • JohnBull

      Thomas won’t ever stop with the Pokery.

  • memzilla

    Ghey Marriage, OCare upheld, Barstool Palin self-hypocritized… It’s A Libtard Hat Trick!

    • Dimitrios M.

      A trifecta of Teatard tribulation.

  • I’m all for people, gay or straight, wanting to be unhappy!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      On the upside, married LGBT people will now be able to just let themselves go, just like married straights do.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        We’ve met, haven’t we?

    • marxalot

      Gay people deserve the right to make themselves miserable, just like everyone else.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Anyone check in with Roy Moore yet? Because, you know, Alabama doesn’t have to follow what the Supremes say, only him.

  • beavertank

    They didn’t just throw out the anti-gay marriage laws, they found a fundamental right to gay marriage. Exactly the same right as for heterosexuals.

    …I’ve never been so excited for your followup post of the internet freakouts of wingnuts. The schadenfreude will be coming thick and fast today.

    • addison_da_wit

      Normally I would not subject myself to reading the Twitter pages of Santorum, Huckabee, Cruz, et. al. But today I won’t be able to resist!

  • Biff52

    I never even got to be opposite-married, now all you gheys have taken it away from me. Thanks, gheys. No, really, thanks!

  • Incoming Ham

    It’s about fucking time. Congrats to all.

    Texas is of course having a kicking, screaming tantrum on the floor.

    • Nounverb911

      Dear Texas,

      If at first you don’t secede, try, try, again.

      Love and kisses,
      America

    • orygoon

      And my Texas goddaughter will soon be gay-married!

      • Blank Ron

        Congratulations!

    • VandeGraf

      Imagine the dust, after the mud settles?

    • TxSpinyLizrd

      Not in Bexar County, we aren’t.

      • Incoming Ham

        Neither is Austin – except in the Governors mansion and some of the more wingnutty areas – there seem to be some.

  • Rocky

    Now we can just call it “Marriage” again!!!

    • beavertank

      Aww, but I liked “Marriagey Warriagey Jiggery Pokery”. Can’t we keep that one, too?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      There you go again, threatening my Traditional Marriage (TM).

      • VandeGraf

        Just imagine, all those [enter capitalized modifier here] Marriages down the proverbial chute.

  • marxalot

    Sorry, I just got to work and now I have to take the day off as a Gay Holiday. Now, where can I get a big drink and a rainbow lei at this time of morning?

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      It’s a little early in the morning to get lei’d. *rimshot*

      • marxalot

        Early morning leis are my favorite.

      • arglebargle

        You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.

        • Ryan Denniston

          Though it’s hard to make it through the day if you do.

          • Blank Ron

            Pacing. It’s about pacing.

      • Dimitrios M.

        It’s known as a Morner, that is, a nooner, only sooner.

    • ShriekinViolet

      I think this is going to be a weird weekend for the Wonkettariat. We’re so used angry drinking that we might have forgotten how to happy drink. But we’re a persistent bunch. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.

    • Reddishrabbit

      My first stop tonight is going to be big gay ice cream. Need to get something into the stomach before the fun drinking.

      • Lizzietish81

        I know! I’m thinking a trip to Stonewall, but I am so scruffy right now!

  • crunchyknee

    Balls and chains for ever-body!

    • sw19womble

      I can see a lot of people suddenly identifying on the asexual spectrum! :D

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Terrific news. Kennedy is terrible on a lot of things, but he’s been good on LGBT.

    I like to point out that he was not Reagan’s first choice, that was Bork. And there’s no way Bork votes for this. So, the Democrats who showed some courage and voted down Bork way back when deserve a little thanks for today’s decision.

    • Ha ha ha! ‘Real Americans’ just got Borked again! Right in the Borkhole!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Honestly this week Kennedy has been great. ACA, housing and now this. The big, and on the right side of each.

    • CalvinianChoice

      Your point is well taken; but since that asshole is dead, I’m pretty sure I know how he’s voting today.

  • Scalia, in his dissent:

    “Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality [whatever that means] were freedoms? And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie.”

    Well Tony, as a happily married old hippie (and since you asked), I invite you to go have sex with yourself.

    • docterry6973

      Spirituality is not a freedom, Nico? Good-bye first amendment.

      • sw19womble

        “Oops!”

    • marxalot

      Seriously, every time I read his dissenting opinions, I wonder if there are any editorial standards involved. His screeds are about as lucid and professional as a Livejournal post. “Ask the nearest hippie”? What Law Review would publish that?

      • VandeGraf

        Hippie is very imprecise terminology.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          Right?! But then again, words no longer have meaning, or something like that.

        • Dimitrios M.

          When corporate dollars equal free speech, you expect precise terminology?

      • Tendernob

        It’s exactly as hilariously bitchy and full of cognitive dissonance as you’d expect. Also, there should be a Godwin-like term for using the word “hippie.”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      He’s such a tool. Fun to laugh at him especially when his butt is so very chapped from all of the hurt.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      ZOMG, the butthurt is radiating like the Mutara Nebula from that!

    • Zippy

      what the hell does that even mean?

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Gays are icky, is my guess.

    • JustPixelz

      This is why friends shouldn’t let friends dissent while drunk.

    • Bahhhdman

      Not to be a jerk, but if he’s old enough to remember hippies, he’s old enough to remember a time when someone named Scalia would not be considered a part of the traditional Establishment.

  • Malmborg Implano

    “Traditional marriage” is a failing institution, but marriage itself can be such a beneficial force in society that it deserves to live and in order to do that it must adapt to the needs of 21st century society. This is going to make life so much better for all of us that in a generation we won’t be able to imagine how we ever lived without it.

  • Tallmutha

    I think Antonin Scalia is a sad little man.

    • Msgr_Moment

      … who really needs a big ole hug today.

      • BloviateMe

        Not it!

    • VandeGraf

      He’s channeling his inner Mussolini, but not doing so well.

    • I think Scalia is a sad, giant douchebag.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I see him foaming at the mouth, spittle flying everywhere as he reads his dissent. HAHA!

    • sw19womble

      So what’s new?

    • Iron Monkey

      I think he is a disgusting pile of rotting garbage.

    • marxalot

      Reptile in a human suit. One of the venomous, spitting ones.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Reptiles, especially venomous, spitting ones, serve a useful purpose in ecosystems. Scalia serves no useful purpose at all.

        • Blank Ron

          He occupies a space that would otherwise be filled by another Scalia.

    • JustPixelz

      That means Clarence Thomas is a sad little man too.

      • grmpy

        yeah, but we knew this before these rulings.

      • malsperanza

        Only Cthulhu knows what Thomas is.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      You misspelled “hope.”

  • Like my mom likes to say, everyone has the right to get married and be miserable together, just as the good lord intended.

    • janecita

      Are we related?? My mom says the exact same thing!

      • If your last name is Burch, Jackson, Reed, Sears, or Palmer or you’re related to anyone with those names, probably lol.

  • Serolf Divad

    Wohoooo! Who needs snark on a day like this!

  • malsperanza

    Yay! So much yay!

    And now the oppression of black people will be solved, right?

    Right?

    *crickets*

    • marxalot

      It’s one less cause competing for valuable rally space and volunteer time. Let us ride the sugar-rush of victory back into battle.

  • Spotts1701

    Boom! Bad week for bigotry and prejudice.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Bad week for productivity at work!

  • BloviateMe

    Well, rules are rules. Where do the Mrs. and I go to get our gay training? Will we be provided a new partner, or should we bring our own? Exciting times, and we’re willing to do our part!

    Congrats, America, on finally doing the right thing.

    • JustPixelz

      FEMA camps for the training.
      CraigsList for the partners.

  • VandeGraf

    I suggest that uber-conservatives find a country to repatriate them. Oh, that’s right, the 1000 Year Reich fell 70 years ago.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      May I suggest that prime vacation spot, Saudi Arabia, already ruled by absolute monarchs and theocrats?

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Or Iran, if they insist on a republic.

  • weejee

    Sad, sad week for the Replicans.
    1. Taking down the rebel battle flag from State Houses, fave stores, and NASCAR
    2. Nobummercare forever, amen.
    3. Now ghey marriages at the abortionplex

    What’s coming next rainbow crosswalks? Why yes, yes they are.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, the intensity of the stomping of widdle feet at the Virgin Ben’s place is approaching rock concert decibel levels!

  • memzilla

    Amalgamated Ghey is already up 4 1/2 points!

    • sw19womble

      Rugmunch & Dykes are expecting a healthy third quarter!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Family Research Council is in freefall.

        • FlownOver

          Toward a very hard surface (of votes), one hopes

      • memzilla

        That merger with Consolidated Scissoring is sure to go through now!

    • Msgr_Moment

      And continuing to rise.

      • Blank Ron

        Meaning that things will continue to be tight at U.S. Pants and Trousers.

  • freakishlystrong

    Pinch me and pass the #tcot tweets!

  • BadKitty904

    OK, so, I’m sitting here at my desk, with tears running down my face…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Joining you there, BK904. The only downside of working from home now is that I cannot hear what I am told are actual ‘yelps’ from some of my co-workers. I am so thrilled that now all my bros and sisses can marry their love. Hugs and kisses and upfists for everyone today!

      • BadKitty904

        xoxoxox!

      • BadKitty904

        xoxoxox!

  • I wonder how Roberts would have voted if Kennedy didn’t provide him cover?

  • Incoming Ham

    Also too:

    “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family,” Kennedy wrote. “In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find itsfulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.”

    Right on.

    • bullet2

      Almost poetry.

      • sw19womble

        Scalia’s dissent, by contrast, will probably just be a collection of fart noises.

        • Reddishrabbit

          Has anyone checked him for rabies? That can be nasty stuff.

          Yes, and I’m blaming autocorrect. It is always autocorrect….

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I think you made one of them there interestin’ typos, perhaps and maybe sorta?

        • SufferinSuccotash,Entitled

          Tony can get over it, to coin a phrase.

      • Incoming Ham

        Lots of dust in my eyes.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Magnificent. I command multiple upfists.

      • Antimassacree

        It is so ordered.

  • Antimassacree

    Woot! Hope Bristol considers changing teams in the future. That way she could still practice the Palin form of abstinence without those little disappointments cropping up.

    • beavertank

      I also can’t help but notice that if she weren’t so anti-homostuff she might not be an unwed mother. Again.

  • Joshua Norton

    Next step: To make it MANDATORY. Then watch the wingnut heads truly ‘splode!!

  • QHarp

    Woo-hoo!!! Hugs and wingnut-tear cocktails all around!!!

  • I’ve been turning gray for many years. I still fail to see what haircolor has to do with the sanctity of marriage.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s like busting schoolchildren, or presidential erections.

  • Tendernob

    No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.
    The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.
    It is so ordered.

    • Werewolf

      Mic drop.

  • jesuswasablack

    Does this mean I’m Gay now?

    • Lot_49

      You always knew.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Gay then, gay now, gay forevuh!

  • Reddishrabbit

    So many drinks waiting for me this weekend, I feel like I did as a kid on Christmas, with the supremes just being so generous this week. Congrats to all the LGBT folks! No more SSM talk, now it is just marriage.
    Yea!!

  • orygoon

    Just so happy. And so ready to forget Bristol for awhile.

    • chicken thief

      If Briz got gay married it would save her from having to come up with babby names every three or four years.

    • Amy!

      But she and her friends and family are all looking forward to a joyous event in the next few months! All those wingnuts disappointed about the court’s decisions can go celebrate Brizzle’s happy condition with her, right? I bet they’re so excited!

      :-D

  • Does this mean I have to gay marriage my sort of asshole boyfriend?

  • Spotts1701

    Rick Santorum has apparently been in a walking coma for the last 20 years, because he’s raving about “unelected judges” making the decision “without public debate or input”. Because civil rights should always be subjected to the whims of politicians.

    • Brewerofbeers

      It is amazing how quickly they hate the Constitution when it comes to things like equal protection and “unelected” Judges.

  • Lot_49

    The Southtards were willing to fight for slavery because it supported their lazy and luxurious way of life, and provided self of steam to even the poorest white trash (♪♫you’re better than them/you’ve been born with white skin/don’t complain♪♫).

    But marriage equality hurts no one, diminishes no one, costs nothing now that the fight against it is over. So they won’t haul their fat asses down from the cabs of their F-350s to oppose this.

  • Tallmutha
    • Lot_49

      Drudge was typing with one hand when he wrote that one.

    • Esteban Rey

      They can pry my sex organ from my cold dead hands.

    • WiscoJoe

      I think it’s supposed to be a portmanteau of “supreme” and “usurp.”

      Or just a drug-addled typo.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Huh, we don’t have to go assemble at the FEMA camp first?

    • elviouslyqueer

      It’s okay to come out of the closet, Matt. We won’t bite, unless you ask us to, of course.

  • Rocky

    Oh no… now I have twice the number of possible suitors who I shall still disappoint…

  • Yes… yeeeees… one step closer to our evil liberal plan of imprisoning conservatives in FEMA camps and forcibly gay marrying them…. muahahahahahaha…..

    Seriously, though, congrats to my LGBT friends. Best wishes in your pursuit of happiness.

    • malsperanza

      Congrats to all of us!

      • BadKitty904

        Truly. This is a triumph for ALL Americans who truly believe in what this nation represents.

        “…life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” indeed…

  • Ryan Denniston

    Let’s hope the Supremes rule in favor of the EPA on Monday, make it a 5 day weekend of wingnut head explosions.

  • Lizzietish81
  • malsperanza

    Need a good laugh? Here’s Scalia’s dissent. To quote HuffPo, “Scalia’s Dissent: ‘I Give Up, Do Whatever You Want.”

    http://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

    Dissent starts on p. 69. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • BadKitty904

      If only the fat bastard would…

      • Querolous

        Justice Elizabeth Warren?

  • PLAINTOM

    Equal we are !

    • Blank Ron

      Y’always were. But now it’s official.

  • docterry6973

    I cannot conceive of the wingnut butthurt that will result. Oh, and they’ll be angry too.

    • VandeGraf

      Vaseline libelz!

  • dslindc

    This is definitely in the top 3 things ever to be crammed down my throat! Thanks, SCOTUS!

  • WiscoJoe

    A majority opinion from The Supremes:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixEOMB6jyEE

  • JustPixelz

    My traditional marriage is now destroyed. And my throat hurts for some reason.

    • Msgr_Moment

      May I suggest you gargle?

  • janecita

    Yay, I’m so happy! Great day to go get drunk at Christopher St! Congratulations to all the members of the LGBTQ community that never gave up:-) Hell, today I’m also gay!

    • Vienna Woods

      Today, we are all gay.

      • Blank Ron

        Okay, but don’t tell my fiancee. I’m supposed to have given that up.

        • Vienna Woods

          Somehow, my husband doesn’t seem to mind the idea of me being gay.

  • dslindc

    Now remember, if you happen to be in an opposite sex marriage, it is no longer valid and you must marry someone of the same sex immediately.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I wonder if Carrie Prejean make an appearance on Fox.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Damn, I knew there’d be a downside to this.

  • Zippy

    Sadly, social conservatives and religious zealots continued to show their true colors in France and Tunisia. Is it any wonder why so many of us show such contempt and disdain for them, whatever God they hide behind to practice their hate and intolerance?

    • Kitsapian

      Gods are _invented_ to nourish intolerance.

      • Lot_49

        And to provide someone to look down at: infidels, women, gheys; doesn’t really matter which.

  • chicken thief

    We’re one step closer now!

    ~ Santorum, looking lovingly at his dog

    • See, this is why they don’t allow comments here. Poor dog.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m phoning the ASPCA right now!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Santorum divorce announcement in 3…..2…..1……

    • Blueb4sunrise

      That is Hall of Fame stuff right there .

    • Antimassacree

      I’m gonna make you my bitch!

      — Santorum’s dog, growling at the Frothmeister

  • malsperanza

    I’m just gonna put in a pitch for voting for WHICHEVER DEM IS LIKELY TO WIN. (*coughprobablyHillarycough*). Because if we can get 3 more Supremes (possibly 4), it won’t matter how middling crappy she or he is. We will get the Voting Rights Act back, and better health care laws, and reduced incarceration, and gun control, and climate change law, and laws to support public education with something more than shitty local property taxes.*

    THIS is what Democracy looks like.

    *ETA: And of course the FEMA camps.

    • BadKitty904

      And, ideally, Scaley will consequently explode.

      • Zippy

        like a beached whale…

        • BadKitty904

          “Like”?

    • Msgr_Moment

      And Citizens Untied.

      • Doug White

        Has B&D been legalized too??

    • I will support Bernie through the primary, then vote for Hillary in the general.

      • malsperanza

        Just be sure that you don’t weaken her candidacy. I love Bernie, and if he does this right, he will make Hillary look like the more centrist, safe, conservative candidate, which is good. But if he peels off the left wing of the Dems and they don’t vote in the general, we are fucked. Some might vote for Rand Paul, because there’s a Libertarian streak there. If he achieves a Nader, I will hate him more than a thousand exploding suns.

        • No, I won’t make that mistake.

  • Jill Underwood

    I live in Texas. I am bursting with schadenfreude.

    • marxalot

      Last night I was dancing with the queens on the Capitol steps here in Austin. This morning I can’t sit still at work!

      • Strepsi

        Mmm-hmmm yeah, from the “dancing”….

    • under_score

      Me too. And popping popcorn.

  • Skwerl King

    Beer is cracked. Reading butthurt dissents. Scalia should resign immediately for this: “Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality [whatever that means] were freedoms? And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie.”

    • sw19womble

      He’s an avowed Christian and he doesn’t know what spirituality is?

      I think that sums it up perfectly.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Scalia continues to display the dignity and grace we’ve come to expect from him.

      • Shibusa

        He’s the Bristol Palin of the SCOTUS.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He seriously wrote that? In an official Supreme Court dissent? He is losing it, for real. As in, like, senility.

  • BadKitty904

    So. Maybe we *do* “hold these truths to be self-evident…”?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Hi, stranger! Is this a great GD day or what?

      • BadKitty904

        Despite the constant busting into tears (and here I try to be so composed and bidness-like), IT MOST CERTAINLY HAS.

        Gotdammit, WSH, now you’ve got me started again…

  • I always thought not having to worry about getting married, have kids, or fight is some war were some of the benefits of being gay.

    Thanks for opening the door for being questioned by nosy relatives at holidays, ASSHAT SUPREMES!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Thanksgiving is going to be the same for everyone now.

  • Msgr_Moment

    The craziest part? Justice Thomas actually wrote a dissent! I feel faint.

    • Skwerl King

      Chock full of Ironic butt hurt.

      “They (the gays) have been able to travel freely around the country, making their homes where they please. Far from being incarcerated or physically restrained, (the gay) petitioners have been left alone to order their lives as they see fit.”

      Same thing could have been written about African Americans during the Civil Rights Movement Justice Dickwad.

      • Vienna Woods

        Yes, and Justice Thomas, let’s all remember when your marriage to a white woman would have been illegal.

        • Zippy

          No shit- they would have “left alone to order their lives as they see fit.”

          Just not get married- what an ass…

          • docterry6973

            They’d have been left alone if they were lucky. If not, it’d be burning crosses and bullwhips. So STFU, Clarence.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          There are piles of rocks with higher self awareness than Clarence Thomas.

      • Spotts1701

        He actually said in his opinion that slavery and putting people in internment camps didn’t take away anyone’s “dignity”, because the government cannot grant or remove someone’s dignity. He really wrote those words.
        The man is so damn clueless it’s sad.

      • Amy!

        Holy shit. He actually went there? And as I recall Scotusblog, Scalia joined his dissent, and he joined Scalia’s. How the fuck did these assholes get past traffic-court judging into the big league?

    • Zippy

      “Me too”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Considering how badly it is written, no wonder he doesn’t do it very often.

  • Tony Alexander

    christoid heads are aploadin’ all over the place!

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Am I a bad person for just wanting to quickly say, “YAYYYYYYYYYY!!”, and go watch that.

      • Tony Alexander

        hell! let’s go together. i’ll bring the beer!

        • Blueb4sunrise

          Cool. I’ll get chips and salsa…….and vinyl ponchos.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    WOOOOOOOOOO!! Something GOOD baby! Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh1

  • amazon_ww

    A glorious day.

  • malsperanza

    Nationwide and internationally, flag manufacturers announced today that they will no longer produce American flags with red and white stripes. Here’s the new mandatory model: http://cdn.charismanews.com/images/stories/2014/opinion/rainbow-gay-American-flag-Flickr.jpg

    • pearlsarefuzzy

      That’s purty.

    • Blank Ron

      Now that is the flag of a civilised country.

  • Werewolf

    I’m available to officiate weddings in the People’s Republic of Austin.

  • Tony Alexander

    hey, conservatards! take this here confederate flag and wipe away those tears!

    • Rick Hill

      The confederate flag has been repurposed to TP

      • Blank Ron

        Single ply, I assume?

  • Lady Bug

    The Scheuden be Freuden this week!

    • Tony Alexander

      yep! the freudenist!!!

    • MrBlobfish

      The butts, they hurt, also too.

  • weejee

    We are verklempt with gay and gay-ally tears of gay and gay-ally joy.

    Kaili, that truly deserves a wordsmith medal of some kind.

    • Lady Bug

      A bright rainbow medal!

  • dvlaries

    It sure is nice to be an honest married gay man after 39 years with my husband. The feeling is happily legal now, but feeling ‘married’ doesn’t feel brand new. In fact, I gotta get homemade vegetable soup going in about three hours for our dinner. Oh happy day, but I’ve still got vegetables to chop, you know. Love you, wonkette. :)

  • Lesley

    All snark aside, this has been a great week for sanity. But the work has just begun. These rulings are going to ignite the wingnut base like never before. IOWs, PLEASE VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • pearlsarefuzzy

      I totally agree and have been spreading the word all week. GOTV efforts MUST be big next year! We’re going to be up against a LOT of insane crap.

    • jmk

      Absolutely…because these RWNJs never, ever stand down. Take it from da chicks…never in my life did I think that we’d be dealing with renewed hatred for birth control a mere 50 fucking years after Griswold v Connecticut…and it’s been 40 years since Roe, and they fight it like it’s still to be decided. Heck, it took 150 years to take their loser flag down!!

      Don’t let your guard down…and VOTE.

  • marxalot

    Oh, damn, the crowd watching the Women’s World Cup US v CHN game tonight is gonna be wild. Just nothing but rainbow flags and US jerseys

  • Lady Bug

    If anyone thinks that Presidential elections aren’t import re: nominating the Supreme Court justices, I’d like to kindly point out this week’s rulings as a counterpoint.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    Booyah. Suck it haters

  • Lizzietish81

    FINALLY MY SIMS ARE LEGALLY MARRIED!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You win the internet today. Wait, SCOTUS wins the internet today, but you are second.

      • Not ALL of SCOTUS.

    • jesuswasablack

      I’m gonna marry my dog so I can inherit all his Snausages®!

  • Rick Hill

    The right has me confused. Do I get gay married and then get gay married to my dog or do I just go straight to gay marrying my dog and leave it at that?

    • Skwerl King

      No, we are now all married to everything.

      Now if you excuse me I am going to stick my wiener into a toaster.

      • Doug White

        Shocking… literally shocking!

      • Msgr_Moment

        Well Done!

      • Blank Ron

        Remember to clean out the crumb tray afterwards.

    • riledupone

      AOT,K.
      Oh, and don’t forget your couch. Didn’t one of the wingnuts ask what was to stop people from marrying their couches?

      • jmk

        What if you only like your couch as a friend? Do you still have to marry it?

        These new ghey marriage rules confuse me…

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Ah yes, the Castro District convertible. A different kind of love seat.

  • Kevin Robinson

    Oh, say! Can you see? By the dawn’s early light! What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming, whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight—o’er the ramparts we watched—were so gallantly streaming! And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that MARRIAGE EQUALITY IS HERE, SO SUCK IT, BITCHES!

    It’s indescribably incredible to finally be recognized as a full person here in the United States only a few weeks after my ancestral homeland voted to do the same thing. Ireland and the US in just a few weeks! How crazy is that? How mind numbingly beautiful and wonderful is that?!

    • marxalot

      As an Irish-American queer mutt, it’s pretty wild to be able to think of both places as “home” for once.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m actually proud of our country. Right now. And incredibly happy for you. Love!

    • Rotisserie Teal

      Slaite!

  • FauxAntocles

    MOLOTOV!!11!!

  • Politics_Nerd

    Maybe a bad time to use this phrase, but bring on the Butthurt Mafia.

  • Biff52
  • Tony Alexander

    GAAAYGHAAAAAZiiiiiiiiI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JohnE_o

    Much love and joy to my gay fellow Americans! May your marriages be fabulous!!

  • Incoming Ham

    Per the wingnuts we are now definitely in End Times and the US is Sodom and Gomorrah. Because an ancient book (doesn’t actually) tells them so. If not getting their way is the End Times, we should have all been blown away 300x over the last few centuries. These people really need to pull the 2×4 out of their own eyes..

  • pearlsarefuzzy

    I can’t stop smiling…and laughing…and singing…and being happy. What a week, and to then get to watch heads explode all over the place is just the icing on the big old gay cake.

    • Dee Andee

      Isn’t it wonderful! :D

  • grmpy

    On my way to the pizza parlor and then to the Bakery as demanded by law on this day!!! Pizza and wedding cake all day every year on this day forever!!!1!!!!11!!11

  • Mhael

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

  • Adrian

    Welcome to the 20th Century, America!

  • Michael Smith

    Snark!! Snark! Sna.. I can’t think of anything snarky about this.. This is like the first non-cynical thing that has happened in my lifetime!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Well, we could have the second 1000+ comment post in two days. That is, if comments were allowed yesterday.

  • JustPixelz

    Republican candidates will talk about this in terms of the kind of justices they will nominate for SCOTUS. Except Trump. He’ll say “I have two words for the Supreme Court: You’re Fired!”.

  • ryp

    But will the federal government still subsidize gay marriages if there is no state run gift exchange?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Has Scaley’s head exploded yet?

    • manndan

      RWNJ heads are exploding like popcorn as I post right now.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    So everyone will be rounded up by the armed forces via Jade Helm, put into FEMA camps or old Walmart stores (are they just connected by tunnel to other old Walmart stores — or are they connected to the FEMA camps too?), then gay-married by the presiding officer of the death panel, and gay aborted with chemtrails? And this will be paid for with Obammercare? I assume once in the FEMA Camps/Walmarts, the guns will be confiscated too. Will the long-form birth certificate be employed? It’s so confusing. I should check the internet for the latest information.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I thought the tunnels were connected to China. Now that I think about it, Donald Trump better make sure that his YOOOOUUUUUUGE fence goes into the ground pretty deeply.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Careful there Supreme Court. You are perilously close to having a free country there.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Wait, does this mean that our tour of the 19th century is over? It took 10 years, but I was just beginning to adjust.

      • jmk

        No, no, you still have to wait for the ladiez to catch up…but we’re ALMOST done.

  • Mavenmaven

    wingnuts just waiting for the next random natural disaster to blame this for.

    • sw19womble

      Does the wording of Scalia’s dissent count?

      • Catstro

        Applesauce!

  • wide_stance_hubby

    OMFG! Hello, all! Have not commented for some time but knew I’d be joining my fellow wonx for this one. I’m shaking, I’m sobbing and I love it. Two years to the day, I sat shaking & sobbing as a 53-year-old man who had been married just 13 days prior (thank you again, Wonkette and Rich Abdill).

    America’s throat is going to be rather sore this weekend!

    • Dee Andee

      Big virtual hugs!

    • LK312

      Mazel tov! Do you realize that it is only 13 years since the Supreme Court struck down anti-sodomy laws when a large majority of Americans were vehemently opposed to even same-sex civil unions, let alone gay marriage? Today, 55% support gay marriage and the number is rising fast. For all of our faults, we are a country that is able to grow and change, unlike some parts of the world, particularly those where being gay can mean a death sentence. Days like today, I’m proud of ‘Murica.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Yeah, I’m gushing on ‘Murica today too. I did realize that because I was thinking about the number ’13’. We got married in June ’13, SCOTUS recognized gay marriage 13 days later and 13 years ago was when SCOTUS got behind sodomy (pun intended!). So much for the unlucky ’13,’ eh?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Yeah, I’m gushing on ‘Murica today too. I did realize that because I was thinking about the number ’13’. We got married in June ’13, SCOTUS recognized gay marriage 13 days later and 13 years ago was when SCOTUS got behind sodomy (pun intended!). So much for the unlucky ’13,’ eh?

        • I’m going blog about it, but let’s remember this happened because activist and allies were “shoving it down thier thoats.” The public shift of opinion happened because we FOUGHT for it. It certainly wasn’t going to happen by itself. So like that oh-so scary sodomy, sometimes you have to push and push hard.

    • BadKitty904

      MOAR kitty hugz on this Happiest of Dayz!!!

  • Dee Andee

    I’m crying. This is the first week in 14 years I’ve actually been proud of my country.

    • chicken thief

      I’m amazingly happy about the result and I ain’t even gay. I was so afraid they’d try to split some legal hair.

      Thank you, SCOTUS!

  • vaporware

    Meanwhile, Fortune Cookie futures look dismal.

  • malsperanza

    Yall, if you really want to get weepy, head over to George Takei’s FB today. The champagne is flowing.

  • ArgieBargie

    No snark. Congrats to same-sex couples everywhere.

    • Lady Bug

      Congrats to everyone (except angry, bitter, rightwingers-they can suck on it!). A victory for the dignity, human rights and equitable treatment under the law of one group, is a victory for all people. :)

      • sw19womble

        Hell yeah!

  • marxalot

    Travis county clerk has said they’ll marry anybody who’s in line by 6:30 tonight. Who feels like getting impulse-hitched?

    • Bill Slider

      If it feels good, do it. I’m with you. Maybe Barry Bamz can throw one of those Sun Yung Moon mass marriages on the National Mall.

    • Werewolf

      I can officiate-for realz(I’m a clergy-type person).

  • MrBlobfish

    I’ve never gone to redstate dot com on purpose before but figured today might be a good day to start. Positively delightful posts and commentary. My favorite so far is titled “Open Thread: Supreme Court discovers right to homosexual marriage in Greyhound station men’s room”. Stay classy, cons.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hey now, Redstate, leave Larry Craig out of this.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Huckabee is throwing a tantrum on the twitters. This day just keeps getting better.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Well, two tweets. I know! I should check all the Presidental candidate twitters. That’ll make me happy.

    • Mhael

      I can’t WAIT to see the Official Wonkette Tally of Conservative Tears for today. The aggregate post of the right wing’s temper tantrum is going to be more delicious and satisfying than a plate of Biscoff spread crepes. :D

      • Callyson

        I said this yesterday, but this week’s deleted commenters ought to be a treasure trove of derp. They may have to devote several posts to their butt-hurt…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You’re going to have to wait. The staff, however industrious, have their hands very full trying to sort through it all, because the reichtards are in the process of throwing the conniption fit to end all conniption fits. The mother of all conniption fits. And it’s all over something that affects them in no tangible way at all.

        • Mhael

          Oh, I will wait and wait and WAIT… GLADLY… for that post. SO.WORTH IT. :D

    • cousin itt

      I got out of the boat. Huck’s mangoes are all about judicial tranny and stuff. Hahahahahahaha.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My Shadenfreude meter has gone ballistic.

    • chicken thief

      I don’t know why he’s upset. He’s been sucking The Nuge’s ass for years.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      To be fair, Huckabee has a sincere religious belief that marriage is between one man and one woman and any small female relatives and stray dogs he can get his hands on.

  • cousin itt

    This elevates all human beings.

  • Lizzietish81

    Vox has a lovely time line of the journey from Mass (MY HOMESTATE! WOO!) to today

    http://www.vox.com/2015/6/26/8823655/gay-marriage-legal-scotus-obergefell-v-hodges

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2crZ4_xgKg

  • pearlsarefuzzy

    From SCOTUSblog this morning: This is properly called the Roberts courts, sometimes rightfully called the Kennedy court, but it will NEVER be called the Scalia court. Thank the skies and the stars above.

  • Msgr_Moment
    • Lady Bug

      Awww, now she can officiate the marriage of the two gay princes!

      • docterry6973

        Notorious RBG! Thanks for hanging in and enriching all our lives with this bit of freedom and dignity.

    • JustPixelz

      Wingers and others are already talking about how old Notorious RBG is … in other words, how soon President Trump can name her replacement.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Oh, crap. I just realized that I have to take a bus through the intersection of 18th and Castro. That might not work so well today.

    • marxalot

      Bring a book. Or some Mardis Gras beads. You’re not going anywhere for a while.

    • Vecciojohn

      Maybe everyone can get off the bus and form a moving conga line. People can just drop out when they get to the office. Or call in sick and conga through the streets all day.

    • Bill Slider

      Just wear your party outfit.

    • Biff52

      I grew up a block west of there, 18th and Collingwood. Nice place!

  • edith prickly

    I love the smell of conservatard tears in the morning.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      After the last 2 days you should be able to swim in them

    • Ryan Denniston

      Is anyone bottling these? Who knows if we’ll ever have a two day stretch like this again!

      • Callyson

  • VandeGraf

    Do not get too comfortable. The radical right is not finished yet. They will keep legislating anti-gay, and their money will continue to fight legal battles. These people are no more tractable than ISIS.

    • Vecciojohn

      We must continue to drone them with votes until they see reason.

    • sw19womble

      They can move the fight to “religious expression” if they want, but then they have to deal with our friends at the Satanic Temple and Pastafarians, et al

      • Bill Slider

        Maybe they will enter a float in next year’s Pride event.

      • marxalot

        The First United Church of Satan and Baseball is more than willing to take them on. Hell, we’re more American than they are! It’s right in the name.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Both groups have pretty much identical mentalities, they just differ on the veneer they cling to.

    • Callyson

      Yes, but victories like today’s ruling are useful because they give us the energy to keep standing up to the wingnuts. Fight on!

  • Vecciojohn

    Gayest. Opinion. Ever. Now I must go and read the dissents and taste the salty tears of Messrs. Scalia et al. So many bitter, bitter tears.

  • MrBlobfish

    Gotta love the calls for civil disobedience. What would that look like? Chain themselves to a fence and not get gay married? Burn their health insurance cards?

    • Gil

      They’ll refuse to have anything to do with gay marriage ceremonies. That will be the extent of it.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Does anybody remember how many frivolous attempts were made to circumvent the miscengenation ruling and for how long? I would estimate it will be like that only triple.

  • Bob@Bob.com

    I’m guessing the Republicans are vowing to fight on?

    • Zippy

      mebe they can repeal ghey marriage also too

      • cousin itt

        They’re still trying to repeal the Enlightenment.

        • Dee Andee

          Best line of the day! :D

        • Villago Delenda Est

          That has always been their goal

        • grumblestiltskin

          And the Magna Carta.

      • Blank Ron

        And replace it with a better kind of ghey marriage!

    • Ryan Denniston

      The party of Lost Causes indeed!

    • natoslug

      They will not have young strapping men cramming gay marriage down their throats, no siree! They’re taking off their shirts and rolling up their sleeves (why they have to roll up their sleeves after they’ve removed their shirts I have not asked) and fighting on. They will thrust deep into the heart of gay marriage, overcome it with brute force, make it submit to their will and have away with it. It may take years to wrestle gay marriage away from America, but the Republicans will continue to fight on, one truck-stop restroom at a time.

  • Come here a minute

    Roberts turn to be the aggrieved asshole:
    https://twitter.com/aschweig/status/614437805578711040/photo/1

    Bqhatevwr.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It has EVERYTHING to do with “equal justice under the law”, you twit. 14th FUCKING Amendment.

      In your face, asshole. In your fucking face.

      • natoslug

        That’s just an amendment, though. The original Constitution says nothing about it. And really, other than the 2nd Amendment, the rest are all just suggestions really, like traffic signals and “Caution, Third Rail” signs. A true Consitutionalist celebrates the Constitution by finding new ways to keep women from voting and returning to the glory days of sittin’ on the porch with a nice mint julep, listening to the dulcet tones of the slaves as they sing a nice spiritual and happily hoe another row in the cotton fields.

    • grmpy

      It would appear roberts has just outed himself as unfit for his duties.”I respectfully dissent” without offering an actual reason. WTF?

      • Gil

        Just doesn’t want to come off as a COMPLETE TURD in the history book things.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          So, instead, he’s going for “Mostly”?

    • glasspusher

      Our Constitution needs to keep up with the fucking times a bit better.

      • Blank Ron

        Are you saying that Jesus might have written it poorly? Apostate!

  • ArgieBargie

    The hateful comments on FoxNews are popping out like roaches out of a collapsing septic tank. It’s a thing of beauty:

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/06/26/supreme-court-same-sex-couples-can-marry-in-all-50-states/

    • Mhael

      BWAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! The butthurt in the comments is literally coming in too fast to read. They are FREAKIN.OUT. over this, I LOVE IT!!!!!

      • QHarp

        It’s mesmerizing.

    • Cuberly

      OMG that’s hysterical. They’re going by so fast you can’t even read em. It’s a full on NewKuLar meldown over there!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Jesus can finally marry John in all 50 states.

      FTW

    • Zippy
    • Callyson

      Jesus, the comments are coming in so quickly I can’t even read them. Good–let them cry in their beer while we celebrate with our champagne…

      • wide_stance_hubby

        I know, right? I’m just gonna watch.

    • glasspusher

      You know, I’m glad for the decision, but I’m not happy about hate, ever. I try to respect all of my fellow people. I’d just like them to have insight, as I strive for more myself.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I admire your goodwill and maturity. But it is kinda hard not to feel some satisfaction at seeing all those dickheads melt down.

        • glasspusher

          I have some rather religiously conservative folks in my immediate family. We love each other, but damn I try to reach them any way I can.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Actually, a surprising number of them are pro-decision. I’d say it’s running about 70-30, hater-to-sane-person ratio.

  • Chris Meeks

    God damn, it’s been a rough week for conservatives.

    • chicken thief

      We’ll hear all about it. No worries on that front.

  • Ilgattomorte

    I’ll do the joke comment later. This is great news for Gay couples across the country, congratulations folks! It’s about fucking time!

    (Well …maybe one kinda joke. You see I’ve got this image in my head of Scalia and Alito now having to Gay-marry each other. The thought of the wedding night is sickening, but it also makes me giggle, ’cause in this fantasy, it turns out that Scalia is a bottom and he really kinda likes it.)

  • Beowoof14

    Happy news.

  • Joshua Norton

    The upside of all those Tea Party heads exploding is that there’s so little inside, there is virtually no collateral damage!

    • glasspusher

      a vacuum would implode, no?

  • riledupone

    As a lezzie-Canuck I wish to welcome all Americans (throat-crammed or not) to the fabulous world of gay marriage allowing countries. I shall raise a glass or two in celebration. Happy, happy Pride all! Now back to the vile, snarky-type stuff.

  • Chris Meeks

    Crosses fingers that Miley Cyrus proposes to Bristol Palin so that she’s finally an honest woman.

  • Callyson
  • Zippy

    Time to order some pizza- anyone have the number for Memories handy?

    • glasspusher

      Anchovies and garlic. What’s (who’s?) not to love?

  • Joshua Norton

    Of course, electing any one of the GOP ass wipes to be President could result in an entire court of Scalias.

  • Msgr_Moment

    It’s Friday. Can we have mommyblog outside?

  • Slithytoves

    I’m so accustomed to being depressed, I don’t know if I can stand all this good news. The species might be worth saving after all.

    • BadKitty904

      BIG ol’ kitty hugz on this Happiest of Dayz!

  • Msgr_Moment

    I, for one, would like to welcome our new over- and bottom- gaylords.

    • onedrewthree

      We will rule you with fairness and understanding. May you, and all of you, live long and always have plenty of lube!

  • Bill Slider

    The Advocate may want to consider a GoFundMe to hire food tasters for the five Supremes, since once upon a time Congressman Tom DeLay (R-Tejas) has threatened their will be civil disobience if gay marriage is fisted up his saggy White ass.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What is DeLay going to do? Divorce his wife? How is he going to engage in “civil disobedience” over something that should not be affecting him in any tangible way?

      Last time I checked, the freedom to not be butthurt is not in the Constitution, particularly when the butthurt is self-generated by being obsessively interested in what consenting adults are doing in the privacy of their own homes.

      • AnOuthouse

        I think he was just looking for another reason to be drunk.

  • calliecallie
    • Adrian

      My Leigh put on her harness for the occasion.

      • Biff52

        Is that leather?

        • Adrian

          Nylon!

    • BadKitty904

      Yes. Yes, we are.

  • Zippy
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Promises, promises. As the people in the comments over there are indicating, there needs to be some follow through on these idle threats.

      • Zippy

        Q) What do you call 10,000 dead bigoted Bible thumpers?

        A) A good start

        • generalleeme

          christ that is gold, Zippy!!! i almost spit up my lunch.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Not sure if this link is going to work, since I only found it on Faceblurbs and can’t embed, but this is super-cute. Not even black-hearted Scalia could hate this.

    https://video-cdg2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xpf1/v/t42.1790-2/11647707_900462340010084_990798087_n.mp4?oh=06285df21455850738fe782bc8745f40&oe=558D99AD

    • weejee

      Werks great, thanks.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Just fabulous!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You’d be amazed at the stuff that Scalia can hate.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Damn hippies!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Since I am now legally required to get gay-married whether I like it or not, I’m going to say something that I never thought I would say.

    [Drops to one knee.]

    Antonin Scalia, will you marry me?

    • glasspusher

      Hopeless romantics- here we go again…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’m laughing and crying at the same time. All these years, I thought I was turned on by breasts but thanks to this ruling, I realize I’m really attracted to double-chins.

        Oh, look, Alito just caught the bouquet!

    • “Ask the nearest hippie.”
      -Antonin Scolia in his dissent remarks

      • Ryan Denniston

        Yeah, I don’t think Scalia is doing that whole intimacy thing right…

  • glasspusher

    Some days, it’s really fucking cool to be alive.

  • goonemeritus

    Now that wasn’t so hard, it makes me wonder what other “sacrilege”
    we can cram down everyone else’s throat?

    • jmk

      Let’s guarantee reproductive rights… and equal pay also too!!!

      • sw19womble

        That’s crazy talk! :-0

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Make it clear what was intended: that our government guarantees freedom FROM religion.

      • jmk

        Awww yeahyah!!!

    • smr06va

      End religious tax exemptions now!!!………….

  • dlemex

    Good thing healthcare got upheld yesterday so the RWNJs can see a doctor for all the butthurtz they are feeling.

    • Vecciojohn

      Thanks, Obama! For everything.

  • Bren

    I done drawed you a little picture Antonin, maybe you can put it right there on your wall right next to the picture of the jeebus and his 12 man friends having a nice little intimate supper. I see you’re having a bad week but I do draw the line at giving you a little cuddle or a blowjob, or any other spit swapping things..

  • Michael Smith

    Well, for all the people constantly complaining about our culture… The internet is finally broken – and it was the Supreme Court, not Kim Kardashian, that did it

  • Ryan Denniston

    There are days when I have a hard time fighting the inner troll in me. It just dawned on me that we could have fun with this for a long time. For example, what if there was a gay married couple in the new Star Wars movie? Or a future Avengers movie? The wingnuts may hold on to their butthurt for years!

    • marxalot

      Captain America and Iron Man can finally live openly and proudly in any of Tony’s many, many homes.

    • Vecciojohn

      Gay Ghostbusters or GTFO!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It won’t even take anything in the popular culture to get them to hold on to their butthurt. It’s all they have left.

    • dshwa

      Iceman came out as gay this year in the comics.

      • Lizzietish81

        Mortal Kombat has an openly gay character too.

    • Lizzietish81
  • Andrew Byrne

    This is awesome; finally Karl Rove can come out….

    • Ryan Denniston

      And what, demand a recount of the Court’s vote? Exclaim disbelief at the tally?

    • sw19womble

      from whatever slime-covered rock he slithered under?

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Does this decision cover marrying canned hams?

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

  • Joshua Norton

    And now for a special message from Hillary’s Twitter feed:

  • natoslug

    This would have happened a lot sooner if we’d just fought for a conservative’s right to gay marry his or her gun.

  • chicken thief

    I don’t understand…. the Earth still seems to be on its axis….

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Funny, that. I’m not seeing people flying up into the sky, either, except the conventional way, on an airliner.

    • BackDoorMan

      … and such a nice axis it is!

  • m3bosha

    Good feelings, won’t you stay with me, just a little longer….

    Ok peoples! We cannot, cannot let a (R) into the White House in 2016. Or all the good of the last two days will be erased by the crazies. Don’t let the happy get your guard down. It’s only going to make them double down on the fear mongering and ramp up their base.

    • DemmeFatale

      Think of this as the beginning of the end.
      (I’m a glass half-full kind of girl.)

  • Msgr_Moment

    You see? It’s already killing off the heterosexxxicans|@@disqus_M8ochF30AV:disqus http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/26/couple-dies-hours-apart_n_7662684.html

  • karma-based_lifeform

    Love conquers hate! Jesus is happy!

  • nice_marmot

    I am going to savor every moment of The Great Conservative Freak-Out Hissy Fit of 2015.
    Every. Delicious. Moment.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Oh, it’ll last well into 2016, don’t worry. If there is one thing you can count on, it’s hearing about every fucking hurt fee fee felt by a Conservative.

    • DemmeFatale

      Yep.
      Pass the popcorn!

  • beatbort

    Now Bristol can gay-marry one of the Duggar gals and the kid will be raised by a real family.
    Also, Lindsey Graham and John McCain can make it official.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Wait, I thought we were becoming like ISIS for taking down the Confederate flag and renaming parks. Like yesterday. We can’t have gay marriage AND become like ISIS too.

  • Vecciojohn

    To quote the late Richard Daley, conservatives everywhere must now seize the bull by the tail and look the situation in the face. (Yeah, you lose again, suckers.)

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    God, I just love watching a good gay marriage throat cramming! Swallow it! Swallow it!

  • jviscont1

    if your crazy uncle says RBG and Kagan were biased by officiating weddings and should have recused, there is this:

    Justice Clarence Thomas officiated at the wedding of conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh and aerobics instructor Marta Maranda Fitzgerald on May 27, 1994. The wedding was held in Thomas’ home in Virginia. The couple later divorced.

    • nice_marmot

      Rush Limbaugh : traditional marriage :: Bristol Palin : abstinence?

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    I find this decision hard to take. It goes way too deep and fast.

    • elviouslyqueer

      It’s like something’s being crammed down your throat, amirite?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That decision is THROBBING!

    • smr06va

      It is a big one!………………..

  • natoslug

    Gay marriage, ACA surviving Republican fucknuttery, even cons realizing that a racist symbol is racist — how are we going to top this next week? May I suggest a removal of the Second Amendment, or just emphasizing the well-regulated militia (National Guard, reserves, and active military duty all sound pretty well-regulated, twenty bubbas with a cheetoh-stained homemade flag and a grudge against the world, not so much) part, and maybe a switch to a single payer healthcare system? We can wait until the week after for the upper income tax hikes, stronger EPA and FEMA camps.

  • AnOuthouse

    Gay Day? This calls for a Big Gay Weekend!

  • Relativicus

    “It’s Gay Day at yr Wonkette.”

    It’s already happening. Our worst fears. In just about an hour following this decision, Friday has been renamed Gay Day. What’s next? Oh Lord why have you forsaken us?

    Also tutu, does Roberts’ dissent mean he’s conservative again?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Given that his dissent has all the weak sauce of a three year old throwing a tantrum…

      • Relativicus

        That’s a “yes” then?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Yeah, WTF? Didn’t the liberal blackmail plot stick?

    • malsperanza

      Marriage equality is not important either way to corporate America, so he can relax and settle back into his usual reactionary niche.

      • sw19womble

        Big Gay Wedding Cakes Inc. libel!!!!cake!!!!!

  • AngryKatie

    Man, I just looked at the comments on yahoo. They are losing their damn minds.
    Between Walmart turning it’s back on their Southern (racist) pride, Obamacare, and now this, they may well be having their worst week ever. Hahahahahahahahaha

    • Ryan Denniston

      Does Walmart sell rainbow flags? Do they fly over NASCAR tracks yet?

      • chicken thief

        Jeff Gordon has had one under his drivers suit for years.

    • fawkedifiknow

      This is a great week, but, for my money, the greatest week was following the election in 2012. Can’t beat that with a dozen good SCOTUS decisions as far as pissing off the wingnuts goes.
      Schadenfreude cocktails, all around!!!

    • kaydenpat

      Which means that I’m having the best week ever.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Something tells me #tcot is worth a look right now…

  • ViveLaRes

    I bet that Tejas preacher is walking back his self-combustion plans about now.

    • natoslug

      Someone should remind him that his word is his bond. If he has any character at all, he will live up to his promises.

    • Biff52

      He doesn’t even have to burn until he’s well-done, medium-rare works for me.

      • chicken thief

        Dittos.

        ~ Jeffrey Dahmer

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, I’d like to see the coward actually do it. Buddhists did it in Vietnam. Is he going to let some godless heathens show him up like that?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We’ll see if Rick Scarborough has the guts of Rev. Charles Moore.

      Not that I buy into Moore’s act of lunacy, but I bet that Scarborough doesn’t follow through. Hatred and courage don’t often mix, unless he’s as crazy as the Islamaniacs (who Scarborough undoubtedly hates as well.) Few things can fuck you up the way religion does.

  • Vecciojohn

    Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going out and buying more guns. (Not because of the ruling. I just want more guns.)

  • riledupone

    Heh, heh, heh.

  • Biff52

    I hope this ruling doesn’t interfere with my right to hate errbody.

  • Logic of Color

    Congrats, the gays. Seriously, this is great news.

  • malsperanza

    Huckabee, putative contender for leadership of the executive branch of our Constitutional tripartite government, just issued these words from his mouthhole:

    “The only outcome worse than this flawed, failed decision would be for the President and Congress, two co-equal branches of government, to surrender in the face of this out-of-control act of unconstitutional, judicial tyranny.”

    Hey Future President Huckabee, here’s a handy website you might find useful: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/us-constitution-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

  • Aileen

    Later, I’ll find some conservative site’s comment thread so I can gleefully wallow in the outrage like a pig in shit. But, for now, I’m just happy our side won. Things really are getting better!

  • Notreelyhelping

    I love that “and you were there” feeling you get when history happens right in front of you. A lot of good folks worked their ass off to get here. So to speak.

  • Logic of Color

    Welp! Shore gonna miss my wife!

    • docterry6973

      Keep your wife and get a husband too. Polygamy comes next month at the latest!

      • Amy!

        Just remember, you can save big by carrying a scoop, or even a swab, while you’re sliding down that slippery slope from same-sex marriage to polygamy, bestiality, and sacred unions with household appliancesfurniture.

  • nightmoth

    Yippee! Very, very happy! Will raise a toast tonight to wonderful friends who did not live long enough for this to make their lives easier. And to anybody fixin’ to get gay married—I’ve got a private place out in the country—you’re welcome to have the ceremony here!

  • Sam Hain

    Had to copy and repost this comment about Scalia from another site.
    “The man is, literally, a cancer inside a society wishing, dreaming,
    begging, to evolve more harmoniously. They preach, privileges, not
    natural rights. They value wealth before humanity. Anything that
    prevents a country to tear the fabrics of its own society is a must.
    History will remember Robert not Scalia. Obama, not Scalia. The ones
    who brought peace, humanity, compassion and harmony in our society.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sounds even better in broken English than it would coming from an esteemed professor of whatever.

  • 0gham

    At last check, no fiery rain, earthquakes, plagues, or 7-headed dragons spotted.

    However dogs and cats ARE living together (at my house, no less), so… I’m not sure how to interpret this.

    • Catstro

      Mass hysteria

  • Mehmeisterjr

    What will be the effect of this ruling on Ammosexuals? Will a ramrod still be allowed to marry a rifle or will the weapons have to marry each other?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    There will be enough wingtard tears to keep California moist for a month.

  • DahBoner

    You know the sound a basketball makes when it goes through and only touches the net?

    SWISH!!!!!1!1!

    http://media2.giphy.com/media/5R6nrbJBfpheg/200w_d.gif

  • Zippy

    OK peeps- celebrate today, but back to work tomorrow. Remember, these intolerant asshats are as stubborn as they are stupid. They’ll be right back to trying to destroy Obamacare and overturning marriage equality and ever other bit of fucked up shit that they do- it’s who they are and they will now simply double their efforts. GOTV! We need to run the table on these bastards while we have them playing defense. We need to keep the presidency and get back at least the Senate. Whether it’s Bernie or more likely Hillz, remember, POTUS appoints SCOTUS and the notorious RBG isn’t getting any younger.

    Even if your favored candidate doesn’t win, you have to stay involved and enthused. No pissing and moaning about not getting that pony. And no post celebration let downs- remember 2010? While we were high fiving about Bamz, they gerrymandered the fuck out of this country. These people are relentless, because they think they have Jeebus and the founding fathers on their side (SPOILER: no they don’t), so we have to stay focused and keep the gains we’ve made.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      True, that. This will definitely energize the wingnuts.

    • marxalot

      This exactly. Let the sugar rush of victory propel you like a radical weasel deeper into the fray! Resist the hangover of a long and bitter struggle, with its siren song of resting on your laurels. Now’s the time to get even louder, because the other side certainly will.

      • data_ninja

        I can handle doing everything I can for my team, and cheering them on in the face of hopeless defeat. I also enjoy my victories, as rare as they seem these days. As a Cleveland Browns fan, I’ve had PLENTY of practice.

        • nice_marmot

          Browns fans. Now there’s a demographic that should be prohibited from marrying.

          :)

    • Lady Bug

      Well said Zippy! I want to straight or gay marry you now :)

      • Zippy

        why not both?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          It is a lot like trying to choose between the lobster and the cracked crab, isn’t it?

          • Vecciojohn

            And I’m out of food stamps until the first of the month. Damn the luck!

          • Boscoe

            All you need is extra butter and it’s all good!

            …Wait, what were we talking about?

    • chicken thief

      Jesus, the Hero of the Right Wing – not married, not American, didn’t speak English, unemployed, and provided free healthcare

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And brown, also too.

    • Relativicus

      “OK peeps- celebrate today, but back to work tomorrow.”

      No…!

    • Vecciojohn

      There isn’t much they can do about same sex marriage short of a constitutional amendment. But it will be a big fundraiser for them.

      But today is Gay Day in the USA, and the teddy bears are going to have a fucking picnic. As Grant once said to Sherman, “We’ll whip ’em tomorrow.”

      • Lizzietish81

        Don’t be so sure, since 2004 public opinion has swung from “ZOMG THE GAYS!” to “meh”

    • Reddishrabbit

      I’ll wait to Monday, it is gay pride in NYC this weekend. And I want to see the joy and happiness of so many.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I would not miss this parade for the world. The atmosphere will be fabulous cubed.

    • kaydenpat

      Yes, we must stay vigilant. It’s important to vote for the right person next November. A President McCain or President Romney would not be celebrating today’s history decision.

  • malsperanza

    Dear GOP presidential candidates,

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE run on reversing this law. PLEASE. This and destroying health insurance.

    Yours, with gratitude,
    America and the World

    *Last comment before I reluctantly potter off to pretend to do some work today.*

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That would be awesome, and I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what we’ll get. There’s 40% opposed to gay marriage, 40% “anybody but Hillary”, and by 2016 it should be about 40% opposed to Obamacare. And it’s the same fucking 40% across the board. I’m cool with the GOP getting 40% of the vote.

  • Sam Hain

    It’s been a great week for Americans who care about other Americans.

    • kaydenpat

      True.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I think I’ll gay marry my wife just because I can.
    Huzzah!

  • Relativicus

    Of course, there’ll be no way to compile even a Top 1000 of conservative comments, but a quick run through John Hawkins’ site brought this gem from “Melvin Polatnick” (awesome name):

    “The real issue is the sanctity of penis sucking and anal f–king between men. The taboo is now lifted. Many formerly Heterosexuals will now suck penises.”

    That may be snark, but I’m not seeing it.

    • chicken thief

      I’ll check it out for you.

      ~ Larry Craig

    • Objectifer

      Didn’t read the decision but I’m pretty sure you are now required to suck penises. So open wide Melvin. And watch the teeth!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The depressing thing is that these twits actually think this is the result.

      You can’t fix stupid.

      • Blank Ron

        You can, but forced sterilisation (of humans) is frowned upon.

    • marxalot

      Because that’s all that was stopping them.
      And, as always, it’s all about dudes and dicks for these people. They seem sort of… fixated on them. Oh well, more clams for me!

  • Sam Hain

    Can’t wait to hear Bristol Palin preach about the sanctity of marriage…after her celibacy talk.

    • chicken thief

      Maybe she’ll have better luck finding a chick to marry her than she has finding a man.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        She’ll have the same problem…the inability to say “no”…and stick to it.

      • Reddishrabbit

        At least then if she slips up on the whole abstinence thing, there wouldn’t be another bun in the oven and no one will know

      • kaydenpat

        I wouldn’t want to subject any “chicks” to the Palins.

  • Lady Bug

    If Jesus was to come back to earth…He could now marry John!

    • nice_marmot

      I think Paul was actually the closet case.

      • data_ninja

        Fishers of men, indeed!

      • Lizzietish81

        No, Paul came later (no pun intended) he was jealous of Peter’s relationship with him.

      • JustPixelz

        Wasn’t Paul the one who never actually met Jesus except in a vision “on the road to Damascus”? No witnesses. But why would Paul lie that?

    • JustPixelz

      Jesus won’t come back while Bryan Fischer his here. He thinks Fischer is an asshole. (I’m just as good as Xtians at reading Jesus’ mind … except I’m more accurate.)

  • Supreme Court supporting marriage equality – A wonderful day for this country!
    Hearing Sir Ian McKellen and his partner punk Thomas Roberts on MSNBC – Priceless!

  • chicken thief

    They timed this perfectly for the Gay Pride weekend in NYC, didn’t they.*

    *Probably already noted, but fuck it, I ain’t reading 500+ comments to see for sure.

    • Catstro

      I have friends visiting San Francisco right now. This may be the first time I’ve been eagerly anticipating someone’s vacation photos.

      • Left Coast Tom

        On Facebook I saw KCBS suggesting that people trying to reach SF by car on Sunday should start now (in fact the article said that BART was suggesting people get tickets ahead of time so they’re not stuck in ticket machine lines).

  • TxSpinyLizrd

    A little chill music for those whose heads are exploding today, from the magnificent Raul Malo. The rest of y’all will enjoy it too: http://tinyurl.com/osd5hng

  • mardam422

    I am so happy!! I am so going to cram something down my girlfriend’s throat tonight.

  • Logic of Color

    conservative friend’s response: “why are YOU happy? You’re not gay”. Jeezuz.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They are such fuckheads. Never, ever, able to feel empathy, or understand the entire point of Niemoller’s lament.

    • Zippy

      this is the core of what is wrong with today’s conservatives- zero empathy. Until something affects them personally or at least a family member, they don’t give a fuck.

      • SK

        Hence my plea, reciprocate. Tit for tat is the correct strategy according to Game Theory. No need to be above the fray.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I guess empathy and common humanity isn’t a big part of conservative thought.

    • SK

      “Oh, I thought you’d be happy, and I’m happy for you”

    • grumblestiltskin

      Today we is all gay. And I’m not even much fun.

    • kaydenpat

      Humans can be happy for other humans of different persuasions. Decent people know this.

      • Anarchy Pony

        “Decent people”, Well there’s your problem right there. Not much overlap between wingnuts and decent people.

    • Boscoe

      LOL As if we needed MORE proof that conservatives are completely bereft of empathy?

      Or souls? ;P

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’m always happy when I get to mind my own fucking business and stop needlessly harassing other people. Funny how that works.

    • BadKitty904

      So, Wingtards *are* as stupid as they sound, then.

  • Lady Bug

    when does the butthurt thread go up!? I want to feast on angry wingnut tears-it SUSTAINS me.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      You could check out Breitbart or Red State or sumthin’. Or if you want to go full retard, NewsBusters.

      • Lady Bug

        I prefer to read wingnut reactions from the safety of my Wonkette. I’m too vulnerable to be out on the interwebs alone.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yahoo! News comments are running about 80% butthurt, with a lot of stuff that would be over the top at RedState or BreitbartsRottingCorpse.

  • Lizzietish81
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m going to miss OHJB at least as much as I miss Bamz. Their eight years of decency and intelligence in the White House will be a hard act to follow, even for Hillary.

      • Lady Bug

        True that

    • Slithytoves

      Let’s face it – Joe was the one who pushed Obama on this – he deserves a cape!

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Darn right. Props where props is due.

    • Logic of Color

      I am SO picturing that right now.

    • Awesome Man

      Joe Biden is the man! Just one cool dude all around.

    • Wish there was a picture! Or video!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I love that goofy bastard. I’m so glad he’s able to be happy again.

    • QHarp

      My biggest takeaway from this is that Tim Huelskamp thinks the abbreviation of his title as Congresscritter is ‘Cong?’ Is that a thing?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Cing Cong or Doncey Cong?

    • Candy Apple

      OMG I love Joe Biden so much!

    • Lady Bug

      I FLOVE OHJB.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    The Prez must be chuffed with all of this great SCOTUS momentum. Bamz has been speaking about this ruling in the Rose Garden today. How gay of him.

  • commentary42

    Love Wonkette, lovin’ the Supreme Court this week.

  • chicken thief

    Between this decision, the two yesterday, and the Confederate flag ‘controversy’ the first GOP debate is going to be a fun one – non-stop Jesus and Reagan, with more Jesus and Reagan, and a side of BENGHAZI!11!.

    • kaydenpat

      If they’re smart, Republicans will be mute about same sex marriage. It’s not a winning issue for them.

    • PRIME79

      Dont forget the little cherry on top known as Bristol “abstenance only, damnit I did it again” Palin!

    • Brian Gilmer

      you forgot – it’s Obama’s fault.

  • Wow, between this ruling and yesterday’s, Doktor Zoom is going to have his hands full with the Deleted Comments of the Week. He’ll probably have to put it out in several volumes.

    • marxalot

      Time to resurrect the Children’s Treasury serials.

    • QHarp

      Doktor R.R. Zoom presents: A Song of Tears and Butt-hurt

    • Steverino247

      One for the bastardization of Bristol and one for the celebration of sodomy.

  • Joshua Norton

    Huckabee: “I will not acquiesce to an imperial court.” The public will not acquiesce to a Huckabee presidency so no biggie.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      He also whimpered something about “judicial tyranny” – its his new catch phrase.

      • chicken thief

        For all their tough talk and guns, these guys sure seem to get tyrannied and throat crammed a lot.

        • Wombat

          We all have our little kinks, Chicken Thief

    • natoslug

      You know who else didn’t acquiesce to the Imperial Court? That’s right, Padmé Amidala. Someone should remind Jabba the Huck that he’s not above the law, so yes, he will acquiesce to whatever the fuck the court decides. (and no more Star Wars references today, I promise)

    • Thomas Mc

      It’s a good thing he will never have to take an oath before God to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, then.

    • kaydenpat

      What Huckabee acquiesces to is no one’s business. Nobody cares.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But he will acquiesce to incest, rape, murder and strangling stray dogs, so it all evens out.

  • Bob@Bob.com

    2 days in a row Scalia had a temper tantrum and anger-spooged the supreme court.

    • Candy Apple

      Ugh, that mental image.

    • kaydenpat

      Good. Perhaps all this stress will make him consider retiring. He would not be missed.

  • Imagine all the goodies in this week’s Friday “news dump”…what a great day to release awful news that no one will notice!

  • Candy Apple

    I just logged into the internet machine, and this was the first news I saw! It’s been a great couple of days! Congratulations, everybody! Although I’m straight, I guess I need to go find a woman to gay marry now, because it’s the law!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      We men aren’t so great, really. You’ll be happier. Now if you’ll just accompany me to the nearest federal re-education center, we can begin your reorientation…

      • Candy Apple

        Is that one of those FEMA camps I keep hearing so much about?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          That’s classified, ma’am.

        • Bob@Bob.com

          Its a tunnel under a Texas Walmart

  • kaydenpat

    This is a great victory but kind of expected now that public opinion has moved towards supporting marriage equality/gay rights. Wingnuts need to get over themselves. No damage will be done to their straight marriages because of this historic decision.

    We all will survive, life will go on and our LGBT fellow citizens will get the equality they deserve.

  • Poly_Ester

    The honorable thing for Santorum, the Huckster and the other religious bigots to do would be to commit ritual seppuku to show their continuing opposition to gay marriage. But there is no honor among bigots.

    • Candy Apple

      We should go dig up all the things they threatened to do if it passed and hold them to it.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Rev. Rick did promise to self-immolate. We might be able to get a pay-per-view set up for that.

        And let’s not forget the Christian married couple that promised to divorce if it passed.

  • Thomas Mc

    FREEDOM WINS!
    Bigots lose.

  • nice_marmot

    Bad news, everyone: I was just reading the comments at Breitbart and it turns out gay people are really, really bad and the country is finished.
    I just thought you all would want to know.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Oh no! Darn it. And here I thought I could trust my own eyes and ears. Silly me. Glad we have Breitbart commenters to give us guidance.

      Ahahahahahaha…

    • kaydenpat

      Their country is finished, which is a good thing for the rest of us.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I finished the basement, and it really made a big difference in our lives.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      Did you tell them this is America – either love it or leave it?

      • nice_marmot

        That’s a good idea, but from what I can tell irony is not permitted at Breitbart.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be fair, you can’t permit something that you can’t comprehend.

    • Vienna Woods

      Thank you for your service.

    • PRIME79

      The country as it has been deserves to be finished.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Poor Breitbart! This will kill him.

      • Captain Kraut

        Bam! Obama’s time machine strikes again!

    • docterry6973

      Does that mean I can stop weeding the garden? Cause it sucks.

  • amindofitsown

    Friend of an uber-conservative client at work:

    “This is all just a distraction from Hillary stirring up the minorities to bring about Shariah law”.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      Well yeah. Duh

    • Wombat

      It’s almost as though that person has no idea what sorts of things people who are into Sharia law like.

      • Blank Ron

        Cakes?

        • Wombat

          Not those cakes we like, no.

          • Amy!

            Harrumph. Well, at least cedar cheese is halal, right? I mean, maybe if it’s made from cedars of lesbanon?

    • Catstro

      Wingnut Mad Libs

    • nice_marmot

      Yup. Gays love them some Shariah law, that’s for sure.

    • kaydenpat

      Surprised he didn’t say it was a distraction from Benghazigate.

      • docterry6973

        I thought sharia law was a distraction from the takeover of the godless communists. I wish Obama would send out the newsletter more often.

  • Lizzietish81
    • BadKitty904

      Signs and wonders!!!

  • Anarchy Pony

    Who’s got the over/under on when it’ll start raining fire and sulfur?

    • Mary Sandoras

      Pat Robertson?

    • nice_marmot

      I don’t know, but if it doesn’t this whole gay marriage thing will be kinda anticlimactic.

    • AngryKatie

      I was hoping they’d just get ruptured now. I would love a second bathroom and figured I could seize one of their homes.

  • amindofitsown

    Now the hubby and me’s deviant marriage is recognized in all 50 states! Most excellent late anniversary present!

    (btw, the profile pic is from our wedding)

    • nice_marmot

      “Deviant marriage.” Sounds fun!

      • ThatDale

        Wait–there’s another kind??

    • smr06va

      You need to sodomize each other in every state now!…………….

  • Lizzietish81
  • Yay ‘Merrica! You’re one step closer to being a civilized country!

    Love, your frozen neighbours to the north!

  • Mary Sandoras

    Surely this must be the millionth “end times” for the fundies.

    • Boscoe

      EVERY day is that day…

  • chicken thief

    No, they didn’t do that just for me.

    ~ Miss Lindsey

  • nice_marmot

    Has anyone checked in to see what Donald Trump has to say on this?

    • Mhael

      No clue, but I think we can all safely assume it’s going to the YOOOOOOOOGE. The best, most impressive, most intellectually stunning and emotionally moving statement in the history of recorded words. YOOOOOOOOOGE, I tell you.

    • smr06va

      The usual clap-trap……..

      • hillarysleftone

        Roberts dissented, though, right? WTF is Trump talking about?

        • smr06va

          Who the hell knows — although I think he may be talking about the ACA decision from yesterday — although this tweet is dated today.

          I think he is preoccupied trying to get a forged birth certificate………….lmao……

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Yeah, what is he talking about? I interpret it to mean that The Donald says Jeb performed anal sex on Roberts but that doesn’t seem plausible, even to a filthy-minded creep like myself.

          Of course, “what is Trump talking about?” is the question I pose every time he opens his yap.

    • kaydenpat

      “Gays don’t send their best people to America.” Or words to that effect.

  • smr06va

    Fuck you, Josh Duggar!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anarchy Pony

    Think about all the regular revenue those cake bakers are gonna be missing out on… Sure they may have gotten a bunch of wingnut spite money on the intertubes, but still.

    • BadKitty904

      Funny you should mention that, AP – the professional wedding planners here in Florida are already licking their chop$…

  • My iPhone is apparently against both bastard Bristol offspring and heathen gay marriage – it hasn’t let me access my Wonkette since late yesterday afternoon.

    Is this what bipartisan progress looks like?

    • Anarchy Pony

      “My iPhone” Well there’s your problem right there.

      • I shoulda known better than to get the Westboro Baptist Church-branded edition…

    • smr06va

      You DID send a baby gift, right?………….

      • Do comments count as baby gifts?..

        • Blank Ron

          What comments?

          • Oh no, you’re right…

            I’m a horrible uncle.

          • Oh no, you’re right…

            I’m a horrible uncle.

  • Msmlg1979

    Until today, I’ve been a silent “watcher” at Wonkette, but not the creepy New Jersey stalker kind. I’ve celebrated with everyone I know, but today is such a good day, I had to branch out.

    My heart is full of joy for the entire LGBTQ community, but especially my own dear gay friends, 2 of whom have been in relationships with their partners 10-plus years-relationships they can now take a step further, if they choose to do so. One couple probably will. The other probably won’t. The choice is THEIRS now! How beautiful is that??!! WAY overdue, but beautiful!

    We’re all more free today. I’m so happy.

    • BadKitty904

      :0)

  • Antimassacree

    Time to whip up a batch of that Schadenfreude cocktail and sip some while savoring those dissenting opinions.

    • Captain Kraut

      Careful with that one, mate! Next thing you know, you wake up in Poland, without your underwear and no memory of what happened from 33 to 45.

      Snark aside, happy gay day to you all, these news make me downright unverhältnismäßig delighted.

  • Charles Cates

    We might as well call it ‘SCOTUS marriage.

    • diogenez

      If Fat Tony’s head doesn’t explode this week, it never will.

  • Nirrti

    Wow. I am just sitting here with happy tears in my eyes. I never thought I’d see this day come so quickly as it’s transpired. I’m especially glad for my little sister who can now marry anyone she chooses just as I can. For once the bad guys didn’t win this time in this country. We finally decided we actually want to join the 21st century with all the other developed first world nations.

  • SnarkOff

    GAYEST WEEK EVER.

    • No that’s Republican Convention week, but this is very close.

  • Lauren Whitehead

    So thrilled as a lifelong ally that my friends are recognized as true and equal citizens in the eyes of the law, and that my children will be able to marry whomever they want (if they chose to marry). Can’t wait to go to the rally tonight. Woooo!

  • Antimassacree

    Scalia starts his dissent stating that he writes to highlight the threat posed bn the Court to American democracy. I thought, “An odd time to discuss Citezins United, but proceed…”

  • diogenez

    I reacted to this news in a way that surprised me ( I cried). As my friends know, I married my partner of twelve years in 2009 – in far away and progressive Iowa. Yes, Iowa is ahead of the curve sometimes. To have the nation’s highest court today remove the implicit second class citizen status codified by a
    patchwork of marriage laws across the country – well it’s pretty validating. It’s pretty incredible. This is a great day. An historic day.

    • Msmlg1979

      Congratulations, sir! Crying tears of joy myself. We won’t ever forget this day!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Married in 2013 in MD, and I am with you. Civil rights for employment, accommodations, etc., are wonderful, but this one thrusts the fatal blow to the myth we all grew up with: gays cannot love. Ahem, now the highest court in the land has ruled that untrue. A great day.

  • proudgrampa

    Damn! I’m late to the party! Congratulations to all my gay friends! May your marriages be as happy and fulfilled as my hetero one is!!! And yes, I am REALLY FUCKING HAPPY!

  • PRIME79

    I think Im about to OD on right wing tears! But its all good, a married gay couple I know have offered to get me help on account of the ACA.

    • kaydenpat

      Pace yourself on those Wingnut tears. They’re delicious but too many can make you sick.

  • chicken thief

    Just a reminder, we’re still not delivering any pizzas to the ghey weddings! Please donate even more at our gofundme page, thankx!

    ~ Memories Pizza

    • kaydenpat

      As if gays would want pizzas at their weddings. Who does?

      • Blank Ron

        I had pizza at my second wedding reception (the fun one) but I made it myself. I do good pizza.

  • tihond

    I’m just so happy for Jeff Gannon!

    • smr06va

      Which Republicant proposed?……………….

  • SisterArtemis

    I work late, I sleep late, I come late to the news game. But from whom did I receive The Gayest News ever? My mother! yes, my mother, thrilled as punch, and even more thrilled when I told her I hadn’t heard yet. Gosh Mom, thanks for everything :)

  • Sharkey

    Happy Gay Day, everybody!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Spent about 30 minutes slogging through the Yahoo! News comments. Wear your hip waders if you go there, because the butthurt “Christian” wingnuts are spewing their hatred all over the place. A full-time job for a mod there, if Yahoo had mods. (They’ve changed the site so you don’t have to see this shit unless you want to, so I give them props for that massive improvement.)
    What’s funny, in a way, is that the site substitutes !%#$@! for certain forbidden words, and it looks like “queer” is on the list. Many posts would be straight from 1950’s Mississippi or Alabama, if you just read “nigger” into them. I find that very telling, and had a bit of fun asking whether they meant the “q-word” or the “n-word”, because “it’s just impossible to tell.”

  • Lizzietish81
    • MikeyArmstrong

      Fucking A Gandalf.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Am I a bad person? I am almost more pleased by how upset wingnut bigots will be that I am pleased that nice people will be able to get married.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You say that as thought being a bad person was a bad thing.

      • docterry6973

        None of us are as good as we know we could be. That’s why we invented God.

    • MikeyArmstrong

      I too was slightly more pleased that conservative bigots lost than for the happiness this will bring to gay couples.

    • OK, I admit I had the same sadistic glee. I can practically see the steam shooting out the ears of our favorite CONservative pundits.

      That being said, people should NEVER feel bad for “offending” bigots.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Textbook definition of win-win.

  • #relentlesslygay — huzzah!

  • timpundit

    This HAS to mean Bristol’s baby will be gay. I can just feel it.

  • handyhippie65

    proof that we truly are a country that has freedom for all. i applaud the court for figuring out that all citizens are equal.

  • timpundit

    I just know Dame Graham is in her bedroom lying on the bed, writing her name over and over again, in many different styles and different colors in her Memory Book…”Mrs Lyndsey McCain…Mrs Lyndsey McCain…Mr And Mrs John McCain…”

  • docterry6973

    I’m thinking of the gay people in my high school class back in ’69, and how they must have suffered in silence; and how some of them were so violently abused. Today is a rare win for love over hatred.

    • timpundit

      We appreciate it, yes its pretty great.

  • Boscoe

  • AngryKatie

    This would be an excellent time to start rounding them up for the FEMA camps since they’re super distracted right now and worn out from all the weeping and gnashing.

  • proudgrampa

    Just for the record, when I first commented on this thread, the Comment Counter stood at 666.
    Coincidence? Who the fuck knows?

  • MikeyArmstrong

    Congrats gays.

  • data_ninja

    Ohio, being a stick in the mud for so long, is moving forward on this. At least in some parts of the north.

  • Lizzietish81
  • timpundit
  • Professor Fate

    A very happy day indeed.

  • generalleeme

    best wonkette day ever. . .

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    This was announced at what time this morning? And the world hasn’t ended in a rain of fire yet? I’ve been misled.

  • Blargh McBlargh

    Grats to all REALLY FUCKING HAPPY peoples, family, friends and allies !

  • And as the end of Jim Crow laws have proven, this means that gay people never have to to worry about Bigotry again!

    (Sorry to be a grumpy gaypuss, but we’ve already seen JUST YESTERDAY that opponents of equality are too tenacious to settle into complacency.)

    And now that I deflated all the fun out of the room…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      naw, still happy :)

  • I would celebrate, but I’m too busy marrying the family cat to the dog (which is what Conserva-prophets predicted would happened in we recognized the right of same-sex couples to we’d, right?)

    They’re tuxes are adorable by the way!

  • Alex Grey

    Whatever will we do with all this fabulous gay healthcare the Supremes have guaranteed us this week???

  • mtn_philosoph

    Wiping away tears of joy, and I’m just a friend. Score one for common sense and strike another blow against bigotry. Sorry for taking so long to reply, but things have been a bit exciting around here today.

  • Blank Ron

    Is there a word more apropos here than just saying, Fabulous!‘? A hell of a lot of my American friends are gonna be so damned happy. It’s been one hell of a wait.

    • amindofitsown

      True fact: yesterday, a caller on a local radio show here in Missourah said that anyone who says “precious” or “fabulous” is gay.

      Which I found just faaaabulously precious.

      • Blank Ron

        Wow, who knew that dealers in gemstones and certain metals were all gay?

  • By sheer chance, I’m filing for divorce soon. If I say it’s because of gay marriage, will wingnuts send me a lot of money?

  • willi0000000

    i’m an old so i don’t remember when i first noticed that i just don’t care what someone’s sexual orientation is . . . but soon after that it really began to bother me that some people have really stupid ideas about who can sex who.

    in the last 10 years (since Massachusetts decided it doesn’t matter either) i have watched attitudes change with a rapidity that i find almost unbelievable . . . i knew this day would come but i never expected it to be so soon.

    so . . . all i can say is congratulations on a brilliantly waged campaign and welcome to first class citizenship.

    [ . . . and Kendra, if you are a Wonkateer or just out there listening, thanks for the cookie ]

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Thanks to that picture I now have Village People songs running through my head.

  • j hentai

    well done!

  • TribeGadgets

    So straight that gay friends use me as a plumbline and this ruling makes me ahem really ‘ing happy :)

  • JudgmentallyRetarded

    This article has no substance and is little more then a pathetic attempt to start flame wars in the comment section. I’m going to go read a book now, I highly recommend it.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      We’ll expect you back and in a much more agreeable mood when SCOTUS legalizes man-rodent sex.

    • amindofitsown

      We are all flaming today.

  • Me not sure

    Todays medalist is Chef Justice John Roberts.

  • jim2011

    Congratulations!

    Soon America will be little more than a blasted dystopian hellscape where only the strongest survive, an apocalyptic nightmare without end … like Canada.

    • Amy!

      Gosh! I’m looking forward to it!

      It sounds a little like that recent documentary out of Australia. Something about Furry Roads? Though I don’t know why they called it that, with the flaming guitar player and all.

  • Blargh McBlargh

    So with all the apocalyptic predictions of GODS OWN WRATH WHICH WILL BE HERE ANY DAY NOW REALLY FOR REALZ THIS TIME because that homeless guy from Duck Dynasty said so or something, I thought I would share some EXCLUSIVE RAW FOOTAGE of what ACTUALLY HAPPENED in the immediate wake of gays marrying being all legal and stuff. Remember: What you are about to see is REAL WE SWEAR.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S4cldkdCjE

  • The wingnutz say my hetero marriage will be undermined/devalued/ruined now that Teh Gayz can get married all over the place. Here are my husband and me at #sfpride yesterday. As you can see, our lives are in shambles.

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