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No, honey, the rats are just playing a little rough.

We’re all quite aware that Maine Gov. Paul LePage is a loathsome, petty asshole who wants to punish the poor and get his own way on everything. But we didn’t quite realize the Nixonian levels of pure spite the man is capable of until we learned that LePage threatened funding for a school for at-risk kids unless it dropped its job offer to a political opponent, Democratic House Speaker Mark Eves. And thanks to that very personal blackmail attempt against kids who don’t know a House Speaker from a subwoofer, LePage now faces possible impeachment.

Here’s the nitty: there’s this pretty cool boarding school, the Good Will-Hinckley School, in Hinckley, Maine, what provides a home and education for kids who face “complex academic, social, behavioral and emotional challenges.” It’s a classic charity-type life-reforming place that gives dead-end kids a chance at something better. And Good Will-Hinckley, which became a state charter school in 2011, decided to hire as its new president Mark Eves, who also serves as the Speaker of Maine’s House of Representatives. This was apparently a problem for Gov. LePage, what with Eves being a Democrat who has not been cooperative at all with LePage’s Tea Party agenda. So LePage let the school’s board know that if it went through with hiring Eves, it could kiss goodbye over half a million dollars in state funding, which would trigger the loss of as much as an additional $2 million in private donations, essentially forcing the school to close.

Mind you, LePage insists there was nothing personal at all about his threat to the school: It’s all about quality education, you see. LePage sent a letter in early June explaining that it would be terrible if the school hired Eves, who has criticized charter schools, a pet project for LePage:

“It is unfortunate for both Maine taxpayers and Maine students that the education system has become a soft-landing place for unqualified former Democratic politicians who seek exorbitant salaries but bring no real skills or true leadership to the important public positions entrusted to them,” LePage wrote in early June. He went on to level personal criticisms at Eves, questioning his skills and saying he had not dealt honestly with LePage while working on the state budget.

“Although he is employed as a family therapist, I have seen firsthand that his skills in conflict resolution, leadership, negotiation and reconciliation are sadly deficient,” Lepage wrote.

Translation: Nice little school you got here. Be a real shame if its funding was to completely dry up, wouldn’t it?

Eves told the Portland Press Herald that while he does have doubts about whether charter schools are a great idea, “his commitment to aiding children with troubled backgrounds outweighed those concerns.”

The school, recognizing a threat when it saw one, withdrew the job offer to Eves Wednesday, just a week before he was to start the new position. Board chair Jack Moore issued a statement that very carefully attempted not to step on anyone’s toes, especially not those of a vengeful governor:

The basis for this decision is grounded in the institution’s desire not to be involved in political controversy that will divert attention away from our core mission of serving children and has the potential to jeopardize the future of our school … Good Will-Hinckley has a very dedicated staff. The Board’s first priority is to act in the best interest of students and educators alike and the Board’s actions reflect its unwavering commitment to them.

Yr Wonkette would like to congratulate Mr. Moore for resisting the urge to add, “Now, Governor, would you please put that gun down, pretty please?”

Eves, for his part, called LePage’s threat “an abuse of power that jeopardizes Maine children” and warned:

The Governor’s actions represent the worst kind of vendetta politics Maine has ever seen. If it goes unchecked, no legislator will feel safe in voting his conscience for fear that the Governor will go after the legislator’s family and livelihood.

David Webbert, Eves’s attorney, said that Eves is considering suing the governor. In a statement, he said:

Under the First Amendment, the governor is clearly prohibited from using the money of our state government to exact revenge on public officials because they do not vote the way the governor wants

And now several members of the Maine House are talking impeachment. State Rep. Jeffrey Evangelos, an independent, is leading the effort, and told the Bangor Daily News that LePage might have gone a tad too far this time:

I’m asking my fellow legislators to study abuse of authority, conduct unbecoming and possible misuse of public assets … I believe that Gov. LePage has violated his authority by intimidating a private entity with the end objective of violating speaker Eves’ civil rights, his ability to seek outside employment and provide for his family.

State Rep. Charlotte Warren, a Democrat, said that LePage’s shenanigans were simply too shenaniganny to ignore:

“When we take an oath of office, we set ourselves up to behave in a certain manner,” Warren said. “As a member of this legislative body and a member of the policy makers in this state, you need to stand up and call it out when you see it. To threaten to withhold public dollars to an institution because they are going to hire someone is unethical.”

Another Democrat, state Rep. Pinny Beebe-Center, humbly refused to comment on her name being among the awesomest in any state legislature, and instead kept the focus on how LePage was making Maine look bad. Like, even worse than a Stephen King novel:

“We’re the laughingstock of the country,” she said. “This is lower than low.”

Yr Wonkette would like to gently remind Rep. Beebe-Center that, awful as Paul LePage is, the country still includes Florida and Texas (at least for now), so her argument is invalid.

For his part, Speaker Eves says he’s going to stay away from any efforts to impeach the governor, because unlike some people (who might be governor of Maine), he knows better than to use his political office to pursue a personal vendetta:

“I, or this office, will not be working on any legislative fixes or initiatives,” said Eves. “If other legislators are doing that, that is certainly outside any knowledge or coordination from this office. We are keeping a bright line between what is political and what is personal. This is about my personal life.”

Yr Wonkette is willing to forgive Mr. Eves if, immediately after saying this, he may have also muttered under his breath, “but if my esteemed colleagues want to hang that fucker out to dry, I won’t complain.”

[Bangor Daily News / Portland Press Herald / Portland Press Herald again]

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  • memzilla

    And I thought it was too cold up there for Maine to become a banana republic.

  • cousin itt

    We can all laugh at this tin pot bozo but there is big money invested in charter schools in what is essentially one big grift all in the name of reform and demonizing teachers and unions.

    • PubOption

      St Louis has had problems with charter schools performing badly when compared to City schools. Maine’s mileage may vary, of course.

    • tomamitai

      I thought charter schools and vouchers were a dodge to allow rich parents to make sure none of their taxes go to help the children of poors and blahs get an education that might help them compete more effectively in the job market with the wealthy kids?

      • Dimitrios M.

        You think Rethuglican kids intend to WORK for a living?!?!

  • FauxAntocles

    ReTHUGlican

  • Lizzietish81

    So question, was Eves going to be working as the Speaker and for the school at the same time?

    • FauxAntocles

      Do you see a conflict of interest?
      A lot of state leges are part-time jobs…

      • Lizzietish81

        That’s what I’m thinking.

        • FauxAntocles

          OK, I’m slow – he’s getting a salary from an entity over which he has some measure of control. LeDickFace should have played that angle.

    • Seek

      Part-time legislature in Maine. If you aren’t Richey Rich you have to have a job as well as be in the Leg.

      So to some extent it would seem they all have conflicts. Just nice obvious ones

    • chazmanr

      Many states legislatures are only in session a month or two per year. It is a part time job for many.

  • goonemeritus

    You
    can’t annex the Sudetenland without breaking a few eggs.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Impending collapse of yet another Cult of Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This is one of those marvelous dick moves that is a totally unforced error and will send this asshole to the unemployment office.

    Oh, wait, no it won’t. It will send him to a Faux Noise gig.

    • FlownOver

      With his legs? I doubt it.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      He’s too ugly to be on TV. Even Fuux has standards.

      • Dimitrios M.

        It’s more of a non-visual face like on Clear Channel Communications now calling itself iHeart Media.

  • Nounverb911

    Looks like those rats can legally gay marraige theselves now.

  • wryawry

    Seems the Guv has discovered a new treatment for his facial constipation.

  • QHarp
    • Lizzietish81

      Suck it haters!

    • Amy!

      Yayayayay! It took three boxes; there are four separate dissenting opinions; the crazies are unhappyappyappy. We’re genuine people who can genuinely marry the people we love!

      ETA: Kennedy wrote the majority opinion, which was the first one announced this morning, on the anniversary of the sodomy decision (2003) and doma/california decision (2013).

      :-) :-) :-) *happy dance*

    • Villago Delenda Est

      At this very moment, servers at FreeRepublic, WND, and Red State are melting down.

      • QHarp

        I’m going to print out each and every one of those butt-hurt comments, then throw ’em on my bed and roll around in ’em, Indecent Proposal style.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Delightful!

      • memzilla

        Their bitter salty tears will corrode the routers!

    • I never thought I’d say it, but Thanks SCOTUS!

    • FauxAntocles

      WOO-HOO!! Congrats to our ghey brethren and sistern!

    • jviscont1

      penis cakes for everyone, on me.

      • JustPixelz

        I’m on a diet. Can I just get an ammosexual sized one?

      • Blank Ron

        You’re probably a really nice person and all, but with all due respect, I’d prefer mine on a plate.

    • sw19womble

      Let the divorces commence!

      • AntiDerpomeme

        It’s so sad that my straight marriage is now over, thanks to this throat-ramming by the Supremes. And now that I’m forced to be gay, I’ll get no pizza either!

        • docterry6973

          No pizza? I need to rethink this.

        • Dimitrios M.

          I beat those danged gays. I slipped in and divorced my wife twenty-three years before gay marriage could come along and ruin our wedded blister.

      • Dimitrios M.

        Right. Ontario, the first province in Canada to legalize gay marriage had to revisit their provisions one year later, to make certain the remedy for failed heterosexual marriage applied on failed homosexual marriages also, too.

    • goonemeritus

      I normally hate bad winners but in this case we need to
      spend the rest of the day gloating and rubbing it in.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Yeah, I’m pretty happy about this, and I’m an old straight married git.

      • Blank Ron

        Day?

        • Querolous

          Rubbing it in? And out? And in? And…..

          • Blank Ron

            BRB – something’s just come up.

    • memzilla

      Who’s gonna clean up all these ‘sploded wingnut brains???

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Donald Trump’s fans at the announcement.

      • FlownOver

        A small sponge should suffice.

      • Dimitrios M.

        Don’t worry memzilla, it’s all sound and fury, signifying, as well as involving, nothing.

    • Rocky

      GayUSA!! GayUSA!!

      Canada congradulates America for entering the 21st century!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That thumping sound you hear? That’s the sound of the widdle feet of Tony Perkins, Mike Hucksterbee, and so many others being stamped.

      • r m reddicks

        Bates Motel and Psycho libel!

  • Malmborg Implano

    Chris Christie is the greatest exemplar of this style of wise guy governorship.

    • VandeGraf

      Previously it was Ed Rendell of Pennsylvania. Thank Yahweh for term limits!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    Yr Wonkette would like to gently remind Rep. Beebe-Center that, awful as Paul LePage is, the country still includes Florida and Texas (at least for now), so her argument is invalid.

    …c’mon, go me a break! Florida has to be a couple rungs above Mississippi, Kansas and Alabama! At least we have Miami, Tampa and Orlando, where the hell would you prefer your vacation?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Tupelo, or Dodge City, or Anniston.

      Yes, I know it’s pathetic, but we have to provide examples…

      • arglebargle

        I’d love to spend a weekend in Anniston. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.

    • FlownOver

      It’s a beautiful day in Lawrence. Just sayin’.

    • Unforgotten

      The Grand Canyon (but only there, so no stops at any Arizonian city unless its strictly necessary).

  • sw19womble

    WARNING: Teahadists At Work.

  • It was inevitable that even with our dysfunctional system ONE of these asshole plutocrat governors was going to go too far. I’m a little shocked that it wasn’t Walker, but the guy has an almost supernatural immunity to the consequences of his own stupidity and corruption.

    • onedollarjuana

      for Walker, things go better with Koch.

    • Blank Ron

      Teflon has a surprising number of uses.

  • VandeGraf

    I refuse to buy another Maine harbor painting until LePage is removed. (Beside, I already have one, and it’s one too many. )

    • sw19womble

      No more Maine Coons for me!

      • RACIS . . . whoops – never mind.

      • hush your mouth. i have the very best-estest maine coon ever.

      • eggsacklywright

        Time to turn LePage.

    • QHarp

      I guess I won’t be buying any lighthouses or Stephen King novels any time soon.

      • Maggie Robinson

        Stephen King is on LePage’s crap list. Please do not take it out on him, or the rest of us in Maine who are mortified that this man represents us. LePage won 2 elections by competing in a field of 5, and then a field of 3. He never received a majority of the vote either time.

      • docterry6973

        King’s politics are OK with me and his books are very popular I am told.

        • Blank Ron

          They are? I’ll have to see if I can find one at the library.

      • janecita

        Don’t boycott Stephen King, he’s a LePage hater. Boycott Dean Koontz instead, he is a huge wingnut, and his books are crappy as hell.

        • QHarp

          Aw, I was just kidding– I’d never do anything to hurt Stephen King. Fuck lighthouses, though.

          .
          .
          Dammit, lighthouses, I can’t stay mad at you either.

          • janecita

            I agree, lighthouses are the worst!

          • Dimitrios M.

            No, they’re not, Lighthouses stick up in the air and are lovely and phallic. Wurst smells.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      There are lovely velvet paintings available in Juarez.

  • zerosumgame0005

    “charter school”=scam, too bad it wasn’t closed before this, that half million will be wasted anyway

  • FauxAntocles

    Hopefully after this jackass, Maine will reform its election process to require a majority vote to hold office.

  • exinkwretch

    If they can’t pull off impeachment, a vigorous cock punch at the very least is warranted IMHO.

    • jmk

      They could raise a lot of money simply by charging a nominal fee to line up to apply said vigorous cock punch.

      Maine’s budget woes would be gone forever.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Assuming cock not in evidence.

      • Dimitrios M.

        Make that a punch to the assumed-but-not-in-evidence cock.

  • tomamitai

    “Shenaniganny” sounds like one of those place names derived from a Native American word, but it would be a terrible name for a casino.

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    GAY MARRIAGE FOR EVERYONE!!!! Supreme Court just ruled in favor!!!

    Hot damn, this has been a great week!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ll take some small American flags, please!

    • Old news. My dog and my neighbor’s chicken just got Differently Species Married.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Got any eggs yet?

        • Zippy

          labrador eggs- my favorite

          • eggsacklywright

            *sniffle*

        • Yes, but they sucked themselves (Johnny Cash ‘Egg Suckin’ Dog reference. No Homo!).

      • cheetojeebus

        Hot Jiggery pokery damn, I bet feathers flew!

        • r m reddicks

          Applesauce! Young whipper snapper!

      • Dimitrios M.

        Aha! I always suspected he was a bird dog.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I wish I had Fox at the office. I want to see all the wingnut heads explode. ALL OF THEM!!!

    • Msgr_Moment

      We need to change out the feature pic up above for a good ole ghey ratfuckiing.

  • Spotts1701

    And this is why you use cutouts and patsies, Governor.

  • LePage, a true Maineiac

  • Msgr_Moment

    Awwww….. Somebody give Fat Tony a big ole ghey hug, stat. I think he really needs one.

    • jmk

      To find him, head to the nearest bar. I’m betting that he walked in and said to the bartender “whiskey… just line ’em up and keep ’em comin’…straight up… my god, straight, straight, fucking straight… just leave the bottle.”

  • Zippy

    Looks like the other shoe dropped for conservatives- congrats to teh ghey agenda!

    • Blank Ron

      Can we arrange to have the shoe flung downwards with some force?

  • alnnc

    Sounds like the North Carolina legislature passing a law cutting the Center on Poverty, Work and Opportunity at the University of North Carolina because the director published some editorials in area media criticizing them. The Center was privatelyfunded, so closing it saved no taxpayer money. The, in the last few minutes of a budget committee meeting, the GOP leader cut 3 million in state funds from the UNC law school, where the ex-director is employed. The GOP answer to questions on revenge politics – So? I wish we could “impeach” these guys in the next election, but considering the low info voters in NC, I wou.dn’t count on it.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Coming soon (but not soon enough) to Netflix: Orange is the New Redstate starring Paul LePage, Scott Walker, and Chris Christie.

    Special appearance by Dinesh D’Souza as the old hand who shows the newbies the ropes of life in the joint. First lesson, you’ll sleep better if you flip your pillow over and soaking it with bitter tears.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It certainly couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.

  • schmannity

    If Florida is America’s dick, Maine is its misshapen nutsack.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I woulda said unslightly probably malignant mole on the forehead, but misshapen nutsack works too.

  • MrBlobfish

    “We’re the laughingstock of the country.” Beebe-Center hasn’t been paying attention or looking southward.

  • VandeGraf

    Someone perform CPR on Scalia, he’s coding…again.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Be happy to. What was it, 47 compressions and one short breath? Or the other way?

  • Iron Monkey

    I’m asking my fellow legislators to study abuse of authority, conduct unbecoming

    Unbecoming a human being but OK for a governor according to LePage.

  • akita96th

    He is the typical fat faced fuk nut….Could be Christie long lost bunghole brother..They where born joined to each others huge assHoles….Which is why they turned into blazing assholeOs

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Don’t hold back.

      Really, don’t.

      • akita96th

        I wont I promise…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Blazing Assholes. Not my favorite Mel Brooks movie.

  • beatbort

    Like all bullies, LePage will wilt and crawl away if someone actually makes good on the threat to impeach…not just TALK ABOUT it. Otherwise, it’s like all those sternly worded letters to GW Bush by the Democratic Congresspeople during the 8 horrible years of darkness we lived through.

    • AnnieW

      No, while the Dems can do it in their House, they don’t have the majority in the Maine Senate and I’ve read elsewhere they need a 2/3 majority there.

      I hope the guy sues LePage personally and wins.

  • glennisw

    Although he is employed as a family therapist, I have seen firsthand that his skills in conflict resolution, leadership, negotiation and reconciliation are sadly deficient,

    Paul LePage is criticizing someone else’s conflict resolution skills??????????

    • Dimitrios M.

      In other words.Eves didn’t bend over backwards and do everything the way LePage wanted then done. And that clearly demonstrates that Eves’ conflict resolution skills are deficient.

  • JoyP

    “Includes Florida and Texas (at least for now)” LMAO

  • NationalGalleryofClipArt

    Whatever happened to local control? Why does Le Page insist on central planning, like a Commie?

  • TheBidenator

    Eh, teabagger….I mean, it’s pretty much what they do with the threatening and the vendetta’s and personal sliming. They aren’t America’s a-holes just because their platform consists of Confederate policy minus the slavery, after all.

  • Shalimar

    I want to speak out against impeachment for being an A-Hole. No politician will ever be able to climb a slope that lubed up. The blackmail sounds more like something more realistic to discourage.

  • Sam Hain

    Reichwing scumbags doing what they do best: lie, cheat ,steal and backmail…would it be that Jeebus would have it any other way.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Votey, votes with votes on top for this asshole.

  • Paperless Tiger

    A Republican choking on a charter school? Does that require impeachment or just a heimlich?

    • Dimitrios M.

      A hemlock Heinekens?

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Wow, Gov. LePage is not big on subtle is he? Hope they boot his ass with due ceremony.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    This is why the lady from HR says “never put your threats in writing.”

  • LeftCoastLeftie

    Short of a sumo death match with Chris Christie, I don’t really want to see this sneering ass-face again in public.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am absolutely not on Board with LePage and Christie in sumo outfits. BAD. BAD LEFTIE

  • JTQ

    LePage is as dumb and vindictive as his twin, abe foxman.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh LePage, you have been a huge asshole for awhile now. And while Maine may have thought they were getting a moderate republican then instead got a petty. vindicate, not too bright asshole. One who we can only hope well be unemployed soon.

  • Blank Ron

    I’d like to take a moment to complain about the pic below the headline. Rats are clean, intelligent animals and wonderful pets, and do not deserve to be connected in any way with that odious waste of carbon-based molecules, Paul LePage. Even if you mutter ‘bubonic plague’ under your breath.

    • Pond scum works just as fine, my not have the same sting as saying “rat”, but for anyone intelligent enough to know what pond scum is, they’ll agree with me.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Being a carbon-based entity, LePage can legitimately claim to be organic. If that isn’t a crime against nature, I don’t know what is.

    • Truthiness2U

      While it is an insult to rats to compare them to LePage, rats are horrible. Says someone who actually had one of the evil things in her house for a few months (too long). Thankfully cats came into the picture, and good-bye rat. Cats should be worshipped for this, is anyone looking into doing this?

      • Blank Ron

        *covers his pet rats’ tiny, delicate ears so they don’t have to listen to this*

  • Pinny-Beebe Center is a pretty wicked sweet name, but I’m still partial towards Zephyr Teachout.

  • Dolmance

    I said it before and I’ll say it again — Rats fuck cute.

  • Me not sure

    I hope this charge sticks.

  • ImpureScience

    I lived in Maine for several years and loved every minute of it; the people are wonderful, and the state is excruciatingly beautiful.

    Sad to say, however, Maine voters are like those jokes about people with ADHD, in which Oh! Look, a squirrel! Except in Maine, in election season, it’s Oh! Look, an independent! They just can’t help themselves. It worked out OK in the case of Angus King, but in the last two gubernatorial elections, the independent was able to siphon off enough Democratic votes to allow LePage to win. You would have thought that the first time was bad enough, but they went and did it again, the very next election. SMH.

    Here’s hoping they can get rid of that disgusting creature before his term is up.

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