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Fox forgot to put scare quotes around candidate.

Hilariously egotistical ass Donald “I’m Donald Trump!” Trump, who thinks he is running for president, has run into a little problem. You see, he made some dumbass comments a while back about how he’s the only “candidate” qualified to solve our immigration problem, by building a YOOOOOGE fence, because DONALD TRUMP IS THE BEST AT FENCES. Also, the Mexicans will have to pay for the fence, because “they have really ripped this country off.” Donald Trump knows he can make them pay for it, because Donald Trump is the best at getting people to give him pesos. He doesn’t hate Mexicans, though! It’s just the way they come to America and act all Mexican-like, is all.

THEN Trump said in his announcement speech, about Mexicans, “They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” He did allow for the fact that some Mexicans are “good people,” but wouldn’t you know it, the Mexican people are pissed right off! And now, he’s facing consequences. The Spanish language network Univision broadcasts the Miss Universe pageant, except not anymore, because fuck YOU, Donald Trump:

Univision is canceling its telecast of the Miss USA pageant, an event partially owned by Donald Trump, to protest Trump’s offensive remarks about Mexicans.

Furthermore, Univision says it is severing all other business ties to Trump.

Univision is the biggest Spanish-language broadcaster in the United States, so its decision is a blow to the Miss Universe Organization, a joint venture of Trump and Comcast’s NBCUniversal division.

So of course, Trump has to sue Univision, because you don’t deflate his pride like that. Trump explained all this to Fox News windsock Gretchen Carlson, but first he had to tell her what A Idiot she is for thinking he’s not a serious presidential candidate:

 Univision. I’m gonna have to sue Univision now. Because I speak negatively about trade with Mexico. And I love Mexico, I love the Mexican people, I love them, they’re great people! But Mexico is just taking our negotiators to lunch, our president doesn’t have a clue, they don’t know what they’re doing, and Mexico is making a fortune, and somebody has to bring it up. So Univision says, you gotta stop talking badly about Mexico, and again, I love Mexico, I love the people of Mexico.

Blah blah blah blah blah. For a reaction from people who actually DO love Mexico, we go now to Univision’s actual statement:

“At Univision, we see first-hand the work ethic, love for family, strong religious values and the important role Mexican immigrants and Mexican-Americans have had and will continue to have in building the future of our country,” the company said. “We will not be airing the Miss USA pageant on July 12 or working on any other projects tied to the Trump Organization.”

In other words, fuck off, or however they say it in the Spanishes.

[CNN via JoeMyGod]

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  • Lizzietish81
  • Xenophile23

    I believe Mr Richard Thompson has this covered. Enjoy.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnkg4TLha_Y

  • Zippy

    ¡chinga te, pendejo!

  • malsperanza

    The Republicans can’t believe someone as unqualified and illegitimate as Obama made it to the presidency. In their eyes, this means the presidency isn’t such a difficult or important job – it turns out to be more like being MC on Dancing with the Stars. All you need is a winning smile and some phony charm, like Obama. And like Reagan, for that matter, and W. So that proves that it’s a figurehead position.

    This explains why on the GOP side the run for America’s highest office has become a Parliament of Fools, a Ministry of No Talents, a small red car full of people with rubber noses squeezing klaxons to see who can make the loudest noise.

    It’s what we deserve, no doubt. But I feel a bit sorry for the rest of the world.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I understand the rest of the world is going to chip in and extend the fence all the way around.

      • Dimitrios M.

        I heard they were extending the St. Lawrence Seaway and the Rio Grande into something with about the same proportions as a thousand foot wide moat.

    • Vecciojohn

      Sorry, did you say something? I thought I saw a Kardashian.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    The Donald loves Mexico so much he’s going to sue it, the way a spousal abuser has to punch and bite his wife to show her she belongs to him.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      Yikes. That was dour

      • Blank Ron

        Accurate, though. *sighs*

  • VandeGraf

    Trump isn’t a real human.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The alien lives on his head.

      • one_who_wanders

        Skull-hugger!

      • Dimitrios M.

        The comb-over that walked like a man — sort of.

  • Lizzietish81

    Gah! What is up with Gretchen’s hair and makeup? Were they trying to emulate the Don?

    • Ryan Denniston

      I guess Fox is so embarrassed that this tool is in the GOP primary that they’re trying to bail him out, make it look like everybody has bad hair days? Maybe?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Uh-oh. Is Gretchen turning semi-beautiful? Because without the looks, she’s got nothing.

      • Dimitrios M.

        Describing Grechen as beautiful, or even fetching, is stretching.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Perhaps Trump’s plan is to be so odious that the Mexican’s will build a YOOOGE fence of their own accord, as a purely defensive measure.

    The flaw in this plan being that unlike Trump, most Mexicans are not going to write off a whole country because of what a few assholes happen to do.

  • Ryan Denniston

    What an ass clown. I really want performance art in this campaign, because Herman Cain was the best. But something about this doofus is just not fun. Say, if we tweet at him, maybe we can get sued!

    • Eykis

      Nah, the coward just blocks you – he is just like Chunk Toad – and Stupannity – I am proudly blocked by both cowards as well as Trump.

  • FauxAntocles

    Kudos to Univision for not taking this ass-wit’s shit.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I would suggest to the networks that they should ban him from the debates. However, there are so many drinking game opportunities that would be missed.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Not to mention morning after hangovers that would be missed as well.

  • docterry6973

    Trump will drop out before he is forced to release a financial statement, but by then he might complete the destruction of the GOP.

  • MrBlobfish

    Trump Loves Mexico. He loves Mexicans. He gets all choked up when he hears their national anthem, “La Cucaracha”

    • Lizzietish81

      He loves Mexico…and their cheap labor.

    • jviscont1

      he believes Pancho Villa is a classy condo community.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He thinks that Cinco de Mayo is a sink made of dried-out mayonnaise.

    • arglebargle

      Taco Bell, also too

  • r m reddicks

    That’s what he gets for rapin’ Bristol Palin. So there. We now know the name of the new bristol babby. “Trump” Palin.

    • Eykis

      Excelente!

      I do prefer Trapped! for the new baby name…like Jebya!

      • I’m holding out for Trilobite.

        • one_who_wanders

          Pterodactyl.

        • arglebargle

          Sarahengeti

        • mtn_philosoph

          Gryphtt.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Tranny?

    • w9anthimos

      Trollop?

  • Relativicus

    “In other words, fuck off, or however they say it in the Spanishes.”

    Unless I miss my guess, it’s pronounced “fucko offio” in a loud voice.

    • MrBlobfish

      Wow. It’s the same in Italian.

      • Relativicus

        They’re both based in Latin, so I’m not surprised there are parallels.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Donde esta la casa de pe-pe?”

      • natoslug

        “A la derecha de la biblioteca,” if my junior high Spanish teacher was correct. Or was that were the drugstore was located?

        • Blank Ron

          ¿Dónde está la pluma de mi tía?

  • Bob@Bob.com

    I think Mexico should build a fence to keep Americans out. Republicans would be outraged.

  • Alacrity_Fitzhughe

    This from a man who probably has hundreds of undocumented workers on his payroll as maids and janitors in his hotels…..

    • I hope I.N.S. wasn’t looking too closely at his crowd of ‘supporters’ at his presidential run announcement.

  • This is bad news for Lindsey Graham’s hopes of appearing on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

  • calliecallie

    “cago y muerto” is a phrase my brother used to be fond of. Doesn’t really say what we want, but it’s easy to remember and sounds threatening.

  • wryawry

    Univision has started a viral trending with the release of their YouTube video demonstrating the proper method of scraping the donald from the bottom of one’s shoe back into the gutter.

  • calliecallie

    This is enough to make me start watching Univision. I could stand to learn another language.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Univision is amazing. For a while I lived without cable, and one of the few on-air stations that I could get was Univision. Those Spanish novella soaps are a thing of real art.

      • AKLynne

        And you don’t have to know Spanish to know what’s going on.

    • schmannity

      You don’t have to speak Spanish to enjoy Sabado Gigante and Don Francisco.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Alas, ¡¡¡¡¡­¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Sabado Gigante!!!!!!!!!!!! will be ending its run on September 19.

        However, there will still be plenty of nostril-flaring telenovelas which are not hard to follow, even sin subtitulos.

  • Vecciojohn

    The blacks, the Mexicans, is there any ethnic group that can withstand the Trump charm offensive? All you broads out there, you’re next. Cuz you know how Donald loves the ladies, know what I’m saying?

    • Dee Andee

      And he loves us ladies, as long as we’re not just “semi-beautiful” or less.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s the classic philosophical question: Is the broad semi-beautiful or semi-ugly?

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          I’m a “the dress is half full” kinda guy.

          • Dimitrios M.

            And I’m a “the dress is half overflowing” kind of guy

    • Eykis

      John,

      Don’t call me a ‘broad’.

      I prefer either ‘dame’ or ‘tomato’!

      Thanks.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …is “Sugar Buns” acceptable?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Gold-digging ambulatory vagina/sammich-maker sums it up nicely.

          • Dimitrios M.

            Okay, Sugar Tits!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Dish. My Dad always said “dish.”

      • Vecciojohn

        Gotcha, sweet cakes.

      • SadDemInTex

        As Jessica Williams said last night…goil. Dame works, too

  • Bob@Bob.com

    …and yet there are a lot of people who want this blowhard to bring his petty squabbles to the White House…

  • azeyote

    as far as the “wall” goes – he could build it out of slot machines so the Mexicans would lose all their money to the great Donald

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, it would go the other way around. The Donald bankrupts casinos he runs.

      • azeyote

        wining

  • Tony Alexander

    ¿cuál es esa mierda roja en la parte superior de la cabeza?

    • jmk

      I don’t even speaka da Spanishes, but I recognize that this is the real question to ask The Donald.

  • elviouslyqueer

    NPR said this morning that this might actually work in Trump’s favor because, quoth they, “it showcases his brand.” Would that be the “Made In China” brand? The “Fucking Batshit Insane Nutcase” brand? AOT, K?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      The “I’m a worthless piece of shit, but I have this enormous soapbox” brand?

    • Vecciojohn

      Jesus fuck me Christ, “brand,” the most nauseating buzz word yet. No wonder I don’t listen to NPR any more.

  • goonemeritus

    I have spent much of my professional life as a senior executive
    in a fortune 500. I know that I can’t compare my experience in business to that
    of Mr. Trump. For instance I would never have thought of calling my business
    partners rapists.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It’s the new hip thing that The Youngs are doing. Did I say The Youngs? I mean The Yoooooges.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Bush wants war with Iran. Trump wants to start a war with Mexico. Christie wants to bomb Ft. Lee, NJ. What is with these guys?

    • FauxAntocles

      Proving to the base that they think with their balls.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        All dick and balls, no forehead.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re all acting out their failures to participate in their generation’s wars. To prove that they’re men.

      • Blank Ron

        Provided they can prove it from the tenth sub-level of the bunker.

  • Mavenmaven

    I hear he’s offering them cantaloupes as a conciliatory gesture.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Fuck Donald Trump with Bristol Palin’s dick.

  • eclipsis404

    Donald Trump: America’s Cersei Lannister

    • nmmagyar

      He’s fucking his brother?

      • eclipsis404

        I was thinking more like a: blonde, petulant, imbecile who want to be king of the country but can’t because she lacks a penis and when she does get a modicum of power becomes a paranoid fool who attacks anyone who disagrees with her. All that. No offense to natural blondes intended, that part is just coincidence.

  • Ha ha ha ha! The Supremes say everybody has to get Gay married right this very minute.

    Buttsechs and pizza for everybody!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The butthurt is going to be even more epic than yesterdays!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        They are losing a quite few lately, aren’t they? Cough cough, ehem, Confederate flag, cough cough.

  • elviouslyqueer

    HOLY FUCKING SHIT. We did it!

    • jmk

      YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Great day for LGBT peoples. Great day for loving wingnut butthurt peoples as well.

      • natoslug

        I think Obi Wan said it best about this ruling . . . “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of bigots suddenly cried out in butthurt whines and were suddenly silenced.”

        • Dimitrios M.

          If you think that butthurt bigots crying out have ever been silenced, you must live in a galaxy far, far away.

    • And, look, gay marriage is already causing Univision and Trump to divorce, just as Jesus predicted.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    IIRC, “Vaya con tu chinga puta Madre” gets the job done.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      “Vaya con tu chinga puta Madre”

      En la peluquería.

    • Candy Apple

      I like, “Te regalo un boleto directito a la chingada”, myself….

  • jmk

    I, for one, welcome our new married gay overlords!!!!

  • Fartknocker

    Congratulations you crazy same sex liking folks. Now go home and make sweet, sweet love.

    And to the Mexican Border Patrol: If Donnie crosses the border, quarantine that dead ferret on his head for about a week.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A week? Six months, if he can’t prove it has been vaccinated for rabies.

      • Vecciojohn

        Isn’t it illegal to bring one of those things across the California border? Some agriculture or wildlife regulation, I think.

        • Dimitrios M.

          Do like the UK does with incoming dogs. Keep it in isolation for six months.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Your move, NBC.

    And congratulations to Fox for creating debate rules that will put this clown on the dais, to the detriment of… well, to the detriment of microscopically less-clownish, bullshit candidates.

    • Ilgattomorte

      Do not underestimate the comedic impact of Trump. In the clown car of Republican politics, he has the reddest nose and the biggest shoes. Nobody else even comes close.

      • artem1s

        Christie had a chance to challenge him for pure odiousness but it’s not looking like that death match is gonna make it into the GOPThunderdome.

    • AnnieW

      I’m more worried that Trump’s antics will let other candidates seem sane by comparison. Jeb! can say something mealy mouthed after Trump says something revolting and all of a sudden Jeb! has gravitas.

      • Dimitrios M.

        The only way Jeb will ever have gravitas is if somebody uses a syringe to inject it into his ass.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          An ass full of gravit. Now, that’s hot.

          • Dimitrios M.

            I’d prefer that Jeb caught an ass full of grapeshot, but then I’m uncivilized.

      • Lady Bug

        I get what you’re saying, but I think that would only work if there were only 2 or 3 candidates. For example, if it’s Jeb! vs. Trump, yeah Jeb! can look all “professional” and “human” compared to the Donald. But in this case there are like a zillion republican candidates, besides supplying Wonkette with months of laughs, I don’t see him placing high enough in the primaries where he is close to being a viable threat.

  • one_who_wanders
  • Mary Sandoras

    Great foreign affairs debut for the Donald.

  • edith prickly

    Donald Trump vive en una nube de pedos.

  • grmpy

    So, let me get this straight… He’s suing for the right to entertain “rapists” and “thieves?”

  • beatbort

    “Mexico is making a fortune”?!!!??!!!
    I’m old enough to remember a time when someone like Trump would be laughed out of his own family.

  • Paperless Tiger

    In other words, fuck off, or however they say it in the Spanishes.

    Generally something rude about your mother.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Yo mama’s so fat… she’s at serious risk of developing diabetes or heart disease? Gimme a hand, guys, I’m bad at this.

    • Candy Apple

      Me cago en tu puta madre?

  • DahBoner
  • Candy Apple

    Well, I actually love Univision’s morning program Despierta America (the chihuahua, so cute!) and I tune in to their telenovelas from time to time to keep up with my Spanish, but I’ve never loved them more than at this moment.

    And ¡Vete a la chingada! is how we tell Trump to fuck right off in Mexican.

  • Dave

    We have got to do whatever we can can to make sure sure that Trump stays in the race as long as possible. This guy is pure gold for fans of the snark.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Kick him off the air, NBC. Fire him so that he has nothing better to do than actually run.

  • Robert Weiler

    I don’t think Trump has ever been to Mexico. If the Mexicans are getting rich off America, I’m pretty sure it will come as a surprise to them.

  • TheBidenator

    Yeesh those Messicans, obviously they don’t speak Trump. When he calls you rapists, drug dealers and scumbags it just means you’re a darker color than peach. It’s just like when he calls for you to be executed for a crime that A) you didn’t commit and B) while heinous wasn’t murder it’s the same thing. The central park 5 learned how to speak fluent Trump….
    Now I need a shower, Trump and Ann Coulter prove non-Southerners can be just as vile in their racism as any mullet toting the stars and bars…

  • OneYieldRegular

    But really, who wouldn’t want to be a lawyer for Donald Trump?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You’d be kept busy, that’s for sure but you would to have to fight the daily urge to smack him in the face with Martindale-Hubbell.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You’d be kept busy, that’s for sure but you would to have to fight the daily urge to smack him in the face with Martindale-Hubbell.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    In a word, Pendejo.

  • Markuserektus

    I’ve read that the suit is over an Instagram pic of Trump next to Dylann Roof.

  • Lord-Nash

    “Univision. I’m gonna have to sue Univision now. Because I speak negatively about trade with Mexico.”

    Univision has every right to drop you, Fuckface Von Clownstick, they are not the federal government and therefore your right to free speech is not impeded.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    No no, Senor Trump (!) Univision is dropping you because you said Mexico is sending us all the drug dealers and bad peoples and horribles and that you GUESS some are good people.
    Not for the thingy thing about trade you ignoble fuckweasel
    Now STFU and go get gay married throat crammed with the rest of the Cons

  • miss_grundy

    That would be: Vete para la casa del carajo, comemierda!

  • Sheesko

    Trump should not expect any better treatment at NBC now, also, too.

  • Barley_Brains

    Shut the fuck up Donnie.

  • Ricardo Sanchez

    Thank you, Thank you , Univision.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    When I heard that Trump comment, I could swear he said “they’re rapers.”

    It’s like my mind filled in the diction of ignorance even if he didn’t actually say it.

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