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If only Christians would stop all that 'peace' idiocy

That was fast! It only took a few hours for Fox to toss up an editorial explaining that the best explanation of why six women and three men were shot to death in their church Wednesday night is that nobody in the church was packing heat like they should have been.

Professional gunhumper and FoxNews.com columnist John R. Lott explains:

The horrible tragedy last night that left nine people dead at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, S.C., probably could have been avoided. Like so many other attacks, the massacre took place in a gun-free zone, a place where the general public was banned from having guns. The gun-free zone obviously didn’t stop the killer from bringing a gun into the church.

It has the look of a ready-made editorial that, like a prewritten obituary for an aging celebrity, was just waiting for the next mass shooting — because in U.S. America, there’s always a “next mass shooting” on the way. The Charleston massacre is mentioned only in the first and last paragraphs, and the rest is boilerplate about how Bad Guys always choose “soft targets” where they know no one will be shooting back at them. There’s not a single word about the fact that it was allegedly a white racist murdering people in a black church. If the shooting had taken place at a school or a mall, everything else in the editorial would be identical, explaining that until it’s legal for everyone to carry a gun everywhere, we can look forward to more mass killings, and also the liberal media never covers the brave heroes with concealed weapons who do stop mass shootings all the time. (Since he could only find a few examples, he had to link to the same incident in at least two different spots in the editorial.)

Oh, but that last paragraph is a doozy:

Churches, like the one in Charleston, preach peace, but the killer there probably chose that target because he knew the victims were defenseless.

As Jesus said, “But I tell you, you must resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, blow them away with your concealed Glock.” Because we need guns in church. What could go wrong?

And let’s just review South Carolina’s actual handgun laws, courtesy of Ben Cohen at the Daily Banter:

There is a reason gun massacres do not occur on a regular basis in other industrialized countries around the world, and it is because you can’t buy guns at the local store in every town, and don’t have a right to own military grade weapons in your house. In South Carolina, you don’t need a permit to cary [sic] long guns or hand guns, don’t need to register your firearm, and don’t have any restrictions on magazine capacity. In fact, there aren’t actually any specified age restrictions for purchasing a gun, and the law permits non-residents to buy rifles or shotguns in the state.

So South Carolina is a pretty gun-friendly place. How gun friendly? This morning’s edition of the Charleston Post and Courier went out with a discount coupon for a shooting range right above the headline about the massacre:

Oops.

gun coupon

A free t-shirt! Better get out to the gun range and get that thing signed and dated — it’ll be worth something on eBay!

The paper has explained that it was a “deeply regrettable coincidence” and apologized “to those who were offended”

But as we say, South Carolina really loves guns and the Second Amendment. In fact, last fall, Gov. Nikki Haley said that she was perfectly OK with perpetrators of domestic violence having guns, although to her credit, earlier this month she finally did sign a bill that included a ban on gun possession by people convicted of severe domestic abuse. The law still allows less serious offenders to have their carry rights restored, though. And even that watered-down legislation was condemned by gun humpers as a “gun grab.”

And yet, with all that friendliness to guns, nobody at the church was ready to blow away a stranger who seemed to have come to pray with them. Clearly, Christians need more guns. More guns are always the answer.

[Fox News / The Daily Banter / Post And Courier / Mediaite]

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  • Spotts1701
  • onedrewthree

    How hard is it to move somewhere gun free like Australia.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …are you sure about that?

      • sarahjane1912

        Lies. All lies. Well, mostly.

        Fun fact: Australia’s most lethal and aggressive spider — the Sydney Funnel Web — is found in most people’s back gardens (in the leafier/wealthier suburbs). They like hydrangea litter. They also like to hide in shoes. Scary as all get-out. You’re welcome.

        • Amy!

          But … what about the drop bears?

          • sarahjane1912

            Silly. They’re only for tourists, remember? Duh! ;-)

          • Debbie(Aussie)

            They’ll get you every time ?

      • ButIKnowWhatILike

        Maybe, but not one of those animals is carrying a gun. If guns don’t kills people, they sure as fuck make it a whole lot easier.

    • sarahjane1912

      Seriously? Well, it’s not easy. Being self-funded and having a job ‘on the ground’ is a huge start, but mostly, Australia wants people who are going to add value to the labour market. There’s a points system which you can check yourself against (ie whether you have a degree in a ‘needed’ specialty’. your level of seniority in your current job, your work experience, whether you have dependents etc etc) … and if you get over the points hurdle, you can start the process. Takes an age though.

    • Skwerl King

      According to the Crime Prevention Resources Center research, Australian crime is rampant and society has totally broken down. It is Mad Max without guns. Because guns bring societal order.

  • jesuswasablack

    What we really need are turret mounted .50 caliber machine guns mounted on either side of the pastors lectern, that’ll keep our churches safe!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I foresee headspace and timing issues galore with that plan.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      On the upside, requests for an Amen would not require repeating, as they so often do today.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The derp, it must flooooooooow…..

  • Sadly, with 300 million + guns in this country there are no such things as “gun free zones”.

  • Nounverb911

    “is that nobody in the church was packing heat like they should have been.”
    Does this mean that Doocey and his co-conspirators are armed on the set of ‘Fox and Fiends”?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Certainly not. Ailes isn’t stupid enough to allow firearms in his workplace.

      • Nounverb911

        Now that Ailes has to report to Lachlan Murdoch, he may reconsider…

        • sarahjane1912

          It’s actually James (the Second Son) who’s taking over the reins …well, the ‘man-on-the-ground’ reins, at any rate. Lachie’s a peach. And I believe he’s becoming some no-voice co-chairman type rather than having any real hand in the day-to-day biz.

          Probably wise, given that I’m *fairly* sure he’d find it difficult toeing the party line in so far as d’gayz etc are concerned. I may not have seen Lachlan ‘up close’n’personal’ since the mid-90s, but it *was* under a mirrorball, and it *was* at one of Sydney’s most celebrated parties … ;-)

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            yeah by the by, THANKS aussies. Can you please take your Murdochs back now? PLEASE?

          • sarahjane1912

            Sorry, Jen. Rupe’s has a US passport — has done for years — and his spawn were born there. We don’t even think of them as ‘Strayan anymore. Even if they do still own lots of meeja property in Oz. I’m sorry you have deal with them … but we don’t want them back. Ever.

          • gedjcj

            Can’t say I blame you.

          • david green

            I’m feeling a little let down by the attitudes of our English speaking supposed “friends”. The Aussies refuse to take back Murdock, and the Canadians refuse to take Cruz and Beiber. The French are looking better and better.

  • el_donaldo

    I’m getting really tired of this stupid gun humper logic fail. Mass murders don’t occur because there’s a gun-free zone. Mass murders happen where people gather, and those tend to be gun-free. Because that’s where people gather. Rarely do people gather for the purpose of being shot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, except in the exercise yards of the tyrant Obama’s FEMA camps, of course…

      • david green

        That skinny-assed guy STILL hasn’t started the round-up for the FEMA camps. I’m beginning to think he never even built them!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …they really don’t see the lunacy of needing to pack heat when you go to church?!

    • Skwerl King

      And Jesus said unto them, “blessed are the piece packers”.

  • Lizzietish81

    It’s not just the guns, it’s the utter fear in these people coupled with heroic fantasy. That every day is a constant battle to not be shot and that you, one day, will save lives by doing a perfect barrell roll and gun down a bad guy with a gun. Furthermore, considering that black men with guns tend to get shot by cops in the US, it seems absurd that the same people who seed this fear, and let’s face it they profit off the fear whites have for blacks, are saying that a bunch of blacks should have been armed because the attack can come at any time.

    Strange isn’t it then that in other countries these massacres don’t happen.

    • Spotts1701

      Yes, the fantasy that the bad guy who has his gun in his hand is going to give you the time to draw your weapon, line him up, and fire. And that you’ll hit him with enough stopping power to drop him. And that in your panic you won’t shoot someone else, or that someone else who panics doesn’t shoot you.
      This ain’t Hollywood, and you ain’t John Wayne fellas.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        /sigh

        There is no greater example of how Hollywood’s version of gun play distorts reality than a bunch of new Army recruits getting their first chance to live fire an M16 and being disappointed in the sound it makes.

        • david green

          I kinda agree. Liked the sound the M-14 made – spoke with much more authority.

    • YourMom

      Yeah…and what IF one of those worshippers had been armed and had shot this white interloper? I can see it now. SC justice would be all…black mob kills white man in church.

    • sarahjane1912

      “..will save lives by doing a perfect barrel roll …”

      Yep. That McKinney pool party cop has a LOT to answer for. What a dickhead.

    • Last Hussar

      I was comprehensively schooled here on the fact they do, its just our police don’t bother recording them. I m assuming there’s a massacre happening now just down the street, but the liberal conspiracy at the BBC is covering it uip.

    • david green

      Wonder How Fox would have spun the story if Roof had pulled his gun and a couple of black churchgoer had dropped him before he had a chance to fire? “Black on White crime increases!”

      • david green

        Whoops, should have read down a bit more. YourMom beat me to it, and with a better headline.

  • VirginiaLady

    Bullet proof choir robes? Srsly, what’s it going to take to get this insanity stopped?

  • MrBlobfish

    Bad guys look for “soft targets” like Police Headquarters in a major US city.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And Texas shopping malls.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …”soft targets” like pool parties!

    • Lizzietish81

      Wouldn’t there be more shootings in Walmart then?

    • Skwerl King

      Those were “gun free zones”. Just like all the other places the “Crime Prevention Resources Center” found in it’s echo chamber research one afternoon. The last non “gun free” zone shooting was the St Valentine’s Day Massacre, according to some guy they talked to at the bar.

    • Logic of Color

      and Military bases

      • gedjcj

        To be fair, nearly everyone on a military base is unarmed at any given moment, because the US military doesn’t think it’s safe to let people wander around packing.

  • Politics_Nerd

    Tonight on Bizzarro World News, oh look a chicken we can fuck. Some more.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    In Wingnutistan, every day is Bring Your Gun to Church Day.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    And now a reading from the book of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Duck!

  • chicken thief

    “…by people convicted of severe domestic abuse.”

    So, if you just beat the little lady moderately all is cool?

    • Vecciojohn

      You have to pistol whip her before they actually take the gun.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “I didn’t beat’er severely, your honor. Jest enough.”

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Since it’s hardly possible for South Carolina’s gun laws to be any more relaxed, the only way I can see to achieve the goal of armed congregation is to make open carry mandatory. This could lead to the absurdity of a white cop arresting a young black man for not having a gun.

    Come on America, don’t let me down – your crowning glory is only a couple of landmark laws away….

    • Latverian Diplomat

      No, I think the official police procedure in that instance would be to shoot the young black man to death and then give him a free gun. This is already in effect, as I understand it.

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        I cried, I laughed, then I plotzed.

  • sarahjane1912

    The paper has explained that it was a “deeply regrettable coincidence” and apologized “to those who were offended”.

    These lame-arse non-apologies give me the pip. How about just straight out apologising, huh? You may as well say you apologise to those who were offended, but were thrilled to help those who want to take advantage of the offer on such a gun-noteworthy day.

  • arglebargle

    The only way to stop a racist psychopath with a gun, is a church full of peace loving christians with a shit ton of firepower. Keeping the gun out of the psychopaths hands in the first place would never work, duh.

  • chicken thief

    This really isn’t such a bad idea. Priests have been packing in the Catholic Church for years.

    • arglebargle

      suffer the little children…

    • sarahjane1912

      Boom-tish.

  • Callyson

    Regarding the wingnut drawing: both of those people’s chests appear to be larger on their right hand sides. Is that supposed to symbolize something or make some kind of statement about RWNJ’s?

    • say wha

      Concealed packin’.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They think the huge holsters are such a natural part of the body, they drew the shoulder to line up with those instead of the hips.

  • Lizzietish81
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Nunz with gunz!

      • Markuserektus

        Monsignor with machine guns!

    • Callyson

      • Lizzietish81

        Black Lagoon.

        • Callyson

          Thanks–I’ll have to check that out.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Amen brother.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      “That would be an ecumenical matter.”

  • JustPixelz

    At least it’s not #TooSoon to politicize this NRA-enabled terrorism.

  • Callyson

    The gun-free zone obviously didn’t stop the killer from bringing a gun into the church.

    (cough) South Carolina’s permissive gun laws didn’t prevent the killer from bringing a gun to church, asshole…

  • Callyson

    Churches, like the one in Charleston, preach peace, but the killer there probably chose that target because he knew the victims were defenseless.

    Why, that’s not blaming the victims at all!!!

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–hAG6b_y5–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_320/pzojae8qwaoshvxr2xdm.gif

  • Joshua Norton

    9/11 wouldn’t have happened if everyone had their own F-4 Phantom II!

    Also remember how 2 years ago SCOTUS helped gut Voting Rights because Roberts told us that things had changed in the South? Changed for what to what was never fully explained, though.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s post-racial America! (Copyright 2013 John Roberts, all rights reserved worldwide)

    • dshwa

      They fly the Confederate flag under the American flag now, so clearly it’s all better.

  • chicken thief

    Stand the Lord’s Ground.

  • MrBlobfish

    In the meantime, bullet hole found in Memphis church door. Unrelated, of course.

    • Lizzietish81

      It’s an attack on Christianity!

      • MrBlobfish

        Isn’t everything these days?

      • Ryan Denniston

        It’s probably the liberals’ fault too, what with the War on Christmas and all.

      • sarahjane1912

        Jeez. Christmas comes around earlier every year, doesn’t it?

    • Antimassacree

      So many isolated incidents!

  • Tallmutha

    “We’re sorry about that shooting range coupon. That was really bad timing. We should have waited two or three days for everyone to forget this ever happened, then it would have been just business as usual.”

    • AKLynne

      Although I can’t remember the specifics, this is not the first time one of those coupons has been plastered on the front of a newspaper right after a mass shooting. Coincidence, my ass!

      • jviscont1

        30 days ago in Tampa following school bus shooting.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          that’ll teach me to scroll before blurting

  • chicken thief

    This might work. I mean, it’s common sense that the good guys will always be quicker on the draw, more accurate shots, and will have the more powerful weapons in all encounters with the bad guys.

    • toughsister

      EGG-ZACKTLY.

  • chicken thief

    In other news, Tom Burlington has a raging hardon ’cause now he can say “dead ni*****’.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I counter with “Dead Honky”

  • Serolf Divad

    I wonder if this incident will finally push the South Carolina legislature to pass a law making it illegal to shoot up a black church?

  • goonemeritus

    What confuses me about this argument is how citizens of countries
    like South Korea and Japan keep from being totally murdered to the last man.

  • MrBlobfish

    Louis’ Italian American Restaurant was supposed to be a gun-free zone.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I never got the whole “armed society is a polite society” thing. Is it because I’ve seen Westerns and these idiots have not? Or is it that everyone wants to be John Wayne, except those of us who are sane?

    • sarahjane1912

      That’s a very strange saying. I don’t mind a few guns floating about — for sports shooting, killing vermin/wild animals on farms, arming the police — and that’s pretty much how my country, Australia, operates.

      You just don’t … *see* guns, unless they’re in a copper’s holster or in the aforementioned Westerns/John Wayne films. Or in the leading news story of the week, featuring the latest random/lethal killing from across the pond in the good ol’ USA, leader of the ‘free’ world …

      • Captain Kraut

        It’s pretty much the same over here. Even criminals don’t go armed because that would be a dead giveaway that they’re not only “up to no good” but probably batshit crazy to boot.

    • Vecciojohn

      Oh yeah? Ever been insulted by someone who’s just been shot to death? Ha! Answer me that, Mr. Librul!

    • Zippy

      Actually, most frontier towns in the old west were gun-free zones, because the local citizenry quickly realized what a bad idea it was to let liquored up cowboys wander around town packing heat

      • There you go, injecting historical facts into the conversation. Don’t you know ‘Murican history, which is clearly documented by any Clint Eastwood film? Tsk.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      In the Army, to “John Wayne” something is to be reckless and endanger your fellow soldiers.

      It is not a desirable trait.

    • Anarchy Pony

      The problem is everyone thinks they’re quicker on the draw…

  • toughsister

    Can we all get together next week and repeal the murderous second amendment?

    • chicken thief

      Sure. AND JUST LET THE TERRURRISS WIN!!!!!

      • toughsister

        Of course. Killing seven people in a church after a racist rant is keeping us safe from ISIL AND Boko Haram. Why didn’t I think of that?

        • chicken thief

          Nine. Nine were murdered because of their race religion.

      • Blank Ron

        Looks to me like the terrorists have already won.

  • Roger_of_Arabia

    You know Chris Kyle and his friend were killed were killed a shooting range in a gun-free zone.

  • zerosumgame0005

    so to worship in a place dedicated to the “religion of Peace” you should be armed to the teeth?

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    You also have to speculate the shooter was an ISIS recruit – as this was really an attack on Christians who just happened to be black.

  • Tallmutha

    A quiet Sunday sermon at John R. Lott’s church:

  • Adrian

    Mitt announced that he is launching a line of body armor.

    • MrBlobfish

      Snooty Hillary probably wears Ralph Lauren body armor.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        With Prada boots!

        • Zippy

          so she’s the devil- I KNEW IT!

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Prada jackboots

          fixed

      • Adrian

        Ralph Lauren ?! No wonder she charges $10 million a speech.

      • chicken thief

        And Vince Foster just laughed!

  • BlueMonkey

    I’m just going to throw this out here….maybe if the kid didn’t have a gun, every problem wouldn’t look like a bullseye.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Wayne LaPierre libelz!

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Here’s the answer in a nutshell: We need to stop sending the message that blacks are expendable. How much of this same shit has Roof seen by police in the last few years, gunning down unarmed black citizens, with no appreciable consequences for their actions. Was he watching when dickface in Florida stood his ground against a Skittle-carrying black teenager?

    I want this kid spend the rest of his pathetic life rotting in prison, with no chance for parole. It’s time to start making examples of these — Jesus, I can’t even think of a word bad enough, and that’s saying a lot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Alas, the blah ARE expendable in this country – and so is anyone who can’t pass for “white”. This is painfully obvious. It does need to change, but the arc of history is slow, even if it does tend to justice. I don’t know how to speed it up.

  • jviscont1

    bringing back the Knights Templar to keep houses of worship safe seems more reasonable than the pistols for pastors remedy.

  • Zippy
  • JohnR

    Discredited John R. Lott on FNC because it’s FNC. http://bit.ly/1MPuBH7

  • Anarchy Pony

    I’m pretty sure an armed society is a paranoid society.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There you go bringing reality into things again…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The voices is my head say you’re wrong.

    • Hardly Ideal

      The only societies I can think of who are both polite and armed are the local Nerf club and Dagorhir chapter.

  • AngryKatie

    This one truly is an American hat trick:
    1) Birthday gift handgun
    2) The racist babble you find echoing around in the comments on any far right website, just one or two steps removed from the racist babble you hear from any number of right wing talking heads

    3) In a fucking church

    The all too predictable response that’s building is making me rage-nauseous.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    This is the second time a gun coupon was plasted above a story about a gun crime, no?
    Is this the new norm? Distract people with the hope of even cheaper weapons to protect their freedumbs?

  • jviscont1

    I’m a little unsure to gun zone etiquette.. should I enter and say my name is Jay and I have a gun or should I just remain silent and look menacingly.

    • VandeGraf

      If television drama is any clue, everything you say should be preceded by “Get the fuck on the floor, assholes!” Or other endearing words.

  • VandeGraf

    It should again be noticed that at the NRA Convention “operational” guns– that is, guns that could be used to defend innocent American lives– were disallowed.

    • Blank Ron

      The NRA knows exactly who their message appeals to. They ain’t stupid. Sociopathic and evil, but not stupid.

  • shastakoala

    Discounted guns, discounted lives, discounted common sense.

  • Hardly Ideal

    It bears repeating, but an armed society IS TOO a polite society! Case in point: The American Wild West.

    • That_got_me_thinking

      IKR?!? We all know that the reason Wyatt Earp forbade guns in Tombstone was because it made people too polite.

      • Antimassacree

        …then, somewhat mysteriously, too dead.

  • JParkerSD46

    Apparently, an armed society is a deadly, murderous, hateful society.

  • JParkerSD46

    More guns and if you’re not ‘Muricuns, more war.

  • SK

    One day, some minority kid who has been demonized into being a thug, having little to live for, will walk into a FOX News studio and thoughtfully off a few people.

    It’s my earnest hope that the day never arrives. But should it, I’m hoping that it’s on a show hosted by Billdo with a panel that contains Hannity, Ablow, Douchey, Rapey, Megyn, and Reek.

    I look forward to incisive commentary by La Pierre on how stupid it was for them to not arm themselves.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    An armed society is a polite society piece of shit society where a dude shoots nine people to death.
    In a church.
    With his birthday gun.

    Let me politely say FUCK YOU FUCKING GUN FUCKS.

    • ButIKnowWhatILike

      Also too, fuck the fucking second amendment.

  • JParkerSD46

    Poor Governor Nikki Haley (R-South Carolina). http://thehill.com/video/in-the-news/245415-gov-haley-heart-and-soul-of-sc-broken Maybe she’s crying because she’s going to have to answer questions about why her state has such ridiculously, let’s just say non-existent, laws regarding gun control and why she’s done nothing to change those laws. Boo hoo. Okay, I’m done.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      She’s crying because she is only a woman and therefore allowed to cry and be all having the sads that some people were shot all up.
      It makes her look sympathetic and not at all pandering to the rabid base that put her in power.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Isn’t claiming that a “gun-free zone” is what caused these people’s death a form of “politicizing” this tragedy?

    Have some fucking decorum you nasty snotfaced terror-humping FOX ghouls.

  • Me not sure

    Why would you call them “cross-hairs” if they weren’t supposed to be used in church?

  • Charles Cates

    I wonder if the Fox News studios are gun-free zones or are all the camera operators and producers armed to the teeth?

    • bobbert

      I call bullshit. Jesus would never settle for a low capacity repeater like that.

      • elpinche

        FoxNews Jesus is double TEC-9s (with Eternal Magazines) for his “Crucifix Stance.”

      • Markuserektus

        That was the olden days. The rifle has to fit in the scabbard on his dinosaur saddle.

        • Mike Adams

          LOL Markus! Painfully funny.

    • elpinche

      Roger Ailes keeps a couple of AR-15s in his fat folds.

  • actor212

    Frankly, I’m surprised FOX hasn’t gone with “Well, if black people don’t want to get shot, they shouldn’t be in church.”

  • Steverino247

    How were two armed United States Army officers hacked to death with machetes and axes by NKPA solders on August 18, 1976? Because the attack was sudden and the attackers were close enough to prevent the .45 cal. automatic pistols the officers carried from being drawn. Armed police officers get surprised at traffic stops all the time, despite their extensive training and experience. This is because the assholes that shoot them make that decision before the officer makes the decision to defend himself. There’s this thing called Surprise that gives you an advantage. You know, that shit that helped the Imperial Japanese Navy wipe us out at Pearl Harbor?

    Consider a crowded mall where everyone is carrying a firearm. Suddenly, a person (wearing a kevlar vest, etc.) steps out of the bathroom and opens fire with a weapon equipped with a high capacity magazine loaded with 50 rounds of .223 ammunition. How many people will be killed before the first shopper is able to drop the gifts and draw a weapon (thus making themselves the next target, by the way)?

    The only way to prevent mass casualties in such an event is for everyone to have their weapons drawn and to be clearing angles while covering the person doing the actual shopping. There will be a number of persons shot accidentally (“Officer, I thought he was drawing down on me so I fired.”) every few minutes.

    • Spotts1701

      And don’t forget, Ronald Reagan was surrounded by some of the best trained armed bodyguards in the world and he still got shot at point-blank range.

      • Steverino247

        And no one named Jodie Foster was impressed.

    • bobbert

      It’s as if no one has ever heard the phrase “got the drop on him”.

      • Steverino247

        No shit…

  • Bitter Scribe

    This barely even qualifies as satire anymore.

  • 1JohnRyan1

    The answer to gun violence is suicide vests. If we were all allowed to wear explosive suicide vests in these dangerous places where “no guns” are allowed only then could we feel safe

  • Fly

    The important questions from the republicans are, will the gun be OK, will it be freed and returned to service, when can we bid on this historical firearm?

  • Last Hussar

    As was so expertly explained to me yesterday in comments you don’t have, this sort of thing happens all the time in the UK, because we don’t have guns. I am forever having to step over the bodies of unreported or unrecorded gun massacres. I’ve been murdered 3 times already this year.

    • SullivanSt

      At least you have plenty of dead Aussies you can commiserate with.

    • Rick Hill

      “I’ve been murdered 3 times already this year.”

      Sorry to hear about that. Hope you get better.

  • SullivanSt

    Discredited hack John Lott has of course had to edit his op-ed already so that he can then use the stealth edit to complain that people correctly decrying the inaccuracy of his original text were misquoting him. Oh well, at least he didn’t use a sockpuppet this time, rather hacking away under his own name.

    http://mediamatters.org/blog/2015/06/18/discredited-gun-researcher-john-lott-botches-sc/204052

  • ButIKnowWhatILike

    If an armed society is a polite society, shouldn’t we be the the politest society there’s ever fucking been?

    • Bielzebubba

      Second only to Somalia on the politeness scale.

  • elpinche

    I’d be horrible as Doctor Who. With my TARDIS, I’d go back and swap out the church members with Fox n Fiends.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’d go back and take the Founding Fathers out on a range with an AR-15 and say, Fix this Second Amendment, fuckers!

      • elpinche

        Well I was trying not to shatter the time stream and reality itself, but sure yeah. If you go, go big.

        • Problem is, Dylan Roof wouldn’t shoot at Fox n Friends, unless Steve Doocey is raping his women.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Why would anyone want to live in a world where churches have armed guards?

    • Because blacks would be afraid of whites. That’s all that matters.

      • D_C_Wilson

        Given the way many whites freakout at the sight of an unarmed black teenager, It seems more like that the opposite.

      • DrShitferbrains

        Aren’t they?

  • Deminimis

    They were wrong on the facts anyway. Big surprise, I know. South Carolina is one of a handful of states that specifically allow concealed carry in churches. About 20 others do not ban it, and so they also allow concealed carry in churches.

  • DrShitferbrains

    Well people, we’re at that point in the news cycle where I close my eyes and use my magical powers to turn guns into lava. If only.

    I just can’t. I usually try to use all caps to will my font sizes larger but that doesn’t usually work. I’ll say this:

    You have your guns. You have no conscience. We have each other. In the end we will find that is enough to pull our shit together and dismantle yours. Not today. Not tomorrow. There’s still time to turn that beast-of-murder into a plowshare. But not as much as you think.

    You won’t hide behind the NRA forever.

  • Last Hussar

    Why oh why doesn’t Fox come out and make a clear statement, denouncing white violence.

    • DrShitferbrains

      What would they fap to?

  • DrShitferbrains

    We can fix this. We can. To live in fear is to live without God. We don’t live that way. They have mechanical beasts of murder, we have each other- the fellow creators the Creator sought. Chin up. Chest out. Let’s go.

  • Debbie(Aussie)

    I like to think of myself as a sensible tolerant and forgiving person, but I hate these rw racist f*cks with a blazing hatred 10 suns. As VDE is wont to say ‘tumbrel rides’ for the lot of them.

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