Rachel Dolezal Got Reverse Racisted Before She Got Racisted

• At least the bizarre tale of pretend-black-but-actually-white woman Rachel Dolezal can't get any weirder. Ha, just kidding, of course it can! Shortly after she resigned as president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP -- to spend more time with her bronzer, or maybe less, who knows? -- we learned, thanks to some journalisming by the The Smoking Gun, that before she was the self-proclaimed black victim of repeated hate crimes, she was the self-proclaimed white victim of racial discrimination at Howard University:

  Dolezal, then known as Rachel Moore, named the university and Professor Alfred Smith as defendants in a lawsuit filed in Washington, D.C.’s Superior Court. During the pendency of the civil case, Smith was chairman of Howard’s Department of Art.

  According to a Court of Appeals opinion , Dolezal's lawsuit “claimed discrimination based on race, pregnancy, family responsibilities and gender.” She alleged that Smith and other school officials improperly blocked her appointment to a teaching assistant post, rejected her application for a post-graduate instructorship, and denied her scholarship aid while she was a student.

  "Rachel Dolezal" aka "Rachel Moore" aka "Who Even Knows What The Hell?!?!?" claimed the historically black university engaged in practices that favored African-American students over her, and also they were mean to her and didn't give her all the scholarships or even like all of her art, because she was white. Shockingly, the appellate court did not find her story credible, tossed out her lawsuit, and orderedherto pay up for wasting everyone's time with her bogus claims. Guess that's when she decided she was actually black, so the world would be a kinder, gentler place for her. Which is why she said on Tuesday that yes, she definitely does "identify as black." 

• Hillary Clinton wears Ralph Lauren pantsuits, so now she can't be president:  

  Because for a candidate who has been pushing her connection to, and understanding of, the middle class — and whose speech while wearing the pantsuit was largely about closing the income gap — Ralph Lauren is a relatively inaccessible brand. It is also one often worn by and beloved of that sector of the population, the chief executives and financial wizards, she somewhat disavowed. [...]

  It might not matter, given that voters also want their candidates to look presidential, which generally means good. Except that one of the story lines surrounding Mrs. Clinton has been how she is out-of-touch with those she claims to represent. It seems to me that working with a famous and high-end designer could provide ammunition for the opposition. And why even take that chance?

• Is our children learning? Maybe they would if their schools were surrounded by grass and trees and stuff:  

  Putting more green space around an elementary school may help students develop some mental abilities, a study suggests.

  Researchers tested students repeatedly over the course of a year on attentiveness and working memory, which is the ability to keep something in mind temporarily for performing a task. Overall, students whose schools were surrounded by more green space improved more than pupils from schools with less green space.

• Just one question:  Smash Mouth is still a thing?

  Steve Harwell, singer of ‘90s grunge band just kidding Smash Mouth, got so furious with members of the audience at a recent Smash Mouth concert in Fort Collins, Colorado that he had to be subdued by security, as shown in what is undoubtedly one of the most bizarre and exciting videos of 2015. The crowd was tossing bread. : (

• Our friends at Happy Nice Time People have some Very Important Mr. T news for us. Or at least, for those of us who remember who that is. Apparently, he stopped wearing all that real gold after Hurricane Katrina, because he's a Christian, and Jesus wouldn't like it. As our HNTP pals snark:

  It’s just like in the Bible when Christ said to the rich man, “Give away all your money or at least stop being so showy about it. Whichever, it’s all cool.”

• Oh yeah, almost forgot. Jeb! Bush announced on Monday that is officially and for reals running for president now, which means we should only have to suffer through another half dozen or so official OFFICIAL announcements, rallies, website launches, and all the other steps that are now required to say "I wanna be president." Here is something for you to enjoy about that:  7 Ways We Can Prove That Jeb And Gob Are Actually the Same Person . You're welcome.