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Yr Wonkette recently shared a very important email alerting us and other members of the “#ObamaMedia” to the Real True Truth about John Kerry’s “bicycle accident” in France — it’s all fake! Kerry was actually the victim of an attempted assassination by ISIS!

Meet Our New Best Pal!

There were certain factual issues with the email, sent by one “danielking4” at redacted.redacted, not the least of which is that hashtags in an email serve #NoUsefulFunction. In any case, we soon heard from the author of the email in our comments section, under the username “A.K. Dan”:

Hey Rebecca, Sweetheart (Wonkette), although you didn’t give me a ‘heads up’ about slamming me in your little ‘Communist dribble’, I’m letting you know that I just mentioned YOU on my lovely website www ak47world.com

We didn’t realize we were expected to inform every idiot we write about that we intend to write about them being idiots; for one thing, we assume Jeb Bush and Bryan Fischer would tire of the constant notifications. Just in case we didn’t click the linky in the comment, he also sent another email to Yr Editrix, to be sure she understood that he had a “tip” for her. Get it? Get it? A TIP!:

Hey Rebecca,

I’ve got a ‘Tip’ for you, Sweetheart !!!

The tip of my Cock, darlin’ !!!

And hey Rebecca, your boy, ‘Barry-the-Fairy’ Obama must have been really worried about all the Russian Intelligence accusations, because today #TeamObama released a picture allegedly of Kerry in a Hospital room ?

Oh & thanks for making me even more ‘noticed’ by #TeamObama, because according to his FBI & Secret Service Goons, I’m supposedly trying to overthrow his corrupt regime !!!

Why just take a gander at my lovely website www.ak47world.com & be sure to scroll down to my ‘bullets’ & see my “Clinton AK47 Deal” page.

Dan The A-K Man King !!!

Oh, we get it! The hammer is his penis! Dan was Most Displeased at being barred from the Wonkette comments, which we don’t allow anyway: “Wow, are you that much of a Coward that you’re afraid to let me reply to your leftist screed against me ???”

Poor Dan — he thought we were writing about him? Heck, he was merely the conduit from which the crazy flowed. We were far more interested in the idiotic Kerry conspiracy story than in the random loser who sent it. Sorry, Dan, you’re no MAD JEWESS.

Oh Boy, He Has A Website!

Mildly amused, we took a quick look at Dan’s website, which, like every other wingnut website, looks like something put together on GeoCities in 1996. Here’s Dan’s main page:

Authentic Teabagger Gibberish

So, what does one find on AK47world.com? Certainly not any actual Kalashnikov rifles, because, Dan freely acknowledges, he is not a licensed firearms dealer:ak47 disclaimer

Not a licensed dealer? That actually makes us feel a whole lot better about the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives and its licensure restrictions.

The main page has a metric shit-ton of ranting about the need to stock up on ammo and magazines before Operation Jade Helm results in martial law, and all of our guns are outlawed forever. There’s also this important information — sandwiched between offers for “New Russian ‘POSP’ ‘4 x 24mm’ Dragunov Scope that AK47World SOLD OUT of for $149.95” and photos of a rocket-launching truck that would probably be “NEEDED for #JadeHelm15 RESISTANCE !!!” (again with the useless hashtags!):

ak47 jade helm

We’re especially impressed with the hilarious cartoon of Obama and Eric Holder laughing at their defiance of Congress, which is funny even with a third of the word balloon gone.

We also checked out that “Clinton AK47 Deal” page Dan recommended, and HOO BOY, is it a steaming pile of word salad, with stories about Bill Clinton’s secret arms deals with the Chinese, proof that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a fraud, and some very funny jokes about how they teach math in Chicago:

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out ?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over ?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up ?

And the page just goes on and on forever, some of it in 3-point font. It makes Timecube.com look like a model of clarity, concision, and state of the art web design. We even scrolled to the very end, which, appropriately enough, rehashes the old Clinton Body Count claim that Commerce Secretary Ron Brown was “murdered with a .45 caliber slug in the back of his head in a ‘staged’ plane crash on a phony trade mission to war-torn Croatia!”

We’d give it a score of .67 TimeCubes: almost as wacky as the original, but the fact that you can apparently buy real gun parts there does decrease the overall score a bit. True madness should be completely free of utility.

He Can’t Even Keep His Gays Straight

We were also delighted to see that Dan had given Yr Dok Zoom a thought on Twitter:
ak47 tweet

Jeez, we don’t think Dan’s even paying attention. We’re flattered, but after we fired Snipy for the big GoFundMe money, Evan’s the blog’s sole Token Gay. Do your homework, man.

$
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  • cousin itt

    Oh no Dok, you did-int. You have stirred the hornet’s nest of teh Stupid. Released the Insanely Idiotic. Unleashed the hounds of Mordor.

    Nice job.

  • Zippy

    poor little dick Danny, reduced to begging for sex on the internet- how embarrassing

  • Tendernob

    And the page just goes on and on forever, some of it in 3-point font. It makes Timecube.com look like a model of clarity, concision, and state of the art web design.

    False flag! We are all too stupid to understand TimeCube.

  • Zippy

    BTW, expect a visit from the Mad dumbass now. last time I mentioned that idjit, it apparently set off the S.O.B.’s google alert and he actually showed up to drool all over wonkville

    • TheBidenator

      So it was you who did it? Who’s got the tar? I’ve got the feathers and we just need a giant rail….

    • Blueb4sunrise

      When was this?

      Will keep a look-out .

  • Villago Delenda Est

    How, pray tell, would this twit who is really, really compensating for something with his AK fetish put the “tip” into our beloved ‘Trix? For one thing, there’s a JERK BABY in there that refuses to leave, and might just do something to that tip, should it actually be introduced. And mind you, the kid is going to need quite a reach to get to it, too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I might note that the twit will have to go “balls deep” to get the tip in, and the baby’s hand will dwarf it.

    • PubOption

      Jerk Baby seems to be on her way out
      Rebecca Schoenkopf
      ‏@commiegirl1

      50m50 minutes ago

      Ok we’re doin this thing.

  • Shibusa

    This fruit cup has issued 33,500 tweets. One wonders how he finds the time, given the hours he obviously devotes to Constitutional scholarship (and bird-dogging chicks with the other patriots in his well-regulated militia).

    • Jason M

      He converted his Twitter account to full-auto, because he’s a “sportsman”.

      • willi0000000

        full auto and 100 round drum . . . for when you just have to saw a deer in half!!!!!

        [ it was coming right at me!!!!! ]

  • whatwhomever

    This makes me glad Wonkette doesn’t allow comments.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Well, this is just great. Between Dan the AK47 Man and PUTTINGMYPRICKINDOCKTORZOOM, I’ll never be able to get the smell of stale Cheetos, dried jizz, and flop sweat out of my computer.

    • Zippy

      I’m wondering if they’re the same person

      • elviouslyqueer

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • JustPixelz

      He posted a reply to one of my (nonexistent) comments. Something about how he wanted to steal the semen from “Doctor” Zoom’s penis. Honestly, if he wants semen so much why not post his comments on Craig’s M4M List?

      • Callyson

        Yeah, he replied to mine too, with a YouTube link that I did not click on, TYVM…

    • JMPesq

      I miss all the fun trolls; the only ones I’ve gotten to deal with recently were the Naderite and the weird Brony-hating gimmick account.

    • Amy!

      Is that who the deleted commenter was? I saw the deletion space, and someone said something cryptic about the nym, but apparently the dude was so boring that nobody bothered to quote him. I hod a dizzy-point.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Micropenis says what?

  • Anarchy Pony

    AK47 is a commie gun, genius.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Don’t tred on my fantasies!
      Go Wolverines!

  • Reddishrabbit

    Sometimes I do wonder if net neutrality is a good thing.
    Drinks time yet?

    • Zippy

      ALWAYS

  • r€nato

    I think he needs to explain the “tip” joke a couple more times, just to make sure everyone gets it.

  • Belasaurius

    he seems nice

    • Amy!

      Bless his heart!

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    I bet he has a lot of bumper stickers on his truck.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Confederate flag van wraps, more like.

      • guppy06

        Gotta cover the rust somehow.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I bet they’re what’s holding it together.

    • cousin itt

      He’s a one truck loony.

    • Callyson

      And truck nutz.

      • willi0000000

        just the one . . . he shot the other one off ‘by accident’

    • Blank Ron

      I had no idea Tonka made trucks that big now.

  • Hammiepants

    Hahahaha, oh man, this is a plethora of cowsuit cray-cray. And it has EVERYTHING: sexism, racism, functional illiteracy, sex-based threats, paranoia – and MORE. They best watch themselves over at NewsMax, this guy has just upped the game considerably.

    • willi0000000

      once again they’re weeping and drinking heavily over at The Onion

  • stevola

    AK-47? Not AR-15? Commie.

    • RecreationalPilot

      Dem Paytryidiots luv doze Ruskie gunz.

  • KCF

    Good to see FrontPage is still in use.

    • data_ninja

      I haven’t checked the site tags, but that could have also been made by Netscape’s Composer – now compatible with HTML 3.2!

      • guppy06

        In his defense, everything (and I mean everything) went downhill with Netscape 4.0 and the introduction of frames.

  • Belasaurius

    his page says he works for the Nevada State Patrol, should we call them and let him know he’s threatening people?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Is that the Nevada Highway Patrol or is this an organization in his head?

      • RecreationalPilot

        That way, he appears to be a LEO, but actually, he’s a limp poser.

      • Blank Ron

        It’s totally real! His best friend Jimmy says it is because they have certificates!

    • CalvinianChoice

      I think he meant to say Reno 911.

      • CalvinianChoice

        Found his picture.

        • Bill Slider

          How butch.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Nevada State Patrol”? I guess it could be one of those paranoid wingnut/gun-nut militias, keepiing Las Vegas safe from the evil Obama/UN/Trilateral/Illuminati/Muslin thugs.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I googled Nevada State Patrol. All I got were links to the Nevada State Highway Patrol, so, yeah. This is legit like the Texas State Guard is just like the National Guard.

  • cousin itt

    I wondered when Bill O’Reilly would finally have a nuclear meltdown.

  • SK

    What’s with the AK-47 image on his website pointing at his domain name? Shouldn’t someone call the suicide hotline?

    • r€nato

      no.

  • Jason M

    Does a candle wick even have a “tip”?

    • Amy!

      Stamen LIBEL!!

      This man packs a pistil!

  • Zippy

    But remember, you dumbocraps are the angry ones and full of hate!

  • JMPesq

    So Dan King thinks we’re not supposed to mention what he, Dan King, said without asking Dan King for permission first? Is that what Dan King wants? That we not talk about Dan King unless Dan King says we can? I just want to understand what Dan King is saying here.

    Oh, and Dan King, here’s some words Dan King should try looking up:

    Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter,
    Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter,
    Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter

  • whitroth

    Oh, wow, he’s offering you his dick. Dear Wonkette, I’d skip that offer, since a) you’d probably need a kevlar condom, given where it’s been, and b) I’d guess it’s tiny, based on how much he loves his guns….

    mark “happiness is a warm gun?”

    • Zippy

      I’m betting it hasn’t been much of anywhere- that would explain the foaming at the mouth anger

      • elviouslyqueer

        Only his inflatable doll knows for sure.

        • Zippy
          • Steverino247

            Open the box, indeed!

          • Billy Rubin

            S’alright? S’alright!

        • Steverino247

          No, he’s got one of those RealDoll things all decked out in surplus cammies posed like she’s about to blow her plastic brains out while cleaning an AK-47, not knowing it was loaded.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          And we don’t know where the doll’s been. That’s the problem with Craigslist.

          • Blank Ron

            And/or dumpster diving.

  • Me not sure

    Once one so completely ties ones identity to an inanimate object of destruction, penis jokes become lamentably redundant.

  • JohnR

    What I don’t get is the admiration for the AK, it’s shitty Commie gun and therefore Dan and all his fellow AK Groupies hate America. Get a good American gun or at least one from Western Europe you Commie cheap ass. Edit: This comment is intended as snark for those of you who are irony deficient and can’t tell.

    • Anarchy Pony

      AK isn’t shitty, but it is commie.

      • Me not sure

        Depends on how and where it was made. They’re notoriously easy to knock-off.

        • Blank Ron

          That was part of the design philosophy.

          • Me not sure

            Power to the people! Usually the wrong people.

      • malsperanza

        The ones for sale in Africa are ecumenical.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is a very good reason why the AK is so popular throughout the world with insurgencies. You can drag the thing through the mud and it still works. You simply cannot do this with the M16/AR-15. It’s got to be kept clean in order to fire.

      The AK is not a terribly accurate firearm, but you really don’t care because the idea is to toss a lot of rounds downrange and force the other guy to duck.

      • Reddishrabbit

        There was a book I read that discussed how the whole M16 rollout was just a catastrophe of corporate greed above American lives. So much has changed, and yet so little

  • Marceline

    Dan needs to take his dick and use it to go fuck himself.

    • Land Shark

      He has to find it first.

    • Sam Hain

      You know what the difference between Dan King and a steaming pile of dogshit is?

      nothing.

  • MrBlobfish
    • JohnR

      Size issues?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Always with these twits.

      • SpideySenser

        Yah, is he “tucked”?

    • r€nato

      I would have given just about anything to be there when this picture was taken. I would not have been able to help but point and laugh hysterically at these losers.

    • SK

      Neither.

      • say wha

        Can you find 6 things wrong with this picture?

        • Boscoe

          I’m wondering why he included his pool noodle with his guns/fake guitar collection…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I think this may be all of his worldly possessions.
            The pink triple-dildo thing on the leftmost gun is what’s been puzzling me the most.

          • willi0000000

            yeah . . . like you never saw a Webley .58/.53 dildo gun before.

          • coozledad

            He owns two of them. The other one is currently in service.

            I an a sick fuck.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Right? Cheapo Walmart Fender knock-off. I wish that was the most disturbing thing about this photo.

          • anniegetyerfun

            Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

        • Gleem-McShinez

          First thing wrong: THERE’S WAY MORE THAN 6 THINGS

        • Vecciojohn

          Only six?

        • Sam Hain

          No but I can find 60, does that count?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Pop quiz! How wasted do you have to be to think taking that pic is a good idea?

        • SK

          Only slightly less drunk than he was here:

    • Me not sure

      At least the fat guy gets to look at his gun without using a mirror, and the little guy doesn’t need his magnifying glass to see his.

  • KCF

    I’m jotting down tips (no, not those tips, but maybe yes, but fergawdssake no) for my next website:
    everything,
    **** make good topic breaks,
    Arial and Times New Roman are all you need,
    Make your point effective with extra !!!!!,
    Arbitrarily CAPITALIZE words because COMMIES.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Comic Sans LIBEL!!!!!!

    • JMPesq

      I’m surprised he’s not making extensive use of the tag.

      • willi0000000

        ‘blink’ was taken out back and terminated with extreme prejudice some years ago.

        • data_ninja

          Is marquee tag still around? That was another popular favorite.

    • malsperanza

      *****and lots of asterisks*****

  • Alan Forrester

    Sigh… I love the liberal lady editor…

    • JustPixelz

      She kissed me once. It was a kind of cheek/air kiss but still …. (sighs)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And you haven’t washed the air since.

  • Hammiepants

    I hope when Obummer’s jackbooted thugs come to haul him off for his super-dangerous speak-truth-to-power subversion, they don’t scare his mom too much on their way down to haul him from the basement.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or disturb the cheeto dust too much.

      • Zippy

        dust in the wind

    • RecreationalPilot

      They’ll just have an ANG helicopter chemtrail his trailer at 6AM, when the air is still.

    • Callyson

      “Thank God you’re finally here!”

      – Mom

      • Vecciojohn

        It’s funny because it’s true.

    • Me not sure

      Trailers have basements?

      • Tansy Geek

        Bunker/tornado shelter maybe? If they have money.

    • willi0000000

      his mom knows all the agents from all the agencies . . . all they ever do now is ask her if he’s still safely down there and leave when she says “yes” . . . some of them have even started to bring coffee if it’s an early call.

  • RecreationalPilot

    I bet that whenever he’s with a woman, all he hears is, “Is it in yet?”

    • Zippy

      I’ll take that bet

      I’m willing to bet that all he hears is “Go the fuck away. I have pepper spray!”

      • Me not sure

        Putting a clip into a receiver is probably as close as he’s gotten. OOOH….. I think I just clicked!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          ZOMG, you used “clip”! Oh, the gun nutz are going to go bananas!

          (Never mind that when I was in the Army, the troops called magazines “clips” all the fucking time…geeze…)

          • Me not sure

            Sorry, I meant penis.

          • RecreationalPilot

            Much better.

          • Me not sure

            Timing.

          • Tansy Geek

            He put his penis in his phone receiver? Or did he put it in his gun? I has a confuse. sad face emoticon.

          • Me not sure

            Whatever will take it.

          • Billy Rubin

            Mr. 9mm

      • JMPesq

        I think all he hears is, “OK, that will be $100.”

        “Now THAT will be $300.”

    • Callyson

      “Is it over yet?”

    • SnarkTank

      “Bless your heart, but I’m not that desperate.” Or, also, too: “$200 will get you around the world.”

      • Zippy

        “$200 will get you around the world.”

        Yeah, but that’s only when his mom is really hard up for drug money

    • r€nato

      “only five minutes this time, son. I have to fix dinner for you soon.”

      • Blank Ron

        Yow.

    • Shibusa

      “Would you check me for ticks while you’re down there?”

    • Gil

      You want good boom boom one dollah…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And/or “Let me know when you’re done.”

    • I bet that whenever he’s with a woman

      Sorry, my imagination has limits.

  • Callyson
    • Tansy Geek

      where is the fifth, all important trait: absolute fucking idiocy?
      Never mind, I answered my own question when I realized that covers the entirety of the Internet.

  • Antimassacree

    Maybe next time the Editrix adminsters loving discipline on this doofus she should use a ballpeen hammer.

    • JustPixelz

      hee hee “ball”
      hee hee “peen”

      • Dee Andee

        he he

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That’s why the hammer has two different faces.

  • JMPesq

    Going to the original column on Dan The Man’s crazy rant, it’s by Doctor Zoom. So why is his angry reply directed at Rebecca, who’s kind of got more important things to deal with right now?

    • Zippy

      picking a fight with a girl?

      typical chickenshit wingnut move

      • shastakoala

        It’s a defense mechanism when a girl is more of a man than he is.

        • Land Shark

          and has a bigger peen, too.

          • Amy!

            Shypixel [non]LIBEL!! ?

          • Land Shark

            Shypixel has won the hand of the Lovely Liberal Editor already … he has nuthin’ he needs to prove. Unlike our gunhumping illiterate friend.

          • Amy!

            His is the peen the editrix has, though.

            :-)

    • RecreationalPilot

      ’cause Dok would kick his ass.

      • JMPesq

        Rebecca should probably easily kick his ass, too, though.

    • Vecciojohn
      • Amy!

        I like to play the banana album on Sunday mornings.

        Hey, it’s better than shooting heroin, right?

    • malsperanza

      He’s trying to ask for a date.

    • anniegetyerfun

      There are still people who send angry emails to Wonkette that are addressed to Ana Marie Cox.

  • Hammiepants

    whoo boy, that “website”. Wow. For a dude who is awaiting the Commie invasion, he sure does have a lot of Soviet ordnance porn on there. Agent provocateur, maybe?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      An agent profuckateur, definitely.

  • SK

    Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up ?

    did not make any sense at all, till I realized that “Tyrone” and some details were changed because Josh was a minor at the time.

    Tyrone Josh knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone Josh knocked up ?

    Wait, this is confusing. Josh knocked up his sisters? I thought it was only some harmless touching over their dress.

  • Spurning Beer

    The tip is the most sensitive part of the bigoted bedwetter.

  • Skwerl King

    Hey Rebecca, I’ve got a ‘Tip’ for you, Sweetheart !!!

    Actually it’s time everyone knew. Rebecca is just a pen name. Her real identity is Ron Jeremy. Ron thinks it is a good thing to hide his politics so it doesn’t interfere with his movie making. So DK if you are still up for some tipping, let us know! There is a trailer in the desert with a can of Crisco. “Ron” will be happy to meet you there…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Are you assuming that Dan doesn’t know this?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Psst! Man-King! I’m an infiltrator here, and take it from me, the only way to stop this COMMUNISTDUMBOCRAP insanity is to aim at your computer and fire. Then smash all the remaining parts to bits, take it all outside, and bury it under a full moon.

    • Anarchy Pony

      In a different state.

      • Callyson

        I’d prefer a different planet. Or maybe a different galaxy…

    • Land Shark

      Don’t forget the HAZMAT suit and tongs …. if you touch the parts you’ll get gay cooties! All those gay bytes in the inna’net wires, you see ….

    • Beaumarchais?

      …then douse your peener with lighter fluid and set it on fire. It’s the only way to keep the ghey away!

      • Vecciojohn

        No no, he has to give another man a blow job to counteract the gay cuties his computer caught from this site. It’s an old homo-pathic remedy.

  • MrBlifil

    I guess the AK is for Ass Klown?

  • SK

    Business idea for Wonkette Bazaar:

    Create a website theme that resembles ak47world.com. The font, the run-on page (like the run-on sentences) the center-justification of all text, the use of red for month, blue for year in a date, random changing of the size of the font used for the ***** style separators, …

    I bet Shypixel could whip that up faster than one of the other “Wonkette’s” recipes.

    $9.95 Patriot Website theme (price drops to $8.99 if you buy two or more)

  • D_C_Wilson

    Finally! A website to make Drudge look state of the art!

    • NellCote71

      Is Drudge Report still even a thing?

      • D_C_Wilson

        So I’ve heard.

  • shastakoala

    Dok’s a what? News to me!

  • runner_runner

    I can’t wait until after the Jade Helm drills so I can point and laugh at all the suckers.

    • Beaumarchais?

      No, no! We’re not supposed to call them “drills” until they’re over, when it’s too late.

  • m3bosha

    The best flavor of butthurt is wingnut butthurt. And damn, it kicks in fast these days! The wonder of the internetz.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “flavor of butthurt”? eeew.

  • John Avignone

    This RWNJ is actually providing an invaluable service. You can find every nutbag conspiracy theory to ever bubble up from the fetid swamps of Lower Wingnuttia archived in one place.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m sure the FBI, ATF, and/or NSA take note of who visits. Somewhere, there’s a government employee who ran the IP address and said, “Jeez, not this Dok guy again!

  • Callyson

    Yeah, I had two asshole trolls reply to me just today. I hope Mr Editrix gets overtime!

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Or at least a few shots of something strong to dull the pain.

    • Bill Slider

      Me as well.

    • Blank Ron

      Just one for me, unless I missed one while yawning.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Jeez, why do you guys have all the fun?

        • Blank Ron

          Because we otherwise have nothing else going on in our empty, despair-filled lives.

          • BackDoorMan

            … well, same here but I’m always late to the party.

          • Blank Ron

            Try setting your cocks a half hour early.

          • Blank Ron

            … I think my Freudian slip was showing there…

  • It’s too bad we can’t vote for this dude, you know, with votes.

  • Land Shark

    “I love the smell of butthurt in the morning!”

    • Me not sure

      ” It smells like… well,…. butt.”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    That web site overcompensates so speccraptacularly, I’m betting that he doesn’t even own a gun.
    First barrier is the mental health check. And if his state doesn’t have one, for freedumb, even the most rabid gun show fetishist would probably do an on-the-spot psych evaluation, and think, “I really don’t want to be responsible for arming this nutjob.”

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Go home, Josh Duggar. You’re drunk.

  • That_got_me_thinking

    Huzzah! After seeing #WingnutDan get shut down #in the original article, I was kind of hoping #for just this.

    #Pew! #Pew! #Pew! Suck it Dan.

    But before you do, here is a math question for you:
    If Dan has 100 brain cells and kills 62 by continuing to sniff wingnut glue, how many fucks will most of us give?

    • Me not sure

      You didn’t say there would be any math.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      NOT, K.

      • That_got_me_thinking

        NOT, Y?

        • Anarchy Pony

          None of them, katie.
          It’s an old wonkette joke about something that Sarah Palin said in an interview with Katie Couric. Katie asked about what publications Sarah read, and Sarah replied “All of them, Katie.”

          • I cannot count the number of times I have typed out a Wonkette meme on a different site only to realize that nobody would have a clue what in the everloving fuck I was talking about, making me look like A Idiot. I usually catch it before I hit post, however.

          • MsAnthropesMr

            There are other websites? There are memes here?

          • malsperanza

            Say, you know who else had a website with memes?

          • That_got_me_thinking

            Lulz

          • Anarchy Pony

            Yeah, I want to use aot, k all the time.

          • At least “he seems nice” isn’t that difficult to grasp for the sadly non-wonked.

          • BackDoorMan

            … Jon Stewart would agree with you. When he used the phrase on his show, I knew he reads the wonkette. Or his writers, either way it put a big one in the plus column.

          • Now that I’ve had time to reflect, I think “Also, Too” is the one I tend to fuck up and use elsewhere the most…

          • malsperanza

            The fact that Facebook does not have a strikethrough font make it virtually worthless.

    • Dee Andee

      I giveth none, I have none to giveth.

      • That_got_me_thinking

        Whence did thou findeth this? I shall useth it oft and thinketh of thou.

        • Dee Andee

          It was on another snarky comment site such as this. Verily, it cometh in handy quite often.

          • Toomush_Infer

            It’s just lovely – based (I’m guessing) on the first comic book – the Bayeax Tapestry or Embroidery..good job….

          • guppy06
          • Blank Ron

            There are other snarky comment sites? Are they this vile?

          • Dee Andee

            Ummmm…depends on who they’re being vile to. If they’re being vile to each other, it’s a lot more vile. If it’s a site whose mods seem to be on a permanent vacation, it’s even more vile. For sheer, mocking vileness (vilinity?), though, we cannot be beat. “We Hunted the Mammoth” comes pretty close though. And actually, come to think of it, I think that’s where I got that meme came from.

          • Dee Andee

            Ummmm…depends on who they’re being vile to. If they’re being vile to each other, it’s a lot more vile. If it’s a site whose mods seem to be on a permanent vacation, it’s even more vile. For sheer, mocking vileness (vilinity?), though, we cannot be beat. “We Hunted the Mammoth” comes pretty close though. And actually, come to think of it, I think that’s where I got that meme came from.

          • Anarchy Pony

            I miss Anne Boleyn’s Head…

          • guppy06

            I’m sure she misses it too.

      • malsperanza

        Which reminds me:we seem to have lost Sideways Anne Boleyn during the switch to Discus. :-(

        • anniegetyerfun

          Also Wookies, even though I know he’s alive and well and stuff, he’s almost never here.

      • Amy!

        Isn’t this from the awkward army?

        • Dee Andee

          No idea, sorry Amy, but it’s a beautiful meme. :)

    • Bad Granny

      I used up most of my fucks back in the 70s and 80s.

  • Me not sure

    Today we are all “the blog’s token gay.”

    • Whale Chowder

      I’m the token gay, and so is my wife!

      • Me not sure

        I have my wife’s proxy.

    • guppy06

      I’ll only be gay for Chuck E. Cheese tokens.

  • Awesome Man

    Do you think that come January 2017, the wingnuts will be forced to admit they were wrong, and that Obama was not a Marxist usurper hellbent on being the last president and taking every gun from law abidin’ ‘mericans?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nah . . . they’ll pat one another on the back for “exposing” the nefarious plot, making it impossible to pull off the socialist/Muslin takeover.

      • docterry6973

        But the threat must continue forever or their lives have no meaning.

        • Dee Andee

          Wingnut cray ala nutshell!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Eight years of Hillary will be close enough.

          • Blank Ron

            Eight years of Bernie will make them go mute from the continuous screeching. Yet another reason to hope he gets the nomination.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Would be fun to troll a wingnut board, and get ’em going about which would ruin America worser: Hillz, or Bernie.

          • Blank Ron

            Damn, now I REALLY wanna try that.

      • Billy Rubin

        The price of freedumb is eternal bedwetting.

    • TeenLaQueefa

      Nah.

      It’ll be Hillary the dirty socialist commie comin fer yer gunz then.

    • Ryan Denniston

      They’ve been wrong about inflation for 6 years. I won’t hold my breath.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Nevah!!!!…..

    • Relativicus

      No, if there’s a President Cruz or whomever, they’ll go back to the woods and watch their numbers drop, just like in the Dubya years. If it’s the Hiltlery Commubag, or Sanders even, they’ll just go crazier.

    • MrBlobfish

      You’re new here, aren’t ya?

      • Awesome Man

        Heh, I suppose it was a question to which I already knew the answer.

  • Ricky Gay

    this man needs an enema

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He’s so full of shit his eyes are brown. Left ear, or right?

      • Ricky Gay

        rightie of course

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Where is that miracle mineral solution, again?

    • Msgr_Moment

      With deleted commenters like that, who needs an enema?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I really feel that the quality of the trolling ’round here has declined considerably as of late. Thanks Disqus (And also too Obama)!

    • Bad Granny

      We’ve made some new friends though.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Quite true. And some lovely ones at that!

  • Bill Slider

    Three point type. The only animal that reads three point type is an ant.

  • Me not sure

    Mr. the AK man, I have President Obama on line one. He says he giving you a pass on that confiscation thing because you seem so nice. Then he said “apres moi, le deluge” whatever that means.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    But isn’t the AK47 a COMMUNIST GUN???

    Why do you hate America?

  • docterry6973

    I thought we confiscated all the guns in ’09. Wasn’t Newell in charge of that?

  • Enfant Terrible

    You gave this derpazoid a whole article? Slow news day?

  • Joshua Goldfond

    If Obama was the Stalin-esque dictator that he is supposed to be, I can only assume that A.K. Dan would have been executed by now. Or maybe Dan’s got O’Bummer running scared!!111!!111

    Alternately, there is at least a 50% that A.K. Dan is some guy named Yuri working for one them Russian Internet Troll Farms you hear about in the news.

    • Zippy

      no, he’s real. I found him

      • dimplasm

        Let me guess, his name is Lawrence and he can’t get a date, even withose amazingly smooth pickup lines.

        • Zippy

          WRONG! His name is Dan

          (the rest of it is undoubtedly true)

      • Blank Ron

        Why on Earth did you LOOK?

        • Anarchy Pony

          Morbid curiosity?

  • Anarchy Pony

    Obama has just passed legislation outlawing America forever, the gun confiscation begins in five minutes.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It’s about time! I knew I voted for him for a reason,

  • Ryan Denniston

    Someone check, where’s Ted Nugent. Oh, he’s home. Well…

    • Bad Granny

      According to the calendar, he’s either dead or in jail.

      • BehaveYrself

        Has anyone actually seen crazy AKDan and crazy Ted in the same room?!

        • Bad Granny

          Good point, they are both confirmed pants-shitters.

  • Rickyphoo

    What kind of a pussy buys a piece of shit AK-47? Everybody know that the AR15/M4 is a much, much better weapon.

    • Enfant Terrible

      The AK47 is kind of the Harley-Davidson of the ammosexual crowd. AR15s are more accurate, but AK47s will take a lot of abuse and still not jam. Plus, they’re noisy mothers.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Higher caliber also, too.

    • Objectifer

      The prefered weapon of child soldiers everywhere.

  • SadDemInTex

    My face hurts from laughing so hard after reading the comments of my fellow Wonketeers. You guys are so mean and so smart and so funny. Wow, just wow!

    • Bad Granny

      And sexy, we’re all sexy.

      • Lady Bug

        I know, I’m doing myself right now.

    • Lady Bug

      It’s like you know me!

  • docterry6973

    Whisper sweet nothings to our Editrix? Take a number, pal.

  • Zippy

    ol Danny is an interesting little wingnut. I won’t dox him completely, but it wasn’t that hard to get the 411 on him, despite his attempts to hide/lie/obfuscate. it must be a tough commute for him to be a Highway Patrol officer in Nevada, considering he lives in the Denver metro area running AK47world and setting up booths at local gun shows (the ones he hasn’t been banned from). He likes to rant a lot on social media and his fellow gun enthusiasts think he’s a weirdo and nutcase, and he has quite the reputation as a scammer/ripoff artist.

    http://www.akfiles.com/forums/showthread.php?t=187863

    • Anarchy Pony

      Nice.

    • Incoming Ham

      Someone described him “as nutty as squirrel shit.”

      • Anarchy Pony

        I’ve always been partial to the phrase “crazier than a shit house rat”.

        • Vienna Woods

          “Like a rat in a coffee can” is my personal favorite.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      No address and phone number? I hoping to look him up for a few beers next time I’m in his area.

      • Zippy

        it’s not hard to find- I just have a moral and ethical problem with the concept of doxxing- even for an assclown like this guy. BTW, his cell number is on his website- a reverse phone number lookup goes a long way…

    • Blank Ron

      Thanks, Zippy, for taking all the wonder and mystery out of life.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Buzz kill, right?

        • Blank Ron

          Fer sure, dude.

    • Blank Ron

      Thanks, Zippy, for taking all the wonder and mystery out of life.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    The only way to stop a bad commentator with a gun is with a good commentator with a Banhammer of Loving Correction.

    • toomanyrappers

      Or just don’t allow comments. ;)

  • Enfant Terrible

    OT and Nice Time – that Georgia lady will not be charged with murder for aborting her pregnancy. And charges have been dropped against those folks in Mississippi who cheered at their children’s graduation.

    • Dee Andee

      Good news! Thank you!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Good news on both fronts.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Good. I’m glad. Thanks for the info.

    • Blank Ron

      Good to know, and a pleasant antidote to Dan and his derp.

    • Blank Ron

      Good to know, and a pleasant antidote to Dan and his derp.

  • I still get a chuckle when I read comments from True Patriots and their Fight for LIBERTY and the Beauty of the Constitution all the time they’re waving AKs…the product of the Evil Empire and the choice of terrorists everywhere.

    • georgiaburning

      AK’s were designed, brilliantly you must admit, to be repaired with and used by low-skill tools. This guy fits the profile

  • Bad Granny

    I don’t think he meant “AK” I think he just misspelled…

    • Amy!

      Thpppppppptttttttttt!

  • Gristle McThornbody

    What an idjit. What bothered me even worse than the unfinished sentence was the fact that he started it out by putting quotes around his own statement. Doi, doi.

    • Relativicus

      Maybe that’s the oath his employees say at the start of the workday following the “Pledge of Allegiance”?

    • Bad Granny

      Took me a few tries to read this. The poor feller thinks he’s witty.

      • Blank Ron

        Almost makes you not want to disabuse him of the notion.
        Almost.

      • Blank Ron

        Almost makes you not want to disabuse him of the notion.
        Almost.

  • Bad Granny

    Random quotation “marks” FTW.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I note that security has been tightened up in the wake of Dan the Dumbass’ recent screed.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I went to the website. Now I am officially afraid. Jesus, I need a big, big gun to protect me from these idiots.

      • Anarchy Pony

        IKR? These nutbars are why I feel the need to second ‘mendment.

  • FDRliberal

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!! Kerry’s “ACCIDENT” was a FALSE FLAG, designed by DICTATOR O’Bummer to distract us from the soon to come MILITARY TAKEOVER of Texas!!! KING Obama’s IRS agents are currently hiding out in a Dallas Cracker Barrel awaiting orders. Once the orders are given, Obama’s MUSLIM LIBERAL army will fan out across Texas imposing the GAY SHARIA martial law. Patriots will be locked up in FEMA CAMPS and be forced to bake cakes for GAY WEDDINGS!!!

    • Ghost of Eustace Tilley, is that you?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Martial law, or marital law? Only the perpetrators of the Ghey Agenda ™ know for sure!

    • Walter Wellstone

      Fucking hilarious. Do it again!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You have to use “marshall law” to be more convincingly unhinged.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And where’s the UN? Everybody knows they’re involved.

        • Anarchy Pony

          and the New Reptinati.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Where do I sign up for your newsletter?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I was with you until the bit about the Dallas Cracker Barrel. First of all, everybody knows Obama’s minions are hiding out in Walmarts. Secondly, YOU DIDN’T CAPITALIZE IT!!!1!! I can only assume that you are IN ON THE PLOT!!!!!!!!11,1,!,1!1!,!1111!

    • Lady Bug

      You’re missing Benghazi!1

    • MrBlobfish

      I will wake up when George Soros tells me to, thank you very much.

    • ANNG14

      Too funny!

  • Toomush_Infer

    True grifting always includes a bit of Patriot santorum with its bullshit….

    • Walter Wellstone

      Duggar him.

  • FDRliberal

    I would recommend two things for “Dan”: (1) Obtain psychiatric care via ACA immediately. (2) Reduce the distance of those drop shadows.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The butt hurt is strong with that one.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    I’ll give him points for honesty.

    I mean, when your penis consists entirely of tip, you really should put quotes around it.

  • Relativicus

    Oh, and I suppose when people say “hashtag[whatever]”, that’s useless too?!?

    • Amy!

      hashtag[LIBEL]!!!eleventeen!

  • kindness

    poor guy. But we all know Wonkette does not allow comments.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I’d love to see his face when the Agenda 21 troops snatch him off the street and Jade Helm his ass into the FEMA camp.

    • Relativicus

      I imagine it’d be a mix of self-satisfaction and relief.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I dunno…even FEMA camps have scruples.

  • anon_the_great

    That just hurt. I’m moving to Canada if they will have me.

    • Yeah, come on up, but you’re buying the beer.

      • Amy!

        Oh? Are y’all importing beer now? Last I heard you just had that thin shit, like Budweiser except in bottles.

        • Enfant Terrible

          Take off, eh? They got Molson’s and Labatt’s, which are much, much better than Fosters.

          Wait, that’s not saying much.

          • anniegetyerfun

            I’m not a beer expert, but I’ve had enough cheap-o beers in both Canada and the US to say that Labatt’s isn’t much different than Budweiser.
            Give me a dirty martini over all of that any day, anyway.

          • Vienna Woods

            Labatts sucks, and I used to walk past the plant every day. My favorite mass market beer is Sleeman’s.

          • That’s what we typically drink at rehearsals, as it’s the only beer we can all seem to agree on.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Time to find another band.

          • anniegetyerfun

            Can’t say I have tried that one. Since I live near Seattle, I am legally obligated to only drink microbrews. Also, I have to grow a beard. I am thinking of moving.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          They’ve got good stuff: Maudite, La Fin du Monde and Don de Dieu, for starters. That’s if you assume Quebec is really part of Canada.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Le Fin and Don and the bomb!

        • Personally, I drink red beers. I also like a nice hoppy IPA when the opportunity arises to get one.

  • Walter Wellstone

    This is hard evidence that mental illness is no joke. This dude is really fucked up in the head. Poor bastard.

  • katahdin

    Why do I get the impression that his “tip” has been turned down more times than a hotel blanket?
    Also, too: MRA?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Turned down? I suspect it starts out down.

  • Incoming Ham

    The other AK boards have been trolling him for over 10 years. The scary thing is, as some of them pointed out, (paraphrasing) this guy is crazy and armed and that’s not a great thing…hope he doesn’t hurt anyone, etc.

    His aura is pretty dark, man.

    • Lady Bug

      I’ve never been on a AK board before, but I figure you must be pretty out there if other gun humpers are trolling you.

    • MrBlobfish

      Would they be the AK-47 People’s Front or the People’s Front of AK-47’s?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Splitters!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    At least he’s not a nihilist.

    • weejee

      That Kant be true?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ask Heiduggar.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Putting all Descartes on the table, I see.

    • VandeGraf

      I don’t believe that.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Thirty bucks for a list of links to “good” dealers of fake AK-47’s? That is some serious grift.

  • sillyclucker

    Is this one Brony Killer? Or is this another jackass?

    • Dee Andee

      Not sure, me. They all sound the same after awhile.

    • MrBlobfish

      Prolly. He did have a chubby for Dok.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Who among us …

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Something tells me a nap and a juice box aren’t going to suffice for this one.

  • Charles Cates

    Wonkette needs to hire a bouncer.

  • vivian

    Poor Doodlebug Dan…

  • Arse Grammatica

    If I want to explore Editrix with peen does that make me a wingnut?

    (asking for a friend)

  • VandeGraf

    Sadly the AK Man has a lot of fellow travelers these days. But, having read some history, I can say it was always thus. The merely have a wider stump audience these days due to the internet. He rags so much about gays, he’s probably totally repressed and doesn’t even see the walls of the closet closing in around him. (That was — just barely– a question of the ya think maybe variety.)

    • Incoming Ham

      It was *oddly* comforting to read the other AK board and see that they thought he was batshit and wanted nothing to do with him.

  • weejee

    AK Man needs to get his balls peen hammered. With Kalashnikov votes, obvs.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      AK Man needs to get his balls and peen hammered.

      fify

  • Is it really a tip, when it’s the whole thing?

    Also, for the Babby-Watchers: Trix and I have settled into the Labor and Delivery room, Trixel’s time has come…

    • Toomush_Infer

      Counting with you….and breathe….

    • Lady Bug

      Sending good thoughts

    • weejee

      Many best wishes!

      Puff, puff, puff, and hugs too, also.

    • BloviateMe

      Count me in, I’m boiling water! I think that’s what we’re supposed to do.

      • Sheepshagger

        Tear up some sheets. Doesn’t help, but it pisses off klanners.

    • Bad Granny

      As an old lady who has had a whole bunch of kids come out of her butt, drugs man, use all the drugs. Also, grats.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yes – fuck that “natural” bullshit. We stopped shitting in the woods, we learned to cook our food, and we invented painkillers. No reason to go back on any of them.
        Wishing you good luck and a short labor!

        • Whollyholeyholy

          Thank you for that! Second born was a surprise breech. I arrived in labor with her butt to the door out, and when they said, “c-section?” I was all, “We can go through the drive thru? Sign me UP.”

          • Lizzietish81

            I was a breech and they knocked mom out for a C Section, but I decided to fuck that and came out ass first to the world.

            Out of the three of us she said it was her favorite birth, she slept through most of it!

      • PsycWench

        I totally second that. As an older mom myself, I shut down any discussion of natcheral childbirth with “I am 37 years old and I don’t have to prove jack shit to anyone”. It works so well that I am still using it! (with age adjustments).

    • Anarchy Pony

      Good luck. Remember, too much time on the internet can cause prenatal mutations, so don’t be scared…

    • Sheepshagger

      Good thoughts from the antipodes.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Yay! Enjoy! It’s a fuckton of work, but more fun than people usually admit (the actually raising a babby part, not the pushing one out of your vagina part, Trix).

    • cousin itt

      Where the fuck is the 24/7 CNN babby cam/computer grafixxxed birth canal with simulated babby, hosted by Wolf Blitzed?

      • thepoliticalcat

        I didn’t get blitzed enough. *flees again*

      • Bad Granny

        With holographic vagina.

    • Callyson

      We all send Trix and you our good thoughts. Can;t wait to see the baby pictures!

    • thepoliticalcat

      ERMAGERD. AUK. Best wishes & all that shit. OMG. Relax. Breathe deep. *flees*

    • Mehmeisterjr

      All the up-carets.

    • Biff52

      PUSH!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Best thoughts with Trix, Trixel, and you, Shy, the one biting his nails.

    • Alex Grey

      I am sending all my snark and sarcasm your way!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Trixel” it is! Yay!

    • Lizzietish81

      I thought she was in labor a month ago, what the hell are you doing to her?

      Remember Shy if it has tentacles that probably means it wasn’t yours.

      Unless there’s something you haven’t told us.

      • bobbert

        I was always a little unclear about last month. I saw Trix and Shy in SF in mid-September, when they were still on their first date. Even if you figure bang in early September, it puts nine months at the end of May, and primagravidae are almost always a little late. Paging Drs. Braxton and Hicks.

        Nevertheless, it’s time for Jerk Baby to let go.

    • I, for one, am looking forward to snark from a babby’s perspective on the spin off site TerribleNewsForTerribleBabbies.com

    • Attention all gun humping wingnuts:

      For every moranic message posted, we, The Wonketariat, shall push babbies out of our collective butts to offset your derp now and in the future.

      Derp is the new Pitocin.

      • BehaveYrself

        Willing to get knocked-up for the cause.

    • sillyclucker

      Oooooh! !! Exciting! I hope it’s either a boy or a girl! !!11!!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wonderful. Another secular humanist en route.

    • HuddledMass

      GOGOGOGOGO! Pixel and Trix for the win!

    • PsycWench

      WOO-HOO! Tell Trix that the first postdelivery pee is the BEST..you forget your bladder could ever hold that much! (the first postdelivery poop is another story :(

    • malsperanza

      We are on Trixelwatch! A new commie is about to join the Collective! Best wishes for a smooth landing.

    • jmk

      Woot woot!! Come on, baby human!!!

  • kfreed

    This is what happens when you spend your life holed up in a bunker with nothing but Ron Paul YouTube videos for company.

    • cessnadriver

      And, of course, you NSRA logo tweezers.

  • VandeGraf

    I wonders if Dan can hit the barn side of a broad with even one of them 7.62s? Might shoot him off a coupla clips in, say, fifteen twenty minutes, fumble with a few, drop some, shoot his foot, curse a lot, have some more Jolt, go back to the GameBoy.

    • Enfant Terrible

      He could empty a clip into his own foot, no doubt.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      From inside the barn, maybe.

  • Markuserektus

    Shell shock…

  • old_redneck

    I’m a Vietnam veteran — two tours as an infantry officer.

    I have scars where I was shot by AK-47’s. I’m missing two fingers of my left hand, removed by an AK round.

    I don’t like the AK-47 nor do I care for people who carry one.

    Anyone who worships the AK-47 as this asshole does better hope I don’t catch up with him.

    • Legion32

      I’m a retired vet myself
      (22 yrs and fortunately made it that far without ever being shot at directly)
      and I have NEVER understood the self-described “patriotic” types
      fascination with AK-47’s. Would never own one. Maybe it’s my quiet
      patriotism. Thank you for your service old_redneck

      • NotALiar

        You guys rule

        • cousin itt

          All the upfists.

      • guppy06

        I heard somewhere (though I can’t remember where) that it’s traceable to that one scene with Samuel L. Jackson in Jackie Brown.

    • weejee

      I was there as well. Didn’t much care for either the AKs or the SKS carbines.

  • DahBoner

    I also try to stay away from Romanian/Vermont cheese, maple syrup and overpriced ice cream!!!1!1!

    http://media0.giphy.com/media/dAoRZGfSLxuUg/200w_d.gif

    • Doug Langley

      Is that Mexican Jumping Bean flavor?

      • ButchWagstaff

        Looks like Quivering Mint.

        • nanuq1

          The wheel of quivering mint conception.

          • beatbort

            Bonus points for the Kerouac reference!

  • Metadude

    Ew, I think you need to clean out the network of tubes after that exchange.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    His ability to continuously maintain the same punctuation style is admirable.

  • John

    the level of abject fear that this fool is displaying shows that he is truly a coward. Well, that and the really crappy web design, seriously, I know 5 year olds who can put together better pages to sell their lemonade. More proof that the real world has nothing to fear from these losers, we should only pity their poor, terrified little hearts..

    • Steverino247

      Pity? No. Point and laugh.

    • nanuq1

      He thinks he has a penis.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Guns are boring. Go away boring gun goober! Come back when you get a real hobby.

  • thepoliticalcat

    Does he know that ‘Trix already has as much peen as she can cope with? Also too there is a occupant of ‘Trix’ ladyparts who might not care for even the TIP of Dan? Which s/he might nibble off in a feral moment of fetal terrorism?

    We’re just speculating here and stuff.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You’ve got to assume that his knowledge of tips is strictly theoretical, much like his knowledge of everything else.

      • thepoliticalcat

        There IS that.

        • bobbert

          Z! How you is?

  • Kat Anyperson

    If ever there was an argument to be made for spiking the water supply with lithium, this individual would be it.

  • Alex Grey

    I feel so discriminated against! Why do these Second Amendment Patriots™ never defend my right to walk around town, with a sword strapped to my back!?!?

    • Steverino247

      Blade?

      • Alex Grey

        You kidding??? If I were black and walking around with a sword, I would get shot, not just arrested.

        • Steverino247

          Shot AT maybe. Dude, you’d pull that sword out and swish-swish-swish swipe those redneck bullets out of the air then go full Veg-e-matic on those fuckers.

    • Incoming Ham

      I have been curious about why sword canes are illegal if there is concealed carry. Really – why can’t one have a licence?.

  • Calboy

    i want to tread on them…all of them

    • OctopiRage

      You can borrow my boots.

  • Anarchy Pony

    I knew I would enjoy the new Dumbassic World attraction.

  • elpinche
    • Dee Andee

      Oh Jesus, it’s that…that…guy? Thing? It? Holy crap, the first picture was terrible enough! lol

    • Steverino247

      Man, I’d hate to be that guy in the picture…

      • Querolous
        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          His own words:
          “As far as the pictures go it pleases me greatly when people can see
          these for what they are. A joke on the internet. Not to be taken
          seriously, and certainly not to be used to judge who I am or stand for.
          I’m quite anti-racist, do not suffer from paranoia, and am not
          affiliated with any organized religion. I just happen to enjoy
          collecting guns, and am thankful I have a place to talk about the hobby
          with people that aren’t insane tinfoil hat types.”

          Doesn’t prevent us from using the pix as we do, for snark, but it’s interesting that the guy is someone you would, in fact, like to have a beer with.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Only if he had pants. I am a snob. If he wore pants, I’d have a beer with him.

          • bobbert

            Pants? What kind of Wonketeer are you?

          • Angry_Cop

            That’s actually kind of epic. Good for him. The pics are always LOL hilarious.

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            Indeed, we have been using these pix exactly as he intended.

        • HuddledMass

          Providing these comical/revolting images to the internet is a public service!

        • Steverino247

          All the more reason…

      • Oginikwe

        I hate that it snuck up on me and I looked at it.
        Triggered my gag reflex.

    • Alex Grey

      AB is shocked!

    • Oginikwe

      Ohhh! Now I have to bleach my eyes!

  • Treg Brown

    This is disturbing. No fucking snark. You guys stay safe please.

  • Steverino247

    Recruits in basic training don’t need to know as much about weapons as the ammosexuals seem to. They probably make up names for parts of the firing pin just to upstage each other at NRA meetings. Further proof that they’re obsessed.

  • guppy06

    how much money will be left when he gets out ?

    Is it saved in an interest-bearing account? What’s the rate of inflation?

    If you’re gonna be anarcho-capitalist, it helps to know a little bit about finance!

  • guppy06

    Thinking back… didn’t CommieMommy make sure ‘Trix knew how to field-strip an AK47? So that it’s entirely possible that Editrix knows more about the gun than this guy?

  • Alex Grey

    For the runner of a website that does not allow comments, (other then here of course,) he sure bitches a lot about not being allowed to comment.

  • Dolmance

    I don’t get it. I was doing a random search for “antisemitic talking horse,” and I ended up here somehow.

  • Jan Ness

    Thanks for the entertainment….and I thought only @cspanwj had all the crazies!

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    It had more Jade Helm stuff. I am really going to be disappointed if at least one state isn’t taken over by the army.

    • OctopiRage

      The Federal Government took over ALL the states!!!!1!!!1!1! Wake up SHEEPLE!!!1!!1!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        USA! USA!

  • Lizzietish81

    So when is Shy going to call him out for a duel to defend his lady’s honor?

    • sillyclucker

      I think the tradition is for him to slap the guy with his gloves first.

    • I called him out on Twitter.

      More flying monkeys there.

      • thepoliticalcat

        Stop subtweeting me like that, dude. Besides, I had a crush on ‘Trix FIRST.

        PS: How’s tings?

  • Lizzietish81

    What IS it about web design that Republicans find so difficult?

    • It’s a form of art, and like comedy and music, they simply cannot grasp it.

    • Hiptobesquare

      It’s queer! Like all the arts! The only art real menz is innerested in is porn films!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I wonder if he’ll carry my product on his website. It’s an artisanal tinfoil hat, made with real USAmerican tin.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Being artisanal and all, can you make one that includes a Xanax drip?

  • Brewerofbeers

    So he does not understand quotation marks, hash tags, or the word “drivel.” #murica.

    • karma-based_lifeform

      Communist dribble = always go left to the basket?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Commie dribble game is just a big circle around the court, like nascar but with a bouncy ball

  • Brewerofbeers

    Also, why do #welfarequeens, like Dan, always feel #entitled to other people’s property?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Are dumbasses that get themselves Banhammered still able to stick around and read all the wonderfully horrible shit Wonketeers say about them? Can they be required to do so?

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    The tip of his cock? Ooh, Rebecca, what a gentleman he is! Quick, snap him up before the other wimmins start fighting over him!

    • jmk

      Well… he calls it “the tip,” but I suspect that’s just to spare himself the embarrassment of having to explain that yes, that’s all there is.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    He seems….nice.
    Poor Danny Boy, I have a ‘tip’ for you: You are absolutely not important in this or any other world. Now shuddup and go make the Trix a sammich

  • Ilgattomorte

    Have you noticed that when a moron is blocked, a cry of Fascism will soon follow.
    I suppose it’s like the old adage:
    “First they blocked the Jews from Twitter, but I said nothing, for I was not a Jew. Then they kept the Blacks and Gays from Pinterest and I did not speak, for I am not Black or Gay. But, now they have come for my Instagram account and it is too late.”

    Wake up people! There is no freedom if we can’t post meaningless drivel in 144 characters or less. Freedom isn’t free …well actually …social media is kinda free ….sorta.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Freedom isn’t Free. Except that it totally is and what is not actually free is representational democracy with a population of a few hundred million or whatever, but I digress.

  • Angry_Cop

    I like a gun that can actually hit what’s it’s aimed at. The AK and its many variants can’t do that.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I just wonder why so many self-declared patriots seem to love a COMMIE rifle.

  • jviscont1

    should we be alarmed that Romania has an arms deal with Vermont?

    • Bad Granny

      Not until Vermont gives Maine special trade partner status.

  • Hammiepants

    DANIEL KING is over on his wicked cool Angelfire “website” crying like a little bitch because people are “disparaging him” and taking the name of DANIEL KING in vain. DANIEL KING says to cease and desist. DANIEL KING says if you say mean things about him on a “public blog” (what is a “private blog”, I wonder?), he is coming for you. DANIEL KING does not understand how the interwebs work.

    • Bad Granny

      Maybe DANIEL KING is just upset because he can’t get the nurse to change his diaper. For all we know, the only time DANIEL KING can get a chubby is during a diaper change. Since, by his own admission all DANIEL KING has is a tip, he might be sensitive about the subject of DANIEL KING’S TINY PENIS that only works when it’s smeared with poo. I mean, I don’t know, but we need to speculate, it would be irresponsible not to.

    • timpundit

      DANIEL KING is crying like a little bitch? That seems so typical of one, DANIEL KING. And then for DANIEL KING to call for cease and desist only cements what sad little bitch he really is, that DANIEL KING.

    • GDleftyPart2

      Does he feel proud?
      Always come armed.
      Never come unarmed.
      I like African Violets.
      Evan sounds like a nice name.
      Looneys always need to know when the gun show is.

      Kids will be kids.
      I like the editrix too.
      Nuts fall from the trees.
      Get off my lawn.

      Thanks to Kirby Delauter……

  • Zippy

    Turns out dipshit Dan has updated his geocities website. Apparently, he’s quite butthurt about being humiliated on a commie marxist mommyblog

  • SK

    Looks like he has come unglued. Either that, or someone added krazy glue to his unguent.

    “SPECIAL NOTICE: Anyone who Publicly disparages or derides the owner of this Website (Daniel King) WILL BE EXPOSED likewise & by Publicly naming Daniel King on Public Blogs – they THEN invite ‘What Goes Around Comes Around’ (Fair Game) retaliation from Daniel King !!!”

    Is there a way to Private naming Daniel King on Public Blogs?

    • jmk

      Hmmm… maybe if you put his name in italics or something? Something like:

      As this is a public blog, I’d just like to say that I very, very much disparage and deride that utter, nitwitted asshole Daniel King.

      • SK

        Now you have done it.

        You’ll be subject to ‘What Goes Around Comes Around’ (Fair Game) retaliation from Daniel King !!!”

        Maybe he’ll hashtag his word salad to you.

        • jmk

          I could use the laugh.

        • Steve Zakszewski

          Now you’ve bloody well done it. His name’s been posted 3 times and now he’s been summoned. Or does that only work with Beetlejuice?

  • brucej

    Funny how these ammosexuals fetishize the weapons of our enemies.

    • handyhippie65

      they, and their ammo are relatively inexpensive. that is the clue to their popularity.

      • brucej

        So, in the end, ol’ Niki Khrushchev was right…they WILL bury us. In cheap semi-automatic weapons for wingnuts to kill their families with.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh no something tells Daniel has experience with exposure of his gun at the local school yard.

    • HeatherENowak

      53$/hour@wonkette

      >/

  • Steve Zakszewski

    Fucknuts is doing the gun humpers a vital public service. The next one who wants to show up and shoot up a police station can get accurate reviews of the best weaponry and accessories for the job.

  • Rabbit_Rebozo

    Man, I stay away for a few days and miss all kinds of fun shit!

  • Joseph

    Poor dan, he is an unreconstructed paranoid twat waffle with delusions of adequacy. He fills the drea m of any true patriot by selling Communist Weapons and supples out of his garage or the trunk of his car. Whne his not peddling communist fire arms, he is out harassing people on the highway. I suspect he makes a compelling case to have the NVHP jobbed out to private contractors and ex-felons.

  • Joseph

    Forgot to ask Danial, do you get a service pin for your time dealing with Jade Helmet? I hear it will be a doughnut with clusters suspended from a big blue ribbon.

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