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Jesus loves the little children, unless they're super-duper gay. SING ALONG!

Poor persecuted Franklin Graham, insane wingnut son of evangelist Billy Graham and president of his daddy’s association, saw a Wells Fargo ad on the teevee, and the ad had lesbians in it, and this shall not stand! So he took his mad right to the Facebook and announced what he was gonna do: close the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association’s Wells Fargo accounts (because he controls them now that his dad is 96) and move them to a better, more gay-hatey bank:

Have you ever asked yourself–how can we fight the tide of moral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media, and the gay & lesbian community? Every day it is something else! Tiffany’s started advertising wedding rings for gay couples. Wells Fargo bank is using a same-sex couple in their advertising. And there are more. But it has dawned on me that we don’t have to do business with them. At the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, we are moving our accounts from Wells Fargo to another bank.

HUZZAH, take that, Wells Fargo! So off Graham went with all his moneys in a knapsack, and found a new bank, BB&T, which sponsored a gay pride thing in Miami Beach just this year. Oops. The gays are ERRWHERE, run for your lives! But it’s okay, for two reasons: One, BB&T only got a score of 80 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index, as opposed to Wells Fargo’s perfect 100, so the new bank is only 80 percent as gay-lovey as the sinner-hole known as Wells Fargo. And two, Graham saved $100,000 by switching to Sprint GEICO BB&T. So, hurray!

Graham also told listeners on Tony Perkins’ Washington Watch radio program that Christians shouldn’t buy things from Nike, Tiffany, or Starbucks, because those companies all “promote the gay lifestyle” and don’t even protest military funerals for God Hates Fags purposes or things along those lines.

YES, Graham is a contemptible ass, and he’s also cherry-picking, because if he REALLY believed all this stuff, enough to actually put his business where his mouthhole is, he would also boycott the following companies, all of which are too gay-lovey for a fine Christian such as himself:

  • Facebook: DOH, Graham should not have written that temper tantrum on Mark Zuckerberg’s website, because while it’s not listed on the HRC’s Corporate Equality Index, it did sign on to an amicus brief asking the Supreme Court to please throatcram America with gay marriage.
  • And don’t go Googling around for a wingnut alternative to Facebook, because Google is so gay married to gayness that it, too, got a 100.
  • In fact, he probably ought to stay away from computers ENTIRELY, as Apple, Microsoft, Dell, and a Holy Host of others have perfect scores! And Apple and Microsoft also signed onto the SCOTUS brief about gay marriages.
  • We know that wingnuts tend to prefer Walmart to Target, but Walmart’s jumped all the way up to a 90 on the Corporate Equality Index. Heck, it even bullied Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson into refusing to sign a “religious freedom” AKA Fuck The Gays bill! No more low, low prices for you, Frank. Can’t switch to Target either; it got 100, and Kmart did too.
  • NO MORE FOOD AND DRINK! Unless Graham is content to feast only on rotten Tyson chicken and Nestle bars, he’s going to die of starvation, because most large food stores and brands score between 80 and 100 on the list. Coke and Pepsi! Not for a godly man like Graham!

Also? Water, air and God-Jesus, because God-Jesus made the gays IN HIS GAY IMAGE and loves them very much, see you in hell, Franklin Graham.

[Franklin Graham on Facebook / Right Wing Watch / HRC Corporate Equality Index via Washington Post]

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