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Trust no one

Monday, we received an item in our email that was so mind-blowingly important that our minds were literally blown. It is rather messy in the office now. You may have thought that John Kerry was some kind of elitist sissy bicyclist who broke his effete right femur while cycling in the French Alps, but that just means that you’re another dupe of the lamestream media. Now the real story can be told, according to tipster “danielking4” at redacted dot redacted, in a message addressed to Wonkette and at least 30 other news organizations.

Here is the shocking truth, in its unredacted shocking truthfulness:

Hey there #ObamaMedia,

Has anyone of you Obamanistas wondered that if John Kerry simply had a broken leg, why is there no bedside interviews ???

Because if intelligence from Russia’s SVR, Drudge & Mike Petit is true, #ISIS attempted to assassinate John Kerry in France & while Kerry was flown back to Boston, it wasn’t for a simple broken leg !!!

And of course from the Regime that tells you #Bergdahl served with ‘distinction’, you can keep your same healthcare plan, #Benghazi was only because of a video & there isn’t a #Smidgen of Corruption at the #IRS, certainly you can accept their John Kerry broken leg story, right ???

Picture our worldview as it shattered. Suddenly, it was all clear: Politico’s snotty attempt to paint Kerry as an out-of-touch elitist because he rode a bicycle in France — it was all part of the ruse! Oh, sure, make the Wonkets laugh at our ridiculous story, and they won’t dig for the truth, no they won’t. So we fired up the Google machine, put the copper strainer on our head (tinfoil is for amateurs), powered up the white noise generator so the CIA couldn’t hear our keystrokes, and checked it out: It’s all true!

According to very serious website “WhatDoesItMean.com,” Kerry was attacked while meeting with ISIS leaders in France (because the CIA secretly runs ISIS) and flown back to the USA barely alive. He was greeted at Boston’s Logan Airport by Barack Obama, who secretly flew there after the May 31 attack to meet Kerry as he desperately clung to life. Here’s how clever the coverup has been: The Russian intelligence source for the Real Truth claims that Americans have been duped by a completely different cover story than the story about Kerry meeting a danger in the Alps:

To the American propaganda media continuing the “cover story” that Secretary Kerry broke his leg while falling off of a stationary bicycle in France when he was supposed to be in Switzerland, needed an immediate evacuation back to the US aboard the American military’s largest and most advanced airborne medical hospital, and then stayed awake for 4 hours of grueling surgery, this report concludes, is a falsehood so blatant only the most unsophisticated of persons could ever find it plausible.

Color us gobsmacked. Everything we thought we knew is wrong, and now we don’t quite know what to do. Especially when Richard Dreyfuss showed up, measured the bite radius, and proclaimed, “This was no boating accident!”

A little more googling brought us to the most incredible cover story of all: A Jerusalem Post article that attributed the whole “Kerry survived an assassination attempt” conspiracy theory to Iranian media, which have a history of fanciful reporting, like claiming that Israel was building settlements in Iraq and that the Israeli government was spreading the Krav Maga martial art to secretly promote Zionism, especially among Hollywood celebrities.

We look forward to Alex Jones fans Demanding! Answers! Now! all over our interwebs. Obviously, this is just one more attempt to distract us from Benghazi.

[Jerusalem Post / WhatDoesItMean.com]

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  • Skwerl King

    Somebody didn’t take their meds.

    • fka_donnie_d

      Why the past tense?

  • JMPesq

    “Because if intelligence from Russia’s SVR, Drudge & Mike Petit is true, ”

    While I don’t think I’ve of Mike Petit before, Drudge and the organization formerly known as the KGB are not exactly as trustworthy sources, knucklehead.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I would trust the KGB before I would trust Drudge. And I would trust the KGB just about as far as my cat could throw them, and my cat can’t throw anything but up.

  • Sharkey

    I’m not bothering to look it up, but I wonder what #Smidgen is used for.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    #crazyfucker, #offmeds, #thetruthisoutthere

  • Sharkey

    He probably has a +9 Smidgen of Corruption in Warcraft.

  • Sheepshagger

    Just imagine the sever service meeting:

    “Fellas, we know you can’t stay sober, or stop stealing, or avoid crashing into the barriers wasted on peyote and pineal gland, but good job on keeping the massive conspiracy secret. Chicken ranch for everyone!”.

  • JMPesq

    Sticking the number symbol before random words and phrases doesn’t do anything unless you’re using Twitter; stop doing that in other mediums like email, it’s useless and just makes you look dumb. Not that this loon needs any help with that.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Every little bit helps to make sure Alex Jones pays attention to you, though.

    • weejee

      His hash has been tagged.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      From now on, I’m getting all my news by following the #smidgen hashtag.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Can you crosspost it here for all of us who are too stupid to go to other sites because we get all our news from Wonkette?

    • gedjcj

      IKR, I was reading along thinking “who the fuck uses hashtags like this in an email? then it became apparent: Someone who do doesn’t know how hashtags are used.

      • willi0000000

        what’s a hashtag?

        [ the hash i used to get way back when was tagged $8/gram . . . is it like that? ]

      • anniegetyerfun

        To be fair, someone who assumes that the email will be copied and pasted into a blog post.
        Also, someone who doesn’t realize that #Smidgen of Corruption isn’t really a proper hashtag?

  • FlownOver

    Butbutbut…

    If Obummer is the secret head of ISIS, why would they want to kill off his Secretary of State?

    unless… Kerry knew too much! Aha!

    • Vecciojohn

      He finally realized he’s never seen Al-Baghdadi and Obama inthe same room together.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I only have one living uncle, and while he might be a staunch Republican, he’s not this crazy. In fact, none of my uncles was ever this crazy.

    This is not to imply that other people’s uncles are not this crazy, just not mine.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I am the crazy uncle, and I’m nowhere near this crazy.

  • elviouslyqueer

    #DearShitFerBrains

  • Well, I’m convinced. This global conspiracy stuff is easy to figure out if you know what websites to clicky on.

    My missing socks? Not so simple to figure out.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Israel is building settlements in Iraq? This changes everything!

  • VandeGraf

    Not everything that is not beyond the realm of possibility is true. Most of that which is possible, isn’t real. Knowing the difference is key. The only other response is awareness.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you’ve blown danielking4’s very tiny brain to smithereens there.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Damn, they discovered the truth! If only they had gone with the windsurfing accident story like I suggested, no one would have found out!

    • bozilingus

      Is that a great white lurking in the background?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        No, he’s in the foreground, kinda off to the righ-
        Oh.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Go to sleep, Sheeple!

    • willi0000000

      could they do that by counting themselves?

  • LarryHoudini

    ISIS assassinate “John Kerry,” my friend?
    JOHN KERRY AKA IBN JAFFAR MASAWI IS ISIS YOU IDIOT.
    DO YOU KNOW WHAT TAQUIYYA MEANS????

    • Blank Ron

      That’s a crunchy tortilla shell full of meat, cheese, sour cream lettuce and tomatoes, right?

  • docterry6973

    So ISIS tried to kill Kerry, and Obama runs ISIS, so Obama ordered ISIS to kill Kerry in Switzerland, but Kerry is not dead (or so they want you to BELIEVE!) and…profit?

    • Vecciojohn

      *In croaking voice from the shadows* Follow the birth certificate.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        I know who Derp Throat is!!

    • It’s that 11-dimensional chess I used to hear about so much.

    • malsperanza

      All will be clear once ISIS gets control of the Texas legislature.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        How will be be able to tell? Certainly not from the legislation they pass.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I think the real John Kerry was slain and replaced by a robot.

    You can tell because the robot has a range of emotional expressiveness never seen from the real man. You just can get good inhuman duplicate programmers these days!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Check out the software upgrades on the latest Mittbot, for example!

      • I heard MittBot support was being phased out.
        ~

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Free upgrades to Jeb-bot are being promised, but no one expects the install to be as trouble-free as promised.

          • Not to mention the little matter of when the Jeb-bot will come out.
            ~

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Lindsey-bot is the Duke-Nukem of Presidential candidates coming out.

        • weejee

          Had too many long far pointers.

    • Keith Rodgers

      Ever see Algore and Kerry together? Hah? They’re the SAME ROBOT, PEOPLE!!!1!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Needz MOAR ch@t sp3@k ##

    • mailman27

      Human Duplicators?? Calling Lizzietish…

    • HogeyeGrex
  • CTMOMTXPYERNEXHSTD

    Whatever the truth is ~ he is sure being camera shy ~

    • John Kerry has a “bicycle” “accident” and then, a week later, they hold a funeral for “Beau Biden”. COINCIDENCE?

      • docterry6973

        John Kerry is Joe Biden’s son? It’s worse than I thought.

      • malsperanza

        Not to mention THAT horse winning the Belmont the other day! And no one has seen the horse since then either!!! IT’S ALL STARTING TO FIT TOGETHER!!!

      • CTMOMTXPYERNEXHSTD

        That didn’t cross my mind.
        Any things possible with the 3%ers.

    • nothingisamiss

      “Whatever the truth is”? Yes, I wonder why we haven’t heard from John Kerry when we rarely hear from John Kerry. WHAT DOES HE KNOW?!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Not how to ride a stationary bicycle, apparently.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Perhaps if you left out the the unnecessary punctuation ~when doing a #Google Search(, you might find an #image of him..,,,

  • shastakoala

    This is all they got? Nothing about steroids injected directly into your face or the Von Trapp family going rougue?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Adolf Hitler is alive and well and living in Argentina!

      That’s always good for a guffaw.

      OK, so he’d be like 126, but hey, Mengele’s experiments paid off!

      • weejee

        Really? I thought he was living on a lake in Wasilla?

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          No, he’s pushing gun control in Newtown. And saying “happy holidays” instead of “merry christmas”

          • gedjcj

            It must have really chapped his hide that the donor body for his brain transplant was one the Untermenschen.

      • bozilingus

        I thought they have been transplanting his brain into the bodies of cats.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          That would explain why Gregory Peck got eaten by dobermans.

        • georgiaburning

          That would explain a lot of things.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Pretty sure his brain’s in a jar on the nazi moon base.

        • Markuserektus

          Antarctica libelz!

          • Anarchy Pony

            That’s where the flying saucer base that he left for the moon from is.

      • shastakoala

        Ha! Good one.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “The hills are alive, and it’s kind of frightening”

          • willi0000000

            not any more they aren’t.

      • malsperanza

        This sums up everything I feel about that movie, except that the little kids are sadly not in the line of fire.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Well, the hills were alive.

      • Markuserektus

        Why waltz when you can rock and roll?

  • FauxAntocles

    Was it a mind-blow that’ll get you on the cover of the Rolling Stone?

  • weejee

    This guy needs a serious Faraday cage.

    • MrBlobfish

      Nice. Is that Apple’s new iRoom?

      • willi0000000

        iPadded room?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Looks like it could be Barbarella’s nookie room.

  • ShriekinViolet

    This is quite a testament to how times have changed. Instead of outageous disbelief that anyone could be so stupid, I’m now just pleasantly bemused and quite happy that it’s not another nutter diddling kids while hate-attacking the blahs, the gays, the poors, the liebruls, the…well, you get the picture.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I live in France, didn’t kill Kerry, and do not work for ISIS, as far as you know!

    That bit about the 4 hours of surgery should have clued you in to the voracity of this whole Kerry ruse, because in reality that sort of thing never happens. I learned from extensive TV watching that all surgeries are performed within the timeframe of an hour-long serial drama format.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Also, too, when our protagonists need a parking space in New York, it always magically appears for them right were it needs to be to advance the plot.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And you never see them feeding $12.00 in quarters into the meter.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I wonder if the brains trust on the right will ever accept that 99.5% of people who liked their healthcare plan did keep it, and the rest had such a shit plan that no rational person would have wanted to keep it?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The only real way to tell you’ve got a good plan is to get sick. Most people prefer to remain ignorant.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The only real way to tell you’ve got a shitty plan is to get sick, also too.

  • lucidamente

    I dunno, sounds like more Kerry fake heroism. #swiftbikeveteransforthetruth

  • Vecciojohn

    This is so stupid. If Obama were really a Muslin he wouldn’t have married a transgender woman like Michelle.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or fathered a couple of kids that she bore.

      • Steverino247

        She gored her kids?!

      • david green

        All faked. The girls are both orphans slipped into the country from Kenya, so it would look like Obama (gay) and Michelle (transgender) actually had natural children.

  • This story is consistent with Obama’s muted response to ISIS, as reported on by countless lunatics.

  • MrBlobfish

    It all makes perfect sense. Now, where did I leave my Angel Dust. It was here a second ago.

  • Tendernob

    Hey, don’t look at me… my sum totes knowledge of history and politickin’ comes from the lyrics of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” and the hardback edition of Jessica Simpson’s wedding planning guide.

    • proudgrampa

      Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place to become a well-informed citizen!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      If that guide ever falls into the wrong hands…

  • JohnR

    “Why is there no bedside interviews” indeed.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Prolly cause french hospitals, the socialist scum that they are, tend to restrict the pap’razzi at the door.
      Just a thought

    • RoyalUglyDude

      John and Yoko gave one.
      edit Maybe that was part of the plan…

      • Steverino247

        All we’re trying to do is get us some Peace.

    • Suse

      Obviously our children isn’t learning.

  • memzilla

    Russia’s Internet Research Agency is a Putin-paid state-sponsored bureau of 400 trolls intentionally spreading disinformation, rumors, lies, and half-spun truths. 402 if we count Alex Jones and Matt Drudge.

    • MrBlobfish

      Sounds like Twitchy

      • memzilla

        Oh, you mean нервный.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I heard there was an ebola outbreak in their office. But it was stopped by the chemical fire, so no biggie.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Ah, that explains “Bob in Portland” who used to post frequently over at Balloon Juice.

      What a tool.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hilariously, the NYT article on this topic attracted a dozen choice examples in the comments, which the real readers had good fun with.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    You’re telling me that ISIS tried to kill John Kerry just like in “The Scarlet Letter?”

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      This only provides more evidence they do not like green eggs and ham.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I always wanted to be an Obamanista. Good pay and the bennies are awesome

    • bozilingus

      I hear that the Republinistas get really good meth…

      • bangondedrum

        I really hope that’s the reason…

        • gedjcj

          I think it’s actually really bad meth…

      • doktorzoom

        The E Plebnistas, not so much.

  • D_C_Wilson

    But if Obama is secretly running ISIS, why would they want to kill Kerry?

    • willi0000000

      gotta stay in practice.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Same reason they had Vince Foster killed. He got too close to the truth!

  • Callyson

    Has anyone of you Obamanistas wondered that if John Kerry simply had a broken leg, why is there no bedside interviews ???

    Um, the reason there are no bedside interviews is that for most people, a broken leg means they end up with a cast and crutches, not an order to stay in bed…

    http://media.tumblr.com/5cf89964f397ab94d963a3f91df20430/tumblr_inline_nj3rinh3Ow1rnp9vf.gif

    • Anarchy Pony

      Maybe, I dunno, he was kinda embarrassed and didn’t want a bedside interview…

    • Lefty Frizzell

      He’s right – the evidence is compelling. I know the only time I ever refused a bedside interview it was because ISIS had tried to kill me, and for reasons that escape me now I had tried to pass it off as a bicycle crash.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Who among us hasn’t done that? It’s really embarassing to be wounded by ISIS, when all the cool kids are getting beheaded.

    • Sharkey

      Also no one really wants hear John Kerry’s pillow talk.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Oh! Oh! Oh! A little warning before you broke that thought over us would have been nice!

      • Vienna Woods

        I suspect it would cure insomnia.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        He does have a big head, but calling it a talking pillow is just plain rude.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    All this just so the U.S. can host the World Cup. tsk tsk tsk…

  • proudgrampa

    This sounds more like collusion between the Reptilians and the Illuminati. I will consult with David Icke and get back to you.

    • CTMOMTXPYERNEXHSTD

      Call snowden

  • glennisw

    if John Kerry simply had a broken leg, why is there no bedside interviews?
    Bedside interviews for broken-legged diplomats are a thing?

  • malsperanza

    I’m sorry, I tried to read the article, but I stubbed my brain on this:

    “…if intelligence from Russia’s SVR, Drudge & Mike Petit is true…”

    I’ve been trying for the past 45 minutes to finish reading that sentence but I’m stuck in some sort of time-warp or tesseract or black hole, and the rest of the words just look like random letters in a bowl of alphabet soup, but with no vowels.

    Can someone throw me a flotation jacket or a grappling hook or a nembutal or something?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Just breathe and remember these find upstanding sorts are often the recipients of Darwin Awards

    • Dee Andee

      “One of these words is not like the others, one of these words just doesn’t belong…”

      Pssst, it’s ‘intelligence.’ Shhh.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Rarely is the question asked, “Why is there no bedside interviews ???”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      No interviews, just the expected photoshop job:
      https://cbsboston.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/kerry.jpg
      Totally bogus – the Charles River poster in the “window” is soooo fake.

      • JoeChristmas

        No chemtrails AND Dasani water is NOT fluorinated!!1!

        • mtn_philosoph

          He loves that dirty water!

      • Land Shark

        When did they build a hospital in the middle of the Charles?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Is our conspiracy theorists learnin’?

  • Enfant Terrible

    Feline conspiracies – they’re EVERYWHERE!

    “That thing behind me – is it still there?”

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Um. What? Plus isn’t Krav Maga just an excuse for those who enjoy bruises and pain to experience bruises and pain?

    • anniegetyerfun

      It beats the hell out of the pot heads who are always doing capoeira in public.

  • diogenez
  • JoeChristmas

    Why didn’t ISIS make the call!!???!11!!2???

  • tegrat

    #LOL!

    • SK

      #Indeed. #It #is #cool #to #see #hashtags #all #over #the #not #Twitter #place #in #conspiracies. #That #way #when #they #leave #out #one, #you #know they #cannot #be #taken #seriously

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I’ll buy it.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The Jerusalem post article cites an Iranian report … which based its
    information on “an American news website” … which cites a Russian foreign
    intelligence service report … Putin did it!!!!

    Also too, two other people were shot in the incident, one of them fatally. That was covered up as a hunting accident. (You read it here first!)

    • Markuserektus

      Seems legit.

    • david green

      I thought Cheney was afraid to leave the US.

  • “Because if intelligence from Russia’s SVR, Drudge & Mike Petit is true, ”

    Mister, that “if” is so fucking big that if you tried to pass it out of your deranged sphincter, I suggest you see a doctor about anal tearing later on.

    • Enfant Terrible

      “deranged sphincter”

      Passing that “if” would make any sphincter deranged.

  • Relativicus

    “To the American propaganda media continuing the “cover story” that Secretary Kerry broke his leg while falling off of a stationary bicycle in France when he was supposed to be in Switzerland, needed an immediate evacuation back to the US aboard the American military’s largest and most advanced airborne medical hospital, and then stayed awake for 4 hours of grueling surgery, this report concludes, is a falsehood so blatant only the most unsophisticated of persons could ever find it plausible.”

    So the story about the bike incident (who rides a stationary bike through the Alps?) is a flat-out lie, and the conspiracy theory that says Kerry barely survived an assassination is a distraction from the real thing that happened? Have I read that correctly?

    • CTMOMTXPYERNEXHSTD

      Yes. Cue circus music ….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Conspiracy nuts apply Occam’s Razor in reverse: the more preposterous and convoluted a theory is, the more they like it.

      • Logic of Color

        Rozar Smacco?

        • Jared James

          In Russian Samizdat, propaganda spreads YOU!

      • doktorzoom

        I was delighted to see that someone has named this phenomenon: Occam’s Duct Tape”

    • frambley1

      Its very hard to write a complete and understandable paragraph conveying complex paranoid conspiracy theories when you didn’t make it past 3rd grade.

      But we have to look past that, the fact that they the author (lolz) has a second grade education gives him (has to be him, right?) street cred in the world of Alex Jones (AKA Bill Hicks).

  • Poly_Ester

    #SHOWUSTHEBIKE

    • Sharkey

      #WheresTheBikeCertificate

  • Gleem-McShinez

    This is what happens when you # a stranger in the #Po’o (Politico) #Chute

  • CTMOMTXPYERNEXHSTD
  • cousin itt

    Canna a itt get a AHEM?

    Wait till we find out ISIS jammed Kerry’s rear spokes with a stick of mass destruction.
    http://wonkette.com/587034/martin-omalley-for-president-of-pointing-and-laughing-at-sarah-palin

  • cousin itt

    Kitler?

  • toomanyrappers
  • 3FingerPete

    Sorcha Faal! I like him/her/current title holder.

  • KevinShinn

    I’m still trying to figure out how the wingnuts missed out on the invasion of Hawaii last month. I suppose no one could force,fititinto any of their preferred narratives:
    http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0O51AH20150520

    • gedjcj

      Everyone knows Hawaii is no more a part of ‘Murica than New Mexico is.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Well, it was until we found out Barack Obama was maybe born there.

    • malsperanza

      They didn’t invade it; they just moved it to Kenya.

  • TheBidenator

    So this wingnut is saying Politico didn’t win the morning with their story? Have they ever even heard of Mike Allen or seen the video? That’s the REAL conspiracy here!

  • frambley1

    Shhh…Hey you! Don’t look at me! Just act casual. Ya wanna buy some disaster food? How about some apocalypse gas masks? You know, ISIS tried to murdalize John Kerry. Need any WWIII underground shelters? Don’t look now, I think that’s an ISIS soldier. Hey, wait, need some hollow point bullets? Building 7! Buy some of my duct tape! Benghazi!

  • A-K Dan

    Hey Rebecca, Sweetheart (Wonkette), although you didn’t give me a ‘heads up’ about slamming me in your little ‘Communist dribble’, I’m letting you know that I just mentioned YOU on my lovely website www ak47world.com

    • Spotts1701

      You know, if you took a small bit of the money you spend on guns and use it to hire someone who knows HTML, you might actually produce something that doesn’t make my browser throw up on contact.

      • Land Shark

        Byte Barf.

    • doktorzoom

      That there was some Grade-A Authentic lunatic ranting, before it was deleted. Somebody remind me to come back to it in this week’s Dear ShitFerBrains, OK?

      • Anarchy Pony

        I await this coming attraction to Dumbassic World with bated breath. Will Chris Pratt be training it?

      • Alex Grey

        Hey Dok, we are still waiting for last Sunday’s, “Dear Shit fer Brains,” don’t leave us hanging!

      • VirginiaLady

        I think someone has a thing for avatars like yours Herr Doktor. You have ways of making them disappear no?

      • Lord-Nash

        Aw, come on Doc, at least yell ‘Spoiler Alert’ before giving away part of the DSFB column.
        Gawd.

  • Lady Bug

    I’m glad IsIs didn’t commit a big NoNo.

    On the other hand, I’m very disappointed that this conspiracy theory has not (yet!) managed to tie in Benghazi!1, chemtrails, Sharia law, and the disappearance of Judy Winslow

    • anniegetyerfun

      It’s like they’re not even trying.

    • Rick Hill

      You have to cut them some slack. They’re shifting gears and trying to tie everything to Hillary now. There’s so many scandals and coverups with the Clintons(Google them!!11) they can’t decide where to start. Give them a chance to get their rhythm.

    • david green

      And what did Judge Crater know?

  • Alex Grey

    Everybody panic!!!

  • BRONY KILLA

    “Dear MASTER:

    I go by the name Drank Lon. I am a retarded brony who has done nothing in their long lives to achieve anything of worth, and even the alphabet boys know that! How can I achieve anything in life before I cannot fuck anymore horses anymore?”

    ANSWER: ALL YOU CAN DO IS BOW DOWN TO THE MASTER AND PAY HIM LIKE YOU’RE USED TO DOING. DO IT NOW BEFORE YOU GO TO HELL. IF YOU LICK HIS BALLS ENOUGH HE MIGHT LET YOU LIVE TO GET HORSE PENIS UP YOUR ANUS FOR ANOTHER DAY

    https://youtu.be/rqbaivMb1DM

  • Rick Hill

    One day we will listen to the oldsters, they will talk of days lost to the cruel embrace of time and reminisce about an era when something would happen and there wouldn’t be 5 conspiracy stories by mid morning….or they will until the Google response force will apprehend them and take them to a secret Google re-edumication center that even a Google search cannot provide the location for…

    • Bob@Bob.com

      Yeah, about that… I can tell you, as an “oldster”, nothing has changed. Nothing is new. Conspiracy theories have always abounded. Conservatives have always been knuckleheads.

      • Rick Hill

        True but has it been:
        -Hillary actually had a stroke
        -Harry Reid was beaten by mobsters
        -Michelle Obama has a penis(we have the pictures!)
        -Obama killed breitbart with a heart attack gun(Ok, that ones true.)

        • Bob@Bob.com

          Same shit, different actors. OK, the internet has amplified it some but the game is still the same. The crazies are still the same

          • Rick Hill

            There are a whole lot more of them now. It seems to spread like a virus, especially since it’s a money making enterprise.

          • eddi

            The number of crazies has gone up but are they a larger percent of the total population now? I think the Internet creates an illusion in that respect. These folk were confined to letter writing and, at best, xeroxing their screeds for distribution. Expenses limited them to fellow believers and random addresses. Somebody sending them $10 was a major victory. The Internet has widened the audience, but the core of true believers has not expanded that much. I think there are people exploiting the fringe for profit without really believing this stuff. That is new and those numbers are expanding in a bubble of craziness that has yet to find it’s limits. If any.

  • Rimshot101

    No one could EVER accuse me of being a most unsophisticated of persons! I read The Wonkette.

  • smr06va

    Does this mean Lance Armstrong will get his medals back?……………….

  • dslindc

    We have to use hashtags in email now too? Science almighty this is exhausting!

  • Me not sure

    Bikeghazi!

  • Lazy Media

    I hate to be a party pooper, but a lot of what seems like fun craziness on teh Interwebz these days is professional Russkie trollery. They are completely sucking the fun out of counterintuitive nonsense. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/07/magazine/the-agency.html?_r=0

    • Oginikwe

      Yes. I read that–it was really interesting. I suppose we do the same; that would be a great gig to have.

  • old_redneck

    Of course, you do know that Harry Reid DID NOT INJURE HIMSELF WHEN HE FELL ON A TREADMILL. He was attacked and beaten by a mob hit man.

  • david t. krall

    The initial press release & report about the “accident” of 5/31/15 had so many odd ball holes, discrepancies and contradictions that anybody who took the time to re-read it and look it over would have to conclude that “something” other than a simple bicycle accident and misfortune had occurred. Gravel, ,,,then no gravel, wait..there was gravel…and then riding into a curb…a DR and motorcade behind him while riding at hi-speed along a world reknown bike/cycling path, and on a Sunday, with other bikers also using this path…and no cameras or media to witness or even (allowed?) to even report, even near-by the circumstances of the supposed accident??? A Dr., Kerry knows is then requested by him to drop everything…secure arrangements to get a gov. or commercial plane, then fly 1000’s of miles for several hours, and then, within 24 hours, return, with Kerry (& others) on a return trip 1000’s of miles for several hours…for a broken femur??? and NO press at or near the hospital??? Such “silence”….for a broken femur? And the best was on 6/1 when Adm(?) John Kirby, now a State Dept Spokesperson told (sep) , both Andea Mitchell (MSNBC) and Wolfe Blitzer (CNN), ” there’s no danger…he’s not in nay danger..he never lost consciousness”…I lost count of the times with such emphasis he said that..The not so subtle bewildering and puzzlement on their faces when being told this belies and betrayed something more to this story…much more…It would NOT be the first time some “deep” /under the table/below the surface “arrangement” or “understanding” was consumated or became a “covert” reality or necessity as perceived by people in positions of power and influence…The very reality of a media black-out and information shut-down of this event only shows that what happened and its subsequent “balck-hole” of silence was very “close to home” in terms of what transpired and who actually may nave been behind it…think in terms of a chess-board…with policy agendas/goals and very high-level politics.
    In this case Iran AND Cuba….Control (or “sideline”) Kerry and you control Obama…Regards, David T. Krall

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