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santorumbeach

Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope.

What’s got Santorum all frothed up? Oh, just that Pope Francis is about to put out one of them “encyclical”-type things, on the subject of climate change. The pope is obviously a Gay Atheist Liberal, because he believes humans are causing climate change, and that humans need to fix it. So Santorum went on the Dom Giordano radio program in Philadelphia, and talked some shit about the leader of God’s One True Church:

“The perception that the media would like to give of Pope Francis and the reality are two different things…I’m a huge fan of his, and his focus on making sure that we have a healthier society…I support completely the Pope’s call for us to do more to create opportunities for people to be able to rise in society and care for the poor. That’s our obligation as a society.” […]

“I’ve said this to Catholic bishops many times — when they get involved with agriculture policy or things like that that are really outside the scope of what the Church’s main message is, that we’re better off sticking to things that are really the core teachings of the Church as opposed to getting involved with every other kind of issue that happens to be popular at the time.” […]

“The Church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists and focus on what we’re really good on, which is theology and morality. When we get involved with political and controversial scientific theories, then I think the church is probably not as forceful and credible.”

Hahaha, yes, the Church HAS gotten it wrong on science, many times before! Like that thing they believe about how contraception causes abortion, and that other thing where they condemned Galileo for saying the Earth revolves around the sun, for instance. But the difference this time, Rick Santorum, is that human-caused climate change is not a “political and controversial scientific theory,” but rather a thing that 97 percent of climate scientists around the WHOLE WORLD agree is true. The idiots here are the conservative religious people, like Santorum, who believe that real science is a liberal conspiracy.

And New Pope — which will always be his name, even when he is retired from poping — has been going on about climate change for a quite a while, despite the fact that Koch brothers-funded goon squads have been trying in vain to make him just please shut up about it. He just won’t listen, and Rick will just have to stew in a vat of his own santorum about it, while the pope saves the world.

*Forbes reported that Pope Francis had a Masters’ Degree in chemistry. Their original article has been updated to say that they were totally wrong. BAD FORBES!

[CBS Philly / Forbes via Crooks & Liars]

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  • memzilla

    So Santorum says that once you start combining religion, politics, and science, it just turns into a disgusting frothy mix. Way to cement your Google Rank, Rick!

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Santorum is obviously a witch!

  • LarryHoudini

    The church’s main message? HOMOS ARE GROSS.

    • onedrewthree

      Y a veces, somos homo’s.

      • LarryHoudini

        Y por qué en español?

        • onedrewthree

          Cus rhyming is fun. We are gays doesn’t have the same joviality as somos homo’s.

          • LarryHoudini

            Ah, of course. Now I see.
            Thank you for informing me.

      • guppy06

        ecce ecchi homo

  • SnarkOff

    Aaaannnnnd the Oscar for the Most Disingenuous Political Bullshit Statement in
    the History of the Known Universe goes to:

    “The Church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists.”

    • Vecciojohn

      Specifically, the 3% of “scientists” in the pay of the petroleum industry.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    ….wait now he is all for “Seperation of Church and State”? Just yesterday he was claiming Jesus wrote the constitution!!!

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Yeah, NOW he believes in separating the church from stuff.

      POLITICS TOO, YOU FUCKNOZZLE! JUST LIKE THE FOUNDING FATHERS CLEARLY TOLD YOUR SUPERSTITIOUS GREAT-GRAND-NOZZLES.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …WHOAAAAAA! Calm down there buddy! Now you are speaking nonsense sir!!!

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Ḩ̴̎̍ͪ͆ͣ͂̀̓̋̋̊ͦ̀̚͏͕͉̜̬͔̱̲̙̮̖ͅe̳̮͚̱̘͓̮̣͙͚̭̲̟̞̯̫̰̍̇ͧ͑͐ͣ̋ͧ͌ͫ̿́͢ͅr̸̶̫̩̱̠͍͕̥̝̘̮͔̟̝̰͐̃̾̀ͨ̽̎͐͆ͬ̔̿̿̍̆ͯ͑͛̚͢e̝̙̩͔̹͉̪͕̮̰̦̓͒ͥ͐̐̏̆̒ͩͩ̑͌̒́̐ͤ̎͆̕͞ ̽̉̇̓̊͐̃̏҉̷̹̲͕̻̰̟̲͚̼̟̗̭̱̠̳̩́c̡̟̤̞͔̤̠͕̹̮̞̖̦̼͇̜̔ͨ͌͆͆ͪ̾̾̾̊̀̚͘͝͝ö̴̡̘̞͓̖͍̝̫͔̰̱͎̬̥͇̝̘̟̻́̓ͬ͑ͯ́ͨ̈͂̾͆̅ͫ̑͌́̕m̵̢̹̻̼̣̪̗̠̦̭̞̙̭̭͉͚͙͇̌ͮͮ͗̀͒͛̂̈́ͫ̈́e̶̵̵̶̢̤̤̥̝̻̼̬̺ͯ͋̌̐̓̀s̡̱̰̬̟͍̙͓͙̮͓̫̭̪̫̦̩͚̋͗̌ͫͬ̿ͣͤ́̀ͫ̔̅̓̆͆ͅ ̴̣͍̩̙͇̜̝̻̠̜̇̏ͥ̿́ͯ̏̾̒͋ͪ̃̚͜ͅͅť͔̖̳̲ͪͦ̾ͨ͒͑͆̓̋ͮ̒̿̂ͯ͂̇̓̚͢͠ḩ̷̼̮̙̺̦͇͓̩̗̪̝̉͊͛ͯͩ̊̀̍ͩͮ̾ͦͅͅȩ̢̨͖̫̱̫̦̙̪̜̠̗̯̯̘͈̫̩̣̓̅̎͂̔̆̔ͅ ̢̓͗͒ͥ͆̔̊̔̈́̌̈́́̐ͬ͞͠͏҉͖̗̣̳̯͎͈͓͈̫͙̙̜̞̩̙ͅN̶̵̳̗̺̪̜͉͕͚͕̝̭͎̗̖̉͌ͥ̆̓̇̎̈́͋̐̀͒͛͋͗̆ͫ͝ͅͅO̢̠͍̯̭͖̹̩̫ͭͧ̑ͩͯ͐ͫ̊͆̓̏͌͐ͪͦ̒̿ͨ͟͠Ǫ͙̞̻̳̮̣̯̜͇̯͙̋͒͌̽ͪ̅̒̒̌ͮ͝͠Ỏ̼̩̤̝̺̝̺̆͑̈̄̊ͦͭͯ̽̍̿̏ͩ̓ͪ͘͜O̷̯̬̰̝̣͓͉̻͈̦̮̲͕̊͛ͪ̔ͨ͗̀ͦ́̄̇̋͋ͭ̃̐͡Ǫ͖͎̭̠͕̈́̓̉ͬͪͯͣ͟͠O͒̍̐ͫ͂ͪ̂̿ͥ̑̀҉͏̪̖͔͓͕̲͕̙͚͔̱̺̻̭̕ͅO̴̢͆ͫ̍̓͊͑̀͑̿̄̀͗ͣ̄͊̎̅̀͏͎̖̳͍͔̮̗̘̙̬̹̫͉͍̺Ǫ̴̜̗̣̦̝̼̞̥̮͉͚̙ͯͦͨ͗̿̐̇ͯ͢͢͝O̵̢͉̠͚͇̳̹ͨ̂ͪ̅́̑́̚͘Ǫ̶̡̤͚͙͚͖̹ͭ́̑ͭ͢͠ͅI͖͙̰͉̝̟͓̼͉̥̻͕͔̘̦͋̓̏͑͗̈̓̎̓ͣ͑͜͜ͅS̉̀ͩ̏̆̅̂̈͛ͣͦ͂̚͝͏̷͕̼̺̹̱͈͎̯̭̲͙̤̮͝͡Ẻ̄͌͗ͦ̇͒̍̃͌͏̢̧͈̪̮̙̩̗̬̲͍͎̟͕́!̵̯̟̳̺̪̞͈̘̬̭̬̺̘ͣ͊̒̿ͫ͛͆̔̉ͧ̍ͧ́!̩̤̳̠̹̪̜͔͓̳͎̣̠̻̒̓̇̃̆ͬ͐͗ͭͯͩ̈́́̅̽̋͊̀͜͝!̆̃ͭ̌̄ͯ͒̇̽͏̶̯͈̘̫͕̺̫̗̦̼͍̹͓̪̠̰͝

          • Gleem-McShinez

            You got frothy byproduct on my Santorum post!
            You got Santorum on my frothy byproduct post!

          • Doug Langley

            Two grating tastes that taste grating together!

  • SK

    The Church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists

    He and Marco Rubio both? Oh c’mon, at least one of them has to be a scientist.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hey, Piyush Jindal is a freaking Volcanologist!

      • SK

        NO WAY, was he there when one erupted?

        Hunh…hunh… DIDN’T THINK SO!

        • PubOption

          Possibly in a previous incarnation.

  • JustPixelz

    The Church We Republicans has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists and focus on what we’re really good on, which is theology and morality.”

    -FIFY Rick

  • JMPesq

    “we’re better off sticking to things that are really the core teachings of the Church as opposed to getting involved with every other kind of issue”

    By sheer coincidence, those “core teachings of the Church” are those that Rick Santorum happens to agree with, like denying equal rights to women and gay people; but the ones the Church should ignore are those where Ricky diverges from official doctrine, like climate change, evolution, the need for society to help the poor, war and the death penalty.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What an amazing coinky-dink!

      You don’t suppose that Rih is one of those “cafeteria Catholics”, do you?

      • HogeyeGrex

        I doubt he’s bright enough to be able to pick a color of jell-o, much less make any sort of complex moral choice. i think he’s one of those “I’ll spout what I was learned ‘cuz I can’t think my way out of a paper bag” Catholics.

        • just_jim

          With Santordumn, my bet is it’s “I’ll spout what they guys with the bucks tell me to.”

    • Lot_49

      And extually, isn’t it il Papa‘s call as to which are the core teachings of the Church, and which are the proscriptions against girls wearing patent-leather shoes that let boys get a peek at their hoo-hahs?

      Or is it Senator Rick Santorum’s call?

      • Vecciojohn

        I think that’s Huckabee’s department.

        • Lot_49

          The Huckster isn’t a “real” Christian, gimme a break. He probably thinks the communion wine isn’t the literal blood of Christ.

          • PubOption

            With all the talk about Caitlyn Jenner, huckster is afraid to discuss transubstantiation.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      But Rick’s kind are helping the poor just like Jesus did when He made them pull themselves up by their own sandal straps and the way He healed the sick (with proper private insurance).

  • docterry6973

    We should leave it to the scientists and then ignore them.

    • SnarkOff

      Nah. We should leave it to them and then vilify them and cut off their funding.

  • Lot_49

    Agricultural policy = don’t be doing it with the sheep!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Well, at least not the ugly ones. On Sunday.

      • Lot_49

        Even if your wife’s out of town for a week?

        Man, being devout is difficult!

    • D_C_Wilson

      What he dresses the sheep up like an altar boy first?

      • nmmagyar

        Don’t get caught

    • Vecciojohn

      Sheep on sheepdog sex is the logical result of the Pope’s policies.

  • Professor Fate

    I love that he’s trying to mansplain to the fricking Pope that he, as noted a chemist and a Jesuit , doesn’t understand science. Now that’s chutzpah

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One thing one does not do is gainsay Jesuits who are trained as scientists in the field of science, but as Rih is a law-talking-guy, he makes Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer look like Perry Mason.

    • automaticpilot

      Or as Sarah Palin would say, “chootspah.”

      • Gleem-McShinez

        No, no. You’re thinking of that other insane lunatic wingnut lady in the Republican party.

        • david green

          Joni Ernst?

          • nmmagyar

            Crazy eyes, gay husband

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Newt Gingrich is gay??

            No wait, you must mean the OTHER crazy eyed Republican lady.

          • Zyxomma

            Michele, one L. No longer in office.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Michele Bachmann. 1 I, 2 crazy eyes.

      • automaticpilot

        Whoops! I stand corrected!

    • marxalot

      I don’t think Rih truly understands what a “Jesuit” is, nor how big of a mistake trying to take one to the intellectual mats is. Especially for a 98-lb weakling of the mind.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And it’s cute how he thinks going up against the most popular (in America) pope in ages is going to curry him favor with the Catholic electorate.

      I wonder sometimes if ol’ frothy is just instinctually on the wrong side of every possible argument ever, or whether he has to carefully pick out his way to it.

      • Billy Rubin

        It’s a gift!

  • calliecallie

    Rick, what part of “infallible” do you not understand?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Damn, you beat me to it.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      The pope is infallible? I thought he was just the guy with the coolest hat.

      • Vecciojohn

        He’s infallible only when he’s wearing the hat. (The big tall one, not the yarmulke.)

        • Zippy

          It’s his Avenger superpower

        • D_C_Wilson

          I thought it was when he was sitting in the special chair.

          • nmmagyar

            He has wear the hat to sit in the chair, but he can wear the hat without sitting in the chair.

          • david green

            I never realized religion was so complicated.

          • nmmagyar

            I did one year of Catholic school, 9 years of CCD and 2 years as an altar boy and barely know the rules.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yo, ex-Catholic here, so lemme help you out on the whole “infallibility” thing:

      It only applies in matters concerning church doctrine*, so those sciencing things fall oustide that purview. The pope can also fumble a football, shank a drive, and miss a three-pointer.

      (*Yeah, I know it makes the whole idea kinda lame.)

      • Doug Langley

        He can fumble a football? Well, damn, guess they’re going to be dropping him from the NFL draft.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Doesn’t matter, he’s an argentinian anyway, he only plays the other kind of foot-the-ball

  • Me not sure

    Let me get this straight. The Pope has a masters degree in chemistry and Rick doesn’t know froth from Shinola about anything, so far as I’ve been able to tell, and he presumes to call out Papa on science?
    Fallability has never been presumed to be the Pope’s job description, so why start now?

    • weejee

      Here’s hoping Papa Francis makes it clear that he is speaking ex cathedra when he calls Rickie a putz.

      • Me not sure

        Whatever.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Isn’t that a Yiddish work? Is it OK to use that word rather than the Latin ‘phallus’?

        • Playonwords

          Hey! Jesus was supposed to be Jewish …

          Although I have seen some fundies saying he wasn’t and some Baptists claim their faith is the oldest because of John the Baptist

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Lol. Yeah, and I’ve seen some who handled poisonous snakes. But they weren’t Catholic.

  • Electric Ukelele Land

    What a snob…

    • OneYieldRegular

      And the very worst kind of snobbery at that – presuming that one’s ignorance trumps others’ enlightenment.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Remind me again which one is infallible- the Pope or Rick Santorum?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you’re talking about infallibly stupid, it’s Rih by a landslide.

    • weejee

      Not Limpblow?

  • Given what we’ve learned recently about the power of prayer, I am going to start praying a novena that New Pope excommunicates Santorum. You say a novena on your knees, right?

    • guppy06

      I tend to say the alphabet while on my knees.

  • BearGHAZI

    Oh Great Baphomet: your humblest servant begs you to please get this sweater-vested idiot nicely buttsexed, fill him with sodomistical impulses he cannot control, so that he will shut the fuck up about everything. In your unholy name, nemA.

  • marxalot

    Rih: Hey Pope, mind yer own business.
    New Pope: Mankind is my business! And the planet we live on, so sit back down and read your encyclical like a good little buffet Catholic.

  • automaticpilot

    Love the alt-text!

  • Whiskey Train

    Dear Jesus, Please kill Rick Santorum, Lord. Thank you.

    • Zippy

      With votes

      Or a plague of locusts, if you can borrow one from your dad.

  • Bob@Bob.com

    So now Santorum wants religion out of politics? That flip-flopper needs to make up his mind.

    • D_C_Wilson

      Only liberal hippie commie religion. Republican Jesus approved religion is still mandatory.

  • cousin itt

    With all due respect to New Pope, I’m not really sure that when you math up both sides of the ledger, the Catholic Church has been good at anything.

    • Zippy

      No, but credit to the guy trying to balance the ledger a little bit

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      They were really good at keeping historic works of literature mostly alive (if a bit more God infused) during a time when it probably would have become utterly lost

      • Vienna Woods

        But that was the Irish Catholics, who lost out to the Roman Catholics after the Synod of Whitby in 664 CE.

        • jmk

          They built really nice cathedrals… and there’s some nice paintings they commissioned.

  • dslindc

    Hey Rick, In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti, STFU.

    • MOG253

      Amen.

  • Metadude

    Dude, you forgot the “fanatical devotion to the Pope” part of your Spanish Inquisition weaponry.

  • Antimassacree

    What a fine pic of Frothy romping on the beach! That little ensemble might have looked better had he kept his dress socks and sandles on.

    • david green

      The sweater-vest is adorable tho.

  • weejee

    contraception causes abortion

    And constipation causes the santorum to back way up.

    • Zippy

      Until it spews out his pie hole

      • D_C_Wilson

        I think Santorum is built like a starfish. His mouth and anus are the same opening.

        • Zippy

          Starfish libul!!1!!1!

        • Billy Rubin

          A chocolate starfish

  • Lefty Frizzell

    So if I’ve got this right:
    The pope knows all unless he disagrees with Koch-inspired Republican dogma
    We should leave it to the scientists unless they disagree with the pope or Koch-inspired Republican dogma
    If there’s no relevant Koch message pope trumps scientist

    Just fuck off you stupid fuck.

    • Professor Fate

      it’s a weird sort of sort of rock paper scissors game. Hey it beats actually thinking.

      • D_C_Wilson

        Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Pope.

        • MOG253

          Wait, what happened to Spock?????

          • D_C_Wilson

            He died. :-(

          • MOG253

            yeah, but… wah.

        • Biff52

          Yeah, now that Spock’s dead.

  • Vecciojohn

    Who died and made him Pope?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      The last cat retired, remember. Likely do to his covering up of the pedophiles.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Frothy tells the infallible Pope that he’s wrong and wishes the Catholic Church would stick to its core values of hating gays and covering up altar boy rape.

    Pope Frankie had better watch out. If he keeps promoting these heretical ideas like Catholics should care about the poor and be good stewards of the Earth, he may trigger a second Protestant Reformation. Too bad Ayn Rand is dead. And an atheist. Otherwise, she would have made the perfect Martin Luther for today’s disaffected wingnut Catholics.

  • Ergoetal

    “…I support completely the Pope’s call for….”

    Wow. Rick supports the Pope on something. I’ll bet the Pope can’t believe his good luck.

  • VandeGraf

    That Santorum would advocate for science against the Church is a hoot. Rick wouldn’t know science if it hit him in his gluteus maximus. And the understanding of agricultural policy? Not one of his strong suits. In fact, the real world, as it exists for real people, is outside the range of his small lawyeresque mind. He really should remain that cute little conservative marionette, with a tin cup.

  • smr06va

    “…and I think we’re probably better off
    leaving science to the scientists and focus on what we’re really good
    on, which is theology and morality.”

    The catholic church is good on morality??!!??

    Since when?

    • Scott1960

      No, they are good at TELLING people what morality is… this century anyway.

  • Angry_Cop

    Rick’s Catholic. I gotta ask the wife, but pretty sure the pope’s not to be questioned by the faithful.

    • nmmagyar

      Although Papal Infallibility went away with Vatican II, there is a formal “dick slap” that the pope can give any Catholic. I just don’t remember what it’s called.

      • Turbineguy

        Ya know, until we find the official term I’m ok with “dick slap”

        • Callyson

          That might be just what Santorum needs,

          • jmk

            That might just be what he’s hoping for.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Phallic Whallup

  • artem1s

    and I think we’re probably better off
    leaving science to the scientists

    please let’s do. we certainly don’t need frothy to weigh in on pretty much anything once he has declared himself to not be an expert in it.

    • diogenez

      Don’t they generally ignore the scientists?

      • Blank Ron

        Just the ones who don’t toe the party line.

  • MyLovelyNose

    Can I have dunking privileges?

    • Biff52

      I read that as “drinking privileges”, and thought “sure, why not”?

  • jw

    I know Rick Santorum wants to drag us back to the Middle Ages, but is he seriously comparing research and science now to then?

  • janecita

    I’m glad to see a half decent Pope in my lifetime.I’m happy that he is not a royal asshole like the last two. By the way, was Santorum upset at pope John Paul’s involvement in other countries politics? I very much doubt it.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      So long as I agree with what pope is saying, he is unfailable. If I, or more importantly my money backers, want to silence pope, then he is being a bad pope.
      -Translation of Santorum verbiage vomit for every day people.

  • JoeChristmas

    Rih must really miss this guy

    • nmmagyar

      Well, now I know what Ratzi the Nazi’s “O”-face looks like. Thanks?

    • Vienna Woods

      Weirdest. Video. Ever.

      • Callyson

        I’m going to have to watch it one or ten more times to confirm that.

        • ButchWagstaff

          Me, too.

      • jmk

        A new take on an old Christmastime classic… The Little Dancer Boys!
        ♫ ♪ “So…we danced for him, pat rump pat rump rump…” ♪ ♫

  • EvelyndeBarry

    I recently saw a comment on Breitbart that said of the Pope, “Obviously this guy is a Mohhamedian.” The commenter was being serious, but it was still pretty funny.

    • Anarchy Pony

      A Muslim comedian?

  • MrBlobfish

    Does the Swiss Guard gotta cut a bitch?

  • diogenez

    Rick is playing with Hell-fire.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If I were Pope Frank, I’d hardly be able to keep my finger off the “Excommunicate” button.

  • Grokenstein

    “I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists…”

    Yes, it would be nice if you’d do that for a change.

    “…and focus on what we’re really good on, which is theology and morality.”

    I don’t know whether you’re speaking here as a Republican or a Catholic, but either way, WRONG.

    • david green

      Well, to be fair, while they might not be good at morality or theology, they do blather on about it a lot.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “I support completely the Pope’s call for us to do more to create opportunities for”….um, blah people, Li’l Ricky?? Some things are gonna hang on you like a millstone for eternity.

  • Beowoof14

    For a guy that studied political science and law he doesn’t seem to know a lot about either one.

    • Billy Rubin

      His one true talent is sucking at everything.

  • guppy06

    The Church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re
    probably better off leaving science to the scientists and focus on what
    we’re really good on

    And that’s why we’re all still on the Julian Calendar!

    • Mintie

      No, we’re using the Gregorian–

      Wait, are you being sarcastic? Curse you, Internet!

  • Olav_Pompatus

    Rick’s right! The Catholic Church should stick to its core competence, which is …. ummm … shit if I can remember.

    • nmmagyar

      Commissioning Art

    • gene108

      Longevity. The thing was set up by the Roman Empire, it survived the fall of the Roman Empire, the Dark Ages, two World Wars and probably a few other wars in between that were a pretty big deal at the time, along with a few outbreaks of bubonic plague, a few political upheavals, the Reformation, etc. and it’s still kicking. Whether you like it or not that’s some pretty damn impressive staying power.

    • Billy Rubin

      Racketeering

    • nonyabizzz

      kiddies…. oh wait. They stopped that…

  • mailman27

    We should leave science to the scientists> I am not a scientist> science is, therefore, meaningless to me. So, if I may continue, let me explain global warming…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The New Pope went to college. What an elitist.

    • Biff52

      Probably has a bicycle, too.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        He even picks up his own bar tab and leaves a tip (only 10% though, that is doctrine).

  • Anarchy Pony

    What’s hard to grasp about global warming? The green house effect is simple, you pump more heat trapping gasses into the atmosphere, the atmosphere retains more heat, planet gets hotter. It’s not rocket surgery.

  • Tony Alexander

    *The Church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists*

    said no fucking creationist EVER!!!

    • guppy06

      The Young Earth crowd tend to hate papists anyway.

  • Goposaur

    what an extraordinary contortionist. he just rhetorically divided by zero. just wow.

  • It’s telling that Santorum thinks morality and economics have absolutely nothing to do with each other, at least when the morality is saying it’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.

  • Kat Anyperson

    Hey Slick Rick- while you are in state, how about paying back all that money you stole from the Pittsburgh school system?

    Ya might have a wee bit more moral credibility with PA residents if you do.

    • Callyson

      As a Pittsburgh native, I second this statement.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Technically, it was from the Penn Hills School District but as another native, I third this statement.

      • Kat Anyperson

        Bah, close enough for a central Pennsyltuckian. lol

        • Mehmeisterjr

          In your defense, his Penn Hills scam was ultimately paid for, not by Monsieur Frothy but by the taxpayers of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

    • what did he do? my (only) aunt and uncle are out in mcmurray and they are stick conservatives and hate him.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    “I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists”

    -What God has been trying to tell the wingnuts for about 2000 years

    • Karen Marie

      And while he’s at it, how about leaving women’s medical treatment to medical professionals.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Actually there are several lessons in the new testament about stewardship of resources. But why let your holy book get in the way of your political pandering.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Is that the hippy stuff in the red? Good Christians in Murrica don’t pay no mind to the hippy stuff in the red text.

  • Last Hussar

    Does anybody know the penalty for a Catholic saying the catholic pope is a poopyhead.

    Please stop calling him The Pope. He’s A pope. There is at least one other. Plus me. I’m pope of my own religion.

    • nmmagyar

      Nope, there is only one Pope. The Nazi ex-pope is Pope Emeritus or Dowager Pope or something.

      • Last Hussar

        What’s the boss of the Greek orthodox called?

        • bobbert

          Patriarch, ain’t it?

        • nmmagyar

          I think he is called Patriarch by the Greek church.

        • Billy Rubin

          Jimmy the Greek?

        • There are many Orthodox Patriarchs, but the Patriarch of Constantinople is generally considered the Patriarch Numero Uno (like the Archbishop of Canterbury for Episcopalians).

          However, I’m pretty sure the Coptic Christians have a Pope too.

  • Blank Ron

    Y’know, ol’ Frothy is starting to sound an AWFUL lot like one o’ them teabagging Protestants rather than the good Catholic boy he was brought up to be.

  • celtic_buddha

    Shouldn’t the Pope’s document on climate change be called a recyclical??

    • Rotisserie Teal

      (polite clapping)

  • arundel

    New Pope — which will always be his name, even when he is retired from poping..

    Which reminds me.. just why DID Benedict retire from poping? I mean, the old queen is still kicking around. I am utterly forgetting the official excuse right now, but I rather disbelieve whatever it is! I am betting something something handsome Swiss Guard something. Or much, much worser (my real bet). Seriously, it really is a mysterious and fairly unprecedented thing that Benedict stepped down. I am hoping the no-doubt-sordid details will emerge someday.

    Oh, and fuck that colossal dick Santorum in the ear.

    • Zyxomma

      Aural Santorum? The rectal kind is ugly enough.

    • Mintie

      I think the official press release was drowned out by the International community crying “bullsh!t”

    • The best argument I’ve heard from either the left or the right is that he was sick and tight of fighting the Vatican bureaucracy. He wasn’t a natural politician unlike JP-2 or Frankie.

  • Poly_Ester

    To give this a little perspective, 3% is a higher percentage than Rick receive in the Republican primary campaign.

  • david green

    “stew in a vat of his own santorum”? Ewww – even for little rickie.

  • Callyson

    I support completely the Pope’s call for us to do more to create opportunities for people to be able to rise in society and care for the poor. That’s our obligation as a society.

    Careful there, Frothy–the wingnuts in your party will call you a RINO if you say that again…

    • Kat Anyperson

      Remember, this IS Santorum we are talking about. To him, concern trolling and bootstrap lectures qualify as “caring”.

      • Anarchy Pony

        And helping probably.

    • nmmagyar

      And if he publicly disagrees with Il Papa he goes to hell (or gets smacked with a yardstick)

  • Penman

    The mind of a right-wing Republican zombie dystopian conspiracy theorist goes far and wide and deep and appears to cover everything … including the air pressure of footballs used in an AFC Championship Game.

    Wow! A Texas “conspiracy-theorist” candidate sucking up to the Massachusetts body politic! That’s a truly historical event! Even if the candidate is an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about

  • Callyson

    I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists and focus on what we’re really good on, which is theology and morality.

    “Because this climate change topic just isn’t stimulating enough! Back to the good stuff: hating on gays and birth control and women priests!!!”

    http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/santorum.gif

    • willi0000000

      where are the folks from ‘really bad lip reading’ when we need them?

    • blaid droog

      I wish you could send that gif to frothy as a gift.

  • Callyson

    And it is fucking hilarious that spellcheck wants to turn “Santorum” into “Sanatorium” BTW…

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–Bt57-Ouz–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_320/yo0e2gm5wxbrocmu45bn.gif

  • malsperanza

    “Fuckyeah, let’s keep politics and religion separate!”
    ~Rick Santorum

    Ahahahahahahahahahahahaheeheeheeheeheehehehehehehhhhhhhcccchttthhththtglrghgglll

  • Iron Monkey

    Guess what Rick–you are not more Catholic (or catholic) than the Pope.

    • jmk

      It’s adorable that Ricky thinks he can teach the Pope how to do poping right.

  • chascates

    The supposed base of this party disbelieves in evolution, climate science, and sustainable practices. Power, money, power, Jesus, power, reelected.
    What do people in Europe think of us now?
    Used to be a couple of Wonkerrati in Spain and England.

    • Last Hussar

      I fear we are becoming like you, minus the Jeebus

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well “supposed” is a well-chosen qualification because I don’t personally know a single Catholic that disbelieves in evolution, climate science or sustainable practices. Santorum may, but I suspect he is just working his usual fundraising base.

    • Venturin

      They don’t disbelieve evolution. They don’t believe we evolved directly from apes. There seems to be a slight difference between humans and other animals! Wonder what that is?

  • “we’re better off sticking to things that are really the core teachings of the Church”

    So, in other word Popey…don’t worry your mitre’d little head over this and get those Pradas into the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

  • “I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists”

    And we’re probably better off leaving science to people that aren’t clinically insane.

  • JohnR

    Bishops need to deny communion to poor haters, bla people non helpers. and science deniers like Frothy.

    • Venturin

      You almost said something coherent, professor!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Santorum: I am not a scientist.
    New Pope: Heus spumosa , me naturae.

    • Thanks for showing this around. (Rick is pandering– I liked him when he was fighting against Romney but even then there was his warmongering-pandering to worry about. Now this, so he is off my list.)

  • TootsStansbury

    And Frothy steps on the ultimate banana peel. We can hope.

  • D_C_Wilson

    “The Church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists and focus on what we’re really good on, which is theology and morality. When we get involved with political and controversial scientific theories, then I think the church is probably not as forceful and credible.”

    Here’s the thing Rick:

    1) The Church sucks at morality.
    2) The Pope is better at science that you are.

  • labman57

    Collective response from politicians and pundits from both ends of the spectrum:

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “I think we’re probably better off leaving science to the scientists.”

    >HEADDESK<

  • Notreelyhelping

    Fortunately for Santorum, the Pope has more important things to think about than small-time, perennial losers.

  • Tom Ford

    Like, I’m totally a big fan of the Pope, you know? I collect all his sayings and whatnot, you know, the teachings or cyclicals and so on. But on some stuff he says, and I’m quoting, the climate change is not a Pope-type message, made for Christian people to digest like some kind of verbal communion wafer. So it’s the moral and values stuff, on one hand, which is good, and then there’s everything else, on the other hand, which is not so good. That’s how I, Rick Sanitarium, sees this complex yet simple issue. In case anyone was wondering.

    • anniegetyerfun

      He says he’s a fan, but the only album he has is Francis’s Greatest Hits.

      • fifthdentist

        I think you mean he has Franco’s Greatest Hits. As in Generalissimo Francisco.

  • Delguy64

    The ONLY people that can talk knowledgeably about climate change are SCIENTISTS! The pope is one and 98% of scientists agree with him.

  • major_asshole

    1. Ooh, I’m smelling some excommunicatin’ about to come down from Rome! It’s the Loving Banhammer of Peter!

    2. In the spirit of “Don’t listen to what politicians actually say, listen to what they mean to say,” The Frothy One as a good Republican meant to say that everybody else needs to focus on the core values of the Catholic Church and helping people. Rich, powerful people, though? Yeah, not so much.

    3. I bet he’s perfectly A-OK with Timothy Dolan getting on Fox News and spouting off about politics, but mention a position that Republicans don’t like and The Frothy One is all like “Shut up shut up shut UP!”

  • DahBoner

    If it’s true we can learn from our mistakes, Rick Santorum is on track to die a genius…

    http://media1.giphy.com/media/oNKLBehxbnoqY/200w_d.gif

  • Jamroast

    Excommunicate him for heresy..

  • Alex Grey

    97% of climate scientists agree…

    • Captain Kraut

      I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS!

      • Alex Grey

        iswydt

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    I never expected Pope Francis to change doctrine on contraception, abortion, or divorce. He is the Pope after all. He has made the church slightly more inviting to the LGBT (not enough, but better). He is slowly purging the pedophiles and their enablers out of power. If Francis will help people understand Climate Change, all the better.
    Cue all those things the Church got wrong.

  • VirginiaLady

    Rant warning: Way back in de day, religion was science. Real science! Monestaries healed people, made medicine, and recorded observations of natural events. People were curious as to how stuff worked. Gregor Mendel who learned basic genetics from garden peas is my favorite example.
    1800’s – various vicars were fossil collectors. They didn’t have problems with science. They weren’t so dumb to think the devil put fossils around to trick people. They didn’t have trouble believing in both a god and science.
    Science people are curious and want to know things. Today’s religious zealots are grifters whose followers are morans ( :).
    Science is the body or the material, religion is the spiritual that animates the material. They need each other to work well. One without the other isn’t possible. Accept both. Sure “god” made everything, but “god” is happy that we want to figure out how they did stuff. Not neglecting atheists here, just plug in mother nature for the word god.
    End rant, thank you, have a great day.

    • Playonwords

      I was with you until “They need each other to work well.”

      My rant would be the same to that point.

      • VirginiaLady

        This early in the morning it’s hard to come up with a better term for what animates us. Chi, breath of god, life force, all are living energies that to me at least can be put in the mysteries catagory. How do living things get it, keep it, or lose it? Life energy is what religions consider the soul or spirit. Science can in some ways measure the electrical fields and of course accepts that it exists. But religion has mucked up the mind body connection.
        I am not eloquent enough to explain it better. Both science and religion a knowledge its existance, but one demands blind acceptance and the other asks questions. I’m still not making myself clear am I?

    • VirginiaLady

      After thinking about it and having more coffee, I retract my statement that science needs religion. It doesn’t. But where the 2 fields of thought blend or at least peacefully co-exist, we come closer to beautiful truth. You still may not agree but that’s OK. My whole point is that religious people were able to science too. You can do both. Go Pope Frank!

  • Incoming Ham

    Even if he doesn’t get the really difficult science-y bits, he obviously doesn’t consult his own “holy book.” It covers fucking up the Lord’s creation:

    Jer. 2:7. And I brought you into a plentiful country, to eat the fruit thereof and the goodness thereof; but when ye entered, ye defiled my land, and made mine heritage an abomination.

    My guess is that Il Pape has read that bit. Of course it’s the old testament, which doesn’t count

    • fifthdentist

      Well, they like the bits about “an eye for an eye” and the divine murder of the Sodomidians, but they kind of ignore most of the rest.

      • Incoming Ham

        I doubt they deny themselves shrimp or a garment made from a fine wool/silk blend.

  • actor212

    As the climate heats up, the Santorum is going to get riper.

    – Chauncey Gardener

    • fifthdentist

      I award you an internet for that one.

  • edith prickly

    Funny how authoritarians like Santorum suddenly want to argue when the ultimate authority says things that are ideologically inconvenient. It’s almost like they think political goals are more important than spiritual ones.

    • Venturin

      So you’re saying the pope is the ultimate authority on climate? hahahaha

  • Man – On – Dog wants stupid Pope to STFU & wear a lovely hat and pretty slippers.. Geez Pope shouldn’t talk like Jesus! Poor Man-On-Dog (R-CrazyTown) You can’t even Lord -Over da Lord anymore… I am depressed

  • Cismontane

    um. As a good conservative Catholic, shouldn’t Santorum treat the Pope as infallible. Wait, don’t they have an inquisition for heretics like Santorum who defy the Pontiff? Excommunicate him!

    • Venturin

      Good for Santorum to realize what an idiot the pope is.

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